JC flopped onto the couch and said, "I've been thinking...there really aren't enough out celebrity role models for gay male youth."

Chris eyed JC suspiciously for a second. "Have you been watching PBS again?"

JC suddenly became very interested in his left knee and shrugged noncommittally. Chris announced, "Lance, cancel our subscription to PBS."

Lance kept his eyes trained on his computer screen and said, "PBS. Public Broadcasting System. As in, we don't subscribe."

"No, it was a really good documentary about, you know, like, gay youth and the pressures of coming out and they talked about the influence that Ellen had on young lesbians and. You know, there just really aren't any out male celebrities," JC said.

"And now you want to call up Nick Carter and Elijah Wood and have Celebrity Coming Out Day?"

Lance looked up from his game of Snood, shot Chris a withering look, and said, "Chris. Please don't give him any ideas."

JC stared off into space speculatively like he was actually considering it, but when he opened his mouth what came out was, "You really think Nick Carter is gay?"

Chris snorted. "Have you existed in the same world as the rest of us for the past five years?"

JC frowned a bit and said, "Maybe I should talk to him about this..."

Lance slammed the space bar and quickly broke in with, "No, C, there are plenty of out gay stars! Elton John for one! Boy George, Sir Ian McKellan, Rupert Everett."

"Yeah, and that kid from Boyzone and what's his face...Will Young," Chris added.

JC considered this for a second. "Why are all those guys British?"

Chris shrugged and said, "The English are just inherently more gay," and that was that.

I think the concept for this fic came after reading what I'm sure was a very enlightening thread on the Datalounge about how the only out celebs were either Broadway stars that no one but queens cared about anyway, or British. While I hate to admit the Datalounge is ever right about anything (except Domlijah - I still believe, baby!!), looking around, it seemed like an accurate assesment. I guess I just had to explore why...within the context of wacky popstar hijinks. Plus, at the time, my greatest fantasy ever was Celebrity Coming Out Day. I still wait, every October, to see if they will come out en masse, cause you know the majority of those fuckers are batting for the home team and no amount of them showing up in the Hot Couples section of Us Weekly can convince me otherwise.

Completely insignificant, but I wrote this on the subway on my way from Astoria to meet Katie in Sunnyside, because they have a $6 movie theatre there ($3 on Wednesday). That is practically the only cheap thing in ALL of NY. Just so you know.

Three days later, at a Denny's of all places, JC announced to Lance, "I don't think they're inherently more gay."

Joey raised his eyebrows at Lance and said, "Who, the Backstreet Boys?"

Lance grinned. "Well, yes, but, no, the British."

"Oh, dude, of course they are. It's all that fucking tea," Joey said and went back to his pancakes.

A friend of mine worked at a credit card company and to stave off the mind-numbing boredom of her job, she fished around to see what celebrities used her company, only to have her most interesting discovery be that Joey charges an inordinate amount at Denny's. Which, gross. Yet not surprising AT ALL.

JC sat down on Justin's bed and traced the pattern of the comforter in silence until Justin finally said, "Something on your mind there, C?"

JC was quiet for another second and then very seriously said, "Do you think that societies that consume more tea have a higher prevalence of gay men?"

Justin squinted at JC. "What do I look like, the freaking Census Bureau?"

JC waved his hands around and said, "No, I mean, drinking tea is a pretty frou-frou thing and like maybe enough years of..." he trailed off.

"Did Chris tell you that? Look, it's not tea, and for the last fucking time, it wasn't Mighty Mouse either," Justin said, rolling his eyes.

"Lance said it was Dirty Dancing."

Justin shook his head. "He would say that."

JC nodded. "Yeah and I guess I can see how it could make someone gay what with all that Patrick Swayze...but. It really is a good movie, right? I mean, I--"

Justin sighed and said, "Yes, it really is. Tea is also really good. And neither of those thin--"

"But maybe you're not the best test subject," JC broke in, absently.

Justin folded his arms and stared at him. JC squirmed a bit. "What, I'm just say--"

"It's not tea, JC, trust me."

My gay roommate Nick announced to me once that Mighty Mouse made him gay. I have never, ever, ever understood the correlation, but he was pretty adamant about it, so I guess there must be something there. Maybe it's the muscles and the cape. He also once claimed that Dirty Dancing made him gay, and I do have to admit, he did seem to like saying, "Nobody puts Baby in the corner," and that is pretty fucking gay. Tea seems just as likely, I suppose. Also, Justin is so gay.

JC watched Chris bite his tongue in concentration, his eyes glued to the tv set. It seemed like a good time to bring it up, so JC said, "I don't think it's the tea."

"Ung," Chris responded.

"I think Justin's right, nothing...external makes people gay," he went on.

"Uh huh," Chris said, squinting and crinkling his nose.

JC glanced at the video game. "Well, maybe having gay sex makes people gay and I guess that's an external. Or..."

