Unattached by zoicite "You should have been there," Kevin said, his eyes all squinched up in laughter. It was one of their favorite pastimes. Wait until Nick got himself drunk and then mess with him. A drunk Nick was a particularly gullible Nick and anyway wasn’t that what friends and brothers were for? "So then," AJ continued. "So then Balls for Brains comes up to where we’re standing at the bar sets down his glass hard, sticks his hands in the air and is all "I am never having sex again. Kevin being Kevin was all "schyeah, right" and was wearing his ‘you’re full of shit’ face and Nick, being a moron, got all defensive and insisted that this was it. The blowjob he’d just received in the bathroom. That was the last sex he was having ever." "Blowjob in the bathroom?" Brian asked. AJ shrugged. "I made that part up, but it sounds true, right?" "So we took him up on it," Kevin added, getting back to the point. "Like a bet?" Brian asked. Brian was still half asleep and in between asking questions he kept rubbing his eyes and yawning. "You should have been there," AJ repeated and kicked at a stone in the parking lot. "He’s not going to remember when he wakes up anyway," Howie guessed. If Nick was drunk enough to actually agree to something this stupid, there was no way he was going to remember it in the morning. "Good thing there were witnesses then," AJ laughed and Brian just shook his head. "Oh," AJ added and then slapped a piece of paper that he held in his other hand. "And we got him to sign this." AJ stopped talking and turned to watch as Nick finally stumbled out into the back lot of the hotel followed closely by his bodyguard, Keith. Nick took one look at the four of them standing there chatting, waved a little and tried to smile, and then disappeared onto his bus. Keith just shrugged at them, or shrugged at the bodyguards standing right behind in apology for being unable to drag Nick out sooner, and followed Nick. "He looks hung over," Brian observed. "Maybe," AJ agreed. "Either that or it’s the thought of three months of no nookie that’s getting him down." "Three months? That’s it?" Brian asked. "All of this for three months? You guys are easy." Howie grabbed the sheet of paper from AJ’s hand. "Remind me never to get on your bad side," Howie said, after scanning the ‘official’ contract which detailed exactly how Kevin and AJ planned to make Nick’s life miserable if Nick chose to stray from his chosen new path. ** When Howie found Nick curled up on a chair in the dressing room, Nick took one look at him, groaned, and then dramatically threw his head back and accidentally banged it against the wall. Apparently Nick remembered. "You’re not going to believe this," Nick said, and then held out the piece of paper again for Howie to read. Nick had done a lot of stupid things in his almost 26 years, but Howie thought this was probably one the stupider ones. He tried not to smile at Nick’s pain. "So three months," Howie said, not even bothering to read the contract again. "That’s not that long." "For you maybe," Nick grumbled and Howie shrugged. "I’m unattached," he said, as though that explained everything. He kind of thought it did. "You’ve gone three months before." Nick thought about it. And then thought some more. Howie rolled his eyes and thought about wandering off to find Brian and Kevin. "When’s the last time Nick went three months with no sex?" Howie asked AJ when AJ finally decided to get his ass in gear and get dressed for the show. They should have been ready half an hour ago. Kevin, usually the last to finish, was probably already warming up somewhere. He was probably wearing that smug accomplished smile of his while he did it, too. "That time he was stranded on a desert island?" AJ suggested and started pulling off his pants. Nick flipped him off even though as far as Howie could tell AJ suggesting that Nick had an overly abundant sex life wouldn’t usually be considered an insult. "Wait, I know. That last three months when he was 15 before Brian got him drunk and he slept with that hairy German girl." "Susan," Nick said and Howie wondered if Susan would feel special if she knew that hers was one of the few names Nick could keep straight in his head. "That’s not a very German name," Howie pointed out. "Maybe she lied," AJ said. "Shut up," Nick groaned and rubbed at his eyes. "She wasn’t that hairy." "She was like thirty," AJ said, zipping up a pair of cropped black pants. "She was not. Seriously. Shut up." "You still have a thing for her," AJ accused. "She’s gotta be almost 50 now, man." He pulled his t-shirt over his head and then threw it at Howie before grabbing a new one off the rack. With the new t-shirt halfway on, his voice muffled by the fabric, AJ added "Isn’t your mom fifty?" "I hate you," Nick said and then accidentally hit his head on the wall again. "Fuck." AJ blew him a kiss and then looked from Howie to Nick. "Are you guys gonna get dressed or what?" ** Nick found out just how serious Kevin and AJ were when he innocently let a fan kiss his cheek. The moment was photographed by Andre, who shared it with AJ, who apparently showed it to Kevin. The next morning Nick woke up on his bus covered in a month’s supply of Kevin and AJ’s dirty socks and underwear. "He should have suspected when Kev insisted on riding on his bus," Brian pointed out. He wasn’t wrong. ** "I don’t know why you’re going along with it," Howie said a week and a half later when Nick dramatically entered Howie’s hotel room and then even more dramatically threw himself down onto Howie’s bed, bonking his head on the headboard in the process. "It’s not like they know every person you’ve ever slept with. AJ doesn’t have a hidden camera in your hotel room." Howie paused. "I hope." "That’s not the point," Nick sighed and then his arm flopped so that it rested across his forehead in the pose of distressed southern belles everywhere. "What is the point?" "The point is that they think I can’t," Nick said, sitting up to look at Howie. "I’m not fucking AJ, man. I’ve not had sex for three months before. Even if no one can remember." Howie shook his head. I’m not fucking AJ, indeed. "AJ went that entire year that one time," Howie pointed out. "By choice." "So," Nick grumped and flopped back onto the bed again. "Good for him. This is by choice too." Howie shrugged and when Nick didn’t continue Howie went back to making the few calls he was planning to make before Nick burst into the room. He dialed three numbers before Nick started talking again. "Wanna play a game?" "What kind of game," Howie asked warily. "Truth or Dare?" Nick suggested. "No thanks." "Come on," Nick said and then tried pouting. As if that ever worked. Nick pouted some more and okay, sometimes it did work, but not tonight. "How about charades." "Okay," Howie said, and then went back to dialing his phone. "Guess who I am." "You’re lame," Nick said. "Spit?" "Do you have cards?" Howie asked. Nick shrugged. "Sure." "A full deck?" Nick made a face. "That’s what I thought." "There’s a gift shop downstairs." "I don’t want to play," Howie said. "Why do I hang out with you anyway? You become more like Kevin every day." Howie shrugged. "Got me." Nick sighed and then shifted on Howie’s bed in a way that had Howie looking away. He sighed again and then stood and kneeled beside Howie’s chair. Howie continued staring at his phone even though he’d stopped bothering with the dialing a few minutes earlier. Eventually Nick’s arm lifted and he pointed his finger as close to the edge Howie’s left eye as he could possibly get it without actually touching. Howie continued to stare at his phone, but he did ask "What are you doing now?" "Not touching you," Nick said and then his other hand came up to point at Howie’s neck. Howie shrugged up his shoulders in reflex. "I’m not touching you." "I know," Howie said. "Stop it anyway." Nick’s finger traveled down slowly until it was pointed at Howie’s side and if Nick was planning to start tickling him then he’d better not have any plans to leave the room alive. "I’m still not touching you," Nick pointed out. "Yeah, and it better stay that way," Howie said. The best way to deal with it was to ignore it completely and Howie intended to do exactly that and managed to get through most of a phone call to his agent before Nick decided to switch tactics and instead of his finger, he now had the tip of his nose as close to Howie’s cheek as he could get it without actually bumping it into Howie’s face. "Still not," Nick whispered and he might not be touching Howie, but he was definitely breathing on him. Howie cut his conversation short, snapped his phone shut, and turned, bumping into Nick’s face in the process. Nick jumped back and rubbed his nose. "You touched me," Howie said. "Cheater," Nick said, and he was still rubbing at his nose so it sounded kind of nasal. "All right. Let’s go out," Howie suggested. "Thank you," Nick sighed and jumped to his feet, already headed for the door. ** "Wanna make out?" Nick asked, a few hours later, shortly after he draped his intoxicated body over Howie’s shoulders and practically forced Howie to drag him back to the car. "No," Howie said and eyed Keith, who was easily twice Howie’s size and could probably drag Nick the few hundred feet across the parking lot no problem. Also, he would be paid to do it. And Howie’s back hurt. "We’re walking," Keith informed his radio as soon as they cleared the sidewalk. "You know what’s cool about being a bodyguard?" Nick said, close to Howie’s ear, his chin pressed painfully into Howie’s shoulder. "What?" Howie asked. "The walkie talkies. It’s all like coordination and checkpoints and ‘roger that’." Howie had never heard any of their bodyguards ever say ‘roger that’ or roger anything for that matter. "Are you sure you don’t want to make out?" Nick asked again and Howie probably should have known the question wouldn’t be dropped that quickly. "I’m sure." "You don’t sound sure," Nick said, quietly now, his breath warm on Howie’s neck. Howie tried to shrug him off, but Nick’s hands were clasped firmly around Howie’s waist. "I’m sure," Howie repeated, more firmly this time. "And anyway, we’re in a parking lot. There are girls standing back there on the sidewalk watching you act like an idiot. And Keith would tell and then who knows what would happen." "He would not tell," Nick said. "Would you?" "Yes," Keith said immediately and in that moment Howie really loved him. "Wow," Nick said. "That’s so not cool, dawg." "What happened to your determination to go along with all this? Prove a point and whatever?" Howie asked. "Um," Nick said. "Alcohol. Hello." Howie laughed. "Nick!" one of the girls screamed from the sidewalk. Her friends shrieked and tried to shush her. "I love you!" and then she went on to scream a bunch of things that Howie wouldn’t have felt comfortable saying within a fifty mile radius of his mother. "Fuck," Nick said. "Keith, Howie sucks. You wanna make out? You could give me a blow job, even. I’d let you, man. Just you. You wanna?" "No, thanks," Keith said dryly and kept walking. "You both fucking suck," Nick grumbled. "Everyone fucking sucks." "Especially Kevin," Howie agreed just for the sake of agreeing with something Nick was saying for once. "Especially Kevin," Nick repeated sulkily. "And fucking AJ. Fuck them." "I don’t think they’ll let you," Keith said and Nick laughed suddenly, right in Howie’s ear. ** When they got back to the hotel Nick actually did try to kiss Howie. Howie saw it coming and dodged and ended up with slobber on his cheek. He shoved Nick away and Keith laughed and Nick said "Don’t tell!" and then Howie left Keith to make sure that Nick got himself down the hall and to his room in one piece. ** "Hey," Nick said the next morning in the parking lot. Howie was listening to his messages from the night before and didn’t hear Nick coming until Nick bumped into his shoulder and he stumbled a little. "Hey," Howie agreed, saving the message from his sister so that he could listen to it again in the quiet of his