Alarm clocks should be outlawed, Nick thinks, sniffing a little. His first thought of the morning. Not a bad one as first thoughts go. Yesterday's first thought was "God, I need to piss." And the day before that it was "Ow, someone fucking kill me now. My fucking head" and yeah, this is pretty much the best first thought of the week. It's only Wednesday though, so who knows, he might turn out to be brilliant first thing Friday morning or something.

Nick slaps the alarm until it shuts up, coughs twice, rolls over and falls back to sleep.

**

Nick wakes up with a stuffy nose, sore throat and someone pounding on his door. He vaguely remembers his cellphone ringing once or twice, but his cellphone is set to sound like chirping crickets or some outdoorsy shit like that and it's not nearly as offensive as an alarm and he just ignored it and went back to sleep. The pounding isn't stopping though and he thinks he hears Howie yelling something.

Fuckin' Howie, Nick thinks, yanking at pillows until he's successfully uncovered his head. He left the drapes open the night before and the sunlight is streaming into the room and Nick winces a little before climbing out of bed.

Howie's hand is raised mid-knock when Nick opens the door.

"Hey, man," Nick mumbles stepping aside to let Howie in. Howie is already talking but Nick's brain isn't really functioning at full capacity yet and he's not really understanding much coming out of Howie's mouth.

Nick wipes a hand across his face and sucks some snot down his nose, coughing a little as it clogs his throat. Howie stops talking and frowns at Nick.

"'Sup?" Nick says and wraps Howie in a one-armed hug.

"You didn't listen to anything I just said," Howie says. He pushes a little at Nick's chest, but Nick just holds him tighter. Nick doesn't get why Howie pulls away from hugs like that. He even did it before they started sleeping together. It makes a little more sense now. Now that it's years since the last time they fucked. Made love. Whatever it was.

Nick lets go of Howie and Howie straightens his shirt and scrunches up his nose, looking Nick up and down. Nick's not sure what that's about. Maybe he smells.

"Breakfast?" Howie asks. He's rubbing his arm now and suddenly Nick's elbow itches and he goes to scratch it and then wonders briefly if one of those dogs they were playing with backstage might have had fleas. Probably not. Howie would already be at a hospital or doctor or whatever if he thought it was even a remote possibility. Howie hates dogs.

"Sure," Nick says. "Give me a few minutes."

Howie nods and moves further into the room, pushing up the covers on Nick's bed before sitting on the end of it and turning on the television. Nick grabs some clothes from the top of his suitcase and shuffles into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. He looks at his teeth in the mirror for a second, pisses, wipes his hands on his boxers and then sniffs his right armpit. He does kind of smell.

**

The occupants of the room have multiplied by the time Nick emerges from the bathroom, freshly showered and all ready to use big words like occupant and emerge. Ready for the day. Or as ready as he can be considering that once again he's the first one sick and it's only the second week into the tour. Up Close and Personal. By next week they'd probably all be sick and contaminating the first row or something.

"Hey," Kevin says. "We've been waiting for like an hour, man."

Howie's in the chair by the window talking to someone on the phone. Howie's always on the phone.

"Hi Kristin," Nick says, ignoring Kevin. Kristin waves from where she's perched on his bed and Nick tries not to be obvious as he looks around quickly to make sure there are no dirty underwear lying around or anything. Not that it would be anything new if there were. Kristin's been on the bus.

"Ready?" Howie asks, getting up from the bed and closing his phone.

Kevin looks around the room and frowns.

"What?" Nick asks.

"We have to leave for the airport in an hour and a half. Are you gonna be ready?"

"Yeah," Nick says. He grabs his wallet off the dresser and stuffs it into the back pocket of his jeans. "Let's go."

"You sure? We could just order room service."

"I'll be ready," Nick insists, and his voice cracks a little. He rolls his eyes and turns to head toward the door, but not before seeing Kevin look to Howie for confirmation. Ass.

Howie must nod or something because as soon as Nick hits the hallway, Kristin is there next to him, handing Nick his coat and wrapping an arm around his waist as they walk to the elevator with Kevin and Howie just behind them. Kristin has always been Nick's favorite. He's pretty sure he likes her better than Kevin.

"You know I love you more than Kev."

Kristin laughs and pinches his side as they wait for the elevator to open. Nick shrugs into his coat. It's official. He hates March. He especially hates March in Ohio. Drew and Marcus are lounging in some chairs near the doors and they stand, ready to follow the group down to the lobby.

"You do not," she says, squeezing him a little across the middle. "But thanks."

**

Nick is running late. Kevin's already in the lobby. Nick knows because Kevin has called him twice to ask where the hell he is and Nick is still throwing shit into his bag. It's possible that Kevin isn't even in the lobby anymore. They might be in the van by now.

A full night's sleep isn't worth this. Especially since he still woke up sick. He should have stayed on the bus. AJ and Brian had the right idea. They probably lounged around together all night watching movies and playing playstation and talking about golf. Nick doesn't really even like golf but he's started playing. He doesn't want to hang out with Kevin and Howie doesn't want to hang out with him and that leaves AJ and Brian, who started getting closer when Nick ditched Brian for Howie, but have grown even more so lately. Hanging with AJ and Brian means golf, so Nick suffers through.

There's a knock on the door and Nick throws it open to find Howie frowning at him.

"Kevin sent you?"

"Kevin sent me," Howie confirms.

"You take the dresser," Nick says, sweeping all of the shit off the bathroom counter and into his open travel case. After all these years he's actually still a little impressed that he's able to make this much of a mess in one night. Nick glances into the case and then pauses to grab some cold medication, checks to make sure it's non-drowsy and then swallows the pills, sticking his mouth under the faucet because he's in too much of a hurry to bother with a cup.

"What happened?" Howie asks, dropping Nick's glasses case and saline solution into Nick's suitcase. "You had enough time."

"I'm sick. And the eggs upset my stomach," Nick says grimacing at the memory. "Is Kev pissed?"

Howie just shrugs. "We have time."

Nick is out of the bathroom now and tossing the travel case into the suitcase. He shoves his sneakers onto his feet and pushes Howie aside, sliding the rest of the crap on the dresser over the edge and into the open suitcase below.

Howie gives him a sympathetic look and then gets down on his hands and knees to make sure Nick isn't forgetting anything under the bed. Nick's pretty sure the only things under there are a few wadded up tissues. Nick watches Howie poke at them with distaste and then makes a quick stop back into the bathroom to grab a few more tissues which he shoves into the pocket of his jeans.

"I think we've got everything," Howie says, surveying the room.

Nick tries to zip the suitcase with little success, his haphazardly packed life bulging out of the top.

"Sit on it," Howie suggests.

Nick sits on the case, hoping there's nothing in there that his fat ass might break, and Howie manages to zip the suitcase. Nick lugs it out into the hall, passing it to Marcus who nods and starts heading toward the elevator.

"Thanks, man," Nick says, throwing his second bag over his shoulder.

"No problem," Howie says as though it really is no problem, but Howie always ends up doing this shit. Waking Nick up and zipping his suitcase and Nick just feels like once in a while he should thank Howie for it. It's no longer Howie's job.

Nick kisses Howie's cheek and Howie starts shoving him into the hallway.

**

Howie spends a lot of time trying to avoid Nick and even more time completely failing to avoid him. Sometimes Nick tries to help him out. He tries to be as obnoxious as possible so that Howie has a good excuse, but it doesn't work. Howie still fails. Like today. It's noon and Howie's already appeared on his doorstep twice. There are days that Howie doesn't even bother trying. Nick thinks this is probably one of those days.