I totally fucked up when writing this, cause I cut JC off too early. What he was SUPPOSED to say there was "Or maybe that's actually internal...or I guess it depends which side of the..."

"SHIT!" Chris yelled. JC scooted out of the way as Chris slammed his fist into the couch. "Um," JC said.

Chris furiously pressed buttons on his controller and said, "Yeah, yeah, I'm listening," as he leaned in closer to the screen.

"Um, ok. Well, anyway. I think it's like a cycle, you know? Like, the more gay people come out the more other gay people come out?"

"Ern," Chris grunted.

"Like, if a lot of British gay people come out, then it's ok for British gay celebrities to come out, so then more gay people come out and so it looks like there are a lot of British gay people but really there's the same amount of gay people and it's just that we need more American gay people to come out. Or maybe if more American celebrities came out then more people would come out, or at least more Americans would know about gay people, and then it'd be the same as it is for British people, like, more gay people and that's ok."

"Yea--," Chris said before leaping up and yelling, "Take that, you fucker!"

"So what do you think?"

Chris turned to look at JC, blinked a few times, patted JC on the leg, and said, "Um. Sounds good!"

JC beamed.

~~~~

Johnny flipped a page in his notebook and said, "Ok, so sponsorship. I was thinking we could ink a deal with--"

"What about the Human Rights Coalition?" JC interrupted. Next to him, Lance shifted uncomfortably.

Johnny frowned and said, "Well, I don't know them, though charity stuff is always good for image."

Oh god, now that I work with celebrities, can I just say, charity stuff is so fucking LAME. They all have charities that are so poorly run and managed and blah blah blah, press and looks good and no actual commitment YADA YADA. Does anyone actually even know what CFTC *does* for the children? I mean, so far as I can see, it is just an opportunity for a four page spread in Us Weekly/a chance for all those whose solo careers DIDN'T take off to get their faces back on MTV News without it being related to some sort of scandal. The only other thing I see it doing is serving to make fandom REALLY annoying about how shitty Melinda and the fan club are and VIP/WHAT DOES MY MONEY GET ME?!?!!? God, I hate CFTC. Damn those children.

JC nodded enthusiastically and said, "Yeah, they're really awesome. And they have a great logo." He held up a blue sticker with a yellow equals sign on it.

Justin grinned and said, "Hey, yeah, that's kinda cool, cause, like, it shows how we're all equal in the group, right?"

Joey nodded approvingly and Johnny started to make a mark in his notebook. Lance exploded with, "No. No. No."

Justin frowned at him and mock-whispered to JC, "No do-gooding for Evil Overlord Lance." Chris snickered.

Lance shot them a withering look and said, "Cute, Justin. JC, we are not being backed by a gay rights organization. I'm sorry, but no."

Joey quickly glanced over at Justin and shook his head in agreement. JC crossed his arms and said, "But Chris said--"

"Woah! I said? When did I say we should become the Pink Crusaders?" Chris said, eyes open very big, giving Johnny-- who was giving Chris his best 'not pleased' look--his best 'I'm innocent here' look.

JC frowned. "Just the other day! I was saying that more gay Americans need to come out and--"

Joey groaned, "Gay-Americans? Please tell me that's not the new PC term. I mean, I get the whole minority thing, really, my mom never shuts up about the discrimination Italian-Amer--"

And how prophetic this was. I laugh every time McGreevy calls himself a Gay American. It's like he actually thinks the word for homosexual is gayamerican and gay is just a quaint abbreviation.

"No, I mean. Gay people who are American. You know. Like me and Justin." JC explained, waving his hands around.

"Hey!" Justin said. Chris snickered.

Johnny cleared his throat and said, "I think maybe Sprint or Verizon would be a better choice?"

~~~~~

Lance settled onto the couch next to JC. JC inched away. Lance sighed and said, "So, I'm sorry your whole Human Rights Coalition idea didn't work out."

JC snorted. Lance sighed again. "I'm not the bad guy here, you know," Lance paused. JC didn't look up.

Lance put his hand on JC's knee. "JC, do you really, really, really wanna come out?"

JC shrugged. Lance continued, "Cause if you do, you know, there are ways to do it that don't result in career suicide. I think. Maybe. Well, Johnny'd find one. But, I mean. If you really wanted to. We would all support you."

Just kidding, cause even Johnny couldn't find his way outta that one, kids. And the poor publicist. God, they'd have to issue statements and that's really the worst thing ever, because JC's publicist would have to coordinate with the label publicist who'd have to coordinate with Justin's publicist and Lance's publicist and the business manager and the manager and the artist and the fucking guy who does JC's hair, not to mention JC's mother, Justin's mother, and Lance's mother. I mean, it's really that complicated. AND THEN, after the publicist has crafted the PERFECT statement, the manager will say, "I don't think we should issue a statement. Let's just let it die down on its own." And the publicist has to say, OK, even though they just spent FOUR HOURS and EIGHT CONFERENCE CALLS getting the statement EXACTLY RIGHT and figuring out who they were going to break it to FIRST, because they'd hate to reward Page Six with it since they were such shits about that last item, but really more people read it than Rush & Molloy, even though R&M is so much better and actually fact checks, and Us Weekly closes on Monday, so it's too late to get it in Us Weekly but People doesn't close until Tuesday, so maybe they could do it in People, but is that really the right audience?? Stupid JC and his stupid coming out, ruining some poor publicist's LIFE. God!

