JC knew he wasn't thinking straight -- was barely thinking at all -- when he slammed the heavy door to the quiet room shut before whoever was following him down the hall could reach him. He had half-slumped, half-collapsed against it, concentrating on breathing, before he heard -- of course -- Joey's voice. Soothing as ever, telling him to let him in, asking him what the hell was going on, and whether he was feeling okay ...

"Why is this happening now," he murmured, not paying attention to whether Joey could hear him or not. "Why *now*, Joe ... the last fucking show of the tour ... "

Joey banged on the door again, more than a tap this time. "Let me in, Jace, or come out here. I don't care which. I just can't help you when there's a door in between us, you know?" JC didn't answer at all this time, letting the bangs on the door jar him. "JC. Please. You can't just lock yourself in there. It's not gonna help anything ... "

"*Nothing's* gonna help anything," JC muttered. "At least in here, I don't have to see his ... my ... that guy's *face*."

He was still completely, utterly in shock. It had been a normal meet-and-greet: Chris and Justin goofing off at the other end of the table, Lance giving a cursory effort at not looking bored, and Joey and him writing on each other's legs with their markers when they had a break in the line. Until a tall young man came through the line, and said they needed to talk. A tall young man that happened to look excatly like him.

"Can you at least talk to me?" asked Joey, and JC heard a final bang as he slumped against the other side of the door. "Everyone's worried about you, the way you ran out like that. Are you sure you're feeling all right? What's going on?"

And JC had no idea how to tell him. It sounded like something ... he'd have to have made up. Something out of a cheesy novel; something that only happened in soap operas. How do you explain to your best friend that you have a long-lost twin brother, without him laughing in your face?

"Nothing, just go *away*," he insisted. "I'm fine."

"I hope you already know I'm not going anywhere until we talk," said Joey, and JC knew he was just that stubborn. But JC was stubborn, too. "And they're really gonna start to wonder what the fuck's wrong when the show gets delayed. They'll *make* you talk to someone, JC, and wouldn't you rather it was me? Or at least another one of the guys?"

Like JC could even *think* about the show right then. "Fine, sit out there," JC called. "I'm not letting you in, and I'm not coming out. I'm not ... you won't believe me, if I tell you, so just ... go pick on Lance. Go finish the meet and greet."

"They already cleared everyone out," came Joey's voice, from a little lower now as he settled in against the door. "They think you're really sick. Or you're having a mental breakdown or something. You're not, are you? Whatever it is, Jace, you *know* you can tell me. Don't pull this crap about me not believing you, you know that's not true."

JC laughed hollowly. Mental breakdown. It might come to that.

He opened the door suddenly, cursing when Joey tumbled through it and knocked it open wider so it hit JC on the shin. "Ow, motherfucker," he muttered, crawling away.

Joey rubbed the back of his head. "How the fuck you think *I* feel?" he winced as he sat up again, closing the door with him on the inside. JC wasn't sure he liked that much better at all. "So talk to me. What is *up* with you? Obviously it's not a stomach bug. Did someone do something to you, Jace? Is that what you're worried I won't believe?"

JC knew Joey probably hadn't seen the guy; he always was first in line, and therefore saw him first. And had been in enough shock to actually get up and follow the guy -- *Jared*, he thought. *He has a name* -- and wave off security when he did. But he had to ask.

"Did you see that guy?" he mumbled quietly, not meeting Joey's eyes.

"See what guy?" asked Joey, still rubbing his head. He wasn't forcing JC to do anything other than be there, which suited him fine. "I didn't have *any* guys go past before the shut the thing down. Did he do something? Are you okay?"

"Do I seem okay?" JC snapped back, then remembered -- or realized -- that he had no reason to take this out on Joey. "Sorry," he muttered. "I'm just ... freaked. Totally freaked. And I ... I don't know if I can explain it. Maybe you should see it for yourself."

"Can you just tell me what you're talking about?" asked Joey, letting go of his own head to reach for JC's back. "I'm completely in the dark here. We *all* are. What the hell *happened* in there?"

JC metled into Joey's touch, craving any physical affection he could ever get from him, and hating himself for all but begging for it. "The guy I left with," he said softly, "the one you didn't see? that was ... he's ... it's my *brother*, Joey. Like ... my *real* brother."

"What, and Tyler was just a stand-in or something?" laughed Joey, then stopped when JC didn't laugh with him. "Sorry," he murmured, looking at JC in confusion now even as he rubbed soothing circles on his back. "I'm still not sure ... did he say something to you? Where did he go? What happened?"

"He didn't have to say anything," JC admitted, his voice hitching. "I just had to look at him. My *real* brother, Joey ... we're fucking *twins*." He chuckled morosely at the expression on Joey's face. "Exactly. And I have no idea where the fuck he went. I don't care, either."

"How can you not *care*?" asked Joey, his confusion turning to incredulity, his hand stilling. "If he's your *brother*, JC, your *biological* brother ... don't you want to find him? Talk to him? JC ... wow ... this is like something out of a fantasy for you ... "

"*Why*?" JC cried. "*Why* is this something out of a fantasy? I *have* a brother. And ... what the fuck does he *want*? Why did he wait so long to try and *get* it? That means it can't be good ... what if he just wants ... money, or something ... *fuck*, Joey ... " A million different scenarios, none of them good, started playing through his mind.

"I guess you just have to ask *him* that," said Joey quietly. JC wanted to shout at him that he was being naive, but he choked on the words. "But haven't you talked to me before, about wanting to someday track down your birth family? Well, this'll be your chance, JC. I'm sure he's gonna stick around for the show at least, now that he's found you ... "

JC's heartbeat sped up again. He wasn't in any shape to go onstage in a couple of hours, especially halfway feeling like he dreamed the whole thing.

The thing was, he *had* talked about finding his birth family ... but he meant his *mom*, or dad, maybe. He didn't think he'd have a brother ... let alone a *twin*. It was just too bizarre to comprehend just then.

"I don't know where he went," he muttered quietly, squirming against Joey's still hand.

JC caught Joey's smile as he started rubbing his back again. "We'll look for him later. If he came by and introduced himself to you, he's hardly going to disappear now, is he? If he sticks around, someone's gonna spot him. I mean, he looks like *you* right? And after the show, then we can track him down and you can talk to him and you can stop. freaking. out."

JC froze. "He can't expect to go see the *show*, can he?" he worried, even though Joey'd said exactly that only a few minutes earlier. "He'll get *mobbed* out there. He can't ... we can't let him, Joe. Do you think he knows?"

"Knows ... that he'll get mobbed? He can't have missed the packs of shrieking girls out there, JC. But I don't know anything about him. Are you saying you want to find him now, before the show? Because you know we don't have that much time ... " He paused when JC shot him a look. "But we could. If you wanted."

"I just ... " JC shook his head, knowing he wasn't making any sense -- saying he didn't want to see the guy, didn't care what he wanted, but yet *way* too concerned about his well-being for anyone to believe it. Let alone Joey, who could always always read him like a book. "Maybe?" he said meekly. "I just ... don't want anyone to get hurt ... "

"Especially not you," said Joey quietly as he got to his feet and offered JC his hand. "All right, we'll give it a look now, then. But we need to get back her to get ready for the show, and on time. If we don't find him, I promise we'll look after, all right?" JC didn't want to hear about the show, didn't want to *think* about the show, but it was an undeniable fact that they did have a show and it was going to be beyond conspicuous if he didn't take the stage.

JC slipped his hand into Joey's but held it gently, getting up more or less under his own power, counting on Joey not to notice. "Thank you," he said awkwardly. "Um. I guess this would probably be easier if I hadn't run off and thrown a temper tantrum. You think security let him stay back here?"

"It would have been easier, yeah," said Joey honestly, squeezing his hand before letting go. "You'd probably be talking to *him* right now instead of me. But you did run off and you did freak out and ... okay, we'll deal with that. Do you know what direction he went in? That'd at least give us a place to start."

JC shook his head sadly, still mostly in shock. "I just left him outside the room where we were doing the thing," he explained. "So if you didn't see him when you came out, then ... I have no idea *where* he went. Should we ask Lonnie and them to look?" He still hadn't figured out what he was going to say when -- or if -- they found him. He almost wanted to shut him in the quiet room, or on the bus or something, until he could decide.

"I wasn't looking for him when I came out, I was looking for you." Joey paused for a moment, then gave JC a sheepish look. "Oh. Right. But at least that's a place to start. Even if I didn't notice anything, someone must have. It's not like this place is empty and someone looking like you can just run around without being spotted."

JC sighed, and shrugged, and opened his mouth to say something about how he was sorry to have worried Joey when someone started pounding on the door, accompanied by Chris's voice screeching that "you better get your fucking ass out here, Chasez, and explain why I never knew you had a fucking *twin* until I started yelling at him in the bathroom for acting like a fucking spazz when *you're* the one that ran out of the meet-and-greet ... "

Joey started smiling at him, even as JC's panic rose up again. As Chris so aptly put it, he had a fucking *twin*, and he had no idea yet how he was going to handle it. "Come on," said Joey, tugging on his elbow. "Let's go meet your brother. Wow."

JC let him open the door, hiding behind his large frame almost *shyly*, and digging his fingers into his back when he saw that Chris had obviously *dragged* the poor guy -- *Jared* -- with him from the bathroom.

It was *still* a shock to see him.

"Sorry," he mumbled, holding on to Joey, blushing under Chris's heavy stare.

Joey looked back of his shoulder and tried to move so that JC was more out in the open, but JC followed his body and refused to poke more than his head out.

"Someone want to start explaining this, then?" said Joey gently as Chris pushed the door shut, ensuring that there would be no intrusions. "Because I can't be the only confused one here ... "

"You're not," Chris cut in, but it was JC he looked to for explanations and not Jared. And JC didn't know *what* to say.

He fisted his hand in Joey's shirt and took a shuddery breath. "Okay," he exhaled. "Um. Guys. This," - he waved at Jared, but didn't look at him - "is Jared. My ... brother. Twin brother. Uh, obviously."

From there, he didn't know *what* to say. He and Jared themselves hadn't gotten much past that, before he panicked and hid in the quiet room -- he had no idea where he came from, how long he'd known about *JC*, *nothing*.

"Um," he went on, shifting his feet. "Jared, this is ... Chris. Who you, I guess, met. And this is, uh. Joey."

"Fuck," said Jared enthusiastically, focusing on JC alone for the moment despite JC's attempts to direct his attention elsewhere for a moment. "It's so great to finally meet you. I mean, do you even *know* how hard you are to get ahold of? Well of course you do ... that's the point ... " He reached out for JC's arm, tugging a little, but JC was still reluctant to let go of Joey. "I've waited 24 years to meet you, man, can I at least get a hug or something now? Or are you gonna take off again?"

"He's not going to take off again," Joey interrupted quickly, looking back over his shoulder at JC again. "I don't know what he's going to do, but he's not going to take off."

Chris looked even *more* confused. "Take off *again*?" he said icily, and JC flinched. "What ... you mean you *left* him out there? Christ, Chasez ... "

"Oh, what," JC interrupted shrilly, but he didn't move any closer to Jared. "Like this isn't the most insane thing you've ever heard of. Like *you* wouldn't have freaked." He glanced up guiltily at Jared, wondering how long it would take for him to pick up on the dynamics of the men around him. "Sorry," he mumbled again.

Joey pet his hair for a moment but then made an actual effort to detach him, much to JC's dismay. "You can't hide from this," he murmured, obviously for JC's ears only. "*Talk* to him. He's your *twin*."

Jared let go of JC and backed off, eyeing them all up. "Well, this isn't going exactly as planned," he said dryly, crossing his arms over his chest. "Not that I expected a fanfare or anything, but ... " He kicked at the carpet, a faint smile still on his face. "Well, at least you're not kicking me out or something. That was my worst-case scenario, especially after that reply I got back from your label a couple months ago."

All three other men stared at him, until JC found his voice. "Our la- what? You mean ... you've been trying to find me ... us ... for, um. Months?" He glanced at Joey in confusion, and then Chris, who actually had a sympathetic look on his face at that point.

"You can't be surprised, Jace," he said gently. "That you didn't hear about it. I mean, I'm not sure what they told you," he murmured, looking at Jared but keeping his distance now too, "but I can guess. I mean. It *sounds* like a prank."

"They kinda threatened me," admitted Jared awkwardly, lifting his head again. "Shit ... I should've known the didn't tell you. They were just, you know, back off and don't ask for money and they'd sue my ass off and stuff. Well, they didn't say it quite like that. But who cares about that shit ... all I wanted to do was meet my *brother*, you know? The brother I didn't even know *existed* until one day I saw my own face on TV ... "

"And here he is," murmured Joey, pushing on JC's back gently now and urging him to finally take a step forward.

JC looked back at Joey worriedly, but he didn't have an excuse any more ... Jared seemed so honest, so real, so *heartfelt* when he said all he wanted was to meet him. He ducked his head and held out his arms tentatively. "JC," he quietly introduced himself.

Jared swept him up into a huge, tight hug, not even seeming to be concerned about such things as personal space. He didn't even say anything, just hung on for dear life for what felt like a long time before finally letting go and holding JC out at arm's length.

JC knew that Joey and Chris were still there, murmuring something to each other in the background, but all he could do now was focus on Jared and try to come to terms with all the things he'd just discovered in the last few minutes.

He smiled shyly under Jared's scrutiny, then started staring back: taking in all the things about his appearance that seemed the same, all the things that looked different. Eyes, cheekbones, jaw -- all identical. His hair -- not *too* different; slightly spikier, maybe darker, like it was dyed black? Jeans that hung *way* low on his waist, a tight long-sleeve tee shirt, Doc Martins ... all a little punkier than anything he'd wear ... no earrings. That wasn't such a surprise, and JC idly wondered if phobias were genetic, until Jared grinned and JC caught the unmistakable glint of metal.

"Holy *fuck*," he blurted. "You have your *tongue* pierced?"

"Whoo-hoo!" Chris whistled, smirking, distracted from his conversation with Joey. "Nice. I always thought you'd be stellar with one, Jace."

"We'd have to sedate him and tie him down for *that*," joked Joey alongside him, and privately JC hoped he wasn't giving Chris any bright ideas.

Jared laughed and JC was struck by just how at ease he seemed to be. "*Long* story behind that one," he said. "And most of it I thankfully don't remember. You'd have to ask my ex-boyfriend if you want the whole thing and fucked if I know where *he* is these days." He stuck out his tongue for a moment to give him a clear view. "Glad I have it now, though."

JC's face had already frozen, though, right at the beginnings of a smile, and he glanced automatically at Joey. Ex-*boyfriend*. That went quite a way toward explaining some things. Some things about himself that he hadn't necessarily come to terms with.

When he looked up at Chris, he saw he wasn't the only one who'd recognized the significance of what Jared had just divulged, saw the appraising look -- and all his earlier panic started to return.

He stumbled in his haste to stand behind Joey again, mumbling a distracted "nice" in response to the piercing, and stared longingly at the door.

"What?" asked Jared, looking at each of them in turn. "I need a breath mint or something? I know this is weird and all, but ... " He looked at Joey and suddenly his smile inexplicably reappeared, moments *before* his gaze returned to JC. "Don't be such a shrinking violet, man. We have *years* to catch up on here."

"And definitely not years before we need to let wardrobe and makeup get hold of us," Joey reminded them, regretfully. "Jared can stay in here and Justin can kiss my ass if he has a problem with it. That okay with everyone?"

Chris laughed, shaken out of whatever he'd been scheming about, and clapped Jared on the back as he held out his hand. "Good to meet you, man," he said, winking at Joey for some reason as he did. "Hope you can stay for a while. And don't let Joey scare you. Justin's a pussycat."

JC knew Chris knew, as well as Joey knew, that they had *plenty* of time before they had to get ready, but wasn't saying anything. He thanked both of them silently, knowing Justin and even Lance wouldn't have been as tactful, and blushed as he didn't meet Jared's eyes. "Yeah. Can you ... stay? for a while? I didn't know what your plans were ... or where you *live* ... "

"Well, I drove here from Georgia," he said with a grin, his eyes lingering on Joey for a moment before darting back to JC's face. "*Drove*. So I'm not gonna be picking up and taking off right away. And staying in here a while is a lot nicer prospect than curling up in the sleeping bag in my car again."

"Oh, no," JC protested automatically, ignoring Joey and Chris's snickers. "No, you're not staying in your car. If the hotel's booked you can stay with me." He blushed and looked around. "Um. If you wanted. But ... we should kinda get ready. Did you ... I mean, were you interested in seeing the show at all? 'Cause, I mean, you could go with Steve to the VIP booth and watch it, if you wanted." He looked questioningly at Joey. "But Lance and Justin are gonna be in here in a minute and we're really not supposed to have anyone else here ... "

"Hey, if you need me out of here, that's fine," said Jared quickly. "I understand. You guys have protocols and stuff. Trust me, after months of trying to reach you I know all about *that*. I even tried entering a bunch of fucking contests ... " He shook his head and laughed, still completely comfortable with them, or so it looked to JC. "So who's Steve and where do I need to go to hook up with him?"

Chris laughed at that, and JC wondered idly if he'd ever grow up. "Steve," he said, still quiet, still patient, still hiding behind Joey, "is Joey's brother. He tours with us. Um ... if you just wanted to go outside, there'll be at least one huge black guy - Mike?" He looked questioningly at Chris, who nodded. "Mike. He can take you to him. And then ... then we'll all see you after the show. Back at the hotel; we don't have to bus out of here tonight."

"Wish I could be there to see the look on Steve's face when he meets you," laughed Joey, patting Jared's back as he started to head for the door.

"Well, this should be fun," smiled Jared. "I'm really looking forward to talking more, JC. I mean there's so much -- SO MUCH -- for us to talk about. So Mike, right? Big black guy?" He put his hand on the door. "I think I can handle that."

Chris side-stepped out of his way, watching Jared and JC in thinly veiled fascination until he caught JC's glare. He didn't want this to be so ... *amusing* to the other guys, when he felt all turned upside-down and inside-out, inside.

"Me too," he had to admit, though. "And, um. I hope you enjoy the show." He realized he had *no* idea how much or how little Jared knew about him, knew about *NSYNC. And felt a strange sensation of being actually worried about what he'd think.

"I'm sure it'll be entertaining," said Jared, which was vague enough that he *still * didn't know what he thought. "I'm thinking I should've brought my earplugs, though. Well, live and learn. I'll see you guys later." And before anyone could say anything else -- not that JC was even sure they were going to -- Jared had slipped out the door and the room was silent.

---

The first thing JC saw -- rather than the dark, empty room he was used to -- was Jared sitting on the edge of the bed, channel surfing. " Hey!" he said, looking up the moment JC made the slightest bit of noise at the door. "You're back! Listen ... I meant to meet you downstairs or something but they said how that wouldn't be safe and stuff. I don't usually bust in on people's rooms like this. Well, not unless I'm invited," he added with a wink, "and even then, I like to make sure they're *there*, first ... "

JC gave him a wary smile and closed the door softly behind him. "It's okay," he assured him. "I'm not ... I mean, you get used to having people barge in on you, everywhere. And ... yeah, you totally have to be careful in the lobbies and stuff. If you don't do anything else while you're here, listen to security."

He amazed himself with how calm he sounded, how easily he slipped into discussing those things so matter-of-factly when his brain was still racing, heart pounding.

"Well, I did," said Jared with a grin. "Obviously, since I'm *here* and all. When there's a guy who's half a foot taller than you and outweighs you by 150 pounds with arms that look like they could tear you in half ... well, you don't need to be *told* to listen. You just do. Which is their whole job, right?" He got up off the bed and smoothed the covers that he'd rumpled. "Didn't meant to barge, really, but there wasn't really anywhere else to go."

"I didn't mean you," JC said quickly, flinching, wondering how to get his brother to sit back down. "Just ... the other guys ... um. Nevermind." He looked back at the TV, then shrugged a little. "Um. So. How long have you been here, then? I guess, the show, you didn't ... I should've prepared you better for the noise ... " He figured he couldn't blame Jared for leaving early, he just hoped he'd enjoyed what little of it he must have seen.

"And I thought *our* shows were loud," laughed Jared, so easily JC figured his thoughts must not have been showing on his face. "It wasn't so much the show as the screaming. I don't know *what* I would have done if I was down there in that crowd. Haven't been here all that long, though. Maybe half an hour, tops?" He laughed again, looking down, the grinned up at him. "Not long enough for the ringing in my ears to stop, anyway. How do you guys *do* it?"

JC blinked at him, overwhlemed again with about four different thing he could comment on, or ask about. He figured that's exactly what every one of their conversations would be like, for quite some time to come, however.

"Technology," he shrugged, replying to the easy part first. "Um. Your shows?"

"Yeah, with my band," said Jared, shaking his head as though that would stop the ringing. "But this was *huge*. You guys really are that big, huh? I mean, people *told* me and all, but I never really believed it until I saw it for myself."

JC brushed off the comment, not sure it was meant to be compliment. "I guess," he admitted, wondering just who *people* were, whether Jared had ever been 'recognized' by their fans. And a little embarrassed at the prospect. "Your band? What do you ... I mean, do you play something? I guess? or ... sing?"

"Yeah, I sing," said Jared, nodding at him and still looking positively delighted to be there. "Guess that was in the blood, huh? Not, like, this stuff, though. We're not a pop group or anything -- no few million teenage girls trying to get into *our* beds." He gave JC another grin as he sat back down on the end of the bed. "Wow, that's gotta be weird."

JC found himself smiling back, thinking that despite himself it was pretty damn cool that his brother loved to sing, too. It *was* something they shared. "You get used to it," he replied, after a second. "I mean, as much as you can. But I'm not Justin, either." He glanced at Jared again, then turned around to pull off his windbreaker and the sweaty widebeater he still had on underneath, from his costume. "What do you sing? Anything I would've heard?"

"Um, probably not," admitted Jared. "I mean, we did record a CD but mostly for locally. I guess it depends on what sort of stuff you like to listen to. We're pretty popular back home and all." He laughed again, and JC figured that he must laugh a lot because it looked very natural on him. "Of course, popular is pretty relative, isn't it?"

JC blushed. "And home is ... Georgia, you said?" He could hear it in Jared's voice, the soft drawl and the slow way of talking, less affected than Lance or Justin's accents. "Is that ... what you do? I mean, your day job?" He flinched when he realized how that must've sounded, and how shallow all his questions were ringing in his own ears.

"Except when I'm helping wait tables in Aunt Lucille's restaurant," he said with a faint groan. "Mostly it's just the group these days, though. We get by. Like I said, it's nothing like *this*." He took a moment to look around the room, and JC wondered what he was looking for. "So yeah, Georgia. As if you couldn't tell." He gave JC a sly grin when his attention focused on him again. "I'm a long way from home. You stayed in Maryland, though, right? I read that somewhere, I think."

"For a ... yeah," JC replied, looking at him curiously, then sitting down on the bed beside him. "You remember Maryland? I mean, is that where ... " He dug his fingernails into his own hand, realizing that he might be discovering more than just a brother. "Um. You're not ... can I ask who, um, raised you? Did ... " - he swallowed - "our mom?"

"Oh," said Jared softly. Softer than JC had heard his voice yet. "I ... no," he admitted. "I don't know her either, JC. I'm sorry. She gave both of us up for adoption. My family, my mom, she moved us down to Georgia when I was three so I don't remember Maryland really well. I just know that's where I was born."

"Oh, okay," JC replied, wondering if he should feel relieved, but only feeling a dull ache in his chest that he began rubbing at. "That's okay. Wow, that could have been ... awkward." He closed his eyes. "What's your family like?"

"Mom's the most fabulous woman on the planet," said Jared enthusiastically, reaching out unexpectedly to try and pull JC into a hug again. "And Aunt Lucille is okay, too. But then, she pays me, I have to say that." He paused and looked JC over again when he didn't move any closer. "I really am sorry," he said. "I guess you were hoping ... "

"No, no," JC cut him off. "No, I wasn't hoping ... anything. So, did your ... does your Mom know about me? I mean, was she the one that told you, or ... and do you have any brothers or anything?" JC didn't have the faintest idea about how to ask everything he wanted to ask, how to find out everything he needed to know. He reached out shyly to touch Jared's hair. "God, this is so weird," he breathed.

"Yeah, tell me about it," said Jared, leaning forward so that he could, and JC got the feeling he liked touching almost as much as Joey. "You have *no* idea what I did the first time I saw you guys on TV. My cousin was watching MTV and she was, like, 'that's you, Jared!'. Fucked up stuff." He reached out and ran a finger along JC's eyebrow, and JC was too taken aback to stop him. "I guess it's not fair that I got to know so much about you, and you didn't even know I existed," he mused. "So, um, family. Nope, no brothers and sisters, just me and mom. And about a million cousins. So she knows where I am and she knows you exist -- but who doesn't, these days? I'm gonna have to call her, tell her it really happened this time. I really got to meet you."

JC concentrated on keeping his breathing steady. "I'm sorry," he apologized automatically, helplessly. "That you've been ... trying to get in touch with me. I'm just ... relieved ... that you didn't give up." He blinked, caught Jared's hand in his own. "I mean, I'm glad unless ... " he bit his lip. There was no delicate way to say this. "Why *did* you try to get in touch with me? And ... " he remembered his brief conversation with Joey earlier. "Why did you wait so long, man?"

"What do you mean?" asked Jared, frowning at him suddenly. JC thought that probably wasn't a good thing. "Why *wouldn't* I get in touch with you? I mean, wouldn't you, if you suddenly found out *I* existed? I didn't wait at all. I didn't even wait a fucking day before trying to figure out where you were and how to get there. It's not like it was easy."

"Okay," JC said, trying to be soothing, still holding on to Jared's hand and *knowing* he'd made a mistake. "Okay, no, I know ... I'm sorry, I don't think I can say that I'm sorry enough, that nobody listened to you ... they obviously didn't *see* you ... " He trailed off. "I'm just sorry. This was so, so unexpected. And you don't deserve it, but ... I mean, I had to know if you just wanted to find me because you ... *wanted* something ... "

Jared yanked his hand away and JC's heart sank. "I *wanted* my brother," he snapped. "That's it. That's *all* I've wanted since the moment I first saw you. I've used all my savings and every free moment I've had to chase you all over the country, on the *chance* that I might get to finally talk to you, finally meet the only person of my own flesh and blood that I know exists in the world. And I'm not asking for a single fucking thing in return. All right? I just wanted to ... be there for you. Like a brother *should*."

JC even felt tears well up in his eyes before he could look away, trying not to immediately recoil from Jared's tone, his words. WHich he definitely, definitely deserved.

"Jared," he pleaded softly, not wanting to move too much closer -- he knew he was sweaty, and smelled, and even though it felt like they'd started to connect ... they weren't *that* close, yet. For him to assume. "Please. I know that now, okay? Don't ... please don't regret this. Regret *me*."

"I don't," said Jared evenly. "I wanted to meet you, and I have, and I know we have a million other things to talk about yet, but even if you throw me out now I have no regrets. I made it this far. At least I know you're real now."

JC's throat started to tighten and he had to *force* himself to look away, before he really started crying. Throw him out? He was realizing just what an asshole he'd been -- how self-centered, and paranoid. "Please," he said again, choking a little. "Please, I'm sorry. I can't expect you to understand, but even if you did, that's not an excuse. *Please*. How can I ... make it better?"

"Tell me about you?" suggested Jared, and JC realized that he'd never gotten up off the bed, never started for the door. Jared may have suggested that JC might want him to go, but he'd never given any indication that *he* wanted to go. And that was a relief. "All I know is what I've read, and I know enough to know that all half-truths, if even that. I've been waiting a long time to get to know you, JC."

JC rubbed his hands on his knees nervously, trying not to appear as apprehensive as he felt. "Okay, that's fair," he murmured. "Like what? All the vitals, you already know ... Mom and Dad in Chicago with my sister Heather, Tyler's in school in Florida ... "

"Know about *you*," insisted Jared. "I can read what your favorite color is in a hundred magazines -- and I *have*, trust me, I have -- but I still don't feel like I know you. And I can watch every TV appearance -- and I've done that, too -- and I can still only get a vague idea about what you're really like. Were your parents really good to you? Were you happy when you were a kid? And I mean, a brother and sister, that's really cool ... "

JC had to nod, taken aback by Jared's passionate response. "I love them a lot," he admitted. "I'm putting Ty through college, and Mom and Dad ... well, they're great. They're basically responsible for me doing this, being in the business, I guess." He brought his knees up to his chin when Jared didn't stop frowning, didn't seem like that's what he'd meant, either. But what was he supposed to *tell* him?

"Do you like it?" pushed Jared, looking at him expectantly. "What you do, I mean. Is it everything you wanted? And what else do you like to do? Do you have a boyfriend or anything?"

"A boyf- ... no," JC said quickly, shaking his head, not meeting Jared's eyes. "No, no. Why would you ... no." He didn't want to hear about why Jared had assumed that; he just didn't. "But yes, I like what I do. It's very ... rewarding." He could tell his voice sounded funny, but he couldn't do anything about that.

"It's very rewarding?" scoffed Jared, his gaze turning incredulous. "What kind of answer is that? Is that the kind of thing you say to a reporter, when they ask you that question? *If* they ask you that question? Because ... I'm not that. And I was hoping for something a little more ... personal."

JC stared at him. It had been forever -- *years* -- since anyone had spoken to him with anything approaching that kind of ... disdain. Especially someone who, blood or not, he'd just met that day.

"It *is* rewarding," he insisted. "I can support myself, support my family ... write and produce when I get free time ... travel ... "

"I'm sure it is," said Jared, nodding his head, his voice cooling. "I'm sure it's very rewarding for you and if that's why you do it, then that's why you do it. I guess I have no place to argue." He fell silent and lay back on the bed, and JC was left frantic wondering if that was it.

He knew he probably sounded frantic, too, when he stood up and started stripping off the rest of his sweaty costume, trying to at least look occupied. "What?" he said, his voice getting shrill. "What am I supposed to say? What are you ... not hearing, that you want to hear? I'm not *lying* to you, Jared ... "

"Look," said Jared, sounding infuriatingly calm in comparison. "Maybe this is how you're supposed to act or something. I don't know. I don't know *anything* about your life ... and that's kinda the point, here. I *don't* know. And ... you're not helping that much. I guess ... I'm not exactly a patient guy. I didn't realize I was gonna have to ... coax you, to want to talk to me. I thought it would come as naturally to you as it comes to me."

"Well, I don't exactly have the luxury of speaking my mind often, no," JC retorted, hoping that didn't come out as snarky as it felt. "If I'm not in public then I'm trying to mediate between four other spoiled brats, and if I'm not doing that then I'm reassuring mom and dad that I'm eating and not snorting coke every night, and if I'm not doing *that* then I'm working really, really hard at not admitting to myself the stuff I'm not ready to deal with, and ... " He took a deep breath and stalked into the bathroom, finishing his train of thought under his breath. "Doesn't leave a lot of room for being honest and forthcoming."

JC was surprised -- then realized he probably shouldn't have been -- when Jared got up and followed him to the bathroom door. "And I was just supposed to know that?" Jared asked him, his voice soft again. Soft enough that JC wondered what Jared was reading into what he was saying, wondered what assumptions he was making and whether he was feeling sorry for him or something. "This is your chance, JC. To be with someone who you don't have to worry about that stuff with. I want to be that, for you. I ... think you need it even more than I thought you did, before we met."

"More than you thought I did?" JC echoed, feeling very self-pitying and blaming Jared for it. "What's *that* supposed to mean?" He actually looked at him challengingly as he slipped off his briefs and turned on the shower, crossing his arms and waiting for an answer before he got in. "I look that miserable, to someone that doesn't even *know* me?"

"I'm not just anyone," said Jared, his voice louder now to balance the sound of the shower. "And I didn't say miserable. I just ... noticed things, is all. And you're not doing *anything* right now to make me think that my original thoughts were wrong."

"Whatever," JC scoffed, yanking the curtain back and climbing into the shower. "This is stupid," he yelled over the bar. "I have everything I could ever want in the world. And no, you didn't say miserable, but you definitely implied ... discontent. Which I'm *not*, either."

"Are you trying to tell me I wasted my time, coming here?" asked Jared, louder still, obviously making *sure* JC could still hear him. "Just say so, all right? I didn't come to fuck with you, I came to be your brother. So just offer me the same courtesy and don't fuck with me. If you don't need me in your life then tell me now, because I have a long fucking drive ahead of me tonight if you don't."

: JC yanked open the curtain and stared at him. "What the *hell*?" he asked. "I *don't* want you to leave, I just ... I guess I thought we'd just ... get to know each other. First. Not, like ... spill our guts. I don't even do that with the friends I *have*. Obviously."

"That's what I've been *trying* to do," protested Jared, staring back at him. "Get to know *you*. Don't you even know what you are to me? I'm not some fan that you've brought up to your room, JC. I guess I thought ... I would be more to you than a stranger."

JC considered that, actually gave Jared's words a chance to sink in. "You are," he said finally. "But I can't ... you have to know I can't trust like that, not right away. I've already said more to you than I do to Justin, or Lance, and that's on a good day. So just ... I know you said you aren't patient, but ... if you expect me to let you in, you might have to be."

"I didn't think I was asking much," admitted Jared, leaning against the doorframe as steam billowed out from the shower and into the bathroom. JC closed the curtain a little further. "I didn't think I was asking all *that* much more than someone I just met. But I don't know what you're used to, don't know *anything* about what your life's like. You're going to have to explain it to me if you want me to get it, JC."

JC sighed as he soaped up his body. "I just ... nobody asks if I'm happy," he surpised himself by admitting. "Nobody *asks* that. And it's not that I'm not, it's just ... I'm not really in control of what I do. And I can imagine that's hard for someone like you to wrap your head around."

"It is," said Jared candidly. "It *is* hard for me to get that, at all. It doesn't surprise me much ... but I think that if *I* was in a position like that, I would take any opportunity that was offered to me, to not have to be anyone but myself."

Pondering that, JC rubbed down his chest with the thin hotel washcloth. "I try," he said quietly, just audibly. "But I think you can't really know how rare those times are. Maybe ... maybe if you can stick around, for a while? You'll see."

"No, I can't, you're right," said Jared. "And that's exactly the kind of thing I need you to be telling me, JC. The kind of thing I don't want you to avoid. I want to know *everything* about you, but I know *that* can't happen all at once. But this at least, me understanding where you're coming from, and you understanding where I'm coming from ... we can do *that*. I ... was planning on staying, if I got to meet you this time. If you wanted me to as much as I want to."

"I want you to," JC said simply, realizing just how true it was. He hung the washcloth back up and stood under the water to rinse, humming a little. "Of course, I do. You're welcome to stay as long as you can hack the schedule. And I hope you'll let me pay you back for all your costs, and all, from your trip out here?"

"I told you," said Jared plainly, but not coldly this time. "I didn't come for your money. And I don't want anyone to say that anymore. I can get by fine, on my own, all right? I know you have money coming out your ass but ... that's not why I'm here."

JC peeked out the curtain and blinked at him, then bent down to turn off the water. "Okay," he said evenly. "Just ... *that* wasn't insinuating anything, alright? You just ... you said you'd used up all your savings. I wasn't being insulting, I just ... it *is* something I can do for you, and ... " He trailed off, starting to shiver. "You could hand me a towel, you know."

Jared stepped inside and grabbed a fluffy, white towel off the shelf, handing it to him silently. He didn't step back, as JC had been expecting him to, instead leaning back against the faux marble of the bathroom counter and staring at the curtain.

"I know what you meant by it," he said finally. "I just ... if *you* thought that, then other people are gonnna be twice as quick to think it. And I don't want them to have that chance."

JC laughed hollowly. "If that's the worst thing people think about you while you're here, you're doing well," he admitted, wiping off his body and wrapping the terrycloth around his waist, before attempting a smile. "And hell, you have, like, five years of mooching to even catch up with Steve, so." JC knew he'd messed up earlier, and once again cursed Lou for turning him into such a distrustful person. Jared would have to hear that story too.

"Well, that's reassuring," said Jared, but obviously that wasn't entirely sarcasm because he began to smile again. "I just can't wait to find out what people say about me. I'm sure it'll be entertaining. So ... at least I've learned a *few* things about you in the last few minutes, but there are just so many more. How much time do *you* have? I guess ... not much, huh?"

Running a hand through his hair, JC looked at Jared in confusion. "What? You mean, like ... tonight, or ... ? Because I'm not going anywhere." He looked down at his towel, wondering why things had to get uncomfortable again. "If *you* wanted to go out, I could call Joey for you, or Lance ... one of them is always up for it. And, I guess, we could just talk later."

"Go out?" repeated Jared, frowning at him again and sending JC into another spiral of confusion. "Why on earth would I want to go out? I just have no idea what your schedule is like. I don't even know if you have anything else you need to do tonight, or if we can just kick back and talk for a while. Where did this going out thing come from?"

JC laughed a little in relief. He didn't really realize, until it happened, how much he didn't want Jared to be just another person that found him too boring to spend any length of time with. "No," he smiled, touching his shoulder. "I don't have anything I need to do tonight. That's one of the things that's good about where we've gotten -- *sometimes* people let me make decisions for myself. And so I don't have to go to afterparties anymore if I don't want to." He smiled self-consciously. "And I rarely want to."

"How come?" asked Jared, quite sincerely, as he stepped out of the steamy bathroom. "I'd think that was one of the perks of being famous, having all these great parties to go to, and meeting tons of people. Or I guess maybe that gets old after a while or something? I don't know what it's like. I want you to tell me."

