JC/Nick

Nick turned the page and frowned at the words that were beginning to swim in front of him. he lifted his glasses and rubbed his eyes, then settled them on his nose again. It was getting late, he knew, but he was almost done. They wouldn't kick him out of the coffeehouse for at least another hour, he figured. so he tucked his socked foot up underneath him and got comfortable in the plush chair again and reached for his half-empty mochaccino, letting himself get lost in the book.

"I'm heading out," AJ murmured, patting Nick's knee as he stood up. "After 200 pages I get all fuckin cross-eyed. You ready to go?" He smiled down at his friend. "You know you don't have to do this to keep me company."

"No, I don't have to," agreed Nick, startled for a moment by AJ's voice. Especially while reading a particularly erotic passage. "I ... um ... " AJ was expecting Nick to go with him, he was sure. "I was actually ... " He waved his hand vaguely at the book. "I was enjoying myself."

AJ twisted his head to try and read Nick's page upside down, then laughed when he pulled it away. "Well, good. But better not let it get out, or ... hey. Look who it is." Nick twisted in his seat at AJ's smirk and saw JC Chasez closing the door carefully behind him, juggling a pile of CDs and a ratty notebook. "He looks ... *lost*," AJ went on, cocking his head. "Like, seriously lost. Not on the planet."

Nick glanced at his watch, then up at the door again. "There are so many things wrong with this picture I don't even know where to start. First thing being, it's a little late to be coming *in* here, don't you think?" He shrugged and kept watching him, though. "He always looks like that, AJ. I hear he's stoned, most of the time. Well. Anyway. He's harmless."

"Chasez!" AJ called across the room, beckoning before Nick could kick him. JC turned in what seemed like slow motion, and gave him an uneasy smile before approaching. "Um, hey, AJ. Oh! Hey, Nick." JC shifted his things in his hands. "What're, um. What are you guys doing here?"

Nick looking down at his book, then up at JC again before answering, ignoring AJ entirely. He didn't so much as satisfy him with a glare. "Reading. Drinking coffee. Talking. You?" He said it like it should have been obvious, but JC didn't seem to catch that edge to it at all.

"Just ... " He held out the bounty in his arms. "Coming in to work on, um, lyrics. I really struggle with them. So." He shifted his weight and looked back at AJ hesitantly. "But you guys are leaving?" "*I* am," AJ said, louder than he needed to. "Going blind, but ... look, here, sit with Carter. Keep him company. He'll only bother you to ask you to define any words with more than two syllables."

That earned AJ the glare he'd just been begging for. "Yeah, I'll be here for a while," Nick said finally, not willing to back down now. "Lots of room, feel free to sit down. Won't bother me a bit." He didn't even make eye contact as he said it, his eyes still on AJ. "Aje, I'll see you tomorrow." Nick hoped he got the implied threat in his words.

AJ chuckled and clapped JC on the back, practically forcing him into the chair. "You kids have fun." JC turned to Nick when he was gone, shrugging awkwardly. "I don't have to sit here," he said, his voice still soft. "But ... you *do* know this place closes, in like 45 minutes, right?"

Nick looked at him over the edge of his book. "I was thinking you were the one who'd forgotten that, actually," he commented, before looking at the book again. "Go ahead and sit, it really doesn't matter to me." He wasn't reading anymore, though, all too aware of JC's presence next to him. AJ was a real fucker sometimes. He probably thought he was doing Nick a favour, too.

"Yeah," JC sighed, looking forlorn. "I *did* forget. I'm too early; I hate showing up when the customers are still here." He didn't look back at Nick, missed his confused look. "I won't bother you."

"Riiight," he said finally. "AJ was right, you really don't walk in the same world as the rest of us, do you?" He sipped his rapidly cooling drink again. "Well, if you hate showing up while people like me are still here, don't worry, I'll be gone shortly. You know. When they close." And then he *did* go back to his book again, only it was just as hard to concentrate as it had been the last time he'd tried.

"You could stay," JC shrugged again. "I won't kick you out."

"Well, that's awfully nice of you," said Nick, shaking his head in disbelief. "But I think people might notice."

"No, I meant ... after," JC gestured at the room. "I mean ... they might notice, but ... I don't really care. It's my place, I can do what I want." He'd obviously misunderstood what Nick has said, when he mentioned that people might notice.

Nick lifted his eyebrows. "Your place?" he repeated in disbelief. "As in you own it? We've been hanging out in *your* place?"

JC cocked his head. "Well ... yeah. What did you think I meant, when I said you could stay?" He finally smiled shyly.

Nick made a toking gesture then shrugged, smiling back but only slightly. And maybe a bit sheepishly. "I had no idea what the hell you were talking about," he admitted.

"You were patronizing me," JC laughed. "Weirdo. So, hey ... *were* you wanting to stay? I can get you another coffee before they start cleaning up, if you were."

"Well, I *was* hoping to finish my book before I headed home," he admitted, closing it but using his thumb as a bookmark. "Howie's --- well, it doesn't matter why. If you're really that cool with it, I wouldn't mind sticking around for a bit."

"Cool." JC patted his knee like he was his grandmother, and stood up. "What were you drinking? Mocha? Did you have a shot of anything in it?"

"Yeah, mocha," said Nick, sipping what was left of his drink. "Just ... regular, or whatever. I didn't get all fancy with them." The evening had gotten a little strange, but it was still within his comfort zone so he went with it.

JC just nodded, and went up to the bar, leaving Nick to try not to stare after him. JC owned a coffee shop? JC seemed too flighty to own a car. And he'd *never* seen him in here before.

Nick tried to concentrate on his book but he hadn't managed to read so much as a paragraph since JC had shown up. AJ should have just minded his own business and let Nick quietly come with him instead of leaving him behind to fend for himself with this ... this cute, spacey rival musician. JC brought the drink back himself, too, instead of sending someone over with it. "Thanks," said Nick as he set it down on the low-standing table between their chairs. "So. Nice place you got here?"

"Thanks," JC smiled, rubbing a hand across his nose and apparently missing the questioning way Nick had said that. "It's kind of cool, but I can't spend too much time here. Just enough." He hummed a little. "Chris plays here, sometimes. Have you seen him?"

"Chris who plays what here?" asked Nick, shaking his head in confusion again and giving up on the book for the moment. "JC. Hi. Talk to me like I don't live inside your head, okay?"

