When Brian calls and asks if he can stay a while, AJ is quick to say yes. He’s single and he’s lonely and he hates living alone and Kevin will probably be glad to have a break from AJ spending most evenings on Kevin’s couch in front of Kevin’s television drinking Kevin’s Mountain Dew that he’s positive Kevin wouldn’t even be buying if he hadn’t resigned himself to AJ’s presence every evening.

Brian doesn’t offer a reason for the visit and AJ doesn’t ask for one. He knows that things have been a little rough recently. He knows that Brian and Leighanne are trying to keep it together for Baylee. He doesn’t really know why things have been rough, but he knows the reasons behind past rough patches and he can pretty much piece together the rest.

Brian insists it’s all temporary. Just visiting. Based on the amount of shit Brian brings with him, AJ’s prepared for a long visit.

They pile Brian’s things in the front hall and when they’re done Brian stands over the pile and sighs.

“Thanks,” he says. “I just needed a break, you know?”

“Not a problem,” AJ says and pats Brian on the back. Brian smiles gratefully. “Let’s get this stuff to your room.”

**

Brian locks himself in the guest room at the end of the hall at 7 pm and calls Leighanne. AJ is down the hall in his own bedroom reading a magazine, but he can hear Brian raise his voice three times and when Brian starts laughing AJ guesses that Leighanne must have put Baylee on the phone.

**

Brian’s room is empty when AJ finally rolls out of bed the next morning. He’d forgotten that about Brian. It’s only 9:30 but Brian’s probably been up for hours already.

“I was going to make you breakfast,” AJ says, shoving a pair of glasses on his face as he shuffles down the stairs. He was thinking eggs, but AJ’s eggs are Leighanne’s recipe and he thinks that that might not be the best thing just now. Eggo Waffles it is then. “Did you already eat?”

The house is quiet and Brian isn’t in the living room where AJ expects to find him. He’s not in the kitchen or on the back deck either.

“Rok,” AJ calls, wondering if maybe Brian re-thought the whole thing and caught a red-eye back to Georgia. “you here?”

AJ stops at the front door long enough to slide on a pair of flip flops and then flings it open to find Brian leaning against the wall of the house and peaking around a bush.

Brian doesn’t turn to look at him and AJ clears his throat. Brian does turn then and puts a finger to his lips and then jerks a thumb back around the corner. AJ takes a few steps out on the porch and takes a look.

His neighbor’s son Toby is out there engaging in his usual morning routine of being an odd teenager. His hair is stranger than usual this week, a unique mix of red, white and purple spiked out all over the place and AJ’s just a little jealous. Toby is on the front lawn twisted up like a pretzel with one leg behind his head and he grins and wiggles his fingers at AJ in greeting when he sees AJ watching. AJ waves back and then Brian yanks him by the back of his t-shirt.

“Did he escape from the circus or something?” Brian asks.

“Yeah, man. He’s like a contortionist or something. I don’t know.”

“I was out here, just minding my own business, you know, and that kid has been watching me the whole time.”

“He’s a good kid. A little odd, but who isn’t? Does my lawn work for me.”

Brian frowns. “You let this guy mow your lawn?”

AJ shrugs. “He does a good job.”

“They have like lawn places that will do that for you.”

AJ shrugs again. “Toby’s okay.”

Brian looks at Toby’s house and AJ knows what Brian’s thinking. Toby’s house is much larger than AJ’s.

“He doesn’t need the money,” Brian frowns.

“That’s good ‘cause I don’t pay him much,” AJ agrees.

Brian’s looking at the kid like he’s the sort of crazy fan who’s likely to snatch little rat dogs just ‘cause he’s rich and spoiled and bored. Brian’s been claiming for years now that he’s going to make Baylee get a job at McDonalds as soon as he turns 16. Leighanne usually laughs as though she doesn’t believe him. AJ believes him. Brian thinks fast food builds character. AJ thinks that Brian might be right about that.

“Just let him do his thing,” AJ says, slapping Brian on the back. “He’s never seen the Great B-Rok from the Backstreet Boys before in the flesh and there you are wandering around my front yard. He’s probably a closet fan. Come on, I’m making waffles. Putting them in the toaster and everything.”

“I already ate,” Brian says, still frowning.

“Okay,” AJ nods. “Well, then come and watch me eat.” Brian doesn’t look like he’s about to budge so AJ grabs his arm and starts dragging him through the front door. “Come on, man. Stop gawking at the locals. I thought you were supposed to be the one with manners.”

“I have manners,” Brian agrees and lets AJ drag him into AJ’s kitchen. He sits down at AJ’s counter and when AJ pulls the box of waffles from the freezer and drops two into the toaster, Brian eyes them and says “I think I probably have room for waffles.”

AJ grins and pulls two more from the box.

**

“It’s not as easy as you think it should be,” Brian is saying when AJ passes his room that night on the way to his own. “It’s not easy.”

AJ doesn’t know what it is that isn’t easy, but he thinks he probably has an idea.

**

Kevin calls looking for AJ on the third day.

“What happened to you?” Kevin asks when AJ picks up the phone. “I thought you had a routine going.”

“Brian’s here,” AJ says, surprised that Kevin doesn’t already know.

“Why?”

“I think it might be over,” AJ says and Kevin doesn’t ask what AJ means because they were all there during the fights at the end of the Never Gone tour.

“Do you want me to come over there?” Kevin asks instead.

“So far he’s doing a good job not talking about it,” AJ says. “He seems okay. So far.”

“Let me know if you need me,” Kevin says. He sounds concerned.

**

AJ’s not sure why Brian bothered bringing so many clothes. He’s been there four days and as far as AJ can tell he’s worn the same pair of faded jeans and the same ripped Kentucky sweatshirt for all four of them.

“When’s the last time you bathed, man? You probably smell,” AJ tells him when he finds him lounging on the living room couch. “I’m not going to get close enough to check.”

Brian sniffs his armpit and then shrugs. Sometimes Brian and Nick are a little too much alike.

“So,” AJ says. He knocks Brian’s legs out of the way and sits down on the arm of his couch. “Do you want to like – I don’t know. You’re visiting, I should probably entertain you. What do you want to do?”

“You don’t have to entertain me,” Brian says and then gestures to the television. “I’ve been entertaining myself.”

“What is that? Days of Our Lives? You’re entertaining yourself with soap operas.”

Brian shrugs. “That doesn’t count?”

“No,” AJ says. “Not unless you’re a housewife or something.”

Brian pats the couch and then points to AJ. “Come on. Sit down and be a housewife with me.”

AJ thinks about making a stink and pulling Brian outdoors and making him do something because if Brian isn’t going to talk about it and AJ isn’t going to force him then Brian’s going to have to do something that isn’t moping around AJ’s house all day. But Brian’s waiting for him to sit in that way that Brian has that makes AJ really want to sit just so that Brian will smile at him. Brian hasn’t smiled much since he showed up on AJ’s doorstep.

“We’re doing something tomorrow,” AJ says with a sigh as he slides off the arm of the couch to sit down next to Brian. Brian starts to make a gesture toward the television and AJ swats his hand down and amends “Something other than this.”

