Nick stripped off his shirt and threw it aside in disgust, wiping the Coke off his neck and chest with a paper towel. It figured that the first time he ventured out of his room all day -- to go and eat lunch -- he would do something clumsy like spill his drink all over himself. He wasn't even sure how he was going to get out of this bathroom without anyone capturing the bare-chested moment for posterity; maybe someone who'd witnessed it would take pity on him instead of sitting there laughing like they probably were. Not fucking likely, though.

He swiped again at his chest, grimacing at the sticky feeling and the way the paper towel pulled at his skin. Disgusting. And, oh shit, voices in the hallway...he shrank back into a stall, not closing the door, but waiting. And his shirt was over THERE. All the way over there. The door handle twisted, then stopped, and he heard a laughing voice, who was that?-->

"Naw, man. Give him a minute. Dude. Justin. Go sit DOWN, you little shit, or I'll get Chris to beat your ass. Justin. Go." And then there was silence.

He took a couple of deep quiet breaths, then leaned his head out and peered around the corner. The door was open just a crack, someone obviously still on the other side. Nick wished he would just leave or come in, not leave him hanging like this. He calculated how long it would take him to grab his shirt -- quietly -- then decided it would be pointless anyway. It was stained and wet and made him look even more stupid than he already did. It was a moot point anyway; the moment he began to move, the door finally started opening.

A dark spiky head poked inside, swiveled. He had a second to take in warm brown eyes, goatee, smile, before he ducked back into the stall, superfast, feeling a blush just FLAME onto his face. Oh, no. No. Of everyone out there, it had to be a member of N Sync? God DID hate him. This was proof.-->

"Hey, Nick." The voice was soft, though, and not laughing. "Nick, man, you ok?"

There was no sense staying in the stall, though. He knew Nick was in here -- *everyone* knew he was in here -- and trying to hide in a bathroom was just stupid and childish. Even though it was exactly what he wanted to do. "Yeah, doing great," Nick muttered as he stepped out, hiding both his face and his body as much as he could. He didn't know what else to say though, didn't know if he'd come in here to find Nick for whatever reason, or if he just needed to go.

Joey smacked his bare shoulder companionably as he strode over to the urinal and casually unzipped. "That was a great move out there, Nick. Very slick." He grinned over his shoulder at Nick, then sighed in relief. "Thank GOD. Thought that guy would never shut up. Remind me to not drink beer at these things, if I ever see you again, ok?"

"I have enough trouble reminding my friends not to drink beer at these things," said Nick, still muttering, trying not to stare at Joey. Instead he just curled more into himself, hiding in the only way he could. "Maybe I should just announce it at the beginning, save myself some trouble." His face was flushed again, though. Maybe Joey hadn't come in here expressly to mock him for the accident, but it seemed like it was a perk.

"Hey, yeah, how's that going? I should totally go talk to AJ later." Joey just seemed so casual, so easy, just zipping up, moving around, shoving Nick a little out of the way to get to the sink to rinse his hands. He flicked water from his fingertips in Nick's general direction, then seemed to pause as he noticed Nick's posture. "Nick? Man, you didn't cut yourself on the glass or anything, did you? You ok?"

"Yeah, I'm *fine*," said Nick without looking up, without even moving much. "I just love spending Friday afternoons trapped in public washrooms. Don't you?"

"Not really." Joey rested a hand on Nick's shoulder again, looking all...concerned and shit. What the hell? He wasn't Nick's FRIEND. "Nick. Hey, you need a shirt or something? Man, that sucks, Coke all over everything. That was classic, though, man, even Chris was laughing." Joey grinned, like he expected Nick to share in the big joke.

Nick just flushed deeper, knowing it had to be visible by then since it was spreading down his neck. "Yeah, you'd think people would get tired of laughing at me for that shit, but no," he said instead, trying not to make it sound as vulnerable as it felt, trying to inject all his bitterness into it. Then he sighed in spite of himself. "Yeah, I need a shirt, that one is trashed. Can you ... can you get someone to find Kevin for me? I came down here by myself, don't know if any of them are here."

"Hey, man, no. I mean, Chris laughed, that's good shit, you know? We've been trying to keep him smiling for like months now." He looked at Nick speculatively. "I could loan you my jacket," he tugged at the sleeve of his tan leather jacket. "Might be a little short on you, but I don't think it'll leave TOO much of you bare."

Nick looked up, just enough to really see him. "You'd do that?" he said curiously. Whatever Joey was doing, it wasn't making fun of him, and he had no idea why. Everyone else was, after all. "I just need to get out of here ... "

"It's not a big deal." Joey shrugged, then slipped out of his jacket and handed it over. Underneath was some kind of mesh...thing. Nick stared. Joey wore mesh? He'd thought...he'd thought Joey was kind of the fat one. Like him. No mesh ever, no tight shirts. "Why are you hiding down here like a mole anyway? I woulda thrown my shirt at Brian for bumping me." And Joey had a little belly, yeah, and he wasn't toned or anything, but he had a nice broad chest and good arms.

Nick just kinda looked down at himself and didn't answer. It wasn't as though the answer wasn't obvious already. He did reach out to take the jacket, though. "I don't do that," he said finally. He hadn't even realized it had been Brian that had bumped him, he'd fled so soon after. "How do you want to ... ? We can just go up to my room and then you can have your jacket back. Is that okay?"

Joey looked at him, seemingly puzzled. "You don't wanna just go back? I mean. You're decent, and everything. Not like y'all don't take off your shirts for photoshoots and stuff, right?"

"I don't," said Nick flatly. "I haven't in years." There was no way he could go back out there now, and especially not in Joey's jacket. The whole idea was ridiculous. "Really, it won't take long."

Joey shrugged, though he still looked confused. "Fine. At least put ON the jacket, though. Wouldn't want to go having the hotel staff faint or anything, flashin' that fine bod around." He leaned forward, ran still-damp hands through his hair, squinted at his reflection, and then turned to Nick expectantly. "Well? It's gonna FIT, Nick, I ain't that much bigger than you."

Nick frowned at him, utterly baffled. "What are you *talking* about?" he blurted out, looking up fully at him, then down at himself. He finally did slide the jacket on -- it was still warm inside from Joey's body. "I just need to get out of here before anyone else sees me." He snatched up his soggy T-shirt and wrung it out.

Joey chuckled at him, tugged a little at the bottom hem of the jacket. "You might be a skinny little fucker, but you've got a few inches on me. I don't know if the belly shirt look's really you. So, yeah, let's bail. Get going, kiddo, my beer's not getting any colder in there, you know. If Lance hasn't gotten to it, that is."

"I think the words 'belly shirt' makes my stylist's blood run cold," he said as he tucked the T-shirt away and stared at the door. It was already miraculous that no one else had come in; he wasn't going to push his luck. "Skinny I ain't," he muttered as he pushed through the door and tried not to take note of anyone as he rushed past.

"WHOA, hey!" Joey was laughing again as he trailed after. "High strung little fucker, aren't you?" But his tone never changed from that good-natured teasing, and he caught up to Nick easily enough. "Re-LAX, Nick! Nothing is on fire, as far as I can tell." He matched strides easily, hands tucked comfortably into his pockets. "So, you sure I can get onto your floor? Your security ain't gonna shoot me on sight?"

"No, they only have orders to stun," said Nick with a feigned lightness that was almost vicious. "But I have an in with them. I think I can get you past. And just ... " He looked over at Joey and decided against finishing that sentence, shaking his head as he looked ahead to the elevators again. It didn't matter.

"Just what?" Joey prodded, clearly interested. "Just don't...spit on the floor? Mention the VMAs? Dance naked?" He bumped Nick's shoulder with his own as they waited for the elevator. "Lighten up, man. This is supposed to be FUN. What's got your panties in a bunch anyway?"

"These things are never fun," said Nick even though he almost -- almost -- smiled at that. It was stupid to ask Joey what he was going to, and Joey had absolutely no reason to do it anyway, but he couldn't think of anything else on the spur of the moment to finish that sentence with. "Just don't ... laugh at me, okay? I get that enough."

Joey looked at him like he was an alien. "These things are ALWAYS fun. Where have you been? And um....I can't promise not to laugh at you if you say something funny, ok? Because when I try to not laugh when I want to, it makes me get all chokey, and my eyes water, and it ain't pretty. So." He looked at Nick, making his eyes deliberately wide. "Don't be funny. I've warned you. You've been warned."

Nick actually did crack a smile that time, tugging the jacket so it covered a little more of his body. He looked from side to side but the area was already pretty secure, a benefit of having so many celebrities gathered at once. He punched the button for the elevator before looking at Joey again. "How come you're being so nice to me?" he asked after a moment of scrutiny.

Joey gave him that 'you're an alien or possibly on crack' look again. "Dude, I didn't, like, offer you a kidney or something here. You're wearing my JACKET. Plus, you're a cool kid and all, at least as far as I can tell. Why wouldn't I help out?"

Nick just shrugged, and waited for the elevator to arrive before he said anything. "Most people wouldn't," he reasoned finally as they stepped inside. "I mean, look at just now. Everyone saw what happened, but they just laughed at me. That's what most people are like."

Joey kept staring at him even as they watched the doors slide shut. "Well, it was FUNNY! I mean, don't you watch the Three Stooges? Spills? Spit-takes? Funny shit. You gotta lighten up, here. You're tense as...something really tense, I dunno."

"Never mind," Nick muttered, stabbing the button for his floor. "You don't understand. Whatever. Don't worry, I'll let you get back to the fun soon. Um ... thanks for the help, though. Really. It would've really sucked to be stuck in there any longer, people coming in an out. Fucking nightmare."

"Wow." Joey just wouldn't look away, and Nick shifted uncomfortably under his gaze. "You are REALLY in a snit about something, huh? No, I have no idea what you're talking about. So some people see you with some soda on your shirt? Not seeing the crisis here, I gotta say."

"It's not just that," said Nick, wishing the elevator would just fucking *arrive* already so he could stop answering questions. "That was just ... the last straw, or whatever. And it's not like it's the first time, anyway. When's the last time I went to one of these things and *didn't* embarass myself?" That was definitely saying too much, though. And only eight floors to go, Joey wouldn't be able to squeeze in any other questions. He hoped.

Joey could apparently talk pretty fast, though. "Can't say I can remember you doing much particularly humiliating. Chris, now, or AJ? Sure, even me an' Justin. You're always kinda quiet, as far as I can remember." He moved a little closer to Nick, his expression shading from 'confused' to 'concerned.' Nick realized with a start that he could pretty much tell everything Joey was thinking, just by looking at him. "Man, you look like you're all tied up in knots, here. It was really no big deal."