"Sorry!" JC blushed, looking for all the world like he'd heard that a million times. "Here. The coffee shop? Chris Kirkpatrick. Comes and plays guitar, and sings. Sometimes. I thought maybe Howie told you, or ... " He sighed, and shook his head a little. "Sorry. I guess I should have asked if you'd even been here before. Have you been here before, Nick?"

"Yeah, me and AJ come about once a week or so," he said, nodding his head, then tilting it to the side like JC would make more sense that way. "Never seen Chris here, though. Never been here with Howie, either. Are you telling me Chris Kirkpatrick has been playing a coffeeshop and you aren't packed to the rafters with fans, night after night?"

"Oh, I figured Howie must have told you," JC frowned. "Hmm." Then he laughed abruptly, and Nick realized he had probably only *just* processed the rest of what he'd said. "And it's not like Chris actually advertises. And ... well, look at the people here." He gestured at the stragglers. "Do you think either one of us could go up to any of them, and they'd know our last name?"

Nick had to smile as he looked around the room. "Well, okay, I'll give you that," he said. It was why he and AJ started coming here in the first place. "And if Howie had told me about this place, JC, don't you think he would have mentioned that you owned it? Since he obviously knew?"

JC looked confused. "I guess not. So you haven't heard Chris?" He smiled at Nick like he hadn't just asked him a question they'd already discussed the answer to, like he wasn't obviously distracting Nick from reading -- even if Nick didn't care any more.

"No," said Nick, finding enough patience inside himself to handle this conversion. "No, JC, I haven't heard Chris play here. I've never seen him here. I've never seen you here. I've never seen Howie here. Anyone else we should cover while we're at it?"

"Justin?" And Nick gritted his teeth until he saw the flicker of a smile at JC's lips. "I'm kidding," he admitted, looking pleased with himself. "But you like the place anyway?"

"Yes," said Nick, taking a deep, calming breath. "Here every week. And I told you I liked it. Since when do you care what i think of you anyway, huh, Chasez?"

"Don't kid yourself," JC murmured, moving quickly and smoothly to pick Nick's book up. "I only asked about my place. What's this?"

Nick reached to snatch it back but missed as JC held it out of his reach. "It's nothing," he said. "It's just a book. JC ... give that back ... you have your own books to play with."

"Those're notes," JC disagreed softly, squinting at the cover and then opening to Nick's dog-eared page. "What is this, Nick, I've never ... oh." Nick was forced to watch as JC's lips parted, then as just the tip of his tongue snaked out between them as he digested the words on the page.

JC," said Nick again, feeling his face flush, reaching his arm out towards him impotently, "just ... give me the book, all right? You don't ... you don't want to be reading that. Just gimme the book JC and we can pretend you never saw ... "

JC almost *glared* at Nick until he pulled back slightly, then obviously took his time finishing whatever ... part ... he was at. Then handed the book back to Nick calmly, a neutral expression on his face. "Here. What's wrong with you?"

Nick frowned at him in confusion, then opened the book up to the page that was marked in case it had been on a different page than he thought. Only it wasn't, and what JC had read was exactly what Nick had been worried he had. "Nothing," he said finally, clutching the book. "Nothing's wrong."

"You were freaking out," JC pointed out, his brow furrowed. When Nick didn't say anything, he shrugged and grabbed his notes. ""And you were being too polite to tell me I was keeping you from reading. You should say. Sometimes I ... don't notice."

"I wasn't ... " said Nick, leaving the book closed as he curled up in the chair again. He couldn't help just staring at JC, though, trying to figure him out. "I mean ... okay, you're ... you really do kinda live in your own world, huh? That's actually probably pretty nice."

JC just rubbed his nose again, and settled back into his own chair, notebook on his lap. He didn't open it either, though, just watched the manager start to ask people to leave, the waitresses start to clean up mugs and plates. "I get people to tell me when I need to be in this one," he said finally.

Nick nodded his head and gave JC an uneasy smile, finally opening his book but not looking at it yet. "Well, I guess you don't, right now," he said finally. "God knows I wish I wasn't. Which is what this baby is for." He tapped the book then looked down at it, still watching JC out of the corner of his eye.

Taking his requisite twice-as-long to hear, process, and respond to anything Nick was saying, JC looked back down at Nick's book. "I've never read that," he said idly. "Is it working?"

"Not currently," said Nick, flicking his eyes upwards. It wasn't a hint and he hoped JC would know that; he wouldn't have been able to lose himself now whether JC was talking to him or not. "How's the writing?"

"Meandering," JC sighed. "I don't know. I'm not sure why I'm bothering." He seemed very happy to leave the comment at that, and they'd both had their cryptic fun. "So why'd AJ leave?"

"Going home,." said Nick simply, shrugging. "Getting tired, I guess. If you wanted him to stick around you should've said something, he probably would've. Maybe." Or actually, he probably would've still made his apologies and left, insisting that Nick would be delighted to stay.

"He was just acting kinda weird," JC pointed out. "Did I miss a joke or something? 'Cause that happens sometimes too."

"No," said Nick with a sigh, making a mental note to give AJ a nasty wake-up call in the morning. " You didn't miss anything you should've gotten. AJ was just ... teasing me about something, is all, I guess. And sometimes he's just weird about stuff these days."

"Oh," JC nodded, like he understood that too. "And you don't want to tell me what he was teasing you about? I guess ... probably not. Though I wouldn't laugh. I hardly ever laugh at the stuff I'm supposed to."

"Oh, you'd laugh at this one," snorted Nick. "And then I'd get all embarassed and it would be a real mess. So you probably don't really want to know. And anyway, I'm probably interrupting you. Brian likes it really quiet when he's trying to write stuff."

"If you want to read, just do it," JC smiled knowingly. "Telling me to be quiet works well too. But as you can see," - he gestured to his CDs - "I'm one of the weird ones that has to have background noise to write."

"I wasn't telling, I was *offering*," said Nick with another nervous chuckle. He had no idea what the right way to handle this strange man was, and wondered how the rest of his group managed. "I can read with noise around me, it doesn't matter."

"Okay then," JC nodded, doing that strange leg-pat thing when he stood up again. "Make yourself comfortable, okay? But let me know when you're taking off, so I don't accidentally lock you in here. That's happened before too."

"You've locked someone in here before?" said Nick incredulously. "Didn't they notice *you* leaving?"