AJ sniffs a little and turns to look at the side of Brian’s face. Brian is slumped down on the couch, leaning in toward AJ. Turns out, Brian doesn’t smell bad at all.

**

“Where are we going?” Brian asks, climbing into AJ’s car and buckling his seatbelt. AJ likes that about Brian. Not asking where he’s being taken until he’s already been lured into a car. It’s a trust thing, he guesses. Kevin always asks first thing. Howie usually just refuses to go right off the bat.

“Bowling,” AJ says and Brian just nods.

They eat popcorn and drink soda and they bowl and Brian laughs a lot and lets AJ smoke and then kicks AJ’s ass and AJ considers the day a success.

“I let you win,” he says in the parking lot afterwards.

“Everyone always lets me win,” Brian grumbles, but he’s grinning and he knocks into AJ as they walk to AJ’s car and anyway, AJ’s lying like a rug and it’s pretty obvious.

Brian is quiet on the way back to AJ’s house, right up until they pull into AJ’s driveway and Brian notices Toby sitting on his front porch.

“He’s watching us,” Brian says, eyeing Toby.

“You’re a pop star,” AJ says. “Get used to it.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” Brian asks. “None of my neighbors watch me like that.”

“All of your neighbors are like 80, dude.”

“Yeah, but don’t they usually get nosier with age?”

“I guess, I don’t know.”

“They get nosier with age,” Brian insists.

AJ shrugs and says “I think Toby has a crush on you. He never watches me like this usually.”

“Great,” Brian says and slouches down in his seat as AJ pulls them into the safety of his garage.

**

Brian brings it up again the next day when AJ finds him reading a magazine in the living room with all of the drapes pulled tight. “Two days ago that kid was lurking outside the windows with the lawn mower,” Brian worries.

“He was mowing the lawn,” AJ says, slowly as though Brian’s one of their foreign fans. He walks over to the windows and pulls the drapes open, letting the afternoon sun into the room. Brian squints at him.

“Your lawn isn’t that big,” Brian counters. “I’m just saying maybe you should keep an eye out is all.

“You’ve been here for a week, dude. I’ve had that kid mowing my lawn for almost a year now. I think I would know if he’s going to be a problem by now.”

Brian shrugs. “I would keep an eye out.’

“You’re paranoid.”

“It’s instinct.”

“It’s crappy instinct,” AJ says, but what he really wants to say is that Brian’s looking for something. He’s looking for something small, something inconsequential to focus on, something that will keep him from thinking about the things that he should be thinking about. Things like Baylee and Leighanne and Atlanta. All the things that Brian isn’t saying and that AJ isn’t asking about. It’s been a week and Brian’s still pretending it’s a vacation, a choice.

“I have good instincts,” Brian insists, tilting his head back to look at AJ over the back of the couch.

AJ nods indulgently and pokes Brian’s forehead. He thinks he’s going to have to ask. Brian is the type that would wait it out, wait for AJ or Nick or whoever to crack and share when they’re ready, but AJ and Nick are weak and crack in ten minutes, half an hour tops. This is getting long and every night AJ hears the arguments over the phone and each one just adds more questions to the mix and soon –

“It’s the same as last time,” Brian says suddenly, still looking up at AJ over the back of the couch. “The same as every time.” He shrugs as if to say “So what am I supposed to do?”

AJ leans down and presses his forehead to Brian’s, his nose in Brian’s hair. He doesn’t know why he does it and Brian’s probably sitting there thinking AJ’s weird, but Brian’s hair smells like AJ’s shampoo and AJ gets why Brian didn’t tell him because AJ already knew.

The thing is, Brian knows exactly what he’s supposed to do. If it’s the same as every time then Brian’s supposed to quit. Not music. Nope, Brian’s just supposed to quit the fellas. Settle down, finish that solo album and then maybe do one or two more. Leighanne is all over the solo album stuff, probably because a Christian record from a Backstreet Boy is guaranteed to be pretty low maintenance. More likely it’s because Brian will be away from the rest of them.

“You could always do it,” AJ suggests to the floor. He’s not sure what he’s supposed to say or if he’s supposed to say anything, but he figures supportive is the best route to go with this. Brian is always supportive. AJ stands up then and Brian’s still looking at him, his neck bent back in a way that can’t possibly be comfortable after this long. AJ moves around to the front of the couch and sits on the coffee table facing Brian. “You could always do it,” he says again.

Brian gives him a look but his expression softens almost immediately. “You know I’ve thought about it,” he admits.

AJ knows. Brian thought about it a lot, for years, and for some reason he couldn’t let it go. AJ expected him to. They all did. They knew what Leigh wanted – what she wants – and she was pregnant then and Brian was glowing and really really thinking about it.

Things haven’t been the same between the two ever since Brian made arrangements for a surprise visit to Oprah. That was when the real fights started. Sometimes AJ feels guilty about that.

“If you were going to,” AJ continues. “Now is the time.” The break will be coming to a close soon. They haven’t discussed it yet or anything, but AJ’s starting to feel that familiar itch. He wonders if maybe Brian is too.

“I know,” Brian says and AJ shivers a little. Brian is thinking about it again.

**

That night AJ listens extra closely to Brian and Leighanne’s nightly argument. It is patient but cold, the same as it is every evening and just like the previous phone calls, Brian’s voice changes entirely as soon as Leigh puts Baylee on the phone.

“He’ll do it,” AJ says aloud to his empty bedroom. Brian will do it, but not for Leighanne. He’ll do it for Baylee.

**

“I miss him,” Brian says, suddenly, during a game of Scrabble that AJ is predictably losing.

AJ stops smiling and looks up. Brian’s staring at him, poking at his Scrabble tiles absently.

“You can see him if you want to,” AJ says. He doesn’t really know what’s happening here. Brian says it’s a break, but it’s starting to feel more like a separation. “Go back to Atlanta. Go see him.”

Brian shakes his head but says “I shouldn’t have left.”

“You did what you felt you needed to,” AJ says, though he really has no idea what it is Brian needs or why he needs it.

Brian shakes his head. “I did what she needed me to do.”

“She kicked you out?” AJ asks and then bites his tongue. He’s actively not asking these things. It’s none of his business. He’s going to be there for Brian no matter what and it doesn’t matter.

“No,” Brian says, and AJ’s almost surprised that Brian answers the question until he remembers that not asking is his own rule and not Brian’s. “Not really. It’s – I’m supposed to be thinking about things and putting things in perspective. I think she meant at a hotel or in Kentucky. I’m pretty sure she didn’t mean here.”

“So let’s go see him,” AJ suggests. “It’s not like – you’re not doing anything. Let’s go to Atlanta, hang out for a while. There aren’t rules against that are there?”

“No,” Brian agrees. “I don’t think there are any rules in any of this. Not yet anyway.”

“So let’s go see him.”

**

“Just like old times,” Brian says as he unlocks the door and steps inside, throws his things on one of the double beds. They could have at least reserved a suite or something, AJ suggested it twice, but Brian didn’t seem into that idea much at all. AJ thinks it’s a strange time to be getting all nostalgic. Unless Brian really is thinking about it, in which case AJ supposes it makes perfect sense.

