Title: We Went Back To My...
Author: Arsenic
Rating: Adult (Slash)
Keywords: XOVER XF/HL
Characters: Methos/Krycek/Mulder
Archives: Seventh D and anyone else with permission
Summary: Seventh in the All Men series, follows "Conscious of the
Schism" Methos shows the boys the house, relationship issues ensue.

Disclaimers: Alex and Mulder are still CC and Ten Thirteen's (even if we don't see Alex enough to prove this). Methos is property of R/P/D. The title is courtesy of David Mamet from his play "All Men Are Whores."

Thanks: To my betas for taking time and fighting off computer time issues to do this for me.

Dedication: To the woman I am in love with, because until I finish my own story, this is the most important thing I can give to you.

^^^

Methos laughed softly at the stunned expressions on both men's faces. He glanced back at his nearly-acquired property and had to admit it was the logical reaction to expect from both men.

Each house in the gated community was surrounded by a lawn with a radius that made the walk to any neighboring house at least a ten-minute ordeal. The driveway they stood in was in front of a picturesque Victorian house. It wasn't large, but then again, it also wasn't quite what one would euphemistically refer to as "cozy" either. Methos hadn't picked the house for it's design, although the appropriateness of three sexually-involved men living in Victorian surroundings was not lost on him. He had picked it for it's color.

The house was decked in various shades of blue, from midnight deep to almost sky. It had reminded him of one of Alex's comments in the long conversations on their cross-country drive to DC. They had been discussing impressionist painting.

"They bore me." Alex had said this as if he had been stating that the week was made up of seven days.

"All of them, or is this a specific grudge against happy water-lilies that has tainted your view of the entire genre." Methos had laughed even as he had formed the words.

"It's not a grudge, I would just rather be staring at a Mucha or a Titian than a Renior." Alex's voice had contained a turn of defensiveness.

"Mucha?" Methos had winced at the blatant shock in his own voice.

Alex had turned to face out the side window. "Innocence can be beautiful, if impractical."

Methos had let that comment be tossed in among the other things he knew about Alex Krycek, assassin and smart-ass cum Mucha-lover.

"Besides," Alex had repositioned himself to face the windshield again. "He has great sense of color." Alex had tilted his head to the side, looking slightly as though he'd dreaded what he was going to say next. "I'll admit, impressionism may have all the excitement of a three hour church sermon, but Van Gogh knew how to do blue."

"Blue?"

"The quintessential color." Alex had given Methos an I-dare-you-to-challenge-that-statement look.

"Nah, I would have to go for green." Methos didn't actually have a favorite color, but looking into Alex's eyes, he could have been convinced to adopt that one. Besides, a challenge-glare such as he had been thrown could not be ignored.

"How anyone who has seen 'Starry Night,' the Hope Diamond, and the sky in San Diego can argue with me on this is completely beyond me." Alex had sounded as if the man driving had committed some form of blasphemy.

Methos had let an ornery smile slip. "You've never seen your eyes right before orgasm."

Alex had refrained from commenting and had immersed himself in writing the word "blue" in the condensation on the windows.

So it was that here, almost two weeks later, Methos had seen layer upon layer of blue and had handed over a credit card bearing the name William Fitch to a sophisticated real estate agent. He looked over at the man who had inspired such fiscal generosity in him.

"What do you think?" Methos dropped the question like he was asking who Alex thought would win the next pro-basketball game.

"It's nice." Alex modulated his voice to the same casualness of the older man. "Mulder, thoughts?"

Mulder, for his part, definitely had thoughts. Will was rich. From the look of the security measures surrounding the neighborhood and the sheer size of everyone's property, he would set Will down in the multi-millionaire range. Until then, Mulder had lent somewhat ambiguous thought to the fact that he was probably another assassin or something of that ilk. Someone Krycek had hooked up with in the Consortium. Now, he was given pause. This man wasn't owned by anybody. If anything, he owned others.

Mulder was pretty positive Will wasn't one of the elders. If he had been, he could have just called off the attacks that had led Krycek to Mulder's office, decorated in glass shards. Then, there was his treatment of Krycek's wounds, which to Mulder's somewhat experienced eye looked a hell of a lot like near-professional medical treatment. Especially the precision in Krycek's stitches. That took experience. Still, what kind of a doctor would meet up with Alex Krycek and decide to play house while bullets were flying in every direction? Will himself had said that he hadn't known Krycek all that long, which pretty much left out him doing this for reasons of personal debt or obligation. Mulder sighed. He loved the X-files, but every once in awhile, he wouldn't mind leaving the endless questions in the FBI's converted copy room.

