by Zoicite

* * * Something about the way you moved That caught my eye * * * Brian sets down his domino at the same time that Nick leans in and loudly whispers, “AJ’s staring at you.” Brian shrugs. He noticed that AJ was staring a few minutes earlier, and after swiping his hands over his face and adjusting his clothes, has come to the conclusion that there is nothing wrong with his appearance and AJ is therefore just being an ass. “Ignore him,” Brian says. Nick frowns and then shakes his head and twists around in his chair to face AJ. They’re at a photo shoot, but one of the lights is acting up and the photographer called a break. It’s been forty-five minutes and no one has stopped to update them or tell them what is happening. AJ is sitting on a leather couch by the wall, Howie next to him reading a magazine. Nick complained for the first fifteen minutes until Brian pulled the dominoes from his backpack and dragged Nick over to the table. Kevin left after half an hour, grumbling something about “the hold up.” “AJ,” Nick says, and Brian smacks his arm. “Stop staring.” AJ glances at Nick and then goes back to watching Brian. “It’s your turn,” Brian says, smacking Nick again. He looks at AJ. “What are you doing?” he asks, because now that Nick has spoken up there’s really no reason to ignore it anymore and Brian really is wondering. AJ blinks, then smiles and says, “I’m hitting on you.” Some of the photographer’s henchman, light repairmen hopefully, are shouting at one another in German and Brian thinks that he misheard. “What?” “I’m hitting on you,” AJ says again, and Brian definitely hears it right this time. He’d heard it correctly the first time as well. He looks away from AJ and down at his dominoes, fingering the black tiles. His mind isn’t really on the game any longer so he cops out and uses the blank domino, not even paying attention to where he sets it on the table. “Your turn,” he says to Nick, and then turns back to AJ. “Why?” AJ shrugs and continues to stare. Howie sets his magazine in his lap, looks from AJ to Brian, and then gets up and walks off. Maybe to find Kevin, Brian thinks. Or use the bathroom. Brian doesn’t look at AJ but he can feel his eyes and it’s all pretty stupid. For starters, it’s creepy. Brian’s seen AJ with girls and he’s nearly positive that not even AJ hits on someone by staring at them all creepy like. “Brian,” Nick says. “Brian.” And when Brian doesn’t respond he turns in his chair again and says, “Quit it, AJ.” Brian smiles at AJ and then turns to Nick. “He’s making fun. Jerk. Just ignore him. Whose turn is it?” Nick turns one last time to glare at AJ. “Oh,” he says knowingly, conspiratorially, as though it was something Brian had told him in confidence. In truth, they’d all been there. Brian had never thought of it as a big secret, he didn’t like to think that he was ashamed, and so when Nick asked if any of them had ever experimented, Brian told them all about Pete. Kevin already knew, of course, but Nick had looked at him with wide eyes as Brian explained that he’d met Pete when they were both in a high school production of Grease. Pete was confused and Brian’s friend, and Pete’s confusion was a little contagious and so Brian sort of helped Pete out. Because Pete was a good friend, but also to ease Brian’s own mind. It lasted a few weeks and didn’t get too serious and Brian still considered himself a virgin afterward. They hadn’t gone very far. Brian isn’t ashamed and so he told the guys and then shrugged afterward to show that it wasn’t a big deal. It isn’t a big deal. Brian is straight and though messing around with Pete was fun, if anything Brian thinks that the experiment confirmed the fact for him. “It’s healthy,” Brian had told Nick, who it turned out was worried because he’d kissed a male fan that was flirting with him and had followed him back to the hotel from one of their shows a few days earlier. “It doesn’t necessarily mean anything. And even if it does,” Brian shrugged again. And that was pretty much it, but now AJ’s staring at him and it’s clearly some form of mockery. “They think they fixed it,” Kevin says, appearing out of nowhere, and Brian nearly jumps out of his chair. Kevin sets a hand on his shoulder to steady him. “It’s a damn light,” AJ mutters. “How many photographers does it take?” “They want to touch us up and jump right back in,” Howie says, sipping a cup of tea and hooking his thumb back toward the small crowd gathered near the cameras. Nick jumps up and runs off, leaving Brian to clean up the dominoes. He sweeps them off the table and into his backpack and when he looks up AJ is still there, standing beside the couch, staring at him. Brian takes his bag and heads for the dressing room, not turning to see if AJ follows, though he can still feel his eyes. Ignore it, Brian thinks. Let him make fun. Brian has nothing to be ashamed of. * * * I really did have to try it, yes I can’t deny it * * * “I think I might room with Howie tonight,” Nick says, pulling Brian aside. “I mean, if that’s okay.” “Howie?” Brian asks. He and Nick always room together. Only when one of them is sick and contagious do they split up, and even then they spend more time with each other than in their own rooms. Nick and Howie aren’t even that close. Friends, of course, but they make horrible roommates. But Nick is nodding in affirmation and Brian isn’t going to say that no, Nick can’t sleep where he wants to. “Sure,” he says, and tries to look like he doesn’t think it’s weird. “Who was Howie rooming with? Kevin?” “AJ. Here, I got his key.” Brian takes the key that Nick offers to him and then Nick is gone down the hall. “Great,” Brian says to no one. He doesn’t want to say that he’s been avoiding AJ, because he hasn’t. But ever since the photo shoot, AJ’s been weird. Hanging around him and watching and when Brian asks, AJ always says the same thing. “I’m hitting on you.” Brian even tried telling AJ to stop, telling him that he was being an asshole and it wasn’t funny, and AJ did stop but only for a few hours and then suddenly there he was again, uncharacteristically quiet and creepy. Nick knows all about it. They stayed up nights talking about it and Nick even asked Howie what was going on at Brian’s request, but Howie said he knew nothing. Brian isn’t avoiding AJ, but they aren’t really exactly talking either. “You think he’s homophobic or something? Maybe you weirded him out,” Nick suggested one night, but they’ve known AJ for years and Brian knows that he’s not. Besides, Brian isn’t even gay, so that’s just stupid. Nick was biting his lip and looking worried so Brian told him that that was ridiculous and that AJ didn’t have a judgmental bone in his body, which he thinks was stretching it, but it seemed to make Nick feel better anyway. All that and now Nick betrays him. “Hey,” Brian says, letting himself into the room and throwing his bags into the closet. AJ’s spread across one of the beds, flipping channels on the television. Brian already knows there’s nothing on late night German TV, which is why he travels with his Nintendo. “Hi,” AJ says, turning to watch as Brian unpacks his toiletries and dumps them next to AJ’s in the bathroom. “Howie wanted to switch,” Brian says, though he guesses that AJ probably already knows. Anything to keep talking. “I think Johnny said something about going out to dinner since we have the night off and leaving in two hours so I’m going to take a shower, unless, you know, you need to get in there.” Brian keeps talking as he takes clothes from his bag. “You go ahead,” AJ says, getting up from the bed. Brian nods. “I just figured, you usually take longer, so.” He stops when he notices that AJ’s turned the television off. “What are you doing?” “Hitting on you.” “AJ,” Brian says, throwing his clothes on the bed. “Stop. Seriously. This is so childish. Like really childish. If you have a problem with something, tell me. I didn’t think you would, and it’s not like I’m - but hey, you seem to, so just tell me.” “I don’t,” AJ says. Brian throws up his hands in exasperation. “Fine. Okay. Then keep being creepy and weird. We’ll keep not talking. It’s stupid and petty, but, fine with me if that’s what you want.” “It’s not,” AJ says, and he’s closer now. He’s still watching Brian and Brian wants to take a step back, move away, but he stands his ground. Brian’s not ashamed. He stands his ground and doesn’t move even when AJ grabs both of his arms. “AJ,” Brian says. A warning. This is all getting out of hand. He knows that he can take AJ if he has to. AJ just started working out recently, and he’s drinking those shakes, but the effects so far have been pretty slim. Brian can take AJ easily if it comes down to it. Brian gets ready to shake AJ off, tell him off, and he opens his mouth to do so, but doesn’t get far before AJ’s mouth is pressed against his own. AJ’s tongue darts between Brian’s lips and his hands loosen their grip on Brian’s arms, moving slightly, a caress. Brian is taken completely by surprise, and he stands there dumbly letting AJ kiss him. He closes his mouth, shuts AJ out, but AJ just shifts to his lips, the corner of his mouth. One hand moves to his neck, AJ’s thumb running over his jaw. Brian is pretty sure that he isn’t going to have to fight AJ and he unclenches his limbs a little, relaxes, and pulls away. He looks directly at AJ, but AJ doesn’t seem to be mocking anymore. He doesn’t seem to be making fun. “Um,” Brian says, picking up his clothes from the bed and pointing toward the shower. “I’m just going to –“ AJ’s hand is still resting lightly on his arm and it’s like AJ’s been scuffling around in socks on the carpet. All of the hair on Brian’s arm seems to be standing on end. “What was – What were you doing?” “Kissing you,” AJ says and he shrugs a little, but doesn’t remove his hand. “Oh,” Brian replies. * * * The way your body swayed when I watched you from behind That got me so excited How could I fight it? * * * Brian admits now that he is avoiding AJ. The thing that Brian neglected to tell the guys, the thing that only Kevin knows, is that Brian sort of freaked out a bit after the whole Pete thing. It was all fine and good while it was happening. Brian was raised with certain religious views, and although he strongly believed in most of them, he also believed that God loved indiscriminately and that love couldn’t be wrong. The thing with Pete wasn’t love, but what in high school was? And it wasn’t like he didn’t know gay kids. Even in Lexington he knew one or two. There was even one boy, Rich, that sang with him in church choir. So it wasn’t any of that. The thing was that after they ended, and it only lasted two weeks, Pete sort of freaked out. He stopped talking to Brian altogether and started dating a cheerleader named Bethany. Pete was gay, Brian knew, and suddenly Pete thought it was wrong and had washed