Joey glanced up at Nick, then followed his eyes to the door. His eyebrows went up, but he didn't say anything, just settled back in the chair and watched.

"Well, he should show us. I mean, he's Howie, he's mine. Ours. He should know he can let us see it when he's got stuff, too." AJ's voice was almost slurred. "I shouldn't let him take all my problems like he does, but I can't help it, he's better at them than I am. He takes care of me, I should take care of him too, but I'm not good, like he is. I can't fix things. Maybe when he comes back I can try, though. When's he coming back?"

"Shhh," said Nick, stroking his hair. He didn't think AJ was getting up from this bed again any time soon unless he was carried.

"AJ," said Howie, finally coming inside again and sitting down next to him on Nick's bed. "I'm here for you because I want to be here for you. You don't owe me anything. Do you understand that?"

"Howie." AJ's eyelashes fluttered and he rolled away from Nick almost convulsively, burying his head in Howie's lap and wrapping his arms around his waist. "I don't know what I did but I'm sorry. Don't go away any more. I need you to stay, right now, for whatever reason."

"He's been up for almost seventy-two hours," Joey told Nick quietly, eyes on them. "He told me before. I'm surprised he's lasted this long, even."

"Because of me?" said Nick softly, looking at Howie and AJ. "Man. I feel awful."

"I'm not going away," Howie assured him softly. "You didn't do anything, AJ. It's okay. I'm here ... just get some sleep." He looked up at Nick and Joey and shrugged. "Nick, you mind sharing your bed for a little while? I think we're not going to be going over early after all."

"We can," AJ mumbled, pulling one knee up under himself. "We can, Howie, I wanna sleep with you. In our room." His eyes were closed tightly, though, and he almost sounded like he was sleep talking, and he nuzzled his face into Howie's lap, sighing a little as he got comfortable. "Wanna sleep," he murmured, and "Howie," and fell silent.

"Not because of you, there was other stuff, I guess," Joey said quietly, squeezing Nick's hand. "He must be completely wiped, though, to sleep with that much coffee in him."

Howie closed his eyes for a minute, and it wasn't hard to imagine why he might need to. "Just sleep," he said softly. "We're all going to sleep. And then we'll go home to our room and sleep some more." He opened his eyes and stroked AJ's hair, even as he looked up at Nick and Joey.

"Howie," said Nick, looking at him wide-eyed. "Man. Are you okay?"

Howie was silent for a moment, fingers moving gently. "I have no idea," he finally answered, his voice a little rough. "I guess he crashed, huh? I knew it." He looked down at the dark head in his lap, his face open and unguarded and raw, and Nick heard Joey suck in a quick breath. "I think I'm all right," he finally added, smiling at Nick, now. "Just needed to take a stroll and clear my head a little."

"And smoke?" Nick prodded him gently. "You don't do that, Howie. Ever. You know you don't. Seriously ... you handling this okay? You're right, I guess it's pretty complicated."

"I didn't smoke," Howie said, ducking his head a little. "I chickened out. It was too cold outside. But I was going to." He sighed. "I think I had a tiny little nervous breakdown, but I'm over it. He can't help being AJ, life is always complicated, and I'm just going to have to deal with it. Things will happen as they happen." He smiled at Nick, sweet and uncomplicated. "Thank you for asking, though. You're a wonderful guy, Nick."

"No, not really," said Nick, not even really protesting, just saying that reflexively. "He really loves you, Howie. He just needs to figure it out. I think. He's still sorting all his stuff out. God. I know what *that's* like now."

"He was doing pretty good till this whole thing with Sarah," Howie said, voice still low and sing-song, like he was talking AJ to sleep. "I don't know about love. He loves me, oh yeah. I know that. But the kind of love...I don't even know if he thinks it's a possibility, with me. He's pretty convinced he's straight, you know." He smiled again at Nick. "You are a great guy. Joey'll back me up." Joey grinned and squeezed Nick's fingers.

"Okay, but me being great or not is really not relevant," said Nick with a little smile. "I don't know how he loves you, Howie, but he does. He needs you. And ... I think you'd both be happier if you guys figured this whole thing out. I mean. No pressure. God, I'm the last person to be giving relationship advice. Especially with guys. But I think you would be."

"I'd love to," Howie said, his voice unexpectedly dry. "Believe me, Nick, I'd love to get this whole thing settled. But this one," he looked down again, his fingers almost hidden in black curls, "this one's a little more difficult. Things move at his pace, or not at all. And the rest of us just have to wait." He laughed a little. "I don't know. You're one of the few people I know in a successful relationship, I can't think of anything that qualifies you more than that."

Nick hadn't really thought of it that way, ever, and laughed a little when he did. "Okay, but before this," he said. "The sucess of this is all Joey, it's all because of him, I'm still a wreck when it comes to relationships. Joey, give him so advice." He gave Joey a friendly squeeze but didn't really expect him to answer.

"Hell no." Joey grinned at him fondly. "I'm staying so far out of this one, you should pretend you can't even see me. You're qualified, Nick. You're a good boyfriend."

"Even the best advice in the world won't change the fact that he's AJ, and he's straight, and he has a girlfriend," Howie said softly, looking down again. "I don't mind being here for him, it's closer than anyone, it's almost enough. And I'm not gonna push him for more, not when things are just finally settling down a little for him. Today was the first time he's asked me not to let him drink in almost a month, you know." He looked back up at Nick. "It does get better."

Nick just nodded, only really comfortable talking to AJ about that right now. Joey didn't need the burden, and Howie was there for AJ, not him. Besides which, *he* didn't really need the burden either. "You don't need to push him," he said finally, still having a hard time figuring out just how to go at this. "But it's not unfair to try and figure out what's going on. It doesn't even have to be pressure, it might be something really good for him, too. It might *help*."

"Like it's helping now?" Howie looked at AJ, whose deep breathing was a constant faint sound, and who was so still he looked dead. "I don't know. He's so blind to it, I don't even think it's a conscious possibility. I mean, he was talking about me bringing girls home, Nick." He shook his head. "It hasn't even hit his radar, as far as I can tell. I'm just his buddy, his brother, closer than most, but not that close. Once...but anyway. I was hoping him seeing you and Joey would kind of wake him up. Doesn't look like it."

"You haven't had any time alone," said Nick, shaking his head at him. "You said it yourself -- this is AJ. These things take time for him and I guess sometimes you've got to wait it out. Hate to admit it." AJ *had* been waking up, Nick thought, before Howie had come back. But Howie would have to see that for himself. "I guess the only advice I can give you right now? Is don't give up. He needs you."

"Yeah, he does. No matter how it turns out, he does, and I need him too." Howie kissed his fingertips and pressed them to AJ's face, before shaking his head a little and looking at Nick. "I'm sorry I ran out. I probably could have gotten him home before he crashed like this, if I hadn't. We're taking up all your space, and probably being really distracting. I'd try to wake him up, but...there's just no way."

"No, please don't wake him up," insisted Nick quickly. "When the doc comes back in he'll probably try to kick everyone else off my bed, but leave him there. He really needs the break. So do you, actually, Howie. And -- " He pushed himself carefully up to a sitting position. "You may as well lie with him for a while. I need to go to the bathroom, and it generally takes me a while. Joey?"

"Right here." Joey's hand was under his arm before Nick had even moved towards the side of the bed, and he eased Nick to his feet as if he'd been doing it for years. "They're falling like flies," he murmured, wrapping his arm around Nick's waist as he started his slow way to the bathroom. "The doctor's gonna come back in here and we're going to be passed out cold, all four of us. People are going to think that being in a boyband causes narcolepsy or something." His eyes were twinkling a little as he glanced back at Howie, who had already slid out from under AJ and was curling around him on the bed.

"He's hurting so bad," said Nick softly. "They both are. It would be so much easier for them if ... but no one can force it. I know that. It has to happen on its own or it's not gonna. I just ... " He looked back over his shoulder again; wouldn't have been surprised if Howie was asleep already, AJ safe in his arms. "I never would've guessed, you know? Kevin's gonna shit. And I don't even care." He took a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this. Ignore any and all screams."

"Can I come in with you?" Joey almost begged, not letting go of him. "I won't look, I won't help. I'll just be there in case. And I won't be stuck out here staring at Sleeping Beauty and the Beast. And I can tie your pants for you, and be just a tiny bit naughty about it." He made a pleading face.

Nick blushed as he pushed the door open. "Just ... yeah. Don't look, and let me go myself, okay?" he asked finally. "Are you just scared I'm gonna hurt myself again, Joey? Cause I won't ... I'm getting better at this. Look at me, I'm standing stronger and everything now. I'm doing okay."

"You are," Joey agreed, following him in and bringing the IV pole with him, shutting the door. "And you managed yourself last time, when you were a lot more wobbly. I don't want you banging yourself up more, but that's not why I just feel better when I know I can reach you, if anything happens. And look, I'm not looking." He faced away carefully. "Dude. Is AJ like that a lot? Just...with the temper, first, and then...he's so all over the map. Even Chris isn't that bad."

"Yeah, he kinda is," admitted Nick, still self-conscious about going to the washroom with Joey right there. After everything they'd been through together, though, he knew that was the *last* thing he needed to be worrying about. "He's gotten better since going through, um, rehab. And getting into therapy, I guess. But he's all stressed and tired now, and I guess those old habits are easy to fall back into."

"I'd seen the temper before," Joey admitted, leaning a casual shoulder against the wall and still facing away. "Hard to miss, when someone's tearing through an afterparty like Hurricane AJ. He's a serious handful. Howie's a braver man than I am." He chuckled a little. "The bad habits are always the easiest to remember. But a good sleep and a dose of the Fatone family treatment should put him back on his feet. I should tell my mom to turn that place into some kind of retreat for overextended singers. She'd love it."

"I hate that we're imposing on her like this," said Nick, staring at his truly uncooperative dick. "But she's so great, Joey. And those two need to be fed ... well, almost as much as I do." Finally -- finally -- he managed to get himself going, but a moment later he wished he hadn't as he felt that now-familiar pain. "Oh, oh, jeez, fuck ... "

Joey made a low pained sound, but didn't turn around, holding to his promise. Finally he started talking again, though it sounded like he was struggling to keep his voice even. "Howie looks okay, but AJ, man, I could lift him with one hand, I bet. He's got muscles, but there's not much too him. I never really realized how little he is. He's got a six foot personality, that's for sure. And my mom, man, she loves every second of it. Don't ever think you're imposing." He fell silent again, then went on in a quiet voice. "You okay?"

Nick just grunted, taking a moment to let the pain pass. "Yeah," he said finally. "Still hurts like hell, though. AJ's always been a little guy. We used to be little guys together, when we were kids. Right before I started growing like a weed. God*damn* that hurts." He took a few deep breaths and willed the pain to just *stop* already. And finally it did.

Gentle fingers stroked down his spine, feather-light. Joey still wasn't looking, but he apparently hadn't been able to not-touch. "He has Howie and Brian to be little guys with him, and you caught up to manly Kevin. Good thing too, if you'd stayed little think how lonely Kevin would be, way up there, in all the group shots." His voice was light, but his fingers lingered. "Better now?"

"Yeah," said Nick softly, breathing a sigh of relief. "It's over now. I ... um. I need your help, I think, getting all done back up." It was still hard to ask, but he didn't want to hurt himself again. It could be worse, the next time, and he still wasn't entirely steady on his feet no matter how much he wanted to believe he was.

"Okay." Joey's hands came around his waist, and buttoned and tied efficiently and neatly, then steadied him, holding his waist from behind. "You're barely wobbly at all, Nick. Thank god. Wash your hands, and I'll try to clear your boys off some of the bed for you." He kissed Nick's neck chastely, and let go of him.

"If they're all comfortable," said Nick, before he could go. "Just leave 'em. The doc'll have fits, but I can curl up in the chair with your or something. I've gotten some sleep; they haven't." He didn't think that Joey was gonna go for that, but he had to give it a shot, trying to be nice.

"Sweet thing. No, though, it's your bed, you're the one who needs to stretch out, keep pressure off all your sore parts. I figure I can either slide 'em over or down to the bottom of the bed, and you can just put your feet on them. They won't even notice. I'm not gonna let you do anything the doctor wouldn't approve of." He turned at the door. "Yell if you need me, okay?"

"I will," promised Nick, clinging to the sink before turning the water on to wash his hands. He wasn't going to need him, though. He was gonna handle this himself just fine. And, he determined as he pushed the door open again, this time he *was* gonna make it back to the bed himself. Do laps around it, even. He was doing fine.

Joey glanced at him with a smile, but didn't speak. He was sliding AJ and Howie--Nick couldn't really tell which tangled arm or leg belonged to which--to the very edge of the bed, urging them to curl together in the corner. AJ mumbled something hoarse and low that Nick couldn't quite hear, and Joey soothed him quiet with a hand on his back, before stepping back to Nick's side.

"It'll be a tight fit, but I think you'll all fit." Joey didn't touch him, but stood close.

"As long as no one breathes," said Nick softly as he shuffled toward the bed. "These beds were made for one. So I can nap now? i finished my milkshake. I finished *two* milkshakes even. And I'm kinda ... drained.'"

"You can nap," Joey said softly, helping him slide back onto the bed. "Don't hesitate to kick the boys down there. I accidentally pulled Howie's hair, and he didn't even move. Didn't even *twitch*." He tucked the soft afghan up around Nick's shoulders, and settled into the chair, smiling. "Good thing they're tiny. You look like a pile of sleepy puppies."

Nick shook his head at him. "Come get in the pile," he insisted. "I don't want to sleep without you anymore. One more person isn't gonna kill the bed or anything. Please?" He gave Joey his best puppydog eye and waited.

Joey's eyes crinkled up into a happy smile, though he just dragged the chair closer and leaned his elbows on the bed. "Sweetheart, you can't even turn over right now, or you'll fall out of bed. There's not a spare inch on that thing, and I am *not* tiny." He leaned in and kissed Nick's nose. "I'll be right here. Just as close as if I was on the bed."

Nick did roll over, though, and wriggled back to the edge, letting Joey adjust his IV pole into a better position. "Then hold me at least," he insisted, reaching back blindly for Joey's arm to drape it around himself. "If you hold me, then I can sleep."

"Okay." Joey's arm curled over his waist, and that hand slid into the gap of his shirt to rest flat and warm on his belly. "I'm right here, I'm not going anywhere. Just sleep, baby. When you wake up, we can go home. That'll be good, right?"

"That's all I want right now," said Nick, letting Joey's touch relax him. He closed his eyes. "Home sweet home. The sooner the better."

"Sleep now." Joey's voice was low. "Sooner you do, the sooner you can wake up and we can take you back. Home sweet home is right. And you can watch my mom cuddle AJ, after she's done with you. It'll be fun, and you'll get better, and we'll all be there. Sleep."

"Sleep," agreed Nick. And it only took a few deep breaths and Joey's comforting presence -- along with that of AJ and Howie nearby -- to lull him into unconsciousness.

* * *

"I can't tell if it's a bad thing or a good thing that you're all still groggy," Joey murmured to Nick, tucking Nick's long coat more tightly around his body as the limousine rounded the last corner for home. "I can't remember the last time a check out went that fast." He glanced over to where AJ and Howie were leaned into each other, staring blankly at the window, occasionally yawning. "I think I'm gonna introduce them and put them straight to bed. They're barely conscious even now. You warm enough?"

Nick nodded even though he wasn't. He just wanted to crawl back into bed, but he knew he had to be hooked back up to the IV again before he could, not to mention eat something again. His eating regimen turned out to be pretty strict, and he knew that all three people with him in that limo, along with Joey's parents, were going to make sure he followed it.

"Just one room, right?" he said, watching Howie and AJ and smiling a little bit in spite of everything again. "They asked for just one room, both of them, even if they both don't know it yet."

"They did. And even if they hadn't, I'd still put 'em together." Joey grinned at him, taking his hands and rubbing them between his own, warming them. "They need it, and plus I think it'll be funny. I told mom, she clucked at me but said fine, she's got a room on the second floor all ready for them. King sized bed and all." He glanced at them, then back at Nick. "How are you feeling? Doing okay? We're almost home."

"Thank god," said Nick fervently. "I think I'm developing carsickness. Not a great thing, in our line of work." He looked out the window, but he'd tucked his bent glasses away when they left the hospital so they wouldn't slip off and couldn're see as much as he wanted to. "Is the den made up for us already?"

"I don't think it ever got *un*-made-up," Joey admitted, watching him closely and keeping hold of his hands. "Mom probably moved the mini-fridge in there, for your shakes and stuff. And I know my dad went to the video store and pretty much cleaned out the new releases shelf, because he had no idea what you'd want to see. Other than that, it's pretty much the same."

"I meant the bed," said Nick softly. "Is the bed pulled out now? Cause we can't curl up like we were before, not with the, you know, IV in the way. We can get tangled." He rested his head against Joey's shoulder as he felt the car slow, and then stop. "When do I have to eat next?"

Joey checked his watch. "About twenty minutes. We'll be all settled in plenty of time. "I'm not sure about the bed, I didn't ask specifically. If it's not, we'll pull it out. Don't worry, I'm staying right with you." He sighed. "I still wish you'd just let me do the IV. It doesn't look so complicated, the doctor could have showed me. Then I could help, more."

"I need you for other things," said Nick, still comfortable with that decision. Maybe even more so, now. "I just ... I need you to love me, Joey. I need that as much as anything else, okay? Don't underestimate how much you're already doing for me."

"I love you anyway," Joey protested a little. "That's not hard. But...okay. Whatever you want." He peered out the window, and Nick saw someone pass the window, momentarily blocking the light. "Okay, security's here."

"Are we there yet?" AJ asked groggily, voice muffled from the way his face was buried in the fabric of Howie's coat. "Can we go?"

"Yeah, we're there," said Howie, a little more aware of his surroundings than AJ was. He looked over at Nick and Joey. "We ready to go, guys?"

Nick nodded at him and turned back to Joey and just waited for someone to open the door and help them inside. "Home sweet home," he said softly. And happily.

"Home sweet home," Joey confirmed, smiling back at him and opening the door. "Okay, baby. No way are you walking through this snow. Up you come." He helped Nick slide out the door, then lifted him before he could protest. "A few more meals and I won't get to do this any more. Just let me enjoy it while I can."

"Nobody carries me," AJ grumbled sleepily, but the way he draped himself over Howie's back as they emerged meant Howie was taking a lot of his weight anyway. "Are there beds here?"

"No, they make us all sleep on mats on the floor," said Nick before pressing his face to Joey's shoulder again.

"Don't be an idiot, AJ," laughed Howie, looking back over his shoulder at him. "We'll be back in bed soon enough. If you're really nice to me I might even tuck you in and kiss you goodnight."

AJ 'hummph'ed into Howie's ear, but he was smiling as Howie dragged him up the stairs. Joey followed, Nick held high against his chest, arms draped loosely around his shoulders.

"Just go in," Joey ordered, as AJ and Howie hesitated at the door. "I know mom was watching for us, she won't want us standing out in the cold. She don't bite, boys. Go ahead."

"Parents always hate me," AJ grumbled, clinging harder to Howie as they moved through the door. "They think I'm the devil's child or something. I don't-"

"Boys!" Phyllis came through the inner door, wiping her hands on a towel. "I'm so sorry, I was just finishing up dinner. Nick, how are you, dear?" She moved right to Joey's side, cupping Nick's cheek as Joey set him carefully down.

Nick gave her a brave smile. "Better," he promised her, the honest truth. Considering how she'd last seen him, he *had* to be doing better. "Thank you. Is there anything I can help you with?" Of course she was going to say no, but it felt right to ask anyway.

Howie still had an arm around AJ as they hovered nearby, watching in silence, waiting for something. For Joey to introduce them, maybe, or for someone to welcome them inside.

"Oh, good. That's wonderful. And don't you even begin to think about lifting a finger. I've got everything set up for you, I want you in that bed right away." She patted his cheek, squeezed his hand, and looked at Joey. "I know I taught you manners, Joseph. Are you going to introduce your friends?" Her voice was stern, but she smiled lovingly at him.

"Whoops." Joey grinned unrepentantly. "Mom, this is AJ, he's the one with the glasses, and Howie, he's the one who's holding AJ up. Guys, this is my mom, Phyllis."

"How lovely to meet you!" She held out her hand to them. "You sing with Nick, right? That must be so nice for you boys. I'm delighted you could stay with us."

"Yeah, they're in our little group," said Nick with a smile. He was feeling more energetic just being here; he hadn't realized how much he'd thought of this place as a home until he had to stay somewhere else.

Howie hoisted AJ up a little higher on his hip then took her hand. "Anyone who's taking good care of Nick is my favorite person right now," he assured her. "Now is there anything *I* can help you with, since I'm a little more able-bodied than Nicky."

"Me too," AJ volunteered, though he looked like he was struggling to swallow a yawn. He took Phyllis's hand as well, and actually bent over it gallantly. "You're a queen among women, Mrs. Fatone. Not only do you put up with our darling Nick, you've also got us dumbasses to deal with now."

She had smiled at the gesture, but now one eyebrow went up, and she looked at him sternly. AJ returned her gaze with perfect innocence, but as she stayed silent, he blinked a few times, then actually squirmed. "Sorry," he muttered.

"That's all right, dear." She was all smiles again. "Thank you both, but everything is set. Just bring your things to your room, if you would. It's the first door on the left, on the second floor. And dinner will be ready in about an hour, I thought you'd probably like a bit of settling-in time. Joey, Nick, you know where the den is. I'll be in in a moment, I have to check my rolls." She kissed both Joey and Nick on her way back out the door.

Nick giggled at AJ, and at the way Howie clapped a hand over his mouth and shook his head sternly at him, and especially at the way AJ's tongue wiggled between Howie's fingers causing him to jerk his hand back again. "Be good," he said a moment later, wiping his hand on his pants. "We're guests here."

"Can we go in and close the door before I freeze to death?" suggested Nick, pressing closer to Joey's body. "That's my suggestion here."

"Oh, yeah, of course." Joey was still snickering at AJ, but he managed to get the door shut and herded them all into the hallway. "Okay, you two, you heard the lady. Unless you want to see where we are, so you don't have to go looking when you wanna come find us?" He wrapped his arms around Nick, not picking him up, but taking a lot of his weight, helping him walk.