"It was just one thing after another, Joey. And .... I could have lived with the Coke thing, but walking through that room shirtless? No. Just ... no. There are some things that just aren't -- " The elevator doors slid open and Nick stepped out with what he hoped wasn't visible relief. "I'm just up the hall," he said, waving to two of their security team as he led Joey past them.

Joey waved too, grinning at the startled looks he got, and slung an arm over Nick's shoulders, for effect. "What's the deal with the no-shirt thing, anyway?" He sounded genuinely curious. "You just being spazzy tonight, or is this a regular phobia for you?" He looked around. "Hey. Your floor's way nicer than ours!"

"Yeah, well they know how to treat the real stars," said Nick, braving a somewhat lame joke. He was rewarded with a grin from Joey. "And ... it's not a phobia. It's just a thing. No one wants to see that, you know?" He wrapped the coat tighter again, as though that proved a point.

Joey pulled back, momentarily shocked, and then laughed, a genuine belly laugh that had Nick staring. "Oh, baby! And to think Justin whines that you don't have a sense of humor!" He stopped laughing suddenly when he caught the expression on Nick's face, peered closer, and looked surprised again, though he was still smiling. "You're not laughing! Man, that was the funniest thing I've heard all week! Don't tell me...you weren't SERIOUS?"

"Well of course I was serious," snapped Nick as he opened the door to his room. Once he did, though, he realized that he had to do exactly that -- take the jacket off and let Joey see him again. At least he knew Joey couldn't laugh at him *more*. He loosened his grip on the jacket. "Guess you need this," he murmured. "Just let me grab something else to put on ... "

"OK, apparently you get better drugs than we do, too, because that's the only explanation I can come up with." Joey leaned back against the closed door and looked at Nick appraisingly, then grinned, a flash of white teeth against dark skin and beard. "C'mon, Nick. Take it off. I've already SEEN you without it on."

"Gee, now there's an invitation if I ever heard one," said Nick, and after a moment just slipped the jacket off and handed it over. "Thanks again," he said, more quietly than he meant to. And it was sincere -- he wasn't sure what he would have done if Joey hadn't been so decent about the whole thing. He crossed his arms over his body and wondered if Joey was just going to go, or what.

"You're welcome." Joey's voice was more gentle than Nick had ever heard it, and he folded the jacket over his arm, and didn't move. "Nick, man, I'm not gonna bite, here. You can look at me. And standing like that isn't hiding anything. You still look just as good." Nick kept staring at the floor.

If he wasn't hiding anything the way he was standing, then he was going to have to find another way. Nick ducked back into the room and, after tossing the ruined shirt on the floor, grabbed the first thing that came to hand from this suitcase and tugged it on. He stood in front of Joey a little more confidently, then, in a baggy sweater that covered him completely. "That's better," he said, even though Joey -- inexplicably -- looked like he disagreed.

"Maybe you didn't hear the part about the looking good?" Joey arched an eyebrow at Nick. "Now you look like you're preparing to go forth and meet Nanook of the North. It's like 80 degrees out. I repeat. What is this deal with the clothes?" He didn't move away from the door, didn't even shift, just waited expectantly.

"Look, why don't you *get* it?" asked Nick desperately, clinging to the hem of the sweater. "I *don't* look good. I'm fat and I'm clumsy and people laugh at me behind my back. And I don't know why you care, anyway. Fuck." He looked down, realizing just what Joey could do with that information, about how Nick saw himself. And realized there wasn't a fucking thing he could do about it now.

"OH." Joey's eyes went wide, and Nick cursed himself again, wondering what the FUCK he was doing telling this, talking like this, to this almost-complete stranger who just happened to smell nice and smile pretty and talk to him nicely. "OH." Joey seemed to be at a loss for words, maybe the first time Nick had ever even *heard* of that happening, and he felt almost smug. Joey's mouth opened, then closed, then his eyes narrowed.-->

"You're fucking with me, right? This is some kind of setup? Nick, dude. Do you own a mirror? Need to get that prescription checked? I canNOT believe you are serious."

"It's not a fucking *setup*," said Nick. "It's *not*. What would I be setting you up for anyway? I'm just ... chalk it up to a bad day, if you have to, all right?" It was too late to backtrack now, though, that much was obvious. It was half-true, though. "But I'm serious."

Joey looked at him a little helplessly, then seemed to shrug that damned confident good-nature right back on. Like a jacket, Nick thought. "Well, if you're fat, then I'm a fuckin' WHALE, and I ain't no whale, Carter. And who laughs at you?

"Justin dies of envy whenever your name is spoken, JC sighs over your voice, I dunno about everyone else, but I don't hear anybody laughing. You're not some kind of joke, you know. What the fuck ever made you think you were?"

"Why does it matter?" asked Nick, staring down at how his hand was still playing restlessly with his sweater. He wasn't even sure how it started anymore, only that it had, and it had only gotten worse ever since. "I don't get ... why you're asking, even. I know you want to be back downstairs."

"Hey, man. I'm not a complete shit. I have NO idea why you're telling me this, but looks like you gotta get something off your chest." He finally moved away from the door, herding Nick back into the room. "Lance has made short work of my beer anyway, and I'll bet Chris is like chasing imaginary bats around the room. Pull up a beer." He moved to the mini bar, grabbed two bottles. "Tell Uncle Joey all about it."

"I'm not ... " protested Nick weakly, but he *was* telling Joey about it. Or he'd started to, and he didn't know if it was going to stop now. He'd never actually had anyone stop and listen before, or at least not in a very long time. "There's a difference between not being a complete shit and coaxing a sob story out of your mortal enemy, you know."

"Sob away, kiddo." Joey actually did look both comfortable and interested, as he settled into the corner of the plush couch and propped his beer bottle on his knee. "An' we're not enemies. I don't have any. So there." He grinned at Nick. "Sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't really know anyway, and I'm GREAT at the whole listening thing. Ask my guys."

"I'm sure you are," said Nick, and sincerely, too. Joey did seem like he was more than willing to just sit there and listen to him. "Maybe I *should* have let them get me a fucking therapist, just like AJ." He shook his head, though, as he stretched out on top of the bed, very deliberately leaving the sweater on. He was far more comfortable that way. "Whatever. I'm just really cranky right now. Broke up with someone last week. On top of everything else."

"Aw, shit." Joey's voice was heavy with sympathy. "That's the WORST, man." He shifted a little. "Get you a therapist? I mean. Can't you talk to your guys? Seems like you got a lot of stuff just built up. That ain't healthy."

Nick snorted. "What with AJ ... everything else kinda gets overlooked." That wasn't the whole story of course -- it had started long before that. They'd never been close like that, and he'd learned when he was still a kid that telling them anything personal about him opened him up more to funny looks a lectures than any kind of compassion or help.

"I can imagine. That was some heavy shit, huh? He's looking a lot better, though, y'all must be so relieved." Nick could almost feel Joey looking at him. "But what you said...it didn't really sound recent. Like it's been eatin' at you for a while, you know? And then breaking up with this...person. Must have been rough." Nick flipped over to his belly so he could see Joey, and sure enough, those eyes were on him. And he'd always thought Joey was the dumb one.

"Yeah, AJ's doing a lot better," he said, taking the easy road. "Gets on my nerves a lot now, but I can't say anything because he'd doing what he needs to do and ... that's good. It's great." When he looked at Joey, though, he *knew* that wasn't what he'd been expecting to hear. And he couldn't expect Joey to keep chasing after answers either ... but he thought maybe now he actually wanted him to.

Joey smiled at him gently. "And they barely even notice you're around, right? Because everyone's looking at AJ, making sure he's ok, having him get on their nerves, watching every move he makes?" He spread one arm across the back of the couch, and crossed his feet at the ankles. "You can tell me what's up, Nick. Swear to God, it's between you and me. Wanna tell me why one of the world's hottest pop stars is running around a hotel looking like he's on the verge of a nervous breakdown?"

Nick exhaled loudly, feeling awkward and not even knowing where to start. "It's not ... it's not something that just happened," he said finally, unable to look at him any more as he spoke, "It's just how I am. I'm not good with how I look or how I am. Not when I'm not busy performing." It was a start, anyway, and probably the crux of the problem. "There's not much to me, really."

Joey tilted his head and blinked. "Well, I don't know you that well, but you seem like a good guy to me. And I'm not sure what you see wrong with who you are or how you look. You're a gorgeous man, Nick, with a lot of talent. You're using that talent to make people happy. You've got people who love you. What do you think you're missing, that's making you think you're no good?"

"I'm not trying to get any pity," said Nick in resignation, "but it's been a long time since anyone else has really said those things to me. I have fans but ... you know how that is. I don't know. I probably sound stupid." It didn't feel stupid, though. It felt kinda awful.. "I don't know who I have that loves me though." Now *that* definitely sounded stupid, like he was whining about being unloved.

Joey was silent for a minute, and when he finally spoke, there was a thread of anger in his voice that Nick hadn't heard before. "I think maybe you need some new friends." Nick glanced up, startled, at that. "This is not an easy business, not that I regret it, because I don't. It's real easy to get things messed up in your head, get a little crazy, unless you got people there for you. Sounds like your boys ain't doing their jobs." He leaned forward, intent. "I'm not gonna bother pitying you. But you need to get anything off your chest, you can tell me, and I'll tell you what I think. I like you. I think you're pretty amazing, from what I know, actually. So you can do whatever you want with that."

Every moment that Nick spent with Joey, he was more and more surprised by him. This guy, who had no reason to be nice to him, was giving him more attention and compassion and understanding than he got even from the people who were supposed to be his best friends. "I was doing all right," he said quietly. "I was keeping it together, until the break-up. And the things that were said ... I guess hit a little harder than I thought they did."

"Yeah?" Joey looked like he wanted to be moving or something, and Nick looked at him sharply, but he made no move to leave. "Shit ALWAYS gets said in breakups. Breakups, by definition, suck. What fucked with your head on this one?"

"You sure you want to know?" he asked warily. It wasn't like it would be hard to tell him, word for word, though. The whole argument that ended everything still echoed in his head.

"Sure." Joey shrugged. "Ain't that the point of this whole little exercise? I'm listening."