"I would not have pegged you for a Victorian type of guy; Wilde would have approved." Mulder shielded his eyes, letting them sweep over the entirety of the structure.

Methos was tempted to tell Mulder exactly what Wilde would have said in response and let the younger man fall even deeper into the questions struggling for dominance on his face. "Clothed with his fire, thy heart his testament;/ Whom I have neared and felt thy breath to be/ The inmost incense of his sanctuary."

"Huh?" Alex asked before Mulder got around to admitting he didn't recognize the reference.

Methos shrugged. "I thought Rossetti was more appropriate for the occasion."

Mulder coughed at the tightness in his chest. "Is there an inside? Or did you buy Krycek a really pretty facade?"

"Nah, I went all out. I figured you don't find someone who is really worth it all that often." With that he started up the hill, checking out a stumbling Alex and a gaping Mulder from the corner of his peripheral vision.

^^^

The inside of the house was traditional. A kitchen, living room, dining room, master bedroom, two guest rooms and two bathrooms -- one with a large Jacuzzi.

Alex took one look at the tub and murmured, "Dejß fucking vu."

"Oh?" Mulder had found a sunflower seed bag in one of his coat pockets and was now downing the treats.

"You missed the first time." Alex gave Mulder a look that assured him it would not be the last time.

"Want me to show you why I bought the house?" Methos never took his eyes from the tub as he asked the question.

"Yeah, sure, why not?" Mulder replied, letting only a little of the actual curiosity he felt slip.

Methos headed out of the bathroom, through the master bedroom, into the living room. He stopped at a copy of Lef1vre-Utile by Mucha and thumbed at something just behind the right side of the gilded frame.

He turned back to Alex as the wall opened seamlessly. "I thought about getting a nice Manet, but they were all out."

"I guess I'll just have to live with this then." Alex stepped toward the now-revealed elevator, stopping to kiss the man who motioned with an outstretched arm for him to go in. "For a cynic, you do the nicest things."

Mulder followed after Alex, throwing Methos a confused glance. He was starting to feel that he generally missed more between these two than he caught. Methos stepped in after the two men, resealed the wall with the push of a button and said softly, "Lower level."

In less than ten seconds the elevator started and stopped, opening its doors on their destination.

"Aw, you bought me a playroom." Alex smirked and went to go look at all the techno-gadgets that filled the room. His survey revealed the latest in tracking equipment, communication devices, encryption decoders and high-level Internet software.

Mulder whistled softly and bumped his estimate of Will's wealth up by a couple million.

Methos walked over and grabbed Alex around the waist from behind. "Good for you?"

Alex shrugged but leaned back into the embrace. "Not what I would have picked, but yeah, it'll work." He turned quickly so that he was facing Methos. "I think I may have some...paychecks coming my way soon."

Methos bit and released Alex's lower lip softly. "You're good at euphemisms."

The two semi-entangled men glanced at the third, who was still busy running his fingers over various buttons and panels. "Hey, Mulder." Methos waited until the agent turned to actually look at him. He gave a mild smile in response to the predatory gleam in Mulder's eyes that was usually only found in journalists and detectives. *I'll take it the game has begun, then.*

"Yeah?" Mulder didn't smile back, just registered the response and what it meant.

"Before you and the computer decide to get on intimate terms, what say we have some dinner?"

^^^

Two nights later, Methos lay stroking fingers absently over a sleeping Alex's back muscles. Mulder had slipped out to the TV as soon as he had believed the other two men asleep. Methos had to give it to the agent; he was good at investigation. The questions he had asked at dinner their first night in the house and afterwards, as the two men had watched Alex boot up the machinery and go about exploring what everything could do, had been extremely subtle. Things anyone would want to know about the man they were sharing a bed with -- even if there was a man serving as a buffer. The problem was, Mulder knew Methos was lying to him.

Methos wasn't worried about him being able to find the truth out about him. He'd been creating new personas for himself since the time he had taken his first head. There were no cracks in William Fitch's history. The fact that Mr. Fitch had made his wealth in computer hardware made the basement of this house a little bit easier to swallow. However, Mulder was not so likely to stop asking questions on either side until he found out the whys and wherefores of Methos's relationship with Alex. Methos highly doubted that Alex would say anything to Mulder about him waking up from the dead, but he really didn't want to chance one of them getting caught in a lie. He sighed.

"Worried about Mulder?" The sleepy voice drifted over to Methos.

Methos's hand stilled. "You startled me."

