"No looking back," Joey agreed. "Just forward to good things, for now, remember? Take this weekend to just relax. Try to have fun." He glanced out the window, turning away from Nick a little. "Traffic's not too bad, for a miracle. We should be there soon. Any last requests, before my mother kidnaps you an' I don't see you again ever?"

"Wow, way to take the pressure off," joked Nick, pushing himself up to a sitting position again and reaching for his sunglasses. "Just ... don't abandon me. I'm not ready to handle stuff on my own yet. And that's for serious, Joey."

"I'd never," Joey said firmly, pulling him back so they were pressed together, even sitting, his arm solidly around Nick's waist like he had no intention of letting go. "Have I yet? I'll even fight my own mother for you, baby." He grinned. "We're gonna catch shit, you know. They'll ooh and ahh and probably pinch your cheeks."

Nick winced in anticipation of being handled like that. He was doing better, sure, but not *that* well. And he was beginning to have a really good sense of how he really was doing, rather than how he was expecting to be doing, or wishing he was. "I can do that," he said, though, and tried to convince himself that he could.

"They'll mean it in a good way," Joey said a little anxiously. Apparently he hadn't sounded as confident as he'd hoped. "Like, that's the way my family is. If they like you, they tease and joke and stuff. If they're really super-polite, it means they either don't know you or don't like you. So it's a *good* thing." He sighed. "Damn. I hope you like them. Hope they're not too...too much, or anything."

"I know it's a good thing," Nick assured him, slipping the sunglasses into place. While everything got darker, it also suddenly got clear again. "I'm just hoping I handle it okay, is all. It's ... rough."

"I'll run as much interference as I can." Joey ran a finger up his nose, pushing his glasses a little higher. "Won't let it get too out of hand. Plus, most of the shit'll be directed my way anyway, you might just get a little caught in the crossfire." He paused for a moment, looking at Nick. "I know it'll be strange for you, being...with me, with people around. People who aren't AJ, anyway. But it's okay, here. You can, I dunno, grab my hand and stuff. I might hug you. It'll be okay, if you need it, you can."

"I'll try and remember that," said Nick softly. "I will. But it'll almost be as hard as anything else at first." He sighed, then gave Joey what felt like a very shaky smile. "Whatever happens, happens," he said, "and we'll get through it, whatever it is. And I just have to keep that in mind."

"It's not a firing squad, y'know." Joey's chuckle was wry. "This is supposed to be fun, remember? An' we're going to go in, chat with ma a little bit, wave at the cousins, then it's bed for you. And me, if I can sweet-talk her. Then it'll be dark and quiet for a few hours, and you can rest that head. Everything'll look better when you're a little less tired. An' remember, they're gonna love you almost as much as me."

"I know, Joey," he said again. "I know. Just remember ... even the fun stuff is really hard right now. Even the good stuff hurts, and I'm having a hard enough time processing what's already happened, let alone what's yet to come. I'll do the best I can. Seriously, that's all I can promise."

"That's all anyone can do." Joey shrugged. "Just...try to let yourself enjoy the fun stuff, okay? Don't stress too much about the past, don't worry too much about the future. Give yourself a little vacation, if you can." He leered at Nick exaggeratedly. "And I will be your personal slave and masseuse on this cruise, Senor Carter. One full-body massage, coming right up, sir. Whenever you like, sir."

Nick practically slumped against him, at just the thought of it. "Yes." he moaned softly, as he felt the limo slowing. "That would be so wonderful. Um. Is this it? Are we there?"

"We are here, baby. Home sweet home." Nick peered past Joey, seeing a row of big brownstones, lined with small fenced yards, flush against each other. "That one with the red mailbox is us. You ready?" Joey was practically bouncing, tiredness apparently forgotten.

"No," said Nick with a brave smile, "but I'll try to pretend I am. "Fatone family, here I come."

"That's the spirit." Joey grinned back at him, squeezed his hand, and slid out of the limo. Nick followed, more slowly, and looked at the steps leading up to the door. It swung open, and Joey bounded up two at a time, lifting the laughing, maternal-looking woman who appeared into a hug. After smacking two big kisses on her cheeks, Joey put her down carefully, and turned to look at Nick, beaming. "Nick, come on up and meet my mama."

Nick smiled back -- who couldn't, faced with that look? -- and made his way a little -- no, a lot -- more slowly, struggling to look perfectly normal even though he felt shaky. "Hey," he said, feeling shy in the face of that sort of reception.

"Mom, this is Nick," Joey said proudly, and Mrs. Fatone smiled even more widely than she had at her son, if possible, and grabbed both Nick's hands as soon as he was close enough. "Oh sweetie! Just look at you!" She pulled him down and kissed his cheek softly, and Nick blinked. "Such a handsome boy, but my goodness, you look tired. I told Joey that there was no need to get here so early, but does he ever listen to his mother? Of course not." She drew him into the warm, dark entryway of the house, Joey trailing behind, a firm hand at Nick's back. "Let me take your coats, Joey, you know where they go, right? Can I get you boys anything? Coffee? Lunch?"

It was good that Joey was still touching him, because otherwise Nick would have been feeling just completely overwhelmed. "I had lunch on the plane," he demurred softly, but he had a feeling that wouldn't stop her from serving them something. They needed to tell her what was going on, but Nick didn't know how. "Joey's told me so much about you," he redirected instead. "It's great to finally meet you in person."

"Oh, airline food." She waved a hand in an eerily familiar gesture, and he recognized it as one of Joey's. "Coats, Joseph, now." Joey obediently took Nick's jacket and his own, trotting back to the entryway with a wink. "You need more than that nasty stuff, big boys like you. And what wild stories has my son been telling now? Come come, sit in the kitchen with me, I'll just put some pasta on." "Now, mama," Joey's voice was in his ear, palm flat on his waist again, he was back. "Let Nick take a breath or two, okay? We've got stuff to tell you, too, and we're kinda tired." He was smiling. "You even hungry, Nick? How's the stomach?"

"I'm ... not really hungry," he confessed, touching his stomach gingerly. "Maybe coffee, though?" He didn't feel right, not accepting anything. "I think that would sit okay." And maybe if he was sitting down, he would be able to get some food down, too, if he had to. He reached behind himself and groped for Joey's hand, wanting to be holding onto it, right then. He still had the sunglasses perched on his nose, and hoped it didn't look rude.

"Nick's not feeling great," Joey told his mother, squeezing his hand reassuringly tight. "Maybe some tea? Coffee's a little rough on the stomach."

"Oh dear, not a good flyer? That poor boy Chris has the same trouble." Mrs. Fatone clucked sympathetically, and led them into the kitchen. It was big and cluttered and full of light and Nick had a feeling that Joey had gone all out, here. Joey didn't let go of his hand, but didn't answer his mother, either, just looking at Nick questioningly as he perched on a stool.

Nick looked down and nodded his head, just slightly. It looked like Joey's mom was the only one around right now, which made things fractionally easier. "It's not the flying," he said, pleading with Joey with his eyes to take it from there, so Nick didn't have to find the words. "It's just been a really rough week."

Joey pulled him closer, into the vee of his legs so he was leaning against Joey comfortably, and wrapped strong arms around his waist. Nick sighed, and wanted badly to close his eyes. "Nick stopped drinking on Tuesday," Joey said bluntly, and Phyllis's eyes widened in her round, comfortable face. "He's doing really good, but he's still tired and stuff, and his stomach's weird. So we're taking it easy on him. Okay, mom?"

She was quiet for a moment, looking from one of them to the other, then smiled brilliantly at Nick. "That is just *wonderful*. Oh, good for you, honey. Joseph Anthony, why didn't you tell me this? I could have had time to cook special easy food!"

Nick exhaled loudly in relief. "That's probably my fault," he said, still quite softly, for him. It felt strange for Joey to hold him like that in front of someone, but it felt pretty right, too. "I didn't really want him telling anyone yet. So ... just the tea would be nice, for now, if that's all right?"

"Oh, of course!" She bustled away to the stovetop, and filled a kettle with water. Joey took the opportunity to kiss his neck softly, then just hang his chin over Nick's shoulder. "So, Nick, you have to tell me how you two got together, since my son has become so secretive lately, though of course it's fine if he's respecting your wishes. How did a nice boy like you end up with someone like my Joey?" She smiled back at them, though, taking any sting out of her words, and Nick could feel the affection she had for Joey like it was another person in the room. "Did you maybe lose a bet?"

"It was dark," teased Nick, just as gently, leaning comfortably into Joey's embrace.. "I didn't know what i was getting until I got him home, and by then it was too late for me. I'd already fallen for him." The true story could wait for another time, though that was true enough. He'd had no idea how wonderful Joey would be until they were already together.

"He tried to run," Joey agreed solemnly, "but I'd already barred the door, and by the time he had the door off its hinges, I'd turned on the charm. It was just a matter of time."

"Oh, you," Phyllis laughed. "I'm sure it was nothing like that. You'll tell me someday, though, mark my words. We old women have nothing better to do than to worm romantic stories out of our sons." She moved away from the stove, and frowned a little as she looked at Nick. "You do look like you need some taking care of, if you don't mind my saying so. It's terribly personal, I know, but you'll just have to forgive me. You look like you need a three-day nap, interrupted only for very large meals."

Nick nodded as enthusiastically as he could manage. "That about sums it up," he said. His voice still even felt a little scratchy, from all the ways it had been misused over the past few days, but it, like everything else, was getting better. "I look that bad, huh? No, no, don't worry. I know I do. But on the bright side, I look ten times better today than I did yesterday. Right, Joey?" And he looked at Joey for confirmation, even smiling a little. This was easier than he could've hoped.

"Yeah," Joey lit up at Nick's smile, holding him even closer. "He's doing fantastic, ma, you don't even know. I think he looks wonderful, anyway, but it's definitely better than before. Doesn't he look great?" Phyllis smiled at them again, pouring hot water into three mugs. "You do, and my Joey certainly looks happy, that much I can tell you. And once you're feeling a bit better, you will just have to try some of my chicken soup. We'll have you fat and happy in no time." She arched an eyebrow at Joey as she carried the mugs to the table. "Do you plan to let go of him long enough to drink his tea, Joey?"

"Don't you dare," murmured Nick, "I'll manage just fine with you wrapped around me." From the look on Joey's face, he was pretty sure that was one of the last thing he was expecting to hear. Then Nick raised his voice to talk to Joey's mother again. "I have dropped a lot of weight, lately," he admitted, which maybe not have been the wisest thing to tell an Italian mother. "Not really intentionally. I think I'd really like to sample some of your cooking when I'm feeling up to it."

She beamed at him, and handed him his mug, not commenting when Joey didn't move an inch. "That's just wonderful. Well, it's a terrible shame that someone let you get so thin and tired, but we'll have you right as rain in no time. Can you stay longer? It's going to be a little crazy around here this weekend, and I'd just love to get a chance to know you a little better. I want to hear all about you and your family, and your little singing group. And I'm sure I can tell you some stories about Joey. He was just a terrible child, you know."

"Moooooom," Joey groaned into Nick's shoulder, hiding his face. "Don't you *dare.*"

Nick smiled at the notion of his 'little singing group'. He might've been affronted, if he wasn't so charmed by her, and didn't have the notion that she probably called *Nsync Joey's 'little singing group', too. "Oh, I'd absolutely love to hear some stories about Joey," he said with a smile that wasn't forced at all anymore, despite the pounding in his head. "It's what I came for. But I'm afraid I can't stay past the middle of next week. We're back in the studio again."

"Well, I think it's just terrible that they make you boys work so hard, especially if you're not feeling well." She nodded her head decisively, shooting a meaningful look at Joey, who was still hiding, though Nick could feel little shivers of laughter running through him. "You're welcome in this house any time, for as long as you like. We'll take good care of you, here. Joey, stop that." Joey lifted his head, and now Nick could hear the giggles. "I know you haven't forgotten the pictures of my granddaughter you promised me. Oh dear..." The phone rang shrilly in another room. "That will be Stella, calling about the caterers. You must excuse me," she had a distracted look in her eye suddenly, "it's for the wedding. Joey, I put you in Uncle Carlo's old room, you can bring your bags up when you've finished your tea. This will take a while." And she bustled out of the room.

"Well," said Nick softly a moment later, and sipped his tea. "I think that went well, huh?" Then he turned his head to look at Joey and smiled again ."I think i'm gonna survive this, Joe. I really like your mom."

"She really likes you too." Joey nuzzled him, still grinning madly, then reached for his own tea, cooling on the table. "She invited you whenever, that's the sign, man. You're practically family now. We just lucked out that we got here when the cousins were out, though. If you really want that nap, we should make a run for it now. My mom'll be busy for an hour, now, but who knows when *they'll* get home."

"I'll finish the tea, then we'll make a run for it," agreed Nick. "If she can't see us, she can't stop us. The tea will probably help knock me out." He gave Joey a brilliant smile, then. One that almost hurt. "Joey ... I'm *warm*."

Joey smiled back, and brought his arms up, crossing them over Nick's chest, rocking him a little between his legs and holding him tight. "Getting better every minute, Nick. Fuck, that's good to hear." He kissed Nick, and tasted like tea and sugar. "You *are* warm. And you're not shivering, did you notice? Maybe it was the stress, partially, and now that's gone. And we're here, and you're gonna be just fine." He leaned in for another kiss, like he couldn't resist.

Nick just smiled again. "Maybe yeah. I'm still ... stressed. There are still things stressing me. But it's better. Definitely better. I'm so *tired*, though. LIke I'll never be not tired again."

"Then it's definitely naptime. Bring your tea, we'll go up." Having made this pronouncement, Joey gently stood him up straight again, setting his own mug down. "It's two flights, so I'll get the bags, you get you. We'll get all settled in. We got the good bedroom, you know. Even has its own bathroom, so we don't have to share with my sister and a cousin or three. Mom loves me." He smiled, and led the way back to the hall.

"Nah, she loves *me*," said Nick, grateful he only had to manage his tea on the way up. That was going to be hard enough, he figured, and he hadn't had a good history with stairs lately. "You know it's only gonna take me about ten seconds to get to sleep, right?" he said. "Is it safe to wear my pajamas around here or will I be teased mercilessly the moment someone sees?"

"She *does* love you," Joey agreed. "And wear your jammies all you like. Who's gonna see you in the bedroom, besides me?" He shrugged. "Even if you wear 'em in the kitchen, though, worst you'll get is some googly eyes from the girls and maybe a lame joke from Steve. 'Course, I'll be in a puddle, so I won't be able to defend your honor." He hoisted the duffels and backpacks easily, then eyed Nick. "You want I should take these up and come back for you? These old houses have some nasty steep stairs."

"No, I made it this far, i can make it," said Nick confidently. "I survived the airport after all. I'm not gonna let a few stairs get the best of me. And ... which pajamas did you pack, anyway? It was something that'll embarass me, wasn't it? You may as well just admit it now, Joe ... "

"I packed five pairs, I told you." Joey grinned at him wickedly. "Couldn't decide which ones I liked best. They're all super cute, though. You'll see." He nudged Nick towards the stairs. "You wanna climb the stairs, you go right ahead, but I'm staying right behind you, okay? Just in case. Don't go too fast, I'm an overburdened old man, here."

"You'd tell me I looked super cute in a potato sack, though," murmured Nick as he started to climb. Slowly. "You probably thought I looked cute hunched over a toilet. I have a really weird boyfriend."

"You *would* look super cute in a potato sack," Joey claimed stubbornly, right behind him on the stairs. "The hunched over the toilet, not so much, but that wasn't your fault, the tile color clashed with your hair. What's so weird about thinking my boyfriend is amazing and wow? I thought boyfriends were supposed to think that!"

"Cause sometimes I really *don't* look cute. Unlike you ... who looks cute all the time." Nick looked back over his shoulder and grinned for a moment, still moving so slowly up the stairs. So cautiously.

"You look cute all the time," Joey protested. "Much cuter than me. You're the cute Backstreet Boy, remember? I'm the goofy N Syncer. I mean, just read our bios!" He grinned back at Nick, though, remaining his careful one step below him, balancing bags in his arms.

"I'm not cute all the time," protested Nick again, but more softly this time. Not sure he wanted to be convincing, with that. "You see me real, right? I know you do. You have to, after all this."

"Of course I do." Joey looked puzzled now, when Nick glanced back. "I mean, it doesn't *get* much more real, right? You are absolutely adorable, all the time. You do know that, right? I mean, even when you're shaking and white, you're just the most gorgeous thing. I was kinda 'shamed to realize it, because I should have been thinking about making you better, but I kept stopping an' just thinking, goddamn, look at his *mouth*." He laughed, a little selfconsciously. "Stupid, right?"

Nick just had to smile again, though. "God, Joey," he murmured, almost in awe. "If you can love me then, you can love me *any* time. Wow. Um ... okay, what room are we in? Where am I going here?"

"Just keep climbing," Joey said encouragingly, keeping pace steadily. "One more flight, then down the hall to the left. I think it actually used to be like the maid's apartment, way back when." Hands full, he leaned forward and bumped his forehead against Nick's shoulder. "'Course I love you any time. All the time."

"Hard to get used to that," whispered Nick, beginning to haul himself up the next flight. "Damn. This shouldn't be tiring me. Thank God we're not touring again for a while, I'd never be able to do it."

"I can't believe you're doing this at all, honestly," Joey said, hitching Nick's duffel higher on his shoulder. "I mean, shit, Nick, yesterday you couldn't walk by yourself. Today you're climbing stairs? Do you even realize how unbelievable this is? I'm gonna have Justin give you a description of his third day, but the short version is that he spent it crying in my lap and throwing things at Chris, and demanding to be carried to the tub. So, you know, you're way, way ahead of the game."

"It's killing me to go up two flights of stairs, and I'm doing good?" confirmed Nick incredulously. "I mean, yeah, I *wish* I was able to cry in someone's lap right now and make this *over*, but ... it meant more to me to be here with you. So I made it happen."

"You made it happen." Joey chuckled disbelievingly, shaking his head. "Just like that. Baby, the only thing Justin could make happen was catching Chris upside the head with an icepack. You're the strongest person I've ever seen. I don't wanna ever hear you say 'I can't do that' again, you hear?"

"I'm not," protested Nick again, lugging himself up a few more stairs. "I'm not strong. If I was strong, I wouldn't even be here. I'm just trying ... trying to make things right again. Because I have this really, really good reason to now."

"Grrrr." Joey mock-growled at him, teeth white in the goatee that was starting to look a little ragged. "Have I ever lied to you? If you weren't strong, you'd be in a bar somewhere, lit to the gills, pretending that your life wasn't happening. You wouldn't be here, climbing *stairs* for god's sake, three days sober, for *any* reason. You're strong. Unbelievably. I'm so impressed, every minute." They finally reached the landing, and Nick leaned against the wall, panting a little. Joey dropped the bags with a heavy THUD, and walked to his side, pulling him into a full-body hug. "Trust me. I don't lie."

"I know," said Nick weakly, but he definitely had enough energy to wrap his arms around Joey in return. "Well, I've conquered the stairs. Next step ... keeping down food without smoking up, first. I think that one might be a little harder."

"One step at a time," Joey murmured into his hair, then released him and smiled. "I've got some connections here, if we need 'em, because you definitely gotta keep eating, especially with all the running around we've been doing today. I can't believe you're still on your feet. C'mon, just a little further, then it's sleepytime." He started dragging the bags down the hall.

"If I could make it up the stairs, I can make it to the room," Nick assured him, though he wasn't sure he could make it much *further* than that. "I really ... I know it's non-addictive, but it still scares me," he confessed as they slowly made their way down the hall. "I want to try to go it without, now. If I can."

"Yeah," Joey agreed. "Without is definitely better. Once you get a nap, we'll see how you feel, okay? When my mom gets off the phone, she'll be cooking, you can bet on that." He pushed through the door, into a warm wood-paneled room with a twin bed, neat and spare, a vase full of flowers on the bedside table. Joey dropped the bags again, sighing in relief. "Here we go. Bathroom's through there, everything else you can see. It's not the Ritz, but it's home."

"I just want to crawl into bed," said Nick wearily, eyeing the bed greedily. "We're going to have to cuddle ... neither one of us is exactly a small guy. Of course ... I don't think I mind that much at all ... "

"Oh, crawling into bed..." There was longing in Joey's voice, and it was like all that homecoming energy drained out of him suddenly, leaving him limp and slumped. "Oh yeah. Cuddling's good." He moved suddenly, hauling his shirts over his head, stripping out of his pants, flipping back the bedcovers dressed only in his boxers. "Oh, look, flannel sheets. Oh man. Mom *loves* us." His eyes closed in bliss. "Come cuddle with me," he demanded, sliding onto the bed.

"I need to ... " said Nick gesturing helpless at his clothes. Slowly he began the process of taking his shirt off, lacking even half of his usual dexterity. It was so frustrating, that he couldn't just strip it all off and crawl in next to him and feel normal together.

Joey sat up again quickly, beckoning him over. "C'mere. These sheets, man, you're gonna come just from the feeling, I swear to god. Do you want your jammies? Because if you're looking for soft, these sheets got it covered." Nick stepped reluctantly to his side, needing help but unwilling to admit it. Joey's blunt fingers made short work of the shirt buttons, and Joey even managed a tired leer as he started in on his pants.

"I just want into bed," mumbled Nick. "Forget coming, I don't even think I can get it up anymore. Gimme twenty-four hours of sleep in your arms and then maybe I can face the world again." He stepped out of his pants and just crawled right in in his boxers alongside Joey. "Forget pajamas, this is great."

"Mmmmm," Joey sighed happily, wrapping slowly around Nick like a large, warm, sleepy octopus. "Told you. Flannel and poofy comforter on top, and it's all cold and snowy outside, and you're all warm, and I love New York. Uh-huh." His hand ran gently down Nick's side, ending up cradling his hipbone as he slid a knee between Nick's legs. "Love you, too."

Nick just wrapped himself up in Joey and rested his head against Joey's shoulder. "Love you," he murmured, feeling it now as much as ever, if not more. "I love New York too, now. We can stay here a while, right?"

"As long as you want," Joey agreed sleepily. "It's nice here. There's stuff. And my family. And stuff. Broadway. Did I ever tell you I wanna be on Broadway?" Nick smiled, listening to Joey's tired babble. "Someday maybe, I gotta take lessons or something. 'm glad you like New York. Do you like my mom? She likes you."

"Your mom's great," Nick assured him. "I really like her, Joey. And I bet I'll like her even more when I've had some sleep. Right now I'm not sure I like anything as much as I like sleep and you."

