by Zoicite
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Brian stood against the edge, his elbows resting on the balcony rail. The waves crashed on the rocks that lined the beach below him. It was going to rain, Brian could tell. The sky was dark, violent, and the wind whipped along the rows of balconies, piercing through the large sweater Brian wore. He sighed, but it came out as more of a shiver. He’d left the meeting in a bit of a huff. It hadn’t gone over well. Nothing went over well anymore. A couple ran across the beach, hugging their arms against their chests to shield themselves from the cold. Brian wondered if maybe a hurricane was coming. He hadn’t turned on the television or picked up a newspaper in days, he probably would have no idea. But then, no one had called, and someone always called. It must just be a storm. From the balcony it looked like the end of the world. It felt like the end of the world. Everything was falling apart, and nothing helped. Brian didn’t even see the point in prayer at this point. He closed his eyes, felt the first large drops of rain hit his cheek, stinging a little. They were cold and mingled with the warm wetness that already streaked his chiseled face. “Brian?” Nick. Brian didn’t open his eyes, waited for the first sad touch of Nick’s hand on his shoulder. He sounded distant, the wind carrying his voice away, and Brian vaguely wondered how he’d gotten in. The room was locked. “Brian,” Nick repeated, yelling this time, and Brian did open his eyes, turned to look behind him, but there was no one there. He turned back around, and there was Nick, standing on the next balcony and hugging himself through a big hooded sweatshirt. When Brian noticed him, Nick smiled, moving to grip the railing with both hands. Brian almost smiled too, but stopped and instead wondered how the hell Nick could smile now. Smile like he meant it. Nick began climbing over the rail, and the wind was whistling in Brian’s ears. He watched quietly for a second or two before he realized what was happening. “Nick!” Brian yelled, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? Get back over there.” His voice sounded small, strangled. He gripped his throat with his hand, not used to anything but purity, and moved closer to Nick’s balcony. “The door is locked,” Nick called back, as though that explained everything. Brian looked down, at Nick’s sandaled feet on the wrong side of the railing, at the gap between the two balconies, at the beach 10 stories below. The pool was far out of the line of Nick’s path if he were to fall. He was about to panic, he could feel it in his throat, in his chest, his heart beating rapidly. “Nick. Please just climb back over the railing. Please.” Brian’s voice was shaking, his face red and wet with the rain that was coming down harder now. “I’m coming over there,” Nick said, pushing his body up against the pink stucco wall of the hotel. Brian held his breath as Nick’s hands released the rails, and he resisted the urge to close his eyes. Instead he watched as Nick bent at the waist, reaching out for Brian’s railing, the wind blowing Nick’s clothes, his hood flying off his head. Nick gripped the railing, his knuckles turning a bit white in the cold, and carefully stretched one leg over to Brian’s balcony, his sandal flopping against his foot as it crossed over the gap. Brian did close his eyes then, closed his eyes and whispered a few words. He couldn’t hear himself speak. He couldn’t even hear himself think, but he kept his eyes squeezed shut until he felt Nick’s warm body wrap around his. Nick was shivering, and probably as scared as Brian had been. “Damn it, Nick. You’re so stupid,” He said it quietly against Nick’s chest and he thought Nick probably hadn’t heard. Nick shrugged a little against him and hugged him tighter. “Why’d you leave?” Nick asked, not letting go. “I didn’t think there was anything left to say.” “There’s always more to say,” Nick rubbed a hand up and down Brian’s back. “Not this time. Let’s go inside.” Brian pulled away from Nick, moving to open the sliding glass door. The room was warm, and Nick chucked off his sandals, lying down on Brian’s bed and patting the spot beside him. Nick was wet, was probably making the bed damp, and it wouldn’t be all that comfortable to sleep in later, but Brian climbed on the bed anyway, pulling the sweater off first and lying on his back beside Nick, Nick’s arm snaked around his shoulders. “So what was that all about?” Nick asked, rubbing his hand against Brian’s shoulder through the thin T-shirt that Brian wore. It was damp too, the rain had soaked through. “You know we completely ignored everything you said.” “I’m not kidding,” Brian said, frowning. Sometimes Brian thought they were the four most stubborn men he had ever met, “It’s over.” “It’ll never be over,” Nick replied, his voice cracking a little but otherwise sounding completely confident. Brian had to smile then, because he was positive that Nick truly believed that. Nick had believed that since he was fifteen. “Things end. You can’t stop them.” “I can try.” And hell if it wasn’t working, too. A few words from Nick, and Brian could already feel his resolve begin to crumble. Just a little. He’d made a decision and he wasn’t going back on it. Nick sat up then, sliding his arm out from behind Brian