himself clean of Brian. He said they were wrong, that his dad suspected, that he didn’t want to go to hell, and Brian started to think maybe Pete was right. Maybe. Brian doesn’t like to do anything that he will have to apologize for. He’d apologized to Pete, though Pete had started it, though very little had happened. But he apologized, and it’s not like he was ever gay, so a month later he started dating Jocelyn. She was cute and laughed at all of his jokes and she liked basketball. They were together for three months before Kevin called and everything changed. The relationship only lasted a few weeks after Brian relocated to Florida, but they parted amicably and were still friends and she says that Pete stayed at home, went to the University, got Bethany knocked up, and dropped out. Brian thinks there are worse things than having a little fling with one of your friends, and almost wishes that he could see Pete again, tell him so. He tells Nick instead. Brian isn’t ashamed of what happened. The shame only lasted about a month before he realized that he’d done nothing wrong, that God let Rich sing for Him and He would let Brian as well. But at the same time, Brian has done his experimenting. He’s been there. Let AJ find someone else to try it with. And so Brian sits at the bar and watches Nick and Howie dance with a group of girls and ignores AJ’s eyes watching him. Now Brian has a girlfriend in Florida, and she’s hardly ever around, or rather he’s never around, but he has a girlfriend nonetheless. In fact, AJ’s the one that hooked them up almost four years earlier, so it’s not like AJ doesn’t know about Sam. Maybe AJ just doesn’t care. Things aren’t actually going well with Samantha. She’s upset about a gall bladder incident, and it has nothing to do with Brian really, and everything to do with Lou and Johnny. It’s been nine months since management wouldn’t take her to a hospital during a show because they didn’t want the fans knowing that Brian has a girlfriend. Brian fought them on it, but in the end, what was he supposed to do. He had to be on stage, and it was a stomachache, none of them knew she had a gall bladder problem. She didn’t even know until later. Since then, it hasn’t just been that, it’s been everything. The distance, she’s lonely, sometimes he forgets to call, but really, there isn’t much incentive when every phone call turns into a fight. Nick waves frantically to Brian from the dance floor, laughing and shouting and Brian can’t quite hear him over the music and the people, but he waves back and gets up to join them. Howie hugs him as soon as he reaches them. The easiest way to tell that Howie is drunk is when he starts hugging everyone within reach. “Dance with us,” Howie shouts over the music, grabbing Brian’s hand and trying to twirl him around. A redhead is pressed to Howie’s back and she too grins at Brian. Brian doesn’t usually dance in clubs. He’s never been much of a dancer at all really except during their shows, but Howie and Nick are laughing and tugging at him and it’s pretty hard to resist that. Howie’s redhead detaches herself and comes to dance with Brian, leaving Howie with two blondes. The redhead doesn’t seem to speak a word of English and she’s taller than Brian, but she’s a good dancer and that’s all that really matters. She says something to him that he doesn’t understand, but she’s pointing and Brian turns to look. It’s just Kevin and AJ at the bar. Kevin looks like he’s talking, leaning in close to AJ so that AJ can hear him over the din, but AJ doesn’t seem to be paying Kevin much attention, instead he watches Brian and smiles when he sees Brian looking. Brian waves and turns back to the redhead. He shrugs and she laughs at him. At least AJ doesn’t seem mad. * * * Baby let me be the one to hold you To give you the things I know you need * * * “Hey,” Nick says when Brian climbs out of his bunk in the morning, yawning. They’d driven all night and are still an hour away from their next stop. “Hey,” Brian says, opening the small fridge and looking inside. He frowns at the mostly empty shelves and finally pulls out a soda. Nick glances at the clock. “I’m going to room with Howie again this week,” Nick says, looking hopefully at Brian. Brian nods and then actually listens and does a double take. “What? You’re kidding. Nick! A week?” He realizes his protest is rather loud and looks around, but the others are still asleep, and someone, Brian guesses Kevin, is in the back with the television on. “Come on,” Nick says. “Just a week.” Brian shakes his head and opens the can of soda. “Nick, you’re killing me.” “You can’t just ignore AJ,” Nick says, his voice lowered, as though he’s always been the voice of reason. “He’s your friend, Bri.” “He kissed me,” Brian hisses. Nick doesn’t know that part and he chokes a little. “You didn’t tell me that,” Nick says, looking betrayed, when Brian thinks really it’s Nick doing all the betraying. Brian shrugs. “I guess he wasn’t making fun after all. Well, listen,” Nick says. “We’re planning something. And you should talk to him anyway, so please. Please?” Nick’s voice raises a notch becoming high and pleading. He folds his hands beneath his chin and bats his eyelashes at Brian. Brian laughs despite himself. “Fine,” Brian says. He takes a long draught from the soda can and then winces as the carbonated liquid hits the back of his throat. It’s way too early for soda. “Fine. You owe me.” “Big time,” Nick grins. Brian watches television with Kevin until they finally pull up to the hotel. There’s never anything good on and this is especially true for the bus because they only get two channels, maybe three if they’re lucky, but Kevin is watching news with subtitles and he won’t switch the channel to see what’s on the other, and he definitely won’t turn on the playstation and play some basketball. Brian gives up and finishes his soda. He hears movement on the bus and guesses that AJ and Howie must be awake, finally, but he doesn’t leave even though there is no hope that Kevin will give in on the television front. Kevin never gives in. Brian stares out the window and hopes that maybe they get lost, don’t find the hotel, because he thinks that maybe he’d rather sleep on the bus again than have to confront the AJ issue. They pull up behind the hotel as soon as Brian begins actively hoping. The boys have the day off and it’s been scheduled for weeks, which means one thing. Well two things, but on this particular day Brian is only excited about one of them. Mail Day. Because their tour has sent them bouncing all over Europe, it’s rather impossible for mail to catch them before they move on. Nick’s mother complained, because she can’t be in Europe with them all the time, she has other children to manage, and though she trusts them to raise Nick, she apparently doesn’t trust them to cloth him. Jane has it in her head that Europe is unbearably cold, even though it isn’t, not really, and she knows because she’d been there with them, but even so she insisted on a mailing address so that she can send warm clothes. And that’s all she ever sends. Ugly oversized sweaters that Nick hates and never wears. But Jane had thrown a bit of a stage mom fit and so Johnny and Donna set up a system in which all mail for a certain period of time was sent to one hotel where they were positive that they would end up on a certain day, hence that day was a Mail Day. Brian isn’t sure how Johnny convinced the hotels to collect their mail for them, but the system works pretty well as far as he can tell. There’s always an ugly sweater waiting for Nick on Mail Day and this one is no exception. There’s also a tin of cookies from Howie’s mom, some Ramen noodles and Slim Jim’s from some of AJ’s friends that have just started college and think that AJ’s missing out on the finer things in life, a few letters from Kristin for Kevin (they’re on again), and a letter from Sam. Brian opens the letter from Samantha, ignoring Nick’s whines about the ugly sweater of the month. He reads through it quickly, and then looks around and folds the letter, stuffing it into his pocket. “So you get another love letter?” Howie asks later at dinner, frowning when Brian completely ignores him. Johnny has taken them to a local restaurant, and it’s nice, and the weinerschnitzel (Brian’s favorite, as long as he pretends it’s not actually veal) is excellent, but Brian’s heart isn’t quite into it, and he doesn’t say much throughout dinner. “Brian?” Howie asks again. Brian just shrugs and spears some spaetzel on his fork. “What’s with you?” Nick asks, bumping up against Brian’s side in the elevator at the hotel. “Nothing,” Brian says. His hands are shoved in the pockets of his jean shorts, his right hand fisting the letter, wrinkling it. “Okay,” Nick says, not buying it at all. “You going to talk to AJ today?” “Damn,” Brian mutters, because he’s completely forgotten that he’s not rooming with Nick at all, that Nick’s ditched him, fed him to the wolves, and Brian sighs because at least the day can’t get much worse. Once in awhile Nick knows how to take a hint, and they don’t talk the rest of the way up to their floor. “G’night Bri,” Nick mumbles as he stops at the room he’s sharing with Howie. Brian continues to his own room, letting himself in and throwing himself on the bed. He switches on the bedside lamp and pulls the letter from his pocket, reading through it a second time. It still says the same thing. AJ comes in and says something to Brian, but Brian isn’t listening and he barely grunts a response. He notices that she spelled ‘communicate’ wrong in the first line, and who starts a break up letter with words like communicate in the first line anyway? She’s doing that thing where she tries to make herself look smarter. She probably sat there and tried to fit every large word she could think of in the letter and then she spells the first one wrong. Brian snorts and tosses the letter onto the floor by the bed. She’s always been sort of jealous of the boys, and she tried to make Brian feel stupid a lot to make herself feel better, but Brian didn’t think that the fact that he finished the last year of high school with a tutor and she attends a community college makes her that much more brilliant than he is. Or isn’t really, but at least Brian has never pretended to be anything that he isn’t. Well, not really, anyway. He’s pretended to be single, though not because he wanted to, and besides, it’s not like he needs to do that anymore. AJ looks over from where he’s stuffing the packages of ramen and the container of Slim Jim’s into his bag. “Hey,” he says. “You okay?” “Sure,” Brian says. It’s sort of awkward. Brian wants nothing more than to play video games with Nick and laugh and forget the stupid letter, but Nick is busy being buddies with Howie, and Brian hasn’t even told him about any of it