Joey's eyes cracked open a little, and he peered at Nick in extreme closeup. Nick could have counted his eyelashes, if he'd had the energy. "Sleep first, then me. I mean, do one, then the other. Only not doing. Okay. Need to sleep right now. I lost my words."

"I know the feeling," murmured Nick, warm and comfortable in his arms. "Get some sleep, Joey. You've earned it. Trust me, I'll still be right here when you wake up."

Nick wasn't sure he was awake, at first, since it was dark in the room even after his eyes opened. But Joey stirred and muttered against him, and he blinked, and saw the light slivering in through the crack under the door. He didn't think there had been a tray on the bedside table when they'd collapsed. He was pretty sure he'd have noticed a hot water pot and mugs and crackers and little sandwiches under saran wrap and tea bags. Pretty sure. He poked Joey, who grunted and turned over and almost fell off the bed.

"I think we've been visited by the food fairy," he murmured, taking for granted that Joey was awake enough to hear. Not to mention comprehend. "Joey? Someone came in here, when we were sleeping. Your family do that often?"

"Whut?" Joey flipped again, burrowing his face into Nick's shoulder, snuffling a little. "No fairies here but me. Mmm. Sleepin." He was waking up, though, Nick could feel it in the way he moved, slowly coming back to awareness. "Food? You're dreaming, right? Me too. Clearly still asleep. Wouldn't sleep through food, not me." He yawned hugely, and finally opened his eyes. Smiled at Nick. "Hi, Nick."

Nick actually giggled, blinking blearily at him. "No, I'm pretty sure it's food," he assured him, aiming carefully and planting a kiss square on the tip of Joey's nose. "Which means someone came in and saw us wrapped around each other. And ... food. Your family is strange. I think I like them."

"Huh." Joey processed, blinking slowly, glancing over at the tray, then back at Nick. "Huh. Musta been mom. I think. She probably came to get us for food and couldn't wake us up. I'm guessing. I think I forgot to lock the door." He yawned again, settling back into Nick's shoulder. "How you feeling? I could sleep another year, but that was good."

"I'm ... feeling okay," said Nick, giving his whole body a quick mental check-down. Even the headache was fading now, but with the physical symptoms less prevalent, other things were coming back strongly now. Like an almost crippling craving for a drink. It was a need he decided not to voice, gritting his teeth and reminding himself why he was doing this. Why he needed to keep doing it. "Still tired, but ... not like before. Nothing like before."

"Napping is the best," Joey sighed, "'specially if it made you feel better. Stomach okay? Head? I have no idea what time it is, but I'll bet you can have more advil. If you eat one of those little sandwiches and put milk in your tea first." He heaved himself up, scrubbing at his face and hair and making a waking-up face at Nick. "There, I'm up. *Up.* I can't believe they let us sleep till dark, mom must have read the serious riot act. My dad must be here by now, and my sister, and probably Steve." This time, the face was more disgusted. "Steve, blah. Maybe they all went to that rehearsal thing I think we're missing."

"We were supposed to be at that?" said Nick, still blinking at him. "We're just attending the wedding, right? We don't have do do anything?"

"It's like a pre-wedding rehearsal dinner party thing," Joey shrugged. "I dunno. I think the family's all invited with guests, but I didn't really want to go anyway." He cocked his head, listening. "They're definitely gone, though, it's way too quiet right now."

"So we woke up because it was quiet?" said Nick with a grin, clinging to Joey. Well. *That* makes sense. Does that mean we don't have to get up just yet? Cause I'm pretty happy just right where i am, right now."

"Yeah, we're good here." Joey flopped back down into the pillows, pulling Nick's arm around his waist and twining their fingers together. He toyed with Nick's fingers a little, smoothing them with his thumb, tracing their length. "You could turn on the lamp, though. Your hair's doing some really interesting stuff, there, it'd be good to see clearly." Even in the dark, he could sense Joey's smile.

"That would take effort, though," he murmured, but he did end up groping for the lamp and turning it on, letting its thankfully dim light fall over them. It didn't help him see Joey any better, but it seemed to please Joey. "My hair's always a disaster when I get up, in case you hadn't noticed. My stylists have nightmares about it, I think. My bedhead look? It's just self defense, on their part."

"It's cute," Joey decided, ruffling it up even further with a careless hand. "Makes me think of you in bed, which is always nice. Want your glasses? Not that mine looks much better." He reached across Nick easily--one benefit to the smaller bed Nick hadn't considered, and groped around the tray. "OW!" He pulled back, wounded, cradling his finger. "That water pot is plugged in! Hot! No sandwiches for me."

"Here," said Nick, taking Joey's finger without even really thinking about it and sucking on it gently, to sooth it. "Those are my sunglasses up there anyway. My glasses are still in my bag somewhere, right? So you look just fine fuzzy, anyway. Finger feeling better?"

"Mmm." Joey wasn't looking at his finger, though, his eyes were *definitely* on Nick's mouth, and they had that heavy, warm look that Nick remembered. "Your glasses are in your backpack, yeah. Just over there." His eyes didn't move, and his hand twitched, in Nick's.

Nick let go of Joey's finger and just like that he was leaning in and kissing him and *god* had he missed this. He didn't even really know it until now, there had been so much else going on. But once his lips were on Joey's he remembered all over again how wonderful it was to be with him.

"Ohhh..." Joey sighed into his mouth, eyes fluttering closed, and surged up against him, hands pulling insistently at his waist until he was lying across Joey's body, mouths locked together, Joey's tongue licking into his mouth and tasting him. "Nick, Nick, Nick," Joey chanted, breaking off the kiss and burying his face in Nick's throat. He was so tense he felt like iron under Nick's hands.

"I'm feeling better," he murmured again, hands running down Joey's warm and almost bare body. "I could definitely do this for a while." Anything that would keep him safe in Joey's arms was a good thing, but touching was even better. He was craving it, too.

"Don't wanna push you," Joey spoke against his skin, hot breath and the prickle of beard and soft lips. "I just, kinda," he laughed breathlessly, still cradled in the curve under Nick's jaw. "Jerking off twice a day hasn't helped. So just...you do it, okay? Because I don't know how okay you feel or what you want to do or how to stop, so you be in charge. Okay?" His hands moved restlessly on Nick's bare back, hot and heavy.

"Just let me touch," said Nick, his hands still moving along his sides. "Like last night, only ... more. It doesn't hurt to touch anymore." He licked his lips slowly and leaned in for another kiss. Everything just felt so slow and laid back and ... hot. He though he might even get turned on, if they kept it up long enough.

"You can touch me all you want." Joey relaxed consciously, Nick could feel the effort it took, until he was lying prone and pliant under Nick's hands, only his fingers still moving as they stroked up and down the groove of Nick's spine. He opened to Nick's kiss, touching the tip of his tongue to the tip of Nick's, almost tickling. "As more as you want. I'll follow your lead, here, okay, baby?"

"I don't want to frustrate you," whispered Nick, planting soft kisses against Joey's neck, trying to pretend Joey was the only thing in the world. "My body's not ... responsive, yet. But I could -- I *want* to -- help you out ... "

"Don't worry about me." Joey smiled, though his hands felt a little shaky. "You just do what feels right, okay? No pressure here. I'm good. This is good." He leaned up and caught Nick's mouth with his own again, kissing him long and deep.

"I am doing what feels right," said Nick, loving him more just for saying that, hugging him tightly for a moment. Joey was there for him. Joey was going to help him through this. "Joey, I have something i need to tell you."

"Yeah?" Joey opened his eyes again, looked at him, smiling still and hugging back. "Whatever it is, you know it's gonna be okay."

"I know," said Nick, and he did. The moment he lifted his hands away from Joey's body, they trembled, so he put them right back again. "Really needing a drink right now." He licked his lips just thinking about it, and knew right then saying something had been the right idea. "Don't let me think about it, k?"

"Okay." Joey licked his lips for him too, and that was better. "Just think about this." His hands slid down to Nick's hips, squeezed him gently closer. "Feels good, right? And this?" They moved up again, long sure stroke to his shoulders, pushing out tension Nick hadn't known was there. They ran up into his hair, pulling him down for another long, sweet kiss.

"Oh yeah," he breathed, relaxing against him. "Feels great, Joey. Really, thank god no one's home right now. Just wanna be here with you, touch you, know you're here. Don't want the rest of the world to be there right now."

"It's not. Just you and me, Nicky." Joey took his weight easily, still petting him. "I'm not goin' anywhere. And I'm all yours." He was still smiling, still relaxed, still making Nick feel like there was no one but the two of them in the whole world.

"I feel so light," said Nick as he shifted atop Joey's body, sliding a little further down it. "Doesn't feel quite right. Don't get used to it." He kissed Joey's lips, but only briefly, choosing instead to focus on his neck.

"Not for long, you won't" Joey teased gently, holding him carefully between his hands. "I won't get used to it. Don't want to. I want you back to fighting weight." He gasped a little as Nick licked under his ear, then nibbled down to his collarbone. "Nick," he almost groaned, voice gone rough and strained. Nick could feel him, rigid and hot, where his thigh fell between Joey's legs.

"I'm not just being a tease, promise," murmured Nick, squirming against him. His body may not have been getting turned on yet -- which wasn't to say *he* wasn't -- but he wasn't going to leave Joey wanting. Not when he felt able to do anything about it.

Joey sucked in air and held it, grabbing at Nick's arms when he twisted. "Oh jesus," he breathed, hips moving suddenly and almost convulsively, grinding up into Nick's thigh. "Motherfuck. Nick. You turn me on just by *breathing*, do you have any idea what you're doing to me right now?"

Nick just squirmed against him again, in a very, very deliberate way. "Getting you off?" he said, giving him an innocent smile. Then he leaned in close, his lips barely brushing Joey's ear, and just breathed.

"Huh." Not a comment or even a word, just a harsh exhalation as Joey arched up under him, head falling to the side to give Nick better access. His heel thumped against the bed as he drew up his knee, bracing for better leverage, and he was grinding now, hips moving in desperate little jerks, hands firm now on Nick's ass, pulling him close and closer, holding him steady against Joey's own motion. Then Joey froze, eyes flying open, and his head turned and he caught Nick's eyes. "Nick, you're not...not even a little..." He trailed off, looking miserable, though his lower lip still had the marks from his own teeth.

"No, Joey ... " said Nick, trying to pull him close again. "Joey, it's not ... I am, inside. God, you have no *idea* how much. I just ... my body ... " He closed his eyes, so he didn't have to see that look on Joey's face, the look that was so clear even though he could only see a blurry facsimile of it. "I'm sorry," he said softly, trying to not give in to the well of tears that were building up. "My body just can't ... yet ... I didn't want you to stop. I still don't."

"Hey, hey." Rough fingertips swiped under his eyes at the tears that had spilled over, and Joey was back in comforter mode, but Nick couldn't be glad. "Hey, it's okay. I told you, I don't wanna push. Nothing till you're ready, right? You don't have to...just to get me off, I mean, I know I've got this rep, but I do have *some* self control." Even with the abrupt change in mood, though, Joey was still hard against Nick, and there was a light sheen of sweat on his bare chest.

"No, you don't understand," argued Nick, rubbing against him and trying to get Joey to do it back. "You don't ... it's not all about my dick, okay? My dick doesn't speak for me. And just ... just *look* at me, Joey. Can't you tell I want this? Can't you tell I'm ready, for what this is?"

"What *is* this?" Joey sounded stubborn, though his hips moved again, a little, like Nick's motion was a magnet. "I just...okay. I just don't want you to...because you think I like, *need* it, or I'll get mad, or look somewhere else, because that ain't so, and it better not be pity..." Joey lost his sentence when Nick gave up on patience and sneaked a hand down between them, grabbing his cock and squeezing, just hard enough. "Ohboy." His teeth clamped down on that lip again.

"Joey," he said, with exaggerated patience. "I know it's gonna be hard, because of everything, but you're gonna have to trust me a little when I tell you want I want, okay? And when I say I want to get you off -- which is what I'm saying right now -- it means that *I* want to get *you* off. Not I want you to get off. There's a difference, and I'm going to teach it to you."

With renewed determination, he leaned in to kiss Joey firmly as he began stroking his erection.

"Okay." Joey gave up, just like that, and fell into the motion of Nick's hand, his mouth. His kisses got harder, and he started nipping at Nick's mouth. Nick could feel the short sharp breaths shuddering through him, the way his hips twisted a little on every downstroke, the smooth solid heat in his hand, and it felt *good.*

"Oh, Nick," Joey sighed, and came, no warning, just a clench of muscles and a hot spill over his hand, a shuddering breath, and Joey slumped back.

"Oh, hell, not on the flannel," was the first thing Nick blurted out, reaching frantically for the kleenex and managing to get a couple before knocking the box on the floor. Then he laughed suddenly at the sheer ridiculousness of his worry and leaned in and gave Joey a long, heartfelt kiss as he blindly began to clean him up. "I love you," he said, and almost laughed again at how much joy it brought him to think that. To say it.

Joey giggled into the kiss, pulled his hand away and brought it up by their heads, just holding it. "The *flannel?* You're worried about the sheets? Oh, Jesus, Nick, I do love you." He laughed again, cupping Nick's chin, his cheek, in his other hand. "Thank you," he murmured, serious suddenly, and kissed Nick lightly, almost chastely. "Thank you," he said again, and kissed Nick's nose, and the his eyelids when they closed, and his temple, and back to his mouth.

"I wanted to," Nick reminded him, kissing him back softly. He didn't need to be thanked for that, but it was nice. "And of course I was worried about the flannel. You think I want to ezplain to your *mom* why we need new sheets?"

"Um, Nick?" Joey grinned and kissed him again, quick pecks, "I hate to tell you this, but I think she'd probably figure it out without you having to go into too much detail." He sighed, and relaxed even further, rolling to his side and taking Nick with him, so they were lying nose-to-nose. "I know you wanted to, but thank you anyway. I'm just sorry...it wasn't enough to, you know." He gestured at Nick's waist.

"Don't ... " began Nick softly, looking down at himself for a moment. "I mean ... can we maybe not focus on that? Because I don't think it's because of ... I mean ... I was turned on. I think my body's just messed up right now. 'Cause of ... well. Because."

"Okay," Joey sighed, but there was still a worried little furrow between his eyes that Nick was finally close enough to see. "Just wanna make sure you're...you know. Never mind." He scrunched his arm more comfortably under Nick's neck, and kissed his nose. "You're so pretty," he murmured, smiling again. "And sweet. I'm a pretty lucky guy."

Nick kissed him back, but sighed and looked down again. "I'm trying not to think about it, but I'd rather talk about it than have you think I don't want you. So ... you wanted to make sure I was what, Joey?"

"Ah, it's not a big deal." Joey smiled. "Just a little of my phobia comin' back, and I'm not gonna think about it, because it's just going to make me sad. And I don't borrow trouble till it comes." He moved against Nick, settling more comfortably and peering over his shoulder. "Speaking of borrowing trouble, if we don't eat some of that food my mom's gonna get all kinds of upset, you know. Feel up to a sandwich?"

Nick wasn't sure he did, but he nodded anyway and pushed himself up onto his elbow. "What phobia?" he pushed, though, wanting to know what had brought that distant, worried look to Joey's face, even if only briefly. "What are you so worried about?"

"You know, the one I kinda told you about on the plane..." Joey trailed off, and sighed, reaching for the tray. "I can't believe you're making me tell you this, it's dumb," he grumbled, even as he picked the saran wrap off the plate. "And you'll think I don't trust you, and I do, it's just that past history sometimes makes me all woogy. Chris calls it Florence Nightingale syndrome, whatever that means. You know, people thinking there's feelings there when really it's just comfort and gratitude and shit. And you told me that's not it, and I believe you, it's just hard to see you not getting turned on, you know?"

Nick made a face and slid down again to nuzzle up against Joey's neck. "I'm sorry," he said again. "You don't know how bad I feel about that." He kissed Joey's skin softly and ran his hand lightly up Joey's side, and just enjoyed what he could about being in bed with him. "Did that happen with you and Justin?" he asked finally. "Is that what you've been hinting around?"

"Not like this," Joey said immediately, leaning into Nick's hand. "It wasn't anything...I mean, we weren't together or anything, ever. He was just...yeah. It was hard for a while, you know? It woulda been really, really easy to just let it happen. He...can be very hard to say no to." He picked up a sandwich, peered at it carefully, then held it out to Nick, smiling again. "Look. Grilled portobellos. Nice and easy and really good for you."

Nick let it go, because Joey very obviously didn't want to get into it. Another time, and he would let Joey be the one to bring it up. "I'll try to eat something," he promised, pushing himself up again. "That's all I can ... I'll try."

"Little nibbles," Joey said encouragingly. "Start slow, see how it goes. We've got tea, too, that'll help." He sat up, leaning over Nick again to pour the hot water into mugs. "So, yeah. Justin, and this, and I'm really looking forward to giving you that blow job I'm pretty sure I promised you a while back." He smiled a little. "So my desire to see you better isn't *entirely* unselfish. Eating this sandwich is a good start."

"Eating this sandwich is nothing like a blowjob," argued Nick, smiling as he took a tiny bite. "We're gonna get crumbs on the sheets. That's a way better excuse to get new ones." When he turned his head, he gave Joey another quick kiss. "I'm sure this'll pass," he said. "Just ... stress on my body ... whatever ... "

"Eating this sandwich is the first step on the road to many future blow jobs," Joey said, grinning a little. "I'm sure it'll pass," he echoed Nick, combing gentle fingers through his hair and down his neck. "Just yesterday you were practically in some kinda shock. I was really freaking out, but you're doing so much better now." He beamed as Nick took another small bite.

"Looking forward to blowjobs. And good sandwich," he mumbled, getting more confident with every little bite that it was going to stay down just fine. "I'll have to tell you mom. About the sandwich, I mean, not the blowjobs."

"Do that and you'll have her heart for life," Joey assured him. "Not that you aren't well on your way already." He picked up a sandwich himself, and gulped it in three bites, then reached for another. "Goddamn, my mom's a good cook," he mumbled. "I'll never be this good. Eat it while you can, Nicky."

"I'll try," said Nick again. He was pretty proud of himself when he finished just the little sandwich, though, and even gave Joey a smile as he dusted off his hands.

"Wow, you polished that off," Joey said, swallowing the last bite of his and smiling proudly. "Solid foods, hooray!" He picked up the mug gingerly, and passed it over. "Liquids too. How are you feeling?"

Nick handled the mug very gingerly, hoping it wasn't *too* hot. "it was good," he said again. "I could maybe eat another later." He raised the mug to his lips slowly and blew across it. "What kind of tea?"

"Dunno, smells herbal." Joey shrugged, and propped his chin in his hand, watching Nick with a little smile. "You just keep blowing on things, I'll be over here staring, okay?" He looked like that statue, Nick thought suddenly, remembering his class lessons. Naked, leaning on one hand, broad shoulders and strong arms. Only Joey's eyes were smiling at him.

Nick had to smile a little as he blew across his tea again, bringing the temperature down to drinkable. "I'm not sexy right now. I have bedhead. And I bet my skin looks awful. You just look at something else. Like my back, my back's probably okay."

"I can't see your back from here," Joey pointed out reasonably. "Though if it's anything like the front, I'd definitely enjoy the view. You're very sexy right now. Your skin looks beautiful, and I *like* bedhead, because it means you were in bed. All in all, it's a two-thumbs-up. Even if you did get crumbs in the sheets."

"That was *you*," laughed Nick, looking toward him again even though he couldn't see much. "I ate carefully." He shifted a little bit and finally sipped the tea. "Now *you* are sexy right now."

"Don't lie, Nicky," Joey grinned. "I saw you scattering crumbs. You just want clean sheets, is all." He waved a careless hand. "If I'm anything even close to sexy, you are off the charts. Red is definitely your color." He kicked at the maroon sheets, baring one leg. "I'm getting red sheets when we get home."

"You're really sexy when you come," said Nick softly, biting his lip for a moment. "I really want to see that more often. *Hear* that more often. Just ... be there, for it."

"I want you to see that more often too," Joey said, smiling still, though his eyes were soft. "Believe me, I'm a big fan of that." He reached out, touched the tip of his finger to Nick's lip. "Next time, I wanna see you come, too. The way your eyes get all dark, and you make those little noises. Man. We should get a mirror on the ceiling, so you can see."

"Now that's just tacky," said Nick, still smiling. "I wouldn't be able to see anyway ... too far away. So I guess the ... pleasure, will be all yours." He sipped the tea again, then licked his lips nervously. "I *will* be able to, soon. I'm sure I will."

"Well, you *could* wear your contacts," Joey mused. "Even though I'd miss the glasses. You really think that'd be tacky? I don't know tacky. Everyone says my leopard-print couch is tacky, but I love it." He shrugged. "We could put a little curtain over it, and only use it for special occasions." He leaned forward a little, so Nick could see his curious look, puzzled eyes. "Of course you'll be able to, once you're not all exhausted and stressed. Don't worry."

"I'm not worried for me," said Nick, and he wasn't, mostly. "Just ... there's stuff I want to be able to share with you and ... " He sighed and sipped again. "I'm probably pushing myself a little fast, huh. It's just I'm starting to feel better and ... I guess want everything now."

"I know the feeling," Joey said wryly. "Once you turn that corner, it's hard to remember that there's still some recovering to do. In the meantime you can torture me. What kinds of things? Do you want to share, I mean?"

"It wouldn't just be *you* I was torturing," Nick reminded him softly, remembering the one and only time before they'd been together. "Just ... sex. Touching you and being with you and learning all the things you know that I don't. I promise I'm a quick learner .. "

"Things I know that you don't?" Joey arched an incredulous eyebrow at him. "Baby, I've got nothing to teach you. I mean, there's always stuff to learn about someone new, what they like, what they don't like, but other than that..." He shook his head. "You don't think I wasn't happy, do you? With anything? Because seriously, you pretty much blew the top of my head off."

"Well, it's not that," said Nick, though Joey couldn't possibly have been as happy as *he* was, with it all. "You're just ... more experienced. We both know that. Really, Joey, I'm looking forward to it, the new stuff."

Joey goggled at him, then laughed. "Whoa. Heavy. Don't expect me to whip out a copy of the Kama Sutra, here, okay? You've had a boyfriend, you've done this before. Maybe I've done it with a few more different people, but still..." He laughed again, then pulled Nick into a one-armed hug, careful not to spill the half-full mug of tea. "Anything new you wanna try, you tell me. If I've done it before, great. If not, we'll figure it out, we're smart guys." He kissed Nick. "Wanna give me an idea what you're thinking about, here? This mysterious new stuff?"