JC looked up at Lance and said, "I just thought that we should be role models."

Lance smiled wryly and said, "We're already role models."

JC shook his head, "No, but I mean for the gay teens. We should be role models for them."

"Dude, you've seen our fan mail, right? You realize that right now, in any given city, there are tons of gay guys who want to grow up to be you or Justin. Like, I think we're doing our part just by existing and...you know. Wearing these... um. What are you wearing, by the way?"

"I got it at Delia's," JC responded, fingering his furry hoodie absently.

"Right, see. My point, right there," Lance said.

~~~~

JC sat down between Justin and Chris. Chris ruffled his hair. JC leaned back into Chris, his eyes on Justin's crossed legs.

"Justin, do you consider yourself a role model for gay teens?" JC asked, very seriously. From across the room, Joey groaned.

"Jay-ceeeeee, whyyyyyyyy do you insist on including me in this!" Justin said, flinging himself backward. "Yes, I like Dirty Dancing, yes, I like tea. And yes, I did like Mighty Mouse, shut up, Chris. That doesn't mean I'm gay."

JC stared at Justin. Chris snickered. JC stared more. Justin exploded, "Well, it doesn't!"

JC started, "But you..." He looked at Chris for help. Chris coughed and said, "J, we've all seen your porn collection."

Justin's face got very red. "First of all. If anyone here should not be talking about anyone else's porn collection, it is you."

Chris grinned and said, "We're working on your issue here, Justin."

Justin snapped, "I do not. have. an issue."

JC looked back and forth between Chris, who was trying not to laugh, and Justin, whose eyebrows were drawn in so close they were practically one, then over at Joey, who had buried his head under his arms. He looked back at Justin and said, "You're really not gay?"

Chris burst out laughing as Justin stormed off. Joey raised his head and said, "Dude."

JC looked over at Joey and said, "Is he serious?"

Which is what I think every time I see Justin with a girl. Is he serious?? I just...I just...he's just so gay, people!

~~~~

At their photo shoot the next morning, JC cornered Lance. "So, I was thinking," he whispered. "Maybe I don't need to work on being a role model for the gay youth of the nation right now."

Lance patted JC on the back. "Good," he mock-whispered.

JC nodded. "I have much more pressing things to deal with."

Lance raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"Yeah," JC replied. "Sort of like, think globally, act locally, you know?"

This is my favorite line in the fic, but I don't think anyone else appreciates it. Sad, that.

"Um," Lance said.

JC looked across the room then nudged Lance. Lance turned to see Justin talking animatedly with the stylist and said, "Oh, no."

~~~~

JC knocked on Justin's door and said, "It's me." There was no answer. "Can I, um. Come in?"

When there was still no answer, he tried the knob. He stood in the doorway, smiling nervously. "Are you busy?"

Justin pissily said, "Well, Queer as Folk just ended and Oz doesn't start for another few minutes, but I was going to catch this E! True Hollywood Story on Bette Middler in between."

"Oh," JC said and fidgeted a bit.

Justin sighed. "I'm fucking kidding, C. Come in."

Whatever, Justin TOTALLY watches Oz. He's like the world's biggest Christopher Meloni fan. And if you don't think so, you're WRONG.

JC perched himself on the corner of Justin's bed. "Are you still mad at me?"

"I wasn't mad at you," Justin responded.

JC raised his eyebrows. "You seemed mad."

"Dude, I just said I wasn't mad," Justin said testily.

"Um," JC said. Justin sighed.

"Just so you know," JC started. "I wasn't trying to say anything bad or mean when I said you were gay, because I, you know. I think being gay is good. Not that that means that being straight is bad. I mean, they're like, both equally good, but I think that it's important to acknowledge that gay is good."

"Gay is good," Justin repeated in a deadpan. JC nodded encouragingly. Justin sighed again. "Look, JC, I get that you're all on a Hooray I'm Gay kick, and really, that's good for you. But that doesn't mean that the rest of us have to suddenly embrace our inner homo or something."

"Well, maybe not embrace," JC said. "I just don't want you to be self-loathing, Justin."

Justin groaned. "Jesus, you people are going to give me a complex. According to Britney I'm narcissistic and overly enamored with myself. According to you I'm a self-loathing closet case. I guess I just have split-personality disorder and don't know whether to jerk off or slit my wrists. Anything else?"

"Britney thinks you're in love with yourself?" JC asked. "Don't you think," he added slowly, "that that's kind of...gay?"

Justin buried his head in his hands.

I snicker everytime I read that, which is lame, since I wrote it, but even I have to admit - there's no way Britney would ever say "narcissistic and overly enamored." I mean, this is the girl who brought us, "We ate some ice cream, then I threw my man down, you know what I mean!" I love the idea that Brit's secretly all worldly, but let's face it, she just ain't. The bitch walks barefoot in gas station bathrooms. I barely walk barefoot in my FRIEND'S bathrooms.

