Used

by Chris J

(1)

"Well fuck me." AJ pulled the hood of the car down just far enough to see clearly past it, but the vision didn't change. Justin fucking Timberlake, standing there with his hands on his hips, looking around the place. Not a bodyguard in sight. No barbie attached to him at the hip. "Jerry, I'll be in the back. Sorry to bail on you like this."

The young man looked up from where he was scratching numbers onto an invoice, lifting both eyebrows. "What's up?" he asked, looking straight at AJ, then from side to side across the lot. "You didn't cut yourself again, did you? I got the first aid kit right here now ... " He reached for a drawer in the beaten-up, wooden desk but didn't open it before getting at least a response from AJ, which he was too frozen to give him.

"No, no," said AJ finally, lifting the hood of the car again so he was out of sight. "It's just ... someone I know. Don't know what the fuck he's doing *here*, though. Guy can buy ten new cars without blinking, no reason he'd wanna be on a used car lot. None that I can think of, anyway."

Jerry just gave him a shrug and craned his neck to see what AJ had seen, but he was at the wrong angle and the car AJ was working on was blocking him. "Sometimes people find what they're looking for in the strangest places," he said, standing up. "Guess I'd better give your friend a hand. He got a name?"

"Justin," said AJ with a snort, resting both hands on the front bumper of the car and leaning into it. "And I didn't say anything about friend."

Jerry lifted his eyebrows at him again and while the expression was pushy, it was comforting, too. Familiar. Jerry had his back. "Someone you don't want to be seeing?" he asked, sounding like he already knew the answer to that. "Yeah, head inside if you need to, I'll let you know when he's gone."

"No good's gonna come of him seeing me here," said AJ, standing up and grabbing a rag to wipe the grease off his hands. "Some things I don't need to be explaining to the world. I'll grab you a Coke from the corner, how about? I could use the walk." Jerry gave him a nod, stretching to look over the car before rounding it to the lot.

"Oh," he said suddenly, giving AJ a significant look before he could go. "*That* Justin. Better hurry then, he's ... "

Jerry never got the chance to finish the sentence before AJ heard Justin's voice cut in. "Good morning," he said, getting closer with every syllable. He even made *that* sound cocky, AJ thought with a sneer before leaning forward onto the bumper again. If Justin was that close already, there was no getting inside without getting noticed. He silently willed Jerry to move faster, to meet Justin on the other side of the car and lead him away, but Justin obviously moved faster.

"Mornin," said Jerry, sounding as friendly as he ever did with his customers. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, I'm looking for a car," said Justin, then laughed like he thought that was just the wittiest thing. AJ's knuckles went white on the bumper but he couldn't get *too* annoyed with the kid. After all, Justin sounded an awful lot like him. "Something ... completely not flashy."

"Well, we've certainly got an awful lot of that -- "

"Kinda like this one, actually," Justin interrupted him, his voice getting closer still. "This for sale?" He reached the front of the car, lay one hand on the hood. AJ just hoped he wouldn't rest any of his weight on it and send it crashing down on AJ's head. Punk kid. "Or ... looks like you're still working on it." AJ knew he was in plain view, side profile, and lifted his hands to make it look like he was doing something so Justin wouldn't look too close. "Say, you know, you look an awful lot like ... " Too late.

AJ looked to his left, catching sight of Jerry's apologetic look, then let out a heavy sigh and stood up straight, cracking his back before turning to his right and looking Justin in the face. The look on Justin's face almost made it worth it. "Yeah, I'd imagine I do," he said, resisting the urge to smirk at him. He figured no good could come of *that* either, if this situation could even be salvaged at all.

"Backstreet thing not working out for you, then?" Justin's confusion was quickly masked by amusement as he crossed his arms over his chest and looked AJ up and down.

"I'll ask you not to harass the staff," Jerry cut in sharply before AJ could say a word, or even react at all, really. "This one isn't in saleable shape yet. Can I show you something else?"

Justin hadn't taken his eyes off AJ, though. "Go buy a car, Timberlake," he muttered, wiping his still grease-stained hands off on his coveralls. "I don't have time for this shit." Justin just nodded, still staring. "I'm serious," AJ went on when he showed no signs of moving on, a little louder this time. "I have things to do."

"If I promise to buy a car will you tell me what the fuck's going on here?"

Jerry interrupted again before AJ could answer. "I don't need your business so much I'll let you treat AJ here like that," he said. "Now can I show you something or do you want me to refer you to Cal's place up the street ... ?"

"No, it's okay," said AJ, holding up a hand to Jerry while looking Justin in the eye. "I'll take care of Justin, since clearly he can't have anything going on in his little world that he doesn't know everything about." He returned Justin's amused look, nuance for nuance, and held out his hand to him. Justin looked at it with distaste for a moment before gingerly reaching out and giving it a weak shake. "Good, we have a deal, then."

"I guess we do," said Justin, but AJ was already turning his back on him, turning back to Jerry. Jerry's eyebrows were up again, just as AJ'd expected them to be, but AJ just gave him a little nod and a shrug and the tiniest smile, which seemed to relieve Jerry's worry at least a little.

"Come find me if you need anything," Jerry said softly, then sat back down at his wooden test to take care of some more paperwork.

"You know I will." AJ turned back to Justin then, who was standing there looking affronted and impatient. AJ had been expecting *that*, too. Pop stars were so predictable sometimes. "Come on Timberlake, let's go for a walk."

Justin waited until they were practically out in the middle of the deserted lot before speaking. "So what the fuck?" he blurted out, grabbing hold of AJ's sleeve before remembering that it was filthy and letting go again. He was lucky for that; AJ wouldn't have been so gentle shaking him off. "You *work* here?"

"I help out a friend," AJ replied with a shrug, not letting anything he was thinking show through on his face. He hoped. "And he helps me out. A pretty sweet deal, if you ask me. Now what were you looking for? Teaching Brit-brit to drive and looking for something she won't feel guilty banging up?"

"Oh, fuck you," said Justin, his arms going over his chest again. AJ'd hoped he could come up with a less predictable defensive maneuver, but at least this made him easier to read. "You're seriously gonna show me cars?"

"Why not?" AJ challenged him, still giving nothing away. He'd done this before, when Jerry was busy. No one had even recognized him yet, or if they did couldn't believe their eyes enough to confirm their suspicions. "I know the lot just about as well as Jerry goes. Got half of these babies in working order myself, in fact. So? You got anything in mind?"

Justin just shook his head at him disbelievingly. "When's someone gonna walk out and tell me I'm on Candid Camera?" he asked. "I think it's about time for you to start explaining this whole thing. I don't have all day."

"If I remember our deal right," said AJ, "you have as long as it takes for me to sell you a car. Which at this rate is gonna *be* all day. So at least walk with me here, and you can ask what you need to ask so you can feel secure in your understanding of the world again."

"Do you need me to spell out the ridiculousness of this whole thing?" asked Justin, gesturing broadly, but at least he started moving again. AJ found it a lot easier to deal with things when he was doing something, not just standing trading barbs. "You're a fucking millionaire and apparently you're about to sell me a used car."

"And you're a 'fucking millionaire' and you're about to buy one," AJ shot back. "Want to explain *that*?"

Justin just scowled and looked at his feet; AJ scored himself a mental point. "You first," he muttered.

