The engagement was the last straw. AJ knew it when even Brian paused in his congratulatory back-patting to turn and shoot AJ a hysterically confused look. And then AJ glanced over and saw Leigh grinning and showing off her ring to Leighanne and that was it. AJ wasn't going to put up with it anymore. He was beyond sick of this act.

"Howie," AJ said when Howie was standing in front of him waiting for his hug. "Howie, my man. Congratulations, but you're gay."

"Thanks," Howie said and then stopped smiling for a second and added, "What?"

"You're gay, dude," AJ repeated as he pulled Howie in for his hug. Howie wasn't so much willing to hug back anymore and AJ said it quietly. Howie needed to know, but Leigh was standing right there and apparently she was blind and completely oblivious.

"What?" Howie asked again.

"I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this," AJ said, not willing to release Howie from his grip until Howie got it. AJ really kind of thought Kevin should be the one to break the news to Howie. Kevin was good at this kind of thing. It was just like Kevin to decide to get a life right before Howie decided to let his delusions escalate to such a dangerous level. "But I think it's something you should really really know in light of, you know, things."

"I don't get it," Howie said and pulled out of AJ's hug. He brushed off the sleeve of his shirt and frowned at AJ and didn't smile again until Nick yanked at his shoulder and then wrapped an arm around his neck.

AJ turned, caught Brian's eye, and shrugged.

Apparently the closet was pretty fucking deep. A walk-in. And Howie was back there curled up behind the mountain of shoes with his fingers stuck petulantly in his ears.

**

"What the fuck. I'm not gay," Howie said as soon as AJ opened his front door.

"Yeah," AJ said with a shrug. "You are. You came all the way over here for this?"

Howie pushed past AJ and into AJ's house. "How the hell would you know?"

"Dude, everyone knows. Also, Albany."

"Albany?" Howie repeated.

"2001."

Howie snorted. "We were drunk. I'm surprised you even remember that night."

"I remember you groping my ass and laughing and then moaning in my ear and saying 'this is so gay. I'm so gay'."

"Drunk," Howie repeated with a wave of his hand. He wasn't quite meeting AJ's eye anymore.

"Okay," AJ conceded, though drunk really wasn't much of an excuse in that case and while AJ had definitely been trashed, he wasn't entirely convinced that Howie was more than slightly intoxicated during the whole thing. "What about Nick?"

"What about him?" Howie asked.

"You're not going to tell me that there wasn't a time, a long time, when you were absolutely very obviously lusting after the big idiot."

Howie looked horrified and AJ watched as the tips of Howie's ears turned a bright angry red. "No! God, no. What is wrong with you?" Howie sputtered and scrunched up his face dramatically in disgust and then turned on his heel and disappeared back out AJ's front door, slamming it as he went.

God, Howie was gay.

AJ pulled his cellphone from his pocket, scrolled down to Howie's name and hit send.

"What?" Howie said.

"You slept with Lance Bass, and I don't know if you remember, man, but Lance? He came out."

"I hate you," Howie said and hung up the phone.

**

Howie avoided AJ for a few weeks. For a while before the Dinner Party of Engagement Doom, Howie was carpooling to the studio with AJ and Nick. Nick was admittedly preoccupied with family shenanigans, but still, it took two weeks before Nick noticed Howie's absence in the car.

"What the hell happened to Howie?" Nick asked as AJ pulled into Nick's driveway on the second day of the second week of Howie avoiding AJ.

"Identity crisis," AJ said.

"Someone stole his credit card again?"

AJ shrugged. "Something like that."

"Weird," Nick said, and then dropped the subject entirely until the drive back from the studio, during which Nick noticed that Howie wasn't riding home with them either.

"Is he pissed at me? Is this about the TV thing?"

"Nah," AJ said, and nudged Nick's knee. Nick wasn't usually reassured unless the reassuring included a pat or a squeeze of some sort. "Howie loves you, man."

"Okay," Nick agreed, but he still sounded a little doubtful. Which was probably understandable, seeing as, other than the studio stuff, they were all sort of steering clear of Nick in an attempt to steer clear of Nick's cameras. At first Nick was offended, upset that Brian wanted to be blurred out if they did happen to get footage of him, and it took two weeks of Brian hugging Nick every time Nick arrived at the studio for Brian to convince Nick that he didn't hate him, he just didn't want to be on the show.

"You wanna come in?" Nick asked, as AJ rolled the car into his driveway. AJ looked at the house doubtfully and flinched when Nick reached over and squeezed the back of his neck with one giant clammy hand. "Don't worry, dawg. My sisters and the cameras are gone for the day." AJ nodded and followed Nick to the house. He wasn't going to make them blur him out, but he thought Brian probably had the right idea. AJ really didn't want to end up on Nick's cracked out reality show.

"Anyway," Nick said, leading AJ into the kitchen, "You'd think he'd keep a better eye on his shit. You want a sandwich?"

"What?"

"You said he lost his credit card," Nick reminded him.

"Brian?"

"Howie. This morning. In the car."

"Oh, yeah, no," AJ said and then eyed Nick. "Hey, what would you do if Howie hit on you?"

Nick made a face. "Howie's engaged."

"But, like, if he wasn't."

Nick thought about it for a second and then said, "Didn't you sleep with Howie one time?"

AJ waved his hands around. "We're not talking about me here, Nick. We're talking about you. I just want you to consider, for a minute, what you would do if you found out that our boy Howie had all kinds of unrequited feelings for you."

Nick scrunched up his nose. "But Howie thinks I'm gross."

"He does not. Will you just play along for a minute? Please?"

"But it's like, he's like my brother. That's like - ew, dude. You slept with Howie. That's like if I slept with Aaron and - oh god, I think I might barf. Do you want this sandwich? I can't eat it now."

"Whatever," AJ said, irritated, but he ate the sandwich when Nick handed it to him and only later, on his drive home, did it occur to AJ to ask if there were any hidden stationary cameras in the house.

**

"So Howie's pissed," Brian said when he ran into AJ in the studio hallway.

"No shit," AJ agreed. "He'll get over it."

Brian looked doubtful. "Johnny brought in a copy of a rider to be okayed the other day - I guess they're like doing this stuff in advance for once, I don't know - anyway, Howie ripped your name off the top of his copy."

"Really?" AJ asked, surprised. "That's very Nick of him. Have you seen Nick?"

"Yeah," Brian agreed. "I thought so too."

"Also, why don't I get to okay the rider?"

"You would if you and Nick could get your butts out of bed. I've gotta say, at least now Howie actually shows up on time and I'm not just sitting around for hours twiddling my thumbs and waiting for y'all."

"I am out of bed on time," AJ grumbled. "Seriously, is it my fault that Nick's living in a house surrounded by shrieking psychos and cameras? I'm not going in there and I know you're not going in there, so you're all just going to have to sit and wait while I call Nick from his driveway and wait for him to escape from the hellhole every morning, okay?"

"You could just make him drive himself, you know. He has a car. He's got like four of 'em."

"I'm afraid that if he drives himself he'll bring the cameras with him. Like barnacles or something."

**

"Are there cameras in your kitchen?" AJ asked when he finally found Nick in the bathroom yelling at someone on the phone.

"What?" Nick asked, his hand over his cellphone. "Can you give me a minute? BJ, no! Don't let him - Just ask them to wait until - BJ! I'm trying to talk to you!"

**

After two and a half weeks Howie came up to AJ in the parking lot of the studio and said "I'm probably over reacting, aren't I?"

AJ wanted to say that Howie was probably under reacting, considering that Howie still thought he was straight and all, but instead he said, "Apology accepted."

"Well," Howie clarified. "I'm not really apologizing, because you're like way off base, man, but we have an album to do and you're my friend, so let's just forget about it, okay? And also because I want you in the wedding."

"You're kidding," AJ said and Howie just smiled back all clueless and gay.

**

Okay, so Howie was speaking to him again. That was a good sign. Howie was also still completely and totally delusional. Not so good.