~~~~

Joey sat down at the table and nudged JC. "I think you're maybe upsetting Justin a little," he said, quietly.

JC shot a glance back towards the bunks. "The dildo was too much?"

Thanks to Silvia, I think, who said, "JC should totally buy Justin a DILDO!!!" when I asked her what she thought JC could do to help Justin embrace his inner homo. Dude, does anyone know what happened to Silvia??

Joey's eyes opened wide. "Well, um, he didn't actually mention that. But I'd have to go with yes on that count."

JC nodded. "Yeah, I guess I can see how it might be a little intimidating at first."

Joey coughed. "Right, intimidating. Anyway. Maybe you should lay off the gay stuff with him for a little while, I think he's sorta...stressed out about it."

"Stressed out? Did he say something to you?" JC asked, genuine concern in his voice.

Joey looked away and shrugged. "You know how he gets."

JC nodded and Joey continued, "I mean, look, if the kid wants to whack off to gay porn and still think he's straight, let him, who's it really hurting. He's still banging chicks with no problems, so it seems to be working out ok for him."

JC hmmmed. "So you don't think he's gay, then?"

Joey snorted. "When did I say that? I think he's gayer than an Ikea on Superbowl Sunday. But it doesn't really matter what I think, it matters what Ju--"

"Why would an Ikea--"

"Nevermind," Joey said, patting JC on the arm.

The other thing the Datalounge is good for. They never run out of wonderful "gayer than"s. This is my all time favorite, so I just had to use it in a fic and have you all think I'm original and witty. And now I've shattered the illusion and you all know the sad sad truth that I am a hack. Sigh. Now I shall forever relinquish any unfulfilled dreams of being a BNF.

~~~~

JC woke up from his nap to find himself staring into Chris' face. "Um, Chris. Why are you on top of me?" JC asked, rubbing his eyes.

"You got Justin a dildo??" Chris said, way too loudly for how close he was to JC's ears.

JC gave Chris a halfhearted push. "Yes, yes, Joey already told me it wasn't a good idea."

"No, no! It's fucking fantastic. Did you wrap it with a bow? Does it look like an actual dick? Like, all veiny and shit? Or is it metallic and sleek-looking? Like an anal probe?"

"Um," JC said and blinked a few times. "I don't know that it's veiny, but it's definitely...fleshlike."

"Oh, man!" Chris said and bounced up and down on JC excitedly. "That's perfect. Does it have a name? They always have names like 'Mr. Big' or 'The Beast' or something. What color was it? Tell me you got him a black one!"

Dude, if Justin ever gets a dildo, it will TOTALLY be a black one. Named Pharrell.

JC eyed Chris suspiciously. "Why do you know so much about dildos?"

Chris winked. "Hey, now. I'm an adventurous type of guy."

JC raised an eyebrow. "Are you trying to tell me something?"

Chris leaned in and gave JC a big kiss on the lips. "Yes, that I think you're brilliant. And that the next time you go sex toy shopping for Justin, you have to include me!"

JC wiped his mouth and said, "On my shopping list or as a shopping buddy?"

Chris hopped off the bed and threw a "whichever" over his shoulder as he danced down the hallway.

~~~~

On the ride to the venue, JC turned to Justin and quietly said, "Look, if you don't like the dildo, it's fine. It's made of medical grade silicone, which is very easy to keep clean. It's high quality and can be boiled or bleached for sterilization. So if you don't want it, we can just give it to Chris or something."

The above taken straight from the Toys in Babeland website.

Justin turned bright red, looked over at Lonnie, and said, "Man, if our bodyguards ever want to give an exposé."

Or their drivers. Look at that poor Matt LeBlanc. Having to grant an exclusive interview with The National Enquirer. People, that is NEVER where you want your exclusive interview to be, believe me.

JC slid his eyes over to Lonnie, who was looking straight ahead like he hadn't heard a thing. "Well? Do you want to keep the dildo or should we give it to Chris?"

Justin hissed, "I'm so not talking about this with you right now."

"Why not?" JC asked, loud enough for Lonnie to hear. "Because you're afraid that people will think that having a dildo makes you g--"

Justin clapped his hand over JC's mouth. "Jesus Christ, JC. Could you please stop saying dildo so loudly? Or just, completely, even? It's embarrassing!"