AJ sighed and stopped next to a Malibu that was only a couple years old. He was pretty sure Justin wouldn't set foot in anything that was the remotest bit beat up. "It's not about the money," he said. "Obviously. I told you, Jerry's a friend. He lets me work on cars."

"A lot of people wouldn't consider that a privilege," said Justin, shaking his head at the car.

"I'm not a lot of people."

Justin snorted, but AJ knew he couldn't argue with that. "How about you just start at the beginning? And ... I'm looking for something that, I dunno, an ordinary guy would drive."

"An ordinary guy would drive a Malibu," muttered AJ, but they moved on. What the fuck would Justin know about ordinary guys, anyway? "The beginning? I met Jerry at AA, if you really *need* to know. I like having something to do with my hands sometimes. He gives me that, and someone to talk to. I give him a hand with the business. He won't take my money, so he gets my time. And it's as fucking simple as that. Okay?"

"Okay," said Justin, so mildly AJ had to stare at him for a moment to really believe he'd accepted the explanation at face value. "The car's not for Britney, she wouldn't be caught dead in something worth less than forty thou or so. And that's only if she's slumming. I just wanted something ... that wouldn't get me noticed."

"Now there's a first," snorted AJ, giving him a sidelong long as they continued down the row of vehicles. "Justin Timberlake *not* wanting to get noticed?"

Justin looked like he was going to snap at him, but to his credit he bit it back. AJ knew he probably would have deserved whatever he was gonna say, though. "First time for everything," was all he responded finally. "I've been on a roll with first times lately. So how about that one?" He pointed out a car in the next row over.

"You really want to look at an '92 Honda?" asked AJ incredulously, but he led him over there anyway. "Miracle that thing hasn't rusted out yet. It's in great shape, though. I took it for a test drive all over downtown a couple weeks ago. Runs really smooth and ... yeah, definitely wouldn't get you noticed. You sure you don't want something newer, though? We've got a 98 around here somewhere, different model but runs just about the same. Same color, too."

"First used car salesman who's ever tried to talk someone *out* of buying a car," snickered Justin, shoving his hands in his pockets. Well, at least that was a little different, if still defensive. "Sure, show me the other."

"Like you'd know what it's like to buy a used car," said AJ, goading him just a little. "You watch too much TV, kid. But yeah, well, I'm not much of a salesman here anyway. That's our day job. Here I'm mostly just a plain old mechanic." Justin's skeptical look was amusing. "You don't believe me? Just ask Jerry. He taught me everything I know."

"Oh, I believe you," said Justin, glancing down at AJ's stained and lightly scarred hands again. "You look the part. It's just ... weird. I ... don't think I understand."

"Another first," said AJ, giving Justin a not-quite-open grin for the first time. "Justin Timberlake admitting he doesn't understand." Before Justin could object, though -- and he *did* look like he wanted to object -- AJ went on. "I'm not sure I can explain if you don't know what it's like, though."

"So, what, you won't try?"

He was actually surprised by Justin's interruption, though he probably shouldn't have been. Here was a kid who was used to getting what he wanted. "Why should I?" he asked as they wove through the lot to the 98. AJ remembered where he'd parked it last week, and looked like no one had taken it out since. "What good's it gonna do us if I give you my sob story? Working outside the business, it gives me perspective. We all could use perspective sometimes."

"Well, maybe a 98 Honda will give me a new perspective," said Justin. "That it there?"

"Yeah, that's it," confirmed AJ. "You sure you want to do this? Not that I want to talk Jerry out of a sale. But if Britney won't set foot in it, you're setting yourself up for some pretty lonely rides around town."

"Read the papers tomorrow," said Justin curtly, the same voice that AJ used when he was cutting off a conversation cold. "That won't be a problem. You say it runs good?"

"Runs perfect," said AJ with a nod. "Another one I tested out myself. So you guys are, what, over?" He knew he had maybe a fifty-fifty chance Justin was going to answer that question. If he was lucky. Which apparently he was.

"Yeah, over," he said, running a hand over the side of the car, right up to the passenger side window. "And between you and me? Management's gonna refute part of the article, but it's all true." When he turned away, AJ knew the conversation was over for real that time and he'd just have to wait until the next day to find out what the hell Justin meant by that. He made a mental note to pick up a paper first thing in the morning. "I'll take it."

It took AJ a minute to figure out just what the hell he meant. "The car?" he said stupidly. "Don't you wanna take it for a test drive? Don't you want to know how much it is?"

"Nope," said Justin, still facing away, running his hand over the roof and feeling the sun-warmed metal. AJ hoped he wouldn't get burned "I trust you. This is what I was looking for. Just tell me where to sign."

"You'll just have to talk to Jerry," said AJ a moment later. He had more questions, but he knew that Justin didn't have any more answers. Not yet, anyway. And that he'd be pushing his luck by asking which, frankly, he'd done enough of already. Really, he didn't much feel like pushing Justin's buttons anymore anyway -- they guy looked pretty down, staring away from him and through the window into the back seat of the car, and AJ knew what it was like to be there. But suddenly he found himself hoping that he would find another chance, someday, to ask. "I, uh, need to finish up some stuff ..."

Justin nodded like he'd been expecting that. "I can find him again," he said, not dismissively, but close. "Read that paper tomorrow, AJ. And who knows, maybe we'll run into each other again. At least now I know where to find you."

"Yeah, well, don't spread it around," muttered AJ, but at the same time he was fishing around in the pocket of his coveralls for a scrap of paper, an old receipt or maybe one of Jerry's business cards. When he found one, only slightly crumpled and stained with oil, he pulled the ballpoint out of his breast pocket and scrawled his number on the back. "Listen," he said, and curled his hand around Justin's shoulder to get his attention.

When Justin finally turned, a long moment later, AJ handed him the card. "Here," he said, almost thrusting it into Justin's hand. Justin stared at it blankly for a moment. "It's where to reach me," he added. "If, you know, you have any trouble with the car. Just gimme a call, I'll give you a hand. It's what I'm good at."

"Thanks," said Justin, pulling his wallet out and placing the card carefully inside. It was only when he'd shoved the wallet back into his back pocket that he looked up at AJ again, and suddenly gave him a genuine, uncomplicated smile. "I will."

He was still smiling when AJ finally gave him a shaky wave and turned and walked away.


(Interlude 1)


Spears and Timberlake Split

It's official -- Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake (of the pop group 'N Sync) have parted ways. In a statement received from Spears' camp this morning, she cites the timeless "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the split.

A source close to Spears was able to elaborate. "Britney and Justin had been having their problems, sure, but the last straw was when she found him in bed with another guy," said our source, who requested anonymity. "There were a lot of things she was willing to forgive, but that wasn't one of them."

When contacted, Spears declined to comment on the allegations, but our source had a few more things to add. "Justin begged her to take him back, but Britney held firm. Either give up the guys, or they were through. Obviously he couldn't do that because they haven't spoken since."

The reasons for the break-up seem to stem from both sides of the relationship, however. At last month's TVMAs, Spears was accompanied by an unidentified man, not Timberlake, and witnesses claim their behavior was publicly affectionate.

'N Sync, who still hold the record for most albums sold in a single week, have always maintained a squeaky clean image, but over the past year that facade has started to crumble. In addition to Timberlake, last spring member Joey Fatone fathered a child out of wedlock. Between N Sync and the Backstreet Boys, whose member AJ McLean entered rehab in July for alcohol abuse problems, it's increasingly obvious that these teen icons are growing older faster than their fan base.