yet. “Is it Sam?” AJ asks, glancing at the discarded letter on the foor. He sits beside Brian on the bed and sets a hand on Brian’s shoulder, squeezing a little. Brian stiffens. “Could we not do this right now please? Could you just be normal for a little while? She broke up with me.” “I was trying to be comforting,” AJ says, but he removes his hand. “You know, like a friend is supposed to be. What’s wrong with you?” “Well,” Brian says, as though he’s thinking about it. “My girlfriend just broke up with me.” He turns to look at AJ, shaking his head a little because he is sure he just said that less that a minute earlier. “Yeah,” AJ says, ignoring Brian’s sarcasm. “And that sucks, but that’s not what I’m asking. You’ve been weird for weeks.” “You mean since you’ve been mocking me.” “Mocking you? For what?” “Oh, come on,” Brian says. He rolls over on the bed so that he’s on his side facing AJ. “Oh,” AJ says. He takes off his sunglasses and folds them, placing them beside his knee on the bed. He looks genuinely surprised. “Because of Phil?” “Pete,” Brian corrects. “And isn’t that what’s going on?” “I told you it wasn’t. Brian, I kissed you, and then you stopped talking to me, and I thought if anyone you’d take it a little better, you know?” “Why did you kiss me?” Brian asks, not sure that he wants to know. AJ shrugs. “I’ve been thinking about it for awhile. You’re just, you know, you. And then you told us the Pete thing, and I don’t know why you never told us about him before –“ “I didn’t think it was important.” Brian interrupts. “It wasn’t a big deal.” “I thought maybe I had a chance. A little more of one than I had before.” “We were young,” Brian says. Even after the kiss, during all of the avoidance, he hadn’t really thought that AJ might be serious about it all. “I’m straight.” “Okay,” AJ nods, and picks up his glasses from the bed, slips them back up on his nose. “Your girlfriend just broke up with you anyway. I wasn’t going to take advantage of that. I’m really sorry, Brian.” He isn’t looking at Brian, and the sunglasses are dark. Brian can’t see what’s really going on here, but he thinks that AJ might be more crushed than Brian was by the letter. AJ sniffles and then coughs and clears his throat, smiling at Brian. “I’m sorry,” Brian says. Brian doesn’t like to do things that he has to apologize for, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t recognize when he’s in a shitty spot, and none of this is really his fault. It’s not anyone’s fault, but Brian knows that an apology is in order. AJ nods. “Not your fault,” AJ says. Brian smiles, and AJ looks embarrassed, he looks like he’ll do anything to get out of there. It’s not really like AJ, the confusion, and Brian doesn’t think that he likes seeing it. “Hey, come here,” Brian says, opening his arms. AJ looks at him for a few moments. It’s something Brian would do for Nick, and AJ is hesitant, but he climbs fully into the bed and lets Brian hug him. “I’m sorry about Sam,” AJ says, hugging Brian tight. “Hey, I sort of knew it was coming. We haven’t been good for a while now. I just thought it would be me doing the breaking, and maybe, you know, not in a letter.” “I’m sorry for freaking you out,” AJ says, and Brian laughs. A day off and apparently an evening for apologies. “You did sort of freak me out,” Brian says. “I hope you don’t pick up girls that way.” “I’ve never tried to pick up one of my best friends,” AJ admits. “Not as easy as it seems. But I’m glad, because I was getting worried for a while that I’d really screwed up and was going to lose you all together.” “Nah,” Brian says. “That would suck. Stuck together every freakin’ day and you hating me.” “Totally,” Brian agrees, glad that AJ is starting to sound like AJ again. AJ pulls out of the hug and leans back, propping himself up on his elbow and grinning at Brian. Brian takes off AJ’s sunglasses and sets them aside, relieved to see AJ’s eyes dry, and his grin almost reaches them. It’s a little harder than playing video games or basketball with Nick, but Brian is surprised to realize that he does feel a lot better, and he hardly misses Sam at all. And he really had been planning to break it off anyway. So she looks like she comes out the winner, she dumps a Backstreet Boy. Good for her. No one that she knows has even heard of the Backstreet Boys anyway. Almost four years, and Brian will miss her, but only two of them had really been any good. AJ is watching him still and Brian nudges his shoulder. “Thanks, man,” he says. He isn’t going to completely rule out basketball or games as the ultimate pick me up, but regaining a friend he’d lost in recent months is really just as good if not better. AJ touches his wrist and Brian feels it again. The hairs on his arm are standing up, and maybe AJ really does scuff around in his socks too much. He stops grinning like an idiot that wasn’t just dumped, and AJ pulls his hand away as though he’s been burned. “Sorry,” he mumbles moving to get off the bed. “Hey, no,” Brian says. He grabs AJ’s arm and pulls him back onto the bed, a little too hard maybe, because AJ’s suddenly right there, as close as he can be without actually touching, except that they are because Brian is still holding AJ’s arm. He looks at his hand, at his fingers wrapped around AJ’s skin, and then he looks up at AJ. AJ watches him, confused, and Brian thinks about the first kiss. He is confused too, but it was nice if he admits it, and his hand is on AJ’s arm and suddenly the last thing he wants is for AJ to get up and leave. And so instead he leans in, not far. They are already so close. AJ shakes his head a little, but then he’s kissing back, his hands on Brian’s waist. He eases Brian’s mouth open, and Brian falls into the kiss easily this time, his lips parting, allowing AJ entrance. It’s better than the first kiss, though no less confusing, and AJ’s eyes are searching his face when he pulls away. “Bri,” AJ says, and Brian doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t say anything, but he holds AJ close. * * * You know that we could wait another lifetime And we will never find A love just like this * * * It’s been going on for three weeks, and mostly it’s just making out, hand jobs sometimes, but mostly making out. Brian thinks it’s a rebound thing. There isn’t really any other explanation. He tells AJ because he’s pretty sure that AJ thinks that Brian is just messing with his head. But Brian wouldn’t do that. Not on purpose, anyway. Brian’s sure that he’s straight. He knows that he is, but rebound things are supposed to be a bit odd, a bit feverish and crazy and abnormal. It’s normal, and he’s not afraid to tell it to AJ like it is, and he does. Brian doesn’t want to do anything that he’ll have to apologize for later. There’s no reason to do things in life that you need to be ashamed of, there’s no reason to intentionally hurt someone, and Brian doesn’t intend to. “It’s a rebound thing,” Brian says between kisses, AJ’s breath heavy on his cheek. Brian closes his eyes because AJ’s kneading his ass, and wow, that feels pretty good, but AJ has a right to know. “Okay,” AJ says, kissing along Brian’s jaw. Brian nods and accidentally bumps his forehead against AJ’s. “Ow,” AJ says, and he reaches up to rub his head, but his arm gets tangled with Brian’s along the way and he ends up elbowing Brian in the side. “Shit,” AJ laughs. “Sorry, sorry.” Brian doesn’t say anything, instead pushes AJ’s hand away and leans in to kiss his forehead. Really it’s the best rebound thing ever because Brian hasn’t thought about Samantha at all, except for when he’s thinking about the fact that he isn’t thinking about her. But he really truly isn’t. And he’s thinking about her even less when AJ starts unbuttoning his shirt. And he definitely is not at all thinking about his ex-girlfriend when AJ’s hand slips down the front of his pants. Brian couldn’t ask for a better rebound thing. The other guys are pretty understanding about the whole thing too, which is nice. “What the heck?” Nick asks, because Brian and AJ suck at hiding it from the fellas and they all know within the first week. “My thoughts exactly,” Howie says. “What the heck happened here.” “Can’t say that I expected it,” Kevin says, his eyebrows raised. Brian looks at AJ, and they aren’t even doing anything. Not this time. They’re just sitting in the back of the bus watching Baywatch, and suddenly they have an audience. “It’s a rebound thing,” Brian says. He tries to look earnest and shrugs, and then turns to AJ for confirmation. “Exactly,” AJ says, mimicking Brian’s shrug. “Just helping a fella out.” “Seems to be working all right,” Kevin says, but his eyes are trying to bore holes into Brian’s forehead. Brian hates that about Kevin. Really, if someone had told him ten years ago that he’d be spending every single day with his cousin Kevin, Brian would have laughed and said ‘no fuckin’ way’, except without the fuck part because Brian didn’t swear. Truth was, growing up Kevin was sort of a jerk. Or it wasn’t so much that he was a jerk (though he was) as it was that Kevin never wanted Brian around. He would come over and Harold would go off with Kevin and Jerald and Brian asked to do things with them, but they patted him on the head, told him that he was too young, or that there wasn’t enough room, or that there weren’t enough characters for him to play too, which was clearly a lie every time. It really sucked because except for when his cousins were visiting, Brian got along really well with his brother. He’d always kind of resented it, and he was more than a little surprised when Kevin called to ask about the Backstreet Boys. But in the last four years, Kevin surprised Brian even more. He became a friend, a close one, and an older brother that rivaled even Harold in Brian’s affections. Brian had thought that Kevin would make a horrible older brother. He’d always been the youngest, and he took advantage of his age whenever he could with Brian, made Brian feel like a kid, because he never got to use that power in his own family. And so naturally, Brian thought that Kevin would be just as horrible when he suddenly had four younger brothers, but Brian hadn’t seen much of Kevin since his uncle died. Kevin had moved down to Florida shortly before. Kevin was hit hard and he wasn’t quite the cocky cousin that Brian had grown up with. Kevin had grown up to be an amazing friend, and ten years ago Brian never would have guessed, but that didn’t mean that he likes it any more than he did as a kid when Kevin looks at him like that. He likes it even less that Kevin now feels that he has the right to interfere. “You know what you’re doing?” Kevin asks on the bus later when AJ leaves to use the bathroom. “Of course,” Brian says. No one makes him feel young like Kevin does. Nick comes close, but it’s a different kind of young. “We