"Your mom's a little scary," AJ commented, trailing after them with Howie right by his side. "I think I'll have to be good. I'm too afraid of what'll happen to me if I'm not. Oh, nice setup." He admired the den, made comfortable with flowers and blankets, the bed pulled out and made.

"I'm not sure you know *how* to be good," teased Howie, wrapping his arms around AJ's waist as they stopped in the doorway. Practically speaking, it was to hold him up, but it looked a lot more comfortable than that. "This is where you've been staying, Nicky?"

"Since we moved down from the third floor," said Nick, breathing a sigh of relief as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "No more pressure on my back for a while, k? Without any painkillers, it's really starting to get to me a little."

"We'll get you back into your pjs and fed and settled, and I'll rub it for you," Joey promised, urging him back onto the bed and crouching at his feet to unlace his shoes. "No more pressure on any part of you for a while. You're not getting up for a while." His upward smile was gentle.

"I can so be good," AJ protested, taking his eyes from Nick and Joey. "I just don't choose to be, much." He turned his head, grinning, then froze, his mouth a whisper away from Howie's after his unexpected move.

Nick stilled as he watched them, stilled as much as Howie did. It didn't look like Howie was even *breathing*, but the one thing he definitely didn't do was move away from AJ. He stood still, his eyes wide and his lips parted, and waited for AJ to do what AJ was gonna do.

"Whoa," breathed Nick, too soft for anyone other than Joey to hear. He couldn't even pretend he wasn't looking, but neither AJ nor Howie seemed to remember he -- or Joey -- was there anymore.

AJ, still looking dazed from his interrupted nap, blinked a couple of times, slowly and carefully, then leaned in and pressed a kiss to the corner of Howie's mouth. "Hi, Howie," he whispered, and blinked again.

Joey's hand tightened on Nick's ankle, and Nick realized he was watching just as closely, though his head had never turned. "Whoa," he echoed, just as softly. "C'mon, Howie, c'mon, c'mon," he breathed, so softly that Nick barely heard him.

Howie didn't move again for a moment, didn't more closer, didn't move away, just gave AJ that wide-eyed, unreadable look. Nick held his breath as he watched them, and finally Howie leaned in just the tiniest bit, just far enough to return the kiss a little more squarely on AJ's lips. "Hey AJ," he breathed afterward, and hovered close.

AJ stared at him for a long, breathless moment, then smiled slowly, and tipped his head down to Howie's shoulder, breaking the tension of their stillness. Nick could see his arms, wrapping around Howie's waist, his hand creeping up to rest flat on Howie's side. "Quit looking at us," he murmured in the general direction of the bed, though there was still a smile in his voice.

"Who's looking?" Joey's smile covered his whole face, though he was still looking straight ahead. "I'm totally focused on shoes, here. Nick's got some nice shoes. Um. Second floor, first door on the left. Just a reminder."

"We should put our things away," said Howie after another moment had passed, his voice soft and gentle. "Get some rest before dinner's ready. Someone will come get us, when it's time?"

"Someone will come knock," Nick promised them, finally looking away, giving them at least that much privacy. "I need to ... um ... get settled in, anyway. Take your time."

"Bed now." AJ yawned hugely, turning his head and smiling at Nick and Joey, looking less edgy than Nick could remember him ever being, and freeing one hand, linking his fingers with Howie's. "Don't forget to wake us up, though. I'm hungry." "We won't, I promise," Joey said, sliding one hand up Nick's calf, then standing. "I think the guys put your bags in the hall. If you need anything, we'll be here. Go on, now, sleep and rest up. We'll be good, here."

"And we'll be good, there," Nick heard Howie murmur as the two of them left the room to head upstairs.

Nick tugged Joey closer and gave him a kiss before grinning at him hugely. "I shouldn't be as ridiculously happy about that as I am," he admitted. "We don't even know what's going on. *They* don't even know what's going on. I guess it doesn't take much to make me happy these days, huh?"

"Oh, go ahead and be ridiculously happy," Joey said, grinning back just as wide and swooping in for another kiss. "I'm right there with you, anyway. It's natural, people in love want everybody else to be in love, too. And those two...did you see that look? Wow. They're well on their way, even if they don't know it yet, I think." Quick fingers tugged Nick's jacket off, then started work on his belt and zipper. "Let's get you into jammies before you have to get all hooked up again. I still can't believe you just had to get all dressed to come home."

"At least it was a bit warmer than it would have been," admitted Nick, shivering involuntarily even though it was warm in the house. "Can we find me some clean jammies? I think I spilled a little on the pac-man ones, at the hospital. I'll have to wash them when I'm feeling better." He pulled at his shirt until Joey started to pull it off for him. "I wonder what they're doing up there. Do you think they're talking?"

"Clean jammies, you got it. What do you think, Space Invaders or Transformers?" He looked around, and made his way to the bags stacked neatly by the loveseat. "I think they're probably staring at each other a little, and Howie's probably blushing, and AJ's rolling his eyes, and then they're kissing. And then sleeping. All this is provided they made it up two flights of stairs without passing out on the stairs."

"I didn't hear a thump," Nick pointed out reasonably. "If they didn't make it, I think we would've heard a thump. Did we bring any pajamas that aren't going to make me blush the moment someone actually sees me in them? Do I even have any clean pajamas *left*?"

"You have Space Invaders and Transformers," Joey said, grinning at him. "I'm doing laundry tomorrow, don't worry, you'll get your nice plain stripes and plaid back." He looked down, considering both. "I think Space Invaders, just because I think the alien guys look cool." Tossing them at Nick, he wandered around the room, then back to the bed. "C'mon. Pants off. You're safe from my wandering hands."

"Maybe I don't *want* to be safe from your wandering hands," said Nick, but truth was they were both too drained to get much out of it. Nick was looking forward to just a good cuddle. Carefully -- he got light-headed if he moved too fast, not to mention he was more than a little uncoordinated at the moment -- he stripped off his own pants and tried to get the pajamas on. It was a relief not to have the IV tube running from his arm, but he knew that respite wouldn't last long. And he had to be careful of where the needle was still inserted and taped down to his arm, the open end stoppered up, just waiting to be hooked up to a bag of fluid again. "I should stop buying these things if I'm gonna be so embarassed by them. So can I have my glasses back now? Might make seeing the TV a little easier."

"You have your glasses, or you did." Joey peered around, frowning. "And I was gonna bend those back for you so they aren't all crooked. Where'd you put them?" He rooted through Nick's discarded clothing. "You know what you wanna watch? Movie or TV or whatever? And don't you dare stop buying pjs. Bedtime just wouldn't be the same without them."

"They were in my jacket, I think. That's where I put them, right?" Nick made a cursory look around, then snorted. "Wanna know something weird? I'm actually getting used to them again. I'm not sure I want to go back to my contacts. Of course, the moment I actully have to be active I'll probably change my mind." He finished buttoning his top and lay back comfortably on the bed, on top of the blankets. He knew he'd have to be getting up soon to eat anyway.

"Here they are." Joey stood, waving them triumphantly, before bending the earpiece carefully and handing them over. "Flip your bod, baby. You get a rub, remember? Before you're immobilized again." He helped Nick turn over, smoothing a hand down his back from nape to tailbone. "I like your glasses, but you know that. I think they're sexy. And they're sure a lot less hassle."

"Well, they're a lot *more* hassle on stage," Nick reminded him, letting out another sigh of relief as Joey touched him. "Just be careful around the kidneys. It's still tender down there ... Dr. Morrison said it probably will be for at least a few more days. God he had a lot of instructions for me when we left. I hope you remember most of it because I don't think I do."

"I think I got most of it. I know he told my mom, too, and she'll *definitely* remember. Don't worry." He dug his thumbs lightly between Nick's shoulderblades. "Let me know if it hurts, okay? I don't want to poke you bad places, especially if you're still tender. He told you about the hot water bottle, or heating pad, right? Does that sound like it would help?"

"I guess we don't know until we try," said Nick, sinking into the bed comfortably. "I would've said no to a lot of this stuff before, but right now? Just ... whatever works. I'm not in a position to be very stubborn and picky anymore. I'm not really in a position to decide much at all."

"You still get to say. It's still your body, you know. Don't let all this stuff disconnect you from that." Joey's hands were still so careful on his body. "Don't be stubborn for stubborn's sake, but if you really want something, or really *don't* want something, you need to say. And if it's possible, we'll do it for you."

"I'd say, Joey," he protested. "I would. It's just ... other people seem to know better than me right now, what's good for me. For my body and for inside my head, too. And maybe it's good for me to just let go and give in to that, and let people do what they need to do, for me. Or let them tell me what I need to do for myself."

"You can let us suggest," Joey said, quietly firm. "And recommend, and hint, and push, and chivvy. And the doctor gets to decide some things. But Nick, you have to own this, you have to connect with it and make it something that you're doing. Something that *you're* deciding and steering and taking responsibility. Otherwise it's just something else that people are doing *to* you. Like wardrobe, or PR, or management. And ultimately, you're the only one who can say what you need to do for yourself. Otherwise, it'll never be really real."

"Joey," said Nick softly, closing his eyes. "Please, not right now, I'm not feeling up to this. Trust me, AJ made sure I knew I needed to ... whatever. Own this. But can we not talk about this right now and worry about it after my body's doing a little better? Because I think that's mostly an in-my-head thing, not a getting-Nick-back-on-his feet thing."

"Okay, Nick. Okay." Joey's hands never stopped their gentle stroking. "You can start just a little bit now, though. In a not-scary way, just helping yourself get back on your feet. You're already doing it, and you don't even know. Just feel your body, the things that feel good, the things that feel bad. You're doing things to make it feel better, and that's wonderful." He went quiet for a long moment. "And you can trust us to help, you know. The people who love you. Always."

"If I didn't trust you guys," said Nick softly, "I wouldn't even be here. I wouldn't be where I'm at right now. That's what I'm saying, Joey, I trust you guys to look out for me, to tell me the right thing to do, when i don't know. And I *don't* know, mostly. I make all these bad decisions. You know I do."

"Everyone makes mistakes, Nick. Everyone. And you have to be able to make them and learn from them and move on. We can suggest and recommend and tell you what we think the right thing to do is, and you can trust us to tell you true. Especially when you're confused. But don't let us make those decisions for you, not the big ones. I mean, I feel pretty comfortable picking out your PJs for you, but on the big stuff..." Joey smiled gently at him, and stroked his sides. "You'll make the right decisions. When you don't, we'll fix it and move on. That's just life, baby."

"You don't understand what I'm saying, though," he continued to protest, tensing up further with every word despite the way that Joey was trying to soothe him. "I can't afford to make any more mistakes right now. If I make any more mistakes, I'm dead. Dead, Joey. I've almost run myself right into the ground right now. I really shouldn't be trusted with myself."

"Hey, no." Joey stopped rubbing his back and just petted him, long sweeps of his hand down Nick's spine. "Listen, no. You're not dead, if you make any more mistakes. You think the doctor would let you go home if you were on that kind of edge? Going back to drinking and not-eating, that might be the worst decision you could make, for your health, the only one I can think of that would be that bad. And you're not gonna make that choice." His hand slid under Nick's top, stroking bare skin, now. "I trust you with yourself, you know."

Nick blinked a couple times, and thought about what it actually mean, for Joey to say that to him. Assuming he was being honest about it, and Nick had no reason to believe he wasn't. "You don't know I'm not gonna go back to drinking and not eating," he reminded him finally. "You only know that I'm going to try not to. Even I don't know whether I'm gonna make it or not."

"I don't know if I'm gonna get hit by a bus tomorrow crossing the street," Joey countered softly. "Nothing's for sure in this life, and really, all we *can* do is try. And I know you, you're stubborn and strong. You try, and you'll make it, baby." He pressed a kiss to Nick's neck, then started his massage again. "I'm as sure of that as I can be of anything."

"Well, at least I know that people are gonna be looking out for the drinking thing," he admitted, sinking his face into the pillow. "*Everyone* knows about that, now. People aren't gonna let me slip up. That's ... I hate that people know, that they know I'm weak like that, but it's a relief, too, I guess."

"It's another level of safety, knowing that even if you slip, someone will probably know and catch you. When you're around us, that is. I mean, you're probably going to have times when you're not with a member of N Sync or Backstreet, at some point." Joey's hand pressed between his shoulder blades. "Hopefully not too soon. I just wanna put you in my pocket and carry you around with me, you know. It's good, knowing that your guys know, that they'll be there for you. Doesn't mean I'm too happy about sharing you."

"I have to share you, too," Nick reminded him. "Share you with a little someone who needs you even more than I do. I know I'm not always gonna have someone there to lean on, but right now I do. And you're all better people than I am, just right now. You're all capable of so much more. So you can't blame me for knowing the simple truth that you're all more trustworthy than I am, with anything, up to and including me."

"We're not better people, we're just in different places right now," Joey said simply. "We're gonna have to work on this trust thing, you know. You've got a lot of strength, I think you'll be pretty amazed when you recognize it in yourself. Right now, we're good for you because you're thinking of only just a couple of really important things...not drinking, and healing, mostly. And we can help keep track of all the fringe stuff while you're taking care of that. But you're the one who has to do the hard stuff. That's worth a lot of trust." He turned his head as the door creaked, and his voice got a little louder. "Hi, mom."

"Hi, sweetheart. Hi Nick. I brought supper for you, Nick, and the rest of the equipment." She set a full glass down on the table, and hooked an IV bag into the pole by the couch.

Nick turned his head to look at it, and just about felt like crying as the weight of everything came crushing down on him. "I can't," he whispered, turning his face away again. "I really can't. I don't want this anymore, Joey. I want this to be over now. Please?" He couldn't bear the thought of being hooked up to the IV again, the thought of downing another milkshake because he was sure his body would still reject solid food. Couldn't bear the feeling that it would always ben like this, that he would never feel normal again.

"Mom," Joey said softly, and Nick felt a gentle hand on his head, before the footsteps retreated and the door clicked shut again. The bed shifted and creaked, and a warm weight settled along his side.

"Hey there," Joey said, breath warm on his ear, an arm settling over his back. "Baby, you can. Look how far you've come, it's only for a little longer. I know it's hard, but you have to stick with it, it'll be better soon. Don't give up now."

"You don't even know," whispered Nick. "I'm so, so tired of it. *So* tired of it, already. God. I'm practically gonna cry just thinking about it." He knew it would pass -- the feeling had passed every time before -- but right in the middle of it it didn't feel like it ever would. "I just ... need a minute, okay? Can we go for a walk first? Am I allowed?"

"You can have a minute," Joey said softly, pulling him close. "Where do you want to go? Not much to see here in the house that you haven't seen already. I think it'll be okay, if we don't go far, and you let me carry you back." He smiled a little. "And let me carry you there, too. Remember how your back was hurting when we got here, with all the moving around you were doing?"

"Please?" said Nick again, feeling the tears pricking at his eyes. "If I'm gonna be in bed for a couple days, this is my last chance to move around for a long while. Please let me walk. Even just to the kitchen and back. I promise not to overdo it, I just really need to, Joey. Honestly really."

"Okay." Joey ran a knuckle down his cheek, then pulled away and stood, holding out his hand. "To the kitchen and back, and a lap around the stairs if you're feeling up to it, even. Here, wait. The floor's cold." He picked up Nick's socks and sat back down on the bed, taking Nick's feet in his lap and sliding the socks on. "No cold toes for my Nick," he grinned.

"God," said Nick, looking down at his feet, but he had to let out a short laugh. "Well, at least they're not bunny slippers. If I slip because of the socks I'm blaming you, though. My bare feet have more traction." He wasn't going to slip, though. He wasn't going to stumble. He wasn't going to fall. He was going to be just fine, and prove to Joey and everyone that he *was* getting stronger. That if he could manage the whole wedding the day before, he could manage now, even with the kidney pain and general weakness.

"Hm," Joey frowned at his feet as well, then reached for his shoes. "Good point. And remind me to get right on that no-bunny-slippers problem." He tugged at the knotted laces, not letting Nick pull his feet away. "No slipping, no bumping, no bruising. You're gonna be careful, right? And tell me, if you start to feel wobbly?"

"Joey, I'm not a child," said Nick with a sigh. "I know I've fucked up pretty bad, but I *am* still an adult. Even when I don't act like it. I just want to take a walk around is all. It doesn't have to be this huge thing. I'm gonna be chained to this bed soon enough."

Joey's eyes flashed to his face, startled. "I know you're not a child. I never...okay. I guess it's not a huge thing." He finished with the laces and slipped the shoes onto Nick's feet, retying them carefully, seemingly completely focused on the task as hand. "You're good to go," he said softly, moving off the bed but hovering close.

"Thanks," murmured Nick, slipping off the bed and finally standing under his own power. He would not wobble. He would not slip. Nothing would go wrong. "Now that I have my shoes on, I feel like I oughta go for a jog or something. Whaddaya say? Once around the block?"

"Ah, no," Joey said carefully, reaching for his arm but drawing back before actually making contact. "Aside from the fact that those are dress shoes, there's about two feet of snow on the ground, remember? Maybe we should stick with once around the kitchen island." He stayed right by Nick's side for his first tentative step, eyes fixed so firmly on Nick's feet he wondered how Joey could see where *he* was going.

"I do know how to walk," Nick reminded him, taking another step. "And the around the block thing was a joke. I guess I need to work on my delivery a little. But see? Walking just fine. So you don't need to worry. Maybe I don't even need the IV anymore, right? I'm hydrated and all. You can even check me."

"The IV is for the antibiotics and the anti-nausea medicine more than anything now, remember?" Joey glanced up at him for a moment, but was soon back to watching his feet and legs. "Just until you can swallow pills. I can tell you're hydrated, your skin looks all soft again. I don't wanna pinch you any more than I have to." He smiled, and opened the door for Nick, bowing him through. "Mom's probably in the kitchen. She might fuss at you a little for being out of bed, but she'll be happy to see you."

"She'll probably think I'm trying to get away from my dinner," said Nick, which he kind of was, he had to admit. His legs actually ached from the walking, but he ignored it. Mind over matter. "You could. um. Hold my hand, if you wanted. If you wouldn't feel too dumb."

"I never feel dumb touching you, any way." Joey linked their fingers, curling his own, big and strong, over Nick's. "Doing okay, there? You're walking faster and straighter than you were before. No jogs yet, but you're definitely on your way."

"I'm doing good," insisted Nick, trying not to shuffle as they went forward. "I'm doing fine. So you think Howie and AJ are settling in okay? Should we go check on them and make sure? Or do you think we should leave them alone right now ... let them do what they're gonna do. No matter how curious I am."

"I'm actually possibly close to dying of curiousity," Joey admitted with a grin, swinging their clasped hands a little. "I really really want to know. But they're your boys, not mine, so it's your call. I think they're probably passed out by now anyway. I kinda just want to see 'em all cute and cuddled up." He shook his head, an expression of disbelief. "I think love really has warped my mind. I just called AJ McLean cute."

"It's not the first time," Nick murmured, turning his head and giving Joey a little smile. "You know, I'd love to, but I know my own limits and I *don't* think I want to be tackling those stairs. You could go peek and report back, though." He gave him a devilish grin, the walk doing for him just what he hoped it would -- lifting his spirits a little. "I could stop in the kitchen with your mom for a drink, and you could sneak up there and be my little spy."

Joey snickered. "I'm not your *little* anything. But I do sneak pretty well, and I can definitely report back. That sounds like a plan." He walked a little ahead, reaching for the kitchen door, then pausing. "Or, you know. I hate to sound like a broken record, but if you really want to go, I don't mind giving you a lift up the stairs. Though my mom would be very disappointed at missing the chance to flutter over you and get you all to herself for a couple of minutes."

"I feel like a little kid every time you pick me up like that," admitted Nick, not saying no. "It's weird, it's like I'm split in half right now. One part of me feels way, way older than I am, and the other feels like it never got to grow up. I don't know how to explain it."

"You've been through an awful lot," Joey agreed, not moving one way or the other. "So you've got all this...weight on you. And at the same time, because of that old-feeling weight, it's nice to be taken care of, even if it feels like we're babying you. Which I might be, just a little bit, but just because I can. Not because you're a little kid." He squeezed Nick's fingers. "Not to mention the whole Brianna effect. I found myself using baby talk with JC, just a couple of weeks ago. Chris almost gave himself a stroke, laughing."

Nick gave him a shy grin. "I can just imagine," he said. "It's more than that, though. Like I feel like I should be doing stuff now that I never let myself before, because of the being adult so quick, thing. Too quick, I guess. God, is there any part of me that's not a mess?"

"Sure," Joey nodded, smiling. "Your heart's in good shape, it can still love. Your head's actually not too bad, since you're thinking pretty clearly about all this stuff and handling everything the world's throwing at you. Your body, well, that's on its way back. And Nick, you shouldn't worry about that, wanting things you never got to have. As long as they're good things, it's just natural. This is a crazy business, we all missed out on things. Still miss out. You and Justin never had proms, high school sports, sex behind the bleachers. But it gave us things in return."

"If I didn't know that, I wouldn't have done it," said Nick, reaching to run his fingers over Joey's throat gently. Even though he was pretty thin and wobbley, he still had a bit of height on Joey and he liked to use that, from time to time. Remind him that he wasn't as weak as he looked. "Let's go check on them. I don't want to talk about this anymore."

Joey blinked up into his eyes, then grinned, bright and wide. "You're coming too? Cool. I'd hate to see something so cute my slow little brain couldn't describe it properly." He turned, bent his back invitingly. "Hop up. That way we'll fit through the door without bumping anything and maybe waking them up. You strong enough to hold on, do you think?"

"I feel silly," said Nick as he climbed on and clung to him. "Like, *really* silly. You *mom's* gonna see me like this." He kissed the top of Joey's head, though, and stayed up. "Okay, let's go."

"Don't worry about it," Joey assured him, hooking his arms under Nick's knees and jumping him a little higher on his back, before starting up the stairs. "She's used to piggyback rides. Sometimes I think my guys think I'm a pony." He trotted up the stairs easily. "Okay, quiet now. Don't wanna wake 'em up."

"I'm not the one that has to worry about being quiet," Nick reminded him as Joey walked heavily on the steps on the way up. "Just don't bang me into anything on the way up and we'll be fine. Which room are they in again?"

