JC shifted his books to his other arm as he squeezed in the library, then felt his shoulders slump when he saw how crowded it was. He *hated* that; he usually liked to come in the mornings, when it was really, really empty. Now it was full of all the athletes, working on homework before after-school practices began. Which meant he'd have to share a table. He glanced around the room, trying to find one that at least didn't have any football players -- no sense *asking* for it -- and his choices turned out to be one near the middle, with a pair of giggling cheerleaders, and one nearer the window, with a guy that JC barely knew. A senior, he thought. In any case, the choice was a no-brainer. "Hey," he said softly, as befitted a library. It just also happened to be the way he talked. "IS this seat taken?"

He heard a soft grunt first, which wasn't exactly a promising sign, but the the other guy finished writing something down and looked up. First he looked right at JC, then looked around the room, and -- showing just a tiny little smile, or smirk -- seemed to come to the exact same conclusion that JC just had. There was nowhere else to sit. "No, it's free," he assured JC. "Be my guest."

"Thanks." JC tried not to take up too much space as he sat his books down, a couple of folders of sheet music, and another college catalog his mom had stuffed into his backpack. "Um, Chris, right? Just tell me if I get in your way. Otherwise, I'll ... I'll just be quiet."

"Don't worry about it," said Chris, looking down at his books again. "As long as you don't get your notes mixed up with mine. Well, unless you're really good at history. Huh. Actually, on second thought, feel free to walk away with my history notes, 'cause *I* certainly never want to see them again." Then he glanced up and actually gave JC a brief smile, and *that* wasn't something that happened much.

JC felt like asking if he knew that he wasn't exactly supposed to be friendly with JC, unless he wanted to get ... teased, too; but something told him that he probably would just laugh at that. And JC tytpically did what he could to keep more people from laughing at him. "Can't really help you," he murmured, and tried a tentative smile himself.

"Ah, well," said Chris, shaking his head sadly. "It was worth a shot. No one ever wants to do my history for me. 'Course, you aren't even doing the same stuff yet. But I hear you're pretty smart." And that surprised JC almost more than the smile had. "What are you working on?" Then Chris looked up at him again. "Oh, wait, I'm bugging you, huh? I'll have to learn to stop that."

"You're not." JC shook his head, feeling his hair flop down over his forehead before he reached up to brush it back. "I just ... you're not. Um. I haven't actually decided, yet. Homework, which would make my teachers happy, or this college stuff, which would make my dad happy. Or music, which would make me happy, but only for a minute until I feel guilty about not doing something else."

And Chris actually looked interested in what he had to say. "Well, with my years and years of experience," he said, with mock importance that made JC smile again, "I say do the homework stuff first, cause you'll feel all accomplished when it's done plus you won't get in trouble, then the college stuff, cause you'll feel motivated once the homework's done, then the music, cause you'll be feeling all lighthearted after that. There. See? Easy." Then he looked down at his papers again and JC realized he'd actually been jotting things down the whole time he'd been talking.

"Easy," JC repeated quietly. "Is that. Um. What are *you* working on? I don't see a whole lot of seniors in here, usually."

Chris snorted. "History," he said, like that should've been obvious. "I need to get my grade up. And hey, I'm in here a lot, maybe you just never looked before, always sitting all on your own across the room from me."

JC blinked, lifting his head up to meet Chris's eyes. "Always ... oh. You've seen me in here? I guess ... I guess I don't really look around, when I come in. Just, you know. Find a quiet seat, alone, and ... and mind my own business." He smiled sheepishly.

"Yeah," agreed Chris quietly, and again JC thought maybe Chris did understand. "Well, now you know." He pulled a strip of red licorice out of his bag and stuck it in his mouth, then pulled out another and offered it to JC. "Yeah, yeah, whatever," he said with a grin, even though JC hadn't even said anything, or even given Chris a strange look. "I can't study without licorice. You want?"

"Um," JC said, but he took the proffered candy. "You're, like, all serious about this, too. Studying. I *should* be quiet. That's the thing with the shy ones, you know: all silent, and all, until you pay them any attention, and then you can't get them to shut up."

"Hey, I'm getting my work done," said Chris, tapping his pen on the page in front of him, and it was true. He was. Either he wasn't really paying much attention to JC after all, or he worked really well with distractions. "But you aren't. You haven't even opened your book yet. *I'll* shut up."

It wasn't what JC had meant, at all, and now that they were talking he didn't really want to do *any* of the things he brought to do. Not even work on his music, and that almost never happened. He figured it was just something else to chalk up to be such a loner, that the minute someone paid attention to him ... *noticed* him ... "*You* must be smart," he tried. "To be able to, um, talk and take notes, at the same time."

Chris just laughed, still softly so they weren't drawing any attention to themselves. "This is nothing, you should see me trying to get anything done at home. It's a madhouse, all these little girls running around. And mom always needing me to do something else while I'm studying, and someone playing one kind of music and someone playing another and someone with the TV on. No, no, this is peaceful, trust me." He turned the page of the book in front of him; he'd managed to read it even while he was talking.

"But still, you didn't ask for anyone to make it harder," JC acknowledged. "especially someone that, you know, you don't even know."

"You're *not*," Chris assured him, beginning to sound impatient. "You always this worried about being in people's way? I mean, I know things are a little rough for you, but ... " He looked up again, and *had* stopped reading this time.

JC swallowed and looked away. He hadn't expected more, really; Chris was obviously just being polite. "Well ... that's pretty much the only time people talk to me, so." He shrugged and tried to bury his nose in his own textbook.

"Well, obviously some people aren't like that," said Chris, dropping his own eyes again. It was disappointing when Chris wasn't looking at him anymore, but it was also a bit of a relief. When people were looking at him, it usually wasn't such a good thing. "You can't go around thinking *everyone* is like those morons that give you shit."

"I don't," JC protested, but it sounded weak, even to himself. "Well, anyway. Thanks, I guess. For not being like that." Chris must have seen quite a lot, to know that much about JC.

"You're welcome, I guess," said Chris, and JC could see him *smiling* but he didn't know why. "You can sit with me any time you need a spot. If you remember to look for me."

"I will," JC said, and figured he'd do it first, from now on. He focused on his own book again, and actually managed to get some work done. The next time he looked up, Chris was gone.

* * *

Chris could see someone coming out of the corner of his eye, and for a moment he worried that it was a friend of his coming to tell him to get his nose out of his books and come shoot some hoops, or come hang out at Justin's place 'cause his parents weren't home again and *everyone* would be there, or come do something, anything, that wasn't studying. But no, it wasn't that at all. When he saw who *was* approaching, he actually found himself smiling. "Hey," he said, looking up at him directly. "You remembered to look."

"Oh," the dark-haired boy said, stopping short and *then* looking around. "Oh, I ... I guess I did." He smiled sweetly, though, and put his bag down on the chair next to Chris's. "So I can sit here?"

"Course you can," said Chris easily, moving his things over fractionally and hoping he didn't have too many books of his own. "So what are you going with today -- homework, college or music?"

"You remembered," his acquaintence wondered. "I didn't even realize ... um. Nevermind." He slipped smoothly, gracefully into the chair beside Chris, folding his lanky limbs in upon himself. "Homeowrk."

"Ahh," said Chris, understanding *that* well enough. "Fun stuff. You're still sure you want no part of my history homework? 'Cause that's what I'm at again, and it's kicking my ass."

"Then why do it?" came the inevitable question. "I mean, you're a *senior*. You don't have to worry about that stuff. You could be ... skipping school with your friends, going out. All that." He looked almost wistful.

Chris tapped his pen against the page and thought about not answering, but what was *he* gonna care about why Chris was doing this? "Because without an A I can kiss my scholarship good-bye," he said finally. "And without that scholarship I can kiss college good-bye. That's why."

"You have a scholarship?" The boy looked surprised. "That's great. I didn't know you were a good student. Not that you're not smart, just that ... a lot of people like you. And it's not really cool to do well in school. To *those* people, at least."

Chris just snorted and nodded his head. "Tell me about it," he said. "It's pretty much on the lowdown. Don't be surprised if someone comes in and bodily drags me out of here at some point this afternoon, though, to do something they think is more important." He looked up and met his eyes. "Important meaning, of course, fun."

"I won't be surprised," he murmured, ducking his head after just a moment. "And I wouldn't be surprised if you went willingly. It's what I would do, I know." He sighed, then seemed to make himself move on to something else. "So are you really always in here? I mean ... obviously enough for them -- whoever -- to know where to find you."

"'Fraid so," said Chris, looking up again to give him another smile. "And haven't friends who'll do that do you isn't all it's cracked up to be, JC. Better to have people who accept you for yourself, you know? Only sometimes they're pretty hard to find."

Chris barely kept himself from laughing out loud when JC's jaw dropped in surprise. "How do you know my name?" he blurted, then looked supremely embarassed, and resigned. "Actually ... nevermind. I don't think I want to know."

"You're not invisible, you know," said Chris, hoping he wouldn't take that the wrong way. "And you knew mine, after all. It's only fair I return the favor."

"But you're cool," JC protested weakly. "And, like, popular. Or at least friends with the popular people. I just ... you didn't have to, like, ask someone. You could have asked me. I wouldn't have been insulted."

"I didn't have to ask anyone," protested Chris mildly. He wasn't surprised that JC though that, but it still bothered him a little. "Last year you had a really cool painting in the student exhibit at the gallery, And you had some song lyrics printed as a poem in the school paper. I saw that." That had been last year too, though, and they'd been defaced in a lot of the papers. Which was a little scary and a lot infuriating. "I already knew who you were."

"Oh," JC looked up, and Chris took the chance to watch his face carefully, to see his reaction to the things he'd mentioned. It was still a look of resignation. "You ... liked the painting? it wasn't my favorite, but Mr. Offner -- um, the art teacher -- probably thought I shouldn't use one of the ones I really had an attachment to."

"I liked it," said Chris again, nodding his head. He tried to stay upbeat about it even though it looked like maybe it wasn't such a happy memory. "It was all ... impressionistic? Is that the right word for it? I don't really know much about art. I just liked it is all. You paint a lot?" He turned the page of his text and hoped the dates were sinking in.

"If I'm at school, and I'm not in here, then I'm in the art room," JC nodded, looking marginally happier to be talking about the painting itself. "I used to draw, but then when I had my ... when I broke my hand, I couldn't grip a pen. But I could use a paintbrush with my cast, so." He smiled shyly, and Chris remarked at how much it transformed his face.

He *was* very pretty, which was one of the things people so often held against him, which did nothing but add fuel to his reputation. Chris wanted to ask how JC had broken his hand, but it sounded like it was going to be a touchy point and he already had JC smiling and wasn't gonna mess that up. He could ask another time. "Now that's dedication," he said. "Painting with a cast on? I'd just lay back and let people pamper me, I think, but then -- despite the studious image I'm portraying -- " And he gestured at all the books he had spread across the table -- "I'm really lazy at heart."

"You're not," JC protested, smiling a little more. "You couldn't be, if you got a scholarship. And as for the painting ... it's kind of an escape, you know? and the doctor said it was good, anyway, so the muscles wouldn't atrophy. And plus," he shrugged. "Not too many people volunteering to pamper me."

"Oh, I'm sure there were at least a couple," said Chris encouragingly, wracking his brain for the name of the guy he saw JC with sometimes. All the times he didn't see him alone. Jamie? Jordan? "Like that guy, Joey. I bet he'd be happy to pamper you."

"Joey?" JC laughed, but Chris also saw his smile soften when he heard the name. "Joey's great, but I'm not sure pampering is in his repertoire. Especially if it won't help him get girls." He chuckled again. "Or if he's trying to get into character for a role."

And that pretty much eliminated the possiblity that Joey was JC"s boyfriend. Not that Chris was even sure JC would *have* a boyfriend. He'd heard the rumors the same as everyone else, seen the same things as other people had, but he tried not to assume anything until he knew. "Tell him girls like sensitive guys," he offered as he turned another page. "That oughta get you something."

"Not if there aren't girls around to see!" JC laughed again, lightly. "But thanks for looking out for me. No, it was just me and my paintbrush, for the most part. But I really got to experiment. I wouldn't have even considered the art show before that. I'm *still* surprised I did."

Chris gave him another smile. "Good to see you laughing," he said before he could stop himself, and hoped it didn't make JC stop. Make him self-conscious about it. "Yours was about the best painting there, I thought. Too bad more people didn't realize that."

JC looked a little shyer, but his smile didn't go away , even when he snorted delicately. "It's okay. The people whose opinions I would begin to care about, they liked it. Or at least had constructive criticism." He glanced up again. "Including you, now, I guess."

*That* was a bit of a surprise, but maybe it shouldn't have been. JC seemed so starved for attention -- positive attention, anyway. But then on the other hand he seemed together, as in control of his life as he could be with a bunch of bigots out to mess it up as much as they could. He might have been one of the bravest people Chris knew. "Well, my opinion is hardly educated," he finally said with a shrug. "I just know what I like is all. And I don't let any other things get in the way of that."

"Good policy," JC commented, cocking his head and squinting a little. "Pretty tough to do, sometimes, is all." He smiled briefly again, then, before settling back in his seat. "Were you wearing glasses before?"

"Before, meaning last time you saw me?" said Chris, shooting him a grin. "Yes. Before, meaning a few minutes ago? No. Nice of you to notice, though." And he gave JC a little elbow in the side. He did *not* expect the way JC reacted to that, jerking and staring at him with wide eyes, like no one had ever touched him before. "Sorry?" he offered, taken aback. "I hit a bruise or something?"

"No," JC replied quickly, but he didn't scoot his chair closer again either. "No, no, I'm sorry. Just ... skittish. It's a thing." He shook his head and wrapped one of his arms loosely around his torso. "They were pretty cool glasses," he said weakly.

Chris gave him a smile, then laughed nervously. He really didn't want to do anything to prompt *that* particular reaction again. "Well, thanks, I'll keep that in mind for next time we get together," he said. "Conveniently lose my contacts that day, or something. You sure you're okay?"

JC nodded, but before he could respond, a couple guys from the baseball team burst into the library. Almost exactly like he'd predicted, they came over as soon as they spotted him, calling out his name loudly. "Kirkpatrick!" One of them, AJ, grabbed the back of his neck. "C'mon, man, ditch the books. We're gonna go shoot some pool before the basketball game tonight."

Chris looked at his half-read chapter and sighed, but he did close the book. He's have to do it tonight, after everyone else was in bed. He couldn't help but notice JC shrinking into himself next to him, trying to be invisible. Throwing his things in his bag he stood up and took a deep breath and clapped a hand on JC's shoulder. "I'll see you later, Chasez," he said, treating him exactly like he would have treated any of his friends. "Good luck with your stuff." After all, if JC could be as brave as he was, Chris could be at least a little brave, once in a while.

And the guys gave him shit about it, sure, as they were leaving, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. And it had kind of been worth it, for two reasons: to see them shut up pretty quickly when he glared at them, and to see the shocked, pleased look on JC's face before he'd gone.

* * *

It figured that the one time JC actually started to get his hopes up that Chris might be in the library, the one time he actually had something to *say* to him, he wasn't there. He sighed, wondering what those guys that had taken him away last time had said to him once they were out of JC's earshot, wondered if that explained why he wasn't in there. Not that JC would begin to presume Chris would change his behavior because of him either way. He settled at the table they had last shared anyway, and tried to concentrate on math again.

He obviously managed to do it pretty well, too, because it wasn't until someone was right behind his shoulder that he even knew anyone was approaching. He tensed up instinctively and prepared for the worst. "Hey," came Chris's voice, right before he swung 'round the other side of the table and into JC's line of sight. "I wore the glasses. See? So what are you working on today?"

"Math," JC exhaled, blinking up at Chris, wondering if he would join him. The library was emptier than usual. "And ... thanks, I guess? I didn't mean to make too big a deal out of it. I just thought you ... they were nice." The last thing he wanted to do was give Chris any reason to think he was hitting on him. Down that path only lay disaster.

Chris did, in fact, slide into the chair opposite him and start pulling books out of his bag. "You didn't make too big a deal out of it," he said, looking up only when he had all his things laid out on the table. He was smiling, a reassuring sign. "Not something I get complimented on much. Sorry for bailing on you the other day, too. You know how those things go, though ... "

JC looked back down quickly. He definitely, definitely knew how those things went. "Yeah," he said awkwardly. "I hope ... I hope they didn't ... whatever." He didn't even know how to begin to finish that, so he let it go, ignoring Chris's curious expression. "Was, um. Playing pool, was it fun?"

"Yeah," said Chris, with an enthusiastic nod as he began to open his books up, looking like he knew exactly where he left off. Looking very efficient about the whole thing. "It was a good time. Do you play?"

"Not. No," JC replied, wishing very much he hadn't brought it up, now, knowing how lame it probably made him sound. He just hadn't ever had friends that knew how to play. It wasn't their thing. He sighed again, and dug into his own backpack, wanting very much to just ask Chris what he'd wanted to ask him, and then leave before he embarassed himself further.

"You should try some time," he said, sounding like he didn't have a clue that JC had never really had a chance to. "You'd probably really like it. I think you have the hands for it."

"The what?" JC dropped his bag, then blushed furiously as he bent down to get it. "I just don't have ... none of my friends play, really." He finally found what he was looking for, one of the fliers for the art show, but he crumpled it nervously in his hands.

"Well, you know, if you ever get a chance," said Chris with a smile and a little shrug. JC knew that Chris's friends had to have said *something* to him as they were leaving the library last time -- he'd even heard the first rumblings of it as they were walking away -- but it didn't seem to have deterred him at all. "Um," JC said, then just ducked his head. This conversation wasn't going at all like he'd expected. Not that any of them had. "Okay. Look, I ... Chris? You may think this is dumb, or whatever, and I totally wouldn't even mention it except that you, you know, said something before. But I'm having another one of my paintings displayed, so." He tried to smooth out the paper, to show Chris, but his hands were shaking almost violently. He wasn't *shy*, he'd never been *shy*. He just hadn't talked to anyone he didn't know well in a very long time.

"Oh, hey, really?" said Chris, looking intrigued and taking the paper without once acting like he thought JC was acting weird or dumb or anything. "That's great. What kind of show it is? Where's it gonna be? Is there gonna be, like, an official opening? 'Cause I've never seen anything officially opened before. I've always wondered if they really did hand out free champagne." Half of that stuff was already on the paper Chris was staring at, but still, he was asking.

JC grinned a little, more at Chris's reaction than anything. "They do, but not at *this* kind of opening," he had to tell him. "It's not even an *opening*, really, just ... kind of an outdoor art show thing, next weekend." He didn't really even know why he'd thought of telling Chris -- he wouldn't be there, himself -- except ... well, again, he'd shown an interest. And no one besides Joey and his art teacher ever really did that.

"So more of a Sprite in plastic glasses event than champagne in crystal?" confirmed Chris with a grin of his own. "That's cool. I'm there. It is a school thing or a something else thing?"

"Something else," JC explained. "I should tell you it's, like ... none of the pieces have names on them. So I'll have to tell you which one is mine. There'll be awards and stuff but I don't really expect to win anything. I won't even be there."

"Wait," said Chris, suddenly looking confused. "Why not? You're having a painting shown and you're not even going to *be* there?"

JC bit his lip, and shook his head. He hadn't wanted to get into it. "It's kind of ... awkward. To explain. But there are some people, that if they knew it was mine, or that I had something there ... it could just be bad. And I usually try to avoid bad stuff, these days."

"Oh," said Chris softly, and JC could see plainly that he understood. Maybe all too well. "That's ... " He seemed to want to say something, but couldn't get it out. "What kind of show is it, then?"

"Like I said," JC tried to grin, tried to get Chris to relax and be interested, still. "Just an art show, pretty much open to anybody but a lot of artistis show stuff. Even professionals. But it's, like, blindly judged, which is pretty cool. And it's down in the park, downtown. Should be a nice day." He squinted at Chris's face. "But don't ... don't feel obligated. I just wanted to ... show you, I guess."

"Why wouldn't I go?" asked Chris, looking curious now. "I like art shows. I saw your last piece, right? I mean, I'm not gonna spend all day there or anything, but I'll go see. Don't tell me which one is yours, I'm gonna guess, okay? You can tell me next week."

"Okay," JC laughed, shaking his head. He'd expected to be able to warn Chris, but if he wanted to guess ... he was welcome. "I'll tell you next week. If ... if I see you, I guess."

"Well, I'm pretty hard to miss, now that you know where to find me," said Chris with another easy smile. "Is that a hint for me to let you get to work? Don't worry, I can be very quiet if I have to be. It's ... a survival skill."

JC had to wonder what Chris knew about survival skills. He certainly didn't seem to be leading a charmed life, like some of the people they went to school with, but nothing seemed too difficult for him either. "Sounds more like my kind of survival skill," he said, a little shortly.

"Well, then I guess you don't know much about me," replied Chris, to JC's surprise sounding a bit short about it, too. But the storm passed quickly and he smiled again. "So was it?" he asked. "A hint, I mean?"

"You talking isn't going to bother me," JC admitted. "And I don't really see any situation where I'd tell you to stop talking to me. So. No, I guess." He tried to smile, then, as an apology in not-so-many words.

"Well, good," said Chris firmly, turning a page in his notes a filling another line with surprisingly small, precise handwriting. "Some people work better with quiet. No music or *any*thing. I can't imagine."

"Me either," JC agreed awkwardly, watching him for another moment before returning to his own notes. He didn't want Chris to stop talking, but *he* didn't want to be annoying, or distracting, either. It felt like the time to practice the silence-as-survival thing, himself.

And Chris did stay quite for a while, but JC knew that Chris stared at him a couple times; he'd developed a really strong sense of when people were looking at him. Another one of those survival skills. He just could never be sure *why* they were doing it, and usually found himself assuming the worst. "History sucks," muttered Chris, and he didn't even look up, and JC realized that Chris was *comfortable* with him, that was it. And while he wouldn't let him think the best of the situation, for once he wasn't thinking the worst, either.

* * *

Chris spotted JC sitting at the table under the window, and took a quick glance around the room to see who was there to see before making his way over to him. He tried his best, not to care what other people thought, but he wasn't perfect. "Hey," he said, softly, in case he was interrupting. "You're here early today."

JC looked up quickly, guardedly, in that way he had, before visibly relaxing when he recognized Chris. Having apparently not placed his voice; either that, or been too engrossed in what he was doing to even hear it. His whole face changed when he did relax, though, and Chris felt no compunction about making himself comfortable next to him at the table. "I had a free period," JC explained, moving some papers. "You too, though."

"Well, I was looking for you," said Chris, settling in without opening anything. He had lots of work to do, sure, but that wasn't what he was here for. "I went to your show. The outdoor one? It was really cool. No Sprite, though. I feel gypped."

JC laughed, but Chris could tell it was hard for him to keep from asking what he'd thought. "I heard there were some really neat things," he agreed. "Did you ... did you guess which one was mine, after all?"

"Well, I tried," said Chris slowly. Truth was, there was one painting that looked a *lot* like JC's style, the way he remembered it, but the subject of the picture was ... something he didn't think JC would show publicly. But there was another that kinda looked the same, too, and was a little more innocuous. And maybe he just was remembering the style wrong -- it had been a while, after all. He decided to go with the innocuous one, just in case. "I'm probably not very good. I had a couple I thought maybe? Anyway. Was it the one with all the trees and that old bridgey thing?"

"Nope," JC said easily, cocking his head with a very slight smile on his lips, almost like he wanted to say 'I told you so.' He didn't seem offended, either, that that was what Chris had guessed first. It was the safer guess, in any case. "What was your second choice?"

Chris sank his teeth into his lower lip for a minute. "There was this other one I liked," he said, choosing his words carefully, watching JC the whole time. "It was pretty small, a little more abstract. Lots of blues and darker colours. I guess people could more see what they wanted to, in it, but to me it looked like ... people. Together."

JC's eyes narrowed, just a little, before he ducked his head to hide his whole face. "That's mine," he admitted. "I did ... it was a series, actually. Is a series. Four different panels, different colors. With, um. Different ... angles. But, so, that one was the one I submitted." He didn't sound embarassed of it, of any assumptions Chris made about the content. "But it's different, seeing them together."

"Well, you'll have to show me some time," said Chris, breathing a sigh of relief. "And I guess I'm not so bad at picking your stuff out after all." He smiled at him and hoped to get one back. "I bet you thought I wouldn't, didn't you?"

"It wasn't that," JC insisted, looking back up and surprising Chris with how bright his eyes were. He looked more pleased than Chris even expected. "I just ... honestly? wasn't sure you'd admit it, even if you had. Not that there's anything very ... blatant ... about that one, but still."

"Okay," said Chris, his thoughts racing at JC's very frank words. "Okay. So ... okay. Would it be okay if I asked you something, then?"

JC's face closed off a little, but not as much as it could have. "You can ask," he said carefully, the obvious implication being that he may not answer. But Chris still thought that, no matter what, JC was appreciating what felt like a very honest conversation.

Chris nodded a little before saying anything else. "I don't believe everything I hear," he said finally. "And even if I do believe it, I like to make personality assessments for myself. But mostly, I believe in just ... asking, if I want to know something." He knew he was fidgeting, even though he'd meant to be very calm and reassuring when he did this. "So ... um. Are you? Gay, I mean? Or something?"

"Wow," JC said softly, staring back at Chris. "So, um, that's ... a pretty personal question. Can I ask why you ... want to know? I mean, I appreciate the fact that you didn't just assume. Believe me. But I still don't know you all that well. Chris."

And Chris knew -- had known all along -- that he'd have to give up a bit of himself, too, if he wanted to know the answer to that question. But he wasn't sure he was ready to do that. "You don't have to answer," he said finally. "I know you don't know me very well, and obviously I don't know you very well, either. It's just, when I hear rumours, like that, I just like to know the truth. And I've never known anyone who was, before. I figured we could talk about stuff. Or something. I mean, if you *were*, which I'm not saying you are. Since I don't know."

"That's fair," JC nodded, still watching Chris carefully. Not that Chris thought that JC honestly thought it was anything other than idle curiosity at worst. He'd already all but trusted him with the knowledge. "The honest truth is that ... I don't know. But ... I really think I am. Gay." He voice got barely audible when he said the word, obviously reflexively. "But I'm not ... I haven't ... " He blushed, then, for the first time since Chris had sat down, and closed his mouth tightly.

Chris let himself process that for a moment. "Okay," he said finally, and smiled again, and reminded himself that JC hadn't just told him anything that he didn't pretty much already know. "Okay, that's cool. So your painting ... did it win anything? "

JC smiled softly, and dug in his bag for a second, producing a small card. "Honorable mention," he admitted. "My teacher picked it up for me and showed me today. I was really surprised. He was really complimentary, too."

"Hey, wow, that's great," said Chris, staring at it in surprise for a moment. "There were a *lot* of paintings there. And you said that there were a lot of professionals that entered, too? Very cool, JC."

"I think there were a million honorable mentions," JC laughed, biting his thumb and then shoving the little card back in his backpack. "So it's no big deal. If it'd been the whole series ... wow, then I'd barely be able to sit still." He was still watching Chris carefully, watching him for some reaction for *something*.

Chris just laughed nervously and figured since everything else was in the open, it was hardly time to stop now. "Not sure what I'm supposed to say," he admitted. "It's really cool, that you trust me like that, JC. I won't let you down. It was really ... brave. I mean, knowing how people are, and all. So how come you didn't enter the whole series in the show? Or couldn't you?"

JC opened his mouth when Chris let all that spill out, in an seeming non-sequitor, then just smiled and shrugged. "I ... yeah. It's a little, um. More mature. I think, nothing that some people would want to see, in the first place, and certainly not if they knew it was painted by a seventeen-year-old. You know? And my teacher could get in trouble." He laughed a little. "And now I'm sure there's *no* doubt in your mind, what the other parts are."

Chris smiled back, and even flushed a little, which was rare for him. "So, painted from imagination, I gather?" he said, daring to even tease a little bit.

"A lot of things are," JC protested, but he blushed too, then exhaled shakily. "Okay. That wasn't as hard as it could have been. I'm ... thanks for asking, Chris. Really." He looked *so* grateful, it made Chris feel awkward in ways he hadn't, before.

"Well," he said, not used to being awkward wth words. "I just wanted you to know it's not a deal, with me. It's cool. And if you wanted to talk about anything? Or any*one*? That ... would be cool, too. Honest." And he gave JC another genuine smile, hoping JC would take all that seriously and not worry that Chris meant anything other than what he was saying. "So. Your art teacher? Sounds so great."

"He is," JC nodded. "It's kind of an awkward situation for him. I don't envy that. But he's been really ... yeah. Helpful." He squinted at Chris for a second. "Can I ask *you* a question?"

Chris was taken aback for a moment, then worried, but he nodded yes anyway. Because it was only fair. "Sure," he said, too, just to be clear. "Go ahead."

"So, it's, I mean, it's fine, that you asked me. About ... that." JC chewed on his lip, carefully, and Chris realized with some relief that this wasn't going to be about him. "And you said you'd heard stuff. Is that -- I mean, was that the reason you asked? Or ... " -- his cheeks pinked a little -- "was there something else? about me, I guess, that made you think I was?" It was an awkward, awkward question, and JC looked embarassed for having even asked.

"Well, we were already talking about the painting," said Chris right off, the most obvious answer he could go with. "So that ws kinda a clue, there. And then yeah, I heard stuff first. And, like, recognized the name, so I ... whatever. Checked you out." He bit his lip again and sighed. "I don't want to sound like a dick, but I really thought you were. And there isn't even a good reason, it was just a feeling I had."

"That doesn't make you a dick," JC murmured softly, tucking his chin. "You're being honest, and I appreciate that. I just." He sighed and rubbed at his nose, and looked more melancholy than anything. "Just wish someone could explain it to me, is all. How everyone knows."

"Man, I wish I could," said Chris with a sigh, trying *not* to feel sorry for him. He got the feeling JC wouldn't like that one bit. "Maybe it's just ... you're pretty, you know? And the pretty boys always get teased about stuff like this, whether it's true or not. I guess in your case ... it just happens to be true. I'm sorry? I really wish ... well, you know. That a lot of things were different."

"Yeah," JC said, sighing again and closing his book finally. Chris wondered if he'd read any of it at all, since Chris had sat down. "Well, don't be sorry. I'll probably be really happy about it. Later. Look ... " He stood, awkwardly, and started stuffing his papers in his bag haphazardly. "Thanks for checking out the show. That was really, really cool of you."

"I still want to see the whole series," said Chris quietly, and a little bravely, he thought. "Just so you know. I think I'd probably like it as much as I liked the first. So ... you need to go now, I guess?"

"I do, I'm sorry," JC whispered, scratching the back of his head. He had so many nervous movements like that, but still managed to look graceful most of the time. "I'm ... if you're serious?" He looked doubtful. "You'd have to come over to my house, I think. I don't want to bring them to school. So just think about whether that's something you'd want to do. It won't hurt my feelings either way."

"We'll. Um. Have to plan a time, then," said Chris. He'd already pushed that far, he wasn't going to back down just because JC was giving him an out. "I'll let you know, okay? Or you let me know. I don't know when you're busy and stuff. And ... see you later?"

"Okay," JC nodded. "Sure, okay. Like you said ... you know how to find me." He glanced around sharply when someone across the room laughed, then picked up his books. "See you, Chris."

"See you, JC," said Chris, but JC was already making his way across the library and out, quickly and quietly, as always trying not to be seen. Chris had always felt a little bad for how JC was treated, but he'd never really realized how the whole thing was hitting JC until now, until today. He just wished he could do something about it.

* * * JC was trying to stuff his sketching book, and his sheet music, and yet another stack of college catalogs onto the shelf of his locker when he thought he heard a familiar voice. Normally, he tuned everyone around him out, when he was in the halls -- it was just easier, that way -- but he couldn't help it in this case. He hadn't really gotten Chris out of his mind, since the last time they'd talked in the library. The just ... *cool* way he had handled all of the stuff they'd talked about.

"So what were you *doing* with that guy, anyway?" JC knew that voice, too; it made him tense immediately. Kevin had cornered him once, after school, and ... it wasn't something he liked to remember. "Don't you know about him?"

"He's a fag, Chris." He wasn't as sure of that one, and didn't dare turn around to see. "Was he hitting on you? Did you deck him?"

"He wasn't *hitting* on me," said Chris, and JC exhaled in relief and the vehemence of that pronouncement. "We were just ... I don't even know the guy, really. We we just both in the library at the same time. Now will you guys lay the fuck off?"

Hunching his shoulders, wishing he could just squeeze into his locker with the rest of his shit, JC hoped they'd just pass by. He didn't want to make anything worse for *either* of them, no matter how much he wanted to say hello to Chris. And yet, a small part of him couldn't help but want to see just how far Chris might defend him.

"So you do know him, then." That was Kevin again, sounding as venemous as ever.

"I told you he did." AJ. He should have known AJ would be there, too. "I told you I saw them together, all cozy in the library."

"You're such a dick," muttered Chris, but he sounded more amused than angry. "Like you even know what I was doing there. I'm sure you can think of some *other* reasons if you exercise that pea-sized brain a little bit."

JC couldn't help it, he *had* to chuckle a little bit at that. Which was bad for so many reasons, the first of which was that it certainly let them know he was there. And not the *least* of which was that he was listening to them. And laughing at them.

"Well, look at this." Yes, they'd definitely taken notice. "What were you doing, faggot, were you spying on us?"

"Kevin, just don't," said Chris, but it was a little more weakly than JC might have hoped. "It's not worth it."

"Not worth it?" said AJ. "No, no this'll be fun. Turn around and face us, faggot!" JC didn't even hear Chris protest that time, just heard AJ's voice get closer.

He bit his lip before he could remember that he was more likely to get cut that way, and didn't resist when one of them -- it was AJ -- forced him to turn around. He fell back against his open locker, keeping his chin up but his eyes downcast.

"I didn't say anything," he said quietly, avoiding looking at them, never using their names. "I wouldn't." And all along, all he could think about was whether Chris knew it was like this.

Chris was just standing there, though, just standing there and not stopping them or anything. There were three others -- AJ and Kevin and another kid who looked like a fucking freshman. Now the *freshmen* were picking on him too. I just wasn't fair.

"Guys, we have class," said Chris finally, which wasn't exactly jumping to his defense. As if to reinforce his point, though, the bell rang and AJ backed off.

"You got lucky, that time," AJ muttered.

JC didn't respond, and even waited until they were backing away before turning back around himself and grabbing his own books. A part of him wished he could have been braver, in front of Chris. Stood up for himself, and delivered some bitchy comeback. But the rest of him knew what happened when he did that, and he'd long since decided they weren't worth the pain. And ... wished *Chris* had been braver.

At least Chris looked back, though. When JC looked up again and saw their backs as they turned the corner at the end of the hall, at least Chris looked back at him. It was something, even though it wasn't much.

* * *

Chris knew where the art room was, in a vague sort of way. It was that place at the other end of the school where he didn't even have any classes nearby. When he didn't find JC in the library, though, he knew he was going to have to go and actually find it. Because he knew he'd fucked up, and it was his responsibility to make things right again. "Hello?" he said, when he finally found it, down at the end of a hall and halfway hidden because of a burnt-out light. "Hello, is anyone here?"

Nobody answered him -- not verbally, at least -- but after a minute he saw JC poke his head out from behind a canvas. His face, with a cliched streak of paint across his cheek, was blank.

"Hey," he said, entering the room despite the cool reception. He'd been expecting that, after all. "You said I could find you here. So ... I did. What are you painting? Can I see?"

"It's sort of abstract," JC replied, clearing his throat. "So it probably won't mean much to you. Can I ... is there something you wanted?" Chris had to admire that, the way he carried himself. He wasn't being rude, or retaliatory. He was just the same reserved person he'd been when he asked Chris if he could share his table. As if they hadn't shared anything other than that, since.

And it reminded Chris that this was his show. If he had something to say, he had to say it, because JC wasn't just gonna let it go. And he shouldn't have to. "Would it help things if I said I was sorry?" he ventured, to break the ice, even though he knew it wasn't enough.

"Sure," JC shrugged, then disappeared behind his painting again. "I do understand, you know. I'm not a complete social moron, even if I am a social reject. You didn't have to track me down here just to try and defend something that's just ... natural behavior."

"It's not, though," said Chris, finally closing the door to the room again with only the two of them on the inside. "I mean, that was really un-cool of me. Seriously. And I didn't ... JC, is it always that bad? Are *they* always that bad?"

He heard JC snort. "What do you think?" he asked; again, amazingly, keeping any real venom from his voice. "Did it look like something I wasn't used to?"

"I didn't know," murmured Chris, wondering how he *lived* like that. "Seriously, JC. I mean, I knew people talked about you behind your back -- I told you that -- but I'd never seen that stuff before. I'm sorry. I didn't know what to do."

JC didn't reply; didn't have anything to say to that, maybe, until Chris moved closer. Just close enough that JC couldn't hide behind the easel any more. He wasn't painting, just standing there, with his eyes closed, swirling his brush over the skin on the back of his hand. "There wasn't much you could do," he admitted, finally. "I didn't expect anything."

"Maybe not," said Chris quietly, pausing where he was. He still didn't know how to do this, how to make JC understand. "Maybe you didn't expect much of me. But *I* expected more. I wanted to be as brave as you are. But I got scared, JC. I'm sorry, I got scared."

When Chris looked back up, JC was finally looking back. "Well," he conceded softly. "They're pretty scary guys, sometimes. They don't have to have beat the shit out of you for you to feel that way. Chris ... whatever this is? if we're ... if we were becoming friends? I would never ask you to do anything."

"Have they?" asked Chris, his stomach flip-flopping. "Have they actuall hurt you, JC? That's just ... I don't care if you ask me to, or not, I *should* do something. That's just not right. If they do it to you, they could do it to -- " He almost got it out. " -- anyone."

JC closed his eyes and rubbed at his nose, then, making Chris smile despite himself when he got paint on that, too. "It was a while ago," he said, and it was obviously difficult for him to admit. "Before I learned why it wasn't worth it to fight back. Chris ... it's not your problem."

"It *is* my problem, though," protested Chris. "I can't even believe those guys are my friends sometimes. I mean, they're fun to hang out with and I like doing stuff with them, but some of them are pretty awful people sometimes. Not all of them, but ... yeah, some." He scrunched up his nose and tried to figure out where he was going. "Joey knows you're gay, right? I mean ... I assume he does."

"What? Joey?" JC blinked at him. "Uh ... yeah, he does. Why?" A look of mild panic came over his face. "Oh ... oh, shit. They didn't - did you see them, with him? doing something to him? I know he *looks* like he can take care of himself, but he can't, Chris, really ... "

"No, no, no," said Chris, trying to calm him, actually laying a hand on his arm. "No, I didn't, this wasn't about that at all. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to ... I'm sorry. I was just ... wondering. Was he the first person you told?"

"Get off," JC snapped softly, shaking Chris off before rubbing his nose again, then rubbing his arm. Even though Chris *knew* he couldn't have hurt him, not even if he had a bruise there. "Was he ... ? Yeah. About thinking I'm gay? Yeah. I mean, he actually said something to me, first. About wondering if I was. But I think that's what you meant anyway."

Chris slumped down into a nearby chair. JC wasn't making this easy for him, but he'd been really hurt -- a lot of times, probably -- and Chris couldn't even blame him. "No," he said softly. "I just meant ... I was wondering how you told him. How you actually told the first person."

Biting his lip, JC seemed to actually consider that, to consider any reason Chris would have to want to know that, before he answered. "I wasn't brave," he said eventually. "I didn't just say it. I waited for him to ask me, just like ... just like the way you asked me. He just had more, um. Evidence."

"It's really hard to just say it," agreed Chris, meeting his eyes. And that was about as brave as he could get. "Cause sometimes you aren't sure how you're feeling or if maybe it's gonna go away. And you don't know how the person's gonna react, or if they're gonna tell anyone -- and even if you're sure of the person, you just don't *know*. And you don't know how *you're* gonna feel after, when you've finally said it. Right? So it's ... hard, to be brave. It's scary."

"Chris?" JC's eyes were very, very wide, and his voice was shaky. But he also looked so trusting. So trustworthy. "I would never tell anyone anything that wasn't mine to tell. And if someone were to maybe make a mistake, and decide they didn't mean something they said? that's happened to everyone, and I would never hold them to it." He exhaled again. "Is there something that ... do you want to get something off your chest?"

"Was kinda hoping you would just ask," said Chris, with a little shy smile. "That's why ... I mean, that's why I'm so scared, you know? Cause of how my friends are. And if they knew that? About *me*? I think that would possibly be really, really bad ... But I should still be braver. *You're* brave. I'm just ... hiding. A lot."

JC returned the smile tentatively. "Chris?" he repeated. "Do you think you're gay?"

Chris made a little face at him and shrugged his shoulders and still the words didn't just come like they were supposed to. Like words *always* came to him -- even if he just ended up babbling, he always had something to say. "I think probably yeah," he blurted out finally, then let out a sigh of both relief and resignation.

JC's smile just got a little brighter, a little softer. Much more friendly. "Wow," he said quietly. "So ... good? Thank you for trusting me. Does it feel better?"

Chris shrugged again, not sure if it did or it didn't. "Better, 'cause of you, but a little scarier, because it's not just in my head anymore," he admitted finally. "So I know this isn't an excuse for what I did, for what I let happen to you, but ... that's why. Because they don't know, and I don't want them to. Which probably makes me kind of a rotten person."

JC sighed, and then shook his head after a moment. "No. It's ... I totally understand, Chris. Do you think I would want people to know, before I'm even completely sure about it myself? I just didn't really have a choice. And you do, and I just ... envy that. But I don't ... think poorly of you, because of it."

"It's not fair," mumbled Chris. "It's not fair that you have to go through that. And I swear, I didn't know how bad it was. They were just ... there's something so wrong with that, that they think that's okay to do to someone. Especially ... God, what do I do now?" He sighed again, and slumped down in his chair. "I probably should've told you before."

"No. Why? No," JC said. "No, it's ... it's okay, Chris. If I'm being honest with myself, and with you, I ... I was a little upset that you didn't try to stop them. Especially when AJ ... when he ... " He tried to say it, but obviously couldn't. Or was scared of what his voice would sound like when he did. "But I understand, now. You probably didn't even want to give *me* a reason to think it, about you."

"I kinda already thought I gave *you* reason," admitted Chris. "It's so weird, sometimes, cause ... I mean, I don't usually give a fuck what people think. I just kinda do my thing and I'm quiet about it and people don't care. The guys, they'll bug me about studying, but it's just teasing mostly ... even if they do drag me away every time they can. But this is just ... it feels big."

"You thought you gave me a reason?" JC smiled gently, but he looked dubious. "I had no idea. Honestly. I just thought you were ... more mature, you know. Grown up."

"Well, I'm that, too," said Chris, actually flattered by that. "If you'd told me you were a woman trapped in a man's body, I would have been just as cool with that. I think. This just happened to be, you know, my thing, too."

"Do you have any real friends?" JC asked, then covered his mouth quickly. "I don't mean. I just mean. Someone you trust to tell something like this to. Someone that you think wouldn't ... react badly. Someone you know better than me."

"I have real friends," said Chris with a wry smile, not able to take that badly. Not with that horrified look on JC's face that he'd said something wrong. "People I've known for a long time. Like Nick or maybe even Howie, if he hadn't moved away. But no one who'd understand, like you do. Do ... um, do you wish I hadn't picked you or something, JC?"

"No!" JC looked even more upset at that. "No, I'm ... honored. And, I don't know, if I knew *anyone* that was gay, besides this geek in my church, then you can bet I would have talked to them. Maybe before Joey. Just because ... I mean, friends can be nice about parts of it. Liking you no matter what. But there are things they won't understand."

"Exactly," said Chris, nodding his head. "I mean, I know I can tell Nick, I'm just not ready yet. Worried that it'll change things, you know? Did it change things, when you told Joey? Am I asking too many questions?"

"No," JC chuckled, rubbing his forehead again and then staring at the paint on his hand. "No, they're ... I mean, it's a lot of questions, but nothing I won't answer. Wait, though. Nick? Carter? You're ... friends with him?"

Chris frowned a little bit, worried at the surprise in JC's voice. "Yeah," he said slowly. "We've been friends for years ... he grew up right near me. Why?"

"He's ... young," JC tripped over the word, and Chris knew it wasn't what he was *going* to say. "A sophomore, right? It just ... surprised me." He smiled awkwardly. "You think you'll tell him eventually, though? He seems ... nice."

Chris shrugged and looked at JC speculatively. "Yeah, I'll probably tell him, sooner or later. When it gets a little easier to say, maybe." He let a bit of a smile cross his face. "You've noticed him, huh?"

"That's *not* ... " JC started, but his cheeks were turning pink, under the blue of the paint. "He has a pretty mouth," he muttered. "That's all. What."

"I'll have to look, next time I see him," teased Chris, feeling lighter about the whole thing for the first time, ever. "So ... we're good now? You can forgive me for being ... for being a chickenshit when push came to shove?"

"Well, now that you have *blackmail*," JC grunted, and Chris felt even better. JC hadn't felt comfortable enough before, obviously, to joke with him. When he looked back up, Chris was sure he was forgiven. "And there's nothing to forgive. I told you that, Chris. And ... this? talking? I think would make up for it anyway."

"Yeah, we'll have to do more of it," said Chris, giving him a smile. "It does feel good. I wasn't sure if it would, but it does." Then he winked as he stood back up again. "I've got a secret," he sing-songed at him.

"Shut up," JC protested, tossing his paintbrush at Chris. "It's not much of a secret. I don't think he's my type. Just ... you know. The mouth thing." His eyes were sparkling again, and Chris thought he might enjoy this talking thing with JC quite a bit.

"You can tell me all about your type next time we get together," Chris said with a broad, genuine smile. "But maybe not the library, for this? I can't think of many worse things to get caught talking about, around here ... "

That sobered JC a little, too. "Sorry," he murmured. "I didn't mean to ... gush, or whatever. I just think it's ... good. It might be good. To have each other." He straightened, ran a hand through his hair.

