It was the hottest day in the history of Orlando. Might as well be in the history of the world as far as the boys were concerned, because they were standing around in a parking lot clad completely in leather. They'd filmed the choreography for the video at Park Studios that morning, and now that the sun was high they were sweltering. "This sucks," Nick said decidedly, coming up to them during a break. "It's fucking hot," AJ grumbled in agreement. Nick nodded and kicked at a stone in the parking lot. The director called AJ then to re-shoot his solo and he trudged off still grumbling under his breath. No doubt, AJ and Nick had expected a video shoot to be glamorous, with dressing rooms and their own personal fans and assistants. Maybe someday, but for now they were five overdressed boys, counting the hours until it was time to run back indoors. "It's hot," Nick repeated, plucking at his jacket and shrugging his shoulders in an attempt to get more comfortable. Kevin nodded, hoping agreement would help curb Nick's whining. It was true though, it was fucking hot, and Kevin could see the heat radiating from the pavement. Brian bounced up to them, grabbed the oversized white hat from Nick's head, shrieked, and ran off. Nick stood frozen for a second before narrowing his eyes and running off after Brian, shouting threats. Kevin could hear both of them laughing as their voices drifted farther away. "Have you spoken to Chris at all?" Howie asked, when they were alone. "Nope. Not in a few weeks," Kevin said. He leaned against a nearby motorcycle, one of their props. The metal was warm against the back of his legs. "Are you -?" Howie started, but he stopped before finishing the question. "What?" Kevin asked. "No, I'm fine. Completely. We were never that serious, and it's not like I didn't stop calling too. We just sort of…phased out, if that's the right wording." "It's too bad," Howie said. "You seemed to have fun together." "Still friends," Kevin said, he put a hand on the motorcycle and then jumped, the metal too hot to touch. "Good," Howie commented, and then frowned and looked down at his feet. "I've been thinking," Kevin said, shaking his hand. "My mother brought up Kristin while I was home. I'm thinking about calling her. Seeing what she's up to. I miss having her around. The single is being released soon and we'll probably be busy, so I'm not going to try to start anything, but you know, just talk. See where we stand." "Oh," Howie said, he looked up from his feet, but the frown on his face remained. "That sounds like a good plan." "You think so?" Kevin asked. Howie was usually more vocal, more excited, about things that he believed were good plans. "Are you feeling all right?" The tour had taken its toll on them all, and they'd all been pretty sick by the time it had ended, but it had been over for nearly a month, so hopefully Howie wasn't coming down with something else. "Sure," Howie said. "It's just ridiculously hot out here." "Fucking hot," Kevin agreed. When Nick started asking why he never got to hang out with Chris anymore, Kevin decided that it was time to give Chris a call. When the operator informed Kevin that Chris's line had been disconnected, Kevin decided to drop by his apartment. When it seemed that no one was home, Kevin tried his old trick of stopping by the restaurant, this time with Howie in tow. And when the hostess told them that Chris had quit several weeks earlier Howie frowned and said, "That's strange." "He's been wanting to get away from this place," Kevin said, scratching his chin. "I wonder if he moved. I bet he moved on me." "Or he couldn't pay his phone bill," Howie reasoned. "He just wasn't home." Neither of them were actually in the mood for steak, so they headed to the deli down the street instead. "It's really weird," Howie said, watching Kevin take a bit of his sandwich. "Are you sure you guys didn't fight?" Kevin shook his head. "Yeah. I think I would remember." "But he's just gone," Howie said. "It's really weird." "Tell me something I don't know," Kevin nodded. Maybe it wasn't as mutual as he thought it had been. But that was just dumb. Chris wasn't like that. There were few things that Chris didn't go at in as blunt and straightforward a manner as he could manage. "He said things were going well," Kevin said. "Maybe he hit something. Had to leave town. Something like that. You think?" "That's a nice thought," Howie agreed. "He deserves it." "He really does." Kevin said, lapsing into silence. Howie followed suit and they finished their sandwiches. Howie didn't say anything else until he'd slipped into the passenger side of Kevin's car. "Are you sure you're okay?" Howie asked finally. Kevin shrugged and started the car, thought about turning on the radio and then changed his mind. He didn't really want to talk about it but he saw the look in Howie's eye before they left the deli and knew that Howie didn't plan to let this go. "I'm okay," Kevin confirmed. "You said it was a mutual thing," Howie reminded him. "You said that you both realized it wasn't going to work." "We did," Kevin nodded. Everybody likes to think that it's a mutual thing. "So then why have you been so quiet? You've been like this for awhile." "It's August," Kevin said with a shrug. He turned the corner out of the parking lot and headed back toward their apartment. Kevin glanced over at Howie and found