"Fine," JC said. "Well, I'm sorry you didn't like...the toy."

Justin sighed.

~~~~

JC knocked twice on the door between their adjoining rooms and let himself in. "Where is it," JC asked.

"Where is what?" Justin said despondently.

"The... 'toy,'" JC said, putting airquotes around the word.

"JC," Justin said, "We just gave a really exhausting show and we have a really early call tomorrow."

"So?"

"So, I want to go to sleep, not have another talk about my self-loathing dildo-possessing closeted gay self, ok?" Justin said.

JC crossed his arms. "I'm done talking about it. I just want to give the dildo to someone who'll appreciate it," he said haughtily.

Justin sighed and sunk down onto his bed. "I appreciate it, JC, I do. It's just--"

"When I say appreciate it, I mean use it," JC shot back.

Justin folded his own arms and stared at JC. JC stared back. Justin continued staring until JC said, "Oh. Um, ok, then."

~~~~

Chris poked JC. "Where's my present?"

JC munched on his cereal and gave Chris a blank look. "What present?"

"I thought you were gonna give me Justin's dildo," Chris said.

Across the table, Lance choked on his orange juice. "His what?" Lance sputtered.

"Dildo, JC bought him one, Justin didn't want it, I said I'd take it," Chris explained matter-of-factly.

Lance plunked his glass down on the table. "JC, you bought Justin a dildo?"

Chris waved his hands at Lance, "Yes, yes, he bought Justin a dildo. God, clean your ears every now and again, Mississippi."

In retrospect, this is all wrong, because Lance, being all knowing, should've known not only that JC bought Justin a dildo, but precisely how long it took Justin to go from horrified to intrigued to OH YES, OH YES, OH YES!!!

Lance glared at Chris and leaned in towards JC. "How? Did anyone see you buying it?"

Chris snapped his fingers in front of Lance's face. "Hey! Having a conversation here. JC. So, where's my present?"

JC shrugged and said, "I can get you one in a few days if you still want."

Chris leaped up and whooped, "I knew it! I knew that fucker was gonna keep it!"

Lance shook his head in disbelief and said, "You really bought Justin a dildo?"

~~~~

At soundcheck, Joey bumped JC with his hip. "So I hear things are a little better with you and Justin now?"

"Is that what Justin said?" JC asked. Joey shrugged. "Well, I guess. I kinda backed off, but I don't know. I feel like maybe I should have a heart-to-heart with him, see how he's holding up. Or kind of...guide him."

Joey coughed and said, "Um, JC. I know you really mean well, but I think he's ok. He's a big boy, he'll figure things out on his own." Joey shifted his weight, glanced over at Justin, and said, "Look, why don't you just let me talk to him about it. I can help him...work through things, or something."

Throughout the fic, I tried to place all these references of Joey looking at Justin and talking to Justin and just generally having a lot of FEELING for Justin. I think it may be a little oblique, but I decided that was ok, because the fic is told from JC's POV and he's a clueless motherfucker.

JC thought for a moment and was skeptical, but had to admit that Joey was pretty good in the heart-to-heart department, especially, it seemed, where Justin was concerned, and JC certainly hadn't had much luck there. "Well. I guess it couldn't hurt," he said, resignedly.

~~~~

Chris poked JC and whispered, "So guess what your little project is doing right now."

JC rolled over and said, "He's not my project anymore. What's he doing?"

Chris hopped into JC's bed and said, "Watching gay porn."

JC scooted over to give Chris more room. "How do you know it's gay porn?"

Chris rolled his eyes. "You can totally tell by the grunts and stuff. There are, like, no female voices. Though one guy sounds kind of effeminate," he added speculatively.

JC raised his eyebrows. "How long did you listen at the door?"

This is totally how I picture Chris to really honestly be. Like, Chris fucks girls, but he listens at the door for a LONG time when he knows it's gay porn and he knows all about dildos. I like to think that Chris is a man of mystery, if by mystery I mean, not quite bisexual but more trysexual. I just like to think that he "tried" gay sex for a long while. With JC.

Chris stuck out his tongue. "Long enough." He put his cold feet on JC's warm legs and wiggled up to him. "So what do you mean he's not your project anymore? I thought you were going to save the world by making Justin gay."

Taken straight from Mere and Mare always teasing me because I apparently seem to think I will save the world by teaching everyone to be a GOOD PERSON. And also gay. Because, really, what's better than being gay?

JC giggled, pushing Chris' feet away. "Well, I don't know. I wasn't very good at it, I guess. Joey's gonna talk to him now, I think."

Chris raised his eyebrows. "Joey?" JC nodded and Chris shook his head. "Oh, that's rich. You know, I'm still kicking myself I didn't bet on that dildo thing. So whadya say we take bets. I give Joey...a week till he and Justin are fucking. You?"

JC hit Chris on the arm. "They're not gonna have sex, stupid! Joey's just gonna talk to him. Besides, Joey's straight."