bus. "How’re you feeling?" Nick shrugged and didn’t say anything else and now that Howie was paying attention he noticed that Nick wasn’t really looking at him. In fact, Nick was very interested in the pavement. Or Howie’s sneakers. It was hard to say. "Nick," Howie said. "You’re okay?" "Yeah," Nick said, a touch of annoyance in his voice. "You’ve kissed AJ." Okay. "So?" "But you won’t kiss me?" Nick asked. Howie blinked at him. "You’re kidding," he said. Nick had to be kidding. Nick made a face as though he couldn’t decide if he was kidding or not. Then he shook his head. Negative. "Nick," Howie sighed. "AJ’s AJ. You don’t really want to kiss me. And it’s only three months. Come on. You have more willpower than that." "Yeah," Nick agreed and then nodded. "Thanks, man, I guess, for stopping me then." and then he slapped Howie on the back before turning toward the bus. He made it a whole two steps before he turned and added "but you would let me kiss you if not for the drunken bet?" Howie made a face. "You don’t really want to kiss me," he said again. Nick shrugged and disappeared onto his bus. ** Howie would not under any circumstances kiss Nick or let Nick kiss him. It didn’t necessarily mean he didn’t want to. ** It became pretty obvious after a few days that Nick was either avoiding or angry with Howie. He seemed to be avoiding Kevin and AJ too, but that wasn’t all that strange considering. In the meantime, Nick was pretty much glued to Brian’s hip. "I think he’s cheating," Kevin said, coming to stand next to Howie during soundcheck. "Has he said anything?" Howie squinted at Nick, who was busy following Baylee around and miming everything that he did, and then turned to look at Kevin. "Nah." He shook his head. "I don’t think you and AJ have won the right to terrorize him just yet." Kevin snorted. "Man, I won the right to terrorize Nick Carter years ago." "This is so stupid," Howie noted. "You know that, right?" "Hey. No one forced Nick to take the bet. No one made him sign the paper." Howie shook his head. "What does he get? If he makes it?" Kevin shrugged. "He won’t." "It’s three months. Come on. If he does." Kevin thought about it for a moment and then suggested "The satisfaction of proving me wrong? A greater appreciation for the opposite sex? Or you know, for sex in general? A good long time to think and finally get over Ms. Hilton? Maybe he’ll meet someone nice instead of a clingy fan or a flakey whatever and settle down. I don’t know. It’s good for him. Character builder." Now it was Howie’s turn to snort. "You’re kidding. That’s it? I would have cheated weeks ago." "Yeah," Kevin agreed as he eyed Howie. "Me too." ** Brian accosted Howie backstage ten minutes before it was time for the show to start. "I don’t know what you did, man. But I’m begging you - " and here Brian actually clasped his hands together and shook them in Howie’s face - "teach me your secret." "Secret to what?" "To getting Nick out of your hair," Brian said like it was the most absolute obvious thing in the history of ever. Howie shrugged. "I don’t know." "Think," Brian insisted. Howie pretended to think about it and then gave up and shrugged. "You know how he goes through phases. He’ll latch on to AJ soon enough. You’re usually pretty, you know, resistant to all things Nick. You’ll survive." "I blame Kevin," Brian grouched and Howie tried to slip by Brian when Brian was scanning behind him looking for Kevin, but Brian wasn’t falling for that and his hand shot out to grip Howie’s shoulder and hold him in place. "Sometimes you’re scary," Howie said, and knocked Brian’s hand off his arm. "You know that right?" "I’m desperate," Brian amended. "Is it the whining? The dramatic bonking his head against things?" Brian shook his head. "He’s horny," he said, solemnly. "Wait. He’s really not cheating?" Howie had sort of just assumed he was being a good pal and lying to Kevin for Nick. "God no," Brian sighed. "I honestly wish that he would." "Did he try to kiss you?" Brian shrugged and Howie waved a hand and amended. "I mean, not like usual. Actually kiss?" "What?" Brian squinted at Howie. "No." He said it slowly, the bit of a question at the end and just a hint of a smile, and Howie looked away. "He offered to make out with Keith a few weeks ago," Howie quickly explained. "Huh," Brian said and the smile was definitely still there, though Brian seemed to be doing his best to hide it. "That probably went over real well." Howie shrugged. "Anyway," Brian continued and Howie tried not to feel too relieved. "Remember how Nick was at 15?" Howie remembered. Shy and quiet around everyone who didn’t know any better, the very definition of rude and obnoxious around the people who did. And it didn’t help that at the time Brian did nothing but encourage it. They drove Howie nuts that year. Those years. Nick couldn’t possibly have reverted to that. "No," Howie protested and Brian just nodded, his eyes wide. "Really?" Howie asked again. "He doesn’t seem that bad." "Not during soundcheck," Brian agreed. "Not when you or Kevin or AJ are around, but Leigh. Leigh is ready to kill him. Literally. He wants to ride on our bus all the time. Either that or he wants me to ride on his. Also he’s masturbating at least three times a day. Don’t ask how I know. Who makes a sex bet and doesn’t include general self-inflicted orgasms? I mean, come on." Brian gripped Howie’s shoulders. "Help. Me. You are our only hope, Obi Wan." Howie hated Star Wars. ** Howie watched Nick fiddle with his microphone. He looked sane enough. Everything looked normal. Brian was entertaining Baylee, Kevin was standing in the corner chatting with Keith and once in a while he’d glance over toward Nick before going back to his conversation. AJ was dancing around the stage like a moron on too much caffeine. Nick was managing to ignore AJ as he walked slowly around in circles, his fingers tapping at the side of his mike as he scanned the stage, his gaze finally falling on Howie. Howie smiled and the tapping of Nick’s fingers sped up. A little fidgety, maybe, for someone spending all of his time jerking off, but pretty normal other than that. "What’s up?" Howie asked, coming to stand next to Nick. "What?" Nick asked as though he didn’t just watch as Howie walked across the entire stage to talk to him. As though Howie speaking was absolutely unexpected. "Nothing." "How are, you know, things?" Howie asked. "You know, fine," Nick said with a slight nod. His fingers continued their tapping, pausing only briefly whenever Howie spoke. "Are you mad at me?" Howie asked. "What? Should I be?" "I don’t think so." "Then I’m not," Nick said with a shrug. Howie nodded. Nick might not be mad, but there was definitely something going on there and Howie had a real hard time believing it had to do with refusing a drunken kiss in the middle of a bet. "I’m thinking about going to that club tonight. You know. That one we went to last time we were in town." Nick shrugged again and tapped. "You wanna come along?" Howie offered. Nick looked Howie up and down, chewed on his lip, and just when Howie realized that Nick was going to say no, Nick shrugged for the third time in five minutes, sighed, and said "sure." ** Howie never made it to the club. He never even made it to the show. And Howie remained convinced for months afterward that the entire thing was Brian’s master plan to get Nick to stop masturbating on his bus. It wasn’t the first time fans had slipped past security. It wasn’t even the hundredth time. But Nick wasn’t himself and unfortunately the three girls weren’t Kevin fans. It absolutely most definitely wasn’t the first time Nick had ever heard a high voice screaming his name, but Nick jumped anyway, jumped and then swung around and knocked right into Howie who just happened to be standing on the edge of the stage. "Oh shit," Nick choked, his hands over his mouth and his eyes huge. "Oh shit. I’m so sorry. Are you okay?" He jumped down from the stage and tried reaching out to Howie but didn’t quite get there before his hands flew back to his mouth. "Oh God. That doesn’t look good. Oh shit." "I think it might be broken," Howie said, staring dumbly at his ankle, painfully angled against the cement floor of the auditorium. The girls were gone, ushered out by security. "Shit," Nick said again, his words muffled through his fingers. "Shit." When it came time to stick him in the ambulance (not that Howie needed an ambulance. It was just an ankle, but he was a Backstreet Boy so an ambulance was a must) Nick shoved Kevin out of the way and climbed into the back with him. "Oh shit, Howie," Nick said, staring at Howie’s elevated foot, still in his sneaker and everything. "I’m so sorry. Shit." Howie closed his eyes and wished that Nick would turn into Kevin or at least stop saying the same thing over and over again. "I thought they only let family ride in the ambulance," Howie said. "We’re Backstreet Boys," he heard Nick say and Howie wasn’t sure if Nick meant that he was there because of fame or that Backstreet Boys were family too. ** "Does it hurt?" Nick asked as the ambulance made its way to the hospital. It was just a broken ankle; there wasn’t much of a rush. "Yes," Howie said and it did but Howie exaggerated his wince when Nick reached out to touch. "Shit," Nick said again. ** Nick’s eyes got that huge shocked look again when the doctor finally removed Howie’s shoes and socks. "Oh God," Nick said and it was garbled through his fingers. Howie was starting to wonder if Nick’s hand was permanently stuck there like that. "Shit." Howie sighed and then sucked in his breath when the doctor tried to move the ankle. The dull throbbing ache he was getting used to, the sharp shooting pain - he’d forgotten about that part since they’d left the venue. "Well," the doctor said. "We’ll need an X-ray, but I’d say it’s definitely broken." "Oh God," Nick said again. ** The X-ray hurt like hell, but Nick wasn’t allowed in the room so at least Howie had a moment of peace and quiet. It didn’t last long though and it was kind of funny that just a few hours earlier Howie was practically begging Nick to spend time with him. Howie was starting to sympathize with Brian a lot more all of a sudden. "It’s huge," Nick said as he watched the doctor wrap Howie’s ankle. "It’s like four times bigger than -" "The swelling will go down," The doctor interjected and Howie smiled at him gratefully. "Shit," Nick said again. "We’re just going to set it for now," The doctor explained. "We’ll keep you overnight and the cast will go on in the morning and then you’re free to go." "Cast," Nick repeated. "Shit." ** The show had to be cancelled, of course. Howie was down for the count and Nick was refusing to leave the hospital room and Howie thought they might be okay without him, but they definitely needed Nick. "You could go on," Howie suggested right after Nick finished eating Howie’s Jell-O. "You guys could do it without me." Nick shook his head. "I’m here, man. I’m going to stay here and wait on you." "That’s what nurses are for." Nick shrugged and set the Jell-O bowl back down on Howie’s tray. "I’m cuter than they are." "You’re going to sleep in that chair?" Howie asked, ignoring the cute comment like he always did. It was true though. Nick was a lot cuter than any of the nurses they’d seen. "Yes," Nick said, slouching down. Howie sighed and waited for AJ to come pick Nick up. He’d had a nurse call when Nick left to go to the bathroom. ** Nick was there again when Howie woke up the next morning. "You don’t have to do this," Howie said. "It wasn’t really your fault." "It wasn’t?" Nick asked and offered Howie a bag of Dunkin’ Donuts. "How was it not my fault?" "Okay," Howie agreed. He waved the bag away. "It was your fault. But I should have been paying attention too. And I forgive you. Really." Nick frowned. "I don’t know," he said. "I just - I think I should help." "Help what?" Howie asked. "Help with whatever you need help for," Nick said reasonably. "I need a cup of tea," Howie sighed. "See," Nick said, already heading