Howie watching him, biting his lower lip, his brow furrowed in confusion and concern. Kevin sighed. "My dad died in August, Howie. Four years ago last week." "Oh, shit, Kev. I'd forgotten. You must want to kill me for harping on about this whole Chris thing." "Nah. Keeping my mind on other things. It's good for me." "He'd be proud of you. You know he's proud of you," Howie said, sounding just like an imitation of Kevin's mother. "Maybe," Kevin said. "You know what he said when I told him I was moving to Florida? He didn't say 'hey, that sounds like a great move.' And he didn't say 'You're talented and you'll find success.'" "What did he say?" Howie asked. "I could tell," Kevin continued. "He was proud. He did think I deserved success, but instead he sighed and looked disappointed and warned me about trust. He told me to watch my back because someone would try to stab it if I wasn't careful." "Do you think Chris - " "No, he didn't mean like that," Kevin shook his head, stopping at a red light. "He meant like Lou and Johnny and Donna. The industry types. I think that's what he meant, anyway. I never got a chance to ask him." "Well, we're lucky then. That's not going to happen to us. They're watching our backs." "Right," Kevin said. "I think about it sometimes though, you know? He told me all this stuff about betrayal and trust and then turned around and up and left us a year later." Every time it happened, every time one of them left Kevin prepared himself for it, prepared himself to pick up the shattered pieces of his life, completely alone. It hadn't happened yet. "Kev. That's not what happened." "Yeah," Kevin said, turning into the parking lot for their building. "I know." In the end Kevin decided that it was the only explanation that made sense. Things were finally working out for Chris and he had to follow his dream. It was understandable. It explained almost every aspect of Chris's second disappearing act. Maybe he had to go to California or New York. He'd mentioned that the kid he met knew a singer in LA. Howie agreed that it all fit, but as time passed and Kevin still heard no word from Chris he began to worry. His life was moving forward, the single release quickly approaching, things were picking up again, and then Kevin began to forget. Kevin would always remember the release of the Backstreet Boys first single, We've Got it Goin' On. The first station to play the song was a local radio station in Orlando. The boys went down to the studio and did a small interview, their first radio interview, before the song was played. Kevin's heart was pounding with anticipation. This was it. They were going to be on national radio. They went out for a large group dinner that night to celebrate, but it didn't really hit Kevin until the next day, driving back from the mall with Kristin, when the song was played again on the same radio section. "Holy shit," Kevin said in awe. He pulled the car over to the side of the road, leaned back in his chair and just listened. "That was a new up and coming group The Backstreet Boys and their song "We've Got It Goin' On," the DJ said when the song had finished. Kevin closed his eyes, he felt like he couldn't breathe, he needed air, so he unbuckled his seatbelt, opened the car door and slipped out. "Kev?" Kristin asked from the passenger seat. She hopped out of the car as well, the grin on her face large and bright. "It's happening," Kevin said in awe, and her smile grew wider. He said it again, shouting, his hands in the air on the side of the highway. Kristin laughed and Kevin picked her up, swung her around in a circle and kissed her smiling mouth. They were taking it slow, but Kevin thought this was certainly cause for an exception. The elation didn't last long. Johnny and Lou were infinitely unhappy with the way things were going and yet it seemed as though they were around less and less as things began to stagnate. The song reached #69 on the Billboard charts. Jive couldn't get MTV to play the video. They were mildly successful in Canada, probably thanks to their participation in the summer tour, but it was overseas that the song was really exploding. "So what now?" Kevin asked when Johnny, Donna, and Lou finally sat the five of them down in Johnny and Donna's living room for a group meeting. Lou folded his hands in his lap and said, "They love you overseas. Germany, Switzerland." "They're playing the video nonstop over there," Johnny added. "If Europe is where they want you, then Europe is where you'll go. The US isn't ready for you boys yet," Lou said. And that was it. The wheels were turning. Lou and Johnny began making new plans. The next time Howie questioned his social life it had nothing to do with Chris at all. "Come on in," Kevin said when Howie knocked on his open door. Kevin was sitting on his bed surrounded by neatly folded piles of clothing. His desk was covered in socks, underwear, and toiletries. The floor at the foot of his bed was hidden beneath a pile of shoes. "You're not bringing all of this," Howie said, gesturing to the piles of clothes and the still empty suitcase and duffel bag. "I have a process," Kevin explained, and even he didn't know all of the ins and outs of his 'process' but it was at least more organized than Brian's method of packing - stuffing in everything that was clean and would fit while still allowing the zipper to shut. Brian