If by straight you mean, will fuck anything that moves

Chris snorted. "Oh, they're gonna fuck. They're so gonna fuck."

~~~~

Four days later, Lance showed up on the three-man bus with a duffel bag. Chris took one look at Lance and triumphantly said, "Pay up, C!"

"Relax, idiot," Lance said. "Justin just wanted to get away from you two yahoos for a couple of days."

JC frowned. "Hey, what's wrong with us?" he said.

Chris crossed his arms. "Did you strategically place a recording device on the two-man bus?"

Lance gave JC a pointed look, and said, "Case in point. You are one sick man, Kirkpatrick."

Chris jumped up and down. "Then you admit that they might fuck!"

Lance looked back and forth between Chris' giddy smile and JC's wide open eyes and said, "It's no more likely than the two of you fucking. And with that, I'm going to bed."

JC breathed a sigh of relief as Lance pushed past him. "So, they're not going to have sex, then."

Chris punched his arm, still bouncing. "Are you kidding! They're totally boning each other right now."

JC narrowed his eyes at Chris and said, "Are you trying to say you want to have sex with me?"

Chris winked and cozied up to JC, saying, "Well, you never did get me that dildo."

JC rolled his eyes and pushed at Chris' hands, which were circling around his waist. Chris grabbed JC's hand and said, "You could save the world by making me gay, instead?"

JC snapped his hand away from Chris and flopped down on the couch. "It's not funny! I really did want to do something good."

Chris sat down next to him. "You did, JC." Chris grinned. "I mean, he really seemed to be enjoying that porn the oth--"

"Chriiiiiiiis," JC groaned. "Be serious!"

Chris fidgeted. "Um," he said.

JC sighed. "This wasn't supposed to be just one big joke for you to laugh at. I have, like, a lot of pride in who I am. And I want to show that more. Or share it more. Whatever."

Chris nodded. "Ok."

They sat in silence for a minute until JC said, "Did you really want me to make you gay instead?"

"Well, I don't know about instead, because I believe in my bet, man. You don't make a bet you don't think you can w--"

JC made an exasperated sound and said, "Forget it! You're completely incapable of being serious. I'm not having this discussion with you anymore," and made a move to get up.

Chris grabbed his hand and pulled him back down. "No, no! I can be serious. Really," he said earnestly.

JC folded his arms. "Prove it."

Chris opened and closed his mouth a few times. JC sighed, closed his eyes, and shook his head. When he opened his eyes, Chris was about an inch from his face. JC frowned and got out a "wha--" before Chris kissed him.

Awwww! They're so cute! Dump that Desparate Housewives bitch, JC. It's too late. Your career is over. I don't care if you date a chick from one of TV's hottest shows. No one cares. I understand that there are still a few people asking for all of fandom to call every radio station IN THE WORLD requesting they play whatever your next single was supposed to be, but, guys, you gotta give it up. This last stab at the public eye ain't working, so he should totally retire to Chris' RV where they can be SO CUTE AND PERFECT for each other 4eva!!! I'm just sayin.

~~~~

The next morning, JC sat down at the table while Lance made breakfast. "Hey, Lance," JC started. "Do you ever think that maybe everyone is a little gay?"

Lance rolled his eyes. "Have you been reading How To Be Completely Stereotypical or something?"

Because every gay person I know honestly believes they can turn a straight person out if given the chance. Including me. Yes, I am that lame.

"Huh?" JC asked.

"Nevermind," Lance said. "JC, we're in a boyband. Of course everyone's a little gay. Isn't that the point?"

"You think that's the po--"

"No. That's just what page 28 of How To Be Completely Stereotypical told me," Lance said, grinning.

JC looked at Lance suspiciously. "This isn't a real book, is it?"

Lance snickered. "Uh, no. Not that I know of, anyway."

"So, then, do you think everyone's a little gay or not," JC asked impatiently.

I will concede that there are a few people who seem to be heterosexual all the way. A FEW. And those few do not include any members of boybands. Because, yes, that IS the point.

Lance shrugged. "Maybe, I don't know. Why do you ask, anyway? Afraid you're gonna lose the bet?"

JC frowned. "So you think they're going to do it, too. But I thought Joey was straight."

Lance smiled sympathetically at JC and said, "Sometimes, C, I think you're so focused on the task at hand that you don't pay attention to the world around you."

JC considered this for a few moments, then offered, "I think Chris might...like me or something."