"It gets old," JC echoed slowly, following him out of the bathroom, close on his heels. But that wasn't all of it; he just wasn't sure he *could* explain it. "And you *don't* really get to meet people, just ... girls that want to sleep with you, and ... nobody takes you seriously." He sat down heavily on the edge of the bed they'd been laying on before. "That bothers some of us more than others."

"Well, I can't say I'd be impressed with girls who wanted to sleep with me," said Jared, sitting down next to him, but not so close that they were touching anymore. "But it sounds like there's a story behind that other stuff. Something about the other guys in your group? You not as close as all the magazines say you are?" He waggled a finger at JC unexpectedly. "I bought Bop for you. *Bop*. I just wanted you to know that. In case you weren't already convinced how important this is to me."

JC felt a huge grin cross his face, and he laughed again. "Okay. Put it on the bill with the gas and long-distance calls home to your mom." He curled onto his side, spooning around Jared's body -- if his intuitions were right, and Jared *was* as affectionate as he seemed, he expected that to be enough of an invitation for him. "And I don't want you to get the wrong idea, really. We do get along. I love the guys a lot; all of them. It's just ... well, we don't all have the same idea of what makes for a fun night."

"Well, that's understandable," said Jared, turning a little to run his fingers through JC's hair. "Just because you work together, doesn't mean you have to play together. We had this one drummer for a while, before he up and moved out to Wisconsin -- Wisconsin! What was he thinking? Anyway, he never hung out with the rest of us when we went out. But he was a damn good drummer, that didn't change. Um ... I think I had a point there ... "

JC chuckled. "I guess I just want for *them* to want more, too," he explained awkwardly. "But they're either ... happy with what they have, or have *taught* themselves to be happy with what they have. And I'm ... not like that. I *want* to be happy, but ... " He trailed off, completely unsure himself about what it would take to get there, and knowing that would be Jared's question.

"But what?" asked Jared, predictably. "You want to be happy but you can't? Why not? I mean ... there's nothing wrong with them being happy with going out to parties and having fun. But there's nothing wrong with *not* wanting to do that either." His hand curled around the back of JC's neck, now. "So if going out doesn't make you happy and staying in doesn't make you happy ... what does, and why aren't you doing it?"

"I don't know," JC said weakly, then continued talking quickly when he saw the disappointed frown on Jared's face. "I don't, really! I just feel ... stifled. And can't get over this feeling of having to be everything to everyone. And I'm ... lonely, and just ... " He sat up again and started to get up off the bed. "This feels weird to talk about, with you."

"Why?" It seemed like such a strange thing to ask -- despite being a piece of family that JC had never even known he had, Jared was still someone that JC had just met. But Jared seemed honestly baffled why JC couldn't just talk to him. "From what you've said ... you don't have anyone else to talk to about it." He grabbed hold of JC's wrist and lay back on the bed, almost tipping JC over on top of him. "Those were some pretty loaded sentences, so let's start with ... lonely. Why do you feel lonely?"

JC squirmed and tugged his towel back closed around his waist as he tried to get comfortable. "Well," he started slowly. "I'm lonely because ... I don't have anybody. It's pretty uncomplicated. And I ... "

He knew he should just say it. Saying it out loud to someone, someone who wouldn't judge him and who seemed dead set on loving him unconditionally -- that would be easier than saying it to himself. When he was quite sure he couldn't love *himself* unconditionally.

"I'm gay," he said bluntly. "I think. I mean, I am, pretty much. Which ... you know, makes the whole 'having someone' more of an issue."

"Does it?" asked Jared. As JC had hoped, he wasn't making a big deal out of it. But he'd asked a question that JC hadn't anticipated. "I've been dating guys for years, and I've never really thought about it as a hard thing, once I'd admitted to myself what I wanted. It's a lot easier to do something you want than pretend to do something you don't." He paused and looked at JC searchingly. "Wait, are you just ... am I the first ... ?" He didn't finish either question, but JC knew what he was asking.

He sat up again, managing to make it off the bed this time and pad over to his suitcase to grab some clean underwear. "Yeah," he said quietly, resting his hands on the edge. "I haven't told anyone. I mean ... the guys, they probably know, but ... it's not something we *discuss*. And yes. Me being gay makes finding someone to love that much harder, because I'm not ... well, I'm sure you can figure that out."

"I'm sorry," said Jared, his eyes following JC as he crossed the room. "I honestly thought you were more like me. I mean, I had a boyfriend back in *high school*. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, or anything, but I just don't understand ... how you could just *now* be realizing this? I mean, didn't you have feelings, for anyone?" JC sighed, dropping the towel to the floor and tugging on the soft cotton briefs. It was difficult to tell just what Jared was asking -- hadn't he ever? or didn't he now? One topic he was much more comfortable discussing than the other.

"I was fifteen when I started the show," he started to explain haltingly. "Things already weren't ... normal, for me, when I started thinking about sex at all. And then ... I don't know. I've been with guys, it's not that, I just ... "

"You've been with guys but you've never told anyone you were gay before?" confirmed Jared, sounding somewhat astonished. "Okay, apparently your life has been even more different from mine than I could have imagined. What kept you from realizing that, when you *knew* you liked guys." He seemed to notice JC's spooked expression then, because his own voice and expression softened. "Was it really that hard for you? Why?"

JC slunk back over to the bed, kneeling on it at first and then laying down gingerly. "I'm not ashamed," he clarified. "I just ... wasn't supposed to. It's not part of the ... image, or whatever." There were other reasons, darker reasons, the things that admitting out loud he liked men in turn made him closer to admitting, and *those* were the secrets he would do anything to keep. "It's not right, and it's not fair, but it is what it is, and it was easier to just not say."

"JC," said Jared in clear bewilderment, lying down on his side and staring at him. "What's the point of doing all this if you're not free to be yourself? Is it really worth it? Is it really so impossible to just be who you are, and still do what you do? It ...well, I'm probably in no position to say, but it seems to me that the other guys are having an easier time of it than you."

That was probably true, JC figured. Not that their lives were any easier, but all of them -- maybe less so Justin, but Chris and Joey always, and Lance, recently -- did what they wanted to do, said what they wanted to say. It was just that ... JC knew, somewhere, that he'd be letting them down if he did. That someone needed to be careful all the time.

"Maybe," was all he said, shrugging. "Who knows. At any rate -- it's okay. I *am* lonely, like I said, but ... that can wait. Doing this is more important." "Since when can living your life *wait*?" asked Jared, more seriously than JC had expected this conversation to get. "Just what are you waiting for, JC? If you live your life like that ... there'll always been one more thing to wait for, one more reason to put off discovering who you are. Is it ... are you afraid of something?"

"No," JC shook his head. "No. I mean, other than maybe ruining this for ... the rest of the guys, no." He sighed and lay back. "Jared, it's okay. Really. I've ... resigned myself to this, to living like this. For now. It's not forever." Really, that was how he saw it. This was his job, and he did what he had to do, at the costs it exacted from him. And he *still* got more than he gave. Once *that* changed, he might do something about it.

"I don't believe that," said Jared. "Let me tell you something, JC. I don't think you're happy very often at all. And I'm not just saying that out of the blue. And I honestly *can't* imagine going through life not being happy, getting all these things that are great, but meaningless if you don't enjoy them. I'm not ... please don't get mad at me or anything. I'm just saying what I see ... and what I see is you making sacrifices you maybe don't need to. Have you ever even talked to them about how you feel about it?"

"To who?" JC asked. "The guys? No." What would be the point? They would tell him he had to do what was right for him, and nothing would change, because JC honestly felt like he *was* doing what was right. "Jared, please. I appreciate all this, your concern, your taking the time to talk to me, but ... " He smiled weakly. "Let's change the subject? Tell me about *your* boyfriends."

"*My* boyfriends?" laughed Jared, and JC was relieved to see he finally really *was* going to change the subject. Though now that it had come up, he had no idea when Jared might broach the subject again. "Where would I even *start*? Do you want the good ones, the bad ones or the ones that just gave really lousy head?"

"All of them," JC grinned, stretching out comfortably beside him and bunching up the pillow under his head. "Like you said, we can talk all night. And this way I can live vicariously." He winked, and hoped Jared would lay down with him, and take him up on the offer.

"You shouldn't have to live vicariously," muttered Jared, giving him an impromptu hug and curling up next to him, just as JC had hoped. "I still don't know where to start ... " It didn't matter where he started, though, because they were talking about him now and not JC, and that made him a million times more comfortable. Made him finally look forward to the rest of the night.

---

JC had always been a light sleeper, and he was up practically before the scuffling at his door started. Blinking a minute, and smiling down at his brother who was sharing his pillow, he dragged his body out from under the sheets and limped over to open it.

"Shhh," he said, under his voice, beckoning Joey inside. "He's asleep."

"Who's a--" Joey's eyes shot to the bed as soon as he was inside, and a moment later focused on JC again, widening. "Okay, I definitely missed something here," he whispered. "You gonna share?"

JC blushed and led him to the unused bed, sitting down. "Don't be perverted," he protested. "We fell asleep talking, is all." He glanced back over at Jared, and smiled as he remembered everything they'd discussed. "It was nice. Did you go out?"

"I'm not being perverted," protested Joey as he sat down, looking at Jared again. "There wouldn't have been anything wrong with ... I mean ... okay, it would have been *weird*, but not wrong. It's not like you grew up with him or something." He shook his head, banishing the thoughts. "Yeah, we went out. Except Justin, of course. He was a bit too busy last night."

"Oh?" JC asked, but it was rhetorical. He wasn't sure he cared; that's not why he had asked. He just hadn't mastered the subtle art of figuring out whether Joey'd hooked up, ever. "And ... had a good time?"

"Yeah," chuckled Joey, then remembered to be quiet. "Stayed until they kicked us out. I think Lance enjoys that way too much ... staying until they have to ask us to go and smirking while they try to find a diplomatic way to do it that won't piss us off so much that we won't go back." He shook his head again. "Anyway. You had a good night with -- " He looked at Jared again. " -- your brother. Your twin. Wow."

"Yeah, wow," JC echoed, looking back over at him too, sleeping soundly; wondering if that's what *he* looked like. "It's so weird, all the stuff we have in common, Joey. Like we *did* grow up together, or something. It's ... wild."

"Really?" said Joey, turning his head to look at him curiously. "Like what? I mean, obviously you aren't feeling *too* brotherly yet if you're sharing a bed with him ... " He gave JC a grin and a wink and looked completely unrepentant about suggesting that.

JC blushed again and wished with all his heart that he could tell if Joey was teasing. "Stop," he said quietly. "And nothing, really, just ... singing, and liking math in school, and football, and the whole needle thing, and being completely incapable of being in a lasting relationship ... "

Joey look surprised at the way JC just asked him to stop like that, but he didn't regret it. Not if it worked. "Since when have you been in a relationship in the first place?" Joey asked, with a gentler smile. "Though Jared sounded like he might've had his fair share."

"He has," JC sniffed, "And so what if I haven't? End result's the same." He'd left out the big thing they had in common, wondered if Joey'd let him get away with it. "Like you're the expert, anyway."

"It's a big difference, though," said Joey, "even if the end result's the same. I mean, he's going after the guys he wants and getting them, even if he's not keeping them. And you're just not going for them in the first place. Seems pretty different to me."

JC froze and almost stood back up, almost ducked into the bathroom to avoid talking about it. With Joey, most particularly. There was still a chance they wouldn't get into specifics, but it was looking slimmer and slimmer.

"I go for people," he protested finally. "I hook up. Maybe not as much as *you*, but who does?"

"That was low," said Joey, pointing out something JC already knew, even before he said it. "And you *don't* hook up, JC. When was the last time you went for a gu--" JC's panicked eyes caught Joey's. "--someone you were interested in? I don't even remember."

"None of your business," JC muttered, willing his heart to slow down. He knew, he already *knew* Joey knew about him, and guys, but to talk about it ... like he'd told Jared, that just didn't happen. He contemplated coughing loudly to wake him up, idly wished they could share the light sleeping thing too. "Why do you care?"

"Well, you brought it up, more or less," Joey pointed out. "I just asked how getting to know your brother went. And did you notice we *all* tactfully left you two alone?"

"Thank you," JC said awkwardly, feeling guilty in the way that pretty much only Joey could do. "That was nice of you. We did have a good time ... I think he's gonna stay with us, at least in Vegas, and then ... maybe stay with me in Orlando for a little while. We'll see."

Joey smiled at him again, reminding JC just how much he missed that smile when it wasn't there. "So things really went that well between you, huh? That's good. From the looks of things, you're more comfortable with him than you've been with anyone in a long time."

JC figured he was; closer physically, at least, than he was with anyone excpet Joey himself. "It was good," he said again. "Really good. I'm ... I can't wait for you guys to get to know him too, you know? I think you'll like him. He's ... happy."

"I can't wait to get to know him, too," said Joey, eyeing the Jared-lump in the bed with definite interest. "And I'm really happy for you, JC. That you two found each other."

JC started, his spine stiffening when he caught Joey's expression. There was interest, and then there was *interest*, and it was hard to tell which was which with him, sometimes. And if it was *interest* ... what the hell? He hadn't even *talked* to him, practically at all.

"Me too," he said tightly, and this time he *did* get off the bed, not caring if he was stomping as he went to the bathroom to brush his teeth.

"JC," called Joey from the bed, but much to JC's annoyance he didn't follow. "What *now*?" JC didn't answer, didn't turn back, and after a moment of just staring at himself in the mirror he was sure he heard murmured voices coming from the room. And Joey didn't tend to talk to himself like Chris might've.

He flipped the light back off and opened his mouth to make fun of him when he saw Jared sitting up on the bed, his hair touseled, the sheets draped around his bare torso. And Joey, who had gotten up to sit on that bed *with* him.

"Morning," he said softly, when both of them turned to look at him, but not until he'd been standing there for a long minute.

"Morning," said Jared with a wry grin. "You should have told me we were having company. Or at least, you know, woken me so he wouldn't have seen me drooling and rubbing myself against the bed." His eyes shot over to Joey for a moment. "I wasn't, was I?"

Joey looked surprised for a second, then laughed. "Nice dream?"

"It's just Joey," JC said, his voice still sounding funny as he went to sit on the empty bed. "This is like what I was telling you yesterday. No boundaries, really."

"I didn't realize that extended to me, too," laughed Jared, sitting up even further but making sure he was covered. JC realized it probaly looked even *more* suspicious now that it was clear that Jared wasn't wearing anything. At all. "And yes, very lovely dreams. Most of which involved the sheer luxury of being in a *bed* again. This is great."

Laughing easily, Joey didn't really make much of an effort to hide his roving eyes. "Looks like you made yourself comfortable, at least," he teased, winking, before glancing back at JC. "So what are you two up to, today?"

"We're leaving on the buses this afternoon," JC reminded him, standing back up to find a tee shirt to put on before he ordered breakfast. "I might see if Just'll ride with you guys, so we're not so crowded ... "

"No, no way," said Joey, shaking his head. "There's a rule. I don't have to deal with Justin the morning after." He ignored the look that JC was shooting him. "I'm *serious*," he said. "He's going to be whining the whole time, and I'm gonna have to hear a hundred tragic tales about how he had to leave Britney behind, even though they're going to see each other again in, like, a day an a half."

Jared laughed. "A fate worse than death?" he asked, sounding quite sure of himself. "But you have to take him Joey. How else are JC and I going to get our ... privacy?" He turned his head toward JC and winked, a smirk on his face. JC wasn't nearly as amused.

"It won't be morning, anyway," JC said carefully, glancing between the two of them. He wasn't exactly sure what Jared was doing, or implying, but Joey was eating it up. "I think you can handle him." "Not my type," Joey reminded JC off-handedly, then met Jared's eyes again.

"Not bulky enough," agreed Jared. "And not pretty enough either. You've got to have at least one of those if you want to pass muster in my books." He let the sheets fall a little lower. "Maybe you could find someone more your type when you get to Vegas."

"Maybe," Joey started, leaning forward a little and giving Jared his broadest smile, when JC knocked his keyboard over and both of them turned to look at him.

"Sorry," he said, grinning innocently but biting his cheek. "Clumsy me."

Jared laughed easily, guiltlessly, and nodded his head at him. "There you go. Another thing we have in common. You should've seen me this one time when we were unloading equipment. Um ... they don't let me help with that anymore."

It was Joey's turn to laugh, again so easily that JC wondered if he'd been reading things all wrong.

"Jared's in a band," he explained to Joey, picking up the keyboard and checking a scrape on the corner. "And if you're serious, about not wanting to be around Justin, I can ask Lance, and we could ride with you ... "

Joey nodded emphatically, and JC caught Jared nodding a little as well. "Yes, let's do that," he said. "We could pick Lance up and set him on the other bus and he'd probably never look up from his laptop. He's been no fun at *all* lately. I'm sure you two will be *way* more entertaining."

"Joey ... " JC said warningly, blushing as he avoided looking at him. He turned to Jared instead. "And you, you're just encouraging him. I better keep you away from Chris, I think. The two of you together would be a disaster."

"Sure, I'll just stick with you and Joey," offered Jared with a sly grin. "Because of course I'll stay out of trouble that way."

"Yeah, I'll keep him away from Chris," said Joey. "Chris will be on the *other* bus. With Lance. And Justin. They'll both be able to ignore Justin better than I could ... you think I'm too nice or something? Is that my problem?"

Even through his discomfort about what was going on between Jared and Joey, JC couldn't help but smile softly at him when he said that. "Maybe," he said gently, his gaze steady -- and his smile just broadened when Joey returned it, looking pleasantly surprised.

"Well, you deserve people to be nice to you," said Joey, his attention completely on JC for the moment. Even though it was exactly what he'd been hoping for, he didn't quite now what to do with it when it happened. "Justin is the *last* person that needs more attention. Kid's got enough of it."

"So ... I'm coming on the bus with you guys? Just to be clear?" Jared cut in. "Um ... what should I do with my car?"

JC had to practically tear his eyes away from Joey's, but at least he was the first one to break eye contact this time. "Oh," he said, surprised. "Right, your car. Well, I guess you don't *have* to ride on the bus with us, if you wanted to just follow ... or I could ride with you ... "

Jared laughed, tumbling over onto the bed. "I have spend *enough* time in that car lately," he said. "If you're used to a bus and everything on one? You would *not* be happy in my car for more than about an hour. No, I just don't know what to do with it, whether there's somewhere around here I should leave it or what?"

JC shrugged and looked at Joey, who shrugged back. "I guess ... we could find someone to drive it for you?" he said hesitantly. "Or, yeah, you could leave it ... we could fly back here ... " He frowned. "You'll have to get it back to Florida ... or Georgia, whatever ... at some point, though ..."

Joey stretched out on the bed beside Jared, cutting him off. "Don't worry about it, Jace," he murmured. "We can let someone else figure it out."

Jared turned his attention to Joey again, giving him the kind of brilliant smile that JC never had the nerve to. Because it suggested too many things. "Thanks," he said. "Right now I'd be happy to leave it in someone else's hands. Poor baby is falling apart, I've kinda ridden her hard this last while."

Joey's lips curled into a slow smirk at the innuendo, while JC's brain started screaming 'no, no, no!' -- wondering how he'd lost Joey's attention so quickly. But it was like watching a train wreck, and what was he supposed to say, anyway?

"Ah," Joey finally said, letting his eyes drift back down Jared's still-naked and now only *barely*-covered form. "You ride everything hard? Or only the -- what did you say? the burly and pretty ones?"

"Sometimes I ride them hard and sometimes I treat them like gold," said Jared, leaning up on his elbow. "Depends on what I want from them, and how much they can take." JC could only watch as Jared's and Joey's eyes met for a long while, before the both broke away simultaneously.

"Um," JC said awkwardly, not really wanting to look at Jared, and not knowing what to expect if he looked at Joey -- just as Joey cleared his throat. "Joe. Maybe ... I think Jared probably wants to take a shower, and so do I, so ... I mean, we'll see you at breakfast ... "

"Is that your way of telling me I smell?" teased Jared, switching his attention once again. Then before either of them could react, Jared slipped out of the bed and stretched. "I'll take that shower, then. See you shortly." JC was still staring when he slipped into the bathroom and closed the door.

"Well, that was unexpected," said Joey dryly, just as frozen in place as JC was.

JC just nodded, wondering how it was that it was *him* that was blushing, when it was his brother that had just stood in front of them buck naked. When he figured he'd given Joey enough time to stop drooling, he turned to face him. "You want to tell me what that was all about?" he asked, trying to keep the envy out of his voice, even though he doubted Joey would recognize it.

"What what was all about?" said Joey as he stood up. "Offering to get someone to talk care of his car? That's just common courtesy, JC. How else is he gonna handle it? We can probably find someone to drive it up there, maybe get the thing tuned up for him if he's been riding it as hard as he says he has."

"Getting someone else to drive it was *my* idea," JC replied defensively, then blushed even harder when Joey just stared at him. Jealousy was an evil, evil thing. "And you know that's not what I'm talking about."

"Then what *are* you talking about?" challenged Joey, and JC realized he was going to make him ask. Going to make him actually talk about what was on his mind. "Did something else happen here, JC?"

"You know you were flirting," JC said stiffly. "Don't play dumb with me, Joey; you *know* you were. That whole burly thing? And ... and ... you, like, couldn't stop staring at him." He bet Joey hadn't expected him to say any of that out loud, but ... it was amazing what you'd say once you got backed into a corner. And he wanted an answer.

"Actually, I think *he* was flirting with *me*, if you want to get technical about it," said Joey, sounding a little off-balance. "And he's a good looking guy, what's not to stare at? Hey, you'd be staring too if he wasn't your brother." That was about as blatant as Joey had ever been about JC's sexuality, a challenge to match JC's own.

"Whatever," JC sniffed, torn between being flattered that, by deduction, Joey thought JC was good-looking, and wondering what the hell was wrong with him that, regardless, he'd never caught Joey ogling *him* like that.

But Joey *was* right -- Jared had started it. And JC had no idea what his intentions were, *wasn't* going to get involved, because there was no logical way to tell him to keep his hands off somebody who was free to do whatever he wanted. No matter how badly JC wanted him himself.

"Yeah, whatever," echoed Joey, his eyes never leaving JC. "You don't want to deal with that? Okay. That's fine. Status quo and all. But your brother is *hot*, JC, and he seems interested, and what's it gonna hurt for me to look? It's been a while, you know ... "

"That's *fine*," JC echoed snappishly, knowing exactly how long it had been. "Fine. Look. Flirt. Let him flirt. What do I care? He's only *my* brother, who came to see *me* ... " He knew he was grasping at straws, that that wasn't the real reason he was upset. But he coudn't tell the truth; not about that. It *was* their status quo.

"And he's barely talked to anyone *but* you," said Joey. He sounded annoyed but he didn't *look* annoyed. But then, Joey rarely did. "Do you think I'm gonna try and take him away from you or something? Come on man, you know me better than that. I'm just ... having fun. With someone I think is safe. And no matter what you say or *don't* say, I know you know what I mean by that."

JC fell silent, having pushed it as far as he was willing, right then. They'd just ... have to see what the bus ride wrought. Although ... he was seriously considering not asking Lance to switch after all.

Joey didn't move, though; obviously waiting for him to respond. "Fine, have fun," he said eventually, caving. Then, so he didn't sound like *too* much of an ungrateful bitch: "I'm glad you guys like him, so far."

"I do," said Joey, and that tension was gone from his voice. "And I know Chris does, too. We think ... he's good for you. I'm still kind of in shock though. I mean ... JC, you have a twin brother. That's just *amazing*. Have you told your family yet?"

"No," JC sighed, tired suddenly, wanting to crawl back in bed instead of showering and eating and facing the prospect of having to watch him and his brother flirt all day. "No. They may know about him, for all I know," he shrugged. "We'll deal with it when we get home."

"If you're sure," said Joey warily, moving toward him and holding out his arm tentatively. "I think if they knew about him, they would have told you, JC. They're the last people in the world that would have wanted to keep something like that from you, and you know that. They'll probably be thrilled for you."

"I know, you're right." JC moved tentatively into Joey's embrace, not quite sure what prompted it, just hoping it wasn't pity. "But still. I just ... want him to myself, a little while longer."

Joey pulled him into a tight hug, a move that was familiar to JC no matter where it had come from. "Then he'll *be* yours for a while longer. But you're still going to have to share the bus with me. You need me to boot Lance off, after all."

"I know," JC repeated, and tried a smile. "Now go away, before Jared comes back out the way he went in, and you get another free show."

"Why on earth would I want to miss *that*?" teased Joey, but he did let go and head for the door. "All right, no free show. But you owe me one." He sounded more relaxed, happier now, which had a similar effect on JC. Somehow Joey's moods always seemed to spread.

JC bit back a clever retort, deciding at the last second it was too ... suggestive. And just because Jared could do it, didn't mean he could get away with it. "Go," he laughed, instead, knowing that they'd see him soon.

Joey gave him a wink -- more like what JC though he would give *Jared* than him -- and he had to wonder if somehow Joey had read his mind. "I'll see you two for breakfast," was all he said, though, before he slipped out into the hallway and the door clicked shut behind him.

---

Jared was still looking around in a daze when both JC and Joey sat down, out of sight of the windows. "Okay, I was picturing a motorhome or something," he murmured, spinning in circles as the bus traveled down the streets. "This is ... big. And decorated and stuff. And messy. What .. do you live in here or something?"

JC and Joey exchanged a smile, and JC stretched out on the huge leopard-covered divan that characterized the bus that Joey shared with Lance. "Pretty much," he yawned. "It's comfortable. You get used to it. Better than airplanes, at least." It was cute how much Jared was enjoying all of this; it made most of JC's earlier anxiety fade away.

"Except airplanes are a lot faster," Jared pointed out as he took a few steps closer to the bunks and peered through. "Is there anything you *don't* have on here?" He kicked a couple of shirts out of the way. "Except maybe a maid?"

"The mess is all Lance's," said Joey innocently, which was so blatantly untrue that JC had to start laughing, earning himself a nudge from Joey's blunt elbow. "I *told* him to clean it up before he left but noooo ... "

"I'm sure," JC said archly, speaking to Jared, "that even the short amount of time you spent with Lance can tell you how unlikely *that* is. Joey's forever winning the 'worst guy to have to room with' award. Good thing none of us have to, anymore." He knew both the other men could tell he was teasing; he was just glad he was feeling secure enough again to do it.

Jared kicked the shirt up and caught it, looking it over. "This has ruffles," he noted dryly, lifting an eyebrow in Joey's direction. JC only *wished* he could do that so smoothly and pointedly. "Are you sure this is yours? You don't seem like the ruffles type."

"I'll have you know," Joey said archly, stretching back beside JC on the mattress, "that I can pull off ruffles very well, thank you. Jace is stubborn about wearing them, sometimes, but given the right place to be seen? Dude, ruffles are hot." JC blushed. It was probably Lance's shirt, after all that, but Joey *could* pull them off. Something that JC, for the most part, was too wary to even try.

Jared grinned at both of them and held the shirt up to himself. "Not my color," he said, toying with the cuffs as he looked down at himself. Then he slung the shirt over a nearby seat rather than dropping it back on the floor again. "Maybe in blue ... " He shook his head and turned back to the other two men, his eyes catching JC's. JC couldn't read the look in them, though, could only tell that it didn't quite match the smile on his face.

"Guess that makes it not mine, either," JC said weakly, feeling his own eyes widen as he tried to interpret Jared's expression. "Shit. There goes my outfit for the casinos tonight." He just wanted him to sit down with them, chat with them, not be ... so *analytical*.

Jared leaned back and sniffed the shirt, making a face. "I really don't think you would have wanted to be wearing that one anyway," he commented as he started looking around again. "Another thing you don't have on here, I guess. Laundry."

"But the sattelite TV makes up for it," said Joey. "And we mostly go around naked anyway, so laundry isn't too important." JC opened his mouth to protest that right away but Joey playfully slapped a hand over it.

JC swallowed the urge to lick his hand, and squirmed away instead. "I don't know what you guys do on *your* bus," he protested. "But I can tell you I don't think I want to be seeing Chris naked on a regular basis. I was exposed to that enough when it was all five of us, on one."

"That must've been cosy," commented Jared, who just wouldn't stay *still*, peering everywhere there was something to peer at. "So what *do* you do for fun when you're traveling. And don't you go stir crazy on these things after a while? There's only so much tv you can watch before you need to go out and run around in circles or break things or something." He looked over at them again, his attention constantly wandering but always returning sooner or later. "Or maybe that's just me."

Joey leered, looking over at JC. "Yeah, JC. What *do* we do for fun, when we're traveling?" His tone was insinuating, and JC saw Jared smile, but all he could do was blush again. "Don't listen to him," he insisted. "It gets a little boring, but we all have stuff we like to do ... me and J write, sometimes, and Chris and Lance have their companies, and Joe ... " He glanced over and crossed his eyes at him. "What do you do, again?"

Joey made a jerking off motion, then laughed. His wink was toward Jared, not JC, though. "I ... well, we have a Playstation," he said lamely. "And Jace doesn't spend *that* much time writing. Mostly he sleeps." JC felt a playful nudge in his side before he could protest that. *He* knew Joey was joking, but would Jared? "I think I'd do that," mused Jared, looking out the window for a moment. "I'd probably ask someone to sedate me after a while. No offense or anything. But it looks like it might be a lot of fun on here ... for the first while."

"We got to know each other really, really well," JC admitted, being a little more serious than Joey had been, responding to Jared's tone. "And that part was good. Cuts down on the fighting, which is *also* good, 'cause there's no place to go." He glanced over at Joey. "Actually, splitting up was one of the weirder things we had to do."

"Well, that would be nice," commented Jared, and a moment later he finally sat down, looking at the both of them. "Getting that close to someone. I read about stuff like that, about you guys, but I didn't know how much of it was true and how much was ... some kind of romantic notion. For the fans."

JC looked at Joey with a soft smile, couldn't help it. "It's more true than not," he admitted. "And even if we're not all getting along at the same time, there's enough of us that no one's left out. It's like ... a subtle shift, or whatever. And some of us will always be closer than others" - again he smiled at Joey - "but it all works out in the end."

"Yeah," Joey echoed, his own voice actually more serious. "And, like, you learn which lines not to cross with who. Like ... Chris'll be your best friend in the world, defend you to the death, unless it's against Justin. Then you can't be his enemy fast enough, like."

"Well, it's a good thing you didn't split them up, then," said Jared, nodding his head and eyeing JC again. The gaze didn't make him uncomfortable, exactly, but it made him feel off-balance. Like Jared's presence was messing with that delicate dynamic he'd been describing. "But doesn't that leave Lance out?" Joey shook his head. "Lance is up to his ears in work, lately. I wasn't just messing around, about that. He'll probably be happier to be let alone right now than be pestered by me the whole way."

JC picked up on the subtlety of what Jared was saying where Joey didn't. Or at least, failed to acknowledge it. "And Chris and Justin are ... a special case," he said carefully. "The rest of us aren't really like that." He met Jared's gaze and held it, wondering if he'd read between the lines. He and Joey might've known each other forever, but he didn't fool himself into thinking their devotion ran that strong. At least ... not mutually.

Jared just nodded at them again, and JC couldn't tell if he'd gotten that or not. Or *what* he'd gotten out of it, since Jared seemed to read a lot into everything he heard and saw. "You probably don't even know how to compare your relationships with each other to the relationship the rest of us mortals have," he said with a tiny smile. "Not if they're all you know. But those of us on the outside, we can see." Now what the hell did *that* mean, JC wondered, and a bit of panic rose up again as he wondered again just how many layers Jared was adding to what they were telling him.

Thankfully, Joey cut in. "Okay, I think we're getting way too existential here," he protested, then shrugged when Jared and JC both raised their eyebrows at him. "What? I know what it means. Plus, this isn't as fun as getting to hear your first impression of the other guys." He flipped onto his belly and stared up at Jared. "So spill."

"'Cause it's all about the fun," said Jared with a grin, and JC couldn't tell if he was agreeing with Joey or poking a little fun at him. "Do I just get to talk about them, or do I get to talk about you two, too?"

"As long as you recognize that I could sit on you and break you," Joey yawned, "you're free to say whatever you want." JC nodded when Jared looked questioningly at him, and tugged one of the big pillows under the small of his back. He'd actually *prefer* to hear what Jared wanted to say about them -- about Joey especially -- but he couldn't exactly ask.

"You can sit on me," teased Jared, "but you're gonna have to do a lot more than that to break me." He slouched further on his chair, slinging a leg up over the edge so his legs were spread. "Hmm. Where to start, where to start? Chris is a bit of a touchy one, isn't he? You never know quite how he's gonna react to what you do ... "

JC exchanged a look with Joey, then tried to decide how much of that to try and justify. Not that he wanted Jared to think he'd be defensive about anything he'd say, either. "He's kind of ... his girlfriend ... " he started, before Joey cut him off. "Why, what'd you do?"

"Me?" said Jared. "I didn't do anything! But last night ... when I met him in the bathroom? When he thought I was JC? He was all ripping into me, but then he got all nice. And this morning at breakfast ... when Joey bumped his glass he got all growly, but when Justin knocked over the salt he just laughed. Like ... unpredictable." He looked surprised at their reaction to what he'd said, closing into himself a little, his posture becoming a lot less open.

Joey shrugged, and JC realized that was what he'd been afraid of: Jared feeling like he couldn't be honest. "Chris is just ... Chris," he tried. "I mean, what happened to you last night ... we kind of have this love/hate thing going on all the time. And Justin ... we explained that too. It's just ... he has this girlfriend, Dani? that he's been with for -"

"Like, *ever*," Joey cut in.

"-like ever," JC agreed. "And ... I don't know, they may not be for much longer. So he's even more ... 'unpredicatable' ... than normal."

"Right," said Jared, looking at his knees for a second. "I get that. Been there, too, more than once. Ao Lance and Justin ... they were nice enough. You all were. I had a good morning." When he looked at them again, he didn't say anything more than that.

JC exchanged another look with Joey, then decided to let him handle it, this time. "You can be honest," he needled, with that disarming smile that always got him his way, with JC at least. "Why are you shutting up now, just when you get to the juicy parts?"

"Lance and Justin have juicy parts?" asked Jared. His body didn't move, but a smile toyed with his lips. "I'll have to keep that in mind." JC figured there were others things he was keeping in mind now, too, and maybe not things he wanted him to be taking away from this. "Lance ... didn't leave much of an impression, to be honest. Polite as hell, though. But quiet. When he was with us, anyway ... he sure wasn't quiet when he was on the phone with whoever that was."

Joey nodded in understanding, and JC wondered what Jared had had the opportunity to overhear. "He's changed a lot," he said quietly, figuring that maybe being more open with Jared would make him feel more comfortable about being open in return. "More than the rest of us have. He's really loyal, don't get me wrong, but ... "

"He's got his own agenda," Joey added simply. "That's it."

"Doesn't everyone have their own agenda?" asked Jared, but neither of them answered him before he went on. "But he was nice, really nice. Seemed really happy to meet me, I thought. Which bring us to ... Justin." He smirked a little bit and paused long enough to make JC wonder if he was planning to continue. "Interesting guy. A lot more layers than I'd expected."

"Justin's really damn smart," JC said, and Joey nodded at that too. "Too smart for his own good, sometimes. I wonder if he'd be happier if he was just a little ... dumber. And didn't really understand what was going on around him, as much. If he was more like ... " he exchanged a smirk with Joey, "...Britney."

Jared grinned back. He didn't know her like they did, but he'd clearly heard things about her. "He's not the only smart one in this group, though," he pointed out, eyeing them again. "Just the one who's ... least expected to be, maybe? The one who's affected by this the most, and can do the least about it?"

"Pretty much, yeah," Joey agreed. "But ... it's hard to feel sorry for the guy, too, when half the time he brings it on himself. He's ... weird that way." "What were you going to say, Jared?" JC said softly, rubbing Joey's leg a little. Like he and Chris, Joey and Justin had a love-hate relationship of their own. One that JC never quite understood. "About Justin's layers?"

"Just that they were there," said Jared. "I mean .. I've only met the guy once, but I've seen him a lot. And he doesn't seem to do anything without carefully calculating it. Except sometimes -- sometimes it seems like he acts without thinking. But mostly it seems to involve a lot of thought and weighing the pros and cons. Is that just what it's like, to be him?"

Joey shrugged again, and JC sighed, squeezing his leg. "I don't think any of us can know," he admitted. "But calculating ... yeah. He is. He's another one with an agenda." He slouched against Joey's warm frame, and blinked up at Jared. "But Chris lets him be himself, so it all works out."

"And that's all of them," said Jared in satisfaction, relaxing into the chair again. "First impressions, anyway. Everyone seemed pretty happy that I'd showed up, which is what *I* was looking for, so maybe I missed things. Looks like I might have more opportunities to look in the near future, though, what with traveling with you guys right now."

Joey smiled again, and hitched JC closer. "That's not all of 'them,'" he teased. "You forgot us. And that was your idea in the first place." JC couldn't help but look up at him expectantly, either.

"Hm," said Jared, his lips twitching a little. "I was thinking that was one of those lines that shouldn't be crossed, telling you my first impressions to your faces. Because ... I'm honest. And some people really don't appreciate that. And I'm also trapped on a bus with you, which is not exactly a situation I've found myself in before ... "

JC was a little apprehensive about what, exactly, he'd say, but ... he didn't want to seem disinterested. And Joey was the same way: honest, maybe not like Chris, but close -- and it wasn't his place to dissuade him from encouraging him. "We won't throw you out before we get to Vegas," Joey promised, winking. "And we asked, didn't we? Come on. You're C's brother, which automatically makes you family to me, so ... we can take it."