JC blushed and shook his head, his unruly curls falling over his eyes. "No. Not ... that happens more than you'd think. The not-noticing where I am, not the locking-people-in-here part. Plus ... sometimes I'm in the back, and leave." He gathered up his CDs. "So don't forget, yeah?"

"I won't," promised Nick, watching him as he gathered his things. Even doing *that* he looked graceful. "Are you, um, going somewhere else? I mean ... not working here?

"I was ... well, yeah," JC looked back. "I was gonna put on some music, since you said ... and then get out of your hair. Let you get back to trying to lose yourself? I told you I can appreciate that." He gave Nick a sweet smile, then patted his head as he brushed past.

"But ... " began Nick, whipping his head around. But he ended up only watching JC walk away, staring openly now that JC wasn't aware of his gaze. Looked like AJ's plan hadn't worked out like he'd thought; Nick would have to tell him that when he called at the crack of dawn to make him get up.

Soon enough, some soft accoustical guitar folk-stuff filtered through the sound system of the coffee house as Nick watched JC return from behind the bar, and settle on a couch nearer the window. He stretched his limbs out familiarly on the furniture, and stuck a pen between his teeth as he page through his notebook.

Nick may as well have not had a book in his hands, the amount of attention he was paying to it. JC's body was even more loose and sensual when he wasn't so self-aware, and Nick cursed himself for noticing. And especially cursed himself for ever letting AJ know about the fact that he'd noticed.

He watched as JC found a page he was looking for, and almost laughed out loud when JC frowned and dug through his bag for a pen, obviously forgetting the one he had in his mouth. He scribbled a couple words on the page, then cocked his head like he was singing something in the back of his mind.

He was a space case, absolutely, but he was an adorable one. One NIck wasn't sure he'd be able to cope with for any length of time, but he was so wonderful to just look at. To watch. Nick glanced down at his book and figured it might be a *bad* idea to open it up and finish off what he'd been reading. He didn't need to be any more turned on than he was already.

"Nick?" JC murmured. Nick wondered if he knew he'd been watching him. "What's a word that rhymes with fugue? Or, like, not necessarily rhymes. Just close enough."

"Fugue?" repeated Nick. "You're using "fugue" in a song?" JC seemed perfectly sincere about it, though, so he gave it some thought. "I have no idea what rhymes with fugue, sorry. This is probably why I don't write songs much."

JC sighed and scribbled it out, then tugged on a piece of his hair. "Yeah," he said. "Sorry. Go back to your book."

"No, don't give up," Nick blurted out, hating that disappointed look on JC's face. "I just meant *I* didn't know, not that there wasn't a word you can use."

"No, it's not ... " JC finally looked back across the room at him. "It's okay. It wasn't really working. And it was a stupid ... it was stupid." He didn't sound nearly as depressed about that as he might've, though.

"Well," said Nick slowly, at a loss for how to handle this once again. "You'll probably find something even better. What have you got so far?"

"Nick!" JC laughed. "No. I never ... you wouldn't know. No. I never show people my lyrics. Just ... " He laughed again. "Have you actually *heard* anything I've written?"

"I've heard your CD," Nick said defensively. "I know what you write." He sighed and looked down to stare at the cover of his book. "No, I didn't know you don't talk about it. I'm sorry. I'll leave you alone."

"No, I just meant ... " JC shook his head. "They're not lyrical masterpieces. I really like producing and ... well, writing. But not that part." He smiled guilelessly. "I wasn't insulting you. I just ... didn't know whether you knew which ones *I* did. Instead of J."

"I know the difference between you and Justin Timberlake," snapped Nick before he could stop himself. It wasn't an angry snap, but it was a defensive one. Again. "Why do you write lyrics if you don't like doing it?"

JC flinched, looked a little surprised, and turned back to his notebook. Rubbed his nose. Twirled his pen. Said "sorry," softly, again, and went back to seemingly forgetting Nick was there.

"No, *I'm* sorry," said Nick, just loudly enough to be heard, but JC seemed lost already so he reluctantly went back to his own book. He supposed he could leave, go home and leave JC to his writing, but he hadn't even really been considering that. He was probably here until JC kicked him out, now.

A few minutes later: "How about paralyze?"

Nick looked up and smiled slightly, but JC wasn't looking at him. "That one's easier," he said, counting them off on his fingers. "Eyes, size, surprise, surmise, vise ... um ...disguise, realize ... "

"Which one do you like best?" JC asked, maybe a little more cautious than he had been, posing questions to Nick before. But still doing it. "Like, if you were writing a song."

"Well, it depends on what the song is about," said Nick, watching him again. Feeling justified in doing so, now that they were talking. "Does one of them fit better than the others?"

JC hummed a little, still staring at his notes. "Well. It's kind of ... bittersweet? Like, about something that happened that you're not supposed ... that everyone pretends didn't happen. Even if it was a good thing. So ... maybe disguise? Yeah." He frowned as he wrote that. "That's ... is that cliche? J always says I'm total shit at identifying cliche."

"No, it's not necessarily cliche," Nick promised him. "I guess it depends how it turns out in the end. i'm probably pretty shit at identifying cliche myself, though. Not that I think Justin's God's gift or anything."

"Oh, he isn't," JC laughed. "He knows he isn't. But he makes Chris help him. And Chris ... he's kinda God's gift." He finally looked over at Nick, and smiled sweetly. "Thanks. That helped, though."

Nick smiled back, just as nicely. "You don't like to get Chris to help you?" he asked him sincerely. "Or am I going somewhere I shouldn't be, with that?"

JC's smile didn't even falter. "Oh, no. No. It's okay. Chris and I ... there are things that we do well together. And things that we don't." He blushed a little. "He gets impatient with me. You know. The focusing thing."

"Chris never struck me as the most focused person, to be honest," admitted Nick, fidgeting in his seat. "Okay, you know what? This is silly." He picked up his book and cross the space between them and sat down in a chair close to JC's head. "There, that's better."

"Oh, hey," JC smiled, pulling the other pen out of his mouth. "Hey there. What were ... oh, Chris? No, he is. Focused. I mean, on that kind of stuff. He takes stuff pretty seriously."

"Huh," said Nick with and exaggerated shrug of his shoulders. "I guess you just never can tell." He pushed his glasses up and rubbed at his eyes again, trying not to yawn. "Don't worry, I won't read over your shoulder or anything."

