"You told me she knew," Howie said. They'd been in Europe for only two days and hadn't even become accustomed to the time change yet.

"I did," Kevin agreed, not quite sure where this was going.

"If she knows, why would you keep her aside. Why didn't we see her a single time during our entire vacation? If she knows, why did you have that look on your face when she showed up at the airport to see you off? You looked like you'd just been caught in a trap."

"Howie," Kevin said, already sure that there was no way that he could save this. When Kristin asked for his flight information it hadn't even crossed Kevin's mind that she was planning to show up at the airport. He'd assumed she wanted it for peace of mind, so that she knew the details in case something happened. And they'd said their good-byes the night before, so that probably was why she'd actually asked. It was also why Kevin had been so unprepared.

They'd just been sitting around, waiting to board, and then suddenly there she was, smiling and holding a sweater that Kevin had left at her apartment. The other guys waved, probably surprised to see her since she hadn't been around much during their break. Kevin jumped up and ushered her off to a secluded corner, thinking he'd just narrowly escaped discovery, but apparently he'd underestimated Howie.

"I can't do this anymore," Howie sighed. "I don't know what's wrong with you, Kevin. You never used to purposely hurt people like this."

"I don't want to lose you. Either of you."

"Well you're going to. You're going to lose us both at this rate," Howie said, a little more mean than Kevin was used to. And Howie was always right about these things. He'd always been right. Howie had a gift that he didn't even know existed.

Kevin touched Howie's arm in a silent plea. Just play along, Kevin thought, but he knew that Howie would never be able to go along in something like this. It was what Kevin loved about him.

"We aren't going to do this anymore, Kev. If you aren't going to say anything then I'm going to say it for you." Howie sounded much older than his years when he was indignant and upset. "You've loved Kristin since before I met you. I'm the third wheel here and I'm sick of it. I'm going to switch rooms with Brian."

"Howie," Kevin said, but he didn't stop him because Howie was right, and Howie was giving him the easy way out, a chance to redeem himself and take the high road, and Kevin loved Howie more than he'd shown since they'd first fallen into bed together.

Howie let Kevin kiss him before he grabbed his bag and slipped out of the room, only to be replaced by Brian a few minutes later.

"What's going on?" Brian asked, but Kevin just shrugged in response.

"Are you okay?" Brian persisted when Kevin didn't say anything, and Kevin looked up and smiled.

"I think I have some issues with abandonment," Kevin said. "I think I have some issues with trust. I'm going to take a walk. Don't wait up."

He slipped out of the room before Brian could reply.



"Really?" Nick asked the next morning when Kevin presented him with the gift. Kevin found Nick sitting in the lobby, his bags at his feet. Nick's mother was across the lobby on the telephone. Talking to Bob, maybe. Or another agent or something. Fifty fifty. Kevin sat beside Nick on the couch and handed him the small white box. Nick recognized it immediately and his eyes lit up. "You're just giving them to me?"

"Sure," Kevin shrugged.

"They're like us, you know," Nick said, spreading the ninjas over his palm. "I always thought they were us."

"Which one is me?" Kevin asked.

"This one." Nick pointed to the blue one.

"Why blue?"

"It's your favorite color. I don't know. That's just the way it is."

"Which one is Brian?"

"Orange. You couldn't both be blue and they're your ninjas so Brian got shafted."

"Who's the sixth ninja?"

"Chris? I don't know. It used to be, but he's gone.

"Yeah. Long gone." It had been nearly a year and Kevin hadn't heard from him at all. So much for friends.

Nick picked the pink ninja out of his palm and set him in the soil of a potted plant. "We don't need him," Nick said.

Kevin smiled. "Never did."

Kevin watched as the elevator doors opened and Brian and AJ walked out, their bags slung over their shoulders. They were walking close, talking quietly, but when they looked up and saw Kevin, they frowned in unison and headed toward the couch where Kevin and Nick sat.

"Hey, Nick?" Brian asked. "Could you go see what Johnny and Donna are up to?"

"Why?" Nick asked. "They're upstairs doing last minute businessy manager stuff. I know what they're up to."

"Okay," AJ said. "Then go hang out over there with your mom."

Nick opened his mouth and stared at AJ as though offended. "Brian," he said, but Brian was nodding in agreement with AJ, which caused Nick's mouth to drop open even further.

"Nick," Kevin said. "Please."