It was easier before. He only saw Howie when Howie wanted to be seen and that worked well because most of the time Nick didn't really want to see Howie either. And then they were in the studio and there was Paris and then thank god, there wasn't Paris, but instead one bus crowded with five overgrown boys. Way overgrown.

Sometimes Nick thinks it's weird. He should be the one avoiding Howie. He was, but it's been a long damn time and Nick's over it. Mostly. Howie broke up with him, but everybody's always acting like it was the other way around.

Howie sits next to him on the plane, smiles and opens the newspaper he picked up in the airport on their way through. It's the Cleveland paper and Nick isn't sure why Howie even cares what's going on in Cleveland but he doesn't question it. They're leaving Ohio and that's good enough for Nick.

Nick hates flying and he especially hates flying with a head cold. He's forgotten to take sinus medication before and come very close to having his head explode as the plane was landing and it's an experience he never wants to relive.

He shouldn't have listened to Kevin when Kevin suggested he stay, get a good nights sleep and fly to D.C. with them the next day. He stayed, he got a full night's rest and he still feels like shit. This is exactly why he doesn't listen to Kevin. Often.

"You took meds?" Howie asks, looking up from his paper.

Nick nods. Howie let Nick squeeze his hand the last time his brain nearly exploded from the pressure.

Howie doesn't take Nick's hand during take off anymore, but he does lean over so that their elbows and forearms are touching on the armrest.

Howie falls asleep as soon as the plane is in the air, his newspaper crumpled in his lap. Typical, Nick thinks, and he only knocks Howie off his shoulder once during the entire flight.

**

They're only at the hotel five minutes when someone knocks on Nick's door. Nick glances out the peephole. Brian.

"What's up?" he asks as he opens the door. Brian smiles but he kind of looks like shit.

"How was the flight?"

"Okay," Nick says. "I'm sick."

"Me too," Brian admits, sniffling a little, and somehow the fact that Brian's sick too makes Nick feel a little better.

"You have fun with AJ?"

Brian just shrugs. Nick guesses that means there were movies, some golf talk, and then Brian spent the rest of the ride on the phone with Leighanne and maybe even Baylee. Leighanne and Baylee have been gone for like three days and Brian's acting like it's been months. Leighanne thinks he's a big idiot. She always has and she's probably right, but Nick does kind of miss Baylee.

"I feel like dog poo," Brian says. Brian's such a fuckin' baby.

"You look like dog poo," Nick agrees.

"You smell like -" Brian stops talking and just scrunches his nose at Nick. It's one of those ridiculous Brian faces that Nick always has to laugh at, just a little.

Brian sniffs and then coughs and Nick hands him a tissues, only a little crumpled from being stuffed in his pocket. Brian looks at it suspiciously.

"It's not used," Nick says. "Promise."

"Wanna watch TV?" Brian asks and pushes himself into Nick's room.

"If I sit down I can't breathe."

"We can watch standing up. We can stand on the bed," Brian says and starts pulling off his sneakers.

**

When things with Mandy were good, Mandy was like one of Nick's best friends. It's what he loved most about her. She could be totally girly, but more often than not just seemed like one of the guys. He loved that about Kristin too. He loved Kristin more than he ever loved Mandy.

Paris was never like that. Ever. She was about as far from one of the guys as someone could get. Which was a big plus at the time.

Now that it's been a while, Nick knows that there were only one or two moments that he ever saw the real Paris. Even during sex, and there was a lot of sex, it was a show. Even when there weren't cameras involved. Sometimes Nick wonders if maybe there were cameras involved that he didn't know about and even now Paris is sitting around with her friend of the week laughing at him. Nick tries not to think about that though because Lindsay Lohan dated his brother and the thought of her watching sex tapes of Nick and laughing in that high tinkly way, the way that Paris always laughs, is just a little too creepy.

Howie hated Paris. Okay, they all hated - hate - Paris. But Howie was the only one that was ever really civil to her, to the point of being convincing. The others, Nick could tell after the first few days that they were only being friendly for him.

Nick thinks that the fact that Howie hated her the most might have been one of the reasons Nick stuck around so long. Nick is kind of an ass like that. Nick doesn't plan to settle for convenience.

The end is always ugly for Nick and Howie's the only ex that Nick has ever stayed friends with. For a while Nick thought it was because he had to, but now Nick is positive that's not it at all. Nick still isn't sure what he and Howie were doing, what they really had, but it's damn obvious that whatever it was was a whole hell of a lot better than what he had with Mandy. What he had with Paris. It's weird. Sometimes it's tense and Howie might do it out of necessity, but Nick certainly doesn't. Not anymore. Not since Paris.

**

Brian sneezes on him in the van on the way to the club for soundcheck and Nick makes a big show of wiping the germs back on Brian's coat.

"So classy," Kristin laughs from the seat behind them.

"You have a kid and everything circles back around to snot," Kevin agrees.

Nick grabs Brian and wrestles him against the window, finally managing to wipe his nose against Brian's cheek. His nose isn't actually runny or anything, but that's not really the point. The point is that it could be runny.

"Gross!" Brian yells, pushing Nick off, but really, wasn't sneezing on him way grosser?

"Whatever," Nick says, rubbing the back of his hand across his nose. He turns to look at Howie and Howie puts up his hands to ward Nick off.

"What?" Nick asks.

"Don't even think about it," Howie says.

"This is why you shouldn't sit next to me," Nick says, even though he isn't planning to bother Howie at all, and really Brian started all of this so Nick doesn't even know why Howie's looking at him like that in the first place.

"Okay," Howie says in a strange little voice. Nick stares at him for a moment and he's pretty sure that right then Howie would move away from him if he had anywhere to go.

"I'm not going -"

"Nick," Kevin says from behind him and Nick stops talking and rolls his eyes at Howie before turning to look at Kevin.

"Brian started it," Nick says immediately and Brian pinches his arm. "Ow."

One of the bodyguards starts giggling in the back of the van and Nick can't tell who it is, but it never stops amusing him that guys that large can actually giggle like that.

AJ's asleep next to Kevin with his face pressed against the glass of the window and Nick is willing to take bets that AJ's the next one to fall ill. AJ never sleeps in the van unless he's either sick or about to get sick. AJ snores a little and there's another chuckle from the back.

"Nick," Kevin says again and Nick turns back to Kevin.

"What?" Nick asks.

"We have something for you. Don't let me forget."

"Okay," Nick says, instantly wary. We have something for you? Geez. Sometimes Nick thinks Kevin would be great in, like, the mob or something. He's only seen two episodes of the Sopranos, but Kevin would fit right in.

"It's not as scary as he's making it sound," Kristin assures him. She's smiling and not in a way that is at all evil, which is at least a little reassuring.

"I love you more than Brian," Nick tells her.

"Hey!" Brian says, turning to glare at Kristin. Kristin laughs at him and pats Nick on the head.

**

Howie's in a crap mood. Nick's not sure how that happened, but it was probably inevitable. Howie has been way too friendly recently. Pre-break-up friendly. Pre-break friendly almost.

Trying to yank down Howie's pants during his solo in I Want It That Way doesn't help nearly as much as Nick hopes it will. Nick thought he'd at least get that embarrassed little giggle and Howie would trip a little and blush and mess up his line and then maybe make up a new one about what an ass Nick was or something. Instead Howie just grabs his pants, glares at Nick and continues singing.

"I thought you were sick," Howie says, later when Nick gets a little too close to him.

"I am."