talk, you know.” Kevin shrugs. “As long as you do,” he says. And Brian resists the urge to scoff, instead walking off to find AJ. They reconfirm their ‘vows’ after a month and a half. Brian licks around the base of AJ’s softening cock, kisses the tip and crawls back up to where AJ is panting and coming off his post orgasm high. “Amazing every time,” AJ grins, and Brian kisses the corner of his mouth. “Not bad for a rebound thing,” Brian says, and who would have thought that a rebound thing would move into inexperienced territory like blowjobs anyway? But it isn’t nearly as strange as Brian thinks it would be, and AJ is new in this department too, so that is reassuring. AJ shakes his head. “You won’t see me complaining.” He kisses Brian’s neck, his breath cooling Brian’s skin as he exhales. Brian closes his eyes and kisses AJ’s hairline as they fall asleep, worn out from the concert, but mostly from the orgasms. Three months and Howie says, “Are rebounds supposed to last this long?” Brian shovels pancakes into his mouth and shrugs. He doesn’t really know the rules, just that it isn’t a serious thing. “I don’t see why not,” he says. “I think you’re supposed to break his heart soon,” Kevin says, looking at the pictures in the paper. It’s in Austrian or German or the language of whatever the hell country they’re in, so Brian’s not sure why Kevin even bothers. “That’s how it goes, isn’t it? That’s the point of the rebound. Using someone to make yourself feel better.” “I don’t think so,” Brian says, more to contradict than because he really knows. Maybe that is the point of a rebound, but that isn’t what they’re doing. They talk about it, they know where they stand, and no one is going to get hurt. They are friends with benefits, fuck-buddies if Brian wants to use such a crass term, but he really hates it, so he’d rather call it friends with benefits. He’s not doing this just so that he can hurt someone. He’s offended that Kevin would even suggest it. “You think that by saying this is a rebound thing it implies that I’m trying to hurt you?” Brian asks later when they’re alone. AJ pulls his finger from his mouth and frowns at Brian, and Brian almost regrets interrupting AJ, but AJ isn’t side tracked for long, and he looks contemplative as he slips his finger inside of Brian. Brian gasps. They haven’t moved past a finger or two, but Brian’s more than happy with the evolution in their little adventure. “I didn’t think so,” AJ says, twisting his fingers just right so that Brian whimpers and pushes down, trying to get closer. “Do you think it does?” “No,” Brian says, breathless. “It’s just Kevin – oh. Do that again.” AJ grins. “Kevin’s jealous. We’re good, Rok.” “Good,” Brian repeats, because his mind is no longer on the conversation at all, and by the time AJ’s mouth returns to his dick, Brian has completely forgotten what the conversation was about in the first place. Five months, two weeks and three days and they go all the way. They research a little first, and it’s not as difficult to find information, as they would have guessed. AJ asks Donna for some magazines, and she might be horrible when it comes to management and morals, but she’s great for things like this, things that Lou and Johnny can’t know, things that moms probably shouldn’t hear, and AJ has the materials he’s asked for in a matter of days. It seems easy enough, really. Kind of unnatural maybe, but Brian knows they are ready. He’s ready, and broadening one’s horizons is never really a bad thing. And it’s not like it’s really dangerous. Brian knows where AJ’s been. And Brian certainly knows where he’s been. Brian hasn’t been with anyone but AJ. Love isn’t wrong, and this is a rebound, not love, but it is in a way. AJ’s one of his best friends, and that counts for something. Brian prepares himself. He expects pleasure, and then pain, lots of pain, almost unbearable pain, but then pleasure again, unbearable pleasure even, or so he hears but he thinks it’s probably true because he’s tasted it a little, and then an explosion. He expects heat and sweat and tight, so tight, and he mentioned the unbearable pleasure right? And AJ, Brian expects AJ too. And Brian’s right about all of that. It isn’t a very difficult prediction to make anyway. What Brian doesn’t expect is what comes afterward. Brian breathes deeply, heavily, his chest rising and falling against the mattress, his bare skin shining, and he turns to look at AJ, an almost identical picture though a little smaller, darker, glowing. “AJ,” Brian says, his fingers trailing across AJ’s damp skin, his lips kissing AJ’s shoulder, lightly, gently. “Mm,” AJ says in response as though he still can’t formulate a coherent response. Maybe he can’t, Brian thinks, and he smiles at the thought, presses his teeth to AJ’s skin. Brian’s kisses run down AJ’s arm, stopping to nuzzle the inside of the elbow, his hands carefully folding the arm to bring AJ’s wrist within kissing proximity, AJ’s palm. “Love you,” Brian says, nipping at a knuckle, and it’s out before he thinks, before it registers in his own mind. “Mm,” AJ agrees. His eyes are closed now. “Love you too,” he says. Brian thinks that it’s probably the things you say without thinking that hold the most truth. * * * Let’s take this chance to get to know each other better Baby we will discover That we can be more than lovers * * * Later AJ renames the rebound period ‘the honeymoon.’ Brian can’t argue that’s it’s not an accurate title. Looking back, it was six months of nothing but each other. Nothing but singing, concerts, and sex, and it doesn’t get much more like a honeymoon than that. There was even the foreign landscape through most of it. AJ really seems to be trying to get closer to Brian and Brian can’t help but be flattered. AJ even goes with him to church on the Sundays that Brian finds the time for it. He can’t really be picky on tour. There aren’t all that many Baptist churches in Europe, but Brian feels better after attending a service, and so they go to Lutheran services, Catholic services, and Baptist services on the rare occasions that they find a Baptist church. “Nothing like well rounded religion,” AJ sighs after one particularly long Lutheran service in German. Brian knows that AJ doesn’t get it, especially since they can rarely understand what is actually being said. Brian just likes having the time to reflect and the familiar backdrop to do it in. “You don’t have to come,” Brian says. “I want to,” AJ says, rubbing Brian’s shoulders as Brian unlocks their hotel room. Brian never feels guiltier than when they have sex shortly after returning from a church. And it seems to Brian that cathedrals actually get AJ in the mood. Concerts and cathedrals. It’s during Brian’s hour of reflection that he starts to worry. “Nick,” Brian says, when they get back to the hotel. AJ’s already trying to get close, but Brian brushes him off. He’s too preoccupied for sex. “What about him?” AJ asks. He takes the hint and starts unpacking his bag from the night before instead, pulling out the evil muscle building shakes, the chocolate bars, and the Slim Jim’s and setting them all on top of the small dresser. “That’s the thing,” Brian says. “I don’t know. I always know.” “So talk to him,” AJ says, shrugging. Brian’s speaking to Nick, of course. They played basketball two days ago, laughing and pushing each other around the court. But Brian hasn’t shared a hotel room with Nick in months, they haven’t had a video game marathon that lasts more than a few hours in weeks, and Brian can’t remember the last time they really talked about real things, about Nick things. Brian hasn’t even seen the latest hideous sweater from home. “I’m such an ass,” Brian says, and AJ pushes him out of the hotel room, pinches his butt as he sends Brian off to make amends with his neglected best friend. They have a few hours and then an interview with some radio station, and Brian just hopes he can find Nick before then. He’s not even sure who’s rooming where. He makes an educated guess, and knocks on the door across the hall. It turns out to be Kevin’s though, and Kevin’s on the phone, so Brian asks quickly and Kevin points him in the right direction. So Nick’s still rooming with Howie then, and Brian wonders how they are getting along. He knocks on the door that Kevin points him too, tapping his fingers against the doorframe as he waits impatiently for someone to answer. Finally the door opens and Nick is there. Brian grins. “Hey,” Brian says, but his smile slips a little when he notices that Nick actually looks surprised to see him. “What’s up?” Nick asks and lets him in. He has the Super Nintendo hooked up, and a game that Brian doesn’t immediately recognize is paused. “Where’s Howie?” Brian asks. “He went out with Donna and some of the band. I think they’re sightseeing.” “You didn’t go with them?” “Nah. You want to play Nintendo?” Nick asks, nodding toward the paused game. “Sure,” Brian smiles. They play Nintendo and talk until it’s time for the interview. Brian apologizes for neglecting their friendship and Nick shrugs it off and says it’s okay, just as Brian expects him to. “How’s rooming with Howie?” Brian asks as they collect their things. Nick shrugs again. “Good. Howie’s fun. We’re sleeping together.” Brian drops the game controller he’s wrapping. “What? Seriously?” “Yeah. Just sometimes. Not a lot. But you know, I was curious, and it started months ago, like before you guys, even, you know. When I asked you to switch rooms. Then.” “Really,” Brian says. “Wow. I’m a horrible best friend.” It sounds like a realization. “Nah,” Nick says. “it’s not a big deal.” But it is a big deal and Brian can’t stop thinking about it throughout the interview, because how could he not know? And apparently it started over six months ago, and Brian really thinks he should have known or been able to guess or something. “Really?” AJ says when Brian tells him later in their room. “Good for them.” “How could I not know? Don’t you think Nick is kind of young? I can’t believe he didn’t tell me.” “It’s Howie,” AJ says reasonably. “Nick’s not too young for Howie. You know Howie loves him.” “I’m a horrible friend.” “I think you’re a pretty awesome friend, baby.” Brian starts to thank AJ, an automatic response to a complement, when he really listens to what is said and snorts out a laugh. “Did you just call me baby?” AJ shrugs. “Just start spending more time with Nick,” he says. “You don’t need to completely shut him out because we’re fucking.” Brian screws up his face in disgust because that is not at all what they are doing, but instead he says, “Don’t call me baby.” * * * I’ll give you what you need just come to me and get it Baby, you won’t regret it * * * AJ is horrible at basketball. Like really bad. Maybe even worse than Howie. The nice thing is that AJ doesn’t care at all that he absolutely