"First door on the left," Joey said, slowing as he reached the top of the stairs. "Okay, if they're talking, do we wanna interrupt? See how they're doing? Or just go away and leave them be? You know them better than me, it's your call. We can listen at the door all sneaky-quiet first." His voice was gleeful.

"If they're talking we fuck off," said Nick instantly. "If just one of them's up, we check in. If they're sleeping, we watch for a while. Unless it's dirty. Then we just watch for a moment then give them their privacy. Sound good?"

"Perfect," Joey whispered, tiptoeing the last few feet to the door. He was silent for a long moment, head tilted. "I can't hear anything," he finally added, voice still low. "Either they're whispering or they're making out. How can it be dirty if they're sleeping?" His hand was already on the doorknob, and he turned and pushed silently.

Nick couldn't see much, really, just the end of the bed, the rumpled blankets and sheets that had somehow ended up piled there. He still couldn't hear any sounds, though -- no whispering, no kissing, no nothing. "What do you see?" he whispered softly to Joey, who had poked his head in a little more to see around the door.

"Oh," Joey said softly, more of a breath, really, and let go of Nick's legs so he could slide to the floor. Joey's gentle hands caught his waist and turned him, pushed him further into the room. "Look," he added, unnecessarily, as Nick's eyes were caught by a tangle of bare bodies, brown and ink-splashed pale. "Aren't they beautiful?"

"Oh," Nick echoed him as he watched them, sleeping peacefully now -- no matter what they'd been doing before -- and blissfully unaware of anyone looking at them. "Yeah. Wow." He thought maybe they should go, now that they'd seen, but he couldn't tear his eyes away.

Joey's arms came around him from behind, and Joey's chin dug into his shoulder a little sharply as he rested it there. "They don't look sticky," he whispered, a laugh trembling in his voice. "But look, there, the way AJ's lying. He must be flexible as JC, all twisted around Howie like that." And it was true, Howie was sprawled flat on his back, but AJ had a leg or an arm curled around every reachable part of him. "They look like a painting."

"I wish I could capture it," said Nick, Joey saying what he himself was thinking. "But I'm still too shaky. I probably can't even do stick figures right now. We should probably ... " He wanted to keep looking, keep watching and keep imagining how happy they were, but it probably wasn't right. Just a few more moments.

Joey was hard behind him, but it didn't feel urgent, just comfortable, a normal reaction to touch and looking at attractive naked people. "I like the way they look. Like they just fell asleep in the middle of kissing, all sleepy and happy. Maybe if we look a little longer, you'll remember, and you can paint it later. It would be a nice thing to show them, maybe."

"But then we'd have to admit that we were here," whispered Nick, leaning back comfortably against him and letting Joey support a lot of his weight. "That we saw. And this is private. I might try, just to remember. But for them ... I'm gonna paint a moment that they choose to share with us. When they do."

"Yeah," Joey murmured, his hands flattening on Nick's stomach, holding him close. "Definitely do that. I bet they'll be sharing soon, AJ doesn't seem like the shy, retiring type, and you can take them. I just, I can't stop looking at Howie. Look at how happy he looks. Wow." He kissed the side of Nick's neck, lightly, before returning his chin to its spot on Nick's shoulder.

"I'm happy for them," said Nick honestly. "They needed this, both of them. Things'll be easier for them now, I think. We should probably really go now, though. Maybe do a little cuddling of our own?"

"I can do that." Joey was still for another moment, just looking, then he sighed and moved away from Nick, back towards the door, his hands sliding off Nick's belly with tangible reluctance. His voice got a little louder as the door closed, but his smile was still soft and a little wistful. "I'm happy for them too. It's so amazing, seeing them get together. They're kind of perfect for each other, I think."

"They'll be good together," Nick agreed, staring at the door for a moment. "They'll have rough patches, but Howie is patient enough to get through him now that AJ has made it clear he's interested, too, I think. And it's good they're *sleeping*. Boy, did they need it."

"Rough patches," Joey snorted, hauling Nick into his arms without even hesitating. "AJ really *is* a handful. But he's not stupid, either, so hopefully it'll work out okay." He was more careful to be quiet on his way back down the stairs. "I don't even really want to wake 'em up for dinner. Did you see those dark circles on AJ? Looked like he'd had new tattoos done, only this time on his face. Maybe I'll have mom just leave out some stuff, so if they get hungry later they can get it themselves."

"Maybe not a bad idea," said Nick, refusing to blush at how easily and freely Joey hauled him around. "If they wake up on their own, then that's great. If not, then there's nothing that can't be reheated, in my experience. And your mama knows at least *you'll* be eating at the table with her. Even if I'm only sipping at my shake."

"Your shake that's probably getting warm, by now," Joey mentioned as he carefully swung Nick's legs around the corner of the landing. "We'll let them sleep. I bet they sleep straight through till tomorrow. And with any luck, we will too, once we get some food into us. Well, except the fact that you've gotta wake up at five for another shake. But till then, it's dreamtime." He smiled down at Nick. "You wanna eat in the kitchen, or are you feeling like dinner in bed?"

"Kitchen," said Nick firmly. "I'm gonna be in bed for my next, like, dozen meals, or something. I don't need to be hooked up just yet. Let me do this one in the kitchen, with everyone else. I might even steal something off your plate." He wasn't counting on it, but he thought that might make Joey smile.

Joey grinned at him. "I dunno, man. My eating-with-guys reflexes are pretty well-honed. You might get your hand smacked if you try." That was so improbable that Nick even chuckled a little, winning him a delighted squeeze. "It'll just be you and me and Mom and Dad, you know. Not a very large 'everyone else.'"

"I'm looking forward to that," said Nick with a sigh of relief. It meant less people staring at him while he very obviously *didn't* eat with everyone else. "Well, and Howie and AJ if they wake up." Which he doubted very much. "What are we having?"

"I have no idea," Joey chuckled. "Something with chicken, I think, she was mentioning chicken earlier." He reached the bottom of the stairs, and put Nick down as carefully as if he was made of glass. "I have a feeling we won't be seeing the guys again, so, just us. Nice little family dinner. And you can steal off my plate all you want." He leaned up and kissed Nick, then let go of his waist, stepping away. "I'm gonna go get your shake, okay? You good here?"

"I'll meet you in the kitchen, at the table" insisted Nick, taking a tentative step forward, then turning his head and smiling at him. "I can make it on my own. And look, four walls to help me if I start wobbling. Okay? Okay, Joey?"

"Okay." Joey stepped back, not turning around, eyes still on Nick. He kept backing away, not turning until he had to open the door to the den, watching Nick walk. He was actually back before Nick even made it to the kitchen, the shake in one hand, his cellphone in the other, and he was pushing buttons, frowning down at it.

Nick paused to look at him in concern, leaning against a closet door. "Everything okay?" he asked, nodding at the phone. "Don't tell me. Justin again?"

"Yeah." Joey's mouth was a thin, tense line, so unlike his usual happy almost-smile that it changed his whole face. "Fortunately, I missed his call. Fuck it, I'll call him back after dinner." He snapped the phone closed and turned his attention back to Nick. "Dinner," he explained, lifting the shake a little. "Mmmm, mmmm, good. And it's even good *for* you."

"Those look less appetizing every time I see them," Nick had to admit, taking another step toward the kitchen. "You wanna tell me about the call? I *am* a pretty good listener, despite every single thing I've shown you about myself in the last week."

"I know you are," Joey said, pacing at his side. "It's just...he's having a crisis. And involving me, for whatever reason. I know he's not just trying to fuck with my head, he's not like that. But he's being very strange. I'll tell you all the details after dinner, if you really want to hear." He sighed, and pushed open the door to the kitchen, flooding the hallway with the smell of warm food. "Hey mom." She was standing at the stove, and waved at them both cheerfully, before frowning at Nick.

"Young man, what are you doing out of bed?"

"I wasn't ready to lie down?" suggested Nick with a sheepish smile. "Honest, I just wanted to stretch my legs out while I still could. I'll go back to bed right after dinner, I promise. I just wanted ... to feel normal, for a little while. It smells really good in here."

"You can be normal lying down like you're supposed to," she grumbled, but smiled a little at his compliment. "Thank you, sweetheart. It's just chicken marsala, nothing too fancy, since I think we're all a bit tired. Sit down, sit down. Joey, set another place, please. Are you going to go wake your friends?"

"No, I don't think so," Joey said, with a secret smile at Nick as he moved to do as she asked. "They're pretty tired. I think we should just let them sleep, for now. It *does* smell good. You know that good smells are supposd to make you hungry, right?" The last was directed at Nick.

"Yes, yes," said Nick, giving him an indulgent sigh. "But do you really think my body responds to stuff like a normal person's? Oh ... and I can just take AJ's chair. I can't bring myself to wake him up, he looks so comfortable. And tired. But mostly comfortable." He started slowly making his way to the table, again under his own power entirely, even though both Joy an dhis mother looked like they wanted to rush to his side and help.

"Well, it can't hurt," Joey argued, twitching a little, then moving forward to pull out Nick's chair and hovering by it. "You can try a bite of mine, if you want. Mom, maybe you can leave AJ and Howie's someplace they can find them if they wake up all hungry in the middle of the night?" Joey clearly felt that people going hungry was a terrible thing.

"Of course, I'll set it in the fridge for them." She was watching Nick as well, but a little less intently. "You're looking much, much better, Nick. It's just wonderful, the way you're improving."

Nick knew he had to look *worse* than he had when they'd first arrived, but a lot better than he had the day before. Anything would look better than that. "I'm still so sorry for how much trouble I've been, this whole time," he said, carefully slipping into the seat that had been set out for him. "I can't believe Howie and AJ flew up here for me. They're clearly insane."

"Oh, they just love you," she said casually. "That's not insane, it's just nice. And you are no trouble at all. We're just so happy to have all this time with both of you." Her smile encompassed him and Joey, standing behind him with a hand on his shoulder, now, before she turned away to start serving the food.

"Dad's always late to dinner," Joey said easily, sitting down as well. "He'll be in as soon as the food hits the table, though, you can bet on it. You want some water, Nick?"

"Oh. Sure," said Nick, turning his head to look at him. Water filled you up, without you really getting anything inside you, but it was also supposed to help flush out his system. "As long as you're ready to cart me out to the bathroom on a moment's notice. Um." He blushed when he looked up at Joey's mom. "Not to be rude about it or anything. That's just kinda how it is right now."

"That's okay." Her smile was gentle. "That's actually wonderful news. Don't be embarrassed, we're just happy you're doing better. And you've been off your IV for a couple of hours now, it's probably a good time to have some water, anyway." She brought him a glass, and Joey a plate, and returned for more.

"Water and a milkshake," Joey shook his head, smiling. "You're gonna just float away."

"Well, I'm hoping *not*, actually," Nick reminded him with a little smile. "Floating away was my problem before, and if I never have to go through dialysis again, it'll be too soon. Oh, is this a different kind of milkshake this time? Or is it just because I let it get all melty?"

"A little bit of both, I think," Joey said, looking at it with his head tilted. "The doctor gave us stuff to put in it, so that probably changed it, kinda. But it's still got milk and ice cream in it, so it should taste just about the same." He looked up as his father came in, sliding into a chair with a nod at Nick and a smile for his wife. "Hey pop. Right on time, as usual."

Nick looked down at his pajamas and felt woefully, woefully underdressed. "Hey," he said shyly, giving him a little wave. "It's good to see you again." He did look at his milkshake suspiciously. "What *kind* of stuff did he give you to put in it?"

"Something to put some weight back on you, I hope," said Joe Sr., reaching over to give him a pat on the shoulder. "Not much left of you there. Are you sure you don't want some chicken? My Phyllis makes delicious chicken. Almost as good as mine."

Joey snorted a little, then looked innocent when his father glared at him. "What? Come on, you know I love your chicken. It's wonderful." He rolled his eyes at Nick when he could tell his father couldn't see, and leaned in to whisper in his ear. "Dry as a bone." When he leaned back, his eyes were sparkling with laughter.

"Now Joe, you know you always cook the chicken a little too long," Phyllis said calmly, bringing the last plate and sitting down. "It's just a few supplements, Nick. Vitamins, some protein, that kind of thing. Now eat, it's getting cold. And warm, in your case."

Everyone else seemed more than happy to dig into their food; for his part, Nick poked warily at the mlkshake, then took a sip of the water. He figured everyone there would know it wasn't an insult to the chef that he was a little reluctant to drink it right down. Joey's dad motioned at the chicken and raised an eyebrow at him, but Nick just shook his head at him. It looked very rich and filling and he was pretty sure his body wouldn't be happy with that.

"So how was the reception?" he asked finally, and innocuously, he hoped.

"Oh, it was lovely," Phyllis said happily, settling down to her meal. "The band was wonderful, the food was just right. They had Lady In Red for the first dance, did I tell you? It was just so sweet, the bride was glowing." She pushed the dish of potatoes to Joey, who dug in cheerfully. "Sarah ate too much wedding cake and got sick, and Uncle Hal fell asleep at his table and fell off his chair. I think a number of the young people went out dancing afterwards, too. They love having a wedding in the big city."

"I bet," Joey said dryly. "Didn't Gino get arrested that time after Claudia's wedding?"

"Joey, you know this was a dry wedding," she scolded him, taking the potatoes away. "And Gino couldn't come, it would have violated his parole." She looked at Nick, smiling a little. "I have some plain noodles, and these potatoes, if you'd like something a little more solid than your shake. They're both on your approved list."

"I have a list?" asked Nick, raising an eyebrow at that. The doctor had spoken much more thoroughly to her than to him, obviously. "I didn't know that. I thought i was just on shakes until I'm sick to death of them, then back to whatever i was doing before. Joey, did you know about a list?" He probably did; Nick felt pretty out of the loop. He might even had been told things that he'd forgotten, while he was there.

"More drinking," insisted Joe, pushing the milkshake towards Nick. "No one leaves a Fatone table hungry. And the reception was just a reception. Lots of people, lots of food. The usual."

"Well, you *are* on shakes until you're sick to death of them," Phyllis agreed, rolling her eyes at her husband. "But he mentioned foods that might be easy on your stomach, and the minute you feel like you can handle it, you should try. The shakes are good, but solid food is better."

"He gave me a list when he was here before, remember?" Joey took a huge mouthfull, chewed and swallowed, then continued. "We were doing yogurt and noodles there for a bit. Relax, dad. He's doing just what he's supposed to, and he'll eat when he's ready. Oh, did you sing? You always sing at these things."

"Of course I sang," he said, once he'd swallowed his mouthful. "I always sing. Missed singing with you, though. Next time you and Nick are joining me up there if I have to carry you. Sarah was disappointed -- I told her she'd see you next time. Oh ... that okay?"

"Next time," agreed Nick softly, taking a tiny sip of his melted shake. "Oh. That list. So it's still the same then? Well that's good, probably, But that's only for until I'm strong again, right?"

"Well, of course," Phyllis said, reaching over to pat his arm. "And in fact, it's really only a list of recommendations, things that will be easy for you to eat, and easy on your stomach. Once you're feeling better and stronger and hungry again, you're back to normal food. But I think the doctor will want to see you then, or recommend a dietician, just to make sure you gain that weight back."

"Next time we'll be there with dancing shoes on," Joey nodded, sipping his own water and watching Nick drink. "Those shakes are designed to give you all the nutrition you need, though, or most of it. So till you're back to normal meals, it's ice cream all the way, babe."

Nick made a face and wished he wasn't so conspicuous. Even Joey's dad, who had gone back to eating, was keeping an eye on his progress. "Once I'm back on my feet again, I probably won't really have to gain much weight back," he said, smoothing his pajama top over his body and studying himself. "Just a little. I just need to get a little stronger again."

Joey opened his mouth, then closed it, and looked down, rubbing a hand over his face. He didn't say anything, but the strain of staying silent was clear on his face.

"Oh, no, Nick," Phyllis said, looking only a little concerned and patting him again. "I don't know what they told you at that hospital, but you need quite a bit more meat on those bones. I'd say at least thirty pounds. I'm pretty sure the doctor thinks so too, from everything he's said. I don't know what people were thinking, letting you get so thin. Though I suppose you weren't well, that explains a lot."

"Just a little," said Nick again, but he did sip the shake, making sure they watched while he did. He *was* making an effort. "Wouldn't want to go too far the other way again or anything, is all. Maybe ten pounds or something? That would fill me out again, I'm sure. Right?"

"We'll talk about it another time," Joey said firmly, cutting his mother off when she looked like she would protest. "It's a little complicated, mom." He turned to his father. "So, dad. I know you know these guys, or at least met them, but did mom tell you that we've got two more Backstreet Boys upstairs? They're sleeping the sleep of the...just." He smiled, but it seemed a little forced.

"We have more guests?" he said, obviously not having been informed. "Why didn't someone tell me? I would have at least said hi to them when they got here."

"They'll be here for a while, I think," ventured Nick meekly, taking another sip as they all watched him even more closely. "I hope that's okay. So there'll be lots of time to meet them when they're more awake, I think."

"They kind of staggered in and passed right out," Joey said, grinning a little at Nick. "Probably wouldn't have made a great impression on you. You can say hi tomorrow. They came to see Nick, and mom took them in, like she does."

"Of course it's okay," Phyllis assured Nick. "We would have been so disappointed if they hadn't come to stay with us. That AJ, he looks like he needs a good square meal too, and you just can't get home cooking in a hotel." She shook her head, clucking a little. "No wonder that poor sweet JC is so thin. He's always eating out."

"Oh, AJ eats like a horse," said Nick, both an assurance and a warning. "He's just like that, is all. Metabolism. I used to hate him an awful lot for it." He took another sip of the shake. "So what are my doctor's orders, anyway? Finish this no matter what? Or stop when I feel full?"

"It...eat until you're absolutely positive you can't any more," Phyllis said kindly. "Don't make yourself sick, but don't stop just because you're not feeling perfectly comfortable. You need to get as much into you as you can." "I'd say he was leaning more towards the 'finish it no matter what' side than the 'stop when you feel full' side," Joey commented, taking another bite of his chicken. "This is really good, mom, thanks. You want to try a little tiny bite, Nick?"

"Is it on my *list*," said Nick, with a trace of bitterness, staring at the still-very-full milkshake. "I've already eaten a lot today. I had two milkshakes you know. And I drank all of them."

"Heck, I could have two milkshakes for *breakfast* and ask for more," said Joe, helping himself to more potatoes. "I'm sure you can finish a third."

"Dad." Joey's voice was sharp. "Please." He turned to Nick, softening. "Nick, don't worry about the list. The list is just the stuff you can eat or have to eat, even when you don't want to. Anything you *want* to eat is automatically on the list, okay? And you're doing great. If you just wanna stick with that shake for now, that's cool."

"Just do your best, Nick," Phyllis said, nodding. "Don't worry about that list right now."

"You know what I want," said Nick, but he didn't dare push it away. Just glared at it. And sighed. "I'm fine with just the milkshake. And I'll finish it, I promise. Which ... I mean, everything looks and smells wonderful, of course. And you all look like you're enjoying it a lot ... "

"It's very good," said Joe. "You want some, just say the word. And that's all I'm gonna say."

"Good," Joey said, shooting his father a look, before turning back to Nick. "It tastes wonderful, too. But if you finish the milkshake, you're doing great, and that's all you have to worry about right now." He set down his knife, and reached for Nick's hand, folding their fingers together and resting them on the table between their plates.

"So, Nick," Phyllis said brightly. "I have to ask...AJ and that nice boy Howie, is there anything special they need while they're here? Are either of them vegetarians, do you know?"

"Oh no, no," he said. "They aren' t picky. AJ grew up just like me, eating anything you threw in front of him. And Howie ... yeah. You get used to not being so picky. I told them you were a fantastic cook so now they're really looking forrward to it. When they get up, anyway. So tomorrow."

"Tomorrow," Phyllis said. "Your father went and cleared out the Blockbuster, Joey, so you and Nick will have something to watch. Because I meant it when I said bed rest." She smiled at him. "I'm letting you up because I'm just so glad to have you back, and moving around. But no overdoing it, this time."

"Or the doc'll skin her, then me, *then* you," Joey agreed, eating with his free hand. "He's been nice so far, but he can be real scary. REAL scary."

"If he hasn't given up on me so far," said Nick, "I don't think he's gonna. I was in some rough shape, before. And now. And ... " He sighed. "Always." He took a sip of the milkshake to keep from having to elaborate on that. They wouldn't ask if he coudln't answer.

"But not forever," Joey said firmly, letting go of his hand and wrapping that arm around him, actually tugging his chair closer. "And nobody's giving up. Why would they, when you just keep getting better?"

"Always, Nick?" Phyllis's eyes were sharp but kind. "Joey told us that it was a more recent thing, the drinking. And you *are* doing just wonderfully, you know. I certainly didn't expect to be sitting down to dinner with you so soon."

"Well, I'm not actually eating dinner," he said, poking at the milkshake. "So we shouldn't get ahead of ourselves. Really, the only things I'm accomplishing here are sitting and talking, and I was pretty much *always* able to do those. Even at my worst." Always, he said again in his head, but not aloud this time.

"No, you were pretty much unconscious at your worst," Joey said, the softness of his voice at odds with the bluntness of his words. "So, solid food or not, you're *way* ahead of the game right now."

"You should drink your shake, Nick." Phyllis's eyes were still disconcertingly perceptive, when they met his. "Moving the glass around isn't going to make you better."

Nick shrank from that attention, not at all prepared to deal with it. Well-meaning or not. "I'm drinking," he said in a small voice, pulling the shake closer but not putting the straw to his mouth.

"No, you're not," said Joe, a lot more quietly than he'd been before.

"I'm *drinking*," insisted Nick. "I *am*."

"Shh." Joey stroked his back calmingly. "Is that one too melted? We can make another one if you want, and take it back with us to our room, where it's a little quieter. You need to drink it, though, Nick. You've barely touched that one." He rested his hand in the small of Nick's back, and glanced at his parents. His mother nodded at him and touched her husband's arm, capturing his attention and asking him a question softly.

"Okay. Remember what happens when you start getting upset about food? It doesn't go down at all. Take a couple of deep breaths, okay?" Joey's eyes were worried, and he kept his voice low.