"Well, act like it," Howie says and then goes back to singing the chorus of Drowning, which is actually what they're supposed to be doing, but it's just a soundcheck and Kevin and AJ and Brian are singing and Nick figures that's probably enough for now. He already knows that his microphone works and his throat is killing him.

Howie continues to keep his distance and when Nick says something about it, AJ sides with Howie, still disgruntled from the week before when Nick pulled and AJ's pants slid all the way to the floor. AJ had just walked out of them and continued the soundcheck in his boxers, but apparently that doesn't mean that he wants it to happen again.

Just before they finish Howie shows up beside him again. He just can't stay away, Nick thinks as he reaches to pull Howie against his chest.

"Here," Howie says, shoving a bag of throat lozenges into Nick's hand.

Nick looks at them and then back at Howie.

"Share them with Brian," Howie says.

"Where'd you get these?"

"There's a gas station pretty close," Howie says with a shrug, but obviously Howie didn't go to the gas station himself which means that Howie must have sent someone else. Howie's probably just sick of listening to them sniffle. Either that or he's afraid Brian's going to try to sneeze on him next.

"I love you, man."

Howie tenses a little and tries to shrug it off but then AJ's there and joining into their hug, throwing his arm across Howie and serenading him with Incomplete and Howie laughs and holds up his microphone for AJ to sing into.

**

They all eat dinner together and Nick's pretty sure they've been to the restaurant before, but he has no idea when before might have been. He asks AJ but AJ just shrugs and asks Nick what he's getting. AJ doesn't remember a lot of the restaurants they've been to.

"What are you getting?" Nick counters.

"I don't know," AJ says, scrunching his nose at the menu and sniffing a little.

"Don't get sick, man."

"I'm not," AJ insists, but they both know it's inevitable. Nick gives AJ two days at the most.

Howie's sitting to Nick's other side and Nick turns to look at Howie's menu.

"It's the same as yours," Howie says.

"Wanna share a few things?" Nick asks.

"Nope," Howie says, turning his menu so that Nick can't look at it anymore.

"Why not," Nick asks and then coughs into his napkin. "Never mind."

Nick gets some chicken thing that doesn't look that good but is probably good for him. And while they wait for their food Kristin tells them all about how, while shopping in Cleveland, Kevin knocked out one of their fans. The group of girls had apparently called out his name from across the store but Kevin didn't notice or didn't hear or just tried to ignore them at first (there was some argument about which had actually happened). The fans didn't call out again and finally one of them tapped Kevin on the shoulder. Kevin turned to see who was there and accidentally walloped the girl with his shopping bags, sending her stumbling backward into her friends.

The food arrives and Kevin is still arguing that Kristin exaggerates and wallop is too strong a word.

Nick pokes at his chicken, eyes AJ's burger and takes a sip of his soda.

"You walloped her," Kristin insists.

"I didn't mean to," Kevin says for the third time.

"Well, no shit," Kristin counters. Nick definitely loves her.

Nick's chicken tastes like feet.

"Are you going to eat that?" Nick asks AJ.

AJ's got his burger in his hand, paused in midair on the way to his mouth and he just looks at Nick before going back to his meal.

"I didn't think she'd be standing that close," Kevin grumbles from further down the table.

Howie's phone rings and he pulls it out of his pocket to answer it.

Brian's sitting across Nick, huddled down over his steak and giving Nick the evil eye.

"You never like chicken," AJ says. "I don't know why you always order it."

"It sounded good," Nick insists. "It tastes like your feet though."

Howie's still on the phone and when Nick sticks his fork in Howie's pasta, Howie doesn't bother to stop him.

**

He's sitting in the dressing room with Howie and Brian when Kevin starts motioning for him to follow into the hallway.

"What?" Nick asks, making a 'who me?' gesture. Like he's just going to willingly follow Kevin anywhere.

Kevin continues with his 'come here' motion, but now his eyebrows are raised too.

"Ooh," Brian says. "You better go."

"I'm getting ready," Nick says, even though he's totally not. He's already dressed, he's warmed up his voice as best he can under the circumstances, he chugged the weird herbal tea that Howie gave him, and now he's just sitting on his ass. But Howie's back is leaning against his and Howie seems so normal today and what if Nick moves and Howie falls over and hits his head or something? That's just ridiculous, but it's the best excuse Nick's got.

"Nick," Kevin says, finally fed up with trying (and failing) to be subtle. "Just come here."

"Okay," Nick says. "Geez."

He stands up, and of course Howie doesn't fall over, Howie's on the phone again, but Nick misses him a little anyway. He follows Kevin into the hallway.

"What?"

Kristin hands Kevin a small long box and Kevin deposits it in Nick's hand.

"We found these when we went shopping yesterday," Kevin explains.

"What is it? Golf balls?" Nick asks, fingering the golf balls. Kristin is grinning at him and even Kevin seems amused.

"They're trick balls," Kevin explains, taking the box from Nick's hand. "One of 'em like explodes when it's hit in a cloud of smoke and another one has red strings that shoot out of it."

"We figured they might be handy next time you go golfing with Brian and AJ," Kristin adds.

"This was your idea?" Nick asks Kevin, incredulous.

Kevin shrugs. "I don't have to be part of it, so I'm all for it."

Kristin makes a face, letting Nick know that the balls were absolutely her idea and she had to talk Kevin into buying them at all, but Nick doesn't say anything, instead letting Kevin have his moment.

"Nice," Nick says.

"Don't show Brian."

"Well, no shit," Nick says, trying out Kristin's line from dinner. Kevin swats him in the back of the head.

**

Nick's not sure how the hell it happens but somehow AJ trips over something coming off stage after the show. He manages to take Nick down with him, which probably cushions AJ's fall a lot, but Nick ends up knocking into Howie and then banging his shoulder hard against the edge of some kind of speaker thing.

"Fuck, man" Nick says from beneath AJ, his cheek smashed against the grimy cement floor. "What the hell."

"I fucking tripped over something," AJ says, pushing on Nick's ass as he tries to stand up. Nick grunts and swears again, rolling over, but accepts AJ's hand when AJ offers it.

"You okay?" AJ asks. AJ's already pulling his shirt over his head and moving further backstage.

"Yeah," Nick says and rubs his shoulder. "Howie."

Nick reaches out to touch Howie's back.

"I'm fine," Howie says, moving a little faster so his back is just out of reach of Nick's fingers. "You just bumped into me on your way down. Does your shoulder hurt?"

Nick shrugs. He chugs from his water, moving his arm slowly to work out the pain. Nick chokes a little on the water, coughs and then sniffles. His medication must be wearing off. He hands the bottle over to AJ, who takes a sip without even thinking about it. Nick smiles a little to himself in triumph. It's not like AJ isn't probably already on his way to being sick anyway. And Nick might not even be contagious anymore. He never remembers how that works.

Kristin and Kevin are already in the van by the time Nick finishes changing and heads out, still rubbing his shoulder.

"What happened to you?" Kevin asks, looking concerned.

"AJ," Nick says and that must be enough of an answer because Kevin doesn't press. Kevin probably thinks they were exchanging blows backstage or something, but whatever.

"I've gotta take Kris to the airport in a few hours," Kevin says. "Are the fellas on their way?"

Nick grunts and he hopes it sounds affirmative, though he's not actually sure. When he left, Brian was still dressed and on the phone and Howie and AJ were taking their time.

Nick climbs into the van to sit next to Kristin.

"Are you hurt?" she asks.

"Nah," Nick says, but Kristin starts rubbing his shoulder anyway.

"I definitely love you more than AJ," he grumbles.

Can't breathe. Dying. Send help.