always had to bribe people into taking him to the store to buy toothbrushes and deodorant once they arrived at their destination. "How's Kristin?" Howie asked, poking a socked toe at the pile of shoes. He sighed and looked at Kevin. "We're taking it slow." Kevin said. "She just got out of a relationship. Some asshole. Phil or something. I've never met him, but I absolutely hate him anyway." Howie nodded. "So," Kevin concluded, "we're taking it slow." He chose a pile of t-shirts and dropped them off the edge of the bed. They landed on top of his duffel bag. "We're leaving," Howie pointed out. Plans had been made. A European tour was easier to set up than one would have expected. Rehearsals sparked with excitement and tension. The bickering during recording was heightened. They were leaving for Europe. "I know. She knows. Taking it slow." "And you're still going to try to work things out?" Kevin nodded and then smiled up at Howie. "I think so," he said, as though even he couldn't believe it. Howie bit his lip and pushed aside a folded pile of jeans, sitting on the bed beside Kevin. "Are you packed?" Kevin asked. Howie shrugged noncommittally. "Is Brian packing at least?" Kevin asked, not satisfied with Howie's shrug. "He knows we're leaving early, right?" "I don't know," Howie said. "His door is shut. He knows." "I promised Jane we'd be ready. She's picking us up in the van." "Kevin," Howie said. "Stop worrying. We'll be ready. If anyone is going to make us late it's AJ." Kevin squinted at Howie. He grabbed the pile of jeans by Howie's side and dropped them on top of the pile of shirts, already on the floor. Howie watched him, picking absently at his fingernails, the only indication that he was nervous at all. "What's going on, man?" Kevin asked, suspicious. "You're usually running around like a chicken with its head cut off the day before a flight." Howie shrugged again. "I guess - nothing," he said. "I'm just preoccupied, I guess." Kevin put down the sweatshirt he was holding and frowned. Kevin usually went to Howie when something wasn't going the way he had hoped, when he hit a speed bump. Hell, he went to Howie when he spilled a glass of milk these days, but Howie rarely came looking for similar comfort, similar advice. "What's up?" Kevin asked, suddenly concerned. "Nothing," Howie said, fidgeting, suddenly uncomfortable. "It's stupid." "No it isn't," Kevin said. "I won't think it's stupid. Come on. Are you nervous or something? Is it rehearsals? The tour?" "No," Howie shook his head, "no. It's not. I mean, I'm nervous about it and stuff like that, but it's not that." "What then. Come on, man. You'll feel better if you tell someone." Howie took a breath and then said, "I don't think you should get back together with Kristin." Kevin frowned. "Why not?" "This is stupid," Howie said, his voice hushed. Then he was grabbing Kevin's shirt at the shoulder and pulling Kevin forward. Kevin, startled, started to speak, but before he could say more than a word, Howie's mouth was pressed against his. The first kiss was short, chaste, and followed by one or two more, as though Howie was testing the waters, giving Kevin a chance to turn tail and run. Kevin was pretty sure he wasn't going anywhere, and not only because Howie didn't seem like he intended to let go of Kevin's shirt anytime soon. By the fourth kiss, Howie seemed to figure out that Kevin hadn't shoved him off the bed or laughed in his face or whatever it was that Howie was afraid that Kevin might do. The fourth kiss lasted longer. By the fourth kiss, Kevin knew he would be nuts to protest. Howie licked playfully across Kevin's lips before sucking the bottom lip into his mouth. Kevin never would have guessed that Howie was such a talented kisser. And now, thinking about Howie's mouth, what it was doing to him, Kevin couldn't imagine Howie being anything but talented. When Howie's teeth grazed Kevin's lip, Kevin gasped, and Howie pulled away, kissing the corner of Kevin's mouth, before moving back in for kiss number five. By then Kevin had gotten control of himself. He gripped Howie's arms and Howie grunted against him, only to become suddenly quiet when Kevin slipped his tongue between Howie's parted lips. The wet warmth of Howie's mouth was inviting, and tasted faintly of toothpaste as though he'd just been preparing for sleep before he stopped by Kevin's room. He probably had been, Kevin thought absently, sucking lightly on Howie's tongue. Howie always insisted on being well rested while travelling, slipping into his room while Kevin was watching television and Brian had only just begun to think about packing. But Howie was up now, and if the kiss was affecting him as much as it was Kevin, then he was up in more ways than one. It was Howie that finally pulled away, his hands on Kevin's shoulders. He licked his lips and Kevin stared at him. Howie's eyes were heavy but sharp with the telltale signs of the lust that he had been hiding for months, a year, Kevin couldn't be sure. He'd caught hints of it before and brushed it off, thought that he'd misread. But it was the same look in Howie's eyes now and Kevin hadn't misread at all. "I just thought you should know," Howie said, suddenly, jolting Kevin out of his thoughts. When Kevin didn't say anything right away Howie shrugged, stood, and slipped out of the room. They left for Europe the next morning. Next