Timberlake's people had yet to return our calls at press time.


Putting the Dirty into Pop
By Tom Wilcox, entertainment editor

It's what every teenage girl in American (and every man with a pulse) has been waiting for -- official word has come down that Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake are both single once again. We all knew it was just a matter of time, didn't we? Ken and Barbie never work out in real life.

So what now? Once the dust clears in what looks to become a nasty public break-up, what will remain of the careers of these two bubblegum pop stars? Already accusations are being hurled from both sides of the fence. Claims that Justin has been having secret gay affairs, that Britney was caught snorting coke in her dressing room, even that Britney stole songs that Justin wrote for her to record on her album.

I don't think it comes as a surprise to anyone that these two crazy kids aren't as innocent as they're made out to be. No doubt they drink, they smoke, they do all sorts of other things that good little boys and girls ought not be out doing. Few of the current crop of teen icons really seem the milk and cookies sort. But the nature of these break-up rumours is pretty adult, yet more proof that these kids just aren't kids anymore.

It certainly hasn't been a stellar year for teen pop, but even I have to admit the top acts have really hung in there, showing legs no one would have expected of them a couple years ago. A Backstreet Boy had a stint in rehab, another was arrested outside a club, now Timberlake has gay rumours swirling around him and individual projects outside both bands have fallen flat. Yet they carry on, their millions of fans remaining fiercely loyal.

Color this jaded 40-year-old impressed. Fearing for the future, but impressed.

But really, all this blather is pretty inconsequential when you get down to it. Let's just forget about it and get to the real question that's on everyone's mind ...

Is Britney Spears still a virgin?


MEDIA RELEASE
Wright Entertainment Group and Jive Records
January 16, 2002

In response to allegations made regarding the dissolution of the relationship between Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake, Mr. Timberlake would like to make the following known.

Justin and Britney have made a mutual decision to end their three-year relationship. The split is amicable and the two remain good friends, but have chosen to pursue other avenues in their lives at this time. Neither infidelity of any sort nor substance abuse was a factor in the break-up.

"I still think very highly of Britney," says Justin. "We were very happy together, but it's difficult to sustain a relationship in the type of high pressure career that we both have. I wish her the best and look forward to continuing our longstanding friendship and working with her in the future."

- 30 -


(2)

AJ read the first article at 7:03 in the morning on a Friday. He'd found a second one by seven-thirty. By nine he'd cleaned out every newsstand within a ten-minute drive of his house. They all pretty much said the same thing, though -- and Justin had said that it was all true. Even the stuff that they tried to take back. He spend the rest of the day at Jerry's, taking apart the motor of a beat-up half-ton truck and processing the whole thing.

Justin didn't call until Tuesday afternoon, when AJ was flying down the highway in his convertible, taking advantage of the day. He slowed down to the take the call, and pulled into the lot of a service station when he heard who it was.

"So there's this thing with the car," said Justin, after their awkward hellos. "Like ... it's making this noise. A weird noise. Do you know what it might be?"

"Well, what does it sound like?" asked AJ, slouching back in his seat and turning the car off; no telling how long the call might be. No telling how long it might take Justin to get to the point of it.

"It's kind of a 'vroom' noise," said Justin, imitating it poorly. "Whenever I start it." AJ just laughed. "What? I'm serious."

"Most cars go 'vroom', Justin," said AJ patiently. He knew he was probably laying it on a little thick, but it was *so* damn funny. "It's what makes them go. So tell me, how much, exactly, did it cost you to buy off the DMV to get your license?"

"Oh, fuck you," said Justin. "Not that kind of 'vroom'. A really loud one. It's idling too fast and I'm not sure the gears are shifting right. I'm not a *total* moron, you know."

"So you're seriously calling about the car?" said AJ dubiously, letting his chuckles taper off. "You want me to look at it or something? I got time today, I can stop by your palace for a few minutes."

"And again," said Justin with a grunt, "fuck you, McLean. So. What time can you come? About the car, I mean?"

"I'm out of town, it's at least an hour's drive back," he said, looking at the road and gauging just exactly where he was. "You'll just have to wait. You didn't have anywhere to be, right? I got the idea you were pretty much sticking close to home, lately ... " There, he'd broached the subject. Maybe that would speed things up a little.

"If you're implying I'm under house arrest," replied Justin, testily, AJ thought, "then you're wrong. I can still do whatever I want. So ... what time?"

"Look," said AJ, leaning forward again and banging his head lightly against the padded steering wheel. "We both know that you probably have a mechanic on retainer, the number of cars you've got, so you calling me ... I'm pretty sure it isn't about the car. Though if it is, I'm happy to take a look. You have driven stick before, right?" Justin snickered and AJ rolled his eyes. "Okay, okay," he said. "So consider that your opening -- no further pun intended."

"So you read, I guess," said Justin, only sounding a little awkward about it. A lifetime in the public eye could do that to a person, no matter what they were talking about or who they were talking about it with. "You didn't call, though."

"You didn't give me your number," AJ pointed out, leaning back again, so abruptly that his head bounced off the headrest. "I figured if you didn't give me your number, I wasn't gonna go tracking it down." They both knew AJ could -- they had that many mutual acquaintances -- so it had to have been plain old respect that kept him from doing it. "Besides. You had mine, for when you were ready. So are you?"

"Ready?" repeated Justin. "For what?"

"Whatever it is that you called about," said AJ, trying not to groan. "Timberlake. You're trying my patience."

"My car," said Justin weakly. "There's this noise ... "

"Justin ... "

"I haven't talked to anyone in a couple days," he said finally. "Not sure how the whole thing's going over. Hung up on my publicist earlier; sounds like they covered my ass well enough, though. That's why we pay them the big bucks, I guess."

"Don't sound so disappointed," said AJ, holding the cell phone between his ear and his shoulder as he fiddled with the radio, trying to get a signal. "That *is* why you pay them the big bucks. So you can live your life without the whole world getting up in your face about it."

"I guess you'd know."

"Yeah, I guess I would," said AJ, finally picking up a feeble country station. Wasn't like he was in the middle of nowhere or something; must've been a power station or something nearby. Would that fuck up radio signals? Seemed as good an explanation as any. "Make it your choice, if you want something like that out there. Don't let it be someone else's."

"Yeah, I learned that lesson on the first day of pop school," muttered Justin. "So you don't sound shocked or anything."

"Well, you gave me a few days to get used to the idea," said AJ, turning off the radio. He hated country. "Shocking would have been if you'd been into satanic rituals. Shocking would have been if you'd bee having sex with sheep. Being gay hasn't been shocking in quite some time, Justin, in case you missed that memo."

"Yeah, but it's me."

"One of these days you're gonna need to get over yourself," said AJ bluntly. "You doing okay, though? No trauma from the whole thing? No nasty phone calls from exes or bandmates? No one you need me to run over or anything?"

"Nah, they all knew," said Justin breezily. "Brit's the only ex I'd care about calling and ... well, obviously *she's* clued in to the whole thing. It's been quiet. Fucking quiet and spooky."

"So how come you outed yourself to me?" asked AJ. "You didn't have to. You could've let me get sucked in by the retractions. Or at least draw my own conclusions."