"Well, if it's *new* and I haven't *done* it, then how am I supposed to tell you about it?" asked Nick reasonably. "I think I'm done with the tea now, can you ... put it down somewhere, for me?"

Joey frowned at him, but took the tea and set it carefully on the table, then smiled as Nick burrowed closer. "C'mon," he teased gently. "I've seen your porn collection, remember? There's gotta be stuff in there you've never tried but you think looks really cool. Or even something you made up in your head. Check it out, I'll start." He was silent for a moment, thinking. "Okay. I've never been tied up. But I always thought it would be great to try, if there was someone I could trust enough."

"I've been tied up," admitted Nick candidly -- this was *Joey* after all, the guy he was pretty much naked in bed with. "But not by a guy. There are ... um ... some positions? That looked kinda cool. We never really got creative with that."

"Hmmm. Maybe I *should* bust out the Kama Sutra," Joey mused, grinning. "Jayce got me a copy for Christmas last year. The gay version. I'll show you when we get home." He paused, stroking Nick's hair almost absently, and Nick just luxuriated in all the warm comfortable nakedness that was happening. "You said you don't like...from behind, unless you say okay first. Anything else you *don't* want to try? So I know not to ask for something that might make you go ewwww and run away?"

Nick chewed on his lip again, tried to focus on the conversation. "It's not that I won't ever," he said finally. "From behind, I mean. I'll just have to ... I'll have to be *really* comfortable, first. Really familiar. Then I'm sure I'd be willing to try it again."

Joey tugged him closer. "Didn't go so well when you tried it, huh?" His voice was soft. "S'okay. Take all the time you want. It can be really good, really amazing, but not if you're not pretty relaxed about it. Was it something...bad? Or just not quite right?"

"It was just a bad situation," admitted Nick softly. "I wasn't expecting it, and someone thought I was more experience than I was, I guess, and ... " He sighed. "I told you about between Jay and now, just getting casual sex once in a while, right?" He didn't wait for an answer; didn't need to. "Well, you can't see when someone's behind you, and it's dark ... and it turned out to not even be *who* I thought I was with. Kinda turned me off the whole thing."

"Sounds like a shock," Joey said, cuddling him. "Sounds kinda awful, actually. No wonder you didn't like it. Was that the only time you tried it? Or just the worst, and most recent?"

"First. Last. Only," said Nick, sighing again and curling closer to him. He knew it would never be like that with Joey, but it was a damn persistent memory. "There was enough other stuff to do, I didn't really miss it. But you needed to know."

"I did," Joey agreed. "Just like if there's anything else you don't like or you don't even wanna try, you should tell me. This one, I mean, it can be really really good. Deeper, you know? And there's something kinda hot about not being able to see his face, you don't have anything to concentrate on but the feelings. It's seriously intense, and it sucks that it wasn't like that for you." He sighed. "Maybe someday, when you're feeling right, we can try. Not like there isn't plenty of other stuff to keep us busy anyway." His grin was vaguely predatory.

"Someday," Nick echoed him, scratching at his arm for a moment, his hands shaky. "I'm sure someday I'll be able to try without remembering that. But for now ... that's really the only thing, that would be awkward for me. Well, actually no. I don't think I'd like to be blindfolded either. I just ... for now, I really need to be able to see, even if it's only your fuzzy shape. It's a *familiar* fuzzy shape, at least."

"How fuzzy can I be, from a distance of six inches?" Joey asked, smiling and tugging a little at his hair. "Doesn't matter, I guess. I'm big enough, I'm hard to miss." He started moving slowly, wrapping Nick up in arms and legs until he was completely surrounded, head resting on Joey's shoulder, hands tucked under his sides. "Nicky..." There was a little thread of steel in Joey's voice, and Nick suddenly heard AJ in his head, describing Joey administering an ass-kicking. "You did...I know how it is in those places, anonymous and all, quick and whatever, but you did give the okay for that to happen, right? Like, you knew what was going to happen?"

"I did," said Nick firmly, then sank his teeth into the inside of his cheek for a moment. "I didn't expect it to happen *how* it happened. And I thought there would be ... more ... before it. Like, preparation. And I certainly didn't expect to be passed on to someone else that I'd never even met. But I was aware that I was going to be fucked. I mean, if that's what you're asking."

Joey growled, there really wasn't another word for the low rumble Nick could feel through his skin. "Passed *on*...Fuck. Fuckers. That's not cool, that's not...shit." He took a deep breath and relaxed a little. "But you're good now. No suprises here, right?"

"I'm good," Nick promised him. "Honestly, Joey. I mean, you *know* I'm still having sex. I'm not all traumatized by what happened. I just ... relax better, when I can see who I'm with. I'm sure it's something that I'll just get over one of these days."

"Okay." Joey still had him all wrapped up tight, though, not that Nick was objecting. He was close enough that it felt like they were sharing skin. "Well, we should definitely look into getting your contacts back into the rotation, then. Or I could just not let you get any further away than this, ever, and that would solve the problem."

"Sure, let's try that one," said Nick, smiling at him contentedly. "It's about all I want right now anyway. Or ... all I want that I can have, anyway. It's keeping me from being really, incredibly cranky, I think. Who can be cranky with a Joey wrapped around them?" He hoped that nothing happened to disprove that theory, though he was sadly sure that it was going to, at some point. And probably soon.

"Cranky? You can't be cranky in a Fatone household." Joey laughed a little. "I'm lying, actually, just ask my dad. But you can have all the Joey wrapped around you you want." He kicked his feet under the sheets and comforter again, drawing them up and over so they were really, truly back in bed. "I can't imagine they're gonna let us hide in here too much longer, so I'm gonna take advantage of it."

"It's gonna be tough," said Nick honestly."I really ... there's gonna be no alcohol around at all, right?" he confirmed. "So even if I turn out to be really weak and go to find something, there won't be any?" He could see himself doing that, so, so easily, the moment he was out of Joey's arms.

"No alcohol, nope. Even the punch is gonna be virgin," Joey assured him. "You won't, though. I mean, look how far you've come already. You're too smart and too strong to give up now." He smiled. "And if you slip, well, I'm gonna be right there, till you're a little more solid on your feet. This'll be a good trial run, no booze right here, but you'll be in the party atmosphere, you know?"

"Right," said Nick softly. "Still scared. I feel scared too often now, I think. Or maybe I always felt scared and I never had anyone to admit it to before. I don't even like the word. Scared. It makes me feel weak and childish and like someone I used to be before I am who I am now. Or was, before I stopped drinking. No ... I don't like scared much at all."

"It's okay to be scared," Joey said, just as softly. "What matters is what you do when you're scared, not that you're scared in the first place. Everyone gets frightened, Nicky, it's not childish or weak. It's just normal. But if you don't run, if you face it and get through it and stay strong, then you're *brave.*"

Nick groaned and pressed his face to Joey's neck again. "That sounds like something my mother would've told me when I was six and convinced that there were monsters under my bed, Joey."

"But it's true!" Joey said, stubborn. "It's really true. Everyone gets scared, all the time. Life's pretty fuckin' scary sometimes, you know. You're nuts if you're not scared sometimes. But it's not weak, not unless you let it rule your life. Which you're not doing."

"Do you think I was, before?" asked Nick. He tried not to be timid about it, tried to find the same confidence in himself sober that he had when he wasn't. "Letting it rule my life?"

"I dunno about *rule,*" Joey answered thoughtfully, "but you were definitely running from something, I think. I don't know what, yet. I don't even know if you were drinking 'cause you were scared. But you were letting *something* mess with you bad enough to send you pretty low, and that's a lot scarier than being scared in the first place."

"It is not," agreed Nick easily enough. "It wasn't then. Not when I was doing it. Then it was just ... something I did, that made me feel like .... " He let his voice trail off, struggling for how to end that sentence. For the first time, genuinely trying to figure out the answer to that. "I dunno," he said finally. "Good. For a lot of reasons, I guess."

"Justin did it because it let him forget who he was for a while, and he liked that," Joey said quietly. "He just got pushed to the point where he hated everything about himself, or, really, hated thinking about himself all the time, how people were seeing him, how he was coming across, whether or not he was perfect enough. So he helped himself forget. Well, that and he's a pleasure-hound and he liked the high." Joey chuckled dryly. "There's a reason drugs and alcohol are popular."

"Don't I know it," muttered Nick dismally. "Does Justin talk about it much? Does he have it all figured out now, what happened to him?"

"He used to talk about it all the time," Joey said, nodding a little as he thought. "We were like his therapy, you know? He talked non-stop for months, trying to get everything straight in his head. I got used to answering the door at 3 am when he had some kind of revelation." He chuckled a little. "But he doesn't have it *all* figured out. People are twisty things, I don't think it's ever possible to point at one thing and say, 'oh, THAT'S why.' He got a good enough handle on it to figure out how to start making things better, though, and that's what he needed."

Nick nodded, considering that as seriously as he was considering the therapy option, still unsure of what it was that *he* was going to need. "I think I wanted more attention, not less," was what came out of his mouth when he opened it, instead of the vague murmur of agreement he'd intended. "Or maybe just ... different attention."

"Maybe just attention from different people?" Joey suggested gently. "The kind of attention you got wasn't really positive, when you were being crazy, I can't imagine that was what you were looking for. Unless you just wanted any attention you could get, from certain people, and couldn't really figure out how to get it."

"I ... don't know," Nick stammered out, trying to process all of that and fit it with what he already knew about himself. "I don't. I just ... when I was drinking, there were people who accepted me for just exactly what I was showing them. They didn't have all these expectations. They treated me like one of them."

"So, you felt comfortable with them because they didn't know you, and didn't expect anything from you? Did you feel like other people were holding you to some standard that wasn't fair?" Joey was prodding a little, but gently, and he still had Nick held close and tight to his body, under the safe coccoon of the bedclothes.

"I don't know," said Nick, but that was a stock answer. A cop-out. An answer he'd been using for too many things, for too long. "Some people always did. Still do. But it wasn't ... see ... I *fit in* with them, when I was drinking. And when have I ever fit in before? When's anyone just treated me like an equal?"

"I don't know," Joey admitted. "I haven't been around to see. But it sounds to me like you felt left out. Maybe a little lonely, too, and insecure. So you found people it would be easy to fit in with. Alcohol's the great equalizer...it's amazing what kind of people you'll put up with, even like, when you're drunk. Sounds like a combination of needing people to be close to you, and a big old 'fuck off' to everyone you felt was ignoring you or not treating you like an equal." He was quiet for a moment. "Maybe you should have talked to your friends, told them how you felt, maybe tried to fix things, instead of finding new friends who just wanted to get wasted all the time. You still can, you know."

"I don't think they were ready to listen, then," said Nick, trying not to let the comment get to him as harshly as it was threatening to. Something like that could really sting. "I know that what's gone on is my fault. I know I need to take responsibility for it. But there were ... things that happened before, too, that made me do this. Don't think it was the first thing I thought of Joey. Don't think I just ran out to be contrary. I *was* lonely, but it wasn't entirely for lack of trying. You know?"

"I know." Joey squeezed him. "I wasn't there, remember, I'm just going on what you're telling me. You know better than me, so everything I'm saying, it's just maybes. I know you said, though, sometimes it's hard for you to talk about stuff. Even with me, sometimes, I can tell it's hard for you. I don't think you were just being contrary, you're not like that, and I bet you weren't even doing it consciously, not really. Those things that happened, whatever they were, must've been pretty bad, though."

"It also ... made me feel kinda normal," admitted Nick, his voice even quieter that time. "I mean, I wasn't snorting coke through hundred dollar bills, you know? I was just drinking. Everyone drinks. Or everyone *can* drink."

"Like you were doin' something that everyone else was doing, so it was more okay?" Joey's voice was soothing, understanding. "So it wasn't as bad? It's easy, when it's legal stuff, to convince yourself that you're not really hurting yourself."

"It didn't make me feel different," said Nick, resisting the sting of that comment, too. "It made me feel the same. There was a lot to be said for not standing out so much, at the time."

"What were you hiding from? Or was it more, just, you were sick of the spotlight?" Joey rocked him a little. "I'm really not tryin' to be nosy here, I just want to understand so I can help." "I know you're not, Joey," said Nick with another sigh. "I know what you're trying to do. And I hope you know what *I'm* trying to do here. Trying, I guess, 'cause I don't seem to be succeeding much. It wasn't the spotlight so much as the ... anti-spotlight? I don't know. I don't know how to say it."

"You're kinda...muddling me." Joey laughed a little. "Not that that's hard to do, sometimes. I mean, you were looking for attention, but you were trying to blend in? But I get that you were trying to fit in somewhere, when you didn't feel like you fit anywhere." He sighed. "I just can't figure out why you felt that way in the first place."

"I *feel* muddled," said Nick. "I feel muddled a lot. I don't even know ... I don't know why I was doing it. There probably are a lot of reasons that I'm gonna have a lot of trouble sorting out. I *did* want attention, but not the kind of attention that I could have. And I *did* want to fit in somewhere, and feel normal. And I don't think those two necessarily contradict each other."

"No, they don't," Joey agreed. "You wanted *normal* attention. And you weren't getting it, I bet. It's hard to come by, in this business, even when things are going good, and your best friend isn't just gettin' out of rehab. I bet that didn't help at all, even if things weren't great before, right?"

"No, it didn't," agreed Nick quietly. "Not at all. I was just ... felt invisble, kinda. Which is stupid, because I'm, like, the *least* invisible person in the world."

"There's invisible, an' then there's invisible," Joey argued gently. "There's attention from people who matter, and that's really different from fan attention, or some guy off the street. Or in the back room of a club. Sometimes, that second kind of attention makes you feel even worse, not better."

"I was supposed to be their brother, too," said Nick, looking away, "but all they cared about was AJ. They never even noticed what was going on with me. Never tried to stop me. Never tried to help me. Never had time even when I asked, 'cause there was always something that AJ needed more."

"Oh, sweetheart." Joey curled around him. "He was so broken, you know? And for such a long time. I think maybe they just got so into the habit of worrying about him, they forgot that other people needed them too. It was a mistake, a really big one. I can't imagine anyone not loving you, I'm not trying to make excuses for them, but I can't think they did it on purpose."

"And it sounds so fucking *childish* now," Nick groaned, "but I had things going on, too. Big things. I mean, did they thing it's been easy for me, being gay? I was there for AJ as much as anyone, but there was nothing else left ... left for me."

"Maybe...maybe they didn't think it was *hard?*" Joey offered tentatively. "I mean. They never met Jay, you said, so they never really saw you...being gay, if that makes any sense. Maybe that made it easier for them to just assume that it was easy, or at least, less important." He kissed the top of Nick's head. "And AJ...he's here for you now, right?" His voice was soft. "He loves you. I don't know the other guys so well, but now that AJ's back on his feet, maybe things will be better. And you're getting better too."

"AJ's been fucking great," admitted Nick with a sniffle he tried to keep quiet. "Seriously. Him and me, we're gonna have to have a real talk about a bunch of stuff someday soon. Everything else ... " He pressed his face to Joey's neck and shook his head. "It's hard to sort it all out."

"Don't worry about it, baby." Joey cupped his head with a big hand, pressed his face in a little closer. "It'll all work out. You an' AJ should definitely talk, I think that'd be so good. Once things settle down a little, it'll be easier, I bet. Once you talk to all of them, once we're back home and you're feeling better. Right now, your job is just to get better. And let me be nice to you."

"I think this is part of getting better," murmured Nick, but he let Joey hold him like that, protect him. The way so many other people *hadn't*. "Can I have another sandwich?"

"Yes!" Joey almost shouted, sounding overjoyed. "You can have as many sandwiches as you want!" He paused, and peered down at Nick. "Are you really hungry, or are you just trying to make me happy?"

Nick smiled back. "There are lots of ways to make you happy," he reminded him, stroking his skin gently in case the words weren't enough. "I really do think i can handle another sandwich right now. Give me more energy for talking."

"You make me happy every way," Joey smiled, catching his wandering hand and holding it still, twining their fingers. "One sandwich, coming right up. We've got little quiche-y things here too, you wanna try those?" He sat up, reached over and grabbed the tray again, bringing it to the bed. "I figure these sheets have had it anyway."

"We can get another set of flannel ones, though, right?" said Nick, poking at what Joey had called a 'quiche-y thing' dubiously. "How can something be quiche-y. It's either quiche or it isn't, right?"

"Well, it's like a baby quiche, I think." Joey poked it too. "Look, it's even got its own tiny pie crust." He popped one in his mouth, chewed, swallowed, smiled. "It's definitely quiche. Nice and light, and lots of protein. You should try. And we're keeping flannel on this bed if I have to hand-wash these specific sheets myself."

"I'd like to see that," said Nick lightly, trying to *keep* it light again, for the moment. There was only so much of the hard stuff he could do at once. He took a tentative nibble of the quiche, and was surprised to realize that it tasted good. And that he wanted more.

"Hey, are you sayin' I wouldn't?" Joey mock-growled at him. "I've got a vested interest in these flannel sheets, y'know. A comfy Nick is a happy Nick, and a happy Nick is a frisky Nick, I think." He laughed, and poured more tea. "It won't come to that, though. My mom has tons of sheets, and lots of flannel, so you won't see my up to my elbows in soapy water.

'Less you want another bath, of course."

Nick took another bite of the quiche and grinned at him. "I wasn't saying you wouldn't," he said. "I just said I'd like to *see* it. I don't think I'll be wanting a bath, though." He swallowed so he'd stop spitting crumbs. "Well, I'll probably be *wanting* one ... but there are gonna be so many people here."

"May I remind you, we're in the best bedroom in the house, with our very own bathroom?" Joey's voice was silky. "We'll have to be careful of the hot water, but that's it. Well, that and making sure we lock the door." He grinned back. "I'd really hate for my mom to walk in on THAT."

"Because it's so much better to have her walk in on us in *bed*?" joked Nick, taking another bite, a bigger one. "But it's not your mom I'm worried about. It's all those relatives of yours that you tell me have no respect for personal space."

"We were covered up!" Joey protested, smiling as Nick continued to eat. "But you're right, mom would be much better than, like, my cousin Sarah or something. Oh, the screaming. Well, if she didn't just kill me and jump in with you, instead. Which it's possible she'd try." He cocked his head as a door slammed somewhere in the house. "Looks like they're back. Hoo boy."

Nick had no intention of getting up to greet them, though, pressing himself even closer to Joey as he finished off the quiche. "They can wait a little longer," he murmured, reaching for another one. "We're busy."

Joey giggled a little, running a hand through already-wild hair. "Yeah, I need a shower first, I smell like sex." Nick paused between bites, and took a surreptitious sniff. Yep. Heavy musk, and salt, and sex. "And you're eating," Joey went on, "lots. No way are we interrupting that."

"I'm eating a little," protested Nick mildly, but then he ate some more. "These are great. And I don't even like quiche. I'll have to tell you mom that. *Later*." As long as he was here, with Joey, everything was okay.

"I'm not kicking you out of bed, here, y'know." Joey was in fact not moving much at all, though he did stretch luxuriantly, sighing when his back popped. "It's after six, as far as I'm concerned, we can stay here all night. Though my mom'll probably ask if we want dinner. And the cousins'll want to say hello, and my sister. God. You know, I don't even know who's staying here this weekend?"

"I'm already eating dinner," Nick pointed out, finishing off the second quiche and licking his lips. "So we don't need to go anywhere. Not that i don't want to meet your family, of course ... "

"That's not dinner," Joey grinned. "That's just appetizers. Dinner's a whole different universe of food." The grin turned into a laugh. "Not that I mind staying here, but do you really want to meet my family naked in bed with me, smelling like I just came all over you? Sorry about that, by the way, I usually have a little more warning." He poked Nick unrepentantly. "You got me too hot, too fast."

"I hope you realize that's a compliment," murmurmed Nick, poking at the remaining sandwiches. "I like that I can get you hot." He didn't really want to think about all the other people out there -- *didn't* think about them, until he heard a noise outside their door.

"Joey?" Muffled scuffles of feet, and a light tapping. "Joey, you up? We're back. Joey?" The tapping got louder, and Joey rolled his eyes. "If we weren't up, we sure would be now." He looked at the door. "We're naked, go the hell away!" he bellowed, then grabbed for another sandwich. Outside the door, someone giggled.

"That gonna work?" asked Nick softly, looking nervously at the door, thankful they were covered in blankets. "Or are they gonna wanna come in and make us prove it?"

"Huh." Joey looked thoughtful. "Probably not, since you're here too, and they don't know you. They won't start trying to embarrass you till tomorrow, at the earliest." He raised his voice again. "Go tell mom we're awake and we're eating sandwiches! And tell her the little quiche things are good! And I'll come down later to say hi!" He smirked at Nick. "Giving 'em something to do always helps." An indignant young female voice came through the door. "Joey Fatone, you're not the boss of me!"

Nick gave Joey a little smile, and a squeeze, then called out, "Would you mind telling her I think she's a fabulous cook, while you're down there?"

"EEEK!" There was a squeal, and silence, and then a careful voice. "Joey, is that Nick Carter for real?" Joey was laughing hard but quietly, bent over at the waist, and had to breathe deeply before he could reply. "Yes, Sarah, it's Nick Carter for real. Now go tell mom, and if you go away and don't sit in front of the door, we'll see you later, okay?" "Nick Carter is in there naked with JOEY?" Another voice, also female, joined the first. "Holy shit. Oops, Sarah, don't tell Aunt Phyllis I said that, okay? C'mon, we can bug them later. Hi Joey! We're going away now!" The footsteps retreated, and Joey looked like he was having trouble breathing, he was laughing so hard.

Nick grinned at him and squeezed again. "Well," he said quietly. "That wasn't so hard. And. Um. I'm hungry."

"Hu-hu-hungry is good," Joey wheezed, eyes tearing. "Food we can do." He laughed again, then calmed a little. "There's no more quiches, we ate 'em all. We'll have to go foraging in the kitchen if we want more food. Oh, you're hungry!" He swept Nick up into a huge hug, and smacked a kiss on his mouth. "We should get up and shower! And go downstairs and celebrate with...pasta!"

Nick decided that another kiss was more important than either of those things, and pressed Joey into the bed as he did. "Good thing they didn't decide to walk in *now*, huh," he said with a smile. "Well, I have to meet everyone some time, right? May as well do it when i'm in a good mood."