"Fine," Nick said shortly, shooting a death look at Brian. He gathered the ninjas back into the box, leaving the pink one behind.

"Maybe we should go into a room," Kevin suggested, glancing around the hotel lobby. "I still have my key."

"Nah," AJ said dismissively.

"We just want you to know that we talked about it after you disappeared last night and we're pissed," Brian said. He dropped his bag and folded his arms over his chest.

"Oh," Kevin said. "Okay."

"At you," AJ said. "We're pissed at you, you bastard."

Johnny and Donna exited the elevator then, followed by Howie, dragging his bag behind him. Kevin turned to watch Howie, and Brian and AJ followed his gaze. AJ snorted.

"All right," Johnny called. "We're out of here."

AJ and Brian turned to leave.

"Wait," Kevin called after them, "what's wrong with you two?"

They didn't turn around, instead quickened their pace as Nick jogged to catch up with them.

"What the fuck?" Kevin asked, standing and hoisting his own bag over his shoulder. Howie heard him, slowed down and waited.



The tour has been extended. Soon they would be heading off to Japan, then Australia, and finally back to Europe again with no hope of going home in sight. Spirits were low. Tensions high. And then Kevin's world fell apart again.

"Have you told Kristin?" Howie asked after the second concert of the day. Kevin was absolutely exhausted and not at all in the mood to deal with this right now. He hadn't called Kristin. He didn't want to call Kristin. Kristin freaked out after she'd found out that Kevin hadn't actually cheated. He didn't even want to guess how she would react to him really doing so.

"No, not yet," he said. Howie didn't say anything else, just stared at Kevin for a minute and then disappeared into the bathroom.

Nick was pulling down the blankets on the cot, his eyes already heavy with sleep. He held his stuffed dog loosely in one hand. Snickers. They'd stopped making fun of the dog at least a year ago and now it was a familiar staple in their hotel rooms around Europe.

"Nicky," Howie said, emerging from the bathroom a few seconds after he'd entered. "Could you go hang out with Brian and AJ for a minute?"

Nick dropped Snickers on the bed. "You're kidding," he said.

Brian and AJ had yet to explain exactly why they were so pissed with Kevin, but they only seemed to remember that they were at all about once every few hours anyway, and it didn't really impede on their regular routine. Kevin figured it had to do with Howie and he actually had better things to worry about, such as Howie, so he shrugged them off. He suspected that that was pissing them off even more.

"Just for a minute," Howie repeated, his eyes pleading. Nick looked to Kevin but Kevin just shrugged, too tired to care if Nick stayed or went.

"You guys are always doing this to me," Nick said. "I'm not five years old. And it's like two in the morning. Can't I just go to bed?"

"We just need five minutes, Nicky. Then you can come back. And you can have my bed. I'll take the cot."

Nick looked from the cot to Howie's bed and back again. He picked up the stuffed dog and tossed it onto the bed. "Okay," he said with a shrug and headed out into the hallway.

Once he had gone Howie turned back to Kevin and said, "Kristin knows."

At first Kevin didn't know what to say. Kristin couldn't know. Kevin hadn't even spoken to her in days. "How?"

"I talked to her last night."

"Why would you do that?"

"Because you were planning on never telling her, Kev."

Kevin stood and began pacing the room. This was not good. Not good at all. He'd thought that it would be okay. He'd missed Howie the past few days, felt it as though Howie had completely disappeared like the rest, but he still had Kristin, and in time he and Howie would be close friends again. And fuck, Kristin hated hearing things secondhand. Kevin stopped pacing and slapped his hands down on the dresser. "Fuck! Howie. She's my girlfriend, and if I want to keep something from her then I'm going to keep it from her!"

"Not when it involves me." Howie snatched Snickers from his former bed and threw him. Snickers bounced off the wall and fell to the floor in the corner. "Kevin! What is wrong with you? Do you even realize what you're doing to the people around you? You're hurting, but do you even care that you're hurting us too?"

"Fuck, I'm going to lose you both," Kevin said, as though he'd just realized it for the first time. As though he hadn't known what he was playing with since the beginning. He sat down on the edge of his bed and rested his head in his hands. "How did she sound?"

Howie sighed, "Angry. Hurt. About what you'd expect."

"Fuck," Kevin said again.

"You're afraid of rejection, Kevin, and you're afraid of people disappearing on you, and yet you spread yourself so thin, twist things around so much that people don't have a choice."

"People always have choices."