"No!" said Chris quickly as he threw his bag over his shoulder. "Please ... please gush. I want to. I just have to go now ... and I want to be able to pick this up, next time I see you."

"Oh," JC said awkwardly. "But ... okay. What's your hurry? Nobody's here. I thought it actually would be a good time to talk ... ?"

"I was supposed to ... meet some people," said Chris awkwardly, wishing he hadn't said he would. Wishing he felt safe just staying here with JC. They wouldn't find him here, but there would be awkward questions to answer later if he bailed.

"Oh." JC ducked his chin again. "No, okay. I understand. Well ... thanks for coming by. I'm ... glad. That you did."

"I'm sorry," said Chris, helpless to make JC really understand that this was where he wanted to be, but social obligations were a bitch sometimes. "Really ... I want to get together soon, okay? Wait, hang on ... " He looked around for pen, futilely then impulsively dipped his finger in the blue paint and grabbed JC's forearm. "This is my number," he said, fingerpainting it onto JC's arm. "Call me, okay?"

"Wha- ?" JC stared at his arm, then stared at Chris, and laughed. A genuine laugh. "Okay. You could have told me. I have a scary-good memory. I'll ... I will, okay? You think of a place. Without books."

"Well, I guess I just wanted to be sure," said Chris, smiling back and hoisting his bag up again. "I'll think of a place. All you have to do is call." He glanced at his watch and grimaced when he realized how long they're been in there, then gave JC a quick wave and slipped out the door.

* * *

Chris asked him what he wanted, pulled out his wallet, but JC insisted on paying for his own ice cream. This was as much his idea as Chris's, and somehow he doubted that it was as ... eagerly anticipated for Chris as it was for him. He couldn't believe it. He still couldn't believe it. A new friend, completely unexpected, and finally someone he could *talk* to. Someone he wouldn't feel ... inexperienced around. Mostly.

"I could've gotten yours," said Chris again, but he tucked his wallet away, not making a scene about it. "I was the one that suggested this place, after all." Like JC hadn't noticed that it probably would have taken just about all of Chris's cash to pay. "So ... where do you want to ... were you thinking about staying here?" He looked around, obviously nervous.

"No." JC knew his eyes were sparkling beneath the brim of his hat. He couldn't hide how excited he was. "I thought ... there's this place? just down by the lake. It's pretty quiet. If you don't mind being outside."

Chris's relief at the suggestion was visible. "That sounds perfect," he said, licking around the rim of his ice cream. "It's a great day, and ... privacy would be really good, for this, I think."

"Yup." JC hoped his good mood was infectious. He could barely keep from linking his arm in Chris's as he lapped at his own cone. "Hey, your sister was so cute, on the phone."

"That was Taylor," said Chris, a smile spreading across *his* face finally. "She gets cuter every day, I swear. She's gonna start killing people with the cute. Except when she's beging the biggest brat on the planet. Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"Yep, one of each," JC said casually, holding the door open for Chris as they walked outside into the warm afternoon. "Not ... I'm adopted. So not blood. But they're close to my age and all."

"Really?" said Chris, sounding genuinely curious. "That's cool. You guys get along? I get along with all my sisters, mostly. Except when they decide to gang up on me, then i hate the lot of them." JC could understand why Chris would want to keep it on innocent subjects while there were still other people around, but more than that he seemed to really want to know more about JC in general. Really want to get to know him.

"Tyler, he's a little more ... guy," JC admitted. "But we do some stuff together. And Heather's a sweetheart, real shy. It's kind of weird, knowing we don't share genes and stuff, but seeing the things we do have in common." He tilted his head back, watching the clouds.

"I guess some stuff you do learn," mused Chris, still right beside him. "My family's all crazy. But none of us know what to blame that on -- the genes or being raised by a mother who's as crazy as we are."

"I'm sure she's not!" JC protested. "I'm sure she's sweet. She raised a really ... sensitive son, at least." He veered off the path, holding some braches aside, gesturing Chris to continue forward. When they'd both passed through some trees, they were just where JC had wanted -- his favorite spot, a small clearing overlooking the water. "So. Feel a little less exposed, now?"

"Oh yeah, this is great," said Chris, looking just as amazed by the place as JC had hoped he would. "This is perfect, seriously. Okay, so ... mom. She *is* crazy. But only in the best ways, I swear. I love mom to pieces."

"Well, good," JC laughed, collapsing carefully on the ground, folding his legs beneath him. "That's good. Moms are ... good. For a lot of things." He remembered the first time he'd gotten hurt, for who he was. He hadn't told his mother anything except that he got in a fight, and she hadn't asked. He licked at his ice cream. "Have you talked to Nick yet?"

Chris sat down next to him, then looked down for a moment and just shook his head. "I don't know how," he admitted. "I mean, I'm sure he doesn't suspect a thing, he's not gonna ask. So it's kinda all on my shoulders, to find a way to bring it up."

"Well," JC said, stretching and leaning back on one of his hands. "You have some time, then. If you don't really want to say anything right away. That would have been nice, I think, to have that option." He looked carefully over at Chris. "You're very lucky."

"In some ways, yeah, I guess," said Chris, sounding like he simultaneously agreed and disagreed with him. Any way you looked at it, though, he'd gotten off luckier than JC. "How did Joey know, about you? You said he had evidence, pretty much?"

"Well, yeah," JC chuckled. "When you're out somewhere and your friend turns his head at some pretty girl and you turn your head for the boy following her, it's ... hard to hide. I denied it for so long, though. He probably accepted it before I did. I *know* he did."

"He sounds like a really great friend," said Chris, sounding almost wistful. "This probably would've been so much harder without him, huh? I hardly know him, but I can see that much."

"He's ... " JC stumbled over how to describe Joey. "I think it would have been impossible, without him. He's gotten ... hurt ... almost as many times as me, just for sticking up for me. I don't really know why I deserve him." He smiled hesitantly. "I know he'd like to meet you. If you would ever want to."

"Well yeah, sure," said Chris with a smile that looked almost reflexive. "I'm Mr. Friendly. I love meeting people. Althought meeting Joey ... would be a lot more meaningful to me than most of the people I'm introduced to. You guys have been friends for a long time, I guess."

"Yeah," JC murmured. "Like you and Nick, right? Do you think he's just too young, or something, to hear about this?"

"No, no, really, not at all," said Chris quickly. "It's just me. I don't know how to do it. He's always been really mature for his age. Or I've been immature, maybe. Either way ... I mean. What I'm trying to say is that I'm sure he'd be cool. It's still all me and my hang-ups."

"I think he'd be cool," JC agreed softly, even though he hadn't met Nick. He seemed like a sweet boy. A pretty, pretty, sweet boy. "What's worrying you?"

"Everything?" said Chris with a short laugh. "I don't know. The usual stuff, I think? I don't know ... I've never really talked about it before. Maybe that's what I need to do ... just talk about it. Sort of prep myself for telling Nick."

"You can practice again on me," JC offered, pushing his hat up a little and fixing his gaze on Chris. "Or just ... tell me stuff. Tell me about a guy you're attracted to. And no, this is not just to get ammunition because you know I think Nick has a ... nice mouth." He blushed, knwoing if he'd said what he had been thinking, he'd probably scare Chris away.

"Mouth, right," smirked Chris. "I just bet you're thinking about what he could do with that mouth, if he swung our way." He didn't even look embarassed saying that. Being alone together made all the difference, seemed like.

"I wasn't!" JC lied, winking at Chris. "And shut up, about Nick. He's too young to even talk about. Although, if we *were* going to talk about young boys ... you've seen the kid on the JV basketball team with him, right?"

"He's not *that* much younger than you," protested Chris, a strange look on his face. One JC didn't know him well enough to read. "Which kid on the JV team, exactly?"

"The *one*," JC groaned, closing his eyes and barely resisting slumping down in a puddle on the ground, thinking about him. It was a luxury he rarely afforded himself, even in his own head. "The one with the curls. And the blue eyes. And ... yeah. Other ... attributes." He wondered if Chris would notice, would recognize the fact that he'd had a model in his mind for one of the people in his painting.

"We've met. He is a little doll, isn't he? He throws a lot of parties at his place; his parents are always off traveling the world or something."

"He's very pretty," JC murmured, doing his best not to linger on how he'd never been invited to those parties. "Don't you think? Long eyelashes, long legs, long ... "

"Spoiled rotten." Chris added. "But that boy sure is eye candy, isn't he? I think sometimes I go to those damn things just to get an eyeful of him in his swim trunks. And if *you're* too old for him, what does that make me?"

"Too old for him," JC laughed, glad to at least hear that Chris could acknowledge another attractive man. He didn't have much else to go on, with respect to what ... turned him on. "He'll get older someday, though. Grow into those hands of his."

"Maybe when he gets older I'll look at more than his body," agreed Chris, and JC caught him licking his lips momentarily. "Eye candy's great, but I think I need something with a little more substance than that. Which, um, doesn't mean I'm gonna stop hoping he'll buy a speedo one of these days."

JC giggled and rolled onto his side. "Keep crossing your fingers," he told Chris. "If he ever does, you have to promise to steal a camera so I can see." He blinked up at the clouds again, playing with the shapes in his head. "I don't know. I think if a Justin fell in my lap, I wouldn't complain."

Chris looked up too, as though half expecting it to happen, then he laughed. "I promise," he said finally. "I wish you could be there, too. That would be cool."

"Yeah." JC sighed again, refusing to linger too much on things that wouldn't be. "So not Justin, huh? And not Nick? Not much for the pretty boys?" He actually wasn't, himself, much. Those two were just the exception that proved the rule.

"I think Nick's just *way* too much like a brother," said Chris with another laugh, sounding so much more relaxed now. "And that's just wrong. I can ... see where the attraction is, though. No, for me? i dunno. Haven't really let myself look all that much, you know?"

JC nodded, even though he thought to himself that it wasn't much fun to just gossip out loud to himself. "Sometimes that is hard. I mean ... I've thought about Joey, sometimes, even though I know how straight he is. Depressingly straight. It'll probably always be this kind of unrequieted thing."

"Joey's hot," agreed Chris with a little grin, to JC's surprise. "I've always thought so. Don't tell him, though, okay? I don't even know him. It was just ... a thing."

"You think?" JC couldn't help but ask, wondering how he could explain *why* he probably looked so surprised. To himself, even. "Huh. I keep telling him he should grow a goatee. He says he will when I get an earring, so we're kind of at an impasse." He thought about that some more, about Joey and Chris together, and just couldn't see it. "And no, I wouldn't say anything. Of course. I told you I wasn't going to say anything to anybody."

"I know, but I wasn't sure that applied to Joey," said Chris with a little smile. "I figured he was the kind of guy you told everything to. He has that kind of face, you know? All open but trustworthy. You're right about the goatee, though. And he's right about the earring."

"No, no," JC insisted, shivering. "No needles. Seriously, though, Chris ... I wouldn't tell him anything you said to me in confidence. Especially not something you thought might be embarassing. Even though he'd just be flattered, and probably flirt with you. He likes doing that."

Chris just laughed, though, and shook his head. "Not entirely sure I'm ready for guys to be flirting with me. 'Specially not ones that make me hard in spite of the fact I know they're straight. But it would be okay ... if you told him about me. You know, without the details."

JC was so preoccupied with trying to discern what it was about Joey that was obviously so attractive to Chris that he almost missed it. "What? You want me to tell him? I mean ... he'll be really happy, he's forever telling me I need to find a gay friend, but ... I don't need to name names. Unless ... I don't know. You wanted to practice having someone else know, or something?"

"Well, you don't *have* to tell him," Chris backed off a little. "I just meant if you wanted to. You could. I'm, like, giving you permission is all. That he's good to you and I trust him to know about me."

"Okay, cool, thanks," JC replied quickly, hoping he hadn't done something to offend Chris when he was off in his own little world. "Thanks, that's really considerate of you." And then he had to ask. "You *really* think he's hot? He's kind of ... Joey."

Chris gave him a grin that was almost shy. "You really think *Nick* is hot? He's kind of ... Nick," he countered wryly. "Joey's all ... he likes himself. That's sexy. You kind of have that, too."

"I don't!" JC protested, even more surprised that Chris had seen that as something they had in common. "Joey, does, though. He's got all this confidence, a great smile ... " He grinned shyly. "Okay, I guess I could see why you'd say he was hot. And for the record, I *didn't* say that about Nick. Just the mouth thing. Which we don't have to get back into."

"Oh, but you were thinking it about Nick," teased Chris. "And you *do* have that about it. It's like ... you take *so* much crap from people, you know? And you just ... you keep going. You keep doing your thing. You keep being you."

JC couldn't stop grinning, but didn't think that was the type of thing to protest more than once. It just wasn't very gracious. "Thanks, Chris," he replied, then looked at him a little closer. "You know, *you* should totally grow a goatee too. I bet you could, right?"

"Oh, I could," said Chris, rubbing his chin a little. "Finally. Yeah. But every time I start my mom tells me I look scruffy so I end up going and shaving anyway. So ... um ... you've never gone out with anyone, right? Or have you just never ... you know ... had sex with a guy?"

JC stared for a second, taken aback again as Chris jumped from subject to subject. They were so different, in that capacity. Not to mention being surprised by the *topic* of the new subject. "No, I ... " he closed his eyes again, linked his hands behind his head and settled back on the ground. "I've never really had the opportunity. At all. Even, uh, kissing."

"Me neither," said Chris, crossing his legs beneath him and picking at random strands of grass, not looking right at JC but certainly not ignoring him either. "I mean, obviously. But I wanted to say. I haven't done any of that either."

JC knew he didn't have to feel embarassed about that, about his lack of experience. And it certainly hadn't been for lack of desire, or motivation. He really *wanted* to touch a boy. A man. To see if the things he felt when he touched them were anything like the things she felt when he looked at them. "I want to, really bad," he admitted quietly. "It's hard to *know*, you know? Without getting to try."

Chris nodded like he really did understand, and JC guessed he probably did. "Cause you're just not sure until you actually do it., how you're gonna feel about it," he said, all but echoing him. "Except the way I look at guys ... I just don't look at girls like that. I don't think I ever have. So that's kinda ... how I know."

"You're graduating soon," JC pointed out wistfully. "And going to college. You're gonna have tons of opportunities. And I'm still gonna be stuck here." He bit his lip, toying with whether he wanted to tell Chris the rest of it. "Joey offered to, you know. Kiss me. To let me see what it was like."

"And you said no?" said Chris incredulously. Though of course *he* would be surprised, since he apparently had spent some time thinking about kissing Joey. "Sorry," said said sheepishly a moment later. "That's really cool of him, though, kinda. I bet he's a good kisser."

"One million satisfied girls can't be wrong," JC shrugged. "But ... I don't know. I don't think I would have been able to forget the reason why he was doing it, while we were doing it. And I'd like my first kiss to be. you know. Real."

"Yeah," agreed Chris, sounding wistful again. "Though I doubt I could stop at a *kiss*. I don't think most of my thoughts are that innocent. You know? I'd probably embarass myself I'd be so eager."

JC wondered if Chris meant in general, or if he was thinking specifically about Joey again. "You know," he hedged. "Chris. I think ... if you wanted, I think Joey would definitely extend the offer to you, too. He's pretty non-discerning. And that's not a comment about you!" Sometimes JC wanted to just ... staple his mouth shut. He said some of the dumbest things around people he didn't know well.

Chris laughed, but he also shook his head again. "No. I mean ... he's straight, you're right, so it would never be ... the same. Wow. He must really like to kiss, huh, to be offering it up to everyone he meets?"

"That's not ... " JC sighed, giving up. Chris flustered him more than most. "Whatever. The *point* is, you'll have all these chances to find someone. You can probably even be picky enough to find someone you're really *attracted* to, even." JC thought, again, of that kid in church -- Lance -- who Joey kept bugging him about once he'd turned down Joey's offer. But JC thought that would even be worse. With Joey, at least it would be obvious to both of them that JC was just using him. With Lance, it probably wouldn't.

"I don't know if it's ever gonna be that easy though," said Chris, suddenly growing serious again. "Finding someone, even when I'm in college. I mean, first I have to ... accept it, I guess, before I even do *any*thing. Then I have to let people know. Then I have to find someone who's not only gay but who would like me back. I dunno."

JC thought about all that. It just seemed like Chris had maybe accepted it more than he realized, already -- thinking about wanting to move on, to more physical stuff than just kissing if he was given a chance. "No, not easy," he agreed, shrugging again. It would still be easier than it would for him.

"Mostly just dreams right now," added Chris, sighing and flopping back into the grass. "Someday my prince will come, and all that. You know. I bet I could tell my mom." Another non sequitur, but JC could see how Chris's mind might've gone there. It was a subject that was probably never far from it.

"Do you think?" JC rolled over on his side to look at him. "She would be cool? That's so ... cool. Wow. I think you should. I mean. When you're ready and all." He hadn't even considered telling his parents, yet. If -- when -- he ever got around to doing anything about it, then. Then he would tell them. But he'd avoid it as long as he could, himself.

"She's always been cool with everything," said Chris, sounding thoughtful. "I mean, even if she got weird, I know she wouldn't be *bad* about it. She would never be mean to me. Well, unless I started smoking. Then she'd just tie me down until I quit, or something. Do your parents know?"

"No," JC admitted. "No. They'd be less than cool. I'll ... " he just voiced his earlier thoughts. "I'll tell them when there's something to tell. When I'll need their support. When ... I have someone I want them to know." "Oh," said Chris, his optimism seeming to fade right in front of JC's eyes. "I'm sorry. I probably wouldn't for a while anyway. I mean ... what if I'm wrong, right?" Only he hadn't sounded at all like he thought he was wrong about this, at any point in the conversation.

"Chris," JC watched him carefully. "You can tell your mom. Why does it matter whether I have? And why are you *sorry*? Is it ... I mean, do you think I don't have any right to tell you I think it's a good idea, if I haven't done it myself?"

"No, I mean, I'm sorry you *can't*," said Chris quickly. "I know I could, and if it happened by accident, getting outed to her, I know it would be okay. But it's still just kinda speculation right now. I've only just told *you*, and I *knew* you'd understand before I did."

"Are you still glad?" JC rolled over on his stomach to see Chris a little better. "That you did? I mean, *I* am. So glad. It's even worth getting teased about Nick, to have someone that listens. So far. And seems to be going through some of the same stuff. Even though ... even though I think some of the things that are hanging me up, aren't the ones that are giving *you* problems. And, um. Vice versa."

"Yeah, well, good to be reminded that everyone's still an individual," said Chris with a little smile, turning onto his side to be able to face JC, too. "I'm really glad I did, JC. I'm sorry about ... about what finally pushed me to do it. But I'm glad I did. It's really nice to have someone to tell about my crushes and stuff."

"You haven't, though!" JC protested, laughing, even though he really felt like he had no better idea of who and what Chris liked. "You just said Joey's hot. You know, I'm beginning to think that's why you wanted to talk to me in the first place. You thought he was my boyfriend. You thought we were hot, gay lovers and you were checking out the competition before you stole him away!"

"Yeah, that's it," said Chris dryly, but he also looked vaguely embarassed. "Um. I did think you were, though. Together. I mean, not *think*, but I wondered. But that's not *why*." He groaned. "Okay, just the *words* 'hot gay lovers' just about turns me on. I feel like I'm twelve."

JC chuckled too, feeling a little aroused himself, but he'd practically felt that way all day. He was just excited, and exciteable, and his body interpreted that the way it wanted to. "You did, really? But we ... I mean, he touches me and stuff, but doesn't it all seem friendly? or is it just ... you know. *Too* friendly."

"No, I think it was just me ... seeing things in other people, you know?" said Chris with a shrug, rolling onto his back again but keeping his head turned enough to see JC. "Seeing what I wanted to. It's not like anyone else would think that, probably. I mean, I'm friends with the biggest assholes in the school and they've never said they thought so, so I think you're safe."

"Well, he does get shit, sometimes," JC told him. "But then again, he has the pretty much failsafe defense that he's probably fucked or at least kissed their girlfriend at one time or another, and they can go ask *her* about how gay Joey is." He smiled. "I love Joey, a lot. But we could never date, even if he wasn't straight."

Chris grinned back at him. "Yeah, you gotta love that about him. He's just so *friendly*. Though if he gets anywhere near any of my sisters you know I'll have to kick his ass." He didn't sound *that* serious, but still left no doubt in JC's mind that he would defend those girls to the death. "So okay," he went on. "There is this guy in my math class, named Drew? He's kinda .. yeah. He's really hot." He laughed suddenly and began to roll over. "Okay, yeah, you don't need to be seeing that," he said as he flopped onto his stomach and adjusted his pants.

JC blinked a little, surprised that Chris wasn't lying, that just talking about this kind of stuff *was* turning him on. Which was the straw that broke the camel's back, for him; knowing that there was another boy -- a really cute, *gay* boy -- within touching distance, that was aroused ... his own erection was sudden and painful. "Um," he blushed. "D-Drew? I don't ... think I know him."

"Nah, you wouldn't," said Chris dismissively. "He's obviously a senior, too. Really quiet. Kinda muscular. Great smile. Man." He closed his eyes and shook his head and chuckled quietly. "Seriously, I spend all class looking at him. Or at least half the class looking at him and half the class looking to make sure no one sees me looking at him."

"I knew who you were," JC reminded him, stung just the tinest bit at the way Chris said that. "And if he's that good-looking, I just ... thought I'd probably noticed him before."

"No, I mean, he doen't even hang around school," said Chris, still pretty breezily. "He just goes to class and then goes ... somewhere else, I guess. No extracurriculars or anything. *I* only ever see him in class, or maybe once in a blue moon in the hall before class. *Definitely* good looking, though."

"Well ... okay," JC frowned. The whole thing sounded kind of strange to him, especially the part about a good-looking guy that he wouldn't have noticed. And Chris's insistence that he *wouldn't* have noticed. "That's cool, Chris."

"What?" said Chris, his smile fading quickly once again as he looked at the expression on JC's face. "Geez. Sorry for sharing."

"No, that's ... you *can*," JC protested. "What? I'm just still trying to figure out if I know this guy. Especially if he caught your eye. That's all."

"Okay, okay," said Chris, and JC didn't miss that he obviously felt comfortable rolling onto his back again. "Well, I just didn't want you to feel bad if you didn't. Cause you wouldn't have had much chance to. It's a big school and all."

It was still weird; Chris didn't know JC well enough yet to know *what* kind of chances he had to know anyone. But he wanted to stop talking about it, in any case. "Well, point him out to me, sometime," he murmured, then checked his watch. "What time did you say you had to be home to watch your sisters?"

"Not until just before dinner," said Chris mildly, turning his head toward JC and looking very ... calm. "Trying to get rid of me already?"

"No!" JC was starting to get irritated. "Look ... what are you doing, Chris? You're ... acting different. I don't get it. I don't know what I did, but whatever it was, I'm sorry. You can tell me, you don't have to ... push me away."

"Me?" said Chris exaggeratedly. "*You're* acting all weird. I'm, like, talking about the guy I have a crush on for the first time *ever*, and you're being all disapproving and stuff. Trust me, if I want someone to disapprove of me, I already know where to find it."

"I'm *not*, either," JC retorted, irritated, still, but hurt on top of it. "I wouldn't! Disapprove? I ... I don't know where you're getting that. I just don't know him, and that's ALL I said. You have a crush on him, that's ... it's great. You can tell me as much about it, about him, as you want."

"Well, I already did," said Chris oddly, but he didn't go anywhere. "Tell you about him. It's just a stupid crush anyway. A stupid crush on a stupid *guy*." He sighed and flopped over again. "I'm just lucky I'm not failing math, huh. The way I'm always looking. You have anyone like that?"

"That I'm in class with?" JC asked carefully, not wanting to say anything to set Chris off again. "Not. Not exactly. No."

"Oh," said Chris, sounding disappointed. "No cute guys in your classes? Well, maybe the senior class got lucky and get 'em all, huh?"

"Maybe," JC agreed, then felt awful all over again. Chris *was* sharing, and just because JC didn't have a crush on a *classmate*, didn't mean he couldn't ... at least tell Chris something about a crush of his own. "There is this guy, though. If you wanted ... ?"

"Oh yeah?" said Chris, perking up. "For real?"

JC nodded, and steeled himself. This was hard for him to admit to. For a lot of reasons. "Yeah. He's ... really handsome. Smart, and sophisticated, and sensitive. And when he's standing by me, I get all ... it tingles, kind of."

"Wow, you found yourself the perfect man," teased Chris, watching him intently now and even smiling again. This was what JC wanted to see. "Where do you know him from?"

"School," JC said slowly, watching Chris. He hoped he could trust him. "I ... told you about ... my art teacher, before, right?"

"Yeah ... " said Chris slowly. He was still smiling, but he looked more serious now in spite of that.

"Yeah," JC said, then ducked his head. It was embarassing. *So* embarassing. And kind of cheesy, cliched, to have a crush on the knowledgeable older guy that looked out for him, paid attention to him. At least Chris wasn't laughing out loud.

"Well, is he cute at least?" Chris asked, teasing, sure, but not meanly at *all*. "I've never met him before. He does sound really cool, though."

JC scratched the back of his head. "Cute? I wouldn't ... he's good-looking. He's a little old for cute. He's just ... so nice." He blushed. "At least you have crushes on people that are the right age. What am I doing? Some thirty-year-old, and then Nick and Justin, the jailbait twins. Man."

"Yeah, well, all of them are equally unattainable, so it doesn't matter much," said Chris with a sigh. "Besides, I think crushes on teachers and mentors and stuff are supposed to be really normal. And I mean, you obviously feel safe with him, since he knows about you, right?"

"I know that's a part of it," JC nodded. "I know I don't need to tell you that it's really important no one knows that, right? that I like him? 'cause even though I know he'd never look at me like that, and nothing would ever happen, he could get in a lot of trouble."

"JC, I'd never tell *any*thing you're telling me," promised Chris. "Especially that. And it's not like he's taking advantage of your or something. *That* would get him in trouble."

"He wouldn't," JC repeated. "He wouldn't. He's ... he's *so* nice, Chris." He was surpised at how quickly, how easily, it felt good to open up to Chris about it, when he always felt so lame gushing to Joey. "He always tells me that I'll meet somebody, that I just need to be patient. And that I'm brave."

"He's right about that, you know," said Chris. "About both parts. Like high school isn't hard *enough*, without being gay. You're *amazing* brave. Seriously."

JC looked up at him, smiling at how serious Chris seemed. And then he remembered that was one of the first things Chris had ever said to him. "Thanks," he replied, all of a sudden shy again. "But you, too."

Chris just laughed at that, though. "Me?" he repeated. "I'm not. At all. And you know it. I could take a lessor or five from you, in that area."

"I'm not going to fight with you about it," JC insisted, pulling his knees up to his chest and resting his chin on one of them. "So, yeah. My big secret crush. Obviously the keys to my heart are, like, compliments and facial hair."

"Ahhhh, so that's why you need Joey to grow the goatee," teased Chris. "Then maybe you'd understand the attraction. Cause I'm pretty sure he's already pretty free with the compliments, when it comes to you."

"Chris!" JC was laughing, again, finally, and so happy that whatever that rought patch they'd hit earlier was gone. "You know that's not it. And he *doesn't*, anyway. Compliment me. He says: you're too pretty, Chasez, that if I start waxing poetic about your eyes or your ass or whatever, you'll start to believe it and forget all about me."

Chris grinned, obviously knowing just as well as JC did what kind of compliment that was. "Well, at least he knows the right parts to focus on," he said. "Though, really, you should remind him about your hands, too. And your cheekbones. And your smile."

JC inhaled just a little. It was one thing, to hear that kind of stuff from Joey, who *did* say it all the time. It was another to hear it from someone he didn't know. And someone who might actually be *looking*. "I'll ... I'll do that," he stuttered. He wanted to say thank you, but couldn't.

"Good," said Chris, seeming as casual as JC was tense. "Because if he hasn't listed those before now, he's falling down on the job. Do you know what time it is?"

"Almost 6," JC admitted, glad for the easy question to answer. The one that didn't really require his brain to work. "Chris?" he blurted. "When you find a guy you want to kiss, just say that. Especially the hands thing. That's ... a good compliment."

"Six?" said Chris, looking disappointed. "Shit. I gotta go." He sat up quick, but wasn't so fleeting when he turned to JC again and gave him a smile. "But what if he has nice ears?" he said. "Shouldn't I compliment him on those, instead?" Then his eyes dropped down to JC's hands. "You do, though. Have nice hands. I wasn't just saying that."

JC resisted hiding them in his pockets, or wringing them, before he sat up too. "Thanks. I'll ... we can walk back together, right? Or ... if you'd rather not, I understand that too."

"No, we can," said Chris after a moment, standing up and brushing his pants off. "It's not like we're at school or anything. You didn't mean walk me back to my house, though, right? Just yours?" He looked uncomfortable as he asked.

"Well, whichever," JC replied, reacting to Chris's discomfort. "Am I on the way?"

"I don't know," admitted Chris with a shrug. "It's not ... it's not that I don't want to be seen with you. Honest. It's just ... my place is probably *way* out of your way. Is all."

"Well, okay," JC said, dusting himself off and starting back along the path. "But sometime, I *would* like to come over. Maybe if you decide to tell your mom? Then I can meet her. She sounds so cool. And the girls."

"Maybe we can all go out somewhere some time," said Chris, pacing himself alongside JC. "To the park or something. Then you could meet them. I'm sure they'll want to meet you, too."

"Oh, okay," JC nodded, trying to ignore the twinge when he realized CHris really must *not* want to be seen to have too much to do with JC, after all. "Whatever you think would work. I ... you can trust me, Chris. I just wanted to tell you that again."

"No, I know," said Chris, staring down at his feet. "I know. I just ... whatever you're thinking, you're probably wrong. I *do* want you to meet them."

"Well, then, I will," JC replied uncomfortably. "When you want me to. Let's ... maybe think of another time to get together, just us, instead? Not ... not in that way, just ... to talk some more. Since you have to go."

"Oh yeah," said Chris, finally sounding enthusiastic again. "We have to. We have to do this again, soon. I want to ... I really like being able to do this. With you."

"Good." JC relaxed enough to smile over his shoulder at Chris. Not everything had gone completely smoothly, but he hadn't expected that. He'd just gotten the chance to get to know Chris a little better. Maybe even get to know himself a little better. And both of those things were definitely worth the challenge.

* * *

JC was still a bit surprised at how easily Chris slipped into the seat across from him, opening his books before he'd even really said hello. It was probably even a commonplace sight now, to see them together at a table in the library, both quite studious ... if anyone ever bothered to look, anyway. "I'm bored," murmured Chris, keeping his voice low and just between the two of them. "What are you working on?"

"What am I *always* working on?" JC hissed in reply. "Math. Well. That, and guess who's sitting behind you, over by the window. I'm kind of working on staring covertly." He kept his own voice very, *very* soft as he said that. Chris was really careful about what he said out loud, and JC felt like he could learn a thing or two from that caution.

Chris tried to look without really looking, but failed. "Which one of the jailbait twins is it?" he whispered back, smirking a little.

"Justin," JC grinned, barely mouthing the name. "He's wearing a cap -- no, no, don't turn around again! I'll tell you when he's leaving -- he's wearing this little ski cap. His curls are, like, just poking out. It's fucking adorable. I'm going to hell."

"I want to *see*," whispered Chris, grinning at him for a moment before looking down at his books again. "He's the only guy ever who could look great in a ski cap. What's he doing? Is he reading?"

JC snorted. "If by 'reading' you mean playing footsie with this freshman cheerleader with a book open in front of him." He grinned back, though, and could barely resist kicking Chris's foot playfully, under the table. "What's wrong with me? I'm so smitten and he's just a kid."

"Yes, well, two points for the open book but subtract ten for the cheerleader," Chris murmured, giving JC a discreet wink. "Is it a blonde freshman cheerleader or a brunette freshman cheerleader? Not that I really need to torture myself like this, but tellll meeee."

"Why?" JC covered his mouth, chuckling. "What difference ... brunette, but what difference does it make?" He looked over Chris's shoulder at Justin again, but just to taunt him that he could see.

"That's Mandy, then I bet," said Chris with a nod and a slight shrug, twisting his head just a little, to see. "The blonde would be Christina. He's been playing both of them."

"Really?" JC glanced over again. She was cute, and he wasn't really surprised that Chris knew her name. Or that Justin had been playing her. It only took an off-hand comment like that to remind JC that Chris lived in their world. "He seems interested. Like, genuinely. Or he's *really* good at the game."

"He's that good," muttered Chris, but didn't sound bitter. Just maybe a bit resigned. "I don't think the guy's wanted anything in his life, ever, that he didn't get." He shrugged again and turned the page, even though JC had been sure he hadn't been reading. "So what other little treats can you see that i can't?"

"The tiniest bit of his bottom," JC admitted, allowing himself one more glance. "Kids today, and those baggy pants." He sighed and shook off another mostly unwanted dirty thought, and glanced the other direction. "More cheerleaders. Eh." His eyes got drawn autmatically back to Justin.

Chris looked over to the side and his eyes visibly widened, then darted down at his book again."Okay," he said in a hushed voice. "Over the the reference desk. Tall. Brown hair. What do you think?"

It was JC's turn to stretch a little, and felt all illicit. Definitely something he -- *they* -- shouldn't be indulging in, in the library. "Now," he replied quietly, after a lingering look. "Usually, I am much for the dark-haired ones. But he's too ... gangly. Bony? Reminds me of me."

"I think he looks great," said Chris with a secret smile. "Even the way his shirt's hanging on him looks hot." And Chris did, in fact, look a little bit flushed. But only a little. "You've gotta admit, he has a little something."

"A little." JC allowed, giving him another surreptitious glance. Still trying to get a handle on what Chris thought was hot. "I want a b- want someone that can, like, hold me against a wall, though," he said. "I don't think he could lift my sister."

"He could lift *my* sister," mused Chris with a smile, *not* looking at him now. "But then, my sister's, like, five. But that's not the important thing. He's so ... pretty." ncjmarlowe received C:\Adversity\Music\john mayer - comfortable.mp3.

"He has a nice jaw," JC admitted grudgingly. He'd much rather look at Justin some more, and did, just in time to see him slip a big hand under the cheerleader -- Mandy's -- skirt. And felt himself get hard immediately. "Oh," he breathed softly.

"What?" said Chris quickly, his eyes shooting. "What? What did I miss?" Then he calmed down and smirked again. "Or did Nick just walk in?"

JC could only shake his head. He watched Mandy close her eyes, then after a long second grab Justin's arm and push it away reluctantly. He didn't blame her. And he knew he probably looked as turned on as she did. "He's feeling her up," he finally got out, biting his lip.

"Oh, he's *not*," said Chris, actually letting out a laugh. "Punk freshman. They're gonna get busted, just wait and see." Then he stared at JC's face for a moment. "Damn ... was it really that hot? And I missed it?"

"His ... his hands," JC babbled under his breath. "You already have a thing for hands, but Chris ... he was just so *cocky* about it, and smooth ... and he can't have even grown into them yet, those hands ... "

"But he knows how to use them," agreed Chris, looking like he *knew*. "You should see him when he's not in a library. Not as subtle, but just as smooth."

JC had to force himself to close his eyes, to calm down. "Oh, I can't," he protested. "Don't. I won't be able to get to sleep tonight and I already feel so guilty. Just ... " It was too late, though. He was already picturing himself in that little girl's place.

"He's not *that* much younger than you," Chris reminded him wickedly. "It's okay for you to think about him like that. Just try not to blow a load in the library. They frown on that, here."

"Shut up," JC muttered, taking a few more breaths before opening his eyes again and staring fixedly at his math book. "Talk to me when you see *your* crush do something like that. Drew, right?"

Chris shut up quickly, but gave him a look that seemed almost admiring. "We'll never see him in the library, though," he said after a moment. "Or at least I never have before."

JC sighed and shifted his chair so Chris was blocking his view of Justin almost completely. "You're so sneaky, about him," JC accused gently. "All secret-spy. Why are you so sure I've never seen him?"

"Cause *I* hardly ever see him," said Chris, rolling his eyes. "Only in class. He's kinda short, brown hair, well built. Ring any bells?"

Having to admit it didn't, JC focused on Chris for a moment. "You don't really even *have* a type, do you?" he asked. "That guy, tall and skinny. This Drew kid? Short, apparently, and, like, beefy. And Joey. And Justin. They don't have anything in common! Except that none of them are blondes, really."

Chris grinned at him, looking amused. "You've been trying to figure out my type?" he asked, leaning on his elbow on the table. "I dunno." He dropped his voice even lower. "I mean, sometimes I feel like I'm getting turned on by every guy I look at. Mostly, though ... taller than me, which isn't hard. And you missed the thing they all have in common ... " He paused, seemingly for effect. "I have to like their smile."

"You know my type," JC pointed out, ducking before Chris caught his blush, hopefully. "You know all the things *I* look for. I'm just trying to keep things fair, here." He *did* nudge Chris's leg, a little, at that.

"I'm being fair," protested Chris, actually nudging back. "I don't *have* a type. I'm gorging myself on eye candy right now. I'll ... figure it out, sooner or later."

JC figured that was probably definitely fair, and nodded with a final quick glance at the tall guy Chris had pointed out. "But there has to be stuff you *look* for, first, before you even get to see a smile. Like me -- it's either the facial hair, or guys with really cool colored eyes. Like ... how Justin's are almost navy blue? and my art teacher's are honest-to-goodness silver. Anything like that?"

"Well, a nice ass doesn't hurt," said Chris with another grin. "And don't tell me * you* don't look for that either." He glanced up at the door again, but this time he frowned. "Oh hell," he said with a sigh.

"What?" JC would have turned around, but something on Chris's face made him think he'd be better off not drawing any attention. Again.

"Just some guys," said Chris with a sigh. "Look like we're studying. I'm gonna be dragged out of here again in a second, I think. There's a game tonight that I guess I need to be at."

"What?" JC repeated, taking a second to process that. "Wha- okay, sure." He ducked his head and picked his pencil back up, but the numbers in his textbook were just swimming around in front of his face. He understood this, that these guys were Chris's friends, but it still hurt every time he had to pretend not to know him as well as he did. And it hurt every time they were chosen over him.

"Maybe they won't see me," murmured Chris, but that hope was lost only moments later. "Kirkpatrick! Timberlake!" The boy got a stern look from the librarian, but that didn't stop him from bellowing across the library. "Let's go, boys!" And it was Justin who came to get Chris, curling that hand around his shoulder and laughing as he tugged Chris to his feet. Chris shot JC an apologetic look, but still stuffed all his things into his bag and got ready to go.

JC didn't even look up at Justin, even though he rarely had the chance to see him this close and he knew Justin wasn't as intolerant as some of the others -- but he was young, still. He ducked his head further, instead, and hunched his shoulders around his book, and bit his tongue to keep from telling Chris goodbye.

He didn't think Chris was going to say anything either; he certainly didn't as he slung his heavy bag over his shoulder and swiped at Justin's curls and make some lame joke about his parentage. But before they stepped away from the table completely, Chris said, "See ya later, Chasez," and rapped on the table and gave him a full -- if shaky -- smile.

JC didn't have a chance to say anything in return as Justin steered them away from the table, out of the library, but he did catch Chris saying, "No, he's cool," to something Justin had murmured to him before they finally moved out of earshot.

* * *

The next time Chris tracked JC down in the art room, he felt less guilty than he had before, but he was still really unsure of JC's reaction when he saw Chris, what he'd do. None of the possibilites in his head had him hearing JC before he saw him, though, professing his love in a breathy voice to someone in the art room with him. Someone male, who *obviously* returned the affection.

"I've been dreaming about this, you know," came the deep voice. "Hearing you say that. Getting to touch your face, your ... mouth ... "

He'd meant to just back away discreetly, fighting the urge to stay within earshot of the door, but his shirt caught on the door handle as he turned, jerking him back, and his full backpack went crashing to the floor, books and papers flying everywhere. Untill he looked down in astonishment at the disaster, he'd thought that things like that only happened in movies.

"What the - ?" When he looked back up, he was faced with a smirking Joey Fatone and a giggling JC Chasez peeking out behind him.

"You must be Chris," Joey said, tucking something under his arm and kneeling down to start picking up Chris's stuff before he did himself. "Nice entrance, man. Next time the drama club does a physical comedy thing, I'm looking you up."

Let it never be said that Chris Kirkpatrick could not see the humour in a situation. He looked from Joey to JC to the floor and started laughing as he picked a few things up himself. "Well, I was *trying* not to interrupt the grand passionate love affair going on in here," he smirked at them. "Next time I'll just come barging right in." And only then did he add. "Hi. You're Joey. Nice to meet you."

Joey threw his head back and laughed himself as JC sputtered. "Interrupt ... what? what?" He even backed away to put some distance between himself and Joey, which really only underscored to Chris just how close he *had* been standing.

"Oh, man," Joey sighed, wiping his eyes. "I *told* you, C, that you didn't have to help me with the ones where you had to play a girl. And *you* said you were confident in your sense of self and it wouldn't matter." He chuckled again and turned back to Chris. "JC, as I *hope* is obvious now, was helping me learn lines."

"Yes, I gathered that around the time I realized who was in here with him," admitted Chris, shoving his things back into his bag carelessly. He'd sort them out later. "Though, from outside that door ... " He pointedly pulled the door closed behind him. "Let's just say that things sounded pretty steamy in here. Which, of course," he added with a grin, "is why I was listening in the first place."

"Ahh, good to know I can sound convincing, waxing poetic about JC's beautiful lips," Joey mumured, winking at Chris when JC blushed a bright red. "So. What's up? You were looking for JC, I take it?" He clapped Chris on the shoulder, but didn't seem to be looking at him funny. Or looking at him at all, really, and Chris had kind of expected more of an inspection.

"Yes, well, there should be odes to JC's lips," Chris said smoothly, only a couple of moments later, dropping his bag on a table when he'd managed to get it closed. If Joey wasn't going to make a big deal, then neither was he. Or at least he would try. "Am I interrupting? I can come by tomorrow ... "

"No," JC spoke up, stepping forward and wiping his hands on his jeans. Chris noticed they were covered in paint, that he'd even been working while he helped Joey, apparently. "You're not. Joey wasn't really taking it seriously anyway." He glared at Joey, then rolled his eyes when Joey just blew him a kiss. "Did you need something? or, I mean, you can stay. If you just wanted to ... hang out."

"Yeah, I just kinda came to hang out before I went to work," said Chris, nodding at JC though it was Joey he was watching out of the corner of his eye. "Figured I'd find you here. And it didn't even take me twenty minutes to find the place this time, which is a plus."

"You're getting better," JC murmured, hopping up onto the table. He kicked at Joey's butt lazily as he swung his legs, until Joey turned around and slipped between his knees, pressing his thighs down against the table with his palms. Very comfortably, and very familiarly. "How're the girls?"

"Molly has a *date* tonight," groaned Chris, feeling old every time he thought about it, like *he* was their father or something. "Otherwise, they're doing great." The more he watched, the more he realized that Joey didn't care one bit whether JC was gay or not. He wasn't sure what Joey was like with everyone else, but he seemed even *more* inclined to touch JC than he might've been. "Nice to get away from the madhouse sometimes, though."

"How many sisters do you have?" Joey asked, turning back around but still nestled between JC's legs. It was the sort of question that convinced Chris, if he hadn't already guessed, that JC had told Joey quite a bit about him already.

For his part, JC rested his chin on Joey's shoulder and smiled at Chris. It was honestly amazing how different he seemed around his friend. Even more confident than CHris had seen, when they were alone.

Of course, Chris would be pretty confident, too, if he had someone like Joey to wrap his body around. Someone who would be that comfortable with *him*, even knowing all there was to know about him. "Four," he said a moment later, hoping the pause hadn't been obvious. "All younger. Four sisters and my mom, actually, which makes for a houseful of girls."

"Ooh, how much younger?" Joey's ears seemed to perk up, and JC shot Chris an 'I told you so' look before slapping Joey's head lightly.

"Too young for you," he muttered, then smiled at Chris again. "A date, wow. Are you gonna be there to check out the guy, or is she making you stay upstairs so you don't scare him away?"

"She's meeting him at the movies," said Chris, shaking his head sternly at Joey. "There's a group of people going, I guess. If I didn't have to work, I'd probably follow here and sit two rows behind. Do you think that's too stalkerish, or is that just proper big brother behaviour? I've never had to deal with a *date* before."

"Oh, that's sweet!" JC replied, at the same time Joey said "pretty stalkerish." Although Chris expected Joey had had to deal with more pissed-off older brothers and dads and best friends than any other seventeen-year-old he'd ever met.

"Movies, though, that's a good first date," Joey mused. "Allows for just enough nooky."

"*Not* what I wanted to hear," said Chris darkly, giving Joey a look. It was almost as comfortable talking to him as it was talking to JC. Even though Joey wasn't gay, he *knew*, knew about JC and knew about Chris, too, he assumed ... and it didn't make one bit of difference. He was exactly the same with him, with the bonus that Chris didn't have to censor himself. "There shall be no talk of nooky when my sister's involved. Got it?"

Joey smirked a little and whistled exaggeratedly, but Chris could tell he was just teasing. Especially when it seemed *JC* knew he was just teasing, and let Joey slump back against him again. "Well, what kind of nooky *should* we talk about?"

"Well," he said finally, after watching the two of them again for a moment. "On the other hand, at least she's *getting* some. And I don't have to be there to watch. Maybe it *is* better that I'm working and that mom'll be home with the other three. You think I should give her some condoms or would that be premature?" He knew he'd swung to the other end of the spectrum, but it was fun to see people's reactions to it. And at least she *was* getting some. Even just kissing would be heavenly.

"Chris!" He knew he could count on JC to be shocked, a little, by that, and not for the first time he had to wonder just how inexperienced JC *was*. With *anyone*, including girls.

Joey laughed again and pinched JC's calf. "You used the c-word," he accused Chris. "Well, one of the milder ones. You'll embarass JC."

