Nick/Justin - post-band 4

"I can make some calls while you're working, maybe," suggested Justin, pulling the covers tighter on the freshly made bed so Nick could lie on top of it comfortably. "That way you're right here, if I run into anything. And I can make sure you don't procrastinate the evening away." He took a deep breath, looking nervous again. "Yeah. We can do that."

"We sure can," Nick said mildly, wondering what it was that kept setting Justin off. He plopped down on the bed, tossing his books to the side, and tucked his legs up under him, watching Justin carefully. "'Course, having someone like you around is its own distraction. But I'd rather have you here anyway, just to keep me toe-ing the line."

"What's the fun of doing your homework here anyway if you're not going to keep me around?" teased Justin, looking through the drapes at the terrace for a moment, then closing them tight and pushing a couple boxes off a chair so he could sit down. He pulled his cell phone out and stared at it. "Okay. Gonna check my messages again. Then we should decide who I'm calling."

"C'mere." Nick beckoned him over, untucking his legs, and pulled Justin down to the bed between his knees. He wrapped himself around every available piece of Justin, hanging his chin over his shoulder, curling one hand around his calf. "There. Now if you get some awful message I can squeeze all the sad out and kiss all the good back in."

"And just how are you going to get your work done like that?" asked Justin, but he didn't move away, just punched in the numbers and raised the cell phone to his ear. "I'm sure there'll be nothing bad. I've already gotten the bad. It'll just be more of the same old stuff again, I think."

Nick just hummed wordlessly and leaned his cheek against Justin's shoulder, listening to Justin's heartbeat and the beeps as he scrolled through his messages. Same old stuff or not, he could feel Justin tensing against him, and he started rubbing circles against the warmness of Justin's back.

"I'm okay," murmurmed Justin as he continued to scroll through the messages, so many of them. "It's no big deal. More people wanting the scoop. People I haven't talked to in ages. I can't believe how easy it is to get my cell number."

"You really need to get one of those numbers that rolls over automatically after a month or so. It's shameful, so many people being able to reach you like that." He dropped a kiss on the point of Justin's shoulder. "Any messages of ecstatic congratulations? Ricky Martin? Ashley Angel? Rupert Everett calling for a date?"

"Dave Holmes wants to buy us a beer," said Justin, finally looking over to meet his eyes and grinning for a second. "I'll just be a minute. I think there's only room in my voicemail for one or two more ... "

"I still haven't checked mine all the way through," Nick confessed softly. "I saw some numbers that I didn't want to see, and I just chickened out. I'll have to go do that later." When Justin couldn't see his reaction to Ste's call. "Dave Holmes can buy us a beer any time. He was always so nice to us. I think he had a crush on Howie."

"Well he should go for it then," said Justin. "He's single. Howie's single. It's a match made in heaven." He finally shut the phone off and lowered it again, and touched Nick's face. "Just remember, you don't have to return all the calls. You can't even have to listen to all the messages."

"Oh, I'm not gonna return all the calls. It would take too damn long, and plus, when's the last time Manda had anything nice to say to me?" He leaned into Justin's hand, luxuriating in it. "I'm gonna listen to all the messages, though. It's good to be informed, I think, find out what people are saying, what they want. At least then I won't be taken too much by surprise, you know?"

"Because we aren't the only ones who are going to be going to the press," said Justin knowingly. "And every message I hear convinces me more and more that we need to move on this to beat everyone to the punch."

"Yeah." Nick kissed his ear softly. "So you should make those calls, and I'll try my hardest to concentrate on my homework, and we should take control of this ourselves. Make it into what we want it to be. Let's at least try to beat the vindictive exes, huh?"

"Amen," said Justin, pausing a second then sliding off the bed to stand up again. "You know. Dave does have that new network show. You think maybe? Just feeling out ideas here ... "

"Oh, yeah!" Nick grinned, nodding. "I think that would be great! And man, he didn't even ask to interview us, right? He just asked to buy us beers! That would be great, and he's a great guy, too, not one of those interview harpies. Plus, the phone call might even be fun. If you think it's good, if he likes the idea, do you want...we should schedule it as soon as possible, yeah? Because I have a feeling people are gonna be moving real fast."

"I'm gonna call him now," agreed Justin. "If you think it's a good idea, then yeah. I'll gonna go for it. We don't have a lot of time to weigh all the options here, and we like him, and he *did* just offer to buy us beers, no trying to cash in on the scandal. And he left me his cell number, so I'll probably be able to reach him and not just some assistant."

"Cool." Nick patted Justin's ass playfully, and grabbed his binder. "You call him, he always liked you guys better, except for Howie, of course. Tell him I say hi, and don't let him give you a hard time! See how soon he can tape, too. Or do you think it'll be live?"

"He's mostly live," said Justin. "I'll have to ask. I'm just gonna go down to the kitchen, unless you want me to stick close by. I could be a while and I don't want to bother you."

"You can go," Nick said. "I'll just listen to you if you're here, instead of doing my work. This shouldn't take too long, I'm gonna race through it like lightning, you'll see, and then we can make calls together. I just...if I don't get this done i'll get yelled at, and that's such a bummer. I hate that."

"It's important stuff," said Justin, going back to give him another kiss. "That's really cool, that you're doing it. And I'm not just saying that. I'll come back up just as soon as I'm done and let you know what's going on." He hesitated to give Nick one last kiss, then finally left.

Nick sighed a little, and flopped down on the bed, chewing a pencil. How was he supposed to concentrate on distribution of assets in the GNP when Justin was downstairs being sexy and talking about the biggest interview of their lives? He scowled at the book, and flipped it open. He really did hate being yelled at.

It took Justin almost half an hour to come back, which wasn't quite long enough for Nick to have finished but almost long enough for him to say fuck it and go down and check on him. He still had the phone in one hand and a notepad in the other and a pencil between his teeth.

"Icou'ndfidemybambiled," he mumbled, closing the door behind him.

"Sorry, what?" Nick blinked at him. "Say again?" He closed his book and sat up, stretching and cracking his back and watching Justin expectantly. Really, Justin should put a shirt on, if he was going to keep wandering around the house. Otherwise, Nick just couldn't be held responsible for his reactions.

Justin looked sheepish as he pulled the pencil out of my mouth. "I couldn't find my palm pilot," he said, holding up the pad of paper as evidence. "I made do with what I had. How's the homework coming?"

"Boring. Lame. Hard." Nick shoved the binder and the book off the bed, clearing space for Justin. "I'm as done as I'm gonna be, which is almost, so close enough. What's the scoop, baby? Are we on?"

"I need to call him back, yet," said Justin. "I had to talk to you about what's going on. First of all, can you get to New York tomorrow or are you tied up?"

"Ahhhhh...." Nick ran through his schedule in his head. "I'm free after two in the afternoon, when class gets out. Yeah, I can get up there, it's only a couple hours flight. Does he want us that soon?"

"He wants us for his live segment tomorrow night," said Justin. "And if we can't do that, he'd still like us there to tape for next Monday's show. Hey ... we wanted a jump on everyone else. This'll certainly give it to us."

"Cool!" Nick fought the nervousness coiling in his belly, and smiled. "I think we should try to make the live segment. Because that's the timetable we need, if we're gonna beat someone, Brit or my mom or whoever, going on the Today show or some shit, telling their version of history to the world."

Justin nodded in agreement, then abruptly leaned in to kiss him. "I need to call them back, then. They're going to want to start running ads for it right away. Have you seen the show yet?"

"Nope. Remember, I don't watch TV." Nick kissed him back slow and sweet, wanting to remind himself what this was all about. "Call him back, and I'll get on the phone to the airline. You...you wanna stay together, in New York? In, in the same hotel? Maybe?"

"In the same hotel, in the same bed," said Justin decisively. "I used to have a place in New York, but ... yeah, hotel. So yeah ... the live segment isn't with an audience like the taped ones are, it's one-on-one, and they get callers in the second half. Usually. He's never had a breaking story before, he says, so they're probably gonna mess with the format a little."

"Well, I didn't know if you'd be staying with Joey, or whatever," Nick said, blinking at Justin's vehemence. "So...there'll be callers, then. That seems okay. Callers are okay, if they start getting evil the show usually hangs up on them. Whatever formathe thinks is best. Is he excited?"

"He couldn't believe it when I asked him if he was interested," said Justin, grinning at him. "I would've given a lot to have seen his face right then. Oh, and he says congratulations to you, even though it wasn't news to him. *Me* he called a late-blooming bastard."

Nick laughed so hard he tipped over to his side, picturing that conversation. "I think this is definitely the right choice," he finally got out, snickering up at Justin. "He'll be perfect! And you're not late blooming, you're just...choosy." He caught Justin's hand and kissed his fingertips. "Call him back, tell him we're on. And let me talk to him, the cock, he never told me he knew!"

"Okay, okay, calling," said Justin, still grinning broadly at him as he dialed the number with his thumb. "Here, you can check out the rest of my notes and see if they still make sense," he added, handing over the notepad and pencil. "Since you seen to be finished for the moment. Hey, hi, Dave, it's me again. Justin. We're on."

Nick grabbed the notebook and turned it around, but Justin's handwriting was so bad he couldn't really read more than a word here and there. "NOT STRAIGHT" in caps underlined, and "when we met," a few lines down. And then his name. Nick Carter. Nickolas Carter. N.G.C. Nickolas Gene. He traced his name with a finger, wonderingly, and raised his eyes to Justin, who was staring at the bedspread and nodding earnestly.

"Yeah, yeah, he's right here," said Justin. "Can you hear him? He was laughing at me, the jerk." But he looked up and grinned at Nick again when he said it and it suddenly turned into a term of endearment. "No, he was doing his homework. What? No, seriously. He wants to talk to you, too."

Nick nodded and rolled his eyes, though his fingers never left the notepad. He took the phone when Justin handed it over, and shouted "Whasssupp!!??" into the phone, leaving one hand free to catch Justin's wrist in a loose grip. "I was laughing at him, dude, he told me what you said about late bloomers. Also, thanks for letting me know you knew. Way to be a pal."

Dave just laughed. "What, you didn't know I knew? That's not my fault. That's just you being oblivious. So wow, man, how's it feel? Or maybe I should be saving that question for tomorrow?"

Justin slid in closer to Nick once he took the phone and planted a soft kiss on his neck. "I like your laugh," he whispered, like it was confidential.

"Save it for tomorrow," Nick scolded mildly, sliding a hand up Justin's hip and stroking the soft skin under the hem of his shirt. "We want to seem spontaneous, after all. But I will say...you've seen Justin. How do you think it feels?" He grinned at Justin, and blew him a little kiss. "Anything I should know for the interview? Anything I should, we should, prep for?"

"I don't even know yet," he admitted, sounding a bit frazzled. "We're still scrambling to put the whole thing together. We'll go through it all before we go live, though, so I know where the lines are." He laughed again, but incredulously this time. "Fucking Timberlake, man. You're really going to have to tell me the story behind that."

"I will, I really will," Nick promised, smiling at Justin again. "It's all really new still, you know? But...but amazing. And we'll say that, we're not gonna apologize for this. He's the best thing that's happened to me in so long...you jealous?" He pulled Justin closer a little possessively.

Justin just nuzzled against him, accepting Nick's comfort like he really hadn't, before. He didn't have to be so strong about this *all* the time; Nick hoped he was starting to realize that.

"Like you wouldn't believe," chuckled Dave. "Way to drop a bombshell on the world, guys. You both sound real happy, though, that's great. Especially him, with the shit that's been going down with him this last while. But we'll talk about that tomorrow too."

"Yeah. He'll let you know what's off limits." Nick let a little warning creep into his voice. Dave was a great guy, but still an interviewer. "We both will. But I'm looking forward to it, man. And believe me, we didn't drop the bombshell on purpose. But now that it's dropped, we're doing the best we can. You need anything else from us? You got stylists, or are we bringing ours?"

"Just bring your sweet selves, that's all we need," said Dave. "Unless Timberlake's still as uptight about his hair as he always was. And afterwards, I *am* taking you guys out for a beer or three, and you can tell me all the things you weren't willing to say on TV. Yeah?"

"Yeah. Off the record, beer in hand. You know it." He laughed again. "Wild. A whirlwind interview trip to New York, I thought those were all behind me. You take care, man, and we'll see you tomorrow, right? Go tape your ads, I know you wanna. Exploit us! We beg you! The more people who watch this, the more people won't be watching my fucking mother with Bryant Gumbel."

"I'll keep that in mind," said Dave with all seriousness. He knew the score. "Okay, I'm gonna let you go. I've got a shitload of stuff to take care of here. I'll probably be in touch before tomorrow, though, to iron out some details. Otherwise, just lay low and try to have a good night with your boyfriend, Nick."

"I will," Nick said, voice softening as he heard that, heard someone else refer to them as boyfriends for the very first time. "Call if you need anything, and remember, you've got the exclusive. We're laying so low I might have to wear a disguise to class tomorrow. Thanks again, man. We really appreciate this, having someone we can trust for this. It's a big deal."

"Believe me," said Dave. "I know. I have up-close-and-personal familiarity with the situation. We'll take care of you guys. And thanks. It's a huge thing and I'm still a little fish in a big pond in this talk show hosting thing. But we'll do right by you. Bye Nick. And say bye to Justin for me."

"I will. Later man." Nick closed the phone and pulled Justin even closer. "I think this is the right thing," he said softly. "I think it's perfect. He's still the coolest, and it'll be good for him AND us, and he'll be fair and good to us. He says bye, by the way. And he's very jealous of me, I could tell."

"Yeah, sure he is," said Justin, giving Nick a friendly poke. "Probably he's jealous of *me*. Probably he's had a crush on *you* all these years, not Howie. But I've staked my claim now and I'm betting after all this you're not going anywhere. Wow. So much for going slow, huh?"

"Well, we're still going slow for *us*," Nick reasoned, poking him back. "They don't need to know what we're doing in bed, or how much we're seeing each other. All we're doing is saying that yes, I'm gay, and yes, you're bi-ish, or something, and that we recently started dating. Right? That's not so fast." He kissed Justin's nose again. "And he's *so* not jealous of you. Sorry. You're the catch, here, baby."

"Whatever," said Justin. "He's still in *shock* over me, I think. He said he'd given up hope years ago, before I even got married. You're right, though. I guess some things are still going slow and other things are going at light speed. It's getting harder to keep some perspective."

"We'd all given up hope years ago," Nick chuckled. "And...yeah. The going fast stuff, that's just the public stuff. Telling people, and stuff,which is totally my fault for molesting you in that club. But hey, you haven't thought about your lawyer in an hour, I bet, right? So there's SOME good to it all."

"You're right, I haven't," Justin had to admit. "And Nick, it's *not* your fault. I knew what I was doing. I could have said no. And I'm already getting comfortable enough with it to think that maybe it was the right thing to do. We weren't "caught" doing something we shouldn't have been doing. People just saw us living our lives and decided to make a big deal out of it."

"Well, that's just about the healthiest way to look at it I've ever heard," Nick said, relaxing a little. "As long as you're okay with it, I'm okay with it. I mean. At least now we don't have to worry about it at all. There's nothing left to hide!" He flopped to his back, bringing Justin with him. "I'm done with my homework, and we've got an interview lined up. What'cha wanna do now?"

"You're done with your homework already?" said Justin. "It's college stuff. Isn't it supposed to take you, like, five hours or something? Work until your brain explodes?"

"I slacked a little. I'm not quite done. Shhh, don't tell anyone." He grinned and ran his fingers over Justin's ribs, hoping to tickle. "Playing with you is much more fun."

"You made me promise to make you do your homework, though," said Justin, laughingly batting his hands away. "Remember? I was gonna watch you and get all hot and bothered by it. Smart boys are a turn on."

"I'm not smart, you don't have to be smart to study. If I was smart I wouldn't *have* to study." Nick rolled Justin over, tickling him more, but then let go to retrieve his books. "I"ve only got two questions to go, in the problem set. I might as well finish them. Far be it from me to *not* do something that could turn you on..." he trailed off suggestively, and winked.

"That's better. And you *do* have to be smart. You're just totally underestimating yourself. Oh hey, you need more coffee yet? I think I promised to bring you some halfway though your work, since you totally rejected the cold pizza idea."

"Oh, yes." Nick nodded hard. "Coffee coffee coffee. No pizza, coffee. With lots of sugar? And then I'll finish these up superquick, and we can do...whatever. Whatever you want, for the rest of the night."

"You got it," said Justin, picking up his empty mug. "I take it the sugar's already out? I'd hate to have to go looking for it while you're waiting. And then we can .. I don't know. We'll figure something out. I'll be right back."

"Sugar's out," Nick nodded. As soon as Justin was out of the room, he scrambled to his bag and pulled out the lowfat protein bar he'd stuffed in there when he was home. It tasted horrible, but he was starting to feel lightheaded again and he knew he had to eat something. He swallowed it in three bites, threw the wrapper in the trash, and was back to studying by the time Justin came back through the door.

"Here you go, nice, steaming hot coffee. How's it going?" He handed over the mug and sat down on the edge of the bed next to Nick. Almost like he was trying *too* hard for everything to be perfectly normal.

"It's a thrill a minute," Nick said, rolling up to one elbow and taking the coffee. "Homework sucks always. What about you? You feeling better now that we've got the big interview scheduled? It's all gonna work out real well, I think."

"I'm not sure *how* I feel about it," he admitted, staring down at his knees even as he reached out to touch Nick's body. "I mean. I feel like we made the right choice there, for sure, about what we're gonna do. But now I'm all kinda ... lost, or something. I don't know. Maybe i should stop thinking again."

"Lost?" Nick set the coffee down on the endtable, and sat up to get closer to Justin. "Lost about what? Is it the coming out thing? That's...that's kind of irreversible, now. Keep thinking, baby. Tell me what's going on, though, so I can maybe help."

"Not lost, I guess," he said, shaking his head. "I'm not explaining it right. I just don't know how to feel. This last while I've been feeling *so* much and so strong, anger and love and hate and lust and hurt and shock, and now I'm not sure what I should be feeling, or what this feeling *is*. It's weird. I'm really happy at the same time as I'm still upset at the same times as I'm really worried. Maybe it's all cancelling each other out or something."

"Huh." Nick looked at him carefully. "I don't...I don't think there's a specific thing you *should* be feeling. Anything you're feeling is okay. And you've been feeling so much, maybe you're just a little burned out on emotion right now." He took a deep breath, remembering his promise. "I'm still pretty nervous myself, and it's still upsetting my stomach, I think. I told you I'd tell you, so, yeah. I am."

"Oh man, and I'm giving you *coffee*?" said Justin. "That can't be good. But thank you, for saying so. I'll make us something light to eat later on, how about. Nothing that'll make it worse. Or maybe not make. Order. Same thing. You know ... the burned out thing might be right. I'm burned out. I just want to watch you study now."

"Okay. We'll just sit, and be quiet for a while. You can watch me study, just take a break. And I'll...start thinking about gross national products again. Do you think Lou counts?" He grinned at Justin, and flopped back to his belly, opening the book with a sigh. "Just lie down. Relax. Let it all go for a few minutes. Then later we can talk about ordering."

Justin nodded, then stretched out on the bed next to Nick, throwing an arm over his back and closing his eyes. "Just because I can't see you, doesn't mean I'm not watching you," he mumbled as he pressed his face into Nick's side.

"Sure," Nick said softly, tilting his head to see him, and smiling. "How about you don't worry about watching me, and just lie there and be pretty and have a rest, and I'll finish this up. Okay?" He hummed a bit, settling back to his books.

"No no, I'm watching you just fine," said Justin, kissing his side lightly. "I"m watching you by osmosis. Good job, by the way. That looks so complicated it must be right."

"You can tell through osmosis, of course," Nick laughed gently. "Thanks for the encouragement, sweetie. It's not that complicated, really, it's just kind of long. See, you've got the GNP here as a function of global economic outlook..." He let his voice drop to a low murmur, and felt Justin relax further and further against him.

"Whatever you say," Justin mumbled softly and contentedly. Apparently, Nick had finally found a good use for economics. And one t hat he had no intention of sharing with his professor.

He kept talking, working his way through the problems, pausing every once in a while to glance at Justin, or touch Justin's hand, or sip his coffee. Speaking slowly and low, it took him almost an hour to finish his work, and then he went back and checked through the ones he'd rushed through earlier. He couldn't tell if Justin was awake or asleep, but he was limp dead weight against him, and that was good enough for Nick.

"You got quiet," said Justin out of the blue, long after Nick had paused to puzzle through something that he didn't think he got quite right the first time. "I was listening."

"Just ran into a teensy snag," Nick explained, surprised. He glanced down at Justin again, who hadn't moved even an inch. "I can't believe you're listening to this. You want me to be quiet so you can catch a few z's? I'm just checking my work, now."

"No, keep talking," he said, his voice still low and mayve even a little slurred. "I'm listening. You're really smart, and I like your voice. I didn't used to, so much, but I do now."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Oh thank you. Thank you very much. Good to know." He chuckled, and flipped the page, starting to read again. He was almost done, though, and he wasn't sure what he'd do when he was finished. "I'm almost finished," he warned quietly. "This is the last problem. I'm almost out of stuff to read."

"I have books," said Justin, lifting his head and giving Nick a little smile, finally. "Or we could do something else, I guess. I feel a bit better now. More ... stable."

"Just needed to turn off for a little while?" Nick smiled back at him, and closed his book quietly, not wanting to disturb the peace that had grown in the room while he studied. He curled onto his side and tucked Justin against him, stroking the back of his neck. "We can do whatever you like."

