by Zoicite
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“You’re gonna blow up, Timberlake,” Paul said, hugging Justin. Justin didn’t quite understand why he was leaving and Paul wouldn’t tell him. He wouldn’t tell anyone. It must be big. Justin couldn’t imagine leaving. Not when things had finally started happening. The door shut behind him and Justin turned to the others, tried not to look at the cameras. Jacob sat at the long dining room table and shrugged. “Down to seven,” he said. “Listen. If anyone else wants to up and leave – go home – you might as well say so now.” He was looking at Ikaika, and then his gaze shifted to Justin. Justin stiffened. Jacob didn’t like Justin much, but then Justin didn’t have too many good things to say for Jacob either. Justin was practically a veteran compared to the others. People remembered him from the Mickey Mouse Club, and even more knew him from recent Gap commercials, as the kid in the Dell computer ads. He knew important people like JC Chasez and Tony Lucca. He knew Britney. When she sat in front of cameras and blushed and talked about her first kiss, that was Justin. They’d all gone for it and he watched them all make it while his solo efforts never left the landing strip. He waited patiently, finished high school and attended a local college in vocal performance, and now it was his turn. Justin still talked to JC sometimes. He knew what he was in for. He would make the cut. He knew he would. It kept him going when all he wanted was to quit and go his own way. Justin looked at the other seven guys and he knew he had it. Lou had practically assured him during the first wave of auditions. “You’ve got a spark,” he’d said. “The next Howie Dorough. The next Nick Carter. We’ll call you next week.” And Justin had grinned under the sweaty palm of Lou Pearlman, because someone other than his mother had finally realized that he was supposed to be a star. Justin didn’t like the cameras. He knew cameras. He knew what he was supposed to do in front of them. But they all had to be on all the time. If they weren’t there would be a whole episode centered around their stupid bickering, a slip in the shiny exterior. It was what the producers wanted, and Justin liked to think he was too experienced for that. They followed him around everywhere. He didn’t think it was quite so bad for the others. Maybe Ashley. When Justin asked if the cameramen stood outside while Trevor showered, Trevor just raised an eyebrow and walked away. Ashley nodded and blushed. “Was Paul in your five?” Trevor asked him a few days after Paul had gone. “Yeah,” Justin said. “Mine too,” Trevor nodded. Later, Justin obediently told the cameras that his ‘five’ were Ashley, Paul, Mike, Trevor, and himself. Paul could be a bastard, a bit of a womanizer, and it wasn’t a quality that Justin particularly liked in a friend, but Paul was a good guy underneath that. Good when compared to Jacob anyway. He felt bad not choosing his own roommate, Ikaika, in his five. Even with Paul gone, Justin chose Erik as his replacement. Ikaika was a good performer, and he had a lot of heart, but Justin had been in and out of the business for a long time, and Ikaika didn’t have what it took to survive. He was so homesick already and they’d only been there a few months. Justin understood. He missed his mama too. He missed his little brother, and the apartment that he shared with Trace, but they were still in Florida, a few hours drive away. He didn’t have a continent dividing them. He didn’t have an ocean. Justin let Jacob rant about Ikaika and then he stayed up and let Ikaika talk quietly to him with the lights out. Ikaika painted pictures of beaches and rain forests and mountains, places Justin had yet to go. Ikaika spent an entire night telling Justin everything he missed about his girlfriend and another was devoted to his family. So Justin listened to Ikaika’s laments and Jacob’s rants and he didn’t say that he thought Jacob was the biggest part of the group’s problem. He didn’t tell Jacob that it didn’t matter if Ikaika kept going home to Hawaii. Ikaika wouldn’t make the group if he kept it up. Ikaika was only really hurting himself, but Jacob’s constant bitching, his snide comments, those affected them all. Justin didn’t tell Jacob that it didn’t matter that he’d been singing solo since he was five. Justin had been too, but he didn’t bring it up every day. He had years more experience than Jacob’s little California singing thing. And Justin didn’t care that Jacob played guitar ten times better than he did, or that Jacob also idolized Michael Jackson. Jacob couldn’t dance, not well, and dancing would be more important in the long run anyway. And Justin was sure that Jacob’s ego would kill him in the end. Lou assured them that they’d be the next Backstreet Boys. They would be bigger than Trio – JC’s group – and Backstreet combined. And it wouldn’t take them nine years to get there. Justin didn’t say that it had already taken him ten. With Ikaika in Hawaii, Justin stayed up with Trevor, helping him perfect his vocals on All for Love. Justin hated All for Love. They all did. The dancing was pretty cool, but the song itself was lame. They all talked about the songs they’d write when the group was real, when they had some control. They all crossed off the days on their calendars. A countdown to the decision. Justin had the day marked with a star, by a smiley face with a mop of curly hair. He spoke to JC on the phone and let Ashley and Erik say hi to him. They were jumping with excitement and JC laughed and said they sounded cool. Justin had been afraid of what JC would think of the whole ‘Making the Band’ thing. He was afraid JC would think of it as selling out. Justin thought of it that way. Backstreet and Trio were the forerunners in pop music throughout the nineties, and the two groups were as different as night and day. Backstreet were singers, performers, specializing in harmonies and sometimes in dancing. Trio sang of course, with JC as the lead. Marc and Tony sang too, but mostly they played. They thought that the Backstreet Boys had it easy. They were the Beatles. The Backstreet Boys were the New Kids on the Block. “We all sell out in one way or another,” JC said. “Go for it, Justin. Just remember to be careful.” Justin had been hurt when JC had left for Los Angeles with Tony and Marc. Justin had wanted to go, and JC left him behind. “Why didn’t you ask me to join?” Justin asked later, at the release party for Trio’s first album. “You’re so young, J.” JC had said before he was pulled off into the crowd by a record exec, leaving his pretty blonde boyfriend behind with Justin. Justin wasn’t young anymore. He was practically past his prime, getting old too fast in the eyes of the fickle music industry. He had to make a move. If it wasn’t this, it’d have to be something else, but Justin was pretty sure this was it. Justin held Ashley’s hand while Lou gripped the envelope. They were all gathered on the couches, and this was it. They would finally know. Things had been delayed. Contracts had been re-negotiated. JC had told Justin to be careful and they had been. Justin remembered the Backstreet lawsuit. It wasn’t that long ago. They wouldn’t make the same mistakes. Lou was breathing loudly, drawing out the moment. Justin stared into the closest camera and then closed his eyes, squeezing Ashley’s hand. Jacob took his other hand, and Justin wrapped his fingers around Jacob’s. They were a chain that was about to be broken, waiting to find out which links were faulty. “Jacob Underwood.” Lou said, and Justin heard Jacob exhale. He smiled and hugged Jacob, putting all arguments and doubts to rest for the moment. “Erik Michael Estrada.” Erik had tears in his eyes. “Ikaika.” Justin felt Jacob’s grip on his hand tighten, but Jacob didn’t say anything. “Ashley Angel.” Ashley let out a surprised laugh and Justin pulled him into a one armed hug. “and the fifth member,” Lou paused for effect. “Justin Timberlake.” Justin saw the camera zoom in on him. He felt tears prick the corners of his eyes and he grinned, let Ashley and Erik jump all over him, yelling. He was ready for his turn. |