“You want me to stay here?” He’s not sure how long they’ll be staying and he packed an entire suitcase. Brian only brought a carry-on, but then Brian has an entire closet filled with clothes in Atlanta.

“No,” Brian says after a moment’s thought. “Bay will be excited to see you.”

“Okay,” AJ says. “I’ll tag along.”

Brian nods and smiles gratefully and AJ thinks it doesn’t have anything to do with Baylee wanting to see him at all.

“You know, this is the longest I’ve gone without seeing him,” Brian says in the car. They’re still blocks away and Brian has been fidgeting since AJ turned the key in the ignition. “Even on tour. This is the longest.”

**

It’s hard to tell if Baylee’s excited to see him or not – he’s too busy squealing with joy and jumping all over Brian. Leighanne laughs and kisses AJ on the cheek and welcomes him and it all seems so normal.

“Do you want anything to drink?” Leigh asks when Baylee drags Brian off upstairs to show him some new toy or drawing or trick he’s learning. Something. AJ still has a hard time understanding Bayleese.

AJ fidgets, crossing and uncrossing his legs before slapping his hands into his lap and saying “Um. No thanks. I’m – you know, good. Thanks.”

Leighanne nods and smiles and doesn’t look at all like she secretly hates him. Maybe it’s Nick that’s the problem. He can’t imagine it being Howie or Kevin and it’s not like any of this will get rid of Kevin anyway. It’d be kind of nice if Howie or Kevin were the problem for once.

“So,” AJ says, not sure what he’s supposed to do and really sort of wishing he’d stayed back at the hotel. “How are things?”

Leigh shrugs. “Good, I guess. As good as good can be with everything that’s going on.”

“yeah,” AJ nods.

“I’m –“ Leigh starts and then stops just as quickly and bites her lip before continuing. “I didn’t know he’d go to you.”

AJ crosses his legs again and plays with his rings. “It’s no problem,” he assures her.

“It’s just – dropping in like that. Dropping this on you,” Leighanne pushes. “It’s not very fair, is it?”

“No, it’s fine,” AJ says again. “I really don’t mind.”

Leighanne smiles briefly and continues to study AJ as though she’s waiting for him to say something else.

“I hope everything works out,” AJ says lamely.

Leighanne looks at the floor. “I think everything will.”

**

Later that night back at the Hotel Room of Ridiculous Tinyness, Brian shifts in his bed and sighs for the sixth time in fifteen minutes. They stayed at the house until Baylee’s bedtime and Brian promised he’d see Baylee in the morning and then he had a few words with Leighanne while AJ stood around in the driveway. After that it was to a local pub for some nachos and a beer for Brian and then to the hotel where they immediately crashed despite it being ridiculously early with the whole time difference thing. AJ’s going to be up for hours. From the sounds of it, so will Brian. AJ’s not really sure why they decided it was time to sleep.

Brian sighs again and shifts some more and AJ cracks. “You okay over there?”

Brian coughs and then starts talking. “It’s just – I love her, I do. I love her, but it’s so frustrating and sometimes I just wonder, I just wonder if she really loves me that much? If she could ask this of me if she loved me that much, you know?”

AJ nods to the dark hotel room and Brian continues “And then it’s just like – well, look what I’m asking of her? Look what I’m putting her through? Maybe it is my turn to give something up, right? And I don’t want to, I don’t. And then I guess that means I can’t love her as much as I think I do either. I don’t know. I’m not making sense, but I don’t think, I don’t think that if it was turned around that I could ask this of her, you know? I don’t think I would put her in this spot. Here.”

“We would understand,” AJ says. And he thinks that they would. They all would have understood if it had been AJ back when AJ was hanging on by a few frayed strings. “Or you know, if you just need more time. A year or two. There’s always that. Maybe it doesn’t have to be this big final thing?”

“It has to be a big final thing,” Brian says sadly. “I think we’re down to that now.”

AJ gets it. They’ve all lost a lot of girlfriends or boyfriends for the fellas. Well, all except Kevin. There always has to be the one exception to the rule. And apparently Kristin is some kind of saint. She must be. There’s no other explanation.

“We’ll work something out,” AJ says.

“I’m never going to fall asleep. What time is it anyway? Like six o’clock?”

“Sure feels like it,” AJ agrees. “What do you think? Room service and Skinemax?”

Brian snorts. “Just like old times.”

“Except there was never any room service.”

“And none of the naked people spoke any English,” Brian adds.

“But other than that,” AJ says and Brian laughs.

“Other than that.”

**

The second night Brian and Leighanne go out to dinner and AJ offers to stay with Baylee and the dogs. AJ lasts an hour of playing with plastic dump trucks before he suggests movie time and after that it gets easier, though by the time 8:00 rolls around AJ’s had enough Disney animation to last him another year or so. As soon as he’s finished reading Baylee a bedtime story (about a dump truck, no less. AJ’s sees Garbage Man in Baylee’s future. He’s a little worried) he tucks Baylee in and kisses him on the forehead, making sure the nightlight is on before pulling the door so that it’s only open a crack. He stands in the hallway for a few moments and when Baylee doesn’t make a sound he heads downstairs and dials Howie’s number.

He just sort of assumed that Howie knew what was going on and is surprised when it turns out that Howie has no idea.

“How would I know?” Howie asks. “I’ve been here for weeks and I’ve only heard from Nick once. What? Do you think I’m telepathically linked to you guys now or something?”

AJ frowns. He’s not actually sure if Nick knows what’s going on either. “I guess I thought maybe you talked to Kev. I don’t know, man. But anyway, things are all kinds of weird over here.”

“They’ll work it out,” Howie says, forever the optimist. “They will. You think so too, right?”

AJ makes a noise. “It’s hard to say. Rok doesn’t seem very hopeful at this point.”

“Has he gotten drunk and tried to make out with you yet?”

AJ coughs a little and then says. “Um. No.”

“He will.”

“He will? You know this from experience?”

“Yeah. It was right after Samantha.”

“He tried to make out with you.”

“He was drunk. It was a long time ago.”

“That probably won’t happen,” AJ says, and picks at his fingernails. There was a while, not long after rehab when he and Brian were spending a lot of time together that AJ had this dream, or dreams, just three times and never the same, but all involving Brian. He hasn’t thought about that in a long time. But the dreams – he doesn’t think it will happen, but if for whatever reason - if Brian goes off the deep end and tries to kiss him like Howie says he will, there’s no way AJ’s going to say no to –

“You let him, didn’t you,” AJ says suddenly, sitting up on Brian’s couch. “You made out with Brian!”

Howie blushes. “It was a long time ago,” he says again.

AJ laughs and it sounds like a bizarre little bark and Tyke comes running from some other room of the house. “You made out with Brian!” he says again. “Holy shit.”

“It wasn’t –“ Howie says and then sighs loudly and settles for “Shut up. This is why I don’t tell you things.”

AJ laughs and then says “Wait. You don’t tell me things? Who do you tell if you don’t tell me?”

“I don’t know. Nicky.”

AJ snorts. “You’re kidding. Nick can’t keep his mouth shut. No one tells things to Nick.”

“I know. It’s why he works extra hard to keep quiet when I do. It makes him feel special.”

“You’re evil,” AJ says.

“Maybe,” Howie agrees.