for the door. "I’m helping." ** "I don’t have to dance," Howie said, looking from Kevin to AJ. "There really isn’t that much dancing anymore and I think - I don’t think anyone will mind if I just don’t dance. We’ve done it before when AJ was hurt." "But that was like - you’ll have crutches," Brian pointed out. "I don’t want to have to postpone the tour because I fell off the stage," Howie said, adamant. "Again." "More like pushed off the stage," AJ said and then coughed and looked away. "Shit," Nick said and took a step closer to Howie. Great. There he went again. Brian grinned and Howie glared at him. "Bumped," Howie amended, but it didn’t make Nick look any less guilty and Howie shot AJ a look. AJ just shrugged. Kevin bit his lip and looked over toward Johnny, who had flown in when he’d heard about the accident. "That could work," Kevin said. "Howie just not dancing." Johnny held up his hands as if to say that it was the best suggestion he’d heard so far. ** So it was settled. Howie had a broken ankle and he was hobbling around on crutches with a big white cast, but the shows would go on and in a few - okay, several - weeks Howie should be good to go. Everything was fine until Howie opened his door to find Nick standing in the hallway dragging his suitcase along behind him. The suitcase was only half zipped and Howie thought he saw Nick’s boxers hanging out through the opening. "No," Howie said and nearly toppled over when one of his crutches slid a little on the carpet. "Tell me you’re not doing what I think you’re doing." Nick squinted at him. "Well, that depends. What do you think I’m doing?" "I think you think you’re going to stay here. With me." "Oh," Nick said. "Yeah. That’s what I’m doing." Nick pushed past Howie and into Howie’s hotel room and Howie gripped the wall to keep from falling when Nick’s suitcase knocked into his good leg. "Why?" Howie asked, turning to watch as Nick dumped his suitcase in the corner next to Howie’s. "I’m fine. Was this Brian’s idea?" "Oh yeah?" Nick asked. He pointed to Howie’s foot. "That doesn’t look fine. You’re like using the wall to stand, man. How are you going to get dressed? How are you going to shower? This is my fault and you need me." Howie sighed and wiped a hand across his face. "Shit." ** Brian laughed and hung up on him before Howie even started his pleading. When Howie called back Brian didn’t answer. "You’ve got to get him out of here," Howie whispered to Kevin. He couldn’t believe he was locked in his hotel bathroom whispering over the telephone. "Why?" Kevin asked. "You’re keeping him off the streets. It’s like charity." "He can’t stay here," Howie insisted. "Don’t get me wrong," Kevin said. "He’s Nick and I get that. His dirty clothes are probably all over your room and he has the TV on too loud, I can hear it through the phone. You probably don’t have to be whispering, you know. His hearing isn’t all that good anyway. And you know you’re going to end up sleeping in a bed covered in crumbs." "Exactly," Howie agreed. And none of that even covered the bigger nonexistent issue in all of this. "So are you going to come over here and save me or what?" "Just tell him to go back to his own room and leave you alone," Kevin suggested. "I tried that. He’s got this whole guilt thing going. It’s kind of nice, actually, if it wasn’t hell." Kevin was quiet for a second and then said "You’re not - Are you still -" "No," Howie said a little too quickly. "Shit," Kevin said. "That was a long fucking time ago. I thought you would have realized what an idiot he is by now and gotten over that." "I am over it," Howie insisted. "But that doesn’t mean I want Nick over here trying to bathe me and spoon feeding me or whatever it was he was talking about earlier." "Bathe you?" Kevin asked. "He thinks I’m an invalid and that it’s his fault," Howie sighed. He had to hurry up. Nick would be knocking on the bathroom door soon to make sure Howie hadn’t tipped over or something. "Also, he’s horny. Have you talked to Brian lately? If Brian can’t stand it, I don’t even have a chance. This is your fault." "Shit," Kevin said. "Yeah. That would drive me insane. Okay, we’ll work something out." ** Okay, so there was maybe a short time there when Howie had a thing for Nick. It was stupid and went against everything because Howie knew Nick and knew all of the gross and annoying things about Nick that turned off most normal people in just a few days. Kevin was the only person he ever told, mostly because he was completely embarrassed and slightly grossed out by himself, but also because he didn’t trust AJ or Brian to keep their mouths shut and the stupid crush was the last thing Howie wanted getting back to Nick. He thought it was just a fluke and he’d be over it by the end of the week. The worst part was that Nick must have known, he had to have, because it was shortly after Howie realized it himself that Nick started hanging around him and picking on him and touching him and the entire Black and Blue tour was a ridiculous hell and what Howie had hoped would last a week lasted months and he didn’t get over the damn crush until well into their big hiatus. But that was the thing. He was over it. Definitely. Way over it. Years over it. So over it that he pretty much hadn’t thought about it in years until Nick started trying to kiss him. Completely unattached. The point, if it hadn’t already sunk in, was that he was over it. And he was going to stay that way. ** Kevin was sure taking his sweet time walking down the hall. Nick tilted his head and rubbed his chin and then said "Let me call for more pillows." "My foot doesn’t need to be propped up all the time." "It can’t hurt," Nick said. "When you broke your hand did you walk around with it over your head all day long?" Nick frowned. "No." "Well, I don’t need to do that with my foot either." Nick didn’t really look like he believed Howie at all and after a miniature staring contest that Nick lost he shrugged and said "I’ll call for a few extra pillows anyway. For Justin." "Justin," Howie repeated. "Yeah," Nick said and waved his hand. "Case." "Justin Case," Howie said and then got it and shook his head and smiled. "You’re an idiot." "You never heard that?" Nick asked, smiling back. "AJ says it all the time." "I’m not usually listening," Howie admitted and that was when Kevin finally managed to walk the ten steps down the hall and knocked on the door. Nick looked at the phone in his hand. "That was quick," he said. "You haven’t called yet." "Oh yeah." Nick walked over to the door and peaked out, turned to Howie and said "Kevin" and then rolled his eyes and opened it. "What?" Kevin looked past Nick to Howie and then said "He doesn’t need his foot propped up like that all the time." "You came down here to say that?" Nick asked. "I just thought I’d stop by to see how you two were doing." "I’m not cheating and I’ve got everything under control," Nick said, blocking Kevin’s entrance to the room. Kevin looked to Howie for help and Howie lifted his foot off the pillows and set it down on the floor as he reached for his crutches. "What are you doing?" Nick asked, turning when he heard Howie move and that was the in Kevin needed because when Nick reached back to shut the door in Kevin’s face Kevin had already slipped into the room behind him. "Where are you going?" Howie shrugged and stood up, hopping a little before regaining his balance. Nick rushed over to grip his arm and Howie shook him off. "Kevin stopped by. I wanted to talk to Kevin." Nick’s hand was back and Howie added "I can stand, you know. That’s what the crutches are for." "I know," Nick said and let go of Howie’s arm, but he let go in a way that seemed to propel Howie away from him and Howie wobbled a little before Nick grabbed his arm again and smirked. "Shut up," Howie grumbled. "Nick," Kevin interjected. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Nick turned away from Howie to squint at Kevin. "Why?" he asked warily. "Just come with me," Kevin said and reached out to pull Nick along. "Wait," Nick said and quickly swatted Kevin away all the while keeping a tight grip on Howie’s arm. "I don’t want to leave Howie," he said. "Just talk here." Howie tried pleading with Kevin with his eyes. "Nick," Kevin started. "What if you just like, I don’t know, kept your cell phone handy and that way if Howie needs help he can call you and you can go do your own thing. Whatever you usually do." Kevin shrugged at Howie and Howie thought that Kevin would be a lot better at this kind of thing that this. Nick frowned. "I can’t do what I usually do, asshole. And Howie doesn’t think he needs help. He won’t call. He’ll fall over and crack his head open before he called." "But you would be the first person I called as I lay there bleeding to death," Howie offered and then glared at Kevin. Kevin made a face. Okay, not helping. "See," Nick said and tightened his grip on Howie’s arm. Shit. Definitely not helping. Howie nudged his head toward Nick and glared at Kevin some more but Kevin was busy staring at Nick and finally he said "Do you have something in your eye?" "What?" Nick asked and let go of Howie’s arm to rub at his face. "No." Kevin squinted at Nick and then smiled and looked to Howie. "Right," he said. "Well, it looks like you’re taking good care of Howard so I’ll just leave you two here and um, go back to my room." "You’re leaving?" Howie asked, not quite believing that Kevin would do that to him. He took a step forward to stop Kevin’s departure but Nick reached out for his arm again and held him back. "You can’t leave." "Why not?" Nick asked. "Because," Howie started and then stopped because his brain didn’t work quite that fast. "What?" Nick asked, taking a step back and folding his arms across his chest. "Do you think I’m going to like fall on you or something? Break something else?" "No," Howie said, quickly and turned to Kevin for help. Kevin just shrugged. "Of course not. That’s stupid." "Then let me help," Nick pleaded and his eyes were really big and really really blue. Howie was not going falling for that. No fucking way. But he bit his lip and before he could stop himself he heard his voice say "Okay," anyway and Kevin gripped his shoulder before mumbling something and disappearing back into the hall. Bastard. ** "You know," Nick started and Howie looked up from his magazine and sighed. "You need to get out more." Nick was looking around the room as though he was sizing up Howie’s entire situation and Howie cleared his throat and pointed at his foot. "No," Nick said. "I know. I meant in general." "I get out a lot," Howie said. "Well, then you should date more," Nick amended. "I don’t see you seeing anyone right now." "Well, no shit Sherlock. But I do see people," Nick said. Howie shrugged and picked up his magazine again, pointedly sticking his nose in it. "So do I." "Who?" Nick asked, reaching over to knock the magazine back into Howie’s lap. "When?" "People," Howie repeated, shaking Nick’s hand off. "I don’t parade them in front of you. That doesn’t mean they aren’t there." "When was your last date?" Nick asked. Howie just sighed and chose to ignore the question. "Hook up?" Nick pressed. "I’m trying to read here." "Kiss?" Nick tried. "Come on. Last kiss." Howie gave up and threw the magazine onto the bed. "Nick, I thought you were supposed to be helping me. This isn’t helping. This is driving me nuts." "Well you won’t talk to me." "I talk to you all the time. You never shut up." "Just answer my question," Nick insisted. "It’s an easy one." Howie sighed again and said "Diana. We went out to dinner in Richmond." Nick frowned. "I thought you said she was your cousin." "It’s not like I made out with her. It was a kiss. On the cheek." Nick rolled his eyes. "Come on. Who is the last person you kissed?" "I don’t know. It was this guy at that club last month." Nick shook his head. "I was there. There was no guy." "You were drunk," Howie pointed out. "And I wasn’t with you the entire night." "You’re lying to me," Nick said. "Why are you lying to me?" "Why