"I don't know," said Justin, instantly and decisively, like he'd already given that very question some serious thought. AJ hoped he had. "I just did."

He nodded to himself, even knowing that Justin couldn't see. "Yeah, okay," he said. "Maybe not the best reason, but one I can understand."

"There's nothing wrong with the car," Justin blurted out.

"Yeah," said AJ with a low chuckle. "I know."

"So you want hang out some time, have a drink?"

"No," said AJ easily, calmly, not even feeling the mild panic that offer once would've sent him into. "How about coffee?"

"Oh man," breathed Justin after an awkward pause. "I am *such* an asshole. Serve me right if you didn't want to get together at all."

"It's not about *you*, Justin," said AJ, still calmly, patting down his jacket for his cigarettes. "I'm assuming you don't need me to drive back there today after all, so when did you want to get together? You just wanna give me a call whenever? We're at home for a while, taking some downtime."

There was another pause, and AJ could even hear Justin breathing. "Yeah, okay, I'll do that," he said finally. "Have a nice trip, or whatever it is you're doing."

"Just going for a drive," said AJ, finally finding the pack and lighting one with an almost-empty book of matches from a truck stop somewhere in northern Florida. "So talk to you soon?"

"Yeah, talk to you soon," said Justin, and he sounded like he meant it. There was a moment of silence when neither of them spoke, then Justin disconnected the call.

AJ finished half his cigarette, leaning back and staring at the sky, then started the car again and pulled back out onto the highway.


(3)

The first thing Justin did when he slid into the vinyl booth across from AJ was hand him a folded slip of paper, slightly crumpled and damp from what AJ hoped was Justin's sweaty hand. It was probably a safe guess, given the beads of sweat that dotted Justin's forehead and wrists.

"You're late," he said, curling his own fist around it lightly.

"It's my number."

"You're still late." He slid the note safely into a zippered pocket of his jacket, trusting it was exactly what Justin said it was. It could hardly be anything else; he wasn't the type to be slipping him love notes or death threats.

"Well yeah, but not by much," he mumbled, resting his forehead against the table for a moment. "It's blistering out there."

"I noticed," said AJ, leaning back in the booth and slouching, leaving a smirk on his face as he eyed Justin up and down. It felt good to have the upper hand. "I should've sold you a car with better air conditioning."

"You should've," agreed Justin, grabbing a thin paper napkin to mop his face with. "Bastard. I should complain to your boss, get you written up."

AJ snorted up. "Just try," he said, smirk frozen in place. "Jerry doesn't like you much, Timberlake. You'll be lucky if he doesn't hang up on you."

"Why not?" he asked, crumpling the napkin and tossing it to the opposite end of the table, by the window. "Everyone likes me, it's instinct."

"Tell me, does the size of your ego ever make it hard for you to get through doorways?" AJ reached for a plastic-coated menu, started scanning it even though he almost had the thing memorized. "He looks out for me. He sees you not treating me too good, he takes an instant dislike."

"I bought a car from him! At sticker price! He's not allowed to hate me." Justin gave him a charming smile, one that had worked on so many people before, but it wasn't AJ he needed to convince. AJ was already there, having coffee with him.

"Then you're just going to have to suck up to him a little. And sucking up to me in front of him probably wouldn't hurt, either." He lay the menu flat on the table and stabbed his finger at something. "If you're hungry, this is your best bet. Don't get the eggs. They're runny and they sent a guy to the hospital once."

"*Lovely* place you picked for us to meet," muttered Justin, sliding the menu closer to himself and turning it around so he could read it.

"They have great coffee," AJ told him. "Got me through a lot of long nights. And pie ... diners are required to have good pie."

"That's a cliche."

"Yes, but it's a cliche for a reason."

"I don't want pie. I want an omelet." Justin had to know that AJ knew he was just being contrary, but he didn't show a flicker of it on his face. He'd obviously had a lot of practice at showing only just exactly what he wanted to show.

"Fine," he said with an indifferent shrug, as good at it as Justin was. "Don't say I didn't warn you about the eggs. At least have some coffee with it; the stuff'll kill any bacteria, trust me."

"I prefer cafe latte," said Justin, peering at the menu. AJ almost told him there was no way he was gonna find *that* on the menu, but he figured Justin'd find that out for himself, if he was even looking. He figured that Justin was probably just as familiar with late night stops at empty 24-hour diners as he was. "So you're saying the burger is my best bet?"

"Or pie," AJ reminded him. "And think fast."

He loved this place precisely *because* it was a cliche -- red, cracked vinyl booths and spotty silverware and waitresses in short, gingham uniforms and too much make-up. Just like the one who was approaching them.

Justin's charming smile was back on his face the moment she reached the table, ballpoint pen to pad of paper, bright red lips just started to open to ask what they'd like. "Cheeseburger, please," he said. "with fries and a can of Pepsi."

She smiled back and it looked forced, but she jotted it down, turning to AJ. "And for you, sugar?"

"Just the coffee, Nadine," he said with a brief nod and just the hint of a smile. She smiled back, and he knew she'd be right back with it after she took Justin's order to the kitchen.

"So," said Justin, tapping his fingertips on the table, and AJ knew it was coming. "You haven't exactly reacted."

"Well, I wasn't going to mention the smell, on account of how you're all sweaty ... "

Justin rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Yeah," said AJ, tapping his own fingers in a conscious imitation of him, immediately noticing how chipped and dirty they were. There was a time they never would have been. "I know what you mean."

"The gay thing," Justin clarified unnecessarily.

"Yes, yes, I get that," said AJ. "I guess I didn't know I was supposed to react. Is that what we're here for? For me to react?"

"Most people would."

He shrugged, figuring that was thing that Justin wanted least. A non-reaction. "So what. So you're gay. So are lots of people." AJ was dead wrong about what Justin wanted, though; he practically beamed, hearing AJ say that. "Doesn't really affect me any, after all."

"Oh, thank *God*," he said, right as Nadine returned with the coffee.

She filled AJ's cup then, without even asking, turned Justin's over and filled it, too. "Just in case," she said with a wink as she walked away again. AJ took a couple seconds to watch her ass appreciatively.

"So anyway," he said when he finally looked back at Justin again. "No big thing. People giving you grief about it?"

Justin gave him a "what do *you* think?" look, which he pretty much deserved after a stupid question like that. He'd been watching the news, and especially MTV. They'd latched onto it even after the convincing retractions from Jive. It probably wasn't helping that Britney hadn't said a word, not publicly, one way or the other about the whole thing. But then, neither had Justin. Only their reps.

"The whole thing's getting a little old already," he said. "And I know it's not gonna go away. It's nice to spend some time with someone who doesn't care one way or another. And who doesn't have a financial stake in my heterosexuality, if you know what I mean."

And that, right there, explained more than anything else had why Justin was talking to *him*, why his own bandmates hadn't been a better choice. He shouldn't have been surprised.

"So I guess it was pretty convenient, running into me," he mused, sipping the coffee black. Justin cringed and reached for the sugar. "All things considered."

"All things considered," agreed Justin, dumping a couple creamers in, too, and stirring it noisily with his spoon. "It was a pretty ... a pretty weird thing, finding you there."

"It was a pretty weird thing finding *myself* there," he said, looking at Justin's coffee with amusement. It had to taste like sludge by now. "But it's working out for me. You really gonna drink it like that?