"Seriously," Brian said when AJ called him to tell him the news. "Howie thinks that I'm more gay than he is."

"You are kind of flamey," AJ agreed.

"Yeah?" Brian asked, and to his credit, sounded like he was actually considering it.

"So what should I do?" AJ asked.

"Since when am I the mastermind behind this whole operation?"

"You're always the mastermind," AJ said as sweetly as he possibly could with a cigarette hanging out of the corner of his mouth.

"Yeah," Brian said. "Okay. What do we know?"

"We know that he's gay. We know that we fucked once, which is pretty much proof right there - Also, remember that time that he and Lance -"

"Howie slept with Lance?" Brian asked.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Wait," Brian interrupted. "Am I more flamey than you?"

"Yes," AJ said immediately. "Moving on. We know that he's wanted Nick forever."

"Set them up," Brian jumped in.

"Thanks," AJ said. "That'll work. Great plan, genius. Anyway, I already thought of it and when I suggested as much to Nick he nearly barfed on me."

"Get him drunk," Brian suggested. "Nick, I mean. It worked for you."

"Shut up. You're being denoted."

"Demoted."

"Right," AJ agreed. "And now you're fired."

**

So Brian had no ideas, at least not any good ones, and Kevin wasn't answering his phone, which probably had nothing to do with the four messages that AJ left him yelling about Howie and Kevin shirking his responsibilities to them as people, as brothers, and really, how could he just sit back and let Howie go through with this without even trying to stop him? Which was the very short version. By the fourth message AJ was pretty sure he wouldn't have called himself back either.

So instead he called Brian again because Brian was actually answering his phone. "Meet me at Howie's tomorrow at 6."

"Why?"

"Come on, man. It's like, remember when you guys broke into my house? Like that. That was very effective."

"AJ," Brian sighed.

"Whatever, I know it's not the same thing. Just meet me there, okay?"

**

AJ had to knock about 15 times before Howie actually answered the door.

"Oh," Howie said and moved aside so that AJ could enter.

"I guess you're happy to see me?" AJ commented. He followed Howie upstairs and into Howie's bedroom where he promptly began poking at the numerous hair products spread out across the dresser.

"Leigh and I are heading out to dinner," Howie said and then started digging around in one of the drawers. He cursed a little, threw a pair of jeans onto the floor and then climbed into the closet to get at the rest of his clothes.

"Um," AJ started, not quite sure how to start now that he was actually standing there.

"Hey," Howie said, poking his head out of the door. "I've gotta go look at all these tuxes that Leigh picked out and tell her which looks the best. You wanna give your opinion?"

"On tuxes?"

"You're good with clothes."

"Howie," AJ sighed. "I think maybe we should talk -"

And that was when there was another knock at the door.

"That's her," Howie said as he poked his head out. "Answer it. But don't talk to her."

"Cause she won't think that's at all weird," AJ said as he left the bedroom.

**

"You're not Brian," AJ said, opening the door to let Nick in.

Nick checked himself out, even tried to look at the backs of his knees. "I hope not," he said. "Brian's funny looking."

"What are you doing here?"

"I don't know," Nick shrugged. "Brian said to meet you guys here at six."

"So Brian's not even coming, is he?"

Nick shrugged.

"Typical," AJ sighed.

"Where's Howie?" Nick asked, and AJ led Nick up the stairs and into Howie's bedroom.

"Where is he?" Nick asked again after a quick scan of the bedroom.

AJ hooked a thumb toward the closet door. "He's in the closet," AJ said, and raised his eyebrows, waited for Nick to get the significance.

"Why are you making that face?" Nick asked. The irony of the whole thing was entirely lost on Nick. Figured.

"Howie," Nick barked.

"Why are you here?" Howie groaned from somewhere in the closet.

"I kinda thought I was invited," Nick said. He looked offended.

"I'm going out to dinner with Leigh," Howie said from behind a large stack of folded sweaters.

"Then why are we here?" Nick asked.

"That's what I want to know," Howie said and emerged from the closet. Howie glared at AJ and twisted something black and sparkly in his hands. AJ could tell Howie was wishing it was his neck. Nick reached out to grab it from Howie's hand but Howie was too quick for that shit and pulled it away in time.

"You're wearing that to dinner?" Nick asked, his hand still out as though Howie'd suddenly change his mind and hand the shirt over.

"Maybe," Howie sniffed. "I haven't decided."

AJ raised his eyebrows.

"No," Howie stammered, suddenly seemingly paranoid to have them standing in his bedroom watching him. "No, I'm not wearing this." He shoved it into Nick's hands and then disappeared back into the closet. Nick shut the door after him.

"AJ, what am I doing here?'

"I don't really know what you're doing here," AJ said.

Nick poked AJ in the chest and then shoved the sparkly shirt in AJ's hands. "You think I'm so stupid," Nick said. "You're trying to set me up with Howie! Brian said you might."

AJ made a noise as though Nick's suggestion was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard. "What? I don't - Brian's such a fucking traitor."

"I don't want you to set me up with Howie," Nick said. "I don't want Howie."

"Ouch," AJ said, and pressed the sparkly shirt to his chest.

"Howie is straight," Nick said as though he really couldn't believe that he had to state something so fucking obvious.

AJ shrugged. "That's debatable. Listen, I just figured if we - meaning Brian and I - tried to talk to him again. He won't listen to me and he sure as hell won't listen to you, but everyone listens to Brian and Kevin."

"No one listens to Kevin."

"Okay, well, I listen to Kevin and everyone listens to Brian, so maybe if Brian just tells him that this is a really really really bad idea he'll understand and -"

"Howie's happy. Leave him alone."

"Guys?" Howie said from inside the closet.

"How can he be?! Howie. Is. Gay!" AJ hissed and he knew he was acting like Nick, but he was talking to Nick so maybe this was the way to get his point across. He stomped his feet on the floor. "He wants dick! He wants, I don't know, You!" Nick opened his mouth to protest again. "Or somebody else who is not you!" AJ added quickly.

Nick took a deep breath. "Dude," he said and put a hand on AJ's shoulder. "Calm down."

"I'm calm," AJ said, and knocked Nick's hands away.

"Guys?" Howie said again.

"What?" AJ snapped.

"Can you guys open the door? Please?"

"You open it."

"I'm trying," Howie grunted. "It sticks and there's no handle in here. And is Nicky leaning on it?"

"Oh," Nick said, and jumped away from the door. He yanked it open and Howie punched him in the arm. "Ow."

"Leigh is downstairs in the driveway," Howie said and pulled a sports jacket over the cream shirt he'd chosen.

"How do you know?" Nick asked and peered in the closet, for windows, or so AJ assumed.

Howie waved his cellphone at Nick.

"Oh."

"She said there's a camera man and bunch of cars and she didn't want to come in if there was some kind of scene or fight happening."

"You brought a camera man?" AJ asked and looked pointedly at Nick.

Nick shrugged. "He's waiting in the car."

"I'm leaving," Howie said. "Don't burn my house down. Turn on the alarm when you leave. And you better be gone when I get back."

"Bye, Howie," Nick said. They stood in Howie's bedroom and listened to Howie's feet on the stairs, to the front door shutting and the sound of a car horn.

AJ looked around.

"No," Nick said and grabbed AJ's arm, pulling him out of Howie's bedroom and toward the stairs.

"You don't even know what I was going to do."

"You were going to ransack Howie's room for like gay porn of something, dude. Do you know how messed up that is?"

AJ sighed and let Nick lead him down the stairs and into the front hall. "Sometimes it freaks me out that you know me as well as you do."

"It freaks me out that you don't know me enough to know that I would not want to do anything sexy with Howie ever," Nick sniffed.

AJ stopped paying attention to Nick's whining and glanced out the front window. "That guy actually is waiting in your car."

"I know," Nick said. "I told him to."

"And he listened. Huh."