sucks. AJ never turns down an offer to play, and Brian loves him even more for it. Of course it’s not quite the same as playing the game with Kevin or Nick, because Kevin and Nick actually care about the outcome, but there’s something special about playing with AJ. There’s a lot more laughter involved. AJ thinks it’s funny when he misses, when he’s down by thirty points, when the ball doesn’t even hit the headboard. He’ll try to shoot for points by throwing the ball backward over his head, not even bothering to aim. AJ likes to play barefoot, which gives him an unfair advantage because everyone is afraid of stepping on his toes. Not that the advantage really helps his game. He pretends to get pissed off and swears a lot, but man, AJ pretending to be pissed is a lot lighter and funnier than AJ when he’s actually pissed. Mostly, Brian thinks that AJ only plays so that he can spend more time with Brian, and that’s okay too, and kind of nice to the point that Brian would probably knock him to the ground and smother him in kisses if they weren’t outside on a public basketball court surrounded by bodyguards and management and the other boys. AJ’s more of a bar game kind of guy. Bowling, billiards, darts, those are AJ’s games, and so Brian is kind of surprised when AJ takes up golf and discovers that he loves it. He starts going with Kevin, and though Brian shows a general disdain for the ‘sport’, AJ eventually convinces him to give it a try. “This isn’t as boring as I thought it would be,” Brian says, watching Kevin prepare to swing. In fact, it’s kind of peaceful and Brian thinks it’s maybe something he could really get in to. “Of course not,” AJ says. “No faith. You think I’d do something boring?” “Good point,” Brian concedes. The only problem with golf is that there ends up being a lot of standing around. A lot of standing around. And okay, Brian can spend half a day playing video games which doesn’t exactly involve a lot of moving, but it still takes a little getting used to. There’s also the problem of his plaid pants, golf shoes, and blue sweater. He’s decked out especially for the occasion, but only because AJ insisted that one couldn’t go to St. Andrew’s in jeans and a t-shirt. Judging by the crowd, this appears to be a true statement. But the thing is, AJ seems to find Brian’s golf attire unbearably sexy. Brian’s having a hard time keeping AJ’s hands off of him. There aren’t really that many people around but they certainly aren’t alone, and most everyone else is British and stuffy anyway. They’ve already received a few warning glances from Kevin and eventually Brian snaps. AJ stands behind Brian, his hands on Brian’s hips, and Brian swings around, flinging AJ’s hands off of him. “Geez, AJ,” Brian hisses. “We talked about this five minutes ago. Not the place.” AJ throws up his hands in surrender. “Sorry,” he says, but a few minutes later he’s patting Brian’s ass every time he walks by, and what does AJ think this is? Football? AJ’s pretty clearly into the wrong sport. Brian grabs AJ’s wrist the seventh time it goes for ass contact and he twists until AJ cries out. He doesn’t twist that hard, but AJ has always been a wimp when it comes to pain. “Seriously. Don’t. Touch. Me,” Brian says, and he must have made himself clear that time because AJ doesn’t touch him, in fact, doesn’t speak to him for the rest of the game. Brian hangs out with Kevin for the rest of the afternoon, and AJ keeps his distance. He’s acting like Nick in a fit, but Brian’s not about to tell AJ so. There’s no reason to make things worse. “You guys are fighting?” Nick asks, his eyes wide when Brian invites himself over to Nick and Howie’s room for room service. AJ was getting dressed to go out when Brian left anyway, but Brian didn’t want to stay in a room where the tension could be cut with a knife. “Not really,” Brian shrugs. “AJ’s being a drama queen.” Howie nods and pulls the room service menu from the bedside table. They eat mutton burgers and clumpy mashed potatoes with the skins mixed in and mourn good ol’ American cuisine or at least a time before one had to worry about things like Mad Cow Disease. Nick has a new golf game for Playstation and thinks it’s really funny and ironic after the golf fight. He makes Brian try it out with him even though the last thing Brian wants to take part in is more golf. Luckily it only takes Nick ten minutes to decide that golf makes a shitty video game. By the time Brian gets back to his own room the lights are off and AJ is in bed. Brian contemplates sleeping in the second bed, but decides he’s just being stupid and begins slipping out of his clothes. “Hey,” AJ says, and Brian really thought that he was asleep. He jumps, gets himself tangled in his pants and nearly falls over. “Sorry,” AJ says. He flips on the switch beside the bed and the room is flooded in light. “I thought you went out,” Brian says, successfully removing his pants and tossing them on top of his bag. He pulls off his shirt and climbs into bed with AJ, careful to keep his distance. “Nah. I was just pretending that I was going to go out. I was actually going to go hang out with Nick and Howie, but then you beat me to it.” “Oh,” Brian says. “I was, um, a little testy earlier.” He cringes because testy is one of those words that only his mother and Kevin seem to use anymore. “My fault, baby,” AJ says. He moves closer and slips his arm across Brian’s stomach. Brian decides not to mention that AJ’s calling him baby again. Instead he nuzzles AJ’s neck by way of apology acceptance. “It was the plaid pants. I can’t resist them.” “I just don’t think it’s smart to be all public displays of affection couple,” Brian says. “It’s not that I’m ashamed. I swear it’s not that, but we have an image.” “No, I know. I talked to Kevin about it. I was a little worried that you were like, you know, suppressing things or whatever.” “I think I’m over all that,” Brian says. AJ’s hand moves lower on Brian’s stomach. “So that was our first fight, huh? Pretty easy.” “Yeah,” AJ says. He rolls over until Brian’s looking up at him. Brian grins. “Maybe if you’re good I’ll wear the pants in the privacy of our own bedroom,” Brian teases. AJ growls and goes in for the kill. * * * No, no, no, baby. Baby, move a little closer, yeah I wanna feel your body next to mine * * * AJ predictably calls the period that follows the ‘honeymoon’ the ‘marriage’. The golf fight is the first of several nit picky fights, not all of which Brian starts. They’re equal opportunity arguers. And it doesn’t take them long at all to discover the wonders of make-up sex. “Who knew?” AJ asks, post orgasm when they are both spread across the mattress, the sheets thrown to the floor with the discarded tangle of clothing. “Not me,” Brian says. Sam was never around for any post fight fun that might have been had. Mostly fights with Samantha were just nasty and sucked. Fights with AJ are mostly just stupid excuses for hot intense sex. Brian laughs. He never thought he was the type. “What’s funny?” AJ asks, poking Brian’s side. It just makes Brian laugh harder and he curls up to protect himself from AJ’s poking fingers. “Come on!” AJ cries, becoming impatient. “What’s so funny?” “Me having tons of really gay sex,” Brian says. “Oh, here we go,” AJ rolls his eyes. “Brian, baby. I thought we were over this whole religious angst thing.” “Oh,” Brian shakes his head. “We are. We totally are. Love’s never wrong. But still. Funny. And I love you AJ, really, but baby? Seriously. Why don’t you just call me – I don’t know – Brian, maybe?” “Maybe I like Baby better than Brian.” “You like it better than my actual name?” “No, but it makes me feel special.” “But it doesn’t make me feel special,” Brian points out. “It makes me laugh. It makes me feel silly. And it kind of annoys me.” AJ sighs. “Okay, okay. How about sweetheart?” Brian pretends to gag and AJ smacks him. “How about Brian,” he suggests. AJ pretends to think about it and then shakes his head, dismissing the idea. “How about honey,” AJ says. “Maybe honeybear.” Brian rolls his eyes. AJ’s just going with it now. “Oh, please call me honeybear,” Brian says and rolls away before AJ can smack him again. AJ rolls after him and bites his shoulder. “Ow.” “Sugar plum.” “Brian.” “Snugglebuns.” AJ’s leaning over him now and Brian bursts out laughing. “Snugglebuns?” Brian repeats. “Yeah, okay, no. I couldn’t call anyone that and keep a straight face.” Brian’s still chuckling and AJ touches Brian’s jaw and watches. Brian tries to stop laughing. They’re naked in bed and there are probably better things they could be doing. “I thought we were over the creepy staring thing,” Brian says. AJ nods, but continues to stare at Brian. “We’re way past that. In fact, I think we’ve done just about everything I was fantasizing about doing to you back then.” “Oh,” Brian says. “Guess we better break up and move on before it gets boring.” “No chance,” AJ says, pinching Brian’s earlobe. AJ leans in and licks into Brian’s mouth, his hands supporting Brian’s neck. Brian groans and slides his hands across AJ’s back then down along the line of AJ’s spine. AJ pulls away from the kiss and Brian tries to pull him in closer, but AJ resists. “You sing with your eyes closed,” AJ says. “So I’ve heard,” Brian says. He’s impatient and wants nothing more than for AJ to stop stating the obvious and start getting up close and personal. “You kiss with your eyes closed too,” AJ says, trailing the tip of his nose along Brian’s jaw. * * * And before this night is over You will know just what it means To make love until you scream * * * It doesn’t really take that long for them to get fed up with one another. It’s not much different than it was when they were simply friends, when they were merely Backstreet Boys. Too much of anyone can drive a person insane and even though they’ve surpassed the ‘honeymoon’ and are well into the ‘marriage,’ they still seem to see more of each other than they do of anyone else. “I want to hear you scream. Scream for me, B,” AJ says, and the words are muffled against Brian's shoulder. Brian tries not to laugh. It’s not really the time for it. Definitely not the time, but ‘scream for me?’ Way to kill a mood. And AJ has taken to calling Brian ‘B’ and Brian’s not sure if it stands for Brian or Baby, but he supposes that it’s an improvement at least. It’s only in the last few weeks that AJ’s felt the impulse to start talking dirty in bed. Brian’s not into it at all. Mostly he just finds it funny, which seems to be a common problem for Brian. In any case, Brian doesn’t scream. “Could you, um, maybe not do that anymore?” Brian asks afterward, because it really does kill the mood. “Do what?” AJ asks. “The talking thing,” Brian says, reaching over the edge of the bed to pull the blankets back up. AJ climbs out of bed and goes into the bathroom to clean up. He comes out once while brushing his teeth and watches Brian. Brian’s still sprawled on the bed with no intention of moving any time soon. AJ disappears back into the bathroom and then re-emerges wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You don’t want me to talk?” he asks, pulling down the blankets and climbing back into the bed. “Well, I mean normal stuff, but you know, it just kind of feels like you’re trying too hard.” “You don’t like it?” “I like it in the sense that it’s kind of amusing,” Brian offers. “You’re so vanilla,” AJ counters, and Brian has never heard the term but he guesses that it’s probably not good. AJ agrees to stop the talking though, so at least there’s that. The bickering spreads and soon they are fighting in front of the guys, which never fails to send Nick into a panic. Brian’s not quite sure why that is, Nick could care less when Brian fights with Kevin or when AJ fights with Howie. AJ stops making noise all together during sex and it starts an argument that lasts four days and has them using both beds in their hotel room, and finally, after admitting that they are both being morons, they decide that maybe it’s time to take a break, room with other people. Brian spends a week rooming with Kevin, and another week rooming with Nick, and it’s just like old times, fighting with Kevin over control of the television, video games with Nick until three a.m., room service at midnight. They even resume their ritual of really cruel and often disgusting pranks, which thrills Howie to no end. He steers clear of them both for several days after having to evacuate the precious single room due to a mysterious can of warm sardines hidden under the bed. Brian even has his turn with the single, which is a rare occurrence as it usually goes to either Kevin or Howie. He ends up calling AJ early in the evening and the single room isn’t so lonely anymore. “Missed you, Rok,” AJ says, and old fights are quickly forgotten. They take it as a sign and start rooming together again, but make sure to schedule time apart as well. Everyone needs a vacation once in awhile. * * * Tonight we’ll find Find just what we’ve been looking for Good good lovin’ and a whole lot more * * * “Kevin’s your cousin?” Leighanne asks, stopping Brian outside of their trailer. Brian’s supposed to be changing, but he’s been watching Leighanne all day, since they were introduced and he stupidly mentioned that her knees were kind of hairy. “Um, thanks,” she’d said, squinting at him. She pulled her skirt over her knees and looked to the other video girls and Brian made himself scarce. He didn’t really expect her to speak to him for the rest of the day, and AJ and Nick had already laughed about the incident, but Leighanne spent the morning fooling around with all of them, and now here she is talking to Brian and touching his arm. “Sure,” Brian says. “Is he, you know, seeing anyone?” Leighanne asks, and Brian frowns and looks at her. She holds his gaze, her blue eyes steady, and there’s really not any reason for Brian to be upset about this. So she likes Kevin, it’s not surprising, and after all, the first words out of Brian’s mouth when he met her were about her legs being hairy, and he kind of likes that, but it’s not really something you say to a girl. Especially not the first thing you say after ‘hello’. And also, Brian has AJ. Brian loves AJ, so there’s no reason to get upset about the fact that this gorgeous funny fun woman with hairy knees likes his cousin and not him. “Sometimes,” Brian says, taking off the cowboy hat they’re making him wear and spinning it around on his fist. Brian’s not actually sure if Kevin and Kristin are on or off right now. “Oh,” Leighanne says and frowns. “I’m not really – it’s kind of complicated,” Brian says, mostly just to keep her there. “I can, um. I can find out for you, you know, if you want?” “Would you really? That’s so sweet,” she grins and Brian can’t help but smile back. “Thank you so much,” she says. “I owe you.” She kisses Brian’s cheek and then walks off, turning to wave a little as he goes. Brian shakes his head and jumps into the trailer, bumping directly into AJ. “Hey there,” AJ says. “Mornin’,” Brian says, tipping his hat and exaggerating his accent. He kisses AJ on the mouth and maybe it’s a bit too quick because AJ is looking at him strangely when he pulls away. Brian pokes the plastic of the jacket that AJ is wearing and smiles. AJ straightens the jacket, the crinkle of the plastic loud in the trailer and then they go about their costume changes. Brian makes small talk and the awkward moment passes quickly. By the end of the shoot Brian has Leighanne’s phone number, but he’s also promised her that he’ll help her get together with Kevin. “You’re setting her up with Kev?” Howie asks when they all go out to dinner afterward to celebrate one of the shortest video shoots they’ve ever done. Kevin is in the bathroom. Brian shrugs. “I guess so.” “What about Kris?” AJ asks, eating some of Brian’s fries. Brian swats at his hand. “I just think. Kevin and Kris,” Brian starts. “You know they’re great together, but they kill one another. They’re so back and forth. Maybe it’ll be good for Kev to see someone else. I mean like more than a one night thing, you know?” Kevin is pretty notorious for one night stands when he and Kristin are having an ‘off’ episode. “Leighanne seemed nice,” AJ says nodding. “Here he comes,” Nick says, quickly looking at his plate and trying to appear innocent, but Nick is a horrible actor and he just ends up making them all look suspicious. Kevin frowns and scans the table, clearly aware that something is up. Howie smiles at Kevin and shrugs to dispel the tension, and in that mysterious Howie fashion, it works. Kevin shrugs back, sits down, and starts telling them about the guy that recognized him in the bathroom. It’s still pretty rare to be recognized in their own country, and it’s always something of a thrill. Brian does talk to Kevin eventually, and though he and Kristin are on somewhat rocky ground, Kevin is adamant that he has no interest in seriously seeing anyone else. It’s pretty much exactly what Brian hoped that Kevin would say. Brian’s admitted to himself that he is very attracted to Leighanne. And when he looks at her he sees a future that he can never have with AJ. Children and dogs and vows and family, and it’s even more appealing that it was when he daydreamed about it alone. Brian has dreams, and true they aren’t as intricate as a young girl dreaming up her perfect wedding, but they do involve specific goals. Brian stalls for a week or two before he breaks the news to Leigh. They are hanging around one another more and more as friends and Brian is afraid that it will end. They have more in common than Brian would have guessed upon first meeting. Leigh’s from Georgia, which isn’t Kentucky, but might as well be, and she’s Baptist, and she never plays basketball but she watches it on television and definitely has an appreciation for the sport. She’s an actress, and she can’t sing, but she’s certainly familiar with the industry, a quality that Samantha was clearly lacking. The best part is that Leighanne has life goals so close to Brian’s own. She wants to be a wife and a mother, she wants to raise children in the church and grow old with someone that loves her. She wants barbecues and picket fences and weeping willow trees in the backyard. Brian doesn’t tell her exactly how close he is with certain members of his circle. He’s pretty sure he’s in love. Leighanne kisses Brian over Chinese at her apartment. They’re on the couch, plates in their laps, watching a movie that Brian isn’t really paying much attention to, and Leighanne leans over and kisses the corner of his mouth. Brian jumps a little. He doesn’t see it coming at all. He’s just finished telling Leighanne about Kevin and Kristin and basically breaking the news that Leigh doesn’t have a chance. He doesn’t really expect to see much of Leighanne after this evening. “Thank you,” she says. It’s a quick kiss, not much more than the kisses on the cheek, which Leighanne delivers frequently, but when Brian turns to look at her, she’s not looking at him the way that she usually does. There’s something else there, something that makes Brian take the plates from their laps and set them on the coffee table. Leighanne’s fingers touch Brian’s jaw tentatively, and Brian opens his mouth to say something, to stop it in theory, though his body is screaming a much different course of action. Leighanne takes the gesture as an invitation and leans in, pressing her lips to Brian’s in a kiss that is much less innocent than any of the earlier pecks. Brian’s hands move from his thighs to her waist, rubbing circles against her sides through her shirt. Leighanne moves closer on the couch, her hands tangled in Brian’s hair. She’s making small noises, and Brian swallows them, savors them. It’s been so long since he’s felt a woman, over a year since he’s been with anyone except for AJ. Leighanne’s breasts are pressed against Brian’s chest, he can feel her breathing heavily, and it’s like it’s all new again, like he’s sixteen and inexperienced, and he fumbles and pulls away. “I can’t,” Brian says, wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. “Oh,” Leighanne says. “I thought there was something –“ “There is,” Brian interrupts, because there most definitely is. “I just have some stuff. There’s – It’s complicated.” “Oh,” Leighanne says, frowning. She stands from the couch and moves to clean up their plates. Brian reaches out and grabs her wrist. “I really like you,” Brian says. “Really.” Leighanne looks at his hand on her wrist and nods. “Listen, maybe I should go.” Leighanne nods again and heads toward the kitchen with the plates. Brian helps her clean up, and then kisses her cheek as he gathers his jacket and slips on his shoes. “Call me if you figure it out,” Leighanne says as Brian shuts the door. * * * So hold on, real tight Hold me and don’t you let go Until I tell you to * * * “So this is the divorce part,” AJ says. “I’m sorry,” Brian winces, because he’s doing the one thing that he went into this saying he didn’t want to have to do. “Nah,” AJ shrugs. “It sucks, but I’ve been here the last few months, you know. I saw it coming. I think maybe everyone did. Except you. But hey, Leigh’s great. And it’s sort of funny, though, you know. Bet everyone would have guessed that I’d be the one to cheat. It’s the tattoos –“ “AJ.” When AJ’s upset he talks. Something about his emotions not catching up if he stays a few steps ahead. AJ takes a deep breath, nodding to acknowledge that he knows that Brian knows what he’s trying to do. “You know, this rebound thing. It turned into a little more than that, but I think we both knew that it wasn’t a forever thing.” Brian nods and picks at the corner of the couch. It’s an ugly