Nick coughed awkwardly again. Just because he *could* say it, didn't mean he was particularly looking forward to it. "According to them, I'm fat, unattractive, stupid and dull. Hmm ... what was it they said?" He didn't have any trouble remembering, though. "'Nick, you have *nothing* to offer me. Nothing. What is it you can do besides sing and dance and act like a hot-shit pop star? God, you can't do anything right' Yeah, that was it."

"Damn," Joey breathed. "That's harsh, man. Very cold." He got up and moved to Nick's side, squeezed him in a tight one-armed hug, then let go before Nick even fully realized what was happening. "You know it's not true, though, right? That's just like, shit people say when they're breaking up, man, it's never true. It's MEANT to be cold, it's nasty, but it ain't true."

"It's not the first time I've heard it," murmured Nick, closing his eyes for a moment and trying to cling to the memory of that momentary comfort. "Obviously. But it's hard ... when it's from someone you felt that strongly about. We were together for a while. I guess I just wasn't ... good enough." It hurt to say that, but it was what he believed. And what he'd believed for a long time.

"Ah, bullshit," Joey said easily. "It has nothing to do with whether or not you're GOOD enough for someone. Shit just sometimes works out, an' if this person was making you feel like crap, you're better off without...them. Look, this is stupid, can we stop with the pronoun game? Who was the fucker? Want me to go break his kneecaps or something for you? He sounds like an asshole, and he obviously didn't deserve you." He looked at Nick bright-eyed, and squeezed him again.

Nick exhaled slowly and closed his eyes. He'd known all along that Joey knew -- he'd been playing the game right alongside him -- but that didn't make it any easier to stop. "You know the score," he said after a moment. "I'm sure there's someone over on your side, too. You get in the habit of never saying and ... it's hard to stop. Um ... might take you up on the kneecaps thing, though, except I think we're both probably to blame for that argument. I wasn't exactly an angel, myself."

"Look at you, you STILL can't use the right term. Him. He. Guy. Boyfriend? Don't tell me you're the only Backstreeter who likes guys, I've seen Dorough in action." Joey grinned at him. "Might be a good step to just admit you're into men, even if it's just to me, who, believe me, will not give you any shit about that. As for the angel thing, I wasn't there, but there's no call to be sayin' shit like that. You're not like that, I know it, and I ain't even dating you."

Nick actually gave him a bit of a smile that time. "The guys knew about who I was seeing, it's not like I kept it a secret from *them*. Even if the two of us didn't spend much time with everyone else. And I *did* say something about being a golddigger when we broke up. Like I said, no angel." Not that that excused what had been said to him, not even in his own mind, though it had still been all too easy to believe.

Joey rolled his eyes, and pulled his legs up under him so he was sitting crosslegged by Nick's hip. "Yeah, that's as bad as being called fat and worthless. C'mon. You know those things aren't true, you have to!" He patted Nick's arm. Nick thought that Joey was probably a pretty affectionate guy, just seeing him with his friends, but he couldn't help but bask a little in the attention. "You'll find someone better. None of these mindgames. We get enough of that shit from management, don't need 'em in dates!"

"Joey," said Nick with a sigh that was more sad now. "They're not the only person that ever said that about me. And I know you must know that."

"Nick." Joey sounded firm. "Don't say 'they.' Say 'him.'"

"I ... " said Nick, starting to protest that before realizing that he really hadn't stopped doing it. "I will. Sorry."

"Go ahead," Joey was expectant. "Say the sentence again right, and then I'll tell you that if we listened to even a fraction of the shit people say about us, we'd all be hiding under the covers sucking our thumbs, and that I KNOW you're smarter than that. Go ahead."

"Can I do that?" asked Nick, half serious. "Hide under the covers and suck my thumb?" He didn't wait for an answer, though, knowing he probably wasn't going to get one. "Okay. Fine. HE was not the only person that ever said that about me. Happy?"

Joey grinned. "Not that it wouldn't be a cute look for you, but eventually you'd have to come out, and then your thumb would be all pruney. Bad scene." He poked at Nick's side. "Good for you. And it still holds true, y'know, what I said. It's just a part of the life. You gotta let it roll off, or it'll make you nuts."

"Maybe that's easy for you, I dunno," said Nick. "It's not. For me I mean."

"It's not EASY, it's just a life skill!" Joey was still grinning at him, and Nick felt lighter, somehow. "Just keep telling yourself you're a smoking hot motherfucker. Works for me!"

"Yeah, but you *are*," Nick blurted out. "That probably makes it, like, a lot easier. And ... I mean, it's probably easier if other people kinda back it up ... "

Joey snorted. "Hello, Nick, you're not talking to the N Sync hottie, here. Not that I'm complaining, because I AM a smoking hot motherfucker. But you're, like, lightyears away. You're off in Justin and JC land, man, when it comes to the looks. And ain't no way you haven't heard that before."

"No," said Nick, frowing at him in confusion again. He remembered hearing that, when he was younger, but not these days, not now. "Just ... no. I mean, I'm *not*, and I don't even know where you're *getting* that."

Joey stared at him, eyes wide. "Where I'm getting it? Nick, I'm LOOKING at you. I don't have to 'get it' from somewhere." He reached out and ran a thumb across Nick's cheekbone. "You really don't know, do you. Fuck, man."

Nick leaned into the touch unconsciously, only realizing it after it was already done. "Don't know what?" he said, even though he knew what Joey was referring to. It just didn't make sense, especially from him. And especially *to* Nick. "Joey ... this is really nice of you, but ... "

"I'm not saying it to be nice, I'm just still in shock that you actually think you aren't amazing. Wow." Joey shook his head, looking a little dazed. "Someone did a number on you, kid. Don't know who or how, but it sucks, and it ain't right."

"Not some*one*," muttered Nick. "That's what I've been trying to tell you. I mean, not that Cam wasn't a complete dick toward the end, but it wasn't all him or something. It wasn't all anyone ... except maybe all me."

"Well then," Joey's voice firmed up again, "we gotta work on getting your head on straight, because that's just the wrong way to think, and you're just messing yourself up." He swatted at Nick. "Stoppit."

Nick laughed as he tried to defend himself. "I'm *not*," he protested. "It's just -- " Then he paused and just stared at Joey for a second. "Fuck. I haven't laughed for real in for*ever*."

"See?" Joey crowed, laughing. "Progress!" He grabbed Nick's hand as Nick tried to retaliate, pushed his arm away and rolled him over. "HAH! You think you're big? I'll squish you flat!" He bared his teeth and mock-growled. "You ain't seen big, you skinny little popstar thing, you."

Nick couldn't help laughing again, in spite of the fact that somewhere inside he still figured he ought to be self-conscious and bitter or something. "I can admit you're the one with all the muscles," he said, also trying to convince himself that Joey growling and pinning him was NOT turning him on. It wasn't working. "Um ... you should probably let me up, though."

"Oh, fine." Joey let go of him with a chuckle, but remained in a comfortable half-sprawl on the bed. "You should laugh more, though. It's nice. Makes your eyes all sparkly." He grinned at Nick, who was NOT blushing, he WASN'T. "This is where you say 'thank you, Joey.' Accepting compliments gracefully is the next course of study, since you're making such rapid strides."

"Thank you, Joey," said Nick obediently, still smiling just a little. "You sure I can't crawl under the covers and suck my thumb for a while? This night is getting really weird. In case you hadn't noticed."

Joey shrugged. "Weird is what you make of it. You wanna go suck your thumb, go right ahead. *I* won't mind." He wiggled his eyebrows at Nick so ludicrously that Nick had to giggle. "You might have to do it out here, though, because otherwise who'll I have to entertain me? Plus, hiding is bad for the soul. You just go ahead and pop that sucker in there, though. Don't mind me." He leaned back and looked at Nick expectantly, smiling.

Nick rolled his eyes at him. "As good as I am at sucking things, that doesn't sound entirely appealing at the moment," he said, then actually grinned even though it was *definitely* self consciously. "Ha!" he barked out. "Now there's a skill I don't list in interviews."

"GOD no!" Joey laughed too. "Can you imagine? 'Joey, what's your favorite sport?' 'Well, Rosie or Regis or whoever, I'm not really a sports person, but I've got a silver medal in swallowing dick.'" He grinned at Nick. "Holy shit, though, that would be funny!"

Nick laughed again, even as he cocked his head to the side to study Joey. He couldn't tell if Joey was just saying that because Nick had, or if he actually meant it. And he didn't want to ask. "I wish I had the guts to do that. But there's no way. Not until I'm old and grey and over."

"Oh, I know, it would hurt the group, blah blah blah. It's tempting to blow their minds, though, isn't it? I mean. The interviews are getting boring! If I have to tell the world about Superman one more time I think I'll lose my brain." Joey snickered. "What's left of it."

"I've bitten my tongue," admitted Nick. "I mean ... literally. To keep from saying stuff. God, especially lately. Did someone forget to send them a memo that none of us are teenagers anymore?"

"Yep." Joey shifted comfortably, settling in. "We get older, the fanbase stays the same. Way of the world, baby. If I didn't think I'd be strung up from the nearest tree, though..." he winked at Nick. "Silver medal, kid." He laughed again.

"You would not," snickered Nick, still unsure on that front. Fishing. "Your girlfriend would kick your ass for it. I hear she's a fiesty one."

"Who, Kelly?" Joey shook his head a little. "Nah, she's cool. We haven't been together, I mean, TOGETHER, in years anyway."

"But I thought you guys ... " began Nick, feeling awkward again. "I mean ... the baby ... "

"Happy accident." Joey grinned. "There was an incident with a tequila bottle, some weed and a faulty contraceptive. Bree's so amazing, though. I never regretted it, not once."

"Oh," said Nick softly. "That's, um, great." Then he smiled, just at the look on Joey's face. "It really is. And you guys are .. God, nevermind, it's *so* none of my business."

"Hey, no! I was all in your business, and you KNOW I don't mind talking about myself. And no, we're not together. That was the first and only time in, like, YEARS. I think my unrequited lust for JC drove me into her bed." He grinned at Nick like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Your ... what?" mumbled Nick, staring at him. "Um ... yeah ... you know that Kelly looks nothing like JC, right? Or was that where the tequila and the weed came in?"

"Oh, it was a passing thing anyway," Joey said breezily. "I think it had something to do with the hair. JC's too skinny for me. But yeah, there was some serious inebriation happening that night." He chuckled. "She was talking about this guy Carl at work, I was mooning about C, if it wasn't so funny it'd be sad. But man. Great result." He sighed happily.

"Yeah," agreed Nick with a soft smile for him. Joey was going to be a great dad -- he had the listening and boosting self-confidence thing down already. "So ... um ... it's you, on your side, huh?"