“I can’t believe you made out with Brian.”

**

“A week,” Brian says as they sit in the airport waiting to board. “A week. That’s – it’s –“

“Not a lot of time,” AJ supplies, busying himself with chipping away at his nail polish.

“I’ve had time though,” Brian sighs. “She’s given me years to make this decision.”

“So she’s meeting us in L.A. in a week,” AJ says, just to make sure he has the details down. “And then?”

Brian frowns and then shrugs. “Ask me again in seven days”

**

On the first day Brian mentions missing Baylee no less than six times. Day One is definitely a win for Leighanne. It scares AJ and makes him want to keep Brian close, lure him away and how awful is that? How selfish?

“These sponges are still wet,” Brian says early in the afternoon, shortly after the fourth time he mentions missing Bay.

“So?” AJ says with a shrug.

“Did you wash dishes this morning?”

AJ snorts.

“So we’ve been gone for three days. I washed those dishes four days ago. This,” Brian says, holding up the sponge “should be dry.”

AJ has no idea what Brian is getting at so he just shakes his head and shrugs again.

“Someone’s been here,” Brian says as though it’s the most obvious thing ever.

Okay, AJ gets it. Brian’s stressed out. That doesn’t make this any less stupid. AJ rolls his eyes. “Rok, come on.”

Brian walks to the window over the sink and points out. “It was him. That kid. He’s always eyeing your house.”

Oh God, this again. Brian has always had a tendency to choose one thing and run with it.

“Yeah, he’s always really loved washing dishes,” AJ agrees. Brian doesn’t seem to catch the sarcasm until AJ adds “You’re being stupid.”

“Stupid?” Brian asks. “You have a stalker.”

“Dude. I think Toby is the one with the stalker.”

Brian turns away from the window and eyes AJ. “I’m going to prove it.”

“How?” AJ asks. “With an elaborate trap?”

“No,” Brian says. “Let me borrow your car.”

“Why?”

“I have to go to the store.”

“What for?”

“Sponges.”

AJ points to the sink. “I have sponges.”

“Dry sponges,” Brian amends and grabs AJ’s car keys off the counter.

AJ sits there for another minute and listens to Brian putting on his shoes and grabbing his coat and when the front door opens and AJ realizes that Brian’s actually serious, he hops of his stool and dashes after him.

**

“So now what?” AJ asks when they’re back and Brian is opening the new package of sponges and setting them in a line on the counter.

“A controlled experiment,” Brian says.

“You’ve been watching too much Mr. Wizard.”

“Is that show still on?”

“I don’t think so. Bill Nye the Science Guy then.”

“I don’t think that’s on anymore either.”

AJ sighs. “I can’t keep up with TV anymore,” he admits.

“Okay.” Brian starts running sponges under the tap. He gets the first one good and soaked and then slaps it into a small puddle on AJ’s counter. The next sponge he saturates thoroughly and then squeezes it before setting it onto the counter next to the first. The third he sticks under the faucet for only a second so that it is only partially wet and he sticks it next to the other two.

“Now what?” AJ asks, eyeing the sponges.

“Now we wait,” Brian says, seemingly satisfied.

“For what?”

“For three days,” Brian sounds exasperated as though it’s the most obvious thing in the history of obvious. “And in the meantime we change your locks.”

“We’re not changing my locks.”

“All right. Fine. We’ll change the locks after we prove that I’m right.”

“I don’t see how this is going to prove anything.”

“Three days,” Brian repeats and disappears from the kitchen.

**

AJ stands in the kitchen and pokes at the sponges. It’s ridiculous. There’s no way in hell that AJ’s neighbor who AJ knows and trusts is breaking into his house just to wash his fucking dishes. Brian is clearly insane and stressed out and insane some more. AJ snorts and pokes the sponges one more time and then wanders off to find Brian.

“Why did you come here?” AJ asks when he finds Brian in Brian’s guestroom. Brian’s holding his cellphone in one hand and the television remote in the other. AJ glances at the clock. It’s almost time for Brian’s nightly call to Atlanta.

“What do you mean?’ Brian asks, turning off the television.

“I mean here. You could have gone to Kentucky or Kevin or Nick. Howie’s right there in Florida. Why here?”

Brian shrugs. “I like it here. You – it – it feels like home. I don’t know. I didn’t think about it much.”

“You’ve only been here once before,” AJ points out.

Brian shrugs again. “You were the first place I thought to go.”

AJ looks down at the rug and smiles a little, tries to hide the smile from Brian. Brian is still completely off his rocker.

**

Brian wakes up angry on Day Two (Day Two of seven. It’s only Day One of the Great Sponge Experiment).

“It’s ridiculous,” he says that morning. He’s been awake for five minutes and he’s already pacing AJ’s kitchen. “She’s my life. You’re my life. It’s crazy. I can’t –“

“You don’t have to know today,” AJ points out, trying to cut off the panic attack before it starts

Brian nods and stops the pacing, takes a deep breath, and touches his sponges and then wipes his finger on his shorts. “You know, I always said that I could give this up in an instant – that it is family that really matters and that the rest of it? I could let that go.” Brian pauses to twist his wedding band, staring at the platinum. “But I forgot.”

“Forgot what?” AJ asks.

“I forgot that y’all are family too.”

**

Brian showers and then leaves AJ to spend the day with Nick. AJ decides to go back to his usual routine and heads over to Kevin’s.

“Hey,” Kevin says, surprised to find AJ standing on his doorstep. “What are you – Is everything okay?” He steps aside to let AJ inside.

AJ shrugs and kicks off his shoes and heads for Kevin’s refrigerator. “What do you think he’s going to do? What would you do?”

“Me?” Kevin asks. “I’d – I’d probably –“

“Yeah,” AJ agrees, peering at the contents of Kevin’s fridge. “You’re out of Mountain Dew.”

“Didn’t know when you’d be showing up again.”

“So what are you going to do with all the free time we’re going to be faced with?”

Kevin shrugs. “You don’t know that.”

AJ makes a face. “Come on, man. Seriously.”

“What are you going to do?” Kevin asks.

“I’m going to park my ass on your couch and eat you out of house and home and then maybe go raise some hell on the Surreal Life in a few years or you know, six months. I’ve got the whole thing planned out.”

“They won’t want you on the Surreal Life unless they think you might relapse or something,” Kevin says, conversationally.

“Yeah,” AJ says. “I thought of that but figured I could just promise to walk around naked the whole time instead.”

“That might work,” Kevin agrees.

**

When Brian walks into AJ’s house that night he’s intoxicated and more confused and insane than ever.

“Tell me you did not just drive my car like that,” AJ says, his mouth dropping open at the display of uncharacteristic Brian-ness.

“Taxi service. We’ll have to go pick it up tomorrow. Or just leave it. Nick’s got a big driveway,” Brian says and hands AJ his keys. “Guess who was outside watching when I pulled up.”

AJ doesn’t bother to guess and instead asks after Nick.

Brian shrugs. “he cried.”

“You knew he would.”

“I think that’s why I wanted to see him,” Brian admits.

“Do you want me to cry too?” AJ asks. “I can if you want me to.”