leather couch, but AJ insisted on buying it even after Brian told him so. “I can go if you want me to,” Brian suggests, and it would probably be easier that way, but AJ tells him that he’s being stupid. They need to stay friends. They have a group to think about, and running away isn’t going to help anything. So Brian stays and they talk about Leighanne, and AJ listens and asks questions, and he’s quieter than usual. Then the jokes start and AJ tries to convince Brian that break up sex is the way to go. “Have one last go at it,” AJ says, swinging his arm. “Something to remember me by. You up for it, Rok?” AJ waggles his eyebrows at Brian. Brian knows that it’s mostly a joke and he declines because in the end it’s sure to make things harder. He successfully fends off AJ’s advances and by the time he returns to his own home he’s ninety-eight percent positive that they ended on a good note. They have to. They’re Backstreet Boys. Brian is terrified for the first few weeks that he’s made a mistake. He thinks a lot about the chances that Leighanne feels like she’s settled. He finds himself resenting Kevin a little, but quickly gets over that pettiness. Mostly, though he’s happy with Leighanne, she’s everything he’s ever wanted, and he’s happy, but he does miss AJ. There’s a strain there, a small one, but it prevents them from hanging around one another for long periods of time. Brian’s confident that they’ll get over it. It’ll pass. And whatever fears Brian might have, Nick seems ten times as worried. “You guys can’t break up!” he exclaims, and he goes as far as to shake some sense into Brian. AJ stands by and laughs. “Sure we can,” AJ says. He shrugs and Kevin rubs his shoulder. Kevin is less than thrilled about the news, and Brian plans to be pretty careful about bringing Leighanne around in the next few weeks. Kevin isn’t too fond of her, and he’s made himself pretty clear on the matter. He’ll get over it. “What hope do I have if you guys can’t even make it?” Nick cries, still shaking Brian. Finally Howie intervenes, carefully lifting Nick’s hands from Brian’s shoulders and hugging him. “You’ll find it, Nicky,” Howie says, and Nick protests for a moment longer, and then nods his head, agreeing or resigning, Brian can’t decide which. Howie and Nick have stopped sleeping together and they were never together together, but as far as anyone within the group can tell it seems inevitable that it will happen sooner or later. They just need to realize it. Brian smiles. It could take years. “We’re still pals,” AJ says, wrapping an arm around Brian’s waist, and it’s the most contact they’ve had since the break up. It’s a little awkward, but AJ’s trying and that’s the important part. “It was a rebound, remember? And we’ve rebounded.” Kevin looks like he wants to say something, but he refrains, and Brian shoots him a grateful glance. The thing is, AJ’s right. There may be exceptions, there may have been Pete and AJ, and Brian loved AJ, loves him, he’s sure of it, and no matter what he’s been told he’ll always believe that the heart doesn’t lie. But it can’t last forever. It was never a forever thing. They want different things, or maybe they want the same things, but AJ isn’t ready for those things. He has years before he’ll even start thinking about them, and Brian wants to be there. It’s time to let go. * * * If you lay down, lay down beside me * * * Brian opens his eyes and grunts. The first thing that registers is that he’s sore. Real sore. The second is that Leighanne is smiling at him, her eyes shining, and she’s gripping his hand. Hard. “He’s awake,” she says. “Finally,” another familiar voice says, and he looks past Leigh to see his parents and AJ standing there. “We were so worried, honey,” his mother starts. “The doctors say you’re going to be fine,” his father finishes. “What time is it? Why are you guys so pale?” Brian asks. Leighanne brings Brian’s hand to her lips and kisses his knuckles. A tear slips down her cheek. “No, Leigh. It’s okay. I’m fine.” “You were under for three hours,” AJ says. Brian shakes his head. He’s still half asleep and his eyes are heavy, and he wants nothing more than to rub his face, but Leighanne’s still got a grip on his only free hand. “What? I thought it was supposed to take less than an hour,” Brian says, confused, and he tries to sit up, but there’s pain and the IV in the hand that Leighanne isn’t gripping pulls a little. AJ gently pushes his shoulder until Brian lies back on the mattress. His parents explain that they found another hole while he was under, that there were some complications and everyone was worried, but he pulled through, everything’s been patched, and as long as he takes it easy Brian should feel better in no time. Another hole. Brian sighs. He hates hospitals. Hates them, and he’s never felt more trapped. But his parents are there, and Leighanne is there, and even AJ is there, and that makes it a little better. “Another hole,” Brian says. “You’re going to be okay,” his father confirms, gripping his leg through the blankets. He said the same thing a minute earlier, and Brian guesses he’s mostly trying to convince himself. He smiles at his father and nods in agreement. “Where are the fellas?” Brian asks. They all came with him to the hospital, some kind of solidarity or safety in numbers thing. He’d hugged them all and left them in the waiting room and he wouldn’t blame them if they’d gone home. There was really no reason for everyone to sit around in a hospital for hours on end. “They just went down to the cafeteria,” AJ says. “Nick was starting to freak out, so Kevin and Howie took him for some Jell-O.” His parents stay for awhile and doctors come and go. The boys return and gush at him, Nick mostly, and Howie smiles and keeps Nick from jumping on Brian and hugging him. Eventually Leighanne and Brian’s parents leave for dinner and Brian convinces the fellas to go home and get some sleep. AJ lingers and Brian looks pointedly at him. “I meant you too,” he says. “Can I see the stitches?” AJ asks. “Okay,” Brian says, mostly because he’d really like to see the damage himself. AJ helps Brian pull down the hospital gown to expose his chest. The stitches are dark, they look mean and viscous poking out of Brian’s chest, the skin around them yellowed. Brian winces, but AJ tilts his head and shrugs. “Not bad,” AJ says. “It’ll be a really small scar. Almost wimpy, even.” “Wimpy?” Brian repeats, offended. Heart surgery is anything but wimpy. AJ shrugs. “I just call ‘em like I see ‘em,” he says, grinning. Brian smiles back. If there was anything within reaching distance, AJ could be sure that Brian would be chucking it at AJ’s head. “Get out of here and let me sleep. Come back when you’re ready to accept the manliness of my battle wounds.” It’s pretty much the only instance where a break up has left Brian close, maybe even closer, with his ex than he was before the relationship. It surprises Brian every time he spends time with AJ, which is to say that it surprises Brian every day. “Fine, fine,” AJ says, laughing. He does go, but not before he helps Brian back into his hospital gown, and not before he carefully hugs Brian and tells him that he’s been praying for him and that he doesn’t know what he’d do if they suddenly didn’t have each other. He’d be lost. AJ leaves and Brian wipes a stray tear from his cheek. * * * You can get all inside me And I can get all inside you too * * * The fellas get together with Brian’s brother and plan a bachelor party. Brian knows about it, but they pretend that he doesn’t anyway. They even go so far as to pretend that Howie’s taking him out for a nice quiet dinner the night of the party. Brian’s a good sport. He plays along and acts genuinely surprised to the point that Harold comes up to him afterward and says, “You did know about this, right?” To which Brian replies, “Of course I did,” with a grin. The alcohol is flowing before Howie and Brian even pull up and before Brian knows exactly what’s happening he has a drink in his hand and people congratulating him on his impending loss of independence. Everyone seems to be having a good time, except for Nick, who spends most of the evening avoiding Brian. Finally Brian has had enough and corners Nick. Nick glares as Brian approaches, downing the last of the drink he’s holding. “What’s wrong, bro? I haven’t seen you all night.” Nick shrugs stubbornly. “Nothing.” “Oh, okay,” Brian says. “You want to go someplace and talk about it? I can get out of here for a while.” “It’s nothing, Brian.” Nick snorts and walks off. Brian lets him go but makes sure to ask Kevin as soon as he sees him. “He’s been sulking all day,” Kevin shrugs. “Driving everyone nuts.” “Why?” Brian asks. He hasn’t gotten to see much of Nick lately with wedding plans and the like and he just hopes that he hasn’t done anything to upset Nick or drive him away. “He and Howie decided to see other people,” Kevin says. Brian frowns. Not good. Nick and Howie have been together for nearly a year and it seemed to be going so well. “Why?” Brian asks. Kevin sips his drink and appears to be thinking, but Kevin always sort of looks like that so maybe he’s not thinking much at all. “I’m not really sure,” Kevin admits. “Howie was telling me, but I was trying to get things ready and I only half listened. He thinks that Nick isn’t ready for the commitment. Something like that. I think it’s sort of an if you love somebody set them free kind of thing.” Brian nods. Kevin doesn’t think that the separation will last, and Brian guesses that he’s probably right. They’ll be back together in no time, but still, Brian wishes they’d picked a better time to play their separation games. He just wants everything to go smoothly this week. He just wants everyone to be happy, and Nick is anything but happy. But then, Nick has also disappeared so there’s really nothing that Brian can do about it now. AJ insisted on hiring strippers, though Brian’s never really been into that, and of course AJ knows. Brian’s not surprised that AJ went and hired them anyway, two pretty girls, a blonde and a brunette, and Brian has to ward off lap dances left and right much to the disappointment of most of the guests. Brian tries to distract the strippers by giving them Kevin, but Kevin just holds up his hand, points at his wedding band, and shrugs them off. Eventually Brian escapes by luring them into Howie’s lap and Howie’s always a good sport so he pretends to have some interest in the opposite gender and Brian slips away. “Hitching the knot,” AJ says jovially when Brian finds him in the kitchen making drinks. “Literally this time. Nervous?” “Incredibly,” Brian admits. The wedding is in two days and Brian has never been more nervous about anything in his life. “You know, this is probably your last chance for hot gay sex,” AJ points out. “You been drinking a