by Nynaeve
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Brian put a hand to his face and breathed, quiet in the moment. He'd been alone, they'd left him alone, in this simple blue waiting room for almost fifteen minutes now. He wished he had a bottle of water, or a Sprite or something, but there was nothing in the room except for chairs, plants and three Reader's Digests from 1996, and he was too tired to go looking for anything else. He was too tired to do much these days. He closed his eyes so he didn't have to see his watch. He figured he had a while still, before they came and got him. The other guys had been wanting to have it out with Lou for a long time, and Brian could guess that they would be busy in their meeting for at least another half hour or so. He, himself, had just gotten out of a meeting with Lou and had definitely not been in the mood for another. Especially not when he had to try and digest the news that Lou had for him. He had to go back to work tomorrow. He had only been out of the hospital for what felt like no time at all, and already Lou wanted him back on the job. Apparently, Lou had only pushed their appearances off for a month when Brian had gone in for his operation. It was only the fierceness of his doctor that had kept him off for the extra weeks beyond that month. Lou was not a happy man and his doctor had finally decided that it wouldn't kill Brian's heart to get back to work. So far, no one had asked him about his spirit. The other members of the group had been furious when Brian told them what Lou had mandated. They had used this opportunity to charge right in and start an argument on Brian's behalf, though Brian had no illusions that they weren't also using the chance to air out a lot of other grievances. Brian slumped back in his chair and covered his face with his hands. He hoped that the other guys weren't getting into too much trouble right now. It wouldn't make any difference and would probably only make things harder in the long run. The door cracked open suddenly and Brian jumped, the legs of his chair scraping against the floor loudly with his movement. "Woah, Brian, take it easy, man." "Howie." Brian dropped his hands into his lap and relaxed his suddenly over-tense muscles. "It's just you." His long-haired friend walked quickly, but smoothly, to his side and sat in the chair right next to him. "Yeah, just me. You ok?" Howie reached out and took Brian's hand, trying to surreptiously take his pulse from his wrist. Brian jerked his hand away, "Would you knock it off? You guys keep doing that and I'm going to get a complex about people trying to hold my hand. I'm fine. See?" Brian patted his fists, lightly, against his pecs, avoiding his healing scar but making his point. "Ok, ok." Howie held his hands out and smiled at him placatingly before settling back in his chair. "What are you doing here, anyway? I thought y'all were going to chew Lou a new one. Kevin even got out his 'List'." "Yeah, well, I just wanted to hear what excuse Lou gave for making you go back to work so soon. Once Lou smiled and said, 'that's the business, boys' I knew we weren't going to get anything out of him. Even Kevin put the 'Big List of Lou-shit' away after that. I think he's mostly staying in there right now out of pride. He'll be out in a little while." "And he'd never let Nick or AJ leave before he'd decided he was done." "Of course not." "But you got away." Brian smiled over at Howie. Howie returned the smile, teeth flashing in the dim light of the blue room. "Kevin can't keep me in there if I want to leave. Besides, I wanted to see how you were dealing with what that asshole's making you do." Brian's smile slipped and he leaned forward to pick up a faded Reader's Digest. "Yeah, well, it sucks of course, but I'll be fine." "Fine?" Brian flipped a page. "Yeah, fine. My doctor says I'm healthy enough to hit the road." "'Healthy enough' doesn't mean 'fine', you know." Howie was leaning towards him, trying to get him to look up, but Brian resisted, staring intently down at an article about Money Market accounts. Brian sighed. "Whatever. That's just...it doesn't matter." Howie leaned closer and rested a hand on Brian's knee. Brian shifted in his chair and stared blankly at his magazine, trying to remember if he'd read this page yet or not. He wished Howie would stop looking at him. Howie, just like everyone else, seemed to have some pre-fixed idea of how Brian should be feeling and right now Brian was too tired to try and figure out what that was. He just wanted all of the meetings to be over so he could go and enjoy his last day off. Maybe he'd even get everyone to leave him alone so he could get some rest. Maybe he'd finally get enough sleep. Suddenly, his magazine was being yanked away and he looked up, ready to complain, when he was stopped by the look on Howie's face. Howie's eyes, which were already large, were now huge and right. there. Right in Brian's face. Brian felt like he should lean away, but he couldn't, trapped by Howie's hand on his knee and Howie's compelling gaze searing into him. As Brian gazed back, he couldn't help but notice that Howie's eyes were looking so large for a reason. They were shining and wet, with a line of water gathering along the bottom edge. "What...Howie?" Brian stammered. "What?" "Brian." Howie took a deep breath through his nose. "I don't know, ok? I admit that I don't really know how you're feeling. None of us do. But I can tell you that no one. No. One. Wants to understand more than us. Especially..." Howie trailed off and looked down at his hand on Brian's knee. He shifted it until it was cupping the muscle of Brian's thigh. "Especially me," he finally whispered. "D." Brian murmured, feeling a little off guard. "I. We haven't." "I know. We haven't since you got out of the hospital, but that's not because of me." Brian sat silently and watched as the water in Howie's eyes finally leaked away, back wherever it had come from. Howie's face was dry