"I'm fine," insisted Nick, barely keeping from jerking away from him. "I'm drinking. I'm just drinking slow, is all. I'm *not* ruining dinner, Joey. You guys just eat and I'll sit here and drink and everyone will be happy, okay? Please? And maybe when I'm done, I'll have a little piece of your chicken and everyone will be happy."

"You're not ruining dinner," Joey said, the surprise in his voice genuine. "And baby, I'm not happy unless you're happy. So how 'bout we sit here and have a nice conversation, just like we were, and you can settle a little bit. Deep breaths, remember? We love you, we're not gonna think less of you for anything. If you truly want a bite of chicken you can have one, after you've finished your shake. But if you don't, that's okay too. Okay?"

"Is it?" asked Nick softly, spotting all the eyes on him again. "Will you really be happy if all I have is this milkshake? Or will you still be disappointed in me like before?" He did take a deep breath, though, and sipped the shake again, taking as big a mouthful as he dared.

"I'm never disappointed in you, Nick." Joey didn't take his hands away. "I'll be perfectly happy if all you have is the milkshake. Don't go overboard, either. Just drink it nice and slow and steady."

"No one's disappointed, you know," Phyllis added gently. "We're just worried about you and want you to feel better as soon as possible. That's all."

Nick stared down at the table until the prickly crying feeling passed. With any luck, his eyes were only a little red, and not watery at all. "Okay," he said. "Okay. I'm getting better. I'll drink my shake and gain a few pounds and I'll be better. That's all we can do, I know that. Um. Thank you, for letting me eat at the table with you."

"Doofus." Joey smiled at him, pulled him so close he was almost in his lap. "Sweet boy. You are getting better. And don't thank us. You're family, you're always welcome at the table with us, no matter what."

"It's so lovely to have you home, Nick, how could we resist?" Phyllis was smiling too. "We want to see as much of you as we can, while you're here."

"My stay seems to just be getting longer and longer," said Nick, venturing a smile at them. "Next think you know, I'm gonna be permanently moved in and y'all are gonna wonder just when *that* happened. I'll paint you something nice, though, to make up for it. Once I'm doing better, and not tied to the sofa in the den anymore."

"Nick paints," Joey said proudly, in answer to his father's questioning look. "Really, really well. And he pretty much taught himself, but his paintings are just amazing. And he's taking a class and everything now."

"Oh, that's wonderful!" Phyllis leaned forward, interested. "What kind of class? And you're welcome to move in here any time you like. Especially if it'll bring Joey for more frequent visits." Even her scolding was fond.

"Oh, it's just an art history class," said Nick softly. "I'm gonna fail it now, though, 'cause I'm not doing it. Not doing my assignments while I've been ... sick. But I leaned a lot while I was doing it anyway. I'm an okay painter ... Joey thinks I'm really good. Some other people think I'm kinda good too, I guess. I like it, anyway."

"He's amazing," Joey said again, firmly. "He's just being modest. Wait till you see, when you come visit next time you'll have to see. You'll fall down, he's so good. He's got this one picture of Howie, I swear, I thought it was a big photo for a while, only nice and deep like paintings are, you know?"

"I would love to see," she nodded, taking another bite of the chicken, as Joey started eating again too. "I'll bet you're very talented. And I'm sure they have provisions in the school for illness. Maybe you could take the final at some later time? Most places will."

Nick just shook his head and ground his teeth for a moment, frustrated and nervous. "No, I don't think this is the kind of illness they had in mind when they made that provision. "I drank myself sick" just doesn't fly. And even if we could get someone to lift the kidney stuff out of the rest in my medical records, so I could ask for a deferral, that would still get me only a few more days. And I won't be ready then, with the rest of it. I guess I just wans't cut out for college courses."

Joey raised his eyebrows at him, over a mouthful of potatoes. After taking a sip of water, he turned back to Nick. "Nick, I don't think you can really judge from this one class. You were an active alcoholic for the first part of it, and in recovery lately, and neither of those things really helps much with the whole academic attempt. You really enjoyed that class, I know you did. Don't let this discourage you from taking it again if you want, or a whole different one."

"Well, if you spectacularly fail the one and only course you're taking, they don't really encourage you to take more," mumbled Nick into the remains of his shake. His stomach lurched, and he pushed the glass away in self-defense. "Doesn't mean I can't paint. Just means I'm not really smart." He gave them all a wide, fake smile. "The shake was good. How long until I have to eat again."

"Three hours," Phyllis said mildly, watching him carefully. "I think you can probably withdraw from the class and not actually fail it. I seem to recall Janine doing that a lot, and they were certainly happy enough to take her back every semester."

"Nick," Joey said, smiling a little and touching his cheek gently. "It'll be okay. Don't fib about the shake, you looked like you were drinking pickle juice. But you drank a lot of it, that's great, and we'll work it out with the school. They have lots of special things they do for people taking correspondance courses, they know you're busy. It'll be okay."

"I said I wouldn't need any special consideration," Nick mumbled, shaking his head again. "I have to do these things on time, just like anyone else, unless I have a really good reason. Maybe ... maybe it's not too late to withdraw. Then at least I could go back someday. Maybe. Maybe I just should let it go, though. It was a silly idea. I probably wouldn't have gone back anyway." He took a sip of the water, to try and dilute the thick feeling in his throat.

"It's not silly," Joey murmured. "You *have* a really good reason, and if it's something you liked, you should stick with it. You can go back even if you don't withdraw, you know. Chris failed almost all his classes his first semester--he brags about it, the dork--and he graduated and everything. At least don't make any decisions now." He stroked his thumb over Nick's wrist, keeping his eyes on Nick's face.

Phyllis nodded. "I always told my kids, never make big decisions when you're feeling down. They're rarely good and healthy ones, and then you have to fix them later, when you're less upset and seeing more clearly. You have plenty of time, Nick."

"My mother never said that," said Nick. He couldn't meet any of their eyes, he just couldn't, not until he actually had *something* in his life he did right, something he could be proud of. "Well, there's nothing I can do about it right now anyway. But I packed my sketchbook ... didn't I, Joey? So I can maybe show you something anyway."

"Your mother-" Joey muttered, but then cut himself off. "Yeah, you packed it. It's actually in your backpack, in the den, if I remember right. You want me to go get it? I haven't even peeked, you know." He grinned at his parents. "Nick has bunches of stuff I haven't seen yet. I keep bugging him, but he always says he'll show me later."

"I *will* show you later," said Nick, blushing. "Maybe tonight or something, since I have to be up to eat again in three hours and all. I'm sure none of you want to see while you're eating."

"Maybe all of us can see *some* time, though," said Joe, encouragingly. "If you don't want to show us now. You're bound to get tired of movies sooner or later."

"I would love to see," Phyllis added, nodding. "I mean, I'd love to see them anytime, and we're just about finished here. But whenever you feel comfortable showing us, Nick." She stood, and began to clear the empty plates from the table. "Joey, could you start the dishes, please?"

"I'm pretty sure that's not in my contra-" he shut his mouth immediately as his mother pinned him with a look, and rolled his eyes at Nick as he heaved himself to his feet. "Millionaire, popstar, adored by millions, and my mother still makes me scrape the plates," he muttered good-humoredly.

"Do you need any help?" asked Nick quickly "I can help, I'm sure I can stand that long at least." And it would keep him busy, and assuming he didn't drop anything he wouldn't be the center of attention for a moment.

"Oh, nonsense," said Joe, handing over his plate. "You'll have plenty of chances to pick up after us when you're feeling better. For now, just sit. Or we can get you back to the den, if you want."

"Don't you dare," Joey added, smiling at him. "For one thing, you're a guest, though actually I guess you count more as family now. But yeah, even if you weren't sick, this has been my job since I was like six. It's tradition. You just sit tight, or yeah, we can go back to bed in a minute." He rolled his eyes at his father. "Not like that, dad, Jesus."

"Mouth," his mother warned sternly, handing him a plate. "Oh, Joe, did Joey tell you about Brianna? She says mama and dada and a few other words, too. I just can't wait for you to meet her," she said to Nick confidingly. "She's the most gorgeous baby ever born."

Nick relaxed and even smiled at them. "I keep hearing so," he said, sitting back in his chair. "I can't wait either. I guess I'll have to for a while, though. But Joey'll bring me pictures."

"You just tell me when she starts saying 'grandpa' and I'll be on the first flight down to see you," said Joe, but he sounded *so* proud Nick was surprised he wasn't already on the phone, booking a flight to go see her. "I bought presents. Don't forget, before you go."

"Wenesday," Joey called, from the sink. "You're gonna meet her Wednesday, Nick, and we won't forget your presents, pop. Mom would slaughter me. But we might have to charter a separate plane for them."

"There aren't THAT many," Phyllis protested, though her cheeks were a little pink. "It's her grandparents' job to spoil her, you know that."

"And you two are employees of the year," Joey pointed out, drying his hands as he walked back to the table. "She's so spoiled it hurts," he told Nick, walking to him and wrapping an arm around his shoulders. "They're gonna ruin her for life."

"And you're loving every minute of it," said Nick, leaning against him. "You know you are. Just wait till she's a teenager, though. You're gonna *need* me around to help control her. Me and an army."

"And then we'll know we've succeeded in our duties as grandparents," said Joe, hauling himself to his feet and patting Joey on the shoulder. "We raised three kids of our own. We've earned this."

"I will buy a shotgun, and one for you, Nick. I'll take the front door, you can have the back. She ain't gonna date till she's 21, I swear. None of this teenager stuff. Wonder if I can send her to a convent till she's married? They still do that, right?" He looked down at Nick pleadingly.

"None of that," Phyllis chuckled, finally clearing Nick's glass away. "You'll have your hands full, a little charmer like she is." She looked positively gleeful at the prospect. "I always hoped you'd have a child just like you, Joey, and I see my prayers have been answered."

Nick laughed softly. "Oh man, what have I gotten myself into?" he asked, but his heart just kept rising and rising and feeling fuller the more he thought about it. "You'll go easy on me, right? I didn't terrorize you as a teenager. I need to be broken into this gently, I think."

"I don't know," she said, musing, her eyes twinkling at him. "As co-parent, I think you're just as liable. But since you're so sweet, I think maybe we grandparents can fight for your team. At least for a while, till you're a little more used to things. At least, we can tell you stories about Joey; that might give you a *little* warning about how Bree's going to be."

"This is just an excuse to embarrass me more, you know," Joey said, sounding martyred. "I'm sure my daughter will be a perfect angel. Especially once she enters the convent, and all."

"I dated a girl from a convent once ... " mused Nick softly. "After she left, of course. But you really don't want to hear about that. At *all*. Anyway, point being you might want to keep her at home." He got quiet for a moment until he felt Joe's hand on *his* shoulder.

"You guys'll do fine," he said confidently.

"Well, I'm not exactly co-parent, though," he added. "She already has one of those."

"There's not really a number limit, Nick," Phyllis laughed a little. "I have a feeling you'll be a big part of her life, and be helping Joey a lot, and that qualifies you. The person behind the door when she comes home from school someday? That's definitely a co-parent."

"I wanna hear that convent story sometime," Joey murmured to him, smiling and tugging at his arm just a little. "Me and the co-parent need to go back to bed, I think. It's getting late, and he needs his sleep. You ready, Nick?"

"Let's just see how I turn out, before you decide you want to keep me," he murmured, letting Joey help him to his feet. "You might turn out not to like me at all. But she sounds so wonderful ... " He looked up and smiled at them again, even though it felt shakier. "You'll wake me when it's time to eat again?"

"Of course." Phyllis pinched out the candles on the table, and gave Joe a quick peck before leading them out of the room. "We'll get you all settled in for a nap, and I'll set the alarm clock in here," she went on, walking ahead of them and opening the door, straightening the comforter on the couch and reaching for an IV bag. "I've got another shake in the freezer, ready when you want it."

"Thanks, mom." Joey smiled at her, plopping down on the extended mattress of the couch. "And Nick's even already in his PJs. Oh, that reminds me, I'm gonna put a load of laundry in later. Just so you know, don't run the dishwasher at the same time."

Nick sat down gingerly on the edge of the bed. "So I guess this is it, huh?" he said, looking around the room that he was going to be stuck in for the next couple days. At least it was big. "Wait. Let me go to the bathroom first. Joey? Can you ... ?" He still hated asking for help.

"I promise, we'll try to make it as un-prison-like as possible," Joey assured him, standing again. "And the bathroom's...you know where it is. I'll come with you, sure." He helped Nick to his feet.

"The IV will wait till you get back," Phyllis agreed, though she checked her watch and looked a little concerned. "Can you think of anything else you need, while I'm waiting?" "My life back?" suggested Nick without thinking, then looked down at his feet. "I'm sorry. No. Thank you. You're already doing more than I could ask for. Should have ever asked for. We'll be right back. And ... um ... if you hear any strange noises? Just ignore them."

Phyllis looked at him concerned, as Joey helped him out of the room. "You know I--we--would get that back for you, if we could, right?" He said quietly, holding the bathroom door open for Nick. "And I don't know who gave you the idea that you're an imposition, but in my world, people who love you are happy to have the chance to help you out, be here for you. We've had to just about force everything on you as it is. You're really not asking for very much, baby."

"Joey, I've been *such* a bother," he protested as they closed the door. "I know you guys say you don't mind, but that doesn't change that ever since I got here -- ever since we *met* -- I haven't given any of you much reason to love me like you do." He licked his lips and leaned against the wall and started to undo his pajama bottoms "This is where I fell," he said, looking at the floor by the sink and not at Joey.

"This is where I found you," Joey murmured in reply, and then seemed to shake himself. "You haven't been a bother. Well, I'll admit going to the hospital was a little unexpected, but man, this is life. Shit happens all the time, if you get too upset about it, you'll never have a moment's peace." He smiled at Nick. "I think you should just accept the fact that we love you, and love doing things for you, and relax and enjoy it. It'll be much more restful for you."

"I don't think someone like you can even begin to understand why accepting it might be hard for me," said Nick, looking down at his pants again to get them down. "And I'm glad for that. It means you were raised well, Joey. It means you were always loved. Um. You might not want to watch this part."

"Okay." Joey turned obediently, staring at the wall. "You're right, it's hard for me to understand. I mean, I try to show you. I'm not lying to you. It's confusing for me, when you don't believe me." He sighed. "I'm just gonna keep telling you, though. And I *swear* you're not a bother, not to any of us. We're all happy you're here."

"It's as hard for me to explain as it is for you to understand," said Nick, leaning forward against the wall behind the toilet with one arm, and pulling himself out with the other. Nothing happened. He stared at his dick for a minute, then murmured. "It's okay ... go ahead ... it's just Joey ... he's seen you in much more compromising positions than *this* ... "

Joey chuckled a little, and Nick could hear him move. "Yeah, he definitely shouldn't be shy, by now. Um. Think of waterfalls. Rushing streams. Trickling brooks. Maybe I should turn on the tap? Or do you want me to go? I can stand just outside the door, if you want, if you think it'll help."

"No, no, stay," said Nick with a sigh. "You weren't supposed to be listening to me talk to my dick, though." He glared at it again, trying not to think of the pain he'd be in again in a moment, and started going with a sharp gasp. No matter how much he was prepared for it, it always hit him hard. "Fuck. Me."

It felt like his whole pelvis was on fire, and he bent over a little, gritting his teeth against the pain. Joey's voice almost echoed in his ears, he was clenched so tight he could hear the blood rushing.

"Not any easier, huh? Shit. The doc said it'll be better real soon, like tomorrow. Don't tip over, okay?" Joey was still facing away, but his hand settled warm on Nick's shoulder, distracting him momentarily. "You think AJ and Howie'll sleep through till tomorrow?" he asked, clearly deliberately going for distraction. "And can we tease them a little when they get up, or is it too new, do you think?"

"No teasing until they let us know for real," he hissed out. The only thing that kept him from stopping right then and there was that he would just have to go again in an hour if he did. "If they wake up early, they know where to find us, well enough. I think maybe they'll show us, right off ... it's just us, after all."

"And it's not like they didn't kiss in front of us already," Joey pointed out, still sounding concerned. "And then teasing, but only a little, since they're so cute and all. Oh." He paused, pondering. "I think I'll tell AJ just how cute I think he is. Maybe my mom still has Steve's old football helmet and pads here, I'll put those on first." He shifted a little as the stream trailed off, and Nick sucked in a breath. "Almost done. Shit. If I knew it was gonna hurt that bad, maybe I would have lobbied a little harder for the catheter to stay in."

"No," said Nick right away, and suddenly the pain just didn't seem so bad. Especially since he was done. "No, no, no. Hurts like hell, but at least, you know, I have my dignity. And they are *never* putting one of those in me ever again. I mean it." He shook himself off and tucked it away. "You can look," he said softly, flushing. "And they did kiss, but it was ... I don't know what it was. *They* didn't know what it was, I think. So no teasing unless they do it again."

"There's nothing undignified about doing regular medical stuff," Joey argued, turning all the way around and pulling him into a hug. "I just don't like seeing you hurting, at all." He rocked Nick for a moment, then let go of him, stepping back. "As for those two...well, the kiss was maybe a little accidental, but it was definitely a kiss. And I won't tease them *bad*, unless AJ's an ass. Even then maybe not, because I think AJ'd try to beat me up if I upset Howie, and I'd hate to have to sit on him or something till he calmed down."

"You know, I keep seeing you threaten to sit on people, but I've never seen you follow through," said Nick, smiling at him and trying to ignore another burst of pain shooting through him, like an aftershock. "It would be a pretty interesting sight, I think. And I need all the entertainment I can get."

Joey snickered. "I have a feeling AJ's gonna need some containment, once he's had his rest. I'm perfectly willing to let him wear himself out bugging me, and then I'll sit on him and give you all the entertainment you like. I weigh about twice what he does; scrap'll get you so far, but at some point physics takes over." His hand stroked down Nick's arm, as if Joey couldn't bear to let go of him completely. "Either way, we'll keep you entertained, I'm sure."

"I just want you there," said Nick quietly, pressing his face to Joey's warm, solid body for a moment. "That's all. Okay? Now let's let me get washed up and then into bed, once and for all. I'm gonna have to sooner or later and I think your mom's getting a little impatient with me. I was really glad I got to eat with you all, though ... despite everything. Despite that it might've seemed like I maybe didn't want to be there."

"After the fight you put up to be there?" Joey smiled and squeezed him close, then eased him over to the sink and ran the water for him. "I could tell you were happy to eat with us. An' we were glad to have you, baby. My mom's not impatient, really, she's just feeling responsible for you right now, and she wants to make sure she does everything right. You *can* get up and walk around a little, even with the IV in, you know." He handed Nick a hand towel.

Nick leaned against the counter as he dried his hands, and tried not to think about the last time he'd been in here. He wondered if either of them would ever be entirely comfortable in this bathroom again. "I know I can," he said, making a real effort to keep his voice light. "But I'm not supposed to. Except to get here and back."

"Yeah," Joey said, frowning a little and looking at his foot, which was scuffing the bathmat. "But that's good. You can give your body a real break, you know? Not worry about going anywhere, doing anything, besides getting better. And you'll have your own travelling circus--or at least, three tenths of two boybands--around to keep you amused. You can make AJ fetch and carry for you! It'll be fun."

"Have *you* ever tried to get AJ to fetch and carry for you?" Nick asked him. "You have to be on your deathbed, pretty much, and as bad of shape as I'm in right now, I'm not quite *there*. I don't think I do well, chained down to the bed, entertainment or not. We'll have to see, I guess. Without painkillers, maybe laying down again will be a very, very good idea."

"Get Howie to talk him into it," Joey advised, taking his arm as he pushed away from the counter. "Just remember, staying quiet and resting now means you'll be up and around for real a lot faster. Don't think of it as being chained down, think of it as a really really relaxing vacation, where you don't have to move at all." He smiled at Nick, stepping slowly at his side. "If we get salsa music, do you think we can convince Howie to dance?"

"What, like a private performance?" asked Nick, giggling at the thought. "You got bills to stuff in his g-string or something?" The thought of that actually did make him feel a little better. "I'm trying to think of it as relaxing, but there's nothing relaxing inside me right now. It's hard to relax the body when the guts won't co-operate."

"Is it nerves, or is your stomach upset?" Joey asked calmly. "There's more of that drug in the IV you're about to get, the one that keeps you from getting sick, so if you can hang in there for a little while, you should be okay soon." He smiled sideways at Nick. "Howie Dorough in a g-string in my den. And here I thought I'd heard it all."

"You'll have something to talk about the next time one of the guys calls," he said, letting Joey lead him out of the room again. He was breathing easier the moment they were out. "Speaking of which ... I want you to tell me about your call, Joey. Please?"

Joey looked relieved to be back in the hallway too, but his mouth tightened when Nick mentioned the call. "Justin," he snorted, shaking his head. "He seems to think that we should all be single, because he is. Every time he calls, he has a new argument, a new angle. I just hope he's not doing this to Lance, too, we all think Emily's really good for him, and Lance isn't very patient with Justin." He pushed open the door to the den, but paused to let Nick catch up. "I really can't figure out what's going on with him. He wants us all to go on a month-long vacation, just N Sync. I've got a kid! And a boyfriend!"

*That* certainly wasn't what Nick was expecting to hear. "So ... when?" he asked finally as he stepped into the room, just past him. "Are you gonna? For the group, I mean? I could ... if it's far enough away, I might be well enough to look after Brianna, I guess, if Kelly wasn't always around. If you needed to do this. I know how it is ... "

"Hell no, I'm not going. Justin probably wants us to go golfing, or something, which I hate. And like I said, kid and boyfriend, and if he really wants us to bond, it's not like we don't all live within five minutes of each other." There was a high flush of red on Joey's cheeks, though, and Nick couldn't tell if it was irritation or something else. "We don't need to do this. Justin's being an idiot."

Nick nodded his head, and sat back down on the edge of the bed again. Joey's mother had taken a seat, waiting for them to return, and she looked like she could use a good rest as well. "Is it selfish to say that I'm glad you're not gonna?" he asked softly. "I'd miss you so much. Why's he being like that, about it?"

"I never really told you about when Justin was sick," Joey began, oddly enough, but then cut himself off when his mother stood with a smile. "I think you're gonna get hooked up. I'll tell you in a minute."