Lance grinned and said, "You know what I like about you guys? I never ever have to make my point."

~~~~

At soundcheck, JC cornered Joey and said, "So, what's the deal?"

"The deal?" Joey asked, distractedly.

JC tapped his foot impatiently. "Yes, the deal! With Justin?"

Joey coughed. "Oh, um. It's going good."

JC narrowed his eyes at Joey. "What do you mean by 'going good?'"

Joey turned red and said, "Look, I know all about your bet and one week is way too soon, even for me."

JC gaped at Joey. Joey turned more red. "Well, it's true! I'm good, but I'm not that good! We're talking years of repression, here! And I don't appreciate the added pressure of knowing you guys are betting on this."

"Joey," JC hissed. "I thought you were going to...talk to him. Not just...fuck him."

"There's talking involved! God, what kind of crazy animal magnetism do you people think I have! What do you think, I just take off my pants and Justin's cured of his delusions by the mere sight of my cock? Physical prowess alone only goes so far. There's definitely talking involved, so don't worry about it."

I don't know why I suddenly bring this up, but last night Katie reminded me of something I had totally forgotten about. A few months ago we went to dinner with this sorta crazy lady who I sort of work with in a very roundabout way. She's very nice and knows almost everyone who's anyone, ranging from Clinton to P. Diddy to Jai Rodriguez, I shit you not. She told us this whole story about how she went on a date with Joey (so much for that whole "dating Kelly for nine years!!" thing). I think they met at Suede, natch. That doesn't really relate to anything, but I just didn't want to forget it again. Uh, back to the fic.

JC stared at Joey. "Um," JC said and backed away. "Ok, then."

Joey said, "Ok. Good. Oh, by the way, can you do me a favor and not have sex with Chris for at least another five days? I've got a bet with Lance."

~~~~

That night, JC avoided Chris and went straight towards Lance's bunk. JC nudged Lance over and sat on the edge of Lance's bed. "I feel like this has all gotten way out of hand and away from my original idea."

I wrote that exact sentence because I had NO IDEA where I was going with this fic. It was NOT AT ALL what I had meant. So, I got all meta and had JC just say what I was thinking to try to figure out where to go next.

Lance hmmed. "Which was what, again?"

JC drew circles in the air with his hands. "You know! To be a role model for gay kids so they feel more, I don't know. But then it was more important that Justin accepted himself first, right?"

"Right," Lance said. "But now?"

JC frowned. "I don't know, now it's all about how long it'll be before Justin and Joey or me and Chris have sex! It wasn't supposed to be about sex. It was supposed to be about having pride!"

"Hmm. So, pride, not sex. No sex. Just pride in being...sexlessly gay. Well, I can't figure out why that didn't work," Lance said. JC frowned. Lance sighed. "Ok, sorry. Where do you think it went astray, then?"

It didn't disturb me at the time, but now the thought of LANCE of all people playing my therapist/editor with this story is really creepy. But not as creepy as his nosejob.

"I...I don't know," JC admitted. "But I do know you have a bet with Joey about me and Chris."

Lance coughed and said, "Yeah, but that's an old bet, man, nothing to do with this."

JC knitted his eyebrows together. "What do you mean it's an old bet?"

Lance grinned, "Years, man. Years." He lowered his voice, "I've got money riding on Joey and Justin, too, don't tell Chris."

"With who!"

Lance's grin grew even bigger. "Britney. And she's totally gonna lose."

~~~~

JC sat on the edge of Chris' bed and said, "Did you know that Lance and Joey have a bet on us sleeping together?"

Chris lifted the covers and JC crawled in. "Who do you want to win? Let's do whatever Lance betted against," Chris said, grinning.

I think the past tense of bet might probably be bet, but none of my betas said anything, so either they're stupid, or they just assumed I wanted Chris to sound stupid. Or possibly I'm stupid right now and the past tense of bet really is betted. It's possible. It sorta makes sense the more I think about it. But keep in mind that this is coming from the girl who regularly says the past tense of to buy as boughten. Although, to be honest, I feel that's sort of more defendable (hey, it's just my adorable NY accent) than my sister, who says "brung" instead of brought. Cause that's just bad English, people.

JC rolled his eyes. "Well, I'm not sure exactly what the terms are. Except it's a years old bet."

Chris hmmed and absently reached out to play with JC's hair. JC closed his eyes and thought about going to sleep like that when suddenly Chris said, "We should just do it and find out who loses."

JC opened one eye to stare at Chris. "You want to have sex with me so someone loses a bet?"

"Well, you know, that's not the only benefit of it. I mean, there is the whole I get off, you get off, we get off together thing. Basically it's a win-win...win-lose situation. Where we do the winning and someone else, hopefully Lance but I'll settle for Joey, does the losing. I mean, really, with odds like that, how can we not have sex."

JC raised an eyebrow. "And if there was no bet?"

Chris said, "Luckily there is a bet, so we don't have to think about the ramifications of what basically seems to have come down to me propositioning you."

"Right."

~~~~

After the show, Justin knocked on JC's door and came in and sat down on JC's bed.

"Hey," Justin said. "So. I'm sorry if I was, like, an ass or something to you when you were trying to...um, gay me up. Or instill me with a sense of pride, I guess I should say. That is what the plan was, right?"