"It's not throwing me out that I'm worried about," he muttered, but he was nodding his head. "So Joey ... is more like me than any of you. As far as I can tell, anyway. And he's protective as hell, of all of you but of some more than others. Maybe some need it more than others, I don't know. And he acts like he doesn't take things seriously, but he does on the inside. Just because he likes to have fun -- and he *does* -- doesn' t mean there isn't a lot more going on with him." He raises his eyebrows, clearly wondering how close he'd come in his assessment of him. Admittedly he'd spent more time around Joey than anyone other than JC, but it was still surprising.

JC sat very still, wanting to let Joey respond first. If he was going to. As far as JC was concerned, he'd gotten it exactly right ... the part about Joey, at least. He wasn't quite sure how to take the part that Jared thought he was more like Joey than any of the rest of them -- than *him*, for example. But Joey just hummed a little, and JC looked up at him in time to catch him giving Jared an appraising, measuring look. "And JC?" he said quietly.

"And JC," repeated Jared, looking just a fraction more apprehensive than before. "JC was obviously raised very differently from me. It shows in the way he approaches things, and the way he relates to people. He's afraid of just living his life the way he wants to, because of some sense of responsibility which I guess is at least partly because of being famous so young. He doesn't have a good sense of his own boundaries and what he can and can't do or feel, both inside of himself and out. He's learned to be very suspicious, but I think that's true of all of you

"But he also thinks the world of his friends and family, and would do anything for them. Anything, even if it comes to sacrificing parts of himself. It's very deep and very noble ... but also sometimes very unnecessary. And he does it anyway, no matter that it hurts him, just in case it's needed. He very much loves what he does for a living, loves it more than almost anything else.

"And that's where we're the same, that we're following a dream. That we *believe* in dreams. Just when I think JC and I couldn't be more different, we'll laugh at the same joke or we'll have an amazingly similiar story from childhood or we'll react to something the same way ... and I'll *know* on a gut level that we were once one person, even if we aren't now. It's an amazing thing."

He finally stopped long enough to lick his drying lips and give JC a glance that seemed both loving and apologetic. "So that's my first impression of JC." Granted, Jared had spent more time with JC than with any of them, and they'd talked about a great many things, but it was still way more than he'd been expecting to hear. And very obviously way more than *Joey* had been expecting to hear. It may even have been more than Jared had been expecting to say.

They both sat still, silent for a moment, until Joey pulled JC even closer and kissed his forehead tenderly. "I'm so happy for you," he murmured, too soft for Jared to hear, his lips still pressed to JC's skin. "That you found him. That he found you."

JC nodded, then made Joey let go so he could crawl over to the edge of the divan, slipping down onto the floor in front of the chair Jared was sprawled in. Looking up, he slipped between his legs and wrapped his arms gently around his waist. "Thank you," he said finally, not quite sure what an appropriate response to all of that would be.

Jared seemed startled by JC coming to *him* but he took advantage of it, wrapping his own arms around JC and pulling him into a hug. "I was just saying what I saw," he said quietly. "And what I felt, around you. I guess ... I maybe came close?" He didn't seem to be asking for an answer to that, though; he already knew.

"I know you don't approve of some of the things i do, or think I have to do," JC murmured into his lap. "But ... at least you understand why I think I have to do them. And that's more ... support ... than I get from almost anyone else." He pulled his chin up and blinked at Jared, smiling softly when his brother started running his fingers though his hair.

"I do understand," agreed Jared, his voice very gentle. "And it's not that I don't approve so much as that I don't ... agree. And I think there are things you could do, and change, that would make you happier ... if you'd just feel confident enough that it was an okay thing to do. That's ... another thing. That you have all the confidence in the world in your abilities as a musician -- that much is obvious -- but ... you don't seem to have as much confidence in anything else. And you can. You should."

JC nodded and rested his cheek back down on Jared's thigh, idly wondering if he and Joey were exchanging a look over his head. Wondering what Joey thought of all this, besides probably being pleased that someone was finally saying something to JC about it, someone who he figured JC would listen to. But he didn't really want to look back to see, in case there was any pity on his face, whatsoever.

"Thank you," he said again, squeezing Jared's knee. It didn't mean he'd do anything about it, but it was nice to hear. From someone who didn't have to kiss his ass to keep the peace.

"You're welcome," said Jared softly, still stroking his fingers through JC's hair, and JC was grateful that Jared realized he was being completely sincere. "I know sometimes stuff isn't easy to hear ... but I know you know I wasn't saying it to hurt you. I worry about you, JC. And I'm glad I get to be here with you now, so maybe I can ease some of that."

Nodding again, rubbing his cheek on Jared's pants, JC blinked some more to try and keep the tears that were gathering in his eyes from falling. If he just didn't *feel* everything so strongly. He took a shuddery breath and sat back up, stretching so that he didn't have to reach far to grab Jared's neck and pull his head down toward his own upturned face, giving him the slightest kiss on his edge of his mouth. "Me too," he admitted.

Jared, thankfully, just held him close. "I'm here for you, JC," he reminded him gently. "And that's the *only* reason I'm here, no matter what anyone else thinks or says. And no matter what else I do or what happens to me while I'm here. *You* are the reason I came. Just you."

JC had to glance back at Joey when he said that; *had* to. Because even if that wasn't what Jared meant, Joey's words from the morning had struck a chord with him. But for once, he couldn't read Joey's expression, staring at the two of them with interest, but not leering like he could have been. Like he thought he might've, especially after seeing them kiss. He even smiled when he met JC's eyes.

Just when it felt like the moment would be impossible to sustain the moment any longer, Joey sat up. "Is anyone else hungry?" he asked, stretching widely. JC could his his shoulder pop. "Because I am *starving*. I hope they stocked us up well this time, and not with that crap Lance likes ... " Jared held onto him for another moment, and brushed a kiss over JC's cheekbone as he let go. "I'm glad I'm here," he murmured. "I think there are interesting times ahead."

---

They'd all had a couple drinks in their systems already, which was par for the course when they tumbled off the bus after a drive of that length. Jared especially had seemed eager to let loose a little in the bars and casinos in their hotel, and Joey and JC had followed him; Joey more eagerly, JC more sluggishly.

Somewhere along the way they'd grabbed Chris, and the four of them ended up crowded around a table in one of the bars they hadnt hit yet. "You sucked *royally* at that game, Jace," Joey teased him, sharing a look with Jared. "Like ... *big* time."

"Surprising no one," muttered Chris, shoving his tongue in his glass and playing with the ice for a moment. He only stopped when the clattering apparently got on Joey's nerves and he smacked him in the shoulder hard enough that JC could hear the impact. "What? Like you never stick your tongue in things."

"The things I stick my tongue in make much more interesting noises than that," Joey countered, his eyes very obviously flicking to Jared. *Very* obviously.

"This is great," enthused Jared, and JC couldn't be sure if he was referring to the banter or to the whole evening. "It's been way to long since I've just gone out for no other reason than to have fun."

"Glad to be of service," Joey grinned at him, then stretched his arms out along the back of the booth so his fingers dangled against JC's shoulder. Jared had been right about that much; they had a *lot* in common, and it was getting more obvious by the minute.

"What kind of clubs does your band play in, Jared?" JC asked curiously, ready to try and sift the conversation from tongues, if he had any say in it. "I bet it would be fun to play somewhere where the audience'll buy you beers afterwards ... "

Jared laughed. "Beers ... among other things," he admitted. "Things got mighty recreational from time to time, and not just afterward. Probably not the kind of thing that any of you would be into, the clubs *or* the recreation." He looked around. "Then again, you're *here*."

"You might be surprised," said Chris, flicking his tongue in the glass only long enough to fish out a piece of ice and pop it in his mouth. "Or ... definitely would be surprised. What we're into."

JC could feel himself scowl as he sat back in the booth, watching Chris and Joey exchange a smirk and Jared grin hopefully at the two of them. That was just another thing that he ended up always taking more seriously than the rest of them, and another reason he never stayed until the end of the night whenever they were out someplace.

"Don't scare the guy, Chris," Joey was saying, his smirk now a broad grin. "He does have JC-genes ... his head might explode." It would have been a lot harder to take if his fingertips weren't tickling the skin under JC's cutoff sleeve.

Jared just looked amused, though. "My head is in no danger of exploding," he assured them, taking another sip of the drink in front of him. "No more than it ever has been, anyway. I've been in much more head-exploding situations."

"Head-exploding situations," laughed Chris. "Now there's a phrase I've never used before. I'm gonna have to remember that,"

"Not that head, Chris," JC muttered under his breath, but they all heard him anyway. Jared looked surprised; Joey looked proud. But his attention was short-lived.

"*Maybe* that head," Joey protested, looking over at Jared again. "He didn't give details, yet."

"Nor do I plan to," smirked Jared, shaking his head. "Any information on that front you're gonna have to *pry* out of me ... one way or another."

"Ha! Don't say that," laughed Chris. "'Cause he will."

"Hey!" Joey protested, smacking him again, before turning back to Jared with his best pout. "Come on. You were all about to tell us about your ex, the tongue piercer, yesterday ... what happened to the spirit of ... being open?"

JC snorted, but didn't interrupt, didn't try to change the subject. He'd already basically given Joey his blessing to flirt with Jared; he'd have to suck it up if he was gonna do it in front of him.

"He wasn't the *piercer*, exactly," Jared protested. "He was just the ... facilitator. He's the one that kept plying me with whiskey, too. Bastard. But that, my friend, is a far cry from giving you details of when and where my 'head' explodes ... "

Joey smirked and leaned back in the booth. "I'm just easing you into it," he bantered. "Don't you know you're supposed to ... get in the mood first?"

This time, it was Chris who rolled his eyes, and JC caught it, exchanging a significant look with him. Joey'd never been one for subtlety; that wasn't his strength, though. Making you feel like you're the only person in the world that could interest him was, however.

"Easing me into it," smirked Jared. "Riiiiight. More like ramming me right in, if you ask me. Not that there's anything wrong with *that*. If, you know, you're in the mood." He made a point of making sure his tongue stud was visible. "So the piercing ... right ... Is there anything more you'd like to know about it?"

"Get a *room*," said Chris aloud, catching both of their attention and sending Jared into a fit of laughter.

Joey glanced over at JC and coughed a little before fixing his gaze on Jared again. JC wondered why he even bothered. "Seriously, was getting you drunk all it took?" he asked, a little tamer. "Cause even when we all laid major guilt trips on Jace about brotherhood and all that he wouldn't let us take him anywhere *near* the tattoo parlor when we got ours done ... "

Jared and JC shuddered simultaneously. "Very drunk, very high and very in love," Jared said after a moment, punctuating it with a sigh. "*That* was what it took. And I'm convinced there was also a blow to the head involved, but I have no proof."

They were all silent for a second before JC tried another smile. "And I'm not in love with any of you fuckers, so I guess you're out of luck." Jared had just sounded so *sad*, and he wasn't sure he was ready to hear about his boyfriends. Not yet, at any rate. Reminding him of what he hadn't had, yet.

"What?" said Jared, obviously making his own effort to lighten things up. "You *asked* didn't you? Now no one get any bright ideas about making me and JC get anything else. Got it?" He gave them an emphatic nod then a grin. "Relax. It's been a while. And I'm sure none of you want to hear the rest of *that* sob story."

"I do--" began Chris before Joey elbowed him.

"No, he doesn't," JC told Jared, giving him a smile of his own. "And Joey doesn't want to hear anything else about heads exploding, even if he thinks he does. So let's ... talk about ... how many times Lance's gonna get laid this weekend instead." He gave them his best impish smile, wondering if that would be enough to change the subject.

"Consecutively, or cumulatively?" asked Chris, giving Jared a wink. "And are we talking number of different people, or number of actual times?"

"Excuse me ... Lance?" repeated Jared incredulously.

"Lance," Joey repeated, nodding ruefully, as JC leaned into Chris.

"Wow, make it tough, Kirkpatrick," he grinned, ignoring Joey and his brother for a moment. "Consecutive, meaning, out of times attempted? Or meaning ... before one of us gets a piece, too?"

"Consecutive meaning ... before he does something else besides eat, piss or move on to the next one," clarified Chris, turning toward Jared for a moment. "I'd say before he left his hotel room, but he rarely limits his activities to *there*."

"You're serious," said Jared, looking at each of them in turn. "You're fucking serious."

"Especially a place like this," JC agreed with Chris, chuckling at Jared's reaction. "Chris, that's too subjective. We gotta stick with cumulative ... and number of people. You know Lonnie won't verify anything else for us."

Joey slipped closer to Jared, as if he was taking him into some confidence, even thought he was speaking to all three of them. "Lance," he said solemnly, "has turned into some kind of dead sexy bitch sex machine. It's his world, and we ... we just live in it."

"Remember that time last month, though? When he found one person that actually wore him out?" Chris paused and thought about that. "Nevermind. It's Vegas. Number of people it is."

"But Lance isn't a dead sexy bitch sex machine," argued Jared with a shake of his head. "Not like ... other people. Is he?"

The other men laughed, and Joey paused long enough to leer "oooh, 'other people'? Like who? What've you heard?" at him.

JC stopped giggling first, and tried to look serious when he started talking. "Agenda, remember?" he said to his brother. "I promise. It's a sight to behold. He doesn't have to do *anything*. It's like Justin, except ... well, he knows what to do with it."

Jared laughed. "I bet *that's* not something you say to Justin's face, huh? Well!" He cleared his throat importantly. "You've never seen *me* in action." He couldn't keep a straight face, though, and it slipped into a grin almost immediately. One that seemed to be aimed in Joey's direction.

"Not less than 8," said Chris after a moment. "We're here for a few days after all. Or ... maybe I'm underestimating."

"Big talker," Joey muttered, but he was grinning back at his brother, and JC stared until Chris elbowed him in the gut.

"Huh? Oh. No, I was gonna say eight, with a margin of error of two, so ... " He trailed off again as Joey's smile got bigger, and he turned just in time to see Jared's tongue sneak back into his mouth.

"So how many because he feels like it and how many because he thinks it'll get him ahead." Chris laughed at his own joke. "Get it? A head."

JC was still paying more attention to Jared and Joey, though. They weren't *doing* anything, just looking at one another with this stupid experessions on their faces. For all he knew, someone might've just made a joke.

"What?" he said distractedly, not even looking at Chris. It was starting to hurt, to really *hurt*, seeing the way Joey looked at Jared, and the way Jared looked back. For all of Jared's kind observations earlier, he was conveniently blind to *that* one.

"Twelve," Joey finally said. "He was off his game in Cali, lots to make up for."

"Twelve," echoed Jared with another chuckle. "I think this has to be seen to be believed. Where *is* the horny kid, anyway? Or is he working on number one?"

Chris made a show of looking at his watch. "Or number two," he corrected.

Joey had gone back to staring at Jared, and JC bit his lip. "Not like some of us are much better," he said pointedly, earning himself a surprised glance from Chris. He didn't make snarky comments about Joey often, and that was a little more obvious than they usually were.

"You're right, some of us *aren't* much better," agreed Joey, to JC's surprise. "But some of us also count the other way. Number of times with *one* person." And his gaze at Jared grew that much more intense.

"And *some* of us lie like cheap rugs," snorted Chris.

JC silently thanked Chris as Jared's expression turned a little more appraising as he looked at Joey. It wasn't that what Joey had said was untrue, necessarily, just that ... he was obviously going to say whatever it took, at that point. Half-truths or no.

"Anyway," he said, sighing himself. "Lance probably *is* working on his first -- or second -- conquest. Did you see him after he got off the bus, Chris?"

Chris shook his head. "Only for a minute," he said. "But I took my time. Took me for-fucking-ever looking for the shirt I wanted to wear tonight. Never did, either -- I must've left it behind somewhere. Oh well."

"Can't you call the hotel or something?" asked Jared. JC thought he caught Joey shoot a look of annoyance in Chris's direction for stealing Jared's attention. "I mean, if you wanted it back?"

Chris just shook his head again at that, looking amused. "If it got left behind," he said, "it's a souvenir by now. There's no point in even calling."

"You wouldn't believe," Joey cut in, "the things people will take. The things people will ask us to *sign*. It's really ... one of the weirder things about all this. But ... " he leaned over, trying to engage Jared a little more in the conversation. "I mean, you had to see some pretty crazy stuff, 'stalking' us like you have been. Any good stories?"

"Yeah," snickered Jared, looking back over his shoulder at JC. "There's a guy in Pittsburg who's now convinced JC gives the best head on the planet."

Chris almost snorted his ice, hearing that.

JC thought *that* was taking it a little too far, and not what Joey had asked, anyway. It was like, without being obvious about it, Jared was taking every opportunity he could to bring up JC's sexuality. But he was going to be damned if he'd let him try to embarrass him about it -- certainly not in front of Joey and Chris, at least, who'd seen much worse.

Raising an eyebrow, he glared at his brother. "Who says I don't?

"Are you saying you're as good as me?" challenged Jared, looking more amused than anything. "Because I still have that guy's number somewhere and I'm sure he wouldn't mind a return visit. You can just say you got rid of the tongue piercing and he'll never know the difference. Let him be the judge." He shook his head ruefully. "It wasn't so bad until I started following you guys, but once I did there was someone in every city who wouldn't believe I wasn't you."

"Maybe I don't have as much *practice* as you," JC snarked under his breath, and Chris snorted again.

"You mean, you actually told them you weren't?" Joey looked curious. "Why? I mean ... of course no one would believe you. Nobody knows JC has a twin. And if you're in the same city ... I just think it would've been easier to take advantage of it, is all."

"Yeah, but ... " Jared's eyes shot to each of them around the table. "I didn't want that. I'm me ... I don't need to be him. And I'm pretty sure JC wouldn't appreciate me running around impersonating him, especially doing what I was doing ... "

JC totally believed him -- in the short time he'd known him, he'd realized that Jared didn't have any identity crisis. But that still raised some questions.

"Why'd you do it, then?" he said, his voice still quiet, but he stared at Jared intently. "Don't you know that ... I mean, isn't it obvious that there's a reason I'm not blatant about that kind of stuff? Even if you didn't know that I ... whatever, that there were things I wasn't really admitting ... you could have thought about the repercussions that what *you* did could have on me. I mean, I know you think that's funny, and we all laughed, but ... it's not funny."

"JC," began Chris, "not now ... " But Jared waved him off so he could answer himself.

"So because you're famous, I suddenly put *my* life on hold?" he asked, just as seriously. "I get to be celibate just because you're in the closet, or whatever? No, I didn't sign up for that, JC. I was very, very clear about just who I was, to everyone I've been with. And frankly there haven't been many, especially for the first while when I was getting over the asshole who dumped me when I told him I was going after you rather than staying back home with him. So no, it's not very funny at all. But if you don't look for the humor in it you just gotta sit there and cry. And me ... I'd rather laugh."

JC sat back in his seat, avoiding Joey and Chris's eyes, knowing they didn't think much of him right then, knowing that they probably agreed whole-heartedly with Jared, and he couldn't blame them for either. "Sorry," he said softly, finally, staring at his lap. "You're right. I just ... reacted. You're free to do whatever you want, of course." He looked up. "Really, I'm sorry."

"It's good," said Jared quietly, reaching for JC's arm. "To hear you say what you're thinking. You don't do that enough." Then he smiled at him gently and JC *knew* he wasn't mad, even though he had to be disappointed in him. For messing up his life, or whatever. "I don't regret any of the choices I made, and I never did anything I thought would hurt you. For what it's worth. But I won't stop living."

"Well, you shouldn't," JC admitted. "And again, I'm sorry. I feel bad." He let his own lips curve into a smile, then. "But not as bad as I feel for that poor guy, missing out on his chance with the real thing ... "

Jared laughed in surprise, along with both Joey *and* Chris -- though JC suspected they might have been laughing for different reasons.

"Poor guy, indeed," he said with a grin. "Like I said, I have his number ... " He reached into his pocket with a wink just for JC.

JC sniffed, but he was still grinning himself. "No, no. His loss. We'll just ... have to find someone else to be our, um. Test subject." He surprised himself that everything was so much easier -- *joking* was so much easier -- when he just let himself relax about this stuff. He was fairly certain that was Jared's point.

When JC finally looked up at all of them again, he saw that both Joey and Chris were smiling at him. Not smirking, smiling. It was almost enough to make him suspicious. And Chris wasn't even making any stupid comments.

"Well, that shouldn't be too difficult," said Jared, taking his hand back out of his pocket. "We're in Las Vegas, after all. If Lance can pick up a dozen women -- women? I didn't think to ask before -- then I'm sure we can find *one* guy willing to have both of us."

Joey was sitting there with a dazed expression on his face until Chris shoved him. "What? Oh. Lance. Who even knows with him, these days ... " Then he trailed off, back to whatever happy place in his mind he was in before.

JC looked back over at Jared, smiling shyly. He was pretty sure he wasn't being serious -- *JC* wasn't, that was for sure -- but at least his jokes were nice, now. Or JC was handling them a little better.

"A guy who keeps his options open," mused Jared in Joey's general direction. "I guess that comes in handy in your business, huh. For someone who takes it as seriously as Lance seems to, anyway." His attention was still mostly on JC, though, which suited JC just fine and didn't even seem to be bothering Joey, right about then. Joey's eyes were on both of them, actually.

"I don't know about you guys," said Chris, "but I need another drink." He flailed his arm wildly to signal for their waitress.

JC was actually exhausted, and knew he'd be going to bed soon, but felt so warm about the direction the conversation had taken that he didn't want to leave just yet. And none of the rest of them seemed close to crashing.

He ordered another gin-and-tonic when the rest of them did, and met Joey's eyes tentatively for the first time in several minutes. His expression was more curious, than anything, and JC had to bite his tongue to keep from asking "what?" out loud.

"I think none of us should have any trouble finding someone who'll have us," Joey said, before his eyes were drawn back to Jared.

"As one of the two most charming and gorgeous guys at the table," said Jared, with another wink for JC, "I'd have to agree with that." Then his eyes met Joey's again, but it didn't seem so bad to JC this time, didn't seem so exclusive.

"So we can stop talking about picking someone up now?" Chris butted in. "Since you're all convinced you can, and I know for a fact that I can't. I think we've pretty much covered the bases there ... "

"You *could* ... " Joey started, but this time it was JC who cut him off with a sharp glance. *That* was something he knew they didn't need to get into.

"Well, *I'm* done," he said, trying to communicate the same to Jared. "Especially because I'm too damn tired to get it up right now anyway."

"I'd just like to point out, for the record, that that's *not* something we have in common," teased Jared, without missing a beat. He looked at his drink, then at Joey and Chris. "A few more of these might put a wrench in the works, though."

"Suit yourself," said Chris, "but I'm gonna need at least a couple more before I'm going to get any decent sleep tonight."

JC reached over to squeeze Chris's neck companionably, barely noticing that it gave Joey room to slip closer to Jared. "A few more of these," he gestured, "and I'm passing out on the table. Jared? You want to stay with me again tonight, or should we get you your own room? Whatever's more comfortable for you ... "

"Oh," said Jared, obviously not having thought much about that. "If you don't mind waking up to your brother wrapped around you again, I don't mind sharing. Hell, even your bathtub in that room would probably be better than the back set of my car. Of course -- " He made a show of looking around the bar. " -- if I find another warm bed to slip into, all bets are off."

Chris whistled lowly, and JC started to get a little anxious again. "It's really no problem to get you your own room," he reminded him. "Just, uh ... let one of the bodyguards know, okay? But here ... " he dug into his pocket, raising his hips off the bench as he did, and pulled out the extra key card. "In case. And of course I don't mind you staying with me. I think that's where they put your stuff anyway." "Thanks," said Jared as he took it and slipped it into his own pocket. "Are you heading up right away or something?"

"As usual," muttered Chris. It was under his breath, but loud enough for all of them to hear.

JC blinked at him, and Joey flicked his ear. He *was* going to go up, but now he was determined to stay and finish his drink. If it killed him.

"No, I'm not done," he sniffed, holding up his glass. "Jeez. I'm crimping your style that bad?"

"I don't have a style," snorted Chris, looking at little more amused again. Maybe that had something to do with the death gazes that Joey was sending him.

"I was just ... wondering," said Jared innocently. "You look like you're having a good time."

"Hard as that is to believe, huh?" JC replied, already a little snappishly again, looking around the table at his friends and actually starting to wonder if they really *did* want him to leave. "And way to blow my act, Chris. I was trying to at least pretend I know how to enjoy myself, for my brother's benefit."

"Okay, okay," Joey said, raising one of his hands -- all of a sudden, JC couldn't see the other, under the table. "Relax. Nobody's making fun of anybody, right, Chris?"

"Sorry," muttered Chris, taking a too-big sip of his drink. "Dani called, all right?"

Jared clearly didn't understand the significance of that, but JC sure did and so did Joey. "Right ... " said Jared slowly. "I was just happy. That you were having a good time. After, you know, what we talked about before. I didn't mean anything by that."

JC just waved him off, wanting everybody to just drop the whole thing, and more concerned about Chris than himself right then. He'd seemed happy -- happier, at least -- before they started talking about hooking up with people. He met Chris's eyes, then glanced quickly at Jared, making sure Chris saw it. "You needto talk about it, man?"

"No," he said shortly. "I need to get drunker. And not see so many happy people."

Well, they couldn't do much about *that*, but at least they weren't going to stop him from getting drunker. "Next round's on me," said Jared softly and it wasn't a meaningless gesture. Apparently he understood after all.

They sat in uncomofrtable silence for a minute, and JC figured that he probably *should* leave, and drag Chris with him, it was getting that bad ... until Joey broke the silence by snorting while he was drinking his whiskey, spitting it all over the table and coughing as Jared pounded on his back.

"Sorry," he choked out, his eyes watering. "But look what the cat dragged in."

They all turned to where he was pointing, where Lance had obviously just entered the bar and was swarmed by a dozen people. And his carefully spiked bedhead was a little *too* realistic.

"Okay, what is *up* with that?" asked Jared, but JC could see he was starting to get the appeal, if only a little. "They aren't even being subtle about it."

"Yes, but neither is he," said Chris. JC was relieved to note the beginnings of a smile appearing on his face again.

Joey rolled his eyes when Lance nodded at their table. "It'll take him five minutes to choose," he commented, his voice still a little husky from coughing so much. "Then it'll be another hour and a half or so, but I bet we see him again."

JC rolled his eyes too. "I think I'll let you guys continue this fascinating anthropologic study," he yawned. "I've been exposed to enough of Lance's mating patterns for one tour, thanks."

"I'll see you later," said Jared, looking at him as he patted Joey's back a couple more times for good measure. "I'm just gonna have another, maybe watch Lance stalk his prey." He dropped his voice a little, his eyes darting to Chris and back. "Either Joey or me, we'll make sure he gets up okay." JC was touched by that, even though he knew that if they didn't, one of the bodyguards would.

"I dunno," said Chris, eyeing the scene. "It's getting late. Ish. He might pick one of these to bed down for the night with. Then again ... this *is* Vegas. And maybe it's not late yet at all."

JC squinted at Chris, then smiled a little and shrugged when he met Jared's eyes again. He knew he'd pretty much been dismissed, but he felt okay about it. They all narrowly missed pissing each other off already; things would go smoother -- on his end, at least -- if he had some sleep first.

"Okay, well," he said, standing up. "Have fun. Don't worry about waking me up when you get in, or anything, Jared," he said automatically, then wondered if he even needed to bother.

"Yeah, you'll wake up when you feel my cold feet," teased Jared. "They all do, no matter how hard they protest. I'll try and keep the agony to a minimum, just for you."

"I'll see you tomorrow, Jace," said Chris, looking subdued but not *bad*. "You wanna send someone to wake me up, when you need me ... ?"

"Sure," JC said easily, giving him an open smile and touching his nose. "Or maybe I'll just come annoy you myself."

He hovered awkwardly, waiting for Joey to stop staring at Jared's ear, or whatever-the-hell the was doing, and say goodnight. The fact that he sounded sweet, and concerned about how tired JC looked when he did, almost made up for it.

"Get some rest," he said, his brown eyes sparkling. "This *is* Vegas, and tomorrow we're making you prove to us that you *do* know how to have fun."

"JC knows how to have fun?" teased Chris, and it was obvious he *was* teasing. "This I'm going to have to see to believe."

"I'm counting on it," agreed Jared, his own eyes on JC and JC alone, again. "We're gonna have a great time."

And JC was sure they would. Even if they never saw Justin and Lance the whole time they were there, Chris seemed to be appreciating their company. And he was still getting to know his brother, and feeling more and more comfortable with him every minute. Especially when it seemed like whatever he was doing with Joey *was* just flirting, and he meant what he said when he insisted he was there for JC and JC alone.

And Joey ... JC sighed as he gave them a little wave and made his way out of the bar. He was getting there. Maybe it wouldn't take as much courage as he thought to proposition him with other ways of having fun.

---

Jared's feet *were* icy, especially compared to the rest of his body. JC had woken up shortly after Jared had gotten into bed because of it, but Jared had dropped off so quickly -- only taking the time to curl around JC's body -- that they hadn't had any time to talk.

And now he was up again for the same reason. Jared's feet were tangled with his and they were *cold*. Someone -- him, Jared, he couldn't be sure who -- must have pulled the blankets off them while they'd slept and now he was unconsciously rubbing them up against JC's legs, trying to get warm.

He smiled a little; it had been a long time since he'd slept with someone, romantically or not -- he used to do it with Joey all the time, but that happened less and less as his feelings had developed and he was mortally afraid of molesting him in his sleep. Reached down and pulled to covers up over their shoulders, and touched Jared's cheek. It was still so amazing to *look* at him.

Jared's cheek was warm and his lips curled into a smile as JC touched him, his feet still moving restlessly and trying to cocoon themselves in the blankets. Amazing how one half of his body could be so serene and the other so active at the same time. JC wondered if that was how he slept sometimes, and no one had ever told him.

JC's own smile broadened and he got brave enough to kiss that soft skin, giggling a little when the scruff on Jared's jaw tickled his face. He blinked over at the clock, wondering how long he'd even been back in the room, wondering if he'd be angry if he woke him up to talk to him.

Jared nuzzled against him, still not conscious, showing JC that he didn't seem to mind what he was doing, one bit. He finally stopped moving when every bit of his feet and legs was covered snugly and sounded like he murmured something against JC's jaw, but it was too low and too faint to make out.

"You awake?" he whispered, brushing their cheeks together, nipping at Jared's jaw, trying not to ruminate on how pathetic it was that he had to do this with his own *brother* to get that kind of affection anymore. "Jared?"

Jared made a noise halfway between a snort and a cough, close enough to JC's ear to sound a lot louder than it was. His arm closed tighter around JC's torso and now his whole body seemed restless. JC wasn't sure that was an improvement, but at least Jared seemed a lot closer to being awake now.

He felt bad, in case it *had* been late -- or early -- when he came in, but jC was awake now, wide awake, and since he'd wake him up *anyway* when he climbed out of bed ...

"Jared!" he hissed again, licking his ear that time. "Stop kicking."

"Not kicking," murmured Jared, kicking him. "Love taps. Warm." Then he murmured something else, but again JC couldn't make it out. Jared could have been reciting Greek poetry for all he knew.

"Jared!" he said a third time, grinning now and reaching under the covers to pinch his thigh. "Don't make me steal the covers back." Jared yelped and his eyes flew open. "You *suck* in bed," he blurted out as he burrowed in against him again, before JC could take the covers away. "You don't even joke about that. I don't care if you're my brother, there would be hell to pay." He was smiling, though, and his face was almost pressed against JC's neck.

"*You* suck in bed," JC retorted, laughing, gripping his back tighter and pulling him close. "Who the hell has feet that cold? I think you do it on purpose. Kicking off the covers and all."

"Well of course I suck in bed," murmured Jared, lifting his head to kiss JC's nose. "But in an entirely different way. And I *warned* you about the cold feet. I did. I'm guessing it's *not* a family trait, huh?"

"That one's all you," JC smiled, rubbing his nose where Jared had kissed him, then touching his lips gently. "Hey," he smiled. "I'm glad to see you this morning. You didn't get lost, and Chris didn't kill you?"

"Nope," said Jared, somewhat sombrely. "Chris seems more bent on hurting himself than anyone else, seems to me ... but I don't know. We were all a little trashed. I won't come to any conclusions based on *that*."

"I'm sorry you had to see that," JC sighed, petting Jared's head, and then kissing his face again because he could. "He's ... I don't know if it's better if she just cuts him loose, or what. But, um. Joey's fun, right?"

"Oh yeah, me and Joey had a blast," said Jared, going JC one further and kissing him on the corner of the mouth. "You're coming out with us tonight, right? You promised. I think. Parts of last night are still a little fuzzy."

JC blushed a little and reached his hand up to rub his thumb along Jared's full lip. "Yeah, I am. I did. I will. I just ... " He bit his lip, tried to look apologetic when he spoke again. "You were careful, right? Like ... discreet?"

"I didn't do anything that would embarass you," Jared promised him, not looking offended at the question this time, much to his relief. "So you have nothing to worry about, and no awkward questions to look forward to. I swear it."

"Okay," JC exhaled, smiling again -- so relieved that he tilted his head forward another little bit and kissed Jared again, letting his lips linger a little longer. Blushing furiously, after, he slipped his arm between their bodies again to put some distance between them. "Sorry to be so anal, but ... well. I'm trying. I'll work on it."

Jared frowned and moved his arm out of the way, moving into his warmth again. "Don't worry about that," he said. "Just ... trust that I wouldn't do that to you. You don't need to ask me every day."

"I'm trying," JC repeated, letting him get closer, watching him carefully to see if he could tell what Jared wanted him to do, to see if that's all it would take to get that frown to go away. He tried another soft kiss, knowing it was a little strange, but alos knowing that for some reason Jared was encouraging it. "So. What do you want to do, today?"

"I have no idea," murmured Jared, seemingly content to be snuggled up against him. "My whole plan involved getting together with you. After that ... I'm okay just drifting along with whatever. It's in your hands."

JC laughed softly again and rubbed his neck. "You going back to sleep on me? What time'd you get in, anyway? I couldn't tell if it was late enough for you to make good on your threat to find a guy who'd have you, or not."

"It was still dark," Jared assured him. "That's about all I'm sure of. Everything was still open, but ... that doesn't mean much, does it? You didn't seem to notice me coming in, anyway ... "

It didn't matter whether he'd been awake or not, really, but if Jared wasn't going to answer the question, JC wasn't going to force the issue. "Okay. I'm getting up, I think ... I'll just let you sleep, wake you up when we have breakfast?"

Jared curled a calf around JC's leg. "What's your hurry?" he asked softly. "You got somewhere better to be?"

JC smiled shyly and ran a hand down Jared's thigh, resting it on his knee. "Just didn't want to bother you," he replied, just as quiet. "But we can, um. Talk. If you want. Time for another piece of sage advice?" He smiled and kissed him again, so he knew he wasn't being mean about it.

"If you need one," said Jared with wink, firming his hold on JC's body. "What were you doing waking me up, anyway? Was I really pummelling your body and freezing your lower extremities? Or was that just a convenient excuse because you couldn't bear another moment without my company?" He was grinning widely, a good look on him. And so JC assumed a good look on *him*, too.

"A little of both, maybe," JC admitted, holding him closer still, entwining their legs together. Smiling when he felt that his feet weren't so cold anymore. "I just wanted to know if you had a good time last night, with my friends."

"I had a great time," Jared told him again. "I really like them. And they're good to you ... mostly. Like brothers. I'm actually jealous, that they got to know you so much longer than I did. But, you know, I have *now*, and I'm gonna make the most of it."

JC smiled down at him. "There's no rush," he insisted. "We have plenty of time, together, now. Just ... you *know* I'm close to them, right? It's going to take a little while for you to know me like that. I trust you, like, implicitly, but ... I trust them with my life. I *owe* them my life."

"I know that," said Jared easily. "I just have to see you guys together to know that. Even Justin and Lance. You're all like that, together. I just wanted my chance to have you in my life. I just wanted you to let me do that, and you have."

JC chewed on his lip for a minute. "What's your plan?" he said carefully. "I kinda ... I mean, if there's any way for you to move down to Florida with me, that would be so great ... but I didn't want to ... " He blushed. "Well, what you said, about not signing up for this, not putting your life on hold?"

"I ... " Jared looked at a loss for a moment. "I hadn't given that much thought," he admitted. "I do have a home and family that I love. And a career, and friends ... And I don't live so far away, really. I want to go down there and be with you and get to know you, but I'm not sure I'm ready to leave my home behind yet. It's not that I don't want to be with you ... "

"I didn't ... " JC closed his eyes, tried to collect his thoughts. "I wasn't meaning permanently. I only have a month off, really, anyway ... I just thought ... " He backtracked, started disentagling himself again. "No, you're right. I'm sorry."

"Well, I have that month," offered Jared, not letting him go, and JC thought it might even have been a little shyly. "I have more than that month, even, before I have any commitments back home. I just mean ... it's not so easy to pick up and go, for good. That's all."

"Well, I didn't mean," JC said again, running his hand down Jared's side a little more bravely, palming his hip gently. "But you might stay with me then? At my house? And then ... maybe I can go see your home, before I have to be back in the studio?"

"I would love that," said Jared fervently. "I would really love that. I mean ... I'm gonna be living your life for a while, I guess, but I'd really like you to see mine, too. I'm proud of it. You're probably going to find my apartment really small and the clubs I play in pretty dingy ... but that's okay. I want you to see all of it. And my mother is dying to meet you, she'd never forgive me if I didn't bring you home."

JC laughed. "I can do dingy. I wasn't a filthy stinking rich pop star forever, you know. And of course I want to meet your mom, and hear you play, and just ... share everything, you know?" He hugged him tighter. "I don't let a lot of people in," he explained. "It really means a lot that you'd do it for me too."