“Thanks,” Brian says and leans over to stare at the sponges sitting on the counter. He sniffs a little and then adds “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not,” AJ assures him. “Did Nick try to make the decision for you?”

“No. He just cried. And then he got me all liquored up and went into this whole thing about losing two families and then I got myself even more liquored up. It probably wasn’t the best idea. That was a while ago. I feel better now.” AJ eyes Brian. He still looks and smells pretty damn drunk.

“Oh,” AJ says dumbly. Brian’s eyes are red and AJ wonders if he might have been crying a little himself.

Brian slaps his hands against the counter and says “I’m going to call her.”

AJ frowns and shakes his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Bad idea.”

“I have to call her.”

“Why don’t you wait a few hours?” AJ suggests.

“I’m calling,” Brian insists, his voice firm. He pulls out his cellphone and starts dialing.

“Okay then.” AJ shrugs and grabs a bottle of water and gives Brian his privacy.

**

“I called,” Brian says half an hour later when he stumbles upstairs and finds AJ sprawled across his bed with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Brian walks across the room and plucks the cigarette from between AJ’s lips, placing it between his own. AJ makes a face.

“And?” AJ prompts.

“I think I hate her,” Brian says and then coughs a little and hands the cigarette back to AJ.

“No you don’t.”

“Then I think she hates me,” Brian amends.

AJ doesn’t think that’s true either. AJ doesn’t think it’s possible to hate Brian. He tried once and it just didn’t work out. He just ended up hating Kevin instead and even that only lasted a week.

“Move over,” Brian says and pushes AJ to the other side of the bed.

“She’s just pissed that you called her all trashed like this,” AJ grumbles, scootching over to make room in the bed for Brian.

“She usually likes me drunk,” Brian says, turning to look at AJ.

“Maybe she just doesn’t want you drunk with Nick. Drunk with me.”

“You guys love me. I’m in love with you guys.”

AJ snorts. “I love you too, man.” He pats Brian’s thigh and flips onto his side, reaching for the ashtray on the bedside table. He feels Brian’s fingers trail down his back and he turns to look at Brian over his shoulder. The touch feels like a memory. It feels like the dreams and AJ suddenly remembers the phone conversation he had with Howie just a few days earlier. I’m in love with you guys.

“Did you make out with Howie once?” AJ asks suddenly, not realizing he means to actually say it aloud until the words have left his lips.

Brian frowns and squints and then suddenly there’s recognition there and Brian says “yeah.”

“Yeah?” AJ repeats. “How was that?”

Brian shrugs against AJ’s bed and says “Pretty nice, I guess. Howie’s, you know, a good kisser.”

AJ doesn’t know but he nods anyway.

“Why?” Brian asks.

“I just wondered. Howie mentioned it and I’d never heard anything about it. I just wondered.”

Brian frowns at him for another minute before he says “Do you want me to kiss you?”

“What?” AJ asks and then busies himself with another cigarette. “No.” He fumbles with his lighter. “No, I just wondered.”

“Okay,” Brian says and leans back, stares at AJ’s ceiling. AJ tries to pretend he’s not disappointed that Brian doesn’t try anyway.

“This was supposed to be something that only happened to other people,” Brian says soon after AJ’s convinced himself that Brian has finally fallen asleep. “Other people. Isn’t that what people always say?”

“I guess you’re someone else’s other people.”

**

On Day Three Brian acts like everything is completely normal and AJ wonders what Nick slipped into his drink. By the time noon rolls around Brian has only mentioned Toby and the sponges and the locks on AJ’s doors twice. He hasn’t mentioned the other situation at all.

“Kevin’s on his way over,” Brian says, sitting down next to AJ. He scrubs a hand over AJ’s shaved head. “You feel like a car seat.”

“Thanks,” AJ says. He lets Brian steal the clicker from his hand and doesn’t complain when Brian switches stations until he finds Days of Our Lives.

When Kevin finally shows up and Brian spends two hours talking about some video game Nick bought and the weather and some chicken thing that he’s planning to make for dinner that he found in the Barefoot Contessa cookbook, Kevin pulls AJ and gives him a look.

“What?” AJ asks. “Hey, does my head look like a car seat?

Kevin dismisses the comment and says “What’s wrong with him? Why’s he like-“ Kevin waves his hand around as though he can’t think of a way to describe it.

“I don’t know. It’s all he’s talked about for days. Today he doesn’t want to talk about it. Everyone needs a break sometime, right?”

Kevin frowns “I thought that was why he called me over here.”

AJ chews on his lip and fingers his facial hair. “I think he’s trying to enjoy it? You know? The last four days.”

“So you think he’s made a decision.”

AJ shrugs. “I told you that yesterday. I think he’s made the only decision he can make. It’s not really much of a choice.”

Kevin frowns and watches Brian poking at the raw chicken sitting on AJ’s counter. “I’m not so sure,” he says. “And what’s with all the sponges all over the counter?”

**

Brian doesn’t fight with Leighanne that night. At first AJ thinks that Brian doesn’t even call, but eventually he hears a burst of laughter that usually means Baylee is on the phone. It’s the first night that there is no fighting. AJ’s pretty sure that he knows what that means.

**

Brian is standing over the counter frowning when AJ walks into the kitchen.

“What did you break?” AJ asks.

Brian jumps and says “What?” and then squints at AJ and says “Nothing.” Brian’s eyes are all red and baggy and his face looks pale.

“What are you doing? You look like dog poop. Are you sleeping?”

“Did you add more water to these?” Brian asks, pointing at the sponges and looking at AJ like it’s some big accusation.

“Why would I do that?”

“They’re still wet,” Brian explains.

“So,” AJ grunts. “You were wrong.”

“No,” Brian shakes his head and closes his eyes. “You’re not lying? You’re sure you didn’t spill something over here or something.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Brian insists. “I’m going over there.”

**

AJ’s still standing in the kitchen when Brian returns from his visit next door.

“Well?” he asks when Brian walks into the kitchen and starts picking up sponges and tossing them into the sink. “Are the police on their way?”

“Toby wants to be in Cirque de Soleil,” Brian says, quietly.

“I know.”

“He walks neighborhood dogs after school,” Brian adds.

“yeah.”

“You pay him shit for mowing your lawn and he does it anyway,” Brian continues.

“I told you.”

“Last summer he worked at Taco Bell and he took his little sister to two of our concerts.

Ah, AJ didn’t know the part about Taco Bell. Good move, Toby.

“And he hates washing dishes,” Brian concludes.

“So what’s the verdict?”

Brian leans against the counter and then slides down to sit on the kitchen floor. “Wet sponges take a really fucking long time to dry.”

AJ frowns and comes to stand beside Brian, one hand on Brian’s shoulder. “Hey, man. You all right?”

Brian takes a deep breath. “I’m good,” he says, but he leans down and rests his head on his knees as soon as he feels AJ’s hand squeeze his shoulder.

“Hey,” AJ says, sliding down to sit beside Brian on the floor. “Hey.” He runs a hand through Brian’s hair, not quite sure what to do. He knows how to comfort Nick and he knows how each of the fellas go about comforting him, but he’s never had to comfort Brian. He’s not sure he knows how.