"I think you're doing a good enough job of embarassing JC without my help," Chris noted with a smile, just generally feeling *good*, about this. About being around people who knew, and accepted. "And besides," he added, quite honestly. "My mom's probably already taken care of that. God knows she did with *me*, and I can't imagine she'd be any different with the girls."

JC was looking at Chris speculatively when Joey turned around and wrapped his arms around JC's waist. "Do I embarass you?" he asked dramatically, before lifting JC off the table and turning back around so he could dip him until his hair practically brushed against the ground. "You going around telling Kirkpatrick here that I *embarass* you? No wonder you're ditching me for him all the time."

"Oh, no," said Chris breezily, smiling at them still. "I came to that conclusion all on my lonesome, based on the fact that you manage to make the poor guy look like a *tomato*. I'm definitely not up to your skill level in that department yet, though I try." He winked and JC -- who looked embarassed but *happy* -- and stood back to let them do their thing.

"Oh, come on," Joey replied, leaning even further over JC and ignoring his weak protests for Joey to let him go. "I'm sure he's already told you stuff that he won't tell me that would be *way* more embarassing."

It was the first close-to-explicit proof that Chris had that Joey knew exactly what Chris and JC had in common, and it *still* didn't change anything. And it looked like it was so good for JC to have Joey around to ground him about it. To talk frankly. Almost as frankly as the two of them had.

"Didn't you, Jace," Joey was laughing, trying to press his lips to JC's face as JC squeaked and held him off. "You were telling Chris about the sexy, sexy dream you had about me the other day, the one that made you wake up all hot and sticky ... "

Chris couldn't help but laugh, watching them, definitely unwilling to cop to any dreams he may or may not have had about Joey Fatone in the last year or so. "Oh please," he said, getting into the spirit of it. "You don't think there are a hundred other guys in this school who are cuter than you that a guy might rather have hot and sticky dreams about? You sure do pick friends with big egos, JC ... " He was grinning the whole time, though he was sure Joey didn't need that kind of signal to know Chris was joking.

JC finally managed to extricate himself, huffing and tugging his shirt back down from where it had been rucked up, over his stomach. "Not to mention the fact that he's *making it up*," he added, glaring at Joey before breaking into a grin of his own. "He knows I don't dream about him."

"The goatee thing, right," Joey sighed, shrugging. "Well, sorry, Chasez, but the ladies aren't big fans of beard-burn. And I love you, but only up to the point that you start messing with my game."

Chris caught JC's little stress on the "I" part of that sentence and gave him a bit of a wry smile. "You'd look good in a goatee," he said to Joey a moment later, "and I can suggest a few times a woman might not mind a little facial hair. But -- " He was looking at JC when he said it. "I'll admit ... it's not exactly like I'm an expert with girls."

"And not for lack of interest on their parts, I'm sure," Joey bantered back, raising his eyebrow. "And that's two unsolicited compliments, Kirkpatrick, even if one of them was pretty backhanded. You'd better watch it ... I'm the great love of JC's life, and he gets all territorial. He'll scratch your eyes out if he thinks you're trying to move in."

"Well, I think I have some ammunition of my own, in that regard," said Chris, giving JC an amused look. "Some big, blond ammunition. I think he'll keep his claws to himself. *If* I wanted you. There's that ego again, Fatone ... "

"Oooh!" Joey let go of JC completely and clapped his hands together. "Big and blond, huh? Hmmm. Big ... and blonde ... "

JC rolled his eyes and moved to stand a little closer to Chris. "Thanks," he said sarcastically, but he didn't seem upset. "He's never gonna let that go until he figures out who you mean. Seriously. He'll be calling me, throwing rocks at my window in the middle of the night to guess ... "

"Better you than me," teased Chris, elbowing him lightly. "There's enough noise at my place in the middle of the night and, thankfully, neither of you know where I live anyway. Sooo .... " He gave JC a thoughful look. "Maybe I'll just have to let you meet Mr. Big and Blond soon, huh?"

JC returned the considering look, and Joey quieted, obviously catching the undercurrent there. "Seriously?" he asked, his voice a little softer. "You're gonna introduce JC to a guy?"

"No, it's not ... " JC protested, shaking his head but not taking his eyes off Chris's. "Not like that. It's just one of Chris's friends, Joe. Who, um. Doesn't know?" It was a question, directed at Chris; obviously JC wasn't certain that hadn't changed.

"Doesn't know *yet*," clarified Chris, his eyes darting from JC to Joey. "He's not a potential anything, he's just a friend. But a friend that maybe might want to meet my ... other friends. I hope, anyway." He held up his crossed fingers and smiled and told himself that everything was going to be okay. Just look at Joey and JC, after all.

JC, who was blushing but obviously happy; and Joey, who was looking at both of them with what looked like pride. "Well, good," Joey said gruffly. "Cause I don't care how big and blond he is, I'm not ready for JC to give up on me yet."

"JC doesn't strike me as the kind of person that ever gives up," said Chris, with more fondness than he'd realized would be there. But it wasn't long before he began thinking about Nick, about how he was going to tell him and when and where and whether it was going to be like *this*, when all was said and done. Looking at Joey and JC again, he really hoped that it would be.

* * *

Chris made sure he didn't run, didn't do anything to call attention to himself, but it was hard. He wanted to sprint the rest of the way to JC's house and bang on his door and spill the whole thing to him , talk it out with him ... but he made himself walk. Made himself take an inconspicuous route. And, when he reached JC's front door, made himself ring the doorbell respectfully.

Luckily, it was JC who answered, looking tentative at first but grinning broadly when he saw who it was. "Chris!" he smiled. "Wow, I didn't even know you knew where I lived. What's going on?" He knew he would have asked what was wrong, probably would have assumed the worst, had it not been for the grin Chris knew was plastered on his own face.

"Can I come in?" he asked, peering past him into the doorway into the house. "Is anyone else home? I got your address from the phone book, hope that's okay. I kinda knew where you lived and you don't have the most common name in the world so it was pretty easy." He could hear himself babbling and forced himself to take a deep breath. "Hey," he said a moment later. "How are you doing?"

"I'm good," JC laughed, backing up. "Come on in. My parents are downstairs, but we can go up to my room. And, hey, I can show you the pantings! Even though, you know," he blushed, "I'm not saying that's why you came."

"No, I want to see them,," said Chris, latching onto that until they were upstairs and alone. "You know I want to see them, I loved that one so much." He grinned and took another deep breath. "Need to see what kind of perv my friend really is, after all."

"They're not!" JC protested, walking over to where a couple of canvasses were laying facing a wall. "Pervy. Just ... " He trailed off, though, as he turned them around. And they *weren't* perverted, as far as Chris was concerned, just definitely more explicit than the other one.

"You're really talented, you know," said Chris, looking at them and almost forgetting why he *had* come over in the first place. "Like, seriously talented. With a *great* imagination, or else an extensive collection of porn." He grinned wickedly again but he hoped JC could tell that he was genuinely impressed by them. They were beautiful.

JC was staring at them himself, chewing on his lip. "A little of both, I think," he murmured distractedly, then shrugged and turned back to Chris. "I think I'm getting better. And I'm really glad you like them. It's ... I'm just glad."

"I don't have any porn with guys," murmured Chris, still looking at the paintings. "I've never even seen any. I know that sounds totally lame, but ... I've just never had the chance. So I guess I'm the one with the pervy imagination, huh?"

"Oh, really?" JC looked truly surprised, then tried to hide it. "Wow. Um. Well ... did you want to borrow some, or ... " He turned away from Chris again, went to digging under his bed, mumbling to himself.

"I couldn't keep it at home," he said with a sigh, sliding cross-legged to the floor and watching JC dig around. "And we don't have Internet access so I couldn't get it that way, either. Maybe I could look here sometime, though? If that wouldn't be too extremely, ridiculously and uncomfortably weird?"

"I would be okay with that," JC shrugged, sitting back up on his knees. "Whenever you wanted." He gestured to his computer, the small television and VCR he had in his bedroom. "Your choice of media and everything."

Chris looked around and tried not to feel envious at how much JC had. Or tried not to *look* envious anyway, since he couldn't help feeling it. But he only had to remember what JC went through each and every day at school to realize that this really didn't compare. "Thanks," he said quietly, hardly even knowing where to start. "So. Um. I told Nick," he blurted out.

"What?" JC said, staring, and then grinning once that registered. "When? Just now? Why didn't you *tell* me??" He shifted on the floor like he wanted to get up and hug Chris, but then wasn't exactly sure how it would be received.

"I *am* telling you, dork," said Chris with a laugh, unable to hold it back. "I told him this afternoon. And then I came here." He watched JC for a moment, then opened his own arms invitingly. "Wow, huh?"

JC looked really, really surprised, and crawled over to where Chris sat before shyly slipping into his embrace. The first thing, the *first* thing that Chris noticed was how good he smelled. And then that his skin was cool. And then that he felt really fragile in Chris's arms. And *then* he realized that JC was saying something. "I'm really proud of you," he mumbled.

"Thanks," said Chris, and gave himself permission to just feel good about this for a moment, to not have to poke fun at it just because it was tender. "I think I'm still too much in shock to be proud of me yet. But I just *had* to tell you, right away."

"So I guess he took it well," JC said, pulling back and sitting cross-legged in front of Chris, his hands in his lap. "I mean. Given how happy you are?"

"Yeah," said Chris simply, still grinning. "Yeah, he did. I mean, he's not *Joey*, he wasn't all over me or anything. And he was way surprised like I guess Joey wasn't. But he was really cool. He didn't freak out or anything."

"That's really ... that's so great, Chris. Wow. Go Nick." JC was smiling like it was going out of style. "WHat did he say? What did *you* say?"

"Well," said Chris with another laugh, pulling his knees up against his chest and hugging them, resting his chin on them. "I said, 'So Nick. I think guys are hot.' and then he said, 'All guys, or just the cute ones? Because despite your fashion sense, I still hold out hope that you have taste.'" At JC's skeptical look, he laughed again. "I'm *serious*. That was the start of the conversation, word for word."

JC *still* looked like he didn't believe it, but he laughed anyway. "A nice mouth *and* a sense of humor?" he mused. "Wow, Joey really *is* in danger of losing his place as the great love of my life."

"Well, I mean, then we went on to all the 'seriously?' and 'when did *this* happen?' and 'do you have a boyfriend?' and all that. We were at it for a couple hours. But yeah ... it was good. LIke, *really* good. And you can't have him! He's *my* friend." Then he pretended to think about it for a moment. "Well, I might be willing to trade him for Joey, actually."

JC laughed again, blinking and grinning and generally just looking pleased with life. "You promised to introduce us," he reminded Chris, then squeaked a little. "I can't wait to tell Joey. He'll be so happy too. Even though it'll mean *that* crush isn't so secret anymore." He hummed a little, then reached out to squeeze Chris's knee. "I just *really* can't believe how mature he sounded. Or ... I mean, do you think maybe he knows somebody else?"

Chris laughed again and then just tackled JC, pulling him into another tight hug. "Oh, wow, can you believe I *did* that?" he said, rocking them both back and forth. "I don't know why he was so cool. I'll ask him next time I see him. I'm just so ... *wow*, right now."

"You are," JC agreed, giggling, but not trying to squirm away at all. "But it's great news. And I know it's a relief. And ... it's the first person you told, really! Do you feel different?"

"*You* were the first person I ever told," Chris reminded him, stilly rocking them back and forth and laughing, *so* glad to have someone to share this with. Finally. "I dunno. Am I supposed to feel different? I feel ... lucky, that Nick is my friend and no matter what, he'll always tell me I wear the most godawful shirts. Do I? Wear awful shirts?"

"Oh, yes," JC nodded, wrapping his hands lightly over Chris's arms to keep them around him. "Yes, very awful. A goatee would distract from them, though. Think about it." He was still laughing himself, and Chris was pleased the news had obviously been so good for JC, too.

"Well, I'll have to think about that, then," he said with a grin, continuing to hold JC. "Cause there's not much I can do about the shirts. So when you tell people -- have you told anyone other than Joey, actually? -- do they usually ask lots of questions? Cause Nick did. And I bet I would, too."

"I told you," JC said awkwardly. "And Mr. Offner. You know, my teacher. But ... yeah, so not so many questions. What kind of questions? I mean, you said he mentioned boyfriends ... "

"Yeah," said Chris, finally letting go of JC but still leaving their knees and forarms touching. "If I had a boyfriend or if I *ever* had a boyfriend and what it was like to do stuff with a guy and what it felt like to be gay. I mean, how do you *tell* someone what it feels like to be gay? It just ... *is*."

"That's all you can say, I guess," JC admitted, ducking his head again, looking a little awkward for the first time since Chris had gotten there. "What did he say when you told him you ... hadn't? I mean, done stuff?"

Chris sighed dramatically and shook his head. "He laughed a little," he admitted. "I mean, not meanly, but just 'cause ... I mean, he's two years younger than me and *he* sure as hell isn't a virgin."

"*You* are?" JC blurted. "I mean ... I thought, with girls?" He bit his lip. "Wouldn't he have already known that, though?"

"Well, I've dated," said Chris, feeling his face flush a bit at JC's reaction. "He assumed. I didn't *have* to assume, about him; he loves to talk to me about stuff like that. So yeah. I am. What, you gonna laugh at me, too?" He knew JC wouldn't, though, and gave him a friendly -- if mildly embarassed -- grin.

"Not when you have so much more to laugh at me about," JC promised. "I'm ... sorry, if I reacted wrong, just now. I was just surprised, too. *I* assumed. Obviously."

"No, no, you didn't react wrong," Chris assured him quickly. "And you're probably the only person I know who *understands* why I never really wanted to. I mean ... with a girl. Because *obviously* I'm gonna want to do it with a guy, one of these days. I do have *need*, after all."

JC hesitated. "Was it really very strange?" he asked quietly. "I mean, did it ... just not do anything for you? Or would you find yourself picturing something else?"

"It didn't really turn me on, no," said Chris after a moment. "That was ... difficult, 'cause in my head it was supposed it, right? So I'd put more pressure on myself which probably just made things worse. So ... no. It didn't happen. And I tried not to let myself picture someone else -- like, a guy -- even though sometimes when I was kissing it would happen anyway. I couldn't help it."

"Oh," JC murmured, nodding. "So ... what did Nick say about that, then? After the ... laughing part, I guess. He didn't offer to set you up with Justin, by chance, did he?"

"Nooo," snickered Chris. "definitely didn't offer to set me up with Justin. And that's not what I said to Nick, that was just for you. After I told him I was a virgin, though? Man, I had this coming ... " He laughed, even as he shook his head again. "He patted my shoulder and told me not to worry, that it would happen for me one day when I was ready. Which is, like, *exactly* how I said that to him when he was fourteen."

"Yeah," JC said, but he didn't laugh at that the way Chris had kind of expected he might. "I'm still just, I can barely even wrap my head around this, Chris. I mean, you really *told* someone. That *knows* you. That's so huge. Was there anything he asked, or said, that you didn't *want* to answer?"

"Well ... " said Chris slowly, thinking about it. "He asked if I though of *him* that way. As, like, a potential sexual thing. Which was awkward because ... I mean sure. I've looked. But never seriously. And I didn't know how to explain that without it being weird, so I just said no. And then told him he was an ugly fucker." Nick had laughed at that and the moment had passed with no further awkwardness which was exactly what Chris had been hoping for, but the memory of it lingered.

JC smiled again at that, but still more tentatively than Chris would have expected. "This is so different," he admitted. "From me telling Joey, in so many ways. He would have been offended, seriously offended, if I hadn't thought of him that way. But ... you handled that the best way, I think. There are things he doesn't need to know. And ... like you said, it was never serious."

"Yes, but Joey's ego is almost too big for his body," teased Chris, nudging JC's arm with his own. "I think he halfway expects *me* to confess my undying lust for him. Which I might have done, too, if I thought he'd put out. But Nick's different ... he's younger, I'm not sure he would have handled that well. I mean, he would have been okay with me, with the gay thing, but the way he acted around me would have changed, I'm sure."

"Probably," JC nodded, pulling his hands back into his own lap again. "So, um. Did you ... mention me? at all? Or ... I mean, I'd understand if it didn't come up."

"No," said Chris, watching JC's hands nervously. He seemed to be retreating away from him so much, in ways that he never would have retreated from Joey. Maybe they just needed more time, to get to know one another. "No, I mean, I *wanted* to," he went on, "but it was more important to me to ask you, first. So is it okay? To talk about you, when I talk to him next time?"

JC gave him a sweet smile, then pulled one of his knees up to his chin. "Yes," he said simply. "I mean. Maybe not the mouth thing, if you want me to be able to actually talk to him when I get to meet him. But you can tell him. If you think he'll be ... as cool."

"He'll be just a cool," said Chris confidently. " But, I mean ... you know he probably won't be surprised, right? About you?" He would have been nervous saying that about anyone else, when their knowing might have mean bad things for JC, but this was different. "It'll be good, to be able to talk about you with him."

JC's face fell anyway, though, and he looked even more uncomfortable. "No, I guess he wouldn't, would he," he murmured. "Well. Tell him if you want to, then. And I'll ... I promise I'll try not to embarass you, Chris."

"Hey," said Chris quietly, suddenly feeling awful just for reminding him, no matter what the context. "What do you mean, embarass me?"

"By doing whatever I ... do," JC replied. "Whatever it is. That makes me so ... *flaming*, or whatever." He covered his face and stood up quickly, walking over to his computer. "You know that's probably why Nick was cool, with you. Because you're not like that. And he can forget you are gay, if it makes it easier for him."

Chris hated to think that JC was right, would *not* admit that he might be right. He stayed right where he was on the floor and watched JC fidget, so far away from him now. "Nick's not like that," he said, "and I'm not embarassed by you. I've done everything I can to show you that I'm not. So you don't ... you don't have to be like that with me. We don't have to be like that with each other. We have this thing -- this big thing -- in common and the way we act doesn't change that."

"Maybe," JC muttered, slumping into his chair. "I guess we'll see, either way. You're great, with Joey, and I'll just do my best with Nick." He looked *so* sad, and Chris just couldn't figure out exactly why. It didn't seem to just be that, what he'd said about Nick; there was something else.

"Look, did I say something?" he asked bluntly, unable to keep a worried note out of his voice. "That ... drove you away, or whatever it did? Because I didn't mean to, JC. Honest, I didn't."

"What? no," JC said, but he wouldn't look at him. "No. I'm just ... I've been tired, all day today. I was about to get in bed when you came over, even. Pretty crazy." He got to his feet again, slowly. "But, um, so did you need a ride home?"

"You're kicking me out?" said Chris, staring at him in surprise, then scrambling to his feet when JC seemed serious. "No, you just ... do whatever. I can get home fine by myself, JC."

"I'm *not* -" JC started, his voice sharp, before he turned completely around with his back to Chris. "I am not. I wouldn't. I'm just all in my head, now, Chris, and I feel so bad because I should be all supportive for you right now, but I can't, it's like I can't get past my own shit, and I don't want to fuck this up *ever* and I'm *so* scared that's exactly what I'm doing and it just makes me *tired*, tireder, and, like, all depressed. Which I hate."

Chris almost laughed when the first thought that ran through his head when he tried to figure out how to handle this was "what would joey do?" but he managed not to. Instead of heading to the door, he went over to JC and impulsively slipped his arms around JC's waist from behind. It just seemed like the right thing to do, for him. "I'm sorry," he said quietly. "That it's been so awful for you."

And JC flinched, violently, but he didn't push him away the way he had almost every time Chris had touched him before. He tipped his head, and Chris stared at the short hairs at the nape of his neck. "I'm being such a suck right now," JC whispered, almost lurching forward again. "This isn't even about me; today isn't."

"You're not," said Chris hesitantly, just holding on to him. It seemed to be doing what he meant it to. "I just don't understand what's going on. I know it's hard, JC. Trust me, I *know*."

"You know some of it," JC argued, before shuddering again. "I'm fine. Chris? I'm fine, okay? There's just other things I don't think you know and I don't know how to tell you yet, and that feels weird too. So maybe just ... forget everything we said today, after the good stuff? and we can revisit the rest some other time."

"Will we, though?" said Chris, daring to stroke JC's stomach with his fingers, soothinly, he hoped. "I don't have anywhere to be, JC, if you want to try. I don't work tonight. I don't have to watch the girls. I don't even have to go anywhere and be seen. I don't really want to be anywhere but here, talking to you about this stuff."

JC is quiet for a minute, before Chris realizes he's shaking. "Stop," he finally says, in a silent whisper of breath, and Chris can feel his fingers fluttering over Chris's hands.

Chris stops, but doesn't let go of him, just loosens his hold a little. "I don't know what's going on," he said again. "But I'd like to. When you're ready. Because you've become this ... really good friend, to me, JC."

"You too," JC choked out, and for a second Chris worried that he was crying, that he'd done something to make JC -- who'd never been anything but the sweetest thing, to him -- *cry*. "I just ... " He pushed Chris's arms away carefully, reluctantly, and walked past him to his bed. But at least his eyes were dry.

"Okay, I'll try not to push," said Chris, raising his hands slowly, non-threateningly. "But how about we start by finishing sentences. 'Cause, I mean, I'm a smart guy and all, but I usually grasp things better that way."

"I wouldn't ever want to embarass you," JC repeated, tugging his shirt as he crossed his legs, then uncrossed them, wincing in discomfort. "Like, ever. I would hate that. And if anything ever happened to you, like's happened to me before, I'd ... I'd hate myself. So much. And, so, that's the first thing. That if Nick meets me and I'm exactly what he expects so he starts treating *you* different and then tells Justin and Justin tells AJ, or Kevin, and then *you* have a broken hand or worse!"

Chris processed all that exressionlessly, but one thing just jumped out at him. "They broke your hand? That's what happened, JC, someone came after you and broke your hand?" He couldn't stop the horror at someone doing that to JC from crossing his face.

"I *told* you, about it being broken," JC replied, looking down at the bed. "And I thought, I thought you understood. I don't ... think they meant to, really, but yeah. So yeah. I'm worried about you, 'cause you're this really good friend to *me* now."

"I thought it just ... happened," mumbled Chris, looking down at his own, strong, hands as he slowly moved toward the bed. "I didn't understand. I couldn't even have imagined ... " He didn't sit down on the bed, but he did reach for JC's hands. "I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared. But you should never feel responsible for anything that might happen to me, because of who *I* am."

"Chris," JC pleaded, keeping his own hands tightly held in his lap, not letting Chris take them. "Please. That's ... that's the other thing, okay? Please don't."

Chris let his hands fall. "Sorry," he mumbled, taking a step back. "I just thought ... " He just shrugged, though, and let it go. It wasn't his business, if JC didn't want to say. And as close as *he* felt to JC, didn't mean JC felt that back. He had Joey, after all, who'd *always* been there for him.

"No, what? what did you think?" asked JC quietly, sadly. "I mean. Why do you think I'm not ... I asked you not to?"

"Well, because you didn't want me touching you," said Chris simply, rubbing his palms against his thighs briskly for a moment. "I mean, it's okay, I shouldn't have assumed that just because it was okay for Joey that it was okay for me, too. So, sorry? Forgive me?"

JC blinked. "Joey? Oh. No, Chris. No, that's ... it's different with him." And Chris *knew* that, he was getting that loud and clear. But JC kept talking. "Actually, it's more like it's different with you. It feels different. And ... the way my body reacts. Different." He looked mortified, but so insistent on Chris not misunderstanding him this time.

"Oh," said Chris, looking JC up and down. "*Oh*. Um. Okay. I think that's ... normal, mostly. No, I'm sure it's normal."

"So maybe it's better if you don't," JC finished weakly, accepting Chris's eyes on him stoically. "I'd really ... rather you didn't. Until I'm a little more used to it."

"Right," said Chris, rubbing his hands against his pants for another moment. "Would it help if I told you me too? With the reaction? So I understand that it just ... happens. And I'm glad it happens with *you*, because anyone else might not take it well. Might not understand that it's just normal."

"Maybe," JC replied, still dubious and, obviously, self-conscious. "But it still feels strange, because ... well, it just does. Because the context is all wrong, and ... look, Chris, I've never even been *kissed* before, okay? By anyone. So believe me, it may be a normal reaction, but it still feels out of control."

Chris just raised his hands again. "I'm not pushing," he said. "Trust me, it feels really weird to me, too, JC. I'm still ... most of my head is still taken up with coming to terms with this, still. I just thought you might want to know you're not alone, in that. So neither of us need to be embarassed by it."

JC nodded, and scooted over awkwardly on the bed. Obviously making room for Chris, if he wanted it. "That does help," he admitted. "And it's not that I don't want to be able to touch you, you know, as friends, but sometimes ... "

Chris sat down gingerly on the edge, worried about being to invasive on JC's space. He did that, sometimes, without even realizing. "I know that, JC, really, don't worry about it. It's fine. And it's cool if it happens again, or whatever. I probably won't even *tell* you all the times it happens to me cause you'll start to think I'm a big freak or something." "I won't," JC said carefully. "You're not. It's just ... *ridiculous* how little experience I have. Being with someone. Even when my head knows it's not supposed to be anything, my body's jumping at it."

"*Tell* me about it," said Chris fervently, turning his head to give JC a very, very understanding smile. "I feel like I live in the middle of being turned on *all* the time and not feeling ready to do anything about it. So, yeah. I get that. I get that *perfectly*."

"But - " JC started, then just gave a little sigh and smiled back at Chris. "Yeah, okay. You get it too. It's nice not to be the only one. I'm ... sorry, if the way I was acting before hurt your feelings. It's not that I like Joey better."

"It's okay if you do," Chris reminded him, hoping that he didn't seem to need that reassurance. "You've known him way, way longer than me. He's been there for you through some really, really rough stuff. Of course you'll gonna like him better."

JC laughed at that. "I really don't, Chris. It's just different. You and Joey, you're ... nothing alike. And we hugged, some, before, and it was cool, right? I just have to get used to you, the way I'm used to him."

"Well, we'll just have to give you -- give us -- a chance to do that, then," said Chris, nodding his head in satisfaction. He would never be to JC what Joey was -- and wouldn't even try -- but it would be nice to have that confort level with him, where they could touch without it being a traumatic event.

"Right, good," JC nodded, then fell silent. "So, um. This is my room," he pointed out weakly, and Chris had to laugh -- they really had skipped over that whole part of him visiting JC for the first time. "I'm glad you finally came over."

"Me too," said Chris, looking around the room again, still a little amazed by it even though he tried not to be. "You've got a really nice place. And maybe next time we can do that porn thing 'cause ... really looking forward to that. Probably a little *too* much."

"Sure, no, we definitely can," JC said quickly, with pink, pink cheeks. "I know exactly what I want to show you, I think. There's this one magazine, with this guy ... he could be Justin's twin, I swear."

Chris laughed, both at the idea of finding Justin in a porn magazine and at JC's reaction to just mentioning it. "I really do wish I could borrow some but ... well, we'll make do. It'll be fun."

"This weekend, maybe?" JC said hesitantly. "I mean, obviously I don't want to force it on you, but I don't want you to feel like you have to invite yourself either ... "

"No, this weekend would be good," said Chris quickly, running possible excuses for missing AJ's party through his head as he answered. "Saturday? I have to work on Sunday, so I can't miss that."

"Sure," JC smiled, before reaching out to touch Chris's knee shyly. "Saturday's fine. My parents'll even be out, so just come over whenever. Or do you ... would you need a ride? I still don't know where you live, how far of a walk it is ... "

"No, no, I can walk," said Chris hastily. "It's only maybe a half hour walk or so. Maybe a little more. I'll come over some time in the afternoon, okay? Mom'll need me to stay home to watch the girls while she goes grocery shopping, but after that I'm free."

"I can pick you up," JC insisted, looking concerned. "A half hour, that's pretty far ... and either way, you should let me take you home now. Unless you drove? It's dark."

"JC, really, I do it all the time," Chris persisted, not quite looking at him. Not quite able to look him in the eye. "You don't need to worry about giving me a ride, you said you were tired anyway. You shouldn't be driving when you're tired."

"If you're sure?" JC's eyebrows were raised, but he blessedly didn't press it any farther. "Well, okay. But did you want something before you go? a drink, or a cookie?" He blushed again. "Sorry. I know you're not six. I just kind of feel like we made a playdate. I'm regressing."

Chris laughed, and more than a little of it was relief. "Nah, we just made plans," he assured him, even though it *did* feel an awful lot like a playdate. "I do it all the time. Don't worry about a drink, though, there's lots of water waiting for me at home."

JC smiled again as he crawled off the bed, and slipped his feet into some fuzzy slippers that had Chris raising his eyebrow, and pulled on a sweatshirt. "Here, I'll walk you out, then," he said. "And see you tomorrow in school? maybe?"

"Well, sure," said Chris, smiling as he watched JC get ready. "And I'm sure you'll see me tomorrow. I have a history test, I'll be in the library for hours."

"Well, sometimes I do, sometimes I don't," JC said, before catching Chris looking at him as he shuffled toward the door. "What? Come on. Why are you smiling like that?"

Chris just shook his head and let it remain a mystery. "I'll probably be easy to find tomorrow," he reiterated. "I'll be in the library until they kick me out."

"Well ... okay," JC relented, finally smiling back and hopefully picking up on the hint that he wanted JC to come see him the next day. "Then I'll see you. Unless someone gets there first."

"Right," said Chris softly. He hated every time he had to admit that was true, but it was. "Not likely anyone else is gonna find me in the library, though. I actually say no to people the day before a test. So ... you have a good night, JC. And I'll see you soon."

"Oh, okay, good night," JC replied softly, hanging back in the doorway as Chris headed for the stairs.

Chris looked back and gave him another smile. "You could still walk me to the door," he said, angling his head toward the stairs. "You know ... play the gentleman. If you wanted. "

"Oh!" JC stood up straighter. "But you said goodnight." He was grinning as he brushed past Chris, then led the way downstairs, scratching at his neck. "You need to stop confusing me."

"And *you*," said Chris, finding himself grinning again just at seeing JC happy, "need to stop jumping the gun. I was just being polite, so I didn't forget to wish you a good night. I'm not really used to ... niceties, except when I'm at home, of course."

"Okay, I'll work on that," JC sighed, but his smile was big and bright as he tugged open the front door. "So, um, congratulations. Again." He stepped closer, hesitantly, then took another step and held out *his* arms.

Chris only hesitated a moment himself, looking around quickly, before wrapping his arms around JC and squeezing him tightly. "Thanks," he said as he let him go. "I really don't think it's quite hit me yet, that he knows. I'll probably call you when it does."

JC nodded and tucked his arms under his sweatshirt as he stepped back from the door. "Anytime."

Chris gave him another smile and a quick wave, then turned and practically bounced down the steps and down the front walk, starting off for home.

* * *

JC felt dumb, just *dumb* as he sat on his bed, in his room, waiting for Chris to show up. He'd already jerked off twice, so he wouldn't be as likely to embarass himself when they looked at the porn. Which he hadn't needed at all. He'd found the magazine he'd mentioned to Chris, and then one of his favorite tapes, and gotten those out in preparation. And another tape that he'd show Chris, if he had the guts. And if Chris wanted. But staring at the pile felt dumb, too. And the way he jumped, and the way his dick twitched when the *doorbell* rang -- that was beyond dumb.

That didn't stop him from flying down the stairs, though, and skidding to a stop right in front of the door to make himself presentable before he opened it wide. "Hey," said Chris, smiling at him and looking perfectly naturally and calm and just *painfully* cool. "Sorry I'm a little late. Mom wanted me to help her put the groceries away before I left."

"No, we just said you'd come over whenever," JC protested, waving him inside, trying to keep from seeming too excited himself. Especially when Chris would probably laugh at him for it. It wasn't like this was new to *him*. "How is everybody? You want something to drink?"

"Taylor's sick," he said with a sigh as he casually stepped inside the house and looked around, like JC hadn't really given him a chance to the first time he was there. "I spend the morning cleaning up little kid puke." Then he laughed a little and looked at JC again. "You probably didn't know that. Anyway. Yeah. I'd love a drink ... it got pretty warm out there all of a sudden when I was walking."

"Oh, sure," JC nodded, leading him to the kitchen and wondering again why CHris wouldn't just let him pick him up. But not too hard, because a part of him didn't want to learn that it was because as much as he said he wasn't, Chris was still sort of embarassed of him. "Coke? Water? Or, um, iced tea, or juice? Milk?" It was weird. If it was Joey, he would have known exactly what to get him. JC hadn't had a new friend in a while.

"Can I have a Coke?" asked Chris, looking almost eager at the prospect. "That would be great. And then ... um ... I guess we can go upstairs? You said there was no one else home, right? Or we don't have to ... I mean ... there might be something else you want to do first. But I'm, um, looking forward to it." And he didn't even really look embarassed to say so.

"No, of course, that's fine," JC babbled, grabbing a can out of the fridge for Chris. "I mean. I expected. Thought. And nobody's home, so yeah." He knew he wasn't making any sense, and once again was hit with how much cooler Chris was with *everything*, but at least felt like he was being helpful.

"So, I guess I'm not the only one who's excited, then?" said Chris, and from his eager grin JC could tell that Chris hadn't said it to tease him. "Well, that makes me feel a little better about it. I been looking forward to this just about all week, and haven't been able to *tell* anyone. Well, except Nick. Who laughed his *ass* off at me."

"What did you tell him?" JC laughed shyly. "I have a date to go watch some porn? that sounds really kinky." Then he remembered. "But he probably doesn't know ... I mean, you didn't tell him that it was me, did you?"

"No, I did," said Chris, actually looking nervous for a moment. "That's okay, right? That I told him? I mean ... I thought I made sure that was okay, last time we talked ... "

"No, it *is*, it is," JC assured him, having to force himself not to bounce even harder than before. "I just ... thought you'd tell me. Or, I mean. Unless it didn't go well."

Chris opened the Coke and took a *very* long drink from it before answering. "No, it went fine," he said, wiping his mouth broadly and looking quite pleased. "Seriously. He thinks you're a gutsy guy, too, just like I do."

"That's not necessarily a good thing," JC protested, leaning against the counter -- even though though it still made him smile that it wasn't anything worse. "But, so. And he doesn't blame me or anything? think I ... made you this way?"

"No!" said Chris right away. "Nick's a smart guy, he's not ... like that. He says to tell you that if your collection of porn comes anywhere near the quantity of his, you'll have his eternal respect. Honest. That's exactly what he said. Right before he laughed at *me* for being so excited about seeing it for the first time. He's reallly, really getting off on being the more experienced one, for a change."

JC shivered a little, just from Chris saying 'getting off' while talking about Nick, and had to smile self-depricatingly. "I wish I could see that, then," he murmured. "Well, he has to decide if you're an impartial judge of that, I guess."

"Which of course I'm not," said Chris easily. "Nick's porn is super boring. And I should know, he's shown me *all* of it. But I have to admit, he does have a lot for a guy his age. He's lucky his parents don't care about that at all. Actually, I think his dad *bought* him some of it, which is ... " He shrugged his shoulders and didn't finish the sentence. "Anyway. Can we ... ?"

"Oh, you're ready?" JC stood up straight again, thinking his own dad would never in a million years buy him porn, gay or otherwise. "Oh, sure." He noticed Chris had finished his coke, and raised an eyebrow. "Did you want another soda?"

"Could I?" asked Chris eagerly. "I'll bring it with me. I guess I was just really thirsty. Or ... actually. If you don't want me bouncing off the walls? Maybe a diet soda. If you have any."

"I think my mom does," JC promised, looking in the fridge again and finding another can. "Something to eat? or, I dunno. Maybe that's a little gross."

"Maybe later," said Chris, neither confirming nor denying that would be gross. "I don't want to eat up all your food, though. I'm already stealing all your soda."

"Like we don't have plenty!" JC laughed. "And you wouldn't be, anyway. You should see what Joey eats when he comes over. Which is still nothing like what he eats at his own house." He pushed Joey out of his head, though, and barely kept from taking Chris's hand to pull him upstairs. "Come on, let's do this before I say something stupid."

"Well, still ... " said Chris, but he enthusiastically chased JC up the stairs to his room. "Okay," he said, his eyes darting around the room searchingly. "So where do we start? Where should I sit?"

"Well," JC shrugged, closing his door just in case and hoping that Chris wouldn't be uncomfortable with that, "I mean, that's up to you. Really. Whatever you want to see most. Or ... first. And ... what kind of stuff you'd *want* to see. And ... " He shrugged his shoulders, thinking that this was really pretty surreal. "You tell me."

"I don't even *know*," laughed Chris, sliding down smoothly to take a seat on the floor, holding his can of soda in both hands. "You know I've never. You tell me what's good, okay? Just ... anything."

"Well, okay," JC said, feeling a little lost but wanting to show he could handle this. "Let's ... let's just start with some magazines first? and then ... then, if there's stuff in there you liked seeing, then maybe I can get a better idea of what kind of movies you'd like." He *knew* his face was pink again, already, when he grabbed the pile he'd set out. "And I didn't even ask, but ... did you want me to leave you alone? I'd totally understand ... "

Finally, *that* got a blush out of Chris. "No," he said, though. "I mean, I'll probably ... " Then he just rolled his eyes at himself and laughed and was suddenly all cool about it again. "I'll get you to point me to the bathroom or something. I don't want to see it *just* to get off, or something. I want to know how things are done, too." "*Oh*," JC said, feeling a little relieved, and a little shyer, and trying to remember what it felt like not to have all these mental images to draw from. And put other people's faces on. "Okay. So, um. Here." He opened the magazine, a little wrinkled from use, to the page he practically had memorized. The one of Justin -- *not* Justin, he had to remind himself, but the Justin clone. It was a pretty picture, actually, not rough or harshly lit; just him spread on a bed, fingering himself, holding his erect cock up away from his body like he was offering it to you to suck on. JC *loved* that picture.

"Oh!" said Chris, staring at the picture in rapt fascination. "Wow, that *does* look like Justin. Only I'd bet money Justin's never done that! Um." He turned his head to look at JC, but only for a moment before his eyes were drawn back to the picture. "Have you? Ever? Done that? Or is that *way* too personal?"

"Um," JC hesitated, pulling another magazine into his lap to look at something else. He was amazed at how shameless Chris could be, at times, and in a way that *was* too personal a question. But he'd want Chris to be honest with him, so. "Yeah, I ... I've tried it. I wanted to know." He didn't need to explain that it was that very picture that had encouraged him.

"Was it good?" Chris went on to ask quietly, still staring at the picture the same way JC often did. "I haven't. Tried, I mean. Anything like that. I'm not sure if I'm scared I won't like it ... or scared I *will*."

JC wasn't surprised at that at all ... it was a little more involved then just jerking off in the shower, and if Chris didn't feel like he had the privacy at home to even borrow one of JC's magazines, he was sure he wouldn't feel like he had the privacy to get lube and do *that*. "I liked it," he admitted, keeping his own voice soft. "Enough that I *really* want to have someone else do it."

Chris's smile at that was, thankfully, gentle and not teasing. "Yeah, I bet," he said, still looking at it. "Everything's probably better with someone else, Especially something that looks like it could really hurt your wrist if you did it for too long ... " He cocked his head to the side for a moment, then turned to JC and grinned again. "Okay. So, What else have you got?"

JC grinned a little too, then handed him another magazine. One with more than just one guy in the picture, this time. He didn't feel like it needed any commentary on his part, and he just started looking for something else.

"Whoa," murmured Chris, and JC could hear his breath quicken for a moment. "Wow, that's really hot. That's really, *really* hot. If I didn't already know I was gay, the sheer amount of *hot* that I find this picture would tell me right then and there."

"There's a few in that one I like," JC murmured, trying to find one of the magazines he had with more than *two* guys in the picture, next. "I think the boys are really ... pretty."

"They look really young," agreed Chris, and JC caught him licking his lips. "Like ... barely older than us. And so pretty and smooth. I could never be in porn -- I don't look anything *like* that. Well, that and the fact that I've never had anyone even *touch* me there, let alone ... well, you know."

"There's all kinds of porn, though, Chris," JC told him. "All kinds of people have all kinds of things that turn them on." He'd purposefully *not* pulled out the stuff that, as he looked back through it, reminded him of Chris -- smaller men, puckish, still young. *That* seemed even weirder.

"Yeah, I guess," agreed Chris distractedly. "I did see this picture once, actually ... Kevin had it for a practical joke. These two really big, really hairy guys together. Didn't do much for me, but I guess it existed because it did something for *some*one. I was mostly just relieved at the time that I was able to laugh about it like everyone else, and not get obviously turned on."

"So much for your dreams of seeing Joey naked," JC warned him, before finally finding the other picture he was looking for: the one with four slender guys, barely men, in an intricate and really arousing tangle. "Um, I don't know if this is something you'd like to see, you know, multiple partners, but ... I mean, it's not something I'm sure I'd be interested in *doing*, but I like to look at it."

"No, when I say big, I mean, like, sumo wrestler," clarified Chris, then his eyes jerked up to see what JC was showing him next. "I want to see *every*thing,This is great, seriously, this is ... amazing. I know you get to see this stuff all the time, but ... " He actually gasped as he finally saw the picture.

JC chewed on his lip a little, really watching Chris's expression this time. It *was* another one of JC's favorites, and one he'd had more than a few dreams about -- mainly because he thought that one of the boys in it looked a lot like him, and in his fantasies it was easy to *make* it him.

"They're so pretty," said Chris, reaching out to trace the line of someone's body delicately. JC could hear him breathing again, Chris's breath hitching a couple of times as he looked. "I can hardly even imagine actually *being* with someone like that." He smiled softly, and JC wasn't sure it was even for him. "It still feels so strange," he mused, "actually saying out loud that I think boys are pretty."

"Some boys are," JC murmured, still watching Chris's face, then glancing back at his hand. "And then there are the ones you just want to get you up against a wall somewhere; the ones that are so hot you can barely stand it."

Chris's breath definitely hitched that time, and JC chose to believe it was because of what he said. "Yeah," Chris murmured in agreement. "There are definitely those, too." He shifted position and JC could very clearly see how turned on he was, but Chris wasn't really acknowledging it -- yet, anyway -- and JC wasn't going to embarass him by pointing it out.

It wasn't like he wasn't aroused too, anyway, and only barely able to hide it with the stack of magazines in his lap. He thought about what Chris had seemed to like seeing so far -- all of it, really, but maybe especially the stuff where the guys seemed about their age -- and tried to find some more of that. One of his magazines practically flipped open on its own, the binding was so used to being open to a certain page. This was another one of his favorites, and maybe unlike the one with the group of guys, this was *definitely* something he wanted to try one day. It showed another slight young man, straddling his partner, his back arched so far that his head was practically resting on the bed behind him.

"What's that?" asked Chris, peering over to see, all but leaning over JC's body. "Oh." His voice suddenly got very hushed, the way it seemed to when he saw something he really liked. "Okay. Yeah. I'm really, *really* gay. Cause that's just ... " He didn't bother to finish the thought, reaching out his hand toward this picture, too, but not touching.

"I know," JC murmured, and this time *he* touched the glossy paper himself. "Isn't it? It's ... " He flipped the page, and it was the same pair -- a much, much closer shot.

Chris licked his lips and stared in silence for a long, long moment. Then suddenly, out of nowhere, he jerked away and stood up. "I need to get out of here," he blurted out. JC looked at him in shock and alarm and had no idea what to say, but thankfully Chris wasn't finished. "Just for a minute. Where ... where can I ... ?"

"Oh. Oh, here," JC replied, rolling off the bed himself and opening the door to his bathroom. "Here, just ... " He trailed off, moving out of Chris's way and then slumping back down on the bed when he closed the door behind him, curling up a little and rubbing his own erection against the blankets. He wasn't in any real danger of coming, not like Chris had obviously been, but he knew it was because he *had* seen all this before. And the two orgasms probably helped. He just ... he *was* surprised at how little time it had taken Chris to get to that point. He wondered if he'd even want to see the movies.

Chris was back what felt like just a minute later, looking flushed from both exertion and embarassment. "Sorry," he murmured, staring at his feet. "Felt like I was gonna ... right there. Um. Yeah. Not sure what to say about that ... "

"No, gosh," JC sat up quickly. "I mean, you know I understand. And it's okay. Was it ... would you rather not see stuff that's so, um, graphic, maybe?" He thought CHris liked it, but he didn't want to embarass him.

Chris laughed, sounding nervous. "No, I mean, that's what I'm here for, right? To see this stuff? I just didn't expect to ... I've never been affected like that by anything before. Is all. I didn't see it coming. I mean, I don't want you think I go around shooting my load at every little thing, or anything ... "

"No, I *don't*," JC insisted, and even tried a friendly smile, slipping back toward the head of the bed. "I'm showing you the stuff I really like. I'd ... it'd feel weird, embarassing, if you didn't like it too."

Chris laughed again, a little more easily. "Oh, I do," he said. "I obviously do. Just ... the way their bodies look, you know? Like I want to reach out and touch them. And the things they're doing to each other ... that's gotta feel really good. Really, *really* good." "It looks like they enjoy it, at least," JC nodded. There was this other picture he wanted to show Chris, to see his reaction, but he also wanted to make sure he still felt like *doing* this. That that hadn't been enough for the day.

"They do," agreed Chris, finally stepping away from the bathroom door and toward the bed. "Like ... right on the verge of losing control they enjoy it so much. That's the best look in the world, I think. When you're feeling so good you want to get lost in it. Can I ... see it again?"

"Oh, sure," JC replied, bending over to grab the magazine from where it had fallen on the floor after Chris's abrupt exit. "Um, the first one, with their faces? or the other one, with the ... "

"The other one," clarified Chris, finding his confidence again. The flush was even fading from his face. "I didn't exactly get a good look at it last time before I ... well. You know." This time he sat down on the edge of the bed, to look. "How do they do that?"

"Well, what part exactly?" JC frowned, squinting at the picture, trying to figure out what Chris thought was difficult. He didn't think he meant the part about fitting a dick that size in someone's ass, but maybe he did.