Nick punched some buttons on Howie's alarm and then went to open the front door, stopped with his hand on the knob. "So like, how come you didn't freak when Kevin or Brian got hitched?"

"Because Kevin and Brian aren't gay, Nick," AJ said, and he really couldn't believe he had to explain this again.

"Are you jealous or something?"

"Of what?" AJ asked. "Of Howie?" AJ had been close to the altar. AJ had been really really close and he'd fucked it up. "No, I'm not - I mean, Sarah and I, that was a long time ago. I'm not jealous of Howie."

Nick nodded and opened the front door, letting AJ walk out onto the porch before closing it behind him and making sure it was locked. The camera guy picked up his camera, steadied it, and started filming Nick and AJ on Howie's front porch.

"I want to be edited out of this episode," AJ said and nodded toward the camera man, smiled.

"Come on," Nick sighed. "You all suck, you know that? E! is going to bitch about this."

"I don't care," AJ said, and waved to the camera. "I'll see you later, Nicholas."

Nick slapped AJ on the back and started toward his SUV. Halfway there he turned around and pointed at AJ. "I meant are you jealous of Leigh," he said, and then jogged the rest of the distance to his car.

AJ stood on Howie's front porch, his hands on his hips and watched Nick and his barnacle pull out of the driveway. "Jealous of Leigh?" AJ repeated.

**

"I was thinking vests, of course," Howie said. "Maybe, you know, that match the bridesmaid dresses. Um, for the wedding party. Not for me. I'll wear a vest too, but it won't be purple. Unless - do you think it should be purple?"

"Purple," AJ repeated.

"Leigh chose purple," Howie explained. "We like purple."

"Queens like purple."

"What?" Howie asked and held up a vest for AJ's opinion. "I don't get it."

AJ shook his head. "Purple's the color of royalty, is all."

"After we're done here Leigh wants us to meet her to check out some china that she likes." Howie shoved a vest into AJ's hands. "Try this on."

AJ looked at the vest. "Are you happy?"

Howie pushed a tux at AJ. "No. We're not doing this here. I'm happy, AJ. You know that Leigh is a great girl. A great girl."

"And she loves you," AJ said. He dumped the tux that Howie's handed him on another rack and picked up a different one, waving it at Howie and adding it to Howie's stack.

"And she loves me," Howie agreed. He touched the lapels of the tuxedo that AJ chose.

"And the sex is good?" AJ asked. "Like 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you' good?"

"Um," Howie said. He set down the stack of tuxedos and his face turned a little red.

"What?" AJ asked. "It's not?"

"We haven't - I mean, we've, you know, been intimate, but we haven't - Leigh has this thing. All of her previous relationships have fallen apart and she thinks maybe it's because the relationships were so focused on sex, which makes sense, really. She wanted - she wants - we decided to let the relationship develop on its own, you know? Emotionally, mentally, and hold off on the physical stuff until we really knew what we wanted and what it would mean. I mean, not all the physical stuff. Just the um, the big one."

"Howie," AJ said, and he didn't mean to sound disappointed or disapproving and he didn't want to come off like he thought Howie was delusional, but really. "You're waiting to have sex until you're married."

"We're waiting until we're ready," Howie amended.

"You don't want to have sex with your fiancée."

"No," Howie said. "I do."

"Howie," AJ said, and he knew he'd said it before, but there was no way he couldn't say it now. "You're - are you sure you're not gay? You're sure Leigh's not gay?"

Howie sighed. "I'm getting married. Will you just shut up and help me pick out tuxedos?"

**

Brian took a bite of the salad, chewing quietly. He poked at a tomato and then speared it with his fork and set it aside. He wiped his mouth with his napkin, sipped his Coke, and then looked up at AJ.

"Why are you watching me eat?"

AJ looked down at his untouched sandwich and then back at Brian. "Did you wait until marriage with Leighanne?"

"For what?" Brian asked and poked a little more at the tomato.

"For sex, asshole."

Brian made a face and then laughed, surprised. "No."

"I didn't think so."

Brian picked up his fork and then set it back down. "Come on," he said. "You know I didn't. Why are you asking me this?"

AJ shrugged. "Howie and Leigh? Yeah. They're waiting."

Brian seemed to think about this for a second and then said. "Good for them."

"He says it's her idea, but man. You know why."

Brian shrugged. "Maybe they have an arrangement. They seem kind of happy to me."

"You don't have a problem with the fact that their marriage will be a lie?"

Brian shrugged again. "If they're being honest with each other than it's not a lie. Maybe they are, AJ. Being honest with each other."

"Then why won't they be honest with us?" AJ asked and flicked a slice of pickle with his finger.

"Because it's none of your business?" Brian suggested.

"Howie's my friend," AJ said. "Also, I don't think they've told people yet. I mean, like public people. I don't think the engagement is public."

"He's my friend too," Brian shrugged. "And I think that if there is something Howie wants us to know then Howie will tell us. Until then, I think Howie seems happy. It was a surprise, yes. I agree. But Howie seems happy and therefore I am happy for him."

AJ crumpled his napkin and dropped it on his food. "You always always have to be so fucking reasonable. I hate that about you, you know?"

**

"AJ," Howie said, shortly after getting in the car. "I wanted to talk to you."

"Yeah?" AJ asked. He pulled out of Howie's driveway and headed toward Nick's house.

"I know things haven't been - things have been kind of weird with us," Howie started.

"Yeah," AJ agreed. "What do you want to talk about?"

"I'm getting married," Howie said.

"Yes," AJ agreed. "I know."

Howie nodded and then was quiet.

After a minute AJ nodded too and turned up the radio.

"I'm getting married," Howie said again as AJ pulled into Nick's driveway.

"You're getting married," AJ said. He put the car into park and then pulled out his cellphone to call Nick. Honking the horn didn't seem to work anymore.

"I'm getting married," Howie said a third time. "And you're - You're my friend. I know that you don't, for some reason, you're not happy for me. I know that, AJ. But you're my best friend and I want you to be there. I want you to be my best man."

"Oh," AJ said and snapped his cellphone shut. He wasn't that surprised that Howie would want him - them - in the wedding. He'd kind of thought that Howie would choose his brother as a best man. Nick, maybe. Not AJ. Not after everything. "I'm - I'm happy for you. I really am, Howie."

He wasn't unhappy for Howie. He was worried. Howie and Leigh, it just didn't add up to AJ. It didn't add up to Brian either, though for some reason Brian had decided to stop admitting to that fact. AJ'd never seen Howie and Leigh as any sort of serious relationship. He'd seen them as friends, casual. Okay, AJ really had seen her as a beard. And even while choosing ridiculous off the rack tuxedos and talking about strange abstinence choices, AJ never gave an actual wedding much thought.

But maybe Brian was right. Maybe Howie really was as happy as he said that he was with Leigh. Maybe this really was what Howie wanted. What Howie really wanted. AJ had to be happy for him. Howie'd found the person he wanted to spend the rest of his life with and he'd asked that person to marry him. And now he was asking AJ to be the best man. Best man.

"I'm happy," Howie said. He reached over and squeezed AJ's knee. AJ placed his hand over Howie's for a moment and then moved it back to the steering wheel. "AJ."

AJ shook his head. "Of course I'll be your best man, you idiot."

Howie laughed. "I wasn't sure."

"You're such a fucking moron," AJ said and then he laughed a little too, wiped his right eye with the back of his hand. "You thought I'd really say no?"

Howie leaned forward and looked at AJ. "Was that a tear? You're crying?"

AJ slapped him. "I'm happy for you, okay? We should call Nick."

"You've always been a giant sap," Howie said and then reached over and honked the horn a few times.

**

AJ paced the men's room, glad there was no one else there. He'd been gone a while. Someone, probably Brian, would come looking for him soon.

He stopped and looked in the mirror, blinked at his reflection.

"I'm fucking jealous," he said. "Fuck."

**

AJ found Nick spread out across his bed.