"You've already got the needle in," she said gently, rolling Nick's sleeve as he sat passively. "This will take just a second, and I'll leave you to sleep. Do you need anything before I go to bed?"

He just shook his head, staring at the contraption still lodged in his arm. That would be there for a while yet. "Three hours you said, right? Until I have to eat more? I can get it myself ... so no one has to get disturbed." It wasn't so far from his bed to the kitchen, and Joey had all but encouraged him to get up and walk around with his IV pole, and the millkshake was already ready to go.

"No, in three hours Joey can get up and get it for you," she said firmly, uncapping the IV and tapping out a bubble before attaching the long tube. "I'm very serious, Nick. No walking for you, unless it's to the bathroom, for at least the first twenty-four hours. That's what we're here to help with."

"I'll take care of it," Joey promised his mother and Nick equally. "I'll be sleeping with you anyway, so when you get up I'll get up. One am isn't that late." He squeezed Nick's free hand, and smiled. "I'll even tell you dumb jokes till you're done with it."

Nick smiled a little and just shook his head again. "If you have to, you have to," he said. "I won't fight you on it. I *can't* fight you on it. You'd just ... sit on me. Um. Thank you. Both."

"You're welcome, sweetheart." Phyllis stroked his hair back off his forehead, then checked out the line, going over everything one more time. "Okay. You're on a slow drip, it looks good. If anything goes wrong, you come get me up right away, you hear?" She kissed his cheek. "I'm off to bed."

"Night mom." Joey picked her up in a huge bear hug, then set her down just as carefully as he did Nick. "Thanks. Love you."

"Good night," said Nick faintly, turning himself around and laying back. "I'll see you in the morning ... sleep well." He didn't know what else to say, didn't know what the right thing to say was, to her. Didn't understand how close they were, or weren't.

"What, no kiss for me?" she teased him lightly, leaning down over him. "I won't sleep well if you send me away all polite and formal, instead of like family," she warned. "I demand kisses from all my boys before sleep." She turned her cheek to him expectantly.

"Better do it, she's not kidding," Joey agreed, smiling at them fondly. "When we were little, she always said a kiss before bed made your dreams sweet."

Nick smiled shyly and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then turned it into a one-armed hug. "Thank you," he said softly. "For everything. I've never had anyone do anything like this for me before."

"Oh, sweetie." She hugged him back tightly, and kissed him again, this time on the forehead. "It's just family. I love you." She smiled at him again, then stood, kissed Joey, and walked to the door. "Sweet dreams," she said, turning, before she closed the door quietly behind herself. Joey took Nick's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"Better now?" He asked, and Nick couldn't tell if he was talking about lying down, or the goodnight kiss, or his stomach.

"Yeah," he said, kinda to all three, he tugged Joey closer to him, trying to get him to lie down, too. "It's all getting better, I think. So ... I'm not gonna go to sleep right this second. Tell me more? About what you were saying before?"

Joey collapsed easily beside him, easing down to rest on one elbow at Nick's side, settling their linked hands on Nick's breastbone. "I don't...well, he was crazy, there, for a while. And he was only eighteen, really young, and *he* didn't have a clue what was going on or how to handle it all, especially when he decided to stop. It was really hard for him. And he kind of...he blamed Chris and JC, totally unfairly, so it was up to me to take care of him." Joey chuckled a little, though he didn't sound very amused. "All of us, but me the most. And I didn't mind. I loved him. A lot." He sighed. "He got really attached. It wasn't...easy." He broke off, and frowned like he was concentrating.

"Attached," said Nick, feeling out all the possible connotations of the word. There were a lot, and he thought maybe Joey meant the ones that were most intimidating to him. "I guess ... it happens. But that was a while ago, right? I mean .. is it still? How does that figure into now?"

"Remember when I was freaking about that Nightingale syndrome, or whatever?" Joey sighed. "It was that. Nothing more, nothing less, just gratitude and need. And I knew it, I could tell, so it wasn't like anything ever happened. When he was back on his feet, mostly, he went right back to how he's always been, my baby bro. 'Course, at the time, I was all kinds of devastated." He shook his head at himself. "I got over it, of course. But Chris has this theory that Jup's jealous, on a couple levels, and he's being a pain because of it. It won't make anything different, with us." He squeezed Nick's hand tightly.

"Jealous? Of this?" It made sense, though, in the fucked up way that Nick always seemed to have no trouble making sense of. Justin was lonely, Justin had one had that kind of attention from Joey, the kind of attention that Nick was getting now. It didn't make him feel really good, though -- as much as he believe that Joey loved him, completely, it was hard to push away the suspicion that Joey was with him because he needed to be the caretaker, as much as Justin seemed to want him to be his.

"Yeah, I guess." Joey still looked a little confused by it all. "I'm not really sure, only that he keeps trying to talk me into coming home. Maybe it's something left over from that rivalry the bands used to have, I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure he hasn't just realized he made some cosmic error two years ago when he...we...whatever. Whatever it is, it's making me kind of nuts. I oughtta change my phone number on him, that'd be a help."

"You can't do that, though," murmured Nick, even though he wanted to say 'yes, yes do that!' as soon as Joey suggested it. "Does he even know everything that's gone on here? I mean, does he think maybe we're just hanging out or something?" Because that would be at least a little better. He could almost justify that.

"He knows we're dating. He knows I love you," Joey said simply, stroking his fingers. "At least, I've told him. I'm not sure what he hears when I'm talking, any more. He's not malicious, you know. He's a good guy, a sweetheart. He's just...I don't know. I probably won't know till I see him again." He shrugged, as well as he could in that position. "It's nothing for you to worry about, though. Just something we're going to have to work out."

"If you get to worry about me, I get to worry about you," insisted Nick. "You don't get to tell me not to." He glanced at the closed door, then rolled onto one side to face Joey and rested his hand on Joey's chest. "Is there anything I can maybe do to destress you?" he suggested softly. "Take your mind off Justin a little?"

Joey's eyes flew to his face, startled, then he took Nick's hand in his own and pressed a gentle kiss to his palm. "Baby, you have to be tired. Don't worry about me, I'm not stressing much any more. Justin's forgotten and gone, I'm just happy to be here with you." He smiled a little. "Not that I'll say no to a kiss."

"He doesn't have to be forgotten and gone if you *want* to talk about it," said Nick before he did anything else. "But if you don't, that's okay, too. God knows there's tons of stuff *I* don't like to talk about." Then he did kiss him, softly, and trailed his fingers down to Joey's stomach, just a hint of suggestiveness.

"Mmmm." Joey leaned down into the kiss, pressing Nick back just a little and licking into his mouth, before moving away with a soft smile. "It's not that I don't want to talk about it," he said honestly, "just that there isn't really anything to talk about, at least till I figure out what's going on with him. He's being really vague and argumentative, right now, mostly." He leaned in for another soft kiss, stroking Nick's hair gently.

"Okay," said Nick agreeably, hoping that Joey knew he was serious, that he *could* talk about it. "I'd ... can we ... I'd like to make you feel good, Joey. I'm pretty sure you haven't ... anything, since I was in the hospital."

"You're so sweet." Joey smiled, though it looked like he was struggling with himself. "I just...you're right, I haven't. But Nick, you really don't gotta worry about that right now. You should rest, relax, take it easy. I don't want to make you worse. That's the *last* thing I want to do."

"Joey?" he said, not moving away from him. "How is me giving you a handjob gonna make me feel worse, huh? It'll make me feel better, it'll make *you* feel pretty damn good, I hope, and afterwards we'll probably sleep really well. Yes?"

"Yes," Joey sighed, relaxing finally. "At least I will, I'm pretty sure. I should just..." he looked down at his jeans and sweatshirt. "I guess I'd have to get out of these anyway, to sleep. I've only been in 'em for two days now, anyway. God, I must stink." He grinned at Nick. "You sure you don't want me to go hop in the shower first? And you're sure you want to do this?"

"Stay," insisted Nick. "I'm sure I don't smell any better. We can worry about that later. Joey ... Joey ... god, I'm very sure I want to do this. Please? I just ... needing this right now. I really am."

"Okay," Joey said simply, sitting up and stripping his shirts off over his head without any more preamble, though he still looked at Nick a little uncertainly. "If you're sure." His fingers dealt with button and zipper easily, and before Nick could blink he was kicking his pants off over the edge of the bed. "Well, I'm all yours," he went on, lying back down in his boxers and smiling at Nick. "You already knew that, of course."

Nick touched him more confidently now, able to ignore the aches and pains that were going on in his own body to focus on making *Joey* feel good. "I do know what I want, Joey," he reminded him. "It's gotten me this far. With you and with dealing with this and with everything. So yeah ... i'm sure."

"Okay," Joey said, voice a little breathier as his hips pushed forward, into Nick's hand. "Okay, Nick. I'm just gonna...tell me if..." He broke off and bit his lip, eyes fluttering closed. "I love it when you touch me," he breathed, voice soft.

"I love it when I get to touch you," Nick assured him, squeezing gently and hoping Joey knew he *was* exactly where he wanted to be right then. Feeling content and not alone and doing something to make someone else -- to make *Joey*, who he loved more and more every moment -- feel good. "Just let me, that's all you have to do."

"I'm gonna," Joey said, eyes still closed and looking like he was concentrating on something. His hand pushed at the waistband of his boxers, which were already dampening under Nick's palm. He giggled a little. "I'm, like, twelve again. I've got no control at all, around you. It's so embarrassing, swear to god."

"Don't even talk to me about embarassing," said Nick with a little laugh, letting go to help Joey strip the boxers off. "You should've just done this in the first place, you know that."

"I was trying to make it last longer," Joey admitted, cheeks pink and hands tangling with Nick's as he kicked off the boxers, rolling to his back and spreading out, welcoming Nick's touch. He was so hard it looked painful, and he threw one arm over his face, breathing slowly and carefully. "There's embarrassing and then there's coming in two minutes or less just because your boyfriend is touching you," he muttered.

Nick rubbed his palm over Joey's stomach gently before moving down to grip him again. "I'm not in much shape to seduce you anyway," he said, smiling at him and stroking slowly. "I just want you to feel good, Joey. Whether it takes a minute or an hour."

"Well, you don't have to try very hard to seduce me," Joey said, a chuckle bouncing his belly a little. "You're....ahhhhh. Yeah, that feels good." He dropped his arm from his eyes, gripping the blanket tightly as Nick's hand moved on him. He looked like he was holding his breath, but the muscles in his legs flexed, and his heels dug down into the mattress. "Just a little harder?" He almost begged.

That 'just a little harder' was probably what was going to send Joey over the edge, but that was exactly what Nick wanted. And it wasn't the slightest bit embarassing to anyone that it was gonna happen so fast. He leaned in as he stroked him and planted a firm, confident kiss on Joey's lips, coaxing them apart so they could kiss properly.

"Oh." Joey turned his face to Nick, opening his mouth and sucking Nick's tongue into his mouth, pumping his hips hard enough to shake the bed, hands white-knuckled on the blankets. "I can't...almost..." His words were coming out in gasps now, his eyes closed tightly.

Nick wouldn't stop kissing him, kept his mouth against Joey's even as he tried to speak or breathe or make any sound at all. He hardly had to move at all now, and could feel it when Joey began to pulse in his hand.

"Oh god oh fuck," Joey breathed into his mouth, arching himself up hard and holding like that, tight as a bowstring as he came, pulsing hot and wet onto his belly and Nick's hand. Finally, slowly, he unclenched, relaxing back down to the bed, and slipped his own tongue into Nick's mouth, tasting him gently and thoroughly. He was humming, happy little sounds in his throat that vibrated up into Nick.

Nick's smile grew and grew and he finally felt that good, content feeling inside again. He let the kiss go on and on until Joey started to soften and slip out of his hand. "We should've probably checked for kleenex before we started," he whispered, and kissed the end of Joey's nose.

"Messy," Joey agreed happily, eyes blinking open and smiling into Nick's. "Don't care. Love you." He lifted his head, mouth finding Nick's again, and kissed him just as gently as before. "Hey, you're all smiling and sparkly-looking," he observed, when he finally let his head drop again. "I'm the one who's supposed to be afterglowing."

Nick grinned even wider, then laughed softly. "What, I can't afterglow with you? After something that made me feel that good?" He kissed him again, then looked up and searched the room for kleenex. "I like feeling sparkly-looking."

"It's a good look for you," Joey said, smiling at him and trailing his fingertips through the mess on his belly, swirling circles there. "You really liked that? It was just me making funny faces and coming really fast. But if it makes you look that happy, you can do it all you want. Twist my arm, and stuff. And what are you looking for?"

"Something to clean you up before that dries," said Nick, looking back at him as soon as he spoke. "And I *will* do that any time, Joey. Until the time comes when I can do other stuff for you, too. I *like* it."

"Eh." Joey reached a long arm over the bed and came back up with his boxers, which he ran over his belly and then dropped back to the floor. "Problem solved." He wrapped one hand around Nick's nape, tugging at him gently. "C'mere and give me some love. I'm terribly needy after I come, you know." His grin was inviting. "I'm glad you like it. I like it too, even though I can't wait to do it back."

Nick moved slowly, careful not to tangle the IV cord or bump the needle in his arm. "Don't even worry about doing it back, right now. Just ... let's enjoy what we have, right now. What we *do* have. We have enough to worry about, without that."

Joey wrapped him up carefully in his arms, warm and a little sweaty still, taking most of his weight onto his chest. "I'm not worried. Just can't wait till I can watch you come apart like you did that night. Believe me, I'm enjoying what we have right now, I really, really am." He pressed a kiss onto the skin where Nick's neck met his shoulder. "Still feeling okay?"

"Yeah, I'm feeling good," said Nick, resting against him. "Sleepy, but good. Should we get some rest now before I have to eat again? You look like you could use some, too. You look ... sated. It's a good look on you."

"I feel good," Joey said, stretching out under him to his full length and smiling. "I don't know. Ten hours last night was about twice what I'm used to getting. I could definitely nap, though. You wanna snooze for a little while? The way you've been running around today, I'm surprised you're still conscious at all. Just rest, and I'll set my watch alarm."

"I don't think I can stay up my longer," admitted Nick, curling against Joey comfortably. "And I should probably listen to my body right now. It knows what it needs."

"Just sleep, baby," Joey said, resting a hand softly on his back. "I'll get you up when you need. With any luck nobody'll come in and see me all naked, either. And I bet you'll feel even better, when you've had some rest." He reached over their heads and clicked the lamp, and the room went dark.

"No one gets to see you naked but me," agreed Nick, taking his glasses off and reaching to set them carefully on the table. He snuggled even closer to Joey's side, and let his body do what it needed to do. "Thanks, Joey. I'll see you soon."

* * *

Nick wasn't really awake, but his ears seemed to be working already. He could hear voices, not whispering, but low, and he strained a little to hear, coming up towards awakeness.

"Aww." That was definitely AJ. "Lookit 'em. If they weren't so big, I'd think they were too cute to live."

"It's a good thing I put some boxers on, McLean." Joey's voice was a sleepy rumble in his chest, under Nick's ear. "Otherwise I'd have to kill you both. Go the hell away."

"We're not disturbing you," came Howie's voice. "And you *are* that cute. Besides ... your mom sent us in. Breakfast is ready."

Nick mumbled something but it got lost in the hollow of Joey's throat. He moved a little, too, and that, he thought, got noticed.

"You woke him up," Joey's voice was a growl now, and the hand that had been resting between Nick's shoulderblades petted him soothingly. "It just cannot be that late. Tell my mom we need another half hour, at least."

"I am not telling your mother *anything*," AJ said firmly, though he sounded a little awed. "She says to bring you to breakfast, I'm bringin' you to breakfast. There's, like, a whole spread of food in there. Pancakes and eggs and bacon and stuff, and you'd better not let it get cold, because it smells good. Have some respect for your mom's hard work, Fatone."

Joey growled wordlessly.

"We don't eat until you get up," said Howie, almost pleadingly. "And we worked up an appetite. So you guys gotta ... and oh, oh, Nick has to eat on time, right? That's important. So you really should get up now."

Nick mumbled again and managed to lift his head, blinking blearily at the shapes next to the bed. "'Sup?" he asked them, the word feeling thick in his mouth.

"Nicky!" AJ's voice was *way* too loud and cheerful, and there was a bounce on the mattress that made Joey shift and move, batting his arm at the shape that seemed to be AJ. "Hey, none of that." AJ dodged deftly, but didn't leave the mattress. "Nickolas Gene, wakey wakey. Time to rise and shine and eat. Dude, you gotta smell this food."

"Will you *please* go away," Joey sighed, giving up on hitting AJ and rolling over, taking Nick with him. "Fuck. It's too early for you, AJ. Why can't you be nice and quiet like Howie?" He had his eyes open, though, and winked at Nick.

"Food's not such a selling point right now," Nick reminded them, yawning widely and wrapping his arm around Joey. "What *time* is it, anyway?"

"It's after nine," Howie was able to tell him without even consulting a clock. "And Joey, your mom says to tell you you're just being lazy and want to spend your whole day lounging in bed with your boyfriend. And you can do that if you come have your breakfast."

"My mom is right, I do," Joey said, kissing Nick's chin and cuddling him close. "I don't want to move at all." His stomach rumbled loudly immediately, though, and he giggled, closing his eyes. "Um. Breakfast might be good. Actually. Why don't you two go bring us some?"

"I beg your pardon?" AJ sounded appalled at the very suggestion. "Get your lazy ass out of bed right now, or I'm getting your mom in here herself, and then we'll see you hop. C'mon, Nicky, kick him or something, would you? I'm starving to fucking *death* over here."

Nick groaned, then finally sighed and nodded his head. "Okay, fine, breakfast. But only because I vividly remember what they said they'd have to do to me if I didn't."

"That's the spirit," said Howie, giving them both a little nudge. "I'm not even sure you have to dress up. Do you have to dress up for breakfast here, Joey? She seemed to be okay with what we have on."

"I can't even *see* what you have on," muttered Nick.

"He looks good," AJ said. "I think those are your sweats, maybe, or Joey's, I dunno, your mom gave 'em to us. Anyway, we're not real formal here. Just stick some pants on, we should be all set. Come on, up you get. Nick needs his shake, and I need my bacon and eggs. Your mom's *omelets,* Joey..."

"Oh god, she's making omelets?" Joey's head popped up, and he rolled away from Nick again. "Okay. I think I probably have jeans here. Nick, you wanna just stay in your PJs, or are you feeling ambitious?"

Nick sniffed his PJs and shrugged. They seemed fine to him, and way preferable to changing. Especially with the complication of the IV. "As long as I'm not offensive, I'd rather stay," he said aloud. "I'll just need a little help getting there." He sat up and swung his legs over the edge of the bed and tried to remember which side he'd left his glasses on.

"Breakfast smells great," agreed Howie. "I think she cooked enough to feed an army, though. Does she always do that?"

"Yes," Joey nodded, grinning and handing Nick his glasses without even needing to ask, leaving a warm supportive hand on his back. "Especially with four guys in the house. When my fellas come for a visit, she just lives in the kitchen, mostly. Loving every minute of it. And the food is *good*."

"You're not offensive," AJ told Nick, his grin coming into focus as Nick slipped his glasses on. "At least, not any more than usual. Don't worry, we're used to it."

Nick stuck out his tongue at him, now that he could see where AJ was. "Someone help me up," he said, sliding shakily to his feet. "And then you guys can go stuff your faces on Joey's mom's cooking. It really is good. i had some, before the wedding. Before ... stuff happened."

"You're up," Joey said, standing beside him in his boxers and stretching, ignoring AJ and Howie almost completely. "You're standing and ready to go. Nice hair, too." He reached up and tugged at Nick's bangs, then smoothed his hair before dropping a light kiss on his mouth. "Okay, where's my pants?"

"I'm gonna eat till I can't stand up," AJ vowed, climbing off the mattress and going to stand beside Howie. "And then I'm gonna lie down and eat some more. If hunger was contagious, Nick, you'd be ready for some serious food right now."

"Well, someday," said Nick vaguely, taking a careful step and reaching for the IV pole, trying not to feel self-conscious about it. It didn't have to mean he was weak. "I'll eat again someday, I guess. And Joey, your pants are on the floor from when we ... "

Howie just slipped his arm around AJ's waist -- it didn't even look like he thought about it before doing it -- and planted a kiss on his neck before resting his chin on AJ's shoulder. "I won't even ask," he said with a grin. "And Nick, no matter where you are when it happens, we'll make sure you're well fed. You can count on us."

"Oh yeah." Joey dropped to the floor and fished under the mattress, looking at the jeans he pulled out with distate. "I know I brought more pants. I'm just not willing to take the time to find 'em yet." He sighed and stepped into them, buttoning and zipping quickly, then hauling a t-shirt over his head. "Hold up, Nick." He steadied Nick with two hands on his hips, coming to stand behind him. "Give your legs a little time to wake up."

AJ made a little low purring sound and leaned into Howie, watching Nick through heavy-lidded eyes. "I'd ask," he murmured, "but I think I probably don't need to. Shame on you two. In the parents' den."

"It's our bedroom," protested Nick, feeling a little bit of that glow again as he turns his head and looked at Joey's face. "We can do whatever we want in our bedroom. So maybe you should start thinking twice about just bursting in 'cause I know that door was closed last night."

"But I thought you couldn't ... " began Howie, but thankfully didn't finish. "Anyway, come on you two, breakfast is getting cold." Nick watched him slide his arm back from around AJ's waist to take his hand. "No more excuses."

"I'm not *making* any excuses," Joey protested, urging Nick forward with small steps, stroking his hips with tiny secret movements. "I might maybe like to take a piss and wash my face, though, if that's okay with your highnesses? Tell Mom we're on our way, you guys can get started. Oh, and that's a really lovely hickey you have there, Howie." He smirked at them.

AJ raised his eyebrows in return, and smiled silkily. "I'll just be a gentleman, and not mention that lovely organic hair gel you seem to be using, okay, Joe? Might wanna wash your hands next time before you go rubbing your head." He tugged at Howie's hand. "Breakfast. Feed me."

Howie kissed his neck softly one more time before tugging him toward the door. "Was I meant to take that literally?" he asked. "Because I could, you know ... " The rest of what he was saying was lost as they slipped out of the room.