"Just ... I'm not entirely sure my body moves like that," said Chris, his eyes fixated on the picture. "I mean, I could be *that* guy," he said, pointing his finger at one of them. "Well, except I'm not quite *that* big. But I'm not as flexible as that other guy. Are you?"

"Oh!" JC felt his ears getting pink. "Um, maybe? I mean, again, speaking from no experience, but ... I think probably yeah." He knew he could bend backwards pretty far, just from fooling around with Joey.

He saw a faint smile cross Chris's face. "Impressive," he murmured, stroking his fingers over the picture lightly. "You like this one especially, huh?"

And JC's blush started to spread to other parts of his body at Chris's knowing look. "Yeah," he admitted. "I do. I think it looks ... beautiful. And hot. And just ... hot."

"Yeah, it does," agreed Chris, letting his fingers fall away. "I'm gonna have to come over every day just to look at it again. Want one of those for my very own." He didn't clarify, though, whether he meant the picture or the boy.

"I told you you could have it," JC offered again, even though he knew Chris probably wouldn't take it. He closed it anyway and put it aside carefully, then grabbed the last one he'd taken out. He smiled to himself as he found the page he wanted -- someone who reminded JC of Nick a little, but hopefully not enough to weird Chris out. Just a blonde boy -- *definitely* a boy, probably exactly Nick's age -- on his knees, giving someone a blowjob.

Chris's eyes widened as he looked at it, and he licked his lips again. "The thing about that one," he said finally, his voice sounding shaky, "is that I can see that happening to me. For real. And not just in some sort of fantasy." He fell silent for a moment again, and JC didn't interrupt. "That's really hot, too," he added finally. JC took a breath. "Have you ever?" he asked softly. "I mean, I know you said you were a virgin, but I didn't know if that meant ... that."

"Gotten one, you mean?" asked Chris, his lips parted, eyes still on the picture. "Kinda, I guess. I had a girl try to go down on me in a car once, in an empty parking lot. But it was only for something like 30 seconds. Not really memorable."

"Oh," JC looked back at the picture, not wanting to push, but really confused about the *trying* part of it. If Chris wanted to explain more, he would have. "I'm sorry?"

Chris just snickered and shook his head. "Don't be," he said. "I didn't exactly mind that we were stopped. It was nothing like ... " He gestured at the picture. "Like *that*."

"I really want to try that, too," JC breathed. "I really want to try a lot. And it feels like I'm no closer to being able to than I was when I first started thinking I wanted to."

"Aww, don't say that," said Chris, and actually looked at *him* instead of the picture. "I meant, it might be true, but this is high school. *Lots* of guys are sexually frustrated in high school."

"I guess," JC murmured, closing the magazine and trying not to think about it. "So, um. I had some movies, too, if you wanted? I wasn't sure. I also have some more pictures but I have to get them out."

"Movies?" said Chris, looking as though he'd forgotten all that. "Could we? And hey ... all the things you haven't done? I haven't done either. Right?"

JC blinked at him, not sure if he was asking or telling. "Right?" he asked back, then bent over again to grab a tape. "So, this is kind of ... I mean, don't expect any great plot or anything. And beware the soundtrack."

Chris laughed, harder than JC had expected. "So pretty much not much different than regular porn, except hot," he noted, making himself at home on the bed, now.

"Right," JC agreed wryly, although he really had no idea. He'd take Chris's word for it. He slipped off the bed to put the tape in his VCR and pushed play, then hesitated as he tried to decide where *he* should sit.

Chris seemed to see his hesitation and moved over. It was enough room, but JC wasn't sure it was *enough* room. Enough to be able to avoid touching him. "I'll try not to kick you when I jump off the bed to run to the bathroom five minutes from now," Chris joked.

JC smiled and settled next to him; their hips were touching, but there was nothing he could do about that. If it didn't bother Chris, he'd try not to let it bother him. And at least he had an excuse for the erection.

"Hey, what is this, they're still dressed!" complained Chris as the movie started, but JC could hear the nerves in his voice, knew Chris well enough now to recognize them. That surprised him a little, to realize that he was really starting to know him.

He squirmed back against his pillow, getting more comfortable, but also stealing as many glances at Chris's profile as he did at the TV. The actors weren't clothed for long, though, and soon enough JC was as distracted as he figured Chris was. And they were really not doing much more than kissing.

Chris didn't make another joke. In fact, he wasn't doing much but staring at the screen and licking his lips and actually squirming on the bed, a little. Enough that JC could feel the mattress dipping at times when *he* wasn't responsible for doing it.

JC was amazed at how different it was, for him, to watch when he knew Chris was next to him. Could feel him, could hear him. Could smell him. It made it both better, and worse, and as he watched the men run their hands over each other's bodies, he practically had to sit on his own to keep from touching him.

Chris seemed to be doing the same thing, clenching his hands to keep himself from doing ... whatever. JC didn't know. But there was one moment, one brief moment that JC caught out of the corner of his eye, where Chris's hand crept into his lap and he just *squeezed* and rubbed himself with the heel of his hand before darting away again.

He badly, badly wanted to do that himself, to *Chris*, and shocked himself when he realized it. He just ... he just wanted to *feel* that. To feel someone else's arousal other than his own. He sighed softly, and shifted his weight to his other hip -- managing to rub his own erection with his thigh as he did, and also preventing him from being able to see anything else Chris did.

"Wow," murmured Chris, the first thing he'd said aloud since it had started. The sound startled JC into looking again. "*Wow*! Did you see that, JC?"

"Uh, no, sorry," JC mumbled, staring hard at the screen. "Sorry. What did I miss?" He could barely find his voice, he felt like such a pervert, wanting to take advantage of his friend like that.

"Just ... his tongue," murmured Chris, his voice falling away again. "I'd heard about people doing that, but I had no idea it would be that hot ... damn." And there it was again -- as discreetly as he could manage, Chris rubbed himself for just a moment.

JC didn't know if he should say something, if it would make Chris more or less comfortable for JC to tell him to ... make himself comfortable. He hummed a little, and decided it would be best handled without using words. He turned back toward Chris, very pointedly not looking at him, and cupped his own crotch lightly. An implied invitation, he hoped, for Chris to do the same if he wanted.

Chris breathed an audible sigh of relief and let his hand creep in to rest on his inner thigh as he watched the movie. Once again he wasn't speaking, and his eyes were riveted on the screen. His fingers were twitching, where they rested, and every so often he would give in to the urge to touch himself.

Sighing again himself, JC chewed on his lip and went back to watching the movie -- actually watching it. Hoping it would distract him from the man he was watching it with. He stared hard at the lanky blond on the screen.

When he looked back the next time -- which wasn't long after -- Chris had given in completely, cupping himself shamelessly and rubbing again with the just the heel of his hand. Already he was flushed, and JC couldn't blame him -- it hadn't taken long for the people on the screen to get into the action, and he remembered very well the way he'd reacted to it the first time *he'd* seen it.

"Oh." A soft gasp finally escaped JC's lips, unbidden, when he saw how much strength Chris had in his wrist, and his forearm, and his fingers. He snapped his attention back to the screen, and hoped Chris hadn't caught him.

His eyes met Chris's the next time he looked over. They both snapped their gazes apart the moment they locked, but that was when JC *knew* that Chris was watching him, too. He wondered how much of it was the movie and how much of it was ... anything else ... when Chris let out a soft moan a few moments later.

He wanted to run into the bathroom himself, just to force himself to stop. Stop whatever he was doing, whatever he was thinking. To give Chris some privacy. But he knew in his gut that Chris wouldn't do anything in his bed, and that if he went into the bathroom then *Chris* couldn't. So stubbornly, he stayed.

He could hear Chris breathing, hear his breaths verge on pants, then suddenly Chris's hand fell away and gripped the blanket instead. "No," JC heard him murmur. "No." And his hand didn't return to his lap.

"You can," JC found himself whispering, turning back on his side so Chris would at least know he wouldn't look. "Chris ... " He choked on his name, though, and couldn't say anything else in reassurance. This had been a bad idea.

There was an awkward moment of silence, then Chris just literally *bounced* off the bed, landing heavily on the floor. "I'll be right back," he said quickly, then vanished into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

JC groaned, and flipped over to bury his face in his pillow. His erection was just painful, now, but he didn't want to do anything about it. He didn't want to do anything except try to come up with a way to face Chris again, when he felt like he'd molested him. Even if they hadn't touched.

It took Chris longer to come out this time, and when he did JC looked up and saw Chris wasn't looking at his feet, he was looking up and smiling. "Well, that's two," he joked as he approached the bed again, not bothering to pretend that JC didn't know exactly what he was doing. "I feel like a year's worth of pent-up ... everything, is coming out tonight. Thanks, JC." And before JC could do *anything8 to stop it, Chris was leaning in and wrapping his arms around him and giving him a big hug.

It absolutely floored JC that Chris could actually look at him, want to touch him after that. He tentatively put an arm around Chris's back in return, propping himself up on his other elbow and burying his nose against Chris's shoulder. "Anything," he murmured.

"I couldn't have asked for a better friend than you, to help me through this," said Chris before letting him go. The words sounded awkward, but he was smiling still and it was more like he wasn't used to saying anything like that at all than that it was strange to say it to JC. Then Chris sat back down on the bed again as though nothing had just happened.

JC wasn't sure whether to lie back down or sit up, so he ended up just staying where he was, how he was, watching Chris. "You're really helping me, too," he said quietly in return. Though he was making things difficult, too, in a way JC wasn't sure he could put words to.

"I'm glad," said Chris, lounging casually and looking very, very satisfied. He even licked his lips. His eyes seemed to lazily travel between JC and the screen over and over again.

"Um," JC said, aimlessly, then closed his eyes. He wanted to go to the bathroom himself, just to escape Chris's gaze. He didn't even understand what he was looking at, or how he could be so unaffected.

Chris let out a long sigh and JC heard him shift into a different position on the bed again. He wasn't sure if he'd begun to watch again or what. "I changed my mind," he said suddenly.

"About?" JC mumbled, rolling onto his back to stare at the ceiling. It was marginally better than closing his eyes, and relieved the pressure on his groin. And if Chris looked ... well, then, he looked.

"About ... borrowing something," said Chris. "If the offer's still open? This is ... god, I'm sorry, I'm totally interrupting your watching. Have i told you yet you have the self control of a saint?"

JC snorted, because he obviously *wasn't* watching, and he really *didn't* have any patience. He was just confused, and nowhere near relaxed enough to actually be able to come. "Of course," he said, a little more confidently, still on his back and making himself dizzy by following the ceiling fan with his eyes. "Whatever you want. You're welcome to all of it. ... I might ask for the Justin picture back at some point, though." Chris was silent for a moment. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked finally. "Are you upset? You can tell me, it's okay ... or do you want me to just be quiet?"

That made JC lift his head off the bed and meet Chris's eyes. "Do I seem upset?" he asked, honestly curious. "I'm ... " He almost said he wasn;t, before he realized that wasn't exactly true. "You didn't do anything. You know me, though. I have to overanalyze everything."

"Well, we can't analyze anything with guys fucking right in front of us," said Chris, getting up and stopping the tape. "Any more of that and I was gonna have to go for a third round. And I'm embarassed enough as it is."

"Oh, you are not," JC told him. Maybe he had been earlier, but he didn't seem that way right then, at all. "You're, like, amazingly calm. And I totally admire you. And I just hope I didn't make things too awkward. Next time, I'll ... I'll just let you be alone, if that's best."

"Stooooop," said Chris, and coaxed him with another smile. JC was learning to love that smile, imperfect as it was. "I *am* embarassed. I've gone *twice* and you? Nothing. I feel like I have no self control. *And* I feel like I'm the one who went and made things awkward. So tell me I didn't and everything will be okay. Okay?"

"You didn't." That, at least, JC could be honest about. "I promise, you didn't. You didn't do anything. And I ... Chris, you have to know that I kind of ... took care of things, before you came over." Although that certainly wasn't the whole story.

"*Oh*," said Chris, smiling wider. "And wow does that make me feel better. Cheater!"

"Nobody stopped you from doing it yourself!" JC protested, and he was grinning back, unexpectedly. It gave him the confidence to actually ask. "Are you okay? Did, um. *I* do something wrong?"

"Me?" repeated Chris, looking surprised. "I'm great. Seriously. I'm greater than ever, I think. Still *so* turned on. So *happy*."

"Happy? Okay," JC murmured. Chris *did* look happy, though. "So ... pick up anything good, you think? Something in particular you wanted to look at some more?"

"Oh man," laughed Chris, shrugging his shoulders deeply. "How'm I gonna *choose*. All of it is just ... I really did mean to just look at it and learn stuff. I didn't plan to ... " He gestured vaguely in the direction of the bathroom. "It just happened."

"Twice," JC teased carefully, finally feeling okay enough to sit up and make eye contact. "Was it ... what you expected? better? worse?"

Chris grinned back. "Just be happy I didn't do it on your bed," he shot back playfully, "cause I was *that* close. It was definitely ... more, than I was expecting. I don't even know what I was expecting. It was more erotic and less ... I dunno, dirty. Regular porn always made me feel a little dirty, afterward. Maybe 'cause I wasn't getting turned on by it."

JC's face heated a little again. This subject matter was always dicey, with respect to how he'd react, and sometimes just the way Chris would say a word -- like 'erotic' -- or a phrase -- like 'turned on' -- could have a huge effect on him. "Well, it's not like my bed hasn't seen that enough," he murmured.

Chris still looked mildly amused and so *happy*, just like he'd said. "Yeah, I bet," he murmured, running a hand over the covers. "Especially with all *this*, whenever you want it."

"I told you that you could borrow any of it," JC reminded him. He hoped he *would*; he wanted to share it all, it was just too hard to be *with* him when he did. He wasn't sure he would survive another encounter like this without *really* molesting Chris. "You should. Seriously. Here, take this." He picked up one of the magazines, the one with the flexible guy that Chris had liked so much the first time.

"Thanks," said Chris, and just stared at it for a *long* moment before shoving it deep inside his bag. "I promise not to mess it up or anything. Though, at the risk of embarassing myself even more, I'll admit that it'll probably be pretty well used before you get it back ... "

"That's fine." JC hoped his smile was more reassuring than it felt. "I mean. It's not like there's not more where that came from. Chris ... " He bit his lip. "Are you glad we did this? I mean, you don't feel strange around me now, do you? think I'm perverted for having all this, or for ... anything else?"

"No!" said Chris quickly. "Course not. No. I love that you have all this stuff, I think it's great. I don't feel *strange*. Do you feel strange?"

JC chewed harder on his lip. "I guess not," he said finally. It wasn't anything he could put into words, anyway. "As long as you don't."

"No, I don't," said Chris confidently. "Except the part where I jerked off twice and you didn't at all, but then I find out that you *prepared* yourself for this. Why didn't *I* think of that?"

"And I will again, when you leave," JC admitted. Probably in his bed. He wondered if it might smell like Chris, a little. "So you really shouldn't feel strange about that part."

"Yeah, but you have enough control not to do it in front of me." Chris was still grinning, though, and didn't look genuinely upset about it at all. "I'm like a kid in a candy store. Look! Porn! I can't get enough of it. I know you're used to it and all, now, but this is ... very new. Very very new to me, still."

"It's *okay*, Chris," insisted JC. "You don't have to explain, or make exuses or apologies. It's why you came over. And you couldn't have done anything that would make me change my opinion of you."

"I'm not explaining," laughed Chris. "I'm babbling. Seriously. I just feel really, really good right now. Thank you."

That made JC happy, it *did*, but he wasn't sure what Chris was expecting from him in return. "You're welcome?" he tried, pulling a pillow into his lap.

That seemed to work, though. "I'm just sorry that you didn't have someone around when you were in the same place I am right now, like I have you," Chris went on. "Because having you around makes everything easier. I'm really glad we met."

JC's smile softened. He'd never felt needed before, like that. "Having you around is making things easier for me now, though," he told him. "And that means more to me."

"Well, cool," said Chris, his smile still so broad, so open. "I can't think of anyone I want to be gay with more. Which, wow, sounds *really* strange when I say it out loud."

Chuckling, JC nodded. He knew what he meant, though. He just wondered if it had been him that had said it, if it would mean something else. Something different. Something more. "Um, so. You off, then?"

"Well, I can be," said Chris slowly, "if you have stuff to do. But I was figuring we could just ... hang out for a while? I dunno, play some video games or something? I don't have anywhere else to be."

"Oh, sure!" JC replied, surprised. "I just assumed you were going out, with your friends. A party or something. But yeah! I have a playstation down there, or we could watch a movie. Whatever you want. And maybe a snack, now?"

"Nah," said Chris. "I mean, there is one, but I'm not interested. AJ always gets puking drunk anyway, and somehow I'm always elected to get him into bed. Not this time. So you have a playstation? Really?" If anything, he looked even *happier* now. JC hadn't been sure that was possible. "This is gonna be great."

"I really suck," JC warned him, but smiled as they both slid onto the floor in front of his bed and grabbed the controllers. And felt more like a normal teenage boy than he maybe ever had. What more was there supposed to be to life than video games and porn, anyway?

* * *

Chris had actually been glad that JC hadn't been in the library, because that wasn't exactly somewhere they could talk. And since JC hadn't been *there*, that meant he was in the art room, which was, bar none, the room with the most privacy in the entire school. He just hoped that JC was *alone* there, this time. "Hello?" he said, poking his head in the door and looking around, like he always did. "JC?"

"Chris?" He heard some frantic shuffling before JC poked his head around an easel, looking flustered, the smear of paint on his jaw that day. "Hey. What's ... hey. How are you. Come on in. What's up."

"Hey," said Chris, careful not to stumble on his way in over the endless clutter on the floor. "Hey," he repeated, "I ... good to see you, JC. You doing good?" It was inane chatter, but it gave him those few more seconds where he didn't have to talk about what happened. He knew it was written all of his face, though, that something had.

"I'm okay," JC nodded, shifting on his feet as Chris approached. "You look ... what. What happened? Did something happen?" His face was almost all concern in a matter of seconds.

"Yeah," admitted Chris, dropping his bag on the floor and scuffing his feet against the floor for a moment. "My mom knows. Now." He knew he didn't have to say about what.

"*Oh*." He listened to JC just breathe for a minute. "Chris, I ... are you okay? is it ... I mean, I guess maybe you didn't *tell* her, huh. How did she ... ?"

"No," he said quietly, staring at his feet. "No, I didn't tell her. Um. You know that magazine that I borrowed ... ?" He figured JC would probably get the picture just from that, too. It was hardly even necessary to finish his sentences.

"Oh, *no*." When Chris looked back up at him, JC was covering his mouth with his fingers. "I'm ... oh, I feel so awful. I'm so sorry. You must ... wow, you must hate me right now." He closed his eyes and slumped a little. "What did she do?"

"She waited until my sisters were in bed and I was studying at the kitchen table and confronted me about it," said Chris, closing his eyes for a moment. "It was my own stupid fault, too. She was looking for a pen and I *told* her to check my bag and I forgot that the magazine was in there ... "

"Chris," JC repeated weakly, finally stepping close enough to Chris to rest a very tentative, very gentle, very cold hand on his arm. "Is she okay? are you okay?"

"Yeah," said Chris with a sigh. "Yeah, we're both okay. It's okay. I'm just a little freaked out about it. It was ... a long night. A really long night."

"I'm sure," JC mumured, letting his hand move softly over the skin of Chris's forearm. "Do, um. Can I do anything? for you? Do you need anything?"

"I don't know," said Chris, finally looking up again. "I feel really strange. She ... I know she loves me as much as ever, it's just gonna be a little awkward for a while. And I don't know what to do about my sisters, she said she'd leave that up to me." He snorted, remembering the conversation very clearly. "And she promised not to go snooping around in my bag anymore. I don't think she wanted to see that any more than I wanted her to."

"I guess not," JC agreed, his voice still so soft. As soft as his hand. "Do you need to talk about it? why you feel so strange? what you might say to your sisters? Anything?"

"Yeah, I think so," said Chris, letting JC's touch relax him as much as he could. He'd been one big knot of tension all day. "If you don't mind? I really have *not* idea how to handle this whole thing. I wasn't ready."

JC reached out with his other hand and wrapped it around Chris's elbow carefully. "I know. And I feel really responsible, but ... that's not the important thing right now. Did she seem sad? mad? Disappointed?"

"JC, you're *not* responsible. At all," Chris made sure to tell him. "Seriously. I *asked* to borrow that, and it's not like you made me gay or something." He sighed and shook his head, though, and tried to get a handle on the whole thing. "She wasn't mad, at all. She was really good about it. Disappointed? Maybe. And confused, too, I think."

"Confused?" JC echoed. He was standing very close, just keeping Chris still by his gentle grip. "About ... why? or how? Did you tell her that you haven't been unsafe and stuff?"

"About ... why I am. And maybe even why I didn't tell her." He hadn't even really recognized that look on her face, when they'd been talking. "Safe sex ... we must've talked about that for an hour. Just like the first time we had that talk. There's nothing like telling your mom how far you've gone."

"Well, but so, that must have relieved her a little," JC pointed out. "You were already thinking of telling her, before you did anything. Did you tell her that? That you were going to?"

"Well yeah, I told her that," said Chris immediately, "but really, it sounds kinda lame when she's already figured it out. And it certainly didn't take her long to figure it out, what with the graphic pictures and all. Do *you* think I should tell my sisters? I mean, there are pros and cons there."

"I haven't met your sisters," JC pointed out, more uncomfortable with that than anything, it seemed. "I don't ... I don't even know how old they are, except that at least one's old enough to date, and at least one's young enough to need to be watched."

"Four, nine, twelve and fourteen," said Chris, smiling just a little bit when he thought about them. "So, mostly, old enough to understand what being gay is. Except maybe Taylor, and she's too young to really care."

"Well," hummed JC, smiling curiously himself at Chris's expression. "I know you love them a lot, and I'm sure they love you too. They may understand better than your mom. What's the cons?"

"Just that they won't," said Chris, feeling a bit unsettled, considering that. "That they won't understand, I mean. And Taylor may not known enough not to run around telling people, but I never have anyone over anyway, so that's not a big thing. But if I *do* tell them, then I don't have to worry about hiding anything from them. It's *really* hard to hide anything around our place."

"You have a big family," JC agreed, squeezing Chris's arms softly again. "I know your mom left it up to you, but did she say anything to make you think she thought one option was better? They *are* her daughters, and she knows them as well as anyone could know them."

"I think she's thinking the exact same thing as me," admitted Chris. He'd thought this through a hundred times already, after all. "That she doesn't want to keep it secret from them, but isn't sure they're ready to handle it. He said that if I chose to tell them, she's help me explain it, though. So there's that. I'm ... I know she's okay with it. I think it's just getting used to the idea now."

"You know that, as weird as it feels now, this is a good thing ... right, Chris?" JC looked very serious, blinking at him. "She sounds like she handled it just about as well as anyone could. And she really ... seems like she's going to be there for you. I know saying 'it could be worse' is kind of lame, but it *could* be. And now you *don't* have to hide."

"I know," said Chris, letting a little smile show through again. "I know she handled it pretty great, and never once made me feel like I was doing something wrong or that she didn't love me. But I still wasn't really ready to have the conversation I did last night."

JC finally closed the rest of the distance between them to give Chris a careful hug. Then before pulling back, surprised him even further with a soft kiss on his cheek. "But you survived. And never have to have it again. And now you've got *more* for me to be jealous about."

"No, I don't," said Chris, shaking his head, "I really don't. Except the best family in the world. I'm still a little ... " He lifted his hand and showed how it was shaking. "I'm glad I work tonight, and then I have that thing at Justin's. I love them to pieces but I don't want to be dealing with the whole thing *tonight*."

"No, sure," JC said quickly, glancing away. "I can understand that." He let go of Chris and took a slight step back.

"I told her about you," Chris blurted out finally, knowing JC really needed to know that. "That was one of the things we talked about. I hope that's okay?"

"Oh," JC breathed. "You ... did? In a I-have-this-new-friend way, or a blame-this-other-guy,-he-gave-it-to-me way?"

"In the I-have-a-new-friend-I-can-talk-to-about-this way," Chris assured him immediately. "I think she was relieved by that, a little. If there's one thing my mom never wants me to feel, it's alone or unloved. So don't worry. She wants to meet you, now, actually."

"Really?" JC smiled. "So you'll finally let me come over and see her? You've talked os much about her, I don't even care that she'll probably be sizing me up."

"Yeah," said Chris, chewing on his lip for a moment. "Yeah, you're invited now. But about coming over, JC ... I mean, there's stuff you don't know, I think ... "

"Like what?" JC asked, still smiling, but looking curious. "I mean you've totally been super-secretive, but I figured that was just because ... well. Nevermind what I thought. What don't I know?"

"Just ... I mean, I don't advertise it," said Chris awkwardly, "but we really don't have any money. At all. And just ... it'll kinda be obvious, when you come over."

"Chris," JC said, and when Chris looked at him he couldn't read his expression. At all. For maybe the first time since they'd really started getting close. "Okay," was all he said, then, though, before turning back to look at whatever he'd been working on.

"Um," said Chris, growing even more awkward as JC turned away from him. "So. Yeah. Mom wants you over for dinner, if you still want to."

"I would absolutely love that," JC said simply, still staring at his painting. "I'd love it. Can I bring something?"

Chris shook his head, still watching him warily, still unable to read him. "No, just yourself," he said finally, when he realized JC wasn't looking at him. "Mom'll go all out for you. She ... I never bring friends over, really. She'll looking forward to it. So whenever you like, is good."

"Well, you know me and my busy social schedule," JC replied. "You should tell me. I don't know what nights you work, what nights you're busy." He sighed, set his jaw, before finally turning to stare hard at Chris. "Did you think I wouldn't understand?"

"No, it's not that," said Chris with a sigh, scratching his head nervously and staring down again. "I told you, I don't bring anyone over. You'll be the first person since ... I can't even remember. Not counting Nick."

"There are a lot of things I want to say to that," JC admitted. "A lot. But ... all I'm going to say is that I'm glad you trust me to know this now. Even if it's kind of because your mom made you. And I'm still looking forward to it."

"I would've told you sooner or later anyway," said Chris quietly, and honestly. "I knew you wouldn't judge me like the rest of my friends would. But ... " He didn't get into it, though, just got back to the topic at hand. "I mean, you understand that you'll have to deal with my whole family at once, right? And we won't have *any*where to go for privacy because I don't have a room ... "

"You don't have a *room*?" JC interrupted. "How ... okay, okay." He closed his eyes briefly, then reached out to touch the easel. "Okay. It'll be fine, Chris. I'll be fine. I like kids a lot."

"No, I don't have a room," confirmed Chris. "I'm not exaggerating this, JC. My family will adore you and I'm sure you'll love them, too. I just wanted you to be ... prepared, for what I live like. I mean, it could be a lot worse, don't get me wrong. I have a home and food and clothing and we even have a TV ... but I saw how you lived and I just thought, maybe, it might be a bit of a shock."

"It'll be different," JC admitted quietly. "But I wouldn't have ... I wouldn't have said anything, if you hadn't prepared me. When I saw your house. It doesn't matter to me, Chris ... I hope you know that *I* know that our lives are rich in, like, vastly different ways."

Chris gave him a grateful smile. "I know," he said softly. "So, yeah, maybe next week? For dinner? And if you really wanted? You could bring something for dessert. Totally no obligation or anything, and mom might even have something, but the girls *love* sweets. Seriously. They love them even more than I do."

"I'll do that, then." JC stuffed his hands in his pockets. "Chris, can you just ... if I want to do stuff for you? Like drive you home, or buy ice cream, will you let me, now?"

Chris made a face and looked down and tried to make himself say yes. "After almost eighteen years," he said finally, "you build up a lot of stubborn pride. But ... okay. If you want to."

"I do," JC said. "I want ... I just do. Okay?" He closed his eyes, and gripped the easel even tighter. "You've seen me weak too much already to be uncomfortable about *this*."

"I've never seen you weak," said Chris stubbornly, reaching out to squeeze *JC's* arm this time. "And I think I will tell the girls. I'll talk to mom about it again first, but ... they're good people, and I love them to pieces, and I want to be honest with them now that it's already out."

"Good. Good." JC finally looked back at him, finally smiled. "I think you should. I think ... I think it might feel as good as telling Nick did."

"Wow, I'm just coming out all over the place, huh," said Chris, returning the smile. "So they'll know, by the time you come over. Should I keep quiet, about you? Would you rather I did?"

JC sighed, and shrugged. "Your mom knows. The girls'll probably ask really embarassing questions if you don't tell them ahead of time. So, you know. Might as well."

"I'm sorry," said Chris hesitantly, not a hundred percent sure of what was getting to JC, "that it's not your family. And that I even have to bring it up at all."

"Oh, no," JC said. "No. It's fine. I'm sorry, I'm just ... I'm fine." He laughed hesitantly. "I'm still thinking I'm going to wait. To tell my family. And it's my decision, so you know, don't feel guilty."

"I know," said Chris, squeezing his arm again. "I know. So. Now that I've burst in on you and turned your whole day upside down, how about you tell me what I interrupted. What are you working on?"

"Nothing, a painting," JC said quickly, moving closer to Chris but only, it seemed, to block him from seeing. "It's not done, and I'm really weird about people seeing stuff I haven't finished." He smiled crookedly. "And you didn't burst in. And ... I still think it's all good news."

Chris pouted exaggeratedly at him, but let it go. "You show me as *soon* as you've finished then," he demanded. "I need to go anyway or i'll be late for work."

"I will!" JC laughed, almost in relief, it seemed like. "Wait, do you need a ride? I can drop you ... "

"No, it's okay," laughed Chris in return. "Seriously okay. It's not far. You just keep doing your creative thing and I'll talk to you soon, okay? Call me some time. Just don't let mom keep you on the phone forever now that she knows who you are."

"Okay," JC laughed again, before holding his paintbrush out threateningly. "Okay, I won't. I will, I mean. Call. And, Chris? I'm really ... I'm sorry, again, about the magazine. Even if it was kinda a blessing in disguise."

"Don't you dare be sorry," said Chris sternly. "Seriously, JC. I've gotten a great deal out of that magazine that ... well, that I won't share right here and now. But I'm sure you understand." He glanced at the clock on the wall and grimaced. "Shit. I've really gotta go."

"Okay, go," JC waved at him. "Go. And tell your mom I'm honored by the invitation. And ... lick Justin's ear for me tonight." He grinned.

"If he gets drunk enough, I just might," teased Chris, snatching his bag up off the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. See ya, JC. And thanks!" He gave him a wave and a bright smile before dashing out the door, and hoped JC understood that Chris wasn't just thankful for the ear, or for the understanding, but for the fact that JC always seemed to make him so much better, about everything.

* * *

"Oh. Oh, Chris, hi." JC's voice was soft, and slurred, and if Chris had doubts about whether it had been too late to call, the fact that he'd obviously woken JC up confirmed them. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," said Chris apologetically, rolling over onto his back on the couch. "Sorry, man, I thought you'd be up, still. I just wanted to ... talk, really. It's not important, if you want to get back to sleep ... ?"

"No, no," JC insisted, the rustles on his end indicating that he was obviously shifting, maybe getting more comfortable himself. "No, I'm awake. I'm still ... dressed, and all. Mostly. I must've just fallen asleep reading. Hi."

Chris grinned in relief, even though he *had* woken him up. "What were you reading?" he asked conversationally. It was so great to talk to JC compared to his other friends; he felt like he wasn't being judged on every word that he used, that he could just relax and call about nothing in particular and just be himself. "Or was it something you were just reading for the pictures?"

"Shut up," JC mumbled, sounding like he was smiling. "It was a book for school. Um, James Joyce. It doesn't make so much sense. And not so much with the pictures." He hummed a little and sounded like he moved again. "I'm not surprised I fell asleep."

"James Joyce?" repeated Chris with a soft groan of sympathy. "Yeah, I don't blame you at all. Puts me right to sleep, too. I don't know *how* I managed to get through that class last year."

JC laughed softly. "I never, ever forget you're older than me," he murmured. "I know you like to goof around -- not goof off, just goof around -- but I never forget you've been through almost everything I have. Before me."

"So I can sympathize with you," Chris reminded him. "And maybe even help you out, if you ever wanted it. But you know I don't think of you that way, right? Like ... I don't go around thinking of me as all older and wiser than you. My best friend's even younger, after all."

"I know," admitted JC. "But. *I* still think of me that way. Sometimes. A lot of times." He laughed. "Your best friend, god. Just ... don't say his name."

"I won't, I won't," said Chris with a chuckle, then, just to be a fucker, "Nick."

"Chris!" JC protested, groaning softly but chuckling himself. "Don't. Seriously. I ... just not tonight. Okay?" It was a strange request; he knew JC was embarassed of his crush, but he'd always taken Chris's teasing well.

"What?" he said, not seriously expecting an answer. "Well, okay sure I guess. But you know I didn't mean anything by it, right? I mean, it's just all in fun. I like seeing you blush ... and even if I can't see it from here, I can at least imagine it ... "

"Chri-is," JC whined again. "Come on. I don't tease you about Joey half as much. I wouldn't. Even if you just ... nevermind."

"Well, I guess I just don't blush as pretty as you do," said Chris, still grining into the receiver. "Okay, okay, I'm stopping now. But only because you asked me to and you sound like you're pouting."

"I can take it, usually," JC sighed. "I'm just all ... right now? It feels funny. I think I was dreaming about him." He sounded like he was admitting it reluctantly, and a little wonderingly. "Like, when you called."

"Seriously?" said Chris, lifting his eyebrows high and rolling halfway onto his side again, trying to get comfortable. "You *think* you were dreaming about him? What kind of dream, exactly?" Of course, he already had ideas of what JC was going to say, and smiled at the same time he, too, felt kinda weird about it.

"Chris," JC protested again, softer. "You know what kind of dream. It was, um, definitely that kind of dream. I just think it was him. I guess I was thinking about him when I fell asleep or something."

"Wow, James Joyce made you think of Nick? I'll have to tell him that ... " At JC's gasp, he went on quickly, "no, no, I'm kidding. I swear. You know I'd never do that to you. So ... no shit, huh? Must've been a real let-down to hear *my* voice on the phone, then ... "

"No," JC replied quickly, a little breathily. "No, it wasn't ... and I haven't even ever really talked to Nick. I don't know what he sounds like anyway." He sighed a little. "It was a little ... jarring. But just because in the dream, there wasn't so much, um. Talking."

Chris actually found his smile faltering a little bit. "Well, I'm sure your fantasy Nick was incredible in bed," he said quietly. "As I'm sure Nick *would* be. Do you remember what you were doing? Or ... should I not be asking?"

"Mmm," JC said, sort of deep in his throat. "No, you ... it's okay. Do you really want to hear?"

"I'm curious," admitted Chris honestly. "You know, what kinds of things you think about. What kinds of things you ... like?" He rolled over onto his back again and spread out along the couch; he really should've thought to pull out the bed *before* he gave JC a call.

JC hummed again, and didn't sound insulted, or embarassed. In the least. He wondered if it was just was he was like late at night. Or maybe what he was like when he was woken up. "My fantasy Nick was pretty incredible in bed," he admitted candidly, a little throatily. "It started with his hands."

"Yeah, I bet," said Chris, running his own hand up the outside of his thigh. "Hands are ... great. But there's no one that's got as great of hands as you, you know. So ... um ... go on ... "

"Chris," JC protested again, sounding like he was blushing just like he had before. "No, it was just ... we knew each other. In my dream. We must have. Cause I was sitting, and reading that damn book, and he came up behind me and covered my eyes with one of his hands while he, um. Wrapped the other one really, really gently around my throat."

It didn't sound anything like the Nick that Chris knew, but that didn't matter at all when it was a fantasy, really. "That sounds really ... nice," he said a moment later. "Like you guys were together, or something."

"I don't even know," admitted JC. "When I tried to say something, to say his name, he moved his hands down ... trailing one down over my, um, chest, and the other, the one that was covering my eyes, he ... covered my mouth. And leaned down to touch my ear with his, uh. His tongue."

Chris shivered slightly and his hand moved from the outside of his thigh to the inside. And that was where it was going to *stay* he told himself firmly. "That sounds hot," he admitted a moment later, but more imagining *doing* it, than having it done to him. "Not porny, just ... hot."

"Does it?" JC asked, his voice a little meeker. "It was, to me, but ... And he wouldn't talk. It wasn't even until I could see his hair out of the corner of my eye that I was sure it was him. He ... pulled my book away, and took my hand, and made me ... start to touch myself. I know that was probably ... I mean, I'm pretty sure I was doing that, in my sleep."

That made Chris shiver again, thinking about JC touching himself. And that, combined with the memory of seeing JC *actually* touch himself -- though clothed -- served to make him as hard as JC probably was. Which ...came as a bit of a surprise, really, but wasn't something he was willing to spend too much time thinking about while they were still talking. "So you still have a thing for the big, pretty blonds, huh," he said with a sigh, "whether that was Nick in your dream or not."

"No," JC laughed, breathlessly almost. "No, that's why I'm pretty sure it was him. Positive it was him. I *don't* have a thing for blondes. Except ... except then he slipped around, knelt between my legs. And pulled my hand up to his hair. So, um. I guess fantasy Nick liked having his hair tugged on."

"Having your hair tugged on is ... a good thing," said Chris, though it would be that much *better* having it done by someone who turned you on. "What did he ... then?"

"He touched my knees," replied JC. "Spread his hands, spread my legs wider." He was talking more quickly, his breath coming faster as he remembered. Or maybe even pictured it. "And then ... then when I looked at him again, I was naked."

Chris bit his lip to keep from making any kind of noise to let JC know how much he was ... enjoying ... this description. His hand crept further up his own leg, no matter how many times he tried to tell himself not to, that it would be wrong. "That must've really been something," he murmured finally.

"Kind of a convenient thing about dreams," JC practically whispered. "And I couldn't stop staring at his mouth. I could only watch as he, um. Bent forward even more, and wrapped those lips around me. My, um. My dick."

Chris had to close his eyes and his breath hitched. Audibly, he was sure, but there was nothing to be done about it. He licked his lips before speaking again. "And was it everything you hoped it would be?"

"Oh, Chris," JC breathed, and Chris twitched at the sound of his name. "I want to feel it for real, so bad. It was this incredible dream, and it was turning me on so bad. But I don't even know why, because it was all just this figment of my imagination. It probably doesn't even feel like that."

Chris was a half-second away from offering, and had to bite his tongue to keep from saying it out loud. He hadn't really seen it coming, but maybe he should have ... all the time he spend with JC, all that he'd learned about him, it shouldn't have have been a surprise that suddenly *he* was showing up in Chris's fantasies. "It's probably be even better," he promised him softly. "And you *will* feel it, JC. Soon, I'm sure. You'll ... find someone you like and who likes you back and it'll all happen for you."

"I know," JC murmured, after a moment. "Not soon, I don't think, and certianly not as soon as you will, but ... I know." He chuckled softly. "And it won't be Nick."

"Sorry," said Chris, and did mean it sincerely. It was hard, knowing your object of lust wasn't really gonna lust you back. "But someone. And you never know, it might be sooner than you think. It's not like I'm gonna run out and find someone the moment I go off to college, either."

"Knowing you? Yeah you will," JC teased. "But ... you know something? as hot as that dream was, as hard as I must have been, as hard as I *still* am from it ... I'm ... I'm kind of not sorry it won't be Nick. When it really happens. It was missing soemthing."

"Yeah," said Chris, surprised. "Well, that's ... good, I think. You guys should get to know each other anyway, though -- he's a really good guy. I think you'd get along." He was still painfully hard, even though the conversation had -- almost -- turned to other things, and was still struggling not to do anything about it. At least not until he got off the phone.

"You can introduce us," JC reminded him. "Any time. I'll try not to forget that it wasn't really him that saw me all ... naked. And naked. Really ... naked." He sounded distracted, his voice fading in an out slightly as he must have been moving. On his bed, maybe.

Chris had to bite his lip again. He really *couldn't* do anything until he could get into the bathroom, not when anyone in the house could get out of bed and come wandering in at any moment. "I bet you looked good," he murmured, without really realizing what he was saying until after it was already out.

"Chris," JC said, awkwardly and breathlessly. "What do ... um. I think, I think I need to go. Get off. The phone! Get off the phone, I mean. I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Right," said Chris quickly. "It's late. We should both get off. The phone. Night, JC!"

"Night," he heard JC reply, as he was already replacing the phone in its cradle. Wondering how long it might take him to get to the bathroom.

As he sprang off the couch he wondered just when it had become JC that was turning him on, but that thought could wait until he'd actually *done* something about the turning-on. And the only thing he worried about as he bounced into the bathroom was making sure he didn't wake up the rest of the house as he did.

* * *

Chris hadn't even been sure he would come, but the more he thought about it, the more he realized he had to. His and JC's friendship was very much about supporting one another, and since this was really the first time that JC had reached out and *done* something, about this, about being gay, Chris needed to be supportive. Letting out a sigh and remembering to smile, he rang the doorbell and waited.

He wasn't sure who was even *home*, but he recognized the voice inside the house soon enough. "No, you *stay* up there," Joey yelled. "Just ... don't move yet. I'll get it." The door was tugged open to reveal his grinning face. "Chris!" he exclaimed, his smile affectionate. "It's really good you came, man. Really. I'm not convinced I've got *him* convinced, to go."

"What? Really?" said Chris, glancing past Joey at the stairs, and up them. "I thought he was really excited about it. He getting cold feet or something?"

"I guess, or something," Joey admitted, ushering him inside. "He sounded excited before, really? I felt like I was twisting his arm to go. I think he really doesn't like this Lance kid."

"Well, he said he'd go," said Chris with a shrug. "Doesn't that mean he wanted to? Besides," he added, trying to sound indifferent, "why would he want to stick to just *me*, for that stuff?"

"I have *no* idea," Joey teased, bounding up the stairs and leaving Chris to follow him. "That's what I told him. That he really should meet someone like him that ... has some experience. Even if it's not as a potential boyfriend. Just a friend. You know? Although a boyfriend would be good."

"Yeah," said Chris faintly, following him up. "Right. Someone who can be more useful to him. So he's seriously thinking about not going?"

They got to the door before Joey could answer, and Chris almost ran into his back when he caught sight of JC. Not because of how good he looked -- even though he did, he *did* look amazing -- but just because it was so different from how Chris had ever seen him. He was standing in front of a mirror, where Joey had obviously left him, tugging on the softly gelled spikes of his hair with one hand as he pulled self-consciously at the clingy fabric of the shirt he was wearing with the other.

"Those are Tyler's jeans," Joey murmured back over his shoulder to Chris. "Tell him they look good."

"They look good," Chris said obediently, then blurted out, "you look *great*, JC. Seriously." He gave him a smile that felt completely unforced, before remembering that JC wasn't doing this for *him*.

"Chris," JC said, turning around, pulling at the denim. "I don't ... thank you. Do you really think so? They feel really tight, but Joey said they weren't, like, showing anything I didn't want." Seeing the pants, though, Chris was fairly certain that Joey's definition probably differed from JC's. Especially if he was trying to get him to hook up.

"They're flattering," he said finally, choosing the words carefully. "You do look good. I've never seen you look quite like ... this, before. You must be really looking forward to this, huh?"

"Flattering." JC seemed to mull over that word as he turned back to the mirror, and Joey brushed past him to grab something off the dresser. "I do look different. I ... I kind of like these clothes, I just ... would never wear something like this to school. So I guess I'm looking forward to that. To meeting people that'll be more open-minded."

"Yeah," agreed Chris, his smile all but gone. "I think that'll probably be really great. For you. It'll be nice to be around people you can be open with. I'm sure you'll have a great time."

"You *will*," Joey echoed, pulling JC closer to him and narrowing his eyes a little at Chris over his shoulder. "Now c'mere. You're rubbing all the stuff out of your hair."

He smeared some more of the shiny, faintly sparkly gel on his fingers and held JC's head still as he rubbed it through his hair.

"I'm open around you guys," JC protested, squirming to try and look at Chris again. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!" said Chris innocently. "That's just exactly what you said. That you'll meet people who are more open-minded. And I said that would be a good thing and that you'd have fun. Really, JC ... " He sighed and tried to let it go. "You don't need to be nervous. They're going to adore you, just like us."

"Well, maybe not *just* like us," Joey teased, putting the finishing touches on JC's spikes. "Maybe different ways from us. Since we won't be basing our adoration on how hot your ass looks in those jeans."

Chris did take a moment to admire that ass -- his first real chance to do it -- but didn't comment, just smiled a little bit to himself. "You'll tell me all about it?" he said when Joey had finished with JC's hair. "What it's like and who you meet and everything?"

"I'd call you when I got home, if you weren't going to be out," JC replied earnestly, batting Joey's hands away as he tried to arrange his shirt to show a little skin over the waistband of his jeans. "I wish you were coming with me, Chris. So I'd feel a little less on display. It's like ... I can't tell if Lance just wants to show me off to these other guys he knows, or if he's still trying to get me to go out with him, or if ... if he's really just being nice."

"Well, you were the one invited," said Chris, holding onto his smile with some effort. "Don't worry, I'm sure he just wants you to have some fun with him and his friends. No ulterior motives. And ... I might be home when you get in, you can give me a call if you want. If I'm not home, you'll just end up chatting with mom again, no harm done."

"It might be late," JC murmured, turning back to the mirror and running his hands -- Chris couldn't help but look at them -- over his hips and thighs restlessly. "I'd wake up the girls."

Joey stepped closer to him again, pulling his hands away carefully and holding on to them as he wrapped his arms around JC from behind. "Stop fidgeting," he entreated. "Look at you. You look gorgeous and I know you know it and I think a part of you is just dying to actually flirt for once."

"You don't have to call," Chris backed off as he looked at them together and felt very much the outsider. "I'm sure we'll talk again soon, JC. Honest, they *are* gonna love you and I'm sure you'll meet someone you like. I think I ... Joey, you've got things under control here, I should probably get out of the way and let you get on with your day, JC. Have a great time, okay?"