are you playing twenty questions," Howie countered. "I’m trying to help," Nick insisted. He picked up Howie’s magazine and then threw it back down onto the bed, instead getting up himself and dropping into one of the chairs across the room. "You can help by leaving me alone for twenty minutes," Howie said, rolling his eyes at Nick’s dramatic display. Nick sighed and looked around the room and said "Your room is smaller than mine." Howie was going to kill Kevin. And Brian. And possibly AJ. In that order. Right after he killed Nick. ** It took Howie less than a day to decide that there was no point in worrying about this whole mess causing a re-emergence of any pesky, embarrassing, somewhat gross if Howie really stopped and thought about it, feelings. It might have taken years instead of the normal days, but Howie was definitely aware now of all the things about Nick that had normal sane people backing away slowly. ** Howie watched as Nick pulled the bedspread off the bed. "What are you doing?" "I’m going to sleep on the floor," Nick said, spreading the blanket out and grabbing some of the extra pillows that he finally called for just after Kevin abandoned Howie. "Why?" "What if I kick your foot or something in my sleep?" Nick asked. "It’s in a cast, Nick." Nick shrugged. "Still." "They don’t wash those," Howie pointed out. "You’re not supposed to sleep on them." "You aren’t? I always do." "That doesn’t surprise me," Howie said and then sighed. "You don’t have to sleep down there." "I know I don’t have to," Nick said and flopped down on top of the bedspread. He curled up on his side and then flipped to his back and flung one arm over his head, the other draped across his stomach. He stayed like that for a minute and then shifted again, turned to fluff his pillow, and settled back onto his back again. Then he noticed Howie watching him. "What?" "I really don’t think you need to worry about my foot." Nick just looked really uncomfortable. "It’ll be okay if you want to sleep in your own bed," Howie suggested. "I’ll be fine by myself for the night. Or we could have them bring up a roll away." Nick sat up then and squeezed his eyes shut. "Oh my God, okay. I’ll fucking sleep with you." Howie frowned. "I wasn’t - I mean, if you want to sleep on the floor that’s totally okay with me." "no," Nick said. He grabbed his pillow and threw it on to the bed next to Howie. "It’s too late. You’re stuck with me now." "Just do whatever you want," Howie insisted. Nick rolled his eyes and started to climb into bed beside Howie. Half way up the bed Howie put a hand out to stop him. "What now?" Nick asked and Howie couldn’t quite figure out how Nick had managed to turn everything around so all of a sudden Howie was the one being obnoxious. "Leave the bedspread on the floor," Howie said. Nick rolled his eyes again but threw the cover back to the floor before climbing under the blankets beside Howie. Howie thought he caught Nick smiling when he thought Howie wasn’t looking. "Better?" Nick asked when he was finally situated. He was turned away from Howie but he was taking up a lot of room and Howie’s arm was pressed up to the warmth of Nick’s back. "Goodnight, Nick," Howie said and Nick was asleep before Howie even got around to closing his eyes. ** Howie hadn’t shared a bed with anyone in a while. He hadn’t shared a bed with anyone as large as Nick in even longer. So when Nick woke up in the early hours of the morning, rolled over and poked Howie’s shoulder, Howie was already awake. "I’m dying in here," nick said and proceeded to kick off the blankets. Howie grunted and thought that if he had actually been sleeping he would have been pretty pissed to be woken up for this. ** It couldn’t have been long after that that Nick was suddenly freezing. "Are you awake?" Nick asked quietly. "No," Howie said and then smiled when he felt Nick’s fingers on his face feeling to see if his eyes were open. "You’re smiling," Nick said. Howie stopped smiling. "I’m freezing," Nick tried to turn in, get closer to Howie, and Howie was willing to let him until he suddenly felt Nick’s erection pressed to his leg. "Dude, get off me," Howie said and shoved Nick away. "Sorry," Nick said, suddenly realizing the problem and moving a little further across the bed. "I’m cold." "You kicked all the blankets off the bed," Howie pointed out. Nick couldn’t be that cold. He didn’t feel that cold. "Will you pick them up?" Howie coughed. "Aren’t you supposed to be waiting on me? Isn’t that why you’re here?" "Oh shit," Nick said. "I forgot. Nevermind." Nick was quiet for a minute and finally Howie said "Are you going to pick them up?" "It’s not that cold," Nick said and Howie sighed and closed his eyes and wasn’t entirely surprised when he felt Nick inch closer again, felt Nick’s body carefully press itself right up against him. As soon as Nick fell back to sleep, Howie thought. As soon as he fell asleep, Howie would pick up the damn blankets. ** Howie woke up to a freshly showered Nick leaning over him and frowning, his hair dripping cold water on Howie’s cheek. Howie squinted up at Nick and then wiped the water from his face and pulled the blankets tighter around his neck. "Where did these come from?" he mumbled. "You looked cold." "Why are you hovering?" "Come on," Nick said, pulling on Howie’s arm in an attempt to get him in an upright position. "Where am I going?" "We have to be on the bus in like two hours, dude." Howie let Nick pull him up off the bed. Nick handed him the crutches and Howie tucked them under his shoulders. "I know," Howie agreed. "I have the schedule. But that’s two hours. Shouldn’t you still be passed out? Isn’t that the routine?" "I’m helping," Nick reminded him. "Okay," Howie said, following Nick a few steps until he realized that Nick was headed for the bathroom. "Helping in what exactly." "Shower," Nick said, hooking his thumb toward the bathroom. "I don’t need your help for that." "You can’t get your foot wet," Nick reminded him. "So what?" Howie said. "I can wash myself without getting it wet." "How?" Nick asked. "By not sticking it in the tub." "That sounds like a disaster waiting to happen." "And your plan doesn’t?" Howie asked, his voice a little louder than it probably needed to be. Nick crossed his arms over his chest. "It’s not like it’s anything I haven’t seen before. I won’t look, okay? God." "Nick," Howie said, hoping that if he used Nick’s name Nick would actually listen. "You’re not helping me bathe. You can share my bed and prop my foot up all you want and you can order my room service for me and you can hold my arm and choose what plays on the television. I’ll let you do all of that, but I can wash myself. Okay?" "I’m not going to look," Nick said again but Howie stood his ground and Nick sighed dramatically. "Sharing the bed was your idea," he grumbled. "Whatever," Howie said and hobbled into the bathroom. Alone. ** Howie spent a while contemplating the shower and then decided that the sink looked much less treacherous. Sponge bath it was. He heard the door to his hotel room slam and was surprised that after all that Nick would leave him completely alone while he was in the bathroom balancing precariously on one foot while trying to remove his sweatpants. Eventually he managed to wrestle the pants off. He scrubbed at his hair in the sink, thankful for the 15 billionth time that he’d finally had the good sense to cut it all off, washed up, and started going through the clothes that Nick had shoved into his arms. No one in their right mind would ever let Nick Carter pick out their wardrobe for them, and Howie eyed the pair of pants and the t-shirt that didn’t at all match before deciding that it didn’t really matter how he looked considering that his only plans for the morning were to hobble from the hotel to his bus. It wasn’t until he was perched on the toilet seat trying to pull the pants over his cast that he realized there was going to be a problem. "Damn," Howie said. He tried pulling a little harder, but no, the leg was too narrow for his giant foot. When Howie hobbled out into the room to rummage through his suitcase, he was surprised to discover that Nick was actually still there. Nick, though, seemed even more surprised to see Howie. He jumped up from the bed, hands flying, and turned with his back to Howie until Howie said "What happened?" and then when Nick turned around again his face was bright red. "You’re not wearing any pants," Nick said and ran a hand through his hair. Nick needed a haircut. Howie looked down. He wasn’t wearing any pants, but he was wearing boxers. Nick was weird. "They don’t fit," Howie said, holding up the pants and belt in one hand as he hobbled over to his suitcase. "Over my foot, I mean." "Oh." "I thought you left," Howie said. Nick shook his head. "Kevin stopped by." "Why?" Nick shrugged. "You’re weird," Howie said. "Yeah," Nick agreed. "Cause you’re so normal." Nick watched Howie rummage through his suitcase for a while and then made a weird hiccupping noise and came to kneel beside Howie on the floor. Howie ignored him and continued rejecting one pair of pants after another. He was going to get stuck in sweatpants for six weeks, he could already tell. Eventually he felt Nick touch his shoulder, and then the touch disappeared, and then it was back, the press of Nick’s fingers against his arm, just below the edge of his t-shirt sleeve. "What?" Howie said, his head still pretty much inside his suitcase. "Nothing," Nick said, and then touched him again. "What are you doing?" "Helping you look for pants." "I can find my own pants," Howie said. "And how is poking me helping?" "Yeah," Nick agreed. "Well, I’m lying anyway." "Lying about what?" Howie asked and when he turned to look warily at Nick he realized too late that he shouldn’t have turned at all, because Nick’s hands were reaching for him and Howie wasn’t quick enough with the crutches to get out of the way, and also he was on his knees on the floor, and Nick’s hands were on either side of Howie’s face, pulling Howie closer. Howie pushed at Nick’s shoulder and lost his balance and started to tip backward. His leg cramped up and his right arm flailed in an attempt to regain his composure. "Shit," Nick said and reached out to steady Howie but in doing so got too close to Howie’s flailing arm which happened to be holding Howie’s belt that Howie wouldn’t be able to wear anyway because he’d never fit any of his pants over his club foot. "Shit," Nick cursed again, this time in pain, as he fell backward onto his ass. "Fuck. Shit." His hand covered his eye and he curled in on himself on the floor. Howie stared stupidly at the belt in his hand and then reached out for Nick. "Shit," Howie agreed. "Shit. Are you okay?’ "No, I’m not okay," Nick said, his hand still over his right eye. "I think it fell out. Is it on the floor?" "Nick," Howie said and reached out to pull Nick’s hand away. "Let me see." "Ouch," Nick said and he fought when Howie tried to pull his hand away. "Ow. Fuck.’ "Can you see?" "Fuck," Nick said again. "Nicky," Howie said, his hand wrapped around Nick’s wrist. "Try to open it, Nick." Nick let Howie take his hand from his eye and he started making faces. He could open his eye and Howie could see that his eyeball was still there, but it was watering and it looked like it hurt and Nick was still cursing and so Howie called in their security. ** Howie wasn’t able to go to the hospital with Nick. Kevin went instead. Howie wondered how Nick was explaining this one. "Not even two days," AJ sniffed. "He didn’t even last two days before you decided it was time to kill him." "It was an accident," Howie grumbled. AJ coughed and it sounded suspiciously like the word ‘revenge.’ Brian laughed and then called Kevin to see how things were going at the hospital. "He just scratched something in there. His eye was mostly protected by his contact," Brian said. "But this is the good part. They’re making him wear a patch." "A patch?" Howie repeated. AJ snorted. "So now we’ve got one of you with a peg leg and the other with a patch over his eye? Classic." ** "Don’t laugh," Nick said from the hallway when he and Kevin finally returned. AJ laughed and Brian slapped him and Kevin suppressed a smile from where he stood behind Nick and Howie gave Nick a hug and said "Sorry, man." Nick shrugged. "Guess we’re even, right?" ** Nick had been wearing the patch for two days and AJ had taken to calling him Cyclops. Keith warned Nick not to poke out his eye every time Nick picked up something even remotely sharp and Kevin kept warning Howie not to stand too close to Nick because now that Nick had no depth perception Howie could very easily end up with another broken bone. Brian just looked like he was enjoying the entire thing entirely too much. Howie, for his part, felt guilty until AJ started permanently referring to him as Peg Leg. Howie still felt guilty after that, just not for the stupid nicknames. He took Nick out to dinner at a restaurant in Boston that was far from his own favorite but had a menu full of food Nick loved. Nick gave Howie a funny one-eyed look but agreed to go anyway and they both ate way too much and drew way too much attention to themselves what with the ridiculous injuries they were sporting and all. Keith, sitting at the table next to them with Drew, coughed every time Nick picked up his dinner knife. Less than a week later a picture of Nick taken by someone at the restaurant showed up in the tabloids suggesting that he’d been punched in the eye during a bar brawl with the boyfriend of a girl he’d been making out with in a dark corner of the club. Howie wasn’t mentioned in the blurb at all. Howie’s ankle was old news. Nick laughed when Andre handed him the paper and then threw the tabloid in the trash. "Kinda wish it was true, huh?" AJ asked. "You’d still have one eye, but at least you’d be getting some action." Another magazine suggested a battle with his bodyguard. Now in addition to the warnings and cautionary coughs, whenever Nick annoyed Keith (which seemed to be pretty often) Keith pointed at his right eye and growled at Nick. He seemed to think it was hilarious. It kind of was. "I’m going to fire him one of these days," Nick said, but even so, he was smiling. ** Kevin never bothered to ask Howie if Nick was cheating anymore. As it was Nick only had a month left before he was free to do whatever and whoever he wanted. "You don’t think he’s trying to cheat?" Howie asked after several days of Kevin not checking up on him. Kevin shrugged. "He’s with you all the time, man. He’s kind of weird about you." "Yeah, apparently Nick gets weird when he breaks someone’s ankle," Howie said. "Who knew? But anyway, he’s not with me right now," Howie pointed out and Kevin just gave him a look. Nick was across the room talking to Marcus and Q and in between nodding and contributing to the conversation he kept glancing over to see if Howie and Kevin were still there. "He’s probably not planning to cheat with Marcus or Q," Howie conceded. Kevin laughed. ** Nick was sitting there staring at Howie with his one good eye and had been for about twenty minutes now and Howie was almost almost tempted to temporarily blind Nick completely. Almost. Mostly he was just really really uncomfortable and self conscious. "Seriously, what are you doing?" Howie asked. "Nothing," Nick said. It was the same response Nick gave the first time Howie asked too. "Is my hair sticking up funny or something?" Howie asked and patted at the top of his head. "No, your hair looks good," Nick said absently and Howie squinted at him. "Thanks. Is there something in my teeth?" "No," Nick said and shook his head. He blinked (or winked. It was hard to say) and then looked at Howie again, a small frown on his face. "Okay," Howie sighed. "You’re freaking me out." "Oh," Nick said and then turned half way before turning back to Howie and holding up his hands. "Oh," he said again. Howie frowned at him. What the hell? "Okay," Nick said and turned toward the door one more time. "I’ll - I’ll be right back." "Okay," Howie said slowly. If walking wasn’t such a pain in the ass, Howie thought it would probably be a good time to go hide out in Brian’s room. ** "Alright," Nick said, sitting down next to Howie on the bed. He slapped the signed piece of paper onto Howie’s knee. "Alright, what." "Alright, here’s the deal," Nick said, and poked at Howie’s knee through the sheet of paper. "I see that." "No first, I would like you to note that the bet specifies women," Nick said, and Howie looked and saw that Nick had highlighted the passage. "Where did you get a highlighter?" "Who cares." "Actually," Howie pointed. "It says ‘ladies’." "Yeah," Nick agreed. "AJ wrote it. The point is it’s a loophole." "Oh God," Howie moaned and shoved the paper off his knee. Ten minutes ago definitely would have been an excellent time to pay a visit to Brian. Brian would have let him hide out. Well, maybe. "You see my point?" "Do I want to?" Howie asked. Nick pushed his shoulder. "My point is, I really want to kiss you and not just cause I want to get off, man -" "It’s because you want to get off," Howie countered and wondered how in the world they’d gotten back around to this. "A little," Nick conceded. "But I want to kiss you and I think you might want to kiss me back except where you’re being all responsible and uptight and suddenly straight." "Nicky. You’re straight." "And you used to straighten your hair so close enough." "Is this how you pick up girls?" "I don’t pick up girls. Girls pick up me." "God knows why." "Oh, come on, Howie," Nick sighed. Howie eyed Nick and Nick grinned and tried to look hopeful but with the eye patch he mostly just looked like a deranged pirate. "Howie," Nick said again and the smile was gone. "Howie, I’m going to kiss you. Howie shook his head. "No, you aren’t." "Please don’t poke out my other eye," Nick said and then leaned in. ** The last thing that Howie planned to do was let Nick kiss him. For one thing, he was Nick. Then there was the bet. And the fact that Nick was usually pretty much not very gay. The determination not to go back down this road. The shit he’d probably get if AJ found out. Not to mention Kevin. Also, he was nervous and there was a high possibility that kissing Howie wouldn’t be very good for Nick and Nick might even laugh at him. Then there was the momentary "ew, gross" factor that came with the idea of kissing someone Howie knew before he hit puberty. And really, those were only a very few of the reasons that Howie had no intention of kissing Nick ever. On the cheek, sure. Lips sliding over lips and anything involving tongue? No way. Unfortunately, Nick had other ideas and was leaning in to kiss Howie for the third time, and Nick was staring at him with all kinds of hopeful questions in his one good eye and Howie did feel a little guilty about that whole eye thing. And okay, so Howie, in a moment of weakness or delusion or insanity or something, let Nick kiss him. And Howie kissed Nick back. And it was good. Howie wasn’t sure if the fact that Nick was a little rusty (if not having sex for what? Two months? Could possibly make someone rusty) made the whole thing better, but he didn’t really care too much because the kiss was really really really hot and Nick didn’t sound like he would be laughing at Howie anytime soon and before Howie knew it Nick was over him, straddling him, and Nick’s hands were in Howie’s hair and Nick’s erection was pressed against Howie’s thigh and right, that was enough of that. Kissing was one thing. Kissing was confusing enough. "Okay," Howie said, and broke the kiss, pushed at Nick’s shoulder. "Okay. Get your hard on off of me." "Howie," Nick said, his breath warm on Howie’s cheek. Nick tasted surprisingly of toothpaste and Howie had a feeling that Nick made sure to brush his teeth when he went back to retrieve his loophole. He couldn’t decide if that was cocky of Nick or really kind of considerate and nice. He decided he didn’t really care. "I’m not having sex with you," Howie said. He thought maybe if he said it out loud it would all be a little more convincing. Kissing Nick was one thing. That was bad enough, but sex would lead to other things and other things would lead to feelings, and Howie thought it best if he stay unattached. Unattached from Nick. "Okay," Nick agreed and ran a hand through his hair. He was still straddling Howie, looking down at him, looking at his mouth. Fuck, this was messed up. "I’m not," Howie said again. "Okay," Nick nodded and kept staring. "Fuck," Howie cursed and grabbed the front of Nick’s t-shirt and pulled Nick down again. Nick had sex all the time without getting all tangled up in a big mess. There was no reason that Howie couldn’t too. ** Howie didn’t have sex with Nick. He thought he was probably glad about that. The moment of insanity and delusion and weakness ended just as Nick went to remove Howie’s shirt. "Wait," Howie said. Nick waited and licked Howie’s ear a little and waited some more and then his fingers started skittering down Howie’s chest toward his pants. Howie took a deep breath, closed his eyes and said it again. "Wait." "For real?" Nick asked. "I’m not sure," Howie admitted. Nick sat up a little, ran a hand up and across Howie’s shoulder and then said "Do you want - I don’t know. We can just make out. Save the good stuff for a little while." Howie nodded. "Let’s try that," he said. "Okay," Nick whispered, his lips to Howie’s neck. "But you have to promise you won’t tell." "Tell who?" Howie asked innocently. Nick nuzzled Howie’s neck a little more and Howie was a little embarrassed by his moan. "Can I tell Keith?" he asked, because if he didn’t keep talking he though he fall back into that moment and that moment led to attachment and attachment was the last thing Howie needed when he only had a month before it would be time for Nick to move on. "God," Nick said and he actually bit Howie a little and Howie jumped. "If you tell Keith I think I’ll literally kill you." Howie laughed. ** He convinced himself that it was the bet. The bet and his ankle. He was in no condition for sex. "You don’t really need your ankle for sex," Nick pointed out a few hours after the making out had started. "You pretty much just kneel or lay there. You can do those things." But really, Nick wasn’t pushing too hard. "AJ might have hidden cameras in here," Howie suggested when Nick’s hand tried to slip beneath the elastic of his sweatpants. "Geez," Nick said, and the hand disappeared. "You’re fucked up." "They’ll come after you." "They’ll come after you too, man." Howie shrugged and kissed the tip of Nick’s nose and then Nick’s chin. "I doubt it. They like me." "Hey," Nick protested. It was followed by a pout and Howie kissed that too. "They like me too." Howie nodded indulgently. "They do!" Nick said, loud, and pushed Howie out of his lap. "Come on! I keep things interesting." Howie untangled himself from Nick’s legs. He couldn’t argue with that. "We’re doing this again, right?" Nick asked and then answered himself. "We’re doing this again." "I don’t know," Howie said. Howie did not need to go back there. "No," Nick said and kissed his neck. "We’re doing it again." "We’ll see," Howie said, unsure. ** They did it again. Wasting away the few hours before they had to be on the bus with kisses that curled Howie’s toes and touches that were way too short. Once they were on the bus, Nick tried to keep his hands to himself. AJ didn’t have a camera in the hotel room, Nick assured Howie, but there could be one on the bus. Buses were fair game. Howie knew that wasn’t it. The real problem with the bus was that even though they were far in the back, Marcus and Keith were hanging out just twenty feet forward watching television and doing other bodyguard-ish things. Hiding in the bathroom and conversing over walkie talkies. Ending each sentences with "over" and staring the next with "roger that." "I wish we had a bodyguard named Roger," Nick sighed, his fingers playing in Howie’s hair. ** The problem with secretly messing about with Nick was that Nick