"Me? OH! Right, from before. Me, C, Lance. Chris when he's in the mood. Juppy before he was taken by Brit." He shrugged. "None of us make a big deal about it."

Nick's eyes widened as Joey rattled off every one of them. "It's pretty different for you guys, huh," he murmured. It was loud enough for Joey to hear, but not necessarily *to* him. "Than us, I mean. We don't ...we aren't like that, with each other."

"Oh, not with each other," Joey assured him. "Except once in a while when things get tight. Lance has a steady guy, C's just a butterfly, and I think Chris is going through a chick phase. Which would be more fun if his happened at the same time as MINE, for once." He mock-glared. "It's no fun going to clubs alone."

"I didn't mean *with* each other," said Nick quickly. "I just ... " He paused and stared at the ceiling, listening to Joey breathe beside him. "Would you believe I've never said 'I'm gay' before?"

"Um, no?" Joey turned his head and stared. "Are you serious?"

"Yeah," said Nick with a self-conscious chuckle. "I'm afraid I am."

"Dude." Joey propped himself up suddenly, on his elbows, and peered down at Nick. "So this is like. Your official coming out? Holy shit!" He laughed happily and pulled Nick into a huge, warm hug. "I'm so proud of you!"

"I guess it is," admitted Nick, surprised by the hug but hugging him back. "And after three boyfriends, it's about damn time, don't you think?"

"Long past." Joey squeezed him tighter. "But what matters is that you said it. That's so cool!" He pulled back just a little, but didn't let go. "I feel like I should throw you a party or something."

"I don't need a *party*," scoffed Nick. "I've already been traumatized by parties enough today. The hug is ... um ... kindabetteranyway."

Joey chuckled, low in his chest, and tucked Nick's head under his chin. "It's ok, I'm sure Howie'll take care of the party-throwing. I mean, you didn't even tell them? They knew you were dating guys, right? You said. But actually telling 'em, that's big. Howie and AJ will just scream. You'd better get used to the hugging, babe."

"Yeah," agreed Nick, once again trying to convince himself he was *not* turned on. "I just ... never *had* to tell them. I don't think they'll care much, really. Um ... feels strange, to have said it. I haven't even said it to my*self* before, really."

"Of course they'll care!" Joey sounded indignant. "If I took the silver medal, who d'you think got gold? Plus, it'll be good for AJ. Give him something to think about besides the fact that everyone's staring at him all the time. Can't be easy on the guy. And you just wait," he cuddled Nick closer, "it'll get easier every time you say it to yourself."

"Huh," breathed Nick, not struggling against Joey even though he knew he should, knew he should break the embrace before his body did something inappropriate. "I guess you'd know better than I thought. Do you guys talk about it? About guys and stuff?"

"Sure. Guys, chicks, whatever. I mean, come on, after a couple of years there's not much ELSE to talk about." Nick almost thought he could feel Joey smiling into his hair. "Give 'em a shot. Maybe they're just giving you space they think you WANT, ever think of that? Those boys love you, Nick, I can tell."

"I don't have much in common with them, doesn't seem like," said Nick. It was pretty easy to talk to Joey now, and being wrapped up in his arms really had very little to do with that. "They're ... they don't have time for me is all. And that's okay. They're still my friends -- brothers, really -- and I know they have to live their own lives." But that was the correct answer, not the one he was feeling.

"Nope," Joey disagreed immediately, shaking Nick back and forth a little to underline it. "Living like we do? Your life IS their lives, and the same goes the other way. I'll bet you have more in common than you think. And they DO love you, and they'll make time if you let them." Joey paused. "Not that it would be hard. You're a pretty amazing person, Nick Carter."

"I'm not," protested Nick weakly, but he blushed anyway. "I'm not ... much of anything. And I'm not just being down on myself when I say that, Joey, that's just kinda how it is."

"Sure you're being down on yourself, and it's dumb, and you're wrong. But it's ok, we're working on it. I figure I just have to call you up a couple times a day and remind you." Joey brought an arm up to circle Nick's shoulders, pulling his head a little closer.

"Oh, like you're really gonna call me," laughed Nick, but a moment later the look on Joey's face told him that he just might, if Nick gave him the chance.

"Sure I will, idiot. Just think of me as really cheap therapy." Joey grinned at him.

"Yeah, well, I'd heard you were cheap," joked Nick, watching Joey's face for how he was gonna take that. But it was like Joey saw the humour in *every*thing, and he didn't need to worry. "And easy, for that matter."

"Oh, easy like a Sunday morning," Joey assured him, singing it a little. "I mean, here we are, barely shook hands before today, and you've already got me in your bed." Joey shook his head, feigning despair. "Oh, for my poor lost reputation."

"*Your* reputation," said Nick. "What about mine?" Again he thought maybe it would be a good idea to maybe move away a little, but he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Oh, being with me can only improve it," Joey assured him, snickering. "You've got the big bad Joey Fatone wrapped around your pretty little finger. And I didn't even get dinner!" He poked Nick's side a little, teasing. "Now I DO feel cheap!"

"Yeah, well, it's not like I dragged you up to my room to seduce you," Nick assured him. "It's not exactly something I'm all that good at."

"No, as I recall, you dragged me up to your room in some strange whirlwind of clothes finding." Nick's breath caught and froze as warm fingers slid under his sweater and touched the bare skin just above his waistband. "I still say this sweater was a ridiculous choice," Joey murmured.

"I was ... um ... exposed," mumbled Nick hesitantly. "I'm really not good with being exposed. At all. No matter who it's in front of ... "

"Yet another thing we'll have to work on." Joey's fingers were tracing tiny light circles on his skin, and Nick wanted very very much to move, closer or away, he didn't know, but Joey was all strong and warm and not really doing anything much. And it really felt pretty good. "How many times am I gonna have to tell you you're beautiful before you believe me?"

"I don't know," admitted Nick honestly. "I really ... I *want* to believe it, but it's just not that easy. You don't get rid of years of believing it just because someone tells you to ... I *wish* I could." But Joey calling him beautiful ... it made him tingle and he didn't know what to make of that, wasn't even sure if Joey meant to imply anything by it. But he *was* touching him, too.

"Well, you ain't gonna get over it in a night, no," Joey admitted, making his finger-strokes longer. "As long as you're trying, though, you'll be ok."

"I'm always trying," said Nick quietly, watching him, feeling his own heart and breath quicken. "When I'm not busy wallowing, anyway. Um ... Joey?"

"Mmmm?" Joey's voice was more a hum than a word. His fingertips were brushing Nick's belly, now, just once in a while, too lightly to make him jump. And the rest of him was just still, holding Nick close against his body.

"You're a really upfront guy," he began, trying to figure out how to say -- ask -- what he needed to. "And I appreciate that. So can we be upfront about ... this? What's going on here?"

"Mmmm?" Joey hummed again, then pulled his hand away, though he didn't let Nick go entirely. "Am I bugging you? I know it's kind of strange, all of this," he snuggled into Nick for a second, "but, you know. We're talking just like I do with the guys. And with us, we're always touching and holding, and, you, know, because it makes it easier." He ran fingers that Nick knew had been warmed against his own skin over Nick's face, brushing his brow, nose, lips. "I know you just got out of a relationship, I'm not expecting anything. But touching you is nice. I can stop, if you want."

"No, I didn't want you to stop," admitted Nick, finally coming to a concrete conclusion about that himself. "It's just .... different. And I didn't expect you to be attracted to me, Joey, if that's what you mean by that." He smiled. "Beautiful or no, I'm still just me."

"Oh, baby." Joey's voice was thick with laughter and something else. He put a big hand into the small of Nick's back, and pulled him firmly forward until their hipbones bumped, and Joey was HARD. "Beautiful, yeah, and just you, and godDAMN, I've been hard since I got into this damn room." Joey smiled at him, very sweetly. "But I'm not gonna stop," even though he relaxed his hold enough to let Nick move away if he wanted to, "and I'm still not expecting anything."

Nick gaped at him for a long moment, too stunned to even move. The belief that he was unattractive was so ingrained in him now, it was hard to let himself believe that this was real. "I have no idea what to say," he said finally. "I mean ... um ... if I can feel you then you can ... feel me. And so you know. But ... I couldn't let you be a rebound."

When Joey smiled, his eyes crinkled up happily. "Yeah, I can feel you. And don't freak out, Nick. I'm pretty happy just petting you. I've got no idea about your views on sex or groping or whatever, casual or otherwise, so I'm not jumping in with an offer of a nice quick blowjob or anything, or asking for your hand in marriage, or doing anything else. Just wanted to be clear that yeah, I want you, pretty badly, and it's because of YOU." His hand returned to Nick's side. "Just..." he shrugged, "whatever'll make you smile some more."

Nick laughed incredulously, caught speechless once again. For a long moment he could only stare. "You're the first person in a long time who's made me feel good about myself," he said finally, shaking inside. "And I dunno ... I think that means something. Whether it's something about you or about me or about ... us, I don't know. I don't quite get why someone would want me ... but I *believe* you."

"Oh, good," Joey sighed contentedly. "I was hoping you would. You should feel good about yourself all the time. Does that mean I can suck you? Because that would be really cool." And in the middle of his smiling, he leaned down and licked at Nick's mouth, touching his tongue to the little dimple at the corner of Nick's mouth, then sucked Nick's lower lip into his mouth. Quick and hot, and then he pulled back, still smiling, still not pushing. Just looking interested to hear Nick's answer, though Nick could see that the pupils had gone big in coffee-colored eyes.

Nick licked his lips, knowing his own eyes were wide, his mouth falling slightly open. "If you suck me ... can I still see you again?" He blushed, hating that his pale skin showed even the lightest flush. It was his turn to wait for an answer.

"Well, unless I really fuck it up, which I won't, I'd hope you'd want to." Joey chuckled. "Do you have some strange rule where you can't ever see people who have given you blowjobs? One orgasm, then goodbye forever?" Joey dropped him another kiss, light but lingering, then licked his own lips.

"It's the rebound thing," murmured Nick, on the verge of forgetting his objections thanks to the look in Joey's eyes. It was desire, and as many objections as he could come up with why Joey *shouldn't* be feeling that for him, he *was*. "I don't want you to be a rebound fling. You're too nice."

"Don't worry about ME," Joey assured him. "I don't wanna be a rebound fling either, I think you're cool. But no matter what, man, we're pals from now on in. You think I'm gonna let you come and run?" He ran a big hand down Nick's back. "You just let me know what you want, ok?"