Justin took a sip instead of answering. "So you're really having a non-reaction to the gay thing?" he asked again, like he couldn't conceive of that.

"Believe it or not," he said with an exasperated sigh, "my world doesn't revolve around you. In fact, until a few days ago, you weren't really a part of my world at all. Do you *want* me to react, give you some stupid speech about how 'some of my best friends are, too'? You don't need to be hearing that, you've probably heard it a hundred times. Obviously this isn't some new revelation for you." He sipped his coffee again. "Are you trying to say you *want* to talk about it?"

"No," said Justin, shaking his head emphatically. "God no. Do you have any idea how much 'talking about it' I've done over the last few days? You haven't lived until you've had to tell a label exec that you suck dick."

"Try telling them you've snorted coke."

"Touche," said Justin. "They can probably relate to that, actually."

"They can probably relate to the sucking dick thing, too," snorted AJ. "So do you believe me now? Not. A big. Fucking. Deal. K?"

"I get it," said Justin. "I get it, thanks. Just wanted to make sure I *could* talk about it some time, if it came up. Which it could."

"Of course it could," said AJ, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at him again. For a guy who didn't want to talk about it, he sure was. "I talk about girls' asses, you talk about guys' asses. It'll happen all the time. Whatever. Talk about whatever you like." He took another sip and stared at Justin over the rim of his coffee cup until the kid started to squirm. "So you're assuming we're going to get together again."

"Well, I did give you my number ... "

"And you were so sure I'd call?" AJ smirked again and shook his head at him. He'd been wrong about some things he'd assumed about Justin, but he'd been right about more. "Oh, don't give me that look," he muttered when Justin started with the predictable , if subtle, puppy dog eyes. "I'm gonna call. Maybe this weekend, if you're around."

"Or sooner?"

"You have my number, too," AJ reminded him. "And you know where to find me. You want to see me sooner, you make an effort." Justin made the eyes again, but it didn't work. A few moments later he let the expression drop into something more natural. "Oh, like it's so hard," AJ added. "You worried about being caught or something? Fraternizing with the enemy? You should've thought of that before meeting me for coffee today."

"Yeah, 'cause talking to a Backstreet Boy outside of work is so much worse than being gay," said Justin, impressively deadpan. "Fine. I'll call. Since you seem to have so much free time on your hands."

"We're taking a break," said AJ again, and didn't feel the need to offer him an explanation. They weren't *that* close. "You do that. Call. I'll let you talk about boys and bandmates and ex-girlfriends. It'll make great fodder for the gossip column I'm writing."

Justin paused mid-sip. "You're not really though, right?" he said.

AJ laughed in his face. "When did you get so gullible, Timberlake?" he asked, draining his cup. "No, I've actually learned how to keep things on the down low in the past few years. Amazing, that. Just call, all right?"

He knew, though, that even if Justin didn't, he would, and for the exact same reasons that Justin probably was. There were some things that you just didn't talk about with your best friends, because they were just too close to it, but you didn't talk about them with strangers, either. And Justin was one of those few trustworthy people who was in between.

And dammit, he was starting to actually like the kid.


(4)

"Sorry," said AJ, ashing on the ground next to the car then lifting the cigarette to his lips again. "I'm a little busy right now." He knew Justin's protests would be coming before he'd said a word; the guy really didn't like to hear the word no. "Seriously, this isn't a brush off. I got a couple things here I've gotta finish."

He looked up and met Jerry's curious eyes as Justin spouted off another string of protests into his ear. That it wasn't a real job, that he had no obligation to be there, and couldn't he use a break anyway? He smiled and rolled his eyes; Jerry gave him a dubious smile in return. Justin didn't understand yet, not on a gut level, why AJ really did have to be here, but AJ thought maybe someday he would. So he put up with the tirade until Justin had to stop for a breath.

"I'll call you back," he cut in. "I gotta run. We'll hook up later." He disconnected the call before Justin could argue again and stuffed the cell phone back in his pocket. It wasn't even that Justin wanted to get together so badly -- AJ figured that Justin just expected him to say yes, sooner or later, and wasn't planning on giving up until he did.

"Who was that?" asked Jerry, tossing a wrench from hand to hand and cocking his head to the side curiously. "Not that Justin kid."

"Yeah, that Justin kid," said AJ with another roll of his eyes. "He wanted to get together today. I told him I had plans."

"I heard," said Jerry, rounding the car to join AJ beside the propped up hood. "That guy's trouble, AJ. How come he's calling you?"

"Cause I told him to." AJ snorted and watched Jerry's expression change from curiosity to surprise to suspicion out of the corner of his eye. "Long story."

"I'm sure it is," agreed Jerry. "Wondered why I hadn't seen you around in a few days. He's not harassing you, is it? Not making you do anything you don't want to be?"

AJ snorted and gestured vaguely at himself. "You really think someone like him -- hell, anyone -- could make me do something I don't want to?"

"Yeah, I do," said Jerry, his voice low and concerned. "Actually, I think it's very *likely* that someone could do that to you, if you weren't watching for it, which I'm not sure you are."

"I'm always watching for it," said AJ. He dropped his voice as well and narrowly avoided giving Jerry a knee-jerk response, in favour of actually considering what Jerry was saying. Thinking about it. It was what Jerry expected of him, on those occasions when he was there to listen, or offer advice, and AJ owed him no less than to at least try. "It wouldn't catch me by surprise again."

"Don't get *too* confident," said Jerry, though he visibly relaxed. "So what's up with that, then? Not often a person turns around from not wanting to be seen by someone to making plans with them."

AJ shrugged, helpless to explain it to him. Jerry helped him with so many things, but he didn't think this -- the love-hate relationship with your peers -- was something that could be explained to someone outside the business.

"Things just change, I guess," he said finally. "He understands a lot, even if he doesn't know he does. We've got a lot in common." At Jerry's raised eyebrows, he shook his head. "No, not like that, just ... he knows what the life is like."

"Well, if that's enough for you," said Jerry, and to his credit he didn't sound dubious, just accepting but protective. "Don't be surprised if I keep an eye on him, though."

AJ gave him and honest-to-god grin. "Wouldn't expect any less of you, Jer," he said. "Guy needs some watching anyway; he gets away with so much these days."

Jerry just grunted and sounded profoundly unsurprised. He trusted AJ's opinion on people, sure, but he also sized them up himself; if he'd pegged Justin as someone to watch then there was nothing AJ could do to dissuade him from that.

"I read stuff about him in the paper," he went on to say, though, just when AJ was getting ready to change the subject. "Doesn't really seem like the sort you'd want to be around is all."

AJ stilled for a moment, took a long drag of his cigarette as he decided how to react to that. He didn't know what paper Jerry'd read the story in, but they'd all pretty much said the same thing anyway. He should've been expecting Jerry to bring it up, but he hadn't been expecting it quite like this. Quite in this ... disdainful way.

"I hope you aren't talking about the gay thing," he said finally as he let the smoke out in a steady stream away from them. "I'd hate to find out now that you have a problem with that."

The long silence from Jerry did nothing to quell his worry that he'd finally hit upon something they couldn't manage to see eye to eye on. "No," Jerry said finally, though. "No, no, live and let live is how I see *that*. But cheating on his girl? That's pretty low."