There was a pause and then Howie said, "Kevin. Your father didn't leave you. You weren't abandoned. He was too young, yes, and I'm sorry I never got to meet him, but Kev. He didn't have a choice. You have to get over this. You have to stop doing this to yourself."

Kevin felt the mattress dip beside him and then Howie's arm was around his shoulders, Howie's hand was petting his hair. Kevin closed his eyes and let Howie's hands southe him. He let Howie's body tell him that it would all work out, he let Howie tell him more lies.

"When did you become so much smarter than me?" Kevin asked. "So much older."

"I've always been smarter than you," Howie said. "I just hide it well."

The last part was another lie. Howie just thought he hid it well. In actuality, everyone already knew.



Kevin was tracing designs on the bar using water from the outside of his glass and so he didn't realize what was happening until Brian and AJ had him cornered. When he finally looked up they were making an attempt to look menacing. Kevin snorted. It wasn't like he would have run off even if he had seen them coming. And fuck, they looked ridiculous, their arms folded across their chests like miniature bodyguards.

"Hi," Kevin said, turning back to his drink, to his intricate water designs. They'd had one concert in the afternoon and then an entire evening for Kevin to sit around and get shitfaced.

Brian was the first to speak.

"Why would you - ?" Brian asked, his eyes narrowed. AJ still had his arms crossed over his chest.

"I don't know," Kevin said. He shrugged and shook his glass a little, listening to the clink of the ice. He'd started off with beer but had moved on to liquor. He would be sick in the morning. "I didn't mean to - I didn't want to hurt him."

"You didn't mean to hurt him? It looks like that's exactly what you meant to do!" Brian said with righteous indignation.

"No," Kevin shook his head. "It wasn't. I just. I don't know what I want. I want -"

"You want everything," Brian said. "You can't have everything." AJ loomed beside him. A silent sidekick.

"Brian," Kevin said, trying to get back his tone of authority. "I know that."

"Well," AJ cut in. "Until you figure out what it is that you do want, why don't you just stay away from Howie."

"Have you even talked to Howie?"

Brian and AJ glanced at one another. "Sort of," Brian said slowly.

"Wait. So you hear that something happened and Howie's feeling kind of hurt and you automatically blame me?"

"Yeah," AJ said with a shrug.

"Well, how do you know that I'm not the one with a broken heart. How do you know that I'm not the one that's been stomped on and betrayed?"

"Are you?" Brian asked.

"Stomped on and betrayed? No, I was a complete ass. This is absolutely my fault. But I might have been. And my heart is completely fucking broken. It has been for years."

"So we should be mad then," AJ said, a hint of confusion in his voice. He reached for Kevin's drink and Kevin snatched it back, cradling it in both hands.

"Breaking it off was Howie's idea," Kevin said quickly. "I didn't want to. I would never purposely hurt Howie."

Brian snorted. "You just told us that you did purposely hurt Howie."

"But it wasn't on purpose."

"Oh for Christ's sake," AJ said. "Just leave him the fuck alone, would you? Fuck. This is fucking Howie we're talking about."

"Yeah," Kevin agreed. "And who knew that fucking Howie was one to ruin lives for revenge?"

"What is he talking about?" Brian asked. "It's impossible to deal with him when he's like this."

"We're still fucking mad," AJ said.

"Right," Brian agreed, hopping on a stool beside Kevin. "You can't treat people like that."

"Especially not Howie," AJ added. He sat on the other side of Kevin, looked him up and down and said, "You look like shit, man."

Kevin shrugged and ordered them a round of drinks.

Things were better after that. Better in the sense that no one was openly hostile but were instead closed and cold. Better in the sense that Kristin wasn't answering his calls at all. She must have gotten caller ID. Better in the sense that Kevin was absolutely miserable.

The shows were great, sure. The fans were amazing. Their base was growing every day.

But there was something missing and Kevin knew exactly what it was. Everyone knew what it was. There were several things missing, some of them gone for years, but what really bothered Kevin, what kept him up nights was that he had a strange sense that there was something coming.



The information that Johnny and Lou gave them was vague. A new group.

"Babes? Hot babes?" AJ had asked immediately, his eyes hopeful beneath the sunglasses perched on his nose.

No, not babes. A bunch of young guys like themselves. Just starting out.

"Just have fun," Johnny said, when AJ asked for the fourth time. "They haven't been in Europe long and you guys are practically pros. Just show them some fun."