"Oh!" JC looked back in his lap, and closed the notebook quickly. "Oh. Hey." He twisted on the sofa, resting his forearm on the arm, and then his chin on his forearm. "No, it's ... I'm not really feeling that song right now. But thanks for your help, Nicky. Nick. Sorry."

"Oh," said Nick, feeling his face fall as he looked at the closed notebook. "No, look, I can go back over there or something. I just though it would be easier to be here, if we were talking about it and all."

"Don't be silly," JC said, touching Nick's knee with his other hand fleetingly. "You're welcome to stay here. I really was going to work on something else." But he didn't move to get another book, or anything, just ... kept looking at Nick. Blinking slowly.

"What?" asked Nick, looking down at himself selfconsciously. "What, did I spill on my way over?" His shirt was free of coffeestains, though, and when he looked up he met JC's eyes and laughed nervously again. "What?"

"What?" JC echoed. "Nothing. What's wrong? Aren't you used to people looking at you, by now?"

"Not people like you," mumbled Nick, breaking eye contact. Cursing both AJ and his firstborn for leaving him in a situation like this, alone.

JC didn't laugh, just cocked his head. "What does that mean? People like me, that you don't know very well? People like me that you're supposed to ... I don't know, have animosity toward? People like me that ... are tough to have a conversation with, at the best of times?" He smiled.

"People like you who ... aren't fascinated by me," Nick finished lamely. It was the truth, just a small part of it. "People like you who know i'm just as lame as everyone else," he added with a sheepish grin.

"Oh, please," JC smiled. So, *so* sweet; Nick could barely look at him. "What, and you think that was AJ, being 'fascinated' with you, earlier?"

"What are you talking about?" asked Nick, bowing his head to hide his eyes and cheeks and staring at his book again. At the cover. Thankful that the cover illustration didn't give much of a clue what could be found inside.

JC laughed again, drawing Nick's eyes back to his face. "Not everyone you talk to is just a fan. You have friends, is all I'm saying. Surely they don't make you this uncomfortable?"

"I'm not uncomfortable," said Nick, though he obviously *was* and he hated that it was obvious. "I'm just trying to figure you out. It takes time. My friends don't look at me like *that* is all. I mean. They don't *just* look at me."

That made JC duck his own chin. "Was I staring?" he said. "I'm sorry. I've been known to do that, too. No excuse, really, I just ... like looking at pretty things."

Nick's eyes shot up, startled, but JC didn't seem to be making anything of it. "What?" he said carefully, giving JC a smile. "Do I still have glitter on my face, then? That stuff is so impossible to get off ... "

"Tell me about it," JC murmured, and Nick finally noticed that JC was wearing a little makeup too ... just a little eyeliner, but it wasn't nothing. "But no. You're good. No glitter."

Nick opened his mouth to ask what was catching JC's eye, then, but he didn't, he just smilled and nodded and dared to look back at JC for a while. "It was blue glitter," he said irrelevantly, just to be saying something. "In my hair. AJ told me it looked good with my outfit."

"I'm sure it did," JC nodded, then finally broke whatever sort of gaze they had by pulling back and sitting up. "Did you guys go out or something?"

"Yeah," said Nick, letting his head lower a little but not his eyes, trying not to be so obvious about looking now. "Went out last night, this new club that opened up. AJ wanted to go dancing and, of course, he doesn't really go alone anymore ... so there I was. In leather pants and blue glitter."

"Sounds like fun," JC smiled. "Did *you* enjoy it, or were you strictly in a chaperone capacity?" He opened his book again, started doodling in the margins.

"Yeah, sure, it was fun," said Nick with a grin. "AJ doesn't even need chaperoning or anything. He just feels better if knows that if something *does* happen, someone's watching his back. Is all. And, um, you're probably not interested in that, huh ... What are you drawing?"

"Nothing." He even held the book up for Nick, to show he was just drawing spirals and shaded boxes and even a series of interlocking hearts. "Would I like the club? Which one was it?"

"You'd like it, probably," said Nick, still watching him draw. "I think. You like to dance, right? It's that *new* one, the one that had the opening last night. The one whose name is something like "orgasm" but not quite." He looked away and snickered. "That was supposed to help me remember the name. Obviously it didn't work.

JC laughed too. "Boys, girls, or boys and girls?" he clarified casually. "I don't know AJ all that well>"

"Oh!" said Nick in surprise. "Oh. Um. AJ likes girls. But there was a little bit of everything going on, from what I saw. If that's what you're asking."

"Those are the best kind," JC smiled. "I'll have to tell Justin. Unless ... unless you saw him there." Every single thing JC was saying seemed so honest, and happy, since they'd gotten past that rough patch earlier. He wasn't like anyone that Nick knew, at all.

"No, I didn't see him there," said Nick, "and I probably would have. From what I know, he likes to make an entrance at things like that. You would've had fun, I think." In fact, it seemed like just the kind of place someone like JC would be right at home, no need to focus on anything al all.

"Interested in going back?" asked JC, still earnest. "Sometime? With me? Or would ... I don't even know. Are you not open about that." He gestured at Nick's forgotten book, the first time he'd even alluded to the nature of it, the content.

Nick stared at him, opening and closing his mouth a couple times before he managed to get any words out. "I ... um ... I'm not." His eyes shot wider almost immediately, though, imagining JC getting the wrong idea from that, "I mean, I'm *interested*. Yes. But I'm not open. About that. Much. Obviously."

JC looked confused again, then smiled wryly. "Oh, I didn't mean. Yes, *obviously*, right. I just meant ... if we went together, whether we could dance together. And stuff. Or if you don't even do that where *anyone* could see." He closed his eyes, looked frustrated at himself. "Am I making any sense at all?"

"I'm not sure," said Nick, tilting his head to the side and studying the extraordinary, complex, confusing, beautiful creature in front of him. "I think you're asking me to go out dancing with you."

"Yes," JC replied clearly, emphatically. "Well ... no. Yes. Yes, that is what I was doing. Nick. Asking you to go out dancing with me, on the condition that you *dance* with *me*. Yes." He looked pleased with himself, and his eyes just sparkled.

"I've never," said Nick honestly, finding himself more charmed than put-off by how JC was. "Just so you know. So you might have to pull me out there by the wrist if I chicken out ... but yeah. That'd be cool." He grinned at him, then started laughing softly. "AJ would be ridiculously proud of me right now, if he knew."