was awful at doing anything secretly. Three days after it started Nick started opening doors for Howie, which was just ridiculous anyway, and it had Brian giving Howie all kinds of strange looks. Nick shrugged and held the door open for Brian too and then pointed out the cast on Howie’s foot and let the door shut on the backs of Brian’s heels. ** Howie kind of figured that if he held out on the sex, Nick would get bored and occupy himself with something else. And then Howie could pick up which ever little pieces of himself had gotten knocked out of place and go back to the way things were supposed to be. The way where Nick was just gross annoying Nick again and Howie was unattached and unaware of the things Nick was capable of doing with his tongue. The problem was that Nick wasn’t getting bored and Howie could feel the pieces starting to fall. A week later and it was still happening. Howie was pretty sure he’d never kissed this much in his entire life. "God," Nick said and traced his fingers through the hair at Howie’s temples. "Do you think -" Nick started and then stopped and kissed Howie again before continuing. "You know how like if you’re blind or deaf or whatever, supposedly all your other senses work better?" "yeah," Howie agreed. "Do you think that’s why this is so - I mean, I’m wearing a fucking pirate patch. Is that why this feels so good?" "I think it feels good because it’s a secret," Howie said. "Because you know we shouldn’t be doing this -" "It feels good because we aren’t really doing much of anything at all," Nick interrupted. "Dude, seriously. It’s all I can fucking think about." Howie thought Nick was more than right, but he finished his thought anyway "It feels good because you’re going behind Kevin’s back." "And AJ’s," Nick said. "But Kevin’s is the really satisfying back to go behind," Howie said and Nick’s one good eye squinted at him. "Stop checking out Kevin’s ass," Nick said. ** "What are we doing?" Nick asked, his lips pressed to the inside of Howie’s elbow. "Cheating the system," Howie said, and combed the fingers of his free hand through Nick’s hair, his fingers getting caught in the band that held the eye patch in place. "Kevin and AJ aren’t the system," Nick pointed out. Howie shrugged. "For a few more weeks they are, right? And then you can go back to doing what you usually do and I’ll go back to doing what I usually do and until then we have this." "You don’t usually do anything," Nick said, his lips at Howie’s wrist. "Yes, I do," Howie said. "What if we want to keep doing this? In a few weeks?" "I do a lot of things," Howie protested and then moaned a little when Nick’s tongue licked across his palm. "You’re always lying to me," Nick said and his breath tickled the hairs on the back of Howie’s hand. ** "What are you getting out of this deal?" Nick asked, shortly after one of their now very routine make out rituals. "Why are you letting me kiss you like this?" "You aren’t a bad kisser," Howie offered. Nick was quiet for a little while, his lips pressing periodically to the soft hair at the top of Howie’s head. Finally he shifted and made a small noise in his throat like he had a question that he didn’t want to ask. "What?" Howie prodded, craning his head so that he could sort of see Nick’s face, but could mostly just see up Nick’s nose. "Who was the last person you kissed before me?" Nick asked. "Kissed kissed. Your cousin doesn’t count." "I don’t remember," Howie admitted. "Why not? I remember the last person I kissed before you." "You don’t remember her name." "I remember the important things. I remember that she liked copper jewelry and that she tasted like grape because that was her favorite kind of gum. I remember that she wants to be a kindergarten teacher and that she works in a daycare center. And I think her name was Kim." "I don’t remember the last person I kissed," Howie said. "Why not?" Nick asked again. Howie shrugged. "I’m unattached." They fell into another quiet space and then eventually Nick moved, rolled a little until he was beside Howie, and then threw his leg over and turned so that he could look down at Howie’s face. "I don’t know what that means," Nick said and Howie wasn’t sure he really did either and instead of answering he let Nick kiss him because kissing Nick was easier. Kissing Nick was easy. ** Howie thought that they all must know. There was no way they didn’t know. Twice now AJ had almost caught them kissing in the dressing now. Kevin once found them curled up together in a dark corner backstage. "They know," Howie said. "They have to know." "They don’t know," Nick said and then he rolled his eye. Nick was the master of the eye roll and even with only one eye it was still pretty effective. "It’s so obvious," Howie said. "Kevin caught you with your hand on my thigh, Nick." "Kevin’s stupid though," Nick pointed out. "Not that stupid." "Dude, just ask him if you’re so worried about it." Howie made a face. "You’re an ass." "You love me anyway," Nick said and Howie just shrugged but he had a feeling he might be blushing a little. He spent the rest of the day reminding himself not to get too comfortable. He only had what? Two weeks left? He wouldn’t get attached. It wasn’t going to be easy. ** Howie watched Nick follow Kevin across the stage, amusing himself by making bizarre one-eyed faces at Kevin’s oblivious back. When he saw Howie watching he put hooked his fingers near his head in what Howie assumed was supposed to represent devil horns. And then he stuck out his tongue. Howie tried not to encourage him. "Nick’s weird again," Brian said. "Did you notice? Kind of tense all the time. In a good mood though. Definitely in a good mood." Howie shrugged. "I guess." "He’s not driving you insane?" Brian asked. "Nah. He’s okay. It took a little getting used to but -" "But you poked out his eye and put him in his place?" Brian suggested. Howie laughed. "Something like that." Brian and Howie watched as Nick pretended to kick Kevin in the ass only to unexpectedly get tackled from behind by a stealthy AJ, who as far as Howie could tell came out of nowhere to jump onto Nick’s back. Nick stumbled forward into Kevin, who whipped around only to collide with Nick who was already unsteady due to the sudden addition of AJ and all three of them ended up in a pile on the stage. "Ooh," Brian said. "That looked like it hurt." "Nobody better have broken anything," Howie added and Brian laughed and Kevin shoved Nick off of him and said "What the hell?!" and Nick pointed at AJ. "My fault," AJ admitted and Nick cackled and tackled AJ, tried to roll him across the stage. AJ yelled for help and even tried to wave Brian over, but Brian just smiled and pretended he didn’t see the goings on at all. "You started it," Nick said and then yelped and Howie had a feeling that AJ might have bitten him. "Dude-" AJ said suddenly, freezing. Brian did look then. Nick’s face was bright red and AJ was staring at him and then suddenly AJ jumped up, brushed himself off, and did a little dance complete with waving hands and grossed out noises. When the dance was finished AJ stopped and pointed down at Nick who was still on the stage. "Dude, seriously. If you can’t control it then just keep it off of me." That was when Kevin started chuckling. "It’s your damn fault," Nick retorted, looking past AJ at Howie and making a face that clearly read "oops!" "Yeah, well, I can’t help it," AJ snorted. "I make everyone hard. Seriously, man. Keep it to yourself. You could poke an eye out with that thing." Nick’s hand immediately flew up to the eye patch. "Dude," he said. "Low. Ew." Kevin’s chuckling had become more of a cackle. Kevin seemed to think it was the most hysterical thing he had ever heard. "Shut up," AJ said, poking Kevin’s shoulder. "You wouldn’t think it was so funny if he was trying to hump you. He’s worse than my dog, man." Nick, for his part, other than the blush that was already disappearing from his cheeks, seemed remarkably unembarrassed by the whole thing. "Whatever," he said, pushing himself up from the stage. "Get over it." "Oh," AJ retorted. I’m over it all right." Nick knocked AJ’s hat off his head and then said "Where did Drew and Keith go anyway?" and wandered off to harass someone new, or appeared to anyway. Howie had a feeling though that he wasn’t the only one that noticed Nick turning back every few steps to shoot meaningful one-eyed glances Howie’s way, an attempt to lure Howie backstage and away from the others. "Well," Brian said, suddenly, and Howie had almost forgotten that Brian was standing right there. "I’m glad he’s happy, anyway." He patted Howie’s shoulder. "And you don’t look too bad yourself." ** "Brian knows," Howie said. "He does not," Nick insisted. "How do you know?" "Listen," Nick said, slowly, like Howie might be a little too stupid to follow him. "Do you see any of Kevin’s dirty underwear hanging around? Have I been slipped any laxatives? No. Has my hair been permanently died blue because they mixed some shit with my shampoo? Nope. I’m telling you, man. They don’t know." Howie looked doubtful. "And anyway," Nick continued, watching Howie pick at one of his finger nails. "Who cares if they do?" Howie looked up. "You don’t?" Nick shrugged. "Blue hair wouldn’t be the end of the world." ** Andre caught Nick helping Howie off his bus by lifting Howie up and throwing him over his shoulder. He snapped several pictures of it and when Nick saw him taking them he put Howie down and made a big show of kissing Howie’s cheeks for the camera. Howie tried to shove him off but it just resulted in Nick licking his chin. "Gross," Howie said. "Andre loved it." "That man has to have the most interesting photo album in the history of ever," Howie said. "Yeah," Nick agreed. "Better keep him on our good side." A few days later AJ caught them backstage and said "Dude, what the fuck was going on in the parking lot? I was all excited when Andre showed me the pictures. Thought I was finally going to get to start with making your life miserable the AJ McLean way, but then it turned out it was just Howard. Seriously, man. You stood there and let him lick you? That’s nasty." Howie shrugged. "I can’t move very fast." AJ nodded. "Good point." He turned to Nick. "Taking advantage of a cripple. That’s just low." "I’m a cripple too," Nick said, and pointed to his eye. "Yeah, okay," AJ said and then he was gone. "An eye patch doesn’t make you a cripple," Howie pointed out. "Shut up." ** "Do you still feel guilty about my eye?" Nick asked in between stuffing French fries into his mouth. He glanced over at Keith who had his nose stuck in a newspaper and appeared to be ignoring them. Howie poked at his burger and shrugged. "I’m not happy that I hit you in the face with a belt if that’s what you mean." "But like, you aren’t like trying to make up for it?" Nick asked. Howie shrugged. "No. You broke my ankle." "Okay," Nick said. Howie frowned and poked at his bun a little harder. Is that was this was? Nick trying to make up for breaking Howie’s ankle? Howie’d thought Nick was just horny and willing to go after whatever was available. "How’s your burger?" "You want it?" Howie asked, pushing the food aside. He wasn’t really that hungry. Nick grabbed the burger and put it beside what remained of his own. He eyed Keith again and then said "See, some people know how to share." "You can afford to get your own damn burgers," Keith grumbled from behind his newspaper. "I’m firing him next week," Nick informed Howie. "I never get the cool bodyguards." ** "I’m going to help you bathe," Nick announced, as soon as he returned from whatever it was that he spent the afternoon doing with AJ and Marcus. One thing, ever since Howie poked out Nick’s eye and started letting Nick kiss him, Nick was much more willing to give Howie a little alone time and a heck of a lot less afraid that Howie would somehow injure himself any further than Nick had already injured him. Possibly because Nick now realized that Howie was more likely to accidentally injure Nick. "I can bathe