"Just stayed inside my head a little," admitted Justin. "Thought about some stuff. Listened to you doing your work which, yes, was just as hard as I thought it would be. Tried to figure some stuff out."

"Yeah?" Nick kept his voice low and encouraging. "Did it work, the figuring stuff out? I hope you weren't trying to figure out distribution of assets, because if you haven't read the chapter before this one doesn't make any sense..."

"The only assets I'm worried about distributing now are Alicia's and mine," he muttered, "but that's not what I was thinking about. Just you and me and tomorrow and what happens after that. I'm not a lot closer to figuring out what I want to do with the rest of my life than I was when we first ran into one another."

"Well, it's only been two days," Nick pointed out, laughing a little. "Feels like longer, but it hasn't been. So don't put too much pressure on yourself. You and me, though, that's something nice to think about. After tomorrow you're gonna...decorate your house and have a housewarming party. And come diving with me, and play with my dogs. And we'll spend lots of time in bed without any clothes on." He grinned.

Justin laughed and smiled, but he shivered a little, too. "That's a really nice thought, but not a relaxing one, for me," he admitted. "And I have *so* much more unpacking to do. This trip is just a brand new way to procrastinate about it. I should call the pool people, tell them to get it up and running while I'm gone. That would be something, at least."

"It's not relaxing?" Nick ran his hand down Justin's back, frowning slightly. "Bed shouldn't be stressful, you know. Exciting maybe, but not stressful. And J...you've got a lot of time to get the unpacking done. There's no clock on you, you don't have to get everything done in the week between tour legs, you're not being hustled back into the studio. You can take your time. Do it when you want."

"I still can't think that way," he said, shaking his head. "And I'm still stressing over sex, a little. That's stuff I just haven't worked out. But I think I'm ready for tomorrow now, more or less."

"Is...is there anything I can do to help? With the stress?" Nick touched Justin's waist with careful hands. "Stuff I'm doing, or not doing, or asking for that you're not ready for? It should be a good thing, one of the happy things about dating someone, you know?"

"Well, it's like you said," said Justin, rolling over onto his back so he could look up at Nick comfortably and still be close. "It's only been two days. You've been with guys for a really long time, and it's just been two days for me. So it's exciting, but it's stressful, too. Especially since I didn't expect to be with *any*one just yet. Not so soon ... after."

"Right, right," Nick agreed softly. "I know. I just want to make sure I'm not making it worse, somehow. I want to be a help." He flattened his palm over Justin's navel. "Considering it's only been two days, you're awfully calm about it, you know."

"I just spent an hour in my head," said Justin. "It was like meditation, just lying there and listening to your voice and letting my thoughts go where they needed to go. It's a really calming thing. And I'm kind of a calm guy, mostly. With all the stuff I've had to flip out about lately, this is the only nice one."

"Yeah?" Nick grinned down at him. "Cool. Then you can chill me out when I'm being a big drama queen, which has been known to happen. Spending an hour in my head wouldn't be like meditation. More like self-torture." He rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling. "So we're going to New York tomorrow. I forgot to call for tickets. I think I can find someone to do it for us tomorrow."

"Shouldn't be hard," agreed Justin. "We still have some influence, if worse comes to worse. And I think it would be awfully interesting to spend an hour inside your head, see what makes you tick. Spending time just thinking helps me sort things out a lot. Figure out what's really bugging me and how to fix it. It's a slow process sometimes, but it works."

"I mostly use the blunder around blind method," Nick admitted. "Until I hit on the solution mostly by accident or divine blessing or something. Your way sounds smarter. Less painful, too." He glanced sideways at Justin. "Did you get stuff sorted out, do you think? A little?"

"Some, yeah," said Justin, closing his eyes again for a moment. "Some of it. Starting to, anyway, enough to keep from freaking out that we were *outed* this morning. That I was outed before I completely grasped the idea that I was acting on stuff that I'd only been thinking about, before. That I was bi, I guess, which I'm just now finally starting to get a handle on. That's the biggie I've been working on, to get ready for tomorrow."

"Yeah." Nick was quiet for a moment, processing that. "Well, I wouldn't mind so much if you wanted to tell Dave that you were like, Nick-sexual. It might save me from having to beat all the gorgeous boys away from you when we go out from now on." He ran a finger down Justin's cheek, pleased when his eyes fluttered open at the touch. "It was kind of early, huh? But you're dealing with it awful well. It's not fair that you were outed before you were ready, but like I said. At least now, we won't have that anvil hanging over us."

"Yup," agreed Justin. "No going back now, it's out there forever. And I just have to accept that, that I'll never have the breathing room to figure things out at my own pace. I suddenly have to *be* something that I wasn't sure I was. But I think I'm okay with it. I'm with who I want to be with. And being with that person means I take on this ... new part of my identity, publicly. It's part and parcel of getting to be with you."

Nick felt a blush start up his throat. "It's kind of hard to believe that it's worth it for you," he said wonderingly. "But if you say so." He laughed. "This is surreal, man. We're going on TV to talk about dating. Each other. And last time our names were paired in the press we were going head to head in an album competition. No wonder we're the story of the week."

"Week. Month. We'll probably make the year-end wrap-ups, too," said Justin. "We can't change that now. It's out there. It's public. As public as that damn album fued of ours. Whether it was worth it to me or not, I'd have to go through with it now. But it is, Nick. I really think it is."

"Week. Month. We'll probably make the year-end wrap-ups, too," said Justin. "We can't change that now. It's out there. It's public. As public as that damn album fued of ours. Whether it was worth it to me or not, I'd have to go through with it now. But it is, Nick. I really think it is."

"Good." Nick sighed. "I'm glad you do, because you wouldn't really have to go through with it. I mean, all you'd have to do is call it a moment of depressed insanity, a moment of drunken pre-divorce experimentation. Start dating some starlet, and you'd be set. It would blow over real fast, I bet."

"Yeah, and how much would that suck for you?" asked Justin, shaking his head. "Me just blowing it off like that, and you not really able to take it back because you aren't just gonna start dating some starlet. You wouldn't want to. And then you would be alone to deal with it and ... I don't even want to think about it. That would be awful and nasty. No, we're in this together because we *are* together and we're happy and it's a good thing. It's not a scandal."

"I'm just saying," Nick shrugged. "If you weren't thinking about me, about what I'd do, it wouldn't be hard. I'm glad you're not, though. Awful and nasty, I mean." He smiled a little. "It is kind of a scandal. But only 'cause people are dumb."

"I'm not going to treat it like a scandal," said Justin, sounding like he'd thought that through very thoroughly before making his decision. "I'm not going to act like I'm defending myself and what we did. That would send the wrong message. I'm going to talk about it like it's the perfectly natural thing that it is."

"Okay," Nick agreed, still smiling. "Sounds good to me. We haven't done anything wrong. We're just dating, like two perfectly normal people. Now if only I was a chick, we wouldn't be more than a footnote at the end of People's 'out and about' section. We should do that, though. Be all...'we're dating, and ain't that the fucking coolest?' tomorrow."

"Can I kiss you on TV or would that be a little too much?" asked Justin, and though he was smiling when he said it, Nick was pretty sure he was serious. "I'm going to act as happy with you as I feel. It's amazing having something to feel happy about again, and I want people to know that. And maybe I want people to see a little how much happier I am with you than I was before you."

"Well, I'm not gonna object to that," Nick said mildly, taking his hand. "And I think as long as we don't get too porny, kissing is fine. Dave's gonna bust a seam, though. He's gonna lose his mind. It'll be cool." He laughed. "Speaking of mind-losing, remind me to call the guys and tell them to watch. So much for not dating, huh?"

Justin sighed. "Yeah, no kidding. I'm gonna have to talk to my guys again like I promised. Especially Joey -- he'd never forgive me if I came to New York and didn't at least have coffee with him. But Dave ... poor Dave. He doesn't know what he's getting into here. I don't think any of us do."

"It'll be a trip," Nick agreed. "In more ways than one. Dave'll deal just fine, though, he'll eat it up. Ratings, don't forget!" He stroked Justin's cheek one more time, and pushed up to his elbow. "Dude. We have to pack!"

"Right now?" said Justin. "But we aren't even leaving until after you class tomorrow. Besides. Everything I own is kind of already still packed. I guess that means you'll have to go home tonight, though, huh? But that's okay ... we'll have tomorrow night for sure."

"Yeah," Nick said, a little sad. "I wish...yeah. But you can have some time, though, you know. Some of your processing time. I've gotta find something that looks good, you know. I haven't done an interview in a year, I don't even know what I have that would be right, any more." He looked at Justin. "What are *you* gonna wear?"

Justin just shrugged and looked around his room. "Something comfortable, I think," he admitted. "Something at the top of the pile. Mildly in fashion. Probably some tacky jewelry. Probably blue, because I think that bag right there --" He pointed to the one hanging at the front of the walk-in closet. "-- is my blue stuff."

"You have your clothes organized by color?" Nick looked at the bag in disbelief. "Damn, boy. But I'll go with comfortable. I'm thinking nice jeans, myself, because I might not have anything else clean that fits. Plus, it's kinda butch. I don't have any tacky jewelry. Do you still have those diamond studs? I always liked those."

"Oh, I'm sure I do. Tacky jewelry is my signature look. Maybe I should skip it just this once, though. You think? Go with something more natural. Give everyone the idea we're really comfortable with this, that we aren't putting on a show. Plus, Dave's a casual guy, it'll fit. So yeah ... I've got some great blue shirts, and I think I'd like to pick out my own clothes for this, not what some stylist thinks I should wear."

"I see you've put some thought into this," Nick grinned. "No stylists, nope. I think you should wear the tacky jewelry if you want, though, it is kind of your thing. Plus, I can tell you like it. That *is* natural for you." He tugged on a short curl. "We're gonna need hair help, though, I bet. Mine's just a mop. You know, this is kind of fun. I missed this. Well, I don't miss doing five a week, but once in a while, it can be a good time."

"I'll just wear a big watch or something. Maybe some cool earrings," he said. "And big time hair help, for me anyway. You look good tousled. I look like a train wreck. I don't know about *fun*. I guess I haven't had the kind of break from it you have."

"But you'll be in practice. I'll probably swear and say stupid things and stutter," Nick speculated, twining the curl around one of his fingers. "I wasn't so great at this even when I was in practice. Your hair's not a train wreck, it's gorgeous. But I think he'll have hair and makeup people there for us."

"If he doesn't, I'm going out there with a bag over my head, I swear," said Justin, tugging on his own hair. "Okay, maybe not. But of course he will, he's a professional. And it's better, that you're not in practice. You'll say what you mean, and not what you think you should say. Besides, it's late night. We're allowed to swear a little."

"Only a little. And no bags, people will think you're ashamed to be seen with me. We can't have that." Nick bit his lip, and inched closer to Justin. "I'm going home tonight, and I've got class tomorrow, and then we'll be on the plane and doing the show, so...would you mind a lot if we made out for a little while now? Just to tide me over? Your sexy hair, I can't resist it."

Justin grinned at him. "It's not even sexy right now," he protested, but he was already leaning toward him. "It's all dusty and dirty, from before. And I didn't even style it after our shower. Are you sure it's the hair?"

"It could be the eyes," Nick said very seriously, pretending to consider it. "They're awful nice. Or that mouth, I've got to tell you, it gives me really dirty thoughts. Maybe that sexy body. But the hair is definitely a big part of it, dusty or not. It's nice, all curly like that." He licked his lips, then he licked Justin's. Dusty or not, Justin was the sexiest thing Nick had ever seen.

"Were you always thinking lustful thoughts about me?" asked Justin. "Even when you were busy being a friend and consoling me?" He didn't seem really displeased by the thought, though. And Nick didn't think it was just wishful thinking that Justin looked like he was having some lustful thoughts of his own.

"Well..." Nick eyed him. "Sort of, yeah. I mean, I was busy trying to make you feel better, but I couldn't see you and not think, wow, hot. You know? But I didn't really think about it much until you started touching me. That's when the lustful thoughts really started for real." He palmed Justin's hip, drawing him closer. "And how about you? When you were crying on my shoulder?"

"I noticed," confessed Justin, staring at Nick with parted, reddened wet lips that made it hard for Nick to concentrate. "I wasn't thinking about doing anything about it, not at first, but I noticed you. I was a little busy wallowing at first to see what was right in front of me."

"You had to notice me," Nick laughed breathlessly, unable to look away. "I ran my grocery cart into you and invited you to my house. I'm glad you noticed me the other way, too." He stroked a hand up under Justin's shirt. "Glad you did something about it. Life upheval and all."

"I'm glad I did, too," said Justin. He didn't sound really confident about it, but he sounded like he meant it. "In spite of everything that's happened since. Or maybe the stuff that's happened since is part of the good stuff too. That's still kind of up in the air."

"Well, *this* stuff sure is." Nick bent and licked a slow line across Justin's collarbone, tracing the dip of his navel with a gentle finger, doing his best to convince Justin that his words were true. He felt hands tug at his hair. "You tell me what you want, this time. No pressure, no stress. Just good feelings."

"I don't know what I want," he said, twirling Nick's hair around his fingers. "I just want to feel good, Nick. I just want to feel all right about this, like I know what the hell I'm doing when I really don't."

"Well, sure you do. You already know how to touch me to make me shiver. You've got the kissing thing down cold." Nick ducked lower and lapped at a bare, peaked nipple. "I'm just a person. Just like you. It's not anything scary or weird, I promise." His hand slid carefully down between Justin's legs.

"I told myself, when I was thinking," said Justin, and Nick wasn't even sure that he was talking to him, "that I was going to try more stuff with you and not be weird about it, because I already know how it makes me feel. And then here I am, being weird all over again. Even though we've done way more than this."

Nick pulled back a little, though he kept his hand where it was. "Okay," he said, quietly. "Let's try something else. This is...a *little* hard for me, because..." He shook his head, and stripped quickly, before lying back down, taking a deep breath. "How about...you touch me. Till it's not weird for you any more, or less weird. And you can do it any way you like."

"That's a lot of territory you're opening up there," said Justin, but he was already moving, straddling Nick's body even though his jeans were still on. "It's not going to all be not weird right away," he warned him. "What was it like, *your* first time? How long ago was it? Was it with JC?"

"Yeah," Nick breathed, already hard and aching. "I mean, I'd done some stuff before, but not...everything. That was with JC. It was a little strange, but JC was so *happy* about it, you know? And so sweet. It stopped being weird pretty fast. Plus, I'd known for a while." He spread his legs, lifting his hands up behind his head. "Take your time," he invited. "I'm not going anywhere."

"I can just imagine how happy JC was about it," said Justin, wiggling on him a little, NIck's body well and truly trapped between Justin's legs. "Combining the two of the three things he liked best -- helping people and sex."

"He seemed--" Nick caught his breath when Justin moved that certain way, "--pretty happy, yeah," he finished, in a strangled voice. "He was enthusiastic, at least, a-and gentle, yes. He's a sweetheart." He clenched his fingers in his own hair, rolling his hips just a little. "Not as beautiful as you, though," he breathed.

"No, you can't say that," said Justin, leaning forward but not close enough to kiss him. "You can't say I"'m more beautiful than JC, I'm not. Tell me something I can believe."

"Justin," Nick laughed painfully at the way Justin's weight shifted. "You *are*. Just accept it and move on. You're so beautiful I can't stop looking at you." It was the truth, especially when Justin was flushed and touseled like this, sitting on him, touching him with those big gentle hands.

"Not beautiful like JC was beautiful. I'm different than that, thicker, taller, broader." He most certainly was. "You look great like this, Nick. You look amazing. Times like this I can't ever find it in myself to doubt what we're doing here."

"You're a different beautiful from JC," Nick agreed, actually forcing himself to think about it. "But not less. More, to me. You're perfectly my type." He smiled up at Justin, and wiggled his hips suggestively. "We'll have to have more times like this, then."

"We're going to be the poster children for gay couples in America. You're damn right we're going to have more times like this. Hang on, stay right like that, okay?" He swung his leg back off of Nick's body and got off the bed to take the rest of his own clothes off. "Don't move."

"I won't," Nick promised, devouring Justin with his eyes as he stripped out of his pants and boxers. Justin was beautiful everywhere, hard muscle under soft skin, half-hard cock long and tempting, tattoos sliding and shifting as he moved. Nick's mouth was practically watering. "So fucking gorgeous," he murmured, almost to himself, when Justin turned to return to him.

Justin straddled his body again, the same way he had before, only it felt ten times more intimate now without the jeans in the way. "I think I want to try blowing you at some point in the next little while," he said, matter-of-factly, more like he was talking to himself than to Nick. "Yeah."

Nick choked a little. "Um, okay," he finally got out, distracted by the feeling of Justin's inner thighs against his skin, the soft brush of hair. "I said whatever, so yes, whatever you want. You can do anything, J, and I promise I won't say no."

"I don't want you to not-say-no," said Justin, leaning down far enough to kiss Nick's chest. "I want you to say yes. I don't want you to just be tolerant of anything I want to try with you."

"I'll say yes," Nick promised, freeing one hand long enough to cup Justin's head, stroking his face. "I'll tell you what I really like. But this is time for you, remember, time for things to feel easy for you. Not weird. Believe me, you'll be able to tell when you do something that makes me crazy."

"Tell me if I do something that sucks, too," said Justin, flicking his tongue over one of Nick's nipples. "If I haven't run yet, I'm not gonna run just because you try to correct me or something."

Nick sucked in air and arched up a little. "I don't...there's not much that you can do that I won't like. Honest. It's more like...if you do that again, could you maybe use your teeth a little? Not a correction, just a suggestion." His thighs clenched and he shifted his hips, only to freeze when the head of his cock bumped against Justin softly.

Justin grazed his teeth over Nick's nippled the next time he did it. "I like that too," he whispered. "Going with my instincts worked the first time, for us. I should just keep on, with that. I know how to have sex, just have to remember that."

"You do," Nick groaned, fisting the bedspread. "God, you do know how. Like I said, it's mostly the same stuff. Little teeth, lots of touching, lots of tongue, you've got wonderful instincts. And the hottest mouth *ever*, J, seriously."

"No, you," said Justin, lifting his head to give Nick a little smile. Then he let his legs slide out from under him, sprawling full-length overtop of Nick's body. "Hottest mouth, ever," he said, and then kissed it.

Nick gave up on keeping his hands to himself, and dug his fingers lightly into Justin's shoulders, pulling him down even closer as he explored his mouth, tangling their tongues together. He raised his knees up by Justin's hips, pressing his feet flat against the bed, letting himself get lost in the kiss completely.

"When I go on TV tomorrow," he mumbled, "I want to have some serious afterglow. Both of us." Still kissing Nick just as fervently, he let his hands slide down Nick's shoulders, his sides, right down to the tops of his thighs.

Nick raised his knees even further, feeling deliciously open and vulnerable and hot. Justin made him so hot. "I don't think you have to worry," he gasped, "the afterglow, just being near you, I think..." he realized he wasn't making any sense, and sucked on Justin's tongue instead of talking more.

Justin clutched at him as they kissed, squirming against him without reservation. When they stopped for breath he even let out little moans, softer and breathier than Nick had been expecting.

Nick broke away to take a deep breath and settle himself down. In a second he'd start thrusting up against Justin's hip, and after that it would be over a lot sooner than he thought either of them wanted. "How you doing?" He searched Justin's face. "Is the...are you...is the weirdness less now?"

"What weirdness?" asked Justin, diving in to kiss him again. If anything, it was even more enthusiastic. "No weirdness here." And just liked that he started moving his hips, rubbing himself against Nick's body.

Nick bit Justin's lip gently, and tilted his hips up abruptly, so that Justin was suddenly rubbing between his legs, instead of against his belly. He moaned helplessly himself, suddenly feeling touch on his balls and his thighs and lower, before forcing his eyes open to gauge Justin's reaction.

"You sure it's too soon to have sex?" asked Justin, without stopping rubbing against him. "You positive?" He kept Nick from answering right away by kissing him firmly and sliding one hand back up to pinch his nipple.

Nick made an incoherent noise and jacked his hips off the bed, clutching at Justin's waist and feeling the muscles twist as he moved. "Not positive," he finally got out, when Justin released his mouth. "Not sure, no. Are you ready? Are you sure, J?" He felt a needy ache start down low, it had been *so* long...

Justin just nodded, panting faintly, then closed his eyes and pressed his forehead to Nick's shoulder. He was already warm; they both were. "Will you let me?"

"Yes," Nick said simply, and let his knees fall outward. "But...there's other stuff. You have to get me ready. Okay? It's been a long time. And...that part might be strange for you..." He trailed his fingers down Justin's spine, just hard enough to not tickle.

"Just talk me through it, then," said Justin, all trace of nervousness gone. Once he got turned on, it was like he forgot this was all supposed to be new and scary and just went with what he was feeling. "I want this."

"Okay." Nick took a deep breath to settle his nerves. Justin, in him, fucking, wanting him....he snapped his thoughts back. "We need lube. I brought some, with the condoms...they're in a bag...it's around here somewhere...God, Justin, I want this too." He lifted his pelvis, needing more touch, more feeling.

Justin slipped his hands underneath him, clutching gently at his ass as he rubbed against him. "We'll find it, don't worry. We've got some time, we can just ... this, for a little while."

Nick jumped a little, startled that Justin would touch him so easily. "O-okay," he said, pushing his ass down into Justin's hold a little demandingly. "I like that a lot," he remembered to say, tossing his head back a little. "Um. Sensitive. There. Yes."