"Kevin could probably show them some great fun," AJ grumbled, the most offended by Kevin's treatment of Howie. They still hadn't let it go. Not completely. No one could hold a grudge like a Backstreet Boy, Kevin thought.

Kevin watched Nick and Brian nod, not in agreement with AJ's statement, but rather to show Johnny that they were listening, then he glanced over at Donna. Donna was looking at her feet, but Kevin could see that she was frowning.

It was happening more and more often. Johnny would leave for long periods of time. Another project, he said, another client. Donna would stay. Donna would look after them and manage them and let them get away with just about anything that they wanted. She didn't like to let Johnny get away with anything he wanted, however, so her frown worried Kevin, just a little.

"They aren't doing well," Brian said. "Denise says they'll be divorced within a year. She's seen it happen."



"I'm Justin," the boy said, the first to enter the hotel lobby. They were going to stay at the same hotel, just a floor apart. The group was going to see the Boys perform and then it was off on their own tour the very next morning. Johnny was insistent that they become friends, help each other out. AJ was still disappointed that they weren't gorgeous young American girls and his face fell when Justin entered as though he'd been holding out, hoping until the last second that Johnny had been pulling his chain.

Brian stood from where they all sat huddled together on a small couch. The rest of them followed suit and Justin started making the rounds, introducing himself and shaking hands.

He was young, close to Nick's age. Maybe a little younger, Kevin thought. The boy had a mop of bleached curls and he wore overalls with elastic straps. Kevin nudged AJ, but AJ was busy moping about the fact that Justin wasn't a cute girl to get it.

The others stumbled into the hotel shortly after Justin. Four of them. Five in all.

"Hey, man!" Brian said suddenly, the surprise in his voice causing Kevin to turn. "How are you?"

"Chris!" Nick exclaimed, hugging someone and Kevin had to crane to look around Johnny and Brian and when he finally got a good look at who Nick was holding, he froze.

It was Chris, there was no doubt about that. The same floppy hair, the same small sturdy build, the same abrasive laugh. And yet, he was completely different.

Kevin jumped when he felt Howie's hand on the small of his back. "He looks happier," Howie observed.

"I was just thinking the same thing," Kevin said quietly.

"You're Kevin," one of the guys said, coming up to him with an outstretched hand. His eyes were crinkled half moons and he had a silly innocent grin on his face that Kevin actually had to try not to return. "I'm JC. Sorry, um, I didn't mean to. You look surprised. Lou showed us pictures of you guys back in Orlando, you know?"

"No, no," Kevin said. "I mean. I was surprised, but not by you. It's nice to meet you."

JC nodded. "Chris told us a lot about you guys. Lou did too. It's good to finally have people to go with the stories."

Enter the competition, Kevin thought and there he was. Stabbed in the back, ripped apart, strewn across a cement floor and stomped on for good measure. And he hadn't seen it coming. Not from across the ocean where it had begun, and not from right next-door where it had festered. Kevin never would have guessed.

"How are you?" Chris asked, sitting beside him at dinner.

"Not particularly wonderful," Kevin said, not really wanting to discuss his personal life with someone who had disappeared from it almost a year ago. He especially didn't want to discuss how easy it had been to fuck everything up. And this was it. This meeting. If they hadn't been before things were now officially Fucked. Up.

"I'm doing well," Chris admitted, as though it was something he was a little embarrassed by. He smiled and Kevin noted the flash of metal braces on his teeth.

"I see you're letting Lou call the shots now?" Kevin couldn't help but ask. "My body, my way, right?"

Chris stopped smiling.

"Every good adventure needs a villain, right?" Chris asked finally.

"You're not it," Kevin said. The villain in this tale was most undoubtedly himself. After all, he'd been warned. His father had warned him years ago. He'd just been too wrapped up in his own personal soap opera to catch on to the clues.

"So you say now," Chris said with a shrug.

"I'm happy for you," Kevin said and he mostly meant it. He'd said the words many times before, he just never realized that they would be at his own expense. "You deserve success."

Chris smiled. "It could be worse," he reasoned. "I could have been the love of your life."

"Yeah," Kevin said, and frowned. "Let's not get into that."

Chris nodded, squeezed Kevin's shoulder, and turned to laugh about something with one of the other guys. Joey, Kevin thought.

"How are you holding up?" Howie asked when they were safely back in their hotel room. He waited until Kevin was under the covers, until the lights were out. AJ was still flipping around, trying to get comfortable on the cot. The creak of the springs was louder in the darkness.