"Knew ... ?" JC prompted, chewing on his lip but smiling back at the way that Nick seemed happy with what was transpiring. "And you've never danced with a guy? Not even AJ, or Howie, *really*?"

"Knew I said yes to you," clarified Nick, tapping his fingers against the cover of the book. "And I've never, honest. Danced around, danced near, but never danced with."

JC cocked his head again, obviously trying to figure out the best way to ask his next question. "Nick," he said. "Have you ... done *anything* with a guy?"

"Does it matter?" asked Nick defensively, stilling his fingers and meeting JC's eyes. And JC waited. "I got a blowjob once," he answered finally. "From a guy."

JC nodded, like he wasn't surprised by that answer. But Nick wasn't sure he'd have been surprised with any answer he gave. He didn't seem to be judging him for it, either. "How did that happen?" he asked, still very matter-of-fact. Not like he was seeking out dirt. "I mean ... did he just offer, and you were curious? Or did you ask him?"

Nick wasn't even sure he was going to answer that, but the words came to him anyway. "He offered," he said finally. "And I was feeling brave enough to say yes. And that's ... yeah. How it happened."

"But you liked it," JC said. "If you liked it ... I don't know. Is this still new? Or, like ... are you just really ... worried about what'll happen, if it comes out?" JC was coming across as very understanding. Very knowledgeable. Very ... been-there, done-that.

"New enough that I've only ever really talked about it with AJ," admitted Nick. It was hard to tell the truth, but it was impossible not to be honest with JC, now that they'd exchanged more than just hellos with each other. "Does that change anything for you?"

"For me?" JC looked very, *very* confused, until it seemed to dawn on him. "Oh, you mean wanting to take you dancing? No. No, should it? I just ... if anything, I think it makes me want to do it more. I mean. If you really think you might ... feel this way, then you should be able to experience it. And that doesn't mean sex, all the time."

Nick nodded slowly and gave him another nervous smile. Everything about JC just threw him off his game. "Well. It'll be fun," he said. "Dancing. With you. Yeah."

"It should be," JC agreed, and then stared at Nick some more. "You're such a *baby*," he breathed, then, before clapping a hand over his mouth. "Oh, I'm sorry! I don't mean that ... it wasn't an insult. It's just ... you must just feel really overwhelmed."

"Baby?" repeated Nick incredulously. "That's how you see me, JC? Because of ... I mean ... why? Because of the guy thing?" If that was what he meant then yeah, Nick did kinda feel overwhelmed now that a way inside the whole thing was suddenly being offered to him.

JC looked sad, beyond sad, that he'd upset Nick. "No," he fluttered. "No. I mean ... it's just, it's sweet that you're so ... innocent. And excited about trying things. Which ... you should! But not too fast, if you're not ready, and ... " He dropped his pen. "I'm better at dancing," he said weakly.

"Better at dancing than what?" asked Nick, offering him a smile to try and reassure him. "Than me? Well, we'll just see about that. " He paused and licked his lips before going on. "I wouldn't call me innocent but yeah ... I guess you could say I'm pretty excited about this."

"Better at dancing than *talking*," JC explained, and Nick could see that he'd made him blush. "Do you have any other gay friends, to talk to about this?"

"Yeah," said Nick, nodding hi s head at him, "but no. I mean. I have gay friends, and I mentioned this to one of them, but he just kinda laughed and said I should stop thinking about it and just go get someone to fuck me. I. Um. Decided that wasn't quite the right advice for me."

"Oh, no," JC shook his head. "Someone said that to you? No. Wow, no. You need ... you definitely need to ... take the time to be comfortable with it. Dance some. ... Kiss, some. You know? Let it happen naturally, as much as anything we do happens naturally anymore."

"Like the way it happened with girls," agreed Nick softly. "Only that didn't feel natural at all. But it did happen slowly, more or less. And in this kinda logical sequence, in which fucking definitely didn't come first."

"Right." JC was smiling at him again. "Right. God ... you really are the sweetest thing. I had no idea. I mean ... not no idea, about the gay thing, just ... you know. No idea you were going though this. Here." He ripped a sheet of paper out of his notebook. "Here, I'll give you my call phone number. And Lance's. Because you should have *someone* to talk to, about ... whatever. This."

"You don't have to ... " protested Nick weakly but then shut himself up because it would be really stupid to turn down JC's number. "It's not like I'm traumatized, you know," he went on. "I'm just ... going slow. Figuring things out. And ... wait. You *knew*?"

"No, no," protested JC. "No. Not ... knew. Well. Not until the book. Just ... guessed. You know? Can't you ever tell when you think another man might be gay? I just wasn't surprised."

"I've thought so before," said Nick, curling into his chair and clutching that book to him. "I'm only right about half the time, though. Which is only about as good as guessing. Unless they're just lying about it."

"That happens, too," JC smiled. "DId you know, about me?" He leaned closer, again, resting his chin back on his arm so he was looking up at Nick.

"I guessed," said Nick, more nervous about this question than the other. "Hoped, maybe?"

"Hoped?" JC raised his eyebrows. He smiled. "That's an ... interesting word. Was that before or after I asked you out? Which, by the way, wasn't ... it doesn't have to be a date, you know."

"Oh," said Nick, flushing as he realized he'd misinterpreted the whole thing. The way JC was, the way he talked ... he should've realized he would. "I thought ... okay. I'm sorry."

"What?" JC titled his head. "What, Nick, what did you think? It's ... it's not *not*, okay? I just ... I was trying to relieve some of the pressure. I didn't ... you hoped?" His sentences were getting even moe fragmented.

"It's why AJ ... you know. Told you I was staying. Cause he knew I ... hoped," said Nick, staring at his hands but speaking clearly. "And he didn't want me to have a chance to back out." A thought suddenly occured to him and he looked up in surprise. "AJ *knew*, didn't he? That this was your place. And he just never said ... "

JC looked surprised, too, though. Curious. "I don't know," he admitted. "I ... he might have. But there was no way he could know I'd be here tonight." He sat up again, actually leaning over the arm of the sofa this time. "Nick? You were ... attracted to me? Before?"

Nick refused to hide his face as he nodded at him, refused to be embarassed by the answer. "AJ was always teasing me about my crush on you."

"I really didn't know," JC said, before smiling again. "I'm really ... that's flattering." He laughed. "I know that sounds ... like a line, or something, but it really is. It's flattering." Reaching over, he touched Nick's arm. "We'll really have fun, going out, I think."