"What, here?" asked Justin, rubbing his thumbs in small circles on the flash of Nick's ass. "Cool. So to get you ready ... just more of what you were doing to me, earlier? Is that what you're going to need?"

"Yeah," Nick said, feeling strangely shy. He hoped Justin wouldn't think it was nasty. "Maybe three fingers, before, just in case. But, you know, only if you want to." He shivered a little from Justin's stroking. It was almost embarrasing, how much he liked to be touched there.

"I want to," he said, letting go of Nick's ass and sliding further down the bed, down his body. "I want you." He kept going until he was kneeling between Nick's legs, freeing his cock which was now achingly hard. He turned his head to the side and bit lightly into Nick's calf, just below his knee. "You look hot."

Nick squirmed nervously, exposed and bare now that Justin wasn't blanketing him. He reached down to touch Justin, but could only brush his shoulder with fingertips. "I want you, too. A whole lot, right now, and that biting thing, that's pretty...mmmm, hot. You...you're doing okay down there?"

Justin grinned back, still no nervousness in his expression. "I'm doing great," he said, and his hand only shook a little when he reached down to touch Nick's cock, licking the spot he'd just bitten. "How are you?"

"Oh." Nick had to bite his lip when he felt the first tentative touch. "I'm doing very well, thank you for asking," he breathed, eventually, once Justin's hand had moved a little and he was sure he wasn't going to come then and there. "You're doing it just perfect, it feels so good."

Justin dropped his other hand to stroke himself, exactly the same way he was stroking Nick. "I think," he said after a moment, his voice getting breathless again, "I should probably find that stuff now. You think?"

"Yessss," Nick hissed. Watching Justin touch himself was triggering something in his brain, and he was panting again. "Please, yes. I'll..." He reached down and replaced Justin's hand on him with his own, as Justin pulled away. He didn't want to lose even a little of the heat that was building in his belly and thighs, wanted to stay hovering there on the edge.

"Where is it?" asked Justin as he padded across the floor. "In here?" He bent over to dig around in the bag that Nick had brought over and Nick had a lovely view of his back, his thighs, his ass. "I don't think it's ... oh wait, here we go."

Nick shook a little in anticipation as Justin made his way back, white tube in hand. He hooked a hand under his own knee, pulling it up towards his chest, watching Justin all the time. "It's...please," he said softly, needing Justin to touch him again, right away, as soon as possible. His whole skin felt achy and needy.

"I'm just gonna go with what I think'll be good," he said, kneeling back where he'd been before and running his free hand over the inside of Nick's leg, from groin to calf. "Tell me if you need anything I'm not doing."

"Just...your instincts have been perfect so far." Nick smiled at him, feeling himself glow just a little. "Just start slow, and remember that happy place? Try to find that, and I'll be singing before you know it. And...tell me. What you're thinking. If you can."

"You'll have to tell me when I find it," said Justin, but from the way his hand was already creeping up to explore between Nick's legs, he had no qualms about looking for it. "I don't know what to look for in there."

Nick twitched when Justin's finger brushed him lightly, like a tease. He wasn't even that close to where he needed to be, but the mere fact of Justin's willingness was turning Nick into a quivering wreck. "Ah. You just. Believe me, you'll know, but it's pretty in there, and...to the front? Does that make sense? And it feels good no matter what."

"Tell me when I'm inside," said Justin, pulling his hands back to open the lube. "I'll try to go slow and careful. I see to remember it being pretty tight in there. I can't wait to see the way you take it. I always loved this bit, really, being down here and making some else feel amazing."

Nick chuckled weakly. "Well, you're going to do that, all right." He pulled his knee higher. "You don't have to go *too* slow," he added, feeling Justin's slick fingers on him again. "It's tight, but I've done this before. I'll relax." And he made a conscious decision to do so, taking a deep breath and blowing it out, letting all the tension out.

"You might have, but I haven't," Justin reminded him. Their whole idea of "slow" though was light years away from how most people meant it. "I'm just going to ... " And he slowly and smoothly pushed one finger inside him.

Nick said "*yes*," sharp and high and forced out of him by the way his hips lifted off the bed and offered themselves to Justin's touch. His muscles were fluttering around Justin's finger, wanting more and deeper and right away, trying to draw him in further. "Oh, yes," he said, a little more softly, but no less urgent.

Justin was silent; when Nick listened he could only hear his breaths, quick and hard. He drew the finger out and looked at it, then did the exact same thing, pushing it in again at a slightly different angle. And again it went in smoothly, all the way to its base.

"FUCK!" Justin had only brushed his prostate briefly and accidentally, but it still made Nick jump like he'd been shocked. "You hit it, it's there, do it again do it again," he pleaded, shameless now and using his braced foot to push himself down on Justin's finger, quick little pumps that made his thigh burn but got him more of that amazing friction.

Justin got the hint, moving in the way he had initially and keeping up the little thrusts. "You scared me," he admitted quietly, gripping Nick's leg as he thrust with that finger. "I thought I'd hurt you for a second."

"No," Nick huffed a breathless laugh. "No, not hurting, you can't hurt me. Oh, god, Justin, more, please..." He twisted helplessly on Justin's finger, wanting more fullness, more sensation, more Justin. He let go of his knee and hooked his ankle on Justin's shoulder, freeing his hands to grab the bedspread and his own hair, looking for an anchor.

"More?" said Justin uncertainly, then "Oh! More, gotcha" He drew out all the way and when he came back in this time it was with two fingers, at the same angle again, more or less. "I think I've figured this bit out ... " he murmured.

"By George, I think he's got it," Nick muttered inanely, almost every part of his mind focused on the slight burn and the wonderful stretching pleasure. He was such a slut for this, he knew it and couldn't even be sorry. "I lovelovelove it, that's really good," he babbled, wanting Justin to know how he felt, even as the motion of his hips got more demanding. "It's all stretchy and *hot* and do that more, please, again."

Justin let go of Nick's leg and rested his free hand on Nick's stomach as he thrust inside him with the other, looking up and smiling at him as he did. "I'm just going to try things," he said, licking his lips. "That I think might work. Just ... keep talking to me." And he began to split his fingers apart a little each time he pulled partway out of Nick's body, stretching him even more.

"Strong fingers," Nick hummed approvingly, fanning his knees even wider in invitation. "This feels amazing, feel, it's soft now, just about ready for you, just keep doing it like that, OH." Justin's fingers butted right against his sweet spot and held there, and Nick squirmed, skin flushing and sweat prickling across his belly. "One more finger?"

"Already?" asked Justin, but wasn't really *asking* because he didn't wait for an answer before trying. "Oh," he said as he wiggled them a little. "Oh, this is getting real tight now, Nicky, are you sure?"

"Justin, look at your cock," Nick hissed, taking a moment to consciously relax again, pushing down against Justin's fingers to relieve the sharp burn. "It's bigger than three fingers. And it's going to be in there. I'm definitely very sure." He sat still for another moment, before wriggling his hips carefully. "Okay, better..."

Justin didn't move at all for a second, then moved each of the three fingers individually. "And it still feels good?" he asked, a genuine question this time and one he apparently needed to have answered before he started up again.

"Yeah," Nick sighed, happily. "It's the most amazing feeling, J. Just...full, and good, and sexy. I've had more. Than three, I mean, and it's intense, but still good. You're not hurting me, I promise cross my heart. I love this."

"It's a lot different looking at it happen than *feeling* it happen," said Justin, moving the fingers now that he was sure he wasn't doing something wrong. "I remember feeling it, when it was me. You don't think so much about how much is there because you're feeling these great things spark up your back ... "

"Yeah, that," Nick agreed, eyes falling closed as his back arched again. He was open, now, relaxed and open and it felt as shivery as he remembered, vulnerable and good and ready. "A-and every time you move it gets easier to take, and feels even better." He forced his eyes open so he could see Justin's face. "Does it look...do you like this too? On this side?"

"Oh yeah," breathed Justin, and he turned his hand and lightly sank his teeth into Nick's leg again. He thrust his fingers a little harder but it wasn't rough, it felt good. Great. "I like it all, so far."

Nick shivered all over, the wet sting of Justin's teeth on his skin, the pressure and stretching fullness inside him, everything combining to push him even closer to complete mindlessness. "Ah, Justin..." his voice was thin with strain, and he carefully did not think about touching his cock, full and aching against his belly. "I think...I'm ready. Are you ready? If you're not, I'm gonna come, and make a big mess, so yeah..."

"I almost want to let you," said Justin, back to licking his skin again. "But I want to be inside you more than that. I just ... I just need a second, to be ready." And he was pulling his hand away, leaving Nick empty, as he reached for the condom and tore the package open.

"Noooooo," Nick murmured, wanting that full feeling again, his mind blurred by heat. He watched Justin with vague eyes as he dropped his hand between his own legs, prodding gently at his opening with his own fingers. He hummed happily as they slid in easily, and he stroked himself, slipping easily in and out in the lube Justin had used. "Hurry," he urged. Justin had stopped and was staring at him.

"I ... " began Justin, then looked like he had no idea what to say. "That might be the hottest thing I've ever seen," he finally blurted out, then gently pulled Nick's hand out of the way so he could get in there himself. He used two fingers again, pushing them in and spreading them wide -- holding Nick open so he could finally push his cock inside.

Nick keened a little at the first blunt push, stretching him impossibly wider, and he lifted his legs up around Justin's waist and felt his panting breaths. "Just. like. that." he managed to say, tilting his hips up to meet the pressure, helping Justin come inside. "So good, Justin, is it good?"

Justin pulled his fingers away and just pushed the rest of the way inside, panting the whole time and gripping Nick's legs like he might vanish if Justin let go. He closed his eyes and his mouth fell open and Nick *had* to take that as a very good sign.

They were frozen, Justin deep inside him, neither of them moving, the only sound Justin's harsh breaths and Nick's little moans. Justin was big, bigger than anything Nick had had for a long time, and he could feel his legs trying to spread wider to accomodate. Finally, experimentally, he tightened his muscles around Justin, rotating his hips just a little, unable to stop staring at Justin's rapt face.

Justin finally opened his eyes and shuddered, like he was struggling to control his body. "God, Nick," he breathed. "Can I?" He moved his hips tentatively, moving inside Nick's body, a tiny roll and a tinier in-out. "Can I?"

Nick nodded shakily, clinging to Justin with his hands and his legs, staring straight into his eyes. "Please, yes," he added softly, when Justin still hesitated. "I want you to. Please." He helped, circling his pelvis, encouraging Justin to move.

Justin exhaled abruptly. "Okay. Okay," he said, and closed his eyes again and drew back to thrust inside him. "This part, I can do."

"Okay, yeah," Nick whimpered, feeling his shoulders press into the bedspread with the force of Justin's body. His hips were entirely off the bed, now, he was bending easily, taking Justin as the strokes got longer and smoother and Justin settled to his work. Every thrust pushed the breath out of Nick, and felt so good it almost hurt.

"God, Nick," he said again, between gasps, and finally he reached for Nick's cock so he could stroke it in time with his thrusts. Or not in time with them, really, but he was obviously trying and it was certainly good enough.

He was a little jerky, shallow then deep, his hand moving unsteadily, and Nick found the unpredictability almost unbearable. He never knew what was coming next, and it coiled the heat and anticipation even tighter in him. He felt loose and boneless, pounded into softness by Justin's strength. He reached up and hung his arms over Justin's shoulders, stroking the back of his neck, arching into his touch.

Justin lifted himself up onto one knee and it felt like he got even deeper, then just like that he paused, his body shuddering lightly. His head rolled back and he let out a loud, almost desperate moan, and the hand jerking Nick's cock got faster.

"Did you-" Nick broke off as his own orgasm began to burn through him, wrenching his head back and lifting his hips impossibly higher, Justin's tight grip on his cock almost too much stimulation, the constant pressure on his prostate sharp and overwhelming. He held his breath to keep from screaming as he started to come, wetting his belly and Justin's hand in long pulses of pure pleasure.

Justin slid his knee out from under him again, letting Nick lower himself to the bed. It was a few moments before he let go of him, wiping his hand on the blanket. "Hey," he said softly, then smiled and leaned in close enough to give Nick a brief kiss.

Nick was limp and flattened, and relaxed into the kiss, letting Justin play with his tongue and lick behind his teeth. His legs dropped to the bed, dead weights, even though aftershocks were still shivering through him, causing him to clench and release, clench and release, around Justin's cock, still deep inside him. "Hey," he whispered back, smiling, when Justin stopped kissing him. "Oh, you gorgeous boy, hello."

Justin was still smiling as he pushed himself up on his hands overtop of Nick's body. "You look great," he said quietly, still breathless. "And I think I have to pull out now before I go into overload."

"You came, right?" Nick asked anxiously, clinging to Justin with inner muscles, unwilling to let him go. "That's not the kind of overload you're talking about? Because I kind of wasn't noticing anything except how amazing I was feeling, right there at the end..." He flushed and shut up, chewing his lip.

Justin laughed and kissed him again. "I came big time," he promised him. "I'm I'm kind of feeling really sensitive now and that thing you're doing right now ... wow. It's gonna break me."

"Oh, oh, sorry..." Nick relaxed completely, and Justin slipped out easily. Nick shifted to ease the burn of overstretched muscles. "That was pretty unbelievable," he went on softly, wanting to keep silence away as Justin dealt with the condom. "You...you're really good. At that. If you were wondering."

Justin was on his knees between Nick's legs, then when he was finished he moved over to Nick's side, to allow him free movement again. "I was hoping it was good, yeah," he admitted. "It was pretty damn good for me."

Nick moved closer, careful of sore muscles, and nudged against Justin's arm, needy as always after sex. "It was better than good. Is...you look pretty calm. Are you calm? Is it good?" He touched Justin's hair a little, stroking a damp curl back from his temple.

Justin laughed again and pressed his face into Nick's neck. "I'm still coming down," he said. "I'm a little blown away. It was so damn easy ... "

Nick laughed too, a little. "I dunno if I should be offended by that or not. It didn't feel *that* easy on this end. You're a big boy, Timberlake." He kissed Justin's ear, the only part of him in easy reach, and draped an arm over his waist. "Okay, can't move any more now. I think you maybe killed me dead." He went limp again.

"Did I hurt you?" asked Justin carefully, tensing up. "I tried not to, but I don't know how much is too much yet ... "

"No, no, no," Nick said quickly, stroking his side. "No, you didn't, it was perfect. I just mean I feel too good and tired and relaxed to move, is all. And a teensy bit sore, but that happens no matter what, when it's been a while." He kissed Justin's ear again. "You did it perfect."

"It *was* really easy," he said again as he relaxed against Nick's body. "Once I stopped thinking about it so damn much. It's pretty natural to be with you. Like that. Like every way."

"It's...good," Nick said, unable to describe it any other way. "With you. Feels right, you know? Like it's more than just bodies, though those were pretty amazing, too. I mean. You were inside me." He tried to absorb that. Justin, his Justin, and they'd done that intimate thing. "It's pretty mind-boggling."

Justin wrapped his arm around Nick's waist and nestled a leg back in between Nick's. "Yeah, it really is," he agreed. "How long until we can do it again, do you think?"

Nick laughed, ducking his face against Justin. "Not right away," he giggled, moving gingerly to accomodate Justin's leg. "At least not this way. Tomorrow, maybe? If I can find time for a hot bath?" He knew he could probably do it again in an hour, but he was such a baby about pain.

"It's amazing," he said, "how the simplest, most basic things are what makes everything clear. What brings everything together. I'm not worried anymore, Nicky. Not about any of it."

"Really?" Nick leaned back and looked into Justin's eyes. They were wide, but clear and calm and smiling at him, and he felt himself start to smile back. "Sex helped you not be worried? I--that's so great, Justin, so wonderful. We should do it a lot, then." He nodded firmly. "It's important to keep you relaxed."

"I was so lonely when I ran into you, Nick," he said. "So lonely, you can't even imagine. I'd lost everything, I thought it would take forever until I felt right again, until I was ready to go on with my life. I was ready to be slow and careful and not jump into anything, with anyone, not ever again. But it didn't take forever, it only took a couple days, with the right person. And I'm not lonely anymore."

Nick tucked his face back into Justin's neck and just breathed for a little while, letting the words sink inside and warm him from the inside out. "I was lonely too," he finally admitted quietly, not moving except to hold Justin a little tighter. "I was okay, I was pretty happy, but I was lonely. And you...you're so wonderful, I never thought I'd be able to be with you. I was just hoping you'd be my friend. This is so much more...you make me so happy."

"I'm just a little piece of your puzzle, though," said Justin, stroking Nick's waist lightly with his fingertips. "You've got it together, you know what you're doing, what you want. You didn't have a gaping void, just a piece missing, and I was that piece. Me, I've got a puzzle too, only I don't have it almost put together. I'm still missing all my pieces and you're the only one I've got. That's the thing I've got to be careful about now. To remember that I need you and you've got to be there for me to be finished, but that there are other pieces to put in place yet. Maybe you can help me find them."

"I'll help you any way I can," Nick assured him seriously. "I mean. That's what boyfriends are for, at least one of the things. You've got pieces, though, that aren't me. You've got your house, you've got your friends, you've got your music. Those are all important things too. And once you settle down, I bet you'll see those pieces."

"Those aren't pieces, though, quite," said Justin. "Those are just places that I'm likely going to find them. But you're right, about the settling down. That's when I'm going to start finding them. Maybe I'll find another tomorrow. Maybe coming out will help me find my calling in life."

Nick raised his eyebrows a little. "I thought your destiny was to sing and dance and make gorgeous music?" He petted the dip of Justin's waist softly. "You can still do that, if it's still what you want in life. And tomorrow...that'll definitely be a turning point, for me too. I don't know what kind of turning point, but it'll sure be interesting to find out."

"Maybe that *is* what I'm supposed to be doing," said Justin. "But I think I need to find out for sure. And tomorrow will be tomorrow and it'll be fine because we know what we're getting into and we know what we want, when it comes to this, anyway. And Dave'll be tactful about it. He lay it all out straight."

"Straight. Hee." Nick giggled, then yelped when Justin pinched him. "Hey! I'm sorry, but it's funny. But you're right, he'll be good, and you'll be adorable, and I'll nod a lot and smile pretty, and then we can run back to the hotel and test the jacuzzi bath."

Justin laughed and pressed his face to Nick's neck again. "That sounds like a plan," he said. "You're gonna have to do some talking, too. The public's gonna want to know what you've been up to for the last year. I'm betting they know damn well what's been going on with *me*, even though I haven't been making the news on my own merits."

"I don't wanna," Nick whined, but sighed. "I know, I know. But you're much more interesting. All I've been doing is getting over my sucky ex and going to school. Very boring. Speaking of which, he's going to have a fucking aneurism when he hears we're going on Dave. I mean, I won't name names, but I bet he doesn't know that."

"Let him," said Justin with a wicked little grin. "Let him stew about it until he sees, then let him see you all blissfully happy with someone else. Revenge is sweet."

"It *is*," Nick said, slowly and happily. "He's left three messages, you know. I haven't listened to them, even. Maybe I won't, until after the show. I want...you're much better looking, and smarter, and...is it bad that I want to show off that I'm with you, a little? How happy I am with you? Like, ha, you're with some chick and I've got the most gorgeous man in the world..."

"You only think I'm smarter," said Justin. "I haven't really shown you much evidence of that. But you can think it anyway, I don't mind. And I'd be happy if you wanted to show me off a little tomorrow. I'm sure as hell going to be showing *you* off. People have seen how I've looked at a dozen industry events over the last little while. They're gonna see a whole different me tomorrow. And I want them to. A happy me."

"Well, you look pretty happy now," Nick commented, inspecting him critically. Justin looked sated and languid and still shone a little with sweat, smelling of musk and sex and warmth. "You look *delicious* now. I don't think I can let you go on the show like this. People will be sending me hatemail, I'll be ostracized, people will go crazy with jealousy. We'll have to dull the glow just a little." He kissed Justin softly anyway, smiling happily. "I can't wait to show you off."

"Well, we'll be dressed," said Justin reasonably. "That'll help. You can hold my hand, though, because we want them to be at least a *little* jealous of us. Some of them. And we want the rest to know that we're happy and not ashamed of this at all. This is, like, gonna make waves everywhere, you know. It's not just about us now."

"I know. All of a sudden we're political, even though I never was," Nick sighed. "But I'm not ashamed. I'm happy, and...if people at school don't like it, they can just fuck off. You make me happy, and we're dating, and that's that." He nuzzled into Justin's hair. "I think we should be really matter of fact about it. Like...why *wouldn't* we be together?" Timbatonal direct connection is closed.

"Yeah, I think that's exactly what we should do. And I think Dave's the best accomplice to play along with that, to not try to sensationalize it when we're not. You think there's gonna be trouble at school? I kinda figured at least some of them knew already. You're pretty out around here."

"Nah," Nick shrugged a little. "It's college. People are pretty open minded there. The guys might not want to come over and watch the game any more, but whatever. A lot of the girls knew already. For some reason, they can tell a lot easier." He grinned at Justin. "I bet they'll throw a party for us at the Velvet Rope. That's where I go. I'm sure everyone there's all proud of us."

"Oh, they'll still come over to watch the game. You've got the best place out of all of them, hands down. I don't even have to guess, I *know* that. Besides, they just might know already. They might be surprised. You'll have to tell your club to hold off on our coming out party until after we get back from New York, though. How long can you stay? When do you need to be back here?"