myself," Howie said. And they were back to this again. "Yes," Nick agreed. "You can. But what fun is that? And anyway, you need a real bath, not like whatever you’ve been doing." Howie frowned and sniffed a little. "Do I smell?" "I don’t know. Let me check." He got up nice and close, leaned in, and then started sniffing Howie’s neck, his nose pressed to Howie’s skin. It tickled. A lot. "Okay, Nick," Howie said, laughing and trying to push Nick off of him. "Okay." "Oh good," Nick said, hopping back and turning to start the water. Howie removed his pants (specially tailored to fit over a large cast. Sometimes it paid to be an international popstar) and then frowned when Nick handed him a plastic bag. "What’s this?" "It’s for your foot." "Why?" "You can’t get it wet." Howie slipped the plastic over his cast and Nick tied it in place. "Well, I feel sexy," Howie said, holding up his foot to examine it. "Dude, whatever. You’re becoming a sarcastic bitch with old age, you know that? What happened to my happy blushing Howie? Where did he go, anyway? You’re naked. That’s more than good enough for me." "But only because you only have one eye," Howie pointed out. "And aren’t allowed to sleep with me." "Yeah," Nick agreed and then winked (blinked?). "We should discuss that." "Later," Howie said, and then pushed Nick away when he got a little too close. "Okay. I take what I can get," Nick admitted. "Now get in the tub." Nick got Howie situated in the tub with only a minimal amount of excessive groping. Howie was kind of impressed. Nick got Howie arranged so that his busted up foot hung over the edge far from the threat of water. It wasn’t the most comfortable thing ever, but the water was warm and - "Did you put something smelly in here?" "You don’t like it?" "No," Howie shook his head and took a deep breath. "I do. It’s nice." "I don’t know what it is. A fan gave it to me." Howie shut his eyes. He wasn’t good with smells and he couldn’t identify this one, but he could tell it was something flowery. Something kind of girly. It was nice. When he opened his eyes Nick was sitting on the edge of the tub, his finger hovering an inch above Howie’s right nipple. "Do I even want to know?" Howie asked. "I’m not touching you," Nick said and then grinned. "You’re kidding," Howie said. "We’re back to this too?" Nick’s finger traveled a little to point at Howie’s belly button instead. "Still not touching." "You’ve been touching me plenty," Howie said and sank down a little further in the water, ignoring his leg’s threat to cramp up on him. "Not enough," Nick disagreed. His finger slid down a little lower and then he flashed a grin at Howie, his one eye shining, and the finger traveled back up and pointed innocently at Howie’s nose. "Still not - hey" Howie grabbed Nick’s finger and bit the end of it, licked the tip, and then released it and smiled up at Nick. Nick wiped his finger on his pants and tried unsuccessfully to look disgusted. "No touching," he said. "Ew." Howie shrugged and bent the knee of his good leg, rested it against the wall. Nick cleared his throat and stood up. "You can probably take it from here," he said. "I’m going to go - I’m going to go do something. Call me when you need help getting out." "You’re leaving?" Howie asked, sitting up in the tub, and then his leg did cramp up a little and he yelped and sank back down. Nick sat down on the toilet seat a little farther from Howie and crossed his legs. "Remember that movie with that guy from Pearl Harbor where he couldn’t have sex for 40 days and he gets that girl off with just like his breath and some flower petals?" Howie shifted in the tub. "I don’t think I saw that." "40 days isn’t a very long time. It’s not even half of three months," Nick noted and then he pressed his fingers to the knee that Howie had draped over the side of the tub. "That guy from Pearl Harbor is a wimp." "Yeah," Howie agreed. Nick paused and Howie had a feeling he knew what was going to come next. "You wanna try that thing with the breathing?" Yep. He knew it. "No." "Yes you do," Nick said. He got up from his perch on the toilet and sat back down on the edge of the tub. "Come on." "What?" Howie said, suddenly feeling really kind of trapped in his flowery bath. "Here?" "We can start here," Nick nodded, leaning closer. "I’m trying to bathe." "You keep doing that. I’m not even going to touch you." "Nick," Howie protested, but Nick’s face was right up close to him now, one blue eye looking right at him, his expression completely serious. Howie couldn’t help it. He cracked a smile. And Nick, for once, didn’t smile back. Uh oh. Nick’s nostrils flared and Howie’s smile grew a little wider and he kind of felt bad for laughing, but then, could anyone blame him? He had a glaring one eyed man breathing heavily two inches from his face. Come on. Nick closed his eye and leaned in closer and Howie thought Nick had already called it quits and planned to kiss him, but no, Nick was just moving a little to breathe heavily on Howie’s jaw and then down a little lower to Howie’s neck. Howie squirmed in the tub. "Nick," Howie said. "Let’s at least - the bedroom." Nick didn’t say anything, just leaned a little closer, a little further over the bath, and his breath fluttered behind Howie’s right ear. It was hot, it was turning Howie on, but it was also awkward, what with Howie’s leg uncomfortably cramped and Nick perched precariously on the edge of the bath. Howie’s hand ran up Nick’s arm and circled his elbow. Nick stopped and pulled away. "Dude," Nick said, finally cracking a smile. "What don’t you understand about no touching?" "Sorry," Howie said and quickly removed his hand from Nick’s arm. "Is it working?" Nick asked and then glanced down quickly, and when he looked back up his grin was wider. "Shut up," Howie sniffed. He wanted to touch Nick. "Okay," Nick said, and leaned over again, this time to do his weird uneven breathing on Howie’s left nipple. Howie looked at the top of Nick’s head and resisted the urge to touch Nick’s hair. Nick still needed a haircut, but it was starting to grow on Howie. Nick turned his attention to the other nipple and Howie started to squirm, wishing they could just quit this, wishing Nick would just touch him already, more than ready to give in and let Nick lose his damn idiotic bet. What could AJ and Kevin possibly do that could be worse than this torture? Screw not getting attached. Howie was fucking attached. He wanted to be attached. His leg cramped up and he arched his back, tried to straighten it, and kicked Nick’s leg. Nick immediately backed away and eyed Howie. Howie coughed and wouldn’t quite return Nick’s gaze, slightly embarrassed suddenly. Nick’s breathing traveled slowly down Howie’s stomach, and Howie’s hand gripped the edge of the tub, careful not to bump against Nick’s arm. He looked down at Nick and thought he saw Nick smile, and then Nick made a face and suddenly dunked his face right into the tub, the bubbles irregular and erratic due to Nick’s laughing. "Sorry," Nick laughed, his giggles small and high pitched. "Sorry. I couldn’t help it." Howie snorted and pushed Nick’s hair out of his eyes. "You’re an idiot. I love you anyway." Nick stopped laughing and sniffed a little as water dripped from his nose. "Do you?" Nick asked, and Howie balked. He didn’t mean to say it. Or he did, but he didn’t mean to be taken seriously. Yes, he’d just given up and admitted to himself that he was probably failing at the whole attachment issue. He’d failed at suppressing old feelings from re-emerging weeks ago, he’d already admitted that, but he really thought he could at least keep a little distance, a little bit of a buffer zone to keep himself safe when the day came that Nick wasn’t stuck with Howie as his only option. He couldn’t let go of that. "Your patch is soaked," Howie said and Nick shrugged and wiped at some of the water dripping down his face. He looked like he was still waiting for Howie to answer the questiong. Howie’s leg cramped up again then and Howie jumped, tried to straighten it and let Nick help him out of the tub. "You smell all flowery," Nick commented, scrubbing Howie down with a towel. He leaned in and kissed the corner of Howie’s mouth, then kissed him full on the lips and Howie had a feeling that his buffer zone was a complete invisible joke. ** "How are things going?" Kevin asked when Howie sat down on the bench beside him and started removing his one shoe. Getting ready for a show took a hell of a lot longer when one foot was enclosed in a cast and the one person who was supposed to help him change wasn’t allowed near him while he changed in public because he couldn’t be trusted to keep his hands to himself. Howie shrugged. Things were kind of a mess. They were also pretty damn "good," Howie said and shrugged out of his jacket. "Nick staying with you hasn’t been a problem? No crumbs in the bed? No bathing issues?" Howie shook his head. "Nah. I told you I was over it." "Was?" Kevin asked, smiled a little, and then stood, collected Howie’s clothes, and handed them to Howie. "Thanks," Howie said, and took the clothes from Kevin’s arms. "He drove me a little nuts there at first, like I said, everything’s settled down and we’re getting along great. I get my cast off in a few days, the bet’s over, and things will go back to normal. Things are fine." "Well, good," Kevin said Howie pretended that he didn’t see Kevin give him a look before he disappeared into the shower room. There was no way Kevin didn’t know. Nick might think Kevin had a head full of bricks, but Howie knew better. He had no idea why Kevin wasn’t doing anything about it, but Howie was positive that Kevin knew there was something going on. He was starting to think that maybe there really was a camera on Nick's bus. ** "It hasn’t been six weeks," Nick said when Howie started preparing for the visit to his doctor to have his cast removed. "It has," Howie said. "And just think, by the time I get back you’ll be able to sleep with whoever the hell you want again." "It’s about time, right?" Nick said, but he didn’t look at Howie when he said it. Howie smiled. "What if I come with you?" Nick suggested. "It’s just two days and the whole thing was my fault anyway. You shouldn’t have to go alone." There it was again. Still guilty. Howie shook his head. "We have that radio thing. You should be here for that." "Fuck it," Nick said and sighed when Howie kissed his hair, Nick’s forehead, Nick’s mouth. "Can we still do this?" Nick asked. "When you come back?" Howie wanted to say yes. Instead he asked "Why?" ** "Everything looks great," the doctor said as he slowly turned Howie’s ankle one way and then the other. "Great," Howie agreed. Nick had asked if they could do it again when Howie got back and Howie had asked why. Why would you want to? had been the whole question, really, but that wasn’t what he’d asked. "Why?" Nick just shrugged and said "Nevermind." The doctor was talking about physical therapy and strengthening exercises and Howie’s ankle was yellow with iodine and it was stupid to ever think he could do any of this without getting attached. Howie always got attached. ** Nick knocked on his door ten minutes after Howie got back. When Howie opened the door, Nick kissed him, pushed Howie back into the room and kicked the door shut behind them. "What are you doing?" Howie asked. "I thought you’d be out on the town." "I fucked up," Nick said and started pulling Howie’s shirt up and over Howie’s head. "Fucked up how?" Howie asked. "I went out last night. We all did. Me and Kev and AJ." "What did you do?" Howie asked and when he felt Nick’s hand at the buttons of his jeans, he pressed his own hand to Nick’s in an attempt to still Nick’s fidgeting fingers. "Another three months," Nick said, already breathless, his breath warm on Howie’s naked shoulder. "Another what?" Howie repeated as he slowly removed Nick’s fingers from the vicinity of his jeans. "Three months," Nick repeated. "The bet’s extended." "Why?" Howie asked. "Are you nuts?" "No," Nick said. Nick took a step