"Thank you," said Jared. 'For giving me a chance. I *want* to share all these things with you. We've spent too many years without each other already, there are too many things I don't know about you and you don't know about me."

JC chuckled again, trying not to get nervous automatically at that. "Like what," he said, nuzzling into Jared's neck again, biting playfully at his skin there. "tell me something else I don't know, couldn't guess."

"My best friend's name," said Jared softly, arching his neck and doing nothing to dissuade him from what he was doing.. "The high school I went to. My favorite song. My first kiss. My first boyfriend. How I got that scar on my calf. How my dad died. We don't know *anything* yet, JC. We're just starting out, with this bond that feels almost fully formed already. You're a part of me. It's like I *need* you to know these things."

JC felt a lump start to form in his throat, so he closed his eyes and kept doing what he was doing, trying to distract himself from what Jared had just said. "I'm sorry," he said finally. "It seems ... I feel like all we've been doing, since you came up to me in that line, is talk about me; my life, my problems. It doesn't have to *be* like that, Jared."

"It's not like that," said Jared; JC could feel his throat moving as he spoke. "I've *asked* you about your life. I've wanted to know. I've dumped myself right smack in the middle of your world, so of *course* I'm going to be learning more about you right now. I'd expect nothing less, and I hope you know that's nothing to *apologize* for.

"But the night before," JC protested. "In bed. And today on the bus ... we could've talked about you. I'm sorry, I just have, I guess, had a lot harder time getting used to this, to actually realizing you're *real*, than myabe I should've."

"Don't beat yourself up about it," said Jared, squeezing him and making JC realize just *how* much they were pressed up against one another. "I haven't exactly done anything to call attention to my life, in case you hadn't notice. There's lots of time for that. And I like talking about you."

JC chuckled self-consciously. "No, really?" he replied dryly, nipping at Jared's jaw again. He'd already tried to pull away a couple of times, and Jared hadn't let him. And he felt ... nice. "God, wouldn't've guessed, with you basically telling me how to be happier, and all." He was smiling, and teasing, but his words were sincere.

"I do want you to be happier," said Jared, just as sincerely. "I see you looking so ... not happy. And it's like I can't *not* do something about it. So just let me. It'll be easier in the long run." He gave JC an innocent smile and said no more about it.

--

JC watched Joey rehearse his skit with Kathy Griffith, sitting in the third row of plush theatre seats, a ballcap pulled low over his face. He looked natural and confident, and not for the first time JC wished he had his ability to take his own reputation and make a joke out of it.

He came straight toward him when he was done, grinning under the shock of bright blond hair that JC figured only he could really pull off

"So what'd you think?" he asked, even though JC had seen the routine before. They all had. "That is, assuming you could see anything at all from under that hat." He reached out and yanked the peak up so that JC's face was no longer shadowed by it. "What's up?"

"What makes you think I was watching you?" JC teased, although he was, of *course* he was, with Joey in a tight tee shirt with cut-off sleeves from their rehearsal earlier, muscular and fit from being at the end of a tour. He tugged the hat back down so he could stare without being so obvious.

"Because I'm more interesting to watch than Kathy Griffin," he said, sliding into the seat next to him and tugging the peak *down* this time, so it blinded him. "And unless there was someone on the set-up crew that caught your attention, there's nothing else *to* watch. Besides ... I looked good up there."

"I was reading," JC protested weakly, gesturing at the closed book on the seat on the other side of him. "I don't have time to watch you flirt, no matter how good you think you look. Justin." He pushed the bill back up and grinned at Joey, enjoying the fact that no matter what was going on, they could tease each other and know it was done in love.

Joey nudged him with an elbow. "You take that back," he protested, but mildly, staring up at the stage as they set a few more things up. "And admit it, you were watching, you can't keep your eyes off me." He turned his head to wink at him, obviously not seriously, but the words still hit JC harder than he might've expected.

If he was Jared, he would've said something like "you know it, big boy," and then teasingly squeeze his thigh. But he wasn't Jared, so he just blushed, which probably revealed the truth in what Joey said more than anything else he could've done. Instead, he just rolled his eyes, and pretended to look under his seat. "Joey? You down there? Justin sat down and I lost you, buddy ... "

"Fucker," laughed Joey, elbowing him again. "Seriously, you think we've got the rhythm down right now? Because I really don't want to be going through that any more times today. The more we do it, the less funny it gets."

Sitting back up, JC grinned at him. "No, it's good," he agreed. "Funny. I'm glad they're letting you, like, *act*. Since you can actually do it, and all." He watched Joey for a minute, still smiling. "I think Kathy wants you, too, man."

"Hey, thanks," said Joey, sounding genuinely grateful for the compliment. And JC assumed it wasn't for the Kathy comment, which Joey had just rolled his eyes at. "It's nice to be doing more of it ... I mean, even though I love what I'm already doing." He looked JC up and down and frowned a little, but in thought and not unhappiness. "Where did you get that hat, anyway? Is it Jared's or something? I've never seen it before."

JC blushed, rolling his eyes at himself for bothering to be flattered by the fact that Joey recognized something he'd never worn before. He told himself that it wasn't because he paid that much attention to JC, just that he porbably liked it and figured he would've stolen it himself if he knew JC had it. "Yeah, it's his," JC agreed, running a hand over it possessively. "Why, does it look bad?"

"No, it looks *good*," said Joey, batting JC's hands away to straighten it. "Really good. You should let him go shopping with you, pick out some stuff. it would probably be fun, and beat the hell out of what wardrobe's been putting you in lately."

"Gee, thanks," JC frowned, looking down at his own clothes from rehearsal, then trying to think back to what they wanted him to wear for the awards show the next night. "Maybe I will. Doesn't mean you're invited. Oh, and Joe? Pot and kettle, and glass houses, and all that." He stuck out his tongue childishly.

Joey laughed. "It wasn't an *insult*. I'm telling you that the two of you have better taste than the people who work for us, is all. And who better to know what looks good on you than ... you? You and someone who looks just like you. You guys really should, with *or* without me." He stuck his own tongue out, and looked so ridiculous that JC couldn't help but laugh.

"Okay, okay," he conceded, smiling. "And you're right, Jared has pretty good taste. I mean ... he wears a lot of tight stuff, which I just don't know about -- like, aside from what we have to wear onstage -- but, like. Other than that." He paused and looked back onstage. "He said if I thought that was bad I shouldn't seen what *he* wears onstage."

"Oh, we have *got* to go see him perform some time," said Joey fervently, his eyes glazing over for a moment. "I bet he's really good. He's got the breeding for it anyway. Have you heard him, at all? Man, what I'd give to see both of you up on stage together ... "

JC stamped down the jealousy rising in his chest and forced himself to grin wryly. "Joey, you'd give anything to see both of us doing *anything* together," he teased. "But ... no, I haven't heard him. He said he wants me to see a show before I hear their CD. Which is totally frustrating but it's his choice, you know?"

"I didn't meant it like *that*," he said, giving him another jab; any more and JC was almost worried he'd start to bruise. "I thought maybe he'd .. sung for you or something. God knows *you* do it all the time."

"Didn't know it bothered you so much," JC sniffed, and actually did pick up his book this time, leafing through the pages and pretending to find where he left off. "Why, have you heard him or soemthing?" They hadn't spent that much time without him, but they *were* drunk when he'd left them the other night, and anything was possible.

"It doesn't bother me," said Joey, taking his book away. " I like it. I thought maybe it was something you had in common. But no ... I haven't heard him. He's sure heard Chris, though."

JC grabbed for his book, but Joey held him off. "Well, maybe we do, I just haven't heard him. Maybe he's self-conscious." Although as soon as he said it, he knew how unlikely that was: Jared, self-conscious about anything. "Mmm, was Chris really bad? Jared didn't seem too traumatized. Or worried, really."

"He got more cheerful the later it got," admitted Joey with a rueful grin. "There was nothing to worry about by then, he was doing all right. This morning was a different story, though." He gestured around vaguely. "Notice his absense thus far."

"Mmm," JC said distractedly, reaching for his book again and finally climbing awkwardly into Joey's lap when he stretched it over his head. "Joey, *give* me that," he insisted. "I need it."

"Oh?" said Joey, shifting his knees so that JC tumbled down into his lap. "For what? Is talking to me that boring now, that you'd rather read ... " He looked around JC's body to try and see the book. "What are you reading, anyway?"

"*Nothing*," blushed JC, squirming a little and focusing on everything except how warm Joey's thighs and groin were. "Just this ... science fiction-y book that Jared lent me. It's nothing, but can I have it back, please?" He lunged for it again, and would've fallen off completely if he hadn't grabbed Joey's shirt at the last second, the thick cotten fisted in his hand, and held tight.

"I'll *give* it back," laughed Joey as he stopped squirming. "I'm not a bully. You just don't need it right *now*, do you?" He wrapped his arm around JC's back so he wasn't in danger of falling, and set the book down on the chair. "Don't worry about it, okay? I'm not gonna wreck it or something."

"Okay," JC relented, looking at the book like he thought Joey *had* done something to it, then facing him again and surprising himself with how close their faces were. "Um," he said, letting go of his shirt with an even deeper blush. "Maybe I should get off you now, huh."

"Well, if you *must*," said Joey dramatically, not letting go. "Can't go letting all these people watching us think we're actually good friends or anything, can we? God forbid we actually *like* each other. Better that you sit there with your nose in a book and I ogle Kathy Griffin." Then he lifted one hand and pressed the tip of JC's nose, grinning the whole time. "Just *relax* a little."

"I'm relaxed," JC protested, even though he was anything but, and really *needed* to get off Joey's lap. He pushed against Joey's hand and tried to climb away. "And it isn't that," he insisted, even though if he was being perfectly honest with himself, it kind of was. "There's just a fine line."

"What, and we crossed it?" said Joey, lowering his voice a little. "Sorry." He let go of JC so he could climb off his lap, but he didn't help him off. "So things are going good between you and Jared, huh? It must be so amazing to suddenly find out that you have a brother ... you handling it okay, Jace?"

"I'm good," JC nodded, settling back into his own seat, trying not to dwell too much on why that felt like such a surprise, probably to both of them. "I'm just so happy to have him, Joe, you don't even know. Like ... the only person, really, who won't judge me, and doesn't want anything from me, and so ... when he says stuff, it makes it really easy to hear him. And listen."

"And I'm happy *for* you. He's a great guy and ... well ... very not like you." Joey's nudge was with his shoulder this time, and not another elbow to the side. "It's like ... he's this other side of you that's we've never seen. I mean, I know he's not *you*, but ... he could've been. You could've been. I dunno."

JC was trying to find some way not to be hurt by that, even considering the way Joey often had things come out wrong. "He's a great guy, and therefore not like me?" he asked, knowing he sounded hurt. "Sorry he's so much more fun. Maybe you guys should ask him if he wants a place in a famous boyband, see what he says."

"JC!" said Joey, more surprised than JC expected he'd be. He had to have known what he'd said. "Tell me you're joking. You *know* I didn't mean it like that. You know I love you to pieces and I'd never want you to be him, I just want you to be you. Come on ... you're not mad, are you?"

"Not mad," JC admitted, but he wouldn't look at him. "How did you mean it? Look, I know Jared's ... he's more fun, he *is*. He's funny, and quick, and laughs a lot, and is easy to talk to, and just ... knows who he is, you know? He's more like you guys, the rest of you guys, that way. So to hear you say, like, all wistfully, that that's how I *could* have been ... "

"No," said Joey, shaking his head. "No, no, no. I mean ... he *is* funny, and quick, and laughs a lot. But he's not you. He could never be you and you could never be him. Why would you want to? I was just saying ... how you complement each other. And I wasn't *wistful*, that's all in your head." He threw an arm around the back of JC's chair. "Is that how you expect me to react, though? Wistful?"

"No," JC sulked, crossing his arms. "I don't expect you to react at all." *It's not like you ever have before*, he wanted to add, and then had to wonder where all this self-pity was coming from. "Well, whatever. The fact of the matter is that you're right, we're really different. But I'm glad he's here and I'm glad he's my brother and I already adore the ground he walks on. Even more than the rest of you guys do, although I'm less sure of that as far as *you're* concerned right now."

"Joshua Scott Chasez," said Joey, causing him to snap his head up. Joey never, ever, used his full name. "You're sulking, and you're being a jerk, and you're being way too down on yourself, and you need to just *stop*. Okay? Just ... stop. And smile at me like you're supposed to and tell me about the new songs you're working on that you're so proud of. And forget about whatever crazy notions you've got in your head right now."

JC blinked at him, at the tender seriousness in his huge brown eyes, and just wanted to hug him. Or kiss him, but he couldn't very well do either right then. "Not *so* crazy," he protested lightly, but couldn't hold back a smile. "We don't have to talk about the songs," he compromised. "I'm done ... acting like that, promise."

Joey grinned back, looking profoundly relieved. And happy. "Has it occured to you that I *want* to hear about the songs? I can't write songs to save my life, you know that. And it makes your eyes do this ... thing ... when you talk about it. It's cool."

JC laughed, then shook his head at Joey. "This thing?" he repeated. "Like, they roll up into my skull and I look all possessed and stuff?" He laughed again, and crossed his eyes at him for good measure. "So there's this song ... "

"Yeah, that thing," said Joey as soon as JC started talking, pointing at his face. "They sparkle. Or something. Go on ... tell me more."

JC rolled his eyes that time, quite certain Joey was making it up. "I was just playing with you," he protested. "And anyway, I don't have any of my notes or anything with me so I can't really show you. But ... I do have a couple, I guess. Started. I might ... may have Jared look at them, actually. You think he'd want to?"

"Do I think he'd want to?" repeated Joey. "JC, he'd love to. I have no doubt about that whatsoever. Hey, maybe he even writes, too. I bet he does, what with having that band and all. You both could probably get lost in a conversation like that." He paused for a moment with his lips slightly parted, as though he meant to go on, and JC had to wonder what was going through his head. "Are you gonna show them to me, too?" he asked finally.

"If you want," JC replied, alternating between being suspicious and just deleriously happy that Joey sounded like he cared. The combination of which meant he probably looked completely unfazed. "I didn't ... " He shrugged, not really sure what he was going to even say, then leaned over to bump his head against Joey's shoulder.

"You didn't *what*?" laughed Joey, nudging him back playfully. "And I *do* want. I always want. You telling me you never noticed that?" He smacked the side of JC's head with just his fingertips, barely grazing his hair. "Dope. I won't cut into your Jared-time, though. You can show me whenever. I'm pretty easy to track down."

"Yeah, I know where to find you," JC said, looking up in a little bit of alarm when that came out sounding a lot more meaningful than he meant it. "Um," he blushed, sitting back in his seat and grabbing his book again. "Are you ... you're not leaving, are you?"

"Leaving? No. Where would I go?" He looked up at the stage again. "I keep thinking they're gonna call me up and tell me we need to go through it again. Chris needs to get his ass here so I can stop worrying and just relax with you -- he must be in the bathroom again or something. Guy can't hold his liquor anymore."

"He'll be fine," JC said confidently, always having faith in Chris to land on his feet, even if the end of his relationship was inevitable right then. "You don't have to worry about him. Or any of us. We're fine ... we all have our little things to deal with, but ... " He smiled impishly. "Jared would tell you to relax anyway too. Would you listen to him?"

"Maybe if he was sticking his tongue in my ear while he said it,'" Joey teased, slouching in his seat and looking like he was taking the advice to relax to heart anyway. "Maybe if you stared doing that I'd start listening more."

JC blinked again, and some of Jared's words to *him* came echoing back: about taking risks, and doing what would make him happy ... He leaned closer, like he was seriously considering doing exactly what Joey had suggested. "Oh, yeah?" he breathed, his heart hammering with the uncertainty of how Joey was going to play this in response. "You think you'd be worried about what I was *saying*, if I had my tongue in your ear, Joe?"

Joey turned his head just slightly, just enough so that he could see JC. "Maybe that's the idea," he said with a wink. What was most notable to JC, though, was that he didn't move away.

JC smiled, encouraged slightly. "*What's* the idea?" he clarified. "You want me to lick your face so you can get out of having to listen to me? Real nice, Joe." It was as close to propositioning him, flirting with him, as he ever got.

"That maybe the world would be better off if we licked more and worried less," teased Joey, arching his cheek toward him. "After all, who doeesn't like that? *I* certainly wouldn't complain if you got busy licking me ... "

JC told himself that if they'd been alone, he would've done it, would've given Joey what he was asking for. But they weren't; they were in public, and he just couldn't *do* that.

He pulled away, trying not to dwell on how disappointed Jared would be, how it almost physically hurt to put that distance between himself and Joey. "You just want it wherever you can get it," he joked weakly, and sat back in his chair.

"Maybe," said Joey, sounding unconvincing, his arm still around JC's chair at least. "You and Jared ... you guys talk, right?" JC nodded his head hesitantly, wondering where Joey was going with this. "You talk about guys, at all?"

"What do you mean?" JC's brow furrowed. "Like ... he's told me about his boyfriends, if that's what you mean. And ... " he looked away, started chewing on his fingernails. "... he told me that I shouldn't pretend to be something I'm not, and if I ... if I wanted to be with a guy, then I should." That seemed like a pretty big admission, so it felt okay to leave out the part about how he hadn't done it earlier because he'd been worried about the group.

It was obviously the right answer -- or *a* right answer -- because Joey grinned back at him and once again looked relieved. "And you listened, right?" he said. There was no nudging or teasing this time, and Joey's voice was both gentle and maybe even a little proud. "Because he's right about that. It's okay to want that, and to do it. I mean, look at me, right?"

"Look at you, what?" JC protested, still not meeting his eyes, even though he felt absurdedly proud of himself to have made Joey happy. "I know you've been with guys. I've *been* with guys, too, Joe, but it's not quite the same thing."

"Yeah, but you've never talked about it before," he noted, lowering his arm so he could grasp JC's shoulder. "And it's okay, if you don't talk about it with us. I'm the last guy that's gonna force you to do something that makes you that uncomfortable. But I'm glad you're talking to him about it and maybe will come out feeling like ... like it's okay, to be yourself." There was a long, awkward pause, then Joey went on. "Listen to me, I sound like a prick, i'm sorry. I just mean that I agree with him, and if you want a boyfriend you should go for it."

"You just sound like you know a lot about what he's said to me," JC remarked, then shook his head and grasped Joey's arm gently in his hand. "Thanks, though. It really ... you probably don't know how much of a difference it makes, to hear you say you'd be okay with it. With me. I'm ... working on it, okay?"

"Okay," said Joey, more easily than JC had been expecting. "And you probably don't know how much difference it makes, to know you're working on it. To know that you're ... getting comfortable. It makes me really happy for you, JC. If there was anything I could do to help, you'd tell me?"

"Help?" JC echoed, still slightly confused. "Um. Sure. Just ... don't push, okay? Not that you have been, or anything, just that ... I don't ever want to start avoiding you, 'cause I'm afraid of what you'll say. This ... isn't going to happen overnight. Or ... is that not what you meant?"

"No ... that's what I meant," said Joey. "God this is awkward. It's just ... just because we've never talked about this before, doesn't mean we can't. So if you want to, or have questions, or whatever ...you can. I guess you have Jared for that now and all, but the offer's open, okay? I'd be really happy to see you."

"See me what?" JC asked, even more confused than before, and heartily agreeing that it was awkward. Especially because he hadn't considered Joey such an expert on being with guys as it seemed like maybe he was, to be offering advice so easily. "And you're not, like, offended if I talk to him, right? It just ... has always worked, being this unspoken thing as far as we're concerned."

"Yeah, but ... " began Joey, then stopped himself and shook his head. "I'm not offended, JC. I told you, I'm happy that you're talking to him and happy that he's able to help you, or whatever. If you want to keep on not talking to me -- us -- about it then that's okay, that's your choice. I'm just happy that you're talking at all, I guess."

JC slumped back in his chair, and pulled his hat down over his eyes again. Awkward *and* embarrassing, because he couldn't be as honest as he would've liked about why he couldn't talk to Joey about wanting a guy. He hadn't even admitted his feelings to Jared about it, yet. "But what?" he insisted, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to know. "You don't *sound* happy."

"No, I am," insisted Joey. "I am, JC. You have no idea how much. I *want* you to be able to go for who you really want to go for. I think it would make you as happy as it would make me, if you did."

Something in Joey's voice, some inflection or tone or *something* made him look up again. And he looked perfectly serious, like it was natural that he say something like that, like it wasn't completely illogical that JC finding himself a boyfriend could make Joey just as happy.

Not knowing how to respond without agreeing, laying it all on the line in front of Joey, JC forced himself to laugh. "Just so I leave you alone to flirt with my brother, is that it?"

"That's not ... " began Joey, again leaving his sentence unfinished. He gave JC a sheepish grin. "Maybe I *should* leave this advice stuff to Jared. I seem to really suck at it, huh? Just ... be who you are and go for who you want, JC. I'm pretty sure you won't be disappointed, if you do."

That was heartfelt, at least, and JC knew Joey believed it deep inside, so he gave him a grateful smile and pinched his cheek as he gathered up his stuff. "I think that was pretty good advice," he admitted. "Thank you. We all still going out tonight?"

"Yes," said Joey firmly. "You are *not* bailing on me tonight. We're gonna go out and we're gonna have a great time and that's final. Got it?"

"Got it," JC saluted him teasingly, then backed away quickly before he gave in to the ridiculously strong temptation to lean down and kiss him.

"If you see Chris, can you tell him I'm worried about him?" asked Joey, standing up himself as someone called his name. "Looks like we're doing this again."

"Sure," JC frowned, holding his bag to his chest, refusing to let that bring him down. "Um. Any messages for anybody else?"

"Yeah," said Joey with a grin, "Tell JC to wear that blue shirt that I like so much tonight. Tell him it brings out his eyes and makes him look hot. Got that?"

JC stared at him, thinking he meant to say 'Jared,' then caught the way Joey was looking at him and knew he knew exactly what he said. "Um," he blushed, stumbling as he backed up some more. "Sure, I ... I'll tell him. Uh ... break a leg up there, Joe." He practically ran out of the theatre, and didn't even bother to pretend to himself that it wasn't to go make sure that shirt didn't need to be laundered.

---

JC could hear the sound of the water running in the bathroom, but the door was open so he felt safe about walking over and leaning against the doorframe. Jared was bent over the sink and didn't even notice him until he stood up and JC's eyes caught his in the mirror.

"Shit," he mumbled, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. "Don't scare me like that!" He pulled the toothbrush out and spit into the sink, wiping his lips with the back of his hand so he could turn and give JC a grin. "Make some noise or something, would you?"

JC rubbed the back of his neck and continued to lounge in the doorway. "You really didn't have to leave so soon," he insisted, watching his brother curiously. "There's no telling how long Joey'll be up again, and ... I mean, you don't even look tired."

"I know I didn't *have* to leave when I did," Jared assured him, turning back to rinse off his toothbrush. "I wanted to. I think you oughta know by now that I pretty much do what I want." He dried his hands and once again turned to JC, moving closer. "You tired? I guess it's probably pretty late, for you. But you had a good time, right?"

"I had a *really* good time," JC grinned. And he had; they drank and danced and played some cards, and then danced some more -- he and Jared, mostly, and some fans, but he danced a couple times with Joey (all he could handle without blurting out something embarrassing) and even once with Chris too. "You're a good dancer."

"Thanks," said Jared, nudging him out of the doorway so they could both leave the bathroom. "I'd tell you you're good, but you already know that. You're all good. Hey, did you see Lance with that redhead? What number do you think he's at by now ... ?"

"I think he's exceeded even our expectations," JC admitted, grinning and flopping down on the bed they'd shared the night before, leaving plenty of room if Jared felt like doing it again. "Seriously, though ... thank you. For encouraging me to stay as long as I did, and all. I swear, between you and Joey, it's like I've got my own pair of ... I dunno, guardian angels or something. If guardian angels are supposed to try and get their charges laid."

"Hey, ours is not to question the directives of guardian angels," said Jared as he stripped down to his boxers. "For all we know there could be guardian angels all over the country, working towards a more sexually satisfied nation." He stretched out on the bed, propping himself up on an elbow. "I was impressed with you, Jace. I might be mistaken, but I think maybe I even saw you flirting a time or two ... "

JC blushed. "I *do* know how," he protested. "It's not like I'm a virgin, Jared, just ... you know. Kind of used to having stuff dumped in my lap, rather than bothering to work for it." He *had* been flirting -- not taking it anywhere, obviously, and if he was completely honest, at least partially driven by trying to make Joey jealous, but flirting, nevertheless.

"Yeah, I guess stuff like that would come really easy to you guys. Pretty much anything you could possibly want, I bet." He raised an eyebrow for confirmation, but JC knew the answer was obvious already. "But flirting ... and just be fun for the sake of flirting, even if you never want it to go anywhere. It's like a game. And you're pretty good at it, which I bet you didn't know."

"Thanks," JC replied softly, reaching out to play with Jared's fingers. It still felt unbelievably good to have Jared compliment him; JC was ever more aware of how much his approval meant to him. "I guess it works on some people, but ... well. Not everyone, is all."

"Oh man," said Jared, looking at him in both amazement and curiousity. "Was there someone you were trying to actually pick up tonight and I didn't even notice? Damn. I'm usually way better than that. Who was it? That bartender that kept watching you? He was hot."

JC stared at him, then burst into laughter. "What? No. Someone I was ... ? No, no no no." He grinned and reached over to pinch Jared's waist. "Although that bartender *was* hot. But I thought he kept watching *you*." He chuckled again. "No, I wasn't talking about tonight. Just ... in general."

"Well just in general, you don't flirt much," Jared pointed out. "Or at least, not that I've seen. And not that I've heard about, either. To hear the other guys talk, you're practically a monk, compared to them. So not the bartender, then? Oh well, he would have been fun, I bet. And he was *definitely* watching you, not me. Or ... oh, maybe both. Some people are into that kind of thing ... "

JC laughed again. "*You're* the one that wanted to find some guy that would let both of us suck his dick," he reminded him. "And anyway, that guy probably wouldn'tve gotten off work until, like, 6 this morning or something. And I'm too old to stay up that late." He grinned and closed his eyes. "And anyway, a monk compared to the rest of the guys isn't saying much, you know."

"That's true," agreed Jared, toying with JC's hand. "They're a little ... indulgent. But the dick thing ... I didn't mean at the same *time*. You know, for the record. Actually ... I didn't mean it at all. But especially not like that." He slumped down further on the bed. "We don't know who's older," he murmured, almost out of the blue. "You or me."

The thought sobered JC a little, and he propped his chin on his other hand and looked at Jared. "No," he agreed finally. "Did you ... I mean, have you tried to find our mom, at all? Like ... can't you do that, once you're 18? For, like, medical reasons and stuff?" He figured that wasn't why Jared had brought it up, but JC was curious about that anyway too.

"I haven't, yet," admitted Jared, touching JC's face briefly. "I already had a family, and I guess I never had a reason to go looking. No medical problems or anything. I guess ... you haven't either? Maybe we could both do it, together, when there's time ... "

"If you want," JC shrugged. "If it's important to you." It wasn't like he didn't care, himself, it was just another one of those things that might be blown out of proportion because of who he was. "Why did you bring that up, then?"

Jared shrugged and gave JC a sheepish smile. "You said you were too old to stay up that late," he said. "And I realized I didn't know whether to tease you about being older or being younger than me. It was no big thing, I just ... though of it, right then."

"Oh," JC relaxed, then smiled in return and twisted around to rest his head on Jared's stomach. "Well, I might think twice about going with you, if it's just to give you ammunition to tease me," he protested. "And it's not just old, it's ... *weary*." He was laying it on thick, but he knew Jared would recognize the joke.

Jared stroked his fingers through JC's hair for a moment and didn't say anything at all, though. "Is it hard, being you?" he asked finally, his voice quite serious. "Being what you are? I still don't ... I'm not sure I *can* entirely get it, what it's like."

JC sighed, halfway wishing they wouldn't talk about serious things, but appreciating it nevertheless. "I have good friends," he commented, by way of explanation. "That makes it tolerable. And the rest of it's not bad, it's just ... not normal. You know? But it's all I've ever know so what do I have to compare it to. I just ... get lonely," he finished simply.

"I don't want you to be lonely anymore," said Jared simply, still stroking his hair. "Even doing what you do, you don't have to be. You shouldn't be. No one deserves that. So how are we gonna fix that?"

"It's not a broken leg," JC chuckled, still too happy from the evening to get too depressed by Jared's concern. "It'll ... fix itself, somehow. People meet people every day, and fall in love, and ... I'm not so bad. I'll find someone that likes me, the way I am."

"You have to be the way you are, before someone can like you the way you are," said Jared, but it was so gently that it hardly stung at all. "*I* like you. But I don't think you would want to date your bother. People talk. You know how it is."

JC reached back and tickled him a little. "Ha ha," he said dryly. "As for the rest ... if someone's interested enough, they'll get to know me," he insisted. "I'm myself around people I'm close to."

"Are you?" asked Jared. He didn't sound like he doubted him, exactly, just sounded like it was a genuine question. Asking if the person JC was around his friends was who he really was. "You aren't easy to get close to. Which I guess is an occupational hazard, huh?" "Well, yeah," JC agreed slowly. "But yes, I'm myself around my friends. I'm myself around you, already. I'm mostly myself around Joey and Chris and them, except when it comes to things I'm shy about anyway. Like guys, or whatever. Even though ... I don't know, Joey made me talk about that a little today, and it was easier than I thought it'd be."

"Really?" said Jared, perking up a little. "You guys talked about that? That's great. He's ... I was a little bit wrong, in my assessment of him before, I think. Not that he's a thinker behind the facade -- that much I was right about -- but we aren't as alike as I thought. He's much more of a romantic than I am ... I never would've figured ... Maybe it's something to do with how you guys live or something. Either you hop into every bed you can -- like Lance -- or you decided that the one thing you want most in the world is someone to love. To care about. To keep you from being lonely. Like you and Joey. And Chris." He shook his head. "Poor guy."

JC agreed about Chris, but Jared's estimation of Joey surprised him a little. He'd always thought of him as something between him and Lance, and wondered what Jared had seen, or Joey had said, to make him think otherwise. But it wasn't something he could ask about, outright. "You're not a romantic?" he asked instead. "Why not?"

Jared shrugged. "I guess I could be," he said. "But I'm just not looking for that one person to complete my life right now. I tried that, and it didn't make me happy so I'm trying something else right now. At this point ... I'm much happier with casual relationships -- when it comes to *that* anyway -- than looking for a partner. Close friends and casual lovers. It's what works best for me right now. What feels right."

"Well," JC sighed, running his hand over Jared's stomach, "there's certainly nothing wrong with it. It's been my life for five years. But you know what they say, the grass is alwasy greener and all that." He smiled at Jared when he looked down at him. "Maybe I just think I want affection."

"No, there's nothing wrong with it," agreed Jared. "It's right for me. But ... I don't think it's right for you. It doesn't seem like the kind of thing that would make you happy. I mean, it sounds like you want someone to be there, so you'll always have that feeling that you're not alone. And I think you want someone to give *your* affection to, too. Because you have so much of it to give."

JC chuckled and smoothed his palm over the light hairs on Jared's belly. "Is that a hint to stop groping you?" he teased. "No, I don't know. You're right. And it's not only that, it just ... when you're not in a relationship with someone, it can always be misinterpreted."

"Definitely not a hint," Jared assured him. "You can do that whenever you want. But ... okay, how is it misinterpreted, when you're not in a relationship wtih someone? Just to satisfy my own curiosity here."

"Well, I don't know," JC started, still rubbing Jared idly, and thinking back to the way he would act around Joey. "Like ... you don't want to do it too much, if you're not really interested in someone. Because you don't want them to think you are. But then if you *are*, you don't really want to do it too much, unless you've decided to tell them. Because then they might figure it out, and if they don't like you back, then ... " He trailed off. "You know. You're worse off than when you started."

"Well, no," said Jared, actually looking baffled at that. "First of all, if you're interested in someone, why couldn't you let them know that? I'd think it would be way better to know right off and not just always be wondering if they feel the same way, wouldn't it?"

"No," JC said slowly, just as confused at Jared's reaction. "What if you really mess up a friendship? And he ... the person just can't be himself around you anymore? Then you're definitely not better off."

"Yeah, but ... you don't just stop *feeling* it," argued Jared. "How are you going to get past it if you don't get it out in the open at least? It doesn't have to ruin anything, unless you let it. And you never know." He paused. "So are you saying you have feelings for one of your friends?"

"No, I'm not saying that," JC replied evenly. He wasn't quite ready to share *that* information with Jared yet, especially given the way Joey was throwing himself at him. "I could just see that happening very easily. Especially ... " he sighed. "Especially if you think he probably knows, already, and you're both happy never acknowledging it."

"But how do you know you're both happy never acknowledging it, if you've never talked about it? Besides, I can't see how that could make anyone happy, hiding something that they feel and still having to see the other person all the time because they're friends. That would make everything so awkward, wouldn't it?" Jared shook his head at him, looking compassionate but still confused. "Sometimes I really don't understand how you think."

JC stuck out his tongue at him, still in too good a mood to react to that. "And I don't understand how *you* think. If everything's going fine between -- these two hypothetical people -- then you can pretty much assume everyone's happy. How's that confusing?"

"But everything's *not* fine, if at least one of those people has all these unacknowledged feelings that they're repressing. Then that person is probably going to start acting weird and the other person will notice and things will be more of a mess than if they'd just talked about it in the first place. If they're really a friend, then they won't let the friendship go to pieces just because you tell them how you're feeling."

JC just shrugged and stretched out again. "Then they can worry about that when it happens," he said easily, before flipping over and squinting at Jared. "Why are you being so ... pushy?"

"Didn't think I was," said Jared honestly, trying to tug him closer. "I thought we were just having a difference of opinion about a hypothetical subject. Weren't we?" He didn't sound like he believed that, though.

"Yes. Hypothetical." JC tugged back, then grinned at him again. "So don't go getting any ideas like I know you've got in your head right now. You're a troublemaker and I shouldn't let you out of my sight."

"Well, you can let me out of your sight from time to time," said Jared, tugging harder. "So I can satisfy my, you know, *needs*. The rest of the time ... I don't *want* to be let out of your sight."

"Nope, sorry, not even for that," JC grinned. "If I'm not getting any, then you aren't either. That's the new rule, buddy." "If you don't let me out of your sight, then you're going to have to *watch*," teased Jared. "Maybe take notes or something. Because when I say needs, I ain't kidding around."

"Maybe *you* can take notes," JC shot back, grabbing a pillow and smothering Jared's face with it. "And you forget I've lived with Joey and Lance. You ain't got nothin' on them."

Jared struggled against him, finally ending up on top for the moment. "Are you telling me you watched *them*?" he asked, pinning his shoulder. "Do *they* know this?"

"No!" JC sputtered, laughing, as he bucked beneath him. "Well, maybe. Once. Not *together*, though ... I don't think they've done that ... "

"Now there's something *I'd* like to see," said Jared, staying in control for the moment but precariously close to losing his balance. "So tell me all about this once. Because that's a very naughty thing to do, Jace. I'm impressed."

"It *wasn't*," JC protested, wrinkling up his nose at the idea of Joey and Lance together. "And Joey doesn't do blondes. Like, ever. So you can forget about that. I just ... it was totally an accident. And it wasn't like I stuck around for the whole thing, or anything ... "

"Tell. Me," laughed Jared, shaking him a little. "You have to now. It's this unwritten rule. You can't just bring up something like that and not share it with your brother. That would be cruel. So *spill* already." He grinned at him almost hungrily and shook him again for good measure.

JC laughed and pushed him away. "I'm sure he'd let you watch, if you asked," he said playfully. "No, I don't know. What do you want me to say? Use your imagination." But Jared was still looking at him expectantly. "*What*? We had adjoining rooms in this hotel in Dallas, once, and I thought he'd come back from a club alone. But ... well, obviously, he hadn't. And I walked in because I thought he had the TV on, or something, total cliche. But it wasn't the TV ... " He couldn't help trailing off, remembering what he'd seen.

"And? And?" pushed Jared, obviously bordering on laughter but looking flushed at the same time. "You obviously *remember* ... "

"I was the first time I'd ever seen him with a guy," he said, softer, but he was flushed too at the picture in his head. "They were ... on his bed. And Joey ... " he looked at Jared, realizing he'd never said it was Joey and not Lance he was talking about, but Jared hadn't even flinched. Like he knew all along. "Um. He was ... on top. But not ... I mean, he was riding the guy. Had his hands braced on the mattress behind him, his head thrown back ... the other guy was just laying there, like in a daze ... "

"Oh," said Jared softly, his eyes wide. "Oh man. Yeah, okay, that would be hot." He rolled off JC's body and onto his back. "Did you stay long?"

JC blushed and buried his face in the bed, and didn't answer. He did stay, frozen in shock at first, and then because he couldn't make himself leave. And to that day he was almost certain Joey knew he'd been there, too, even though he slipped out in the midst of both of their orgasms.

"I'm gonna take that as a yes," said Jared a moment later. "Damn. Okay, might have to make a quick trip to the bathroom in a few seconds ... "

JC looked up and blinked at him, smiling ruefully. "I jerked off twice in a row that night," he said, choking a little. "He was ... beautiful."

Jared paused for a long moment, studying him. Long enough for JC to start to get nervous. "He still is," he said finally, but he was still studying JC when he said it. "Okay, gotta go. Back soon." With that he leapt off the bed and shut himself in the bathroom.