"You're leaving?" JC asked with wide eyes, as Joey let go and considered Chris with a much more narrow look. "But I thought ... I was gonna see if I could give you a ride home, on my way to the party. Maybe ... maybe even get a pep talk from you, without Joey being nosy and annoying."

"Hey," Joey said mildly, still watching Chris. Chris wasn't sure exactly what he was *seeing*, but he seemed slightly displeased that Chris was saying anything to put the whole thing in jeopardy.

Chris's guts clenched at the thought of encouraging JC even more, even though he knew that's exactly what he *should* be doing, In face, it was just incredibly dumb that he wasn't, and especially that he was being so obvious -- enough for Joey to notice.

"Sure," he said, not really seeing an easy way out. "But isn't it out of your way? I mean, you know what area I live in, And I was figuring I'd head to the library for a while anyway, 'til it closed. Things are a little more nuts than usual at home today."

"I can drop you there, then," JC insisted, starting to twist his hands again and tug on his jeans. "Please, Chris. I could really use your advice."

"Yeah, Chris," Joey murmured, taking JC's hands in his again, then looking him up and down before doing the same to Chris. "He wants your advice."

Chris nodded his head and bit back a sigh. "Of course," he said finally. "If there's one thing I know, it's how to get ready for a party. And seriously, JC, you look ready. You'll be the center of attention." He turned to Joey and gave *him* a smile, and figured he had nothing to lose now. "Did *you* know he was hiding all that under the clothes he was wearing? Damn."

"Chris!" JC cried, blushing, and tugged his hands back from Joey to start fidgeting again while Joey laughed and gave Chris an appreciative, even admiring, wink. He didn't seem to be scrutinizing Chris as much, after that, but he had a bit of a satisfied smile on his face that Chris couldn't quite interpret.

"This skinny thing?" he said, winking at Chris again but pretending to be very serious when JC turned back around.

"You could have anyone you wanted," Chris said softly, meeting JC's eyes for just a moment. "You're a really special guy, JC. So what time are you supposed to be there, and are you fashionably late yet?"

JC blinked at him, still flushed, but Chris could see him square his shoulders a little, stand a little more confident with Chris's words. "Um, seven," he said, actually looking to Joey for confirmation. "So I guess we should go. Last chance to tell me I should wear something else."

"You wear anything else and I'll never speak to you again," vowed Chris with a grin that was just a little bit easier, knowing how much his opinion did mean to him. "Well, I'm ready to go whenever. Joey?"

"Yeah, you kids go," Joey nodded, surprising Chris -- who'd just assumed Joey would be riding with them, at least part of the way. "I gotta get home and wash eau-de-JC off me, before my date." He leered a little, and smacked JC's ass gently. "You're not the only one getting some tonight, my friend."

Chris felt his smile falter again, but he had years of practice at keeping it in place. "Lucky guys," he murmured under his breath, straightening JC's shirt a little bit and then nodding at Joey. He wasn't even sure he *was* going to go out tonight after all, maybe he'd just stay home with his mom and sulk like a little kid, like he hadn't let himself do in years. At least he could tell her why, more or less.

JC caught his hand before he could pull it back very far and squeezed it with his own, cold as ever. "Thanks," he murmured, soft enough so only Chris could hear. "I'd never have let him talk me into this if I didn't think you'd think it was a good idea."

"You shouldn't have needed to be talked into it," insisted Chris, squeezing his hand back and rubbing it a little to warm it. "This is a big thing. You *are* lucky. Make the most of it, okay?"

"I'll try," JC said shyly, before Joey smacked his backside again and told them to get a move on.

He fought with JC briefly about wearing a coat, insisting that he needed to make an entrance and he wasn't going to do that all bundled up in mittens like a little boy, and Chris just watched them bicker, wondering when he'd gotten so fond of both of them.

* * *

It wasn't when he got home that JC picked up the phone to call Chris, but it *was* first thing in the morning the next day. He tapped his fingers impatiently as he waited for him -- or someone -- to pick up, and twisted around in his sheets.

When Chris did answer, he barely gave him a chance to say hello before breathless exclaiming, "I had *such* a good time, Chris. You don't even know."

"Oh, hey, JC!" said Chris, sounding both pleased and surprised to hear from him. "Hang on a second, okay?" JC hear a hand go over the receiver, then Chris's muffled voice again. "Taylor, don't run with that. Katie, you and Emily are going to have to split the last of that cereal if you both want it, otherwise one of you'd gonna have to have those corn flake things. No. I mean it. And don't spill the milk everywhere." Then his voice came back onto the phone again. "Sorry about that. So what were you saying? You had a good time?"

"I did," JC nodded to himself, and smiled at the easy way Chris sounded like he took care of his sisters. He still couldn't wait to meet them. "Are you busy, though? I can call back later."

"No, no, later wouldn't be any different," Chris assured him. "Can you hang on one more second?" He didn't wait for an answer before covering the receiver again; JC waited patiently for him to finish. "Molly? Are you done in the bathroom yet? I need you to watch the kids -- I've got a call!"

"I'm not a kid!" He heard an indignant female voice reply before Chris came back on the line again.

"Sorry, sorry, mom's out for the morning," Chris apologized again. "So tell me all about it. What's it like to spend time with real, live gay people?"

"I really can call back," JC insisted, but he didn't really wait for Chris to agree with that before practically squeaking with excitement. "But it was ... they were really gay, Chris. I mean," he blushed at Chris's laugh, "not that we're not. But some of them, they were kissing. And touching. Like I'm sure people do at the parties you go to, but I *saw* them. Guys. Right in front of me."

"Wow," said Chris, sounding genuinely impressed. "That sounds ... really great. To see that for real, and be able to talk to people and not pretend anything. Did you ... meet anyone?" He sounded like he might've said something else, but then someone interrupted him again.

"Chris, we're out of milk!"

"I *told* you not to spill any," he called out without covering the receiver this time. "There's some powdered stuff in the cupboard. Get Molly to mix you up some."

JC waited patiently, or tried to, while Chris dealt with his family. He knew he didn't know how they lived, but their house always sounded so lively, that JC was jealous.

When it seemed like he had Chris's attention again, he answered. "I ... kinda, yeah," he admitted shyly. "There was a boy. He was ... really sweet, Chris. And funny, like you."

"Oh," said Chris softly, and the background noise faded -- but didn't disappear -- as Chris seemed to move to another part of the house. "Oh. Really? So ... um ... what was his name?"

"Tim," JC replied, blushing as he remembered him introducing himself to JC almost as soon as he'd gotten there. He'd been different from the other guys that had done the same thing, though -- not pushy, at all. And not annoying him with questions about how he knew Lance. "I think I would have been a lot more uncomfortable, if he hadn't been there."

Chris was quiet for a really long moment, uncomforably long, then, "So are you guys going out some time? I mean, did he ask you out? On a date?"

JC didn't know how to answer that, especially since Chris sounded ... almost reluctant to hear it. "I don't know," he said, and that was the truth. "I mean. He said he'd like to, if I was interested, and he gave me his number after, but ... I'm not really sure I'm ready for that. It seems like a big step."

"Oh," said Chris again, just as softly, and JC could hear one girl shrieking at another in the background but Chris didn't even seem to notice. "Well ... " he added finally. "Well, if you really like this guy, then you should. It's ... it's what you've been wanting, JC."

"But," JC said, feeling his mouth pull into a frown. This wasn't at all how he thought Chris would react. "It's the first guy I've met. That's liked me. Besides Lance, who my GOD does not count, because he's a dweeb. How do I know I actually like him, instead of just ... thinking I do, because he wasn't pawing at me all night, like some of the other guys. Or propositioning me." Which had happened more than once, too.

"They were pawing at you?" said Chris, suddenly focusing on *that*, to JC's surprise. "And propositioning you? And it was your first time there? Jeez, you're not a piece of meat or something, You need someone who'll treat you way better than that." But the tirade dropped off quickly and fell silent again. "Well ... " he said again finally. "Go with your gut, I guess."

JC was quiet too, for a moment. "He wasn't doing any of those things," he said carefully, eventually. "He asked me if he could ... kiss me, but I told him no, and he was really cool about it. I thought he was nice." He didn't have any idea what he'd said that was making Chris react like this, so negatively. Especially when he'd been so encouraging in the car. "Do you think I did something wrong, Chris?"

"No, no!" said Chris quickly, and the background noise started to get louder again. "Hang on." JC sat by patiently again as the receiver was covered, though he could still hear pretty clearly. "Taylor, I'm not going to tell you again, don't run with that. If I see you doing it one more time you're gonna be standing in the corner for the rest of the morning. Molly, will you *please* watch her? This is an important call."

"Yeah, he's talking to his BOYfriend," came one of the girls' voices.

"He isn't!" Chris said, then the receiver was uncovered again. "Sorry, had to deal with something. Anyway. I mean it when I say that if you like him, you should go for it, JC. "

JC had been considering it, but he felt like it was the last thing on earth he wanted to do after talking to Chris. He started doubting everything he'd done the whole night, whether the way the other guys acted around him was because of the way *he* was acting ... and how well did he know Tim, anyway? He obviously hadn't trusted him enough to give him *his* number.

And then ... he didn't know *what* to think about one of Chris's sisters calling him his boyfriend, except that it meant he'd obviously told them, which made his heart a little lighter. But he still didn't want Chris to get teased over him.

"You would like him," he tried, his last attempt to get a little enthusiasm from Chris before he just gave up. "He had nice hands ... ?"

"Well, then you'll have to introduce us," said Chris. "You have to get mine and Joey's approval of anyone you want to date, anyway, right? So ... yeah. I guess I get to meet another gay boy, too, finally. I'm sure I *would* like him, though, JC. You're a great judge of people."

"Thanks," JC replied softly, wondering why even that didn't help. And why he was pretty sure he'd be throwing Tim's number away when he got out of bed. "Well, anyway. How was your night? The party? Did Justin wear a bathing suit again?"

"Oh, it was fine," he said, and JC heard him sigh. "It was kind boring, really. Justin and Mandy disappeared early on and didn't show up again until after midnight. AJ threw up in the pool and someone tripped and fell over a chair and had to go get stitches. It was actually a *really* lousy party. I'm glad at least one of us had a good time. What time did you get home?"

"My curfew's 12:30," JC told him, tugging his blankets over his head as he burrowed down into his sheets. Maybe he wouldn't get up yet after all. "I was home by then. I'm ... sorry you didn't have more fun. But I'm sure you will next time. You usually do."

"Yeah," said Chris, not so much agreeing as just acknowledging JC had said something. "Oh hell! I'll be right back." JC hear the phone drop onto something solid, heard Chris storm away. "Molly! I can smell the smoke from across the room. Did you think I wouldn't realize what you were doing in there?"

But before Chris could possibly have been back, the phone was being picked up and JC heard a soft, young, feminine, "Hi, who's this?"

"Uh, hi," JC replied awkwardly, realizing he never should have forced Chris to listen to him when he was obviously so busy. His friend had his hands more than full and he was still being so nice and patient. And JC felt like a jackass for wondering why he wasn't bouncing off the walls at his stupid news. And now, it was really too late to just leave him alone. "This is JC. I'm, um, friends with your brother. What's your name, sweetie?"

"TAYlor," she said, like he should have known that already. "Chris tol' me a SEcret yesterday and I can't tell you," she went on importantly. "You wanna know a different secret? Molly's smoking in the bathroom and Chris is MAD. You can tell 'cause his face gets all scrunchy."

"Chiiiisssss," came another female voice in the background. "Taylor picked up the phone and she's *talking*."

JC coughed, trying to cover up his chuckling. "Well, hi, Taylor," he said. "Chris has told me a lot about you, honey. He said you're pretty smart. He *also* said you're really good at keeping secrets." He was pretty sure he knew what Chris had told the girls was a secret; he was just surprised he hadn't done it before yesterday. And wondered when he'd had a chance to; if it was before he saw him, why hadn't he mentioned it? And it couldn't have been after, because he was at the party. "Is that true?"

"I'm *very* good at keeping secrets," she said proudly. "I never told ANYone about the crush that Katie has on a boy at school -- "

"Hey!" he heard from a different voice this time.

"Oops."

JC chuckled again, under his breath. "Those are pretty important secrets. But you know? Sometimes I have trouble remembering what I'm supposed to tell and what I'm not. So I try not to *tell* people I know secrets." He wondered if that was even working. "So, um, if you talk to one of Chris's *other* friends? you'll be even *better* at keeping secrets if you don't tell them you *know* a secret. Get it?"

"But then how are they gonna know I'm special?" she asked innocently.

"Okay, Taylor, time to give the phone back." That was Chris's voice again, and it seemed as though Taylor obeyed him because he was on the line again a moment later. "I'm *so* sorry," he said. "Just had a little crisis here ... "

"No, it's fine," JC murmured, feeling himself smiling still. "*I'm* sorry, I shouldn't have kept you so long. You're busy. Um ... your sisters are darling, though."

Chris chuckled a little bit. "Well, you've witnessed what it's like here now ... are you *sure* you still want to come over for dinner?"

"More than ever," JC promised. And he meant it. And the fact that he was looking forward to it more than he had ever been looking forward to maybe seeing Tim again ... he figured he could worry about it later.

"All right then, I've actually really got to go," said Chris. "Molly is in *big* trouble. Talk to you later?"

"Sure, call me," JC said quickly, poking his head back out of the covers so his voice wouldn't be muffled at all for Chris to misunderstand. "Or come by. I ... I'd love to see you. And say 'bye' to Taylor for me?"

"I will," promised Chris. "And I'll call you later, make sure you have the address and everything. And then we'll see you here on Monday. Possibly one sister less than you're expecting, once I get through with Molly, though ... "

"Oh, don't be too hard on her," JC protested, even though if it had been Heather and he'd caught her smoking he'd be a lot less calm than Chris seemed to be. "I'll ... I'll see you." It was unexpectedly hard for him to hang up the phone. "Wait," he said quickly. "Do you want me to come over and help? watch the other girls until your mom gets home?"

"Oh no," said Chris, "I couldn't ask you to -- Molly! Don't think I can't see you! -- tackle this right now. I was supposed to break you in easy, with dinner, when everyone was on their best behaviour ... " He sounded tired, though. And a little desperate.

"Chris, I can be there in, like, ten minutes," JC insisted, throwing his blankets off and getting a little tangled in the phone cord as he grabbed his jeans from the night before off the floor. "Really. I want to help."

"I ... " began Chris, then JC heard something smash in the background. "Oh, shit. We don't *have* any extra bowls." He sighed heavily. "You have the address? You can find the place?"

"Yeah, no, no problem," JC promised. "Go. I'll see you in a minute." He hung up the phone and tugged on a tee shirt, and some flip-flops, and thought for a second about getting some extra pants. But he didn't want to keep Chris waiting. Instead, he grabbed a couple old bowls from the back of the cabinet that he'd *never* seen his mom use, on his way out the door.

* * *

JC wasnt entirely sure this was the right place, until he heard familiar voices coming out through the open window. Chris had said it was small, but ... he didn't think a place this size could actually *hold* a family of six. Once he was sure, though, he walked up the uneven concrete slabs up to the front door and lifted his hand to knock.

Before he could, though, the door flew open and he had to look down to see who had done it. "Chriiiiisssss," the young girl called, without taking her eyes off JC. "He's here!"

"Well, let him in Taylor," said Chris from somewhere inside; it didn't sound far. "Don't leave him standing outside."

"Hey, Taylor," JC smiled, forcing himself not to kneel down to say hello just as he forced himself not to look past her to find Chris. He held out his hand seriously. "I'm JC. It's nice to meet you finally. Especially since you're even prettier than Chris said."

She grinned back and opened the door wider, tilting her head right back to look up at him as she did. Then, finally, she stuck out her hand to shake his. "You're reallly *tall*," she said.

"You think *everyone*'s tall," one of the other girls called out to her. "Bring him in already, Taylor, the rest of us want to meet him, too, but Chris didn't let *us* get the door."

"You're s'posed to come inside now," said Taylor very seriously to JC, and tugged on his hand.

JC bit his lip to keep from smiling too much, and let the little girl lead him inside the house. "And I like your dress," he whispered to her, making her giggle and giving himself a little bit of confidence before he looked up to take everything in.

The room was really warm, and cheerful. It was definitely cramped, especially with six people, but it felt like a *home*. He just *couldn't* hold back his smile when he saw Chris watching him.

It even coaxed a smile out of Chris in return before he turned back to his sisters. "Okay, now *behave*," he stressed to them, then looked up at JC again. "This is Taylor and Emily and Katie," he said, pointing each of them out in turn. "Girls, this is JC. Be nice to him." Then he looked back over his shoulder and called out to a closed door behind him. "Okay, Molly, you can come out now."

A very sullen-looking, barely-teenage girl came slouching out of the room, only lifting her eyes to look at them when she reached Chris's side.

"And this is Molly," Chris finished, turning to her for a moment. "You just be glad I'm not telling mom. If I ever catch you doing it again I will."

JC felt his smile soften as he looked at the girls, trying not to be shy under their attention. All in all, they certainly didn't seem as rowdy as it sounded like they had been earlier -- he hoped that his visit hadn't really been for nothing, as far as Chris was concerned.

He even tried to smile at Molly, who wouldn't meet his eyes. "Hello, ladies," he said carefully, wondering if Taylor would let go of his hand to let him greet her sisters. It didn't feel like it.

One of the two middle girls giggled, then the other, and JC couldn't remember which was witch even though Chris had pointed them out. "He called us *ladies*!" she blurted out, then burst into a peal of giggles, even bending over at the waist as she did.

The other one just gave him a wide grin and showed off a set of just-slightly-crooked front teeth that almost exactly matched Chris's. And which also went well with her just-slightly-crooked pigtails.

Chris gave him a grin, too, when JC looked at him. "Make yourself at home," he murmured, just as Taylor started tugging on JC's hand.

"Will you play dolls with me?" she asked, looking up at him with wide, brown eyes. "I can show you our room and all my toys!"

JC glanced at Chris questioningly, then figured this was what he was there for; to occupy the girls while Chris talked to Molly some more. If he still needed to. "Um, sure?" he said, bending over to scoop Taylor up in his arms. "Can your sisters play too?"

Taylor squealed happily and wrapped her arms around his neck. "They don't PLAY with dolls anymore," she told him emphatically. "They say they're too OLD to play with dolls."

"Emily, Katie, you go help Taylor bring her toybox out here, all right?" said Chris, taking charge a little bit, to JC's relief. He wondered why they couldn't just play in the bedroom until he peeked inside and saw that it was pretty much all furniture in there -- two matching twin beds and a wide dresser and a couple of tubs full of things on the floor. And clothes *everywhere*.

"Molly, into the kitchen," Chris demanded a bit more forcefully. "We're gonna clean up that mess, and then *you* are going to make sure it's spotless before mom gets home. Deal?"

"Deal," she muttered lowly, and JC figured that was what they had worked out as her punishment, so Chris wouldn't have to tell their mom.

JC found he could barely keep from watching Chris until it just got ridiculous to keep craning his neck to see around the corner into the kitchen. It was this other side of him that he was so pleased to get to see: so strong, but really tender. He obviously loved all his sisters a lot.

And so he couldn't quite keep the smile off his face while he tried his best to entertain the three he'd been left with; helping Taylor set up a tea party while he tried to talk to Emily and Katie about school, and then their friends, and then, finally, the boys in their classes when they didn't seem to want to discuss anything else. The two of them, especially, kept *staring* at JC, reminding him that Chris must not have been exaggerating when he said he never had friends over.

He was surprised when he suddenly found Chris plunking himself down next to him on the floor and planting a kiss on his cheek. "You're wonderful," said Chris, and gave him a bright smile.

"See, I *told* you he was Chris's boyfriend," said either Katie or Emily to the other, who nodded her head in agreement.

JC froze -- torn between staring at Chris in surprise for that sort of affection he'd never shown him alone, let alone in front of someone, and staring at the girls who were still staring at *him* as though they hadn't just said what they'd said.

And he knew it wasn't his place to say much to them, but he couldn't help blurting out a protest anyway. "We're just friends," he insisted, even though he stumbled a little over the words, and reached over to pull Taylor into his lap to try and cover it up.

Chris seemed to falter a little bit, too, but never let his pleased look slip in front of his sisters. "That's right," he said. "JC likes someone else anyway. Don't think I didn't hear you guys talking about boys, didn't you ask *him* if there was anyone he thought was cute?" He gave JC a wink and pinched Taylor's cheek.

Taylor twisted her had around to look at JC with big brown eyes again. "If you don't wanna go out with my brother, will you go out with me?" she asked, blinking a couple times. "I know I'm not a boy but I'm still cute, you TOLD me so, and then we can play dolls EVERY day!"

"Sweetie, I'd love to, but I ... I pretty much want to find a boy to go out with." He reached up to push her bangs away from her eyes. "And it's not that I don't ... " He looked back at Chris a little helplessly. He didn't know how to explain that wasn't the reason they weren't going out, and as he sat there he realized that it was because he didn't *know* the reason. Any reason.

"Taylor, my little munchkinbait," said Chris, pinching her cheek again as the other two giggled softly nearby. "I told you, there's already another boy that JC likes. But that doesn't mean he won't come over sometimes and play with us. And this way you don't have to do all the icky kissing stuff with him."

"Ewwwww," she said, scrubbing at her lips with her hand. "Okay."

"So what do you say, JC?" said Chris, looking right at him now, his expression unreadable. "Will you come over sometimes and play with us, even when you get yourself a boyfriend? You'll still remember us, right?"

"Chris," JC said, feeling his chest get tight. He was getting it; he was starting to get it. And it wasn't anything he was going to have a conversation about until they were all alone.

He shifted Taylor onto one of his legs, and glanced over at Emily and Katie. "Of course I'll still come over," he said eventually, directing his words to Taylor and brushing her hair again. "I'll be here so much you all will get sick of me. Even your dolls will want me to leave you alone."

"You will not," laughed Chris, but he was smiling again and it didn't look strained. Katie and Emily just looked at them knowingly and giggled again, and JC wondered if they didn't already know what JC and Chris hadn't even said to each other yet.

Then he looked back over his shoulder and called at the kitchen. "How's it going, Molly?" He sounded a lot more friendly than he had earlier; they must have worked some things out.

"Almost done!" she called back.

"Maybe I should go, then," JC murmured, lifting Taylor up and settling her back on the floor. "Do you want me to help you pick up your toys?" he asked her. "Or are your dolls still finishing their tea?"

As much as he was staring at Chris earlier, he couldn't look at him right then. And he couldn't look at the older girls. And he just counted his blessings that Molly wasn't in there to scrutinize him too.

"But you just *got* here," Katie (or was it Emily?) blurted out, even though it had been well over an hour. Taylor looked at him with a similarly mournful expression.

"Now be good, girls," said Chris, "he promised he would come back. JC ... can I get you to give me a ride somewhere? I wouldn't ask, but I need to pick a couple of things up before Mom gets back, if I could. Molly can watch things for a few minutes." He gave Katie and Emily a solemn look. "You'll tell me if she smokes again?"

JC stared at the floor as the girls murmured their agreement, then got to his feet slowly. "I'm still coming over tomorrow for dinner," he reminded them all, smiling when Taylor held her arms up for, he guessed, a good-bye hug. "So be good until then, okay? Mind your brother and your mom, so we get to play more."

"Okay," promised Taylor solemnly, while the other two just nodded and smiled and kept watching him like they had a secret. It was unnerving.

"Be good," Chris repeated sternly, then called out, "Molly I need to go out for a few minutes, you're in charge, okay?"

"Okay!" she called back, and Chris nodded in satisfaction then started leading JC back to the door, grabbing his jacket off a hook before they went outside.

"Thank you," he said once they were finally out of earshot. "You have no idea how much I appreciate that. I'm sorry I ended up ignoring you the whole time, didn't even give you the grand tour. Of course, the only thing you really didn't see was mom's room anyway ... So yeah. That's my place."

"Appreciate what?" JC said numbly, letting Chris pull him toward his car. "I like it. I liked it. Your place, and your sisters, even though they *are* a handful. And you weren't ignoring me, I ... " He stopped. Once they were outside, out from under four pairs of curious eyes, JC wasn't as sure of what he'd thought earlier. "Where did you want me to take you?"

"Oh," said Chris, pausing on the walkway next to him. "I, um ... there's a store just a few blocks over, this big second-hand store. I need to pick up a new bowl to replace the one that broke, if I can find anything, and maybe a new shirt for mom if I can. I have a little extra cash from doing some odd jobs outside work and ... well, she doesn't buy things for herself very often." He seemed awkward for some reason, thrusting his hands in his pockets and rocking back and forth a little. "So the girls really liked you. I'm glad you're still willing to come back."

"Oh!" JC said, opening the back door to his car and pulling the bowls he'd brought out. He'd completely forgotten. "Here, I brought these. I mean, I'll still take you, totally, but. Well, here." He thrust them in Chris's hands, then backed away a little. "Why wouldn't I come back?"

"JC ... " said Chris, even more awkwardly, looking at the bowls in his hands. But he didn't decline them, as JC knew for a fact he once might have. "I don't know. You might not have liked it, liked being around a family like that in a place like that. It's really different from your life. And now you have ... someone else you're interested in. So you might not want to be spending that kind of time with me anymore, you know?"

"Oh, for shit's sake," JC blurted, then covered his mouth in embarassment as he glanced back toward Chris's place, hoping the girls hadn't heard him curse. "Chris," he said, much softer but no less forceful, "I don't, okay? Have someone else I'm interested in. So just ... just stop bringing it up every two seconds."

"But you said ... " said Chris, looking genuinely confused. "I mean, you told me ... " He sighed and looked down for a moment. "Look, I think I owe you an apology for that conversation. I was stressed out and I was afraid of losing you and I just ... probably overreacted to the whole thing. Really, it's a good thing, to find someone you like. Someone you know likes you back. Cause it's really rough when you don't know if they do or not and ... you deserve to find someone great, JC. I hope you believe that."

JC took a breath, then glanced over his shoulder to make sure Chris's sisters weren't hanging out at the window, or peeking out the door. "Chris," he said, his voice shaking a little. "I *never* said I liked him, and I *never* said I was interested in him. In fact, I threw his number away before I came over. You're just, you're putting words in my mouth. And ... what do you mean, lose me."

"You know what I mean," said Chris, still looking more or less downward. "You've just kinda always been there, whenever I needed you or wanted to be with you. Which has been a lot. And if you found someone -- and you haven't? I'm really ... I honestly thought you had -- well, I wouldn't have that with you anymore. And I'd miss it. A lot more than I realized I would until I thought it was gonna be gone. Now ... " He lifted his eyes and gave JC a shaky smile. "Stop making me be all sappy. It's not my style."

"I'm not making you," JC pointed out, stepping closer, cautiously. "Chris," he said his name again. "Chris, about what Emily ... um, Katie ... said in there. About us ... "

"I swear I didn't tell them that," said Chris, looking worried that JC would think he *had*. "I guess ... I think maybe they got that idea after I told them about me, and then seeing how much I talk about you all the time ... "

"No," JC shook his head. "That's not ... " He didn't know how to say this, what to say. He had no *idea*. "I'm not your boyfriend," he admitted finally, "but it's not what Taylor said. It's ... not because I don't want her brother."

"I ... " began Chris, looking absolutely stunned. "I ... Taylor only has one brother, so I have to guess you're talking about me. Which would mean ... that you don't don't want me. Which would mean that you *do* want me. Which would mean ... that I can tell you that I think I want you, too ... Except. Except maybe there's some other reason we're not boyfriends?"

Breathing purposefully, JC watched Chris as he shook his head again. "I wouldn't know ... I tried. To come up with one. And all I could think of ... is it convenience? Am I convenient? Is it just ... wanting someone, and only having each other? Because ... Chris, *you* deserve to find someone great. And if that's not me, for you ... "

"I've know a lot of people," said Chris, and JC knew he was being perfectly candid about that, "and I've never known anyone outside my family that I thought was as great as you. Seriously. You're ... gorgeous and talented and brave and ... and selfless. And you've never judged me. And I think I just ... I don't know when, but I fell for you, JC. I just didn't think ... I mean, I'm really not your type. Am I?"

"Why?" JC frowned, afraid to think this might be over before it started if he didn't say the right thing. "Why not, I mean? What kind of type do I have? I thought ... the only things I've ever said to you, was the thing about looking for someone bigger than me. And liking facial hair. And wanting a boy with pretty eyes." He stepped even closer. "And you have very, very pretty eyes. Chris."

Chris flushed a little bit, like he was unused to the compliments. "But all your magazines and videos and stuff ... " he murmured, "they were all ... not a lot like me. All tall and skinny and bendy and stuff. I just ... figured that was what you liked. That or big studs like Nick."

JC just shrugged. He did like looking at the guys in the magazines, their bodies. But he hadn't *seen* Chris's, yet. He just felt like he wanted to. "I'm not really your type," he said instead.

"But ... " said Chris softly, "I told you that I didn't know what my type was yet. Just that I liked smiles and hands ... and I think yours are wonderful. But that wasn't even why. I mean ... there's so much *to* you. You're wonderful."

"And so are you," JC murmured, taking one last step. It was about as close as he could get. "So very. So ... " he shrugged again. "So that was my reason. And that was your reason. And so our reasons kind of suck. So does that mean there isn't really a reason?"

"Yeah, our reasons really do suck," agreed Chris, starting to grin. "They're completely transparent. We actually really want to get together but we're having trouble admitting it. So ... what do you say, JC? You wanna?" It wasn't romantic in the least, but it was absolutely endearing, all the same.

JC's heart felt like it was absolutely stuck in his throat, so he nodded. And grinned back. "I don't know what to do, though," he admitted.

Chris looked up and down the street, then leaned in and before either of them could stop it, he pressed his lips to JC's. It was his first kiss and it was out of nowhere and it was exactly as it should have been.

He *still* didn't know what to do; with his hands, his lips, his tongue. He tried to just breathe, and not freeze up, and close his eyes. It was already more than his brain could handle.

Chris moved his lips against JC's gently but wasn't pressuring him to do anything he wasn't ready to do. And a few moments later he pulled away and just smiled at him happily.

"Liars!" someone called from the open window of their house then, as JC felt his face get hot, he heard all four voices start giggling helplessly.

Chris looked shocked, then angry, then finally turned back to JC like he was going to apologize ... but just started laughing instead. "Welcome to the family," he got out finally, wiping tears from his eyes.

JC clutched at his hand -- not really able to find any words, still -- and held it in his own as he took Chris's cheek in his other. And brushed carefully under his eye with the pad of his thumb while he stared at him. He could tell he was smiling, which was good, because he didn't want to worry Chris by not saying anything. He just *couldn't*. He'd given him his first kiss, his first kiss ever, and JC knew he'd never ever forget it. And he couldn't care less that someone had seen.

"Do you have to go?" asked Chris softly, "Or would you like to come back inside and kick some little girl butt with me?"

"I should go," JC whispered back, letting his eyes trail all over Chris's face. "I don't think I can string a sentence together right now. I'll be ... way more coherent tomorrow."

"Call me if you want tonight, okay?" said Chris, thankfully not objecting because JC really *did* need a little bit of time. "And thanks. For the bowls. I hate to ask for stuff, but I'm pretty sure you could see that ... well, they'll really help."

"I do want," JC promised, before letting go reluctantly. "And you're welcome. Oh! but you needed to go to the store, anyway ... ?" He halfway wondered if that had just been an excuse in the first place, though.

"Not anymore," said Chris, holding up the bowls. "I can go shopping for mom another time. It's not like i'm gonna run out and spend the money on something else, unless it's food or whatever. JC, I ... I'm really happy about this. We'll talk tonight, okay? And then I'll see you tomorrow."

JC nodded, feeling shy again, and pulled Chris into a careful hug before he could walk away. He wanted to kiss him again, to kiss him goodbye, to be the one to kiss *him*, but ... he also wanted to wait. For them to be *really* alone. For it be just them.

"I'll call you," he repeated, opening the door and slipping into the car.

"I'll be waiting for it," said Chris, waving at him first and then making a rude gesture toward the window where four sets of eyes still peered out. "Bye, JC."

* * *

When Chris walked in to the library on Monday, JC was already there, engrossed in *something* and chewing on his thumb. He looked sweet, and beautiful, and it took almost everything Chris had not to smile like an idiot when he glanced up and caught his eyes.

Chris brought a hand to his mouth and cleared his throat to cover any expression he was making, and made his way to the table they usually sat at together. It wouldn't be anything unusual to see them studying together; his friends had already chalked it up to Chris just making *extra* sure that he wouldn't be interrupted when he was studying and, though he hated to admit it, Chris just let them go on thinking that.

"Hey," he said softly as he slid into the seat opposite him."How are you doing?"

"Hi, Chris," he replied, smiling sweetly for just a moment before ducking his head back down. "I'm good. Really, really good. I couldn't ... " He voice dropped a little lower. "I couldn't get to sleep, last night. I know we talked about it, but ... my first *kiss*."

"I know," whispered Chris excitedly, looking down to dig through his bag for a book, any school-looking book would do. "Me too ... mostly. You would not *believe* the teasing I took from my sisters, though. All yesterday. All last night. All this *morning*."

"Were they terribly bad?" JC asked, chewing on his lip. "Do you think they'll say something in front of your mom? Or ... did you tell her?"

"You saw my place," said Chris softly, burying his face in a book. "There isn't anything that anyone says that isn't heard by *everyone*. So yeah, I didn't get to tell her, but she ... she knows."

"Oh," JC replied softly, closing his eyes. "Okay. That's ...a little scary, actually. God. Are you sure I should still come over?" He looked back up, and blinked at Chris, and all Chris could do was stare at his lips.

Chris gave him a smile that only he could see. "The only thing she was sorry about," he said softly, "was that she didn't get to meet you before it happened. She really wantsyou to come, JC."

"Of course I will," promised JC. "I picked up some ice cream for the girls, and everything, I just ... if you needed some more time, I would have given it to you. More time for any of this."

"Once I figure out what i want," said Chris slowly, pretending to write something down in the margin of his book, "I pretty much just go for it. I don't feel like this is too fast, JC. Maybe I wouldn't have told my family so soon, but it happened and I can't take it back and they've been great. You've been great."

"They have been great," JC agreed softly, and Chris felt him brush his foot against his ankle. "Okay, so this is hard. I was kind of ... I wasn't sure what it would be like, seeing you today."

"I knew it would be hard," admitted Chris, struggling hard not to do anything back to him. Convincing himself that they would have chances later that day, after dinner. "I didn't know it would be *this* hard. to pretend ... that we're not what we are."

"It's impossible for me not to look at you," JC went on, his voice only barely audible. "You have the most darling nose, Chris, and such thick hair ... and your eyes, do you know how gold they are?"

"I thought I was going to hate that we don't have any classes together," murmured Chris, unable to keep his own eyes off JC. "Now I think it's a blessing in disguise. I would spend all day staring at your hands."

JC clutched at his books a little tighter and seemed to tear his eyes away. "We won't be alone tonight, either, will we," he murmured. "We can't, really."

"At my place?" said Chris with a sigh. "No, sorry. That's really why i never have anyone over. I mean, I sleep on the couch, so no privacy at all, and there's not much to do for someone who's used to having lots of stuff. And trust me, the girls aren't gonna leave us alone. Mom either probably. But soon ... we will. We'll find time alone."

"I know," JC exhaled shakily, then pulled back almost completely from where Chris sat, his full lower lip sticking out slightly in a pout.

Chris smiled a little bit again. "You got ice cream? Really?" Which wasn't really changing the subject at all. If his family didn't already like him, they certainly would after that.

JC nodded, then rested his forehead in his hand, blocking his face from Chris's view. "And, look, just because you think I have a lot of stuff, or whatever, doesn't mean I'd ever be bored around you, okay? I don't ... get why you said that."

"Um," said Chris softly, making sure they still had their privacy. "I wasn't actually talking about you, JC. Just the people who came before you, who reacted a lot differently. I learned that my life was a lot better if I didn't bring people home. I was never ashamed of it, before that, and I still refuse to be now. But still ... "

"Oh," JC interrupted, still hiding his expression. "Oh. I'm ... sorry. I guess I'm just worried that I did something wrong yesterday. Or that I'll do something wrong tonight. And I just want to be good for you."

"No," said Chris, feeling the memories of the day before tug at his heart a little. "No, you did everything right yesterday. I'll never forget it. Um. Did you tell Joey? What happened?"

JC giggled and finally looked at Chris again. "You mean he hasn't tracked you down, yet? He has some stuff he said he wanted to tell you. Including but not limited to something like 'I knew it, I think."

Chris had to smile a little bit at that. "Yeah," he admitted. "I'm kinda not surprised, the looks he was giving me. He must've thought we were such dopes, not saying anything about it."

"What looks? When?" JC asked, rubbing Chris's ankle again. "How long did you, um. Were you thinking of me? Like, since when?"

"Before your party," admitted Chris sheepishly, unable to keep his eyes off JC no matter how hard he tried. "I mean ... it was pretty obvious I was jealous, I think. To him anyway. And to you even though maybe you didn't realize what it was."

"I just thought you were trying not to get my hopes up," JC replied earnestly, staring back at him. Neither one of them were doing an acceptable job, at all, of being discreet. "*After* the party, when I called you ... maybe then it seemed a little strange."

"Yeah, that was just ... one thing on top of another, then," said Chris, jerking his head down and staring determinedly at his book again. "The girls were being a pain and then I thought you'd found someone else and I was *trying* to be supportive and I hadn't even gotten settled about the way I'd had to tell Taylor about everything and ... I really am sorry. I was stressed out and it showed."

"No, no," JC said softly, reaching for CHris's arm before jerking his hand back and sitting on it. "Shit. What. Um, how did you have to tell Taylor? I shouldn't have even tried to talk to you when your hands were so full ... "

"Well," said, Chris, tapping his pen quietly against the book, just to be doing something with his hands, "me and mom had talked about it and decided to wait a little while to tell Taylor, until she could understand better. But, of course, knowing our house that didn't last long. All the girls share a room, after all, and a couple days later Taylor was asking mom what "gay" meant. So I sat down with her and explained. Using *dolls*. I'm still not sure she understands entirely, but she seems to, I think."

"She was so sweet," JC murmured. "I couldn't ... when she said that, about going out with her if I didn't want to go out with her brother, it killed me. And it made me so worried, too, what I'd done to make you think I didn't want to go out with you. Enough that that was what everyone *else* thought, too."

"Well, the thing with Tim ... " said Chris slowly, glancing around again to make sure there was no one in earshot, no one paying attention. "You really sounded interested, JC. Genuinely interested like I'd never heard you before, about anyone."

"Because he was interested in me!" JC protested. "A lot, I think. And I was flattered. And thought, at the time, that it was what you and Joey wanted to have happen. So it was more ... interested in something happening, than it was *him*."

"Shhhh," said Chris softly. "Yeah, I know that *now*. But I didn't, as the time, and was trying to ... resign myself, to being supportive of you when you were with someone else. Wasn't easy."

"Sorry," JC apologized, his ears pink as he glanced around too. "Okay, well. As long as you *do* know now. That you know that, um. It's you. I want."

Chris couldn't help smiling, letting those words echo around in his head for a moment. "I know," he said, his hand twitching to reach out to him. "I ... we can't stay in here. If we stay in here any longer, I'm gonna do something stupid and we'll get busted. I'll see you after class?"

But JC shook his head. "I have to leave right after school, to um, do something before I come over. I'll just see you tonight, okay? 6:30?"

"Oh, okay, sure," said Chris, nodding as he packed up his things. "That's probably better ... gets us off school grounds. Man ... this is gonna be hard." Then he dared to give JC one more smile. "I'll see you later."

"Bye, Chris," JC murmured, ducking his head again so he wasn't watching Chris leave. "Bye."

Chris didn't dare look back as he basically fled the library. It was going to be *very* hard to keep from touching JC, he was realizing, but he knew he was going to try. Knew it was going to be worth it, to have JC in his life.

* * *

JC couldn't remember the last time he'd been so nervous; even being at the party, with strange people touching him, hadn't come close to this. He slammed the car door shut awkwardly with his hip as he juggled the cartons of ice cream -- he couldn't choose one flavor -- in one hand, and the flowers he'd brought for Chris's mother in the other. It wouldn't have been quite *so* awkward, except that he'd had the florist put them in a vase, since he hadn't been certain she had one.

He took a deep breath, and started up the walk, certain that any minute the door to the house would fly open and one of the girls would probably come tumbling out.

"He's *here*," he heard a voice shriek from inside the house, then heard a loud thumping of multiple pairs of feet towards the door.

"Girls," he heard a new voice say sterly, though -- that *had* to be Chris's mom. "Be polite, he's still a guest."

When JC reached the door it *did* open for him before he knocked, but it was Chris opening it, the girls having been reined in for the moment.

"Hey," he said, giving JC a broad smile, the one JC wished he could have seen earlier, if only they'd been alone. "They've been really excited, about you coming. We all have."

"Me too," JC replied, feeling shy all over again as he peeked inside, then let his eyes linger on Chris's face again until they were both absolutely grinning from ear to ear. "Um, I wasn't sure what flavor," he said to him, voicing his earlier thought aloud and trying to hand at least one of the things of ice cream off to him before he met his mom.

"Oh my *god*," said Chris, his eyes going wide as he looked. "Wow, they're definitely going to be finishing their dinner tonight. Thank you, JC. Seriously."

"Mom!" shriek Taylor, giving up on sitting patiently and racing over to them. "Mom, mom, MOM! He brought FLOWERS! And ... and ... and ICE CREAM."

"Well for goodness sakes, sweetheart, let him bring it in to the freezer then before it melts," said Chris's mom with a chuckle, then JC finally saw her emerge from the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel.

"Oh, hi," JC breathed, feeling his heart pound in his chest as he met her gaze. His boyfriend's *mom*. It was terrifying.

He let Chris take the rest of the ice cream and scooped Taylor up on his hip before crossing the room. He held out the vase to her, then felt his smile freeze on his face. He didn't have any clue was Chris's mom's name was; he'd never asked. He looked back at him in a panic before steeling himself, smiling sheepishly, and facing her again. "Hi, I'm JC. It's nice to meet you, Ms. ... Kirkpatrick?"

"For the moment," she said with a nod, "though don't get too attached to it, I'm changing it shortly. So how about you just call me Bev, to be safe?" She took the flowers from him and smiled openly and JC knew exactly where the rest of the family got it from. "Are these for me? They're lovely."

"Well, it's not like he's gonna get *me* flowers, joked Chris, now with two of the other girls trailing behind him. "I already told him I like chocolate better." He gave JC a kiss on the cheek, then his mom, then headed for the kitchen to put the ice cream away.

JC blushed more furiously and barely kept from touching the spot where Chris's lips had brushed his skin. "Of course, they're for you," he murmured, shifting Taylor to his other hip and smiling when she reached out to touch one of the petals. "But really, I ... I can't call you that, ma'am. My mother would skin me alive."

"Well, we'll just have to not tell your mom, then," she said simply, turning that smile on him. "It's nice to finally get to meet you, JC. Chris has been keeping you from us for far too long. Though, given how the girls have taken to you, I can see why he'd be afraid you'd be stolen right away."

"Mom?" said Taylor, drawing her hand back. "Mom, mom, mom, can I put the flowers on the table?"

"Why don't you let us help you with that?" she suggested quickly before turning back to the rest of her family. "Molly, is the table set? Katie, Emily, go wash your hands again before we eat. Chris, can you turn the burner off while you're in there?"

"C'mere, kiddo," JC murmured, pulling Taylor against his chest as he followed Ms. Kirkpatrick -- Bev -- over to the table. "I ... really appreciate the invitation for dinner. Is there anything I can do to help?" He watched Emily and Katie stumble and giggle over each other as they ran out of the room, and tried not to blush when Chris's mom caught him watching them nervously.

"No, no," she said quickly, letting Taylor help her as she set the flowers down, probably just so Taylor could say she helped. "You're our guest, JC. We certainly already have enough hands to take care of this. Now, I made chicken, so I hope that's okay. Chris didn't tell me what you liked."

"I like chicken," Taylor interrupted.

"You'll eat anything," said Katie -- he was pretty sure it was Katie -- as she and Emily bounded up to the table and held up their hands for their mom to inspect. "You're just like *Chris**."

"Chicken's wonderful," JC promised, finding a chair that looked high enough for Taylor and depositing her there before backing up slightly and rubbing his hands on his pants. "Um. May I use your washroom, too?" He wanted to wash his own hands, but almost more than that, he just wanted a second to catch his breath, to try and relax. He didn't want to need Chris in the same room with him to ground him, but he did anyway.

"Of course," she said, sounding surprised he'd even ask. "Just make yourself at home, JC. I'm guessing you already know where everything is?"

"Take me *with* you!" said Taylor, starting to slide out of her chair, but Bev caught her and held her there.

"Oh no you don't, missy," she said, with stern affection. "You're staying right there. JC will be back soon."

"I'll be right back," he promised, nodding and backing away. He hadn't seen the bathroom yet, actually, but the house was so small that he knew where it was.

He closed the door carefully behind him, and smiled softly at the cup full of toothbrushes on the sink and the jumble of makeup on the back of the toilet, and was impressed all over again at how well they all seemed to handle sharing the space. Splashing a little water on his face he squeezed his eyes shut, and took some calming breaths. He adored Chris, and he was growing to adore his family, but he was just not used to being the center of attention. At least not in a positive way. And he knew he was being too stiff.

Eventually he shut off the light, and made his way back to where half the girls were sitting at the table, at least.

Bev smiled again when she saw him, and JC had to think that was a good sign, in this family. His own would smile even if they were seething inside, but he didn't think Bev or any of her children would.

"Chris is still in the kitchen," she told him as he approached the table. "I got him to cut up the chicken for me. But feel free to have a seat and get comfortable. Emily's in there helping him already."

Emily, meaning the one at the table in the pink shirt was Katie, and he swore he'd remember that from that point on if it killed him. "Thank you," he murmured, slipping into a seat across the table from Taylor, on the same side as Katie. He wasn't sure where Chris would sit, or Bev, but he didn't want to look like he was playing favorites and knew if he sat next to Taylor he wouldn't get to talk to anyone else.