"Mmmm." Joey smiled against his mouth, and Nick felt him go boneless, even as his hands came up to cup his face, holding him still for more kisses. "Good thing, because I'd kill 'em if they did." His tongue slid out to touch Nick's. "You're in a good mood, huh? Funny, me too." He rolled suddenly, and Nick landed on his back with a full-body blanket of Joey, who grinned down into his eyes.

"Well, I'm all yours now," he said smiling up at him and blinking his eyes a few times until Joey came -- mosty -- into focus. "What are you going to do with me, hm?

"Hmmm." Joey considered seriously. "Well, there's the always popular tickling option, but I think maybe you're still a little too sensitive for that." He ran gentle fingers over Nick's ribs, but not to tickle. "I could tell you my theory on Lois Lane and why she's so lame all the time. I could sing to you?" He grinned, and settled himself more firmly between Nick's legs. "Or we could just make out for a while."

"Or we could take a shower together," said Nick, leaning up to kiss his throat, feeling warm and happy and *okay*. "And I could go down on you. Because I'm hungry, after all ... "

"Or we could just take a shower together," Joey sighed and tilted his head back, giving Nick better access, "since I'm pretty sure my mom would kill me if you slipped and died in her shower on your first night here." He arched his hips into Nick's body, and Nick felt him stirring. "Mmmm."

"I am *not* going to die giving you a blowjob," insisted Nick indignantly. "Leave you unsatisfied? Never." Then he dragged his tongue up Joey's neck just to see him shiver.

"Ye-yesterday you could barely stand *up*," Joey's breath caught, "an' today you wanna get all ambitious in a slippery tub? I dunno if that's such a good idea." He moaned a little, smiling, eyes closed, as Nick kept licking. "Don't worry about leaving me unsatisfied. I bet it'll...oooh...help me build character or somethin'."

"That's the beauty of it, though," said Nick. "I don't have to stand, I can do it on my knees. You can even wash my hair while I'm sucking you. What do you say?"

Joey laughed breathlessly. "You talked me into it. I'm not getting anywhere near your eyes with shampoo while you're doing that, though. JESUS." He scrambled off Nick and to his feet, swaying a little by the side of the bed, naked and flushed and very hard. "Whoa, headrush. Stand up slow!"

"No problem," said Nick, reaching his arms out to him, "since you're going to help me up. And hold me the whole time we're in the shower, and maybe even let me sit while we're in there. And I'll even hold your hand when we go downstairs, after."

Joey grabbed his hands, smiling, and tugged him to his feet, holding on tight when he swayed a little too. "You can sit down in the shower all you want. That way I can sit with you, and wash your hair for you, and make sure you don't fall down." He walked backwards towards the door Nick had noticed by the dresser, still holding Nick's hands. "You'd better hold my hand when we're downstairs, or my crazy family might get the idea you don't love me. That would be bad. They'd all try to steal you for themselves!"

"No one else can have me," said Nick fervently. "No one else has been there for me. No one else held me when i was shaking and puking and still loved me after. *Will* still love me as I go through everything I still have to go through. They'll know, Joey. They'll take one look at us and know that nothing's gonna come in between."

"Hey, hey," Joey opened the door to a small bathroom, that nonetheless had a big, clawfooted antique bathtub that looked big enough to hold an army. He held Nick's hand again tightly. "I was teasing, just kidding. They'll know." He smiled a little, sideways, as he bent to start the water running. "Wow. Weren't you kinda worried about telling them, before? I thought I was gonna have to be all careful about touching you this weekend. Guess not." His smile was bright and happy.

"We already told you mom," said Nick with a shrug, running a hand down Joey's back. "That was the one I was most worried about. And since then ... everyone in your family is being so cool about it, Joey. They don't even seem to *care*. Of course ... they don't know the other, yet. But still. You're being so great to me -- *so* great -- I just can't pretend I'm not with you. At all."

"Of course they *care,*" Joey said, a little indignantly. "They're thrilled! That's caring!" He smiled, and raised his voice over the sound of the shower as he flipped it on. "They'll be happy about the other thing too, you know. Just like my mom. Okay, in we go. Careful." He stepped up into the big tub, helping Nick, who was almost too worried about keeping his feet to notice that Joey's erection was completely gone.

As soon as he felt balanced, though, he wrapped an arm around Joey's waist and kissed his neck. "So I guess just a shower then?" he said, and made it just a question, didn't let anything else creep into his voice. That would be okay, too. They would have so much time together. Just as long as Joey was *there* with him, everything would be fine."

"*Just* a shower," Joey scoffed, ducking his head to kiss Nick's mouth. "As if showering with you is *just* anything." He slid wet hands down Nick's sides, stroked his belly, then lower, slicking him with the water that he was mostly blocking from Nick. "But getting clean and getting you fed, yep, that's a priority." He smiled, water dripping from his hair and nose and eyelashes.

"You'll get used to it, sooner or later," said Nick, letting Joey support him as they stood there. "We'll do it so often, after all. I can't *believe* I'm hungry. I never thought I'd be hungry again. I hope ... I hope it's not a temporary thing."

"I'm sure it won't be. Not with me around, and my mom just a phone call and a recipe book away." Joey chuckled, and turned them so that Nick was the one under the pounding hot spray. "Balance for a minute, I gotta get the soap and the shampoo." He gently unwound Nick's arm from his neck, and looked at him admiringly for a minute. "Wow. I can't believe they don't soak you down before photoshoots. 'Course, that would probably qualify as porn. Goddamn."

"They used to," said Nick, giving him a momentary smile. "But MTV won't air videos with an NC-17 rating, nevermind how Bop reacted." He wasn't as cold as he had been, but the warm water still felt *so* good and *so* soothing. "We had to reshoot, naturally."

"Oh god," Joey groaned, and laughed. "Part of me is screaming *sick and wrong!* and the other part wants to beg for the originals." He squirted shampoo into his hands, and started rubbing it gently through Nick's hair, massaging his scalp. Nick almost purred. "Sorry it smells like apples. I think it's my sister's shampoo, actually." His eyes were intent on his hands, making sure that no soap dripped into Nick's face.

"Like apples," murmured Nick, even though he didn't care one way or the other. Right then they were the best thing ever. "Like you. Really glad I can speak in complete sentences again, even though I don't choose to."

"I don't smell like apples," Joey chuckled, and tipped Nick's head gently back, running fingers through Nick's hair, rinsing out the shampoo. "I'm glad you can speak in complete sentences too. Makes it much easier to figure out what you're saying." He dabbed some bubbles onto the tip of Nick's nose, and stepped back a little to admire his handiwork.

Nick grinned at him and didn't bother to wipe them off.. "Not sure I trust myself to do your hair," he admitted, squinting at him. "But I could help ... "

Joey nodded solemnly. "You can definitely help. Also with the soap. Because four hands are better than two, and soap is fun and slidey." He matched actions to words, soaping his hands briskly, running them over Nick's shoulders, under his arms, down his chest to between his legs, where he lingered.

"Don't get your hopes up," murmured Nick, but he didn't make a big deal about it. After all, it still felt good, and would feel even better when he was touching Joey, too. "Hand me the soap, I want to play, too."

"Here you go," Joey grinned at him, unrepentant, and handed over the soap. "Can't blame a guy for trying," he commented, even as he shampooed his own hair almost roughly, leaving himself open to be touched by Nick. "'Specially when you're standing there looking like a wet dream."

Nick slicked up his hands with soap and stroked all over Joey's body, wherever he could. He'd love it if they did even more of this, when they had time -- not taking things so fast with each other all the time, taking moments to explore each other like this.

"You're clean," he announced what felt like a long time later.

Joey was looking at him when he glanced up, smiling a little, eyes half-lidded and sleepy looking. He'd been pliant in Nick's hands, turning and bending easily, making small noises of enjoyment. Now he laid a palm flat on Nick's belly, pushing him back a little until he was supported against the wall, and he leaned in for a leisurely, wet, slippery kiss.

"Mmmm." His lips were red when he finally pulled away, and Nick didn't think the flush on his cheekbones was just from the hot water. "I think we're at about our water limit. You all done?"

"As done as I'm gonna get to be," said Nick, smiling lazily at him. "We'll have to do this again, though. Soon. Because being naked and wet and slippery is definitely a good way to be."

"I could keep you wet and naked," Joey mused, reaching past him to turn off the water, and sliding back the curtain. "That's not a bad idea, actually. You and me and a lifetime supply of soap. Only we'd probably get all wrinkled and that wouldn't be good. Plus, our jobs." He sighed, and stepped out, holding a hand to Nick. "It's a nice idea, though."

"Yeah, it's probably something we should keep for special occasions," agreed Nick, letting Joey help him out. "Like morning, or bedtime. Those are special enough, right?"

"Yeah. Shower time is definitely special. Oh! And don't forget, we start rehearsals soon for tour. I'm gonna be getting all nasty and gross on a regular basis, an' I'll be needing some help with that." He wrapped a huge towel around Nick, trapping his arms against his sides, and ducked in for another kiss. "Think you're up to the job?"

"I think I'll be in good shape by then," promised Nick, smiling at him again and feeling safe and secure. "Gonna miss you, when you go, though ... "

"Yeah, that'll be rough." Joey sighed a little, then rubbed briskly at Nick's arms and stepped back to towel himself off. "That's not for ages though, like almost two months. You'll be all busy in the studio by then anyway. Probably won't even have time to drive me to the airport!"

"I know it's not for a while," agreed Nick, holding the towel around his body to keep warm. "I know there's gonna be so much that happens between now and then. We're only just getting started."

"Lots that happens between then and now," Joey nodded. "I mean, you haven't even met Bri yet! Or seen my house, except the couch that time. I haven't even given you a blow job yet!" He widened his eyes at Nick dramatically.

Nick gasped in mock horror. "We can't have *that*," he said, then grinned. "Come on, let's get dressed. I think we need to make an appearance, unless we want people wandering in here to find us."

"Fine," Joey mock-pouted. "You just wanna cover up all that pretty, take away my view. I see how you are." He grinned, though, as he led the way back into the bedroom, Nick only stumbling and shivering a very little. "Man," Joey said, still naked, arrested by the sight out the window. "It's *snowing!*"

Nick looked up in surprise and felt a smile spreading across his face. He let his towel slide to the floor and wrapped his arms around Joey from behind, watching it silently for a moment. "Wow, way to make a moment special," he murmured after a while, kissing Joey's shoulder softly.

Joey's head turned as he covered Nick's hands with his own, and he smiled at Nick over his shoulder, before turning back to the window. They were three floors up, but the huge soft flakes were illuminated by the streetlights and falling thick and silent through the air. The cars parked on the street already had white blankets.

"Pretty, huh?" Joey's voice was quiet, and he leaned back a little into Nick's arms, broad and comfortable and warm. "I love snow. I'm so glad you came, this weekend."

"So am I," murmured Nick, planting a lingering kiss on his shoulder as he continued to watch. "It's not gonna be so hard after all. It's gonna be really special, Joey. Thank you."

Joey slid his fingers between Nick's, linking their hands loosely where they rested on his belly, soft and a little round. The muted sounds in the house made the quiet of the room even more perfect.

Finally, Joey sighed, and shifted a little. "C'mon," he said softly, turning slightly in Nick's arms. "Lets get clothes on. I don't want you getting cold again, and we still have to go see the gang. The snow'll still be there later."

"Right," said Nick, still keeping his voice hushed, smiling at him. "We have plenty of time, and they're waiting for us. And again, this is a moment I don't want interrupted much."

Joey tucked his head meekly into the curve where Nick's shoulder met his neck, and looped his arms around his waist. "Nope. I don't really want to interrupt it at all, but...there's food downstairs. And we can go downstairs and get lots of hugs and come back up, hopefully before too long, because I dunno about you, but I need lots more rest before the wedding tomorrow." He laughed, and pulled away. "And I hope there aren't any photographers across the street, because we are *so* naked right now."

"Right now, I almost don't care," said Nick, openly admiring Joey's body while he could. "I almost wish they would, and everything else would end right there and we could just be together. But ...it doesn't work that way, does it? So what did we bring for me to wear? Something comfortable, okay? I don't even care what it looks like ... just comfortable."

"Nope, it doesn't work that way." Joey smiled at him, and wandered over to the bags, still where he'd dropped them. "Even if there were, it probably wouldn't matter. The Jive machine would crush 'em, and then we'd get yelled at, but we still couldn't just be open." He crouched by the bags, rooted around in one. "Jeans and a sweater okay? I packed what was on top, in your drawers. Figured they were your favorites."

"Good call," smiled Nick, rubbing his arms to keep them warm. He could still just barely make out the falling flakes outside the window and, beautiful as they were, they made him cold. "Those, and the piles on my floor, but the ones in the dresser were at least clean. That sounds perfect."

Joey tossed boxers and socks, jeans and a cream sweater up onto the bed, then moved to the other bag. "Go on, put 'em on, I can see your goosebumps from here, and I'm not wearing my glasses either." He grinned. "Plus, my mom would kill me, letting you stand around in the cold with a wet head." He yanked boxer-briefs up his own legs unceremoniously, followed by old, worn jeans, leaving his feet bare.

Nick dressed as quickly as he could without falling over, and felt infinitely better once he had, even though it meant he was no longer pressed up naked against Joey. "Your mother really looks out for me," he noted softly, moving closer to kiss Joey again. "Thank you. Again. For everything."

"My mom loves boys." Joey kissed him back, soft lips and just a hint of tongue, before tugging him down to sit on the bed, so close he was almost in Joey's lap. "She loves Janine, of course she does, but she's got a soft spot for her boys. I happen to know she still talks to Richard, and you saw how happy she was to meet you." He kissed Nick again. "You don't have to thank me."

"I *want* to thank you," insisted Nick. "It makes me feel good to thank you. I have so many reasons to do it. Now. You need to put a shirt on, so we can go downstairs. Or are you gonna leave it off so I'll be all flustered and distracted in front of your family?"

Joey grinned at him, then bounced to his feet. "Would it work?" He asked. "Nah, I'm getting a shirt on. I don't wanna hear about it from my cousins if I don't. They think chest hair is ooky." He ran a hand over his fuzzy stomach, before reaching for a black ribbed turtleneck. "I hope they either get over it, or marry somebody un-Italian." When his head popped out of the neck of the turtleneck, his hair was in wet tangled spikes, pointing every-which-way.

Nick ran his fingers through Joey's hair playfully. "You look perfect," he said, squinting at him. "Of course, you might not want to trust the blind guy. Can you get me glasses out for me? I'd really like to see you again. It's been hours."

"Did I pack those?" Joey pondered, then brightened. "Course I did. Wait. They're in your backpack, I think." He rummaged through, emerging with the glasses held carefully in one hand. "Here they are. I'd hate for you to forget what I look like. You might accidentally crawl into bed with Steve."

Nick shuddered slightly as he slipped them on. "Nothing against your brother," he said, taking them off again to clean them so he could actually see better, "but he's definitely not you. And there isn't anyone but you I want to be crawling into bed with anymore."

"That's good to hear, because I sure as hell don't think Steve would appreciate you like I do." Joey grinned, tugging Nick back to his feet. "Ready to face the mob? I'll name names, but they all kinda blur together. I'm still not sure who's here, but we're about to find out."

"As long as no one expects me to remember names, I'll be fine," said Nick, taking a deep breath and trying to be ready. "It'll be hard enough remembering my own, I think. *You* ready?"

"Always." Joey kept a tight hold on his hand as he shoved the door open and made his way to the top of the stairs. "How you feeling? Any dizzies or sickies? We'll go slow on the stairs, 'kay?"

"I'm good," Nick promised him, taking the first couple steps down with him. "But yeah, go slow. Tripping down the rest of these stairs is not exactly the entrance I want to make."

Joey laughed, shifting closer and still holding his hand, even as Nick clutched at the railing with the other. "Oh, you don't have to worry about that. I won't let you fall." He stepped slowly, though. "Even if you did, they'd just think it was funny. Not exactly a tough crowd, my folks." And Nick could hear loud laughter from where he remembered the kitchen would be.

"Still," said Nick with a soft laugh. "I'd rather walk into your kitchen on my own two feet. Wow, though ... that sounds like a lot of people down there. You must have shipped in a lot of relatives ... or do they all live around here?"

"I don't know," Joey mused, smiling. "It would be awfully dramatic if I got to carry you in." He shrugged. "I dunno how many people flew in, mom just sent me the list and I gave it to my accountant. But a lot still live around here, and a bunch drove and stuff, so I dunno. They're not all staying here, either, just close family."

"It's a bit intimidating," admitted Nick as they closed in on the bottom of the stairs. "I don't think I need to be carried across the threshold on top of that. So ... you're sure that all of them know about you? This isn't going to be a shock to anyone?"

"Not a one," Joey assured him. "If by some chance someone slipped through the grapevine cracks, it still won't be a big deal. I mean, the fact that it's *you* might cause a little excitement, but other than that, you got nothing to worry about." He cocked his head as they got close to the door. "Oh, dad's here too."

"Oh yeah, no pressure," murmured Nick, with a sigh and a little grin. "Okay. Well, let's do this, then, so I can actually be *calm* tomorrow at the wedding and not freak out about meeting all these people."

"In we go," Joey squeezed his hand, and kissed him, and pushed the door open.

Nick had a quick confused impression of a bunch of people around the kitchen tables, more on stools by the island, laughing and talking, some man telling a story, before there was a screech and two young girls jumped up and flung themselves at Joey, who let go of Nick and swung them both up into hugs. A woman, dark-haired with Joey's eyes, stood and smiled and walked to them.

"Nick," Joey grinned, a girl in each arm. "This is Sarah, and this is Bella. And that's my sister Janine. And the rest of the family." Nick caught Phyliss's smile.

Nick waved a little, actually feeling shy more than intimidated by all the people. Everyone just looked so happy and friendly as so *un*like the people at his own family gatherings. "Hey," he said as he looked around the room and was utterly *un*able to identify anyone other that Joey's immediate family.

He turned toward the girls that Joey was introducing to him and smiled and waved at them personally, including Janine who he'd seen just in passing a couple of times.

"Hey, Nick." She gave him a quick comforting hug, then linked her arm through his, smiling at the girls, who were making little fish faces and staring at Nick, until one of them squealed and Joey winced at the sound in his ear. "Don't mind them, they're kind of fans. Joey'll bounce it out of them." And indeed, Joey now had one of them upside down, and the squeal had changed to laughter. People were still looking at him, but more were walking to Joey, shaking his hand, giving and getting hugs. "Why don't you come on over and sit by mom? I know there are a lot of people here, but really, we don't bite."

"Um, sure," said Nick, only a little nervously, squeezing Joey's forearm for just a moment before stepping away, and giving him a smile when he turned to look. The look between them definitely didn't go unnoticed in the room. "Since she's the only person here I *know*, that'll probably be the best place for me."

"Oh, you know me, and you've met Steve, right?" Another dark-haired man waved vaguely from the other side of the table as he heard his name, though he didn't get up. "Don't mind the aunts, they're busy talking about the wedding." The three older women sitting together didn't even really look at him as Janine pulled him by. "And here we are." Phyllis smiled up at him, as did a heavyset man at her side. "Nick, this is my dad, Joe Senior. Daddy, I think this is Joey's new boyfriend Nick."

Nick hadn't exactly expected to be introduced that way, but since he *had* been -- he'd never been introduced as merely someone's boyfriend Nick before; it was kinda nice, even as it was jarring -- he just had to go with it. "Nice to meet you," he said, and debated sticking out his hand to shake, but this didn't seem like the kind of family who did that sort of thing. So he just smiled.

"Nick!" Joe stood up quickly, and clapped his shoulder warmly, pulling him into a quick one-armed hug. "I've seen you before, at industry things, but you probably wouldn't remember. So glad you could make it."

Before he could even reply, Janine was gently nudged out of the way, and Joey took her place at Nick's side. "You're takin' all my lines, Neene," he grumbled, but smiled and hugged his dad before sliding a careful arm around Nick's waist. "Nick needs food, mama," he said cheerfully. "Right, Nick?"

Nick looked over his shoulder and just smiled at him again, suddenly so very happy again that he'd come, and they were here together, and that they were together at all. He didn't have to think about the past few days, and how hard they had been, because things were really looking up right now.

"Absolutely," he said, turning back to Joey's mom and giving her that smile, too. Or at least a similar one. He could feel how thin he'd become under Joey's arm at his waist, and once again it surprised him a little. "You're an amazing cook, and suddenly I'm just ... starving."

"Oh, you." She blushed with pleasure, and Joe Sr. grinned at him, then at Joey.

"You've got a sweet-talker this time, boy. Better watch out, or he'll have you all wrapped around one finger, just like your mother." Joey laughed with him, and pulled Nick a little closer.

"Too late," he chuckled. "Sorry mom, you don't get to keep this one, he's mine." He peered over their heads at the other table. "Is that really Aunt Claudia? Damn. The whole clan really did turn out."

"Mind your mouth, Joseph," his mother said sternly, then smiled at Nick. "What can I make for you? What would taste good?"

"Oh," said Nick in surprise, looking at Joey for guidance before answering. "Oh, I'm not picky, whatever's ready. Really, I wouldn't want you to go to any trouble, especially with all these other guests here." His own mother would be appalled by the suggestion that she do something like that for Nick or a friend of Nick's when she had people over.

"Don't be silly!" She almost seemed offended, and Joey nodded at Nick, smiling a little. "It's not any trouble at all! Why, with all these people here, it'll just take a minute! We've got penne, tortellini and gnocchi, and the sauce is still fresh from lunch. Or if you'd rather, I can whip up a risotto. Or would you rather have a chicken, parmesan or marsala?"

Joe Sr. dropped an affectionate kiss on her cheek, even as he spoke to Nick. "I'd listen to her," he advised. "For one thing, it'll taste really good. For another, it'll make her happy. Especially with you lookin' like you haven't eaten in a week. Joey, you starvin' this nice young man?" He frowned at Joey, who rolled his eyes.

"Whatever, dad."

"Just haven't had much of an appetite for a while," Nick mumbled, glancing at Joey again before turning back to his mom. "How about something you think would go down easy?" he suggested tentatively, knowing she would understand that from their conversation earlier that day. "Just to be safe? I'm sure *anything* you make would be great, and I plan to try all of it before I leave. I just don't know where to *start*."

"All right, gnocchi it is." She nodded firmly, and patted his cheek with another smile, and bustled off to the stove, collecting a man and a woman as she went, and diving straight into the fridge.