Nick's first thoughts after realizing that he's suddenly awake. Nick sniffles and coughs and sits up in an attempt to clear his nose. He only manages to partially clear one nostril.

He glances over at his alarm clock. It's almost 8 and he wonders why it hasn't gone off yet. The alarm isn't even set. Nick fumbles around the beside table in search of his watch, just to double check. He can't find the watch, but does find his cellphone. It's still 8 in the morning.

Nick dials Kevin.

Kevin answers on the fourth ring, but he doesn't say hello, just "what?" and he doesn't exactly sound awake either.

"What's wrong?" Nick asks. "Am I late?"

"Nick," Kevin sighs, and that's when Nick realizes that Kevin must still be in bed.

"Are you late too?" Please let Kevin be running late, please. If Kevin's running late that means that Howie gets to be the only responsible one for the day. Responsible Howie is just responsible. Responsible Kevin thinks he's entitled to make the less responsible suffer at his hands. Responsible Kevin is kind of evil.

"It's our day off, shithead."

"Oh," Nick says. This is why he doesn't talk to anyone until he's been up for an hour or so if he can help it.

"You'd think that's something you'd remember," Kevin says and hangs up.

**

Nick finally rolls out of bed at 9:30 and stumbles into the bathroom. He rubs his hands over his face and stares at himself in the mirror. He looks like shit. Fuzzy shit. And yep, even after he's found his glasses and shoved them onto his face he still looks like shit. Just slightly less fuzzy.

Nick showers, but man, not even that works. He wonders if it's possible that the clock fucked up in the middle of the night and it's actually 5 in the morning and he still has a few more hours before he has to be up. It's kind of funny that he woke up at 8 thinking he'd already had extra sleep, but an hour and a half later he still wants more. Nick sort of misses those days during the break where he could sleep until noon or one if he felt like it. 9:30 isn't as early at 6, but it's not exactly late either.

There was one day after Howie but before his solo stuff and way before Paris that Nick stayed in bed until 4 in the afternoon. This morning it seems entirely possible that he'll never ever get that chance again.

Nick almost slips getting out of the shower but catches himself on the edge of the sink. Today would be a good day to just stay in bed.

Nick starts tossing shit into his suitcase and tries to convince himself that he can nap later on the bus. He doesn't remember where they're going or how long it's going to take to get there, but it can't be too far.

Howie knocks on his door at quarter to eleven, then proceeds to stand there in shock when Nick opens it showered and already packed.

"You're ready?" Howie asks. "Seriously?"

"Of course," Nick says and he cringes at the sound of his voice. Fuckin' head cold.

Howie eyes Nick's packed luggage, thrown into the corner by the door. "You're packed. Completely? We're getting on the bus right after the interview."

"I know," Nick says. He wonders if this is going to be a new trend. Howie showing up at his door everyday, just like he used to. Nick hopes so. "It's like noon, dude. I'm ready."

"I thought I was coming over here to drag you out of bed kicking and screaming."

Nick points to the bed. "I can get back in there if you still wanna do that."

"That's okay."

"Seriously, dude," Nick pushes. "I have no problem going back to bed right now."

Nick starts heading in the direction of his bed and turns to look at Howie still standing in the doorway. Nick fakes an exaggerated yawn, followed by a real yawn, and then collapses onto the bed, pulling the blankets up around him and nuzzling his wet hair against the pillow. He closes his eyes and waits for Howie to sit on him or throw something at him or whatever it is Howie plans to do.

Nick's not sure how long he stays like that, but it's possible that he might actually have dozed off for a second or two.

"Howie?" he asks now that it seems pretty obvious that Howie isn't playing along. "Yeah," Howie says and he's somewhere nearby at least. He's not still standing in the hallway.

"Kicking and screaming, remember?" Nick opens his eyes and Howie's just standing there by the dresser looking at him. "Well?"

"You're already awake," Howie says sensibly. "And packed."

Howie's cellphone rings and he takes it out of his pocket and looks at it for a moment before deciding not to answer.

"You're no fun," Nick grumbles.

"Yeah," Howie says. "I'm an old man."

"Come here," Nick insists, holding out his hands. They have time and Howie's here and there are a lot of things that Nick wants to forget about the Black and Blue tour but Howie certainly isn't one of them. Howie stares at Nick for a little while longer and then sighs and takes one of Nick's outstretched hands.

"Let's go," Howie says, starting to pull Nick up, but Nick is larger, stronger and Howie doesn't stand a chance. Howie tries to catch himself before he falls and ends up leaning over Nick, his free hand propped on the bed beside Nick's head.

"Nick," Howie grunts, trying to pull away.

Nick should let go. And not just because Howie wants him to. Howie broke up with him. But right now, with Howie so close, forgetting that is a little too easy and Nick leans up and kisses the side of Howie's neck. Kisses Howie's jaw. He also releases Howie's hand and he's not as surprised as he probably should be that Howie doesn't move away.

"Nick," Howie says again, but his eyes are closed now and the hand that Nick released is sliding down Nick's side. Yes, Nick thinks. So easy to forget that things are different now. Howie's hand brushes across the front of Nick's jeans and Nick moans and then coughs a little when the moan gets stuck in his throat.

And then just as suddenly as it started, Howie's gone. Standing back on the other side of the room again and refusing to look at Nick.

"What -"

"You're sick," Howie says. It's a lame excuse. Howie's only saving himself one more day of health. There's no way Howie won't catch it. But it's not so easy to forget when Howie's so clearly Now Howie again.

"Sorry," Nick says, brushing a hand through his hair and sitting up on the bed. "I was just - it was -"

"easy," Howie finishes, frowning. Nick was going to say stupid, but he just nods in agreement anyway.

Things have been going so well since the tour started. Howie's always there and it's just like before, only not, but now - Even as trends go, this 'everything is back to normal' one is dying quickly.

"So," Nick says, trying to break the uncomfortable silence by changing the subject. "Where are we going anyway?"

Howie shrugs and pokes at the phone book on the dresser. "Two radio interviews. And then North Carolina? I think."

**

It doesn't seem possible, but Kevin looks even more tired than Nick feels. Nick avoids him, expecting to hear about his phone call this morning, but Nick's pretty sure a five second phone call wouldn't make Kevin look like that.

"What's up with him?" Nick asks, nudging AJ as they're led into the small radio room.

AJ shrugs.

"Kristin's flight left at 6 this morning. Kevin went to the airport with her at four thirty," Brian says from behind him.

Howie jumps at least four times during the interview, which usually means that his cellphone, set to vibrate, is going off again.

On the way back to the bus Nick pokes Kevin in the back until Kevin retaliates by wrapping an arm around Nick's neck and refusing to let go so that Nick has to stumble to the bus bent in half with his face in Kevin's armpit.

"I'm going to sleep," Kevin says once they're on the bus and Nick's free to stand up straight. "Wake me up when we get there."

He disappears into the bunks and Howie follows, already opening his cellphone and dialing.

"What?" AJ asks, throwing himself on the couch. "D got a new boyfriend or something?"

"Really?" Nick asks, watching Howie's retreating figure.

AJ just shrugs.

**

"This bus is completely contaminated," Howie states, looking around the lounge where AJ and Nick are sprawled. It's been two hours and Howie is just now getting off the phone. Brian's talking to their driver, Steve, and AJ's curled up on the couch and it looks like he might be picking at his toes or something weird like that.

"I'm not sick," AJ says, but Nick has a feeling that AJ probably is and is just in denial.

"Not yet," Howie points out.

Nick lets the tissue that's been balled up in his hand for a while now fall to the floor. He smiles over at Howie.