"Nick," AJ said, and Nick jumped in surprise.

"You're in the house," Nick said. He looked around, most likely to see if there was a camera guy lurking somewhere.

"I am," AJ agreed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his flip-flops.

"Why?"

"I've kinda gotta talk to you," AJ said.

"Here?"

"I was kinda hoping we could leave here," AJ admitted.

"Can't," Nick said.

AJ looked around. "Why not? You're not doing anything."

"It's in my contract," Nick said. "I have to be here, like, a certain number of hours a day or week or whatever and I'm going out with Brent and Drew and Marcus tonight, so I have to be here now."

"Drew and Marcus? Are you like paying them? Think you're going to get mobbed?"

"No," Nick said. "For fun."

"Our bodyguards agreed to hang out with you by choice?"

"You hang out with Marcus sometimes," Nick pointed out.

"But Marcus likes me," AJ said. "The bodyguards all hate you."

"They do?"

"Of course they do," AJ shrugged. "You're a jackass, man."

"Fuck you," Nick said. "What do you want anyway?"

"I want to talk to you without cameras," AJ said.

Nick shrugged. "Too bad."

"Nick," AJ snapped and the name sounded like a curse. He grabbed Nick's ankle and pulled. Nick squeaked and landed on the floor.

"Come on," AJ said, and dragged Nick into Nick's closet, shutting the door behind them. "Are there cameras in here?"

Nick huffed and refused to answer AJ and then finally crossed his arms over his chest, leaned against the door and said, "No."

AJ looked around. Nick's clothes were thrown all over the place, and there were some undoubtedly dirty underwear on the shelf right next to AJ's head, but there wasn't any sign of cameras and AJ decided Nick was probably telling the truth.

"I think I might have feelings for Howie," he said.

Nick chewed on his finger nail and eyed AJ.

"Well?" AJ said.

Nick shrugged. "Brian and I guessed this a week ago. Kevin agrees. I think even Howie probably knows."

"Howie doesn't know," AJ said.

Nick shrugged again, the fifteen zillionth time in the last fifteen minutes. It made AJ want to slap him. Except that slapping was kind of girly. Kind of Howie, really. Punch. It made AJ want to punch him.

"What's that?" AJ asked and mimicked Nick's shrug.

"Nothing," Nick said. "Just you're kind of obvious. You've been following Howie around and telling him he's gay and talking about the time you had sex with him, which is just gross by the way. I mean, Howie would have to be pretty stupid not to figure it out."

AJ squinted. "So you all think Howie's really straight."

"Nah," Nick said. "I don't know. Brian thinks he's gay but has chosen not to be, and I guess that's okay with Brian as long as Howie's happy and Brian thinks Howie seems happy. I think he's just Howie. He's always been strange. Kevin doesn't give a shit as long as you stop calling him and freaking out on his answering machine."

"You guys are all discussing this and yet I ask for help and Brian sends you instead and you bring cameras and Kevin won't even talk to me. This is fucked up. I feel like I'm you."

"I don't get it," Nick said.

AJ looked around the closet again. "I know you don't." Nick had several dresses hanging in the back of his closet. AJ didn't even want to know.

Nick was smiling when AJ looked at him again. "What?"

"We're in a closet," Nick grinned. "You're in the closet."

AJ sighed and pushed Nick away from the door. "I hate you. That contract thing was complete bullshit, wasn't it. You don't have to be here right now."

"Yes."

"I hate you," AJ said again.

"You love me," Nick called from the closet as AJ left his room.

"I really don't!" AJ yelled back and then blocked the lens of the camera guy he passed in the hallway. "And I want to be edited out of this episode!"

**

"AJ," Howie said, walking into his living room from wherever he was in the house. AJ was lounging on the couch, flipping stations on Howie's TV.

"Yeah?"

"When did you get here?"

AJ looked at his watch. "Half an hour ago."

"Well, make yourself comfortable," Howie said.

AJ smiled and shifted on the couch. Howie shoved his hands in his pockets and looked around at his own living room. Probably wondering why he ever gave AJ a key to the place. Eventually he sighed and sat heavily in a large leather chair, staring straight ahead. AJ knew that Howie could tell that AJ's eyes were on him. Howie was refusing to look back.

AJ continued to watch Howie. He tried to suppress his smile. Howie was chewing his bottom lip now, eyes firmly glued to the television. The fingers of Howie's right hand tugged a little at his jeans and then scratched at the arm of the chair instead. It was pretty fucking adorable, and AJ could feel it. His smile had become a fucking dumbass cheesy grin. AJ hated himself.

Howie coughed and then turned to AJ and AJ wiped the smile from his face and looked concerned.

"You okay?" AJ asked. "Your face is a little red."

Howie frowned and rubbed absently at his cheek. His face wasn't actually red at all.

"I've been thinking," Howie started.

"'Bout what?" AJ cut in. There was no arguing that Howie was endearing in his own cute dorky way. There were plenty of men and women who wanted to fold Howie up, put him in their pocket, and bring him home with them.

AJ was positive that he could not be one of those people.

He didn't go for cute. He went for loud and garish. He didn't go for subtle charm or quirky good looks. He went for in your face. It simply did not make any sense to AJ that he would have feelings for someone like Howie. He wasn't sure what those feelings were. He thought that he remembered the sex being awesome, but he was trashed and high and he had a feeling that the sex was probably pretty awful. Maybe AJ was mistaking what was happening here for jealousy, for feelings. AJ loved Howie, there was no question about that, but it seemed improbable that AJ was in love with Howie. Maybe AJ just -

Howie blinked at him, confused. It was pretty fucking cute. AJ's mouth twitched and he tried not to start smiling again.

"Why do you keep looking at me like that?" Howie asked. He climbed out of his chair and took a few steps toward the hall.

"You're fun to look at like that," AJ said.

Howie moved to stand behind the couch, his hands leaning on the back beside AJ's head.

Howie looked down at AJ and started again. "I was thinking -"

"The sex was really bad, wasn't it," AJ said. It wasn't a question.

"What sex?" Howie asked, clearly surprised and suddenly a little defensive. His hands curled back off the couch.

"You and me."

Howie sighed. "AJ - it was. I don't remember."

AJ nodded. "I do, but I don't think I remember it right."

"It probably wasn't very good," Howie agreed. He scratched his fingers through the hair at the back of AJ's neck, like he was scratching a pet or something. AJ leaned into it. "Awkward, probably."

"Yeah."

"Listen," Howie said. "I don't want you to throw me a bachelor party, okay? I just - it just occurred to me what a bachelor party thrown by you would be like, and I definitely do not want one. Okay?"

AJ shrugged. It was almost as though Howie'd been thinking about it too. The large boobs and the black eyeliner. Loud laughter and quick tongues. Howie knew he wasn't compatible with AJ's usual menu.

Fuck, that sounded awful.

"AJ." The phone rang and Howie started backing out of the room, but he continued to give AJ a warning look.

AJ huffed and turned back toward the television. "What? You're saying you don't like Playboy bunnies? Girls jumping out of cakes? Howie, it's practically un-American. Or at least pretty -"

Howie threw something and hit AJ in the back of the head.

"Ow," AJ said, rubbed the back of his head, and peered over the edge of the couch. "A magazine? Nice. You're definitely getting a bachelor party now, dude. Sickest bachelor party ever. Nick will be hung over for days."

**

AJ continued to knock until his knuckles started to burn and then he pulled out his cellphone and called.

"What?" Kevin asked after the second ring.

"Finally," AJ said. "I'm at your front door. Your car is here. Open it already."

"I have more than one car."

"I know you're here. I'm going to come through a window. Did I do something to piss you off?"

"I'm really not there, actually," Kevin said. "Kris and I are on our way home though."

"I'm going to wait," AJ said.

"Are you okay? You can - I think one of the windows in the kitchen is unlocked. You'll have to jump the back gate but -"

"I'll just wait here," AJ sighed.