He pulled his napkin in his lap and tried to smile encouragingly when Molly came back in the room, hoping that she was a little happier than she had been the day before.

"Ow, ow, hot, hot," she said, all but dropping the bowl of peas on the table next to JC's plate, then smiling at him sheepishly. "Emily was already using the oven mitts to get the potatoes out of the oven," she confessed. "I thought I could make it."

"Oh dear," said Bev, already reaching for her daughters hands to examine them. "Okay, you're fine. Does Em need any help with the potatoes?"

"I'm going back, I'm going back," insisted Molly, blowing on her hands a little more. "I need to bring the milk anyways."

"JC," said Bev as Molly dashed back to the kitchen again, "what did you want to drink? We have milk, and I think some juice still. Or just water, if you'd rather."

"Oh, water's fine," JC replied quickly, starting to push his chair back. "Let me get it, though, you all have your hands full ... "

He was already thinking to himself about another trip to the grocery store tomorrow, to pick up stuff for brownies for the girls and maybe some coffee, for Bev, if he could get in the kitchen to make sure she drank it. And some cokes, just for Chris. He knew Chris wouldn't let him get away with it often, but hopefully the dinner would go well enough that he wouldn't mind this once.

"Oh, nonsense," said Bev, though, reaching out to keep Taylor from sticking her fingers in the margarine container and licking them off, like she'd done once already. "Chris?" she called out to the kitchen. "Can you fill the water jug and have someone bring it out."

"I want water, too," insisted Taylor suddenly.

"Nooooo," Katie butted in. "You have to have milk 'cause you're still little. Right, mom?"

"Right," confirmed Bev with a tender smile for her girls. "Once you've had your glass of milk, then you can have some water. You're still growing, sweetie, and milk helps you grow."

"I still drink milk, at home," JC promised Taylor, smiling softly at how she tried to imitate him. "Every night before bed." He settled back into his chair, and turned his smile on Bev, and wished very much for Chris to come back out.

"So, um. How was work today, ma'am?"

"He calls you 'ma'am'," giggled Katie from beside him.

Bev just tsked at her, though. "He grew up with manners," she told her simply, then smiled back and looked tired. "It was a long day," she confessed. "I was late picking Taylor up from the neighbors. It'll be nice when she starts school."

"Next YEAR," crowed Taylor.

"Nooooo," said Katie again. "You start *kindergarten* next year. That's not *real* school."

"Close enough," murmured Bev.

"I know it will," JC agreed, thinking that there was no reason that he couldn't come over and watch the girls after school on the days Chris worked, instead of hanging out in the library pretending to do homework, or painting. He'd suggest it to Chris once he got over the groceries. "I didn't mean to put you out, tonight, but everything smells delicious."

"Oh, you didn't," insisted Bev, "you didn't."

"Coming through," Chris called out from the kitchen and then, finally, he was coming back to the table, a plate of roast and sliced chicken in his hands that he ceremoniously laid in the space in the middle of the table. Emily was behind him with a big bowl of roast potatoes and Molly set a big jug of milk on the table.

"Sorry," she said to JC, "I have to go back for the water." Then she dashed back to the kitchen one last time.

"Anything missing?" asked Chris, surveying the table, "or can I finally sit down with my boyfriend?"

"Sit, sit," said Bev as Molly came out of the kitchen one last time with a worn tupperware jug full of water. "If there's anything missing, I'll get it myself."

JC blinked as he surveyed the table, with the mismatched plates in front of genuinely smiling faces, even Molly's. He dug his fingernails into his own palms. "It *looks* delicious," he murmured, meaning it, and giving a smile to each of the girls. "I'm so glad to be here."

"Well, we're not much for formalities around here," said Bev, "so feel free to dig right in. Though if you're more comfortable saying Grace first, well, Molly would be happy to do that for you. Only don't use the dirty one you learned at school, honey, okay?"

"Moooommmm!" said Katie, and Chris just laughed, slipping into the only remaining chair which was at the opposite end of the table from his mother and just around the corner from JC. Close enough that they could touch.

"It's okay," JC shook his head. Then reached for the peas, and gestured toward Molly's plate. "May I?" he asked, wanting to do something to help, even if it was just serve one of Chris's sisters her dinner. He hoped *he* wasn't making anyone uncomfortable, by being so formal. But he couldn't make himself stop.

"You're so *polite*," giggle Katie again, reaching into the potato bowl with her fingers to pull one out for herself.

"You kids could learn a little something from him," noted Bev, making a mock swat at Katie's fingers, then using the fork that had been set out in the bowl to grab herself a potato.

"Yeah!" Chris echoed his mom, then just did the exact same thing as Katie just had and gave JC a wink.

Molly, unlike the rest of them, gave JC a lovely smile and held up her plate. "Thank you," she said simply.

"You're welcome," murmured JC, catching himself smiling back at her, feeling it turn into a grin when he found himself noticing all the ways she looked so much like Chris. Right down to her nose. He blushed when he saw Chris watching him, and cleared his throat. "So, um. Molly. Chris told me you went on a date, the other day?" He hoped he was allowed to talk about that.

Emily and Katie fell into another fit of giggles. "Chris!" Molly groaned, but she was still smiling. "At least I have something to bug you back about now."

"She DID," insisted Taylor, though, stabbing her fork into the pile of peas her mother had put on her plate and sending most of them skittering away. "She tol' me he held her hand."

"Taylor!" said Molly this time. "That was supposed to be a secret!"

"Oops," said Taylor with a grin and stabbed at her peas again. Bev just look on quietly, amused.

"It's okay to hold hands on the first date, though, right JC?" Molly finally went on after her blush started to fade.

"I ... " JC stopped himself before saying 'I have no idea.' He could make something up. "I would think so," he said seriously. "I mean. As long as you wanted to." He gasped softly but tried to hide it when he felt Chris's hand slip in his own, under the table.

"Of course it's okay," said Chris cheerily, reaching for the plate of chicken with his other hand. "But no kissing until you're thirty. Right mom?"

"Right," she confirmed with a sly smile, stealing a piece of chicken off the plate before Chris took it and dropping it on Taylor's plate. "Of course, same goes for you, then, sweetheart."

"But I'm the oldest," protested Chris, grinning the whole while. "That makes me special."

"Does being the youngest make ME special?"

"You're *all* special," interrupted Bev before anyone else could chime in. "And holding hands is just fine, but I want to meet this boy, Molly."

JC heard Molly's soft groan and figured maybe it *wasn't* the best topic to bring up, but at least she wasn't glaring at him or seemingly blaming him for it. And he was amazed that none of the girls had chimed in with a response to the comment about kissing, and wondered if Bev even *knew*. About him and Chris. Although he wasn't sure how Chris could've gotten them to keep their mouths shut about that the night before.

"Thirty seems a *little* old," he said, exchanging a shy glance with Molly.

"Yeah, cause you don't *look* thirty," said Katie, stuffing a big piece of potato in her mouth, "and we all *know* you kiss. *Lots*." And there it was, thought JC ruefully, hoping he hadn't tempted fate.

"They didn't kiss *lots*," said Emily, defending them. "Just the once."

"Just the once that we *saw*," corrected Molly.

"How old do *I* have to be before I can kiss a boy?" asked Taylor.

"Thirty," said Bev and Chris simultaneously.

"You told me kissing was yucky, yesterday," JC reminded her, trying to get his figurative feet beneath him, definitely not wanting to get into how many times they'd kissed. Or not kissed, more accurately. "Why do you want to so bad now?"

"I'd rather be FORTY," said Taylor making a face. "That's OLD. That's even older than mom."

JC's own mother was easily past forty, but when he took a good look at Bev, beneath the weariness, he realized that she definitely wasn't. She'd probably had her children -- or started to have her children, anyway -- young.

"You have to be *fourteen* to kiss," said Katie, so confidently that JC figured that was probably the house rule.

"So JC," said Molly teasingly, "I guess you have to kiss Chris enough to make up for all of us, then."

"You're fourteen," he pointed out, thinking he remembered that right, knowing his face was bright red again. He couldn't look at Chris's mom, at all. "And anyway, that's definitely not a good reason to kiss someone."

"Not for another month she isn't," said Bev, "and I want to meet this boy first anyway."

"You didn't meet *JC* first," she pointed out, causing JC to shrink back a little.

"Yeah, but I'm almost eighteen," said Chris, "and you're not. And you know mom almost insisted on meeting my girlfriends before."

"I know," said Molly with a dramatic sigh. "I don't like him very much anyway, anymore. He sat with Tina at lunch yesterday."

"I'm finished," announced Taylor. "Can I have ice cream now?"

"You didn't eat your potato, though," JC interjected, so grateful for the change in conversation that he didn't even realize how much that *wasn't* his place. "Oh, I'm sorry," he murmured, covering his mouth and looking at Bev apologetically before glancing down in his lap. "Pardon me. That was rude."

"No it wasn't," said Chris, squeezing his hand. "She *didn't* eat her potato. Taylor, eat your potato, then when the rest of us are done we can have some ice cream."

"And drink your milk too, honey," added Bev. "That goes for you, too, Molly."

"Emily's hiding her peas under her plate," tattletaled Katie. "Can I have more chicken?"

"Just make sure you save enough for lunches tomorrow," said Bev. "JC, how are you managing over there?"

"I'm fine, thank you," JC replied, squeezing Chris's hand back and holding on for dear life, practically. "Everything tasted great." He hadn't served himself much food in the first place, knowing he'd be too nervous to eat a lot, on top of knowing they could use the extra food for precisely that: lunch tomorrow.

"Is my son even letting you eat, or did he spend the whole time distracting you?" she asked, but obviously not seriously. "Chris, can you pass those peas back here? I think I'm gonna have some more. Emily, eat your peas or no dessert."

"I let him eat!" protested Chris. "*He* was the one distracting *me*, sitting there looking all pretty ... "

"Chris!" JC protested, mortified, quite sure his face was as red as it had ever been as he listened to his sisters giggle again. He knew Chris was comfortable with his family, comfortable saying that type of thing, but *he* wasn't yet. He couldn't even look at Taylor.

Chris squeezed his hand again, kept doing it until JC finally looked up at him., then he smiled. "You *are*," he mouthed, then looked at the rest of the table again. "Whose turn is it to clear off the table?" he asked.

"Katie's!" chorused Emily and Molly happily.

JC caught his breath and tried to stand up again. "Please, let me," he insisted, glancing first at Bev, and Chris, and then smiling hopefully at Katie. Pink shirt. "Katie gets lucky, today."

"I'll help!" said Taylor immediately, trying to slide off her chair to stand up, too.

"JC, you really don't -- " began Bev, but out of the corner of his eye he caught Chris shaking his head at her.

"How about me and JC clear off the table," he said, "and Katie can help Mom spoon out the ice cream, okay?"

Bev gave him -- gave both of them -- a warm smile. "Come on girls," she said, glancing at everyone's plate to make sure they were done. "Into the kitchen for ice cream. And don't forget to thank JC for bringing it for you."

"Thank you!" they all chorused as the scrambled out of their chairs.

"You're welcome," JC said again, watching them all dash into the kitchen, even Molly, with Bev following more calmly behind. He turned to Chris, and gave him a hesitant smile, not sure at all about what he was thinking. But glad for the second alone.

"C'mere," said Chris, tugging JC out of his chair and onto Chris's lap, then holding him around the waist. "Relax. They love you. Are you having a good time?"

"I am," JC promised, slumping a little in his embrace. "They're wonderful. I love your mom. I'm just ... still nervous, and there's nothing to be done about that, I guess." He tried to look in Chris's eyes, but his gaze kept falling to his mouth.

"I know you are," said Chris, rocking him a little bit and not paying the slightest bit of attention to the dishes covering the table. "Is this really so different from how things are at your house?"

"Happier," JC admitted. "More fun. But ... we don't have kids, and we rarely have a dinner where all five of us are there." He didn't need to go into the rest of the differences. "Would you even want to come to my house? I'd hate to have to ask you to hide anything, but ... well, you'd have to. For now." Except ... hadn't he told Chris that this was what he was waiting for, to say anything to his family? To have someone to do it for?

"I understand," Chris said, though. "I know I'm lucky, that my family turned out to be so understanding. And we're still in high school and ... no, I'm cool just going over and hanging out in your room sometimes. That's the only place we really have right now to ... do anything."

JC's face heated up again, and without even glancing over his shoulder, he leaned closer in stages -- forcing his eyes closed, doing his best to aim for Chris's mouth before he did, hoping Chris's experience would make up for his complete lack of it as he actually tried to kiss *him* for the first time.

Something went right, anyway, because their lips met and suddenly they were kissing. This time Chris's lips parted a little further, sucking then licking at JC's lower lip.

JC moaned, softly; he *heard* it as he felt Chris's tongue touching his mouth. That more than anything -- *his* reaction -- made him open his eyes, force himself away. And wipe his mouth carefully with his thumb. All of the blood in his body had to be centered in three places: his ears, where he could hear it pounding; his face, where he could feel it ... and his groin.

There had been no teasing this time, no one to interrupt the moment; he could barely even hear the enthusiastic sounds coming from the kitchen anymore.

"I'm really glad we had a chance to do that," murmured Chris, and licked his lips.

"Yeah, but I can't leave this time, to calm down," JC replied in a whisper. "I can't just leave without saying goodbye and say I'll talk to you tonight. I ... want to do it again, over and over, Chris."

"We'll have other chances," promised Chris, holding JC firmly in his lap. "We'll find ways to be together. We'll make this work, JC. But for now ... we'll settle for ice cream with my family?"

JC nodded. "I just wanted you to know," he murmured, before peeling Chris's hands off of him and standing up to start stacking the dishes. "I thought you'd want to know. I like it."

Chris stood up too, and wrapped his arms around JC from behind then kissed the back of his neck. "Me too," he said softly before letting go and starting on the dishes himself.

* * *

Chris felt a little guilty not wanting to get a ride home with JC right after class, but he was still too wary of how people saw him. He could be himself to an extent -- that wacky Chris -- but there was a line that he just couldn't cross. So it was about twenty minutes or so after JC'd already arrived home that Chris hopped up to his front door and rapped on it loudly.

"Hey," JC said, opening the door and handing Chris a coke without even really looking at him. "Come on in. My parents both called and said they wouldn't be home from work for a while." He wandered back into the kitchen, and Chris watched him for a second before shutting the door behind him and following.

"That's cool," he said finally, looking at the coke for a minute before opening it. JC would probably give him another later that he could take home instead of drinking; he was allowed to be selfish *some*times. "I don't have to be at work for a couple hours. So. We could hang out and ... do stuff."

"Yup," JC murmured, sticking his head in the fridge and pulling out a bowl of grapes. "We could." Everything he was saying was in these clipped tones, but he seemed happy enough. Bouncing, practically, when he moved.

"And no one else is home, right?" he confirmed, taking a sip of the coke and raising his eyebrows. "No one to walk in on us or anything? While we're ... hanging out?"

"Heather's at cheerleading and Ty's at a friend's." JC walked over to a cabinet and grabbed a glass to pour himself some water. "So, yeah. No one will see us. You know. The way you like it."

Chris almost dropped the coke. "JC," he said when he finally found his voice again. "That's ... not fair. You know we can't just ... "

"No, I know," JC muttered, leaning over a counter and hunching his shoulders. "It's not like I want to be out. I just feel like shit that you won't even get in a car with me. That you had to walk. Okay?"

"Look, I'm sorry," said Chris with a sigh, putting the drink down on the counter and wondering if he was supposed to touch him. "You know I do what I can. But there are some things ... and there were so many people I knew out in the lot ... "

"Right, I know. Forget it." JC dropped his glass in the sink with a carelessness that made Chris flinch, but he finally turned around. "What did you want to do? Do you have a lot of homework?"

"No, stop," said Chris softly, and he didn't care if that was a signal to touch JC or not, he had to anyway. Moving closer, he trapped JC against the counter then wrapped his arms around JC's back and held him. "You know I don't like it any more than you do. I just wanted to spend some time with you."

"Well, you are," JC told him, but his voice had lost its edge, and he slumped a little back against the counter, putting them at eye level. "I'm sorry, I'm stopping. Chris. Would ... would you like to go upstairs?"

"In a minute," said Chris, using that chance to look him in the eye. "I'm sorry, JC. I am. But it's not just that I don't want to be outed. Right now ... I think I could almost handle it. It's that I don't want anything to happen that'll make things hard for us or keep us apart. Okay?"

"Okay," JC nodded, blinking and finally wrapping his arms back around Chris in return. Chris just hoped he agreed, or understood, and wasn't just complying for any other reason. "I had a dream about you last night."

"Really?" said Chris, feeling a smile tugging at his lips again. "A dream like you had about Nick? Or just a regular dream?"

"Not *just* a regular dream," JC protested, pouting and pulling on Chris's shirt. "It was a nice dream. Just 'cause you weren't sucking me in it ... "

Chris laughed softly and rested his cheek against JC's shoulder for a moment. "Tell me about it?" he said. "I want to hear what nice things you dreamed about me."

"You fell asleep with me," JC murmured. Chris could feel his voice in his chest. "We both had on our jeans, but no shirts, curled up on my bed. And then I woke up -- in my dream -- and you were watching me. Playing with my fingers. And your eyes glowed, but not in a freaky horror-movie way. Just a pretty way."

"Oh," said Chris softly. "That's ... I'd like to do that. Watch you sleep and touch you like that. Not sure I can do the glowy-eye thing, but I'm pretty sure that's not the important part."

"It was vivid," JC told him, then pushed Chris away carefully. "So, um. Upstairs? We don't have to do anything, I just ... kind of want to hold you. have you hold me."

"I know, me too," said Chris, but he pulled JC back again just for a moment anyway. "The stuff I've been wanting to do all day, but couldn't until now." Then he reached up and traced down one of JC's cheeks, just staring at him for a while, calm and still and intense. "I bet you don't even know how beautiful you are," he murmured, and felt sappy as soon as he thought it, let alone said it, but JC brought that out in him.

JC turned his face slowly and kissed Chris's thumb. "Thank you," he said shyly. "I believe it when you say it." Then, breathing a little harder, he cautiously let his tongue slip out of his mouth to lick at Chris's hand.

Chris almost couldn't believe he'd done it. Up until now, aside from those couple of kisses, everything between them had been just talk, about things they'd like to do one day, or things they dreamed about. JC's tongue on his body was very, very real.

"I think," he said finally, "upstairs would be a really, really good idea."

Looking bashful, and a little surprised at himself, JC started walking slowly toward the stairs, holding tightly to Chris's hand. "Um. Slow, right? Everything'll go slow?"

"It'll crawl," promised Chris, letting himself be led easily. "I haven't done any of this either, JC. I haven't ... haven't even *thought* about it, as much as you. Trust me, it's not gonna be fast."

JC smiled again, over his shoulder, and squeezed Chris's hand. "'kay," he said, holding on tightly to the rail with his other hand, swinging his slender hips as he climbed the stairs in a way that Chris wasn't sure was just normal, or for his benefit.

He just wanted to reach out and touch, now that he could. He wanted to feel all those parts of JC's body instead of just look, like he'd been doing for so long now, it felt like. But he held himself back, mostly, just reaching out to rest his hand against JC's hip as they reached the top of the stairs.

That earned him another broad smile, and JC turned around to walk backwards towards his room, taking both of Chris's hands in his. "I'm, like, surprisingly not nervous," he admitted, nudging the door to his room open with his heel.

"Well, that makes one of us," laughed Chris. "Actually ... more excited than nervous, I think. All these things that I've been thinking about, I can finally do. With you."

"All the things?" JC swallowed. "Um. But. See. That's why I wasn't so nervous. Because -- crawling, remember?"

"Well, not right *now*," said Chris quickly, hoping JC didn't *really* think he meant that. "Right now if we even kissed again, that would be amazing. I'm just thinking ... eventually."

"Okay, eventually," JC echoed, exhaling. "Right, good. Um." He leaned closer to Chris to push the door closed behind him, but then didn't pull back. "Chris," he murmured. "Can we?"

"Kiss?" said Chris, smiling just at the thought. "Yeah ... of course we can. It'll just ... it might not stop as soon this time, as before, if that's okay."

"I think that's okay," JC smiled, biting his lip and then licking it carefully. Chris let him lean forward again, take the lead, awkwardly cupping a hand around the back of his neck to guide himself. He still closed his eyes way too soon, which was so fucking cute, but then there was his mouth and Chris stopped thinking about cute.

He almost wanted to plant feather kisses on JC's eyelids but his mouth was even more inviting, pliant and warm and just the slightest bit shimmery with wetness from where he'd licked his lips. Chris had no choice but to lean in the rest of the way and press his lips against JC's and remember just how wonderful it felt, to be kissing him. How strongly it affected him from the moment their mouths met.

JC still shook when their lips touched, the way he had the first times they had kissed, but he also relaxed into it much more easily. His mouth parted slightly, pliant under Chris's, and his fingers tightened on his neck. There was no doubt in Chris's mind, how much JC truly enjoyed kissing. Kissing him.

He knew his own first kisses hadn't been like this, they'd been fleeting and sloppy and hadn't done much for him at all, but this was like getting his first kisses over again, with someone he was actually turned on by. And he *was* turned on by it, very much, especially as the kiss seemed to go on and on with neither of them wanting to pull away.

He felt JC sigh against his mouth before -- very *much* to his surprise -- feeling JC's tongue slide tentatively over his bottom lip. And it seemed natural, too, not just something that he suspected JC figured he was *supposed* to do.

And that was probably why it felt different this time, too, from other times when he was with people who were trying very hard to get it right. All JC was doing was letting it happen. Chris let his own tongue slip out just enough to brush at JC's lips, too, when it felt right, and reached out to cling to him, to hold JC there.

JC froze again, so briefly, when Chris's hands wrapped around his arms, but he didn't pull away. If anything, he pressed a little closer, letting their chests touch. Letting their tongues touch.

Chris didn't want to be the one to pull away, to end this, and he didn't have any reason to be. They weren't going to be interrupted this time. They weren't going to be watched. They could just be together and start to figure all these things out.

JC's fingers, cool on the back of Chris's neck, started trailing down underneath the collar of his shirt gently. The weight of his arm over Chris's shoulder forced them even that much closer, until Chris could swear he felt the heat from JC's body against his everywhere they weren't already touching.

Chris was glad he didn't have to talk because he wouldn't have known what to say, to this. It was so much more than what he'd known before, and crushed every little niggling doubt he'd had deep inside that maybe he wasn't gay after all. He just kept kissing JC with more and more enthusiasm -- from both of them -- until his lungs were burning with the need for air.

He sucked on JC's lip gently before letting it slip out of his mouth, hoping that would be an innocuous enough way to end such an amazing kiss. JC was already blinking at him when he opened his eyes, looking like his eyelids weight a ton each.

He gave in to the urge this time, ane leaned up to give JC a soft kiss right betwen his eyes. "You're a natural," he whispered to him, and hoped that JC thought *he* was, too.

JC smiled and accepted that, but he didn't look any less dazed. "Is it always that good?" he murmured. "It's just ... kissing, but ... "

"I have no idea," said Chris honestly, still hanging on to him. "Maybe that's the way it's supposed to be. Maybe that's always how ti's gonna be between you and me. I hope so."

"But, so," JC pressed. "It's different? from when you kissed girls?" His lips curled into a smile and he let his eyes drop back to Chris's mouth. "I want to, more."

"It was way different when I kissed girls," Chris assured him, and didn't even think he could express *how* different it was. "It's like ... lips are lips, right? But the way people use them, and the bodies and the personalities attached ... that makes the difference." He reached up and trailed his fingertip along JC's lower lip. "And I really like the body and the person attached to these lips."

JC's eyes slipped shut, again, as he let Chris touch his lip. Then that tongue, that pink, pink tongue snuck out again, and teased at his finger. "More," he mumbled again.

"So much for slow," teased Chris, but he leaned in to kiss him again without hesitation. JC was an impossible person to resist.

JC didn't hesitate either, clutching Chris's hand and holding it between them as he worried Chris's lips apart with his tongue before slipping it inside Chris's mouth. Still standing in the middle of the room.

It was a lot faster than before and JC seemed to know *exactly* what he wanted this time, so Chris just followed his lead. It was probably better they weren't anywhere else while doing this, because standing where they were, they couldn't takie it any further than kissing which, Chris figured, was exactly how it should be.

Much sooner than before, though, JC pulled back, pulled Chris's hand up to press against his heart. "Are we okay?"

"Okay?" repeated Chris in confusion. "We're great, JC, why wouldn't we be okay?"

JC smiled and shook his head. "Just. I don't know. You did stuff first, last time. And now I am. But I'm really not used to that, and so I can't tell if you're humoring me, or just letting me ... " His smile was bright, and Chris knew he wasn't upset. Just trying to figure out what they were doing.

"Well," said Chris, running his hands up JC's arms, feeling unexpected definition of muscle there. "Kissing is always good. Kissing you. Especially if it's like *that* which is great. So ... not humoring. Enjoying very much."

"Okay." JC's smile grew as he backed up a little, caught the front of Chris's shirt in his hands and pulled. "So, more?" he asked again.

"You're gonna turn out to be insatiable, aren't you?" teased Chris, giving him a fleeting kiss that he could barely even feel. "You making up for lost time? We could be at this for days ... "

"I like it," JC admitted, tugging on him again. "I like you. I like the way having you touch me makes me feel. And I know I said slow and I know there are things, touching things, that I'm nowhere near ready for, but some touching is okay." He tugged again and Chris realized JC was backed up to the bed. "Having you lay down with me, that's okay," he murmured.

"We won't let it go too far," said Chris, but he wasn't sure who he was trying to reassure, or convince. "That would be nice, laying down with you. Kissing. Touching."

He watched JC sink slowly onto his big, huge bed, smiling up at him eagerly and bashfully all at once. "It's just me," he said. "You've been on my bed before."

"I've never been on your bed with *you* before," he protested, though the last time had been pretty damn close, He didn't know why he was so nervous, he was supposed to be the more experienced one here, but he guessed that JC was the one that had been ready for this for a lot longer. Carefully he knelt down on the bed.

JC grinned encouragingly and shifted back even farther, holding his hands out for Chris to slip against him when he was ready to. "It's a nice bed," he protested. "Perfect size for you to be on it with me."

"It's a big bed," agreed Chris, sliding closer. "Big enough for both of us, easy. To do whatever. Did you want to kiss again?"

Nodding, JC reached for Chris and pulled him the rest of the way down so he was draped across his body. "Like this."

Chris couldn't ever remember feeling quite this turned on with another person, unless he counted porn night at JC's ... and they hadn't even been together, then. "Like this," he echoed, getting comfortable, getting familiar with being pressed up again JC.

He was skinny, Chris knew that; knew his hips and elbows and knees were bony and that he'd feel them when they were laying together. He didn't expect, quite as much, the hard muscles of his stomach that Chris could feel against him own abdomen. And hadn't at all been prepared to feel JC's erection.

"Not freaking out," he said aloud, and gave JC a smile. "This is new." He shifted his body against JC's again and felt it even more acutely.

"You're heavy," JC whispered, blinking, cheeks and ears red as he watched Chris react to his arousal. "I love it. Now?"

"I'm not *heavy*!" protested Chris, relieved for the moment to have something to latch onto. "Just because you're this skinny little thing ... " He was grinning at him, though, and kissed the end of his nose. "Now what?"

JC pouted for a moment before tilting his chin up, beckoning. "Chris, Chris," he murmured softly. "Kiss me. Again. Please. I'll be good."

"You're already being *very* good," admitted Chris, moving closer still. "I think that's part of the ... " But he didn't want to say problem, so he just leaned in and initiated the kiss.

He could feel JC relax back into the mattress, wrapping his arms around Chris's back and holding him there. He wondered if that was what JC had meant; not letting his hands wander -- was that supposed to be the good part? He tried to turn off his thoughts and concentrate on the way JC's mouth felt, the way *JC* seemed to be concentrating on not squirming.

The last time he'd been in this position, her mom had walked in and kicked him out; he was thankful that wasn't going to happen this time. He wasn't sure he could stop even if someone *did* come in, it felt so good.

He thought they both gasped when JC shifted his hips a little, slipping one leg out from beneath Chris and letting it rest against the outside of his thigh. Putting their bodies that much closer together. Even if they hadn't, it wasn't long before JC pulled back from the kiss, resting his forehead against Chris's.

"I have no idea what to do," he blurted out softly, catching his breath. "All the pictures and videos in the world can't help me here. What would you like me to do, JC? What do you think would feel good?"

JC shook his head. "You're asking me?" he murmured quietly. "I don't know! I just ... know I like this. And know that I like the way you feel on top of me. But I'm almost scared to move. I don't" - he blushed even more - "don't want to, like. Come on you."

Chris had no idea what to say for a moment, just licked his lips at the thought then promptly felt embarassed by that. "Well," he said finally. "We're at your place so you can change if you do. I wouldn't ... laugh, or anything. 'Specially since I might do it first."

But JC shook his head. "No. No, um ... I'd want. To be more prepared. Let's just ... " He squirmed a little more, then kissed Chris again as he slipped out from beneath him, curling and pressing up to Chris's side. "Like this?"

Chris promptly missed feeling JC's hardness against him, but he knew it was the right decision. Especially if this was gonna be a couple hours of kissing before he had to run off to work. He wondered if anyone would notice when he got there.

"This is good," he said aloud, smiling confidently at him like he wasn't a little freaked out, still, about finally doing this.

JC nudged insistently at Chris's shoulder so he was on his side, too, then slithered closer, lips and even a hint of teeth at his chin. And facing him once more, Chris could feel everything. Again.

That might not have been such a good thing, because there was definitely something on JC for him to feel, and he knew there was something on him for JC to feel, too. "Are you as nervous as I am?" he asked, mostly because JC didn't seem like he was at all, and Chris was wondering if maybe he shouldn't be.

"I'm trying not to be," JC admitted, moving his head a little so their cheeks were resting against each other. "I really like what I'm feeling. And I know I'm supposed to like it. I'm just afraid that all that means I won't stop when I should. Althouhgh I don't know when that is."

"Yeah," agreed Chris, because that said it pretty well. "Never really had a chance to act on this before. Feels strange to. *Good*, and wonderful, but ... strange. We should kiss agian."

JC laughed and pulled back, his eyes sparkling a little before he closed them and searched out Chris's mouth. He kissed him a little more teasingly this time, licking at him carefully and less shy about fitting their lips together.

The more JC did that, though, the harder it was for Chris to keep things innocent. As nervous as he was about this, his body was perfectly at home reacting to JC's every move. "You're a fast learner," he murmured, and resisted the urge to run his hands up underneath JC's shirt.

"You said that," JC protested, giggling against him, even though CHris didn't think he had. He kissed Chris again. "I think it's - "

He shut up quickly when a door downstairs -- the front door -- slammed shut audibly, and rolled off the bed. He stood up smoothly and ran a hand through his hair and flipped on the TV. "Roll on your stomach," he hissed, then dropped down on the floor at the foot of the bed.

Chris did, immediately, more used to being interrupted than not. He'd thought that JC had said that everyone was out, though, and had no idea who might be there. "Sorry," he murmured, even though he had nothing to apologize for.

He stared at the TV blankly and listened to the footsteps on the stairs.

"Jace, you here?" It was a young man's voice, JC's brother, obviously.

"In here, Ty," JC called back, turning around and glancing at Chris apologetically.

"Why's your ... oh. Hey." Tyler hadn't even knocked before pushing the door open, and Chris was beyond glad they'd heard him come home. The first thing he noticed was how much he *didn't* resemble JC.

"Hey," said Chris from where he was sprawled on his stomach across JC's bed. He didn't know what else to say to this stranger, so he just left it at that for the moment. Tyler looked awfully surprised to see someone other than JC in there, though.

"Tyler," JC sighed. "This is my friend Chris. Is there something you needed? I thought you were gonna be at Scott's house for dinner."

Tyler was still staring at Chris. "They were having lasagna," he mumbled. "Why's the door closed, Josh?"

"Dude, to keep you out," exhaled JC, getting to his feet. "Go do your homework. We're busy."

"Watching Oprah?" Tyler snorted.

Chris was torn between wanting to defend JC and wanting to stay out of it ... and wanting to be a smartass. He bit his tongue for a moment to keep from making things worse. "We were watching videos," he said, gesturing at the screen, and again leaving it at that.

"Get *out*," JC said again, his whole frame stiff as he walked over to Tyler and pushed on his arm. "Out. And stop staring. I'm allowed to have friends."

"Yeah, but normal ones?" Tyler pestered, letting JC walk him backwards out the door. "Not like that fag Joey?"

"OUT," JC said again, pushing harder.

"Jesus," muttered Chris under his breath, vowing to stay out of it again but utterly unable to keep that vow. "Oh before I forget," he said loudly, speaking to JC and making a point of ignoring Tyler. "Timberlake told me to make sure that you were at his party next weekend, he lost your number. Well, actually, Kevin told me Mandy found your number in Justin's wallet and kept it but you know Justin, he'd never admit that."

JC and Tyler both stared at him for a second, and JC wasn't even the first to recover.

"You know Kevin?" said Tyler, trying to push back into the room. "And Mandy? She's ... "

"OUT!" JC said again, shoving Tyler this time and getting his hands on the door. "He wasn't talking to you." Tyler gave up after a minute and huffed before turning down the hall. And Chris could only really watch as JC shut the door again and slumped against it.

"Hey," said Chris, finally getting up off the bed even though he definitely hadn't gone down. "Shit. That's ... I'm sorry."

"Oh," JC waved weakly, banging his head against the door softly. "No, it's ... he doesn't know what he's saying. He just really doesn't like Joey, and so he thinks that's a pretty funny insult. So." He shrugged. "But, hey, I mean ... thanks for trying to stick up for me. That was cool. You didn't have to, though ... I bet he actually waits to see if I go. To the, um. Party. Unless you were making THAT up too."

"No, there is," said Chris quietly. "He's having this really big thing before his parents get back from Europe. Everyone's gonna be there. You probably could, really ... if you wanted to ... " Though he wasn't even sure JC would want to be there, given the choice.

JC looked at him again, curiously, but didn't respond. "Well, thanks again," he murmured. "I'm ... really sorry he interrupted us. And that he wasn't ... more polite.:

"S'okay," said Chris immediately, way more worried about how Tyler treated JC than how Tyler had treated *him*. Then again, he didn't have a brother, he didn't know what it was like. "So ... you wanna come over for dinner again maybe some time? Soon?"

That earned him a smile, at least. For a minute. "Oh, I couldn't impose," he protested. "Chris. Or put your family out. Maybe I could bring pizza over?"

"We want you there," said Chris, putting only the slightest stress on 'we'. He hadn't meant to, but it was definitely what he was thinking, and he just couldn't help himself. "JC ... you know we ... we get by okay. And I think you also know that I can't possibly turn that down because the girls would love it so much. But I don't want you to feel obligated or something, just because ... "

"Oh, I don't!" JC protested, pushing away from the door and kneeling by the bed. "I promise I don't. And I know you guys have ... everything you need. But ... look, you just did a really sweet thing for me. You do all the time. So let me do something nice back, okay?" He chewed on his lip. "Actually... "

"Actually what, JC?" said Chris warily. It was always hard when people offered him things -- his pride wanted to decline but his love for his sisters made him inevitably accept. "What are you scheming over there?"

"Well, look," he said, resting his chin on the blanket by Chris's knee. "I was thinking maybe I could just ... on the days you have to work? Do you think your mom would trust me to watch the girls? I could help Molly and them with their homework, and it would kind of force me to do mine, which would help ME out ... "

Chris just stared at him for a moment; he didn't even blink. "You're serious," he said finally, when JC just met his gaze and held it. "JC ... that's so far beyond pizza I can't even calculate it ... "

"And I can bring groceries over," JC finished quickly. "There. See? Would your mom think that was okay?"

"JC ... " said Chris again, still trying to process everything that JC was hitting him with. "I don't know how to say no ... but I don't know how to say yes, either. That's ... " He tucked up his knees against his chest. "That's such an amazing offer. I really don't know what to say."

"Just tell me you'll ask your mom," JC said, his voice softly pleading as he reached for Chris's ankle. "Just ask her. Okay? But only if you think the girls wouldn't mind."

"The girls would love it," said Chris honestly. "They'd love having you there. And they'd love not having to go to the neighbors -- Taylor always says she smells funny. And mom ... would be just like me. We can't say no to this JC. We can't afford to say no to it. But it still feels a lot like charity."

"Well, it isn't," JC said, so quietly and with such a sweet smile on his face Chris wanted to melt. "You're my boyfriend, Chris. Um, right? And that means ... to me, it means I get to do stuff for you."

"I can't believe you even offered," said Chris, reaching out to touch JC's hair gently. "This isn't just like doing me a favor. This is ... really big. It's the biggest thing anyone has ever offered me, I think."

"But, well," JC protested, looking down. "I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. I just ... I like your sisters. I like being at your house. I like getting to see you. Okay? So ... so maybe tomorrow I bring over pizza. And you can ask your mom."

"I'll ask her," promised Chris. And he did want JC to come over more often, not just for him and his family but for JC's sake too. "I just want you to know, though ... you'd be welcome, even if you never offered anything back, okay? We just like you."

JC beamed and turned his head to kiss Chris's wrist. "Thank you," he murmured. "And believe it or not, I know that. Your mom's a great lady." He crawled halfway up on the bed before continuing in a lower voice. "I know we can't ... do anything else," he murmured. "But ... I still want to. I always want to, with you. Do you know that?"

"I know that," said Chris, feeling the warmth of JC's presence rise up in him again. "But your brother's liable to barge in here again at any moment asking for Mandy's number, and ... I should leave for work soon, anyway. They've been letting me start early sometimes and ... well, I really can't turn that down."

"I know that," JC smiled, echoing Chris. "Can I drop you off? or is that against the rules?"

"No, that's cool," said Chris, wondering briefly if JC even knew where he worked; he didn't think he'd ever said. "I'd ... yes. Thank you. That would be much faster.:"

"And you can get home," JC confirmed, flopping on the bed to reach for his backpack, obviously searching for his keys. "Right? From ... ?" He sat back up, and smiled, and grabbed Chris's chin for the quickest kiss.

"Okay," JC nodded, rolling off the bed and stuffing his hands in his pockets. "Well, anytime you need to call me, you know you can, right? To pick you up?" If he wasn't so earnest, all the things JC was trying to do for him would have made Chris even more uncomforttable.

"I know," he said, and left it that that. And one of these days he just might. It was one thing to have JC offer to do something, though, it was another entirely to ask. "Do you need directions? It's not that far from here."

JC chuckled at him and kissed his forehead before tugging him to his feet. "Yes, fool. Where do you even work? You never tell me anything."

"It's, um, a restaurant," he said, grinning at him happily. "Victor's? Actually, you and your family have probably eaten there ... " It was the kind of place that they seemed like they would go to, the kind of place Chris had never been in as a customer in his life.

"Oh, yeah, we totally ... " JC started, before pausing and smiling. "That's great. That seems like a great job. It's a nice place. Are you a waiter? Or a busboy?"

"Yeah, it's a really great place," said Chris, only letting his smile waver a little. "Management's good. I'm usually in the kitchen during the week, only wait tables on Sundays. Hopefully I'll get more waiting shifts, though -- tips are better. Well. You know how it is."

"I do," JC said simply, pulling Chris into a soft hug before starting to pull him to the door. "Well, come on. Let's get you there so we can get you home so you can call me and tell me goodnight and sweet dreams before I go to sleep."

Chris felt himself just melt again, and couldn't help smiling at him happily. "I will," he promised. "Everyone will already be in bed, so I will."

"Good," JC murmured, then pressed Chris against the door in a searing but too-short kiss before pushing him out in the hall. "And tomorrow we ask your mom."

Chris looked around instinctively, just to make sure they were still alone. "We will," he promised. "The girls will be thrilled. Mom will be ... relieved, I think. She really did like you. I'll tell her not to take anything out for dinner if you really are bringing pizza. It'll be good, JC. Really good. Thank you."

"I really will bring pizza," JC promised, wrapping his finger in Chris's beltloop as he nudged him downstairs. "Um ... your mom liked me? Really?"

"Really," Chris assured him. "*Really* really. Anyone who's that good to her kids, she likes. She does think you need to lighten up a little. That's why she told me to make sure you knew you could come over as often as you wanted. Nothing like a good dose of my sisters to help a guy lose his inhibitions."

JC chuckled and placed a swift kiss on the back of Chris's neck. "*You* help me lighten up," he promised. "And you're welcome to help me lose my inhibitions as much as you want."

"And I plan to," Chris said, looking back over his shoulder for a moment. "Every moment I get alone with you."

JC bit his lip, and blew him a kiss, and gave him another sweet smile. It was unfortunate they'd been interrupted, but Chris wasn't going to regret it. They'd done just enough to look forward to the next time.

* * *

JC scrubbed at his face with his hands one last time, roughly, before climbing out of his car, wanting to make sure there was no trace left of the fact that he'd been crying, a little.

He'd run into Kevin, and AJ, and those guys during lunch at school again, and while they hadn't hurt him physically this time, everything they were saying stung just a little more because of Chris.

So he finally decided to take Chris up on his offer of his house being open to JC whenever. He really needed to be around people who seemed to like him no matter what.

It was obvious from the moment he stepped onto the front walk that there were definitely people home, and just that made him smile a little. They were so *loud* sometimes, but in the happy way. And they always seemed to be having fun, no matter what.

The door suddenly opened and two girls flew by him, one tackling the other on the patchy grass of the tiny front lawn. He would have worried more except for the fact that they were laughing as they did it.

"If you girls rip those dresses I'm *not* sewing them back up for you this time," he heard Chris call out the door.

"Hey ladies," JC chuckled, putting down his backpack and walking over to pick them up and dust them off. "Come on. Would your mom want you playing in your school clothes? Why don't you go inside with me and put on some playclothes."

"Jayseeeeeeeee!" laughed Emily, wrapping her arms around his waist and forcing him to lug her back towards the door.

"Chris, you have more company," Katie called inside after making sure her dress was intact. "When did you get so popular anyway."

Suddenly Chris appeared in the doorway looking startled. "JC?" he said, then broke out into a broad grin. "Hey, how's it going?"

'"Hey," JC replied softly, smiling hesitantly in return and trying to figure out what Katie had meant by "more company". He let Emily put her feet on his shoes so he walked them both up the path, putting a careful hand on her back so she wouldn't fall. "Okay. Is this ... are you busy?"

"No!" said Chris quickly. "Never to busy for you."

The moment he said that, someone else appeared in the doorway, someone big and blond who looked out over Chris's shoulder and didn't say a word, just smiled at him and whispered something in Chris's ear. Chris nodded slightly and smiled back, then smiled openly at JC again.

"Emily, you can walk by yourself," Chris went on, which didn't change a thing. "Both of you go change, then you can go out and play."

JC let Emily cling to him for another moment, then untangled her gently and gave her a playful psuh toward the door. Nick. Nick was here. He was finally going to meet Nick -- who didn't know about him and Chris, he didn't think? -- and all he wanted to do was curl up with Chris and have Taylor sit on his lap so he could braid her hair.

"Hey," JC said awkwardly, once he got close enough to hold out his hand. "I'm JC."

"Nick," he said, elbowing Chris out if his way to shake his hand. Chris didn't seem to mind, though, just backed out of the way to let Katie and Emily get back inside. "Don't think I've ever seen you in this part of town before."

"JC comes over a lot," said Chris, though, giving Nick a look that JC couldn't read. "My mom loves him. So do the girls."

JC felt like hunching over even more. "Nice to meet you," he managed to get out, trying not to feel guilty again for stuff that wasn't his fault, and trying not to stare too much at Nick's mouth, up close and personal. Which *would* be his fault. "Chris, I ... I can come back, really. I didn't mean to interrupt. Just let me say hi to Taylor?"

"Don't be silly," interrupted Nick. "Taylor's been talking about you since I got here. JC this and JC that. She says her dolls miss you, and you wouldn't want to disappoint Taylor's dolls, would you?"

"Listen, Nick," said Chris. "There's something we need to tell you ... " JC could see what was coming, and wanted to shrink back.

"What?" laughed Nick. "You gonna tell me that you guys are having a grand passionate affair?" JC was struck speechless and, for once, so was Chris. "Yeah, hello, I'm not stupid," Nick went on. "You wanna come in now? I think Taylor is already setting up a tea party."

JC just exchanged another surprised look at Chris before nodding and following Nick inside. "But you haven't even *met* me," he murmured to Nick, looking around inside to see where everyone was. "Unless ... oh, did Taylor say something? or one of the others?"

"You've just never heard the way Chris talks about you," Nick told him, giving him a smile. "It's been a few days now, right? The guy's been glowing, practically. So ... nice to finally meet you. Apparently Chris *does* have better taste in guys than he has in clothing."

"JC!" said Taylor excitedly, launching herself at him before he could respond to Nick. "I drew you a picture today!"

"Did you?" JC asked, honestly overwhelmed by everything he was hearing. "Thanks, honey. Can I see it?" He picked her up and gave her a kiss on the cheek, though, and held on tight as he turned back to Nick and Chris. "It's really ... nice to meet you too," he said to Nick. "I'm ... I don't know what to say. Thank you? And you and I need to talk later about what he's been saying?"

"Nick!" said Chris indignantly. "Are you telling him lies about me already?"

"Only the truth," said Nick with a laugh. "Ain't my fault the truth hurts."

"Shush you guys," Taylor chastised them, clinging to JC. "He's going to look at my PICTURE now. Wait your turn."

"So you *don't* talk about me," JC complained teasingly to Chris. "Well, fine." He winked at Nick, amazed he felt that comfortable with him already to do it. But it seemed like he and Nick had the most important thing in common: wanting to protect Chris. And as long as they recognized that in each other, everything would be fine. "C'mon, pumpkin," he said to Taylor, dipping her backwards until she squealed. "Where's this piece of art you've got."