"I think I'll tell my professor I'll be missing a couple of classes," Nick said, thinking about it. "It's gonna be insane for the rest of this week, I think. There's gonna be phone calls and press and the guys are going to want to talk to me, and I have a feeling I'm not going to want to do homework. Though I'll just have to make it up later. But this week...no. So, however long we need to, really."

"You can tell him I'm really good at making you do your homework, if that helps," said Justin. "Not that he'll believe you or anything. So listen, I'll make the flight and hotel arrangements in the morning, and then I'll pick you up after class, how about? Save some time, and I can put the car in long-term parking at the airport and we can just go."

"Sounds good." Nick wrinkled his nose. "I hate making all those arrangements, I'm bad at it. Make sure to get a room with a jacuzzi, don't forget, and we're flying first class? My knees get all squashed otherwise. And..." He grinned and ducked his head. "My boyfriend's gonna pick me up from school. That's so cool."

"When's the last time you flew coach?" snorted Justin, stroking Nick's thigh. "Don't worry, you'll have plenty of room. As will I. And yes, this boyfriend will brave the wilds of your college to find you and pick you from school. So make sure you take a cab in the morning or something so we don't get stuck with two vehicles there."

"Wow. You're on top of this whole organization thing," Nick said admiringly. "Remind me to give you directions, or you'll just drive around in circles. Campus is kinda like a maze, even though I'll be outside waiting for you. With my bags and all." He purred and arched under Justin's hand, goosebumps rising. "Hey, I flew coach. When I was...fifteen? Maybe?"

"So twelve years then," said Justin knowingly. "And your legs were a lot shorter when you were fifteen. He nuzzled Nick again and sighed. "It's too early to sleep but I don't want to get up again," he confessed. "But we probably should. There's a lot to do."

"Noooo," Nick protested, clinging to him and rubbing up against him. "No way. We should stay here. I'm sure there are lots of things to plan, and talk about, and plus, I haven't gotten my afterglow time in. No moving yet. I refuse."

"Well, considering I don't want to move, that's pretty okay with me," said Justin. "Sorry I didn't spend more time exploring you, like you expected. I just got really into it and really wanted to have sex with you."

Nick stared at him, then laughed helplessly. "God. You're just the sweetest thing. I really wanted to have sex with you too, remember? Believe me, I've got no complaints about how things went. And, you know? We've got lots of time to explore, whenever we want. That's...it seems like that's what you needed, right then."

"Yeah," he said, smiling a little goofily as he remembered it. "I know we were going to wait a little, but it feels good to have done it with you. It felt right to do it right then. And I *did* get used to the feel of you, the size of you."

"Well, we were gonna wait till it was right," Nick reasoned, "and that was the time. So it was perfect." He snickered a little. "And I sure as hell got used to the feel of *you*." His hand slid down to Justin's hip, stroking the smooth skin there. "There's so much stuff we can do," he murmured, almost to himself. "I can't wait to show you everything."

"We can take our time a little more now, I think," he said. "There's no goal hanging over our heads now, no one thing we know we're going to do sooner or later. Until we did it, everything was just going to be working up to that. Now it can be just whatever it is."

"Exactly," Nick said, though he wondered if...well, Justin was straight, or very recently not-straight. He probably still only thought of fucking in one direction. "Now we can play. I think we should invest some good quality naked time. Naked guitar playing, naked drumming (that's really fun, actually), naked...television watching. I like having all this skin to touch." His fingers curled around the strong line of Justin's hipbone.

"Me too," said Justin, running his own hand down Nick's chest and over his stomach and even lightly over his groin. "It's so different, your body. Different from what I'm used to being with. Alicia -- and everyone before her -- was so small and hard and slight."

Nick ducked his head to hide his flinch and wince. He just had to keep telling himself that Justin seemed to like him, the way he looked, but he had no idea how to react to him saying things like that. "Well, I am a guy," he finally said brightly. "There's bound to be some differences. And I've always been large." It was just a good thing that Justin was tolerant of a whole lot of extra weight on his sex partners, he thought.

"Yeah, exactly," said Justin, lifting his head just to nod it. "They were always so uptight about it, about how they looked. Which, okay, I admit to doing that too. But I love this, that you're so comfortable and I can be comfortable with you. And that you're the same size as me. I never thought that would be a big deal, a big appeal, but it is."

Nick chewed on his lower lip for a moment. "I'm a lot bigger than you, actually," he pointed out tentatively. "I mean, okay, nothing like the size difference with you and Alicia, sure. And you're so..." he ran his palm down Justin's belly, tracing the ridges of muscle there, still obvious despite his broader, deeper shape. "You know. I think I'm gonna have to start doing situps."

"Why?" asked Justin, propping himself up on an elbow. He ran his hand back up Nick's stomach and chest again. "Seriously, why, Nick?"

"Because you look so good to me," Nick said simply. "I want to look good for you, too." He consciously forced himself to stay relaxed. "Someone like you should have someone perfect. You shouldn't have to touch..." He poked at his own belly, feeling his finger sink in. "...you know. That."

"That's ... " Justin began, then shook his head and wasn't smiling anymore as he looked down at him. "I've been avoiding saying something about this but I think maybe I need to. Nick, I've been in the business for over ten years now, you think I haven't heard this before? You think I don't know what it means? Expecially with the girls I went with, the ones that would do anything to make themselves perfect. When I say I like you the way you are, I mean it. When I say you do look good, I mean it. That's not some secret way of wishing that you were something else. That's not me, that's you. That's *your* issue."

"Oh, I know, I know," Nick was quick to agree. "You haven't...you've been great, and I can tell you really like me, you say you like how I look and I believe you, I do." Mostly, though he didn't understand it. "I'm not saying it's you, it's just me. My thing." He peered up at Justin worriedly. "Are you mad?"

"I'm not mad, Nick," he said, shaking his head again and even leaning down briefly to give him a kiss. "I'm just being honest with you, about something I've been seeing since I ran into you again. Since always. I've known you almost as long as I've been in the business, Nick, and I've watched your weight go up and down again and again over the years. You work really hard at getting it down and that's *all* you think about when you do it, you give up everything else in your life and obsess over your weight. And then you let yourself have a life again and it goes up a little, and you hate yourself for it because you know you can be less. But what you don't see is that your body, like it is right now, is sitting at where it's more comfortable.

"Sure you could do some situps, and you would work out a little, and that would be great because I like doing that and we could do it together. But it wouldn't do what you want it to do, and you would start to do it more and more and the whole cycle would start up again. And there comes a point, Nick, when you need to be happy with where you're at, and realize that it's not the most important thing in the world. That in the grand scheme of things -- and in *my* eyes -- it's pretty much not important at all. As long as you're healthy, it's cool. And you are, and so it is.

"You told me yourself that you used to have a problem, with food and stuff, and you said it was in the past, but I think you lied about that, Nick. And I think it's something you're gonna have to deal with, once and for all -- we're gonna have to deal with, you and me -- to get you okay with things. To get you happy"

Nick stared at him, frozen, the words running through his mind clearly. Then it got to be too much, and he grabbed for a pillow, pulling it over his head, curling into as small a ball as he could.

"You're right," he said, muffled by the pillow but he knew Justin was listening. "You're right you're right. I know you're right and I don't do that any more, I don't go crazy with the working out, the guys made me talk to someone about that. And I'm better, Justin, I swear I'm better, I didn't lie to you, I promise. It's...it's something I have to work on always. I can't just deal with it and it goes away. AJ says it's like him and his drinking, not something he can fix and it's over, it's always there, and sometimes it's easy and sometimes it's hard. So." He sighed, and clutched the pillow to his face, hiding.

Justin was quick to pull the pillow away, and leaned down to kiss him again. "I wanted you to know that I know," he said. "It's not something I want you to be hiding from me, and you have been. And when you say stuff like that, I'm gonna argue with you. You think I haven't noticed that you've hardly eaten anything in the last two days, since our night on the beach? Noticed that it definitely hasn't all been nerves? If it's something you're still working on then I just want you to be honest about that. I'll worry less if I know that *you're* aware of what you're doing, and that it's something you're trying not to. Something you'd be willing to accept my help with, and *not* be ashamed of." And with that he pulled the pillow further away, so Nick couldn't hide his face from him again.

"It's hard," Nick said, forcing the words out. "It was...I hid it for a long time. Probably not as well as I thought I did, but I tried. So it's very hard for me to talk about." He shrugged, just a little hitch of his shoulders, and stared at the bedspread. "It was a game for a long time. 'Keep them from making me eat.' I got pretty good at it, I think, and it's kind of...it's a habit, now, it kicks in automatically when people start getting after me about it. But I know I'm doing it, and I'm trying not to. I'm working on it. I am." He sighed. "You...you can help, if you want. But I don't think I can stop being embarrassed about it."

"I think you can," said Justin, finally smiling again. "Because you don't need to be. Everyone has their thing that they need to work on. I'm not going to let you hide it from me, Nick, not when we're alone especially. I'll never embarrass you with other people around, that's just mean, but when it's just you and me, I won't let you hide. You'll get used to it, we both will. And it won't be long before you start seeing the hang-ups that *I* have and you won't feel like I'm this ... ideal to live up to, or something. I really like your body, Nick. I really like being with you. Just remember that."

"I'll try," Nick promised, and though he couldn't quite smile, he did relax and uncurl just a bit. "Just keep reminding me once in a while, that'll make it easier. Just remember, sometimes I can't help it." He shook his head, shaking it off, and slipped his hand back to Justin's waist. "I don't mind not hiding with you," he said, surprised to realize it was true. "You're awfully good at this boyfriend stuff."

"Well, I've *been* a boyfriend before," said Justin, relaxing as well. "I've just never *had* a boyfriend before. It's not so different so far, really, in a lot of ways. No offense. I just really want you to remember how much I like you, just like this, Nick. How much everything you've done so far means to me. I'm with you because I think you're hot and you turn me on, but I'm also with you because you're a really good person and it just feels good and safe and happy to be with you."

Nick blinked at that, then finally smiled a little, though it wasn't entirely easy. "I'll try to remember. It's pretty easy when you're here like this, to know that you want to be, that you're doing this because you want to. That's...I really like you too. And I promise, I'll try to be less of a huge girl about stuff. Even though it's making your big lifestyle swich a little less traumatic." He grinned a little. "Just for the record, I think you're pretty great, Timberlake."

"You know that's not what I meant," said Justin, making it a point to give Nick a manly punch in the arm. "I just meant ... being with someone is being with someone. People are people and we all have our issues and stuff. I certainly have enough of my own and you've been ... well, I don't even know anything that's as patient as you've been. So maybe we're both pretty great and that's that. You promise you'll come to me, if you've got shit going on that you're having trouble with?"

"Yeah," Nick sighed, curling back up into a ball, completely unwilling to move. He felt exhausted, more drained than he had all day, and his hands were shaking a little. He tucked them under his face. "I will. As long as you promise too, because that's what relationships are supposed to be like, I think. The good ones, anyway, and I want this to be good. I want this one to be the *best*, because you're just...you keep amazing me."

"We really need to stick together, Nick," he said. 'With what's coming up tomorrow, with what's going on right now. We need to be there for each other, about everything. We don't have a whole lot of room not to be, I think. It's very possibly I'm gonna have another little breakdown or something. Only this time there'll be cameras on the beach to catch it."

Nick untucked his hands, hearing the little waver in Justin's voice. "Oh, baby," he said sadly, pulling him close. "I'm so sorry that it worked out that way, that you don't have all the quiet time you need to get everything sorted out, that you have to deal with all my lame shit on top of your stuff. But listen, you have all the breakdowns you need, and I'll be right there, okay? Even if I have to drag you off to the wardrobe closet at TRL to get some privacy. You know the one?..." He tried another smile, and ran his fingers through Justin's hair.

"Yeah. Yeah," he said, matching that smile. "Don't we all. Listen Nick, I just need you to know ... your stuff isn't lame, it's just your stuff, and it's as important as mine. And if I decide I need to freak out a little, I don't think it'll be about you. It'll be about the other stuff. About getting my shit together and getting divorced and figuring out what's left of my life and career."

"Well, our stuff is our stuff, then. And you can freak out about whatever part of it you want," Nick maintained stoutly, though he was secretly relieved. "And you're not being a very good slacking student, here. You shouldn't worry too much about your life and your career and getting your shit together. Once we get through this press stuff--god, I hate talking to the press--we can come home and just relax. Be as normal as we can, and then you can take all the time you need to figure things out."

"Dave'll be good," said Justin, like it was his mantra. "Dave'll be good to us. It'll go fine, and we'll say what we want to, and we'll be *out*, for real, not just rumour and speculation, and it's gonna be a huge deal but it's our deal and when we made that call to him it was our choice. It'll be good."

"Dave'll be good," Nick echoed, nodding and believing it. "He will, you know. And people will rave and freak and lose their minds, and then they'll get over it and find something else to think about, and we can just be...us." He pulled Justin's palm to his cheek, kissing the soft thin skin of his wrist. "It's all going how we say. It's our deal."

"You thought about who might come after us?" asked Justin, back to making himself comfortable on the bed again. "Now that we've gone and done it and, like, set the bar. You thought about who else might come out, if it goes well? We could change the world here, you know."

Nick chuckled a little. "Well. I think Howie'll stop playing the pronoun game. AJ too, if he thinks of it at all, which he might not, since he dates girls as much as boys. But...hmmmmm." He thought about it, gnawing absently on Justin's wrist. "James Van Der Beek! He's very gay, I hear. Oh, and maybe Tobey McGuire. This is a fun game. Who do *you* think?"

"I guess Tom Cruise is too much to hope for?" he suggested with a smile. "This might make it easier, though. And James Van Der Beek is very gay, trust me on that one. Matthew Broderick maybe. As if he actually has to say anything, though. But it would be nice. Pink, probably. I bet she would."

"Didn't Pink kind of admit it already?" Nick mused. "No way Tom Cruise, I think he'll be *buried* in his closet. You really think? Matthew Broderick? Oooh, oooh, what about Ricky Martin! He could finally admit it!" He grinned at Justin, and rolled over him, pressing him to the bed and holding him tightly. "No one as sexy as you, though. You're gonna be the most gorgeous bi guy to ever come out. Even more than Rupert Everett and Robbie Williams and them."

"Pink has done everything but say it out loud," said Justin thoughtfully. "That's why I think she'll do it. Same deal with Ricky Martin." He seemed to be avoiding what Nick had said about *him*, but then he grinned up at him. "I can't believe we're doing this."

"I can't either," Nick admitted, grinning back at him. "It's crazy. It might even be kind of fun, you never know. You know, all those gossip columnists are gonna go crazy with the "I told you so's" for a while. Probably rerun all those blind items they thought were so cute. I'll just smile like, like what's her name, Mona Lisa, and smile, and let everyone be super jealous of me."

"No, that's *my* job," insisted Justin. "To smile and let everyone be jealous of me and who I've got in my life. I've had people feel like that about me lots of times before, but this is the first time that they'll be right about it. They *should* be jealous. And everything that happens after this, all the stuff they're gonna say, that's what I'm gonna tell myself. They're just jealous." It was as good a coping strategy as any, Nick figured.

"They're probably gonna say that you're rebounding, that it's a reaction to the divorce," Nick said practically. "And you can tell yourself they're jealous, if you're happy and you show it, they probably *will* be. No ,atter who you're with." He sighed, and rested his head on Justin's shoulder. "They can be jealous of both of us, then," he murmured, relaxing finally. "Because this is so nice."

"They only wish they had what we have," agreed Justin. "It's already good enough for me to say that. You ever find something, and logic tells you you need to be careful, you need to think it through and take your time and make sure it's what you want because it's so different and you're in a difficult place already, but your instincts tell you it's right and to just go for it? That's this, for me."

Nick laughed into Justin's shoulder. "Well, thank god you listen to your instincts, then." He pressed his lips against the soft hot skin, so conveniently *there*, and rolled off Justin again. "Okay. I've gotta go get packed. Um, because it's late and class is early and I really don't want to go and if I don't go now I won't at all, and that would be strange and clingy. I think."

"Yeah, okay," agreed Justin. "Go pack, and make sure you leave me directions for tomorrow, okay? So I can find you to pick you up? I'll make all the arrangements, all I need is for you to make sure you're ready to go. Gonna miss you, Nicky."

"Okay." Nick looked at him, lying all gorgeous on the bed, and had to crawl back to him and kiss him, hard and deep and trying to make a memory. "Gonna miss you, J, god, I just..." He framed Justin's face in his hands and kissed him again, slower this time but just as thorough. He didn't want to go.

"Just think about what we're doing tomorrow, Nicky. How amazing tomorrow is gonna be. And today ... what we did together today. Which was just as amazing. And I'll bring you a key. To this place. Tomorrow, before we go. Okay? I'm gonna make you a key."

"Okay. I'm gonna make you one to my house too. And you can come over whenever you want." One last lingering kiss, and he pushed himself off the bed, wincing a little at the soreness in strained muscles, and pulled his clothes on carefully. "Tomorrow will be great, and today was *definitely* great. We had..." he blushed a little, and looked at Justin wonderingly. "Anyway, yeah. I'll call you with the directions? Is that okay?"

Justin nodded, and stretched out on his back on the bed so he was able to look up at Nick. "It's perfect," he said. "That'll work great. It's gonna be neat, being on campus. Seriously, it will, for me. Tomorrow's gonna be a good day. It is."

Nick grinned a little at Justin's determined tone. "It sure will. I get to spend it with you, after all." He chuckled and shook his head at himself, reaching out to tug at Justin's toes. "Look, I'm sappy again. I'm gonna go. Away. So I'm going." He stood still. "Watch me go. I'm going."

"Believe me," said Justin. "I'm watching. And tomorrow night ... tomorrow night we spend together again. I'll see you soon, Nicky. Promise."

"Okay." Nick turned, reluctantly, and made his way out the door. He found the staircase again, and shouted "If I get lost in here I'm blaming you, Timberlake!", and he was still smiling when he reached his own front door.

* * *

He'd forgotten, Nick realized, as he peered out from between the branches of the large shrub he was crouched behind. He'd forgotten what it was like to have this much press after you, and god, he hadn't missed it. He could barely see a sliver of the road from his hiding place, and he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket, pressing the speed-dial button. It rang twice, and he heard Justin's voice. "Justin?" He whispered hoarsely. "J, where are you?"

"What do you mean, where am I?" he said, and Nick could hear a lot of other voices in the background. And no vehicle sounds like he expected. "I'm following that map you made me to your class. Only I think I got turned around because you didn't say anything about a mural of a pirate ship. You would have mentioned that, right? Oh, by the way, I had to park in the teacher's lot, the lot by the doors you told me about was full. I hope that's gonna be okay; it seemed just as close. Where are *you*?"

"Shit. Shit. Justin, go back, go back to the car, you're on the wrong side of campus and the press is *everywhere* here." Nick batted irritably at a branch that was poking him in the side. "I forgot about that stupid mural. Um, the teacher's lot, take a left out of there and then a right on Constitution, and I'm hiding in the big green bush in front of the building with the naked lady statue about a mile down. They *chased* me! After class!"

"You're *what*?" said Justin, then Nick heard a muted "oops, sorry" that obviously wasn't meant for him. "Okay, so left, right, and look for the naked lady statue? Got it. I haven't been hassled here yet, but I guess they aren't looking for *me*. You doing okay? You want me to stay on the phone with you till I get there?"

"Yeah," Nick breathed, embarrassed. "I'm kinda...okay, yeah, I was used to it, I'll get used to it again, but they've left me alone for a couple years and I forgot..." he peered through the branches again, and ducked lower as a camera crew walked by. He could hear the reporter yelling into her own cell phone. "I even wore a *hat*," he added plaintively. "I think I'm too big for this bush."

"I'll be there soon," Justin assured him, and Nick believed it. He could hear the background noise thinning, could hear Justin leave the building, then a couple moments later heard him get into his SUV. "Okay, no ticket, good," he said. "I'm on my way. So odds are I'm going to be spotted, harassed and pounded with questions? I came here to get *away* from that shit. But at least I'm used to it, still, more or less."

"Just leave the car running," Nick instructed fervently. "Open the door and I'll make a run for it. I can see the road, kind of, from here, so just...get ready to floor it. If you take out the bitch in the red blazer, I swear, I will..." he blushed a little, biting back his first impulse. "...be very grateful," he finished weakly. "She asked if we were having sex yet or if you were just faking to make Alicia mad."

Justin snorted and Nick heard him take a corner too quickly, heard him skid a little. He had to be close now. "Nice," he muttered. "Real nice. You say anything back to her or just give her the finger?"

"I told her that if she was so interested in people faking it, maybe she should take a good hard look at her own love life," Nick muttered, embarrassed. "Then I ran. Some of my buddies blocked them and gave me a head start, so I could get here. Thank god." He heard tires, and dared to stick his head out a little further. "Oh, oh, Justin I see you! Slow down! Stop, stop there, open the door! I'm coming." He took a deep breath and bolted for the road, not even paying attention to the scratches the bush left on his face and arms.

The door was wide open and the SUV was idling there, waiting for him. He hopped in and slammed it and expected Justin to drive away right away, but he didn't. He hit the power locks, then tooks his hands off the wheel and turned to Nick. "Hey," he said, giving him an unexpected smile. Then he took Nick's face between his hands and kissed him firmly. Nick could see flashes all around him -- the press had obviously been following Justin as well as him -- but Justin didn't stop until he was good and finished. "There," he said finally as he pulled away. "I've been waiting all day to do that. And now they have their cover stories. So let's go to New York, baby."