JC shrugged. "It's ok. I'm starting to think it maybe wasn't my best idea. It made so much sense at the time, but then..."

Although actually I think it maybe was my best idea. This is the only fic in this fandom I've gotten more than like 5 feedbacks for. By which I mean, I got six. hahah. Not that I count. *cough*

Justin nodded. "The best laid plans, I guess."

"I guess. Are you...more, um. Prideful now?"

Justin raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah. Got my Human Rights Coalition membership right here. Right next to my Crunch in West Hollywood gym card."

That was based on a photo of JTR coming out of a Crunch in WeHo, looking nicely buffed. I mean, buff. Also, in case you were wondering, "Crunch in WeHo" is the second gayest phrase in the world, notching just behind "Liza Minelli's husband."

JC smiled encouragingly. "I'm kidding. Well, not about the Crunch card. That's a really nice gym. You should totally check it out."

JC frowned. "So it didn't work at all, then. Even with Joey."

Justin coughed. "No, the Joey thing went pretty well, actually. Britney's pissed, too. Apparently she owes Lance a dancer to date and some other undisclosed services that I really don't even want to know about. She called me to bitch me out. You should never ever make a bet with Lance, man. That kid knows something the rest of us just don't."

"Yeah, Lance," JC said. Then, "So, wait. You are gay now, then?"

Justin shrugged. "I mean, whatever, I'm not about to march in a pride parade or something. But, you know. Sex. And stuff."

"Sex and stuff?" JC said, eyebrows raised.

"You know, sex. And stuff. With Joey. And stuff," Justin said, grinning. "I guess your idea worked ok after all, huh."

I will never ever understand why there wasn't more Justin/Joey fic in this fandom, since they are clearly made for each other. This was my attempt at having Joey/Justin without actually doing any sort of character development or relationship building, cause I'm totally sucky at that shit. Plot/realistic sex/fleshed out growth of emotions over time? Not exactly my forte. Actually, I'm not sure WHAT my forte is. Ugh. Now I'm depressed. Good thing instead of ever writing fic again I just decided to do commentary on already existing fic.

JC smiled.

~~~~

"So," Chris said. "Joey and Justin, huh?"

JC grinned.

Chris raised his eyebrows. "You know what that means, right?"

"That Justin's finally admitting he's gay?" JC said hopefully.

"Yes, yes. But more importantly. You lost our bet," Chris said, poking JC.

"I don't think I really agreed to the bet," JC said, pushing Chris' hands away.

"Mmm. Doesn't matter. You have to call it if you're not participating," Chris said, rubbing his cold feet on JC's warm legs.

"Stop doing that," JC giggled, kicking away Chris feet. "And I don't think those are the rules."

"Those," Chris said, snuggling up to JC, cold feet on warm legs. "Are definitely the rules."

JC giggled again. "Fine, fine. So what did we bet on, then? What do I owe you?"

Chris grinned.

~~~~

Joey stood at the counter chopping strawberries and dumping them into the blender. "I can't believe you couldn't wait just a few more days, JC," he said.

From the couch, Lance snapped three times. "Um, excuse me, Joey. I believe I ordered my fresh strawberry frozen margarita about five minutes ago. Why is my frosty beverage not in my hands yet? Is this New York time we're on?"

Joey rolled his eyes. Justin shook his head. "Never make a bet with Lance, man."

Joey groaned. "It was two years ago! Three more days and I would've won. The kid's a freaking psychic. "

Lance called out, "I see a tall, chilled glass coming my way any minute now."

JC giggled. "So, Lance. Tell me. Do you see any of us being gay role models any time in the near future?"

Lance closed his eyes and said, "The spirits are telling me 'wait for Behind the Music, wait for Behind the Music.'"

If by spirits you mean, manager, independent publicist, and every single person at the label. Even all the gays (cause record labels are FULL of them) who are totally taking bets on which one you'll sleep with and whether if they got fired for that, Barry would give them a reallygreat severance package to keep quiet about it. He totally would. He seems very nice. In fact, thinking on it, I might have to go work at a label and turn some little pop tart out just for the severance package cause this independent publicity shit just ain't paying the bills.

Chris grinned at JC, ruffling his hair. "You heard the man. You can't mess with Lance, he knows what's going on. Looks like your Gay Pride Crusade is gonna have to wait, though I have to admit, it was pretty damn successful around these parts."

JC grinned. "Yeah, but you're all in a boyband. And they're just inherently more gay."

Truer words have never been spoken, man.

And my final comment? Ok, I love this fic, if only because it gets recc'd a lot, which, you may not know, but I'm a total ego maniac. You know how some people are all, "I write fic because I love to write, I would write fic even if there was no one to read it, just for the JOY of creating these stories?" FUCK THAT - I write fic for the praise. Hello.

And now that I've come across like a jackass even to my closest friends, I think I'll call it a night! Thanks for reading! Come again!