back. "Wait, are you pissed?" he asked. Howie crossed his arms over his bare chest. He wasn’t pissed. He was worried. Another three months and Howie wasn’t sure there’d be any pieces left for him to bother putting back together when it was over. "Of course not." "You sound mad," Nick continued. "I’m not," Howie said and took two steps closer to Nick. "I’m just surprised is all." "I mean, I’m not saying - you don’t have to keep doing this," Nick said, pulling his hands away from Howie’s. "We can stop if you want to." Howie had counted on stopping. "I know," Howie said. "I’m not like trying to use you or anything," Nick said. Howie’s arm dropped back down to his side. He frowned and said "I never thought that you were." Nick nodded and let down his guard a little, let Howie get closer again. "Sorry," Nick said, wrapping his arms around Howie and pressing his nose into Howie’s hair. "I’m weird." "I know," Howie agreed. ** "You extended the bet?" Howie asked, cornering AJ as AJ stepped off the bus early into the afternoon. "Hey, if it isn’t Peg Leg," AJ said and pointed to Howie’s foot. "I guess I need to come up with a new nickname now, huh?" "AJ," Howie prodded. "Hey, man. It was Nick’s idea, not mine." "How drunk was he?" Howie asked, his hand on AJ’s arm to stop AJ from continuing on into the hotel. AJ bit his lip and looked at Howie’s hand on his arm. "Did he even remember when he woke up yesterday?" Howie asked. "He’d had one drink," AJ said and looked up at Howie. Howie paused. "What?" "Are you guys messing around?" AJ asked then, shaking Howie’s hand from his arm and turning to face Howie completely. "Of course not," Howie said immediately. AJ frowned. "I think he’s in love with you." Howie laughed. "Howie," AJ said, suddenly very serious. "I heard him talking about it with Kev. He’s all messed up over you. Something about you not wanting to kiss him." Howie shook his head. "He can’t be." AJ shrugged. "I thought maybe, you were together all the time, I thought maybe something happened." "It was nothing," Howie said. It was supposed to be nothing. AJ eyed him, shrugged, and then started walking toward the hotel. "You better tell Nick that, man." ** Howie watched Nick amuse himself with a game of solitaire that he’d never win because he didn’t have a full deck of cards. Howie was pretty sure none of them were playing with full decks anymore. AJ thought that Nick loved him, but what did AJ know? AJ knew what he heard from eavesdropping and it wouldn’t be the first time that AJ got them all in trouble through faulty eavesdropping. Half the time AJ couldn’t hear for shit and he just made stuff up to fill in the blanks. It seemed much more likely to Howie that if the extension of the bet was really Nick’s idea - "Is it because you think I’ll sleep with you?" Howie asked, suddenly. "What?" Nick asked, looking up from the cards spread out on the bed. "The three more months," Howie clarified. Nick shrugged and poked at his cards. "I was drunk." "You’re lying," Howie said. "You won’t sleep with me?" Nick asked, switching tactics, and his voice was just a tiny bit smaller than it was a moment before. Almost imperceptible enough that Howie thought he might have imagined it. Howie shook his head. "Ever?" Nick asked. "No." "That’s okay," Nick said after a moment’s pause. He nodded and chewed on his lip a little before he continued. "that’s all right. It’s not about that. It never was except for maybe two minutes and that was way before the ankle thing, way before the eye and the kisses." "Why then?" "You never want to sleep with me?" Nick asked again, a question for a question. Howie sighed. "Nick, it’s not like - I do want to. And no. I won’t." Nick frowned at him and Howie could see the confusion in his good eye. "I don’t get it." Howie wasn’t sure he could explain. He wasn’t sure he even knew the reason anymore. "I’ve known you forever. You’re my little brother and my friend and the last thing I ever want to do is ruin that for a few nights of fun." "Why only a few nights?" Nick asked. Howie waved a hand toward Nick. "Because. You’re you. And I’m - I’m afraid to get too attached to you." "I don’t understand what that means," Nick admitted. "If you don’t want this why have you stuck with me all this time? Why have you let me love you?" "That’s not - Howie started. He went over the words in his head and then paused. "Wait. Let you love me?" "I mean, I get it, because I was guilty about the ankle thing too. I get what you’re doing, but you don’t have to do this just to make up for hitting me in the eye, Howie." Howie blinked. "I wasn’t - I thought you - you love me?" "Of course I do," Nick said and shrugged as though that was everyday news. "And it’s okay, I mean, people don’t usually - you guys always say I fall in love in like fifteen minutes or less, and I get that. so it’s not like I expect you to, you know, what’s the word? Reciprocate my feelings right now, but I don’t get why you don’t want to at least try. I mean, all the kissing. Did it really suck or something?" Howie laughed. "You don’t expect me to reciprocate your feelings," he repeated. "Well, no," Nick said. "I mean, I love you, man. Like I really think I might be in love with you. Tell me if I’m freaking you out. I’ll stop talking about it if you want me too." "No," Howie said and held up a hand. "No, don’t stop." He stood up from his chair and sat on the edge of the bed instead. Nick’s stacks of cards shifted under his weight. "Anyway, I told Keith that I thought I might be, you know, in love and he was all like ‘just take it slow. Howie’s skittish, don’t scare him off.’ And I tried to, I did. I wasn’t going to say anything, but then you know, it was a fast six weeks and without the bet and without the ankle there wasn’t really any reason for you to stay. You said so yourself." Howie shut his eyes. He wasn’t keeping up with this. "Wait. Nick." Howie reached out a hand to encircle Nick’s wrist. "Slow down so I can keep up. You think you’re in love with me." Nick nodded. "I am in love with you." "And you told Keith. Keith who you know can’t keep his mouth shut and has never even pretended that he could." "He gives good advice!" Nick protested. Howie shook his head. "Nick, where do you think Keith gets his advice from? He gets it from Kevin, who bribes Keith to tell him what you’re up to. He gets it from Brian and maybe even from AJ." Though AJ seemed pretty oblivious as far as Howie could tell. "Probably not so much from AJ this time." Nick brought his hand to his mouth, pressed his fingers against his chin. "So I guess they know then." "I told you they did," Howie said. "Well, then why isn’t my hair blue?" Nick asked, his face screwed up in new puzzlement. "Because Kevin also knew something that I told him," Howie admitted. "What?" "He hoped that the bet would give you a chance to settle down, find someone normal or whatever, I don’t know. He’s Kevin, he has weird ideas about things." Howie started. "You told Keith that you thought you were in love with me -" "I am in love with you," Nick said again, and Howie was pretty sure he probably blushed that time. It wasn’t becoming any easier to believe. "You told Keith that you are in love with me," Howie amended. "He tells Kevin as soon as Kevin slips him a little extra cash and Kevin’s all for it because Kevin is the only person I ever told about the fact that I’ve been in love with you off and on for five years." "Wait, what?" Nick asked now that it was his turn. He shoved his cards aside and a few fell off the edge of the bed and fluttered to the floor. "So now," Howie continued, ignoring Nick. "Kevin figured he could play matchmaker simply by keeping it to himself that he knew anything at all. The easiest game of matchmaker ever. Kevin got to sit there and be all secretly smug just watching things unravel while we did all the work ourselves. Well, almost all, I have my suspicions involving Brian and those girls that slipped into the sound check and resulted in my broken ankle." "What?" Nick said again. "Wait, repeat that." "I blame Brian for breaking my ankle?" Howie asked and tried to hide his smile. He knew exactly what Nick was asking him to repeat and Howie thought that maybe, maybe, he might finally be ready to repeat it. "Not that," Nick said. He reached out and pulled Howie closer by the sleeve of his shirt. "Not that," he said and kissed Howie hard on the mouth. "I’ve kind of been in love with you for five years," Howie said, low against Nick’s lips. "Why didn’t you - you should have said something!" Nick slapped Howie’s shoulder and Howie made a face and rubbed at his arm. "You’re an idiot," Nick said sharply. "You were straight, I thought," Howie protested "I thought I’d get over it, that as long as I didn’t get too attached it would go away." "So what now?" Nick asked, his eye not leaving Howie for a second. "I think I’m already pretty attached," Howie admitted. Nick smiled and kissed Howie again. "Oh good. Me too. Me too. And you aren’t planning to run off all relieved because the stupid bet extension idea was just a lame made up excuse to try to convince you that you could possibly love me too or at least get you to stay with me a little while longer?" "Nope," Howie grinned and then rolled his eyes at himself. "I don’t think I need any more convincing in that area. And I’m definitely not planning to go anywhere. Not now." "And you won't leave when my eye is better and you no longer have to feel guilty that I'm stuck wearing this eye patch?" Nick asked and pointed to his eye. "I don't feel that guilty about that," Howie admitted. Nick sighed in relief and pulled the patch off over his head. "I was allowed to stop wearing this thing two weeks ago, but I didn't because I was afraid it might be part of the reason you were staying with me." Nick looked at him with both eyes for the first time in a while and Howie shook his head. "You're so weird." "Okay, last one. And you’re not really planning to never sleep with me ever, right?" Nick asked and bit his lip. "We can talk about it later," Howie said, and winked. Nick looked relieved. "Oh, thank God. You had me a little worried there." Howie laughed and Nick leaned in again to kiss Howie’s smile. "Wait," Nick said, suddenly, and pulled Howie up from the bed. "There’s one more thing." "What?" Howie asked. He let Nick drag him toward the door and watched as Nick flung open the door to the hallway. "Keith," Nick said. Keith looked up from the magazine he was holding. "Come here for a second, man." "What happened?" Keith asked, his tone a little wary. "What did you do?" He eyed Howie for a moment until he seemed satisfied that Howie was still in one piece. "I didn’t do anything," Nick said. "I just want to show you -" And with that Nick pushed Howie up against the wall just inside of the room and pressed his lips to Howie’s, slid his tongue across Howie’s lower lip and Howie moaned into the kiss, licked at Nick’s teeth, battled Nick for control. He felt Nick’s knee come up to pin Howie closer to the wall and Howie tightened his grip on Nick’s shoulders, placed small quick kisses along the line of Nick’s lips and then deepened the kiss once more and this time it was Nick’s turn to moan, moan and then pull away just when Howie had forgotten that they had an open hotel room and a bodyguard audience two steps away. Howie tried to regain his composure, straighten his shirt, but mostly he wanted to shut the door in Keith’s face and push Nick up against it, continue where they left off. Keith just stood there and blinked at them. "That it?" he asked with a shrug and a blank expression and Howie couldn’t help it. He laughed. "Yeah," Nick said sounding a little less amused than Howie. "That’s it." Keith shrugged again, but Howie saw him smile as he turned to go. "Wait," Nick said, and he was grinning a little now too. "Wait. One more thing." "What’s that?" Keith asked, suppressing the smile as he turned to glace at them again. "Tell Kevin the bet’s off," Nick said and shut the door in Keith’s face. Back/Home/Feedback