"About as well as you would expect," Kevin said, staring up into the darkness.

"They seem like nice guys."

"They seem like perfectly great guys. They seem like a blast."

"You hate them," Howie said, and Kevin thought he could see him nodding in the dim light from the windows.

Kevin sighed. "No. But I'm a little afraid of them. Afraid of what they might mean."

"Chris really liked you, Kevin," AJ said quietly. "We could tell."

"Maybe," Kevin said. He thought that he knew it was true, but there was that doubt there, fed by insecurities and disappearances.

Kevin had been warned, but it hadn't even begun to prepare him.

His father had always been right and now Kevin had a game to play.



There was, of course, a second betrayal, though it went side by side with the first. Johnny and Lou. And there would be a third and Kevin would expect it. Warn people of the pattern. Scratch his chin twenty years down the road and grip his own son's knee, tell him everything Kevin's father had told him.

Did Kevin think, looking back, that Chris had planned it all from the start? Did he think that Chris had used him? No. It wasn't something Kevin could have known because Kevin didn't think it was something that Chris himself had known, and had Kevin been in Chris's shoes, in his threadbare Nike's from 1992, could Kevin have said that he wouldn't have gone for it? He would have, Kevin knew that he would, even knowing - as he was sure Chris guessed - that they were being set up, put together with the exact purpose of being the Backstreet Boys' rivals.

When it came down to it Kevin would have done the same damn thing.



Despite liking the boys of Nsync, they all knew why they were really there. They all knew that they'd been introduced to their new rivals, and it banded them together, strengthened bonds that had previously been frayed. There were no more grudges among them, the constant bickering died down, old wounds were set aside and forgotten, but Kevin was still caught off guard by what happened next.

"What are you doing here?" Kevin asked, the first thought he could formulate upon opening the door to his room and seeing Kristin standing there.

Kristin smiled. Kevin was too stunned to return the expression. Howie stood from the bed behind Kristin, hugged Kevin, and slipped out of the room leaving the two of them alone.

"Howie thinks he can make all of your decisions for you," Kristin observed, nodding toward the closed door. Kevin turned to look at it, then turned back, half expecting to suddenly find himself alone in the room.

"I can't believe you're here."

"Howie can't choose what you do," Kristin continued. "He can't make choices for you."

"I know," Kevin agreed. Kristin sat down on one of the beds and Kevin went to her, hugged her. "I've missed you," he said.

Kristin laughed. "Apparently not enough!"

"I'm sorry. I should have told you," Kevin stammered. "Things. Nothing is going well."

"Yeah," Kristin said. "Howie told me."

"Howie tells you a lot," Kevin said, despite knowing that he shouldn't.

"And you don't tell me anything," Kristin countered. "You think I'm too stupid, too simple to understand. You think that I had no idea something was up the last time you were home. You think that I couldn't tell that you were hiding me?"

"I don't know."

"You tell me that you love me, Kev, but the fact is that I hardly play any role in your life at all. And I don't understand. You aren't even using me for sex. You have Howie to fill that role." Kevin flinched at her words and Kristin threw up her hands in frustration.

When Kevin didn't say anything she sighed and continued.

"Listen, I know that I've judged you unfairly in the past. I know now that I was wrong. And I'm sorry. We've both done our share to fuck up this relationship. We've both tried to tear each other apart. But now it comes down to you. Howie tried to make this choice for you, but I won't stay by default." Kristin paused and watched Kevin, make sure that Kevin was paying attention. Kevin couldn't have looked anywhere else if he had wanted to. "You can't have everything," she said, quietly, less in control than her previous statements would have the world believe.

"It's your turn now," Kristin said when Kevin still didn't speak.

"I thought I could let you go," Kevin started. "I thought that was what was best for the both of us, and at first it wasn't so hard. I thought I was doing just fine without you. But everything's fallen apart, and when it really came down to it, I couldn't say goodbye."

Kristin frowned and looked down at the hands in her lap.

"I've never fucked things up this badly before. For everyone. It's like, irreparable. And I think that Howie, Chris. They were attempts to forget you. Attempts to find something easier, because we've never been easy, Kris. Never.

"I love Howie, and he'll always be in my life, but when he asked I couldn't choose him. I couldn't make that choice, because the fact is, Howie will always be there. He'll always be by my side, but you're my future."