and looking down at him. He was still smiling a little, but Brian didn’t want to smile back so much this time. “Do you mind if I go let Kevin in?” “Where is he?” Brian asked. “In the hall. Waiting. He sent me out to the balcony to convince you to come unlock the door.” “Kevin has keys,” Brian said, blinking a little. “Yeah,” Nick grinned, “I know.” Brian watched as Nick got up off the bed and shuffled toward the door. Nick always shuffled across carpet when his feet were bare. He liked the friction. He had one hand slipped into the back pocket of his khaki shorts, the other to his mouth, chewing at a fingernail. It was the only real indication that Nick was upset. Brian wasn’t really sure he could deal with Kevin now. Not with both of them at once, but he didn’t stop Nick, just watched from his spot on the bed as Nick unlatched the door and let Kevin in. “Finally,” Kevin said, walking past Nick to stand in the middle of the floor. “Hey,” Brian said weakly. Nick climbed back onto the bed beside him. Kevin just stared at him, frowning, only looking away once to look at Nick. Brian could tell what he was thinking and it was confirmed when Kevin picked up his discarded sweater from the chair, fingering it, his frown deepening at the wetness of the yarn. “I wasn’t --,” Brian shook his head, “I’d never.” Kevin was quiet for a few more minutes. Time dragged as Brian waited for his cousin to say something. Even Nick was quiet. Eventually, Kevin dropped the sweater back on the chair. He sat on the edge of the bed, placing a hand on Brian’s knee, and then he settled on his back on Brian’s other side. The three stared at the ceiling for awhile, quiet, the only sound in the room was the wind rattling the door, the rain hitting the glass. “It’s not over,” Nick said finally, breaking the silence. “Things end, Nick,” Brian repeated it, was ready to repeat it as many times as he needed to. “Contracts end, Bri. Marriages end. The Backstreet Boys don’t.” Brian sighed, blinked at the ceiling, ignoring the wetness in his eyes. He rested a hand on Nick’s stomach. “I’m done,” he said, quietly. “Do you regret it?” Kevin asked. It was a question Brian had thought about a lot. “Do you regret me calling you?” “I don’t know.” It was the answer he always came up with. “You never would have known Nick. AJ, Howie. You wouldn’t have touched millions through your music. You would never have met Leigh – “ “Stop.” Brian spit angrily. It happened all the time. People fell in love. People fell out of love. He just never thought it would happen to him. “You haven’t lost, Brian. Not yet.” They lapsed back into silence after that. Brian guessed that no one knew what to say. Maybe there was nothing. Nick rolled onto his side, toward Brian. He flopped an arm across Brian’s middle, bent a knee over Brian’s leg, and nuzzled his nose against Brian’s shoulder. Nick was still wet from the rain, his hair damp against Brian’s cheek. He was probably freezing, Brian thought. “Where is Howie?” Brian asked, “AJ?” AJ hadn’t taken it well. He’d thrown the phone, surprised when it reached the end of the cord and bounced back at him. He’d yelled, ranted about the mini-bar. Needing one. Brian flinched just thinking about it. Brian had left shortly afterward, going directly to his balcony. He’d watched some children play on the beach in the calm before the storm hit. He could almost hear their laughter from the 11th floor. He probably imagined it. “Calling the Firm,” Kevin said, “Letting them go. We have a meeting tomorrow about new management.” “I won’t be there,” Brian insisted, “I’m flying back to Georgia in the morning.” He felt Nick tighten his grip, as though he could forcibly keep Brian with them. Things end, Nick. “It’s just gonna take convincing,” Kevin said. Brian guessed that he was talking about the critics again. He felt Nick nod against his shoulder. They’d been convincing their critics for years. Since the beginning. It had worked for awhile, but not anymore. Nothing worked anymore. New management wasn’t going to make a difference. He had been a fighter his whole life. Brian was sick of fighting. “We’ve done that already,” Brian said, “We did that years ago.” “No,” Nick countered. Brian could feel Nick’s lips move against the skin at the base of his neck. “We need to convince ourselves. You. We need to convince you that it’s still worth it.” “I’m not –“ Brian started, but stopped when he felt Nick’s lips against his neck, Nick’s kiss beneath his ear. “Nick,” he said, realizing it was Kevin’s hand too, on his stomach, holding him there, his hand beside Nick’s arm. Brian knew why it was them. He knew why Kevin let AJ and Howie handle management when Kevin was probably aching to be there, to handle it himself. He knew it was all part of the plan as his fingers intertwined with Kevin’s, squeezing Kevin’s hand, though he wasn’t sure why he did it. He’d ended it. He was leaving. But if anyone could make him change his mind it was Kevin. It was certainly Nick. The storm was still raging outside. There was thunder now, a low rumble in the distance. If it were darker Brian would be able to see the lightening light up the horizon. Through the rain hitting the glass doors, through the world crying, Brian heard Nick whisper, “Just stay.” He kissed Brian’s neck again, softly, innocently. “It’s not over.” |