JC blinked again, then groaned as he rolled onto his back and adjusted himself leisurely. That was still the image he used to jerk off all the time. And no matter what Jared said, if Joey knew that -- knew that he felt that way -- it *would* strain their friendship. It had to.

Jared was back in under five minutes, looking completely unembarassed even though he'd made it very clear what he'd be doing. "The guys in my band?" he said as he crawled back onto the bed. "*Not* exactly lookers. You're a lucky guy."

"Or unlucky," JC pointed out, making room for him. "You know, that whole look-but-don't-touch thing. And plus, it just makes finding someone else that'll do it for you that much harder ... when everyone else you meet pales in comparison."

"Yeah," said Jared, sounding like he understood for once. "I'd date one of the guys in my band in a second, if I was attracted to them, though. And we aren't half as close as you guys are. It would just be so much easier, to have someone who understood me that well. Who shared my passions. Maybe *that* would be something that might convince me to give a relationship a try."

JC squinted at him, but he looked innocent enough, like he wasn't intending that to be as pointed as JC took it. "Being as close as we are has its fair share of problems," he reminded him. "Anyway. I'm not complaining. And it's easier with two buses."

"What's easier with two buses?" asked Jared, sprawling over JC again. "Getting a turn in the shower?"

"Um. Nothing." JC said, blushing and trying to roll him off. Had he said that? That was definitely ... not subtle. And he definitely had no good excuses for it. "Showers, sure."

"Liar," said Jared, but for once he didn't push. "Need me to get off? Need your own turn in the bathroom?"

"No," JC said, sniffing, and stealing the covers away from his brother. "*Some* of us have shame and can be subtle."

"Stop that," laughed Jared, yanking back. "And *some* of us aren't ashamed to admit what turns us on. Hmm?"

"I'm not ashamed," JC said softly. "I said he was beautiful. That's a big enough admission for one evening."

Jared gave him a tight hug. "You're right," he said, to JC's surprise. "It was." He gave him a wet kiss on the cheek before pulling away.

"Well, okay then," JC said, sure he missed something but glad Jared was willing to drop it. He tugged him back next to him though, wrapping an elbow around his neck and giving him a lingering kiss of his own on his forehead as they shared a pillow. "And Jared? Thanks. For, um. encouraging me. Perverted guardian angel that you are."

Jared laughed. "I'm just getting started," he warned him as he snuggled in next to him, pulling the covers around them tight. "Thank you for letting me."

---

Chris's head appeared over the back of the seats in front of him, looking questioningly at the empty seat next to him. JC grinned and moved the paper pillow out of the way for him. "Come on," he said quietly, gesturing at it. "You can. Justin asleep too?"

"All asleep," said Chris. Even when he made an effort to keep his voice down, though, it carried. "Fuckers sleep too much," he added as he slipped into the seat. "And yet you're up. There's something wrong with the world today."

JC laughed softly and touched his arm. "You know I can never really sleep on planes," he reminded him. "So the world as you know it isn't collapsing. How are you feeling?" JC knew Chris had gone out with Joey quite a few more times in Vegas, and wasn't sure he was any better yet.

"Feeling? I'm not, at the moment," muttered Chris. "I've been *trying* not to for days." He stole JC's drink, then looked disappointed as he realized it was only water. "Dammit. That didn't help, either."

"You don't need alcohol on planes," JC told him primly. "You'll get dehydrated and that's bad for your throat. Want some juice?" He reached down and started digging through his bag for the bottle he had in there. He knew Chris was hurting but he wasn't going to encourage his self-desructive behavior.

"No," snapped Chris. "I don't want some juice. I'm fine." Physically he did look fine, though, if a bit hung over. That wasn't what JC was worried about. "All I want is to be home and in my bed with no *Joey* next door to keep me from getting the sleep I need. I think I'm gonna sleep all day. All *week*. And no one can stop me."

JC chuckled again and sat back up, rubbing his shoulder. "Okay. You're right, no one's gonna stop you. And I didn't realize Joey was so bad, this trip. Now, Lance, *that* I would understand ... "

"It was just that one night with Jared," muttered Chris, leaning forward and rubbing the back of his neck roughly. "I'm surprised even *you* managed to sleep through that one. You're right, Lance was worse. Let's be mad at Lance for a while."

JC froze. "The one night ... what?" No, JC's brain was saying. No, no no. Maybe Chris just meant the night he stayed with Jared and Joey, that Joey'd picked up someone else ... because Jared had come back to the room ...

"That night him and Jared were together," said Chris impatiently. "It's not my fault I have to speak quiet on here; listen up already. Those two, though, are *not* quiet. At all. I was about ready to kill Joey the next day -- I mean, why bother tiptoeing out of my room if ... well, whatever. At least they weren't at it all night. UNlike Lance."

"Your room?" JC repeated dumbly. "Tiptoeing? I ... " He could feel the color drain from his face, and he turned his head quickly to look out the window so Chris couldn't see. "I'm sorry they ... kept you up," he said flatly, emotionlessly.

"Yeah, thanks for your sympathy," said Chris, sounding dubious. "What's up with you? At least they didn't keep *you* up when your head was already starting to pound."

"No, at least they didn't do that," JC agreed, then closed his eyes and slammed his forehead against the fiberglass of the thick window. "That was really fucking considerate." He shuddered and exhaled, trying to force himself to relax, not to take this out on *Chris*.

He felt a tentative hand on his back, and the brief silence from Chris was notable. "What's wrong?" he asked finally, when JC didn't shrug his hand off. He maybe didn't sound sympathetic, exactly, but he didn't sound irritated anymore either.

"Chris," he started, then made himself stop talking until he could get the quivery tone out his voice. "I didn't know they'd done that, okay. I just ... I need to ... " He trailed off and wrapped his arms around himself, curling into the wall, feeling all sorts of betrayal he'd never felt before.

"What, really?" said Chris with genuine surprise. "Sorry, then. But ... does it really matter so much? I mean, you don't have a problem with it, do you? You know what it's like ... "

"What what's like?" he asked quietly. "And I guess ... I guess it doesn't matter." Apparently. Since he'd talked to both of them, *more* than once, in plenty of circumstances since it happened, that would be appropriate for them to tell him. Even if he didn't ... feel the way he felt, didn't they think he might want to know?

"To want to get laid," said Chris easily. "To want to be with someone for a little while. And you know how it's better when it's someone who you can still smile at and talk to the next day, who isn't standing there waiting for a wad of bills to be slapped into their palm." He coughed politely. "Not that I know anything about that."

JC turned back to face him, didn't bother to mask the hurt anymore. That was just it -- if it had been him, it wouldn't have been about getting laid. And Jared ... god, there were plenty of people he could've had, without taking the one ... He blinked again. "Yeah. It doesn't matter," he repeated.

"Why don't I believe you?" asked Chris, but unlike his brother and unlike Joey, this time it *was* a rhetorical question. Chris didn't challenge him the way they did. "I'll take that juice now."

Bending over to get the bottle, rotely obeying, JC grabbed a tee shirt he had stuffed in his bag too. He handed over the bottle, and balled up the shirt as if to use it as a pillow, but just buried his face. "Did they do it again?" he asked, voice muffled, and pleading a little.

"What, that night?" asked Chris as he opened the bottle. "Nope, don't think so. Actually, I think Jared left. That or Joey did, but it was Joey's room, so ... " He eyed JC carefully and stopped talking, even though he might've had more to say.

"No, I meant ... " JC realized he couldn't do this, he couldn't have this conversation. Evven if he was relieved to learn it hadn't happened again. "What? Stop staring at me like that."

Chris crossed his eyes at him, then looked faintly nauseus and turned back to the juice. "Then stop staring at *me* like that. You okay now?"

JC glanced across the aisle, where Joey was sprawled next to Lance, and then over his shoulder, where Jared had curled up across two empty seats. "No," he whispered, pleading with his eyes that Chris wouldn't be loud, wouldn't make fun. "No. I'm really ... why did they have to sleep with each other?"

"Well, why *wouldn't* they?" asked Chris, following JC's eyes. "They were both here, they were both turned on by each other. They were both pretty plain about what they wanted. It makes a whole lot more sense than most of the rest of the people we pick up do."

"You don't have to rationalize it," JC finally snapped, only barely keeping his voice low. "God, I get it. Jared's hot, and he's fun, and yeah, he's plain about what he wants. No wonder Joey went for him. Great. Great for him, great for them. Just fucking great."

Chris looked a bit stunned by what he was saying, and JC realized he'd pretty much just laid it all out on the table there. There was no taking it back.

"Okay," he said, nodding his head slightly. "Okay then, JC. But ... Jared's the next best thing to you. Maybe you should consider that for a second." He studied JC's expression. "Or not. But I think it's food for thought."

"Jared," JC started, then sighed, suddenly just too exhausted to care anymore, let alone to care that Chris was seeing a part of him he never intended to show. "Jared is obviously the just-that-much-better thing, than me. But thanks anyway, Chris."

Chris sighed. "Grab a bit of self-esteem, would you, JC? It would do you a world of good. I'm going to sleep; wake me up when we're on the ground."

"Look who's talking," JC muttered, even though a sullen Chris was probably less likely to make him cry than a sympathetic Chris. He nudged his leg. "Go get in your own seat then."

Chris nudged back. "Can't. You're my pillow." He started leaning over towards JC's shoulder. "And you like me too much to shove me off in my fragile state."

"I don't like you at all," JC protested, but wrapped his arm around him and buried his nose in Chris's hair. A million different scenarios, confrontations with Joey, with Jared, with Joey AND Jared, running through his mind.

---

Jared was almost exactly where JC had left him, sitting on an overstuffed couch in his den, his body half-sprawled over the arm. The only difference now was that there wasn't a pile of unpacked bags surrounding him, and there *was* an empty beer bottle on the coffee table. And Jared's eyes were on him from the moment he came into sight.

"You're back," he noted dryly, sounding unimpressed. "What the fuck? You just drop me here and take off with Joey?"

"Oh, like having to hang out in my house is such a chore," JC snapped back in reply, stalking into the kitchen. He knew he had to have this conversation, too; had the hard one out of the way. Jared being snotty was only going to make it easier. "Hellhole that it is. You certainly made yourself comfortable. Not like that hasn't been your ... your pattern all along. With *everything*."

"Now what's *that* supposed to mean?" Jared called out. A moment later he appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. "What is *with* you? You know I'm not here to hang out in your house, I'm here to hang out with *you*. And I *though* that you understood that ... "

"Oh, shut up," JC said witheringly, slamming the refirgerator door closed. "Just shut up. I don't care what you say you're here to do. Can't believe a word out of your mouth anyway." He turned around and stared at him challengingly. "What? you got a problem?"

"Yeah, I *do*," said Jared, stalking toward him. "What the *fuck* are you talking about? How dare you talk to me like that. Who do you think you *are* anyway? I've don't nothing but treat you like gold since the moment we met."

"Yeah, you're real sensitive like that," JC sneered, forcing himself not to back down. It *hurt* to talk to Jared like that, but he was mad. And feeling bitterly betrayed. "Who do I think *I* am? Who do you think *you* are, forcing your way into my life, into my circle of friends, into ... " he swallowed. "Into their beds? *Fuck* you."

"I'm your *brother*, that's who! And I'm sorry you thought I was forcing you but shit, JC, I offered to leave that first day, if you didn't want me -- " He paused and gave JC a surprised, almost incredulous look. "Wait. Wait, wait. wait. Is this about Joey?"

"Wow, maybe you're the smart one after all," JC murmured sarcastically, turning to face the fridge and rest his heated cheek against it. "And I don't want you to leave, I just ... can't really look at you right now."

"Why *not*?" pushed Jared, not leaving the room, not even moving *away*. "I still don't get what your problem is here. I didn't do anything *wrong*."

JC laiughed hollowly and squeezed his eyes shut. At least Joey had had the grace to seem guilty about it, even if he didn't have any more of a clue about why it made JC so upset. "Fine, okay," he said, shaking his head. "You didn't do anything wrong; you didn't know better, right? my mistake. It's still pissing me the hell off to see your face. So ... go *away*."

"Know any better than what?" asked Jared, *still* not going anywhere. "Did someone forget to tell me that Joey wasn't allowed to have sex or something? That *I* wasn't allowed to have sex? I don't *get* it, JC, and I'm not going anywhere until you *explain* it to me."

But JC had no intention of doing that -- all he'd done with Joey, all he wanted to do with Jared, was make them feel as bad as he felt, *without* explaining why. It was immature and petty and he was being such a baby, but he was fucking hurt.

"No," he said tightly, and started to push past Jared to go up to his room and unpack.

"Great," muttered Jared. "Just fucking great. So what am I supposed to do, then, since I have no idea what's wrong, why you're mad, or what I'm supposed to do in Orlando when the one person who I came here for isn't even talking to me?"

"Well, I'm not talking to Joey, either," he called over his shoulder, jogging up the stairs. "And I bet he's not talking to me either, now. You can call him and maybe he can come rescue you. And then you can go fuck again and live happily ever after."

"JC," he called after him, following him only to the base of the stairs. "Just stop this! This is stupid, I don't even know what's wrong with you! Suddenly it's a bad thing for Joey to have sex? Or is it just that he's not supposed to be with me, is that it? Because I'm not really part of your world or something, I just 'barged my way in'?"

"No, he's *not* supposed to be with you!" JC burst out, turning back to look at him again, finally; leaning over the railing. "Because I'm in *love* with him, you... you fucking self-centered, righteous prick. *Fuck*." He swayed a little on his feet, then stumbled the rest of the way to his room. Fully intending to forget he ever said that out loud.

Jared wouldn't let him forget, though, racing up the stairs and banging on his door a moment later. "JC," he said, more pleading now than angry. "JC, let me in, you have to let me in. I didn't *know*. JC ... come on ... "

"Jesus, Jared," he called back, pained. "Just ... god, cut your losses, okay? Go order a pizza or something. I''ll be fine; we can talk tomorrow." He flopped over on his bed, buried his head under a pile of pillows.

"No, no, we need to talk," insisted Jared. "Let me *in*, JC. Please. I'm sorry, okay? Do you really think I would have done that if I'd *known*? I'm not an asshole, you know."

That just got JC's blood racing again, and stood back up to yank the door open. "It's not like I can *hide* it," he hissed. "God. Even if you had just a hint, I would've thought you'dve picked someone else."

"I *asked*," said Jared desperately. "If I thought I knew, I would've said. You *know* that. I don't dick around about stuff like that. And it's not like *we* were being subtle. If you had a problem, why didn't you say? You *could've* JC."

"I didn't think you'd *fuck* him," JC cried. "I thought you were just flirting. And what was I *supposed* to say? 'Oh, no, you can't throw innuendos at Joey, because I love him.' He's his own person too, and I'm fully aware that what you guys did takes two people."

"Well, we were just flirting, and then we both decided, why not?" Jared stepped inside the room just far enough that JC couldn't shut him out again. "We both wanted to ... *and* we both knew the other one wouldn't take it too seriously. But I still wouldn't have, if I'd known you were even interested in him. I'm not that kind of guy."

"Great," JC said dryly. "Thanks. That doesn't mean it didn't happen, you know?" He *was* a little mollified by the fact that it was so obviously a one-time thing ... Joey had confirmed that, too. But it still hurt so much to think that they'd done it so quickly; that Jared was able to get in a day what JC had wanted for years.

"You're right," agreed Jared. "It did happen, and no one can change that. And I regret that it hurt you, but I can't say I regret doing it, JC. You're gonna ... " He gave him a sly, tentative smile. "You're going to be very happy with him. In bed, anyway. And that's all I'm gonna say about *that*. But you're going to have so much more than that, too, that I can't even imagine ... "

JC knew he was gawking at him. "What are you *talking* about?" he sputtered. "I'm not ... I can't ... what makes you think I'm going to be *with* him? I can barely look at him. And ... for Pete's sake, Jared, he has you; what does he need *me* for." He couldn't wrap his brain around how Jared was just assuming he'd be able to get together with Joey after this.

"He doesn't *have* me," scoffed Jared. "And he wouldn't want me, even if he *could* have me; I'm not the kind of person that wants to settle down yet. God, can you imagine us *together*? We'd try to kill each other inside a week, I swear. But you ... you are in love with him. And that makes a world of difference."

"He obviously wanted you at least a little," JC sulked. "He's never flirted with me like that." He sighed and flopped back on the bed. "I guess that's the problem. I feel like ... something about me wasn't good enough, and something about you made up for it. And so he went for *you*. Whether I love him or not ... doesn't make a difference."

"You always think the worst," Jared chastised him, following him and sitting down next to him. "Yeah, he wanted me just a little, you're right. He wanted to have a little fun with me, and he knew I wanted to have a little fun with him. And not only was that all it was, that was all it would ever *be*. Joey treats you differently than he treats me, you're right about that, but he doesn't treat you *worse*." Then Jared sighed and flopped back as well. "The thing about flirting is that it escalates when the other person flirts back."

"Okay ... ?" JC looked at him strangely. "What are you saying, that Joey would've acted like that with me, if I threw myself at him like you did? I doubt it." He wanted to ask how Jared thought Joey treated him so differently, but thought he knew anyway, and didn't want to be reminded that he only saw him as a brother.

"I didn't -- " Jared seemed to see the futility of saying that, though, because he cut the sentence short right there. "I'm saying you wouldn't want that, because that would mean that Joey only wanted you for a one-night stand. Joey likes you different than that, he knows you better. He wouldn't just ... be like that. Are you sure he doesn't flirt with you at all, though? Flirt with you different, maybe?"

JC shrugged. "Does it matter? The point is, he's not climbing into my bed any time soon. He's never tried, and -- I *promise* you, Jared -- he knows perfectly well how I feel. Really, all this has done is show me that I'm not what he's looking for. And maybe you aren't either, and I know that's okay with you, that's how you want it, but ... at least you got to see what it was like."

"You're being ridiculous," snorted Jared, rolling onto his side to stare at him. "And you're making Joey do all the work, too. Let me see if I've got this right ... you've never told him how you feel, don't really show him that you're interested -- not even enough that *I* would pick it up, and I'm good at that kind of thing -- you don't flirt back with him, haven't even shown that you're comfortable being with guys yet ... and yet you're so very sure that Joey isn't interested because he's never put a move on you. JC, why *would* he? If I were him ... I'd be waiting, too, until I thought you were ready."

"But," JC protested. "He's *seen* me with guys. He's known longer than anyone, probably. And if he's flirting with me ... well, I can't tell. And if he *knows* I'm interested, too, it doesn't seem like something I should have to say out loud. And ... and fuck you anyway, for making me feel like somehow what happened is my fault. It may not be my business, but I'm still allowed to be upset. And hurt." He met Jared's stare evenly.

"It's not your *fault*," said Jared. "It's no one's fault, there's no fault anywhere. It's just something that happened, okay? We're talking about you now, and what you *can* do to get what you want. And as for the rest, well, there's being with guys ... and then there's being ready to be in a relationship with one. JC, I was the *first* person you actually talked to about that, about being gay. Would it be such a surprise if it turned out that Joey *did* think you weren't ready yet?"

"No," JC admitted, closing his eyes. "But still ... it's like he's never shown the slightest interest in anything less, either. Just because we know each other so well, just because I feel the way I do ... that doesn't mean whatever we have has to be *so* serious, as to be a *relationship*. It could be what you guys had. I just ... feel really ... *not*-sexy, that he never considered that. With me. When he had to know I'd do it in a second."

"You keep saying he had to know," said Jared, "but are you so sure he did? And even if he did, JC, I think he respects you too much to just make a move when you weren't ready to handle it, or to consider you just for sex. And maybe he was waiting until *he* was ready, too. When he'd gotten all those one-night-stands out of his system. There are so many possibilities, JC, you don't have to latch onto the one that makes you feel the worst. You know *Joey* better than that, don't you? Do you really think *he* would do something that he knew would hurt you?"

JC flinched and turned around, because he had done exactly that. Joey had known, as soon as JC had dropped off Jared, that JC'd found out and that it had hit him hard. "You're my brother," he said softly. "And even if you're right, and he didn't know how I felt about *him* ... he had to know how I'd feel about that." He knew he hadn't done it maliciously, but Joey was someone that could hurt you by omission.

"I can't pretend to know what Joey was thinking," acknowledged Jared. "All I know is that he talks about you all the time, and he likes you a lot. And I know that *you* are never going to know the truth about what he's thinking until you talk to him about this. You can sit there and convince yourself that he doesn't like you as much as your masochistic little self desires, but you are not going to *know* anything unless you guys start to talk a little more."

"I can't talk to him about this," JC admitted, even if it lightened his heart to hear Jared say he talked about him. "Not ... especially not now. After what you guys did together, I just ... " He curled up under the covers. "My feelings haven't changed for him, but ... yeah. Any confidence I had about it is pretty much shot to hell."

"It shouldn't be," said Jared bluntly. "All that Joey sleeping with me -- and not even sleeping; I came back and slept with you that night -- proves is that you are special to him. I was just like any other person that he met in the bar and hit it off with, only I'm a little safer. It was great sex, JC, but that was all it was with him and me. No different than anyone else he's been with." Only it was different, if only because Jared looked, more or less, just like JC.

"How does that prove that?" JC protested, getting agitated again. "How does that fact that *you* left his room have anything at all to do with whether or not he thinks I'm special? It *doesn't*, that's how. It didn't have anything to do with me at *all*; you said it yourself." JC knew he was being self-pitying, but he honestly felt like as close as he'd gotten to getting the guts to say something to Joey, this just proved to him that his friend wasn't sitting around and waiting for him.

"You can look at things however you want, JC," said Jared, "but I think the fact that Joey won't consider you to be a one-night-stand is a very, very flattering thing. Especially since he obviously cares about you a lot. Frankly ... I think it's perfectly ridiculous that you won't even try. You will *never* get what you want if you won't work for it. I'd think you'd know that by now -- you work hard at your professional life, but you expect your personal life to just happen, in spite of anything you might do to sabatage it? Doesn't work that way."

"Would it be so hard for *him* to say something?" JC protested. He didn't expect everything around him to just *happen*, but as far as he was concerned, if someone liked *him* enough, they were perfectly capable of saying something too. "I'm not scared of working for it, but I just think that if he was interested, he could say. He's not me; saying stuff like that doesn't scare him. Anyway ... it doesn't matter. Like I said, neither one of us are saying much at all to the other, right now."

Jared chewed his lip for a moment. "And what exactly happened, that you aren't talking at all at the moment?" he asked warily. "Are you that mad at him, that he fucked me, or were things said ... ?"

"Yeah, both," JC sighed. "I don't know. I said some pretty nasty things, I guess, because I was mad. And he pretty much just ... took it. Let me run out of steam or whatever. But he looked really ... I think it might've hurt."

"You *think*?" asked Jared, sounding more accusing than JC liked. "That would've hurt, JC. I'm sorry that what we did hurt you -- and I'm sure he is, too -- but we didn't do it *to* hurt you. And you know it. And you should've known that all along. Everyone says stuff they don't mean when they're upset, JC, but that's all the more reason to talk to him sooner than later."

"I'll apologize," JC mumbled, "but I'm not talking about the other stuff. I can't. I'm not sure I even want to anymore. And I *know* you still think you're my guardian angel, and you're trying to help make me happier, but ... right now? Putting myself out on the line like that won't do it."

"But sulking and moping and jumping to conclusions will," muttered Jared. "Got it. Look ... I don't want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or unhappy, okay? I just want you to feel like you can go for the things you want, to believe that you can *have* them. I don't want to push you before you're ready any more than Joey does. So ... let's start smaller. What's something that you want or want to do? Um, that's not Joey, I mean."

JC looked at him, trying to tell if he was joking or something, but Jared just looked honest as ever. "Um," he said awkwardly. "Well. I was kind of thinking ... this is going to seem so dumb, but ... I was thinking about maybe letting my hair grow out. Like, I've kept it like this forever, because it seemed like what I was *supposed* to look like, but ... I kind of want to try something new."

Jared grinned at him and toyed with his hair a little, pulling the strands outward to see how long they were now. "I think that's a fabulous idea," he said. "Let's do that. You'd look great with longer hair, better than I would. And then I'll keep mine short and not be mistaken for you all the time when I'm chasing you around the country."

JC chuckled at him, grinning at the part about JC looking better than Jared would -- however that worked -- and then realized that he really wasn't mad any more. He just ached, and it was more out of jealousy, and low self-esteem, than anything. "Thanks," he said quietly, then caught his hand and brought it to his mouth to kiss gently. "I love you, Jared. Really. And I'm so sorry I said the things I said to you."

"It's okay," said Jared sincerely, smiling at him then pulling him into a tight hug. "Let's just not do that again, hm?" JC expected him to say something about Joey but he didn't, just kept holding him and even rocking him a little.

"Okay," JC nodded, letting his eyes drift shut. He could think about Joey tomorrow, maybe even let Jared try to talk him into doing something about it. Just not right then.

---

JC pulled a different shirt out from the rack and held it up to his chest, spinning around and arching his eyebrow at Chris. "What about this one?" It was tight; a silky deep red with see-through long sleeves, and a little bit of shimmer. "With those brown leather pants?"

Chris lifted an eyebrow at him. "Now that," he said, "would definitely be something else." Just when JC started to feel his face falling at Chris's reaction, Chris actually smiled at him -- something that had been happening more and more seldom these days. "It would look good, on you," he added. "And you look like you really like it."

"Oh, I *do*," JC said, looking back down at it and smoothing the silky fabric against his stomach, then twisting slowly and looking at it in the mirror. "It's not too much? I mean, not for McDonald's or anything, but I could wear this out, to a club ... "

"You'd definitely get some attention if you did," said Chris eyeing it again, more critically this time. "I'll give it to Marie for you, she can take in those sides so it hugs you exactly right; she still has your measurements from a couple months ago, don't think you've changed since then. Then it'll be perfect." He picked up one of the arms and held it out, then let it drop again. "You're picking out some interesting stuff today."

JC grinned at him in the mirror. "'Interesting'? What does that mean? Like ... you'd tell me if you didn't like it, right?" He tossed it over his shoulder and went back to the racks. "I'm just ... in a good mood, I guess. Just grabbing whatever caught my eye, instead of ... " He trailed off, not needing to get into why he'd worn the stuff he'd worn before, and hadn't worn the rest.

"I'd tell you if I didn't think something would suit you," promised Chris with a curious lift to his voice. "But you're doing well for yourself today. It's ... different, for you. But *good*," he added before JC could ask what *that* mean. "Really good. You look good in reds; I was surprised."

"Thanks, Chris," JC grinned again, practically skipping over to the next rack and grabbing a pair of low-slung grey pants with beading down the seams. "Oh, these! THESE are perfect!" He spun back around. "I'm glad you came with me. You seem better a little, too."

"I've had some time to think," said Chris vaguely, waving the comment off with his hand. "Time alone. You know." He reached out to examine the pants, running a thumb along the seam. "They're well made," he noted. "And ... once again, very interesting." He let go of them and looked up at JC again. The smile was gone, but he still looked content. "So Joey was asking about you."

JC could feel his own expression become neutral. "Really?" he murmured. "That's nice." He turned back to the mirror, holding the pants up with the shirt again and cocking his head, trying to see if they'd go together. "Maybe with black cowboy boots?"

"You don't own any black cowboy boots," commented Chris idly, looking at the combination and nodding his head. "So you're still not talking to him? How long's it been now, anyway?"

"Chris," JC protested warningly, then shook his head. "I don't know. A week, maybe a little more. I'm sure he's crying in his beer." He didn't mean that, not really; he knew Joey *had* been asking about him, had even called a few times. JC wasn't in hiding, he just ... he'd apologized, but it was going to take a little while before everything was right again. "Do they have boots here?"

"None that I would let you buy," said Chris with an abrupt shake of his head, reaching out to feel the beadwork again. "And he *has* been upset. In case no one has let you know that, or in case you possibly missed it. In case you care."

JC flinched, stung. "Of *course* I care," he said softly. "Come on, Chris. I'm just ... I kind of don't know what to say to him. And I'm kind of ... just trying to be okay with me right now before I do, you know? I *know* you know."

Chris paused, then nodded. "I know," he said quietly. "It's just ... he's hurting. And he's my friend too. And I'm already doing enough hurting for all of you. So is there anything else you want to look at here, or are you just about done." He eyes JC's choices again, and finally the smile returned. "You really did do good."

"Thanks," JC smiled back, hugging the clothes to his chest. "No, I'm done. Um ... Chris? Can I ... why's he so sad, do you think?"

Chris stared at him, surprised. "Because he *misses* you," he said simply. "You've just ... totally cut him out of your life. Of course he's gonna be sad. He even ... well, nevermind. That doesn't matter now. He just misses you, JC."

"You know I miss him too, right," JC said pleadingly, his distant facade dissolving. "Or, like ... maybe even more? I just ... *can't*, right now." He pulled at a thread in a jacket he'd grabbed earlier. "He even what?"

"Nothing," said Chris again. "I shouldn't have said. Anyway ... it's okay, if you can't right now. Just don't forget that he's there, waiting, is all. And he is just waiting now ... he's given up on trying to call or see you."

"No, what?" JC turned around , touching Chris's arm. "Please, tell me. I ... I'm going to talk to him. Soon. I promise. It's ... it *has* been too long. I don't think we've gone this long since seeing each other in ... well. A long time."

"He was just planning this party," said Chris reluctantly. "And now ... he's not. That's all. Anyway, we're supposed to meet your brother in about twenty minutes, right? So we should just ... good thing we're done and all."

JC didn't let go of him. "What kind of party?" he said quietly. "Like ... for Jared?"

"Like ... for you," said Chris, even more reluctant but clearly unable to resist taking that little jab at him. "Because of Jared showing up and, you know, you discovering your first blood relative. He was sure you'd want to celebrate once we finally got some downtime. Um, he started planning it when we were still in Vegas, actually. But don't worry, he's cancelled everything so you don't have to worry about it being all awkward, having to see him before you're ready."

JC winced again, wrapping his arms around his body and hugging himself tightly. Feeling terribly guilty but also defensive; as far as he was concerned, he was completely justified in being reluctant to see Joey much right then. "I'm sorry," he said finally, trying to keep any petulance out of his voice. "What do you want me to do, Chris?"

"I want you to pay for those clothes, and then I want you to come with me to go meet your brother before he starts to think we've ditched him," said Chris flatly. "And then I want you to work out whatever's going on with you so we can put all this behind us. That's it."

"Sorry," he mumbled again, frowning, heading to the front of the store. He knew that, in comparison to Chris, he didn't have anything to be angst-ridden about; that still didn't mean he didn't want some sympathy. But as it was, it seemed like Chris would be just as happy as Jared when he finally solved his identity crisis.

Chris lay a hand on the small of his back when he caught up with him. "If there's one person who knows that wallowing doesn't do any good ... " he said quietly, then he let his hand fall away. "You don't need to keep saying sorry. I just wish you would forgive him; you guys have never fought like this before."

"We're not fighting," JC replied softly, reaching for his wallet. "I'm not, anyway. I'm going to talk to him, Chris, it's just ... hard." He took a deep breath. "I know you know that hurt, finding out about ... them. But just ... you have to understand that it hurt for more reasons than you know, maybe. Okay? We'll be fine. Just not right away."

"Yes, I know that it hurt you, and I don't know why," agreed Chris. "Though I have my guesses. But you and Joey have too much history to let this come between you. Don't let it take too long, okay? The longer you wait, the harder it'll be to make things okay."

"Okay," JC nodded, glad to do anything that would make Chris stop pressing him about it. "Okay, I'll do it soon, okay?" He sighed, wishing he'd just talked to Joey one of the times he'd called *JC*, so it wouldn't feel so much like grovelling. Which it should, he supposed, if he was honest with himself. "You think he'll listen?"

"I know he will," said Chris. It wasn't even reassuringly, it was just fact. "Like I said, JC, he's just waiting for you to make a move now. He misses you like crazy."

"Does he?" JC whispered hopefully, knowing that he probably wasn't hiding much in his expression, but Chris's words were giving him the last bit of confidence he needed. Jared could try and tell him whatever he wanted, but despite having slept with Joey, he didn't know him a fraction as well as Chris did. And Chris never pulled punches.

"He's fucking *moping*, all right?" said Chris. "Like a kicked puppy or something. I half expect every time I go over he's gonna be sitting in front of the TV in a robe wtih a bunch of bonbons, watching Sleepless in Seattle or something and crying his eyes out. And I'm not even gonna tell you the number of times he asks us how you're doing." He gave JC a shake. "How could you possibly think he *wouldn't* miss you, huh?"

JC shrugged, and allowed himself a shy smile. "I don't know, I just ... " He didn't need to go into it again; how he didn't understand how Joey could have done what he did if he'd thought for a second about how JC would react. But it was done, now; they both had to move on. He just had to decide whether to tell him the truth. "What am I supposed to say, though? I already apologized ... "

"Forgive him," said Chris with a gentleness JC often forgot he was capable of. "Tell him that he didn't suddenly end your world when he slept with your brother. Tell him you don't blame him, and that you don't think he did it to hurt you. Maybe explain to him *why* you reacted like you did. For a start. And then ... whatever. You guys just need to be *you guys* again. All this not-talking is a very bad thing. For all of us."

JC nodded, his cheeks pink. He knew; he knew all of that. That what he was doing wasn't just affecting him. "I forgave him," he acknowledged softly. "In my ... inside, I did. I just ... doesn't it seem wrong to tell him I forgive him, when really ... he didn't do anything that he has to apologize for? Not really, and not to me, at least."

"Then tell him *that*," said Chris with another pat on his back. "Just tell him something that'll make him stop feeling like shit all the time. Please. If he understood why this all happened, I know he'd never let it happen again."

JC just nodded, taking the bag from the cashier with a smile and letting Chris herd him out of the store. He knew that, too, but that was the problem. What he'd have to do to make Joey understand.

---

"Just answer the door," said Jared impatiently. "Just stand up, walk over to it and turn the knob. It's really quite easy." JC gave him a scathing look for ridiculing him, but he had to admit to himself that it was pretty ridiculous that he hadn't answered it already. "He's not gonna bite. Unless you ask nice."

"Since you know from personal experience," JC muttered under his breath, rising to his feet and smoothing one of the new shirts he'd gotten when he was out with Chris down over his chest. "If you're not going to be nice, I'm making you leave."

"Considering you're the one that asked me to stay in the first place," Jared commented with a smirk from where he was still sprawled on the sofa, "I'm going to have to consider that an empty threat. Besides ... that *was* nice. Just consider all the other things I could have said that would have been just as appropriate. Now go answer, before he gives up on you."

JC stuck out his tongue but walked a little faster over to the door, taking a deep breath he didn't bother hiding from his brother and opening it just in time to see Joey smooth over the anxious expression on his own face. He looked -- he looked so good. JC couldn't believe it had taken him so long to do this.

"Hey," he said softly, giving him a shy smile and leaning against the doorframe.

"Hey," echoed Joey, then thrust out a bag toward him. "I, um, brought liquor. These things usually go easier that way." He smiled back at him, tentatively, and stood still as he waited for JC to take the bag. "It's good to see you."

"You too," JC replied, his own smile widening as he took the bag carefully, making sure their hands didn't brush, then stepped back to let him inside. He saw Jared giving him a pointed look, and sighed as he turned back to face Joey. "It was too long," he went on, bravely. "And I missed you."

Joey blinked at him in surprise for a moment, then leaned over and brushed his lips against JC's cheek. "I missed you, too," he murmured before straightening up and finding his way into the house. "Um, hey Jared."

Jared gave him a bit of a weak wave in return. "Hey, Joey," he said. "Long time, no see." JC was a bit startled by that; he'd assumed that Jared and Joey had been talking a lot. Unless that statement had been meant to be a joke ... which it probably had, he realized. And not one meant for him.

But he wasn't going to be unsettled, or jealous, or *anything* about it ... he knew he shared a million things with Joey that Jared didn't, and even so, it wasn't a competition. And there was a reason he wanted Jared there.

"He brought booze," JC told his brother. "You wanna go make us some drinks?"

"Banished already?" teased Jared, finally getting up and taking the bag from JC's hand. "Sure, if you trust me with the booze, I'll make you some drinks to remember." He gave JC's back a pat as he passed by, his meaning unmistakable. Don't miss this chance.

"Thanks," said Joey absently, and JC was surprised to realize that his eyes were on *him* and not on Jared at all. "So ... how are things going for you guys? You have so much to catch up on ... "

"Fine, fine," JC said, a little impatiently. He didn't want to talk to Joey about Jared. He wasn't sure what he *did* want to talk to him about, but it wasn't that ... and he only had a couple minutes while Jared was in the kitchen to say whatever he wanted to say that was private. "That's not ... look. I just ... before we say anything else? I really need to apologize. For how I acted, for what I said. And ... I know I said I missed you, but I *missed* you. I don't want to ever miss you like that again."

Joey closed his eyes for a moment and nodded his head. "Please don't," he said. "It's been just ... awful, without you even talking to me. I don't care what it takes right now, just tell me how to make things right with you."

"It's nothing you have to do," JC insisted softly, smiling indulgently. Just knowing Joey offered that made enough difference for him. "It's just me having to get over myself. And I think I have, so ... really. I'm sorry." He reached out to hug Joey lightly. "We can talk about ... the rest ... later. Sometime. Just right now, tell me you forgive me?"

Joey wouldn't let him get away with just a light hug, holding him close for a moment. "We can talk any time," he promised. "And I do forgive you. I know you were upset ... and I'm the first to admit that I don't entirely understand, but I'm sorry I made you feel that way. Forgive *me*?"