"Hey," Nick said, breathless and smiling helplessly, ignoring the cameras even though he knew he probably looked like a dork. "I missed you." He busied himself tossing his bags in the back and fastening his seatbelt, before turning to watch Justin some more. He looked wonderful, in sunglasses and jeans, and Nick raeched out and brushed a finger down his arm. "God. I am *so* glad to see you. Today has been completely insane. Thank god all my friends were cool. Some of them gave me shit about dating a popstar though." He grinned.

"Were they all cool?" said Justin, sounding relieved, then pounded on his horn at some reporters who were blocking his way. "Tell me about your day. I want to hear *every*thing."

"Well." Nick settled comfortably back into his seat, flipping a casual bird at a reporter who'd gotten too close. "I woke up when my alarm went off, and I missed you. I snoozed the alarm three times, because I was sleepy. Then I realized I was gonna be late, so I ran into the shower and jerked off really fast thinking about you....oh, I'm sorry, is that TMI?" He smirked at Justin, who was turning pink. "Then I yelled at the reporters in my driveway and drove to school, and I thought about you in the car. Should I keep going?"

"Yeah, I'm kinda liking this," said Justin, giving Nick a sidelong grin as he finally pulled off the campus and onto a major road, pulling away from the couple of vehicles that were pursuing them. "Did you think about me during breakfast, too? Cause I can tell you I definitely thought about you. And not just because it was that damn pizza again."

"I had a Powerbar in the car, so yeah, I was thinking about you," Nick said quickly, looking away. "And then I got to class. My professor was totally sarcastic about the reporters, it was actually really funny, and my buddy Frank pretended to faint in misery that I was taken. And I think I did well on my homework. I drew a picture of you instead of taking notes. And then I had to go visit the department head and tell her I was gonna be missing some classes, she was cool about it, as long as I make up assignments and stuff. And then...well, you know the rest. I ended up in a *bush*."

"That looked uncomfortable," mused Justin. He'd certainly spent his share of time hiding in bushes and other awkward places, Nick was sure. "I'm glad I found you so quick. So your friends, there were no problems with them? Even the guys you thought might be a little weird about the whole thing? Cause that's really great, Nicky."

"They were all pretty cool, it was amazing," Nick agreed wonderingly. "I mean, there were some faces, one guy didn't talk to me at all, but there wasn't anything bad. And my friend Dina told me she thinks you're *totally* hot, and said congratulations. Which was kind of neat." He touched Justin's arm again. "How about you? How was your day?"

"I kept pretty busy," said Justin, sounding less than confident for the first time since he'd arrived. "Making all the arrangements and stuff. You know how it is. I'm really not used to doing it for myself. And there was more lawyerspeak but ... you know, I don't even want to talk about that. Except maybe to say that that reporter isn't the only one who seems to think I'd do something like this for *revenge*. But tonight will clear all that up. So do I get to meet these friends of yours?"

"Sure," Nick said, watching him curiously. "I always have them over for Monday Night Football. It's guys only, so, HAH, I get to have my boyfriend there and they all have to leave their girlfriends at home. Um. Justin?" He poked him lightly. "You know you can tell me about that lawyerspeak stuff, right, if you want to? I won't harrass you or anything, but you can, whenever you like. I don't...I don't think you're doing it for revenge."

"I know you don't, I know you don't," said Justin. "It's not me not wanting to tell you. It's me not wanting to talk about it just right now because I'm finally seeing you for the first time since last night and I've missed you. We can talk about it later. It's nothing horrible, I just hate having to do it. It brings everything else back again."

"Okay. Want I should tell you about talking to Brian last night?" Nick smiled a little. "He was three of the messages in my mailbox when I finally checked. He says, hang on let me remember, he says 'you tell that Timberlake boy I know he'll treat you good, because I talked to AJ, and good luck, and Nicky, don't punch the paparrazzi." He laughed a little. "He likes you, I think. He wants to play ball with you, sometime when he's not knee-deep in kids."

"Oh hey, yeah?" said Justin, glancing at him as he stopped the car at a light. A news van pulled up beside them and Nick had to watch out the driver's side window as the cameraman started rolling tape of them. "That sounds like fun. He's a good guy, huh? Too bad he couldn't have been here to see you, for your barbecue."

"Yeah," Nick said absently, before noticing the van on *his* side, pressing his mouth up against the window and puffing his cheeks out like a blowfish, crossing his eyes crazily and extending two middle fingers. When they pulled away again he turned back to Justin, grinning. "He's a sweetheart. And he just might kick your ass on the court, you'd best start practicing. Dude. Are they gonna get *on* the plane with us?"

"God I hope not," he said, eyes on the road. "I booked the tickets under my own name, I didn't think not to. But they probably don't even know where we're going anyway. Won't know until we get there. And we're cutting it close anyway so they probably won't have time. And *then* we can relax, a little. Oh, hey, did I tell you we're staying with Joey?"

"Ah, nooooo," Nick said, eyeing him. "What about the hotel with the jacuzzi bath and the bar? Was it too late to get a reservation?" He picked at his jeans nervously. "Um, Joey's okay with...us, right? He's not gonna be mean or anything, is he? He's cool with us staying with him?"

"He *insisted*," laughed Justin. "Seriously. When I called him, and told him we were staying in a hotel? He threatened to kidnap us and stick us in burlap sacks and carry us over his shoulders back to his place. I figured it would just be quicker to say yes in the first place and let him pick us up at the airport before we had to head over to the studio. Dave says he's sending a car for us, I gave him Joey's address. So don't worry, Joey's definitely cool. He'll probably have more *questions*, but he's cool. And he has a jacuzzi and a well-stocked bar, so we won't be missing out."

Nick eyed him skeptically. "I dunno if he could carry us in the burlap sacks. I mean, he's big and all, but seriously." He relaxed again, though. "Well, that's cool. It's always nicer to stay with someone. Are his...does he...is his little girl there? And his girlfriend? And stuff? I'd hate to be in the way. Really. But if he has a bar and a jacuzzi, maybe we won't be in his way *too* much."

"We won't be in his way," said Justin. "We may have a little girl underfoot, but that's part of the fun. And I know the room he's giving us, and it's *private*, its own flight of stairs and everything. So don't worry, it'll be really nice. And he'll cook and that's way better than trying to go out and eat something in the middle of this, or living on room service."

Nick made a face out the window, and hoped any cameras thought it was for them. "Great," he said, as enthusiastically as he could. "Oh, but I can't wait to see Briahna again. Last time I saw her she couldn't even walk! She must be like...oh god, is she in school?" He wilted back against the seat, covering his eyes. "Justin! I'm *old!* You're dating a fossil! You should put me on the shelf now."

"And the best part is, you'll *always* be older than me," teased Justin, elbowing him in the side then suddenly reaching for his hand. "She started school just this year, if that helps any. If *you* feel old, imagine how *Joey* feels about that. Besides, you're a college boy. That automatically makes you young and frisky, I think."

"I'm an old college boy," Nick grumbled, though he twined his fingers around Justin's happily. "I'm barely frisky at all any more. When I'm frisky I have to take an Advil and lie down with hot tea." He thought about Joey, and laughed. "God, Joey must be...he's got a kid in school and another one on the way. He must be *so* busy. I should send him AJ to babysit. Can we go out when we're there? Take him out and have a good time? He's always up for a party, or he was."

"If you want to go out when we're there, we can go out," said Justin. "He'd go with us, he's still always up for that. Are you sure you're going to want to, what with everything that's going on? Go out, I mean? We think it's bad now, it's gonna be crazy, after that interview."

"Well, it's New York," Nick reasoned. "If we're gonna be able to go out *anywhere* it's there. Maybe not tonight, I mean, I bet we'll be tired. I know I'll be tired, anyway, but I don't want them to shut me away. Then they win. AJ taught us that after rehab, you know, he just...he just kept living his life, and fuck 'em all." He brought Justin's hand to his lips and kissed the palm, then each of the fingers. "I don't want to hide you."

"Tomorrow, then," said Justin, smiling at him for a second. "Tomorrow we'll go out, and then we need to get you back to school, if we can. If nothing comes up. I don't want to hide either, but I do want us to get a little time alone, when no one's gonna be hiding in the bushes -- them *or* us."

"Amen," Nick seconded, flipping down the sun visor to use the mirror. He grimaced at the long scratch down his cheek. "Joey's guestroom sounds good to spend time alone. Maybe we can go back there after the interview and shut the door and pretend the whole world's gone away." He turned back to Justin, realizing they were turning into the airport entrance. "Are you...you're still okay with last night? With what we did? No freaking out this morning?"

"Honestly?" said Justin, glancing over at him again. "When I woke up this morning? That was one of my best memories of yesterday. No freaking out, believe it or not. I was way more worried about the divorce, about dealing with Alicia at all, than I was about that. There may have been a little freak-out about the interview today, but then I went and unpacked a couple more boxes and called the pool people and it went away."

"Calm through busyness," Nick nodded knowingly. "I'm glad, though. I was worried." He watched curiously as Justin weaved his way through cabs and limousines and cars letting out passengers. "I freaked out about the interview too, a little. I still think I'm gonna say something real dumb and wish I was dead. But at least after it'll all be out, no more hiding."

"I think it'll be fine if we say something dumb," said Justin casually. Almost too casually. "I mean. We can just blame it all on giddiness or something. The people who matter will think it's cute. The people who don't ... don't matter. Right? Right. yes. So I should stop freaking out any time." He pulled into the lot and stopped the car. "Okay. We're here. It's a nightmare from here until we get on the plane. You ready?"

"Um, no?" Nick grinned at Justin nervously, and tugged his hat down low on his forehead. "I should have called security. I should have had *Kevin* call security. Where's your security? Dammit, I want some 300 pound dude to walk in front of me, and I want him now!" He sighed, and grabbed his bags, ready to run. "Don't freak out. You're gonna wow them, I know it. You're brilliant, baby, you don't say dumb things ever."

"I don't have security here," Justin reminded him. "I left that stuff behind when I moved, started out on my own. We'll be okay, we'll be fine. We're just gonna get harassed. Well ... at least we probably won't have to show ID to claim our tickets; it'll be pretty obvious who we are. You got everything?"

"We won't get jumped, we'll just get herded," Nick predicted morosely, hefting his bags to show Justin he had everything in hand. "At least there won't be screaming girls, I bet. Small blessings. Don't lose me, okay? I don't know where we're going, and you've got the reservations. If you lose me I'll never find you again." He shivered a little. "Let's run. Kiss me quick?"

Justin did, and it wasn't particularly quick, either. "Okay," he said. "*Now* I'm ready. Just hang onto my hand and we'll be fine." He locked up the SUV and they were off.

Nick clung to Justin's hand like grim death as they sprinted for the door. When he glanced over his shoulder, only a few camera crews were following, slowed by large cameras and bags of gear, and he focused back on making sure his feet went where they were supposed to. Now was *not* a good time to get an attack of the clumsies.

He hadn't run for a while, and by the time Justin dragged him to a stop at the ticket counter, he was panting. "Get 'em quick, or we'll lose our lead," he urged quietly, ignoring the death glares from the people they'd passed in line.

"Awfully sorry," said Justin to the attendant, grabbing some ID. "I think we're about to cause a scene in here; you might want to get us through quick. I have two tickets for New York reserved, under Timberlake? I don't think we have anything to check. Do you have anything to check, Nick?"

"No," Nick said hastily, looking over his shoulder at the door. "Everything's carryon. I'm sorry, miss, can you please hurry? Seriously, you don't want us here any longer than we have to be. And can you point us to the first class passengers' lounge? Please?"

The attendant handed over the tickets with a glacial stare, and pointed to one side with one manicured fingernail. "Thank you," Nick said sincerely, and dragged Justin away.

"In about twenty seconds they're gonna know we were right," muttered Justin, hoisting his own bags up higher again. "No squeals, though. No autographs. And those camera crews should know better than to cause a scene in the airport, if they want to be free to shoot again."

"You mean I can't squeal?" Nick managed to pout at him, even as he made a beeline for the lounge. "And you won't sign my breast? J, I can't even tell you how disappointed I am." He yelped a little as flashes started going off, and dashed into the lounge, Justin hot on his heels. The door slammed behind them, and he breathed. "Jesus. I have got to start jogging again if this lasts very long. You okay? Everything present and accounted for?" He ignored the men in suits staring at them.

Justin checked his bags and nodded his head, then handed Nick his ticket. "Yeah, I'm good. Willing to bet there's gonna be a nice-sized crowd waiting for us on the other end, though. Between the networks calling their affiliates and ads running non-stop for our appearance ... well, we should enjoy the flight while we can. You like jogging?"

"No," Nick said sadly. "But I can tell I'll need to anyway. Those camera guys are deceptively fast." He pocketed his ticket and slumped into a chair, then reached for his cell phone. "I'm getting security on the other end. There's no way I"m gonna try to make it through Kennedy at a sprint. That place is fucking huge. We'll get a team and a car and we won't have to worry about it."

"I think Joey might already have it covered," said Justin, sighing as he slumped down next to him. "I like jogging. One the beach? In the morning? I really like it. I was thinking about starting it up again."

"Yeah?" Nick eyed him sideways. "Well, this is the place for it. Lots of beaches, nice and private. Maybe sometimes I could come with you?" He waved his cell phone in the air. "Should I still call and make sure? Does Joey even know how crazy it'll be? If he just shows up in a Jeep or something we'll never make it out of there."

"Maybe I should give him a call," suggested Justin, staring at his hands. "He probably will, though. With his girl, and another one coming, he's pretty careful about security for their place. But I'll call him. Yeah, I'll call him." He pulled his own phone out of his pocket and stood up, leaving his bags with Nick. "This won't take long; I'll be right back."

"Okay," Nick said softly, feeling his eyes widen as Justin stepped away. He couldn't help but feel exposed and abandoned, and held his bag tightly to his chest, sitting very still and staring at nothing until Justin came back. "Hey," he said, as soon as Justin was close enough. "Hey, come back. Sit with me. Is it all set?"

"Yeah, I gave him a heads up that it was probably going to be peak-of-fame crazy. He seemed to get the idea. He's still coming to meet us at the airport himself, though. Not with either of his girls, though -- they'll be safe at home." He slid into the seat next to Nick and took his hand automatically. "He's going to want to talk about Alicia a little. Are you ... is it still okay that I talk about her around you? Even though we're together now?"

"God, of course!" Nick stared at him, horrified that he'd think otherwise. "It's still...it's what's going on with you right now. It's a huge part of your life, *she's* still a big part of your life. I'd...if you didn't I'd drive myself crazy wondering." He squeezed Justin's fingers. "And you don't have to take me running with you," he added earnestly. "It was just a dumb thought. I whine a lot when I run anyway, you don't want me there when you're trying to be all peaceful and athletic. I'm not a cheerful jogger."

"No, no, I *want* you to come with me," Justin corrected him. "That's why I told you, Nick. That's why I asked you if you liked it. I thought it might be something we could do together. Except I'm getting the idea you don't like mornings much?" He nudged Nick with his shoulder and grinned at him.

"I don't like mornings at *all*," Nick corrected, grinning back. "And I don't like running, so when you put running in the morning I'm the most miserable bastard that ever lived. It's not pretty. And when did you turn into Mr. Morning Person anyway? I thought you weren't even human till noon." He tugged Justin a little closer, needing comfort. "How long before the flight?"

"I'm not a morning person,' snorted Justin. "But I'm more of one than I used to be. And when I can get a run in, on a nice morning, with a beautiful view? It makes my day a whole lot better. So I do. Sometimes." He glanced at his watch, then back at Nick. "They'll call our flight any moment now. We'll be there before you know it."

"Freak. Exercise freak." Nick rolled his eyes affectionately. "Running never makes my day better, it just makes me exhausted and sweaty. Swimming's better." He slumped against Justin's shoulder. "I can't wait till we're at Joeys. Or I guess, till we're at Joey's after the interview, so we can just...so I can just have a nice still whiskey and collapse. That'll be nice."

Justin just put his arm over Nick's shoulder and held him until they heard their flight called, which was only a few minutes at best. "Okay baby," he said. "It's time to do this. It's gonna be a pretty amazing couple of days."

* * *

"Justin!" The squad of bodyguards moved in around them the moment they stepped off the airway, and Nick could *feel* himself relax. There was something comforting about not being able to see past the people who were protecting you. Even Joey Fatone, grinning ear to ear and jogging towards them with his own bodyguard in tow, looked tiny next to these guys. "Justin, hey, baby!"

"Hey Joey," he said, a moment later enveloped in a huge, tight hug from his friend. "Man it's good to see you." His voice was muffled as Joey refused to let go, hanging onto him and rocking back and forth. "Come on, Joe, you can let me breathe any time ... "

"Breathing's overrated," Joey laughed, but he finally let go, holding Justin away from him and not dropping his hands. "God, you look fantastic. Tired, but fantastic. I am *so* glad to see you." He pulled him in for another squeeze, then stepped away. "I'd say 'introduce me to your new boyfriend,'--and how fucked up is that--but it's not really necessary. Heya, Carter."

"Hey." Nick shook his offered hand, a little off-balance. "Um. Thanks for meeting us."

"Yeah, like I was gonna let you guys brave this place on your own right now," chuckled Joey, pulling Nick into a half-hug as well. "But speaking of -- we oughta think about getting out of here."

"Yeah, yeah, good call," said Justin, and he reached for Nick's hand. "We didn't check anything, we're good to go. The sooner the better, I think."

Nick squeezed Justin's hand as tightly as he could, and pressed close to his side. Joey patted his shoulder one more time with a curious look at Justin, then fell into step beside them as they headed for the door.

"So, you didn't tell me much on the phone, and I've been watching the news. Those are some nice faces you two make. The kissing was a nice touch, I thought. What's the plan?"

"They already aired that, huh?" said Justin with a little smile on his face. "Man, they don't waste any time, do they. The plan is ... the plan is to settle in at your place, and wait for Dave to send a car over that'll take us to the studio. That's the whole plan. And to try to stay a step or two ahead of the paparazzi."

"They were on a live feed," Joey laughed, shaking his head. "There was a lot of cutting away when Nick started flashing the bird. And I think we're already a step behind the leeches. 'S why I called Dre. Just like old times, huh?"

"I think I'm having a flashback," Nick agreed, dropping Justin's hand reflexively as flashbulbs lit up the doorway. "Only these guys don't want autographs."

Justin grabbed Nick's hand back up again and squeezed. "Some of us never had so much of a chance to leave it," he said with a sigh. "In some fucked up way, though, it's nice that it's about me, this time, and not just about Alicia."

"You're right, that's pretty fucked up," said Joey, giving him a grin and shaking his head. "You guys have a *lot* to tell me when we get back home. And you're not getting out of it."

"I don't have anything to tell you," Nick protested, wincing as the reporters started shouting questions. "I mean, besides the fact that I'm dating Justin, which you and the entire world already know." He linked his fingers through Justin's, pressing their palms together. "And before you ask, I've been out for a while. And I'm not gonna hurt him. And he makes me really really happy and I want to make sure he's just as happy as I am." He breathed deep and nodded firmly. He hadn't been looking forward to the AJ-talk.

"So you'll understand if I want to make sure of that," said Joey, and Nick knew he wasn't getting out of it after all.

"Don't worry, you'll get the whole story," Justin promised him. "And then some, probably. And then we'll have a few drinks and tell you the real version. We're not gonna run out of things to talk about."

"You can say that again. And it's gonna be a zoo, I bet, so Gina's gone to her mom's. She wanted to visit anyway, and she's too far along to be fighting through camera crews. So it's a boy's night. So to speak." Nick watched the bodyguards fan out as they reached the car, and Joey ushered them in the open door, ignoring the shouts completely.

"Oh, man. Sorry about that. I seriously...you didn't have to...we could have stayed in a hotel." He sent Justin a guilty look.

"There's no way I was letting you guys stay in a hotel," insisted Joey. "We were already getting some press of our own anyway. And just between you and me? I'm right at that point where I'm happy to let her mom look after her for a few days. That whole pregnancy this is exhausting."

"You mean I'm not gonna get to visit with Briahna?" piped up Justin. "Is she gone too?"

"No, she's still with me," Joey assured him, giving him a friendly shove into the car. "She thinks the cameras are cool, plus she's way too active for Gina right now. And Kelly's out of town. You think she'd miss a visit from her Uncle Justin, who she hasn't seen in over a year?" It was said mildly, but even Nick could catch the slight sharpness underneath.

He slipped into the car and sat as close to Justin as he could get, keeping silent. He didn't really know these people at all.

"I've missed a whole year?" said Justin, like he hadn't quite realized that. "Well, I'll just have to convince her that I won't let that much time slip by again. And plus, she gets to meet Uncle Nick now. Nick, you haven't met Joey's little girl before, have you?"

"I've seen her, but I haven't met her officially. Um. Uncle Nick?" He looked at Justin with a bemused smile. "I can't wait to meet her. She sounds amazing."

"She is." Joey relaxed in the seat across from them, smiling, though his eyes were sharp. "She's in kindergarten now, can you believe it? She can write her name and everything. And as for Uncle Nick...I didn't realize you two had gotten hitched. That's fast. I know she'll be thrilled to meet you, though."

Justin kicked his ankle. "You know what I mean," he said. "And it's not like I ever even suggested she call Alicia 'aunt', so ... " He let the sentence trail off, like he'd already said everything he needed to. And maybe he had; that was a pretty significant different, and Nick wasn't sure how comfortable he was with it yet.