"Bet that doesn't happen often." Alex rolled over so that Methos could see the "gotcha" smile gracing his face. "You're safe with me, you know, right? I mean, it's not like I don't have things I don't want people to know, and I figure setting you up to be a lab specimen for the rest of your life is not exactly the best way of showing my gratitude for everything." Alex levered himself up on one arm. "All the same, I see your point. He's going to start wondering how someone who looks so young and who has lead such a soft life can possibly have survived being with me this long, let alone enjoyed it."

"How are you at eavesdropping?" Methos swept his legs over the side of the bed, preparing to get up.

"My wounded pride is going to heal itself and pretend you didn't ask me that."

Methos left the room without acknowledging the other man's response. He slid on to the opposite side of the couch from where Mulder sat. "Mind if I join you?"

Mulder flicked off the television and stared at the man across from him in the dark. When his eyes had fully adjusted he answered. "No."

"He did a...job for me." Methos patiently waited for the younger man's reaction as he planned out the rest of the lie. When he sensed that the silence was going to be permanent unless more was forthcoming, he continued. "I was in Hong Kong on business. I needed to relieve some tension, so I went looking for a little distraction. Alex and I met in a bar. Say what you will, he does distracting well."

"Do all your business transactions turn out this well?" Mulder looked slightly paler than usual. Methos couldn't decide if it was disgust or sympathy for the man supposedly asleep in the other room.

"No, in fact, I didn't really expect to see him after I left for the States again." Methos closed his eyes and leaned back further into the sofa. "He turned up at my door, in bad shape. I didn't ask how he had found me, just patched him up and had some fun."

Mulder nodded. "How is it then that you ended up sneaking into a Federal Building with him?" Mulder figured they could approach the issue of Will having bought Krycek a quarter-million dollar home after the basics had been covered.

"Whoever was after him was persistent. I should have reasoned out the tracking device earlier. My company makes similar things."

"There was nowhere else you could go?"

Methos was silent for a moment, knowing he owed Alex for the things he'd just said, wondering if this would be sufficient payback. "He insisted."

Mulder started to say something and stopped, taking some more time to consider the complications entailed in that. Methos was glad that those words had been the truth. "As far as the house goes," Methos was well aware that detail had Mulder's head spinning, "I can afford it. I could afford a few like it. Alex and I, we...co-habituate well. And in the face of undiluted companionship, I have found that issues such as morality and money are at best an annoyance."

Mulder turned his head to stare blindly into the dark room for a bit. "I think that maybe after all these years of people assuming I was insane, I may have finally gone so." He whipped his head back to Methos. "You're not telling me the truth. Not that I could prove it; you've got technique in the falsehood area. Then there is the fact that I don't seem to have any desire to do so. It's been a long time since anyone besides Scully has woken me up from a nightmare. She gets me up and makes sure that I'm all right and leaves me to watch television until the earliest hour I can feasibly excuse getting back on the case. You and he wake me up, make sure I'm all right and soothe me back into sleep. I suppose that I am too tired to give that up."

Methos got to his feet and held out a hand. "Then what are you doing watching TV at this hour in the morning?"

Mulder didn't answer, but he took the hand.

^^^

Methos woke up alone in bed. He rolled over to glance at the clock and immediately knew Mulder had gone to work. Which meant that Alex was the one causing semi-breakfast-like aromas to emanate from the kitchen. Methos had been working with both men on their basic food preparation abilities. He dragged himself from beneath the comforter and made his way to see what exactly Alex was creating.

"Eggs?" Methos kept his voice modulated to a bland curiosity. He desperately hoped the thing on the stove was eggs.

"In a past life, probably." Krycek sighed. "Can I get you some cereal? We have a vast array: everything from Cocoa Puffs to Special K." He bit at his lower lip suggestively and moved in closer to Methos. Before Methos knew what was happening, Alex was on his knees, going down on him.

"Shit, stop." Methos shoved and stumbled back at the same time, hastily rearranging the boxers that Alex had pulled down.

"I was doing a job...a business transaction, if you prefer Mulder's turn of phrase." The words were halting, with a bite that just barely covered raw vulnerability. "This house, the playground downstairs...I have a lot of working off to do." He stayed sprawled on the floor, too tense to move.

"Alex, I fucking told you to eavesdrop last night." Methos's voice carried more than a drop of exasperation.

Alex shrugged. "I mean, it wasn't like the way we met was unknown to either of us. I just wasn't aware you looked at it that way."

Methos snarled. "I suppose you remember showing up at my doorstep in bad shape as well? And the way I immediately insisted that we have wild, animalistic sex to work off your debt to me? Don't be an asshole."