JC flashed back to what he'd said to Chris, what Chris thought he just should tell Joey. "You haven't done anything that needs my forgiveness, Joey. And I wish I hadn't acted like that was the case." He extracted himself from Joey's grip, grinning apologetically before calling into the kitchen. "Jared? Need help?"

"I think he can handle making us a couple drinks," said Joey before JC could go anywhere. "I'm not sure I trust what he's going to put in them ... but I'll take that chance." He looked JC up and down, very obviously. "Hey. You look good."

JC laughed at him. "You sound like you've never thought I have, before," he teased. It was easier than reading too much into the compliment. "And if *that's* the case, I don't want to hear it."

"No, see, there's good," said Joey, making the word sound very ordinary. "And there's *good*. That's different. And you're the second one. You shoulda told me to wear something other than old jeans, I feel like a slob."

JC thought Joey looked like a GOD in old jeans, but he just smiled. "What?" he said innocently, looking back down at his carefully-chosen and admittedly a little ... softer ... outfit. "We're not going anywhere. You look fine."

Joey reached out and touched his arm. "Okay, thanks," he said, not sounding particulary concerned about it. Joey's fingers almost felt like they were caressing him, just a little. "Your brother is taking his sweet time about those drinks. Is he being discreet or does he just not know his way around your kitchen?"

"He knows his way just fine," JC grinned, leaning a little into Joey's space. "I'm sure he thinks he's being subtle, too. Whatever ... come sit down with me. Tell me what you've been up to, since you haven't had me around to bug you about listening to songs and stuff."

"i've been, um, sitting around waiting for you to come bug me about listening to songs and stuff," admitted Joey sheepishly. "Shht, don't laugh, I *was*. And Chris kept coming by and raiding my fridge and just ... staying. But that was kinda nice at least, to have someone there."

JC blushed, figuring that was a good sign, since he *did* have a new one he wanted to show Joey and Jared that day. "Chris seems like he's doing better," he said instead. "He came shopping with me; we had fun. Or I did, at least."

"He told me," said Joey with a smile. "When he came over to raid my fridge and watch movies until dawn, practically. And ... he is. I think he's finally kinda resigning himself to ... what's gonna happen. I know it sounds really bad, but I hope it does soon, just so that he can start getting over it. Does that make me sound awful?"

JC shook his head, putting a hand on Joey's knee and meeting his eyes. "No. I think ... we all feel like that. Even him, I think. It's not awful ... we want him better." He chuckled. "So he can go back to babysitting the rest of us, as opposed to the other way around, I guess."

Joey laughed and it sounded like it was getting a little easier for him. Like the initial awkwardness was passing. "I miss him, too," he said, "even though he's been around. But hey, at least now he's not getting drunk every night. It's definitely a step up. Even though pizza has become his best friend this last week. I'm thinking about setting up a guest room for the delivery guy, he's around so much." He paused. "Of course, Chris wasn't the only one sticking close to home this last while. Well, *my* home, anyway."

"You could have gone out, Joey," JC said softer, giving away the fact that he'd obviously been asking about Joey, just like Joey'd been asking about *him*. "You're home, and I know you have plenty of people you could see."

"Yeah, I could've," said Joey honestly, "but I didn't feel like it much. I always need a bit of down time after a tour anyway, you know how it is." He paused, looking at the way JC was looking at him. "Okay, fine, I was sulking. But I'm out *now*, notice."

JC chuckled. "Yeah, to see *me*. That's not much of 'going out,' you know. Now come on; let's go see what Jared's doing in there. Or at least keep him from having to ask if we're decent when he wants to come back out."

"And he would, too," agreed Joey with a laugh. "It would be really funny if we said no. I wonder what he would do ... "

"Come out anyway," JC said confidently. "He either wouldn't believe us, or he'd want to come look." He smiled back at him as they made their way into the kitchen, happy that it didn't take much to get them comfortable around each other -- almost -- again.

"Look at what," said Jared, whirling around dramatically and handing them both drinks there were a pinkish-yellow colour. "It took forever to find your cocktail umbrellas. Why do you keep them hidden away like that, anyway?" He winked at JC and waited for them to take their glasses.

JC stared at him, then shook his head, exchanging a look with Joey as they both reached for them at once. "I'm not sure I knew I owned cocktail umbrellas," he admitted honestly, taking his and swirling it around in his drink. "But they are cool."

Joey just laughed. "All this time ... looking for cocktail umbrellas," he mused. "Well, I hope it was worth it. They're definitely cool, anyway."

"Oh, it was worth it," Jared assured him. "We all one big happy family again, then?"

Joey looked questioningly at JC; it was obvious that was his question to answer. He bit his lip and nodded, walking over to give Jared a brief kiss, then forcing himself to stop shaking when he did the same to Joey. "We're good," he said casually.

"We're better," agreed Joey, and while he was talking to Jared, his smile was just for JC. He took a sip of his drink and his eyes widened. "What the hell did you *put* in this, anyway?"

"Little of this, little of that," said Jared vaguely, nodding his head in satisfaction at both of them. JC was pretty sure Jared would be asking him all about that kiss later. "Old family recipes. But the umbrellas were my own special touch."

JC rolled his eyes and slouched back against the counter, letting the warmth of the alcohol course through his body as he smiled happily at his brother and his friend. "I don't want to hear about your 'special touches' for a while, thanks," he murmured, grinning wider when he made Joey sputter a little, wanting desperately to go kiss him again. "You guys ready, though?"

"For?" Joey asked, raising his eyebrows and coughing a little. "I thought you said we weren't going out?"

"As long as it has nothing to do with being touched in my special place," joked Jared, grabbing a drink of his own. It was a slightly less suspicous color, and minus the umbrella. "I'm doing that on my own now, and I don't need any help."

JC blushed a little, figuring he should have known better and not tried to trade sexual inneundos with his brother. Not when the whole thing still felt too precarious. He ignored him, and turned back to Joey. "Well ... I finished something. That I thought you might want to hear. But if you don't, that's okay ... I promise I didn't ask you over just to foist this on you."

"Hear?" repeated Joey eagerly. "Like, a new song? I'd love to. And why *didn't* you invite me over for that?" They both knew the reason, though, even though it went unvoiced. "Yes, yes, lead on."

"Sure, I'm up for it," said Jared, draining his drink. "I can't wait to hear what you've come up with when you were all locked away like that."

JC felt himself glare at Jared, then squint as he looked back at his own drink, quite certain he couldn't have chugged *it* like that. "I wasn't 'all locked away' at all," he protested, glancing quickly at Joey. "That's just how I write. Plus I was ... inspired, I guess. For this one. It went fast."

"You do lock yourself away," Joey had to agree with Jared. "But it works for you, so there's nothing wrong with it. So? Can we hear this thing already or are you just teasing me with it?"

"Ya big tease," added Jared with a wink.

JC barely resisted stomping up the stairs in a huff, sulking about them picking on him, but once again it was Joey's honest and heartfelt enthusiasm that made that kind of response seem a little too desperately uncalled for. He did stick out his tongue at Jared, though, as they walked into the big room with JC's piano.

"Here, sit," he said, gesturing at the couch and slipping onto the bench himself. "It's still a little rough, okay?"

"I don't mind," murmured Joey, settling himself into the couch while Jared sat down at the opposite end. "I'm really looking forward to it. I haven't hard anything new from you in ... a while."

"Okay." JC gave him a sweet smile before turning around, playing through a verse and the chorus and bridge of the ballad he *had* been working pretty much day and night on. He stopped there, somewhat abruptly, but anxious to look back and see their reactions. "It's, um. Called 'Selfish'," he finished, akwardly.

Joey was smiling at him with a somewhat astonished look on his face. "That's ... um ... entirely *un*like Digital Getdown," he said, which was both a little bit funny and a little bit awed. "I like it. A lot."

"Thanks," he said quietly, looking down at his hands. "I know Justin does ballads better and all, but ... I don't know. I felt like doing something pretty." He glanced back up at caught Jared smiling at him proudly, which gave him the confidence to give Joey a smile too.

"It was pretty," agreed Joey, his smile broadening as he stood up to approach the piano. "It was also pretty good. When did you come up with that? What made you decide to do something different? It felt really ... it was more relaxed, you know? Than what you usually write."

JC shrugged, glancing over at Jared, then focusing on the piano again; trailing his fingers softly over the keys. "Since we got back," he admitted. "I started the chorus on the plane back, after ... well, on the plane. The verses, I did this week mostly. I thought it was going to turn out to be a ... somebody-done-somebody-wrong-type song, but ... that wasn't what I was feeling. I guess."

"I'm glad," said Joey quietly. "But I'm also glad ... you wrote what you were feeling. I really do like it. I like it even more than Justin's ... it's like it's more genuine." He clapped a hand over his mouth suddenly. "God, don't tell Justin I said that, I'd *never* hear the end of it."

JC laughed and slid over on the bench, making room for Joey if he felt like sitting down. "Jare?" he asked, pulling his eyes away from Joey's face, but keeping his hand on the bench so if he *did* sit down, he'd brush up against his arm. "Not your type of music, huh."

"Well, no," admitted Jared at the same time as Joey took JC up on his offer, sliding down onto the bench next to him. "But I can tell it was good, anyway. Your heart's in it.You guys gonna record that on your next album?"

JC giggled and fiidled with the keys a little, letting Joey answer that. "It doesn't really ... work like that," he explained, spreading his fingers out on the piano too. "Like, Jace'll demo it, and then we'll sit down and figure out if it's got the right sound, or whatever, and *then* we might take it in the studio. But then ... well, a lot can happen between that and the album."

JC looked up when Joey's voice got a little wistful, and looked back at Jared himself. "We do a lot of songs," he clarified. "We just can't tell that, yet."

"But if you like it, then you'll record it, right?" said Jared. "And you obviously like it. So ... what do you mean you might not? My band has a CD, remember, even if we haven't sold millions of copies of it. I do know a *little* bit about what I'm talking about, here."

"Just ... " JC started, waving his hands a little. "We don't ... I mean, we do decide what we do. But sometimes, 'we' has more than just the five of us. And even if it didn't, me and Joe ... we're not a majority either. And *before* you say something else to me about being myself, or whatever, just ... think about that. The five of us are pretty different, sometimes, and ... we make concessions, that's all."

"Okay, yeah, I'll give you that," said Jared easily, "but I think you're both pretty sure that at least one of the other guys will like it, too. Anyway, whatever. Maybe you'll write something you like even more, I guess. As long as you don't leave it off just 'cause someone else tells you to." He looked from JC to Joey and back again."Okay, looks like I crossed a line there. Maybe there's still stuff about your position that I don't get."

JC let himself indulge in a private look with Joey before facing Jared again. "It's okay," he said lightly. "Sometime I'll tell you the whole story with that. But right now ... dude, you gotta tell us what was in those drinks. I can't feel my fingertips right now. Good thing I played it before it hit me so bad ... "

Jared smiled enigmatically. "Someday I might tell you," he said. "Or maybe not. Would you like another?"

"I would," said Joey, raising his hand jokingly. "I haven't had anything hit me like that in ages." Then his hand snuck around JC's waist to give him a surprise squeeze. "We'll get it on there," he murmured. "I'll do whatever it takes."

JC knew his mouth dropped open a little bit at that, and caught Jared's smirk as he swept out of the room. He hadn't really thought he'd liked it as much as all that, and unlike Jared, Joey *knew* what it might entail to have it make the album. "Oh," he breathed softly, reaching over to clasp Joey's hand but holding back at the last second. "Thanks. You don't have to do that ... "

"Yeah, I know," said Joey, "but I'd like to anyway. You've earned it." He let go of him to stand up and JC felt cold where his arm had been. "Let's go back to the kitchen, have another drink. Talk. Sound good?"

JC nodded, standing up with one lingering brush along the top of the piano. "Thanks," he said again, even softer than before. "Joey. I'm glad you're here."

"I really did miss you," said Joey, pausing where he stood. "Do you want to ... talk about what happened? Or should we just let it go now?"

"Later," JC said finally, after staring maybe too long at his friend's face, his mouth. Even though Jared's drink was making him feel like now was a perfect time. "Later," he said again, tearing his eyes away and wrapping his arms around himself again. "I promise."

"We're good, though?" persisted Joey. He looked as jittery as JC felt, and he wished Joey would just reach out and hold him or something. And at the same time was relieved that he didn't. "We're really okay now? When I call, I'll get to talk to you and everything?"

JC smiled, could *not* help himself as he reached out to touch Joey's lower lip gently. "You will," he promised, then smiled. "You better. I find out you're calling for Jared, and I'll ... "

"Have I yet?" Joey challenged him, after letting JC's fingers linger on his lips for a moment. "I've been letting you two get to know each other. Trying, anyway. Couldn't help it if I kept trying to get my friend back, though ... "

JC blushed, shoved his hand in his pocket. "You didn't lose me," he reminded him, giddy at having Joey confirm that when he *had* called it *wasn't* for Jared. "We just ... we're better for it. I think."

"Who, exactly, is better for it?" asked Joey nervously, glancing at the door and then back at JC again. "And for what, exactly? I don't want to miss you like that again."

JC's brow furrowed. "Just ... fighting, I guess, but still being okay. You forgiving me, and all." He tried to see what Joey was looking at. "I thought ... I mean, yeah, I don't exactly want to have that happen again either, but ... some things it maybe made me- us realize, might be good. Right?"

Joey looked startled at that, then nodded slowly. "Yeah, I think you're right about that," he admitted. "Let's just find a less dramatic way to do it next time, though. One that doesn't involve me spending 18 hours a day in front of the television with my hand in a box of pizza." He gave JC a smile. "It's always gonna be you and me, JC," he said. "If this hasn't proven that, I don't know what will."

JC blushed, and his pulse was absolutely *racing*, and why was Jared choosing right *then* to give them space? Because he wasn't ready to say or do what he wanted to say and do, right then. Biting his lip, he reached out and pinched Joey's waistline, trying to do anything to get Joey to stop looking at him the way he was. "Okay, we'll do it in some dramatic way that makes you want to go running twice a day instead. How's that?"

Joey laughed and smacked him away and the moment was broken. "Get your hands away from my inches," he said. "We're on break; I'm allowed. So ... kitchen?" he offered, gesturing at the door. "Not that I'm trying to rush you, but ... " He patted his stomach good-naturedly. "A drink's not the only thing my body's looking for right now."

JC flushed deeper and led the way out. Knowing what *his* body was looking for, and hoping to goodness that Jared knew what he was talking about when he promised JC that telling him was a good idea.

---

JC forced himself to stop pulling on the hem of his shirt -- which was really more of a blouse, if he thought about it -- and took another bitter swallow of his drink before he actually tried to make it out onto the crowded floor. Clubs like this were packed no matter what, but having him there never helped matters. And Jared had been just eating it up while JC got sufficiently liquored up to be able to lose himself in the people.

He wasn't sure where Jared was at that moment until he spotted him over to the right. He couldn't even tell *who* he was dancing with, only that there was a crowd of people around him who all seemed intent on being seen with him. He knew that more than half of them though they were dancing with *him*, and the other half ... the other half had just been attracted to Jared.

But he found he wasn't jealous of that, and actually more than half *appreciated* that Jared was drawing some of the attention away from him so he could stay off to the side, and watch, and think. And tug at the hem of his shirt some more inspite of himself.

It was like being in a club with Justin, or even Joey -- he was there, but there was someone else that was more -- *everything*, that just sparkled and shined above everyone else. But JC had to smile when he realized that, unlike Justin, or Joey, he and Jared seemed to dance *exactly* the same way ... eyes closed, head thrown back, oblivious to the people around him unless he *meant* to dance with someone.

Jared's eyes caught his a moment later as he bent his body in improbable ways to reach his drink. He gave JC a smile that was nothing less than brilliant, his eyes glinting to match it. But it wasn't anything other than just happy, either -- he wasn't trying to show off, wasn't trying to get JC to join him or even come any closer. He just smiled like he was happy to be there, and happy that JC was there with him, even if they were both off doing their own thing. For once, there was no pressure.

That, more than anything, helped JC to relax; to smile a little at the cute guy sitting next to him at the bar, to lean back slightly in his chair, to run a hand through his slightly-more-touseled hair. He'd go dance with Jared in a moment; but right then, he was going to enjoy a little bit of anonymity.

As soon as he'd drained his drink, Jared returned to his flock and JC could see that he *wasn't* dancing with anyone in particular, just feeling the music and letting it take him. Even if their tastes were wildly different, it had become plain to JC in the time he'd known his brother that they both loved music more than just about anything else, both lived and breathed it. That would have been enough to bind them together, even if they hadn't been learning and appreciating more about each other every day.

And that too gave him a little more confidence, a little more comfort at just being himself when he was in places like this. That they had that in common and he didn't have to be *exactly* like Jared in all ways to *keep* that in common.

With another smile at his neighbor, he pushed back his barstool and weaved his way through the crowd to meet up with Jared. Jared didn't seem to see him approaching, but opened his eyes almost the moment JC arrived, before JC'd had a chance to touch him or even speak to him. His broad, open grin returned and he reached out to take JC's arm, tugging him closer. "Having fun?" he asked, without stopping moving. JC noted the surprised glances around them, as people processed the fact that there looked to be *two* of him, but Jared hardly even noticed, or didn't react if he did. "You look ... yeah, you *look* like you're having fun."

JC just nodded, not wanting to strain his voice to be heard when the question *was* basically rhetorical. He slipped in closer next to his brother and gave him a bit of a one-armed hug, then gave a dazzling smile of his own at some of the people around them. He even winked and cocked his head at a guy that had stumbled a little when he approached.

Jared's expression was a little bit amused, but mostly just seemed affectionate as they danced together, the group around them even growing a little when JC arrived. Then he closed his eyes again and tilted his head and JC got a glimpse of what that looked like, close up. The way his lashes rested against his cheek, the line of his neck ... JC wondered if that was what he looked like, when he did the same thing.

"You look beautiful," he murmured into Jared's ear, leaning forward. "When you dance." If he'd done that with Joey and Chris after JC'd left that night in Vegas, he wasn't surprised he and Joey had ended up in bed together.

Jared blinked his eyes open again in surprise, staring at him for a moment. "So do you," he mouthed at him, not bothering to put any sound behind the words. JC wouldn't have heard him anyway.Not for the first time, he wondered what Jared would look like when he was on stage, bound up not only in music, but in *his* music. He had no doubt it would be nothing less than spellbinding.

JC smiled again, and blew him a playful kiss as he slipped around so they were dancing almost back-to-back. This was what it felt like when he used to *like* to go out; he felt safe, like everyone was just going to let him do his thing. And not interrupt and not judge. He'd missed it.

Jared made a point of wriggling up against him a time or two, once causing JC to break out in a fit of giggles, but mostly he was just *there*, obviously enjoying himself and not worried about what people might have been expecting of him. JC had thought it was a luxury at first, to be able to do that, but then he realized that even if Jared had been in his position -- known by millions of people around the world -- he would have been doing the exact same thing.

And that wasn't necessarily who JC was. And he was learning that Jared wasn't expecting it to be. He didn't want JC to be more like *Jared*; he wanted JC to be more like *JC*. And that, he was also realizing, was something he could do.

He turned around again and wrapped his arms around his brother from behind, dancing up closely against him and laughing a little himself when it caused a bit of a commotion in the people around them. Jared looked back over his shoulder and grinned at him, and didn't do a single thing to put a stop to it. It felt good to be spending time with someone who didn't want anything from him, didn't judge him and who he *knew* would still like him, no matter what.

"People will talk," laughed Jared, but didn't seem particularly worried about the prospect. People always talked, JC realized. No matter what you did.

"They *should*," JC growled into his ear, then laughed himself. "Everybody in here's jealous of me right now, I bet." It wasn't like dancing with Justin, where he thought he was just doing it to show off. And it wasn't like dancing with Joey, when JC was too focused on him to notice anything.

"Or jealous of me," argued Jared, giving JC a little bump. "Either way, they're wishing they were where we are, right now. Mmm .. almost time for another drink though." The words were almost lost as the beat got heavier, louder, and they moved into another song.

"I actually ... might go soon," JC said, closer to his ear, keeping a hand on his hip. "Um ... I kinda told Joey I'd call him when I got home. He said he had something he needed to tell me, but that it could wait until we got back ... "

"Okay," said Jared, and not knowingly either. Just like it was perfectly okay that JC wanted to go early. "You want me to head off with you? Or I can just get a cab back later if you want some privacy or something ... "

"Either," JC murmured, squeezing him a bit. "Doesn't matter. Stay, if you're not ready to go? Or come with me. You won't bother me. Amazingly, I have a phone in more than one room in the house."

Jared laughed. "I'm gonna stay a while then. I won't be in too late." He turned around in JC's arm as they moved away from the other dancers, and gave him a squeeze in return. "Go. Have a good time. And I'm gonna get that drink now, I think." He gave JC a wink so broad that JC knew he was teasing. "Put out some sort of signal if you don't want me in your bed tonight, all right? I'd hate to, you know, walk in on something ... "

JC blushed but didn't look away. "I'm talking to him on the *phone*," he reminded him. "I doubt you'll walk in on anything. Except possibly me jerking off, but I usually do that in the bathroom." He smiled and held his hand briefly. "You'll be safe. Let me know when you get in, even if you don't want to stay with me tonight. Okay?"

"I will," promised Jared, giving JC's cheek a swift kiss, "but I won't wake you to do it. Except with the feet, but that's not my *fault*. You can tell me about it when I get home, if you want. Or in the morning." He smiled at JC fondly. "I'll be there."

"I'm glad," JC smiled, letting go and backing away ... trying not to get too nervous about whatever it was that Joey wanted, and sounded so serious about. And knowing he probably *would* be telling Jared about it as soon as he saw him.

He watched Jared until he disappeared into the crowd of people at the bar, turning back once to give JC a quick wave and a confident smile. Then he headed for the door and for his car, efficiently darting past the people who had been hanging around the doors for a glimpse of him. He had more important things waiting for him at home.

---

JC tumbled onto his mattress, rolling onto his belly and rubbing his towel over his wet hair. He hadn't really wanted to wait until after he showered to talk to Joey, but he couldn't stand the smoky smell on his body, and he knew Joey'd be awake. And maybe he was procrastinating, a little.

He sighed and pressed the speed dial number for Joey's house, squirmed back over onto his back, and waited.

Joey picked up the phone just halfway through the first ring. "Hello?" he said, sounding more than a little bit anxious. JC was taken back enough to actually pause before speaking, which he was sure would do nothing for Joey's anxiety, whatever had been causing it. Or maybe Joey was just really eager to talk to him.

"Hey, Joey," he said finally, trying to make his voice light. "We missed you tonight. How come you're still up?" He wanted Joey to just tell him what he had to tell him -- he'd *actually* wanted to stay home, and not go out with Jared, but Joey had insisted.

"Just waiting for you to get home," said Joey, his voice settling down a little. "You know I'm not early to bed most of the time anyway. Did you guys have a good time? Where did you end up going?"

"Downtown," JC said easily, twirling the cord of the phone around his finger, figuring the quicker he answered the introductory questions, the sooner Joey would just tell him what was on his mind. "What's up, buttercup? Been thinking 'bout you all night, practically."

Joey laughed comfortably. "Yeah? Even with all the hot bodies pressed up against you? I'm impressed. And flattered. And a little worried about you," he teased. "You went home alone, though, I assume?"

JC chuckled in return. "Yes," he insisted impatiently. "Of course. And the only hot body pressed up against me was Jared's, and we're not going there. So ... come on, Joe. What's on your mind, that you had me call 'no matter when I got home,' which happened to be at ... " he glanced at his wrist. "One in the morning."

"That's early," scoffed Joey. "And ... maybe I just wanted to talk about, you know, stuff. What's going on with us and everything." There was an awkward pause while JC waited for Joey to go on and maybe clear up exactly what that meant. "And hear about your night and how much fun you had, too ... "

"Not *that* early," he mumbled, stretching. "And anyway, it seemed like something ... I don't know. More important than just that. Especially since I promised we'd talk about ... the us thing, sometime." He paused. "Unless ... I don't know, is there something you need to say?"

"Well, it kinda is, I guess," mumbled Joey. "More important than some things. But stuff about you is important, too. LIke what you've been up to and everything, and ... " There was another awkward pause as Joey maybe realized he wasn't making much sense. "But you had a good time, right? You never said ... "

"Joey," JC said calmly. "What. Yes, I had a good time. Yes, I enjoyed myself. Yes, I promise I thought about you all night. Now will you just tell me? Just ... tell me." Joey didn't respond for a second. "Or ... okay, listen. Come over, okay? I didn't get to see you yesterday and this way I can sit on you and tickle you until you tell me."

"Can I?" said Joey, the need in his voice surprising JC. It wasn't something he heard often. "Come over I mean? That might ... that'd probably be easier. And then I can say. About what you're wondering about what I want to say." JC took a minute to unravel that sentence. "Right now, then? Okay, I'm on my way."

JC laughed again, definitely taken by surprised but pleased. So pleased that Joey wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see Joey. "Okay. Use your key, okay? I'm in pajamas so I'm just gonna stay upstairs. And don't drive fast. I *know* you."

"So you know I'm gonna drive fast then," said Joey with a chuckle. JC could hear his quick footsteps in the background. "Okay, I"m leaving, be ready for me." And then he hung up, so any retort that JC could come up with was lost anyway.

It was easily the strangest conversation he'd had with him in a long time, and Joey hadn't even said whatever was bothering him. Which, for Joey, was actually almost unprecedented.

He didn't seem *upset*, which was the only thing keeping JC from panicking as he puttered around in his bedroom, waiting for him to show up. But his mind was still racing with possibilities.

Joey had apparently driven faster than merely fast, and was tapping on JC's bedroom door before long at all. He could hear the shuffling of Joey's feet even from where he'd been standing on the other side of the room, staring out the window.

"JC?" Joey called out softly. "JC, you didn't fall asleep, did you?"

JC couldn't help but smile at his voice, and made sure his pulse was settled a little before walking over to the door just as Joey was pushing it open. "Hey," he said softly, taking his friend into his arms immediately. "Hey, you okay?"

"I'm good," murmured Joey, letting himself just be held for once instead of taking over the hug. "I'm glad to be here." He looked JC up and down as he backed away, and grinned at him. "You really are in your pajamas."

JC blushed and crossed his arms over his bare chest, not really considering how low his flannel pants sat on his hips, how thin the worn material was. "I told you," he protested, then led him over to the loveseat he kept under the window in his bedroom. "You look ... a little frazzled," he said honestly.

"Yeah, I guess you could say that," said Joey, running a hand through his hair as JC coaxed him to sit down. "I thought I was dealing with it pretty well and all, but now I think maybe I was in shock for the first while and it's just now that I'm really ... that it's really hitting me."

*That* started to worry JC a little more, and he couldn't stop hugging himself. "Okay," he said, in his most soothing voice. "Okay, so tell me what it is, so I can help you get back to dealing with it better. Okay?"

Joey nodded, and there was even a tiny smile on his face. "It's not a *bad* thing," he said awkwardly. "It's actually maybe a kinda good thing. Just ... really unexpected and stuff." JC tried not to look impatient, but he must've because Joey bit his lip and gave him a jerky nod. "Okay ... so ... " he said, then took a deep breath. "Kelly's pregnant."

JC was stunned ... like, literally stunned. "Oh ... *God*," he breathed, then felt himself start to smile widely. "Oh *God*, Joey, and it's yours? Oh God, oh wow. That's ... " He blinked. "You're gonna be a *dad*. Oh, *God*. That's *so* a good thing!"

A moment later, Joey startly shyly grinning back at him. "Oh, JC, I was so worried you were gonna tell me how it was gonna affect the group and everything ... but I just *had* to tell you first. I'm gonna be a *dad*, JC. It's amazing. I think I'm really happy but I'm *so* freaked out, too ... "

"Oh, God, of *course* you are," JC nodded vigorously, taking Joey's hand in both of his and squeezing tightly. "It's such a big deal, and ... wait, she's going to keep it, right?" All of a sudden, as quickly as he'd been ecstatic, his heart sank. "Or ... I mean, did you guys decide?"

"Of *course* she is," said Joey vehemently. "She's already pretty much too far along to ... um ... to not have it." Joey didn't even want to say the word, and JC couldn't blame him. And was grateful for it in a personal way, even if Joey couldn't understand quite why. "And she'd already decided not to give it up. We're adults and ... she's gonna be a great mama. And ... a *baby*, JC."

"I *know*!" JC was smiling again, smiling as soon as Joey confirmed what he'd already assumed. "I *know*. This is so ... Joey, this is the best news. The best. Can you believe this? First ... Jared, not that that really even compares, and now ... a *baby*." He leaned over and hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy for you. You don't even know. You're both going to be amazing parents, and it's going to be the most beautiful baby ever in the history of the world."

"Yeah, she is," murmured Joey happily. "Is it okay to call the baby a she, before I know? As soon as Kelly told me, I thought of this lilttle baby girl all in pink, looking up at me and smiling and gurgling and making little baby noises. I can't wait, JC. I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. I'm just so blown away by this. It's really starting to hit me that it's real."

JC laughed, and hugged him tighter. "That baby is going to be loved, and spoiled, and if you think it's going to be a girl, then it is." He sighed happily. "Oh, wow. I'm just ... *so* happy you told me. And so glad you came over ... you shouldn't have tried to do it on the phone."

"I didn't. I couldn't. I should've known ... Kelly didn't want to tell *me* on the phone, and there was no way I could just tell *you* on the phone. Besides ... " He finally really hugged him back. "I needed *this*, too. Like, a lot."

"This what?" JC laughed again, just absolutely giddy with the news, laughing harder when Joey overbalanced them and they practically fell off the sofa. "Breaking my neck?"

"This hugging," said Joey with another tight squeeze. "And this having someone else be really, really happy for me. Even though it's gonna mean *so* many changes ... and not just for me. Oh, and Kelly, of course."

JC's laughter trailed off when something Joey said resonated strangely with him. "Right, Kelly ... " he said awkwardly, waiting a moment to pull away. He couldn't believe that it hadn't occured to him earlier. "Um. Are you ... guys. Like. Going to be together now?" He closed his eyes. "Like ... or marry her, maybe?"

Joey was silent for a moment, and when JC cracked one eye open he realized it was because he was shaking his head. "We're not going to be together any more than we've always been," he said. He didn't sound very displeased at that either, to JC's surprise. "Probably less, even. You know we can't be together for more than a week without fighting and ... we decided that would be a bad thing to expose our baby to. So we're going to try and just be friends and see if that doesn't work better."

JC was embarrassed at how quickly his smile returned, at that. "Oh," he said. "Oh." Then just grinned goofily. Not that he was sure anything would ever happen between them -- and was he a bad person for thinking about that when his mind should have only been on the baby? -- but to know they'd never even had the chance ... JC wasn't sure he could handle that. "Like ... share custody?"

Joey nodded this time. "Something like that," he said. "We're going to share a place for a while, at first, and see how we feel about that. I mean ... we have no reason not to. I have a big enough place for us both to have our own sapce and that way we won't have to shuffle the baby around every time I come home and we don't have to get double of everything with two nurseries and everything and -- " Joey broke off and just stared at him for a moment. "Oh my God, JC, I'm going to have a *baby*."

JC squealed a little and hugged him again, and this time they *did* fall onto the floor. "You're going to be the *best* daddy!" he said one more time, laughing at Joey's grunt when he elbowed him trying to sit back up. "I just know you are. And you *know* all the guys are going to want to come over all the time to see her ... him ... "

"I hope so," said Joey, his smile turning shy. "I hope they're all as happy as you are. Um ... thanks, JC. This really means a lot to me. I mean, you have no idea *how* much. I want you to be a part of her -- okay, maybe his -- life, too. I'm gonna need help being a dad. I have no idea what I'm doing. I'm still ... getting used to the idea, even."

JC let himself fall back on top of Joey and hugged him again. "Thank *you*," he breathed, suddenly blinking back a few tears. "For telling me ... well, kind of first. And saying that, that you want me to be there for you both. I'm going to take that seriously, okay?" He sighed and buried his face in Joey's warm neck. "Wow."

"I've been saying 'wow' about once every five minutes," admitted Joey, holding JC close to him, and JC made no effort to get away. "And you are the first *I've* told, except my parents. Me and Kelly told them together, right away. I know I'm gonna have to tell the other guys soon; I've waited a while already. And I guess we have to figure out how we're gonna work everything out." Joey fell silent for a moment and JC could feel him breathing against his neck. "I don't want to think about that right now. Let's just ... think about the good stuff. Like baby giggles and shopping and getting to watch cartoons without the guys making fun of us. Me. Us."

JC smiled again. "Baby giggles?" he echoed, then shook his head. "Can I tell Jared? He won't say anything, until you tell the other guys ... which we're *not* talking about, right. Nevermind." He bit his tongue and just held his friend tightly. "Baby giggles."

"You can tell Jared," Joey assured him. "I don't mind. And baby giggles are really wonderful things, they make you feel all warm and happy inside. They make up for all the changing and feeding and burping and everything. Um ... does your wanting to be serious about helping extend to diapers, by any chance?"

JC laughed and kissed Joey's jaw spontaneously. "Sure, I don't mind doing diapers. It's no grosser than cleaning up after a dog, really." Like JC had the first clue *what* he was talking about, beyond the fact that he'd do anything Joey wanted him to, for this baby. "Jared's gonna be so excited, too."

"You think?" said Joey curiously, snuggling JC up against him. "I guess I hadn't thought a lot about how Jared would feel about it. You thinking about tricking him into doing the diaper bit? You have about six months to convince him, you know ... " His expression turned a bit stunned. "Six months. Is that even long enough to be ready? How do people *do* this?"

JC chuckled and burrowed his face unto Joey's chest, unconcerned about being curled up with him on the floor of all places. And ... trying not to be quietly pleased by Joey's comment about not having thought about Jared's reaction. "You'll be ready," he assured him. "And you'll have so much help, as much as you want. I'll totally be there for you, Joey. I promise."

"Thanks," said Joey with a heartfelt sigh of relief. "I don't think you know how much I'm counting on that. I mean ... I could do it on my own if I had to. Me and Kelly could. But it's so much easier with support from the people I love. Especially the ones willing to deal with stinky diapers." JC knew as well as Joey did that it wasn't about the diapers, but that was the easiest point to fixate on. "I bet you tell great bedtime stories, too."

JC laughed again. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Not unless I'm reading them. But ... I sing a mean lullaby." He sighed too, then squirmed a little in Joey's embrace. "Mmm, are you staying here? Want me to fix up the other bedroom for you?"

"Do you mind if I stay with you?" asked Joey, kissing JC's forehead. "I really don't want to go home tonight, not now. Especially not when home is alone right now."

"Of course, I don't mind," JC breathed, inhaling the smell of Joey's skin from that space right under his chin when he kissed him. "Let me up and I'll go make the bed. You know where everything else is." He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep until Jared got home, but Joey looked exhausted.

Joey chuckled softly. "Yeah ... " he said. "I guess you wouldn't want me sleeping here on your floor with you. But that means I have to get up ... "

JC pushed up onto his hands and knees and looked at him shyly. "You can stay in here if you want. Um, with me. Or ... I can use the other bedroom." It wasn't as if they'd never slept together, but it had been a long time, and now that he was so certain Joey knew how he felt ...

Joey gave him a grin, lying flat on his back beneath him. "You sure you wouldn't mind if I stayed with you?" he repeated. "I didn't mean to put you out tonight. I mean ... I'm sure you were thinking of some *other* use for your bed, when you were out clubbing with your brother ... "

JC blushed harder. "I already had to tell him, but *you* should know better. You know I do that in the bathroom." Biting his lip, he bent his elbows a little to bring their faces closer together again, then hesitantly nuzzled his nose. "And you know you're never putting me out. We don't work like that, Joey."

Joey nodded just slightly, still smiling up at him, both affectionate and amused. "Thanks," he said. "I need this tonight. I'm a little overwhelmed."

"Well, relax," JC admonished, even though his own pulse was racing. He pushed back up to kneel over Joey, then grabbed his shirt like he was going to tug him up after him. "You're with me. You can talk about it as much or as little as you want." He cocked his head. "What's so funny, jerk?"

"Nothing," murmured Joey. "I'm just ... really, really happy right now. About what's happening. About being here. About just ... everything."

"Me too," JC smiled softly, then slid his hands up over Joey's chest to curl around his neck and pull him up. "So happy for you." And selfishly, for himself.

Joey let himself be pulled up, then tugged JC into a hug again. "Thank you," he repeated. "I think I'm going to be saying that a lot. And I'm so glad we're talking again. It was killing me, when we weren't. Because of this and ... lots of things."

JC wanted to cry for being so selfish, for knowing then that this was something Joey had known for a while, and hadn't been able to share with him because he was acting like a spoiled child. "Me too," he repeated hoarsely, and hugged him hard. Knowing for sure that from there out, he'd make sure that never happened again.

---

"Coffee?" offered Jared, the moment JC walked into the kitchen. He wasn't even sure how he knew he was there, the way his back was turned to the doorway, staring out the window. "I just finished making a pot, should be nice and fresh. I can even put an umbrella in it if you like ... "

JC yawned, and stretched, and tried to work out a crick in his neck he'd gotten from sleeping curled around Joey all night. "You didn't wake me up," he countered, but walked up to the cabinet and grabbed a mug to hand to him.

Jared was nodding as he turned around to take the mug. "So, did you have a good night then? Anything you want to tell me about?"

"Yes," JC said, smiling broadly, and knowing Jared probably thought he wouldn't answer. He waited until he was looking at him to continue. "Joey's having a baby. I mean, he's gonna be a dad. Kelly -- his, um. ex, I guess, is pregnant." He grinned again, waited for Jared's reaction.