“I’m good,” Brian says again and he tries to shrug AJ off. It’s very Nick and AJ can deal with Nick, AJ can deal with this. If Nick tries to shrug AJ off AJ does one of two things. If the shrugging is due to Nick being an ass then AJ acts like an ass too. If Nick is truly upset then AJ ignores the shrugging and wraps Nick in a hug. He tries the hug and Brian folds in against him and AJ can feel Brian’s warm breath against his neck.

AJ turns his head and kisses Brian, kisses Brian’s neck. Brian makes a noise and AJ hopes he’s not crying. He doesn’t know what to do if Brian starts to cry. Nick wants them to ignore his tears and it helps to laugh with Kevin at his, but what would Brian want? And why doesn’t AJ know these things? Brian’s been his best friend for years and AJ should really know these things.

Brian squeezes AJ hard and then releases and AJ kicks himself for being just a little relieved that there are no tears there

“Thanks,” Brian says and slaps AJ’s shoulder affectionately. He uses AJ as support as he lifts himself up off the floor with a grunt and then offers his hand to AJ. AJ takes it, blinking a little in surprise at Brian’s rapid recovery.

“That was weird,” AJ says, cautiously. He brushes off his jeans and eyes Brian.

Brian nods. “Yeah,” he agrees.

**

That night after Brian’s routine phone call he breaks the mold a little and pokes his head into AJ’s room. “Aje?” he asks, his fingers curling around the edge of the door.

“What’s up?” AJ asks. He twists the cap onto the nail polish and shoves it aside, pretends he wasn’t just painting his toenails. Not that Brian has never seen him paint his fucking toenails before, but AJ was chewing on his lip and curled up on his bed with his foot propped carefully on a magazine and that’s a little too silly even for him

“I just wanted to, you know, apologize for earlier,” Brian says, approaching AJ’s bed and picking up the discarded bottle of nail polish.

“Hey,” AJ says. “It’s no big deal. You know that.”

“You shouldn’t have to deal with all of this crap,” Brian says. He sits down on the edge of the bed and unscrews the cap from the nail polish, sniffs it a little, and then reaches over and brushes polish onto one of AJ’s still blank nails.

“Come on,” AJ says. “I shouldn’t have to deal with this? Me? After what I put everyone through? This is nothing, man. I should have to deal with way more than this.”

Brian smiles and finishes off AJ’s last nail.

“You’re good at that,” AJ notes, wiggling his toes a little before lying back against the pillows at the head of the bed.

“It’s the artist in me,” Brian says with a lisp and then laughs. AJ grins with him. It’s always good to hear Brian laugh. “Hey, can I stay here?”

“You can stay here as long as you want,” AJ says. He thought it was obvious.

“I mean here. tonight.”

“Oh.” AJ pats the bed beside him. “Come on. You can stay here as long as you want too.”

“I kick,” Brian warns.

“I know.”

“And I hog the covers,” Brian adds.

“Yeah,” AJ says. “I know.”

“And sometimes I try to cuddle.”

AJ eyes him. “Since when.”

“Oh,” Brian pokes him. “There you go pretending you won’t like it.”

“I’m not a cuddler,” AJ sniffs. It’s a lie.

“Of course not,” Brian agrees, his voice all low and deep. “We’re too manly for that.”

“Shut up. I’m not,” AJ protests.

“Not too manly? No crap,” Brian says, all patient. “You’re more of a cuddler than Nick and that’s saying something. You’re more of a cuddler than me.”

“More than you? Really?” AJ folds his arms over his chest.

Brian tilts his head and then reaches out his arms. “Aw, you. C’mere.”

“No fucking way,” AJ says, but Brian’s already latching onto him and it kind of tickles and AJ really is a cuddler and he’s also cracking up which isn’t helping matters at all.

AJ stops struggling after a few seconds and Brian has his head resting low on AJ’s chest and his arms around AJ’s stomach. AJ looks down at Brian and blinks. “You know, if someone got a video of us right now? We’d look like huge fucking marshmallows.”

“We’re in a boyband,” Brian says. “We’re allowed to be marshmallows.”

“Sometimes a little marshmallow is all you need,” AJ agrees.

“I’m not that little,” Brian says and then falls silent, his cheek still pressed to AJ’s t-shirt.

“What?” AJ asks after a full minute of silence. “You aren’t actually offended by the little thing are you? Cause you know that’s not what I meant.”

“No,” Brian says. “Of course not.”

“You’re thinking about it,” AJ says. It should be obvious. Of course Brian is thinking about it. “Stop thinking about it.”

“How can I?” Brian asks.

“You’re driving yourself insane,” AJ says and pets Brian’s head a little before he catches himself doing it. Fucking marshmallows, all five of them. Except maybe Howie, but only because he overcompensates.

“I can’t believe I was wrong about the sponges,” Brian says then and when he looks up at AJ and smiles, all teeth, AJ leans down and kisses Brian’s mouth. Brian kisses him back a little, small kisses, quick kisses, and he’s still smiling when he pulls away and the smile still isn’t reaching his eyes.

AJ’s kissed Brian before. Kissed Brian like this before. Tiny tender friendship kisses. But usually they’re quicker. Usually there aren’t so many. Usually AJ’s heart isn’t working overtime like it’s trying to jump out of his chest. Usually Brian isn’t wrapped around AJ in AJ’s bed, staring up at AJ with big blue almond eyes.

“That surpassed marshmallow a little, I think,” Brian admits, still watching and AJ thinks he’s probably waiting for AJ’s next move. AJ doesn’t plan to make one.

“Yeah, I think we’ve moved on to a little gay,” AJ admits. He waits for Brian to unwrap himself from AJ, but Brian doesn’t look like he has any immediate plans to move. “Are you still thinking about it?”

Brian shrugs. “A little.”

AJ leans down and kisses Brian again, a little longer this time, a little more gay. “Now?”

“A little less,” Brian admits, and moves a little closer. AJ laughs and leans in for another kiss. He feels Brian’s hands tighten around his middle and he thinks ‘why the hell not?’ and tentatively tastes Brian, his lips parting just a little, just the tiniest slide of his tongue. Brian jumps but doesn’t pull away.

“I can’t believe you made out with Howie,” AJ says and Brian laughs into AJ’s kiss. “I can’t believe you’re making out with me.”

Brian laughs again and then pulls away and says “This is your definition of making out? Seriously?”

AJ shrugs. “So maybe I’m getting a little ahead of myself. A little ahead of us.”

“So what you’re saying is you’re planning to take advantage of me,” Brian says, and then he does let go, shifts on the bed so that he’s facing AJ, his knees curled beneath him and his hand slides behind AJ’s neck, pulls AJ closer.

“take advantage of you?” AJ repeats just as Brian pulls him in for a kiss and there’s definitely tongue this time and this is definitely making out and AJ’s not thinking about anything except for the taste of Brian, the feel of Brian moving against him, sliding against him and AJ’s imagination and AJ’s dreams are pretty fucking lousy when compared to the real thing.