"And if I don't know?" asked Nick softly. "If I really, really don't know what I want right now?" Which wasn't true, entirely, because he *did* want Joey -- that much was obvious to both of them. He just wasn't sure *how* he wanted him, or how he could have him. The only thing he was sure of was the fact that Joey had been nothing but nice to him from the moment they'd run into one another in the bathroom and that Joey made him feel good, inside.

"Then we can just stay here until you do." Joey sighed and Nick could feel him relaxing all over, just kind of melting down into the bed. Into Nick, too. He threw a leg comfortably over Nick's, squirmed around a little, then sighed again. "And no matter what you decide, I ain't gonna be mad or think anything bad about you. Here, scootch....yeah." They were resting face to face on their sides, one of Joey's arms trapped under Nick's waist, the other draped over Nick's side, holding him loosely.

Without letting himself stop to think about it, Nick leaned in and closed his eyes and kissed him, gently, letting his lips linger against Joey's for as long as he dared.

"I'm still kinda fucked up over Cam," he said finally as he blinked his eyes open and looked at Joey.. "Obviously. I know he didn't do me much good -- Howie never liked him anyway. And I want this ... to be fair to you."

Joey looked a little flushed, his eyes wide, but his voice was still calm. "Well, that makes sense. I mean, it sounds like that was a pretty epic breakup. But unless you're thinking of recieving without returning the favor, or deciding you hate me after and never talking to me again, which would SUCK, I can't see how anything would be unfair to me. I mean. I'm not EXPECTING anything of you, Nick, except that you have a good time, whatever you're doing."

Nick breathed a brief sigh of relief, even though he wasn't entirely clear on what he'd been worried about in the first place, or what he'd been expecting of Joey. "In that case," he said, "If you really are interested in me, it would totally fucking make my night if we did that."

Joey threw his head back and laughed, that deep wholehearted laugh that Nick liked so much. Still laughing, he leaned forward and nibbled on the line of Nick's jaw, letting his tongue flicker out and taste. "You're just a piece of work, Carter, you know that? Too fucking cute to live." He sucked gently at the top of Nick's throat. "You let me know what you want. I just love the way you shine when you're smiling. Tell me how to make that happen again."

"You don't even have to *try*," said Nick with a soft sound that was almost a moan. "You're here and I just smile, I don't know what it is. I guess ... if you can see me being the insecure wreck that I usually am and *still* want to be here with me ... that makes me smile."

"You're not an insecure wreck, you're just wrongheaded." Joey's lips moved against Nick's skin as he spoke, and his breath was hot and damp. "You wanna see insecure, you should talk to Nick Lachey sometime. You..." he kissed again, "you're just a little too sensitive. And that's ok too. And yeah, I want to be here. I LOVE being here. Here is a wonderful place. You taste SO good."

"This is where I should shut up, isn't it?" chuckled Nick. He didn't think he'd entirely grasped yet what he was doing, and who he was doing it with. He'd spent so much of the last week *truly* believing he was undesirable, to be here with someone who clearly desired him was just overwhelming. He knew what to do with a man in his bed, though. He was no stranger to that.

"Oh, keep talking. And ohhhhh, keep doing that, too..." Joey's voice faded out into a moan as Nick, finally, started touching him back. The mesh shirt was soft under his fingertips as he ran a hand up Joey's side to his shoulder, then around to cup his neck and bring his mouth back to Nick's for a deeper kiss. Joey opened eagerly for his tongue, and Nick tasted beer and a faint metallic tang that could only be Joey.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to say, though, now that they'd gotten to this point. Whatever would happen after this would probably be *decided* after. But Joey seemed to like to listen to him, and actually did listen to what he was saying, which made this moment differnet from other times he'd been in the same position.

I don't usually have sex in the afternoon," he said after a moment, flicking his tongue out to taste the corner of Joey's mouth. "It was always late at night ... after a show or an appearance or clubbing or ... whatever."

"Mmmm," Joey muttered encouragingly, arching under Nick's touch like a huge warm cat. "It's nice, seeing you in sunlight." He ran his hand under Nick's sweater again, more purposefully this time, up Nick's back and back down, tracing the line of his spine. His legs moved restlessly against Nick's, and his eyes were heavy. "Soft."

"It's kinda nice *being* in sunlight," admitted Nick, realizing how oddly true that was. It made him feel warm and light, kinda the way Joey did. "You look really good," he added, lowering his voice to a murmur and lifting his hand to touch Joey's face exploring his body for the first time. Maybe Joey didn't need to hear it, as confident as he was, but it felt right to say it.

Joey smiled at him, still stretching and moving under his hand, still stroking Nick's back. "Thanks," he said simply. Then he rolled to his back, spread out wide, and grinned. "It's all yours."

Nick couldn't help but grin back and look at him for a long time, his mind rapidly spinning through the series of events that had brought them *here*. Joey wasn't like any of the other guys he'd been with -- even though they didn't know each other well yet, Joey still understood him better than any of the others. After hesitating a moment, Nick finally just sat up and stripped his sweater off, and resisted the urge to cross his arms over his chest to hide his body.

"There," he said. "This is me."

Joey's eyes lit. "Wow. I have to say, I didn't get a chance to really appreciate that, before." He reached out and rested a finger in the hollow over Nick's breastbone. "Wow. You must be crazy, wanting to hide this. Here." He pulled and tugged at his own shirt until it was gone, then fell back onto his elbows, still staring at Nick.

"'Appreciate' isn't a word I'm all that used to, when it comes to this," admitted Nick. Though he'd had his share of one-night stands, he'd always known they were fucking the name and not the body. "It's nice, though." 'Appreciate' was definitely a word he'd use for Joey's body though -- thick and solid and muscular and everything he liked his men to be. He reached out and trailed a hand down Joey's chest wonderingly.

"'Nice' isn't really the word, Nick. Gorgeous, soft, pretty, hot, yeah, those'll work." Joey grabbed his hand and tugged him down so that he was lying across him, warm skin on warm, and he could feel Joey's heart pounding under his skin. "Ooooh," Joey teased. "Nice!"

Once again, Joey brought a smile to Nick's face. He really was very, very good at it. "Hot," he had to agree. "Very hot, us." The look that Joey was giving him wasn't anything Nick was familiar with, either -- the amusement was still there, like it always seemed to be, all tangled up with lust and plain old good cheer. Like Joey was absolutely delighted to be in bed with him. "Wow, I'm making out with Joey Fatone," he teased, more confident that Joey would see the humor in that. "My friends are gonna *die* when I tell them ... "

Joey pushed his hips up a little into the weight of Nick's body, and chuckled. "Want an autograph, little boy?" He leered. "Did you know I know Justin Timberlake? And Nick Carter? Yep. You're paying in the big leagues here. I mean. Nick CARTER!" He giggled, and rolled Nick over in a tumble, until he was on top, braced over Nick on his elbows, close enough to kiss. "He's so DREEAMY."

"I've already got the best one of the bunch, right on top of me," said Nick, and the shyness wasn't entirely feigned. And it wasn't that he was particularly shy about what they were doing, aside from the fact that he needed to show off his body to do it. He wasn't sure quite *what* it was.

Joey's face softened, and Nick saw a flash of something he couldn't quite identify, in his eyes. He wasn't really smiling, though his lips were tilted up at the corners in a way that indicated he was close. He leaned in and nuzzled gently at Nick's throat. "It's funny, I was just thinking the same thing," he said softly. "God, you're amazing. I am so glad I drank that beer tonight. I don't even think you realize."

"You mean you wouldn't have followed this poor clumsy kid into the bathroom if you hadn't? Don't disillusion me." But he was teasing -- really teasing -- and not letting himself dwell on the fact that their meeting might never have happened. The sunlight from the window was highlighting half of Joey's face and Nick found himself mesmerised by it, letting himself enjoy the fact that Joey, *Joey* was here, however it had come to be.

Joey let him tease, but answered seriously enough. "Nah, probably not. It never occurred to me that you might really be upset." He grinned then, suddenly. "Though I will admit that the thought of walking in on you changing might have been a motivating factor." He sifted Nick's hair through the fingers of one hand, playing with it a little. "I always thought you were just the most gorgeous guy."

"I still don't get that," murmured Nick, "but it's, um, pretty obvious that you mean it." His body was pressed up against Joey's in a way that made what *both* of them were feeling pretty clear once again, not that it was at all a mystery at this point.

"I'm not really one for lying much," Joey confessed, shifting so that one of his legs slid between Nick's thighs, and Nick could feel him, oh, right THERE, and sucked in air that suddenly felt heavy and hot in his lungs. "Not much to 'get,' really," Joey went on, seemingly oblivious to Nick's breathing problems. "Just, you've got those eyes, so blue, you know? Such a pretty mouth. And your skin's all soft and smooth. Gorgeous long neck, makes me want to lick it. And your body, just right. Strong and just, wow." As he named each part, he touched it with a fingertip, not flattering, just admiring. "And you're sweet as hell, on top of it all. Smart, too, I think. I musta done SOMETHING right in a previous life."

"You were nice to me," said Nick, ignoring how that was kind of pathetic for him to say. "That was ... the biggest thing, that got me. And you're hot, which doesn't hurt. And if you really want *me* ... then I'm yours, Joey. A hundred percent." When he began feeling Joey's body it occured to him just how much like his it *was*.

"'Course I want you, haven't you been listening?" Joey shot him a puzzled glance, even as his hands started moving a little more purposefully, sliding down to curve over Nick's hip, his thigh, then up again to rub his belly. "Please don't tell me you're doing this out of some fucked-up gratitude because I listened to you when you needed somebody. Like I said, I'm pretty happy just getting to play with you, and if this is payback or something, then that's all we'll do."

"It *is* because you listened to me when I needed somebody," said Nick honestly, his voice soft, not *letting* it get awkward. "But that's not gratitude ... it's attraction, Joey. I like who you've shown me you are. So ... don't hold back, because you think this is anything less than that."

"Ah then." Joey smiled again. "That's all right, then." He tipped his head back into the sunbeam, closed his eyes, and basked for a minute. Nick watched. "This is just nice, you know? Just what the doctor ordered, a lazy afternoon in bed. But I seem to recall promising something about a blowjob." He opened his eyes, and the light turned them sparkling amber. "You're wearing way too many clothes, Nick."

"Yeah, been working on that," murmured Nick, captured by those eyes, the eyes that smiled even when Joey's lips weren't ... which wasn't often. "I thought the sweater was a pretty good start, didn't you ... ?"