Jared's eyes widened. "Wow, really? That's .. a big deal. You'll have to congratulate him for me." He gave JC a bit of a smirk, then, as he handed the filled mug back to him. "But that doesn't explain to me how you ended up in bed together."

Suddenly Jared's prompting made a little more sense to JC, and he frowned. "There aren't any juicy details, if that's what you're after," he said carefully. "He wanted to tell me in person; he'd waited until we were okay again to say anything. And he was exhausted, and it was late, and so I invited him to stay. Why are you making it sound all ... not innocent?"

"Because I'm teasing you," said Jared, the smirk changing to a soft smile. "Kinda like I usually do. And if you were in bed with the guy you're in love with, and nothing happened, then I really admire you. That can't have been easy. So .. wow ... Joey's gonna have a baby, huh?"

JC nodded, and sipped at his coffee. "I was being a friend," he murmured, feeling the need to explain. "If I'd ... done anything, it would have been like it was taking advantage of his ... good mood from another thing, you know? That's not fair." He looked over his shoulder. "And can you maybe not say that so loud next time?"

"Sorry," murmured Jared apologetically. "But you know I wouldn't have said that if he was there; that's yours to tell. Have you ... thought about it some more? Telling him?"

JC sighed. "Jared ... " he said warningly, then realized he actually could ask his opinion about it, rather than get defensive automatically. Especially when waking up to Joey's soft snores that morning made him happier than he'd been in a long time. "Maybe. But ... I mean, don't you think this is maybe not such the good time?"

"Well ... what makes now such a bad time?" asked Jared. "He's here with you, came to *you* with this big revelation about his life. You said the person he's having a child with is an ex. It seems to me that now might be a very *good* time."

"But," JC said quietly, playing with the magnets on his fridge. "But don't you think he has enough going on? He came to me because I'm his oldest friend. And he said he was worried about how I'd react, but I think he knew deep down how thrilled I'd be. He had to. And ... yeah, Kelly's an ex, but he said they're going to live together. It's ... a *complicated* time, at least."

"I think all the time is a complicated time for you," said Jared a little ruefully. "But maybe he needs sometimes stable in his life. Maybe you could *be* something stable in his life. I'm ... you know I'm not telling you what to do, JC. I'm just saying maybe there's another way to look at it than to think he doesn't need that right now. Maybe you're *exactly* what he needs."

"Do you think?" JC murmured, smiling again when he looked up and saw Jared's expression of mild surprise at the way he was actually considering what he was being told. "I won't be too much for him to handle right now?" He touched Jared's arm. "*Seriously*, Jared.. I'm, like ... actually considering this, but I need to know how you *really* feel, beyond just ... me getting the guts to go after what I want."

"I always tell you how I really feel," said Jared earnestly. "And I really feel like the best time to tell him, would be when you're sure you're ready to do this with him. Because I'm pretty sure that's exactly what he wants, too. And from the way you're looking, and from the fact that you two just spent the night wrapped around each other, I think now is that time."

"He won't be expecting it," JC protested softly. "He'll be surprised, and what if he just goes along with it because he's too taken aback to say no?" He knew perfectly well how he must look, but he didn't know how to tell Jared more clearly than he already had that it was just friendly.

"Joey wouldn't just go along with it if it was something he didn't want," Jared said confidently. "I don't know him as well as you do, but I know *that* much. Are you looking for reasons not to go it, JC? Or do you need me to give you a few more reasons you should? I think ... I think you already know what you want to do. And I can't tell you for sure what the outcome will be. Sometimes you just have to try and see."

JC wouldn't have minded a few more reasons he should do it, but he wasn't going to ask. "Just one thing," he said quietly, pleadingly. "Tell me he won't resent me bringing this up, now? I just ... I *am* happy we're speaking again, and closer than ever, and I want to be there for him as much as he needs, *especially* now ... "

"He won't resent you," said Jared, sounding confident about that, too. "And just .. tell him all that, too. About how you want to be with him. If you're going to do this -- and I hope you are, JC, I think it'll make you both really happy -- then just be honest with him. About everything. That's about the best advice I can give."

JC wrung his hands nervously. "Okay," he said, glancing back toward the stairs, back toward where Joey was waiting unknowingly. "Okay, okay. I will." He turned back to his brother, trying to smile bravely. "And ... god, I need to tell you again how sorry I am for how I treated you, too. Please believe that."

"I believe you," said Jared with a reassuring smile. "Now go. Talk to him. And I'll have coffee for you both when you're ready to come back down."

"If he doesn't run out of the house screaming, first," JC joked weakly. "God. Okay. I can't believe I'm doing this. He's going to laugh at me. He is."

"No matter what he does, he's not going to *laugh* at you," said Jared. "He respects you way to much for that. He came to you last night, he stayed here. If nothing else, he *cares* about you, JC. You mean a lot of him. And I think that if it's what you want, you should see if that can become more."

"I just ... can't have any expectations," JC agreed, trying to convince himself more than anything. "Even if he doesn't want anything ... you're right, it's still good that he knows how I feel. That he can depend on me." He squared his shoulders, ran a shaky hand through his hair. "Okay. I'll be back. Sooner or later."

"Good luck," said Jared sincerely. "And I'm proud of you. So go get 'im, JC." He gave him a pat on the back and a wink, and then let him go.

JC stumbled more on the steps on the way upstairs than he had in the entire time he'd owned the house. He almost turned around at one point, practically convincing himself he should bring him coffee, but only because he felt awkward showing up in his own bedroom empty-handed. All of which was just stupid, and he pushed open the door to his room firmly when he got there -- not letting himself pause that time when he caught sight of Joey blinking at him, still coccooned in the sheets.

"Hey," said Joey, giving him a sleepy smile and shifting under the sheets. JC couldn't help but watch the way Joey's body moved when he was hardly even aware of it. "Where'd you go? Woke up alone ... "

JC swallowed, twice, and kept walking until his knees brushed against the bed. "Talking to Jared," he murmured. "Were we too loud? I wasn't expecting to see you awake."

"No, didn't hear you," he murmured, lifting the covers in an obvious invitation for JC to rejoin him. "Just kinda woke up. Mmm ... too early. We were up late, huh?"

JC eyed the space next to Joey almost hungrily, but he felt strange about worming his way next to Joey just so he wouldn't have to see his face when he heard what JC had to say. "We were," he agreed softly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and then leaning down on his elbow, slipping haflway under the covers in a sort of compromise with himself. "You should go back to sleep ... "

Joey gave him another sleepy smile, looking just impossibly beautiful. "I might, in a bit," he agreed. "Right now, talkin' to you. What's up?" JC hardly even knew where to start, though.

"I'm just ... happy," he started, carefully. "I'm so happy for you right now, 'cause of the baby, and I'm happy for *me*, cause of Jared. But ... more than either of those, maybe, I'm happy that we're okay again. That was ... I can't believe how I acted, what I said. I owe you a lot for not just telling me where to shove it."

"Don't think I didn't consider it," admitted Joey with a soft chuckle. "But mostly I just wanted the same thing ... for us to be okay. I guess I understand a little bit about why you might've been upset ... but I still don't -- " He cut himself off then and looked down, smiling a little. "I won't push, about that. 'Specially this early. One day you'll tell me everything, I know you will."

JC smiled at him, knowing Joey had no real clue that day was today. "Mmm," he hummed, scooting a little closer, and pulling the blankets up around Joey's neck again. "Isn't it funny," he murmured, "how we can be more possessive of things that aren't ours, than things that are?"

"I ... guess," said Joey uncertainly. JC wasn't surprised that Joey wasn't following him yet; he was still sleepy, and JC wasn't exactly making things obvious yet. Intentionally. "Are we still on the same subject?"

Nodding slowly, JC carefully curled up around him again. He didn't know, he didn't know how to *say* this. "Tell me?" he asked instead. "Honestly? Why you slept with Jared."

Joey blinked a few times before answering. "I ... he asked," he said finally. One of the unexpected benefits of doing this now, JC realized, was that Joey didn't really censor himself when he hadn't been awake for long. Not that he did much at other times, either. "I liked him well enough, and he was good looking, and I knew that he was with me with the right expectations and for the right reasons, and ... he asked."

JC nodded. Unexpected: he hadn't let himself dwell on it before enough to actually picture who'd propositioned whom. But knowing it was Jared lifted some of the weight off his heart. "I was upset," he said slowly, tracing along Joey's arm through the covers, "because I thought maybe you'd found someone you wanted to be with. And it wasn't ... the person I would have chosen for you."

"Well, if your own brother isn't good enough for me, then who is?" asked Joey with an unexpected smile. JC hadn't been sure *how* he would react to that. "But ... I'd only known him a few days, JC. I wasn't looking to him for anything more than that night. And he wasn't looking to me for any more than that, either. He ... he wouldn't be who *I* would choose for me, either."

"Why not?" JC asked nervously, his confidence really riding on Joey's answer. "And ... it's not that he's not good enough for you. Just not ... *right* enough for you." He found Joey's fingers through the sheets and started playing with them.

"Well, that's my reason, too," said Joey, his eyes on JC's face. "He wasn't *right* enough for me. First of all, I didn't know him well enough, and ... all *he* wanted was to have a little fun. It was never once meant to be anything serious. For something serious, I want someone who wants it just as much as me."

JC turned his head and looked out the window. "That's not the same reason," he said quietly. "That's just circumstances. The way you describe it ... it's like, given a chance to get to know him better, you might discover that he *is* right for you. You see?"

"It is the same reason," argued Joey. "Maybe I didn't say it right. He ... would never balance me, we're too much alike in a lot of ways. But they ways we aren't alike are in what we want from life which is, like, the ways you *should* be alike with someone you want to be with."

That was what JC had been hoping to hear all along, and not just because he knew without a doubt that he and Joey wanted to same things out of life. They'd talked about it enough. "Okay, so maybe it *is* the same reason," he smiled, going back to stroking Joey's arm. "Jared was ... I think a little surprised, that you turned out to be a ... romantic." He smiled. "*His* word, not mine."

Joey laughed, obviously waking up further the longer they talked. "Oh he was, was he? I guess he figured I was more like him ... I know I act like it sometimes. But you know what I want is something more than that, more than anything you *brother* could ever offer me. He's a great friend, but that's it."

JC nodded, and took a deep breath. That was about as good an opening as he could hope for, and the longer he waited, the less serious Joey was likely to think he was being.

"What about me?" he asked, softly but clearly. Forcing himself to watch Joey's face.

That was how he knew, even before Joey said anything, exactly what his answer was going to be -- Joey's eyes brightened, his smile widened, and he looked both surprised and delighted. "Do you mean it?" he asked finally, reaching out for JC's face but not -- quite -- touching it. "Are you ... offering?"

JC smiled shyly in return, and moved his face into Joey's palm himself. "I'd give you anything you asked for," he clarified. "I always would have, I just ... I guess I needed to let you know you were allowed to ask."

"And I needed to know you wanted me to," said Joey quietly, caressing JC's cheek with his thumb then letting his hand rise up to run through JC's hair. "You're growing it," he noted, and it might have been incongruous, but it wasn't. "It's soft. And messy. You haven't been up long, then. You should ... probably come back to bed for a while."

"I guess I should," JC agreed, whispering, hoping he knew why Joey was suggesting it, much more comfortable with the way they both were taking their time to feel each other out. "Joey," he started, sliding the rest of the way under the covers, "I've ... wanted you to ask, to say something, longer than ... a long time. And what happened with Jared ... at first it just scared me. But then it made me realize that even if I was sure this was all everything you already knew, that you deserved to hear me say it."

"Needed to," said Joey again, his hand still in JC's hair. "Needed to know that me asking was something you were ready to handle. Didn't think it was ... until maybe now. Even though I thought maybe you wanted it too, deep inside." He leaned in to nuzzle JC's ear for a moment, holding him close, not even doing much that they wouldn't have done with each other on any other day. Except now it felt completely different. "Mmm. So much to talk about. So much to explain. Do you understand ... why I waited?"

Sighing, JC furrowed his brow. "Yes," he said eventually. "Yes. I mean, I think I do ... I wasn't ready, before, even if I thought you should think I was." He closed his eyes. "I'm gay, Joey. And even though you know, the guys all know, I like guys ... that's only the second time I've said it out loud."

"I think I can guess who the first time was to," murmured Joey, his lips still close to JC's ear. Gently, he kissed the lobe, then JC's neck. "I bet it feels good to say it ... like now you can finally do something about it. It doesn't feel right, to try to not be something you are. If that makes sense."

"Makes sense," JC breathed, tilting his chin back farther. "But yeah, it feels ... um, good ... to say it to you." His voice caught in his throat. "Very good, God. So ... was I right? Was that why?"

"Yeah," said Joey, resting his cheek against JC's neck. "Didn't want to spook you by doing anything too soon. Didn't want to lose my chance, JC. But it's okay now, isn't it." It wasn't a question, it was a revelation. "It really is okay to ask you if you want to be with me."

And before, JC would have waited for him to continue on his own, wouldn't have opened his heart any wider until Joey had asked. But he was sure enough of Joey's feelings, confident enough in his *own*, to pre-empt that too. "You already know I do," he said quickly, passionately. "It just ... depends on whether you want to be with *me*, now." He bit his lip, rubbed the back of Joey's neck. "And you already know I love you, but ... I'm *in* love with you, too. If that affects your decision. One way or the other."

"I do," said Joey. "Want to be with you. Especially now that you're more you than you've ever been. It's ... good on you. Really good, JC." He kissed his neck again, like JC'd been waiting for without realizing he'd been waiting for it. Joey's lips on him, like *that*, was something he'd been waiting for for a long time. "I'm kinda in love with you, too."

"I should kick your ass, then," JC sighed, practically purring under Joey's mouth, too giddy to begin to know how to respond seriously to that admission. "Sleeping with my brother when you should've been pining for me ... "

"Didn't think I could have you," admitted Joey with naked honesty. "So I went on with my life while I waited to be able to finally ... well, you know that now. Be with you. Jared was ... a pleasant distraction, and we had fun, but ... even being with someone who looked like you, JC, didn't make me forget who I really wanted to be with. Eventually. When the time was right."

"Is now okay?" JC asked softly, sort of the last thing he needed to hear before he could let himself start believing this was happening. "I didn't know, with the news about the baby, if it would be too much right now ... but I also thought, if you could know how serious I am about being there for you through the whole thing, no matter *what* you wanted that to mean... I don't know, that it might help."

"Now I have two things to be insanely happy about," said Joey, pulling his head back to give JC a brilliant smile. "I think that now is the very best time of all, for this to happen. Right at this moment, JC." And then he finally leaned in to press his lips to JC's, closing his eyes and baring everything to him. JC could see just how sincere all of this had been, and just how much he was wanted.

He kissed him back deeply, then with growing desperation and anticipation. They'd kissed before, pecks on the mouth here and there, teasing licks to each other's ears ... but never like this. Never with open, wet mouths, and selfish tongues, and racing pulses, and heavy breathing through their noses. Never when it was only the first of many times it would hopefully happen.

"Thank God we don't have to wait anymore," Joey gasped out as he broke the kiss and threw his head back, sucking in air. He tugged JC closer, half on top of him, the sheets already tangling around them. "Tell me you're sure, JC. I don't want to ever have to turn back now."

"I am, I promise I am," JC panted, struggling with the covers so he could get closer to his friend's body. "Can you just .... again? Some more? So many times, so much I've thought about touching you like this ... please don't make us stop." He didn't know what he was asking for, exactly, but all his other questions had been laid to rest.

"Not stopping," Joey assured him, running his hand through JC's hair a little more roughly as he looked at him, then tugged JC into another kiss that was just as desperate, ferocious, as the first. Joey kissed like JC had though he would -- without holding anything back. JC tried to pour in as much of himself as he could, too, just to keep up.

"So jealous," he exclaimed, when Joey released his already-swollen lips to suck at his neck. "God, I was so jealous, when Chris told me ... it was absolutely driving me insane, knowing that Jared got to feel this and he didn't, couldn't want it a fraction as much as I did ... as I do ... " He was babbling, his hands fluttering over Joey's back, but he didn't care. He finally, finally was getting what he'd wanted for so long.

"Jared didn't get half of what I'm going to give you, JC," breathed Joey, his lips grazing over JC's shoulder, his hands restless in JC's hair and against his side. "Do you understand that? Nobody's gotten all of me before."

JC shook his head, pulled on Joey's back to bring him closer still. "No, no, me either," he agreed, then laughed abruptly, delightedly. "How could they, when you've had a part of my heart since we met, since we were kids." He flipped the rest of the way over, so he was completely draped on top of Joey, murmuring his name over and over, loving the way it sounded coming out of his mouth when they were in bed.

"So," said Joey, his smile still wide and bright. "Do we stay in here for a while and make your brother wonder just what we're up to? Or do we actually let him in on the fact that he can't sleep with you anymore?"

"Says you," JC protested. "I'm still keeping him around, for when you won't stay with me. Or for when we're fighting." He tilted his head to take his turn at kissing Joey's neck. "We can do either, by the way. He, um ... knew what I was coming up here to do, so if we don't go down for a while, I'm sure he won't have to wonder *too* hard ... "

"Just don't forget who you're in bed with, if he does," said Joey warningly, and didn't kick up any more of a fuss than that. "So ... I guess what we do now -- " He broke off just to *smile* for a moment. " -- pretty much depends on how ready you are to ... anything. Did you want to talk first? Or are we done talking, for now?"

"Did *you* want to talk first?" JC countered, giving Joey what he hoped turned out to be a sexy smile in return. "I know ... I mean, I figure you weren't expecting this, when you came over last night, so ... if you wanted to go home, think about it first, I can wait." And probably drive Jared up a wall, but he could do it.

"I'm not going *home*," said Joey quickly, startled. "And I don't need to think about it. I know what I want, I've known for a long time. I just ... I don't need to grab you up and gobble you down because you aren't going anywhere either. I can take my time with you. I'm not sure what I want more -- to just *have* you, because I've been waiting so long, or to do all the things with you that you deserve, that I've never done. Like take it slow."

"Oh," JC whispered, Joey's passion, the deep way he felt already surprising him -- making him think that maybe Jared wasn't the only one that had misjudged him a little. "Well ... when you put it that way, I don't know if I could choose, either." He pressed close to him, mouthed at his jaw a little. "Maybe describe taking it slow. 'Cause what if it's *too* slow."

"Slow would be, like, just cuddling and touching and kissing and talking right now. And it would be going downstairs and having breakfast with your brother and letting him see us together, letting him know. And it would be maybe going out this afternoon and doing something you wanted to do, like the park or a movie or shopping, something just really simple that we can do together. It would be maybe going by my place and telling Kelly about us and letting *her* gush to you about the baby. And slow would be waiting until tonight to make love, when we have all the time in the world and no one expecting to see us until morning."

"Oh," JC breathed again, blinking a little, knowing that was exactly what he wanted, and Joey probably knew it. "Wow. But, um ... just so I can make a, uh, informed decision? Tell me about gobbling me down?"

"Gobbling you down would be not saying another word, just sucking and licking and touching and fucking until we were both spent. It would be absolutely mindless lust, because I've waited so long to have you in my bed."

"Shit," JC muttered, tearing his eyes away, and pushing up onto his hands and knees. He couldn't be laying on top of Joey if he was going to talk like that. It made any sort of decision impossible. "And which way are you leaning?"

"Honestly?" said Joey, thankfully *not* tugging him back that time. "I want to take you slow. This is something I'm gonna want to remember forever. It's just really, really ... hard ... when you're already here ... "

JC ducked his head and kissed him firmly, then pulled away again and climbed carefully out of the bed. "C'mon. Let's go get you some coffee, get out a little bit. Then ... " he smiled, wondering if Joey knew what he'd said, if he'd meant what he said. "we can come back and you can take me slow. You can take me however you like." Joey laughed, lightly and happily. "I'll take you up on that," he said "I will and it's going to be amazing. Damn, I can't wait to tell the guys. And Kelly. Oh, and my parents, they'll be thrilled, mostly." He broke off again, as he seemed to do a lot when he was looking at JC. "Damn. You look so happy. And beautiful."

"Well I am," JC replied, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "Happy, I mean. I've just gotten something I've wanted more than anything else, for longer than anything else, than I've ever wanted. In some ways ... in some ways, even more than the group." That was approaching the type of thing none of them said out loud, but he was absolutely done hiding. From Joey, certainly.

"Wow," said Joey softly. "Now *that* I didn't realize. That's just ... " He couldn't think what to say, just smiled, and JC didn't mind that at all. Joey'd never been the most articulate person he knew, but you could always tell what he was thinking anyway, when he showed it to you.

"And thank you," JC finished, once he'd let all that sink in with Joey. "For the ... for saying I'm beautiful. Especially when I haven't even washed my face yet today." He held out his hand. "Coming?"

"You are beautiful," he Joey as he let JC tug him out of the bed. "It's nothing to do with ... " He gestured vaguely at JC's face and body. "I mean, it *is*, but ... it's something from inside you. That makes you this beautiful."

"Thank you," JC murmured again, weaving his fingers together with Joey's, just standing still with him a moment before handing him his pants off the chair. "That's the nicest ... I shouldn't expect any different from you, though."

"I mean it," said Joey, hesitating for a moment before taking them. "There's just ... something about you, JC." He looked like *he* was blushing, and looked away to put some clothes on. He had nothing to blush about, though, because he didn't sound dumb or anything. He just sounded perfectly wonderful.

"*Thank* you," JC said one more time, getting up on his tiptoes to throw his arms around Joey's neck and kiss his nose, almost knocking him over as he tried to do up his pants. "As long as you feel like that, you think that, that's all that matters to me." He paused, then closed his eyes slowly. "I have to tell you again that I love you. I hope it didn't get lost before."

"It makes me really happy to hear you say that," said Joey. "You can tell me as many times as you want. I've been waiting ... a while, for you to be comfortable enough to tell someone that. To tell *me* that, I hoped. And I love you right back."

"I'll tell you a lot more, tonight," JC promised, already anxious for it. "Come on downstairs and I'll say it in front of Jared, too. Joey ... it was only ever going to be you I said it to. For a while, at least ... until everything was so over that I'd have to move on." He grinned then, not wanting to get into some deep discussion before they'd even eaten breakfast. "Now stop *stalling*, or I'll think you don't want to tell all those people after all ... "

"It's not stalling," protested Joey. "It's called dressing. And I'd think you'd *appreciate* that I'm doing it before we go see people." He pulled a shirt on and stood satisfied in front of JC without even checking himself in the mirror. "*Now* I'm ready."

"It's just Jared," JC complained. "You'll notice *I* don't have a shirt on." Then he caught himself, remembering that Jared had seen Joey more naked than that before, and bent down quickly to grab Joey's sweatshirt. "On second thought, here. Wear that."

Joey grinned at him and took the sweatshirt away, dropping it back on the floor. "I think this is plenty for breakfast, don't you? You keep it warm in here." He reached out for JC's hand and twined their fingers, his eyes never leaving JC's face. "You nervous?"

"No," JC replied, nodding his head yes, and smiling back. "You really *want* this? I still don't ... can't really believe it ... "

"I really, *really* want this," said Joey, squeezing his hand. "You don't need to doubt that, JC. I'm ... really glad this is happening. Surprised and glad and I'm a little nervous, too, if that helps."

"Not really," JC answered, nodding his head yes again, then laughing. "Love you. Come on. Jared's waiting."

Joey tugged him in for a quick kiss before he reached for the door. Surprisingly, it helped. "You were the one who almost decided to make him wait a lot longer," he teased, though that hadn't exactly been the case. He gave JC's ass a light swat, letting his hand linger on it, herding them both out the door.

---

"So I'm gonna let you say, okay?" said Joey, holding the car door open for JC. "Gonna keep my mouth shut this time -- it's your turn." He wrapped an arm around JC's waist as soon as he was out of the car and gave him a kiss, then a sheepish grin. "And I'll leave the baby news for after. Well, I'll try, anyway."

JC blushed and leaned into Joey's body -- the ride in the car had been the longest they'd gone without standing or sitting pressed up against each other since that morning. Jared had laughed at how unwilling they were to let each other go for just a second. "You don't have to," he said, tilting his face up for another kiss as they made their way down the walk. "That's so big -- like, bigger in some ways. And you *know* that'll make Chris happy, whereas this ... "

"Well, maybe," said Joey, stopping him for yet another kiss. "And if you're right, that's more reason to keep it for after. But .. I mean, is there some way to cushion the blow maybe? Whichever one we do first it's probably gonna knock him on his ass ... " He seemed to consider that for a moment, still paused on the walk. "We'll just have to make small talk. You can tell him about what you and Jared have been up to."

"Make small talk with Chris?" JC chuckled. "Mmm, no. I think direct is maybe the way to go with him. I don't want him to think we're jerking him around, either." He kissed Joey harder, but quickly. "Come on. I'll tell him, since it *is* my turn. Like you said." His hands brushed over Joey's back as they walked, slipped over his elbow.

Joey let himself be led to the door. "Okay, so it's a plan," he said. "You're right. Chris doesn't need to think he's being jerked around, especially not right now. I'm just ... " He laughed at himself and leaned in for another kiss. "Nervous. I don't get like this much. Not quite sure how to handle it."

"Me either," JC admitted softly, then knocked on the door. He leaned up against the frame as they waited, blushing furiously when he pulled Joey back down for a quick, reassuring kiss -- "for luck," he whispered. They'd barely stepped back apart when the door flew open, and Chris stood there staring at them with wild hair and no shirt on. "Hey, you ... and you," he said, arching his eyebrow.

"It's after lunch," Joey noted, looking him up and down. "You should be up by now." WIthout seeming to think about it, he reached for JC as Chris gave him a dirty look and backed away to let them in. "Or has not staying at my place messed up your internal clock?" "Hmm," murmured Chris without really answering. "Looks like you have someone else staying at your place now, ... "

JC stumbled a little, hard enough that Joey actually moved to catch him and keep him upright, when he heard that. He knew he was fooling himself if he thought that Chris hadn't had a clue, but he didn't expect him to be so ... not subtle about it. "Not yet," he said, slowly, honestly. "But ... yeah, he might soon. How do you feel about that, Chris?"

Chris ushered them both inside, then gave them a wide grin as he was closing the door. "About *fucking* time," he said. "You're both gonna stop moping now, right? Because one of us moping in this group is plenty." He turned back to them after leading them halfway up the hallway. "So. Details."

Joey coughed politely and looked at JC. Obviously, he considered JC's "turn" to extend to giving what few details there were about how they'd finally gotten together. JC was still a bit stunned by Chris's quick pick-up and enthusiastic reaction.

"We weren't *moping*," he protested weakly, then reached over to take Joey's hand. "But ... well, Joey came over the other day, and we got most -- well, some -- of the other stuff straightened out. And then yesterday, he had to tell me this other thing, and ... " He laughed at Chris's expression, knowing he wasn't making much sense. "And anyway, he stayed over, but nothing happened, but it made me realize I had to. Um. Tell him how I felt." He looked down shyly, still not used to being so open about it, even just in front of the other guys.

"No, no, no," teased Chris with an actual laugh. "I want the *dirty* details." It was the laugh more than what he'd said that got JC's attention; it was so seldom they hear a genuine one from him these days.

Joey tugged JC closer and wrapped an arm around him, the exact same move he's made out on the front step. It was something that seemed to come very naturally to him. "You're not getting any more details 'til you tell us how you *knew*."

Chris stared at them both, exaggerating his incredulous look. "Have you to looked at yourselves in the mirror lately? You both look like you're gonna jump each other at any moment ... and those damn *smiles*. You haven't stopped smiling at all, have you? They're permanently etched on your faces or something."

JC snuggled back into Joey's arms, looking up at Chris from lowered lashes. "We have *some* self-control," he protested weakly, still grinning. "And what's wrong with being happy about it? Don't you ... I mean, this is a good thing. A really good thing." He turned his head and looked up at Joey, daring him with his eyes to kiss him in front of Chris.

Joey slipped his hand just underneath the hem of JC's shirt to touch the small of his back, then leaned in and kissed him for a long moment. JC even found he was closing his eyes and almost forgetting that Chris was there at all, let alone watching them.

"Yes, yes, a good thing," agreed Chris finally with a soft but audible groan. "But you know how I feel about people who are sickeningly in love right now. Damn happy people." When JC opened his eyes again, though, he saw that Chris was smiling.

JC laughed and untangled himself from Joey to hug Chris, ignoring the fact that he was batting ineffectually at his arms and certainly did *not* want to be hugged right then. "Thank you," he chuckled, murmuring in his ear. "For making this easy. And for ... I didn't forget what you said, either, Chris. Thank you for Joey, but thank you for ... me, too."

Chris's cheeks got pink, rare for him, and he finally shoved JC off. "I didn't do nothin'," he muttered. "And I don't swing that way either, so Joey? Keep your horny little boyfriend away from me."

"My 'horny little boyfriend' won't be needing to stray," Joey assured him, claiming JC again. Not that JC wasn't already headed back into his arms anyway. "Trust me, you have nothing to worry about. So we should ... sit down now." JC looked at Joey searchingly, pretty sure he knew where he was going wtih this. "Yeah, you're definitely going to want to be sitting down ... "

Chris grinned at JC, but it wasn't really necessary -- JC'd known he was kidding. But just to show off, he climbed into Joey's lap and grabbed his hands to wrap them around his waist as he settled into a comfortable position. "Okay?" Chris said, flopping down on a chair, dangling his legs over the arm. "There's more?"

"Yeah, there's more," said Joey, getting comforatable with JC on his lap and taking a deep breath. "See ... there's the whole reason I was over at JC's in the first place last night ... " "Out with it, Fatone," said Chris impatiently, waving his hand. "Right," said Joey. "Right. So. Kelly's pregnant."

"Kelly's ... " Chris repeated, raising his eyebrows. Interestingly, he turned almost immediately to study JC's face, who could only smile goofily the same way he had been doing all day when someone mentioned the baby. Comforted, or relived, at what he saw, he looked back at Joey. "Shit, man. Yours? That's so ... holy fucking *shit*. Congratulations. Shit!" He was laughing.

"Yeah. Mine," said Joey with a grin, kissing JC's neck with his eyes still on Chris. "Thanks. I'm still kinda ... blown away by the whole thing. A *baby*, you know? A little baby. That's mine. And Kelly's. And ... wow, you know?" He shook his head ruefully, laughing at himself. "Yes, I do get this incoherent every time I talk about it, in case you were wondering."

Chris laughed again, and jumped out of his chair to pat Joey on the back. "That's great! A baby! Damn, boy, you better hope it gets Mama's looks." He danced out of the way when JC tried to lean over and smack him. Which only brought his attention on *him*. "And you! Daddy #2! Shit, man, look what you got yourself into." He smirked and shook his head. "Nothin' but trouble."

"Well, you did say you wanted to help," murmured Joey. It was teasing, but it was also serious in a way. Or at least that's how JC was taking it -- and nothing had changed because of what they were to each other now. He was looking forward to the baby almost as much as Joey was. "Too bad the kid isn't gonna get Jace's looks," Joey added a little bit louder, kissing his neck again. "But if I get a little girl that looks just like Kelly, I'll be very happy with that."

JC blushed and Chris laughed and cooed at them both before just sitting down in the middle of the floor. "Joey thinks it's going to be a girl," he told Chris, tilting his head a little so Joey could keep kissing him if he wanted. We went over to Kelly's earlier and she said she can't believe he's telling people that. Their house is gonna be ... a zoo."

"*Their* house," repeated Chris, looking from JC to Joey and back again. "What, are you and Kelly moving in together, Joey? I don't get it ... " "It's for the baby," explained Joey, running his fingers up JC's arm when his lips left his neck. "So we won't have to mess around with sharing custody and everything while she's still so little and stuff. Me and Kelly are broken up for good, though ... Baby doesn't need to be around us fightin' all the time."

That didn't quite make Chris stop frowning, and he peered closely at JC. "What about you, Jace?" he asked. "Where are you staying?" JC looked down at his hands. Trust Chris to pick on the one thing that wasn't perfect right then. "I do have a house, Chris," he said softly. "It's not like I'm homeless."

"Well, first of all, Baby's not gonna be born for six months, Chris," said Joey, suddenly very practical about the whole thing, like he'd thought it all out already. Which, JC realized, he must've. "We have a lot of time to work out the details. Second, JC can stay with me whenever he likes, though from a publicity standpoint actually moving in with me would be bad. Having his own place is good, and I think -- I hope -- that I'm welcome to stay with him, too. Kelly and I are going to have completely separate suites in my house. And third, we aren't home a lot of the time.

"Me and JC are going to be together on the road, and when I'm at home I think it makes sense that I'm gonna want to see my baby whenever I can." Joey took a deep breath. "So yeah, that's how I think it's gonna work for now. But we all need to discuss it yet. Right now I'm just ... we're gonna have a *baby*" He squeezed JC when he said that, helpless to keep himself from giving Chris another grin.

Chris's expression softened. "I know," he smiled, then grabbed JC's ankle affectionately. "Shit, you guys, way to spring a bunch of stuff on a guy before he's even had lunch. Real nice. And which am I supposed to be more excited about? You can't make me *choose* ... " JC knew Chris was teasing, but still looked again to Joey, curious about what he'd say. In his own mind, the things were too linked to separate. And it *wasn't* fair to choose.

"You haven't *eaten* yet?" said Joey, latching onto that one thing rather than continuing the previous train of thought. "Then you should be more excited about lunch. *Then* you can decide to be happier about the fact that I'm going to have a baby or the fact that from now on, I'm not going to be making any more."

"Ha ha, you're a funny guy," snorted Chris. "Just for that, you can buy me lunch." Joey, though, was busy kissing JC again, assuring him that he was exactly where he wanted to be, and everything was going to work out in the end. Or at least that's what JC figured the kiss was saying. It was possible the kiss was just saying 'i want to eat you up', but he didn't have much problem with that, either.

---

JC shut the door softly behind Jared, then backed up against it, his palms flat on the sturdy wood. He smiled shyly at Joey, who was still seated on the sofa in the den, but watching him intently. "You don't think he thought he were trying to get rid of him, do you?" he murmured sarcastically, still smiling.

"Nah," scoffed Joey. "What would give him *that* idea?" He shifted on the sofa but didn't get up, his eyes never leaving JC. "Maybe the fact that we *dressed* him might've tipped him off. You think?"

"We weren't very subtle," JC admitted, shuffling his bare feet on the cold tile, and chewing on his lip. He was *so* nervous, no matter how much he'd been anticipating it, no matter how much teasing he'd set himself up for by acting like that around Jared. It was just that now that they were there? He couldn't force himself any closer to Joey.

"No," agreed Joey. "I don't think it would have mattered if we had been though. I mean ... we all knew what was going to be going on tonight right from the start." When JC didn't come toward him, he got up and stretched broadly, and smiled at JC before heading for him. "I'm glad we're alone now."

JC reached out his hand, pulled Joey slowly against him even as he kept his feet still. "Me too, so much," he smiled, brushing a hand down Joey's face. "I'm ... really nervous," he admitted, then realized he was shaking. "It's stupid."

Joey's smile widened, though JC wasn't quite sure why. "Tell me why you're nervous," he said when his body was almost right up against JC's. "It's not stupid, whatever it is."

"I've never ... not with a guy I liked," he said carefully, looking into Joey's tender eyes. "Let alone anybody that I felt like this about, and ... " He shook his head, chewed a little more roughly on his lip. "I know how to do this, but it doesn't mean I don't think everything I know is just going to fly out of my head the moment you decide to touch me."

"You don't even have to know what you're doing," said Joey, slipping his arm around JC's waist. "It would still be okay if you *hadn't* done it before, at all. Let's both admit right now that it's not going to be flawless, and just have fun with each other." He leaned in to give JC a lingering kiss. "No pressure. Just you and me."

"No pressure," JC repeated, sighing, keeping Joey's mouth on his after he tried to pull back. He'd wanted this so long, there was no way he *couldn't* put pressure on himself, though. "Upstairs?" he asked, after a moment. "Is that ... can we?"

"Of course," said Joey, tugging on his waist a little to get him away from the door. "Your bed's so huge, it was *made* for this kind of thing. You sure you didn't have that in mind when you bought it" He was teasing, but it made JC nervous anyway.

"No," JC said softly, then pulled Joey's head back down to kiss him again. When they were kissing, they weren't talking, and that was a good thing as far as JC was concerned, since talking was only making him uptight. He tripped a little as he started walking Joey backwards toward the stairs, not opening his eyes.

"How about we do this ... " said Joey, and put both hands on JC's ass, hoisting him up. JC had no choice but to wrap his legs around Joey's waist and his arms around his neck just to hang on. And once he did he found he didn't mind being in that position one bit. "There. That's better. Now let's go upstairs ... "

JC sighed happily, if shakily, and started kissing Joey's neck as he walked the two of them slowly up the stairs. He smelled so good, and his skin tasted so good, and was so warm -- JC felt almost like it was stinging his lips. And the rest of his body, humming between JC's legs; the strength and heat of his hands on his ass ... if JC hadn't been aroused in anticipation before, that made short work of it. "Don't fall," he whispered, taking Joey's earlobe between his teeth.

"Then don't tell me not to fall," teased Joey as he reached the top of the stairs. "Don't worry ... even with you, um, distracting me, you're not much of a burden at all." He had to nudge the door to JC's room open with his foot so he could carry JC over to the bed and deposit him on it. Then he just stared at JC's prone body for a long moment and licked his lips. "Hold that thought," he said, finally breaking himself away from the sight. "I'll be right back."

"Wait," JC protested, but it took him a couple attempts to get it out, and by that point Joey had slipped away. He groaned and fell back on the bed, flipping over and burying his face in the pillow Joey had used the night before ... trying to pretend he wasn't rubbing himself against the sheets while he waited.