As Taylor led him by the hand to the table which, when it wasn't set for dinner, was always covered in papers, JC spotted Nick and Chris speaking quietly to one another, obviously trying to have a private conversation.

"Look," she said, demanding his attention. "See? This is Mommy and me, and Katie and Emily, and not MOLLY 'cause she was mean and wouldn't let me in the bedroom so I don't like her today. And see. here's you and Chris and you're holding HANDS cause you always do whenever you're doing ANYthing. Do you like it?"

"You put me in a picture of your family?" JC asked, kneeling down carefully and setting her down on the table so he could look at it again. "And you made it for me? And ... Taylor! We do *not* always hold hands. When were we holding hands?" He blinked as he traced over the crayoned Chris with his finger. "But I love it. Thank you, sugar."

She smiled at him proudly and let her legs bounce against the table. "You DO," she insisted. "When you're at the TAble and when we're watching TEEvee and when we're playing GAMES. You like holding hands lots and lots."

Chris and Nick were still talking, and looking over at him from time to time making it obvious they were talking about JC.

"Well, maybe," JC relented, trying not to feel too self-conscious about being the subject of such an intense discussion. "But we're allowed to hold hands, remember? Even Molly's allowed to hold hands if she wants. And you hold hands with me, too, sometimes, don't you?"

"Well, okay," she said, scrunching up her little nose a bit when she thought about it. "That's why I DREW it, 'cause you always are."

"We're always what, Taylor?" asked Chris, resting his hand at JC's waist as he joined them at the table. "Kissing?"

"Noooooo," she said. "Holding HANDS. Except right now."

"We can, if you want," JC teased her, feeling himself relax with Chris's warm weight at his back. He didn't reach for him, though, definitely not sure what he was going to be comfortable with, around Nick.

"Oh, that's an awful nice picture, Taylor," said Nick, appearing at JC's other side. "But how come *i'm* not in it."

"Cause you don't hold hands with Chris," she said, and even want so far as to roll her eyes at him as though he was just being dumb.

Nick just laughed. "I think Chris has his hands full, sweetheart," he said, giving JC and Chris a sidelong grin.

Taylor's eyes suddenly widened and she looked at JC and Chris. "It's okay to tell NICK the secret, right?" she confirmed. "Cause he's NICK."

"Nick knows the secret," JC assured her, glancing back at him. It really was a good thing Chris didn't have more people over. Taylor was an angel but it wouldn't be a secret long with her around. He lifted her off the table. "Why don't *you* run and get some other clothes on, and get your dollys ready for the tea party, 'kay?"

"My dolls drink mar- ... marTINIs now," she insisted before scurrying off. "Like they do on TV."

"Oh no they don't." To JC's surprise it was Nick who interrupted. "Dollys like tea much better, trust me. Tea or lemonade."

"Okay, lem'nade then," she agreed easily, dashing off to bang on the bedroom door. "MOLly!" she complained through the door. "I need my DOLLS."

JC watched her, grinning, before turning back to the other two men. "Martinis?" he asked Chris. "What are you letting her watch, man?" Chris was still standing so close that JC felt brave enough to reach for his hand, even with Nick staring.

Chris sighed and shook his head. "She ends up watching soaps all day at the neighbor's. Martinis aren't the worst she's come up with."

"Good thing your mom didn't hear that one," mused Nick." You know how she is about that stuff." He didn't even seen to *notice* the way JC and Chris were touching, let alone comment on it.

"Well, she didn't," said Chris firmly. "It wasn't a big thing anyway. She let it go easily enough."

JC thought back to what he'd offered, earlier in the week, and hoped Chris had talked to his mom about it by then. And tried not to worry about Nick obviously knowing Bev that much better than JC did. "She's so sweet," he murmured, squeezing Chris's hand. "All of them are. You do a great job."

"Sure, she's sweet *now*," said Nick, glancing over at where she was still banging on the bedroom door. "But you shoulda seen here when she was born. She was the screamingest baby ever."

"Oh, she was not," scoffeed Chris, squeezing JC's hand back as he spoke. "You're just saying that 'cause the twins were freakishly quiet when they were born."

"MOLly," said Taylor again, pounding with her little fist. Finally Molly stepped out of the bedroom, right when all of them were looking.

"Those are *not* your after-school clothes," said Chris immediately.

JC didn't doubt it; Molly had on a skirt -- a short one -- and a pretty blouse that he bet was the nicest thing she owned. And *makeup*.

"Hey, Molly," he said, looking at Chris and Nick to try and follow their cues. Nick looked amused. Chris didn't. "You look ... nice?"

She smiled at him and started walking over and it definitely wasn't her normal walk.

"Did you steal those from mom's closet?" asked Chris, staring at her feet. When JC looked down, he saw she was wearing heels that didn't quite match her outfit.

"No," she said, still smiling at them. "They're mine, I got them with my babysitting money. Hi JC."

"Um, hi," he said again, cocking his head and looking at Chris and Nick a little more warily -- definitely not sure what was going on, and why Molly was *looking* at him like that. "How ... what. Um. Did you have a nice day at school?"

Katie and Emily were kneeling on the couch, looking over the back and giggling at the scene, while Taylor just seemed happy to be able to get into the room again, trying to drag out her toybox by herself.

"You change right now," said Chris, as forceful as JC had ever heard him. "Molly ... "

"It was good, thanks," said Molly, all but ignoring him. Nick still just looked vastly amused. "And you?"

"It was ... fine," he told her, backing up a little and glancing at Chris. "Um. Why don't I go help Taylor with her toys, and then we'll be out of your way so you can change into something more comfortable. Um." He blushed furiously when Nick snorted at that. "Excuse me." He let go of Chris's hand and started toward the girls' room.

"Molly," he heard Chris say behind him. "This isn't cute. Now go change before mom gets home 'cause you know you'll catch a lot more hell from her than you will from me."

"I *like* how I'm dressed," she protested, then Chris said something else that JC couldn't quite hear as he bent over to help Taylor.

"Molly's mean," said Taylor. "She's been hogging the bedroom ALL day and I only had ONE toy to play with. Do you think she was playing with my dolls all secret without me?"

"Oh, honey, I don't think so," JC assured her. But it was obvious that Molly hadn't looked like that when she went in there, which made him worry. Dressing up *after* school, and staring at him like that, it reminded him of the way Heather always was when Joey came over ...

"Oh, shit," he muttered, slapping his forehead, then covering his mouth when Taylor squealed again and pointed at him. "Oh, honey, shh. I didn't - can it be a secret I said that? just a secret that only you and I know?"

Taylor scrunched up her face again as she thought about it. "Okay," she said finally. "I won't tell no one you said shit." JC cringed but let it go. The less focus he put on it the better.

"Do you *like* playing dolls?" asked Katie as he helped Taylor set everything up. "There's a boy at school that says gays like playing with dolls and that's why they're gay."

"Oh, tha'ts just stupid," said Nick from over by the table, where Chris was still lecturing Molly, and JC realized he must have been listening to them the whole time. "*I* play dolls with Taylor and *I'm* not gay."

"Oh yeah," said Katie easily, and just like that she seemed satisfied. "Well, okay. I'l tell him he's stupid next time I see him."

JC smiled at Nick gratefully, then cocked his head to try and encourage him to come over and join them. Molly most likely didn't want an audience for whatever Chris was telling her anyway.

"People say stuff like that when they don't understand, sometimes, Katie," JC tried to add. "Just ... when people say things that don't sound right, or sound mean? Think about me or your brother and whether they seem true."

"Well, it sounded kinda dumb," she admitted as she sat down at the table, looking surprisingly ready to play with them this time. "But except you *do* play, when you come over. But that's mostly cause of Taylor, right?"

"Nooooo," insisted Taylor, setting a pink, plastic teacup in front of each of them and in front of the dolls that she set leaning up against the squat coffee table. "He *likes* it, right JC?"

"What about me?" said NIck, slipping into the seat next to JC. "Do I get a cup, too?"

"Do you PROMise not to spit in it this time?" asked Taylor, holding the cup back until he did.

JC smiled, and winked at Katie until she giggled, and pulled Taylor onto his lap after she gave Nick his cup. "Here, sit with me, kiddo," he said, "so everybody has a seat. And this way if Nick spits in his cup you can hit him real good."

"But that's how we clean cups at my house," said Nick with a grin, examining the interior of his cup like he was gonna do it again.

"That's cause your dad's a drunk!" Molly shot at him from the table.

"That's it," said Chris, sounding angry for the first time since JC had known him. Then his voice got hushed again and JC couldn't make out exactly what Chris was telling her but he was sure it wasn't anything he wanted to hear. He got the idea, though, that Nick had been teasing her while JC has been helping Taylor with her toys, and she was wanting to get some back.

Nick just shrugged indifferently, though, and tickled Taylor's side. "So did we decide on tea, or lemonade?"

"Lemonade," said Taylor firmly, giggling and squirming away from him. "Cause we're SPECIAL."

"Lemonade," JC echoed softly, then looked at Nick over Taylor's head. "Um, should I ... do you think I should go over there and say something? help? or would I just, um, make things worse." He didn't know Molly, or even *Chris*, as well as Nick seemed to.

"No, no, just let them have this out," said Nick calmly. "Eventually Chris will give in and let Molly show off for you, probably, if she promises not to hog the bedroom again. Or something. They'll work something out in the end. Molly's just gotten old enough these last few months that she's starting to ... you know ... test her boundaries."

"She's MEAN," insisted Taylor again, leaning forward off JC's lap to pour the imaginary lemonade.

"She's not mean, sweetie, she's just growing up," JC sighed, Nick's words confirming what he'd feared. "Why me?" he asked Nick. "She should like you, not me. You're, you know. You."

Nick just shook his head and laughed softly, though. "No," he said. "You see, she's known me since she was born, practically. I'm just Nick, her brother's friend. Now you ... you're *new*. And that makes all the different. Don't worry about it, she'll grow out of it. One of my sisters had the biggest crush on Chris for a few weeks, did he tell you that?"

"Don't worry, Taylor," said Katie conspiratorially. "Well all know she really is mean." Then she and Emily fell victim to another fit of giggles.

"I'm growing up, too," said Taylor, giving them a pretty pout that JC was sure would, once she did grow up, become devastating. "And I don't hog the bedroom."

JC kissed the top of her head and glanced back at Chris and Molly. "But, you know. There's the whole kinda-gay thing she could've considered." He met Nick's eyes. "Thanks for, um. Feeling the way you do, I guess. Or at least saying what you say, to Chris."

Nick shrugged again, more laid back than just about anyone JC knew. "Doesn't make a difference to me, who Chris likes, as long as he finds someone he *does* like. Finding someone who's willing to have tea parties with his sisters ... well, that's just lucky. I haven't even been with very many *girls* who'd be willing to do that for long. 'Course the twins are just about too old for this kinda thing now, which is a relief."

"Twins?" JC asked, reaching over to grab the plastic sugar bowl for Taylor when she started squirming in his lap and pinching his arm. "Are there a lot of kids in your family, too?" JC had always felt like three was a lot; five, like Chris's family, was almost unbelievable. "And should I be worried about competition from this sister of yours?"

Nick snorted and shook his head. "No, no competition there," he assured him. "She has a boyfriend of her own now, that actually likes her back. And my brother is far too young to worry about, so I think you're stuck with him." He sipped at his imaginary lemonade when Taylor gave him a stern look. "There are five of us." he said. "Three girls and two boys."

"And Emily likes Aaron!" Katie blurted out.

"I do *not*!" said Emily. "He's *younger* than me!"

JC shook his head, exchanging a grin with Nick. "Five," he breathed. "Wow. That's ... and you're the oldest, like Chris? You guys have a lot in common. That's so cool." He wanted so badly to ask Nick what he'd meant, earlier, when he said Chris talked about him. But he was too embarassed.

"Yeah," agred Nick, giving Emily a wink, "we've known each other through a lot of stuff. A *lot* of stuff. So I'm glad he told me about you, more or less. Woulda felt pretty weird if he hadn't. You have a big family too?"

"Nope," said Taylor confidently, even though he didn't think he'd ever told her. "That's why he's always here with us. He's LONEly."

JC's eyes shot up to Nick's, ashamed. "DId Chris tell you that, honey?" he asked. "I come over here because I like you and your sisters and your mom and your brother and your dolls, not because ... not for any other reason." He kissed her head again. "I have a brother and a sister, too, at my house."

"Chris didn't HAFTA tel me," she insisted, swiveling her head around to look him in the eye, suspiciously. "Are you sure you have a brother and sister of your very own? When do you have time to play with *them*?"

"Maybe JC's brother and sister are too old to play, now," said Nick mildly and -- very much like Chris -- he seemed completely non-judgmental.

"My brother's Nick's age," JC explained to Taylor. "And my sister's about Molly's age. They're not as fun to play with as you." He shifted her weight onto his other leg. "Plus, you know I think you're the most special girl I know." He looked at Nick again, just glad that he and Chris were both so lucky to have good best friends like they did.

"Except you don't go out with me because you date boys," said Taylor, happily going back to playing with her doll and her teacup, completely missing the look that JC and NIck exchanged over her head, JC blushing again and Nick just smirking and remaining silent.

"You're not *old* enough to date," Emily reminded her. "You're too little."

"Well so are you," pouted Taylor back.

"Right now, you can just be friends with the boys in your class," JC told them, before seeking Chris out across the room again. He missed touching him, already. It was a big part of the reason he'd come over.

Chris was still talking to Molly, pointing towards the table where they were playing. Molly didn't look impressed. It did look like the argument was dying down, though.

"I don't like boys," Taylor proclaimed suddenly.

"Oh, you will," said Nick, looking vastly amused, almost like these were his own sisters.

"You like Nick, and me, don't you?" JC asked her, tugging on a pigtail and nuzzling her neck. He knew he was almost ridiculously affectionate with Taylor, but he'd never experienced having someone adore him as unconditionally as she seemed to.

"I guess," she admitted grudgingly. "But that's it."

"Um, is there room for one more?"

JC looked up to see Molly standing there awkardly, still in her best outfit, looking down at the table. When she saw JC looking at her, she smiled prettily.

"Yay!" said Taylor, clapping her hands together. "Nicky, you give her your cup. You already drank your lemonade."

JC laughed to himself at how quickly Taylor forgot being mad at her sister, and slid over a little closer to Nick so Molly could squeeze in next to him. "It's nice of you to share, Taylor," he told her. "Make sure you tell Nick thank you, too." He gave Molly another quick smile but craned his neck to look for Chris again.

And there he was, practically right behind him, holding up a small jug. "I made a treat," said Chris. "Real lemonade. Taylor, will you let me pour?"

"It's MY tea set," she said.

"Noooo," said Emily. "It used to be mine and Katie's tea set, and before that it was Molly's tea set, and before *that* it was *Chris's* tea set."

"Let him pour!" said Molly, giving JC another smile. "He made *lemonade*."

JC smiled back, then grinned up at Chris, wanting to kiss him more than he had yet. "The jug's heavy, Taylor," he insisted. "You sit with me and Nick while Chris pours." He slid his own cup over to where Katie was sitting, making sure each of the girls had cups.

"Well, okay," she said finally. "But only this one time."

"You have to *share*, Taylor," said Katie insistently. "You got to pour the lemonade the first time, for all the dolls."

"Oh yeah," said Taylor, as though that hadn't occurred to her. The thought brightened her up immediately. "Well, okay then."

Chris gave the top of JC's head a tender kiss as he poured the tiny cups full of lemonade, then left the jug in the middle of the table and slid to the floor behind him.

JC immediately wrapped a hand under Chris's knee, needing the contact. He wanted to talk to him, about his day, about what Taylor had said and whether he really seemed lonely. But he knew that part had to wait, so he turned his cheek, to see if Chris would give him another kiss.

Chris did better, curling around him to give him a brief kiss on the lips. It wasn't the first time they'd kissed in front of the girls, but it was definitely the first time they'd kissed in front of Nick.

"Well, okay," mumbled Nick from beside him. "There's that milestone taken care of. Good for you."

"Oh, shut up," laughed Chris, and kissed him again briefly before sitting back again.

JC blushed, and played with Taylor's hair for a moment before he could look up at Nick. Who, as he expected, was watching him; all he could do was shrug. He felt almost like he needed to apologize. At least the girls weren't squealing at them like they did sometimes.

"Can I have more?" asked Katie politely, holding out her little cup. Nick was the one to reach for the jug and pour her some, leaving Chris free to wrap his arms around JC and hold him close.

"How are you doing?" he asked softly. "I'm really glad you came by today."

"I'm glad you're glad," JC admitted. He wasn't going to say he was doing okay, though. He still felt sad, and ... he *did* feel lonely. Less so than when he'd gotten there, but it hadn't gone away. "I'm glad Nick knows. Are you?"

"I'm very glad Nick knows," agreed Chris, kissing the back of JC's shoulder tenderly. "Sorry I left you for a while there ... there've just been things to deal with around here lately, and I haven't wanted to put anything more on Mom's shoulders than she already has."

Which was something JC noticed Chris did a lot, didn't just act as a big brother to these girls but took on the parental role whenever his mom wasn't around.

"It's okay." JC slumped back a little more against Chris's body. "Everything alright, though? I would have come over, but Nick thought maybe it would be best if I didn't ... "

"No, everything's fine," said Chris with a sigh. "The girls were bound to hit their teens sooner or later. I'm sure this is nothing compared to how i'll be 3 or 4 years from now, when we have Katie and Emily there, too."

"You'll be at school," JC reminded him, craning his neck to see Chris's face. "Plus, you'll have done such a good job with Molly, she'll be a perfect example." He wasn't sure if she was listening to what they were saying, but he winked at her anyway. And then tried to pull Chris closer to him.

Molly definitely didn't miss how close he and Chris were to one another, but she looked merely resigned about it, not mad. Once again JC wondered just what kind of talk they'd had when they were out of earshot of everyone else.

"Nicky," said Taylor, licking her fingers and holding her cup out. "More too, please."

They all seemed *so* well-behaved when there was a treat like this involved, JC wondered how often it really happened.

JC squeezed Taylor until she squirmed, then lifted her onto Nick's lap so he could climb into Chris's; wrap Chris's arms around himself and hold them there. "When's pizza night?" he whispered quietly to Chris, kissing his jaw.

He could feel Nick's and Molly's eyes on them; the others, he figured, were still wrapped up in their lemonade.

"Thursday?" suggested Chris, as softly as JC had spoken. "Mom always works late on Thursdays, so I have that day off and usually make dinner. Not that I want you to get me out of making dinner or anything, but ... well, my cooking leaves a lot to be desired. Pizza will be a double treat."

"Thursday," JC nodded, agreeable. Agreeable to anything Chris wanted. He squirmed in his lap himself, then kissed Chris's jaw again. "Missed you," he said even softer, as his lips moved against Chris's skin, so it wouldn;t even necessarily look like he was talking.

"You *should've* drawn them kissing, Taylor," giggled Katie, who'd obviously finished her lemonade. "They're being all *lovey*."

"Leave them alone," murmur Nick, though he sounded amused. "One day that'll be you."

"It amazes me every time you keep coming back," teased Chris gently, holding JC as close as he could. "They're gonna just *worship* you on Thursday."

"What about you?" JC asked, quiet. "Will you?" He glanced over at Nick again, then twisted to capture Chris's mouth in a slow kiss -- a wetter kiss, lots and lots of lip. He wondered if subconsciously he thought that would help Chris make up his mind, to answer.

"I worship you every day," said Chris softly, still audible over the girls's -- and *Nick's* giggling.

"Okay, you guys, we get the point," laughed Nick. "You're madly passionate about each other. You wanna quit violating virgin eyes over here, now?"

"Shut up," snickered Chris again. "And you're no virgin."

"I wasn't talking about *me*."

"Chris," JC protested quietly, wanting him -- and Nick -- not to say stuff like that around the girls. And not wanting to get into it with Nick, either, really. "So, Nick ... " JC started. "Um, I hear Justin's having a party?"

"Oh yeah!" said Nick. "This weekend. It's gonna be huge. You coming?"

JC could see Molly's eyes get wide at the idea of a party, and truth be told Justin wasn't that much older than her. "No," Chris said, though, to Molly's look, not to Nick's question. "You know mom's rule. No parties until you're in high school."

"I know," said Molly with a sigh, and seemed resigned to that fate. It could be worse, JC thought at her.

"I don't know," JC said quietly. After Chris had told him about it, he'd actually considered it. He knew he couldn't spend time with Chris, but he could go with Joey. And at least *go*.

But running into Kevin and AJ at lunch today had scared him again, and now he wasn't sure he wanted to go at all.

"You should," said Nick, and JC didn't know if he was oblivious or just thought JC should go in spite of his reputation. "Everyone's gonna be there."

Chris didn't say anything, just held JC and rocked him a little. He understood.

"Maybe," JC said instead, holding Nick's gaze for a moment. "Maybe." Then he felt so stupid, and a little sorry for himself, which he only ever did once in a blue moon, that he clambored out of Chris's lap and started gathering up the little plastic teacups to wash them out before they got sticky.

"I'll help!" said Taylor immediately, predictably, squirming out of Nick's lap to try and pick up the still-half-full jug of lemonade.

"Oh, no, honey, let me get that," said NIck, standing up to pick up the jug. "How about you pick up your dolls, okay?" Instead of picking up the jug, though, he unexpectedly pulled JC into a hug. "Some of us aren't stupid," was all he said, before letting go again.

* * *

Chris closed the door behind him with a soft click, trying not to disturb JC. He looked just too cute for words, concentrating over his painting, every so often just adding a dab of paint here or a dab of paint there, until he smiled softly and seemed satisfied with what he'd done. And still Chris didn't want to interrupt, setting his bag quietly on top of one of the tables.

He didn't think JC heard him, but when he turned slightly to grab another palette he glanced up and saw him. And smiled.

"Hey, baby," he mumured, pushing up his sleeves. "I wasn't expecting you today. What's up?"

"Nothing much," said Chris, finally daring to walk closer. "Just wanted to see you, and you said you'd be working on something today ... that's all right, right? That I dropped by for a few minutes?" It couldn't really be *more* than a few minutes, unfortunately, not when he needed to get to work.

"Always," JC smiled again, looking briefly over Chris's shoulder to make sure he closed the door, then tugging him closer with a fist in his shirt. "Kiss me hello?"

This time Chris trusted they were alone, and didn't even look around before kissing JC deeply, comfortable enough with that aspect of their relationship now. "Hello," he whispered, only after the kiss. "What are you working on?"

"A painting," JC replied teasingly. "What'd I tell you, you can see it when it's done." He wiped off his hands and grabbed Chris's shirt again, pulling them against each other, enough so that Chris could feel the angles of JC's body. "You working tonight?"

"Yeah," said Chris with a sigh. "Right till close, but it means I can take Saturday off. I just wanted to say hi to you before I left, get a couple kisses in, maybe. You have an okay day today?"

"It was better," JC smiled, and Chris was glad to hear it. They'd talked about what had happened to him earlier in the week, and as usual, Chris felt pretty helpless about it. So it was good to see JC back in good spirits. "And? Do you have news for me?"

"Maybe," said Chris, trying not to feel awkward about the question, or his response to it. "Me and mom had a good long talk after the girls went to bed last night. I just ... I have to ask again, JC. You're sure you want to do this? You don't just feel like you should?"

"Why would I feel like I should?" JC asked. "Seriously. I ... I want to. I like being at your house. Isn't that obvious, by now?"

"I know, I know," said Chris hastily, not wanting JC to get defensive about it. "I just had to ask. It'd be work, especially with Molly around. But mom says if you're willing to help, she'll definitely be willing to let you." It was a too-brief summary of an hour-long conversation, but that was the conclusion that they'd finally come to. "The girls listen to you."

That made JC grin again. "Huh," he said. "Well ... I promise not to burn the place down. Or let them, either." He squeezed Chris's arm a little. "That's great! Oh, good. This is really good news. Just ... give me your work schedule for next week, and I'll make sure I can make it on those days."

Chris wanted to ask if he was sure again, sure he didn't have something better to do, but he bit his tongue. "I will," he said. "Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, I think. You just need to pick of Taylor from the neighbor's -- that's where she stays all day when mom's at work -- and the rest of the girls will come straight home from school. Or at least they'd better."

"Cool," JC nodded. "And, um. Do you have an extra key, or ... ?"

Chris shook his head. "I was gonna get you one on the way to work today. I know this guy that works in the key shop at the mall, he might gimme a freebie. But JC ... you really don't have to buy us things. We do all right, you know? I know it's not much, but ... "

"Chris," JC sighed, pulling at his shirt. "I know. You say that every time. But just ... unless you tell me NOT to, I'm going to. And good stuff too, not sweets. Milk and stuff. Okay?" He looked so very earnet.

"Look," said Chris, looking down for a moment. "I can't say no. But do *you* even have enough money to be doing that on a regular basis?"

"Yes," JC said simply, not elaborating. "I do. And if there comes a point when I don't, I'll give you plenty of warning. So just ... " He cocked his head, and lifted his hand to touch Chris's mouth. "Smile for me. Please. I want to be making you happy."

Chris did -- all he had to do was see how happy it would make his family, to not have to worry about simple things like that. "It's hard to accept is all," he admitted. "Mom and me, we work so hard and it's still not quite enough."

"Chris ... that's not ... " JC started awkwardly, then just gave him a tight hug. "I think what you do is amazing. I'm not trying to just solve everything with money, or anything. It's just something I can do to help." He kissed his neck. "Baby. Come on."

"Oh, I know," said Chris, holding him back and loving the feel of JC in his arms, wondering how he'd ever done without it. "I know why you're doing it, JC, and *you're* such an amazing person. It's just always been hard to accept things. You have no idea how much I do appreciate it."

"Okay," JC said. "I won't pretend to know." Chris could feel him smile against his throat, slip his hands around Chris's back. "Everytime I see you," he murmured. "Look what you do to me."

"I wish I could stay," said Chris. "I really do. But work calls, and ... " He just shrugged helplessly and gave JC a tender squeeze. "Have you, um, given any more thought to the party this weekend?"

"Oh," JC said, a little breathlessly. "Well ... Joey's going, as it turns out." He cocked his head at Chris again. "So ... maybe. I know, um. I know we won't really get to ... talk to each other. Much. Or at all?"

"Well," said Chris, suddenly feeling very awkward again. Happy, but awkward. "No, probably not. I'm sure I can say hi or something, though. But ... um. I just don't wanna risk anyone trying to get between us, what we already have."

"No, me either," JC said slowly. "And I'll have Joey. So, I ... guess I'll see you there. If, you know, I go. Okay?"

"You should," said Chris encouragingly. "That many people, from all sorts of crowds ... no one's gonna do anything, JC. And you might even have fun."

"We'll see," JC said, but he was smiling again, Chris was happy to note. "Don't bug me. Do you need a ride to work?"

Chris laughed and shook his head. "No, I'm gonna walk today. Need to clear my head a little. You just keep on painting your secret little picture there." He waggled his fingers at JC's painting and was sure that JC knew he was teasing.

"Maybe I will," JC stuck out his tongue. "Now go away. But, um. Call me tonight? Please, before bed?"

"I will. Might be late, though, when I get home," said Chris, giving JC a swift kiss before grabbing hsi bag again. "That all right?"

"It always is," JC grinned at him, tugging him back for a slightly more lingering one. "I

"It always is," JC grinned at him, tugging him back for a slightly more lingering one. "I'll be laying awake waiting, either way."

"Well," said Chris, smiling into the kiss. "I'll have to be sure not to forget, then. I'll get you that key tomorrow, too, and tell mom that we're on. And tell Taylor, too -- I see a lot of tea parties in your future."

"Lucky me," JC murmured, finally turning back to his painting, but giving Chris a sweet wave. "I'll be waiting," he repeated.

Chris resisted the urge to blow JC a kiss and just gave him a wave in return, hoisting his heavy pack up and leaving the room before JC's very presence convinced him to stay.

* * *

The first thing that hit JC about the party was how it was so different from the only other one he'd ever been to -- Lance's -- and so similar, at the same time. Different people, same groping.

He hid behind Joey as much as he could, careful to keep plenty of space between them. He didn't need to think about it when Joey was talking to a girl, which was most of the time anyway, so that part was easy. He'd pretend to listen, and pretend not to watch Chris.

Chris seemed more at home in this environment than JC had even imagined he would, smiling and talking and hanging out with all the people you were supposed to be seen with if you wanted to be cool. But Chris didn't even look like he was doing it just to be seen, more like doing it because a lot of them were genuinely his friends.

Though how someone could be friends with people like *that*, JC didn't know.

Kevin and AJ were as loud and crude as ever, pushing people out of their way and staring blatantly at the girls who walked past them. Nick and Justin weren't as bad -- Nick had even waved to him, which was nice, and unexpected -- but they weren't lacking for female company either. JC kept watching to see what would happen if any of those girls approached *Chris*.

It was almost as if they didn't, though. He was friendly, to everyone, but no one seemed to really latch onto him like they did to the other guys. Or to Joey, even. Chris knew everyone in the room, but he only really seemed close to one person -- Nick -- and seemed pretty comfortable that way.

JC smiled, then turned back to the girl talking to Joey, who did a bit of a double-take when she saw JC actually looking at her before smiling shyly in return. JC was glad he came, but ti wasn't something he'd be doing often. He could feel Chris from across the room, it seemed like, even if he didn't feel his eyes on him at all. It was a strange kind of torture that he hoped talking to him on the phone later might be alleviated.

There was a commotion, then a shout, then a spash, and when JC craned his neck to see what was going on, he saw Chris pulling himself, fully clothed, out of the pool. He was laughing, but he also had a look on his face that JC read as annoyed; he wondered if anyone else other than Nick was able to read that. At any rate, seeing Chris in a clingy wet T-shirt was just about the *last* thing JC needed to see while out in public.

He must have gasped, or breathed loudly, or something, because Joey turned and raised an eyebrow at him. "Not bad," he murmured very, very quietly. "Bet you want to go help him out of those wet clothes, huh?"

"Shut up, Joey," JC replied, forcing himself to lean against the wall so he couldn't even see the pool any more.

He could still hear the laughing and jeers, though, and could still imagine just exactly what he'd seen. And knew perfectly well he couldn't even go laugh with them, let alone do anything to help Chris out, which made it all the harder.

Then there was another loud splash, and JC had to look and see: this time it was Nick, crawling up out of the pool, grinning and shaking his hair like a wet dog. He didn't look bad either, and JC wished vigorously for some girls to be thrown in.

"I'm gonna take off in a minute," he murmured to Joey, after accidentally catching Chris's eyes and both of them looking away quickly. Joey nodded and touched his back briefly, always understanding.

And there Justin came running out -- having had a chance to change, since it was *his* house -- and cannonballed into the pool, spraying all the spectators. Seeing Justin wet in swim trunks didn't help much either, but at least there were now a lot more wet bodies around as an excuse. Not that JC thought he'd be needing one; not that he thought anyone had really noticed him at all.

But still, he'd *come*. And that was something.

This time when his eyes caught Chris's accidentally it was a little less accidentally, and he smiled. They both smiled. There were a lot of things that weren't perfect about the party, but it was a big step for both of them.

* * *

Chris was out the door as soon as he heard JC's car drive up. JC would think he should come in, he knew, to say hi to his mom, and his mom wanted to see JC, and Taylor, of course, and MOLLY, god, and they would never never get out of there if JC got out of the car. And they didn't have *that* much time, and JC had really sounded like he wanted to be alone. Goodness knew Chris did.

"Hey," he said with a mischievous grin, opening the passenger side door and winking at JC, and ignoring the holler from Taylor coming out the open window. He could apologize later. "Wanna date, mister?"

JC laughed happily and gunned the engine a little in response while Chris climbed in. He looked beautiful as always, and more cheerful than Chris usually saw him after school. "I'm not coming in, I guess?"

"Not today," said Chris quickly. "Molly's in trouble again. I figured it would be good punishment for her not to see you." He turned toward JC and leaned in and gave him a very quick kiss. "And I wanted you all to myself for once."

JC left his hand on Chris's leg as he started backing out of the driveway, watching over his shoulder. "Well, you have me," he murmured. "What'd Molly do this time?"

"Didn't come right home after school," said Chris with a shrug, *his* attention more on JC. "Like, was really late. She probably wouldn't have gotten in trouble if she'd just called, but ... " He had to laugh a little, though, when he thought about it. "She's an awful lot like I was at 13-almost-14. Mom's gonna have her hands full with 3 more after her."

"Oh, but the girls are sweet," JC protested, glancing over at him when he stopped at a stop sign. "I'm sure they'll be nowhere near as bad as you." He grinned and squeezed Chris's leg. "So, um. Where are we going?"

"You know, it doesn't even matter to me where we go," said Chris honestly, squinting up the road ahead of them to see where they were headed. "I just ... seriously, I just wanted some time with you JC. After this weekend, and not really being able to be *with* you ... "

"Like ... *alone* time, right?" JC clarified shyly. "My parents are home from work already, so I ... I don't know, there's this parking lot, behind my church ... "

"Let's go!" said Chris immediately, then laughed. "Well, there goes playing hard to get. Definitely alone time I'm looking for, with you. We just ... don't get enough. Ever."

"I know," replied JC apologetically, but Chris noticed him speed up. "Here, can you ... ?" He turned his hand over on Chris's leg, palm up, like he wanted Chris to slip his own there.

Chris did, but left both hands resting just on his inner thigh, *very* close to touching him but not quite. He didn't know how JC would feel about that, especially right now, but he ached for it. His dick was ready for it even when he wasn't sure if his head was.

"Behind the church?" he said finally, with a grin. "That sounds sacreligious."

"Well, I'm a bad boy," JC said dryly, looking back over every chance he could. "Seriously, though. It's just that it's behind the building, off the road. And not, um. Well-lit." He squeezed Chris's hand.

"Sounds perfect," said Chris, squeezing back. "And it's not like anyone else is gonna show up back there or something, right? So we can ... whatever. Whatever we want."

"Whatever we want," JC echoed, and a few minutes later, Chris saw the building. The car slowed as JC pulled into the gravel lot, parking carefully and shutting off his headlights but leaving the battery running for the radio. He'd had to pull his hand away from Chris's leg to turn off the engine, and he looked uncertain about putting it back.

Chris had to reach for it to bring it back, moving it even further between his thighs. He gave JC a nervous smile and squeezed his hand and leaned in closer. "So what now?" he asked. He knew what he would have done if JC had been a girl, he knew what was expected there. But this, with JC, was a new thing.

"Whatever we want?" JC joked lightly, biting his lip. "No, I don't ... " He squeezed Chris's hand again, then carefully shook him off so he could palm Chris's thigh. "Do you want to talk? I actually had fun, at the party on Saturday .. you weren't too mad, about the pool, were you ... ?"

"I'm glad you had fun," said Chris, still leaning in so close he could smell him. "Mad? About the pool? At who?"

"Whoever threw you in," JC stuttered, blinking as he went almost perfectly still with Chris that close to him. "Or did I dream that part, too?"

"Oh, no, no," said Chris, his face relaxing into a smile again. "I mean, I was annoyed because I had to spend the rest of the party in wet clothes, but ... okay, yeah, I was a little mad. But I got over it."

"I could tell," JC smiled, and seemed to relax himself. "So hey there. Chris. You got me alone." He squeezed Chris's leg again, a little higher.

"And I don't even know what to do with you," he confessed, "except this." He leaned in all the way to kiss him, this time, and let it linger like he couldn't when they were still outside his house.

"Well, nothing wrong with that," JC said breathlessly, quickly, before pulling his hand off Chris's leg to cup the back of his neck. "Are we ... should we stay here, or. God. I'm lame. Get in the back?"

"You're so not lame," said Chris with a short, excited laugh. "Is there more room in the back? Can you get back up here quick if we need to go? I really just want to ... " He ran a hand lightly down JC's chest. "Um. Try things."

JC kissed him deeply, again, and then had his door open. "No, yeah. Yes. We can. Please." He was adorably monosyllabic, and flushed. And grinning, all the time his mouth wasn't on Chris's. "I want. Too."

"Okay, okay," said Chris, feeling just as eager as JC looked, and popped the lock on the back door so he could just swing around and climb in. "I'm a little excited," he confessed with a wry grin as JC joined him back there. As if he actually needed to say that.

"I'd hate it if you weren't," JC murmured, crawling across the backseat slowly. "Chris, I missed you. I miss you. I ... after the party, Saturday, when I got home ... " He kissed CHris deeply; distracted, or figuring he didn't need to explain any further.

"I know," murmured Chris, pulling JC practically on top of him, or as much as they could be when they were both still sitting up. "I missed you when you were gone, even though we hadn't spoken. At least I could see you, which you were there. When you weren't hiding behind Joey."

"I wasn't hiding," JC mumbled in protest, falling heavily against him and pressing his mouth to Chris's neck as soon as he did. "I had you in my head all night, all weekend. And then, when your clothes got wet ... " He trailed off, ran a nervous hand over Chris's chest, glancing over his nipple.

"I gave you a show, huh," murmured Chris, arching his neck to feel more of that. "Everything got all clingy and .... yeah. I'm kinda glad you saw." He gave JC a sheepish smile. "Your reaction made me feel all sexy."

"What reaction?" JC protested, pulling back but only for a split-second before he seemed to be drawn back to Chris's throat. "What did I do?"

"Looked at me," said Chris softly. "Just for a moment, like you wanted me. And then now ... you still remember it. Don't worry, it was only me that saw. It was only me that look was *for*, I think."

"I hope," JC whispered, "that you know I look at you like that much more often that that. And I hope you notice it, when we're alone. Like now." He pulled back again, but not in protest this time. He did it to show Chris just how intently he *could* look at him, he figured. "I want -- can I touch?"

"Please," said Chris quietly, but it came out half-moan. "I want you to. Touch me." It felt like he'd been thinking about this forever, now. Being with someone that turned him on this much. Being with *JC*. And he wouldn't let himself be afraid of it.

JC reached for him, but looked up again before he touched. "Are you sure," he murmured quietly, his hand hovering shakily over Chris's fly. "If you're not ready, I ... "

"Please," said Chris again, a little more loudly, arching up a little bit so JC's hand was that much closer. "I want you to. I'm as ready as I'm gonna be. Are you? Ready?"

"I've wanted to, since we watched that porn together," JC blurted, to Chris's surprise. "So, like. Yes." He was blushing so red Chris could tell in the dark, but he also steeled himself to cup his hand carefully over Chris's clothed hard-on.

Chris couldn't hold back the moan at finally being touched right *there*, where he'd been aching for it. He rubbed himself gently against JC's hand, trying not to do too much too fast, and sank his teeth into his lower lip.

"Chris," JC breathed, and then his mouth was covering Chris's, the pressure from his hand even more and harder and better as JC leaned down further over him to reach his lips. "You're ... " He kissed him again.

Chris couldn't think of anthing to say, even if he thought he could say anything that wasn't gibberish. It just felt *so* good and *so* right and how could he ever have doubted that this was what he wanted? "JC," he managed to murmur before kissing him again. It was so hard and so sloppy but so *good*, too.

Then he felt JC's hand *squeeze* him, just a little. And JC licking, tiny little laps, at Chris's neck. "Still okay?" he breathed. "Tell me when it isn't."

Chris gasped and pushed back against him and thought it woudl never be not okay. "I think," he said finally, though, "that it'll be okay the whole time. As ... as far as we're gonna take it."

"How far are we gonna take it," JC repeated. "What ... what can I do? what do you want me to do? I'm not ... trying to ruin the mood, I just ... " He gave him another careful squeeze, his hand drifting lower.

Chris gasped again and strugged to keep speaking. He wondered if JC even knew *how* turned on he was by this, and by just *being* there with him. "I need to ... " He began. "I need to make you feel good, too, JC. I'm willing to ... I'm ready to ... as far as *you* want to."

"Let's ... " JC started, then bit his lip and fisted his hand in Chris's waistband. He used that leverage to pull Chris a little further beneath him, on the seat, bracing himself on one hand, and his knees. "Here," he whispered. "Let me do this." Slowly, slowly, he tried to unbutton Chris's pants.

"Oh," breathed Chris, and didn't remember ever being *this* eager when anyone else had done that to him. "I love this. I do." He reached down to try and help, to try and make it go faster.

JC's hand was cool, and surprisingly dry, when Chris's tangled with it. Between them, they got his button undone, and his zipper, and Chris let his hand fall away to let JC do what he would do.

JC seemed to take a breath, then curled his wrist to slip his fingers inside Chris's underwear.

Chris tried not to make any sounds that might embarass him later, but he couldn't even help it, the moment JC touched him. He just considered himself lucky that he didn't come right then and there, nevermind the noise.

"Oh, JC, you have to feel this ... " he breathed, groping for him, but ineffectually.

"I am," JC laughed, sounding a little desperate. "You're so ... *warm*, Chris, god. Is my hand too cold?"

"No, no," said Chris, not caring that it was because it was warming up fast. "You can ... move. A little. If you wanted. I ... " He chuckled nervously. "I promise not to make a mess. Yet."

JC shifted, a little, allowing him to twist his arm just enough to get a better angle to actually take Chris's erection in his hand. His fingers closed around him, and then JC sat back, slowly pulling Chris free from his boxers. "Move, how?" he asked nervously.

Chris let out a shaky breath, still getting used to the fact that this was *happening*, between them. "Like ... whatever," he mumbled, groping for JC's body again. "Stroke me, maybe. Or ... just *any*thing, JC. It all feels good."

"Oh, the good kind of move," JC breathed, obviously relieved, before he did exactly that. Wrapped his fingers into a fist, not too tight, and tugged lightly.

"Shit," Chris choked out, his hand falling away, not able to concentrate on anything but how JC was touching him. "Kiss me. Please? Before it's all over?"

JC's lips fell into a pretty, pretty pout, but he obeyed, capturing Chris's own lip between them and sucking slowly as he pulled just as slowly on Chris's cock.

As Chris kissed him he used all his willpower to reach down and yank JC's hand away before he *really* disappointed him. "Sorry," he murmured into the kiss. "I'm really sorry."

JC froze. "What?" He looked almost scared, and held his hand to his chest as soon as Chris let go. "Did that hurt, did I do it wrong?"

"No," said Chris quickly, covering JC's hand with his own. "No, no, I just ... didn't think you wanted it to be over so soon, is all. And. Um. It would have been."

Cocking his head, JC tried to free his hand again. "Chris, no," he said. "No. I ... you said we could, do as much, go as far. And I want you to ... finish. If you're okay with it still. Let me? If it's over soon ... " He paused, obviously not sure what he wanted to say. "As long as it's not something I do wrong, then that's okay."

"Wait," said Chris, though, pulling him back to kiss him again, gently. "I *do* want to ... I can't think of anything better. But I want *you* to, too, if you want ... "

"At the same time?" JC asked quietly, kissing him back, sneaking his hand between their bodies again even though Chris had said 'wait.' "I do. I mean, I do want. If you want. But I don't mind letting you finish."

"Well, then let me," insisted Chris, reaching for JC again, which he still had the willpower to. If JC started again, he couldn't guarantee he'd be able to do anything but let him. "Please, let me .. "

JC nodded and held himself still as Chris moved to touch him. He was watching Chris's face, Chris knew, even though Chris himself was watching his own hand.

JC's pants proved to be as difficult to get into as Chris's had been, and he struggled with them, the struggle even more difficult when JC began softly touching him again, like he couldn't help it. "Want to touch you," he murmured through gritted teeth.

"I want to feel that," JC murmured, letting his fingertips dance along Chris's length before pulling away to help him in return. "Let me, baby."

JC was much more confident, and competent, at unbuttoning his own jeans, and was surprisingly less shy than Chris had expected about peeling down the flaps when he'd gotten unzipped.

It was Chris that hesitated a moment before touching him, then finally bit the bullet and *did* it, stroking his fingers over the part of JC that was exposed, then curling his hand around him beneath his underwear and drawing him out. He felt *so* hot, impossibly hot.

"Oh, god, oh my god," JC mumbled, actually swooning dangerously before catching himself with his hand on the seat again. "Chris." Chris could feel him quivering in his own hand, felt just how much shakier JC's hand was when it returned to Chris's erection.

"Yeah," agreed Chris softly, understanding exactly what JC was feeling. "Can you ... hold youself up, for this, or did you want to maybe ... lay against me ... "

"I don't know, I think I'll be okay," JC admitted, speaking low and fast, before laughing abruptly. "Not like I'll be here for long." He was breathing heavily as he rested his forehead against Chris's and slowly moved his thumb over the very tip of Chris's cock.

Chris gasped and shuddered and squeezed JC's cock gently. "Okay," he breathed. "Not to be crude ... but if you do that one more time I'm coming all over your hand." He tilted his head forward to capture JC's lips again as he stroked him.

"Don't you want to?" JC murmured softly, pushing his own hips forward -- shakily, too -- and bravely letting the pad of his thumb continue its movement, brushing under the head. "Am I not supposed to, either?"

"I do, I do," breathed Chris quickly, desperately. "I just want to let you ... catch up. I'm nervous and excited and ... I can't last much longer. You make me so hot."

"Chris," JC laughed self-depricatingly. "I promise. I'm not ... there's no catching up." Neither one of them had stroked the other more than a handful of times, but Chris wasn't surprised that JC was as close as he was, just from the limited touches they'd had so far. "So just ... please don't hold back." He rubbed his palm over Chris's tip, twisted his wrist to grasp him again, let go and touched the wet slit at the end of Chris's cock reverently.

"Oh my god, oh my god," Chris blurted out, stroking JC more quickly, almost desperately again, hoping that JC really wasn't far behind because there it was, and he was coming, and there was no stopping it now. "Oh JC," he whispered before gritting his teeth and moaning and riding it out.

He felt JC shudder, and heard him moan, too, and just as he was starting to feel exposed and cold and sticky something hot and wet squirted under his fingers. Chris glanced up just to see JC bow his head.

He tried to sigh in relief and moan in pleasure at the same time, and ended up making just a choked sound in his throat as he still the motion of his hand on JC's body and tilted his head upward to kiss the top of his head gently.