Nick laughed softly and kept moving carefully forward. He thought he was probably all right to get by on his own, but he was happy with the way Joey was touching him. "I should probably wash up too," he admitted.

"I am officially beyond nasty," Joey agreed, nuzzling the back of his neck and pressing so close that his steps moved Nick's legs forward. "I think I should have the famous I'm-late-for-the-interview ten second shower, before I see my mom." He smiled against Nick's skin. "Do I really have come in my hair? Ew." Nick shook his head and smiled to himself. "No," he said, even though he wasn't sure. "He was just giving you a hard time. I'm ... okay. *Quick* shower. I think a quick shower would be okay."

"Okay." Joey gently released him, stepping away and to the suitcases. "I'm gonna get some clean clothes, here. Nothing worse than putting on dirty boxers when you're clean. You want your very last clean pair of jammies, or actual clothes. AJ and Howie are just wearing sweats, so you don't have to worry about dressing." He blinked over his shoulder at Nick. "Can you even shower, with your IV?"

Nick nodded. "I'll need your mom's help, though, I think. She has to unhook it and then put a waterproof bandage over the needle. Maybe you should just shower and I can wait until after we eat. It would take longer than we have. I'm just gonna want the jammies, though, I think. I don't care what it looks like; I don't have to care about that right now."

"Nope. You're officially on a break. Plus, we're just going back to bed anyway, after." Joey came back to his side, and guided them out through the door. "You can wash your face and stuff if you want, though. I really will take only ten seconds." He grimaced at the door of the bathroom, and his hand settled gently on Nick's back. "Once you're mobile again we're moving to a room with a different bathroom," he muttered, as he pushed through the door.

"Thanks," said Nick softly, trying not to think about it so much. "I just ... I *really* need to wash my hands at least. You know where they've been. But you go ahead and shower, if you'd like, I'll be fine if you do ... "

"I think it would be for the best," Joey said, wrinkling his nose in distaste after sniffing his shirt, before stripping out of it and kicking off his jeans, turning on the spray. "Okay. Ten seconds. I warn you, I sing." He grinned at Nick, tossing a washcloth to the counter. "If you start feeling wobbly, yell. I might be wet, but I can still move pretty fast."

"You don't need to warn me, to sing," said Nick with a smile. "I'm just gonna leave the door open a little, okay? For the fresh air." Then he braced himself against the counter and waited for Joey to be done. He could wash up when Joey was out -- a few more minutes weren't going to hurt him.

Joey chuckled a little, and splashed around behind the curtain. He started out just humming, but as the scent of apple shampoo drifted to Nick's nose, he started singing, and by the time the room started steaming up he was belting it out. "Sweeeeeet emoooooootion. Talkin' bout the things and nobody cares! Sing it, Nicky! Wearin' out the things that nobody wears!" Nick couldn't see too clearly, but he was pretty sure Joey was dancing with the soap.

"I love you," murmured Nick softly. Way too low for Joey to hear, but he wasn't saying it for Joey, he was saying it for himself. He still didn't know how he'd managed to hook up with this wonderful, wonderful man. As the mirror began to fog up, he leaned toward it and started tracing a picture into it with his fingertip. He didn't know what it was going to be at first, but when he was done it was a picture of him and Joey, together on the beach. More or less. Steam-fogged glass definitely wasn't his best medium. He was almost done when his glasses fogged up too much to see anymore, so he left it almost-complete.

Joey'd apparently run out of lyrics he knew, and was just singing "da da da da dums" by the time he shut off the water and pushed back the curtain, blinking through his dripping eyelashes before reaching for the towel and rubbing it over his face and hair. "Hey," he said, smiling. "You're not clean yet. Does that mean I get to give you a sponge bath? Or, I guess, washcloth bath?" He stepped out, and left large wet footprints on the bathmat, cheerfully naked and flushed from the heat. "Oh, look." He stared at the picture, smile softening to something private and sweet. "It's us, right?" He reached out and drew a pointy mountain behind the figures, with what looked like dots coming out the top. "It's not a very good volcano, I know, but Hawaii has to have them, I think."

Nick squinted and peered through a clear patch on his glasses. "It's a great volcano," he promised him, smiling at the addition to his pictures. "You're right, there would have to be volcanoes, I almost forgot." He turned to give Joey a swift kiss, still braced against the counter. "I. Um. Wanted to wait until you were here to hang onto me," he admitted a moment later. "I just ... I knew I'd feel better if you were."

"And I'm right here, and hanging on," Joey assured him, hands already unbuttoning his shirt. "Won't let you fall again, ever. Unfortunately, I don't have time to give this sexy body the attention it deserves. All you get is a quick wipedown, okay? And I'll keep one hand on you at all times." There was a shadow in his expression, behind the teasing, and he paused for a moment and pressed his face into Nick's throat. "Don't ever scare me like that again, okay?" It was like he'd finally had time to process what had happened.

"I'll do my best," was all Nick could promise him, closing his eyes completely for a moment as Joey touched him. "I *am* doing my best. I -- " But there was nothing more he could say about that. "Just get the stinky bits, and my hands," he said, trying to smile. "That'll be enough, for now."

"Kay." Joey pulled back and busied himself with the washcloth, though his eyes were suspiciously damp. "I know you're doing your best. I just...I couldn't tell if you were breathing, for a couple of seconds, and...yeah." He wiped Nick's hands carefully, before moving the washcloth to his bare belly and rubbing gently. "I'll let you get the delicate parts," he said with a little smile, offering the washcloth.

Nick kept smiling, needed to if he wanted to keep from crying. "I *am* taking a shower after," he reminded Joey. "There are bits that can wait for that, I think. We can just do my face, and that's enough for breakfast." He leaned in again for another soft kiss. "I'm breathing, Joey. I'm okay."

"And you're going to stay that way," Joey said with unexpected fierceness, kissing him firmly and then swiping at his nose with the washcloth. "Okay. Wash your face, and let's get out there before those jackals you call friends eat all the food, and I have to go beg in the street for a sandwich. They seem pretty affectionate today, huh? Still nothing really overt, though. Wonder if they've talked at all, or just made out a lot."

"Hard to say," admitted Nick, leaving his glasses on the counter and wetting the cloth again to wash his face, leaving it dripping. "I'd say knowing AJ they haven't talked at all, but he's changed. I don't know anymore what's most natural for him to do. Looks like it's pretty natural for them to touch, though."

"Yeah. Like they can't stop, now that they've started." Joey watched him scrub his face, smiling, then handed him a small dry towel. "There you go. Okay. Clothes for me, buttons up for you, and we're outta here. How are you feeling today, anyway? You look pretty good. 'Course, you always look good, to me."

Nick shrugged a little, and slipped his glasses back on after drying his face. He traced another random pattern into the rapidly de-fogging mirror. "I'm going okay, I guess. I have to ... I mean, you should probably know. I'm not real hungry. I guess that's probably not much of a surprise, though."

"Not really," Joey admitted, struggling into his clean clothes, still damp. "But you've kept all those shakes down. It's been a whole day. You're doing so good, with the eating, and your appetite's bound to come back soon enough. For now, you just have to keep drinking them, even if you don't want them. And if there's anything, *anything* that sounds like it would taste good to you? Let me know right away. Your stomach's gotta be stretching back out, at least a little."

"Sure, it's stretching out, but we're keeping it *full*," he complained, grabbing hold of his IV pole again for the trip to the kitchen. "I guess that's kinda the point, though, right? To try to make me all big again." He said and opened the door wide, letting more fresh, cool air in. He felt dizzy for just a second, and might have even swayed, but than was all and then he was fine.

Joey's hand still caught him tightly around the waist, pulling him back into a big solid body. "Nice and slow," Joey cautioned. "You're not even supposed to be walking, remember?" He didn't pick Nick up, even though Nick could tell he wanted to. "We want you big, yeah. Big and strong and healthy. With any luck, soon a milkshake will just be dessert, after a real, healthy meal."

"We'll see," said Nick softly. "I mean, I know I'm too skinny now, but it'll be nice not to have people ragging on me about my weight, you know? I *has* been kinda nice, this last little while, when I was noticing. I don't wanna lose *that* part of it."

"I think you should not worry about that too much," Joey said. "For one thing, the nutritionist is gonna make sure you gain it back right, you know? Healthy, so you're strong, and they'll know when you've gained enough. Trust them. We ain't getting an industry person, either. For another thing, the next person that rags on you about your weight is gonna get my boot down his or her throat." Joey's voice was light, but there was absolute promise in his tone.

"You can't beat up everyone," argued Nick, but weakly. He didn't want to have to argue about it. "Anyway. So when do I have to start seeing the nutritionist, anyway? And when is the doctor coming today? I'll probably want to shower before that, at least."

"Watch me," Joey said a little grimly, then smiled at him. "Dr. Morrison is coming at eleven, he said. That gives you a couple hours, still. And the nutritionist...I'm guessing we should find one as soon as we get back home. Just to make sure you're eating right, to gain weight and stay healthy. I'm pretty sure it'll be 'eat as much as you can,' for a while, but they can tell you what's good and what's not, at least." He led Nick through the hallway to the kitchen, and paused when he heard the unmistakable sound of AJ's laughter. "Sounds like they're having a good time, already."

"Maybe I should go back to the room, then," suggested Nick softly. "Someone can bring me my shake there, and you can join everyone for breakfast. I'm supposed to be in bed anyway. You mom's gonna get mad if I show up for breakfast, I think. Maybe."

"Nah. C'mere." Joey smiled at him, and swung him up into his arms before Nick could even think to protest. "See? You're resting. It wouldn't be breakfast without you, and I *know* she wants to see you, and I won't eat unless you're there anyway. Believe me, if anything will stimulate your appetite, it's the smell of mom's cooking. It'll be good for you."

Nick sighed and wrinked his nose at him, but let Joey carry him the rest of the way to the kitchen. "You know it's not that easy," he said, but he knew that Joey did. Did now, anyway, even if it had taken him a while to understand. "I just really don't wanna be a downer, you know? And it's hard for me not to be."

"Honestly, baby," Joey smiled down at him, shouldering through the door. "I think AJ and Howie are pretty blissed out right now, or at least, a little preoccupied with each other. Mom's always cheery. And I just love being with you. I think it'll be good, being around happy people that love you. It'll be a normal breakfast with your family. There's nothing better under the sun."

"I hope it's *nothing* like breakfast with my family," murmured Nick while they were still just out of earshot.

"Hey, *I* never got carried to breakfast," said Howie around a mouthful of toast, giving AJ a significant look. "You remember that, for next time."

"You outweigh me by like twenty pounds, I'm not carrying your ass anywhere," AJ said comfortably, grinning at Nick and basking a little in the sunlight coming in through the windows. "Hey there, sugar. Nice of you to join us. Joey's mom just went to do...something. I dunno, but she left us alone with the food. Bacon?" He offered the plate to Joey, who chuckled and set Nick back down.

"Yeah, bacon, eggs, waffles, the works, please. And we need a milkshake, I bet it's in the freezer." Before he even looked at the food, he went over, and came back with Nick's shake. "Sit, sit. No more standing for you for a while."

Nick untangled the tube connecting him to the IV, which had gotten a little tangled on the way, and sat down unobtrusively in the seat against the wall. "Thanks," he said softly, and left the milkshake to sit and thaw. "Now eat your bacon. I *know* you haven't been eating great for a couple days."

"The waffles are great," Howie piped up, dropping a couple on Joey's plate, and one on Nick's. "Just in case you want to nibble at it," he assured him. "I know you like them, or you did."

"And if you just wanna look at it, that's okay too," Joey said, smiling at him softly. "No pressure." He drowned his waffles in syrup, and piled on bacon, before digging in happily.

AJ's plate had half a waffle left on it, and he was sitting back looking contented, nibbling on a bacon strip. "The waffles *are* great," he said happily. "I had two. And now one more. And eggs, too, the eggs kick ass. Joey, can I marry your mom?"

Joey tried not to laugh with his mouth full, and failed.

"Oh, gross," snickered Howie, watching a few flecks fly out of it. "And no, you *can't* marry his mom, Aje. You're stretched too thin as it is."

Nick just smiled at them, and gave Joey a careful pat on the back so he wouldn't choke. He was sure he *was* just gonna look at his waffle, and maybe smell it, and mostly just listen carefully to what the rest of them had to say.

"Not my fault," Joey sputtered, after he finally managed to swallow. "Damn, AJ, don't do that when I'm eating. And dude, my dad would kick your ass from here to Yonkers. Don't even think about it." He grinned at Nick, before taking a swallow of juice. "Plus, then you'd be me and Nick's stepdad, and...no. That would be too fucked up."

"Don't swear," AJ said solemnly. "I already got my hand smacked with a spoon for saying shit, this morning." He looked at Nick, still grinning a little. "How are you feeling? You look good. Not tired, not so wobbly. Feeling better?"

"I feel okay," said Nick softly. He didn't even really think about the answer anymore. Whenever anyone asked him, he always said he was okay. Not good, not bad, not okay. Mostly, people didn't really want to hear anything else. "How are you? Get lots of sleep?"

"Yep." AJ nodded enthusiastically, cutting his eyes at Howie without so much as a blush. "Slept like a baby, for like twelve hours. Not that I'll say no to a nap, later. And you? Are you okay, like, able to walk okay? Or okay like you're happy to be here okay, or your stomach's better okay? Elaborate on 'okay' for me." He took another bite of his bacon, watching Nick with bright eyes.

"Okay okay," said Nick with a shrug, not even looking at his own food. "Just okay. I dunno. The same as before. I'll live okay."

"You look better," said Howie, glancing back at AJ out of the corner of his eye. "You've got some normal Nick-color. Course ... whatever y'all were doing last night probably helped with that."

"We're gonna try to get you back to happy-Nick-okay," AJ said firmly, smirking back at Howie as he did. "*Some* of us got up early and got someone a present or two. And don't forget, D, we weren't gonna give them sh-stuff about that, remember? Not even with Fatone pretending he's somthing about Mary."

"Oh, for fuck's sake," Joey groaned, though he was grinning, and slid his non-fork hand over to Nick. "Don't make us start speculating on what you two were up to last night, because trust me, we've got ideas." His smile invited Nick to join in.

Nick did, but it was a happy smile and he felt comfortable enough to share it with AJ and Howie. "Whatever it was, I hope you're happy," he said softly, but obviously audibly since both AJ and Howie reacted.

"Yeah ... um ... well ... " said Howie, looking faintly embarassed. He looked down at his food and started picking at it, letting AJ answer. Probably knowing perfectly well that AJ always had soemthing to say.

"Pretty happy," AJ admitted cheerfully, grinning at them all equally. "'Specially since it turns out Howie is an *amazing* ki-mmmmph." He broke off when Howie's hand covered his mouth firmly.

Joey snickered. "That's real nice, AJ. Kiss and tell, there you go. Classy. But did you say something about presents?" AJ nodded mutely. "For us?" AJ shook his head. "For Nick?" AJ nodded again. "Excellent. New toys are very important when you're sick. Idle hands are the devil's playground." He nodded solemnly like it was the wisdom of the ages, and loftily ignored AJ's snort.

"Stop," said Nick shyly, giving Joey's arm a nudge. "You really got me something?"

"We really got you something," Howie assured him, carefully taking his hand away from AJ's mouth. The inside looked like it was covered with saliva; Nick didn't ask. "And--" He coughed politely. "--AJ's pretty amazing too."

"You're darn tootin'." AJ was smug, but he always had been, about things like this, and he chased Howie's hand to give it a kiss. "We got you something*s*, actually. I never knew Brooklyn was this cool. We woke up real early and went for a walk, saw some things you might like. Might cheer you up." He blew Nick a kiss, too.

"Brooklyn's the *best*," Joey agreed happily, wiping up the last of the syrup with the last of his waffle. "Once Nick finishes his shake, we can do presents. Doc's coming at 11, other than that we're free all day. You guys got plans, or are you hanging here?"

"We figured Nicky could use some company," said Howie, grabbing himself some more eggs. "That is, unless you guys have something planned. Which you shouldn't, because Nicky's supposed to be resting."

Nick sighed and made a face at his milkshake. He didn't think he could handle one more milkshake, having the same thing over and over and over again. Even when he was still drinking, he would at least mix it up a little. Instead of drinking it, he broke off a little piece of his waffle and ate it.

"Nothing planned, nope. Just movies and resting and eating every couple of hours, the regular." Joey glanced at Nick, watched him chew, smiled at him encouragingly, then turned back to Howie. "You guys should think of this as a vacation, too, like I've been telling Nick to. I mean, we're all running around so crazy most of the time, we forget what it's like to just kick back. It'll be good, having you here. It'll keep Nick from getting sick of my face."

"We'll probably just annoy him till he feels better out of self defence," AJ said, stealing a piece of bacon from Joey's place and dodging the swat that followed. "Once we get on his nerves enough, he'll just get up and walk away, right Nick?"

"Same old same old," teased Nick, taking another bite of the waffle and chewing happily as he watched Howie shift ever-so-slightly closer to AJ ever couple of minutes. "A day or two from now, I *will* be ready to do laps around the block."

"And we'll be right there with you," teased Howie, grabbing his own piece of bacon, but off the main plate, not Joey's. "You know you'll never be rid of us."

"No matter how hard we try," Joey said on a long-suffering sigh, though his eyes are still smiling at Nick. "You're right. I think that'll work better than any medicine. Just annoy him till he's better. Only problem is, I'm gonna be there too. It just doesn't seem fair."

"Life ain't fair, baby," AJ said blithely, stealing off Joey's plate again, then breaking off a piece of the bacon and holding it to Howie's lips. "If it was we'd all get what we deserved and then we'd be really screwed. But yep, you're stuck with us for life."

Nick smiled in spite of himself, both hearing that and at watching AJ feed Howie so casually. He could think of a lot of worse things than having AJ and Howie decide that they were Nick's friends for life. A *lot* worse things. He reached for Joey's hand and squeezed and still kept kinda quiet. The waffle actually tasted pretty good; he reached for the syrup to pour over it.

"Butter's by AJ," Joey said casually, squeezing his hand back and smiling at him. "Under the silver thing. I dunno, man, think you can tolerate these two for your whole life?" He looked doubtfully at Howie, who was licking AJ's fingers now and giggling. "Though they did bring you presents. And they're amusing. I guess we can keep 'em around." He reached for the coffee pot with his free hand, pouring himself a mug. "Oh, speaking of keeping them around...think we should invite Sarah, my little cousin Sarah, over to meet them? She'd flip right out. But only if you feel up to it."

"No butter," said Nick, putting the syrup back down and licking his own fingers. "I would be okay if Sarah came over, I guess. Maybe tomorrow, though? When I'm out of my pajamas and maybe off the IV? I'm a little too freaky looking for company right now, I think. And you know if she came over she's ask to see me." He looked up at AJ and Howie again and smiled at how they were together. "I've put up with them for this many years already, you know. And they've put up with me. I think we can keep it going."

"You're not freaky looking," Joey smiled at him, taking Nick's fingers and licking them carefully clean, sucking the index finger in and swirling his tongue around it, then letting it slip out. "But tomorrow will be better anyway. We'll have a recovery day. Today, we do whatever you want. What *do* you want?"

"Don't ask him that till he sees his presents," AJ warned, popping back into the conversation, though he looked a little flushed. "I think he'll probably want to play with them."

"Yeah, definitely," agreed Howie. "And we'd be happy to meet -- what was it? Sarah? -- tomorrow."

"Okay, are these the kind of toys I'm gonna want to play with while you're there, or are these the *alone* kind of toys? You know ... just so I'm prepared ... "

AJ snorted and shook his head. "No, they're not *alone* kinds of toys, you dirty boy. Though..." He looked at Howie speculatively, then across the table at Joey and Nick. "Nah. Y'all can buy your own sex toys. I don't know your kinks, anyway."

"Thank god for small favors," Joey snickered, eyes still on Nick. "So, visiting hours tomorrow. Today, we sleep. And eat. And play. And sleep some more. I'm already liking today a lot."

"And watch movies," said Nick, digging into his waffle again. "I'll even let you guys hang out in the den with me. I won't be doing anything kinky for the next few days, I promise you that. I'm still ... well, you know. So yeah. Relaxing, in every way possible, that's the plan for today."

Howie was smiling at him, leaning his elbow on the table. "God, Nick, you look *great*. You *sound* great. Oh, you'll be better in no time!"

"Soon enough, Nick," AJ nodded at him, eyeing Joey. "You'll be looking around for alone toys soon enough. 'Cause man, Howie's right. You look really really good, right now. Joey been giving you happy pills?"

"Nah, it's all him," Joey said, leaning back in his seat and patting his stomach comfortably, eyes glowing as he watched Nick take another bite. "He's a strong one. 'Specially if he's willing to let you two troublemakers into the den. That's brave, right there." He winked at Nick.

Nick grinned back a little, and licked the syrup off his lower lip. "Yeah, it's been a pretty good day so far. Is your mom gonna be back soon, though, Joey? I still want to take that shower. And don't forget you'll need to take it with me. There's not really anyone else here that I want to invite into the shower with me."

"Awww, I think I'm insulted," said Howie, but he obviously wasn't. And obviously would rather be taking a shower with AJ anyway.

"I don't know. I don't even know where she is, really," Joey said, looking around like his mother would magically materialize. "But we'll make sure you get that shower. *Really* sure, even though I've already had one. Can't have you slipping on the soap." His hand slid under the table and rested warm on Nick's thigh.

"She said she went upstairs, I dunno," AJ shrugged. "This place is huge. Once Nick finishes his breakfast, we can go find her, I guess. I need to go for a run or something, too, or I'm gonna crawl right out of my skin by this afternoon."

"We can both go for a run," said Howie. "It's safe around here, right Joey? We shouldn't run into any problems. I know you need to burn some of that off."

"You guys don't have to wait for me to eat or anything," said Nick, but he realized he only had two bits of the waffle left. He'd only meant to really nibble at it. "Oh. Um. Nevermind. Do I still have to drink the milkshake?"