"Relax," Joey called back over his shoulder. "I'm just closing the door. The last thing I want is your brother wandering in here when he gets home." He was back quickly, moments after JC heard the lock snap into place. "Now ... where were we ... ?"

JC didn't flip back over, not wanting to be ostentatious about how aroused he was, how aroused Joey had gotten him from nothing more than a kiss. "Kissing," he mumbled into the pillow. "And I might have -- maybe -- been sucking on your ear. But only if you were liking it."

"You can suck on anything you like," murmured Joey, slipping onto the bed next to him and stretching out. "So ... we can get back to kissing now, hmm?" He didn't wait for an answer, turned JC's head and capturing his lips without hesitation.

"Joey," he breathed, feeling just as high as he had earlier that day when they'd been in the exact same place ... they just hadn't been right on the cusp of making love, then. Joey was an incredible kisser, though, and soon enough he was consumed enough by the feelings that even that wasn't making him nervous.

Joey broke away for a moment to just breathe and take JC in, staring at him again. "I've been waiting for this," he murmured, and though JC already knew that it was still intoxicating to hear him say it. "Do you want to ... ?" He tugged at JC's shirt, making it a suggestion and not a demand.

JC nodded, catching his lower lip between his own teeth again as he sat halfway up and held his arms over his head. "You too," he replied, and that *was* a demand, if a gentle one. "You too, Joey."

"Of course," said Joey as he tugged JC's shirt all the way off and tossed it away. JC knew that Joey was letting him set the pace but it didn't feel condescending at all. It was comforting. "But you're going to have to help me." He sat up straighter himself so that JC could tug *his* shirt off.

JC leaned over, lapped gently at Joey's neck as he started to work on his buttons. "I love you," he whispered. "So, so much. You turn me on like nobody else -- your voice, your skin, your mouth ... " He got to the last button and pushed the shirt off Joey's shoulders. "God, your skin ... " he repeated.

"This is going to be amazing," murmured Joey. "Me and you is. Love you, JC." Once his shirt was off he pulled JC down with him again so they were lying side by side, chest to chest. He didn't speak any more, just gave JC a smile that was almost shy and started kissing him again.

"God, and I love you back," JC said again, knowing he should be making more sense, but just not able to. His hand roamed over Joey's shoulder, his hip, as he reached down to caress behind his knee and pull his leg up over on top of his own, kissing Joey relentlessly. "God, I want you ... want you to stay, always ... just like this."

"Shhh," murmured Joey, stroking JC's hair as he kissed him. "I'm not going anywhere right now You feel so wonderful." Joey seemed to be absolutely revelling in being able to take his time and enjoy him. Neither one of them seemed to be rushing into anything, what they were already doing was feeling so good.

"Not going anywhere ever," JC insisted quietly, tugging Joey further on top of him. He wasn't trying to rush things either, he just had been wanting to feel Joey's body like this since he could remember, loved how big and warm and strong he was. "Joey, Joey," he sighed, running his hands down his back.

"Yeah, that's my name," agreed Joey wtih a grin. "What was yours again ... ?" He was so obviously teasing that JC didn't even take offense, just smiled back at him. "God. I think I've been wanting this forever." He ran a strong hand down JC's chest, feeling the contours, pausing when he reached his waist.

JC arched up into his hand slowly, as seductively as he knew how. "Me too," he sighed. "Oh. So much. How did we ever spend as much time together as we did, not touching, but feeling like this?"

"It wasn't easy," murmured Joey, nuzzling his neck. "We don't have to worry about that anymore." Once JC made the first move, Joey began rubbing him slowly through the fabric of his pants, first palming him then tracing his shape with his fingertips.

"I'm not letting you go, ever, now," JC gasped, his eyes wide open when Joey touched him so intimately for the first time. "Oh, god, Joe -- please." He braced a foot on the bed and pressed up into his hand, even as he curved his other leg around the back of Joey's knee and held him close.

Joey pressed a little harder, curling hi s palm around him and really making himself be felt. "Shhh," he said again, not to shut JC up but just to calm him down. It worked, to and extent, not so much because of what he was saying as what he looked like when he was saying it. "So hard," he murmured, snaking his fingers up to the button of JC's pants. "Can I?"

JC groaned and nodded, gripping the covers around himself. It wasn't ... *urgency* that he felt, necessarily, just incredible sensations flooding through him, and so much love for Joey. He *was* so hard, almost embarrassingly so for just having kissed, but he suspected if he were to touch Joey right then he'd feel the same thing. He sucked softly, more patiently, at Joey's lip while he waited.

Joey undid his pants quickly and didn't pull them down, just slipped his hand inside to begin caressing JC through just his underwear. It wasn't skin on skin yet, but it was another step more intimate. That was when Joey moaned aloud and rubbed himself against JC's hip, and suddenly JC *knew* that he wasn't the only one who was already that aroused.

"Joey," JC sighed again, tangling his hands with Joey's to try and free his cock from his underwear -- just needing him to feel it once, before he could try and roll over and pin Joey to the bed and return the favor. "So nice ... " ---

Suddenly Joey's hand was touching him, his mildly calloused fingertips running over JC's warm, velvety skin. They both gasped simultaneously, then had to resist bursting into laughter. It was good laughter, though. The kind that happens when you're feeling wonderful. "Wow," murmured Joey, stroking him a few times. His wrist had to be bound up a bit in JC's underwear, the way he was holding it, but he didn't let that stop him.

"What?" JC said, twisting his hips to get Joey to stroke him deeper, further. "Oh, please, please," he murmured softly, meeting Joey's eyes when he did, refusing to look away. This was Joey, and he was allowed to beg shamelessly. "Oh, your hands ... "

"Just this," Joey said softly, his other hand sliding down the back of JC's pants to mold itself around the curve of his ass. He didn't stop stroking, jerking his wrist once to free it then finally circling JC's cock with his hand. "You're so fucking beautiful."

JC gasped, and arched his back again, actually starting to whimper when Joey rubbed against his thigh this time. Joey wasn't being delicate with him, like he'd been afraid he would -- just treating him like a man he wanted very badly, and knew wanted him badly in return. JC bucked up against him again, then shoved at his shoulders to push him over on the bed and climb on top of him like some kind of monkey. "No, you."

Joey couldn't really stroke him any more from that position but he kept touching him, never once lost contact with JC's body. "Okay, us," he said with a cocky grin and leaned up to try and claim a kiss. "Anyone would look good with you on top of them, though."

"Shh," JC blushed, wrapping his hands around Joey's biceps and resting his weight on them as he bent down to kiss him -- squirming out of his own pants as he did, kicking the heavy material off the end of the bed when he succeeded. "Mmm," he moaned loudly, finally able to straddle Joey's legs relatively unencumbered, to rub his exposed cock against the soft cotton of Joey's khakis.

"I mean it," said Joey, his eyes wandering down JC's body. "So *fucking* beautiful. No one but me gets to touch this anymore." And he wasn't just being possessive, he sounded amazed by the very idea. "Just wanna touch you ... " And he did, one hand on JC's cock the other stroking low on his hip.

"No one," JC agreed, leaning over to suck a little more roughly at Joey's neck. "You either," he said then, and his voice sounded gritty with how badly he meant that. "It would ... kill me, Joe." He nipped at the hot flesh, then smoothed over the spot with his tongue.

"I won't," promised Joey fervently, arching his neck. "I wouldn't, JC. It's just you and me now, that's all I w-want ... " He gasped as JC nipped at his neck again, then let out a shaky sigh, still trying to stoke JC's body but losing concentration.

"Naked," JC muttered, slithering down Joey's body and away from his hands. Biting at his belly as he fumbled at his pants. "God, I want you naked so bad, Joe. Want to see you ... " Unlike Joey, he didn't ask permission -- he was his now.

Joey lifted his hips to make it easier for JC to strip him, silent permission, not that JC had been looking for it. They both already knew what was going to happen between them; it was only a matter of how. "Hope you like it," said Joey, but he didn't sound overly concerned. And had no reason to be, as far as JC was concerned.

"I do," JC breathed, running his hands over Joey's hips as he slid back up between his legs after discarding his pants and underwear. Joey was so ... just *so* warm. And aroused and just ... *male* ... that JC's mouth was practically watering with it. "Oh, I do." He pressed himself down slowly on top of Joey's body, letting their cocks rub together, trying to yank his own underwear down over his ass.

"Relax," murmured Joey again, though from the way his body twitched every so often he was far from calm himself. His eyes fluttered closed as JC watched and he moved his body against JC's, sending a spark of arousal through him. Joey, without a doubt, knew how to use his body. And JC's.

"Help, then," JC whispered pleadingly, taking Joey's hands and placing them over the waistband of his briefs, grinding down a little harder. "Don't you want to see me, too?"

"Of course I do," murmured Joey, still moving, tugging gently at the briefs. "It just goes smoother this way. Last thing I wanna do is get tangled up and have to sort it all out." The briefs slid off easily this time, and Joey discarded them without a second thought. "There. That's better ... "

JC moaned when he fell back against Joey's body, felt his warm palms against his bare ass, touching him gently. "Sort what all out," he chuckled, once it registered that Joey had actually said something. "There's only so many places that ... things ... can go ... "

"Sort out how you managed to get your foot tangled in your underwearm, I meant," said Joey, sounding just a touch amused. "Which you didn't, so now we don't worry about that. As for where everything else goes -- " He moaned softly himself as JC began touching him. "Well, that we be perfectly clear when the time comes."

"Mmm," JC hummed, pressing harder down onto Joey, burying his face in his neck, kissing and suckling some more. "m'I too heavy?" he drawled, slipping one leg up along the outside of Joey's thigh, hissing when the motion made Joey's hands slip lower beneath his ass.

"Nope," said Joey easily, and when he shifted underneath him JC realized Joey could not only hold his weight, he could hoist him off at any moment with almost no effort. If that was what he wanted, which is obviously wasn't. "You're just right." The phrase was dense with meaning, and JC gave up on trying to catch all of them, especially when Joey rubbed against him again.

"I love you," he found himself sighing again, nuzzling into the scratchy stubble on Joey's neck. "I'm so happy. God, and you turn me on ... I knew you'd feel this good." His hips were moving against Joey's, practically without any conscious effort on his part, and he smiled when Joey started mimicking his movement.

Joey managed to capture JC's lips for a long, hot kiss, bracing one hand on his cheek while the other roamed JC's side and hip. "Love you, too," he murmured when they finally parted again, but the kiss had already said that. "What do you want, JC ... ?"

"You," JC smiled. "Just you." He knew Joey was asking about how they were going to do this, their first time, but he had no more idea than Joey did. He just wanted to make love with him, fall asleep with him, wake up with him, and do it all over again. He slid his other leg up Joey's side so he was crouched over him, and kissed his nose gently.

Joey grinned at him happily, the corners of his eyes crinkling. "Well, you've got me," he said. "Now you just have to figure out what you're gonna do with me." The way JC was sitting, Joey pretty much *was* at his mercy, he realized, and making no complaints about it.

He raised an eyebrow at him, and grinned impishly, then rolled off his broad body. "I want you to make me scream," he said, more casually than the words warranted. He trailed a hand down the soft hair on Joey's belly, studying it intently. "I want to take advantage of this empty house while we can. Then ... you can be soothing, and gentle, later. When Jared's home." He looked back up finally, to see what Joey thought of all that.

Joey's answer was to roll over to face him and slip a hand between his legs, his thumb pressing up against the base of JC's cock and his palm and fingers cupping his balls, reaching even further back. His expression was more intent though, even if his smile never fully left his face. "Is that so?" he said finally before claiming JC's lips again, silencing them both.

"Fuck, yes," JC breathed into his mouth, when he could make a noise. "Yes, that's what I want." He spread his legs as much as he could, lying on his side like he was. "Think you can do that?" He had no doubt -- none -- that Joey could. But he also wanted to see what his tempting would do.

"I don't think," said Joey, his voice deepening. "I know." And he wasn't just saying that for effect, either, that much was clear when he started moving his hand, caressing him and pressing deeper behind his balls. He sucked at the hollow of JC's throat after giving him another kiss. "Is there anything -- *anything* -- I need to know before we do this?"

"Just that I adore the ground you walk on," JC bit out, weak sounds coming from deep in his throat. "God, and that I trust you. Everything else ... " He trailed off, shaking his head, and rolled over onto his back.

"Okay," said Joey, sounding even more confident as he bent his head down and sucked, then bit lightly, at one of JC's nipples. JC did trust him, trusted him that much even before they had gotten together. Two people couldn't be as close as they had been for years and not build up that kind of trust. Joey's hand continued to caress him, and at the same time forced JC's legs even further apart.

JC kept his hand on the back of Joey's neck lightly, but fully intending to be more forceful to keep him doing what he was doing if he had to. He drew his legs up on either side of Joey's body, smiling at Joey's approving grunt, and reached down to touch himself slowly. "Anything *I* need to know?" he breathed, smiling.

"Yeah," murmured Joey, his breath hot on JC's chest. "I like everything." His lips latched onto JC's other nipple for a moment. "*Every*thing," he stressed. His hand finally moved back far enough to graze a fingertip over JC's hole. "Just do anything you like."

JC raised his hips a little off the bed in response, moaning at the touch that wasn't abrupt, or unexpected, just ... really sexy, and surprising him with how badly he wanted it. "You're not going to hurt me," he felt like he needed to add. "I'm not going to break."

"I know," Joey assured him, pressing harder. "And we're definitely going ot be testing that, very soon." He used his teeth again, grazing JC's nipple, then along the flesh of his chest. "You're so fucking hot, JC." He could feel Joey trembling a little and realized that he wanted it *that* bad, that his muscles were revolting against him not letting them do what they desperately wanted to do. JC wasn't sure what that was, but he was pretty sure it would involve a lot of kissing and biting and grabbing and thrusting.

"I'm definitely happy about that," JC promised him, groaning and tugging harder on Joey's hair. Slowly, intently, he started pressing back against Joey's hand, feeling his finger start to breach his body from the combination of both their movements. "God," he muttered again, then forced his eyes open so he could see what he was doing as he reached over to grope in his bedside table.

He caught sight of Joey and paused for a moment; Joey was completely intent on what he was doing, distracted by nothing. Both his hands were moving slowly and rhythmically against JC's body, and his lips ... God, his *lips*. They were sliding across his skin, then tugging at it, then barely grazing it at all. JC almost forgot what he was doing as he watched, and as he *felt*.

"Damn gorgeous mouth," he moaned, not really meaning to do it out loud, then forced his eyes away as he dug some lotion out of the drawer and dropped it beside Joey. "I got some other body parts that might be interested." He lifted one of his knees in invitation.

"In the lotion or in my mouth?" murmured Joey, lifting his head and leaving a wet patch on JC's stomach. "Or both?" He lowered his head again, licked a trail almost all the way to JC's groin as his finger still gently probed at him.

JC squeaked a little, his hips raising off the bed involuntarily to seek out Joey's mouth. "Yeah, either," he panted softly. "Both. Whatever you say. Shit." Joey's finger was achingly teasing, and he wanted more, but more than that he wanted Joey to keep seducing him *his* way.

Joey finally licked at JC's erection, holding it steady with one hand, but he didn't linger there. Instead, he pulled away and reached for the lotion, smearing a couple of fingers with it. At JC's involuntary whimper he looked up and grinned at him. "Trust me," he said quietly, then moved his hands back and slid a finger inside JC's body without any further warning.

"Joey!" JC blurted, feeling that in almost every nerve in his body, his muscles -- admittedly tight -- clamping down hard on Joey's finger. "Please, oh please ... " He tried pulling on Joey's shoulders, his hair, anything to get him someplace where JC could touch him in return.

Joey did move up a little bit, as much as he could and still be able to do what he was doing. It was close enough to grab and kiss, but too awkward to be able to stroke him; JC had to make do with what he could get. Joey didn't hesitate about moving his finger inside JC's body. He wasn't rough, but he wasn't hesitant either. He knew what would feel good and he did it -- over and over. JC was moaning, and loudly, touching Joey everywhere he could manage; digging his fingernails into his broad back, spreading his legs wider and pulling his knees up as much as he could. He'd yelp every time Joey scraped against his prostate, wordlessly begging for more, much more.

"I really, really, really want to fucking make love to you," Joey growled out between nips at JC's shoulder and throat. And as soon as he stopped speaking he slid a second finger inside. JC could feel it stretch more this time, even though it moved in smoothly. Again, Joey hadn't warned him, had just sensed when he was ready and gone for it.

"Make me scream?" JC reminded him, breathing heavily, stretching his arms above his head luxuriously as Joey worked his body over. "God, Joey. You can. I ... have no doubt." He wrapped a leg around Joey's back, rubbing his cock against Joey's chest as he continued to use his finger in delicious ways.

"Need a ... fucking condom," Joey grunted as he thrust inside JC's body more enthusiastically, his whole arm visibly moving. "Can't think anymore, JC ... just want to ... do this." JC took it as a compliment, that Joey was beyond thinking. That was just about where he was himself.

"No," JC whimpered, trying to pull Joey's up his body again with his arms and with his legs. "No, please ... I'm clean. I don't want to." He knew he was whining, and acting like a baby, but his whole body was absolutely strumming with what Joey was doing to it and all he could think about was rutting himself harder on Joey's hand.

"Are you *sure*, JC?" said Joey, sounding like those might be the very last words he was able to get out. "Are you *absolutely* sure? Because ... I will ... " JC had no doubt about the, the way Joey was fucking him with his hand, the way he was practically devouring him.

"Yes, yes," JC insisted, squeezing his eyes shut and squirming underneath him. "It's only you and me, from here on out, and I just want this to be like that. Just you and me. The first time ... every time ... " He wasn't making any sense, just trying to come up with the right combination of words to get Joey's cock inside him soonest.

"Okay," said Joey, with some finality, And then suddenly -- once again without any warning -- his fingers were gone and he was reaching for the lotion again. JC shouldn't have been expecting him to say anything else but he half was ... but Joey didn't, not one word as he quickly but meticulously coated himself with the lotion and lifted and spread JC's legs with his powerful arms.

"Oh," JC exhaled, watching Joey's face. "Oh." He braced the back of his thighs against Joey's arms, then lifted one of his legs higher in frustration at waiting and looped it over top of his shoulder. "I love you," he said again, hoping it was unnecessary at that point. "So much." And then he smiled -- could feel it pulling at his cheeks, and laughed happily.

Joey arranged JC's legs so that they gripped him and he was so very, very close to JC's body. Then he looked up and he smiled back at him and he looked ... like JC had never seen him before. He'd never seen him this full of energy and bright and even this *happy*. "I love you, too," said Joey as he began to push inside.

JC sucked in a breath, and clenched his fists as he tried to keep the rest of his body relaxed and open. "Joey," he exhaled shakily. "Oh, Joe." He was big, really big, but JC couldn't remember ever wanting something so badly in his life, and he found himself pulling with his legs, trying to coax him further inside.

"Shh," said Joey, even though there was no way either one of them was calming down at this point. "I'm almost ... " Then the words were lost again and he grunted when he'd finally pushed in all the way. He didn't move right away -- probably *couldn't* move right away -- resting at least half his weight on JC. Then finally he did, just a twich, but JC could feel with with his every nerve ending.

"Joe!" he grunted more insistently, desperately needing him to just *move* -- move more, move for real. He waited until he looked at him, then smiled again. "I did want to actually get fucked before I came." He wouldn't in a million years say anything like that to anyone else in bed, but Joey knew exactly how much he was teasing.

Joey grinned back at him, almost ferociously, and thrust his hips, driving inside him even further. "And if I hadn't stopped," he murmured, his gaze running down to JC's lips, then his neck, " you wouldn't have gotten fucked before *I* came." There was no danger of that now for either of them, though, as Joey began thrusting regularly, making his strokes longer with every thrust of his hips.

JC had never, never been made love to the way Joey did it -- he was being driven further and further up the bed until he had to push against the headboard with his hands to keep from being shoved into it. And soon enough he *was* screaming, like Joey promised, like he had known he would. Screaming Joey's name, blurting out words that didn't make any sense as he tried to describe how *incredible* he made his body feel.

He wasn't the only one; Joey was making noises he'd never heard before, not even when he could hear Joey in an adjacent room through thin hotel walls. It was like they were being ripped out of his throat with every thrust into JC's body. There was no way they could keep up this pace for long without coming, but it was worth it.

"Joey," JC shuddered one final time, coherent enough to notice he'd never said a lover's name in bed so much in his life, then came quickly and ferociously between their bodies. "Joey," he sighed, stretching to wrap his arms over Joey's shoulders, holding him close as he neared the edge himself.

The sounds Joey was making were still fierce, almost primal, and he shouted as he came, gripping JC's body so tightly JC thought maybe he might end up with faint bruises, the next day. Joey's body didn't still as he came, though he stopped thrusting. He slipped and slid against him and stretched up to give JC a long, deep, sloppy kiss.

"Good?" he prodded, laughing again when Joey snuffed against his neck, happy to have had the extra few moments of recovery. "God, Joe." He brought his legs down, hugged him tightly. "That was ... more than I even imagined."

"That was a great start," agreed Joey, his voice unsurprisingly hoarse. "God that was exhausting. You're so ... so ... " He couldn't find the right word, though, and gave JC a sheepish grin and a shrug. "You're so very."

JC laughed again, agreeing wholeheartedly, and wrapped a sweaty leg lower around Joey's back. "Thank you," he said finally. "For. And it was worth doing slow."

"It was hardly slow," admitted Joey, shifting his hips and looking like he was getting ready to pull himself right out shortly. "But I guess we couldn't help it. *I* couldn't help myself ... you're so beautiful, JC. And, um, flexible. Very flexible."

JC blushed, and nuzzled against Joey's neck. "I meant ... slow to start. Slow to be here. Slow, like ... ten years slow." It honestly felt like that too; that they'd just capped off a decade-long wait for something beautiful.

"Yeah," murmured Joey, nuzzling back. "It has been, hasn't it?" He paused for a moment. "Um ... not to break the mood, but can you pass me a kleenex or something, Jace?" Joey gave him another sheepish grin, but somehow it wasn't as awkward as it could have been. It was just ... them.

JC smiled and stretched over to grab the box off his nightstand, whimpering a little when Joey did slip out of his body. "God," he groaned, cracking his back. "It's been ... too long, I think. Will you be gentle, next? When you wake me up?"

"How long?" asked Joey quietly as he cleaned them both up, doing it quickly and tossing the tissues away. "Sex is so messy," he murmured as his eyes returned to JC's face and he smiled broadly again, as though there was nothing he wanted more than to be right there with JC.

"None of your business!" JC poked him playfully. He'd tell him, he had no reason not to, but not when they were lying together in bed -- *together* -- for the first time. That wasn't the time or place for that conversation. "And you didn't answer."

"I didn't think I had to," said Joey, sliding up to wrap his arms around him, completely comfortable. "Of course I'll be gentle with you. I'm pretty sure I can't do it like *this* again anyway, for a little while. As for waking you up, though ... how do you know you won't have to wake *me* up, huh?"

"Don't you know me well enough to realize that if anyone's going to be needing to be woken up, it's me?" JC teased, then laughed when they both yawned again. "Okay, I really didn't mean for us to get so worn out our first night together."

"You've never been with me after having sex before," Joey pointed out lazily as he kissed his neck and snuggled in against him. JC didn't think it would be so very different though, and began to imagine the ways that Joey might wake him up. "Sleep, get your strength back up," Joey murmured against his ear a moment later. "It's still early, and we have most of the night ahead of us."

JC felt the heat start to spread languidly through his body again at the implicit promise in Joey's voice, and burrowed in next to him tightly. "Most of our *lives* ahead of us," he insisted softly. "I love you, Joey. So much. You'll never know how lucky I feel that you waited."

"You're not the lucky one," argued Joey, and JC could hear the smile, even if he couldn't see it. Joey snuggled in closer and, against his neck, JC could feel Joey's eyelashes flutter closed. "I finally have you and I'm not giving you up."

"I wouldn't let you," JC said quietly, yawning again himself and letting his own eyes drift shut. "I'm never ever sharing you again. Except with your baby girl. Or boy. But that's *it*." His lips found their way blindly to the top of Joey's head, and he kissed him tenderly -- knowing it would be a rare instance indeed that they'd ever be falling asleep apart again.

---

EPILOGUE

Jared hadn't handed Brianna back to Joey *or* JC since he'd taken her from Joey's arms the second they all climbed out of the var in front of his house. "We'll let you hold her again," JC said, holding out his arms expentantly, the pride in his voice not even registering any more. "Just ... can you give her back? I need to give her a bottle."

"There's one still in the bag," said Joey, his eyes closed, resting his head against the back of the sofa. "Everything else in in the fridge, second shelf. Jared ... I threw out whatever that green thing was, to make room. Hope that's okay."

Jared just ignored the question. "I'll give her back," he said reluctantly a moment later. "But only because I don't know how to feed her. Isn't she just the most precious thing?"

"Yes," JC said fervently, just as Joey groaned "no" ... he'd been the one to take her late-night crying the night before, and hadn't really slept in the car either.

"Yes," JC said again, slipping over to Joey's side and running a comforting hand up his thigh as he reached down for the bag with the other. "She's an angel, and we're ... I mean, Joe and Kel, but ... okay, all of us ... are really lucky to have her."

"We," confirmed Joey, placing his hand over JC's and squeezing gently without opening his eyes. "And it's your turn tonight, remember." Not that JC was likely to forget.

"Can you touch Uncle Jared's nose?" said Jared to the baby in his lap, all but ignoring the both of them. "Huh? Can you?" But she barely batted at his face as she wriggled in his arms. JC smiled and didn't get up to retrieve her right away, just watching them together.

He ran a hand through the mess of curls on top of his head, then brushed it through Joey's limp spikes, at first keeping an eye on Jared. But even now, after a year, he couldn't help giving almost all of his attention to his partner, and soon he was nuzzling against Joey's pliant neck, one of his legs draped over Joey's knee.

"Part of it being your turn means feeding her," Joey muttered into his ear, but JC could feel his smile on his skin even though he hadn't looked at him yet.

"Look, she found my nose!" exclaimed Jared gleefully, and sure enough, her little fingers were pressed against the side of his nostril. "She's a smart girl. She takes after her uncle."

JC grinned, his attention split again. Brianna *was* just the most precious thing, even though her arrival had signalled the biggest change in his life to date. And that was saying a lot.

"Okay," JC sighed, pulling away from Joey reluctantly, and reaching for the baby again. "I don't trust where that nose has been. Plus ... you could at least pretend you wanted to see us, too."

Jared laughed and finally did hand her back to JC. "I'll have you guys later, when she's sleeping. And damn, JC, you look *fabulous*. Seriously." "Don't say damn in front of the baby," said Joey immediately, then grinned, his eyes *still* closed. "Sorry. Reflex. Lance is really bad around her."

JC nodded solemnly in agreement, even as he blushed a little with the compliment. He took Brianna capably and swung her into his other arm in a practiced move, holding the bottle up to her mouth casually. "I'm kind of a mess," he protested. "This month is the first time since my hair's been long I don't have someone to do it for me ... "

"Hey," protested Joey mildly, reaching out to tousle JC's hair. "I do my best." Finally he lifted his head and looked at JC and Brianna, a tender smile on his face. "She's a hungry little thing today, huh."

"Wow, she's still so tiny," said Jared, staring at all of them in amazement now. "So how was the trip out?"

"Fine," JC smiled, but it was at Joey, and he hitched Brianna a little higher in the crook of his arm before falling silent. Any more details, he'd leave to him, since JC always found it difficult to stay focused on anything but what he considered his baby girl, when he was doing things like feeding her.

"Jace drove most of the way," Joey yawned, starting to look a little more awake. "Which is good, otherwise you'd have a brother, neice, and brother-in-law lying in a ditch somewhere."

"Shht," admonished Jared. "Don't say that. You made good time, though. I wasn't expecting you until tonight. Not too many unscheduled stops then?" He looked at JC and Brianna for a moment, then at Joey again.

"Naw, she was good. *Today*," he emphasized, with an obviously faked glare in his baby's direction. JC couldn't catch all the expressions he was making, but when Jared looked at him again and smiled, he was certain there was some unspoken communication there. "So how are *you* doing, man? The band?"

"Is goin' places," said Jared happily. "And you'll finally get to see us tomorrow night. My mom'll be coming over at 7 to watch the rugrat. You're okay with that, right?" JC didn't like leaving Brianna with just anyone -- neither of them did -- but Mrs. Christiansen was an absolute delight and he knew they could trust her. And besides, doing what they did they had to trust Brianna to other people from time to time.

"Sure," Joey answered for both of them, again, and smiled at JC as he slid closer and wrapped an arm around him while he touched Brianna's head gently with his other hand.

"It's been too long since you visited," JC admonished, after a brief bit of silence with the three of them watching the baby eat. "I missed you."

"Missed you too," said Jared softly. "Been busy. So have you. I'm glad we've made time now, though. Last time I saw her she was still red and squalling, and you guys were just setting out on the road again." He looked up at them and paused; JC was about to ask him 'what?' when he went on. "Wish I had a camera right now, to take a picture of the three of you."

JC grinned over Brianna's head at Joey, then turned back to his brother. "If there's one thing we have, it's pictures," he assured him. "Don't worry. Justin was, like, following us around with a camera whenever Bri would get to visit."

"That kid and his woman sure are showing up all over the place these days," said Jared, still watching them in rapt fascination. "I can hardly turn on my TV without hearing about what they're up to. They doing okay? *All* of you doing okay?"

"They're great," Joey said honestly. "Like, stupidly happy. And god, even *Chris* has his woman, and it's like ... happysync, or something." JC closed his eyes when Joey started rubbing the back of his neck, letting him talk.

"And Lance?" asked Jared. "How's he doing?" He sounded eager to hear about them , but JC noticed that he hadn't told them too much about how *he* had been doing, and hadn't been offering much over the phone lately, either. "God, JC, I can't get over how great you're doing. I watch you guys on TV all the time, you know. I get *mocked* for it, too."

JC smiled again, but it felt a little more awkward. "Mmm," he said. "Well ... that's the thing: people think we suck until they meet us, I guess." He looked over at Joey, a little surprised he hadn't aswered the Lance question, since he'd seen him more recently because of the movie. "And Lance ... is Lance. Nothing new there. Fucking everything under the sun."

"Yeah, well, I've been setting them straight," said Jared with a brief grunt. "You know that drummer, that we got rid of a few months ago? And why's it always our drummers anyway? Well, I told him that if he worked a tenth as hard as you guys did, things might've worked out. Bastard." He shook his head, seeming to realize that he'd strayed from the topic. "So Lance is Lance. Good to know some things never change, anyway."

Joey snorted at that. "Yeah, it'll be a cold day in h-e-l-l before Lance changes," he said, then caught JC's eyes. "But some things *do* change. Lucky for us."

JC blushed and turned back to look at Jared, not surprised to find a soft smirk on his lips.

"Yeah, I'd say there have been some pretty monumental changes in all of our lives this last while," agreed Jared quietly. "And I think we're all the better for it, too. Congratulations." He watched JC with the baby a little longer, as JC gently pulled the bottle away and reached for the diaper bag again. "God. She *is* precious."

"Want to hold her again?" Joey offered quietly, obviously catching Jared's bittersweet expression just as easily as JC had. JC let Joey take Brianna from him and hand her to Jared again, then climbed down to sit on the floor between his legs.

"In all our lives?" he echoed. "*Talk* to us, Jared. Except for the band, you just ... haven't been. Talking."

"Well, I found my brother," said Jared, cradling Brianna carefully. "Isn't that enough?" But it obviously wasn't all of what he was talking about. There had been some huge changes in their lives, especially in JC's, but there was something more yet, JC thought. "Uh oh guys," Jared interrupted his thoughts. "Does she need to be burped?"

JC took her back, carefully, just as Joey reached for the cloth to drape over his arm, the two of them moving together in a well-practiced routine that JC knew Jared would notice too. "It is enough," he said carefully. "But I don't think it's everything, is it."

"I coulda done that," protested Jared mildly, even though they all knew he probably couldn't. Not easily, anyway. "So ... um ... " He watched them take care of the baby for another moment, giving JC a smile that he couldn't quite read. "There may *possibly* be someone I'm seeing now ... "

JC squealed softly and grabbed Joey's hand tight. "Who?" he blurted, batting at Joey when he started chuckling at his eagerness. "When? Where? And how is it possible we're just hearing it now?"

Jared chuckled and shook his head. "It's new," he confessed, still watching Brianna more than Joey or JC. "I may ... possibly ... be dating our new drummer. Maybe."

"Why's it always the drummers, anyway?" Joey mimicked, grinning widely, while JC just blinked.

"Wow, that's ... wow. Jared." His smile was slow, but real. "And is it ... I mean, what you want?"

Jared grinned at Joey -- looking shy for once, a big change on him -- then softened the grin as Brianna spit up and then promptly tried to go to sleep. "I, um ... yeah, I think so," he said after a moment, turning his attention back to JC. "Like I said ... it's new. First relationship in, well, a while. Following in my little brother's footsteps, for once." JC wasn't sure quite when he'd become the "little" brother, but it make him smile a little anyway.

Joey laughed and took the baby from JC's arms, predicting that he'd want to get up to hug his brother. "Wow. I'm almost happier for you than I was for myself." JC's grin turned as impish as it ever did. "And ... we get to meet him and you can't stop us, unless you blacklist us from your show tomorrow."

Jared laughed again. "Well of *course* you're going to meet him," he insisted. "He'd be over here right now if I didn't want to break the news to him slowly. But hey, don't jump the gun, I don't know where it's going yet ... "

"Liar," teased Joey, rocking Brianna gently in one arm and running his fingers through JC's hair. "You do to."

"Yeah, that doesn't sound like you don't know where it's going, if he'd just automatically be over here," JC grinned, too excited to be wary, especially with Joey's comforting touch. "What'd he say when you made him leave this morning?" he winked.

Jared didn't even seem thrown by the assumption, confirming it. "I told him to get his ass to work and I'd call him tonight, he kissed me and said he would." Jared chuckled quietly. "So ... you surprised?"

"Oh," JC sighed softly, sitting back on his heels, and Joey chuckled again.

"I believe that means yes, but in a good way," he explained. "Shit -- aw, shoot, I mean -- that's great, Jared. You gonna let us meet him before the show? I mean ... will he be back over tonight?"

"Well, I'm sure he *would* come over tonight if I gave him the slightest suggestion that it would be cool," said Jared, his grin getting more confident. "It was kinda the plan, after I got to tell you guys about him." He gave both of them a significant look, his gaze lingering on Brianna as she began to fall asleep against Joey's shoulder, thumb firmly in her mouth. "I guess my advice about keeping it in the group? Was good enough for me, too, huh."

JC pulled back and went to squeeze behind Joey on the couch, snuggling with him happily. "Cause, or effect?" he prodded. "Like ... you met him, thought he had a sweet ass, and invited him to join? Or was it more ... me and Joe. Although rapidly, rapidly accelerated." He kissed Joey's neck softly.

"Can I help it if I'm the precocious one?" teased Jared, still looking just the slightest bit shy about it all. "He was in the group first, auditioned for us and just blew us away. *Then* we started hanging out together, and ... yeah."

Joey's fingers moved gently over Brianna's fine hair as he arched his neck unconsciously, leaning into JC's kiss. "Yeah," he echoed him. "Since when have *you* not been able to talk about your men?"

JC was momentarily distracted as his kisses became a little more intent, and he could feel his body start to flush in the way that meant he and Joey would probably be breaking in the futon fairly shortly. "Yeah," he repeated softly. "You're supposed to be a role model for me, Jare."

"This is different," said Jared, in a way JC had never heard him speak about anyone he was with, before. "Really. I want you guys to meet him." JC caught Jared's look just out of the corner of his eye. "Um ... you guys want me to take her? For a while? I think I can handle a sleeping baby ... "

JC blushed and buried his face in Joey's neck as Joey cleared his throat. "We have a crib in the car," he said sheepishly. "We were just going to put her down, I think, but ... " he reached over his shoulder to push JC's head back up. "We don't have to. If, you know. You wanted him to meet us now or something."

"No, no," said Jared quickly. "Like I said, he's a work. Tonight, though, okay? You can grill him to your hearts' content. He'll pass, I'm sure of it. He's ... really cool." He stopped talking abruptly and gave them a grin. "And he knows enough to give me a smack if I ever start to get sappy. Seriously ... you've had a long drive. I can kill an hour or so with the rugrat. Don't worry about it."

JC exchanged a look with Joey, letting him make the decision -- which was obvious when he saw the way he was looking back at him intently. "Okay. Come get one of us if you need to?" he prompted, standing up and moving to grab their shared suticase. "But, um. Knock, yeah?"

"Yes, yes," said Jared, getting up to take the baby from them. "I've learned my lesson. But I don't think I'll be needing you. I *will* come and get you out for dinner, though, if you haven't finished by then." He gave them both a broad wink.

"Oh, we're not - " JC began to protest weakly, before Joey -- once his hands were free -- covered his mouth and started pulling him away.

"Yes, thank you," he said graciously, and JC wanted to bite him. "And don't worry -- we won't grill him too bad. He's got to be something special, to get you to change your philosophy."

"Well, I'll tell you all about it," promised Jared, rocking Brianna against his own chest now. "Later." Then he pointed them toward the bedroom and gave them a quick, knowing wave.

So JC let himself be pulled, thinking that some things *didn't* change -- but looking over his shoulder at his brother and his baby, and then back at his lover, that he was happiest for the things that did.

THE END