"She's cookin' now," Joey sighed, collapsing into her vacated chair. "Amen and hallelujah, all's right with the world. Good choice, letting her pick, gnocchi's my favorite."

Joe ignored his son, and kept his eyes on Nick, who shifted a little uncomfortably. "So, Nick." He was sprawled out comfortably, hands resting over his large stomach. "Tell us a little about yourself."

"Um ... " began Nick awkwardly, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth a little bit. "Wow, I don't even know where to start. I mean ... obviously you already know what I do for a living ... "

"Yeah," Joey said, reaching out a long arm and tugging Nick to his side with a handful of his jeans. "Don't give him the third degree, dad, that's just embarrassing. For me, I mean." He grinned up at Nick. "He's an amazing artist, though, I'll tell you that much."

"Really?" Joe nodded at his son, smiling. "Fine, I won't embarrass you. Yet. Remember, your mother still has those photo albums." He turned to Nick again. "Speaking as a musician, I just wanna tell you, I think you've got an amazing voice, there. Solid. You guys sound really good."

"Thanks," said Nick, his smile growing as he grew more comfortable. He wrapped an arm around Joey's neck and tried not to feel self-conscious about it, about how obvious they were being, and in front of so many people. "That's ... *thank* you. That's always great to hear."

"You're welcome," Joe said, smiling widely at him. "Just don't forget to remind me about that photo album."

Joey laughed lightly and looped an arm around his leg just above his knee, and leaned comfortably into Nick, before looking up at him with sudden concern. "Hey, you wanna sit?" He let go, and stood, pushing at Nick a little. "Off your feet, you. Food's gonna be here soon anyway, gnocchi cook fast." He looked at his dad, who had both eyebrows up. "Nick hasn't been feeling good," he explained quietly, with an apologetic glance at Nick.

"It's okay," murmured Nick, looking down for a moment. He did slide into the seat, though, and felt relief flood his body as soon as he did. He hadn't realized how much he was tensing up, just standing there. "I'm doing all right. But the food is gonna do me a lot of good, I think."

"Are you feeling all right?" Joe Sr.'s eyes were concerned, and he moved his chair back to give Nick a little more room to stretch his legs. "Do you need anything? Joey, did you drag him here even though he's sick?"

"No!" Joey protested, hand gentle on Nick's shoulder, then sliding around his neck in a hug. "Well, kinda." More softly. "But he's feeling better now, he just needs his dinner."

"Yeah," murmured Nick faintly, looking around for a moment to see who was nearby, and grinding his teeth slightly as he steeled himself. "Yeah I ... stopped drinking a few days ago. Messed up my stomach for a while, but it's doing a lot better now. Honest. I'm feeling pretty good." Then he bit his lip and looked up at Joey to see what he thought of that.

Joey smiled widely, and squeezed him close. "He's doing amazing," he said proudly to his father, even though he was still looking at Nick.

"Really?" Joe also smiled, and leaned in to clap a hand to Nick's shoulder. "My nephew Tony got on the wagon a couple years ago, best thing he ever did. Good for you. I remember it was real hard for him, so you hang in there." He sat back, as Phyllis approached with two plates in her hand.

"Oh, man," Joey groaned appreciatively. "Mom. Damn."

"Mouth," she said, but not sharply, and Nick couldn't blame Joey either. The plates were filled with steaming pasta, covered with some kind of red sauce that looked and smelled like it was heavy on the portobello mushrooms and herbs. Slices of garlic bread piled on the sides, and it all smelled divine.

His eyes grew wide just looking at it. There was no way in hell he was going to be able to finish this, but just looking at Phyllis's face as she gave it to them, he knew he was going to try. "This looks great," he said, and his enthusiasm wasn't faked at all. "Wow, Joey, you weren't kidding when you said I'd gain back all that weight I lost in no time."

He gave them all a big smile, but especially gave one to Joey's dad, offering him silent thanks for his support. And for him not making a big deal about it at all. That really helped.

"Yeah." Joey was almost drooling as he eyed the plates, and he stood up straight to kiss his mother enthusiastically. She batted him away, and set the plates down. "I can't believe I can't talk you into moving in with me. I neeed you, ma!" He hung dramatically off her neck, and Nick had to snicker at the sight, since he towered over her. "You let me live all alone down in Florida, staarving to death! No one to make me gnocchi!"

"Teach Nick." She grinned at them both, pinched Nick's cheek. "Eat that, now. It'll set you right up, you'll feel better in no time." Raised voices diverted her attention, and she sighed, and pulled at her husband's arm. "Joe, Steve and Johnnie are fighting about the Super Bowl again. Come make them stop." He rolled his eyes at them, and stood, and Joey slid easily into his chair, bringing his plate with him.

"God, this is good," he said blissfully, around a mouthful of pasta. "You wanna learn to cook? And move in with me? And never leave?"

"Sure," said Nick, taking his first bite. It was just as good as it looked. "But you get to be the one to explain to the world just what you've done with Nick Carter." He took another bite of the pasta, a bigger one. "I love your family. Seriously. Do you think they would adopt me if I ask nice enough?"

"I'll make up a story," Joey said earnestly, biting into the garlic bread and closing his eyes, looking absolutely content. "You learn to make food like this, an' I'll make up whatever story they want. Maybe that you were kidnapped by the Fatone Family Syndicate. Because let me tell you, you don't even hafta ask. They're halfway to filing the papers now. You're an honorary Fatone now, baby. Mama made you her gnocchi."

Nick gave him a genuine grin as he continued eating. "They've already been so great to me. I can't imagine what i'd be like if I'd grown up around people like them. *Way* different, I'm sure. Way, way different. Do you go around all the time feeling *this* ... loved?"

Joey stopped chewing and looked at him quizzically, ignoring the shouts behind him as Joe Sr. got involved in the discussion of running backs, and the raised voices from the other side of the table as his aunts debated the merits of different bridal hairstyles. He swallowed. "Well, yeah. I mean...it's family." He reached across the table, grabbed one of the glasses there with a wink at his aunt, and sipped. "Don't you? I mean, I know every family's different, but the love should always be there."

Nick just shrugged and thought maybe Joey wouldn't want to hear the answer to that question. "Maybe," he said finally, trying to come up with *some*thing. "Maybe some families just don't show it as much? Don't ever make you feel it, no matter what you do."

Joey looked at him evenly, and Nick wondered uneasily what he was seeing. Then he reached out and tugged Nick's chair closer, and hooked an arm around his waist, leaving the other free for his food. "Well, no matter what, you'll always feel it here. You'll probably feel it *too* much. Might get a little much, especially if you're not used to it, so if you need people to back off, you just tell me, okay." He smiled a little, then. "Especially your fans." A jerk of his chin indicated Sarah, who was probably thirteen, and who was staring across the room with adoring eyes.

He gave her a little smile before turning to Joey. "I have a lot to catch up on," he said, finally taking a piece of his garlic bread. "I don't think it's gonne be as overwhelming as I thought. I have this ... this hole, that I can let it fill, I think. I know that sounds stupid, but ... " He shrugged his shoulders and took a bite.

"Well, worry about filling the hole in your belly first, then we'll worry about the other holes." Joey tucked him comfortably against his side, and took another huge bite of pasta, smiling around it at him. "mphfffffhg mrghhhhffff." He rolled his eyes, chewed and swallowed, and tried again. "Sorry. Was gonna say, that's a good thing then, I'll just turn 'em loose on you and let you soak it up. Now you know why I come home all the time, huh?"

"If I was you, I'd do the same thing," said Nick, offering Joey a bit of his garlic bread. "They don't even *know* me and they're treating me good. I mean, they don't owe me anything. It's hard to believe, what great people they are. You know you're really lucky, right? To have them? *All* of them?"

Joey nibbled the bread out of his fingers with a wink that made it unsexy enough for public, and smiled. "They don't know you *yet*. But I know you, and they can see how much I like you, and that's good enough. They're not all great, I bet we don't get through the weekend without someone being an ass. But they don't have to *owe* you anything to be nice to you! I mean, you're a sweetheart. People should be nice to you all the time. They're just people, y'know?"

"I guess, after a while, you start to not expect that kind of decency from people," admitted Nick. He was getting used to being this candid with Joey, to the point where it was easier *to* be than not to be. He looked around the room again -- it was still full of people, but they were all going about their business and, except for a couple of the younger girl, everyone was just treating him like one of them.

"That's...kinda sad." Joey frowned, and forked up another bite of his pasta. "I mean, yeah, there are some real shits out there," he looked around guiltily for his mother, but she was still mediating an argument and stirring something in a pot, "but generally people are pretty cool. I know I'm lucky that so many of 'em landed in my family, the cool ones, I mean. They're mostly leaving us alone because they know I'm no good till I'm fed, and you're new so they're being polite. But pretty soon you'll be introduced to everybody, and then you'll *really* be part of the family." He grinned. "Last chance to run."

"Well, you planned this well, then," said Nick, giving him a confident smile, "considering I *can't* run right now. I guess i'm stuck with you ... *and* your family. So. What's their position on public displays of affection?"

Joey raised his eyebrows and gave him an approving smirk. "Why? You planning on throwing me down and ravishing me right here under the kitchen table? I gotta tell you, not a good idea. Aunt Claudia would swoon, and then we'd get in big trouble. She has these spells, y'know..."

Nick gave him a grin and chuckled softly. "I was thinking more about kissing, really. Not that I don't want to ravish you, sometime soon, but I think I'd like it much better if *that* particular performance wasn't in front of an audience." He just hoped it *would* be sometime soon, so he could convince Joey once and for all that it *wasn't* his fault Nick's body wasn't responding.

"Okay, so, raincheck on the ravishing, and don't think I won't hold you to it." He smiled, and tilted his head sideways to brush Nick's mouth softly with his own. He tasted like garlic butter and tomatoes. "I don't think they'll mind," he almost-whispered. "As long as we don't get all porny about it." Someone had apparently noticed, though, because a long wolf-whistle came from across the room, followed by the sound of a smack that had Mama Fatone written all over it.

Nick grinned again, but he felt himself blushing, too, and tried to hide it by taking another bite of his food. He felt Joey give him a tender squeeze and only then did he finally glance up again, to see what Sarah had thought of their little demonstration.

She was looking a little pouty and chewing on her finger, but when he caught her eyes she brightened up and gave him a tiny wave. He smiled, and wiggled his fingers back at her, and her eyes got big and she turned bright red. Joey laughed down at him, rubbing a careful hand down his side. "You huge flirt, you. Lookit that, already checkin' out the ladies, and we've only been here a couple of hours!"

"Well, you know, no sense wasting any time," said Nick, giving her a wink before turning back to Joey and giving him another sweet kiss. "We only have a few days here, after all. So much family, so little time."

Joey hooted at him, all crinkly sparkly eyes and laughing mouth. "You're a menace, Carter, you really are. Next think I know you're gonna be sweet talking Aunt Ronnie into giving you her secret recipes, and Uncle Sol's gonna want to take you fishing. Just remember, you were mine first!"

"And I always will be," said Nick around his next mouthful. "Yours first, I mean. Just like I can't get rid of you, now, you can't get rid of *me* now, either. It's just ... not gonna happen."

"Good." Joey dropped his fork, finished already, and leaned back with a satisfied sigh, still holding Nick close. "Don't want to get rid of you. Gonna keep you for a good long time, I think." He peered at Nick's plate. "Goddamn, Nick!" He ignored the warning "mouth!" from the stove area. "Look at how much you're eating! Dude, you are entirely on the road to recovery."

"Trying," murmured Nick, looking at his place. It was still half-full, but that *was* really good for him, these days. He didn't really remember the last time he'd had a genuine, full meal. "I don't want to overstuff myself ... would it be offensive to stop now? Or do you want to help me with the rest, maybe?"

"Nope, no more for me." Joey patted his stomach with a wry quirk to his lips. "I've gotta get back into my show clothes from the first leg, and I'm already in trouble. My mom won't mind if you leave it. She knows you're still not quite 100%, she'll be thrilled you ate so much in the first place."

Nick did grab another piece of garlic bread before pushing the plate away. He thought he was probably gonna want more of that later, when he was hungry again. And right now, there was just no telling when that might be. If he was lucky, it would be soon. If he wasn't, well, he might not be able to keep down what he'd already eaten.

"You know perfectly well -- as you've told me *many* times already -- that you're not going to be able to avoid food this weekend," he mentioned, though. "You may as well not start the whole abstaining thing until we go home again."

"There's abstaining, and then there's not eating everything in sight," Joey sighed, looking at his plate forlornly. "And food just sticks to me, it's crazy. I gain weight just *looking* at food." He brightened up a little when he saw Nick take the garlic bread, though. "How's that sitting? How you feeling?"

"It's okay so far," he said, taking a moment to assess himself again. "I know all about the gaining weight thing. I used to do that. I just ... don't know where it all went ... "

"Not eating will do that to you, no matter how solid your metabolism usually is," Joey commented, leaning into him carefully, propping his feet on the rung of his chair and generally getting comfortable. "I'll bet you gain it back pretty quick once you start eating right again. Thank god."

"I just didn't notice I wasn't eating," said Nick, running a hand over his stomach. "It just happened. I still don't know quite how. I always figured I could stand to lose a little, but not like *this*."

"I'm around now to notice for you, if you happen to lose track again," Joey said firmly. "Plus, with me around, regular mealtimes are pretty much a given. Once we're back in the studio, I can eat whatever I want, mostly. Our choreographers are *insane*." He sighed. "Not really lookin' forward to that, I gotta say. I love being on the road, but it just kills me. And the other guys too, they get so wiped."

"I know how that is," said Nick sympathetically, polishing off the garlic bread easily. "Our tours are pretty killer too. All that energy." He pushed the plate away a little further. "Okay, I'm really done now. I hope that's okay."

"Sure it's okay." Joey tipped his head against Nick's, resting. "Nobody's gonna get mad at you if you don't clean your plate, you know. You eat what you want, do what you want. It's supposed to be vacation for you too, remember." He was startled up by a hand on his shoulder, and Phyllis smiled down at them.

"You boys look like you've slowed down. Can I get you anything else? Coffee or tea, or dessert? Nick, you've got tomato sauce on your face." She swiped at his cheek with her thumb, and kept smiling.

Nick blushed but kept his head up and convinced himself that he ought to get used to stuff like that. "I'm really full, thanks," he said, his voice so, so quiet compared to this family. "Don't want to have too much ... it's the first full meal I've had in -- " His voice faltered as he tried again to remember. "Um. I don't actually know."

The hand on his cheek fell to his shoulder and patted gently. "It's okay. Don't push it too hard, just eat as much as feels good. And you tell me right away if you want anything else, all right?" She tweaked Joey's ear and he grimaced and pulled away.

"Ow! What?"

"You be nice to this sweet young man, Joseph. Your father and I like him, so none of your usual shenanigans."

"Mom, for god's sake," Joey was red. "I'm always nice! Tell her, Nick!"

"Well, you have been so far," said Nick teasingly, pushing his glasses up his nose and giving Joey a broad grin. It was such a relief -- *such* a relief -- to be assured that these people did like him. That they knew about him and they didn't judge. "I guess I'll just have to keep finding out, high. But don't worry," he said, looking up to speak to phyllis for a moment. "I'll give you status updates on how nice he's being."

"You do that." She smiled at him and patted his cheek, and then transferred her grin to her still-blushing son. "And you let me know if he's in need of a little parental intervention. Now, Joey, I think you need to show me those pictures you promised. She has a TOOTH?"

"Yeah," Joey beamed, embarrassment forgotten. "Two new ones. Nick, you okay here for a while if I go show these around?"

"Yeah," said Nick, shifting in his seat a little. "I'm comfortable. I'll be fine." He wouldn't have said no in any case, not when Joey -- and his *mom*, too -- got that eager, happy look on his face.

"Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have company soon enough." Joey smiled at him, kissed him lightly again, and heaved himself to his feet. "I brought all the ones I told you about, and there's even another roll that Kelly took that I didn't know about..." He moved away with his mother, leaving Nick at the table.

"Abandoned so soon?" The voice was light and teasing, and he looked up to see Janine standing, Sarah half-hidden behind her. "Mind if we keep you company while Joey reduces mom to tears again?"

Nick gestured openly at the empty chair, glad it was at least someone he knew again. "I get the feeling he's gonna be stolen from me many more times before this weekend is over," he confessed with a sigh and a smile. "Be my guest."

"He won't go far," she said earnestly, sliding into the seat with a smile. "He's really...I don't remember seeing him this careful of someone *ever*, except maybe sometimes JC and Justin. So don't think he's abandoning you or anything." She turned to the little girl, who was all big brown eyes and black curls, and smiled.

"Go ahead, Sarah, say hi, and then you should go get ready for bed."

"Hi," she said in a tiny voice. "I'mveryhappytomeetyou." She blushed. "Were you really kissing my cousin Joey on purpose?"

"Hi Sarah," he said back with a faint blush and a nervous laugh. "Um, yeah. I really like kissing your cousin Joey. That okay with you?"

Her little nose wrinkled up as she thought. "Well, yeah," she said, finally. "I mean, it's okay, but Joey's kind of goofy, you know?" She leaned into him, apparently past her shyness. "Sometimes he burps at the table. He can be gross. Just so you know."

"Well, I'm a little goofy myself," he confessed, laughing a little more easily now. "As I'm sure you'll soon find out for yourself. As for gross, well, if he's gross ... no kisses. That oughta keep him in line, since I think he kinda likes kissing me back."

"I'll bet. He looked like he liked it." She considered him. "Can you make him not tickle me any more? And maybe tell him that I want a pony for my birth-"

Janine finally managed to speak through her laughter. "Okay, little manipulator, bedtime. Go, go, say goodnight to the family."

"Night, Nick!" She smiled at him suddenly, kissed his cheek, and ran for the stairs.

"She's sweet," he murmured, watching her bound up the stairs. "Are they all like that? I'd love to know what I have to look forward to, this next little while. Joey keeps telling me it'll be fine, it'll be fine, but hasn't exactly been loose with the details."

"That's Joey for you." She sighed, still chuckling a little. "He'll probably try to keep you in the immediate family, just so you don't get too overwhelmed. They're not all fans, like Sarah, but everyone'll know who you are, just because. Watch out for Uncle Charlie, he's obnoxious. Other than that, you should be fine." She looked at him curiously. "Now that the kids are in bed, we can dish the dirt. How on earth did you end up with *Joey,* of all people?"

"Well," he said, his chuckles becoming nervous again. "That's ... probably a longer story than you think. And -- " He really wished Joey was here, but he wasn't, so Nick got to do this by himself this time. For the *first* time. "It would probably be clearer if I start the story at the end instead of the beginning. So ... I'm guessing this hasn't had time to make the rounds of the family yet, but I stopped drinking a few days ago. And a lot of the reason I managed to do it was because of your little brother."

She propped her chin on her hands, and looked at him carefully. "No, I hadn't heard that, though I'm guessing my mom already knows. So...you met Joey, and he used his amazing powers of persuasion on you? Or something? And then...he asked you out?"

"Your mom and your dad," he confirmed. "And the way Joey talks about it, I don't have to tell to many people before something makes the rounds. Anyway ... I was getting in trouble, kinda making an ass of myself a lot of the time, and Joey kinda came to my rescue a couple times. And ... I still don't know what he saw in me, but he found something worthwhile because he convinced me to get sober, get my life together. And we kinda fell for each other, I guess. We have a ridiculous amount of things in common, really."

She smiled at that, though her eyes were still serious. "And these things in common, and the falling for him...you're serious about that? Because, yeah, I give him shit all the time, but Joey...he's got a heart bigger than this whole city, you know? And it's pretty clear how he feels about you, and I'd hate to see him get that big ol' heart stepped on again." She laughed a little. "I'm being the stereotypical big sister, right?"

"I'd be worried if you weren't," he assured her, confident enough to smile about that. "The truth ... is that I love him to pieces, and got on a plane while still detoxing just to be able to come home with him and meet his family. But don't tell him I adore him so much. He's liable to get cocky." And he winked at her.

She giggled, and he could see her relax a little. "Oh, your secret's safe with me," she assured him. "Last thing he needs is any *more* self confidence. Good lord, that boy." She shook her head affectionately, and patted his hand. He hadn't been touched so much, just in a friendly way, in as long as he could remember. "That's good to know, though. You just be good to him, and he'll happily move the world for you." She grinned again, mischeviously. "So, tell me, in our quest to keep Joey humble...what kind of dirt do you want on him?"

"Oh, *any*thing," said Nick eagerly, his smile growing. "That's the whole reason I *came*, doncha know? I have many, many years of catching up to do on Joey's many sins."

"You'll *need* years to catch up on Joey's many sins," she laughed. "Oh god, I don't even know where to start. Let's see. He probably hasn't told you about burning down the house, right? He was trying to make cupcakes in his little toy oven, only it wouldn't light, so he put a candle in there. He wasn't the brightest child."

"He *what*," said Nick, his eyes shooting open. "Are you serious? You can't be serious." Then, in spite of it, he laughed. "He had a little toy oven?"

"He had a little toy oven that he absolutely loved," she confirmed, nodding and grinning. "And that he used to burned down our house. Or, actually it was just his room, since the firemen came really fast. Still, he didn't sit for a week, after that. Let's see, what else..." she thought, tapping her fingernails on the table. "He ran away from home once because my mom wouldn't let him wear his Superman costume to school. He was TWELVE! He made it to a friends house a couple of miles away and refused to come out for like three hours."

Nick dissolved into a fit of giggles over that one. "So he started on the drama queen thing early then, did he?" he joked, shaking his head. "I bet he got famous just so he could wear whatever he wants. And he *does*, that's for sure."

"Oh, yeah." She groaned, covering her face with one hand. "We've mostly managed to get him away from the fur, at least, but there's just nothing we can do about the t-shirts. And the hats. I'd blame JC, but yeah, he started early. Oh, and don't even get me started on his romances. He got engaged when he was fourteen, you know."

"Engaged," said Nick disbelievingly. "Engaged? To *who*? Maybe he was living by the "no sex until marriage" rule and just got really impatient or something?" He shook his head. "I do have an appreciation for the T-shirts, I have to admit. Maybe because I can borrow 'em." "Don't encourage him," she said, mock-sternly. "The t-shirts are just appalling. He got engaged to Mandy DeFillippo from school, I mean, he went all out. Got a ring with a little diamond in it, went down on one knee, the whole bit. He went around telling everyone he was engaged for three weeks, until she broke it off because she wanted to date a wrestler instead. It's okay, he got his revenge a few years later, when she caught him giving her brother a blow job in their basement. He was-oh, hi Joey." She smiled brightly over Nick's shoulder. "We were just talking about you."