Joey smiled happily at him, and rubbed his thigh. "You're thirsty, right? Nothing better than a milkshake. Plus, it's got good vitamins and stuff. How about you have as much as you can, and just stop when you need to?" He looked at Howie. "You can run here all you want. Safe as your own backyard. Even if anyone recognizes you, they'd never be so un-chic as to let you know." He snickered and shook his head. "New Yorkers. Just avoid groups of teenage girls, and you'll be fine."

"We're *always* fine if we avoid groups of teenage girls," AJ grumbled, but he arched and stretched like a cat, and Nick could hear his spine pop. "I haven't worked out in two days. I'm gonna start getting wierd if I don't exercise soon. I dunno if you really want this much exercise, D."

"Yeah, well, once you run me into the ground I'll just sit on the sidewalk and watch you work up a sweat," said Howie, giving him a fleeting kiss to the jaw. "It'll give these two guys some alone time."

Nick wasn't sure what they were gonna do with their alonetime, but he nodded his head. They could always gossip about AJ and Howie. "I really don't want the milkshake," he admitted as he cleaned off his plate. "I'll have a little, though."

"You'll sit on the sidewalk in the snow?" AJ laughed at Howie, though he kissed him back, under his ear, then pulling back and blinking at him, face a little pink. "I'll run slow," he promised. "Even if it means we have to around the block twenty times. I don't trust your sense of direction, or mine."

"Yeah. Don't get lost. It could take you years to get back." Joey took Nick's plate and piled it on his own, leaving only the shake in front of him. "Just as much as you can, okay? You need *something* to wash down that whole waffle with." He leaned in and kissed Nick, his mouth soft and happy. "Doin' so good," he murmured, before he pulled back.

"Your mom's a really good cook," admitted Nick, licking his lips a little, surprised he'd finished the whole thing. "I don't want to risk losing it. Don't be surprised if I don't have much, okay? But ... I'll try. For you."

"Okay, no sitting in the snow," said Howie with a grin, looking faintly flushed himself. "That's probably a good idea. We don't need another sick person in the house, and something tells me I wouldn't get the same pampering as Nick."

"I'd pamper you, D," AJ cried, pulling Howie into a huge melodramatic hug. "I may not be as large as certain peoples' boyfriends, so I'd have to drag you around instead of carrying you. And my mom doesn't have a cool house in New York for you to rest in, so we'll have to mooch off my friends, or maybe we can stay in my car. And I can't feed you like this, so we'll eat at Burger King. But never fear, I won't leave you! You will be taken care of!" He sniffed loudly and wiped at his eye.

"Oh god." Joey, weak with laughter, leaned his forehead against Nick's shoulder. "Nick, hurry and eat so we can send them off into the snow. That's just too good to miss."

"Awww, I feel so loved!" said Howie, giving AJ a huge bear hug then turning his head to wink at Nick. "Okay, you can dump me off in the show while you run your little heart out."

"Yeah, we definitely need to see *that*," said Nick, grinning. "And hey, you're not supposed to tell me to hurry and eat. It's bad for me. I bet the doctor would even tell you so."

"Okay, don't hurry and eat," Joey said, still leaning on him comfortably. "I mean, the snow's not going anywhere, and I figure that sugar and caffeine are still trickling into his bloodstream. He should reach critical mass soon enough, and *then* we can send him away."

"Hi, I'm still sitting right here," AJ protested, indignant even within the circle of Howie's arms. He wiggled loose and reached for his coffee cup again. ""You're not *sending* me, I'm going because I wanna. And maybe because I've heard one or two too many sitting-on threats already, this trip." He winked at Nick. "Really, Nicky, you oughtta keep a closer eye on this one. He shouldn't be sitting on anyone but you."

"Maybe I like to watch," teased Nick softly, taking a little sip of the shake. He'd let it get melty again, but this time he liked it better that way. More like a drink and less like a meal. With the waffle already in his stomach, he didn't need much more in there.

Howie looked at him in surprise, then at Joey, then laughed. "Oh man, this is gonna be an interesting trip. But no one's sitting on anyone unless ... well. You never mind that."

"Unless what?" Joey sat up and looked at them both, bright-eyed and curious. "Unless AJ asks really nicely? Oh, also, and you can tell me to fuck off if you want, but what's up with you two? I mean, are you dating? Just...hanging out? Do you know? Do we get to talk about it?"

AJ looked stunned, caught mid-giggle. "I don't..." he looked at Howie helplessly. "We haven't...well, we're...I have no idea." He flipped a fork between his fingers, holding it like a cigarrette. "I'll let you know when I do." He kept looking at Howie.

"It's complicated," said Howie right away, a well-known cop-out answer. He was looking back at AJ and seemed to be just as much at a loss for words as him.

"You don't have to -- " began Nick cautiously but Howie waved him off.

"No, it's okay. We're ... we're something. We're something that we weren't yesterday. There are just a few details to be worked out before we really know what that something is. There are a few decisions that need to be made. Soon."

"Yeah." AJ looked away from Howie, and danced the fork across his knuckles, back and forth. "We're something, all right." He sighed, then smiled at Nick, wryly. "I suck at decisions. As you know. Fortunately, Howie knows that too. And he already swore he wouldn't hate me, no matter what. So you don't have to worry. It'll all sort out."

"We weren't worrying," said Nick, giving him a crooked smile in return as he sipped his milkshake again. "We were just really nosy. You guys haven't been making much of a secret of the something that you've got going."

"Yeah, well, you know us," said Howie, looking happier than he had the day before, even if he didn't look *entirely* confident. "And it's not a secret. We don't want it to be a secret."

"Nah. *I* was just really nosy," Joey admitted. "It might not be a secret, but it's a little fuzzy. I didn't mean to pry, guys, I just always feel better when things are kind of out in the open. I'm not good at secrets, I always say something stupid and fuck it all up."

"It's not a secret with you guys," AJ nodded. "I mean, you two were pretty much there, I don't see how it coulda been. Plus, you're the poster boys for happy homosexual union, practically, these days. No reason to keep it under wraps here." He gulped the rest of his coffee.

"I'm not really the poster boy for anything," said Nick awkwardly, watching him. Remembering more snippits of the conversation they'd had when they were high and fitting them into what he knew now.

Howie was watching AJ with even more concern now, and when he put an arm around him again it was tentative. He leaned in to murmur something in AJ's ear, too low for anyone else to hear. He spoke for a long time, then gave him a brief, tender kiss on the cheek and sat back.

AJ sighed and followed him back, resting his shoulder against Howie's and tipping till his head was resting against Howie's temple. "Yeah," he said quietly. "Okay. I won't."

"Okay." Joey was smiling at them, clearly fond even if he was a little uncomfortable. "Well, this is a good place to relax and figure stuff out." He wrapped his own arm around Nick's waist. "Not to mention the good food and the more-than-brilliant company. And you both know, you ever wanna take off for some time, you just go ahead. Me and Nick keep each other company pretty well."

Howie just nodded and held AJ closer, his concentration obviously on making AJ all right with whatever they were doing. Nick hoped they figured it out, and that figuring it out meant they would stay together. Something about seeing them like that, it looked right.

He cleared his throat and veered away from the somewhat intrusive thoughts. "And if not, we still have the movies," he finally added lightly, pushing the milkshake away. "Joey, I think I'm done now. for real. That's enough, isn't it? Cause I seriously don't think I can stuff one more tiny little mouthful inside me without popping. I feel huge." He patted his stomach and could feel a slight swell there.

AJ looked at him incredulously. "Huge? You're kidding, right? Nicky, I had three waffles, and you had one. I think you're pretty safe from instant obesity, here." He caught Howie's glance and rolled his eyes. "I know, it's awesome he ate. It is, dude," he looked back at Nick. "Made me wanna dance. I'm just hoping you're as happy about it as I am."

Joey slid the milkshake further away from Nick, watching him carefully and still looking proud of him. "Well, I dunno about Nick, but I'm pretty happy," he interjected. "I knew mom's cooking would do the trick."

"But look," said Nick, running his hand over the swell of his stomach again, astonished that it was even there. "It's ... you can *see* it, I ate so much. I haven't ... this is really weird. At least I don't feel like I'm gonna throw up or anything. I just feel like I ate a whole cow or something." He made a face and very deliberately pulled his hand away from his body so he didn't have to touch it anymore. "It did taste really good, though. Someone will have to tell Joey's mom that."

"Hardly a whole cow," Joey demurred, placing his own hand where Nick's had been and petting him gently. "It's no wonder you're full, though, it's your first non-milkshake in days." He kissed his fingertips before going back to his petting, murmuring soft so only Nick could hear. "Good tummy. Hang on to that food, now, so my Nick can start getting strong again."

"I'll tell her," AJ volunteered, pushing away from the table, stroking a quick hand through the curls on Howie's head before stepping away. "Don't you need her, anyway? I can go find her if you want. I think we're pretty much done with breakfast. I know I couldn't eat any more, at least not till lunch."

"I'll go with you," offered Howie, not unexpectedly, getting up from the table but not touching AJ. "Then maybe we can unpack a little before we go down to the den? Or outside, or whatever?" Something that would get them alone together for a few minutes was the obvious implication.

Nick let them sort that out themselves, resting his hand over Joey's for a moment and willing his eyes not to tear up at that precious tenderness. "I'll try," he whispered and didn't pull his hand away this time.

"Yeah," AJ said, looking curiously at Nick, then back at Howie. "I didn't pack much, but I'm sure I had at least a pair of sneakers in there someplace. It'll be hard to run in my boots. Though, snow, I don't know. Fuckin' northern climate, man, I wasn't prepared." He took Howie's hand with a smile, and led him towards the stairs.

"I'm leaving you the dishes," Joey called, never taking his eyes off Nick. "Just so you know, house rules, cook doesn't clean." He smiled at Nick, moving his hand a little, rubbing his thumb over the tiny curve of his belly. "You try, and we'll keep you distracted, and it'll stay down, I bet. Movies and cuddling, after your shower."

Nick nodded solemnly, brushing his own thumb over Joey's fingers. "I'm okay so far. I'm glad it made you happy. It still feels ... like too much? I guess? But my tummy's all shrunk so I guess it's hard for me to know. A week ago I coulda eaten that no problem, if I was interested in eating anything that wasn't junk. Or wasn't liquid."

"Just wait a little bit," Joey assured him. "It's that too-full feeling when your stomach's stretching. But it'll go away soon, when it gets used to having food in there again. Aren't you happy too?" He tilted his head questioningly, reaching with his free hand to pile plates and shift all the cups and mugs to the end of the table.

Nick nodded a little, again, and didn't *feel* like he was lying, but he couldn't bring himself to feel really enthusiastic about it. Maybe when he was feeling better. "I don't want it to stretch *too* much, though," he reminded Joey. "Just enough to I can eat enough to keep me from getting sicker."

"We want it to stretch enough so you can eat normally and stay healthy," Joey said, gentle but firm. "So that you can have a steak with potatoes and dessert and be fine with it, feel good about it. We're not aiming for the defensive, keep-you-from-getting-sicker-than-you-already-are approach, here. We want you all the way back to honest-to-god healthy." He glanced away as footsteps sounded on the stairs.

"But not too much," insisted Nick softly, looking at his little bulging tummy. "Just enough. Right? Just enough." He didn't look up to see who or what was on the stairs, just kept staring at his body and picking out the places that would need to be fixed before he was well again.

"Enough to be heathy," Joey insisted, stroking his belly still. "No less than that, baby. Hey mom." He smiled at her as she came in the room, frowning and shaking her head a little. "What's up?"

"Good morning, darlings. Nick, I'm sure your friends are very nice boys, but honestly, that Howie has a terrible mouth. I hope he remembers not to swear when the girls are around. And AJ seemed to find the whole thing incredibly amusing."

"*Howie*?" repeated Nick. "*Howie* was swearing? No ... no way ... that's not possible. Not unless AJ was being *that* infuriating, and he wasn't just a couple minutes ago, was he, Joey? No ... no, it can't be ... you must have them mixed up, ma'am."

"Please, Nick, call me Phyllis. No, I'm pretty sure it was Howie. The one with the curls, and the pretty brown eyes, not the one with all the tattoos." She shook her head, clucking. "At least he had the grace to apologize when he saw me. In fact, I think he might still be trying." She cleared the syrup and butter from the table, taking them to the refrigerator. "Poor boy turned very very red, too."

"He wasn't being that bad, nope," Joey agreed with Nick, grinning a little. "Howie musta either stubbed his toe, or have been telling AJ all the words he's not allowed to say. Sounds like she knows which one's which, Nicky."

"Oh, I'm sure he was horrified," said Nick, unable to help letting out a giggle. "Howie never uses language like that. AJ's the one you have to worry about. Wow ... I wonder what they were talking about when you ran into them. I hope AJ didn't do anything to upset him, that whole thing's pretty fragile right now, I think ... "

"Which thing is that?" Phyllis's eyes were bright and curious, as she moved to Nick's side and laid a cool palm on his forehead. "When Joey mentioned that they wanted a single room, I assumed they were dating. And they certainly seemed quite close this morning. You're still a little warm, Nick. I'd like you to lie down and rest for a while this morning before you do anything else, okay?"

"He needs to take a shower," Joey said, smiling a little at him. "I hope AJ didn't do anything too dumb, but he's got a mouth that don't quit. I'm sure if he hasn't done it now, he will soon enough. Howie's pretty committed to making it work, I think." He looked back at his mom. "It's new."

"Like, really new," said Nick, rubbing his arm just below where the IV entered him. It itched. "Like, only as of last night, new. So they're still all ... doing whatever two people do when they get together normally, I guess." He shrugged and scratched at his arm. "Yeah, I think I need a shower. I smell. Would you be able to unhook me for a few minutes? I promise I'll get right back into bed, after. Or onto bed. Lying down, anyway."

"Don't scratch, you can make it bruise," she chided gently, smacking lightly at his hand. "I can unhook you and cap the IV, but I want Joey in there with you, the whole time. And no acrobatics, and keep the water tepid, okay? No scalding-hot water for you."

"No scalding water," Joey agreed, rubbing his fingers. "And right back to bed, after. We've got movies, and presents, and there'll probably be a nap in there somewhere. Oh, and AJ and Howie are going for a run, mom, can you let security know? And they'll be in and out." He looked at Nick. "You ready to get clean?"

"No acrobatics," Nick promised her, feeling himself blush at the thought. "It's gonna be hard enough just standing up. And ... and in that bathroom ... not spending any more time in there than I have to, to be honest." He certainly wasn't going to argue about Joey being in there with him, of course, for health reasons or not. "Thank you. For helping me out."

"You're welcome," she said easily, washing her hands in the sink before opening a small case on the counter, and pulling out some surgical tape and scissors. "It's a pleasure. Now remember, keep that water cool. Hot water can drain your energy, and you don't need another dizzy spell in there." She moved to his side. "Do you mind if I do this now? I've got some errands to do this morning, so if you could hop in quick, I could hook you back up before you go. And be *careful*."

"We'll be careful," said Nick fervently, holding out his arm for her. "The last thing is want is ... *that* ... again. It was scary enough the first time. I think I'd give all *four* of you a heart attack if it ever happened again. Besdies the whole not wanting it to happen, thing. Joey will be there; Joey takes good care of me, too. You don't need to worry."

"We'll be SO careful," Joey agreed, gripping his hand tightly, like a promise. "I'm never gonna be able to leave him alone in the shower again. Not like that," he added hastily, grinning, then sobering again. "More than a heart attack, trust me. I'd probably just crawl into a coccoon with you and never let you out, ever again, if something like that happened again."

"Now, Joe." Phyllis tapped his IV, then unhooked the shunt, capping it and taping it flat against Nick's arm. "Don't be overprotective. I'm not so much worried about him not taking care of you," she confessed to Nick, checking the tape. "I think you'll probably have more of a problem tripping over him when he won't get out of the way."

Nick grinned a little bit and, right then, he didn't think he'd mind that so much. "That's not such a bad thing for me, just right now," he confessed. "I guess ... I do need a little looking after. For a little while. And that's not a bad thing, right? I mean ... that's okay." He gave her a brave smile, then pointed at his plate on the table. "Your waffles were really good," he added.

"Oh, did you have some?" She gave him a pleased smile. "Good for you! That's just wonderful." She patted his arm, and settled into a chair. "It's not a bad thing," she finally answered. "I think it's wonderful that you can accept it, accept the help that we want to give you. It's so hard to help people who don't want to be helped. I think you're doing so well, and you're already looking a hundred times better. And waffles! Nick, that's fantastic."

"He is, isn't he?" Joey kissed his cheek, making a loud smack and grinning. "I love looking after you. I love mah boy!" He hopped to his feet, holding his hand out to Nick. "You ready? The shower calls, and then back to bed. You've earned a rest."

Nick grinned, but shook his head. "I'm gonna be so wide awake after a cool shower that we're gonna have to watch a movie. If that's okay with you. Or if you're tired then I can draw for a little while, too, and let you nap. I think my hands are not-shaky enough to do more than a sketch on a steamy mirror now. I hope. I've kinda started missing it."

"Well, we can watch the movie in bed," Joey said, waving to his mother as he tugged Nick out of the chair. "Or I can read, and you can draw. We've got your sketch pad and charcoals, and I think I even remembered your pencils. Just think, all clean and unsticky and cool and comfortable, clean jammies...oh yeah. Mom, I'm gonna need the washer and dryer today, okay?"

"I'm gone until dinner," she waved her hand in the air. "Your aunt Claudia is having us out to Queens for lunch and shopping. You boys are on your own for food until then, your father's at that meeting in Manhattan all day. Do you think you'll need anything else?"

Nick shook his head. "I'll be fine," he said. "And I got three guys looking out for me. I'll be out of the shower as soon as I can so you can hook me back up, and then that's where I'm gonna be for the rest of the day anyway, no matter what I'm doing. I'm sure between them they can figure out how to reheat some leftovers for lunch, right?" He looked over at Joey and gave him a little grin. "And me, I'm pretty easy to feed."

"Joey, no kitchen disasters," she called, as they left the room. "Don't get creative, just reheat. You hear me?"

"A couple little fires, and they never let you live it down," Joey sighed, shaking his head and grinning, still holding Nick's hand as they walked slowly. "We've got good leftovers, though, and I know mom made stuff for you specially, just in case you got hungry. But I have *got* to do laundry, you're on your next-to-last pair of PJs, and I don't have any clean jeans left. Good thing AJ and Howie'll be here to keep you company."

"Don't worry about me," said Nick. "Even if they weren't, I *can* entertain myself. I was doing it for years before I met you. I mean ... I'm not gonna have any liquid assistance, for sure, but I think I can still handle it. I can draw. I hear it's pretty good therapy."

"Yeah. But I'd hate for you to get bored." Joey looked at him sideways as they reached the bathroom. "You know, if you need alone time, ever, you can tell me to go. I mean, I'll understand, everyone sometimes needs a little downtime. All this attenction can be a little overwhelming, I bet." He pulled at Nick's shirt, unbuttoning it with gentle fingers, not letting Nick help. "Wonder how AJ's doing in the snow?" It sounded rhetorical, but he was grinning. "Those Florida boys are gonna come tumbling back in here frozen solid. I should point 'em at the bubble bath."

"AJ's not really the bubble bath sort," said Nick softly, trying not to think about where they were. "Fashion, yes. Bubblebaths, no. Howie maybe, though." He smiled faintly and let Joey pull his shirt off. He couldn't help but scratch at his arm again. "I'll probably need some time alone once I'm feeling better. Once I start to, you know, sort things out."

"Just don't forget to ask," Joey said, untying his pyjama bottoms and sliding them down his hips. "Sometimes I can't tell, when people need space. Don't scratch." He smoothed his hands over Nick's thighs, urging his feet up out of the pants. "You never know, about the bubble bath. Howie might talk him into it. I think AJ's got a squishy soft inside that he tries real hard to hide. A bubble bath might be just what he needs. 'Specially in that nice big tub, with some company."

"Well, if anyone's gonna convince him, it's gonna be Howie, not us," said Nick. He kept his eyes locked with Joey's face and didn't look down at his own bare body. "I can't help scratching. It's really itchy. You have no idea, Joey. It's not just that my skin's crawling, either. It's just ... I'll be glad when it's over. Tomorrow, right? Maybe?"

"Oh, I'm not going to try to talk him into it. He'd probably try to punch me or something." Joey, still crouched by his feet, looked up his body with a smile. "Look at you. Gorgeous." He pressed his lips to the thin skin over Nick's hipbone, breath warm on Nick's skin. "It's probably trying to heal around the needle, no wonder it's itchy. I think they'll probably take you off as soon as you can swallow your antibiotics and as much water as you need. So, if things go well, I bet tomorrow, yeah. You ready to hop in?"

Nick nodded, still looking at Joey's face. He wanted to believe that he was gorgeous, and looking at his body would make that impossible. "Yeah, let's get this over with," he said. "I just want to get clean and get out of here. Maybe ... maybe when we're back home ... and not in *this* bathroom ... then I'll want to do stuff again. I think. I hope."

"It's just a place, baby," Joey said quietly, kissing his hip again, then drifting his mouth over Nick's belly. "Just a place, and you're better now. It won't happen again, I won't let it. When you're a little better, maybe we'll move upstairs, not all the way, just to the second floor. We'll have a different bathroom there. Not to do stuff in, just so you can relax a little. Right now, we'll just scrub you down and towel you off and get back to bed, okay?"

"That sounds perfect," said Nick, closing his eyes for a moment. "Anything that passes the time, that takes me closer to be being okay, that's what I want. That and to be clean. And to be with you. I don't think that's too much to want, right now. Not too hot, remember. I'd ... to be honest, I think I'd freak, if it was."

"Not too hot, and no freaking," Joey agreed, turning on the water and testing it over his hand. He waited a little, turned it cooler, then finally turned on the shower. "That should be just about right." He stripped out of his shirt, and held out his hand to Nick. "You ready? Hop on in, and you'll be done in a jiffy. Just think how nice it'll be to get rid of that hospital smell."

"Nevermind the smell since then," said Nick. "That was the last time I really washed, you know. That bath, after we.... And I've been through an awful lot of crap since then." He took a deep breath, then kissed Joey's neck. "No. No. I won't feel bad about us making love, ever. That was wonderful, Joey, no matter what happened after."