**

Kristin rushed to AJ as soon as the car pulled into the driveway. Kevin actually waited until he parked it and then walked over at a normal pace. They ushered AJ inside, shoved a glass of iced tea in his hand, and parked him at a stool in the kitchen.

"What happened?" Kristin asked, concerned.

"What did you do?" Kevin asked, and folded his arms over his chest. That was more like it.

"It's not me, really," AJ started. He sipped the iced tea. It was unsweetened and he set it back down on the counter. "It's Howie."

Kevin gestured toward AJ and looked at Kristin. "I told you. You almost got us a speeding ticket and I told you it was going to be about this."

Kristin shrugged.

"Do you two want some privacy?" Kristin asked, and it was pretty fucking obvious that she knew every detail of what had been happening as narrated to her by Kevin who had had the story filtered down to him by Brian and Nick, who were liars anyway. There wasn't really much point in Kristin leaving now.

"Howie's gay," AJ said. "And I want him."

Kevin nodded. "Howie might be gay," he said. "And I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?" Kristin asked. She was petting the back of AJ's neck almost exactly like Howie had a few hours earlier.

Kevin shrugged. "Because. Howie's engaged. He's planning to go through with it. It can't be easy for AJ."

"I'm going to tell him," AJ said. He pulled away from Kristin's touch. It was calming and he didn't want to be calm.

"That you want him?" Kevin asked. "You think that's going to get through to Howie? 'You're gay and I want you'? He'll probably punch you and promote Nick to his best man, AJ."

"I'm not going to tell him I want him," AJ said. "I'm going to tell him I'm in love with him."

"Are you?" Kristin asked.

"I think so."

"That sounds better than 'I want you'," she agreed. "Less selfish."

Kevin sighed. "He's going to push you away, AJ. I don't think that you shouldn't do this. I mean, I know that you feel that you have to. And if that's how you feel then I think you should. But he's going to push you away. I want you to be prepared."

"He's going to push me away because he knows he's lying to everyone," AJ said. "He's lying to himself, even. You know I'm right. The whole wedding thing is ridiculous. I don't even think the dude's bisexual. Then it would make a little sense, but come on, Howie? Leigh's been his beard for years and now he's marrying her? That's not right. And it's not like - I don't know where he ever got the idea in his head that this was something that he had to hide from everyone for forever, but no one will care!

"I mean, sure, some people will be pissed and he'll get some assholes who say shit, but look at Lance Bass. He's happy! Howie's fake-happy. Howie's not even sleeping with his fiancée. Howie thinks that if he admits to himself and everyone else who he really is then his career will go down the tubes and he'll lose all of his fans and all of his friends, and that's bullshit. He's what? Practically 40 now? He should be settling down with some gorgeous sexy guy in some big sexy house on the beach or whatever. He should be saying 'fuck everyone else! This is who I am and you just wish you were having as much fantastic sex as I am!' He should not be planning a fake wedding to a girl he's afraid to touch. And I know I'm not some gorgeous sexy guy, so don't even say it."

"I wasn't going to," Kevin said.

"You had that look."

"I was just going to point out to Kristin that if Howie's forty now, you must think we're ancient."

"That wasn't the point."

"I know."

"I should go back over there now," AJ said. He stood from the stool, ignoring Kristin's hand on his shoulder.

"You should think about it for a while," Kristin suggested. "You can stay here."

"I have to do it now," AJ said. "I know that I'm right."

"Maybe," Kevin conceded. "Maybe you're right. But he's going to push you away."

**

Nothing else had gotten through to Howie. Telling him he was gay didn't work. Obviously. Setting him up with Nick, that pretty much backfired before it got out the starting gate. And then there were a bunch of other half formed plans that AJ never even got to set into motion because suddenly he wanted Howie for himself. He was going to get Howie drunk, get him in a club, get him all worked up with a bunch of men dancing all over him, send him home with one of them. The idea made him a little sick now. Or a little aroused. He couldn't decide. He was going to sit Howie down with some porn. Slip some gay porn in the middle. See if it suddenly got more interesting for Howie. He was going to take him to an AA meeting and then make some heartfelt speech about admitting things. He was going to trick Brian and Kevin into actually having that confrontation with Howie. Now he wasn't going to do any of that. It was all crap anyway.

Kevin had learned a long time back that it wasn't a good idea to hand out house keys to your band mates. Howie never learned that lesson and AJ barged right in. Again.

"You're back," Howie said. He smiled, but the smile slipped a little when AJ didn't stop walking. He walked right up to Howie and gripped Howie's shoulders. "AJ."

AJ let Howie set down his cup of coffee, and then he turned Howie back toward him.

"What are you doing?" Howie asked.

"I love you," AJ said.

Howie tried to pat AJ's side, but it was awkward with AJ holding him in place. AJ realized it was probably a little weird, gripping Howie like this. He let go.

"I love you too, man," Howie said. He was nervous. He knew that that wasn't what AJ had meant.

"I'm in love with you," AJ corrected.

"No you aren't," Howie said. He shook his head and tried to smile. His hand was shaking a little.

"I love you," AJ said. "I'm in love with you. I want you."

Howie backed away. He turned and when he looked at AJ again he was angry.

"You're an asshole, you know that? This whole thing? It's bullshit, AJ. It's one thing if you think - you can think I'm gay all you want. You can think whatever you want and that's fine. I thought you'd get over it, you know? I thought you'd like try to get me drunk and then have a bunch of guys hit on me or something. I thought you'd make me watch porn. I didn't think you'd stoop this low. I didn't think that you were this desperate to fuck everything up for me."

"I'm not trying to fuck anything up," AJ said.

"I can't resist you," Howie said, rolled his eyes. His hands flopped at his sides, which AJ recognized as one of Howie's sarcastic gestures. "You're just so sexy and bad and now that I know you want me, I can't believe it! You're right! I'm gay!"

"No," AJ tried to explain. "That's not what I'm doing. I'm in love with you."

"Ha!" Howie said and it felt like a slap. He started pushing AJ toward the front door.

"Howie," AJ said. "Stop it. Come on."

"I need you to leave," Howie said. "So I can come to terms with my gayness. I just can't concentrate with you in the room being so sexy."

AJ pushed Howie's hands off him, and then turned to look at Howie, his mouth open.

"What now?" Howie asked. AJ wanted to be mad, but underneath the anger, Howie actually looked really hurt.

"I'm sorry," AJ said.

Howie shrugged.

AJ stepped out onto the porch.

"I don't need you to pretend you want me, AJ," Howie said. "Leigh actually does."

**

"Ouch," Kevin murmured.

"He doesn't need me to pretend to want him," AJ repeated, picking at a sandwich that Brian had made once Kevin agreed to let him loose in the kitchen.

AJ had been there for an hour

"He doesn't need me to pretend to want him," AJ said again. "What does that mean?"

"He thinks you're an asshole?" Nick suggested. AJ wasn't sure why Kevin had decided to call Brian and Nick. Especially Nick.

"How could he think I would do that?"

Nick opened his mouth, but shut it when Kevin shot him a look.

Brian cleared his throat.

"What?" AJ asked.

"You were going to set him up with Nick," Brian pointed out. "It's sort of the same thing, in a way. I mean, sort of."

"But I didn't!" AJ protested. "You know what? I don't think I'm even in love with Howie. Maybe he's right. I mean, maybe I just got caught up in the whole thing."

Nick made a noise and then looked from Brian to Kevin and refused to look at AJ. Brian's phone rang. He looked at the number and then pulled his face into an expression of surprise and guilt and hopped out of the room. "I'll be right back."

"What was that?" Nick asked.

"Baylee's probably terrorizing Leighanne," Kevin said.

"I think you're totally in love with Howie," Nick offered.

It wasn't comforting, but Nick was trying and so AJ said, "Thanks, man."

Nick nodded and gripped AJ's shoulder.