"I'm not putting glitter in my hair again, though," said Nick, though he was nodding once again. "I had to wash it three time to get it all out. You're going to have to go with a glitterless Nick."

"Aw," JC pretended to pout, but it only lasted seconds before he was smiling again. "This is so strange. Isn't this strange? I feel like I always feel. Like I missed something. But about a zillion times more, even."

"This is very strange," agreed Nick, finally just putting his book down on the table beside his cooling coffee. "I feel very strange. I don't always feel lost, but I do right now. Lost and strange and ... " He smiled, remembering what JC had said earlier. "Overwhelmed. But good."

"I *do* hope you feel like you can talk to me," JC reminded him. "About anything. You shouldn't ... don't let the fact that you, um, like me, keep you from asking me questions. I'll be as honest with you as you want me to be."

"I know," said Nick, really believing that of him. "Thank you. But I'm not completely naive, you know. I may not have been with a guy yet but ... well, I read a lot. And I watch."

JC laughed, but Nick was learning it wasn't at him. "Well ... good," he smiled. "You do that, then. But ... hey, Nick? The guy that you ... experimented with? He *was* nice, right?"

Nick shrugged a little. "He just gave me a blowjob. It was just like any random girl giving me a blowjob, except a came faster. I don't think there was really anything to *be* nice about."

"Well," JC frowned a little. "Okay. I just meant ... okay." He pulled back into his own seat, then put his notebook aside and stood up. "The CD stopped. I'm ... I'll just go change it."

"Oh, okay," said Nick, watching him turn to go and wondering what he'd done wrong to make him want to so suddenly. He was probably coming across as too new to this, too inexperienced. Or something. "You're coming back, though, right?"

"Yep," JC smiled gently. "You think I'd leave you that close to my notebook? You want something else to drink while I'm over here?" He *did* move gracefully, and Nick enjoyed watching him.

"No ... no ... I still have coffee," said Nick, feeling the lukewarm cup with his fingertips. "I'm fine. I'll just be right here when you come back." And finally he felt comfortable enough to open up his book again, at least for a moment.

"Okay," JC smiled, then slipped in another CD and made himself a cup of hot chocolate. When he came back, he walked straight over to Nick, and sat on the arm of his chair. "Nick," he said softly. "You should tell me, if the things I ask you ... if you don't want me to. If you'd rather I just ... let you do this at your own pace. Maybe pretend like I don't know how ... different it is, than anything you've done?"

Nick considered that for a moment, licking his teeth and tapping his fingers on the pages of the book. "I could really use all the advice I can get," he admitted. "AJ means well, but he doesn't know shit about what this is like. You should tell me if I'm giving you answers that worry you or don't make sense."

That seemed to relax, or reassure JC. "Good," he smiled again. "That's good. So ... can I say? You're allowed to want your first times with things to be a little more romantic than ... impersonal. I mean, did the guy you were with, did you let him kiss you?"

Nick shook his head slightly, feeling a bit more embarassed about it than he ever had before. "I didn't try, though," he added. "I mean ... it just was what it was."

"Which is fine," JC assured him, patting his knee again. He *felt* young, when JC did that. "That's totally fine. Helped you realize what you wanted. I'm just telling you that you can afford to do this right. You can find someone that will want to kiss you first. And ... you know, maybe you'll want it to be me, and maybe you won't, but I just don't want you thinking like you have to skip that just because you're older."

"Yeah, well, I told you I skipped that little bit of advice, right?" he said, finally sipping his coffee again. "I know enough to do this at my pace, JC. I've certainly had more than enough opportunites to just jump right in, if I wanted that."

"Okay," JC said quietly, and shifted like he was about to move off of Nick's chair. He wondered why JC kept getting quiet like that, if he was coming across as too defensive, or something, despite his best efforts not to. "So ... do you think you could write down your number for me, too? If you still wanted to go out with me?"

"I still want to go out with you," said Nick, softly but firmly, wondering what gave JC any reason at all to doubt that. "A lot. Can i borrow your pen?"

"Yes," JC smiled, leaning across Nick's lap to grab it off the sofa. "Sorry about the bitemarks." Then he held out his hand, and smiled expectantly. Like he wanted Nick to write it on his skin?

Nick almost did, pen poised over his skin, then instead he leaned down and gave JC's wrist a fleeting kiss. "You'll forget and wash your hands," he teased him. "And then you'll *never* call me. I need something else to write on, that you won't lose."

"That's why you have *my* number," JC laughed, but he leaned back over Nick again to snag his notebook too. Nick just envied the way he seemed so nonchalant, rolling with everything Nick said or did.

"This way I can't decide to chicken out and just read another book," said Nick, scrawling his number on the empty page that JC opened it up to for him, and his name next to it in big, bold letters.

JC smiled, even laughed a little, again, and ran his fingers over Nick's name lightly. "Well, good. And it's good to know I have AJ to work with me, here, too." He reached over to take the pen back; caught Nick's hand loosely, and brought it up to his own lips. Which were *warm*, and *so* soft. "Thanks."

Nick smiled back and shivered slightly and let JC keep his hand, if he wanted. "AJ'll probably tie me up and drive me over in the trunk if I so much as suggest that I not go," he admitted. "I'll curse him for doing it, but I'll love him for it afterwards."

JC *did* keep his hand, twining their fingers together. "I'll deifnitely have to keep him in the loop, then," he mused. "Speaking of AJ ... did you guys drive separately?"

"Oh," said Nick suddenly. "Fuck. That sneaky bastard, I didn't even think of that!" He looked at JC and smiled sheepishly. "Would you mind? Or should I call a car when I'm ready?"

"No, of course I don't mind," JC assured him, squeezing his hand gently. "You ready now? I don't think I can finish that song tonight after all; might as well go get some sleep." His eyes got kind of unfocused.

"Oh," said Nick again, at JC's utter unpredictability. "Well, if you're ready to go, okay then. You, um, have my number now, after all." He fingered his book lightly and looked down. "Unless you wanted to stay a while yet."

JC shook his head slightly, looked back up at Nick. "What? Oh. Stay? Sure, no, we can." He squeezed Nick's hand again before letting go. "Did you want to read some more? Or talk? Or, um, karaoke?"

"You're so confusing," said Nick softly, watching him. "What do *you* want to do?"