Joey's flinch was only in his eyes, now, but it was still there. "Good," he said quietly. "I love touching you, I wouldn't want you to feel bad about it. Never." He held Nick's hips and lifted a little, helping him step into the tub, holding him until he steadied. Even when he let go, he didn't close the curtain or move away, watching every move. "Is the water okay? Not too hot?"

Nick shivered involuntarily. "No, definitely not too hot," he said. It wasn't even hot enough to steam up the mirror, but that was a good thing. "Just warm enough to scrape this layer of crap off my body. And my hair ... I don't *remember* the last time my hair was this greasy. Probably right before I hit puberty, and the guys had to hold me down in the bath to get me clean."

Joey chuckled and handed him the shampoo. "That must have been a scene. Like washing a cat, I bet. Justin's always been fastidious, thank god, and Lance too, because I honestly don't think any of us would have cared enough to hold them down in the bath." He touched Nick's side gently, fingers sliding on his wet skin. "It wouldn't have been nearly as fun as this, anyway. Do you need it warmer, baby? Your skin feels cool."

"No, this is good," said Nick, even though he was still shivering a little. "It'll make sure all I'll want when I get out is to be tucked into bed under the nice warm covers. And frankly, when I was twelve and thirteen and away from my mom, all I wanted to do was get dirty. I drove them nuts, I know I did. I would've performed in ripped clothes and messy hair and dirt streaks on my face if I could've gotten away with it, I think."

Joey chuckled again. "You were adorable, even when you were filthy, as I recall. I saw you playing softball at some thing, once, I remember. Head-to-toe dirt. You looked pretty happy, I think. All boys like to play in the dirt." He turned the water a shade warmer anyway. "No getting chilled. We're finally to the point where you're keeping warm, no backsliding for you. Soap up, so we can rinse you off and bundle you up all warm and comfy."

Nick did his hair first, then soaped up the rest of his body. Or did until Joey insisted on taking over and linger on certain bits. It made him smile, even knowing where they were. "I'm not chilled," he said, which of course he wasn't now that the warmer water was hitting them. "And I ate, like, real food. I won't get like I was before. I promise."

"I know you won't. It's just kind of a reflex now." Joey smiled at him, hands smoothing down his chest and belly, then rubbing soap into the curls between his legs. "Just want to be sure you're doing good, still. There, rinse." Joey's hands sluiced the water over him, turning him gently under the shower until he was rinsed clean.

Nick ran his hand self-consciously over his abdomen, could still feel the slight swell of his stomach and frowned. "Are we done now? Do I get to put clothes back on and hide under the covers?"

"No hiding," Joey said mock-sternly, turning off the water and reaching for a huge fluffy towel. "I think when we get home again to the warm I'm gonna make a no-clothes rule for a couple of days. Run around naked for a while, get you comfortable in your skin again. It's such beautiful skin, you should appreciate it more." He wrapped Nick in the towel, rubbing him down, tugging him out of the tub. "I forgot to bring your clean PJs in. You wanna wait...no, you're coming with me. You can get dressed in the den."

"AJ and Howie are still outside, I think. Or if they're not, they'll be upstairs. And anyway, I think this towel wraps around me twice." He didn't want to be left in the bathroom any more than Joey wanted to leave him. Even despite his issues with his body, he probably would've walked naked to the den rather than being left alone in there.

"You're pretty well covered. As long as you're warm enough." Joey tossed another towel onto his head, grinning at the picture he made. "They've probably seen you bare plenty of times anyway. It's my mom we have to worry about, but you're definitely decent in your towel. Let's get out of here, get you settled before I have to go out with sled dogs and find the frozen popsicles that used to be AJ and Howie."

Nick grinned shyly. "Yeah, they're all yours. I'm just gonna get nice and cozy in my bed, and you can deal with the cold boys." He shivered just thinking about it, and rached for where he'd left his glasses on the counter. They weren't even a little bit foggy. "Do we need to go back to the kitchen to pick up the IV or do you think she brought it back to the den?"

"Let's get you back in the den regardless, and dressed. That way we don't have to mess with the IV when you get your clothes on." Joey took his hand and led him out, walking very slowly. "I hope they're back already, and that AJ's worked out some of his jitters. If we ever need any kind of emergency power, we can feed him and Chris coffee and put 'em in a hamster wheel. You can tell me honestly; y'all got separate buses so no one would kill AJ when he's manic, right?" He grinned over his shoulder.

Nick laughed softly and wished that was true. "They're probably back, or will be in a minute. He's not big on the cold. He's never lived anywhere except Florida, you know. As long as he doesn't touch me with cold hands -- don't let him, okay? So which pajamas do I have left that aren't crusty?"

"Just the Space Invaders," Joey said, smiling. "I'll try to keep his hands off you, never fear. Maybe they're out there having a snowball fight or something. Big on cold or not, that's always fun. And kisses are nice too, all that warm in the middle of the cold." He dropped back to Nick's side, kissing his shoulder. "How's the stomach?"

"Huge," said Nick instantly, before realizing that wasn't what Joey was asking. "I mean ... it's fine. What's in there is pretty clearly intent on staying in there, for better or for worse. I don't think they're getting in a snowball fight, though. AJ would be great throwing them but once he got hit he'd be racing for the hot chocolate."

"He can dish it better than taking it, huh?" Joey nodded knowingly, then locked the den door behind them and tugged Nick to the couch. He pulled the towel easily out of Nick's weak hands, leaving him naked, and stood in front of him, shirtless in his damp jeans. "Okay. I think we need to talk about huge. Because it's not even medium." He grabbed Nick's hands in his, bringing one to his own soft stomach, pressing the palm of the other to Nick's stomach. "Just close your eyes and feel. Feel the difference? I can feel the start of your ribs, there, and your breastbone. And on me, none of that. Baby, your stomach is not huge."

"No, but ... " began Nick helplessly. "Joey, it feels ... I mean ... I can't explain it." He closed his eyes so he didn't have to look at Joey's face, and didn't have to look at himself. "It feels huge anyway." He let his fingers caress Joey's stomach, loving the feel of *him*. "And it reminds me how much I've messed myself up, that that's the only place of me that's big. It's ... it's really complicated."

"It's not big." Joey moved the hand that was resting on Nick, forcing him to feel. "There's no place of you that's big. You don't have to explain it, not to me. Just take that busy brain offline for a moment or two, let yourself feel. Your sense of touch can't lie." He pressed closer, his mouth at Nick's ear, now. "I know it's complicated, and that we can't fix it any easy way. But believe me when I tell you, your tummy's tiny. That little waffle couldn't even make *Sarah's* tummy huge."

"It *feels* huge," insisted Nick, just barely resisting pulling away. "I know it doesn't look that way to you and I know it doesn't feel that way to you. I know that. Just like I know a lot of things. But that doesn't make them easier to feel or do or understand on that gut level that I know I need to." He sighed and caressed Joey's body some more. "It's gonna be really hard for me to put on weight now, Joey. Even though I want to, I really do."

"I know. I know. But you know as well as I do, this industry is all about doing things we might not think we can do. I never thought I'd say this, because it just feels wierd, but that might actually come in handy. Putting on weight...Nicky, it's not something you can kind of want to do, but not really worry about. You *have* to, to be healthy. You were starving, Nick." Joey leaned into his touch, and finally let go of his hands, after pressing them tightly in a silent command. His hands slid around to Nick's back, then down to his ass, and he pulled him in close and warm. "It's good that you want to, and we're gonna be here to help. And we're going to find you someone to talk to about it, too. It'll be okay, and it will get easier."

Nick sighed and buried his face in Joey's shoulder. "Life was a lot easier when I was just doing whatever the fuck I wanted," he said. "Yeah, I know it would've killed my, probably sooner than later, but it was a lot easier. I didn't worry about any of this stuff. I just did whatever and drank myself stupid and just didn't care. About anything. This whole ... not drinking and realizing I was starving to death and being *so* sick and then suddenly having *you* and having to deal with the fact that yeah, I'm gay and it's not going away and ... everything. It's so fucking hard."

Joey went still, then continued to stroke Nick's skin, his touch almost fraternal now. "It was easier, I'm sure, when you were drinking and starving and not-thinking. But if you'd kept it up, you might not be around any more. That would be so terrible, Nick. The other things, the being gay and...and me, those are secondary. You've gotta concentrate on getting heathy, first, before dealing with the other hard stuff in your life."

"My brain isn't sorting it out really well," he admitted. "It's kinda all hitting the same, all together, all at once. In a big ball of everything. I know, I know, concentrate on the important parts, but that's hard, too. That's what I have you for ... one of the things I have you for. To help me with the stuff that I can't do alone. And then me and AJ ... we can sit down and talk about our crises of sexuality together some time. On top of the whole going sober thing. When we're ready."

"When you're ready," Joey agreed quietly. "And Howie and I can go...play pool or something equally distracting, while you do." He stepped back from Nick, kissing his cheek, before moving to the suitcase with a final stroke to Nick's stomach. "It'll get easier. Remember, you're still in early days, here. It's okay to feel a little overwhelmed and confused. It's a lot to take on, all at once."

"Yeah, tell me about it," snickered Nick, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I'm glad I have you, Joey. I mean, I know I'm leaning on you a lot, more than I should, but I'm really *happy* to be with you. It's not just that I need you. You know that, right?"

Joey gave him a small smile, standing up with his pyjamas in hand. "Of course," he said mildly. "You're not leaning on me more than you should. There's no 'should', you lean as much as you need to." He handed the soft pants and top to Nick, settling beside him on the bed, before standing up again. "Gotta make the bed," he muttered. "I sleep like a tornado."

Nick stood up shakily, but not as much as he once would have. The breakfast and the shower really *had* done him a lot of good. "You do sleep like a tornado," he had to agree fondly. "But I like it. I'm getting used to it. Come here a sec, okay? C'mere."

"What?" Joey looked at him a bit warily, before stepping back to him. "Okay, I'm here." He peered at Nick curiously, standing directly in front of him.

Nick took his hand and tugged him even closer, then kissed him firmly. "I love you," he said. "I love you, Joey, and that's not just a little thing. It'll get to be normal, maybe soon, and something we just take for granted because we're so confident in it. But right now it's all new and it still makes my heart hurt and I want to know that you know. That I love you that much."

Joey freed his hand from Nick's, bringing his hands up to cup Nick's face, and kissing him back almost desperately. "I love you too, just that much," he breathed, when he finally had a moment to draw back. "Baby, I do. I don't think I can ever take it for granted. It's too big and too much, and...I love you. I can't even imagine that you love me back as much, it doesn't seem possible for me to be that lucky."

"But I do," insisted Nick, so intent to make sure that Joey understood this, that Nick was there because he loved him and not because he was being taken care of. That Nick was even *trying* this at all because he loved him. He kissed him again and again until he heard a polite knock at the door.

"No, no," Joey whispered into his mouth. "Don't let them in. Kiss me more." He wrapped Nick close in his arms, cradling the back of his head in one big hand, sucking insistently on his lower lip. "I love you," he repeated, voice a little thick and rough, damp jeans cool and heavy against Nick's bare skin.

Nick felt tears prickling at his eyes as the immensity of everything hit him again. He kissed him more because it seemed the most sensible thing to do, whether the knocks at the door were coming from AJ and Howie, or from Joey's mom, or even from the doctor. "I don't want to be without you anymore," he whispered. "Even when I'm whole and well and happy. *Especially* when I'm whole and well and happy."

"You won't have to be," Joey promised rawly, chasing his mouth for another kiss. "Not if I have anything to say about it. Never." He finally pulled away a little, no more than an inch, and leaned his forehead against Nick's. "We should probably go see who it is," he said quietly. "Don't cry, sweetheart. I'm not leaving you, it'll be okay. I love you."

"I'm not crying," lied Nick, hoping his glasses covered at least most of it. "I just love you is all. A lot. I don't care who's at the door, I just want to be with you." It came out a little pathetic -- and they did need to answer the door -- but it was exactly how he was feeling. The mood swings were still wide, even if they weren't as insane as they had been. "Just ... let me get my clothes on."

"Okay." Joey didn't let go of him for another long moment, though, and when he finally did his reluctance was almost tangible. "I just wanna be with you, too. Maybe if we ignore them they'll just go away." He stepped away with a sigh. "Though that would probably only work on Howie. AJ and my mom will just keep knocking." And the knocking came again, louder this time. "Just a minute," he called, resigned. "Later," he whispered to Nick, reaching out to touch his cheek. "We'll kick them out, and then I can kiss you till you can't breathe."

"Yeah," said Nick softly, smiling at him. Then, when Joey let go, he quickly pulled his pajamas on and scrubbed his hair a little drier. "Later, we can do ... what we can do. I'm looking forward to it. Okay. I'm ready."

Joey kissed him swiftly again, then unlocked the door, and his mother smiled at them from the other side, eyebrows raised. AJ was standing behind her, his expression eerily similar. "I thought I said no acrobatics," she said mildly, looking at Joey's bare torso and swollen mouth and mussed hair.

He snorted. "There weren't any acrobatics. I think I can still kiss my boyfriend if I want, and not a word out of you, McLean."

"I didn't say anything," AJ said mildly, though he was smirking at Nick. "Just checking to see if y'all are ready for some company. Howie's bringing some stuff down, once he de-freezes his feet."

"I'm decent," said Nick, crossing his arms over his chest and giving them a little smile. "I was just declaring my undying love for Joey, and y'all didn't need to be in on that. So you survived the outside?" He sat down on the edge of the bed, even though Joey hadn't really made it yet, just stretched the covers out over it lumpily, and held out his arm, ready to be attached to the IV again.

"Barely." AJ shivered dramatically, rubbing his arms through a sweater that looked like it belonged to Howie. He watched as Phyllis moved to Nick's side, reattaching the IV efficiently. "It's so cold out there, you don't even know. I got snow down my shoes the first step, and it all went downhill from there. You up for some company, or are you all tuckered out?"

"No, I'm good," said Nick, smiling at Joey's mom and mouthing 'thank you' to her. "We can chat and watch Joey nap. It'll be fun. Go ahead and sit down." He turned to Phyllis again as she checked the IV bag. "I promise I'll stay in bed and won't let anyone tire me out. Trust me, the last thing I want to do is make another trip to the hospital."

"Okay, good. Remember, when you start feeling tired, take a break." She smiled at him and patted his hand. "I'm off to do my errands, now. If you need me, Joey has Claudia's phone number. You boys be good!" She hurried out of the room, checking her watch.

"I'm not gonna nap," Joey protested, pulling on a t-shirt and plucking distastefully at his wet jeans. "I have to do laundry, remember? And make some phone calls, and I wanna see the presents too. I'm not sleeping. Nicky, get up for a second so I can fix the bed?"

"Fine, but don't take it out on me if you get cranky," AJ said, lounging down onto the loveseat comfortably. "Me and Howie are gonna play poker while Nicky messes around with his presents. If you're nice, you can play too."

"You didn't say anything about poker," said Howie, poking his head in the door. "I thought you said we were gonna -- " He pretended like he just then noticed Joey and Nick in the room. "Well, nevermind that. Later."

"Presents?" said Nick hopefully, as he got up off the bed to let Joey make it for real. "Yes?"

"Presents, yes," AJ said with a grin, holding out an arm to Howie. "Bring 'em in, D. Just the smaller one first, he'll be able to tell what the other one is just by looking at it."

Joey flipped the sheets and blankets flat with a practiced hand, and pushed Nick back down gently, watching with a smile as Howie hauled a large flat package and a lot of smaller ones into the room, dumping them on the bed by Nick.

Nick's eyes widened as he looked at everything. "That's a lot of presents," he said, just staring at them, then staring at AJ and Howie. "That's a *lot* of presents. That's not just *a* present, or a couple presents. Wow, guys. What did you get me?"

Howie laughed and gestured at them. "Just *open* them, you'll see." Nick reached for the first package and started to pull the paper away carefully. "Oh don't worry about the paper, you're not at your mother's, just rip 'em open, Nicky."

"They all go together," AJ said, watching him eagerly. "Look, see?" He couldn't resist, and joined them on the bed, as Nick unwrapped a large watercolor pad and a couple of small canvases. "Like, it would be silly to get you these and nothing to put on them. Those were my idea." He looked proud when the next package yielded an assortment of brushes, all soft camel-hair.

"Those are amazing," Joey propped his chin on Nick's shoulder, watching watercolors and oils and acrylics slowly reveal themselves. "Look at all the colors!"

Nick blinked in astonishment at everything they'd gotten. He knew they knew he painted and drew -- they'd seen so much of it over the years, seen so many things he'd made -- but he had no idea how they'd known just what to buy him. It was all perfect. "You guys went out and got all this stuff for me?" he whispered, touching all of it like it might not be real. "I don't know what to say."

"Thank you would be plenty," said Howie, "but we're not quite done. AJ, you wanna -- ?" He gestured out at the hallway.

"Yeah!" AJ bounced up off the bed, all his energy apparently returned already, and dashed out into the hall, returning with a black guitar case. "Now, I wanted to get the drums, but Howie said it wasn't practical, since they're not real portable and you're only here for a few days. But I hope this'll give you something else to do, when you can't get up and move around." He presented the case with a flourish and a wide grin.

"You guys are nuts!" said Nick in astonishment. "You guys are ... did you seriously?" He opened the case, like it might be empty or something. It wasn't. "You did. Oh my god. You guys are the best friends *ever*."

"Dude, check it out!" Joey reached over his shoulder to stroke the satin finish on the guitar. "Wow. It's gorgeous, amazing. Wow."

"You like it?" AJ was grinning, pleased, settling back beside Howie on the couch and tucking his feet up underneath him. "It's just a regular old acoustic, nothing too fancy, but it plays real sweet and it's pretty."

"Of *course* I like it," said Nick, still trying to take it all in. "This is all so amazing. I just ... I think I can even play now, I think my hands are almost okay to play." He closed the case, though, saving that for later. "And almost okay to draw, too. There's so much I want to do, I don't know where I'm gonna find the time."

Howie reached for AJ's hand almost as soon as he'd sat down. "We're making sure you get a lot of time off, Nick. A *lot* of time off. I mean, you may not be in a facility, but you still need that same kind of time to get back on your feet. Especially with your other stuff going on, too."

"Yeah." AJ nodded seriously, and Nick could tell this was something they had discussed. "At least a couple of months. Trust me, it's barely enough time to get everything sorted out, before all that pressure comes back on. But you can do it, I know you can. You're way ahead of me already. But you'll have lots of time to paint, or play, or do whatever. Go on vacation, maybe, didn't your uncle buy that place in Hawaii last year? That might be nice. Fuckin' warmer than the arctic, here, anyway." He shivered theatrically.

Joey glanced quickly at Nick, then reached for his hand too. "That's...that's fantastic, guys. That time off, it's so great. An' it's wonderful, knowing you'll be there to help, with *all* the stuff."

"I don't know what to say," said Nick softly, staring at his hands for a moment. "I don't know how we're gonna do that, with the stuff we've got planned, but I believe you when you say we're gonna. But ... does it mean I need to go public with what's going on, eventually?"

"That's you choice," said Howie. "No one's gonna tell you you have to, and no one's gonna tell you you can't."

"I'm pretty happy not, right now," he said, surprising no one he was sure. "I'm pretty happy right where I am. And I'll be pretty happy being back home with Joey and the baby ... "

"Bands take breaks all the time," AJ said. His lips twisted a little. "I'm sure they'll just think it's for me, anyway. It's cool, I don't mind a little more time off. It'll be good." He turned to Joey. "Yeah, what about that, Fatone? How's the kid fitting into all this?"

Joey shrugged and smiled. "She's my girl, she fits into everything I do. She's gonna love Nick, he's gonna be part of our lives, both of us. We don't have the logistics worked out quite yet, but it'll all come together. And...when we go back on tour, end of February, she'll be coming along to most of the appearances, I think."

"Wow, Nicky, you're gonna be helping with a baby," said Howie. "That's big. Like, seriously big."

"I *know*," said Nick with a little laugh, curling closer to Joey. "Trust me, I know. You don't need to freak me out any more than I already am. I mean, she's adorable and it's gonna be amazing, but yeah ... big."

Joey picked up one of the paintbrushes and ran it through his fingers, finally turning it and brushing the soft bristles down Nick's nose. "Nobody has to freak. She's a precious girl, but babies...they're pretty easy. You love 'em and change their diapers and cut your sleep schedule in half, and you're good." He smiled at Nick, replacing the brush with a kiss.

"See, I think the screaming would get to me," AJ said judiciously. "But I've never been around kids at all, so I dunno. It sounds good, she sounds wonderful, from what I hear. You should bring her around sometime. Surest way to turn Brian into mush, I promise. Even Kevin goes all soft and googly. She can be your ambassador."

"Baby Brianna will make everything," okay, said Nick, smiling at him and feeling that warm fuzzy love inside him again. "You know I'm gonna love her, Joey. I'll just need to get used to it a little. Course, I'm gonna get a bit of a trial by fire there for a little while, when we get home again. I hope I do okay; I'll try my best."

"You're gonna be moving in with him?" AJ's eyebrows went up in surprise. "Like, permanently? Um." He glanced at Howie like he was looking for guidance, and then went on carefully. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, there're no secrets, with us, not really. And your life is already so...you've been on a roller coaster lately. That kind of stress, getting used to living with someone, that might not be..." he trailed off, pursing his lips. "I don't know. You should do what you think's right, 'course."

"That's not what I said," argued Nick softly, suddenly feeling the need to clutch Joey's hand, to stabilize himself. "Don't jump to conclusions, AJ. But ...wait, no, I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Nicky," said Howie softly. "He's just worried about you is all. He didn't mean anything by it."

"I'm gonna do what I'm most comfortable doing and I don't care what you think."

"Don't speak for me, D," AJ said, with only a little edge, and his face when he looked at Nick was sad. "God, sugar, you must think we're real assholes, if we can't even tell you when we're concerned about something without you freaking out like that. Of course you don't have to explain yourself to us, you don't *have* to do anything. But it's a nice thing to do, when your friends are worried about you and ask you if you're sure about the decisions you make." He shrugged a little, watching Joey wrap an arm around Nick and squeeze. "I think you do care what we think, what everyone thinks, way too much. If you were really happy and comfortable and secure, you wouldn't be this defensive. We'll love you no matter what, you know."