"Jerk," Howie says, sitting down on the couch as far from Nick as he possibly can and Nick can tell he's not keeping his distance because of a fucking head cold. It's a bus though, Howie can't get far.

"Virginia," Brian states, coming back to sit beside Howie.

"Virginia, what?" Howie asks, standing up to move away from Brian. He looks at Nick when he does, confirming that it's all for effect.

"That's where we're going," Brian says. "Norfolk."

"Nick thought North Carolina," AJ explains.

Howie's cellphone rings and Nick turns to stare at AJ. AJ shrugs again and grins and Howie heads back into the back of the bus.

**

"And Howie's all 'no, no. I can handle it. No problem.' And they're easy, you know? So we believed him and left for New York. Come back a few days later and -"

"Come on, man," Howie whines, interrupting AJ's tale.

Howie's second phone call was short, a lot shorter than the first, so Nick figures it must not have been his boyfriend this time around. Nick grimaces a little when he thinks the word boyfriend. He spent two years waiting for the word to come up and it didn't, at least not that he knows of, and he thought he'd be okay if it came up now. It's been so long, but no. It still sucks.

"You're breaking a promise here," Howie continues, "A vow of silence."

"Shut him up, would you?" Brian says, pointing to Howie and Nick gladly puts his hand over Howie's mouth and he might be gripping Howie's arm a little too hard. Howie's glaring at him, but it's easy to ignore Howie's glares.

Brian is already giggling a little and the story's only just started.

"Someone needs to speak up for dogs everywhere," AJ says solemnly, but he's not doing a very good job of hiding the grin that's trying to take over his face.

Howie bites Nick's hand.

"Ow," Nick says, pulling his hand away. He glares back at Howie. Howie learned that one from him. Bastard.

"So I get back and Howie's like 'man, your dog is covered in ticks.' And I'm all okay cause yeah, once in awhile they get a tick, but covered in them? And Howie's all 'yeah, man. I got one off but there are like six more."

"Are we there yet?" Howie asks. He turns to look out the window even though the field they're driving past is obviously not Norfolk. It's just an excuse. Howie's already blushing and refusing to look at them so the story must be good. Nick plans to enjoy it far more than he should.

AJ just laughs and continues. "So I go get Tank and ask Howie to show me the ticks so I can get rid of them and Howie's like they're on his stomach so I look but I don't see anything weird so I have Howie point them out and he does and I'm like 'dude, those are his nipples."

"No," Brian says, his voice filled with disbelief.

"Yes! Howard spent the weekend trying to pry off my poor dog's nipples."

Nick snorts and then giggles and it's a little more high pitched than he means it to be and Howie pushes him and Nick purposely falls over onto Howie. Howie tries to shove him off, but Nick's not going anywhere. The giggles have taken over.

"Oh man!" Brian says, and his hands reflexively move to his own chest, which only makes Nick laugh harder.

"I told you, you shouldn't ask me to watch your dogs," Howie says, defensively, but Nick can tell that even he's trying not to laugh a little now.

"Tank must have been traumatized!"

"Strangely, he seemed fine with it," AJ says with a shrug. He can't stop grinning.

"He just sort of looked at me funny," Howie agrees.

"Oh man," Brian says again.

"So was there actually a tick there in the first place or did you pull off something else entirely?" Nick asks finally.

Howie pulls his hair. "Yes, there was a tick, asshole. How was I supposed to know dogs have like six nipples. They looked the same!"

"D, everyone knows that dogs have six nipples," AJ says and Brian nods.

"Some dogs even have 8. Oooh," Nick waves his fingers in Howie's face and Howie smacks him.

"Yeah, but Tank's a guy. A boy dog. What does he need six nipples for?" Howie asks sincerely and now Nick is laughing even harder.

"Yeah, well, you'd look pretty funny if you didn't have any," Brian says.

"He still looks pretty funny even though he does," Nick adds.

"Whatever. I hate dogs."

"Wait till Kev hears about this," Nick says, snickering.

"He misses all the good stuff," AJ agrees.

"I can hear you guys," Kevin says from the bunks in the back. "It's not like you're trying to be quiet."

"Oops," Brian says under his breath, but he's still grinning.

"Sorry, Kev," AJ calls out, but it's just a formality. AJ's not really sorry and Kevin knows it. Though actually, Kevin doesn't sound like he really minds too much.

"AJ wasn't supposed to tell anyone," Howie says. "So. Let's see. What good AJ stories do I have that you guys don't know?"

"Uh oh," AJ groans.

**

Nick spends the rest of the drive curled up against Howie on the couch. Howie snores lightly and Nick's asleep in no time. It's the best hour of sleep Nick's had all week and he only wakes up when Howie's fucking cellphone starts ringing twenty minutes from their hotel.

**

Nick grabs both his bag and Howie's, dropping Howie's at his feet just as Howie snaps his phone shut.

"Thanks," Howie says, one hand on Nick's elbow. Nick looks at it and if Nick squints it almost feels like an invitation. Nick leans in thinking that maybe Howie will let Nick kiss him, but no, Howie stops him with a hand on his chest.

"Nicky," Howie says, blushing a little and trying to hide it. AJ and Brian are already off the bus. Kevin is still somewhere in the back and Nick is standing in the aisle holding his bag, but he moves away now, knocking Howie's hand off his elbow.

"What?" He sounds pissier than he means to, but he hopes Howie will think it's because he just woke up. Howie would have to be the stupidest fuck alive to think that.

"AJ doesn't know, but I even tried to get the ticks off by touching them with a match," Howie says sheepishly. He's acting like Nick didn't just try to kiss him and Nick's not sure what to do other than just go along with it.

"Nipples," Nick says. "Nipples, not ticks. And you did not. I can't believe you're willingly bringing this up again, man."

Howie just shrugs and looks relieved that Nick is playing along. "isn't that what you're supposed to do with like leeches and stuff?"

"And the dog wasn't traumatized? Seriously, he ran away from you every time you saw him after that, didn't he."

Howie shrugs again. "The match wasn't lit."

"You're never babysitting my kids," Kevin tells Howie, coming down the aisle carrying his bag.

"You don't have kids," Howie says. Howie exits the bus and Nick can tell he's trying to get away from them, but they won't let him go that easily. Kevin follows close behind Howie. Nick grabs his bag and heads after everyone else.

"I'm just telling you now so you don't get your hopes up in the event that I do," Kevin says as they cross the parking garage to the hotel. Kevin manages to get the entire sentence out with a straight face, but as soon as he stops talking he can't help but grin. Kevin in a good mood has always been one of Nick's favorite things, especially when it comes unexpectedly right after the shit mood Kevin was in earlier that day. It almost makes up for the shit mood that Nick's quickly falling into.

"I know how many nipples kids have!" Howie insists. They're in the lobby now and Howie is trying to keep his voice down.

"Four," Nick says. Howie ignores him, but Kevin laughs.

They make their way over to a group of couches where a few of the bodyguards are already lounging. Howie practically throws himself into an overstuffed chair, sighing as though no one's ever had a harder life than Howie D. Kevin's still chuckling a little.

Nick comes up behind Howie and starts playing with his hair, tests their boundaries. It's thinning at the top. Not at the rate that AJ's hairline is receding, but Nick can definitely tell. Nick blows on the top of Howie's head and Howie swats a hand up at him but misses and doesn't bother to try again.

"You guys aren't going to let this go for years now," Howie says. "This is why I made AJ promise. You never forget anything."

"I'm impressed that he lasted three years," Kevin says. "It's gotta be some kinda record or something."