"*You* were talking," he insisted, not even looking back over his shoulder. "I was just encouraging you. Strongly. And I will again, the next time I have a chance."

Big hands curled over his shoulders, down to his chest, and Joey leaned in to him so his head was resting back on a warm belly. "Don't believe anything she says," he warned sternly. "She's evil. Was she being evil? Was she telling you terrible stories? I recognize that innocent face. And you, encouraging her! I'm gone for ten minutes and you're already conspiring against me."

"Well, it beats talking about me all the time," said Nick, closing his eyes happily. "I finally got to meet Sarah, too. Now *she* was evil."

"She wants a pony, Joey, just so you're forewarned." Janine grinned at them. "She hasn't shut up about it for months. You're gonna be hearing about it all weekend, I'm sure."

"Great," Joey groaned. "Where's she gonna keep it, her room? They live in *Queens*. Was that the evil, or was there more?"

"She did spend some time questioning my taste," admitted Nick, opening his eyes and turning his head to the side so he could actually see Joey. "But I insisted that I really did enjoy kissing you, and I wasn't coerced in the least."

Joey snorted. "Well, that's something, I guess. Questioning your taste, huh? Nice relatives I've got. My own sister slanders me, my cousin tries to steal my boyfriend. I almost hate to see what my aunts come up with." He brought his hands up to cradle Nick's head, carding through his hair with gentle fingers. "You tired?" His voice was softer. "Ready to call it a night? I think we've fulfilled our obligations, here."

Janine smiled at them. "Go, if you want to. Everyone's heading up anyway."

"I need a couple advil anyway," admitted Nick, his first real admission that he wasn't doing *completely* great yet, but it had been bearable so far. "Good night, Janine. I guess I'll be seeing you -- and everyone else, I'm sure -- tomorrow."

"Bright and early," she agreed, standing and kissing Joey. "Night. Try not to bang the headboard against the wall, okay?" She smirked at them, and moved away, leaving Joey shaking his head with a small smile.

"God. Family. I'm starting to think we should have gotten a hotel. Okay, advil for you, that's in the room, and I'll get some water before we go up. Anything else you need?"

"Just you, and some privacy," said Nick, letting Joey help him up. "But I'll settle for you, since privacy seems out of the question. "I still really like your family, by the way. And not just because they dish the dirt on you."

"I don't even want to know what she told you," Joey said fervently, then paused. "Okay, I do. I'm dying to know. But you can tell me later. When we have privacy, which we do, because one wall of our room is the stairwell, and the other one's a linen closet and the bathroom. So nyah to Janine and her headboard issues." He grinned at Nick, as he walked to the sink and poured two glasses of water. "One more time up the stairs, and you're done for the day."

"I'm good, with the stairs," Nick promised him, though they were still a little daunting. "Just don't let go of me, all right? Actually, that goes for just about everything, now. Just ... don't let go. And I won't either."

"You know it." Joey's smile was a promise. "I've got you, good and tight, don't worry. And that offer of a piggyback ride still stands." He waved to the aunts, and blew a kiss to his mother, who waved back at them distractedly. A chorus of "good night"s followed them up the stairs.

Nick called "good night" back down faintly, but mostly concentrated on getting himself up the stairs. "I feel like one of the little kids," he confessed as they made it to the first landing. "Going to bed all early. Only I'm not complaining about it. Oh, and I don't know what I'd do with a pony, even if you got me one."

"You could keep it in that jungle you call a backyard," Joey pointed out, smiling, hand looped under Nick's arm. "And it's not that early, considering how early we were up. I mean, it's your first day out of bed in a while, give yourself a break, here. I've gotta tell you, even with the nap, I'm beat myself."

"Yeah," admitted Nick, yawning as they started up the next flight. "You're family's great but kind of exhausting. Did your mom like the pictures?"

"Loved them." Joey's voice softened. "Even though the only time you could see her new teeth is in the ones where she's crying. She was real happy to meet you, too, you know. You're a big hit with the family." He paused mid-step to hug Nick closer. "Just like I knew you would be."

"I didn't even *do* anything, though," insisted Nick, letting himself be drawn in. "I was just kinda ... *there*. I was a lump, with an appetite and a smile."

"You were a sweet lump," Joey smiled into his hair, then let him go and kept climbing. "With a sweet smile. You didn't have to do anything but be you. They liked you. You don't have to be high-energy or anything for them to enjoy your company. And you were polite to my mom, which is big."

"Well, of *course* I was," said Nick in surprise. "She was your *mom*. What, was I gonna be rude to her or something? Besides which, I adore her already."

"You'd be surprised," Joey shook his head and swung around the corner at the top of the stairs. "Here we are. I'm glad you like her. And it looked like you and Janine were getting along great. Oh man. Bed!" The bed was still rumpled from their nap, but it looked warm and so inviting.

"Help me strip," said Nick, already working on his pants. "I just want to ... the bed looks so warm, and so comfy ... and i just want to lie down with you again, right 'til morning this time. Okay? After the advil."

"Okay." Gentle fingers helped with his buttons, and then Joey pulled his own shirt over his head, and moved to the dresser where he'd left the bottle. "Drink all the water, too, and I'll brush off the crumbs. We don't have to go anywhere or do anything till morning."

Nick was getting very used to swallowing the small pills, and they went down easy. As did the water, when once he would have been hard pressed to just sip at it. "Another day sober," he murmured, more to himself than Joey, though it was audible, and he smiled a little as he stripped ther est of his clothes off by himself.

"'Nother good day," Joey agreed quietly, brushing down the sheets and flipping the blankets flat. "And tomorrow will be another one. Now c'mon, get in." Joey stripped quickly to the skin, and crawled into the bed before Nick could get more than a brief glimpse. "It's still snowing out, too," he smiled.

"I noticed," said Nick, taking one last, long look before taking his glasses off and setting them down on the table next to the bed, then sliding in next to Joey. "Makes it that much nicer to slip into a nice warm bed with a nice warm body already in it."

"My nice warm body is very happy that your nice warm body joined it." Joey curled around him instantly and automatically, sliding a hand over his hip, tangling their legs together. Their noses were almost touching. "I forgot to brush my teeth," Joey whispered, and didn't so much as twitch towards the bathroom.

"So did I," said Nick, "so we'll have garlic breath together. At least it's fair." And truthfully, he didn't much care at all, especially not now that they were already comfortable.

"Just don't let me breathe on you in the morning," Joey warned with a grin. "Garlic doesn't age well." The hand on his hip was stroking lightly, feather-touches over the curve of his ass. "So they weren't to bad, or scary, my family? And what on earth was Janine telling you? You were laughing like crazy."

"The incident with your toy oven," admitted Nick with another little chuckle. "And I really like your family, Joey, there are just ... a lot of them. And they aren't shy at *all*. Not even Sarah, hardly, once Janine brought her over to meet me."

"Oh god." Joey buried his face in Nick's neck briefly, giggling helplessly. "That oven. God, I barely remember that, but it's the big family story. The Day Joey Burned The House Down." He sobered a little, raising his head to peer at Nick. "They weren't too much for you, were they? I know there's a lot of them. Shy isn't exactly a Fatone family trait."

"I think I did okay for myself," said Nick, blinking his eyes as they refocused on Joey. "Especially considering that I'm not a hundred percent yet. I .. um ... Janine asked how we met. And I told her."

"Yeah?" Joey smiled at him encouragingly. He *still* hadn't shaved, and the shape of the goatee was almost disappearing into beard. "I think you did really good. You looked happy, you know? And telling Janine...that's great. Especially since she's good, she'll make sure people know without making it into some huge deal."

"It wasn't so hard, to tell her," said Nick, curling closer to him. "It gets easier every time, i think. Or maybe i've just been talking to easy people. I don't know. Anyway, yeah ... I told her. By myself."

"It does get easier every time," Joey assured him, letting him burrow in, shifting to accomodate him, still petting. "I don't know if my family's easy, though they're pretty friendly. Still, that's just amazing, you telling her straight out. I'd tell you how proud I am if I didn't think it would sound all condescending."

"You can tell me anyway," murmured Nick. "I'm not all that oversensitive right now. Think the moods swings have finally died down. 'Course, now that I've said that i'll be a mess tomorrow or something."

"I'm very proud of you," Joey said quietly. "I really truly am. Moodswings and all, and if they do come back, we'll get through those too." He sighed, and relaxed down into the pillows. "We're good together, I think," he mused.

"You're sister's gonna kick my ass if you get your heart broken," noted Nick, smiling to himself, "so we'd better be good together. She looks like she could."

"She's tough," Joey said, laughing a little. "She's always looking out for me, since we were kids and I used to get beat up after school for being in the drama club and the choir. She taught me how to throw a punch. Don't let her scare you, though. Even if you do break my heart, she's way past the brawling stage."

"I think that's part of what i'm worried about," said Nick. "Brawling, I could hold my own. Is it ... " He buried his face against Joey's neck. "Is it stupid, that I'm worried that it's too easy right now? That the hard part is still to come?" Joey sighed, and held him close. "It's not stupid. It has been easy, or at least, probably easier than you were expecting. There's still a lot of shit ahead. But I think the very hardest part is done, almost, the part where you're still deciding. You're on the right road, and every day you get closer to home. But yeah, I bet there are some rough spots coming." He breathed into Nick's hair, little kisses there. "Right now, though...right now, you should just relax. Enjoy the easy while it's here."

"Just trying not to get too used to it," murmured Nick, comforted by Joey's touches, by the warmth of his body and the bed and the blankets and the love that just permeated this whole house. "What did Justin go through, after he was through the detox bit?"

Nick could almost feel Joey's frown, as he considered. "It was...he was really young, you know? So it was maybe a little easier for him, since he couldn't get in to bars or anything. But you've been to industry parties, you know what they're like. Booze and drugs all over the place, free for whoever." He paused for a moment. "I, we, caught him using twice, after. Both times when he was really upset about something. So that was hard for him, resisting when he was going through a bad time, having a bad day. And telling his parents, that was brutal."

"Yeah," muttered Nick. "Really looking forward to *that*. If there's anything that's gonna make me use again ... " He sighed and nuzzled Joey's neck again. "No, I shouldn't say that. Since we haven't even figured out yet why everything happened to me the way it did."

"No, you shouldn't say that." Joey's voice lowered, sounding worried. "Because we're gonna plan it out, right? And make sure it goes as okay as it can, and I'll be as close as you let me be, outside in the car or whatever. So even if it's bad, we can go away, to the beach or whatever, after, till you're feeling better."

"That would be nice," said Nick with a happy sigh, feeling calmer just at the thought. "But I'm not gonna do that for a while. With them. Not until I have this figured out and ... I guess that could take a long time, huh?"

"Who knows?" Joey smiled. "You could have a, whatyoucallit, epiphany tomorrow, jump up and shout EUREKA in the middle of the wedding. Or it could take a long time." He pulled Nick a little further away, looking directly into his face. "You really...you're not planning on telling them? About any of this?"

"No, I *am*," insisted Nick quickly. "I am. Just ... not until I'm ready. I think that's really probably the right decision, Joey, I don't think i'm being cowardly. My family is ... difficult. And I think that telling them anything before I'm ready just might prompt some kind of ... bad ... reaction in me." "Whenever you're ready," Joey assured him quickly. "I'd never say you were cowardly. NEVER. I'm kind of getting that your family's...difficult, as you put it." He tucked Nick safely back under his chin. "You gonna tell Aaron, though?" His voice was soft. "I can tell how close y'all are."

"Yeah," said Nick; he'd already decided that, after a lot of thought. "Yeah, I'm gonna tell Aaron. I just don't quite know how yet, what the best way to approach it would be. I think, in a few weeks or something, when I'm at hom, I'll invite him over for the weekend and just hit on all the major points. And see what happens."

"Good," Joey said, and was quiet for a little. Nick could hear faint footsteps, the creaking of the old house as it settled around them for the night. It was cozy and warm and homey. He almost jumped when Joey spoke again. "Does 'all the major points' include me? I don't want to push you," he squeezed a little, "and I'm not gonna be upset at the answer. I'm just trying to figure out where my boundaries are gonna be, in your life."

"Yes," said Nick firmly. "All the major points definitely includes you. That's actually ... will probably be one of the easier ones, once I get past the telling-him-I'm-gay part. He's a pretty worldly kid. I don't think he's gonna judge, not like the rest of my family could. Would."

"Can't imagine he would, the way he looks up to you," Joey observed, smiling a little at Nick's definite tone. "Sounds like you'll have one ally in the home camp, at least. And if things go too bad, you're welcome to change your name to Fatone and join the insanity. Mom would be thrilled. 'Course, she'd probably insist on calling you her son-in-law."

"Well, that would probably be the most accurate term for it," said Nick slowly, rolling that idea around in his head, "though we may be getting a little ahead of ourselves there ... "

Joey stared at him, then laughed. "I was actually talking about adoption," he explained. "I think yeah, maybe we should give it a *little* more time before we start shopping for rings and running off to Amsterdam to get married. Though, come to think of it, adoption's not any better, because then I wouldn't get to sleep with you any more."

"That's definitely a disadvantage, yes," agreed Nick with a silly little laugh. "But things are ... they're not going to be *good*. I don't know exactly what's going to happen, but it's not going to be anything like this. You actually have to start with a base of acceptance to have this, and I just don't have that with my own family. I've felt more of it *today* than I have ... well, in a long time."

"A base acceptance of what?" Joey frowned, clearly trying to work it out. "I mean, I'm getting that they're probably kinda homophobic. That always makes it rough, and yeah, I got really lucky here, don't think I don't know it. Just remember, even if things get bad, you've got people. Family, even. Like AJ, an' Aaron, and me, and my folks. Probably your other guys too; if the going gets rough, people step up. You told me how good Brian was when you came out to them. So you don't have to do it by yourself."

"A base acceptance of you as a person," said Nick softly. "Unconditional love and affection. I know I have other people, Joey -- I'm counting on that. I'm just trying to explain what it's gonna be like with my family, so you understand a little better. That it's not like this at all."

"I'm grateful every day, for my family," Joey admitted. "I didn't...I know things aren't always great with you and your folks, just from stuff you've let slip. Is it really...is it as bad as that, really? I mean, they love you, right?" He curled more tightly around Nick, plainly protective. "Sure you don't wanna just adopt yourself in with us? I could live without sex. I think."

"Sometimes I don't know if they love me or not," confessed Nick, feeling sick inside when he thought about it. Feeling the pain of it rise up and wishing there was something he could do to dull it. "I know how awful that sounds. Trust me, I do. But ... that's just how it is."

"Oh, baby." Joey's voice just ached, and he slid his hands up to cup Nick's face. "How could anyone not love you?"

Nick felt that ache inside, like he was going to cry, but this was something he just didn't cry about anymore. It wasn't worth it. "I try not to think about it too much," he said. "How they're only really friendly to me when I'm being good, and making them money, and when I screw up they're ... not. You don't want to hear this, Joey ... "

"'Course I do, if you want to talk about it." Joey's almost whispering now. "It's part of your life. I don't just wanna hear about the good stuff. This is kinda big and important, how you are with your family. It sounds more like...management, or something, than family, to me. Maybe when things are like that, you gotta make a new family for yourself."

"It's taken a long time to find the right people to make my family," said Nick believing, for the first time, that he'd really started to. "They're an awful lot like management. To all of us, really, not just me. I'm just the one that ... well, frankly, makes them the most. I think it's the only reason we're still as close as we are. Which isn't very."

Joey sighed. "I can't imagine that. I just...can't. I mean, Justin's mom is pretty bad, sometimes, but even then, you can tell she loves him. Mostly. And your brother, and your little sisters...how are they? I mean, I can tell Aaron just adores you, and that's great, that he's got that, but I don't remember seeing much about your sisters at all." He shook his head. "Didn't your sister make an album or something?" He cuddled Nick closer. "They're idiots, if they can't see what they're missing out on, not appreciating you like they should."

"You're not the first person who's told me that," said Nick, sighing and feeling that ache inside again. "I know it's not normal now, Joey. But when I was growing up, I don't I did. I just knew that when I did good I was loved and when I didn't, I wasn't. So I try to show all of them that I love them anyway, no matter what. Especially Aaron, because they expect the most of him."

"Then you're doing a good thing," Joey said quietly, but still firm. "You know it's not good, you know it's not normal, and you're making sure that your little brother and sisters get that...what did you call it? Baseline acceptance." He thumbed Nick's cheek lightly. "You're not just a meal ticket, y'know. You'd be a pretty amazing person even if you couldn't sing a note and weren't pretty."

"That's ... always been a difficult thing to believe," said Nick. "I can hear it a hundred times but it never -- quite -- sinks in. And that's not you, that's just ... me. And what I've spent so many years learning. I'm really glad I came, Joey, and not just for the reasons we thought I would be. There's just *so* much love here. From everyone and *to* everyone."

"Someday you'll believe me," Joey said determinedly. "I'll just keep telling you and showing you till you break down." He smiled a little. "Yeah, there's a lotta love here. You kind of caught it at peak-love time, too, when everyone's happy to see each other again and no one's fighting yet. Plus, with all the husbands and wives and girlfriends and boyfriends floating around, people are on their best behavior. I predict at least one major breakdown by the time the reception's over." He rolled to his back, pulling Nick up against his side. "The love's always there, though."

"That's the best part though," said Nick earnestly, wanting Joey to understand this even though he wasn't sure he *could* understand it, without having ever felt it. "That when things go wrong, there's still all that love."

"Yeah," Joey smiled up at the ceiling. "That is the best part, I guess." He turned the smile on Nick. "It'll apply to you, too, you know. Once you're in, you're in. If you want to be."

"You know I do," said Nick, finding his smile again. This whole experience was so up and down and all over the place. "Even the easy stuff isn't easy, though. You know? Even the stuff you think would be the simplest thing to do in the world is ... some things are hard to get over, I guess."

"Probably even harder when you're just tossed into a completely strange situation, surrounded by people you don't know, who are being all aggressively nice to you." Joey grinned a little. "I think your best bet is to just sit back and let it happen. Soak it all in. They're gonna love you whether you believe it or not."

"Yeah, I kinda noticed that," laughed Nick. "I really don't mind. It feels really nice inside, to have people love me anyway, no matter who I am and what I've done. I just think ... this is a really good place for me to be, especially right now."

"Then I'm even gladder you came." Joey's smile crinkled his eyes up into happy half-moons. "I was hoping it would be a good place for you anyway, and this...this makes it even better. I knew they'd love you. Just didn't quite know how good a thing that was gonna turn out to be."

"I'm sure you knew way better than me what it was going to be like," agreed Nick. "I mean, they're your family after all. And you believed in me and that means a lot. I think that's something I'm gonna want to think about ... why *I* don't believe in me. And why I'm so surprised when other peopld do."

"I'm just so impressed that you came, even with everything. As worried as I know you were, and not feelin' good, and everything." Joey tugged a little at his hair, fondly. "I believe in you, yeah. But if *you* don't...that must make everything a lot harder."

"Yeah, I guess it does," admitted Nick, though that wasn't much of a revelation. "But I like you that much, Joey ... that I'm willing to give all this a shot. I'm not kidding when I say I couldn't be doing this without you right there behind him to hold me up when I start to slip. I don't know anyone else in my life who would want to do that for me, or be able to."

"AJ," Joey suggested, but pulled Nick closer. "You would, I think. You're strong. I'm there for you, but you're not gonna slip, or if you do, you won't fall far. Me believing in you...that's never gonna stop. But you have to believe in yourself, too, because it's gotta come from inside, too."

"I'm working on that," said Nick, closing his eyes so he didn't have to refocus on Joey again. "I don't usually feel like I have much reason to. So many years of people telling me what's wrong with me, or telling me that the things that are right are the things that *I* don't like much. It's just all so complicated."

"It is," Joey's light voice was soft. "You guys...you guys were just babies, when you started being stars. Hearing all this stuff from all sides, what you should be, what you should do. And it hits everyone differently. Chris, he just kicks back, you know? He hears it, he doesn't filter, but he just digs in his heels. I mostly try to ignore it. But you and Justin, I'm guessing AJ, JC and Lance too...it's like getting smacked every day. No wonder it's so hard for you guys. Sometimes I wish I could just...hide y'all away for a while. Which I guess I'm kinda doing, with you, this weekend."

"I'd love to say it's not as bad now, as it was once," said Nick quietly, "but it is. It's just a different kind of bad. I try not to let it get to me, try to do what I want, but sometimes ... god, I'm *never* gonna figure all this out. It's like everything about me contradicts something else."

"You've gotta find a core," Joey stared up at the ceiling now, speaking carefully, like he was choosing his words. "Everyone's a big mess of contradictions, I think. But you find you, down at the bottom, and all the other stuff's less important. Once you figure that out, everything else falls into place. Down there, you're a good person, I can see it. You care about your friends, even though you're focused on yourself right now. You love your family and try to do right by them. You're talented and passionate and sweet. Everything else...that's superficial."

"You make it sound so easy," said Nick, letting out a short laugh. "I'm not even sure I know where to start looking. I guess ... there are things that I've always liked, that have never fit in with the image of me that's out there. I could start there ... "

"Exactly." Joey sounded pleased. "And even some of the stuff that's in the image, that you like, that's still valid. What kind of things?"

Nick shrugged a little bit, his eyes still closed. It felt comfortable that way, convinced him even more that they were alone, and the conversation was private. "Like my painting," he said first of all, the first thing that came to him. "I love my painting and drawing and everything."

"And you're really good at it, which helps." He could hear the smile in Joey's voice. "But that's something you *do*. It's a love you have, so that's part of you. But what about you, what things about you as a person, do you like?"

"I ... don't know," said Nick, both feeling and hearing his voice falter. It shouldn't have, he should have had an answer, but the more he thought about it the less he was sure that he did. "I ... um ... "

"Think about it a little," Joey encouraged him gently. "When you look at good things you've done, why do you do them? Do you like making people happy?"

"Well yeah, doesn't everyone?" said Nick, shrugging again. There had to be something more to him than that. There just had to be. "Something about me. That I like. I like ... that I'm still able to smile, i guess. I'm pretty proud of that. That's probably a pretty ridiculous thing to say."