"Well, as starts go, it wasn't bad. We've got places to go, though. Things to see. Stuff to do." Joey rolled off Nick, leaving him bare to the air, then leaned back and planted a wet kiss on his bellybutton. "Want some help?"

"Well, as long as you're down there," said Nick, in *somewhat* familiar territory. "I could maybe use a hand with those, yeah. And I'm sure that removing clothing is something you're pretty good at ... "

"It's one of my very favorite things!" Joey sounded excited. "Here, hey, that's a nice belt. Too bad it's gotta go." His hands were busy at Nick's waist before Nick even realized what was going on. He was efficiently and capably unbuckled, unbuttoned, and unzipped, and hadn't even had time to draw a deep breath. "Ahh," Joey sighed happily. "Calvins." Then his pants were being tugged down off his hips.

"You move fast," he said, but definitely not unhappily or discouragingly, lifting his hips to make it even easier. "And you know what you want. I like that in a guy."

"Yeah," Joey agreed absently, running one big hand up Nick's leg from his knee to his hip, letting his fingers tug gently at the jut of a hipbone. He was staring, a little, and Nick shivered, knowing he was hard, that Joey could see, now, not just feel. "Pretty much just want you, right now." Joey's voice was still a little distracted, and he dipped his head down, resting his mouth against Nick's stomach just above the waistband of his boxer briefs. Warm soft lips and warmer breath, and then that hand moved between his legs.

Looking down at the top of Joey's head, Nick was glad he looked *nothing* like his ex, that there were no negative feelings he could associate with this moment other than his own insecurities. "You have me," he murmured before he could let his brain filter the comment. "Whatever you want ... you do." He shivered again at the implications of that, at what he may have just promised, but he didn't want to take it back.

"Well, actually," Joey dropped little kisses on his belly, then paused to look up at him. "I was thinking more that what WE wanted WE would do." He grinned, and blew a raspberry on Nick's skin, making him jump and shout a startled laugh. "You an' me. We're doing this together, you know." His mouth hovered over Nick's groin. "Tell me what YOU want."

"You're a goof," said Nick, chuckling again and trying not to be nervous. Especially when Joey's mouth was *right* *there*. He tried not to so much as breath deeply. "I want ... god, I want to be less of an idiot about this. I ... I think it would be really great if you wanted to suck me a little -- " He threaded his fingers through Joey's hair. "This might be the most obvious thing *ever*, but I really like that."

"Excellent." Nick could almost feel his smile. "I really like that too." He moved suddenly, closer, curling into Nick's hip, and then there was a hot wet mouth on him, soaking the fabric and mouthing him, biting gently, and Nick's heels dug into the bed as he tried so hard not to push. He whimpered lightly, and discovered that one of hands had tangled in Joey's hair without his noticing. "Yeah, Nick." The words made Joey's mouth move in the most delicious way. "Just like that. Yeah, Nick."

"I'm not *doing* anything, though ... " Nick murmured, his fingers tightening fractionally in Joey's hair. Joey's body just felt so hot against his, *physically* hot, like if Nick concentrated he could feel the blood rushing through it. "Will I ... embarass myself if I say how fucking ... fucking *great* this is ... ?"

"Nope." Joey sucked lightly, still making no move to take Nick's underwear off. "Tell me what you're feeling. I like hearing you talk." He slid his tongue into the fly, gave Nick one scorching lick--surely tongues weren't supposed to be this long? Was Nick just really lucky?--and then going back to sucking, moving up and down Nick's length, one hand kneading this skin of his hip.

"Trying," mumbled Nick, not at all sure he was going to be very good at talking for a while. But since there didn't seem to be much *else* he could do for Joey at the moment, he'd give it a go. If he hadn't embarrassed himself in Joey's eyes *already*, there probably wasn't much he could say that would do it now. "Feeling a little ... overwhelmed. You like me, I think. Not sure how to ... to handle that. Except make out with you which -- " He gasped softly as Joey mouthed a particularly sensitive spot. " -- which seems to be working so far. Wow. Okay. Feeling *amazing* is what I'm feeling, actually."

"You ARE feeling amazing." Joey's hand trailed up his side, over his chest, and he palmed a nipple, rolling it lightly under his hand. "Very nice, Nick." He chuckled suddenly, and the vibration traveled straight up Nick's spine in a wash of pleasure. "Now, let's get these off and have a look at you." Joey's mouth went away, and he was tugging at Nick's underwear, drawing them down his hips, eyes glinting, mouth wet and chapped-looking and red.

Nick kept his eyes on Joey's face, needing to see his reactions without being really confident about what they were going to be. He didn't want to stop him, and was afraid he would if he thought that maybe Joey didn't like what he was seeing.

"I think *you're* the one who's overdressed now," he found himself saying, his voice a little breathless. "Could you ... ?"

"Oh, man, Nick," Joey breathed, staring at him, then snapping his eyes up to Nick's. "What? What did you say? Sorry," he ran the tip of one finger up Nick's cock, root to tip, almost fondly, "I was distracted."

Nick almost forgot what he was saying, until he finally moved past the sensation of Joey stroking his bare flesh and looked up and down Joey's body. "Um ... take your pants off?" he suggested, a little more meekly this time. On the one hand, he'd be a lot more comfortable when they were both completely naked. On the other, he didn't want Joey to stop.

Joey grinned up at him, quick flash of white teeth in dark beard, and pulled back. "Anything for you. These were getting all binding anyway." He shucked out of his pants casually, dropping them over the side of the bed, then falling back into a casual, naked sprawl by Nick's waist. This time, though, one hand snaked up the inside of Nick's thigh, teasing sensitive skin, before Joey licked him. Hot and wet, and Nick grabbed for his hair again.

Joey looked just as good as Nick imagined he would, and for a fleeting moment he actually entertained the thought that maybe he looked as good to Joey as Joey looked to him. "I should ... what can I do for you?" he asked, like he didn't know a hundred and one things to make a guy feel very, very good. Very few of which he could actually do while Joey was licking him like *that*, however.

"Just keep making those happy noises," Joey said, muffled against Nick's groin, and then hitched himself up again and made a happy noise of his own and swallowed Nick down with no warning, no teasing. Just smooth wet heat taking him in, strong hands on his thighs, Joey's head moving up and down as he started to suck and pull.

He paused for a second, and Nick almost cried, and Joey spoke around a mouthful of him, which was just about the most sexy thing Nick had ever felt, tongue and lips forming words around him. "So fucking hot like this, Nick, you don't even know." And he started moving again.

"Pretty good from ... from here, too," he got out with some effort, shifting his hips minutely and praying it didn't make Joey think he wanted it any differently from *exactly* what Joey was doing right then. Because more than even making Nick's body feel just incredible, Joey was making him feel wanted, too, and than was worth even more to him.

Joey was really working at it now, cupping his balls, hollowing his cheeks and moving his tongue, head bobbing, up and down, and Nick could feel the tension in his hands as he took Nick deeper and deeper, swallowing around him. But then he slowed, licked more gently, and finally pulled up altogether, sucking gently at the head before letting it slip from his mouth. He looked up at Nick, seeming faintly puzzled. "OK, you gotta tell me, Nick, what was I doing wrong?" He didn't move his hands from Nick's skin, and his thumbs were making little circles, brushing softly.

"Wrong?" said Nick, staring at him in pure shock, letting out a long shuddery sigh as his body realized that it wasn't getting any more. "Wrong? What are you ... ?" His shock quickly gave way to mild panic that this might be over before it even started, and he took pains not to let it show. "What could I possibly have done to make you think that was in *any* way wrong?" he countered, licking his suddenly-dry lips with an almost equally dry tongue, his eyes feeling huge as he continued to stare at Joey.

"No, no, don't freak." Joey's hands made longer sweeps on his skin, petting him almost. "It's ok. You just gotta tell me, I'm not leaving or anything, everybody likes different stuff, Nick. It's ok." Joey's eyes were steady on his, and he really didn't seem mad. "You weren't into it, and that's ok. I just wanna make sure you're feeling good."

"But I *was*," protested Nick, swiftly moving into confusion once the panic stage passed. "I mean ... you were short-circuiting my *brain*, it was so good. Was ... was *I* doing something wrong? Not reacting right or something? Not doing enough?" He knew he should have been doing something to make Joey feel good, too, but it was too late to take it back now.

The little furrow between Joey's eyes deepened, though he never stopped moving his hands. "You were just..." He tilted his head a little helplessly. "You were lying so still. Not moving at all. I mean, that's...that's cool, as long as you were really liking it. I've just never seen anyone having fun who could hold themselves that still." He smiled again, then. "As long as you were liking it, that's cool. But if you WANT to move, you know, that's ok too." He grinned. "I know I give a damn good blowjob, so feel free to let me know you're enjoying yourself."

Nick had to grin back, a little, Joey looked so damn sincere. "I'll ... explain later," he said after a moment, conscious of how it might ruin the mood, and how much he *didn't* want to do that. "I *am*, Joey," he insisted. "Enjoying it. Like, so much. Can you, um, keep on, now?" He let his grin grow a little when he saw how playful Joey's eyes were. Really realized how much fun *Joey* was having.

Joey chuckled. "Sure thing, boss." He smacked Nick's thigh lightly, moved so he was between Nick's legs, and slid his mouth back onto Nick's cock as easily and naturally as if he belonged there. Delicious smooth wet hot...Nick stopped being able to think right around 'hot,' and then Joey slipped hands under him, cupped his ass and lifted him effortlessly closer and took Nick in even deeper, making a hungry sound deep in his throat.

Nick moaned aloud then and didn't even make an effort to stop himself, the fingers of one hand tightening in Joey's hair and the other curling around the sheets. "Oh, fuck, Joey. Forget the silver medal you're definitely going for the gold, here ... "

Joey just sucked harder, still growling a little, tongue moving fast as his hands kept Nick's hips off the bed. Nick was being swallowed alive, and there was something wrong with the air in the room because he didn't think he was getting enough oxygen, even the way he was panting. His hips twitched up once, then again, and finally he was moving, bucking, he could feel his fingernails digging into his palm even through the sheets, and then Joey opened his throat and took him down, and Nick felt it whipcrack through him.

"Joey!" he shouted out, knowing exactly who it was because no one had ever done quite *that* for him before. Nick didn't want to hurt him, but his hips kept moving despite his best intentions. At least Joey seemed to be taking it just fine. Enthusiastically, even, which just spurred Nick on further until he was sure he couldn't take any more.