"What's a record?" Brian asks, holding out several room keys. Howie just groans and sinks further into the chair.

**

Nick drops his stuff in his room and then goes to find Howie. His new plan is to hang out with Howie nonstop until he either can't stand the sight of Howie for one more second, or Howie breaks down and reveals the truth about this boyfriend business. He would just ask, but Howie dumped him and then that morning Howie touched him and there's no fucking way Nick's going to ask. And anyway, if Nick gets so fucking sick of Howie that he can't stand the sight of him, well, then that sort of solves his problem too, doesn't it?

Howie doesn't look entirely pleased to see him, but he lets Nick in anyway and even gives Nick control of the television remote. Howie sits with Nick and pokes at Nick's stomach when Nick makes a comment about the fact that Howie's gotten a little softer around the middle. Howie looks offended, but then he smiles and then comes the poking and Howie says "you should talk" and then Howie's phone rings for the ten billionth time that day. Howie is fucking confusing. Nick thinks he might be a little sick of him already. He didn't expect the plan to work this quickly.

Nick pretends that he's immersed in the television and not listening in in the least.

"Downstairs?" Howie says. "Great. I'll be right down."

Howie grips Nick's knee, standing from the bed.

"Who's that?" Nick asks, following Howie out of the hotel room and down the hall. He slides a finger into Howie's belt loop from behind.

"Sean," Howie says, turning his head, but not enough that he's actually looking at Nick.

"Who's Sean?" Nick asks, pretty sure they haven't met.

"He's in the lobby now," Howie says, and his face is all tight and funny and Nick doesn't like that at all. "I'll introduce you."

**

Sean is tall and blond and nice and works in real estate and is not some star struck celebrity stalker and Nick's pretty sure he's never ever hated anyone more. He listens to Sean talk on and on about his flight from fucking Georgia on the way back up in the elevator and then Howie says "we'll see you later, Nicky" and shuts his door right in Nick's face.

Nick stalks down the hall past Drew and Marcus who look like they might be laughing at him and starts banging on AJ's door.

"Who the fuck is Sean?" Nick demands as soon as AJ opens up.

AJ blinks at him.

"Hi," AJ says. "Brian's here. Wanna come in?"

"You should have told me about this," Nick says.

"Sean who?" Brian asks from somewhere behind AJ.

"How the fuck do I know?" Nick asks, pushing into AJ's room. "The Sean that's in Howie's room right now."

"The guy Howie's been talking to?" AJ asks, sitting back on his bed. AJ and Brian are watching golf. Fucking typical.

"I guess so!"

"No shit," AJ says, looking to Brian. "I can't believe Howie hasn't said anything. That dog."

Nick snorts at them and goes to hang out with Kevin, slamming the door on the way out. Kevin doesn't know who Sean is either but he takes Nick out for burgers and drinks shitty beer and doesn't talk about Howie at all and when Nick asks Kevin even promises to let Nick sleep in his room. It's times like this that Nick can't figure out why he'd rather talk about golf with Brian and AJ than hang out with Kevin who has a kickass wife and bought him trick balls.

**

"Howie plays with dog nipples," Nick says when he and Kevin bump into Howie and Sean on the way back to Kevin's room. Kevin's drunk so instead of elbowing Nick he just smirks and nods to this stupid Sean character, still amused by Howie's complete lack of canine knowledge.

"Dog nipples?" Sean asks, looking to Howie.

Howie doesn't say anything, just keeps walking down toward the elevator.

"It was nice to meet you, Sean!" Nick calls after them. Sean says something polite and waves. Howie flips Nick off without even bothering to turn around.

"You're an ass," Kevin says as he unlocks his door.

"Yeah," Nick agrees.

Nick wakes up with a scratchy throat, a headache and a fuzzy head brushing against his cheek. It only takes Nick two minutes to realize that the head belongs to Kevin. It takes him another minute to realize that Kevin's hand is under his shirt. Nick tries not to laugh and only wishes a little that he had a video camera right then. He thinks about calling AJ to come take a picture but he doesn't think he can reach his phone without waking Kevin up.

Nick pokes Kevin's arm.

"Kev," he says quietly. Too quietly, apparently, because Kevin doesn't even move.

"Kevin," Nick says again.

"Hm?" Kevin breathes and his hand moves along Nick's stomach and now Nick really is laughing and Kevin lifts his head to look at him. Kevin's nose bumps against Nick's chin. "What?"

"Get off me."

Kevin's hand stops moving and his eyes get a little wide and he hastily untangles himself from Nick, moving back to his own side of the bed.

"Sorry. Habit."

"Uh huh," Nick says, still laughing.

"Shut up," Kevin grumbles. He picks up the clock to look at it, sighs, and sits up, stretching and turning to look down on Nick. "How do you feel?"

"Head hurts."

"Yeah," Kevin agrees and Nick squints at him. Kevin's looking a little grey.

"I've gotta take a piss. Think about what you want for breakfast," Kevin says, climbing out of the bed and scratching his ass as he stumbles toward the bathroom.

**

Kevin starts complaining of a sore throat shortly after their eggs arrive, but that doesn't stop him from giving his thoughts on the whole Sean thing.

"What?" he asks, looking at Nick over the top of his newspaper. "Did you think Howie would be single forever?"

"No," Nick says, but yeah, he sorta kinda did. Or he just tried not to think about it at all anyway. "He looks like an asshole."

"He looked okay," Kevin says, and then adds "Howie was nice to Paris."

"Howie's nicer than me. That's why no one calls me, you know, Sweet Nick or whatever." Though really, Nick's thinking that the time to revoke Howie's 'sweet' title has long past.

Someone knocks at the door and Nick gets up to answer it. It's Brian. And he's happy. Nick turns, heading back for his breakfast and leaves Brian to let himself in.

"What did you expect?" Kevin continues, looking up as Brian enters, grinning. "You knew this would happen when you broke up. It's been years." And there it is again, that tone in Kevin's voice.

"Howie broke up with me," Nick says, pointing at himself for emphasis. "Not the other way around. Seriously. What the hell."

"Well, it was never like -" Kevin starts, watching Nick closely as he talks as though waiting to see what his reaction will be. Brian's just standing in the middle of the room with that fucking smile on his face. "It's not like you guys were - I mean it wasn't ever serious, right? That's the way I understood it anyway?"

Nick wants to disagree, but Nick doesn't really know. If it was serious maybe it should have been more difficult. It wasn't difficult until it was over.

"I guess not," Nick says, somewhat defeated.

"So then what is the difference between this Sean guy and Paris?" Kevin shrugs and then clears his throat after saying Paris's name. He grimaces a little and starts massaging the skin of his neck with his fingers.

"Uh oh," Brian says, grabbing a piece of Nick's toast. "you too?"

"I tried to warn him but he insisted on making out last night," Nick grumbles. He grabs the piece of toast back as Brian lifts it toward his mouth.

"Seriously?"

"He's kidding," Kevin says, pushing his half eaten breakfast toward Brian. "I think."

Brian's still grinning and Nick turns on him. "What the hell are you smiling about, anyway?"

"My family comes back tonight," Brian says, taking a bite of Kevin's toast. He grins at Nick and there's bread stuck in his teeth.

"I'm going back to bed," Nick announces. He thinks about stalking back to his room, but Kevin's bed is closer and Nick climbs back in, turning his back to Kevin and Brian and pulling the blankets up around his shoulder.

"Poor baby," Kevin says. Nick can hear the fucking smile in his voice.

"Fuck off," Nick says.

Nick thinks that the difference is that if Howie was still single then Nick could pretend that it'd all been some mistake. That Howie hadn't meant to fuck him over as soon as the tour ended and they weren't together 24-7.