"No, that's not ridiculous, it's amazing, all things considered. So, you're strong. You can be happy even when things are bad. That's something about yourself that you like. And everyone *doesn't* like making people happy. You'd be surprised." Joey kept prodding, a little, though he wouldn't let Nick pull away. "Means you're generous, too. That's a pretty cool thing, don't you think?" "I wouldn't call me generous, though," said Nick. "Actually, I'm pretty selfish, all things considered, I think. I don't give a lot of myself anymore, it's too ... I dunno. Dangerous. That's not the right word, but it's the only one I can think of for it."

"I think you're generous, even if you're more careful with it," Joey disagreed. "You're generous with the people you love and trust, and that's fine. That doesn't mean you're selfish, it just means you're a little wary. That's not a bad thing, especially in our line of work. If you give yourself out to everyone, there'll be nothing left." He smiled a little. "You gave a lot for me, when you confessed about...you know. That was really brave."

"That wasn't *brave*," said Nick, shaking his head emphatically and looking at him again. "That was ... I don't know what that was. But it certainly didn't feel brave."

"Were you all shaky and scared, and not feeling good, and worried? And you said it anyway, because I was upset, and you wanted me to know, because you were being honest and truthful?" Joey kissed him. "I don't know what your definition is, but that's brave to me."

Nick had to smile, but just a little. "It was scary, yeah," he admitted. "Saying anything about myself is scary. I don't do it much. Just to you and AJ mostly. Today ... with your family ... I think that's the most open I've been with anyone in a long time, other than you two."

Joey smiled back. "It gets easier with practice," he said reassuringly. "You've had your confidence in people bruised a little, but once you remember that it's okay to trust good people, I bet it won't be so scary. And the funny thing is, I'll bet my family thought you were really shy." He chuckled a little. "Warped perspectives."

"Well, just about *any*one would be shy compared to them, I think," laughed Nick, brightening some. "I really did do my best, Joey. I'm glad you think they liked me. I'd be awfully miserable this weekend if they didn't, i think."

Joey poked at his smile, grinning. "They loved you to bits, of course. And if they didn't, well...I knew they would, but if they didn't, it wouldn't really matter. Since *I* do."

"That still amazes me," admitted Nick softly, not wanting to do anything to jeopardize that seemingly-unconditional love Joey had developed for him. "I always knew I was able to love, but sometimes I thought that I wasn't able to *be* loved."

"Well, we've pretty much proved that wrong, huh?" Joey settled him more comfortably into his side, wriggling cold feet against Nick's shins. "I've always had love...my family, my guys, and stuff. But this...you know, romantic kinda love, I was worried for a really long time that I'd never find it." He snorted lightly. "Look at me, talking like I'm sixty. But still."

"Someone like you?" said Nick, honest disbelief in his voice. "But you're so ... you're great, Joey. I'd think you could have anyone you wanted, and have them love you back. You don't have anything about you that makes you ... unloveable."

"There's a lot of stuff," Joey insisted quietly. "I'm overprotective and I smother people, just ask my band. I've got a temper. I'm not real smart...there's a lot of things. I like myself, I do, but I could totally see why people would rather be my friend than my lover. Which is what mostly happens, with me. There's like, even love, in a way, but not *that* kind of love."

"You're smart," insisted Nick, carefully lifting his hand to Joey's face and stroking it. "You're so smart it blows me away sometimes. Cause like me ... you don't get to show it very much, to people. You're smart at important things. And I've done a lot of really, really stupid things in front of you and I've never seen that temper. You've only ever gotten impatient with me over it."

Joey's eyes fell shut as he turned his cheek into Nick's palm, smiling a little. "You haven't known me that long," he said gently. "You're bound to see the temper sometime. I'm glad you think I'm not dumb, though. That's a huge relief." He blinked, watching Nick at close range. "Also very grateful that the words 'I like you as a friend' have never been spoken by you to me. Because I like you a lot as a friend, but I like you as a boyfriend way, WAY more."

"You *are* my friend," admitted Nick, his eyes meeting Joey's, "but you're so much more than that, to me. The word 'friend' could never cover all of it, and how strong it is. I don't know if I've ever felt for anyone all the things i feel for you."

Joey sighed happily at that, not breaking their staring game. "Yeah, I kinda....yeah." He laughed a little giddily, and in a sudden burst of energy, tumbled Nick to his back, sprawling on top of him. "Look at you." He stared down into Nick's face. "My boyfriend. Damn. That's just...damn." He leaned down and licked into Nick's mouth with a warm, wet kiss.

Nick found himself smiling up at you in spite of the seriousness of the conversation, or maybe because even with the seriousness, there was this bond between them that never failed to make him happy.

"My thoughts exactly," he murmured. "I think that all the time and it just ... astonishes me."

"Astonishes *you!*" Joey snuggled in closer, bracing part of his weight on his hands but lying soft and heavy against Nick. "Last week I was sure I'd be single forever, and here I am bringing you home to the folks! And getting all dressed-" He broke off and stared at Nick in dawning horror. "Oh shit." His voice was almost a whisper. "Did you...I didn't pack you a suit! I didn't see any in your closet and I was gonna ask and I forgot!"

"Oh," said Nick with a bit of a shrug. Were suits a big deal here? "Yeah, I don't keep stuff like that in my room. Can't I borrow something from you? We're about the same si -- " He closed his eyes for a moment. "Oh. Right. We're not, are we."

"You could probably wear mine anyway, but I only packed one." Joey looked distressed. "Yeah, yeah, the wedding's dressy, it's gonna be in a big Catholic church, man. Shit! We gotta...the wedding's at one, if we hustle we can go shopping tomorrow morning and it'll be all good. You up for some suit-shopping?"

"In the morning?" winced Nick, but nodded. He was sure that getting up early wouldn't be so bad, but he was starting to feel ... "Can we just ... move, a little?" He shifted underneath Joey until Joey was no longer on top of him, his stomach rolling a little. "Sorry."

"Sorry." Joey ducked his head a little, and moved away, sprawling on his back at Nick's side. "You, um, feeling okay? Didn't mean to squish you."

"No, I'm just ... " Nick's stomach rolled again and he fought against it, didn't even want to tell Joey how he was feeling. Didn't want to disappoint him -- he'd been doing so *well*. "I'm okay ... I'm sure I'm okay ... "

"Nick, you're all frozen." Joey laid a gentle hand on his breastbone, and Nick held his breath and didn't move an inch. "What's wrong? You can tell me, it's okay. Are you worried about the suit?"

Nick closed his eyes again and shook his head slightly. "No, not worried about the suit. We can pick something up anywhere. It doesn't even have to fit perfectly." He bit his lip as his stomach continued to rebel, but he was still in control of it. "I'm okay. It'll pass."

"Oh, shit," Joey breathed, understanding finally dawning. "Your stomach? You okay? Want some water or something?" He rolled off the bed to his feet, and the bed shook and heaved, and Nick bit his lip. Hard. "Nick?"

"It'll *pass*," he insisted again, hissing the words out, only it wasn't passing yet, no matter how hard he tried to will it away. "O--okay. Water, maybe, yeah?"

"Water, coming right up." Joey grabbed the empty glass and ran for the bathroom. Nick shut his eyes and tried to think calm thoughts, only opening them when he felt Joey's cool damp fingers on his cheek. "Here you go, baby." Joey's voice was soft. "Just a sip. See if it helps."

"It will," Nick said, trying to convince both of them of that. "I'll be fine." He sat up just enough to take a small sip of the water. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry? I'm the one should be sorry. All...jumping on you, forgetting you weren't feeling right yet." Joey ran a hand over his miserable face, then slid it behind Nick's shoulder, supporting his weight. "You'll be fine. Just breathe, and sip, and don't apologize."

"No, it wasn't that," said Nick, sure that it wasn't. He took another brief sip, then licked his lips. "It wasn't you, not at all. It's just ... I'm still all fucked up. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten ahead of myself, I shouldn't have forgotten i was still this loser ... "

"Stop." Joey almost looked angry. "Just stop. You're not a loser, you were NEVER a loser, just look at how far you've come! You're so much better I forget you're even still not feeling good. You dealt with my family. You're *here*. So no more digs at yourself."

Nick shrank back from the vehemence of that reaction, almost spilling the water that Joey still held. "Sorry," he murmured again, and tugged the blankets up.

Joey chewed at his lip for a second, then settled gently on the bed next to Nick, careful not to jostle. "Don't apologize," he said more gently, still firm. "Argue with me, tell me to shut the fuck up if you want, but don't apologize just to make the conversation go away."

"Shut the fuck up," mumbled Nick, pushing the covers back again. He wasn't cold, he'd just wanted to cover up. "And don't yell at me. Okay?"

"Not really," Joey said, unexpectedly, though his voice was still gentle. "I'll call you on it when I think you're being down on yourself for no reason, or working yourself into a funk. It's something boyfriends do. I wasn't yelling, either. When I yell, people in the next county hear." He smiled a little. "Feeling better?"

"No," said Nick with a sigh, gritting his teeth against the roll of his stomach. It was all too familiar to him now. "I don't do well with yelling. Or what I think is yelling. Can you find another way to chew me out? I don't think I can help it much right now anyway."

Joey cocked his head at him curiously. "Well, how'm I supposed to tell you stuff you might not like, and make it so you don't think I'm yelling? I mean, that wasn't *even* a chewing out, not really. More a 'hey, come on back from thinking wrong things.' What happens when we really disagree about something?" He was rubbing slow circles on Nick's shoulder.

"By the time we really disagree about something, I'm not gonna be detoxing," Nick reminded him, feeling his breathing get shakier as he fought his body's urges. "I'm a little unbalanced right now you know. I'm just ... trying to be as honest as I can, still."

"That's good. Honest is good, an' I'm doing the same thing." Joey's hand moved down to his arm, then back up, petting him. "I just wanted you to know...I mean, we're gonna have disagreements. Everyone does. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop liking you, or go away, if you argue back to me. Just keep being honest, and say what you're thinking, and it'll be okay." He looked at Nick, face concerned. "How are you...you're really pale again. You hangin' in there?"

Nick shook his head a little bit and kept fighting. "Your mom cooked for me and I'm gonna *keep* it down, dammit," he said with a grimace, clutching at Joey's arm as though Joey could add his strength to Nick's own. Even knowing that he was fighting a losing battle. "I shouldn't still be sick."

"No, it's okay, it's okay." Joey slid off the bed and scooped Nick up, blanket and all. "You were hungry, you ate, that's so good, Nick. You're way ahead of the game, eating solid food already. It's okay if your stomach's a little upset." Nick dropped his head to Joey's shoulder as he started walking them into the bathroom. "You keep it down if you can, but if not, we're right here, okay?"

"Don't let anyone else know, okay?" he whispered, still fighting it, still trying to convince himself this was a case of mind over matter, and not a case of bodily necessity. "I'm doing *well*. I won't be sick. I won't."

"Shhh." Joey settled on the edge of the tub, Nick on his lap, arranging him carefully. Nick felt too long, too tall, he was just too *big* to be a lap person, but he couldn't imagine moving. "You're doing well whether or not you're sick, baby. And what happens in here is just us. Nobody'll know."

"No, I was doing *well*," said Nick. "I was smiling and eating and my head was good, and ... " He felt the tears coming next, which was just even more humiating so he forced them back fiercely. "And I'm *not*. I'm not doing well. I'm still stupid and sick and a drunk and it's not just going away."

Joey's hand came up and cupped the back of his head, pulling it into his shoulder, holding him close. "You're doing so well. Would I lie to you about that? Have I ever? You *were* doing good with the smiling and eating, and now you're sick, but that doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. It's just your body telling you what it wants right now. It's not gonna go away right away, nothing's that easy. But you're still on the right track."

"I want it to be that easy," mumbled Nick. "There's already enough hard stuff. Oh ... " He felt his stomach rebel again, felt it in his throat ."Oh shit, Joey ... "

Joey lifted and flipped him around neatly, so he was facing away, and slid down with him to the floor, holding him from behind as his eyes teared and he lost the fight with his stomach. He was so used to throwing up water and juice, and now there was actually food in his stomach, and it *hurt*. He only realized he was whimpering when Joey's whispers of "hush, easy, it's okay, you'll feel better once it's out, shhh," penetrated.

He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and sat back and tried to ignore the painful burn in his throat. "That was awful," he whispered hoarsely."That was fucking awful."

"Water." Joey offered the glass. "It'll help your throat." He was still calm, so calm, and Nick suddenly wished he could just scream at him. How could he be so damn matter of *fact* about all this? "Just sips," Joey went on, "careful." He reached past Nick and flushed the toilet.

Nick sipped the water anyway, because it did help a little even though he still felt just wrecked. Physically. Mentally. Whatever. "I fuckin' *hate* this," he said. "What if it never stops?"

Joey chuckled a little, like he was surprised. "Of course it'll stop. Soon, even. I mean, it's been over an hour since you ate, and you kept all that food down for that long. You're getting better so fast...just a little more time. Just let your body do its thing."

"You don't know," Nick insisted. "You don't *know* what this is like. Feels like it's already been forever. *You* were never stupid enough to let yourself get into this situation. I can't ... I can't even fucking *blame* anyone ... "

"Easy." Joey rubbed a soothing hand over his shoulderblades, and Nick realized he'd been almost shouting, even through his tight, aching throat. "Easy there. No, you can't blame anyone. You don't have to blame anyone, and you aren't stupid, you just made mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes, Nick. You've gotta fix 'em and move on, because blaming yourself...that's not helping."

"Yeah, well I gotta blame *some*one. I could be happy right now cause I have you and I *can't* ... cause of this. Cause I really fucked up big somewhere along the line and it's all my fault that I'm feeling like this right now. And I hate it."

"I know. It's not easy. But...aren't you a little happy we're together? I mean, even through this?" Nick couldn't see Joey's face, he was still behind him, but his voice was quiet. "Why do you have to blame someone? Does it really matter if it's your fault or AJ's fault or my fault? If you're thinking about that, you're not concentrating on how to fix it. You could blame yourself forever, and still not get anything done about it." A big hand tucked the blanket over Nick's legs, and he realized with a start that he was still half-wrapped in the comforter.

"Stop being so reasonable," he snapped, instead of letting Joey comfort him. Because it just wasn't working, not this time. "*I* don't feel reasonable. I don't want to be reasonable right now."

Joey didn't say anything for a moment, then dropped a kiss on his bare shoulder, lightly. Nick didn't turn around. "I can't help being reasonable," he said, reasonably. "Doesn't mean you have to be. How's your stomach? Ready for more water?"

"No," said Nick miserably, pulling his knees up to his chest, the tears finally spilling over, half from anger and half from shame. "Go back to bed, Joey, I'll be fine."

Joey's sigh gusted over his shoulder, cooling skin that had broken out in prickly-sick sweat. "I'm not gonna go back to bed and leave you here, Nick." Joey settled on the floor, pulling Nick back to sit in the V of his legs, knees bent up as he propped himself against the wall. Arms wrapped around Nick, comforter and all. "You're not fine. You're crying and sad, and mad, too, I bet. Can I help?"

"How?" Nick croaked out, his throat even sorer now. "You can't change this. You can't make it go away. You can't make me any smarter, which is apparently what I *need* someone to do. You can maybe just ... love me, a little bit?" He sniffled and tried to mask it with a cough. "And I'm not *crying*. I'm just ... leaking."

Joey chuckled, the warm sound making Nick curl into him a little. "Leaking, huh?" A thumb swiped under his eye delicately. "If you're leaking, someone needs to plug the hole. Oh shit, I didn't mean for that to come out dirty!" He laughed outright, now. "I do love you. More than a little bit. And I wish I could make it go away for you."

"Well ... you can't. Or it would already be gone. So ... " He coughed again, for real this time, but it didn't feel like he was going to throw up again. "I need to brush my teeth. This tastes gross."

"Relax for a second, give yourself a break. Sip more water, that'll help." Joey offered him the glass. "Brushing your teeth might not be the best idea right now, if your gag reflex is even a little bit sensitive. 'Specially since you're gonna be using my toothbrush, unless there's a spare in here somewhere. Which there might be, I didn't check."

Nick felt like spitting, though. "It tastes *gross*, though," he repeated. "I've puked enough in the last week for a lifetime."

"It still amazes me that you didn't throw up more when you were drinking so much," Joey mused absently, loosening his arms so Nick could get up and brush if he really wanted to. "You must have a cast-iron stomach. No wonder you're eating days before Justin would even look at food." He toed open the sink cabinet with one bare foot, and Nick suddenly remembered that the rest of Joey was bare too. "Oooh. Toothbrush! I knew mom would come through."

"The guys always did joke I could eat anything," said Nick softly, wondering if maybe mouthwash would be a better solution. "Even stuff they wouldn't touch ... I'd dive right in."

"Might be partly growing up on the road, too," Joey offered absently, still poking at the drawer with his foot. "Justin was like that, before we realized he's actually got a really sensitive stomach. You grow up eating tour food, you can't really have too many food phobias, y'know." He finally glanced back at Nick, smiling. "Came in handy for you."

"Yeah, maybe," murmured Nick. "Think I was always like that, though. I'd eat anything my parents dropped on my plate. Hmm." He swallowed thickly. "Maybe not such a good time to think about food, though."

"'nother sip," Joey coaxed, stroking his side gently, still supporting his weight. "You'll be back to eating whatever you like soon enough. Right now, just keep breathing nice and easy." Joey's other arm came over his shoulder, hand resting on his chest. "Your heart's all rabbiting. Just try to breathe, good and slow, okay?"

"I'm *breathing*," insisted Nick. "I mean, obviously I'm breathing." He took a couple of deep ones, though, just to appease Joey. And prompty coughed as they irritated his raw throat.

"I said easy, not heaving like a bellows or something." Joey held him gently as he coughed, wincing at every spasm that caught his throat. "Like yoga breathing. Light and rhythmic. Oh, you sound bad, baby. Just...easy, easy." The hand rubbed gentle circles on his chest, soothing him.

"You should probably let me suffer," murmured Nick, coughing again but only to clear the crap out of his throat this time, spitting into the toilet distatefully. "I've earned this, Joey. You should be getting your beauty sleep for tomorrow. You have a wedding to go to."

"Quit trying to get rid of me, or I'm gonna start taking it personal." Joey let Nick pull away to spit, but hauled him right back against himself. "If I relied on sleep to be beautiful, anyway, I'd be so ugly by the end of tours they'd make me wear a bag over my head. Have some faith in my resilience, here."

"You're not on tour," persisted Nick miserably. "You should be taking advantage of it. I would be, if I could be. But I kinda need to be here right now."

"And I need to be here too, with you." Joey rested his cheek against the back of Nick's shoulder. "You think I could just get up and leave you here, go to sleep, knowing you were in here feeling awful? No *way*. There'll be time for sleep when you're better. I'm a tough guy, haven't you heard? Missing a little sleep won't kill me." He laughed a little. "I'm right where I wanna be. Don't worry about it."

"You know I'm gonna worry about it anyway," said Nick, sighing and finally resting his weight back against Joey again. It did feel good, even if he wasn't sure he deserved it. "I was really trying, Joey. To be well. To be here with you."

"You *are* here with me," Joey said, sounding surprised. "Right here. And you're doing so well. Still. You think I don't appreciate it? How hard this is for you? I see it every time you try to stand up. You shouldn't be worrying about *me*, not at all. I'm good, I'm fine. You just concentrate on what you need, okay?"

"I can't ... " whispered Nick. "I don't want to feel any more selfish than I already do. I've been selfish for *so long*, Joey."

"You get to be selfish for a little while longer," Joey said softly. "This is about you, not me. There'll be plenty of time later to worry about that. It's okay to concentrate on yourself when you need it, baby. Nothing wrong with that, at all."

"It doesn't feel good anymore," said Nick, unable to help coughing again. "Not when I can see it so clear. I've been awful."

"You weren't awful, Nick. You just got a little lost, is all." Joey cuddled him close. "Now you're coming back, so you're starting to see stuff you were missing before, and it's bound to be a little painful. But right now, you just need to concentrate on making it back, okay?"

"Okay," said Nick, letting Joey's words sink in, letting them be at least as important as his own muddled throughts on the subject. "Okay. I ... need more water?"

"All done?" Joey peered over his shoulder at the empty cup. "You feel okay enough to go back to bed? Get all comfy, lie down on somthing soft? Or you wanna stay here for a little while?"

"Teeth first," said Nick after a moment, running his tongue over them and cringeing. "Or ... mouthwash? Maybe? Would that be okay?"

"Yep." Joey pushed him up gently, slid out from behind him, and knelt to rummage in the cabinet. "Here you go." He held up a bottle of Listerine, looking down to where Nick was still half-sitting, half-lying on the floor. "Need a hand?"

Nick nodded and let Joey help him up, staring at the bottle for a moment. "And you're sure that's okay for me to have? Cause it really would be easier ... "

"Nick, you're washing out your mouth, you're not drinking the stuff," Joey pointed out patiently. "Just rinse it around your mouth, and spit it out. It'll probably be easier on your throat than brushing, anyway."

"AJ didn't," mumbled Nick, taking it and opening it carefully. "That's all. I wasn't trying to be stupid."

"AJ didn't what?" Joey asked, leaning a bare hip against the sink and watching Nick carefully. "Don't tell me he was drinking Listerine, that's just crazy. And really dangerous."

"No, I don't think so," murmured Nick. "He just didn't use it, for a while after. I thought maybe he wasn't allowed."

"Huh. I dunno, maybe. You should ask him when we get back. Oh, weren't you supposed to call him, too? Tomorrow? I seem to remember him shouting something like that last night." Joey watched him measure out a precise capful. "I can't imagine it'll hurt if you don't swallow."

"Better than brushing," Nick said faintly, and hoped he didn't gag on *it* as he poured the capful into his mouth and scrunched his face then began trying to make the bad taste go away.

Joey chuckled as he watched Nick's face, as he swished the mouthwash around gently. "That looks like it tastes miserable. Probably better than recycled pasta and garlic bread, though."

Nick nodded and gurgled something out that was supposed to be "yes" and then spit, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand again. "Every time, I forget how fuckin' awful that stuff tastes."

"Listerine, or puke?" Joey sounded genuinely curious. "Because they're both pretty nasty, if you ask me." He handed Nick a washcloth for his face. "Here, wipe off a little. Then back to bed with you, kiddo."

Nick wiped off his face -- all of it -- and let the coolness sooth him even more than he worried about being clean. He felt almost feverish, definitely flushed. "I meant the listerine," he murmured. "The puke, unfortunately, I'm well acquainted with again."