Joey was smiling around his cock when he swallowed, and then again, and Nick was coming, hard and fast and no warning, no warning at all, bright lights behind his eyes and his breath harsh in his throat and fierce hot pleasure down his spine and Joey just taking it, still sucking and licking and smiling. Nick breathed. Let his head fall back on the bed, feeling Joey lick him clean, swipe a tongue up the crease between his leg and body, then move away a little, up his body. Joey's hands were big and warm and gentle on his body, and he was still doing that petting thing.

"Nick, hey. You ok in there?" Joey's voice was light. "You still with me?"

"That," said Nick, surprised to find himself hoarse, like he'd been yelling, "just made up for everything. Everything in my whole life that's been bad? That just made up for it, right there. *Damn*, Joey." He hardly wanted to move, didn't want to let any of the good feelings escape while he wasn't concentrating on them. He released his grip on Joey's hair finally, petting him restlessly like he didn't want to do with himself.

"Oh, now, I don't know if I'd go that far." Joey feathered a little kiss onto his cheekbone, down to his jaw, then pushed his head back into Nick's palm. "Mmmm, nice. And look at you!" Joey laughed down into his eyes. "You relaxed! It's a good look on you, I gotta say." Joey was blocking part of the sunbeam, but Nick could feel the rest, hot on his sweaty skin, feel the prickle of the rough coverlet under his shoulders and hips, feel Joey's fingers skating down his ribs. Joey kissed his neck, and mumbled. "And you taste great. Everywhere."

Nick laughed softly, closing his eyes and just feeling for a moment, forgetting everything else. "I'm sure you will, too," he murmured, making it a promise. "I just ... just need a couple minutes here, to ... you know. Oh, Joey." He smiled, his eyes still closed, not knowing if Joey saw or not. "Oh, oh Joey."

"Yeah?" Joey was still stroking his chest, the touch calming now. "Feeling good? Doing ok? I like that smile. 'Specially in the sun like that." His voice was soft, and he was lying still. "Take all the time you need. Man, that was great, you sounded so hot." Joey cleared his throat, then again. "OK, I think I gotta get some water. I'm a little out of practice here. Just stay put, ok?" He shifted, moving away.

Nick reached out for him instinctively, but he was already gone. "Don't be long," he said, hoping it was loud enough to be heard. "And then tell me you're okay." He was sure that Joey *was*, but he wanted to hear it anyway. Slowly he opened his eyes, letting the light hit them, and smiled again. Everything felt *good*. The whole idea of feeling good was still a little strange to him, but he knew this was it.

Joey strolled back out of the bathroom, gulping water from the little hotel cup, naked and half hard and apparently not giving a damn. He came back to the bed, finishing his water, and stood between Nick's feet, where they dangled off the bed. "Look at you, all tall and sexy and worn out." Joey flicked water from his fingertips at Nick's body, and giggled when he jumped. "I gotta say, Nick, this is the best time I've ever had at one of these things. It even beats when Chris put that big 'ol spider in Howie's glass that time. So you KNOW it's gotta be good."

Nick laughed again, half disbelievingly. "I'm glad I'm a good time." Even he wasn't sure quite what he meant but that, so he was sure Joey wouldn't. He wasn't sure what else to say, though. "You look good," he tried. "Really good. I'm ... um. Glad you found me."

"Glad I found you, too." Joey stayed standing, looking at him, thighs resting against the mattress of the high bed. He wrapped hands around Nick's ankles and stroked the thin skin behind his the sharp bump of bone. Cocked his head, kind of like a big dog, Nick thought. "You're looking better. Less freaked. Oh, damn, I'm setting a bad example!" He dropped one foot to smack his own forehead, then smiled at Nick. "Thanks. I'm glad you think I look good. You, on the other hand, look like a wet dream." And yeah, Joey's cock was perking up. Joey glanced down and then back up at Nick, a wicked twinkle in his eye. "He thinks so, too."

"C'mere," murmured Nick, smiling up at him shyly. "I know what to do about that." He gestured vaguely but unmistakably at Joey's groin. "I used to be pretty good, I think. Not too many complaints ... "

"Yeah?" Joey jumped onto the bed, flopping onto his back at Nick's side. "What are you gonna do to me, huh?" He wiggled his hips, a happy little motion, and folded his hands behind his head, cock hard against his belly, muscles bunching in his arms and chest. "I'm all yours. Have your wicked way with me, Carter, I've been looking forward to that."

Nick couldn't help but grin as he rolled onto his side to face him, finding his strength again. "You're so much ... fun, in bed," he blurted out as he stared at him "I've never really had that before." Before anything else, he leaned in to capture Joey's lips. "How is it possible you're not taken already?"

"Bed SHOULD be fun," Joey commented against his lips, eyes drifting shut and brushing Nick's cheek with long lashes. "Sex is fun, when you do it right, even if you're being serious and meaningful and stuff." He licked at Nick's lips. "An' I'm not taken because I haven't found the right person, yet. Have to be quite the guy...or girl, I guess, to put up with me. Not too many people can tolerate the life."

Nick groaned, suddenly reminded of everything that had gone wrong in the last while to bring him to this point. "Let's not ... " he said softly, then kissed him again, not finishing the sentence. "Let's do this now. I want you to feel as good as I do. Then we can talk. Or ... whatever, I guess. I don't know what comes next. I guess we don't need to know, yet."

"Hey, hey." Joey grabbed his chin in gentle fingers, pushing him away far enough to look him directly in the eye. "What's all this? Your mouth just did that thing where it looks all miserable and pouty. I already feel pretty good, y'know. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." He shook Nick's head back and forth lightly. "Come back, happy Nicky. Fun, remember?"

"No, no," said Nick quickly, his eyes shooting wide open again. "I didn't mean ... it's not *that*, Joey, not at all! You're ... you're fucking amazing. I was just ... remembering. Other stuff. Not you. Okay?"

"OK. But it's a little insulting that I haven't riveted your attention on this manly body of mine." Joey was twinkling at him again. "And you're pretty amazing yourself, ok? Now. Less talky, more kissy." He puckered up exaggeratedly. "No more pouting, or I'll throw a diva hissy fit the likes of which this hotel hasn't seen since Lady Miss Chasez had her favorite shirt destroyed in the laundry."

Nick had to smile at that face, pushing aside everything else for the moment. He knew that it would pop up again, that it couldn't stay down forever, but it would be out of the way for now. He kissed Joey again, deepy, before starting down his body, pausing for a long time to explore his chest.

"Mmmm, nice." Joey arched up under his hands and mouth, almost purring with contentment. He just loved this, Nick could tell, loved being touched like this. "Yeah, Nick, oooh..." when Nick licked at a nipple, tight and salty under his tongue. Joey's hands weren't still either, moving restlessly over Nick's neck and shoulder, stroking and grabbing a little when something felt particularly good. "Wow. That's a fantastic mouth, Nick."

"Thanks," murmured Nick, hoping his flush at the comment wasn't visible. He was still getting used to the whole 'genuine compliments' thing. Joey *did* taste good, he hadn't been wrong about that, and he just got better and better as he made his way down his body. "You gonna tell me now?" he asked quietly, darting his tongue out to taste the head of Joey's cock. "How you like it, I mean?"

"I like it how you do it." Joey smiled at him with heavy-lidded eyes, mouth hanging open a little as he started to pant. "You're doing great so far. Don't worry about it, you'll hear me when you do something I really like." He pulled at Nick's earlobe, then trailed warm fingers down his throat. "That licking thing was great, for example."

"I'll have to try that again, then," he murmured, doing just that and tasting him once more. Joey was still so very, very hot, even hotter against his tongue than he'd been against Nick's hands. "And a few other things, too." He swallowed, then wet his lips and licked down Joey's length, impulsively twining the fingers of one of his hands with one of Joey's as he did.

"Ohhhhhh..." Joey's sigh was so long and deep, Nick started worrying about him running out of air. He squeezed Nick's hand gently, holding it tight, keeping that connection. "Yeah, the licking...really good. The other things are probably good too." His head thrashed a little on the bed as Nick mouthed him, mirroring what Joey had done to him, figuring that was safe. "OH man. Seeing you like that...that mouth...JESUS, Nick."

Nick was pretty confident in his ability to do this, but every word, every *sound*, out of Joey's mouth made him more so. Every motion of Joey's hips made him want to swallow him that much more. He squeezed Joey's hand and wrapped his lips around the head of his cock, sliding down as far as he could manage without gagging. Later on he could probably take him further, but he didn't want to try too much too soon. He wanted to do this right.

Joey was panting loudly now, hips twisting under Nick as he fought to get closer. Nick's free hand came up, pushing at a hipbone, holding Joey still, and Joey laughed breathlessly and clamped down hard on his hand. "Oh man...wanna tell you how good that feels and I can't, can't remember words, that's just right, Nick." Joey had been hard forever, Nick remembered, going so slow and being so patient, and now he was sweating and shaking, and it was all because of Nick. "FUCK!" Joey bucked up a little into his hand, his mouth, as he moved his tongue carefully.

"Hang on," he mumbled, his mouth still full of Joey, and swallowed twice before sliding him in further, tonguing him *everywhere*. He let go of Joey's hip and wrapped his fingers around the base of Joey's cock, stroking everything he couldn't get into his mouth with an increasing sense of urgency.

Every time he moved, Joey moved back, completely shameless with his body, arching his spine and fanning his legs and thumping his free hand into the bed as he bucked into Nick's hand and mouth. "Fuck, Nick, fucking talented, goddamn, yeah, like that," and his voice was low and breathless and then he was silent, biting his lip hard, as his eyes fell shut and he came. Long pulses against Nick's lips, his tongue, and Joey almost broke his hand.

Nick swallowed as quickly as he could, and didn't let Joey slip out of his mouth until he was done, and clean, and coated with Nick's saliva. The grip on his hand finally loosened, but Joey didn't let go. And Nick didn't want him to. He licked his lips again, the taste of Joey still on his tongue, and began to slide back up again. He was sprawled halfway across Joey's body when he finally made it up to the head of the bed.

"Was good," he said softly, then kissed him.

"Was very good," Joey whispered, voice a little raw and shaky still. "Was SO good, Nick. Wow." He slid his tongue into Nick's mouth, tasting him sweetly, kissing him deep and slow. "Thank you. That was incredible." Joey's arms came around him and held him close, pressing him tightly to a warm, solid chest, cradling him securely as Joey kept kissing him.