"I'm eating your breakfast," Brian announces happily and Nick squeezes his eyes shut and ignores them.

**

Howie's mad at him. Probably about the dog nipple comment. Nick decides that he doesn't give a fuck if Howie's pissed since he's pissed too. During lunch he calls Howie his back up singer and Howie and AJ both glare at him. Brian is too busy counting the minutes until Leigh and Baylee show up to even notice that Nick's upset.

They get to the club, Nova or Norva or something, around three even though it's hours before they need to be onstage. Howie falls asleep on a couch and Nick throws pretzels at him. Brian picks some of the pretzels off of Howie and eats them. He throws the one that landed in Howie's ear back at Nick. When Brian leaves to be cheerful somewhere else, Nick stands over Howie and tips his water bottle until a small stream of water hit's Howie's cheek.

"What the hell," Howie says, jumping.

"I spilled," Nick says, pointing at his bottle.

"What's your problem?"

Nick shrugs. "Have you seen Kevin and AJ?"

"I was sleeping," Howie says, clearly annoyed. He's wiping his cheek on the sleeve of his shirt. A pretzel falls off his shoulder and he looks up, glaring at Nick.

"That was Brian," Nick lies and then Howie's phone rings and Nick snorts and walks out of the room.

He wanders out through the loading dock and finally finds AJ on the bus watching a movie with Marcus. One of the Indiana Jones films from the looks of it. Kevin's contribution to their movie collection.

"Hey look," AJ says, and Nick slides onto the seat beside him. "It's the walking over-reaction."

Marcus laughs and Nick flips him off.

"I hate you," Nick says, but he moves closer to AJ as he says it, which probably diminishes the impact of the words a bit. He turns to Marcus. "I hate you too."

"I'll remember that the next time I'm saving your ass from being mauled," Marcus says and he even winks, the bastard.

AJ knocks against Nick and pauses his movie. "I got the scoop on Sean, moron."

"Good," Nick grumps, crossing his arms across his chest. "What? Are they engaged."

"No, idiot," AJ says and he's actually laughing now. "Sean's a fucking real estate agent."

"I know," Nick says, shaking his head. "So what?"

"That's it. Howie's buying real estate."

"What?"

"Real estate," AJ repeats. Marcus is chuckling again.

"I heard you," Nick snaps. "You said -"

"You know I never know what the hell I'm talking about," AJ laughs. "I can't believe you listen to me."

AJ unpauses his movie, still laughing and settles down against Nick's shoulder. Nick tries to shrug him off, but AJ's bony fucking frame continues to jab into him. Nick hates everyone. He's supposed to be fucking over this shit. Way over. This is why he doesn't fucking talk to any of his exes. This is why Kevin told them that the whole thing was a lousy idea when it started. Nick hates Kevin for always being fucking right. He hates Brian for being fucking happy. He hates Marcus and AJ for being in the room right now. He hates Howie for blushing every time Nick kisses (kissed) him and rolling his eyes at Nick's jokes and letting Nick fall in love too fast but never letting him close enough. He hates Howie for breaking up with him a week after their last show in Japan.

Of course Howie wouldn't be dating this Sean guy. He lives in Georgia and Howie likes to keep things simple. Long distance isn't simple.

"He's buying real estate?" Nick says after stewing for a while.

"Trump Jr.," AJ agrees, clearing his throat. AJ's been pretending he's not sick for over a day. Howie might be buying real estate from some fucking hot asshole named Sean, but no one's buying that AJ's not already as sick as Nick and Brian.

**

Nick and Brian play a mindless game of slap jack backstage while they wait to be called to do their soundcheck. Brian keeps checking his watch at the same time he flips a jack. Brian is losing badly. Nick should have convinced him to play for cash.

"Hey, two days," Brian says.

"Two days what?" Nick asks. Leighanne and Baylee are due any minute now and Nick has no idea what else Brian might be counting down to.

"Our next day off. We'll be in South Carolina. AJ and I are going to stay behind while the bus heads back to Ohio. Play some golf. Go out to dinner. Take a flight up in the evening. You in?"

Brian hates to fly, but he'll do anything for another day of sunshine and golf.

Nick thinks of the trick golf balls in his bag. "Sure," he says and grins, already planning how he'll slip the balls into Brian's bag. No, into AJ's.

Kevin is pacing and coughing. He keeps coming over and looking over Nick's shoulder. As though slap jack is actually an interesting game. Nick has a feeling that Kevin wants to talk to him, which is all the more reason for Nick to stay as immersed in beating Brian as he possibly can.

"We're ready," Howie says, poking his head backstage and waving his microphone at them. Brian jumps up, and heads off, leaving Nick to clean up the cards. Nick just leaves them too. Someone else will clean them up eventually. Nick's not even sure whose cards they are.

"Hey Howie," Nick says, walking over to Howie's side of the stage. AJ's movie is over and he's doing his fucking ballet act across the stage again. Nothing ever gets old when you're a Backstreet Boy. "Howie."

"What's up?" Howie asks, but he's eyeing Nick and obviously hasn't forgotten the dog comment or the pretzels and water from earlier.

"I'm sorry, man," Nick says even though he's not sure if he really means it.

Howie nods and smiles at Nick.

"I thought -"

"It's okay," Howie says quickly, cutting Nick off. Brian's just started in on the first verse of Drowning.

"Okay?" Nick reaches out to grab Howie's shoulder, planning to pull Howie into a hug, but Howie frowns and Nick hesitates.

"Sure," Howie says. He hugs Nick quickly, one of those one armed back patting things, and then he's off and singing his own verse and Brian's frowning and tapping his microphone against AJ's arm and Kevin is talking to the band and Nick is left alone on stage left.

**

"It's just kind of weird," Howie says coming to stand beside Nick on the corner of the stage. Brian's microphone is malfunctioning again and there are three tech guys standing around the sound board trying to figure out what the problem is. Brian is making random testing noises and walking in circles in the center of the stage.

"What?" Nick asks Howie, looking up from where he's sitting with his feet dangling over the edge. He downs the rest of his bottle of water and then sniffles a little before turning to give Howie his full attention.

"Being back on tour."

"Yeah," Nick agrees. It's been a while.

"with you," Howie finishes and Nick just nods. Howie sits down on the stage beside them.

"It gives me a headache," Nick admits and moves a little closer to Howie. Howie doesn't move away. Nick takes it as a sign that Howie really has forgiven him for the day's earlier obnoxiousness. Nick still isn't sure if he's forgiven Howie for anything, really.

"The headache was the alcohol," Howie says, bouncing his microphone on Nick's knee.

"Not just the alcohol."

"And Paris," Howie amends. Nick turns to look at him but Howie's still looking at his knees.

"You broke up with me," Nick points out for the five billionth time. Now Howie looks up too. "Not to say that Paris wasn't a headache, though."

"You said you were with me because it was convenient." Nick winces a little. He had said that, but not because he thought it was true.

"I thought that's what you wanted to hear!" Nick can see AJ goofing off on the other side of the stage over Howie's shoulder, but he stops when Nick raises his voice.

Howie looks at him like he's grown three heads. "Who the hell wants to hear that?"

"Someone who is also with someone because they think it's convenient," Nick says.

"Oh," Howie frowns. His eyes are huge. "I never - wow. You're an idiot."

"You broke up with me!" The tech guys fiddling with the speakers on the edge of the stage are looking at him now too.

"But only because you're an idiot." Howie sounds exasperated now, and is very obviously keeping his voice down in the hopes that Nick will follow his lead. Howie sighs. "I'm an idiot too, I guess."