"I'm easy!" JC protested, flopping back on the sofa. "I'm totally an open book. And I never lie, never. So there's that." He smiled. "I'd actually love to feel helpful, right about now. Despite our impending date, I feel like you're still ... I don't know. That I stuck my foot in my mouth with you, somehow."

Nick frowned suddenly when he heard that. "What? Why? What did I do?" he asked, sitting up straighter. "God, and I thought I was coming off as too *eager*."

"What?" It was JC's turn to look confused. Nick wondered if they were just talking past one another. "No, I ... what *I* did. Saying the wrong things? Like the 'baby' thing, which was *so* not what I meant, or that you think I'm being all patronizing. Which I am *not*. I just want to help."

"No, I know you're not," said Nick, wondering if JC's difficulty with words was contagious. "I didn't ... I wasn't upset by that. Just surprised. People don't see me that way, much. 'Sprobably why my friend said I should just go have sex and all ... I've already done so much else, right?"

"Yeah, but ... no," JC shook his head. "Still no. Not the same thing. But you recognized that, which is so good, and ... Nick? Do you think maybe I could kiss you? Just ... I'd like to. And if you still have that ... crush ... " - he smiled a little - "that's not so out of the blue." Even though it *was*, because Nick didn't have the first clue that was coming.

"Oh," he said, and wished he didn't have *quite* so much occasion to say that. "Oh ... I ... " A grin crept up on his face. "Okay," he agreed finally. "That would be cool."

"This avoids the cliche," JC explained, moving back up to the arm of Nick's chair, "of the good-night kiss. Chris would be proud." He smiled softly and raised his hand to brush Nick's hair off his forehead.

"Chris isn't invited," said Nick and smiled up at JC and decided to wait for him. For his first kiss with a guy, he wanted it to be done to him, he decided. "Just you and me."

"I'm gonna close my eyes," JC said softly, keeping his hand on the side of Nick's face. "You don't have to. Whatever you want, okay?" He licked his lips quickly, and dark eyelashes fluttered shut over those blue, blue eyes, and then his mouth was on Nick's ... just pressing against his lower lip first. Wetting it.

Nick kept his eyes open, wanted to watch this, wanted to remember it. He hadn't seen it coming, sure, but as soon as it was happening, it felt like the right time. And so he just let JC lead him in.

JC moved, then, to his upper lip, doing the same thing. Then he sighed just a little as he turned his head to fit their mouths together, letting Nick feel how a kiss with a man -- or maybe just a kiss with JC -- could be soft and delicious and just nerve-wracking all at once.

Nick wasn't even sure what was expected of it, whether he should kiss like he always did or make it stronger. Or maybe softer. Or maybe he should just mimic JC's actions since that was obviously what *he* liked. But he ended up just responding without thinking, in the end, moving his lips and tongue in ways that felt perfectly natural, wen JC's lips were against his.

It ended soon, though. Too soon. With just the barest hint of JC's tongue curled against his, another soft sigh as he let Nick's full, fuller lip slip back out from between his own. And eyes slowly blinking back open when JC pressed their foreheads together.

"That was nice," Nick whispered, lifting his hand to curl it around JC's upper arm. He felt a strength there he hadn't been expecting. "That was *really* nice, actually." He wanted to thank him, for making it so wonderful, but there was no really good way to say that.

JC smiled, and touched Nick's lips carefully with his thumb before finally dropping his own hand from Nick's face. "Thank you," he said, surprising Nick, and wondering fleetingly if he was reading his thoughts. "Wow. Thanks for ... sharing that with me."

Nick's smile felt happy and broad and as giddy as he ever got, anymore. "If you knew how many times I've imagined doing just that ... " he murmured softly. "But I never figured I would, JC. Never thought I'd go ahead and act on ... on everything that I've been thinking. Or feeling. Or whatever."

"And are you pleased?" JC asked, squeezing Nick's neck carefully. "Or ... not pleased, but was it what you'd hoped? Not ... not the me part."

"I thought it would be different," admitted Nick, licking his lips fleetingly. They were still warm and wet from JC's mouth. "But I'm glad it wasn't. I'm glad it was exactly what it was."

"Oh, good," JC replied, then pressed their lips together softly once more. Just for a split-second. "Me too, Nick. *I* kind of had butterflies, like it was my first kiss too. Maybe you rubbed off on me."

"Well, no, I didn't rub off on you," said Nick, lightly teasing. Hoping it would be taken in the right spirit. "But I won't mind doing that, too, some time down the road."

JC blinked, then laughed loudly when he got it, even snorting a little. "Funny," he smiled. "That was funny." He moved off Nick's chair again, and sat back down on the sofa. "So ... would this weekend be too soon?"

"I -- " began Nick in surprise, forgetting for a moment just how forward -- and blunt -- JC could be. "Maybe. Can we see? How things go?"

"Oh, I thought ... " JC said, looking embarassed. Then looking *very* embarassed. "Oh, Nick, no! I meant ... I meant going dancing! Not the ... other thing. God. Um, I do like to pride myself on being *somewhat* classy, some of the time. At least when I'm talking to potential boys. Boys with potential, I mean."

Nick felt relief flood through him. "Oh yeah. I definitely want to go dancing, JC. It'll be fun. And if I get too nervous to do much, well, we're still at a club, you know? The night would still be fun." He smiled at him again, feeling it in his whole face. "So ... you think I have potential?"

"Sure," JC nodded, his smile more friendly than anything else. "I mean ... you already admitted you were interested, I think, which is like the major step. And you're sweet. Why wouldn't I be interested?"

Nick just shrugged. "I dunno," he said. "Maybe you already had someone else you were interested in. Maybe you were only being nice and doing this stuff with me cause you're a nice guy and you know I don't have anyone else to try it out with."

"Well, I *am* being nice," JC admitted. "And I do feel a little responsible for you. But ... I wouldn't just do it because of that, Nick. I asked you out before I knew that, remember. Remember?"

"I remember," said Nick, nodding repetitively. "No, I remember, JC. I just didn't know if you were ... *interested* interested. Though you seem to think I'm pretty."

"I do," JC agreed. "We'll just have to see what happens, right? I mean ... that's kind of *all* I know right now. We're kind of strangers. Although I like you so far. You may decide you don't like *me*, now that you're getting to know me. It's ... believe me. Happened before."

"I'm sorry," said Nick right away, even though he understood quite well how that could happen. "That sucks, to like someone and then have them not like you."