AJ shook his head at him as he took a last drag then crushed the cigarette butt into the ashtray that Jerry kept out for him, rather than on the ground. "Don't believe everything you read," he reminded him. "You know better, after everything I told you."

"So you're saying he didn't cheat on her with guys?" confirmed Jerry

"I'm saying we don't know if he did or he didn't," said AJ, "but I can guarantee you that there's more to the story than hit the papers; there always is. Always. I may not think too much of him sometimes, but Justin's a decent guy. He's got class."

"Well, like I said, I'm gonna be watching," said Jerry gruffly, and AJ had no doubt whatsoever that he would be. But maybe with a little less antagonism than he would have been before they'd had this conversation.

"So I have a date tonight," said AJ, lighting another cigarette.

"With that same girl again?" asked Jerry, perking up again as AJ had known he would. He nodded. "I like her, she's a sweet thing. Where are you taking her?" He put the wrench down, finally, and showed no sign of getting back to work until AJ told him all about it.

"Making her dinner," he said, even knowing that Jerry was gonna hoot and holler and make a big deal out of that. But what would taking her out for a fancy dinner show her? He could afford to take her to eat any place in the world. This was one of the only ways he could make it special. And besides, it was easier to keep a low profile when you stayed close to home.

"Cooking!" whooped Jerry, predictably. "You *do* really like this one. What's her name again?"

"Sarah," said AJ obediently, ashing in the tray this time since Jerry was watching. "I dunno. She's nice enough, we'll see. The guys really like her, too."

"And she's clean," added Jerry. "That's a plus."

AJ nodded. That was how they'd met after all, but he didn't want that to be the only thing they had in common. Already he knew that something like that would keep them together for awhile, but not forever. But then again, he wasn't looking for forever.

"You should bring her by again some time," he said, running a dirty hand through his thick, brown hair. "I could get Lindy to cook us up a big dinner, get to know your Sarah a little better. See if she's good enough for you."

"First my mother, then you," joked AJ, "between the two of you you're gonna scare her away before I even get the chance with her!"

"Nah, nah, I'm a pussycat," said Jerry. "Any time, AJ, you know you're both welcome."

"I know," he said, stubbing out his second cigarette and resisting the urge to light another. There was no reason he should be needing one, talking about Sarah. But still ... she was the first girlfriend he'd had since getting sober, and it was a whole new ballgame. "And we'll take you up on it some time. Let's just let her get a little more comfortable first."

Jerry was nodding at him when they both heard the phone ring faintly from inside. "Shit," he said, "gotta get that. Hold that thought, would you?"

"I've just gotta finish changing these sparkplugs anyway," said AJ, waving him into the building. "I won't be long. I'll meet you inside." Jerry gave him a nod as he dashed in, the door slamming shut behind him. A moment later AJ bent over the car again, for the time being happy to be exactly where he was.


(5)

"So this is the place, is it?"

AJ leaned against the wall and crossed his arms over his chest and surveyed the room. The house was just about exactly what he would have expected from Justin. A little too organized, a little too fake, a lot too showy. He bet Justin had a room somewhere that was strewn with clothes and CDs and magazines, where he spent all his time. Like all of them, 90% of him was for appearances.

"What, something wrong with it?" said Justin defensively, flipping on lights as he led the way inside. Or thought he was leading the way anyway, except AJ wasn't following. Finally he turned around. "What, already?"

"Just getting a sense of the place," he said, looking it over again. It was too white, too. "Where's the piano?"

"You're in my house for the first time and all you can ask is 'where's the piano'? That's fucked up."

"I'm a musician," said AJ, pushing himself away from the wall. "Of course I want to see your piano. You do have one, right?" Though of course Justin had one.

"Of course I have one," said Justin, and AJ smirked, finally following him down the hallway. "What do you take me for? That's just weird. What, are you just going to look at it or something?"

"Or something," said AJ as Justin flipped on the lights in what was presumably his music room. It was spacious, and there was a grand piano -- white -- right in the middle. "You can tell a lot about a person from their piano." He walked up to it without hesitation and ran a finger along the top, studying it for a long time. "You don't play, do you," he said finally, and it wasn't a question.

"How did you ... ?" Justin blurted out before arranging his face into a neutral -- no, skeptical -- expression again. "There's no way to tell that from just looking at a piano."

"It looks like you bought it to match your house. And it's dusty. You might want to tell your housekeeper about that."

Justin scowled at him. "So what else does my piano tell you about me?" he snapped at him, but AJ noticed he ran his own finger along it to check for dust. "Besides. I play guitar."

"Right," said AJ. "Well ... it tells me you're not afraid to spend your money. And that at least you have good taste. Well, let's see the guitar then."

"Oh," said Justin, looking startled at the request. "Oh, well, it's up in my room. I was working on this thing, and ... "

AJ waved off the rest of the explanation. "Nevermind," he said with a grin. "That tells me everything I need to know."

"Does it," said Justin, no more a question than AJ's comment on his piano playing abilities had been. "What, you think I'm lying to you or something? That I don't even own a guitar?"

"Nah," said AJ, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at his defensiveness. Not the he could blame him really; he probably had people doubting that very fact every day. "Saw the look in your eyes when you said it. I know that look. That what you compose your stuff on?"

Justin stared at him and blinked a few times and AJ wondered when he was gonna get over it already and realize that AJ didn't cling to any media-constructed notions of him. That AJ hadn't really spent a lot of time thinking too hard about who Justin Timberlake was, until they met.

"So," AJ said finally. "What's a guy got to do to get something cold to drink around here? You must have iced tea somewhere, if nothing else."

"I don't," said Justin right away, snapping out of it just like that. "I dunno. I'll show you the kitchen. I'm sure I'll have something. I wasn't exactly expecting company, you know."

"Then you shouldn't have invited me over," said AJ, letting Justin lead the way back through the house. A guy could get lost in a place like this, if he didn't have a pretty palatial home of his own. "No matter how bored you were."

"Yeah, starting to realize that," said Justin, flipping the kitchen light on even though sunlight was streaming in through the large windows. "Just grab whatever you want." He pointed AJ toward the fridge and, like the good host he was, sat down in his breakfast nook and stared out the window into his backyard.

AJ stared at the contents of the fridge for a moment, then carefully avoided the rows of beer on the middle shelf and reached for a bottle of lemonade that had been shoved to the back behind the jug of water and the ketchup, probably long forgotten. He already had half of it drained before he kicked the fridge shut and sat down with Justin at the table.

"I don't usually play when I'm writing stuff," Justin said, out of the blue. "Me and Wade, we usually just mess around with lyrics and stuff, and I sing. And he tries to sing, but ... " He made a face, and AJ laughed knowingly. "I mean, he's not *bad*, he's just ... "

"Not you?"

"Something like that," muttered Justin, staring out the window again. He wasn't a small guy, but he looked almost too small for the house. The wide open spaces of it diminished him, and as he sprawled over the kitchen table looking out the window, he almost looked like a child playing at being a grown-up. "When I play, it's just usually for fun."

"Yeah, okay," he said easily. "I get that. When you make music for a living, it's nice to keep a piece of it that's just fun."

"I've thought about doing something else though," Justin went on, getting a bit more animated. "Like ... playing clubs or something where I can play my guitar and do a different kind of music and everything I did wouldn't have to be done by committee." AJ snickered. "What? I could do that."