Brian’s hand slips down off the back of AJ’s neck, slides along AJ’s shoulder, fingers gripping, caressing, trying to pull AJ even closer. Brian meanders a little, kissing AJ’s neck and then his eyelids and then his left earlobe and back to his mouth and before he knows it AJ’s hand is on Brian’s ass. A warning goes off in AJ’s brain and AJ ignores it, chooses to lick deeper into Brian’s mouth, listens instead to the caress of Brian’s tongue, but the warning only gets louder when AJ’s fingers slide beneath the edge of Brian’s thin sweatpants, sweatpants that AJ’s pretty sure are actually his. Brian moans, just a little, and that does it, that and the warning, and AJ tries to pull away. Brian’s apparently a little better at ignoring his own personal warnings or this just isn’t triggering them, not yet, because Brian is clearly not ready to be backed off of and he makes a whiny selfish noise, his mouth following when AJ tries to pull back.

“Okay, I’m stopping,” AJ says, sliding a hand between them and Brian kisses it and then swirls his tongue around AJ’s palm until AJ laughs and his hand latches onto Brian’s face, pushing. “We’re stopping now.”

Brian bites AJ’s palm and then blinks at him innocently. AJ rolls his eyes and tries to will his heart to beat just a little slower.

“That was a little too gay without the alcohol excuse, wasn’t it?” Brian asks as soon as AJ releases his face.

AJ squints and scrunches up his face, shrugs a little, hums and then says “Nah.”

Brian makes a face and starts kicking the blankets down AJ’s bed.

“Well, maybe a little,” AJ amends. Brian slips underneath the blankets and AJ watches as Brian fluffs one of AJ’s pillows and settles in. “So you’re still staying in here then.”

Brian sits up. “You’re going to kiss me silly and then send me packing? Back to my room all alone?”

AJ grunts and pushes Brian back down to the pillow. “Just don’t fucking kick me,” he says.

**

“Morning,” AJ mumbles, when he’s finally mostly conscious. He has no idea how long Brian’s been up. Brian’s still in bed, staring at AJ’s ceiling with his hands propped behind his head. “Are you –“

“Hungover?” Brian inserts, turning to smile at AJ and there it is again, not quite reaching his eyes. “A little.”

“You’re nauseous?” AJ asks. He frowns and puts a hand on Brian’s forehead.

“No,” Brian says, still smiling. “But wouldn’t it be nice if we had an excuse?”

“For last night?” AJ asks. “Do we need one?”

“Stress,” Brian says. “Too much stress.”

AJ shrugs and turns to grab his glasses. It’s not like he thought it would change anything. It’s not like he thinks it will make a difference in the outcome. It won’t fix things and AJ knew that last night but deep down he still kind of hoped. AJ starts to sit up, starts to push off the sheet (Brian’s stolen all of the blankets) and kicks one leg over the edge of the bed when Brian grabs his arm and pulls him back down, leans in and kisses the edge of AJ’s mouth before releasing him. AJ eyes Brian, suddenly confused.

“I just –“ Brian shrugs. “I don’t wish that it didn’t happen. That’s not what I meant.”

“I didn’t think it was,” AJ says, pushing his glasses up on his nose. It was exactly what he thought.

**

They eat pop tarts for breakfast and then Brian kisses AJ and Brian’s mouth tastes like cherries and AJ doesn’t know what he thought would happen, but he didn’t think it would be this. Whatever this is. He gets it. Brian’s looking for something new, something to replace Toby, something that will keep him from thinking about the things that he should be thinking about. Things like Baylee and Leighanne and Atlanta. This still won’t change the outcome, AJ reminds himself again, but he has to admit that he’s having a hard time believing that with Brian’s fingers sliding down his neck, with Brian’s lips on his skin and his entire body screaming “Choose me.”

It’s easier to believe when Brian stops kissing AJ so that he can call Howie, so that he can spend three hours laughing on the phone and reminiscing about old pranks and old memories. One more trip down memory lane. One last time.

AJ leaves Brian to go to his weekly AA meeting. He doesn’t go every week, only when he feels he needs it. He’s not in any danger of picking up a drink this week, but the additional support is nice anyway.

Brian is still on the phone with Howie when AJ returns and AJ thinks it again. This is it. Crying with Nick, dinner with Kevin, laughing with Howie and kissing with AJ. These are Brian’s goodbyes.

AJ waits until 7 and then gets into the shower. He doesn’t want to overhear. It isn’t like he’ll never see Brian again. It isn’t like they can’t talk or play golf. They just won’t be singing together anymore. They just won’t be driving each other insane anymore. AJ never hated Leighanne before, but he’s pretty positive that he hates her now.

Brian was smiling before AJ climbed into the shower. The smile is gone by the time AJ gets out.

“What happens in a year or two when Kevin really is too old and you’re itching to go solo and it all ends anyway?”

Okay. It must have been a particularly rough phone call. “Do you think that will happen?” He throws his wet towel over the top of the shower.

“Eventually,” Brian says. “Everything ends eventually. Even things that aren’t supposed to.”

“So end it now.” AJ thinks he can feel his heart beating a little faster as he says it and he wishes he wasn’t still damp because he suddenly feels so cold.

“And if it doesn’t end on its own in a few years, then what happens to Baylee? Will he grow up resenting me? Will I resent myself for not being there all the time?”

“It’s not an easy decision,” AJ says. He’s stating the obvious but he’s not sure what else there really is to say anymore.

“It’s not,” Brian agrees. “I love her and of course I love Baylee. He makes me want to stay, he makes the choice feel easier, but it isn’t really. It isn’t and if I stay and things continue the way they’ve been going then it’s not really better for him at all, is it?”

AJ shrugs. “You love him. You’ll always love him and you’ll always be there. You’re not planning to disappear completely. He’ll know you’re there, man. It’s not the same as – you’re not going to abandon him.”

“You don’t think he’ll end up on talk shows talking about what an awful father I was? Am.”

“I don’t think you’ll let that happen,” AJ says. AJ knows bad fathers. Brian isn’t one.

“You smell good,” Brian says, when AJ slips past him and into the hallway and as soon as AJ hits his room, Brian reaches out to touch his arm, turns him around, and meets him in a kiss. Brian’s kiss is needy, searching, and AJ isn’t sure what Brian is searching for, what he’s looking for in AJ, and all that AJ can do is close his eyes and let Brian have this one thing, this one distraction.

“What is this?” AJ asks when Brian breaks away, one hand sliding to touch his own lips as he blinks at AJ as though he’s surprised by what he just did.

“I don’t know,” Brian admits.

“It can’t be helping,” AJ says. It can’t be. It’s just making AJ more confused. He can’t imagine what it’s doing to Brian.

Brian shakes his head and reaches out for AJ again. “it’s helps,” he says. “Please. It does. It helps.”

That’s enough for AJ and he can’t say if it’s because he believes it or because he really is that selfish and deep down he thinks this will change things, but it’s enough.

“Please,” Brian says again and AJ kisses him and thinks that if nothing else, if it all ends in two days, at least he’ll have had this.

**

Day Six and they’re still in their boxers in AJ’s bed when Days of Our Lives starts.

“I don’t like this new Belle,” Brian says. “What is this? The sixth new Belle?”

“I don’t know,” AJ admits. He’s not even sure he knows who Belle is. He doesn’t know anyone except for Marlena and John and Sammie. Everyone else that he remembers from back in the day when Marlena was in a dungeon in France or something – everyone else seems to be gone.