He felt JC let go of him, a moment later, and watched him wipe his hand on his tee shirt. Then, awkwardly, JC took *Chris's* hand in his own, and rubbed it carefully over his shirt too. Only then did he look up and meet Chris's eyes shyly.

Chris felt a slow, giddy grin start spreading across his face as he looked at him. "Wow, JC," he whispered, leaning in to give him a soft and very innocent kiss on his lips. "Just ... wow."

JC started to smile in return. "See," he whispered. "See what happens when I don't jerk off before I see you? God, Chris."

"Much more flattering," said Chris, his smile *stil* widening. Suddenly he jerked his head around to look out the window, but they were still alone. "JC ... that was ... " He kissed him again, swiftly. "It was great."

"It was," JC nodded, before slipping hesitantly further down on the seat, checking Chris's face one more time before resting his head on Chris's shoulder and trying to wrap his arms around him. He sighed. "I like the way you feel, Chris."

Chris wrapped his arms around JC in return, keeping him close, not caring about the sticky mess between them. "I like the way you feel, too. That was ... a really great first time. For that."

"I'm sorry it was in my backseat," JC admitted, not sounding sorry at all. "And I'm sorry if it was too fast. But ... " He squirmed a little in Chris's embrace. "It was pretty perfect, after all. Wasn't it."

"Very perfect," agreed Chris, kissing him again, and for longer this time. "No apologies. I though I'd be more nervous, the first time, but ... it was so easy just to ... I mean ... it felt right. You know?"

He felt JC nodding against his shoulder. "I don't ever want to make you nervous," he whispered. "And just ... thank you, I guess, for not expecting more, yet. For not really wanting more, yet?" It was definitely a question.

"Being ready for this is a long way from being ready for anything else," Chris assured him, thinking for just a second about all the things that were yet to come. *That* was both scary and exciting. "We'll know, when it's time, I think. Just like we knew tonight."

"Right," JC exhaled, sounding relieved. Which was an undeniable relief to Chris, who figured he'd probably always worry that JC would be ready for things before he would. "You know I probably need to get you home soon, though."

"I know," said Chris, and laughed when he thought about what state he'd arrive home in. The teasing would last for days, but at least it was just family. "Just a few more mintues though?"

"Yup," JC sighed, and cuddled against him even more, his long limbs awkward in the cramped space of the backseat. "Miss you, Chris."

"We don't get enough time together," he murmured, closing his eyes and letting himself savor the moment, finally. "There are so few *places* we can be together. It's just ... it's not fair."

"I know, baby," JC said softly, nuzzling into his neck and breathing slowly and deeply. Then he yawned and nuzzled closer. "S'not."

"But then, not much is fair, huh," said Chris, something he'd told himself many, many times in his life. "And we have a lot. And I love what we do have." He let them just lay there for a long moment, then nudged JC gently. "I can't let us sleep like this. I'm sorry."

"Shh," JC said, his voice low. He sounded about two seconds from unconsciousness, which Chris couldn't help but think was precious. He liked learning new things about his boyfriend.

"Baby," he said, feeling like that was the absolutely most appropriate thing to call him right then. "We *can't*. I wish we could. Someday ... "

"Shh!" JC said again, more insistently, but he sighed then and lifted his head, blinking. "But you're warm, though."

"I know," murmured Chris, smiling at him. "So're you. I like this. But ... " He sighed and hugged JC close again. "We only have a few more minutes."

"No, I know, okay," JC mumbled, pressing a few sweet kisses underneath Chris's chin before pushing himself up and yawning again. And then bashfully zipping up his jeans. "When do I see you again? Baby?"

"Soon, I hope," said Chris, reluctant to do himself back up over the mess. Knowing damn well how visible it was gonna be when he got home. "Call me? And we'll ... do this again?"

"Oh, wait, here," JC said, tugging his tee shirt -- already stained from both of them -- up over his head. "Here, use that. I have my sweatshirt I can put on." His smile was *so* shy as he reached around to the front seat.

Chris stopped him, though, and held him still so he could look at him for a moment. "You're so hot," he murmured, running a hand down JC's chest. Then, finally, he let him go again and began using the T-shirt to clean himself up.

JC sat perfectly still where Chris had stopped touching him, not moving until Chris had given him an amused smile. He didn't exactly smile back. "Can you," he swallowed. "Um, can you do that again? Just for a second."

Chris did; he didn't need to be asked twice. "You feel so good," he added this time as he touched him. "You make *me* feel so good ... "

"Chris," JC said, his eyes fluttering shut as his head fell backwards. "Next time," he choked out. "Next time, with no ... shirts, can we? Next time?"

"Yes," said Chris, awed by JC's reaction to just that touch, and wishing there were time to see more of it. "Absolutely, yes. Both of us. Next time."

"I just like your hands," JC mumbled, tugging the sweatshirt on. "And the things you say to me, too, but mostly, the hands. Touching myself, when you call me, it isn't ... never the same."

"But it's something," said Chris softly, finally letting his hand fall away so he could finish cleaning himself up and doing up his pants. "It's something, JC. Ir's more than nothing."

JC pulled him into a too-tight hug. "But I want you all the time," he protested quietly. "All the time."

"Me too," whispered Chris. "And we'll find a way, JC. But right now ... we have to take what we can get. And what we can get, so far, has been ... amazing. Wonderful."

"I know." JC squeezed him tighter then tumbled out of the back door and crawling in the driver's seat. "It has, and it's worth it, and all of that. That doesn't mean I can't wish I could touch you at school. Or at my house, when people are home."

Chris was slower about getting back into the front seat, stretching for a moment while he could. "I do wish we could be together at school," he said with a sigh. "I see all the guys with their girls, and ... I just wish it could be the same for me. And you."

JC smiled bittersweetly. "Well. This way it's even more special. Something just for us. And, um, your mom and sisters and Nick and Joey, I guess."

"All the good people," agreed Chris, leaning in for one last kiss. "You're coming over after school tomorrow, right? Why don't you stay for dinner after? To, you know, make up for today ... " It wouldn't make up for the fact that JC couldn't tell his own family, but it was all Chris could offer.

"I will be over after school tomorrow," JC acknowledged. "And I'll try and see if I can stay. If your mom'll even have me, after you wouldn't let me say hi." He grinned and squeezed Chris's knee and started the car.

"You're always welcome," Chris assured him. "As long as you don't mind tuna casserole, I'd really like it if you came tomorrow. Um. To dinner, I mean."

"I love tuna," grinned JC. He looked pleased, and earnest, and once again Chris just marveled at how lucky he'd gotten.

* * *

The stage was dark for the moment, students all in black scurrying around to set the scene, and JC took a moment to look down at his program, careful not to elbow the strangers on either side of him. Every time he looked down, though, he got the strangest feeling like he was being watched. That was still very rarely a good thing, and for a moment he wished he hadn't come alone, wished he'd brought his mom, or Molly, or *any*one.

When he looked around for the third time, though, he spotted the source of the gaze, from two rows up and to his left. Chris was looking back over his shoulder at him, his arm curled around the back of the seat of the blond next to him, who could only be Nick.

JC felt his jaw drop open, just a little bit, before his lips spread into a huge grin. Chris hadn't told him he was coming; hadn't even hinted that he knew about Joey's play at all. He glanced down in his lap when he realized anyone could see him staring, but when he looked back up, Chris was still watching him. His heart felt like it was about to burst.

Chris gave him a wink, but then the lights started coming up on the stage again and Chris was forced to turn his attention back to the stage. He took his arm off Nick's chair and faced forward again, but not before mouthing just "Hi" at JC, his lips making it just about the best word ever.

JC wasn't even sure what the last half of the play was about; he just sat and stared at the back of Chris's head, the way he laughed easily at something on stage, the way Nick would lean over and whisper at him. Even if he didn't see him the rest of the night, just that had been worth it. Because he knew he'd come for him.

He practically ran backstage after the show, wanting to find Joey and congratulate him, of course, but also to gush about Chris, and whether he was, in fact, the most perfect boyfriend ever.

"Perhaps," Joey laughed at him, scrubbing off the pancake makeup in the bathroom backstage, with all the other guys in the cast. "He might just be, JC."

"They're right in there," he heard a female voice say from outside, but he didn't pay much attention to it. There were always people shouting all over the place backstage after a show. Case in point, a moment later someone went shrieking past the door. He probably should have paid more attention, it turned out, because a moment later someone else' s hands were firmly on Joey's shoulders.

"Nice job, Fatone," said Chris enthusiastically.

JC knew his jaw just dropped, again, because Joey laughed and put a finger under his chin before turning around and grinning at Chris. "Thanks, man," he replied, nodding to Nick who was standing behind Chris. "Carter. What's up, guys?"

"Well, we didn't bring you flowers or nothing, if that's what you were thinking," said Nick, sticking his hands in his pockets.

Chris laughed. "We just came back to see you guys. Kinda figured you might already have company." And he gave JC an open smile.

"Hey," JC said, waving, still staring, while Joey laughed.

"Just you wait, Carter," he grinned. "Wait until we get out of the boys' room, man. Wanna put some money on how many girls with flowers are standing out there waiting for me?"

"I think that's a bet I probably shouldn't take," said Nick with a smirk, looking back over his shoulder at the doorway. "Though I'm not sure *flowers* are the best way to your heart."

"It ain't his heart they're after," said Chris, and it was obviously that the way he moved around Joey's chair, the way he brushed up against JC, was deliberate. "Or do I have that backwards? It ain't *their* hearts *he's* after."

Joey smiled, happy as always to be the center of attention. "Something like that," he agreed breezily, then put his hands on Nick's shoulders to lean over him and peek out the door. "Speaking of, anything look promising out there? I know I can't bother to ask Kirkpatrick, if he's one-tenth as whipped as JC."

JC glanced at Chris, and then at Joey, but he'd spoken quietly enough that no one overheard them. Or seemed to care, really. Joey's drama friends were even more self-absorbed than he was.

"Didn't really notice," Chris murmured with a grin, which was just as well because Nick looked like he'd been keeping a running tally in his head, and JC didn't want Chris to have noticed anyway. "They aren't my type."

"Yeah, big surprise," snickered Nick, but not meanly. Nick never seemed to do anything *meanly*. "Whatever you do, don't go for the redhead in the black top. She's not worth the trouble."

"Oh, MARjorie?" Joey groaned. "Man. Been there, done THAT. You don't need to tell me, kiddo."

JC grinned, and saw Chris smirk, at Nick's reaction to being called kiddo. But as many girls as he'd been with, he was still younger than Joey. Most guys *Chris's* age hadn't been with as many women. JC relaxed and leaned against the counter, his shoulder rubbing Chris's.

"I think most guys have been there done that," admitted Nick finally, seeming to realize he definitely couldn't lord anything of Joey the way he could over Chris, his good nature taking over again. "You'd think she'd be better at it by now."

Chris coughed politely, and JC was *sure* he had to have heard this story before. Probably more than once..

Joey turned and raised his eyebrow at Chris, waggled his tongue at JC, then returned his attention to Nick, pantomiming rapt attention. JC giggled, and leaned over to whisper to Chris. "He'll be a ham all night long. He always is, after a show."

Chris leaned back towards him immediately. "Takes the attention off us," he murmured softly, then brushed his hand very briefly against JC's.

Nick was already laughing, practically bent over. "Well, I don't think I'm going to be much help to you," he had to admit.

"Well, you CAN count, right," Joey said dryly, then turned back to stare at JC and Chris, raising his eyebrow. "And that was all I asked, really. And god, are they always like this around you, too?"

"Come on, Joey," JC had to protest at that, making some space between him and Chris. "Cut it out. Not here."

Nick just bumped Chris back against him, though, with a grin, seeming completely unconcerned. Even Chris didn't seem *too* worried about it. Which was fine for them. *They* didn't have the reputation he did.

"Always," insisted Nick, rolling his eyes. "Usually worse."

"I think here's okay," said Chris softly. "Or at least ... more okay. You had trouble back here before?"

"No," JC replied quietly, watching the smile slip from Joey's face. "No, I'm just ... trying to be careful." But he let Nick sandwich his body between him and Chris.

"How is it possible they're worse," Joey protested. "They're like ... cotton candy."

"Chris's mom encourages them," said Nick quietly, giving them another grin. "It's sweet enough to make you gag, just about. JC sittin' there with Tay in his lap and Chris playing with his hair ... trust me, you don't need to be seeing that."

JC wasn't sure how to take that, but Chris was smiling shyly so he figured it was good.

"Tay?" Joey's brow furrowed for a minute. "OH. Chris's sister, yeah. Ew, yeah." He winced. "That's pretty bad." He stared at JC and Chris, studying them. "If I didn't think you had a sweet ass, Kirkpatrick ... "

Chris punched Joey's shoulder, then let his hand fall to his side again, brushing against JC's longer, even resting there.

"We are *not* going there," interrupted Nick, holding up his hands. "Not. No way. We are not discussing Chris's ass."

JC smiled, and wrapped his arms around himself as Joey laughed. "I'm just saying. If he didn't, I'd have issues with the cheeseball he's turned my best friend into. Look at him."

JC looked up innocently to see all three of them staring at him. He knew he was grinning.

Chris was grinning back, though, and it felt like they were being so *obvious*, but no one was even taking any notice except Nick and Joey. And it suddenly dawned on JC that he was just hanging out, with his friends, and it felt so *good*.

"Yeah, well at least they're a perfect set," murmured Nick.

JC blushed, and ducked his head, and finally moved out from beside Chris. "Are you guys going out?" he asked quietly. "Like, do you have plans?"

"Us?" said Chris, his eyes still constantly on JC. "Not really. This *was* our plan. Coming to see the show, I mean. The cast doing anything after, Joey, that we could tag along on?"

"Yeah, there's always a cast party," Joey said distractedly, craning his neck when one of the other guys opened the door to head outside. "Howie's, this show. You wanna come?" He turned to look at JC, eyebrows raised. "*You* coming, C?"

JC bit his lip. He sometimes did, although he hadn't committed to Joey this time. He just didn't know if he could do another party with Chris so close.

"You should come," said Nick, not Chris ... and when JC took a good look at him, at the way *Nick* was looking at *Chris*, it looked almost he was taking the burden of decision away from them, and just carrying them both along in his wake. "It'll be fun. Right, Joey?"

"Always," Joey agreed; sighing and reaching a hand out to fist in JC's shirt when he didn't move. "You're coming," he muttered, before giving him a quick kiss on the cheek. "Grab your boytoy and let's go. Women waiting, and all that."

"I'm not his--" Chris began, then looked at Joey, then Nick, then finally JC, and grinned. "Okay, maybe I am. You ready, baby?"

"*Baby*," Nick repeated, rolling his eyes in Joey's direction. But he, too, was grinning.

"Ready," JC nodded, hugging himself again, and smiling under the weight of his friends' grins.

"We're gonna have fun," said Chris and, as Nick's and Joey's bodies blocked them from view, reached out to give JC's hand a squeeze. "A party I can hang out with you at. A party I -- we -- can enjoy."

JC barely resisted resting his chin over Chris's shoulder as he followed him out of the room, behind Joey and Nick. He'd never in a million years expected to have a boyfriend, in high school. Let alone one that Joey liked. And let alone one that would go to Joey's plays, and Joey's parties, just for him.

"It was nice of Nick to come," he whispered.

"I think he would have come with or without me," Chris whispered back to him. "He's all drama-y at heart, I think. I'm really glad we *both* came. I'm having a really good time already."

"Maybe we can all go out sometime," JC offered nervously. "Would he maybe think that was okay? if we promise not to be too ... bad?" He looked back at Nick and Joey, leering so similarly at the girls outside they looked like they were seperated at birth.

"Of course it would. They were just teasing," Chris reassured him, just brushing their hands together again. "Nick told me that he'd like to fall for some one person too, some time, but he hasn't be the right one. Don't tell him I told you that. But hell, he *should* be jealous of us. We've got something special." And as JC thought about everything Chris had done for him that *night*, let alone any other time, he had to agree that they did.

* * *

JC tried to sit up in his bed when he heard the front door downstairs slam shut, but as soon as he did, he started coughing all over again and hand to lay back down. It was his mom, he guessed, coming home from work early to check and see if his temperature had gone down any.

He probably could have made it to school that day -- he'd already been out the day before -- but his throat was still a little sore, and he was going to milk it if he could. Tomorrow, though -- he'd definitely be back. He missed seeing Chris more than he even expected he would.

"You know, if you aren't going to answer when someone knocks, you should at least lock the door." Clearly JC was sicker than he thought, because he was hallucinating Chris peeking in his bedroom door and smiling at him. Besides which ... knock? He definitely hadn't heard anyone knock.

"What ... Chris?" JC blinked, trying to sit up again, and tugging his covers up over his chest. "I'm ... I didn't hear you, I'm sorry. And I haven't been downstairs, so I guess mom left the door open. Huh. Maybe she doesn't care if some insane person just walks right in."

"Well, let's just not tell her that one did," whispered Chris conspiratorially. "How are you feeling?" He opened the door a little wider and held out a worn, powder blue tupperware dish in front of him. "Mom made you soup. So I'm sure she wouldn't mind that I cut out a little early to make sure you got it."

JC whipped his head around to check the clock; it was only just after 1:00. "Chris!" he protested. "You're supposed to be in class. History, even!" He ignored Chris's smirk at JC obviously having his schedule memorized. "I mean, that's so nice, but. You shouldn't have skipped."

"I can afford to miss one class when you're this sick." said Chris, finally stepping all the way inside the room and closing the door behind him. "I promise to study tonight when you're sleeping. So ... " He held out the bowl again. "Soup. And she doesn't even make *me* soup when I'm sick."

"But ... your scholarship ... " JC protested, even as he held out his hands, flattered by all of it -- the soup, the visit. "And I'm not that sick. I was gonna be back tomorrow, baby."

"You *are* that sick," said Chris, coming closer and touching his forehead with a cool hand as he handed him the soup. "And I said, I'd study tonight. I'm not losing that scholarship, don't worry, okay?"

JC couldn't help it, though, not really -- not when he knew how much it meant to Chris. And how he knew *he'd* make some bad decisions, when it came to getting to see Chris, himself. But he wasn't going to complain any more, not with Chris hovering over his bed.

"You can sit down," he said, a little shyly, moving his legs and putting the soup on his bedside table. "I'm not contagious, anymore. Says mom."

"If I was gonna get it, I would've already gotten it anyway," insisted Chris, sitting down on the edge of the bed and resting his fingers on JC's warm cheek. "You feeling better? For real?"

"I promise, yes," JC nodded, laying back against his pillows and smiling when Chris's hand followed his face. "You really shouldn't be here, though," he whispered, happy. "Although I'm just ... you don't know how glad, to see you."

"I wanted to come," said Chris, like that should be the final word on the matter. "So I'm here. WIth soup. And a kiss from my mom, too, if I want it. But it's not on the lips, 'cause that would just be wong. The one from Taylor is on the lips, though. And so's the one from Molly, but I told her I wasn't giving that one to you."

JC chuckled, and coughed lightly, and pushed himself up on an elbow. "What about one from you?"

"Just one?" said Chris, looking at him innocently. "I was gonna give you a whole *bunch* of kisses from me, once that other stuff was out of the way. But only if you're feeling up to it ... "

JC hadn't been, probably, but just being in Chris's presence was like a magic tonic for anything that ailed him. He smiled more encouragingly, and titled his cheek for the kiss from Chris's mom.

Chris lay a gentle kiss on his cheek, then on his forehead, just like his mother *would*. Then he gave him a wet, sloppy, lopsided kiss that was obviously the one from Taylor. "And I meant it when you weren't getting the one from Molly. She doesn't get to your lips, not even through me."

"She doesn't get to my lips," JC repeated agreeably, letting the covers slip a little from his neck. He was feeling flush, again, and knew it wasn't the fever. "What about you?"

"Is it finally my turn?" asked Chris, scrutinizing him closely again. "Are you *sure* you're feeling okay? I can just sit here quietly while you sleep, if you want ... "

"I'm fine," JC insisted, worried that Chris might not actually kiss him, from the look on his face. "Do I stink or something?"

"You're sick, baby," said Chris gently, running his fingers down JC's face. "It's one thing to tease, it's another to take advantage of someone who's really not feeling all that great. I'd love to spend hours kissing you, but I'd still be happy if all I got to do was sit here beside you and stare at you all afternoon."

"I know you would," JC said, because he felt exactly the same way. He tried to catch Chris's hand in his own. "But I'm fine, I promise. If I didn't feel okay, I'd make you go back to school. But I *do* feel okay, okay? And I'd be more okay with some of your kisses."

"And soup," said Chris again, with a grin. "Kisses and soup. That'll make you all better. " And *finally* he leaned over to give JC a real kiss.

JC did worry that he smelled bad, or tasted sick, even though he'd brushed his teeth when he'd used the bathroom that morning. But Chris didn't seem to care, running his hand through JC's hair and holding his head gently as they kissed. "Mostly the kisses," he whispered, when he pushed CHris away to catch his breath.

"Okay," agreed Chris, "but I won't tell my mom that. I'll tell her it was her soup that made you well enough to come over again tomorrow." Then he kissed him again, just as JC had asked, keeping it gentle and soft and wet.

"Did you miss me?" JC murmured against his mouth, feeling the sheets slip farther but not cold in the least. "I would have come yesterday if I could ... does she think I'm irresponsible now?"

"Of course not!" said Chris quickly, pulling back looking startled. "JC, you were *sick*, it happens. And she wouldn't have wanted all the girls getting sick anyway, as much as they begged to come over to take care of *you*." He sank down again and kissed just the corner of JC's mouth. "Of course I missed you. I missed you like crazy."

"Did you?" JC sighed happily, trying to untangle his arms to pull Chris closer. "And the girls wanted to come? That's so sweet." He couldn't believe how close he felt to Chris's family already. More than his own, most of the time.

"Yeah, they were all ready to troupe over here and make you feel better," laughed Chris quietly. "I'm not sure what your family would have thought of *that*, though. Oh! And Emily made you a card, in art class, but I forgot to bring it with me. Well, next time."

"She did?" JC breathed, finally getting his other hand free and pulling CHris close. "That's so nice. I would have loved to have them come over, except it's way too far for them to walk." He whimpered and pouted a little, wanting more kisses.

"They're used to it," said Chris softly. "I woulda carried Taylor, though. She has little legs." Chris finally stretched out on the bed with him and kissed the curve of his jaw.

JC bit his lip, realizing finally that it was going to be up to him to demonstrate how ready he really was for Chris to be touching him, and kissing him. He waited until Chris had moved his mouth up to his ear -- sort of a new sensation, and *so* nice -- before rolling onto his side, pressed up against Chris's frame.

"Careful," murmured Chris instantly, wrapping an arm around him as though to make sure he didn't fall, or something. It brought them even closer, though, so JC didn't object. "Don't want you to have a relapse or anything ... "

"It's just a fever," JC murmured, rubbing his chest against Chris's arm. "Can't help that when I'm around you anyway." He did feel a little lightheaded, but in a good way. And Chris was in his *bed*.

"You're such a sweet-talker," laughed Chris softly, against his ear. "I came here all innocently with soup and already you have me in your bed."

"I didn't do anything!" JC protested, pressing their cheeks together and then moving his head so *he* could kiss *Chris's* ear. It was ... really different; just to breath against it, nip at it. "That was you."

"I think we did it to each other," confessed Chris playfully, giving him a tiny kiss on his earlobe that left JC tingly. "I really love being with you, JC. Even when you're sick and stinky."

"I am *not* stinky," insisted JC, even more quietly, as he returned the kiss. "Chris,"he pleaded then, not really sure what he was asking for, but wanting Chris to notice how they were wrapped in sheets together; how not-clothed JC was in those sheets.

"You're a little stinky," teased Chris, pausing for a long moment to kiss his way back to JC's mouth. "But then, so'm I 'cause I ran here. Wow you sure taste good though."

"Chris," JC breathed again, resigned to being called stinky if it would get him kisses. "Please." He let go of him just long enough to push the sheets down over his hips, wondering if how hot his skin felt to himself was noticeable to Chris too.

"You little faker," chuckled Chris, kissing him with a little more force. "You certainly seem fine to me. You certainly seem ... excited too see me."

"I'm not faking!" JC laughed. "I have a fever," he repeated, making his pout audible. "M'hot." He took Chris's hand in his, hesitantly, and placed it flat on his stomach.

"You always feel like this to me," insisted Chris, running his hand over JC's bare flesh, *finally*. "All hot and flushed. Are you saying it's not all me, then?"

JC couldn't even answer for a moment. He didn't think anything could ever feel better than having Chris's hot, hard little hands on his chest and stomach. He'd almost come again, in the car, when he'd pulled off his shirt without thinking at Chris had touched him there. Now anytime he saw him his wanted him to slip his palms up under any clothes he had on. This time, there weren't any clothes.

"No," he finally choked out. "It's all you."

Chris looked absolutely surprised and delighted to hear that, not cocky, and JC couldn't tell whether Chris believed him or not but it didn't really matter. "I love touching you," Chris said, just talking, on the verge of babbling. "I think about it all the time, wherever we are. How much i just want to touch you."

JC just nodded, pulling Chris's hands harder against his chest, pushing them lower onto his abdomen. He tilted his face up, for a kiss, and while their lips and tongues were tangled together he kicked the sheets the rest of the way off.

"You're not wearing anything," murmured Chris, and it was about damn time he finally noticed that. "You're not wearing *any*thing. At all."

"I told you, I have a fever," JC mumbled, surging against him and kissing his throat with an open, wet mouth. "Didn't know I was having company. But ... " he squirmed against Chris's hand. "I'll put something on. If you need me to."

"Please don't," said Chris quickly. Very quickly. "Please, I ... I'm surprised. But I like it. I've just never. And *you've* never. Um. Do you want me to take something *off*, actually?"

JC kissed Chris's neck even more slowly, sucking at the skin carefully, hoping that was answer enough. The way they were lying together was a little awkward, though, and wasn't letting their bodies touch very much. JC squirmed again, trying to nudge Chris's hand around his hip. To see if he'd reach further, and actually touch all the bare skin in the back.

"Wait, wait," said Chris, pulling away. "I do, I want to ... " He began tugging at his shirt, sitting up to pull it over his head. "This'll feel better. No one else is home, right?"

JC shook his head, still not really finding his voice, then impatiently helped Chris push the material up over his chest. But he got so distracted by that, by seeing all that bare skin, that he stopped helping before Chris had the shirt over his head, and pressed his lips to a spot high on his breastbone.

Chris visibly shivered and stopped moving for a moment, letting JC touch him, kiss him. Then, a moment later, he struggled even faster to get his shirt off and toss it aside. "Do that again?" he said softly.

JC glanced up, from under his eyelashes, catching a glimpse of Chris's warm eyes and his small mouth, the way he was watching JC. He tried to keep that gaze as long as he could, lowering his lips back to Chris's skin, then finally watching what he was doing so he could touch the tip of his tongue to a faint freckle.

"I could seriously fall for you, Mr. Chasez," he whispered, then ducked his head to try to claim JC's lips again and, startled, JC let him.

They kissed for a long moment, JC trying to get his knees under him so his boyfriend wouldn't have to reach so far. Then their bare torsos were brushing against each other, and JC worried that he really *might* faint. Chris, his words, the way he touched, everything, was too much. "Could you?" he asked faintly, against his mouth.

"There are so, so many things I could do right now," said Chris breathlessly, suddenly licking at his neck. "The only question is, which one *first*? That and trying not to feel guilty for molesting the sick boy."

"You're not," JC reminded him, slowly coming back into his head. "I meant ... meant whether you could do what you said. Fall for me. That." He slipped higher up Chris's body, knowing Chris could feel everything now if he wanted to, wanting Chris to want to and to touch him and to say more things like that.

"If I fell," said Chris slowly, running his hands down JC's body. "Would you? Fall too?"

JC didn't know how to answer. He hoped Chris *knew* the answer, but he also knew he wanted to hear it just as much as JC had. He just didn't know how to say it as sweetly, in a way that would mean as much to Chris as what Chris had said to him.

"I'd do anything for you," he whispered finally, awkwardly. "Falling's almost the least of the things I'd do."

Chris smiled and leaned in to kiss him again, *so* sweetly, almost like he was thinking JC was all fragile again. "I wish I had the nerve to get naked with you."

JC hadn't even let himself think about that yet. He shook his head. "Not yet," he agreed softly. "Do you want me to put underwear on, at least? Or my pajamas?" It wouldn't matter, he tried to tell himself. Chris hadn't touched him below his waist at all.

"No," said Chris softly. "No, please don't. You're just ... you're beatiful. You're beautiful all over."

JC smiled and settled back down against him, rubbing his thumb slowly over Chris's collarbone. "You make me feel good," he said aimlessly. "Like ... good about myself. That's important. Don't you think that's important?"

"You *should* feel good about yourself," said Chris, which didn't exactly answer the question. "You deserve to feel good about yourself. You're good and brave and wonderful and beautiful and every minute I just fall harder. You turn me into a sap and I don't even mind."

"I'm sorry," JC mumbled, resting his cheek on Chris's chest. He knew Chris didn't mind, probably, but it wasn't something he'd bring up if it wasn't nagging at him anyway. "You don't have to respond when I say those kind of things. I think I know how you're feeling."

"I like to say things like that, though," murmured Chris. "To you, I mean. Not to anyone else, ever. You turn me to mush, you do. Well, except in the important places ... "

JC giggled and let his cheek rub against Chris's skin a little. "What kind of places?" he asked bashfully, even though he knew, and could feel one of them against his stomach.

"I'd rather let you find them for yourself," teased Chris, rubbing himself slowly against JC's body. "It's not like you're unfamiliar with them -- or *it* -- anymore."

"Can I?" JC asked, pushing himself up on his elbow a little, trying to get his hand at least close enough to the right place to be able to unzip Chris if he said it was okay.

Chris looked surprised for a moment, then smiled and went with it. "Be my guest," he said. "Or actually, I'd rather you just made yourself at home down there. I expect I'll see you often."

JC could just reach Chris's chin with his mouth, if he reached, so he kissed him softly as he manuevered his fingers around the button of Chris's pants. From there it didn't take long to unzip him, and pull him out of his underwear, much more confidently than he had the last time. He didn't want to wait, was all.

"I still think you're a faker," whispered Chris teasingly, his breath catching for a moment. "You just wanted to get me into the privacy of your bedroom to have your wicked way with me while no one was home."

"I didn't even *want* you here," JC protested without thinking, then blushed when he realized that didn't come out the way he meant. "I mean. You know what I mean. I wasn't expecting you, and I didn't want you missing class." He squeezed a little. "So you're complaining, now?"

"I think," said Chris, pushing against his hand very lightly, "that I'm doing anything but complaining. In fact ... " His hand moved down JC's body, but not in front. Instead he stroked down JC's back and then rested his hand against his ass. "I think it's about time I started appreciating this body."

JC knew he shuddered when he felt Chris's palm on his skin, there, and he knew he gasped too. It felt ... different, from when Chris had touched his chest, and different from when Chris had touched his penis. But no less arousing, not at all. And it was what he'd been wanting for the last fifteen minutes, at least. "You were complaining," he croaked.

"I was making an observation," corrected Chris, licking his lips and looking intensely at him. "You *do* want to have your wicked way with me. So it's a good thing I want to have my wicked way right back at you."

JC grasped Chris so tightly -- unintentionally -- that he hissed; he had to duck his face and stroke him gently a few times to make up for the embarassment before he could look at him again. "Would you ... I have ... here," he said, shifting over but not letting go, reaching with his other hand for a bottle of lotion he had in his bedside table. He almost always used it when he jerked off.

Chris stared at it for a moment, puzzled. "What do you want to ... or what would you like *me* to ... ?"

"No, I thought ... " Reluctantly, JC let go of Chris's cock to open the bottle. "I was just going to ... use this on you. If you wanted. Just on your, um. Your dick." He flushed bright, bright red. "Not ... I wasn't. That's all."

Chris leaned in to kiss him briefly. "Don't be embarassed," he said softly. "We're both just ... figuring things out. And that would .... feel really good, I think. Since I plan to last longer than ten seconds this time."

"I'm just still getting used to ... it's almost harder," JC tried to explain, "to say this stuff out loud to you. Than to do it. That's all." He squirted some of the lotion in his hands and tried to warm it up by rubbing it in a little. "I'm not embarassed to *do* this." And he wasn't. It didn't feel strange, at all, to be touching Chris.

Chris sighed happily as JC touched him. "Well, that's good," he murmured, his fingers sinking into the flesh of JC's ass a little bit. "I'm trying to get used to it, too."

"Oh, Chris," JC breathed, surging closer and trying to push his hips back into Chris's hands at the same time, trying to keep his hand moving in some kind of rhythm. He couldn't think, again, not with Chris letting his hands wander. Not with hoping that Chris's hands would keep wandering.

Chris moaned softly, deep in his throat, and JC saw his eyes flutter closed for a moment. "Feels so good," he murmured finally, his hands moving restlessly against JC. "Not sure what I'm allowed to do ... to you ... "

He didn't know what Chris meant, in particular, and he refused to ask for anything Chris wasn't ready to give -- wasn't even sure, really, what he was willing to do himself, even though he felt again like he was always ready first. "I'm naked," he whispered, kissing Chris's collarbone again. "I'm *naked*, Chris, and in your hands. Just ... try stuff. Whatever you want." He pushed up on his knees a little more, so Chris could reach down between his legs. If he wanted.

"I'd like to touch you a little," whispered Chris. "There." He let his hands side further inward, hesitantly. "Just figured I needed permission or something ... "

*There*. JC's brain got kind of stuck on that, for a moment, and he lowered himself closer to the bed again. "You have it," he whispered, his hand slowing just a little on Chris's erection. "And you have my promise that I'll tell you if I ... don't like something."

"I won't do anything weird," promised Chris breathily. "I just want to touch. That's all." He left one hand on JC's cheek, cupping it firmly, and let the other one venture inward again. But so, so, *so* slowly and carefully.

JC wanted to laugh, knowing that he had no clue whether anything Chris would do was weird. It would all be weird. He tried to smile encouragingly, and bravely, as he kept stroking Chris leisurely. Feeling him still grow in his fist.

"You sure this is okay?" he asked again, but thankfully didn't seem to want an answer that time as he didn't pause, his fingers still worked their way inward. "You turn me on *so* much you have no idea," he murmured. Then, suddenly, his fingertips just brushed over JC's hole and his hand all but jerked back.

JC could feel his face fall immediately, so he ducked his head. He didn't want ... the LAST thing he wanted, was for Chris to just ... not like this. Any of this. Any part of it. He did his best not to pull away himself, though. Just stayed still, except for his head, and his arm, and waited to see if Chris would try again. Then he could freak out.

Chris's hand hadn't moved away, though, had just jerked but stayed there. "Did you not like that?" he asked gently, trying to meet JC's eyes. "Do you not want me to do it again? You said you'd say so ... "

JC knew he was grinning like a dork when he looked up. "Um," he said. "I kind of ... you weren't really there long enough for me to tell," he admitted. "I do want you to do it again."

Chris was the one who blushed faintly that time, as though he hadn't really thought of that, but he *did* move back. And he stayed there. And he brushed his thumb gently over it. "Like that?" he whispered.

His eyes fluttering shut, JC tried to just ... *feel* it. Nerves that only his own fingers had ever touched before. "Yeah, that," he murmured, his hand almost stopping its own gentle stroking. "That."

Chris took the hint that time, like he *hadn't* really been doing since he'd gotten there. He kept on touching JC there, sometimes swirling and sometimes stroking but never leaving entirely. But also never going inside.

" ... weird?" JC asked, a little breathlessly, when he managed to open his eyes again and catch Chris with a considering look on his face.

"Do I think, or do you think?" asked Chris, pausing his hand for a moment.

"You," JC clarified quickly, a little anxiously. "Not me, not weird, no. Good. Really, very ... good." He leaned over to kiss Chris's chest again, letting his back arch a little more this time, tilting his bottom higher in the air.

As soon as JC said it was good, Chris started again, and after a moment JC saw him bite his lip as though he was steeling himself, then he poked just the very tip of his finger inside. "Was that weird?" he asked softly as he drew away for a moment again.

"You never told *me*," JC murmured, letting go of Chris finally and reaching around to grab Chris's forearm gently. He kept his eyes locked on Chris, so he wouldn't think he was rejecting him, and pulled his arm between them. And then slowly ran his fingers, still moist with lotion, over Chris's. "Now try," he said nervously.

"You mean you want me to ... ?" said Chris slowly, but he was already moving his hand back, not waiting for an answer. "It's not weird for me," he whispered finally. "It's just ... new. Does it feel good?"

"Not really ... good or bad," JC tried to explain, biting his lip. "But it's kind of ... it's exciting. I like what it's doing to the rest of me." He watched Chris. "You don't have to do anything else."

"Let me," said Chris, caressing JC's ass with one hand and sliding a finger of his other hand in up to the first knuckle. "Please let me."

JC closed his eyes, tried to force himself to relax. It wasn't anything he hadn't felt before, he reminded himself. "Of course, yes, no," he mumbled, finally taking Chris's cock back in his hand. "Please."

"Not ... sure what to do now," confessed Chris, with a soft moan as JC began stroking him again. "Never done this before, not even to me ... "

"You haven't?" JC's eyes were open again, looking at Chris warily. "Oh. Oh. Like, the privacy thing?"

"Yeah," mumbled Chris, licking his lips again and turning his finger a little. "Never really had a chance to. Been a little scared, too."

"Why scared?" JC asked, clutching at Chris a little tighter when he moved his finger like that, the way it pulled at his body in these ways he couldn't anticipate because it wasn't *him* doing it.

"Scared to like it," whispered Chris almost inaudibly. "Before I'd accepted this as much. And then when I did ... just nowhere to do it. And not much time between then and now." He twisted his finger back again and it went in a little further.

JC's own fingers dug into Chris's hip as he started tugging a little harder on Chris's cock. "*I* like it," he reminded him softly.

"And I'm enjoying you liking it," said Chris with a spreading smile. "Do you ... would more feel good? Or just like this?" He licked his lips again and JC knew that what *he* was doing was affecting Chris, too.

JC was having trouble concentrating on two things at once -- stroking Chris while he tried to feel him inside. "Anything, whatever," he murmured, wiggling a little against Chris's hand.

Chris reached between them and pulled JC's hand away suddenly, but before JC could even protest they were face to face and body to body and then they were rubbing against one another. Chris caressed the palm of JC's hand soothingly with his thumb as he pushed his finger just a little further inside him.

Gasping in surprise, JC knew that even with Chris's attempts at comforting him, his eyes were wide at this new ... feeling. Everything about the way they were touching pulled JC closer to Chris, and he felt so so naked and naughty and ... he scrabbled to push Chris's pants down a little more.

"Should've just taken those off," muttered Chris, taking the opportunity to kiss him. "We'll know for next time." He rubbed against him very deliberately and moaned softly again. "Still good?"

JC bit his lip, hard, and nodded, digging his knees into the mattress and trying to line thier hips up just right. It felt ... he had no words for how it felt. The heat of Chris's body from under him, trailing around him from his arm, *inside* him from his finger -- he was panting softly before he knew it.

As they moved together, Chris moved his hand, too, and suddenly it was all the way inside, just like that. "Tell me what feels good," said Chris urgently. "Tell me what'll make you come."

"I ... don't know," JC managed to reply, a little alarmed at not knowing the answer in the face of Chris's enthusiasm. "Just hold me, and ... maybe move your finger and ... what'll make *you* come?"

"Right now if you so much as *breathe* on me I'll come," laughed Chris breathlessly. "Okay, lemme just ... try things, then." He held JC to him then just turned and twisted and finally just curled his finger inside JC's body.

There was a sharp, sharp pang of too-much-pleasure, and as soon as JC caught his breath enough to murmur "ow" he'd jerked against Chris and all of that, all of it meant he started coming. Just ... practically gushing, it felt like, all over Chris's groin.

Only it wasn't just him, a moment later, as Chris snaked one hand in between them and jerked himself a couple times and was coming, too. Al he could hear for a long moment were his pants and Chris's pants and a low moaning that could have been coming from either of them.

And he just felt ... strange. Chris's finger, still inside him, felt tighter, and his wilting cock was hyper-sensitive and sticky and caught between their bodies, and he was shivering again. Almost violently. He tried to curl closer to Chris's heat even though parts of him didn't want any more contact right then.

Slowly --and thankfully carefully -- Chris pulled his finger out and wrapped both arms around JC's body, rubbing his back briskly. "Oh man, oh JC, are you okay?" he asked, sounding genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," JC mumbled, burying his face in Chris's neck. "Just, um, the fever. Can you ... sheets?" It wasn't anything too bad, he knew, just probably a little too much exertion for his body when it was run-down. "And no worrying."

"We just had sex and you're not happy," whispered Chris, pulling the covers up over *both* of them without even cleaning them up first. "Of course I'm going to worry. Is there anything I can do for you?"

JC's mind kind of blanked at that -- was that sex? and why didn't Chris think he was happy? "I'm happy," he blurted, shivering again. "I'm just sick. I'm sorry. No. Just ... don't go anywhere, okay? I need you right now."

Chris kept holding him as he shivered in his arms, and kissed the top of his head gently. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm so sorry. You're sick and we shouldn't have ... and I just really wanted to. I'm sorry."

"I'm not sick," JC protested, even though he knew he'd just said he was. He just didn't know how to say the right thing to make Chris feel better about it. "I'm ... I crawled all over you. Naked. I didn't give you a choice."

"I had plenty of choice," insisted Chris, giving him a very brief, soft kiss. "I chose to do this with you. You doing okay? Feel a little bit good at least?"

"I just *came*," JC said, like it was obvious. Which it kind of was. He grinned. "*On* you. And as long as you're not ... grossed out, or anything, then I'm a lot good. Happy. Promise. Just cold and sticky."

"Cold and sticky and happy," agreed Chris, finally smiling back again. "Okay. But we wait until you're better before we do it again, okay?"

"Okay," JC agreed quietly, hiding his pout as best he could. "So, um. You think ... I mean, that was sex? Or ... what kind of soup did your mom make?" As soon as the first question was out of his mouth, he wished he hadn't asked it.

"Chicken noodle," said Chris instantly, then bit his lip and seemed to ponder the other question. "Well ... is there anything else we can call it? It sure *felt* like sex ... "

"But it wasn't ... there wasn't ... " JC struggled to put words to what he was thinking. "What we did in the car together, before ... was *that* sex?"

Chris looked like he was thinking about that question, too. "I think it was," he said finally. "Not as much as *this* was. But it kinda was. I mean ... don't you think, too?"

"Well, I guess," JC said, agreeing so he wouldn't disagree. "It was really ... good, whatever it was. I liked it. I'm sorry if I ... if what I was doing, to you, didn't feel good." He remembered Chris moving his hand off of him."

"What, are you nuts?" laughed Chris, snuggling him even closer. "It was great. I was just all worried about *you*."

"But you made me stop touching you," he pointed out. "Was that, was I doing it wrong this time?"

"JC," said Chris patiently, smiling. "JC ... JC ... no .... I just wanted to, you know, feel you against me. Be closer. You were making me feel *so* good. Don't worry."

"*SO* good?" JC felt like he could tease. "Well ... I liked it. I'm sorry for not, uh, warning you. Before you made me come."

"I don't want warning," said Chris, shaking his head at him. "I just want it to happen. Was it ... was what I was doing good? Did it help? At the end, there, I just couldn't tell anymore ... "

JC nodded, bashful again. "I think, um. You know. There, at the end, you ... you must've hit my prostate. I think. It was ... sharp, except that's not quite the right word."

"And that's a good thing, right?" said Chris, looking faintly embarassed. "Sorry ... I really don't know much about this ... "

"Oh. Oh. Yeah, I ... it is," JC tried to explain without blushing himself. "Like ... it's why you'd ever want to have someone in there, I guess. This, um, gland? That's, like, supposed to be super-sensitive and, like, turn you on, when it's touched."

"And I touched it?" confirmed Chris, stroking JC's back lazily. "Damn ... I wish I remembered exactly what I did so I could do it for you again next time."

"Well," JC smiled to himself. "I mean. It's not as if I minded you being there. To, um, take your time finding it some other time. Plus ... it made me come all fast. Maybe I want to take my time next time."

"So it felt good, then?" asked Chris, obviously looking for reassurance. "I had no idea if I was doing it right or what, there. i just kinda ... wiggled it around some."

"It felt good," JC said simply. "Promise. Why did you want to try it, if you were so uncertain? Did I ... was I just acting like I really wanted it, or something?"

Chris did begin to look uncertain, then. "Well," he said carefully ."How are we gonna figure it out, if we don't try it, right? And, um ... the pictures." He looked a little embarassed again. "The stuff you liked, in the pictures? Was ... I just thought you'd like it. And that I'd like doing it."

"Well, did you?" JC asked, laying his head back down on Chris's chest. "What ... how did it feel?"

"It felt ... neat," said Chris, obviously thinking about it, remembering it. "I loved what it did to you. I wish i knew more how to do it, though, so I coulda made it really good. Guess we'll just have to practice."

"It *was* really good," JC insisted, laughing. "I just didn't know what to expect either. So ... what did it do to me?" He was so curious, about how Chris saw him when he was turned on. If it was like the porn he'd seen.

"You were just ... I guess you did seem to want it. The way you touched me and moved against me. And that look on your face. Like it was what you really wanted and I was making you happy."

"It was, and you did," JC admitted, running his hand over Chris's stomach. "Wanna make me happy again?"

"I told you," said Chris sternly. "No more sex until you're well."

"No, not sex!" JC laughed. "I just ... wondered if you could go heat up the soup in the microwave. I'm all ... naked."

"There's no one home," argued Chris, but he was letting go of JC and slipping out of the bed. "If there was, you wouldn't send me downstairs in the first place. But of course I will, you just stay right where you are, okay?"

"M'kay," JC nodded, squirming into the warm spot Chris had left and burying his face in the pillow. he felt kind of ... exhausted. And a little sore. And he kind of couldn't wait to feel all of it again the next time. Hopefully without the fever.

* * *