"Oh, I know you could," said AJ, taking a sip of the lemonade to keep from making any other rude noises. "I know exactly how it would happen, as a matter of fact. And I don't think you'd like it as much as you think you would."

"Oh, you're so sure of that, are you?" said Justin, his voice a mixture of disbelief and sadness. AJ hated that the sadness was there, but he understood where it came from better than most. "It would be new. It would be different. It might get me some respect."

"And it might not," said AJ, draining the rest of his drink. "Look. Justin. I'm not trying to burst your bubble here ... but been there, done that. And it's not all it's cracked up to be." Justin just stared at him. "Sorry," he added. "Wish I had something better to tell you."

"It might be different for me," he protested. "I mean, no offense, but -- "

"But you're Justin Timberlake?" He didn't even wait for Justin to acknowledge that. "That'll probably just make it harder. I mean ... you've got to know that the kind of people who would go to a show like that are the kind of people who want to see you fail."

"That's a really shitty thing to say."

"It's a really shitty truth," countered AJ. "I'm not saying don't do it, Justin. I just saying I have some experience in the area, and that's probably how it'll go down. Right now, anyway. Who knows about ten years from now? You might be lead singer of some queer thrashpunk band."

Justin snickered and nodded his head a little at that, and tapped his fingers against the table.

"Here's the thing," AJ continued, "and I know you know this Justin, but sometimes it makes things clearer when someone says it out loud. If you're not ready for something about you or something you love to be trashed by people ... don't put it out there for them to have that chance."

Justin nodded again, and was obviously thinking about it. Or possibly just staring at the table, but AJ figured that "thinking about it" was the more likely of the two possibilities.

"Well," he said finally. "Whatever. It's just a thought right now anyway. But at least I can show *you* what I can do. If you're interested." He angled his head toward the staircase and was obviously waiting for a response.

AJ drained the last few drops out of his bottle of lemonade and got up from the table to slide the empty bottle onto the counter. "Well?" he said as he turned back. "Lead the way."


(6)

"Aren't you a little worried about being seen here with me?" asked AJ, letting his two little dogs pull him along the path through the park.

Justin took a couple quick steps to catch up, then easily matched AJ's stride. "Aren't you a little worried about seeing with me?"

"Not really," said AJ dismissively. "I'm the more recognizable one." At the moment it was even true. He was wearing a short-sleeved shirt and sunglasses, practically his signature look; Justin, though, was in a hoody with a ball cap over his curls, looking pretty much like the average guy.

Justin didn't kick up a fuss at the slight, just gave him a derisive snort. "You know what I meant. Two guys, walking a pair of dogs in the park, one of them recently outed, more or less, in the national media ... looks pretty cozy."

"And still hinges on you being recognized," AJ pointed out, "which brings us back to square one again. I think we're pretty safe. Not that you seemed overly worried in the first place -- not afraid of adding a little fuel to the fire surrounding your alleged sexuality?"

Justin just shrugged and didn't answer, all in all a pretty healthy response. Because there wasn't anything he could do about it that hadn't already been done. People were always going to speculate, whether you gave them much reason to or not.

"Well, your choice," said AJ finally, when Justin's silence lengthened. He'd thought he would say something; if there was one thing he figured Justin loved, it was the sound of his own voice. "Can't say I mind the company." He shrugged and fell into a companionable silence himself. It wouldn't do him any harm to be seen with Justin anyway. There wasn't much that could do him harm anymore.

"Well, that's good, considering you invited me," snorted Justin, tugging on his hood and looking from side to side.

"I come here all the time," AJ pointed out, pulling Justin's hand away from his hood. "The novelty has worn off already. No one's gonna take notice of us. The key to a happy life is living in a neighborhood where no one gives a fuck."

"Liar," scoffed Justin, though he did visibly relax, slouching and stuffing his hands into his pockets. "You have a dozen keys to a happy life, and all of them contradict each other."

"Not all of them," AJ disagreed, tugging on the leash a little as the dogs tried to run ahead of them, after something that rustled in the bushes. "Only some of them. And life is full of contradictions, Justin, get used to it." Not that Justin wasn't used to that already; he was young, but his naivete was long lost.

"Yeah, I am a contradiction," said Justin, "and so are you. And so's everyone I know. That part of life isn't exactly a mystery to me. But don't you have only have one key, that's the most important thing to making you happy?"

"Well, no," said AJ, turning his head to the side to be able to read Justin's expressions better. He mulled it over, trying to extend the analogy, but language wasn't exactly one of his strengths. "It's like ... lots of keys to lots of different doors, but they all lead to the same place."

Justin looked amused, not exactly what AJ had been going for. But then he just nodded and looked forward again, down the path that curved into a grove of trees just ahead. "Is that something they teach you, when you're recovering, or something?""Is it so hard to believe that I might have an original thought sometimes?"

"When it involves an extended metaphor about keys and doors and the meaning of life? Yeah, kinda," said Justin, kicking at the dirt on the path. "Sounds like you're paraphrasing something someone told you once."

"Well," said AJ, reluctant to admit the truth of that. To Justin, at least. "Paraphrase or not, it's how I feel about it. And you did ask, so don't get all pissy over the answer."

"I'm not pissy," said Justin indignantly, and unsurprisingly. "How's it you're the only one who's allowed to be right, here, anyway? It was just a question. Like, that's a huge part of your life and stuff. So I figured it was okay to ask."

"Well, of course it's okay," said AJ grudgingly, knowing that was probably how he should have reacted in the first place. But hey, he didn't always do the right thing, that was life. "Just not okay to assume. I think we can agree on that?"

"All right, deal," said Justin, swinging his hand around to shake without even looking. AJ took it anyway and shook it firmly. "You know, it's like ... every day something reminds me of what happened with me and Britney, and I keep wondering what life's gonna be like now, how different it's gonna be. And I guess it reminds me of what it used to be like, too. Reminds me of all those things I'm trying not to think about now. Is it like that for you? Only, with your stuff?"

"Deep thoughts," snorted AJ, wondering just where they'd come from. It wasn't as much of a mystery just how they managed to be directed toward him, though. "Yeah, it's kinda the same, I guess. What made you think about that?"

Justin pointed indiscreetly. "Well, see that couple there?" he said, waggling his finger at two people holding hands. "That girl ... well, I thought she was a guy for a minute, what with the short hair and flat chest." AJ grunted and Justin cleared his throat politely. "Anyway. So I thought it was two guys holding hands. And suddenly I wondered what that was going to be like."

AJ lowered his sunglasses to give him a look, his other hand firm on the leashes. "Something you're thinking about doing soon, Timberlake?" he asked. "I thought the whole idea of refuting that story was so that you wouldn't be outed."

"Oh, it was," said Justin quickly. "It was. But someday ... it won't matter."

"Hate to break it to you, but -- "

"I know, I know," Justin interrupted him. "It'll always matter. It'll always make a difference. I just mean ... someday, it'll be entirely my choice."

"It's not your choice now?"

Justin gave him a disbelieving, almost scornful look. "I can't believe you just asked that," he scoffed, kicking at the dirt again. Looking at the ground. "Of course it's not my choice. The only thing I choose these days is my own underwear."

"Maybe you should think a little harder about why you're letting people do that to you."

"Oh, don't," snapped Justin. "Just don't, AJ, don't play stupid and don't play pop psychologist. You know exactly what it's like, for me, when it comes to that. You know exactly how much control I have."