"Okay," Brian said when he returned to the living room. He was holding his coat. "I've gotta run."

"Leighanne?" Kevin asked.

Brian shook his head, looked from AJ to Kevin and said, "Howie."

AJ stood up. "I'm coming with you." He knew it was a horrible idea, knew it even as he said it, even before Kevin made a noise and Brian held up a hand.

"Let me talk to him," Brian said.

AJ sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. Brian wasn't offering to make a case for AJ. He was going to go and listen to Howie and rub comforting circles on Howie's back, but maybe, after Howie was finished tearing AJ apart Brian could just - "Try to say some good things about me."

Brian shrugged and then nodded and grabbed his jacket from a nearby chair. "Gotta go," he sang, and then he was gone.

"You're totally in love with Howie," Nick said again.

**

AJ didn't really expect Brian to help him out. Brian thought that Howie was happy and that AJ was taking it too far and fucking things up. Brian was probably right.

AJ fidgeted and reached into his pocket for his cellphone. It had been hours and no word from Brian or Howie. Kevin slapped his hand away.

"I don't miss you, you know" AJ said.

Kevin laughed, not believing it for a second. AJ had never been a very convincing liar.

Kristin heated up some leftover lasagna and they sat around Kevin's dining room table and talked about basketball and some television show and AJ didn't care about any of it, couldn't care about it because he couldn't stop wondering how to fix things with Howie. He was glad they were there, and he smiled and nodded as Kristin talked about the things her doctor had told them to try that would help them get pregnant. She was trying to keep his mind off Howie and it wasn't working, but he loved her for trying.

"Do you think it would help if I told him that he was right?" AJ asked, "That I was lying? Messing with him?"

"No," Kevin said immediately. "Not unless it's the truth."

They ate in silence after that and eventually Nick dropped his fork onto his plate, belched, and said, "I have to go. They'll get pissed if they find out I'm hiding out here."

"You're hiding out?" Kristin asked.

Nick shrugged. "It's quiet here. I mean, except for AJ. But anyway, I promised I'd take Rob to McDonald's on the way back."

"Who's Rob?"

Nick shrugged again and nodded toward the door. "He's part of the crew."

AJ shook his head. "You did not bring another camera guy."

"I have to."

"You've been here like - you've been here hours!"

"He's getting paid," Nick protested.

"Not enough," Kevin said.

AJ pointed at Nick. "It's exactly this sort of thing that's the reason the bodyguards all hate you."

Nick rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I asked Marcus about that and he said you're full of shit just like always."

"You pay his bills," Kevin pointed out. "He's lying."

**

Eventually AJ went home, fell asleep on his couch, and nearly fell off when his cellphone rang. It was Brian, calling to tell AJ that he'd talked to Howie, that Howie wasn't as angry with AJ anymore, that Howie was still getting married. AJ said "yeah," a lot and wished that Nick was there to say things that didn't matter, but helped anyway, to rub his shoulder and fetch him a soda from the fridge. Nick was good at that. AJ fell back asleep shortly after hanging up the phone and didn't wake up again until he heard a knock at the front door.

He figured it'd be Nick and planned to make some crack about Nick's psychic ability, about how he hoped Nick had brought beer even though Nick wouldn't think that one was funny.

It was Howie.

"I hope you brought beer," AJ said anyway.

Howie frowned. He didn't think it was funny either.

"What?"

"Nevermind."

"Can I -?" Howie gestured and AJ stepped aside to let Howie by. Once inside, Howie didn't seem to know what to do next, shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans and stared at AJ's floor.

"Listen," AJ said, when he couldn't stand the silence a second longer. "I'm sorry - I didn't mean to mess things up for you, man."

Howie nodded. "Brian said you were pretty upset about the whole thing."

AJ shrugged.

"You're not -" Howie stopped, reached out and gripped AJ's arm, before pulling away again. He walked a few steps toward the living room and then stopped and finished, "You're not actually in love with me."

"Dude," AJ sighed.

"You're not."

"Are you telling me?" AJ asked.

"I'm not gay, AJ," Howie said. AJ felt like he'd had the conversation so many times now. He wasn't sure he could stand to have it again.

"Okay," AJ said. "I'm not either."

Howie nodded. "I know. Listen, I still want - I mean if you're still willing. I still want you in the wedding."

AJ sighed, rubbed a hand over his face. "I don't know, man. I don't know if I can - maybe you'd better have Nick do it at this point?"

"AJ," Howie said. He shook his head, looked like he was going to step toward AJ, maybe hit him, and then seemed to think better of it and pulled AJ into a hug instead. AJ tucked his face into Howie's neck and wondered when the hell things became so fucked up. He couldn't be Howie's best man, that much he knew. He'd be in the wedding, but he couldn't be the best man. He couldn't make a speech and toast the happy couple and act like he didn't think there were ten billion things wrong with the marriage at the start.

"Brian would make a great best man," AJ offered. "He's made for this sort of thing."

"I want you," Howie said, and AJ knew that he meant in the wedding. He wasn't a complete moron. But he closed his eyes and hugged Howie a little tighter and pressed his lips to Howie's neck.

"Please," Howie said, and with AJ's eyes closed he could imagine that Howie was finally coming to his senses, wasn't still asking about the wedding. AJ kissed his neck then, lightly touched his tongue to the warm skin and felt Howie jump against him. "Wha -" Howie started, but AJ's eyes were still closed and when Howie started to pull away, AJ leaned in and kissed him. On the mouth this time. Quick, and a little dirty, taking advantage of Howie's surprise. But that was it. AJ's eyes were open and he couldn't pretend anymore. He stepped away.

"Sorry," AJ said, and his voice cracked a little. He cleared his throat.

Howie stared and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"I didn't mean to -" AJ started, but stopped. It was a lie anyway. "Do you want a glass of water?"

Howie didn't say anything, but nodded and follow AJ to his kitchen. AJ pulled two bottles of water from the fridge and plopped one down on the counter beside Howie. He kept meaning to stop using it - bottled water, but he hadn't been able to make himself give it up just yet.

Howie took a large gulp and then said, "Maybe you're right about Brian."

AJ nodded.

"Or Nick."

"Nick would probably love it if you asked him," AJ agreed.

"I'll ask Nick," Howie agreed. He took another sip of his water and then set it back on the counter. "I've gotta get going."

"Okay," AJ said, and followed Howie back to the front door. He leaned against the door, watched Howie shuffle onto the porch, and then said, "I'm really sorry. Again. I shouldn't have done that."

"It's okay," Howie said. He shuffled his feet a little against the wood of the porch.

AJ shook his head. "I'm not making things easy for you, I know that. And dude, I'm sorry. I'll drop all of this. I will."

Howie nodded, stood there on the porch staring at his sneakers, and then said, "Thank you."

AJ shrugged. He didn't really want to be thanked for this. "Sorry," AJ said a third time.

Howie smiled then and shook his head. "Stop it," he said.

"Sorry?"

Howie laughed, stepped back off the porch, pulled AJ in and kissed his cheek. "I'm not traumatized for life," Howie said. "I promise."

AJ laughed. "It's not like it was the first time, right?"

Howie shook his head, his hand sliding from AJ's shoulder to the back of his neck. It felt intimate, but it wasn't, AJ knew.

That is until Howie leaned in and kissed AJ's mouth. Once, quick, then twice, and when AJ made a sound in his throat, trying to work himself up to protest, Howie kissed him a third time, longer, pushed AJ back into the house.

AJ gripped Howie's shoulders and said, "D," but was cut off by Howie's mouth, lips insistent against his own. He went with it. He didn't know what else to do. Which was - well, it was a fucking lie, AJ knew exactly what else to do, but the kiss was good, the kiss felt right, and AJ wasn't about to do anything to stop it. He moaned into Howie's mouth, pulled at Howie's shirt. Howie was pushing at him, pulling, licking at his teeth, tongues stroking. And then AJ felt his back hit the wall. He knew it was coming, but he was there faster than he'd expected and his teeth hit Howie's lip and Howie jumped back and covered his mouth with his hand. He looked away.