Brian's microphone suddenly kicks in, amplifying the random odd noises that Brian's been making for the last twenty minutes. Nick and Howie both jump and then Howie stands and walks back toward his microphone stand, turning to give Nick a funny look.

"I guess," Nick says to no one, standing up. Kevin's watching him and raises his eyebrows when Nick looks back. Nick just shrugs and then AJ's voice cracks a few lines into I'll Never Break Your Heart and Kevin turns his attention away from Nick.

"You okay?" Kevin mouths at AJ and AJ just nods and waves Kevin off. AJ will continue to refuse to admit he's sick until he's the last one. Howie's still healthy so AJ's got a bit more waiting to go.

They don't make it far into the chorus of the song before Leighanne and Baylee finally arrive and Baylee squeals and Brian drops his microphone to go swing him around and kiss Leigh and then when Brian finally returns to his spot with Baylee propped on his hip, ready to resume singing, his microphone has once again stopped working right.

Brian laughs and looks apologetic, but Nick thinks it's no wonder that the tech guys hate Brian the most.

**

"So what was it then?" Nick asks, climbing onto the bus behind Howie after the show. He can hear girls screaming nearby in the parking lot and is grateful for the large fence dividing them.

"What was it?" Howie asks, wiping a towel across his forehead. They're both still drenched in sweat and Nick always ends up last in the bus shower line.

"The last few years. All this crap?" Nick says. "All because we're idiots who never thought to say - you know?"

"What?" Howie prompts.

"Well, I love you, for one thing."

"You tell me you love me all the time," Howie says.

"I'm being fucking serious here," Nick says, pushing Howie to the empty lounge at the back of the bus.

Howie sighs. "You thought we were doing it because I thought it was convenient. I thought you were just too lazy to bother finding anyone else. And then when I asked and you confirmed everything that -"

"Because I thought that was what you were looking for. AJ used to always joke about it. It was never what I -"

"But maybe that is what it was about. In the end."

"No fucking way," Nick says. Leighanne shouts his name from the front of the bus. No swearing in range of Baylee. Nick is worse than AJ, but Leighanne already thinks that Nick is an idiot, and so far the evening has only proven her right.

"Nicky." Howie sits down and Nick follows, sitting across the aisle. He doesn't want to make it too easy for Howie to look away. "We're on tour again. It's the same situation. And then yesterday. And really, you don't see that we're just doing the same thing all over again? Falling into the same damn pattern?"

Nick does see that. Has thought it, but it doesn't quite fit. "This doesn't feel very easy or convenient to me."

**

Nick stares at his bunk for a minute and then climbs up into Kevin's instead. He's nearly asleep when Kevin pulls back the curtain.

"Hi," Kevin says, quietly. He looks up toward the front of the bus where Nick can still hear AJ and Howie talking. "Do you want me to take your bunk or something?"

"No," Nick says, patting the area beside him.

Kevin frowns but climbs in anyway, pulling the curtain shut. The bunk is cramped and Kevin rolls on his side with his back to Nick to create more room. Nick presses his knuckles to Kevin's back.

"Kris is coming back tomorrow so you're gonna have to sleep with AJ or get a stuffed animal or something, man."

"AJ smells. And you're the snuggler, not me."

"Yeah, yeah," Kevin says, turning his head so that he's looking at Nick out of the corner of his eye. Nick stares at Kevin's profile in the light coming in through the crack in the curtains. "Howie was buying a hotel."

"I know."

"So why are you here?"

Nick shrugs. "I don't wanna be too easy. Or Howie doesn't. I don't know. When is Kristin showing up?

"She's meeting us in Myrtle Beach," Kevin says, letting Nick change the subject. "Around noon or so. We have that little interview thing to go to, so after that."

"The newspaper one?"

Kevin nods.

Howie wants to take things slow. Make sure no one gets hurt again. Make sure it isn't just the tour. It's been years. Nick knows it's not the damn tour. Not for him. But then, he's not the one who ever wanted to break up in the first place.

"Good," Nick says finally. "I miss her. I like her more than Howie."

"Yeah, well, me too," Kevin says and then adds "Don't be an asshole."

"I can't help it."

"Good night, Nick." Kevin turns his head back to face the curtain and Nick sighs and closes his eyes.

Nick wakes up with his face pressed against Kevin's back, listening to him snore softly. Well, they must not be in wherever it is they're going yet, Nick thinks. He can hear Kevin talking, probably to their driver, or possibly Brian. The bus smells like fresh coffee, but the last thing Nick wants to do is move. Baylee is still in his bunk, but he's making noise, talking to his stuffed monkey or AJ or something. They have the same name so sometimes it's hard to tell. Nick looks at his watch. 3:30 am.

Kevin says something about toast and Nick presses his face into the soft hair at the top of Howie's head. He breathes in Howie's shampoo and then stops, pulling back to stare at his sleeping partner in the dark. That's definitely Howie's thinning patch. It's pretty hard to mistake Howie for Kevin and Nick thinks so much for that brilliant thought he'd planned to have by the end of the week.

"Howie," Nick says, shaking Howie's shoulder. Howie snores and sighs and rolls over onto his back.

"Howie," Nick says again, louder this time.

"Howie," Baylee repeats form one of the lower bunks across the aisle.

"Hmm?" Howie says, opening his eyes only when Nick starts shaking him again.

"What are you doing here?" Nick asks. Howie is so fucking confusing.

"You weren't in your bunk," Howie explains, his voice still filled with sleep.

"Did you kick Kev out?"

"He offered." Howie isn't wearing a shirt and Nick rests his hand on Howie's soft warm stomach.

"So," Nick prompts, looking down at his hand on Howie's skin.

"I bought another hotel," Howie says.

"I know."

"I was confused about the other day and I let you think Sean was -"

"Yeah," Nick cuts him off. He doesn't care about Sean anymore.

"I'm sorry."

Nick stares down at him for a few moments. Howie's sorry for the Sean thing, but is that enough? Nick shrugs. "I don't really think your nipples look funny."

Howie frowns. "I completely forgot that you even said that."

"yeah. Well, I'm looking at them now and they aren't funny at all." Nick's hand starts sliding up Howie's chest. It's enough, he thinks.

"Jackass," Howie laughs.

Baylee says something then and it sounds more like Janice than Jackass, but Howie's eyes go wide and he slaps a hand over his mouth.

"Nice one," Nick says. "If you're not careful Leighanne'll start thinking you're a bigger idiot than I am."

"I doubt it."

"Yeah," Nick agrees.

"I love you," Howie continues, quieter now. "But I still think, you know, we should go slow. Make sure."

Nick nods and removes his hand from Howie's chest, but Howie grabs it, pulling Nick toward him.

"I'm sick," Nick protests, turning his head so that Howie kisses his cheek.

"So what," Howie says, kissing Nick's cheek again. "My throat was a little sore this morning, I think. I think I probably already have it." Howie turns his head and fakes a cough for emphasis and Baylee echoes the cough before going back to talking to his stuffed monkey. Nick laughs and let's Howie kiss him in Kevin's bunk. He wishes that it wasn't so dark so he couldn't see the pink that Howie's cheeks flush when Nick's hand strays, his fingers running over Howie's right nipple. Howie gasps and it sounds a little choked and Nick can tell he's trying to be as quiet as possible.

"I thought you said slow," Nick whispers in between kisses. Howie's hand slides over Nick's ass.

"Well, relatively slow," Howie amends.

"You're so fucking easy," Nick says, smiling against Howie's lips.