Kristin was still looking at her hands. Kevin wasn't sure if he'd been clear. If what he said had made any sense. He'd been thinking about it since Howie caught them in the airport, since Howie took it upon himself to fill Kristin in on what had been going on. He'd been angry, not because what Howie did was wrong, it most certainly wasn't, but because what Howie had done might permanently cost him Kristin. They'd been apart so many times, and even when Kevin had himself convinced that it was really over, there was still that chance, that hope, that they'd find one another again.

Kristin looked up from her lap finally and her eyes were shining with tears.

"Kris?" Kevin asked, fully prepared to elaborate, to plead for forgiveness, but Kristin smiled, just a small smile, and the hotel room seemed to become visibly brighter. She smiled and then took Kevin's face in her hands. "Kris," Kevin said again. Kristin kissed the corner of his mouth, kissed it twice, small kisses, soft kisses, and then she buried her head in Kevin's neck and held on tight.

Kevin kissed the top of her head and stroked her back. He was relieved. He was hopeful. And he was in love. It was the first time in days that he didn't feel as though he was trapped, at the bottom, ruined. It was the first time in days that he felt completely trusted.



The next few years were defined by exhaustion, by fear, by music and by love, but also by the periodic meeting of two groups. The Backstreet Boys and Nsync. It was inevitable that they would bump into one another as they trekked across countries. It was inevitable that they would be scheduled for the same events. And each time it happened, it was inevitable that a stab of pain and bitterness coursed through Kevin and he thought "This happened because of me. I let this happen."

It wasn't the group, the guys, but it was everything that the group stood for. Chris wasn't the villain as he'd said during their meeting in Switzerland, but as Kevin saw Nsync grow - come into their own - it became worse, because he'd been there in the beginning. He'd practically encouraged it. Would it have happened without him? Sure. Perhaps. But there was a chance that it wouldn't have, and it ate at Kevin.

The guys were nice enough, and they got along well with the fellas. Kevin tended to steer clear of Chris even though any encounters were always friendly, but he found JC and Joey to be fun-loving genuinely nice guys. And Lance and Justin. They were still kids, but good kids, like Nick. And yet, after one of the events, after dinner afterward, drinks and laughter, Kevin returned to his room and rested his head in his hands, chewed on his lower lip. Eventually he would pick up the phone, call Kristin, confide his worries in her.

He couldn't look at Lou or Johnny the same way. He questioned everything that they did, every piece of advice that they gave, and every concert that they set up.

It was during this period, Kevin thought, that the Boys really started to come into their own. They couldn't leave Lou. They were stuck with Johnny and Donna, but there was no longer the need to trust in every word that they said. When AJ wanted a tattoo, AJ went out and got one with few worries that Lou would object. Lou would, but there was less loyalty there, less reason for AJ, or for any of them to care. They found their own image, and if that involved piercings and tattoos and 'unsavory apparel' then Lou would just have to live with it. Lou imagined that he knew what their fans wanted, but the fan response to the changes that they made on their own were overwhelming, and more proof that they'd outgrown certain aspects of their lives.

They were Backstreet Boys. Superheroes, Nick would say. Ninjas. And there was no one that could compare.

"Don't worry about it," AJ said, in a manner reminiscent of Brian. "They've got nothing on us. There are hundreds just like them touring around Europe, Kev. They were here before we got here. Nsync'll still be stuck over here while we're doing our fourth album back in the States."

Encouraging words, but that wasn't how it went. Nsync crossed back over the sea before the Boys had even released their third US single. Fresh faced. Young. Alive. And even then they knew that things were being given to Chris's group that hadn't been handed to the Boys. They'd had to work for it, and in working they'd forgotten to close the doors behind them after they'd passed through.

Relationships with Lou and Johnny became even more strained. Donna disappeared from the picture all together. Kevin wanted to pull away. He was carrying enough past regrets. He didn't need this one as well. But he held out. They all did.

They held out until Johnny sat them down and showed them a schedule. One that had no room for a much-needed hospital visit. They held out until Nick was clutching the small ninjas in the palm of his rapidly growing hand as they stood around backstage staring at an oxygen tank.

And when Brian came to them after the show, grabbed Nick's hand that held the ninjas and squeezed, Kevin felt tears prick his eyes. Brian looked at the rest of them and said "Let's do this. Backstreet against the world."

Finally, Kevin thought as they cheered and helped Brian call the lawyers.

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