"Dude," AJ said. It wasn't the right thing. You weren't supposed to say 'dude' after something like that. But AJ was never really any good at saying the right thing, and usually stuck with saying the first thing instead. And the first thing that popped into AJ's head was the word dude. "Dude," he said again. "There was nothing about that that was awkward."

"No," Howie agreed. He refused to look at AJ. He didn't need to though. He'd just admitted it all right there. The sex the first time wasn't bad. It was a good as AJ remembered it being. Howie'd just been lying to him.

"Howie," AJ started. "We're - I know what I just said. I know. But I really think we'd be good to -"

"I need to think," Howie said, holding up a hand for AJ to stop. "I just - give me some time, okay?"

And then he was gone.

**

"Where's Howie?" Nick asked, plopping into AJ's car.

"Dunno," AJ said. "Sick. Hungover." He didn't want to tell Nick about what had happened, not yet. He had a feeling that he'd pushed Howie too far. That Howie hadn't planned the kiss, that Howie was regretting the whole thing. He'd almost called him, told Howie he was off the hook, that AJ knew it had been a mistake and there were no hard feelings. But he didn't. He'd let Howie think things over. He wasn't that unselfish.

Nick's cellphone rang and he looked at the ID before huffing a little and shoving the phone back into his pocket.

"You're not going to answer it?"

"It's Brian," Nick said. "He's called three times in the last 15 minutes. Are we really that late?"

AJ shrugged. "Bout average for us, really."

"He's worse than Kevin," Nick grouched.

AJ shrugged, and turned up the radio.

**

The paper read "Backstreet Boys in Gay Tryst, Carter disgusted."

"I'm gonna barf," Brian read, and his attempt at a higher pitched Nick Carter voice went completely unappreciated by Nick or AJ. Howie was apparently already in hiding. AJ'd received a text message early asking him not to bother picking Howie up. AJ'd assumed he was just uncomfortable and confused, but now it seemed that angry was probably more like it.

AJ just shrugged. "You know what? Who cares?"

Nick looked at him. "They want me to go to homophobia rehab. What the hell is that?" He grabbed the paper from Brian's hand. "Oh," Nick said suddenly. "Oh!"

"What?"

"We said this in my house!"

"Yeah," AJ agreed. He'd realized what the article was about the second he saw the headline.

"Oh God. But wasn't I grossed out by Aaron?" Nick asked. "That's like, you're supposed to be grossed out by that!"

"Yeah," AJ agreed again, and Nick's face went pale when he looked up at him.

"Howie's never going to forgive me!"

"At least they didn't actually air the clip," Brian offered. "I mean, what is this? The National Enquirer?" He grabbed the paper. "Oh, Star? No one reads this. Or believes it anyway."

"Oh my God," Nick repeated. "I have to get that clip back."

"Howie knows this isn't your fault," Brian insisted.

"Can I sue someone? There must be someone I can sue," Nick scrambled.

"You know what?" AJ cut in. "Don't bother."

"What, why?"

"It's not false, really. I mean, I'm kind of gay sometimes. I slept with Howie. You were grossed out a little. There's nothing wrong with it. I would sleep with Howie again if I had the chance. And it doesn't matter. Howie's getting married." Howie was definitely getting married. "He can just make the engagement public. That'll fix things."

Nick's phone rang and he checked the number. "Oh God," he said. "It's Kev." He looked like he was contemplating ignoring the call, then thought better of it, snapped his phone open and said, "Listen. I didn't know there were cameras there!" He walked out into the hallway.

"So," Brian said, and he tried a smile. "Does this mean I get to be best man now?"

**

"You're kidding me," AJ said, keeping his voice hushed in the restaurant. He listened to Brian make all kinds of excuses and tried not to hang up on him in anger.

When Brian finally stopped talking AJ said, "You guys are a bunch of assholes, you know that?"

Brian started to make excuses again and this time AJ actually did hang up the phone. Not so much because he was angry at Brian, though he really really was. Mostly it was because Howie had just walked into the restaurant. He smiled at AJ and sat down in the opposite seat, looked at the two empty chairs and said, "Where is everyone?"

"Who?"

"Brian and Nick. Brian's late?"

"I don't think they're coming," AJ mumbled.

"I thought this was supposed to be a group thing."

"Brian got last minute tickets to a Lakers game. Baylee is sick. He took Nick with him instead. It's a load of bullshit. Do you want to reschedule?"

Howie shrugged and looked a little put out. "I can eat dinner with you. Do you want to reschedule?"

AJ scanned the restaurant and noticed the same thing he'd noticed when he'd looked ten minutes ago. Two guys in the corner drinking beers, their cameras sitting on the table. They seemed to be ignoring Howie and AJ.

"Maybe they're here for someone else," Howie suggested, following AJ's gaze. "We don't really get followed that often anymore as it is."

AJ nodded. He'd thought a lot about what he could say to Howie when the time came. He'd thought about groveling and paying for Howie's honeymoon and putting a counter article out there denying everything in the first one. He'd thought about saying he was drunk, on drugs, didn't know what he was saying. Maybe even check himself back into rehab if it came to that. He'd thought about rerecording the entire album and giving Howie all of his solos (which wouldn't have worked at all, but Howie might have appreciated the gesture). When it came time he didn't offer to do any of that. Instead he said, "I have a big mouth." Sometimes the truth was by far the easiest.

"Yeah," Howie agreed, even smiled. "Always have."

"You know I didn't mean for that to happen."

Howie waved a hand, dismissive. Howie was taking this fifteen billion times better than AJ had expected. Howie was sitting and having dinner with AJ, which was more than AJ was hoping for in the first place, really.

"Listen," AJ said, and leaned closer across the table. "Let's forget that all of this, right? Let me throw you an engagement party. We'll invite the press. Announce the engagement."

Howie frowned and poked at the napkin in his lap. "An engagement party?"

"Why not? It's perfect. They post a story saying you're gay, you throw a big bash and tell everyone you're engaged. To a woman."

"I don't know. I mean, it's a nice idea. I just don't think we're ready, you know?"

"You're picking out tuxedos and china," AJ pointed out.

"AJ," Howie sighed.

AJ shrugged. "Sure. Okay."

Howie ordered a glass of wine and downed it in two large gulps before ordering another. Their food came and they ate in silence, somewhat awkwardly, until Howie put down his fork, finished his second glass of wine and said, "I think it will just blow over."

AJ shook his head. Howie was probably right, but he still thought that Howie should just announce the engagement now, get it out there.

"Maybe," AJ agreed.

"Nick's getting his lawyers involved," Howie said. "I told him not to bother."

AJ nodded. "I did too. It was my fault."

Howie shrugged. "It'll blow over," he said again.

**

"What happened?" Nick asked, when AJ picked up his phone. He was on his way home from the restaurant. He'd wanted to invite Howie to come over, thought they'd maybe be able to talk more if they weren't in public, but he hadn't known what to say, didn't want Howie to say no if he did ask, and eventually he just kind of waved and said he'd see Howie in the studio. It was lame.

"What do you mean?" It sounded like Nick was still at the game.

"At dinner," Nick said. "How did it go?"

"I don't know," AJ said. "It went okay. He didn't leave when he found out you assholes bailed. I told him he should just make the engagement public. He didn't seem to think that was a good idea. But I think it went okay."

"You told him what?" Nick asked and then there was some cheering and some shuffling, and it sounded like Nick might have dropped the phone and stepped on it. Eventually, just as AJ was turning onto his street, Brian said, "You told him what?"

"To make the engagement public," AJ said. "It would help him."

"He didn't tell you?" Brian asked.

"Tell me what?"

There was more shouting on the other end of the line and then Nick was back.

"Listen, I can't talk," Nick said. "I've got Rob here."

"Who's Rob?" AJ asked.