Alex slumped even lower on to the floor. "The men I work for, I've tried running away twice. The last time was in Hong Kong. The first time...I was thirteen years old. Old enough to think that surviving on my own would be no big deal. I hitchhiked up north. The guy who gave me the ride waited until he had stopped for the night to inform that it wasn't free." Alex turned his head away from the man gently probing him with his eyes. "After that first time I swore I'd never do it again." Alex's breathing was more shallow than usual. "But it was almost two months before the men from the school found me, and the only other viable trade I had to barter with was my use as a weapon. I wasn't ready for that yet. Spending a couple of hours with someone's dick up my ass or down my throat seemed better than starving."

Methos crossed to where Alex sat, arranged himself on the floor and pulled the larger man into his arms. "Look at me."

Alex didn't bother to disobey. His eyes were an odd mixture of defensiveness and embarrassment.

Methos's eyes filled with mischief, causing Alex to try and retreat slightly. Methos held on tightly. "You've only whored once?" Amusement filled his features, backed by empathy. "Remind me never to make any claims of purity around you."

The grip on Alex didn't prevent him from jerking back in alarm this time. Methos pulled him back again and began stroking his back. "Alexei," the tone was chiding. "You know what I am. Can you honestly believe there haven't been times when I have given over pride to necessity? I am incapable of permanent death by starvation or exposure, and I still valued my chastity less than basic comforts."

Comprehension dawned, and Alex sank further into Methos's chest. Methos kept talking. "I haven't judged you yet, what makes you think I would judge you for this? The night we met, I was the one to lay out the proposition. I sat next to you in that bar because you looked least likely to jump me without invitation."

"You told Mulder." The voice was an angry whimper.

"Yeah, I did. I sold you out so that I wouldn't have to divulge more than I wanted to about myself. Don't bother acting surprised." Methos's gentle rubbing was in direct opposition to the harshness of his words. "He came back to bed even so."

Alex lifted his head. Mulder had not only come back, he had kissed Alex's forehead briefly before slipping into an unpolluted sleep. "You knew he wouldn't mind." Alex said it in the same tone he would use to accuse someone of killing his closest of kin.

"Mulder is used to being judged. Considering his venue of work, maybe even more so than you are. He may put on the holier-than-thou front, but he doesn't really do the work necessary to maintain anything but appearances." He kissed Alex softly, lips only. "He's going to be doing more than just coming back to bed when you find out what happened to his sister."

"I am not a fucking philanthropist. I took the job because it will give me leverage. I lied to Mulder. I haven't lost that ability in just a few weeks with you. If anything, watching you has honed the skill." Alex stole another chaste kiss.

"Are you inferring that I can be less than honest?" Methos didn't wait for an answer, opting instead for a kiss that was considerably more intrusive than the last two had been. Alex folded himself under Methos as the two men went from sitting on the floor to lying on it.

It was an hour before either man got off the floor.

^^^

Alex left Methos to clean the house after their joint shower, off to rendezvous with his newest employer. Methos spent some quality time with a brillo pad and the pan that Alex had used to cook eggs before grabbing up the D.C. newspaper in the front yard and shuffling back to the couch.

It was a small article in the local news that caught his eye.

"Perfect." Methos grimaced. "Fucking perfect." He reread the article, hoping to see something that would change his conclusion, but every word was the same as it had been seconds before. An outbreak of robberies in an affluent neighborhood wasn't that unusual. An outbreak of robberies in an affluent area with high security where the perpetrator left no trace and only took that which was of immense value, leaving no evidence except the missing items, managing all this while the homeowners were in residence...that was Amanda.

Normally he wouldn't have jumped to conclusions, but his third read through of the article and of the various security devices that had and hadn't been tripped convinced him. Plus, old-fashioned intuition told him it was her, and he never ignored the sixth sense.

He wondered if she was there alone. He hoped so. Mulder may not be as judgmental as he pretended to be, but MacLeod had the real thing down. Worse yet, if she was on the run from a hunter -- Methos decided it might be time to pick up intensive sword practice again while the boys were out of the house. Anyway things went, though, if Amanda caught up with him, the fiction of Will Fitch was going to get infinitely harder to maintain.

*Difficulties aside, it wouldn't be horrid to chat with her again.* Methos shook his head at himself. In need of a third party or fourth -- as the case was -- to talk to or... No, he was too old to be that reckless. Which was what he was still telling himself after he had made a pot of coffee and taken a thermos of it down to the basement area. After all, he hadn't bought all that pretty equipment for nothing. Tracking Amanda was just for his amusement. Hours could get long when he was bored.