"Well, Alicia always made her cry," Joey pointed out calmly, kicking back at Justin. "Hopefully Nick won't. I can't imagine you pinching her cheeks, though, so you'll be fine."

"I swear not to pinch her cheeks," Nick nodded solemnly, leaning on Justin but not looking at him. "And...she doesn't have to call me Uncle Nick. I mean, I know that's special for you guys. Not that I wouldn't love her to!" he added hastily. "Just, you know. I...I know it seems soon, I don't want y'all to get the wrong idea, here."

"Isn't he the best thing ever?" said Justin, turning to give Nick a tight hug. "Don't worry," he said quietly. "Don't be nervous. I didn't mean to put any pressure on or anything. She's so precious, you're gonna love her."

"I know I will," Nick whispered back, smiling and holding on just a little tighter than absolutely necessary. "Remember, I'm the one that wants two kids!"

"Brave boy," Joey chuckled, relaxing and spreading his arms over the back of his seat. "Maybe I'll loan you two mine, get a vacation when the new baby's old enough. Get some practice time in. And don't worry about it, Nick. You two have plenty to think about, with the interview and everything, you can use my place as home base. A stress-free zone. I won't give you a hard time."

"Hey, any time," said Justin as he finally let go. "You know Uncle Justin's always up for babysitting duty, whenever you need a break. Hey, you remember when you used to drop Briahna by my place, when she was just a baby, just so you could get a nap?" He sighed and looked happy. "I remember that. Long time ago, huh."

"Hey, any time," said Justin as he finally let go. "You know Uncle Justin's always up for babysitting duty, whenever you need a break. Hey, you remember when you used to drop Briahna by my place, when she was just a baby, just so you could get a nap?" He sighed and looked happy. "I remember that. Long time ago, huh."

"Long, long time ago," Joey agreed, smiling at him. "You were a big help, you and C. They were my favorite babysitters," he told Nick. "She adored them, they took such good care of her. I could drop her and run, and actually *sleep*. It was a godsend. And awful nice, when we lived close enough to just stop in like that."

Nick still hadn't let go of Justin, leaving one arm slung low around his waist. "I know. It's different, when everybody's so far. Phone calls just aren't the same. I had my guys in town the other day, they all met Justin. I mean, met him again, with me. You know."

"I know," said Joey, reaching out and ruffling Nick's hair. "I get it. You guys are sweethearts. I bet I'm gonna go into sugar shock or something ... I *know* how Justin gets."

"Hey!" protested Justin. "I'm not *that* bad. But speaking of living close ... you still coming down to visit me next week? Check out the new place? Or do you think you're gonna get your fill of me while I'm here?"

Nick stopped sticking his tongue out at Joey to listen carefully to his answer.

"Baby, I could never get enough of you," Joey answered, fondly. He yanked at Nick's bangs, and Nick batted him away, growling a little, and curled closer to Justin. "I'm dying to see your new place, and watch you get all domestic again. And...you know you can call us if you need anything, with...Alicia, or whatever. Anything you need. And I wouldn't miss your housewarming for the world."

"Yeah," mumbled Justin, closing down a little. "Nothing yet. Nothing I need you guys to help me with yet. Right now it's just ... " He sighed and clutched Nick a little tighter. "I'm sorry, Joe, I don't even know what to say about it. I know I've got some stuff to patch up with all you guys, because of it. And I don't know if I'm ready to do that yet. But it's really, really good of you to offer."

"You know it wasn't you, right," Joey said seriously, leaning forward a little. "I mean, we never stopped being, you know. Brothers. Just because we couldn't stand her, doesn't mean we were mad at you, or anything. Mad *for* you, maybe, but that's different. I dunno about the guys, but there isn't anything to patch, with me. Right now, you look like the J I know and love, an' that's more than enough for me."

Justin nodded, but he looked down and didn't look convinced by that. And Nick knew all about what he was going through; no matter what Joey said, there was some built-up guilt that Justin had to work through before he could accept it. "I can't wait to see Briahna," he said, after an awkward pause. "I've missed her."

"She's missed you too. She still asks about her 'Uncle Jussin.'" Joey's smile was gentle and nonjudgemental. "She's all excited, she made you pictures for your room and everything. And she wants to meet your boyfriend." He nudged Nick's knee with his own, and Nick smiled back at him, tightening his arms around Justin. "I'm glad you look happy with him, J. It would have sucked to go through all this madness for something you weren't sure about."

That got Justin to look up, and to smile again. "I'm sure," he said, softly enough that it might have been more for Nick than for Joey. "So you told her, then?" he asked. "About me and Nick? I know this was a little quicker than you meant to do it. Did it go okay?"

"She wanted to know why there were reporters outside again," Joey shrugged. "And you were gonna be in the same room, and I didn't want you to have to pretend in front of her. She's too young to really realize that it's different, so it was fine. She asked if you were going to have a baby like me and Gina. *That* was a fun one to answer."

Nick had to chuckle a little, though he was still tense, way down. "I bet it was. I do want kids, someday, no matter what else happens, but no way am I carrying a baby."

Justin just grinned back at him and patted Nick's hip lightly. "Yeah, I know you were gonna tell her," he said to Joey. "But I know you figured on having more time to figure out just what. But then I got to thinking, that school you've got her going to right now, she's bound to have a classmate or two with two mommies or two daddies. She probably understood better than we think. Well ... except the whole making babies part of it .. "

"Her friend Salome...where do people get these names...has two mommies," Joey nodded. "It really wasn't a big deal. We're raising her to be open minded, or we're trying, so it's not like I was telling her anything I think is *bad*, or anything. But the birds and the bees talk...we didn't get into it. I just told her you weren't having a baby right now, and left it at that."

"God. *So* different from the way I was raised. She's lucky to have you, Joe," Nick offered, tentatively. "Don't you think, J?"

Justin nodded his head and Joey smiled at them. "Thanks, guys. That means a lot."

"Well, one day maybe we *will* show up with a baby," said Justin, shrugging like it was no big thing. "Of course, by that time she'll probably know *all* about the birds and the bees. And possibly be practicing them. Oops! Shouldn't have said that."

"*Justin!*" Joey smacked his head, scowling. "You know better than that! Briahna will *never* have sex. And don't say anything," he said to Nick, "I know that's not realistic. But she's six, and if I want to believe she'll be a nun or possibly a maiden aunt, that's my right as her dad."

Nick was too busy staring at Justin, who had slapped back at Joey and was laughing at him. A baby? With Justin? His heart almost stopped, then lurched into pounding life. "Uh, yeah, okay," he murmured, not even sure who he was talking to.

"Sorry, Joey," said Justin with a snicker, seeming unaware of Nick's reaction. "I forgot. She'll be pure and chaste until the day she dies. Absolutely. And if she isn't, I swear never to tell you. You think she's gonna have questions for us, when we get there?"

"Probably," Joey sighed, grinning a little. "I trust you to be appropriate about it. And not to laugh too hard, she takes things kind of seriously. She's a smart little kid, she wants to know everything right now. Musta got that from her mom's side."

Nick propped his chin on Justin's shoulder and stared out the window, imagining a little girl with blond curls and sky-blue eyes. "Yeah," he said quietly, and then jerked back to reality when Joey laughed.

"Oh, thanks! Nice to have you agree with me, Carter."

Justin laughed too, so Nick figured it couldn't be *too* bad. "I've talked to your mom, though, Joey," he said, more relaxed than he'd been in a while. "She told me what you were like as a kid, never shut up for two seconds unless someone was telling you a story. And even then you'd stop them to ask questions every two minutes. Oh, I think we *definitely* know where Briahna gets it."

"She's brilliant, though," Joey said seriously. "Like, so smart, J. She doesn't just talk, she actually asks *good* questions." He chuckled a little. "I sound lame, I know, it's sad. But she really is exceptional, I think."

"I can't wait to meet her," Nick said quickly, eager to make up for his slip. "She sounds so wonderful. Um, why are we stopping? Are we there?"

"Yeah. No traffic this time of day. You guys ready to make a break for the door?"

"We're getting used to it again," said Justin with a roll of his eyes and a sigh. "It was never like this with ... with Alicia. There was never this much, this rabid. You know? Shit. I hope this isn't affecting Briahna too much. I'm ready to go. Nick, hon, you ready?"

"Not really," Nick sighed, and looked at Joey, though the endearment made him squeeze Justin's hand tightly. "I've been out of it longer. I'm just some college kid who used to be famous, you know? Only now...this is just insane. This is like when we were in Rio, almost."

"Don't worry about Bree," Joey said, patting Justin's shoulder and popping the lock. "And you two are the big hot story. Wait till they start asking about your bandmates; I've already had a couple calls asking if I'd ever had a relationship with you, J. It was kinda funny, actually. But it'll blow over before too long, don't worry."

"Oh *god*," said Justin, rolling his eyes. They should have expected that, though. The media would come at them from every angle. *Every* angle. "Okay, let's get in there." He hung on tight to Nick's hand as the door was opened, as they stepped out onto the sidewalk behind two members of their security team and followed them as they cut a swath through the crowd. Nick could only hope that Joey was still following them. "We need to call someone to clear this crowd out of here. This isn't fair to the other tenants. Can we call the cops or something, you think?"

"They can't be kicked off the sidewalk," Joey called from behind them, almost drowned out by reporters shouting questions. "Unless they're blocking an entry or endangering people or making a public disturbance. I already called." A big hand shoved them forward through the door, and the noise dimmed abruptly. "Then I called Jive. They're putting the pressure on the news outlets, they said after the interview tonight things should calm down."

"I hope so," Nick said, unwilling to let go of Justin, even in the lobby of the building. "I'm real sorry about all this, Joey."

"Don't be, babe. It's all part of the game. And besides, alla sudden my new play is getting a lot of attention." He winked at them. "It's not totally bad, and like I said, it'll blow over soon."

"Oh yeah, it's all about publicity for you," said Justin. "That's why we did it, you know."

"Well, of course!" said Joey. "I'm playing to as sellout crowd tomorrow. I called out today, though. Not cause of you guys, totally, I just wanted to be here with Bree some."

"That's still because of us," argued Justin, his voice dropping again. Even though they were in the lobby now, it was still hard to hear him. "That you want to be with her -- that's still because of everything that's going on."

"Still got that center of the universe thing going on a little, huh?" Joey asked mildly, ushering them towards the elevators. "I could have sent her to my mom's, or even brought her to work with me. It's *kind* of in honor of your visit, though, she was real excited to see you. But I don't get enough quiet mornings in with her, so this was a nice treat for both of us."

"Come on, Joey, I don't need your kidding right now," said Justin. Watching them, though, Nick was inclined to disagree with that. Joey's brotherly teasing -- Joey's comfortable knowledge of everything about Justin -- was exactly what Justin needed. "I'm glad to get to see you, though, and her," he added a moment later.

"We're glad to see you. Both of you." Joey patted Justin's shoulder. "I know this all seems huge and dramatic right now, but don't take it *too* seriously. Remember to play the game, guys. You both know how to do it."

"It's coming back to me," Nick agreed wryly. "I just feel bad for you, Justin. I mean, you've got so much going on. But at least we've got a home base, here. Seriously, I can't thank you enough."

Joey just waved off the thanks, like it wasn't necessary. "Like I'm gonna let you stay anywhere else when I can offer you a home," he said. "It wasn't even an option."

"I don't *want* to play the fucking game right now," muttered Justin, staring at his feet. Nick met Joey's eyes and it was clear they'd both heard what Justin had said, but neither responded to it. "Sorry," he said on his own after a minute. "I'm just tired."

"Hey." Nick stepped closer to him, and laid a hand on his waist, hesitantly, still a little awkward around Joey. He took a deep breath, though, and then pulled Justin closer, into a loose embrace. "It's okay. We should, maybe we can, after we say hi to Bree, Joey, would it be horrible if we went and tried to take a nap? It's been a hectic couple of days. I'm kinda beat, too."

"Hey, you do what you need," said Joey, waving them onto the elevator. "That's what you're here for, not to entertain me. But definitely say hi to Bree. She'll be so disappointed if you don't."

"Oh, of course we will," said Justin, giving Nick a fleeting kiss before the let go again. "I wouldn't miss that for the world. Dave's show doesn't go on until late; we have time. Have you seen much promotion for it yet? I just haven't really kept track, it's been so crazy."

"It's all over the place," Joey nodded, pressing the button for the top floor. "They've got shots of the two of you from the old days. You weren't photographed together much, it must be driving the research departments nuts. I've never seen so many old pictures of that silly basketball game." He grinned at Nick, who hadn't moved far from Justin. "Mostly they've just been showing all your old publicity shots, and there's a guy with a dramatic voice saying things about the romance of the century."

"Oh god," Nick groaned, shaking his head. "I hope they got good ones. I went through some seriously awkward stages. And romance of the century? God. God. Can we just go home?"

"Afterward," said Justin, looking up and watching the numbers of the floors go by. "Or, well, we can come back *here* after. Unless we're still going out. Huh. Let's just focus on getting through that interview." He snickered. "Romance of the century?"

"Romance of the century," Joey confirmed for him. "You have a grand, passionate love, don't you know?"

"God," Nick moaned again, hiding his face in the warm flannel of Justin's shoulder. Maybe it was true, but he didn't want someone making it cheap and cheesy before he even had a chance to tell Justin himself. "I'm so glad I don't watch TV. Are they at least being nice about it?"

"Oh yeah," Joey nodded, as the elevator pinged and he led the way out into the hall. "Everyone in the media seems to think it's adorable. I'd try to avoid watching late night talk shows for a while, though. They'll be getting all the mileage out of this they can."

"Adorable?" said Justin incredulously. "Are you serious? That's the spin they're putting on it?" His eyes met Nick's as he reached for him again. "It ... it could be a whole lot worse than that."

"Wait until you see the pictures," said Joey, fishing his keys out of his pocket. "You guys ready for my little whirlwind?"

"Oh yeah," Nick grinned, letting Justin hang off his shoulders as they walked through the door. He got a brief glimpse of a huge living room, before there was a shriek and a tiny girl came flying down the hall, flinging herself at Joey.

"Daddy! Uncle Jussin! Daddy!"

"Hey sugar," said Joey, swinging her around before hoisting her up in his arms. She was a whole lot bigger than Nick remembered. A few years bigger. "You wanna say hi to Uncle Justin and his boyfriend?"

"Hey, Bree," said Justin, reaching out his arms to take her from Joey. "Wow, you're sure getting big. Are you in school now?"

"Yes! In kinnergarten!" She jumped, *jumped*, from Joey's arms to Justin's, making Nick's heart stop briefly, but Justin caught her easily, laughing. "You been gone forever an ever an you missed my *birthday*." She looped her arms around Justin's neck and looked at him seriously. "Did you bring me a present?"

"I couldn't get to a store, sweetheart," he said, kissing her forehead. "Because of all the people taking all those pictures and getting in my way. But how about I take you out tomorrow? Would that be kind of like a present?"

She scrunched up her nose at him. "That's *different*," she insisted. "Would your boyfriend be coming too?"

Nick looked at the big eyes peering at him over Justin's shoulder and wiggled his fingers at her, feeling strangely shy. He really wanted this little girl to like him. "I could come if you want. But if you want special time with your Uncle Justin, that's okay too. And you can call me Nick, if you want."

"I hafta call you Mister Something," she said gravely. "Mom says it's polite. Right, Daddy?"

"That's right, precious," Joey said, shedding his jacket and throwing his keys onto the table. "But if a grownup says it's okay you can call them by their first names. J, hang on to her for a second? I'm gonna send Jane home."

"Of course," said Justin, bouncing her a little in his arms and making her giggle. "And it's okay to call him "Nick". Or ... " He gave Nick a grin and a wink. "You can call him "Nicky", too. That's what I call him sometimes. Isn't he cute?"

"Nicky!" Bree laughed, a high giggle that Nick realized sounded *just* like Joey's. "I like that. Can I? He's awful pretty, he's got hair just like my doll Blue. That's her name because she has blue eyes," she confided.

"Let's try "Nick" first," Nick laughed, flushing a little at Justin's compliment. "See how that works before we go getting all fancy. I think Blue's a very nice name for a doll."

"You wanna see her?" she asked, twisting around in Justin's arms so he'd let her down. "She's in my play room, lemme show you." She squirmed until Justin coulldn't help but let go, then went dashing off again.

"I think we better follow," he said, already a couple steps ahead but reaching behind him to catch Nick's hand once again.

"Oh my god, she's a firecracker," Nick whispered to him as they jogged down the hallway in pursuit. "How the hell does Joey keep up with that? How can anyone? And he's right, she *is* brilliant." He knew he sounded stupidly smitten, but Briahna was clearly the smartest and cutest child ever born. In his opinion.

"You ain't seen nothing yet," said Justin turning a corner and flipping on a light to reveal Briahna leaning over the edge of her toybox, on her tiptoes and buried up to her shoulders in toys. "How about we help you with that, honey?" he suggested, kneeling down at her side.

"No, you'll get em all jumbled," she declared imperiously, shielding the box with her arms. "And Blue's on the chair over there. You gots to go say hi to her, or she'll feel bad."

"A girl who knows her mind," Nick murmured, but he obediently crouched by the chair. "Hello, Blue, I'm Nick," he said cheerfully, trying not to feel like to big a tool. The doll was big, and had, yes, bright blue eyes and blond blond hair.

"Hey, her hair *does* kinda look like yours," said Justin, sounding far, far too amused. "Awfully pretty. Bree, honey, did you cut this hair yourself?"

"Jussasecond," she said, struggling her way back out of the toybox and then smoothing out her playclothes and hair. "Nooo, Daddy's gir-- Gina. Gina helped. But I cut it *first*. She only helped *after*."

"Well, you both did a very good job," Nick congratulated her, sticking his tongue out at Justin when Bree's back was turned. "It was awfully nice of her to help you, too. Are you supposed to be cutting things with scissors by yourself?"

She pouted at him. "Daddy already yelled about that. You don't hafta say. Once I'm a big sister I can cut things by myself."

"Really." Nick didn't believe her for a second. "Well, we'll see about that. Ah, J? You're about to sit on that plastic horse."

Justin looked back over his shoulder and just barely kept from stumbling. "I'm good, I'm good," he said, moving closer to Nick and even nuzzling his shoulder for a second. Nick expected him to say something else, take over again, but he didn't.

"It's *true*," Briahna insisted, petting Blue's hair. "A boy in my class told me so. And he wouldn't lie 'bout something imporrant like that."

"Okay, honey," Nick said gently, shaking Blue's hand when Bree held it out to him, before draping his arm lightly around Justin's shoulders. "But you remember, you have to ask your daddy before you play with scissors, even if you *are* a big sister. It's very important."

"Okay," she nodded, watching them. "Are you married?" She sounded curious, looking back and forth between them.

Justin looked up and met Nick's eyes and looked at a loss for what to say for a moment.

"Daddy and Gina aren't married," she went on, pulling Blue into her lap and playing with her hair some more. "And Daddy and Mommy aren't married either. But I know 'bout married."

"I ... was marrried," Justin said finally, coming to a decision. "To someone else, not to Nick. But I didn't marry the right person, and we don't love each other, so we decided not to be married anymore. Do you understand?"

"Yes," she said thoughtfully. "Because you can't be married to someone else and be married to Nick, right? Cause Nick's prettier, right?" She frowned a little. "I a-member you being married, to the lady that smelled funny. She made me sneeze."

"Oh lord," Nick breathed, trying to choke back laughter. He remembered Alicia's fondness for heavy perfume, suddenly, from the few times they'd met.

Even Justin smiled a little. "Yeah, that was her," he said. "I wasn't sure you remembered her. Me and her aren't going to be married much longer. But even though I'm not married to Nick, me and him are together. Like Daddy and Gina."

She nodded her head knowingly. "Daddy told me," she said. "He says you're the same like them but you're not having a baby. How come?"

Nick took pity on Justin's panicked look. He remembered this, a little, from when Aaron and Angel were small. "Well, because we're both boys." He pushed a curl off of her forehead, smiling at her. "Your daddy's a boy and Gina's a girl, so they can have a baby. But Justin and I are both boys, so we can't, not just the two of us."

"Why not?" she persisted, and he shook his head and laughed.

"Oh no you don't. You can ask your daddy that question, but for now, that's all you need to know."

She stomped her little foot and her cheeks got red and Justin definitely saw a storm approaching. "Everyone *always* tells me that," he complained. "No one ever tells me *any*thing."

"Now that's not true, sweetie," he said. "We tell you lots of stuff, don't we? Lots of important stuff."

"Like what?" She looked at him suspiciously. The storm was on hold, but the coast was definitely not clear. "I'm not a baby, I'm *not*, I want to *know!*"

"There are some things that are important for your daddy and mommy to tell you," Nick said hastily, looking at Justin for backup. "Important family things. But I bet you know that only girls, women, can have babies, right? That's why."

"Oh," she said, looking thoughtful, and Nick wondered if she *had* known that, of if she was just figuring it out now. "Oh, okay," she said. "So even if you love Uncle Jussin lots and lots, you can't make a baby?"

"Right," Nick nodded seriously, keeping his eyes on her. "Even though I love your Uncle Justin lots, if we want to make a baby someday, we'll have to get a lady to help us. But that's a whole different thing. Are you excited to have a baby brother or sister?"