"Camera guy. Brian's making us blur him out. At a basketball game. He's an asshole. Brian, not Rob. Sorry. Rob thought I meant him. - yes, you did, dude. I could tell by your face. AJ?"

"Still here," AJ said. He was pulling into his driveway.

"Brian says to meet us at Kevin's tomorrow at six."

"Why?"

"I don't know, I'm not the one inviting you. I've gotta go. I'm missing the game."

**

AJ showed up at Kevin's house at ten after six. Nick's car was in the driveway. There was amazingly no camera guy inside. AJ hoped that that didn't mean that he was in the house.

Kristin answered the door and hugged him. "Come in," she said. "Nick and Brian are here."

"What's going on?"

"Not sure," Kristin smiled. "No one tells me anything."

"Sure," AJ said and hugged Kristin. "Don't tell me. I see how it is."

"Howie's here too," Kristin said.

AJ looked back at the driveway. "What, did they all teleport?"

Kristin laughed. "I think they came with Nick."

AJ walked into the house and nearly ran right into Nick. "Speaking of -"

"Hey, buddy," Nick said and half hugged AJ.

"Hey, buddy?" AJ asked. Something was going on. Nick was horrible at making things seem normal when they weren't, and calling AJ 'buddy' was not normal.

"What's going on?" AJ asked again.

"Nothing," Nick said. "Howie told me that you kissed him."

"Yeah? Is Howie here?"

"Yeah," Nick said. "Hey, I want to show you something." He led AJ toward the coat closet, stood in front of it hemming and hawing for a moment and then, just as AJ started to become even more suspicious, Nick shoved him into the closet and shut the door.

"What the hell," AJ said and went for the door knob. It was locked.

"Be right back!" Nick shouted, his voice a little farther away.

"I hate him," AJ mumbled and looked around. The closet was large and held all kinds of coats and shoes and boots. Eventually AJ found a light switch. He fiddled with the doorknob again and then sat on a box that said 'xmas wreaths' and waited.

He must have sat there for five minutes before he heard movement outside.

"Help, help," AJ muttered. "Nick when nuts and locked me in a closet." He knew very well that this wasn't Nick's brainchild and he'd be getting no help from the other fellas. Nick was just the muscle. It sounded like they were arguing on the other side of the door and then the door knob rattled. AJ stood from the box, crossed his arms over his chest and waited.

"You know -" AJ started, taking a step forward when the door opened. Instead of being released, however, he was shoved further into the closet, stumbling over the box he'd been sitting on. The door slammed shut again. "What the hell."

"Hi," Howie said.

"Don't be a chicken shit, Howard," Brian called from the other side of the door. "Spill."

"Chicken shit?" AJ asked. Howie was looking at the floor and rubbing his arms.

"Sorry," Howie said.

"Do you know what's going on? I have my cell. Want to call the police on them? It'll be funny."

Howie smiled. "Nah."

"It smells in here," AJ sniffed. "I think it's Kevin's shoes."

"Well?" someone, it sounded like Nick or Brian, said from the other side of the door. "I don't hear you talking!" It was definitely Nick.

Howie glared at the door and then said, so quickly that AJ wasn't even sure he could make out the words, "I'm not getting married."

AJ looked up. "What?"

"I'm not engaged," Howie said, and then added, "anymore."

"What?" AJ asked again. He'd heard that time, but he didn't think he could have heard right.

Howie looked at a stack of umbrellas and shrugged.

"I'm sorry," AJ said.

Howie nodded and shrugged again.

"It wasn't - it wasn't because of me, was it?" AJ asked. "I'm really sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to -"

"No," Howie said awkwardly. "It was me and Leigh. It wasn't because of you."

"Okay," AJ said.

"Okay," Howie agreed.

AJ wasn't sure what to do. He opened his arms to hug Howie and then stopped, dropped them at his side and nudged the box of wreaths with his toe. It was quiet on the other side of the door. Who kept a lock on their coat closet anyway? Only Kevin. AJ leaned into a rack of coats. Howie didn't look like he was finished talking, but he wasn't saying anything anymore either.

"Maybe we can get a pizza delivered in here," AJ speculated, just to break the silence.

Howie nodded, seemed to think about it, and then said, "I don't care about the article."

"You don't?"

"Not really," Howie said. "I mean, I do, but it's Star. It's not like it's Newsweek or the cover of People."

AJ nodded. "I thought you might think I'd done it on purpose."

"I wondered," Howie admitted. "That was why I talked to the fellas." He gestured toward the door. "Mistake, apparently."

"What bullshit did Nick have to say about me?" AJ asked.

"He said you loved me."

"Oh," AJ said. "Yeah."

"Kevin said that you weren't messing around and Brian said he wanted me to be happy. I want me to be happy. So I told Leigh about the kiss." Howie waved an arm toward the wall of the closet to indicate that he'd meant the kiss against the wall in AJ's house. AJ hadn't forgotten the kiss.

"And she called it off?" AJ asked.

"No," Howie said. "She was actually okay with that. She said she knew it didn't mean anything. That was when I called it off. And then she said that it made a lot of sense, me being gay, and that she couldn't believe that she hadn't realized earlier. She was upset."

"Why did you do it?" AJ asked.

Howie didn't answer. Instead he closed the distance between them, kissed AJ's cheek. He looked like he was planning to kiss AJ's mouth, but changed his mind at the last second. It was a little awkward standing so close together in the closet. AJ thought about saying something tasteless, something about being best man, and then thought better of it.

"You were right," Howie said.

"I know," AJ agreed, and he decided to screw awkward and leaned in to kiss Howie again, actually kiss him, but Howie took a step back before he could.

"You were right about the sex, AJ," Howie clarified and AJ blinked. That wasn't what he expected.

"What about it?" AJ asked.

"It was pretty much the best sex I've ever had," Howie admitted. "Which I've always thought was pretty sad, seeing as I was drunk and you hardly even remember it. You didn't remember the next morning, you know. You didn't remember that until a couple weeks later."

"I know," AJ said. "It wasn't a good year for me."

"I know," Howie agreed. "I didn't plan to kiss you but I did and I just - I remembered how much I miss you. I didn't even know I missed you. Not like that. And then, right after that there was the article, and I was mad. Not because I really thought you might be trying to ruin things for me, I wondered but I knew you wouldn't do that. Not that. I was horrified and pissed that it meant you and I would never have another shot, not now, not with cameras suddenly watching for it. And it scared me. That I would worry more about that than I would how it affected me and Leigh, you know? Which was when I knew I had to call if off. So, um, I did."

"Oh," AJ said. It was stuffy in the closet. AJ was having a hard time breathing. He didn't like it, didn't like what Howie was saying. "So I guess that's it then."

"What?" Howie said. "No, no. I don't care about the article anymore. That's - I mean, I don't want that to be it. Unless you do."

"No," AJ said, and this time Howie did kiss him, actually kissed him, pushed him into the rack of coats so that they were surrounded, and Howie's mouth and Howie's hands roaming, gripping AJ's arms, holding on like Howie had been waiting for this, counting the minutes until he would be able to kiss AJ. AJ decided to pretend that was true. He liked the thought. And then the closet door opened, and Howie didn't stop, just made a noise of protest and continued the kiss.

"Oh," Brian said. "Okay."

"Oh, gross," Nick exclaimed. "Shut them back in there."

The door shut again and AJ let go of Howie. "We aren't locked in anymore," AJ pointed out.

"Yeah," Howie agreed.

"We could get out," AJ said.

"We could," Howie agreed. His hand was absently tracing the tattoos on AJ's arm. There was a small happy smile playing at Howie's lips and AJ wanted to kiss that smile, mess up Howie's hair, taste Howie's skin. He pulled a little at the bottom of Howie's shirt. "Kevin probably wouldn't like it if we -"

AJ nodded. "We should probably get out of his closet."

Howie considered and then started to take off his shirt. "Let's stay a while."