little?” Brian jokes, grabbing one of the drinks AJ is mixing from the table. “You know it,” AJ says, and he’s moving toward Brian now. It looks sort of like stalking, and Brian backs into the counter. “So about the gay sex thing.” Brian laughs. “I’ve gone without it for two years, man. I think I’ll survive. What are you doing?” “Hitting on you,” AJ says. He frowns and takes off his sunglasses. “We must not have been as good as I thought we were.” He’s close now, his hands on either side of Brian. “Guess not,” Brian says, though he’s just humoring AJ mostly. He remembers them being pretty damn good. “Guess not,” AJ repeats. Brian sees what’s coming and lets it happen anyway. He’s supposed to be kissing strippers after all, so letting his ex get a little action doesn’t seem so bad in the midst of a bachelor party meant for debauchery. AJ kisses Brian and he tastes like the bar, sharp and a little bitter. Brian kisses back, but he sets down his drink and moves his hands to AJ’s waist preparing to push away. AJ guesses Brian’s next move and then his own hands are circling Brian’s wrists, holding them against AJ’s sides. AJ’s thumbs brush back and forth over the insides of Brian’s wrists and he moans into the kiss, leaving Brian’s mouth to kiss along his jaw, behind Brian’s ear. Brian closes his eyes because it feels even better than he remembers, but then he’s drunk too and AJ’s back now, pulling at Brian’s lower lip. “You kiss the same way that you sing,” AJ says against Brian’s mouth and Brian opens his eyes and looks at AJ, right there, so close that their noses bump against each other. AJ’s eyes are dark and bright, watching. “Okay,” Brian says. He sighs, and AJ’s hands are still holding his wrists but he eases AJ away from him anyway. AJ moves easily, but then pulls Brian with him. Brian folds himself into the hug, let’s AJ hold it as long as he wants to. “Goodbye, Rok,” AJ says. He pulls away and then Brian’s alone in the kitchen with empty plates and mixed drinks. * * * If you lay down, lay down beside me You can wake up beside me, forever * * * The sun is intense as they leave the air conditioning of the rental car. Sarah pushes a wide brimmed hat down low on her forehead and smiles over at Brian. She looks nervous. The building is on the outskirts of town, and there’s a lawn in the back. Brian can see the hint of green around the corner of the building, but the parking lot, though small and paved, is like a desert, and Brian thinks Arizona, and wonders how anyone can live with so many browns and reds. They left Leigh at the hotel, drinking iced tea and lounging by the pool. AJ is surprised to see him, and after greeting Sarah, he pulls Brian into a tight embrace before getting Brian to help carry his bags. Brian drives and Sarah and AJ fight politely over the back seat. Brian suggests that they both sit there, that he plays chauffeur, but Sarah wins and AJ climbs in front beside Brian. The drive back to the hotel is long and after the initial chatter, things calm down and they fall into companionable silence, the radio playing softly. “I didn’t know you were coming,” AJ says, finally, breaking the silence. “Well, I had some time off,” Brian says, grinning. The road is straight so he glances at AJ. AJ’s looking out at the road ahead, but he has a smile on his face. He’s gained some weight and he looks so much better than he did a month ago that Brian can hardly believe it. His hand drifts to AJ’s knee and he squeezes, trying to be reassuring. “Kevin says he’s been out here almost every weekend,” Brian says. “Yeah,” AJ confirms. “He and Sarah. They’ve been keeping me updated. Feels like I’ve been gone forever. Longer than a month anyway.” “Sorry I didn’t make it out more often.” “Hey, no. You know, you guys have lives. And you’re here now, and that means a lot.” Sarah snores a bit, just for a second, and AJ laughs. “Put her in a moving vehicle and she’s out.” Brian chuckles. “She’s been a nervous wreck, but as soon as we got in the car, she slept the entire way from the airport to the hotel. I think it was the first time she’s slept in days. She’s really great, Aje.” “I know,” AJ smiles. “Amazes me more and more every day. She’s just – she’s amazing.” “You are too, you know,” Brian says at the risk of being a big sap, but then he’s Brian and it’s kind of expected. AJ doesn’t say anything, and Brian doesn’t really expect him to. AJ has always been horrible at accepting complements. Finally he does speak, and just as Brian suspects, he changes the subject. “I still can’t believe you flew all the way out here just to pick me up. I can’t believe how much you put up with. All of you.” Brian shrugs. “We love you.” “Fuck, I’m a lucky bastard,” AJ says, and Brian knows that he means it in more ways than one. * * * Forever and ever, Forever and ever, baby * * * AJ pulls Brian into a hug as soon as the door opens. Brian smiles against AJ’s shoulders, breathing in AJ and the faint hint of cigarette smoke. “Miss me?” Brian asks playfully, following AJ to the car. “Jesus, yes. Even Nick, man. I even miss Nick,” AJ says, pulling open the trunk. “Yeah, me too,” Brian says. “Look at you,” AJ says, standing back and surveying Brian. Brian shrugs and doesn’t think he looks much different than the last time he saw AJ. He’s wearing a Kentucky sweatshirt and khaki shorts and it’s practically the Brian Littrell uniform, but then he notices that AJ isn’t looking at his clothes, is instead looking at the baby monitor clutched in his left hand. “Brian Littrell in daddy mode,” AJ shakes his head. “Who woulda thought?” They bring AJ’s bags into the house, more luggage than Brian thinks AJ probably needs for the duration of his stay, but then that’s AJ. Leighanne is out to lunch with some friends and Baylee is sleeping, but AJ insists on seeing him right away. They sneak into the nursery and peer into the crib at the sleeping baby. Brian gently runs his hand over Baylee’s forehead and Baylee sighs and pops his thumb into his mouth. “Wow,” AJ breathes. “Wow.” “Yeah,” Brian agrees. “And a thumb sucker,” AJ says quietly. “Cute. You’ll be able to afford the braces at least.” Brian rolls his eyes and carefully pulls the door shut as they sneak out. He offers to make AJ lunch but AJ claims that he ate McDonald’s in the car on the way, and so they retreat to the living room instead, collapsing on the large couch. Brian sets the baby monitor on the table in front of them. They catch up on the news, fill in the gaps on what the other guys are doing, and talk excitedly about recording in a month’s time. Brian is thrilled that he was able to convince the fellas to do most of the recording in Atlanta. There are several good studios nearby, they’ve worked there before, and it’s close to home and the baby. They’ll have to fly out to Los Angeles once or twice, but it’ll all work out. Brian’s ready. They all are. “I already told you this on the phone, but Sarah wants me to apologize again that she couldn’t make it,” AJ says, waving his arms around dismissively as he says it. Sarah ended up having a pretty big singing gig over the weekend, and she pulled the phone from AJ’s hand to tell Brian about it the last time that Brian called. Brian told her that they would miss her company, but that there was no way she should think of backing out of the gig. Brian had suggested that AJ stay to support her as well, but Sarah claimed that that was just silly and she would shove AJ onto the plane if she had to. “How are you feeling? You know, about the wedding and everything,” Brian says, because he’s been wanting to bring it up since AJ arrived and can think of no other way than to come out and just say it. “I’m okay,” AJ nods, squinting as though he’s really thinking about his answer. “It was a hard decision, you know, but it’s not called off. We’re not splitting up or anything. I love her more than anything, man.” “Good,” Brian says, sincerely. “You’re good together. And being smart, taking things slow. It’s never a bad thing.” “No,” AJ agrees. “It’s not. And you know, I get freaked out sometimes. I mean look what happened with you. Look what happened with Amanda and I was with her forever, so yeah. And Sarah and I, I mean, I’m sure she’s the one, but we’ve been going so fast. Taking it slow sounds pretty good.” “I was pretty worried,” Brian admits. “I heard it on the damn radio before I heard anything from you two.” Brian’s accusing, but he keeps it playful. “Well, we wanted to be sure it really wasn’t off, you know. We wanted to make sure we knew what we were doing. I’m not even sure how it leaked, really. But don’t worry, bro. You’re not getting out of your best man duties that easily.” “Thank goodness,” Brian says at the same moment that static is heard from the baby monitor followed by Baylee crying. “Ohp. There he is. Right on schedule.” “Finally,” AJ mutters, getting up from the couch to follow Brian. “I’m dying to meet this kid while he’s awake. Warn him what he’s in for.” “Ha ha,” Brian says sarcastically, running up the stairs with AJ on his heals and the baby monitor in hand. The baby is crying and trying to prop himself up on his little forearms when Brian and AJ enter the nursery. AJ coos at him while Brian changes his diaper and makes funny faces to stop the crying. Soon Baylee is gurgling and dry and happy and Brian hands him over to AJ. “My god,” AJ says when he gets a good look at Baylee. “What?” Brian asks, peering over AJ’s shoulder at his son. “I saw the pictures you sent, but man, the poor kid really does have your nose,” AJ says, looking over his shoulder at Brian, a look of mock horror on his face. “Jerk,” Brian says, and swats AJ’s ass. He sits in one of the rocking chairs by the window and watches his friend with his son. “Seriously, though Rok, this kid is gorgeous. Definitely Backstreet quality.” “That’s more like it,” Brian says, and AJ laughs. He leans down and kisses Brian’s forehead and then kisses Baylee’s forehead and twirls him around the room. “I talked to Howie,” AJ says, bouncing Baylee around in his arms. “Yeah?” “Yeah. Says he spoke to Nick. They’re patched and getting back together.” “Thank God,” Brian says. “We’ll see how long it lasts.” “Those two are worse than Kevin and Kristin,” AJ comments. Howie and Nick have broken up and gotten back together three times now. “Well, then there’s hope, because look how they ended up.” “Look at us,” AJ nods. Baylee smiles a toothless grin and waves his pudgy little hand around in AJ’s face. “We’ve grown up, baby.” Brian shakes his head. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me –“ “Wow, daddy’s self centered,” AJ interrupts in the same voice he uses to talk to his dogs. He blows raspberries on Baylee’s exposed tummy, holding him up in the air. “Thinks everything’s always about him.” Baylee shrieks happily and clutches at AJ’s hair. Back/Home/Feedback