"Oh, *yes*," she said, instantly diverted. "Just like a doll only better and Daddy says it's different because it's real. But Gina's got really fat, in her tummy." She held out her arms in front of her in illustration. "That's because it's the baby's house in there."

Justin wasn't looking at Briahna, though, he was staring at Nick. "You love me?" he said quietly. He kept staring for a minute, then seemed to snap out of it and looked at Briahna again. "That's right, sweetie, that's exactly right. Babies are hard work, though. Are you gonna help Daddy and Gina when your baby brother is born?"

Nick grinned at Justin, feeling light as air and happy, and leaned in to kiss his temple without saying a word.

"I'm gonna help," Briahna nodded importantly. "I already helped with the toys. I gave some of my toys to the baby, they're in his room. Just the soft ones though, because he's just *little*. And I'm gonna dress him...and take him for walks...an' he'll have tea parties with me..." She trailed off, beaming, clearly imagining it.

Justin was grinning at her, and moved to kneel next to Briahna again. "Your brother sure is lucky to have a big sister like you to look out for him. It's gonna be a little while before he can walk though. He's gonna be in a stroller -- "

"I seen it!" she interrupted him. "I seen it already, it's new an' Gina showed me how to push."

"Yeah?" Nick encouraged. Justin looked ten years younger, suddenly, the way he smiled at Briahna and listened to her so seriously, happily. "Did you push Blue in it? I bet she'd like a ride sometime."

"I *did*! We went to the park and then to the zoo and I pushed her all by myself, and then we went to the park again and saw the dogs, an I played with the dogs, an--"

"Bree..." Joey's voice from the doorway was gentle, but warning. "Remember what we said about telling stories that aren't true?" He winked at Justin and Nick.

She pouted at him for a second. "Okay. But we *did* go to the park an' ... an' there were animals ..."

"It sounds like an awful lot of fun," said Justin, ruffling her curls before standing up again. "Hey Joey. Everything all taken care of?"

"Yep. Nanny's gone home, the crowd's starting to thin out, and I'm gonna make Briahna and me some late lunch, if you wanna join us there's plenty. You ready to eat, muffin?" He held out his hand to her, and she jumped up and flew to his side, rebuke clearly forgotten.

"Yes yes, yes please, I mean, Daddy. Can we have pasghetti? Like Gramma makes? With the long twirly noodles?"

He swung her up and squeezed her tightly. "You bet. You guys want?"

"Hel-- I mean, yes, yes please," said Justin, reaching for Nick and giving Joey an apologetic grin. "I'm starving. The butterflies have finally left my stomach. You need some help or anything?"

Nick hauled himself to his feet and draped himself over Justin's back, hanging his chin over Joey's shoulder and smiling at him. "I can make garlic bread," he offered, ignoring the lurch of his stomach at the thought of food right now.

"Nah. You're guests, my mom would teleport over here and beat my...behind," Joey grinned, carrying Briahna out of the room. "Your room's all the way at the end of the hall, on the left," he called back. "You can put your stuff away, and just rest for a few minutes. I'll yell when the food's ready."

"If you're sure ... " said Justin, but it was pretty clear he was pleased with not needing to do anything. Even if it meant not being with Briahna for a few more minutes. "Okay, we'll be in our room, then. And thanks again, Joey, this is really great of you. Thanks."

"Quit thanking me, already," Joey's voice floated back to them. "You're making me think you don't believe we're brothers."

"He's awful nice, J," Nick said into Justin's ear, smiling. "And that little girl is the most precious thing in the whole world. Wanna go check out our room?"

"Like nothing else," said Justin, tugging on his arm to get him to go a little faster. "And wow, is she ever. She really is a smart little thing, huh? Kelly used to keep wanting to get her tested and stuff, but Joey just wanted to let her be a little girl. Huh. I wonder if they're still doing that."

"Testing her, or fighting over what to do with her? Because she seems like a pretty normal little girl to me." Nick grabbed his bag on the way by, and strode after Justin, who was making a beeline for their room. "Smart, though, yeah, I don't envy Joey when she starts asking the *really* uncomfortable questions. Hey. This is a really nice room."

"Well yeah," said Justin, looking more impressed than he sounded. "It's Joey's place. And I meant fighting about how they wanted to raise her. Well, not fighting, but arguing. Not in front of her, though, they're both better than that. She's a happy, bright, curious little girl. Is that the kind of kid you want?"

"That's the kind of kid *everyone* wants," Nick answered, dropping his bag on the bed and moving to look at the framed pictures and records on the wall. "Only Joey could get away with putting his own platinum records up in his guest room and still seem like he's not bragging even a little. And he's doing an amazing job with Briahna. I just hope I'll be able to...I mean, if someday...I'd want to be a good dad, like that."

"You will be," said Justin confidently, dropping his own bag and joining him, wrapping an arm around his waist. "You were good with her, and she liked you. She ... really didn't like Alicia. Which I guess you figured out already. None of them did, really."

"Well, if they love you, and she wasn't good to you, that's probably a big reason why," Nick pointed out, turning in the circle of Justin's arm to face him. "Nobody likes to see their brother or whatever with someone who's hurting them. I just hope they never start thinking I'm not good for you any more...I think Joey can probably be kind of scary. He's got that daddy vibe. So I'll be toeing the line." He leaned in for a soft kiss, their first in too long, in Nick's opinion.

"They like you," murmured Justin, leaving his lips close to Nick's long after they finished kissing. "And the other situation was ... more complicated than that. You know that. But ... um. Did I really hear you say something about loving me? Or was that just ... just something you said in front of Bree?"

"No. I mean, no, not something I just said in front of Bree." Nick blinked into Justin's blue blue eyes, so wide and pretty, now. His words spilled out in a rush. "I mean, I know it's too soon, you're still, it's way too soon. You've got a ton of stuff to deal with, and it's not, I'm not trying to put pressure on you or anything, I just thought maybe you should know. That I do."

"It's not pressure," said Justin, wrapping the other arm around him too. "It's ... I don't know how I feel yet, Nick. I'm still a little messed up from before. But it doesn't scare me or anything, that you do. It feels good."

"Okay, good," Nick said, into Justin's shoulder. "It's good you know. So, c'mon. Lie down for a minute. It's all quiet and nice in here, huh? These apartment buildings are nice like that, you can't have anyone hiding under your window or banging on the porch door. We can just relax till Joey says the food's all done."

Justin nodded and moved the bags so they *could* lie down. "Can you believe I forgot about all that for a little while, when we were talking to Briahna? There's something about being with a little kid ... it makes everything else seem so unimportant. Or, well, maybe not unimportant, but ... you know what I mean?"

"Yeah. They redirect your attention." Nick flopped down on the bed, then shuffled over so Justin could join him. "*She* don't care if we're gonna be on tv in four hours, or what we're going to say. Unless possibly it involves dogs or dolls. Which it won't, I bet." He smiled at Justin. "I think I needed a dose of little-kid. It's so nice to see her."

"We'll definitely get to see her more before we're through," Justin assured him. "Though not tonight, she'll be in bed long before we get back from the taping. I can really see you having kids, Nicky. I really can. You'd be great with them, just as sweet and curious as they are, but grown-up and stern when you need to be."

"Grown up and stern?" Nick laughed. "Oh boy, really? I...anyway, yeah, I want to be a good dad someday. I hope I am. She clearly adores *you*, too, you know. You talked to her just like a real person, not a baby or a pet. I can tell she liked that." He rolled over and propped his chin on his hands. "Joey's a lucky guy."

"And he knows it, which is important," murmured Justin, getting comfortable with him. "He knows how precious she is, he doesn't take it for granted. So ... you think I might be good with kids, too? Briahna would be thrilled, if Uncle Jussin brought over a baby sometime. Or ... someone older than a baby too, I guess ... "

"Someone to play with her? She'd be thrilled if you brought over a baby. You...you'd be so great with a baby, with kids. I can tell. You'd be a fantastic daddy, you're so calm and organized and stuff, but really relaxed with her, too. And you know how to catch her when she's jumping around." He laughed a little. "I think a lot of raising kids is probably just trying to keep up with them! What did you mean, someone older than a baby? Like, me older?"

"No, well, I mean ... if I, or if we, someday, adopted a kid? It might not be a baby. It might be someone older, a toddler. I know how these things work -- everyone wants tiny babies they can raise from scratch, so it's harder. And ... I'm thinking way ahead of myself here. I'm just saying one day that if we brought a kid here that was ours -- mine or ours -- she would be thrilled, I think."

"I..." Nick stared at him, then felt the smile stretch his face. "Yeah. She'd love someone to play with, I bet, a cousin. I know, I'm way ahead of myself too. But I've been thinking about it for a couple of years, you know? I wanna have kids when I'm still young enough to play with them. I was even trying to figure out the logistics of being a single dad, you know? I don't know if it's a biological clock or something, but...yeah."

"Well, that's way ahead of where we're at right now," said Justin, but he sounded like he was still thinking about it. "We have a lot of other hurdles to deal with first. Before we ever start thinking about babies or toddlers or anything else. Our own, anyway. I get the feeling we might be getting a lot of practice with other people's."

"You can never have too much practice. Any time Joey needs a babysitter, feel free to volunteer us." Nick tugged on Justin's hair. "Now lie down. Relax for ten minutes, you'll need it. We've got a big night, you gotta keep your strength up. And *I* have reading to do for my art history class." He reached down for his bag and started digging for the book.

"Right," said Justin, closing his eyes but not looking too relaxed. "This is definitely a conversation for another day. I forgot for a few more minutes, though. About tonight. I forgot what we were about to do which is ... wow. Huge. Tell me about art history."

"Relaaax," Nick hummed, resting one hand on the back of Justin's neck and rubbing lightly. "It'll be fine, we'll be fine. I don't know, do you really want to hear about contraposta and chiaroscuro in renaissance art? It's boring as hell if you can't look at the pictures." He grinned at Justin. "Lots of nudes."

Justin grinned back and nodded anyway. "No, I *do* want to hear. Turns out I like smart college boys. They turn me on. So tell me about contraptions and Charo something. It'll be fun."

Nick raised his eyebrows. "Fun, huh? I should introduce you to my professor, that'd cure any impure thoughts you're having right quick. Okay, though, if you want." He left that one hand on Justin's nape, feeling the muscles slide under skin as Justin shifted comfortably, and started to read, pausing often to check if Justin was still listening.

It was hard to tell at first, but Justin was smiling and nudged him when he stopped for too long. "I have *no* clue what you're talking about," he admitted, "but you sound really smart. Do you really understand all this stuff? It sounds just as hard as the economics."

"Yeah, no, I mean..." Nick tilted the book so Justin could see. "It really helps to see what they're talking about. Like this guy, in the painting? He's standing with his weight on one hip, kind of off-center, you see? Before in all the paintings and sculptures the people stood straight and stiff. He looks more real, because he's sort of...it's more natural. That's what they're talking about, only all in big words with lots of latin thrown in to make it sound important."

"Oh," said Justin, studying the picture. "So that's a really important thing, then? That he's not standing like's he's got a stick up his butt? JC tried to tell me some stuff about painting before, but I was a lot younger then -- a *lot* younger then -- and didn't listen really well."

"Yeah, that's an important thing, all right. Kind of like...when someone realized the note didn't have to fall directly on the beat, and you got synchopation. Sounds easy as pie to us, but someone had to discover it." He closed the book. "That's it, for this chapter. I can do the essay later, when I'm not so nervous. God knows what I'd write right now."

"It might help calm you down," suggested Justin, but he didn't push it at all. Didn't even really suggest that Nick do any more than he already had. "I guess everything's invented at some point in time. Like, you know, sex. Gay sex. Someone at some point had to decide 'hey, let's put it in *there* and see what happens'."

"I think that someone put something in every orifice in the human body pretty early on," Nick laughed. "If only to see what would happen. And then if it felt good? *That* good? It's no wonder they started to spread the word." He rolled over closer to Justin, and rested his head on Justin's arm. "Wonder if Dave's gonna ask about sex? Wonder if he's gonna give us a list of questions first?"

"We didn't ask for one," said Justin, "but he knows the drill. He knows us. I don't think he's gonna wind up springing any surprises on us; it's a good enough story as it is. He's ... there's no reason he won't ask about sex, though. Or at least suggest something about sex. Not sure yet what I'll say though."

"Me neither. I think I should be honest, though, about...before you. That I realized I was gay a while ago. I won't name names, though. I bet Ste's having a hissyfit right now. Like he did on my voicemail already. Fucker, I'll let him stew." Nick pressed his lips against Justin's shoulder, breathing in his warm scent. "You should say whatever you're comfortable with, I think. Even an 'I don't want to talk about that' is okay."

"I know, I know," he said, "I just don't want to seem like I'm avoiding the issue. That almost defeats the whole purpose of doing what we're doing. Are you comfortable with saying what you're gonna say You're really ready to be saying all that stuff, you think?" *Now* Justin's nerves were starting to show a little.

"I'm so totally not ready to my saying all that stuff," Nick laughed nervously. "Like, no. Just thinking about all those people, watching me? Watching us? I wanna throw up. But it'll be...I'm thinking that when it's all over it'll feel really good, like there's a weight off our shoulders. We won't be hiding anything. Not that you ever really had time to feel the pinch of the closet."

"Nope, I guess not," said Justin. "Never had to get used to all this myself before shaing it with the world." He'd said that before, Nick remembered. It seemed to really be something that was bothering him about this, maybe *the* thing that was bothering him. "Maybe I'll be thankful for it one day."

"I'm sorry," he said, a little helplessly. "If I could go back and change it, so that there weren't any pictures? I would, I'd do it in a second. It's not fair to you, not to get to settle into it on your own. I know it doesn't make up for it, nothing could, but if it helps at all, hiding *sucks*. There's always this tension, this 'what if someone sees?' every time you do anything. So at least you're missing that part."

"I know a bit of how that is," Justin reminded him. "There used to be all kinds of things I didn't want to be seen doing. From swearing to smoking. Nothing as ... big, as this, though. But I knew what I was doing, Nick. I knew the risk I was taking. I woudln't choose differently now that I know how it turns out."

"Well, that's something." Nick propped up on one elbow, and ran the tip of his finger down Justin's forehead, his nose, his lips and chin. "I'm still sorry, though. I wish it was perfect for you. Guess that's not the way things go, huh? I'm glad things turned out how they did anyway. I could never do an interview like this, if you weren't right there with me."

"You could," said Justin seriously. "I bet you could. But we probably wouldn't have much reason to. Shhhh." He held a finger to Nick's lips and in the silence they could hear little feet padding down the hallway toward them. "I think it's just about time to eat. Something else to get our minds off tonight. If we can keep it up right to the point when we go on air, *that* will be perfect."

Nick closed his eyes tightly. "I don't want to eat," he said quietly. "I don't think I can right now." He opened his eyes when he heard the door creak open.

"Are you sleepin'?" The whisper was very loud. "Daddy says it's dinnertime but if you're sleepin' I'm not s'posed to wake you up, but he made the good noodles and if you're just kissing and stuff I should tell you to stop and come eat."

"Is that what your daddy told you to do?" asked Justin, rolling over to face the door, a slight grin on his face. "To come in here and see if we're kissing? Or did he say to knock quiet?" Nick wouldn't be all that surprised, though, if Joey had told her to check. And they *hadn't* closed the door all the way, after all.

"He said to knock quiet," she confirmed, stepping closer to the bed, watching them curiously with big bright eyes. "But the door was all *open*, an' daddy and Gina close the door tight when I'm s'posed to knock. Are you coming? Cause noodles get ucky when they're cold."

"We're coming," Justin told her, giving Nick a brief kiss before rolling over the rest of the way to get up."But next time, just knock anyway, okay? Because me and Nick might not think of closing the door tight. We don't have any kids where we live, remember?"

She wrinkled her nose at him, looked like she was thinking about sticking out her tongue, but then nodded. "Kay. I'll try to member. But I'm just a little girl and sometimes I forget and I'm not bad." She was clearly parroting back something she'd heard, and looked vastly pleased with herself.

"I think maybe we should try really hard to remember to close the door," Nick murmured to Justin, chuckling and sitting up to straighten his shirt. "Okay, honey," he said more loudly. "We're coming. Tell your daddy, okay?"

"Okay," she said, brightly. "I'll tell him you were just kissin' so I got you up. Hurry or it'll all be cold!" She clapped her hands together and scurried back out of the room again.

Moments later, Justin started laughing. "Yes, I *definitely* think we should try really hard to remember to close the door," he agreed with him. "Not only would we give her an eyeful, but daddy'll be sure to hear all about it."

"Yeah," Nick agreed, rolling to his feet. "She'd probably watch, too, the little imp, and next thing you know her dollys would be doing really naughty things to each other and *then* Joey'd be mad." He strolled to the mirror and checked his hair, was briefly thankful that he did okay with the touseled look, and turned to Justin. "I suddenly understand why my mom had a valium prescription, though."

Justin grinned at him, but it looked a little sad, too. And understanding. "She probably would, you're right. She wants to know *everything*. She's such a good kid, though. Joey's seriously this amazing superdad."

"I can tell. There's not an unhappy bone in that kid's body. She's just bright and curious and he's doing such a good job with her. It's easy to see she gets a lot of love." He linked his arm through Justin's. "Let's go see superdad. Get some food into you, have some pleasant conversation, and then we can get dressed for the show. We can do all that stuff that Briahna can't see *after* that."

"When she's sleeping," agreed Justin. "And you're gonna have a few bites to eat, by the way. Not much, just a little. Don't make me make a scene, Nick. Joey would be way pushier about it than me. Let Briahna share with you or something. Let it be easy."

Nick balked and shivered, shaking his head and running his tongue over his teeth, but he had to drop his eyes under Justin's gaze. "Okay," he said meekly, finally. "I"ll try. Just don't...don't make a deal, don't tell Joey, okay? I'll eat some, I can already smell it, it smells really good." He walked towards the front of the apartment a little more quickly.

"Nick," said Justin softly, grabbing for his hand. "Nick, I won't. I made you a promise ... kinda. I said I wouldn't make a scene. Just try; it'll keep your stomach from growling when we're on the air."

"I said I'll try, I meant it," Nick sighed, letting Justin capture his fingers. "Just don't threaten me with Joey, okay? I'm already nervous enough, and he's scary anyway. He knows you better than me, and I want him to like me. Once this is over, then we can deal with stuff, you know, other. Right now I think I'd be too nervous to eat much no matter what."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that," said Justin, giving his hand a squeeze. "He's not scary though. He's just Italian. A couple bites, though? If you can't, you can't, but just try."

"A couple bites," Nick agreed, smiling at Justin in relief. "I can do that, no problem. I'm not *not* eating, just eating less, right now." He stepped into the kitchen and grinned. Briahna was on a booster seat, a bib tucked firmly over her shirt, fork in hand, watching the door expectantly. Joey was putting bread on the table. "Hey, Joey. Wow. This looks incredible."

"Wow, I thought you were just throwing something together, Joe," said Justin, a lot more casually. "Careful or we might move in with you for a while."

"And then you'd get lotsa practice closing the door," said Briahna with a sweet smile that Nick would *swear* was a bit mischievous.

Joey looked like he was trying to stay stern. "Bree, you know guests have different rules. We *always* knock, even if the door is closed, right? That's a rule." He turned his face to Nick to shield his smile. "Sorry about that," he offered. "Hope it wasn't *too* traumatic for you."

"Oh, she didn't see anything," Nick said earnestly. "We were just talking, I was doing some homework, it wasn't anything you'd object to, Joey." He sat down and spread his napkin carefully on his lap. "This really is too much, you know."

Justin was just smiling at him, long enough to make Nick look down at himself self-consciously. "You're so damn cute," he said quietly before turning to Joey. "I told you Nick was in college, right? Isn't that great?"

"That's fantastic," Joey nodded, pulling up a chair and settling in. "You said entertainment law, right? Should come in real useful someday, I wish I knew some of that stuff." He carefully served Briahna some spaghetti, cutting the noodles into smaller pieces and putting bread and salad on her plate as well. "Help yourselves, guys. There's plenty."

"Thanks, Joey," Nick said, smiling at Justin. "He's nuts, he thinks college students are hot or something."

"You *are*," insisted Justin, a sweet little blush coloring his cheeks as he said it. His eyes flicked to Joey then back to his plate again where he was heaping on spaghetti. "You're all smart and stuff. You should hear some of the stuff he talks about, Joey. I don't even know what half the *words* mean, and I'm not exactly stupid."

"Me neither," Briahna said proudly. "Even if Betty Carver says I am because I said my daddy's famous and she said he isn't and I said *yes he is*! But I'm not, because I can write my name and daddy's and mommy's and grandmom's."

"That's wonderful, honey," Joey said, smiling at her. "You can show Uncle Justin that later, okay? And the two of you can study vocabulary together, so he can keep up with his brilliant new boyfriend. And remember, it's not nice to brag about stuff at school."

"I dunno about brilliant," Nick muttered, poking Justin in the side. "Quit making me blush! It's just books."

"No, you *are*," said Justin, poking him back. "Oh, try the bread, Nick. Joey, is it that same stuff you had the last time I was here?"

"And noodles, too," said Briahna, taking a mouthful of her own. "And green things. Daddy says they're 'portant if you want to grow big. 'Cept you're already big, huh?"

"Even bigger than your daddy," Nick agreed dryly, helping himself to a small portion of spaghetti and some salad. "Mmmm. You're lucky to have a daddy who's such a good cook, Bree. This is very good."

"After there's cookies," she said seriously. "But only if we eat it *all* up first. And 'specially the green things, even if it's not your favorite. Uncle Justin has to too."