and thin-looking. Intense. "I know," he finally admitted. Howie reached up and ran the fingers of his free hand over Brian's collarbones, dipping them down to caress the top of Brian's chest. "I know you won't break, Brian. I know that. I would've been willing to be with you however you'd let me." "Yeah. It's just...really hard. And my parents." He didn't know quite what he was trying to say. "For all of us, Bri." Howie slid his hand up to cup Brian's shoulder and leaned close enough to touch their foreheads together. Brian breathed in the familiar scent of them together. It was slightly different than either of them apart. "I don't like being sick," he admitted. "I don't think that's what the problem is," Howie said quietly. "No. Not. No," Brian choked. It was his turn to feel wetness grow beneath his eyelids. "Brian," Howie breathed. "It's ok. You're good. You're here." Howie wasn't normally a big talker, but he continued murmuring into Brian's hair and next to his ear, and sooner than Brian would have thought, he felt his breathing calm. "You're alive with me, Brian. With me." Soothing fingers ran through Brian's hair and pressed into his cheeks. Brian turned in Howie's arms brushed his lips over Howie's chin. Howie made an approving noise and pulled gently at Brian until their lips met. It had been several weeks since they had kissed and Brian's head was still not clear on why that was. He knew it had been longer than that since he'd felt comfortable enough in his skin to want to kiss anybody, though he was enjoying it now. Howie kissed him firmly, not letting his thoughts wander too far and Brian found himself grateful to Howie, for anchoring him in this way. The kiss finally ended when Howie stood up to go balance a chair under the doorknob to the waiting room. He came back and immediately pulled Brian close to him and started nibbling at Brian's neck, hands skimming all over Brian's arms and back, restless and strong. "Ok?" he asked, and Brian knew it would be the only time he asked. "Yeah." Brian relaxed back in his chair, turning to hook his knee under Howie's and pull him even closer. Howie responded by sliding out of his chair and on to the floor in front of Brian, pushing Brian's legs apart and pressing in close. His restless hands slid underneath the edge of Brian's t-shirt as he ducked his head to kiss a line across Brian's stomach. Howie mumbled into Brian's skin, more words than he usually used, but Brian could only pick out a few here and there. "Alive" and "yes" and "skin" and "hot". Brian arched a bit and felt a newly-familiar pulling in the skin and muscles of his chest. He decided to ignore it and instead cupped his hand against the back of Howie's head encouragingly. Pushing Brian's shirt up as far as he could, Howie slid his hands back down and traced his fingers along the ridges of Brian's hipbones before dipping them into the waistband of Brian's pants. Brian sucked in his stomach and soon enough his zipper was being lowered to make way for Howie's soft lips and quick tongue. The muscles in Brian's thighs tightened, and he used them to clutch Howie gently between them before spreading again as far as they could comfortably go. Boxer snaps were undone with speed and dexterity and then layers of clothes gave way to skin-against-skin. Howie wasted no time before he was enclosing Brian within his mouth. At the same time, they both let out muffled moans, Brian pressing his lips together to contain the sound. It had been awhile, yes, but Brian knew that he would not have wanted to welcome this before today. In his healing process, he was just now reaching a balance of body and mind that was ready to deal with this rush of feeling. This merging and quickening and tightening and intensity of togetherness with his friend and lover and oh god, Howie's mouth. Howie nuzzled against him happily, sucking and running his lips and tongue all over Brian's throbbing cock. Brian watched as long as he could before squinting and coming with a shudder and a sigh. It was a fast orgasm and definitely not the most mind-blowing he'd ever had. That was fine though, that was ok, it was what he was ready to handle right now. It felt good just opening up far enough to welcome this again. Howie seemed grateful as well, kneeling back and trailing his fingers lightly over Brian's body, smiling gently with the smallest shining of teeth. "I'm glad you're feeling better now." Brian wrinkled his nose and shrugged. "You just made me feel pretty damn good, yeah." "No, I know. It's not like, la la la, all better, but." "Yeah, no, it's ok. Thank you, D." He reached out and traced a finger around Howie's lips. Howie smiled and sucked a small kiss onto the fingertip. Then they shifted apart and straightened their clothes as Howie went to move the chair away from the door. As he came back, Howie shoved two chairs close together and settled in the middle of them before he gently pulled Brian up and onto his lap. Brian gave a small, startled yelp but didn't resist as he settled against Howie's strong chest. They needed the support of the chairs to balance as Brian was actually a tiny bit larger than Howie, though it wasn't a problem since Howie was easily strong enough to pick Brian up and swing him around if he wanted to. Brian leaned his head against Howie's neck and sighed. "I'm so tired, D." Skimming his hands up and down Brian's arms, Howie also nodded gently. "I can tell." Several minutes later, Brian realized that the other meeting was probably going to end soon and then he'd have to get up and walk out of here, would probably have to talk to Lou again on the way, and then came the drive home before he could even think about bed. Not to mention the early wake-up the next day. "Tomorrow--" he began. "Don't think about it," Howie said quickly. "I know. And don't think about it yet. We'll deal later. Just...later." He squeezed Brian close as if he could take the other man inside himself. "'K," Brian said, and closed his eyes. |