“Let’s stay here all day,” Brian says and AJ shrugs. Brian’s already said his goodbyes to everyone else, right? Howie and Nick and Kevin.

“We’ll need food eventually,” AJ points out.

“Okay,” Brian agrees. “You can leave to make a food run, but I’m staying here. All day. I’m not getting up to shower even.”

“you better fucking get up to piss,” AJ says.

“Bring me a bed pan.”

“Yeah, right.”

AJ does leave the bed for food as soon as Days ends and Brian’s stomach starts growling. He throws together a tray of chips and cookies and soda and anything he can find in his kitchen that will rot their teeth and stick to their stomachs and fill his bed with crumbs. He thinks he hears a toilet flush upstairs and when he returns to his room Brian is propped up on his elbows grinning at AJ.

“You left the bed,” AJ says.

“Prove it,” Brian grins, nice and smiley and distracted. AJ sets down the tray of junk food and climbs back in and Brian pokes AJ’s arm and then kisses his nose.

“Aha,” AJ says, turning to point at Brian. “You brushed your teeth!”

“Crap,” Brian says with a snap of his fingers. “And here I thought I was being all sneaky.”

“Nothing escapes my superior powers of observation,” AJ says.

“Yeah?” Brian asks. “Then how come you haven’t noticed that I’ve been sitting here for five minutes waiting for you to kiss me again? I’m insisting that we stay in your bed all day and have you even tried to kiss me once? No. I don’t know, man. Superior schmuperior if you ask me.”

“Schmuperior,” AJ repeats and leans in to kiss Brian. Master of Distraction and if that’s what Brian needs then that’s exactly what AJ will be.

**

And on the Seventh Day AJ wakes up alone.

Leighanne and Baylee are arriving at noon. AJ’s surprised that Leigh agreed to fly out at all. He told Brian it showed a willingness to compromise but Brian still isn’t convinced.

“Toby lives with his father,” Brian says when AJ finds him sitting on AJ’s front porch in the same sweatshirt and jeans he wore for the enitre first week of his stay. “His father and his stepmother.”

“Yeah,” AJ says.

“Toby’s mother lives in Phoenix. She’s lived there since she got out of rehab when Toby was ten.”

AJ wonders when Brian had the time to learn his neighbor’s life story.

“Toby flies out to visit her every other weekend and for every vacation and says he’s never been more proud to call her his mother.”

AJ nods. He’s had long talks with Toby on two occasions about the whole thing.

“Nick doesn’t want to go home ever again,” Brian continues. “He thinks his parents splitting up was the best thing they could have done and long overdue and he still doesn’t want to see either of them.”

AJ decides not to mention that the Carters are the last family that Brian should be comparing his own to.

“You should invite Nick to spend Christmas with you,” Brian says, looking up at AJ for the first time.

“He has a standing invitation,” AJ says. “For every holiday. He knows that.”

Brian smiles. “Who knows. Maybe I’ll be here too.”

“I doubt it,” AJ says and Brian reaches up and pulls AJ down for a quick kiss.

“How does this make so much more sense than anything else right now?” Brian asks, holding AJ so that their foreheads are pressed together. “How can this feel so easy?”

AJ doesn’t know and he closes his eyes and lets Brian hold him there for a few seconds longer. Brian only releases AJ so that he can glance at AJ’s watch and then he sighs and says “What am I going to do?”

**

AJ waits until Brian climbs into the car beside him and then pauses and turns to him and says it. He tries to convince himself not to – it isn’t fair – but he says it anyway.

“I love you, you know.”

“I know,” Brian says, poking at a hole in the knee of his jeans.

“I just thought I should get it out there. I’ve never thought – you know – not like this.”

“You didn’t have to say it,” Brian assures him. “I already know.”

“That doesn’t change anything,” AJ insists.

Brian shrugs. “I love you too,” he says.

AJ nods and turns the key in the ignition.

“Leighanne would probably be absolutely thrilled to hear about your big week of gay band mate behavior,” AJ comments as he backs out of his driveway. He sees Brian shrug again out of the corner of his eye.

“It’s only gay if you swallow, right?” Brian asks.

AJ stops the car at the end of the drive and turns to blink at Brian. “Are you telling me that you were up for more than kissing? Are you telling me that now? Did I miss my big opportunity here?”

Brian just smiles and winks at him.

“Shit,” AJ says, because the joking is so much easier than everything else. Easier than everything except the kissing and AJ has a feeling that the kissing is definitely over. “I take it back. I hate you. Howie would have been so jealous.”

**

Brian looks at his watch again and shifts in the plastic seats of the airport’s lounge. “I could do it,” he says. The first thing he’s said since they pulled into the airport parking lot. “I could give it up and give her what she wants and I could be happy with that for a while. It might even be the right thing. But how long? How long before I start really resenting her? I don’t think it will really be that long at all. I might have already started.”

“It’s not really a choice,” AJ says.

“I’m not leaving her,” Brian says, suddenly sounding resolved and AJ’s heart sinks a little. He knew it would go down like this. It was never really a choice. “I’m not abandoning my son. She’s trying to make it out like that’s what this is. I’m not leaving her.”

“It was never really a choice,” AJ says again.

Brian shakes his head. “I’m not leaving you guys either. If that means that she leaves me, then that’s her choice. That’s her leaving. Not the other way around. You’re right. This was never my choice to make.”

Brian glances at his watch and AJ reaches over and rests his hand over it. “Maybe it won’t go down like you think it will,” AJ offers. He didn’t expect this. He didn’t expect Brian to refuse to go through with this and Brian thinks it’s different than making a choice, but it isn’t. It’s just making a different choice than the one AJ was sure he’d make. And whose fault is that? Toby’s? Nick’s? It was just supposed to be an innocent distraction, a step up from blue sponges and lawn mowers. “Maybe it won’t go the way you think.”

“Maybe,” Brian says with a smile, but his eyes say he’s lying.

The plane lands and Brian starts to fidget, reaches out for AJ’s hand. “She’s going to leave me,” Brian says, quietly. “She’s going to take Baylee and leave me.”

“She can’t,” AJ says, shaking his head. “It’s not like you’re a bad father. You’re a terrific father.”

“She’ll leave me,” Brian insists, turning to look at AJ. “But that’s her choice.”

AJ frowns. It was just supposed to be a distraction. It wasn’t supposed to change anything. “Why don’t you – I’m afraid that if you do this it’s us you’ll end up hating. It’s me.”

“It’s her choice,” Brian says again. “It was never mine.” The first line of people from the plane start filing past them and Brian stands up and starts looking for the familiar faces of his other family.

AJ nods. “Okay,” he says even though no one is listening to him. He wants to kiss Brian, to go back a few days when he was able to make Brian forget about all of this for just a little while longer. He wants to forget too. So selfish. He’s always been so good at being selfish. “I’m here,” he says, touching Brian’s arm to get his attention. “Whatever happens, I’m here. We all are.”

And that’s when he sees her, Leighanne coming toward them, Baylee propped on one hip with a big grin on his face. Brian turns and smiles at AJ.

“Standing invitation,” Brian says.

AJ nods and releases Brian’s arm. “Always.”