"No, don't thank me," he murmured against Joey's lips. "Don't thank me. I wanted to." He squeezed Joey's hand, then began stroking him gently with his thumb. "I'm glad you ... I'm glad it was good, though. I wanted it to be good, for you."

"But I want to thank you." Joey's lips curved against his. "You just gave me an amazing blow job, what, I can't show a little gratitude, here?" He hauled Nick a little further up his body, settling him more comfortably on Joey. "There we go. Mmm. Afterglow is just about my favorite part." He nibbled little kisses on Nick's mouth, palms flat on Nick's back, boneless and relaxed under him.

"Me too," murmured Nick contentedly. "I just ... it wasn't a service, is all. I know that sounds stupid, but ... well, nevermind. You're welcome. And I ... would like to do it again sometime?" He'd meant for that to be a statement, but it came out a lot more like a question.

"No, it was a really great blowjob, and my momma raised me to thank people who do nice things for me." Joey kissed him again, he seemed to like doing that a lot, Nick thought. "And like to do it again sometime? Right now I'm thinkin' maybe we can let our respective groups break free into the new world of four-part harmony. Because I don't think I'm ready to let you go, for a while."

Nick sighed softly. "Mine would probably let you," he said, unsucessfully trying to fend the bad feelings off a little longer. When he was with Joey, all he wanted was the good ones. And he was pretty sure that all Joey would want were the good ones now, too, now that they'd both seen what it could be like. "But we have time anyway ... it's so early ... "

"Stoppit." Joey's voice was stern, though still soft. "You know better than to think that. In fact, shit, does anyone even know where we are?" He tensed briefly, worried, then relaxed again. "Oh yeah, your security knows. Anyway. Yes, it's still early, no, you're not going anywhere," he tightened his arms in emphasis, "and if you start being wrongheaded again, you know I'm going to kiss you."

"I will, though," confessed Nick quickly, curled into Joey's warmth comfortably with no plans to go away. "Think those things again. Worry about stuff. Remember things that happened that I ... have to deal with, I guess. You know that, right?"

"I know." Joey soothed him with a long sweep of his hand. "And I know it's hard to change. I just want to make sure you start thinking good things more often than bad. I think some of the stuff that bothers you so much is in your head. Some of it isn't, but if you start thinking positive, things'll get better." His lips quirked up. "And I'll quit lecturing you now. You can tell me to shut up when you want to, you know. I won't get mad. Sometimes it's the only way to get me to stop talking."

"I won't, though," said Nick with a smile. "I like listening to you talk. You make me feel good about myself every time you do, and there isn't *any*one else who can do that. No one." If anyone could keep the bad thoughts away, it was Joey, and Nick wondered what he was going to do now when he wasn't around. Wondered just what they had going on between them now, and how he was going to take it if it wasn't 'something', now that he'd begun investing parts of himself in it.

"Oh no," Joey groaned, laughing. "That's just the WRONG thing to say, baby. You're supposed to tell me to be quiet, Joey, because your ears are starting to ring. Now I'll just be flapping my mouth all the time. You're gonna have to change your cell number. Shit, you'll have to change your name and flee the state!" He nuzzled into Nick's throat. "You give at least AJ a chance, you hear me? He's a good guy, and he loves you a lot. I'll bet you give him an opening, he'll do his damndest to make sure you know it, too. Not that you'll be able to hear him over my babbling."

Nick sighed again, even more softly this time. "He has stuff going on, Joey," he reminded him. "And it's big shit and I know why they're all focusing on it so much. Hell, I did too. My stuff ... it just doesn't matter so much, in the grand scheme of things. But ... I'd like it if you called me anyway. For ... whatever. Whatever you want from this."

"I just like you, kiddo." Joey kissed him lightly. "I don't want anything from you but your time and your attention. And for AJ...shit, don't you think he'd JUMP at the chance to talk about something that isn't him or his problems or his issue? You'd be doing the guy a huge favor. He's probably so desperate to be distracted at this point, I'm surprised hasn't taken up prank calling us in the middle of the night or something." He kissed him again. "And your stuff does matter. To you it does, so it does to them, and to your other friends, and to me, too. You gotta let people care about you, Nick. If you don't believe it when people say they care, you're calling 'em liars, and that's no good."

"He seems to like to talk about it," protested Nick, but without much conviction. "A lot. It's, like, a part of his recovering or something. I ... guess I could maybe tell them that I'm gay, though ... ?" He looked up at Joey for confirmation, the realized that he didn't really need it. That it had to be his decision whether to do that or not, and how.

"That would be a good step," Joey agreed, cuddling him. "I'll bet that would make him pretty proud, hearing that from you. And just because he talks about it a lot, doesn't mean that's all he wants to HEAR about. And Howie, man, Howie would be tickled pink. Er, pinker." He grinned. "And you can call me any time, man. ANY time. I mean that."

"I don't have your number," teased Nick, poking him gently, but his mind was running in other directions. "Would it be violating the rules of afterglow if I asked some dumb questions now?" he ventured, slipping his leg between Joey's and holding him close.

"Nope." Joey held him comfortably, still relaxed. "Ask away. There are no rules of afterglow, really. What's on your mind?" He wrapped a leg around Nick's calf, pulling him even closer.

"I know I said I didn't want you to be a rebound," he said carefully after getting the green light from Joey, who seemed to still be encouraging him to get things out. "But I think I want us to be *some*thing. And I have no idea what you think of that."

"Well, we already are SOMEthing," Joey replied immediately. "Friends at least, yeah? And we've got the blowjob thing down, so we're good in bed together, which is good, because I think you're hot as hell and I'd have been real disappointed if we'd turned out to suck with each other." He slid a hand down Nick's arm, and twisted their fingers together again. "I like you a lot. Still don't want to be a rebound, but you can do what you want with that information."

"I'm still not sure what I have to offer," said Nick honestly, squeezing his hand. "I'm always worried about taking too much and not giving enough back now. I guess you know why." He sighed again and nuzzled Joey's neck. "Okay, that sounded kinda pathetic, and I'm really not, but ... you know what I mean. I want to be ... with you, or whatever. But I want to figure out what I have to offer, first."

"I think you've got a lot to offer, Nick." Joey tilted his head until Nick could feel the scratch of beard against his cheek. "And every relationship is give and take. You shouldn't worry so much about taking what you need, too. Let people take care of you, sometimes, and worry about making YOU happy." Joey squeezed his hand back. "And what do you mean, you want to be with me? Or whatever?"

"I mean that ... I want to be with you," he repeated, more nervously this time now that he was begin called on it. "I really like you and ... I think you're probably good for me, too, which would be a first for my relationships." He hesitated, searching Joey's face. "Not that I'm saying that this is, yet .. "

"Wow, you really are skittish, aren't you." Joey shook his head, looking amused. "You look like you're about to bolt, or waiting for me to. Do I look like I'm getting ready to run?" He gestured vaguely at himself, sprawled out under Nick's body. "You aren't going to say anything that'll make me hate you or yell at you, though I might call you on it if I think you're being silly. So, you're saying, what. You want to date? Sleep together when we can, call each other when we can't, send each other sappy presents on anniversaries?" Joey paused, considering. "Yeah, that sounds ok."

Nick laughed suddenly, and inappropriately, still not sure what to make of Joey's responses. "I still need to figure me out, before I'll as for anything other than your friendship," he said, reminding himself of that as well as Joey. "I'm pretty messed up, and I know it, and I *know* you're different but other people have gotten sick of it -- gotten sick of *me* -- before and that's a hard thing to forget. To let go of. So I *do* want to be with you, date you and be your lover and everything else, but I want to be ready for it if that happens."

"Right, so." Joey looked a little puzzled. "You like me and want to date me, but not yet. OK, I get that. Does that mean we can't have sex any more?" He shifted, grabbed Nick harder, and moved till he was sitting propped against the pillows, legs sprawled, Nick mostly in his lap. He muttered "ooh, headrush," and Nick's eyes widened at how easily Joey just lifted him. "Because that's cool too, if so. You're a lot of fun to talk to, even when you're all caught up in the messed up parts of your head. Though you're making great strides, young padawan." Joey nodded solemnly. "Already tonight we've gone from 'I suck' to 'I'm figuring things out, and oh by the way I'm naked in your lap.' I have to say, I'm a big fan of that last part."

Nick smiled at him, hoping it was sweetly and not *too* dirty. "No, we can still have sex," he assured him with a nod of his head. "I just don't want to promise you anything I can't follow through on. You know what I mean?" He cocked his head to the side, but didn't wait for an answer. "And I guess I was wondering if I was worth waiting for, or if maybe all you *wanted* was someone to hook up with once in a while. I just ... don't know."

"Well," Joey said in a reasonable voice, "of course I'm looking for someone to hook up with once in a while. I wouldn't mind looking into something more, when you're ready, though. I think we could be really good together." He hitched Nick closer with a hand on his hip. "As for waiting for you? You're definitely worth it, and I'll definitely do it, though if we're not dating, I can't promise absolute fidelity. But," his eyes were serious, for once, as he looked down into Nick's, "if you do decide you want more, you let me know. I'd never hurt you, and I don't cheat, and I would do my best to make you happy."

"I know you would," said Nick, kissing the corner of his mouth. "I wouldn't have even thought about it, if I didn't think you would be. I've been with people who wouldn't, who didn't, way too often. I just ... have a few things to do first. Like coming out to the guys. Like maybe letting them know what's up with me. Like figuring out that I'm really a pretty good person." He grinned at him suddenly, reminding them both that it wasn't all serious. "But of course we can still have sex."

"Yay!" Joey's voice was gleeful. "You realize you just made the endless circle of awards shows and appearances bearable, don't you?" He kissed Nick, sudden and deep and happy-warm. "I'm gonna corrupt you completely. We're gonna have sex in limos, and backstage at the VMAs, and in green rooms." He was almost bouncing. "Man, if I'd even had a hint that you were into guys, I would have made a pass at you a LONG time ago. All the guys are gonna be so jealous!" Another kiss. "None of them have friends-who-are-figuring-things-out-but-still-sleeping-with-them as hot as you!"

Nick laughed again, his heart swelling at the thought of Joey wanting to be with him that much. "I didn't know ... about *any* of you," he said, though Joey already knew that. "Guess I was caught up in my own little obsessive world. So ... does that imply that the other guys have friends-who-are-figuring-things-out-but-still-sleeping-with-them who simply *aren't* as hot as me?" It also implied that maybe someone other than Joey had found him genuinely attractive, but he wasn't goig to pursue *that* just then.