"It's not even just that," JC explained. "It's ... it's a lot like this. Someone is a friend of a friend, and they think I'm ... hot, or whatever. Or sexy. So we get introduced, go out, and just ... that's it. Nothing happens. They don't like *me* -- nevermind whether I started liking them."

"So pretty much just like regular dating, then," said Nick, curling his feet up underneath him in the chair again. "Cause God knows that's happened to all of us."

"I guess," JC shrugged. "But do people that go on regular dates get looked at as much as we do? Or judged by what we look like?" He rubbed his nose carefully. "Whatever, preaching to the choir, I know. But I also know I can be hard to ... be with. So. I'm prepared for that to happen, is all."

"It happens a lot?" ventured Nick carefully. And sadly. Because he was beginning to see that JC was just a *good* person, a very good person, and he didn't deserve to be hurt as much as he seemed to have been.

"No, not a lot," JC smiled carefully. "Not any more. I've ... fallen into the other end of the spectrum for relationship pitfalls." He touched Nick's mouth again. "You look upset."

Nick shook his head slightly, but not convincingly he knew. "So what's at the other end of the spectrum then?" he asked. "Deciding you don't like most of the people you go out with?"

"No, no," JC laughed. "Going out with people that you know you too *well*. *That's* the other end."

"I've never gone out with someone I knew really well," said Nick, tilting his head again to study JC. "It's always been a friend of a friend, or someone I pick up, or something."

"Well, take some advice, then," JC replied, so sweetly that Nick couldn't be offended. "Don't. Do not. And under *no* circumstances, make it someone in the group." He snorted a little. "Not that that would ever be an issue for y'all, I guess."

"No ... wouldn't be an issue ... " agreed Nick slowly, staring at him both incredulously and sadly. "Oh. Oh JC ... who was it?"

"No one," JC smiled softly. "Not ... Nick. I can share that story later. Maybe. I'm ... actually relieved you didn't know. Um. No offense."

"Something I should've picked up on?" said Nick with a slight smile and a nod of his head. "I was probably too wrapped up in my own issues to notice. Well ... I won't push. But you can tell me if you want."

"I will, sometime, I think," JC promised, and looked happy to leave it at that, if Nick would. "So, this weekend? Actually, is tomorrow too soon? I'd like to see you again."

"I'm free tomorrow," said Nick, probably too quickly but he didn't care about that. JC wasn't the kind of person to play games with. "I've just got this thing in the afternoon, with the guys. I can go out in the evening."

"Oh, great," JC smiled again, happy once more and with *Nick*, not lost somewhere in memories of someone. "Can I still try out that number tomorrow? Maybe I'll call in the middle of your meeting." He grinned teasingly.

Nick laughed nervously and wondered if he really *would*, though. "Well," he said. "At least it would get me out of it. It's not exactly going to be a fun afternoon. Though I'm not sure how I'd explain just why I *had* to take the call. Alone."

"You'd come up with something," JC grinned knowingly. "No, I won't, if it'll cause problems. I mean, I'll call, just not then." He started stacking his CDs. "But it also means I'm gonna go ahead and take you home. I want to get plenty of sleep. SInce I distinctly remember some sort of challenge to my dancing superiority."

Nick laughed and picked up his book and didn't care so much that he hadn't gotten a chance to read a single other word of it. "Okay," he said agreeably, now that he knew he had something else to look forward to, with JC. "I'm gonna tell AJ we're going, but that's it. So don't be surprised if he calls you up and tells you to be good to me and a hundred other things."

"How's he gonna do that, if you don't give him my number?" JC teased. "Nick, I *trusted* you with that. You gonna go call up some radio station and give it out, too?"

"It's AJ," said Nick solemnly. "Trust me, JC, if he wants to get ahold of you, he will. He has his ways, and I don't ask questions."

"Okay, that's really ... kind of creepy," JC mutters, but he gives Nick another quick smile. "Well, it'll be worth it. I think I can handle young McLean's warnings. Regardless, it'll be nothing like the tongue-lashings that Chris gave Britney before she and Justin went public."

"Okay," said Nick firmly, draining his coffee mug then wondering where to put it. "You're breaking my brain with this Chris thing. Suddenly he's serious, smart, performs in a coffee shop and gives people tongue-lashings? The hell, JC? Who is this guy, really?"

"Um, Chris?" JC smiled, embarassed. "All of those, I don't know. He's, like, the least predictable person you'll ever, ever meet. The Britney thing ... he's just protective. He didn't want her breaking his heart."

Nick nodded and thought that if that was true, then Chris was one of the most complicated people he'd ever known. "What should I do with this?" he asked, holding the cup up. "I don't want to just leave it here."

"Oh, no, it's fine," JC waved at him. "Or here, I'll take it and put it in the sink. But what's the point of paying people to take care of a place if you don't take advantage?" He smiled, and Nick knew he just wasn't the type to ever 'take advantage.'

"Just didn't want to leave a dirty cup lying around," he said, smiling back. "This isn't my home after all. I can't leave plates with crumbs and dirty socks on the floor here. So what time tomorrow?"

"Calling?" JC asked. "Or the dancing?" He took the cup and dropped it in the sink, then grabbed the rest of his stuff and swtiched off the CD player. "Either way, you tell me, Nick."

"After seven," said Nick after thinking about it for a moment. "For both. Meeting should be long over by then, and it'll give me time to get home. I'll be waiting for you. Sound good?"

"Sounds great," JC agreed, then ushered Nick outside, putting a hand on the small of his back softly but a little awkwardly. Like it was something he wanted to do, but didn't exactly know how.

"You know," said Nick carefully, turning to face him. "There's nothing wrong with a *little* cliche, once in a while .. " And he tilted his head up, waiting for a kiss.

JC smiled, a little surprised, and even chuckled as he wrapped a hand around the back of Nick's neck to pull his face down far enough that he didn't have to stand on his tip-toes. "Just 'cause I'm a guy," he murmured, "doesn't mean you're still not tall as a tree, Carter."

Nick grinned at him. "But I don't look alluring when I'm facing downward," he complained softly. Then he leaned in and their lips finally met.

JC's fingers were gentle but cold on Nick's neck, idly rubbing while they kissed -- a little longer, a little deeper than they had the first time, enough for his own heart to start beating much more quickly and for him to hear JC start to breath more heavily.

"I think," he said, when their lips finally parted, "that this was a very good first step."

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