Joey grimaced in agreement. "Nothing like a little stomach acid to make everything taste terrible." He took the washcloth away, and rand a finger down Nick's cheek. Nick was staring into the mirror, a little horrified by what he saw. He was absolutely white, except for two spots of red high on his cheeks. Heavy dark circles under his eyes, and his hair fell limp over his forehead. Joey didn't seem to notice, though, wringing out the cloth and hanging it up. "You ready?"

"Please tell me I only look like this right now?" he said in a small voice. "Please tell me I don't look like this all the time now? I know it's shallow, but please?"

"What?" Joey's head swung around in surprise. "Look like what? Oh, you mean, with your cheeks all red?" He swung an arm around Nick's shoulder. "I think it's probably just from being sick. It'll go away soon, don't worry."

"All of it," said Nick gesturing vaguely at his face, his head, his eyes. "Just ... tell me I'm not seeing me right. Tell me to put my glasses on and look again and I'll look like me again. Cause right now I really, really don't."

"You've been pretty pale for days, now," Joey said gently. "It's because you're sick. You didn't notice, probably, but you were a lot worse yesterday. And you're real thin, that doesn't help. Once you get some sleep you'll feel a lot better, I bet. Come on, back to bed."

"How can you even want me like this?" he asked, his hands roaming over his body, feeling where it was all wrong now. "And if you like this, are you going to like me when I'm me?" He let Joey lead him back to the bed, even as he let those questions echo around in his head.

"I like *you*," Joey said firmly, pushing him down to the mattress and tucking the blankets back around him. "I want you, skinny, fat, pale, sunburned, whatever. You're always gorgeous, and it doesn't have anything to do with whether or not you've got dark circles under your eyes."

Nick sighed and closed his eyes and nodded his head. "I'm so tired," he murmured, meaning it in so many different ways.

"Yeah." Joey slid into bed next to him, curling around him comfortably. "Just sleep, baby. Got nothin' to worry about here. Sleep makes everything look better, in the morning."

"Joey makes everything better," whispered Nick and, in that moment, he really meant it. "See you 'n' mornin'."

Joey's lips moved into a smiling curve against his shoulder. "Yeah, I'll be here in the morning. Sweet dreams, Nicky."

* * *

Nick's eyes felt positively glued together, but he knew he had to peel them open because something was ringing and ringing and ringing and he had to find it. And Joey, apparently, slept like the dead. Even prying his eyes open, though, didn't help him see all that much better and he had to grope blindly through his discarded clothes to find his phone and bring it to his dry lips to answer.

"Yeah?" he croaked out ungraciously, hoping he was speaking into the right end.

"Nicky, hey, wake you up, man? Sorry about that." AJ didn't sound particularly sorry, and Nick squinted at the alarm clock, trying and failing to see the time. "What the fuck, though, dude, you were supposed to call me yesterday! I was worried you were dead."

Nick slid back under the covers before answering, back against Joey's warm body. "Joey got a big family," he mumbled, yawning widely. "Got distracted. Sorry.Din't mean to worry you. You know what time it is, man?"

"Not a clue. I just got in, figured I'd call before I hit the sack." AJ yawned loudly. "Clubs were kickin' last night. Anyway. Everything good with the Fatone clan? And is that your pooky himself I can hear snoring? Good god, how do you sleep through that?"

"What?" muttered Nick, pausing to listen for it. And there it was, when he was paying attention. "Huh ... didn't notice. You were out, what, clubbing? Huh?"

"Yes." AJ voice went deliberate and slow. "I. Was. Clubbing. You. Are. Still. Sleeping. Wake up, Nicky!" He snickered. "Howie had that thing at his club last night, remember? I showed the love, then we went out after. It was a good time. Oh, but man, heads up, Brian's gonna call, he's kind of freaking out about not hearing from you in like a week. You better answer, too, because your mom's next on his list."

"Aw, shit," muttered NIck, yawning widely again and burrowing even further into Joey's embrace. "You told him i was sick, right? That i was fine, but sick. And he *still* wanted to talk to me personal? Shit."

"Mmmmm?" Joey mumbled, still asleep, curling his arms close around Nick and shifting him closer. "mmmnickwake?"

"He wants to know what the hell you're doing in New York if you're so sick you can't even return a phone call, and I didn't have nothing to say to that." AJ sounded injured. "Yeah, he wants to talk to you personal"

"You told him I was in New York?" Nick blurted out, even as he reached down to stroke Joey's hip. "What the hell did you do *that* for? I woulda told him ... in my own time ... "

"I didn't tell him you were there with JOEY!" AJ snorted. "He was gonna go to your house this morning! What was I supposed to say, 'sorry, Nick fell off the planet, nope, can't tell you, yeah, he's sick and he disappeared, but don't worry?' Come on, Nick, you know that ain't gonna fly." He sighed. "Howie's a little calmer, D's smart and he can tell I ain't freaking out too bad. But just thank your lucky stars Kev's still on vacation."

"Oh, hell," sighed Nick, stroking Joey's skin to sooth both Joey and himself. "I guess I'm gonna have to tell him something, did he seem ... just worried? Or upset? Or ... I mean, do *you* think I should tell him what's up?"

Joey snuffled a little into his neck, and his eyes flickered open, then closed again as he sighed back into sleep.

"Dude, I don't know." AJ grumbled. Nick heard the clink of glassware, and the refrigerator opening and closing. "He was both, I guess. I think you should tell him what's going on when you're ready. Depends on what you're gonna tell him, too. The sober thing, or the Joey thing, or both? He's gonna want to know why you're in the city, you know."

"Yeah, I know," said Nick. He didn't feel a headache coming on, the headache was already there, full force. "I *know*. God ... *not* ready, AJ, not -- " He just about gasped, and then groaned, as he heard the sound. "Aw, fuck, AJ, I've got a beep. How much you wanna bet it's him?"

"No takers," AJ said, sympathetically. "Go get it, tell him what you want, just don't lie, okay? Call me after and let me know how it goes. Give your boy a kiss for me, ciao." He hung up before Nick could say anything, and Nick looked up from the phone to see Joey staring at him with heavy, sleepy eyes.

He gave him a very quick kiss before he switched lines; it wouldn't help anything if he let the call go to his voicemail, and AJ already knew he was up to answer it. With Nick's luck, he'd ask Brian how it went.

"Hello?" he said, trying to sound a little sick and pathetic, but not the same kind of sick and pathetic that he felt. And what was it with his friends calling him so damn *early* anyway?

"Nick?" Brian sounded relieved. "Oh, good, I wanted to catch you before you got busy. Is this a good time?"

"What the hell," Joey muttered against Nick's shoulder, scruffy cheek pressed close. "Why are people calling you at seven am on a Saturday, Nick?"

"Oh, I'm sorry..." Brian spoke up again, hesitant. "Are you...in the middle of something?"

"Shhhh," Nick shot at Joey instantly, his eyes wide and panicked. "No, no," he went on into the phone, affecting a cough to sound authentic. "You just woke me up ... it's *early*, Brian. what's up?"

"Oh...okay..." Brian still sounded a little restrained. "Sorry to call so early, but I talked to AJ last night, and he said you were sick. I've been trying to reach you for days, man. An' now you're in New York? What's going on with you?"

"I've just been ... " began Nick, yawning again and thinking he'd give anything to still be asleep. "Brian, I have ... I have been pretty sick lately. But I'm in New York, because ... " He looked at Joey, and sighed, then turned back to the phone. "Look, I'm with someone. Do you really want to hear more than that?"

There was a long pause on the line, and Joey cuddled him close as he waited, sighing warm over his skin.

"Uh..." Brian finally said, tentative. "I guess you're feeling better, then? Um, that's great, Nick, I'm...happy for you? It's...are you back with Jay, then?"

"No, I'm not," he said instantly. He wouldn't have wanted to outright lie about it even if AJ hadn't said so. "Look ... this isn't a conversation we should be having over the phone, probably. Or at seven in the morning or whatever time it is. I still feel like crap and ... and there's a lot to talk about. I'm sorry I worried you, Brian."

Brian sighed, and Nick could almost picture him running a hand through his hair. "Just tell me you're okay, you're not having some kind of freak-out or leaving the group or dying, okay? And when are you coming back? All this stuff you say we have to talk about...I'd really like to hear it soon."

"I'm okay," he promised him. "And ... and I'm happy, Brian. And I'm taking care of myself. *Good* care of myself. And ... and we can talk about that, too. I'll be back -- actually, I'm not sure when I'll be back. In a few days, I think? When do I *need* to be back?"

"We've got a meeting with management on Wednesday afternoon, but Kevin might push it to Thursday if he can. I hope you'll be back before then, so we can talk..." Brian trailed off, then burst out. "Dammit, Nick. You disappear for days, I finally get you on the phone and there's all kinds of mysterious stuff going on that you can't tell me about except in person, and some strange illness, and you're in NEW YORK? You can't even imagine what I'm thinking, over here."

Nick sighed again and closed his eyes and rubbed his aching head. "Brian ... " he said quietly. "I'm not trying to ... I don't want to keep anything from you. It's just some heavy stuff that you're probably gonna really want to talk about. And Kevin's gonna fucking shit a brick when he finds out." He reached for Joey's arm and tucked it securely around his own waist, grasping his fingers for comfort and support. "If you're that worried I can talk to you now. Just don't say I didn't warn you, okay?"

Joey twined their fingers together over Nick's belly, and pressed his lips into Nick's shoulder silently.

"Look..." Brian sighed again, and when he spoke he just sounded tired. "I am that worried, but it's pretty clear you don't wanna talk about this now. I know it's early, you were probably out last night and whatever...you got someone there, we probably don't want him hearing all that private stuff anyway. We can talk when you get home. Just...call once in a while and let us know what you're up to, when we can expect you back, okay? I'm getting a little sick of having to talk to AJ whenever I want to find out what's going on with you."

"Brian," said Nick, wincing a little bit. He really did deserve that, but that didn't make it any easier to hear, especially now. "I wasn't out last night. I was very much in last night, except for meeting my boyfriend's family. And I haven't been out in a few days because ... because I'm not drinking anymore. At all. And it's been ... fuck, it's been really rough, okay? That's why AJ knows what's going on. And why I haven't ... you know ... been in touch ... "

"Oh," Brian said, and "Ohhhhhh." Then he was silent for a long beat. "Oh, man, Nick. Hey, I don't..." He trailed off, and Nick could hear the deep breath. "That's really something, man. I mean, I had no idea it was that bad, was it really that bad? I mean, we all swore, after AJ, that we'd never..." His voice got softer. "How could you not tell us? Whoa, wait!" He checked himself sharply. "Nick, I know you say this guy is your boyfriend and all, but do we really want to be having his conversation in front of him?"

"I trust him," said Nick softly. "He's been with me the whole time. He ... knows how it is, Brian, but we'll have to talk about that more when I'm back home. For serious this time." He closed his eyes again and clutched Joey's hand even tighter. "I guess I kinda got lost for a while. Overlooked. I had to be told it was that bad, Bri ... I don't think I would've figured it out on my own. 'S'been hell to stop, though. Probably gonna be a bit of a mess for a while."

"I can only imagine." Brian still sounded tired. "I don't even know how much you were drinking. It *was* only drinking, right? I hope? Please tell me it was only alcohol."

"Well, like I said," said Nick, his voice almost a whisper. "Overlooked. It was ... I tried other stuff, but it was mostly the drinking, Brian. I'm ... I'm doing okay now, though. I really am."

"Overlooked?" Brian's voice was loud enough that Joey's head jerked up a little from where it was resting against Nick's shoulder. "You disappeared after-" he cut himself off yet again, and moderated his voice. "You're right, we should really have this conversation in person, Nicky. Look, I'm really glad you're doing okay. And I think it's fantastic you stopped drinking, I'm behind you one hundred percent. I *know* AJ is, too, and the others. If you're really doing okay, the rest can wait till you get back."

"Good," said Nick, biting back anything else he might have wanted to say. "Thank you. I'll call again in a couple days, okay? Just to check in. Or just ask AJ, he'll know how I'm doing. So just ... don't worry about me. I'm taking care of myself."

"I'd really like it if you called me too, and not just AJ," Brian said more firmly. "Third-hand information is just not good enough, here, okay? I'm really glad you're doing good. Um. Sorry again for calling so early, I actually wasn't thinking about the time. And be sure to let us know when you're coming back, we can get together, all right?"

"I'll be back for Wednesday," he promised him. "And okay, I'll call. Can you not ... I mean ... I'll tell Kevin what's going on when I get back. Can you maybe not let anything slip before that? Just tell him I'm okay, if he asks?"

"I'll try," Brian promised. "I won't lie, but I won't bring anything up, either, okay? Take care, Nicky. Be safe, and don't forget to call. Bye."

"Bye," he said faintly, but Brian had already disconnected. He dropped the phone before calling AJ back and just rolled over to tuck his head in against Joey's neck. "That sucked," he murmured. "Can I go back to sleep now?"

"It didn't sound that bad," Joey murmured, kissing his temple. "There wasn't any yelling, at least, right?" He stroked a hand down Nick's back. "You can go back to sleep, baby. We've got two hours before the alarm even goes."

"There's never yelling, with Brian. There's just this subtle judgment." Nick sniffled a little bit and hid himself against Joey's body. "I wish I'd never said anything to him. I wish he'd never called."

"Oh, hey now." Joey wrapped him up tight and let him hide. "He was worried about you, right? You knew you were gonna have to talk to him sometime, right? And tell him stuff. And this way, he'll have some time to process, before you see him again. It'll be okay, sweetheart."

"He didn't even *know*," sighed Nick. "He didn't even *notice*. And ... and part of me is glad he didn't, because it means that not everyone knew, but part of me just wonders *why*. Why someone who was once my best friend didn't even notice that was going on with me."

"You said you were going out with your new friends a lot," Joey reminded him gently. "And that you were hiding it really well. Do you think maybe that's part of it? You were running pretty hard, Nick. Maybe he just couldn't keep up."

"*You* noticed," said Nick. "You noticed and you didn't even know me. I'm not saying he didn't know details, Joey, but he didn't notice at *all*."

"I was in the right place at the right time, and I was watching you." A shrug moved Joey's shoulders against Nick. "Don't be...just don't be too hard on him, okay? Listen to him, when you talk, too. Let him explain. I remember, with Justin...JC hadn't noticed at all. Like, anything. And he almost drove himself insane with guilt. It's easy to be blind when someone you love is doing terrible things. It's more that you don't *want* to know."

"You don't know Brian," Nick insisted though, a cold feeling in his gut. "He's out there just ... judging, right now. I hope he talks to AJ about it, before I get home. That might help the whole thing a little. I hope."

"You can't control how other people think," Joey said softly. "Just live your life how it's good for you, and hope for the best. I'm sure AJ'll go to bat for you. And Brian...I don't know him, I can't say. But he seems okay, like maybe he'll come around. You just be your own sweet self, and he won't be able to do anything else."

"Don't let me count on it," said Nick, feeling okay enough to lift his head a little bit again. "Don't let me ... I don't think I could take the letdown, if he didn't. If he went the other way. So just let me think that he's gonna be the same as he's been for the last while, and I'll probably be better off, in the end."

"Okay. However you want it." Joey kissed all over his face, lightly. "Good morning," he murmured. "See, that's the way the morning *should* have started."

Nick gave him a smile and, involuntarily, yawned again. "Good morning," he echoed him and gave him a soft kiss. "I'm feeling better again, I think. A little."

"Oh, good. How's the tummy?" Joey reached down and rubbed soft circles just under Nick's breastbone. "How's the head? How's the Nick, in general?"

"The Nick is still a train wreck," he admitted quietly. "But the tummy is settled, right now, and the head ... will be good after some advil. And I don't feel like I want to crawl into a hole and die, which is an improvement."

"Look awful good to be a train wreck," Joey commented, stopping his petting long enough to reach a long arm to the bedside table for the advil and water. "No crawling into holes today, baby. We've got shopping and a wedding. But not till later." He handed them to Nick, and curled back around him, morning erection hot and stiff against Nick's thigh. Joey wasn't doing anything about it, though, just breathing sleepily into Nick's hair.

"Not till later," repeated Nick, closing his eyes for a moment and just holding him. Reminding himself that Joey was there for him, and had never left, not even when he *was* at his worst. And didn't show any signs of leaving now. "But I'm awake now."

"Mmmhmmm," Joey murmured, then opened his eyes again, obviously resigned to being awake. "I guess it's hard to go back to sleep after getting a phone call that early. I can't believe I slept through the ringing!" He grinned a little. "I think I was tired. I don't even remember falling asleep."

"I did," whispered Nick. "It was a relief, to sleep, after that. I think I just really needed it -- in my body and in my head and everywhere."

"Was it too much for you?" Joey sounded seriously concerned. "You were doing so good, I didn't know...if it's getting bad, Nick, you just gotta say, we'll find a place for you to just relax and be quiet. I'm serious. I don't want you getting sicker just because you think you have to make nice with my family or something."

"It's what I'm here for," said Nick, avoiding really answering that for a moment. "I'm ... just about anything is too much for me right now, Joey. I just have to get used to all of it again, get used to dealing with everything just as me. So, for doing that ... this is a good place to be. Your family are good people to be with. I think ... I think they're safe, you know?"

"They are, they're good people. Mostly." Joey smiled a little. "Just stay out of the way of any women today. Weddings breed insanity. I'm so glad we're going shopping." He tugged lightly on the hair at Nick's nape, pulling him back and looking into his eyes. "You have to get used to stuff, yeah, but you don't have to do it all this weekend. You start feeling overwhelmed, you tell me, hear?"

"Of course I will," Nick promised him, leaning back in another light kiss, another bit of contact. "You know I will, Joey, I have been. I'll push myself as far as I can, but if I just can't anymore, you'll be the first to know."

"Mmmm," Joey agreed, dipping back in for another kiss, sucking Nick's lip into his mouth and concentrating on it for a minute. "You'd better," he said softly, finally letting go with a last swipe of his tongue. "No pushing too far, not this weekend. This weekend is for relaxing and feeling better and having fun, remember? As much fun as a wedding can be, anyway."

"I know what it's supposed to be for," said Nick, licking his own lips. "I know what it is for you. I just need to ... it's just a lot of things for me, Joey. It's getting away from my life for a while and it's fun ... but it's hard, too. It's a lot of new."

"I guess it probably is," Joey agreed. "I mean, my family is bad enough when it's just the close ones, this weekend there are just way too many. Probably a bad idea, bringing you here, but I sure didn't want to be here without you. New and all. And once you're feeling better, once we slap all the crazy relations in cabs and send 'em home, then we can work on having a little more fun."

"I'm not saying it won't be fun," said Nick quickly. "Joey, I think I'm gonna have a great time. I really do. And I really like your family. And it *wasn't* a bad idea to bring me, no matter what anyone else might say. This is exactly where I want to be. I'm just saying that it's not easy. Nothing's easy anymore."

"Hopefully, we can change that," Joey said softly. "Things'll get easier. Don't count on the wedding being a barrel of laughs, either. It'll probably be long and boring and people will cry. But yeah, the family's great. And I don't regret bringing you, except you just look so tired."

"I wouldn't be looking any better back at home," Nick reminded him. Back at home he would probably still be in the next on the couch. Back at home, when he really thought about it, he'd probably have been doing worse. "At least here, I'm not wallowing."

"I don't know," Joey disagreed lightly. "Back home you could be cuddled up in your bed getting a solid 14 hours of sleep a night, having AJ bring you food on a platter, watching movies and lounging. And I'd be calling all the time." He slid a leg over Nick's thighs, covering him completely. "I'm glad you're here, though, I gotta say. I'd go nuts, not knowing how you're doing."

"We can watch movies here, too," insisted Nick. "When the wedding's over. With your family. We can do that stuff while still making sure I'm ... coping. I don't like this much, Joey, but if I have to do it I'm gonna *do* it. I'm not gonna hide from the world."

"Not hiding, so much, just resting." Joey chuckled a little. "Don't mind me, it's just my mommyness coming out. I wanna tuck you all up till you get better." He sighed a little, then slid off of Nick, rolling to his back then sitting up, bare skin warm and tan against the cream sheets. "Okay, I just gotta..." he cupped a careful hand between his legs, sliding off the bed. "Don't go anywhere, I'll be right back."

"I love you," murmured Nick, something neither of them did often yet. He didn't need to qualify it at all, he just needed to say it. Rolling over onto his stomach and propping himself up on his elbows, the only thing he added to it was a warm smile.

"Oh, me too." Joey just beamed at him, standing by the bed, big and mussed and still holding his hard-on. Nick couldn't remember seeing anything better. "A whole whopping lot." He backed slowly towards the bathroom, still smiling so wide his eyes almost disappeared. "A *lot*," he repeated.

Nick was pretty sure that Joey wasn't just going for a morning piss, but that was okay. He made himself okay with that. Part of him wanted to do everything, to be everything, for Joey now that they were together. But the more reasonable part knew his limitations, knew that Joey would be all right with or without Nick at his side, and looked forward to the moments they *would* have together.

"A whole *whopping* lot," he echoed back to him as Joey disappeared.

He dropped his head to the mattress, humming a little and feeling the way it pulled at his sore throat. He was hoarse and raspy, and stopped after a few notes, frowning.

"Er, sorry." Joey emerged after a few minutes, a little pink-cheeked. "Didn't mean to run off in the middle of a great moment, there, it was just...getting painful." He sat beside Nick, touching him again, tracing the bumps of his spine with a careful finger. "You're so pretty in the sunlight like this."

"Unless I look better than I did last night, I don't believe you," said Nick with a soft smile. "It's so early. What are we going to do?"

"No, no, you're all...white and gold. Really pretty." Joey smiled at him. "What do you want to do? I think showers would be good. We could beat the rush and get breakfast, head out to the stores early and maybe have time for a nap after? Oh, and breakfast. There definitely has to be breakfast in there somewhere."

Nick wrinkled his nose at the thought. "I think I'd rather put breakfast a little later on that list," he admitted. "I'd rather not have a repeat of last night, and I just don't feel hungry right now. That's okay, right? That I don't?"

Joey stroked him silently for a moment. "You know I'm still pretty worried about that, right?" His voice was quiet and serious. "It's okay that you're not hungry, you can't help that. But you haven't kept anything down in a really long time now. And we're keeping you moving around, you're using all this energy you just aren't replacing. Can we maybe try something light? Just a little, to see?"