"And believe me, Uncle Justin *will*," said Justin, his plate full of food, deflecting attention from Nick. "You know I love your daddy's cooking. Always have, ever since I was a little boy."

"Daddy showed me pictures!" she said happily, taking another careful bite of spaghetti. "You had yellow hair. You looked funny."

Nick laughed, glancing at Justin out of the corner of his eyes. "Did your daddy show you the pictures of when *he* had yellow hair too? And no hair? Believe me, there's a lot of funny there to see."

"Oh, no, don't talk about my hair in front of my kid," Joey groaned. "Bree, you just eat your food and ignore your Uncle Nick. I mean, uh." He glanced at Nick and Justin, and shrugged.

"When you come visit, Bree, I'll show you lots of pictures of your daddy," said Justin, acting like what Joey had just said was normal. Expected. "I can show you lots of pictures of Nick, too. He had all kinds of funny hair."

"I did not," Nick protested through a mouthful of lettuce. "I always had great hair. It was a trademark!" He pointed his fork at Joey and Justin. "We left the strange hair to you. Um. Ignore that AJ existed."

"When am I gonna visit?" Briahna perked up immediately. "Can it be real soon, like tomorrow or the tomorrow after that? Can we ride bikes? Do you have a kitty an' a pony? An' see the funny pictures? Of daddy, too? I wanna go visit Uncle Jussin, daddy, instead of school, okay?"

"Oops," said Justin sheepishly. "We should probably wait until you're done school for the year before you come visit, Bree. Because remember, Nick is in school too and it would be more fun if you were both done your work first. I don't have a pony, but I do live on the beach. Do you like the ocean?"

She nodded, wide-eyed, clearly well-trained about speaking with her mouth full.

"There's lots of neat things on the beach," Nick said, enthusiastic. "Fish and jellyfish and pretty shells. And I have a boat, too, so if your daddy says it's okay we can go out in it. After we're done with school, of course," he added hastily, glancing at Joey.

"As long as Daddy's there, Daddy's fine with it," said Joey, looking amused. "Honey, eat your salad. I put your favourite dressing on it." She nodded her head and took a bite of it. "On the beach, huh? Should've figured. You always did like a view."

"It takes me a little way off the beaten path, yeah," said Justin, grabbing for more bread already, "but it's close to what I used to know as home and I fell in love with it. Well, and. It's close to Nick's place. Maybe."

"He's got the most amazing view," Nick sighed, barely conscious of the longing in his voice. "It's like living on a houseboat, almost. And it's only about a five minute drive from me, which is *so* cool. Actually, we met up because we shop at the same grocery store, and we didn't even know. Pretty funny, huh?"

"Justin told me," Joey snickered. "The cart collision written in the stars. Well, at least you won't be doing too much long-distance driving. That should make it easier on you."

"Yeah, we haven't had to do much driving yet," said Justin, glancing at Briahna and not giving any more detail than that. Nick thought it was likely that she already understood, and maybe even that Joey would be fine that she did. "I like having him around."

"Me too," she said, grinning at him. "He plays nice with Blue and me. An' he has a boat!"

"It's so nice to be appreciated for my finer qualities," Nick murmured with a grin, leaning into Justin's side with a little sigh. He pushed his plate away. "Joey, that was awesome, but we've gotta go get dressed. The car's gonna be here in an hour or so, and I think a shower's a must. For me, anyway."

"You didn't finish," said Briahna, pointing accusingly at his plate. "No cookie. Right, Daddy?"

"But if Nick's full, maybe he doesn't *want* a cookie," Joey reminded her. "Justin, did you show him where your bathroom is? There are already towels and everything ready for you, or at least there should be. I asked for them this morning."

"I saw," Nick said, nodding. "Thanks, everything's perfect. And no cookie for me, Bree, that's exactly right. You, on the other hand, finished everything up so well. What a big girl you are, cleaning your plate like that." She beamed at him. "You coming, J? I'll just be real quick, and then I can do the dishes. Seriously, Joey, the cook does *not* do dishes, ever."

"No, the dishwasher does," said Joey. "Don't even think about it, Nick. They'll be long gone before you get out of the shower, even without Gina or the nanny or the housekeeper. Bree'll help me. Right, honey?"

"'Cause I'm a big girl!"

"That's right, you are," said Justin. "And I'll be right there, Nick. You go ahead."

"Okay..." Nick said doubtfully, looking at the pots piled on the stove. "If there's any left over, though, let me do them. I want to help, really." He leaned close to Justin and gave him a soft kiss. "I'll try to leave you some hot water," he grinned, and waved to Joey and Brianna, and headed back down the hallway.

* * *

Justin helped Briahna put the last fork into the dishwasher and then waited. Waited for Joey to say one of the hundred things he *had* to have on his mind about this whole thing, that he'd been discreetly *not* saying in front of Nick. "That's it, honey, we're all done," he said, giving Briahna a kiss on the forehead and standing up straight again.

"kay!" She clapped her little hands cheerfully. "Daddy, can I go give Blue some cookie, too?" She looked up at him beseechingly.

"You already finished your...oh, okay." He handed her another one with a sigh and a kis, and she ran squealing off to her playroom. "God, I love her," he said softly, smiling at Justin and reaching for a dishtowel. "So, kid. How're you doing?"

"I love her too," said Justin, buying himself another, oh, two seconds of time to figure out how he was going to answer that question. "I'm a mess, Joe," he said finally. "You know that. But being with him makes it better. So ... out with it. Tell me what you think. You know you want to."

"Here. Dry some pans." Joey tossed him the towel, and started wiping the stove, forehead furrowed a little. "I think...I think he's pretty good for you. He's a nice guy, seems like, he's great with Bree. He makes you laugh, anyway, and you seem pretty comfortable with him. J, it's just...it's really soon, you know? It took you a year to get over Brit, really. I was there, I remember."

"I'm the last person you need to tell that to," said Justin, happy to be doing something with his hands so he'd fidget less. "I know how fast this is, and *he* knows how fast this is. I told him I still love Alicia -- please don't say anything about that, not right now -- and that it's gonna take a while to sort things out. I didn't mean to meet someone, Joey. I didn't mean to meet *anyone*, not for a long time. It just happened."

"These things do," Joey sighed, watching him. "Just be careful, okay? Of him as well as you. He's head over heels for you, you know, and I don't even pretend to know what happened when you told him you still love...*her*...and he's walking on eggshells here. And don't cheat yourself, either, for his sake. Don't rush through dealing with all the crap she left behind, because it makes you feel bad for him. You've gotta take that time."

"He knew before we ever started anything, Joe," said Justin. "I'm not sure if he got the whole ... hugeness, of it, but everything's been up front from the start. He's. Um. Been through some stuff himself, so maybe he understands better than I think he does. We're taking our time. If it wasn't for this whole ... well, you know. Then maybe things would appear a lot different."

"Baby, I didn't think you'd lie, or try to hide stuff from him," Joey assured him, patting his shoulder. "I'm sure you are being up front. It's just that neither of you seems to be taking your up-frontness into consideration, much." He cocked his head at Justin. "What'd your ma say?"

Justin snorted and shook his head. "Don't know, don't care," he lied. "You know how she is, Joe. Nothing I could say would make something like this any better for her. We only talked for a couple minutes." He snorted again and figured if Joey wanted to know more than that, he would. And he probably did. "I know how big a mess this is, Joey. I do."

Joey shook his head and clucked disapprovingly. "Now, none of that. It's not the end of the world that you're dating Nick, no matter what kind of hissy fit your mom pitched--you still lie badly, you know. I'm not saying you should *not* date him, shit, I did tell you how good you look together, right? Just, you know...keep your head on straight. Don't push too hard. This interview aside, take your time, you know? You deserve a little happiness."

"Yeah, I'm working on that," he mumbled. "I'm just in, well, a really difficult place right now for a hundred reasons. Alicia and Nick and the press and just figuring out what the hell I want to *do* with my life. Everything is just all in chaos. My big hope is, like, you know in chaos theory, how they say that order will spontaneous come to chaotic systems or something like that? Well, that. That my chaos will reach its critical mass and then boom. Order again."

"You're just gonna sit back and let it swirl around you?" Joey grinned at him. "Till it goes pop? That's a pretty cool plan, man. That plan's worthy of Chris. Only he'd be trying to keep the chaos going, of course." He perched on a stool and watched Justin fidget. "It's bound to settle down soon enough. All these things are bound to die down soon enough."

"They can't *all* keep up at this rate," agreed Justin. "They just *can't*, Joey. And there's not much I can do about most of it so yeah ... I pretty much *am* letting it all swirl around me, and just clinging to the stuff that's important. Like you guys. And Nick. Um. Especially Nick."

"He seems pretty grounded," Joey nodded. "Something good to cling to, when you need to. If you ever need some non-romantic support, you can always come here, though, kiddo." He grinned. "Not only have you broken up with someone bad for you, and found somebody *good*, you're back from LA and doing interviews and hanging with me again. I honestly can't find it in myself to be all that upset about this, you know."

"I loved her, Joey," said Justin, staring at his hands. "Not even past tense. I love her. For ... for whatever reason. For the things I saw that no one else did. Because I can be a dumb shit sometimes. I don't know. But I do. So forgive me if *I* am upset about this. Part of it, anyway."

"Oh, hey, no." Joey looked seriously uncomfortable, reaching for him but letting his hand drop. "Look, I'm just trying to put a good light on it, you know? Trying to cheer you up? 'Course you're upset about it, I can tell you loved her, for whatever reason, and that's gotta be real hard, to see something like that end. You know, I'm just saying. I'm glad to see you again, and stuff."

"Me too," said Justin. "Oh, me too, Joey. I've missed you guys an awful lot. And, I mean, I know things with her weren't good. I know what a raging bitch she could be, to me, to you guys, to everyone. But there were just other times too, and it's just . Gonna take time." He looked up, toward the hallway Nick had disappeared down, and found himself smiling a little. "I totally didn't mean to maybe start falling in love with someone so quick. Maybe it just happens like that, though, when you're with the right person. I don't know. I just ... don't know much, right now, for sure."

"Well, I never know anything, so at least we can be clueless together." Joey smiled a little. "It's okay, though, not to know. Sometimes you just gotta let life happen to you, you know? We might pretend we're in control, but we're really not." He hopped off his chair, and pulled Justin into a quick, rough hug. "He's good for you, he makes you smile. You should let yourself enjoy that."

"I am," said Justin, squeezing him back. "Right up until the point when I remember everything else that's going on. Oh right, and the fact that I've never been with a guy before, which we haven't even touched on yet. But besides that, it's all fun and games. Did I tell you he wants kids?"

"I think it came up," Joey chuckled, holding him close before releasing him. "I think it's great. I mean, whether you two are long-term or not, no matter what, I'm all about people having kids. The right people, anyway, and you definitely count. Now, go see your boy. I gotta say, for not having been with a guy before, you're pretty easy with that side of things, seems like."

"Feels right," said Justin with a little shrug and a shy grin. "What can I say? I don't know what that means, but I like it. Now I think I'll go ambush him when he gets out of the shower."

"More power to ya," Joey nodded, grinning back at him. "Love's what makes the world go 'round, baby, no matter what kind of parts you're rubbing up against. Now, you better hurry up, that water just went off. Joy of apartment living, I can hear the pipes. And don't take *too* much time, the car's gonna be here before you know it. I'll be in the playroom with Bree, if you need anything."

"Thanks, Joe," said Justin, giving him a pat on the shoulder. "Give her a kiss for me." Then he turned and headed up the hallway, to Nick.

* * *

"Nick! Justin! Hey, hey, this way!" Nick couldn't see Dave through the bustle of people in the halls, but he could hear the voice, and steered their pack of bodyguards that way, still a little numb from the crowd of supporters, protesters and media outside. At least in here it's just people in a big hurry to do their jobs, normal backstage insanity that was almost comfortingly familiar. He squeezed Justin's fingers, and gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"Here we go," he whispered.

"Yup, here we go," agreed Justin. He'd seemed a little shaken up by the spectacle outside the studio, and was still looking a little more pale than he normally would. Nick wished he could tell what was going through his head. "No turning back now, huh? No turning and running and hiding out at Joey's place for a while."

"Well, it's always an *option*," Nick mused, tugging him a little closer. "But we're gonna have to say something sometime, unless we run away to Fiji or something and live in a grass hut and throw our phones into the ocean." He contemplated that a little wistfully, for just a second. "Remember, we're doing this because it's our choice. We're taking the initiative, we're telling our side before someone tells it for us, wrong."

"Which someone would," said Justin. "I know. And it was a really good idea when we came up with it, and a really good decision when we made it, but now we're, like, an hour away from actually doing it and I'm pretty much scared shitless, Nick. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Nick said reflexively, then repeated it more slowly, meaning it. "Don't be sorry. I'm totally fucking terrified, myself. I'm shaking, seriously. I'm afraid I'm gonna get in there and forget how to talk, or something dumb like that. Oh, hey." The bodyguards peeled off with nods to them, and they were left standing by the green room door. "Um. What do we do now? Did you see Dave yet?"

"Well, based on the evidence in front of us," said Justin, "odds are we're supposed to go inside. Anyone who need to find us will find us there, right?" It didn't need to be a question; they both knew the answer. "Welcome to Wonderland, Alice.".

"I'm late, I'm late, for a very important date," Nick sang nervously, clinging to Justin's hand hard. The people passing them were eyeing them, but no one stopped. Finally, finally, a familiar face, even if the grin on it was extremely harried.

"Nick, Justin, hi. Hey. Sorry I wasn't there to meet you, it's all so last minute I am seriously running ragged here..." Dave stuck out his hand to Justin. "Glad you could come. You pissing yourself yet?"

"Well past that," said Justin, clinging to Nick just as hard as he shook Dave's hand. "So thankfully, the shorts are dry. We gonna run through things now, man?"

"Yeah, that's what I'm here for," he said, putting a hand on Nick's back and urging them both toward the door. "Finally. So how're you guys holding up, seriously?"

"Seriously, about to freak and run," Nick confessed, only half joking. "That crowd outside was intense, man. Biggest one yet, and not all media, which was crazy. At least there weren't JUST protesters."

"Yeah, they've been showing up all day, once the ad spots started running. The network's thrilled, they're calling this the best thing since the Monica Lewinsky coup," Dave said, urging them towards the big couch as he closed the door. "We got coffee and soda, juice, beer, liquor, whatever you want. Make yourselves comfortable, and we'll get started."

Justin stared at Dave, then looked at Nick again. "Did we just get compared to Monica Lewinsky? I think we did. Dave, did you just compare us to Monica Lewinsky?"

"Yeah, you wanna make something of it?" he said, putting up his fists then laughing. "Sorry, couldn't help myself. I'm a bit punchy." He grabbed himself a coke and sat down in a chair opposite them. "So you guys tell me. Where do you want this to start?"

"Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start..." Nick broke off when he realized Justin and Dave were both staring at him. "Sorry," he said meekly. "I sing songs from musicals when I'm nervous."

"Oh-KAY..." Dave was grinning at him. "Let's not do that in the interview, though, okay? Now, I was thinking we should start with a montage of clips, it's already put together. Stuff from both of your careers, there's a dramatic opening voiceover that I had nothing to do with. But then they'll cut to us, I'll thank you for being here and say something clever, and then....do you want to start with the story of how you met again?"

"I guess that's the beginning, huh?" said Justin, looking at Nick and grinning. Looking like he wanted to laugh, actually. At least Nick's singing had calmed *one* of them. "Just give us a cue and we'll let the whole thing come tumbling out. The public bits, anyway. We'll probably talk overtop of one another. It'll be cute."

"Yeah, I definitely think you're not going to have any problems in the cute department, guys."

"Actually," Justin went on. "You'll probably have to interrupt us if you want to get any other information out of us." Allowing for the amount of babbling they were both prone to due when allowed to ramble on.

"I hereby promise not to talk over Justin," Nick raised his hand solemnly, then pouted a little, deliberately, at Justin's incredulous look. "Well, I'll try, anyway. I can't help it if I have so many brilliant things to say." Or complete panicked bullshit, but he was hoping he'd get away with that one.

"Brilliant or not, you should probably pick one person to tell each story, answer each question, just so there's not a lot of staring and 'you tell it', 'no, you' going on." Dave winked at Nick. "Or so many people talking no one can tell what's going on."

"I volunteer Justin," Nick answered promptly. "He's the smart one."

"*I'm* the smart one?" laughed Justin. "No, no way, college boy. I think we all know who the smart one is here. We're both gonna want to tell the getting together story, I think -- there are two sides to it, naturally. I think there's still some question as to whether the cart collision was deliberate or not. After that, well, that depends entirely on what you want to cover, here. Obviously some things are going to be me things and some things are gonna be him things."

"Right." Dave made a note on his pad. "Okay, so I'll let you both tell the story, with minimal interruption. Then probably first commercial break--you would not *believe* what adspace for this is going for. Anyway. Then...Nick, how comfortable are you talking about your history with men?"

"Um." Nick glanced back and forth between Justin and Dave a little helplessly. "I'm not gonna lie, but I'm not gonna name names?" He hated how tentatively that came out.

"No one's gonna make you name names," insisted Justin. "That's just not cool. But I guess it's pretty relevant." Which Nick had to admit it was. It was what they were there for, more or less. And if Dave didn't ask, one of the callers probably would, and less politely. "What else?"

"Justin. Alicia." Dave looked at him sympathetically, and Nick reached for Justin's hand. "It's the big question right now. You just broke it off with her, at least publically, and technically you're still married to her. You moved on to Nick very quickly, or so it'll seem, and people want to know how that happened, and how you're dealing with it."

Justin nodded and looked down, even as he squeezed Nick's hand. "I'll tell as much as I need to," he said finally. "I knew I was going to have to say something. But ... I'm sure you know it's still a bit of an awkward subject. It's been over for a lot longer than it's been over publicly, and divorce proceedings are pretty far along already. I didn't cheat on her, i want that to be clear. I'm really not sure what angle you want to come at this from, Dave ... "

"I'm gonna softball it to you," Dave assured him. "Probably phrase it a lot like I did before, and you can answer how you like. I'll followup with some points to clarify, we'll make sure that people know there wasn't any cheating. And Nick, people are referring to you as the 'other woman.' I'll ask for your input on that, too."

"I don't even know her, not really," Nick protested. "I didn't...there wasn't any...I'm not a homewrecker, y'know?"

That got a chuckle from Dave, and another note. "Okay. Lighter subjects. I'll be asking about your first date."

Justin looked at Dave, then at Nick, then at Dave again. "Dave, I think this *is* our first date," he said, then grinned. "No, yeah, I suppose you're going to be wanting to talk about that night at the club. Of course. Which ... I mean, for the record, it wasn't actually a date. It wasn't really supposed to be. Right, Nick? And I wouldn't exactly call it a lighter subject."

"Not if this is supposed to be a family show," Nick agreed, feeling a grin tug at his lips. "We can...I guess we can describe it discreetly. We were just going dancing, as friends," he explained to Dave, "and then things got kind of...hot? Warm? Anyway, that's when the pictures got taken, so yeah. I guess that was kind of our first date. After all, he *did* buy me a drink. That has to count."

"I've seen the pictures," said Dave. "I've even seen some of the pictures that *weren't* printed. Believe me, warm isn't quite the word. So you guys are ... that was your *first* date?"

"I still say this is kind of our first date," said Justin. "It's the first place we've gone as a couple, besides our own houses. Believe it or not."

"We came to New York for our first date," Nick laughed, leaning into Justin's side. "That's pretty funny. That night was the first night we got together, but it wasn't a date, really, I guess. I kept expecting him to go home with a girl."

"That sounds like a good story to tell. Okay. Then we'll wrap up with some words from you guys on what you hope for in the future. Recording plans, how your bandmates are handling it, any predictions you have for your relationship. Does that sound okay?"

"Sounds good," agreed Justin. "I do have one thing to ask, though. Absolutely, ask us how our former bandmates are handling it. They're our best friends. But don't ask about the whole family situation, not just yet, all right? I think we can say more by not mentioning them at all than we would by addressing the situation. I'm sure they've already run to the morning shows to tell 'their side of the story' but really, I just don't want to acknowledge them. How much do you screen the calls that come in?"

"No family questions, check," Dave said, as Nick nodded fervent agreement. "We screen pretty closely, but people do slip through by pretending to have legitimate questions. I've got a list of things they're not allowed to say or ask, and I'll add the family thing to that list." He made one last note, and stood, patting Nick's shoulder. "Breathe, Carter. It'll be over before you know it. I've got to go run the format by the director, but someone'll come to take you to makeup soon. Any more questions?"

"Just one," said Justin. "We still going for a beer once this whole thing is over? I believe we were promised one. And you wouldn't want to go back on that, would you?"

"Absolutely not." Dave laughed. "I'll even buy. I have to try to thank you guys somehow for coming here, to do this. Not just for ratings, but because...you know, it's good for the community. Makes me proud to see." He nodded firmly, and disappeared out the door.

"Oh man," Nick breathed, tipping his head to Justin's shoulder. "This is gonna be...better than I thought, and still the hardest thing ever."

"It's gonna feel so good when it's over," agreed Justin, reaching up to stroke Nick's cheek. "When it's all out there and we can relax. I know ... I know it's never going to be *over*, and after this there are just going to be more requests for interviews and there is still going to be harrassment and those protestors aren't going anywhere. But this is the first one. This is the hardest and the best."

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