"You're right, I do, more or less," AJ agreed. "And it's probably more than you think." He shushed Justin's immediate protests with a wave of his hand. "No, no, I know all about the kind of stuff that's written into your contract. But there are a lot of things that you can still choose that'll ... well, change your life. Either way."

"You didn't choose rehab," Justin pointed out. "If that's what you're getting at."

AJ shook his head at him. "Of course I did," he said, stopping and tugging on the leash just hard enough that the dogs turned around to look at him questioningly. "Rehab doesn't do a damn thing for you unless you choose it, no matter how well-meaning the people are that put you there." He gestured at a picnic table, in the shade of a large tree, then started leading them to it.

"It's just hard, wanting something," said Justin, sitting down on the table without further prompting. "Like ... guys. And knowing you can't have it."

"There's very little you can tell me about craving something you can't have that I'm not already intimately familiar with," said AJ. He patted his pocket for a cigarette before realizing that he'd left them in his jacket back at his house. With a scowl, he curled his fingers around the edge of the picnic table and tried not to think about it. "Everything I look at reminds me, too."

"Like what?" asked Justin, with the innocent curiosity of someone who just didn't know what he was asking. "What do you see right now that reminds you?"

AJ almost didn't answer, almost ignored the question, except apparently they had a pact now, to always answered each other's questions whether they liked them or not. "Your shirt," he said finally. "Reminds me of a fancy bottle of sambuca I used to have. Empty, of course, the first night I bought it. But I always kept that bottle." He looked around again, memories jumping out at him. "The way the grass moves," he said, "when the wind blows across it, it's like the way my head would spin when I'd just gotten a good buzz on. And the leaves ... " He stared at the patch of fallen, long-since yellowed leaves on the ground beneath them. "They're the color of whiskey."

Justin was silent for a long time; AJ could barely even hear him breathing beside him. Right when he was about to suggest moving on, however, Justin finally spoke. "How do you cope?" he asked quietly. "How? With all of these things around you?"

AJ turned and gave him a tight smile. "I work on cars," he said. "You ready to start heading back?"

There was another long silence before Justin nodded and hopped off the table. "It's not like I don't date," he said as they started back up the path, and AJ knew perfectly well it wasn't the non sequitur it seemed. Justin's mind worked that way, making connections without always verbalizing them.. "It's not like I don't find guys to be with. That's the kind of choice you're talking about, right? That's the kind of choice I do make."

"Yes, exactly."

"They may not like it, but they can't stop me from doing it."

"Do the things that make you happy," agreed AJ, vastly relieved at the turn of the conversation. And, he had to admit, relieved that Justin did understand, and that maybe there was someone who'd make the right choices in the first place. "Do the things that make you whole. That's what I'm talking about, Justin. Yeah. That's the spirit."


(7)

"I almost feel like I know this place already," said Sarah, "the way you've talked about it. Hard to believe I've never been here before."

The truth was, she wouldn't have been there *now*, except he'd stayed late and almost missed their date and before he could really protest, she was on her way to meet him. This place used to be so separate from the rest of his life. Now it was first Justin, then Sarah ... what next? A fuckin' MTV crew?

"There's not much to see, really," he said, reaching for her hand and pulling her close, keeping her from wandering away. "The lot, the garage, the office ... there isn't even a glamorous showroom. Probably pretty boring, for someone who doesn't like cars."

"Maybe," she admitted, smiling suggestively at him, "but *you're* here. And that's what matters most to *me*." She leaned in closer, on her tip-toes, and planted a soft kiss on his lips. "Is Jerry around, or do we have the place to ourselves?"

"He's gone home for the night," admitted AJ, suspecting he knew where she was going with that. He gave her a wicked little smile. "Why? Got something in mind?"

"Oh, really?" she said, the disappointment in her voice a surprise. "I was gonna say hi, talk about a few things with him. Well, maybe another time."

"Right, another time," echoed AJ flatly, letting his smile fade but not letting it disappear completely. "You were planning to come by again?" He hoped his voice reflected only his surprise and none of the less welcoming things he was feeling.

"Well, sure," she said with a guileless smile. "I really like him, honey, and he's a wonderful influence on you. It's hard to even believe sometimes I'm talking to the same person I met nine months ago."

Sometimes AJ felt the same way, and wondered what had happened to the wild party girl he'd met back then, who he'd made a clean break with when he went into rehab. The woman he'd gotten back together with three months later -- who'd decided to sober up alongside him -- was a different person entirely.

"He's a good friend," agreed AJ, well aware of his careful wording. "I haven't had enough of those in my life."

"But that's all changing," she said, so confidently that AJ almost wanted to disagree with her, just to be contrary. But at least he *recognized* it would have just been contrariness and not his actual feelings on the subject. "I think it's been really a key for you to find your friends outside the industry. To not get caught up in that scene again."

AJ immediately though of Justin and was shaking his head before he knew it, when once he would have just agreed. "I think," he said slowly, "it's more finding the right people, within the industry. The ones that aren't part of the whole scene. They are out there."

"You wouldn't have said that a couple months ago," she noted with a firm, if pretty, frown. "What made you change your mind about that?"

"Well, there's me, to start," he said, trailing his fingers casually up her bare arm as he spoke. "So there are bound to be others. Some who've been through the same things I have and some who just never got into it in the first place."

"AJ," she said with a soft sigh, "we've talked about this. You and I have talked about this and you talked about this in rehab and I'm sure you've talked about this with Jerry, too. Are you sure you know what you're doing?"

"I didn't say I was *doing* anything," he retorted, still stroking her arm. "But in theory, it doesn't have to be a bad thing."

"You wouldn't have said anything if it was a theory."

He would have, actually; despite the amount of time the two of them had spent talking about things, there was still a lot she just didn't understand about him. In this case, though, she was right.

"Justin Timberlake."

"What about him?"

"I've been spending some time with him," he clarified, lifting his hand to run it through her hair from the nape of her neck. "He's a good guy."

"Oh honey," she said, and to him she sounded disappointed in spite of her gentle tone. "I'm not saying you're wrong, but ... wasn't he the one who made the news for something or other just a little while ago? Sleeping around? Partying?"

"It wasn't like that," said AJ, less mildly than he would have liked. "You know those stories are only ever half-true. At *best*."

"It's that half I worry about," she admitted, touching his face. "You know I don't want to see you ... hurt. By trusting the wrong people. You're still so ... "

"You're going to have to trust me," he interrupted her. And that was the end of it -- he knew what he was doing, and he was happy with how things were, and there was nothing Sarah could, or should, say to him to change that. To make sure she didn't pursue it, he leaned in and kissed her firmly.

That, finally, changed her reactions to him. She licked her lips when he pulled away and gave him an entirely different sort of smile. "So you said Jerry's already gone for the night, right?"

"Right," he confirmed, matching her smile. This, at least, made the visit worthwhile, made the fact that his sanctuary had been breached a little easier to take. His hand sank through her hair again then trailed down the back of her dress. "Of course, there's no saying he won't stop by to check on things ... "

"Well, then," she replied with devious practicality, "we'll just have to make it quick." Her hands were already trailing down the front of his shirt, reaching for his fly, and AJ was ready for them to be. Just holding her for that long, even talking about Justin, of all things, had left him hard.

As she worked quickly to undo the buttons of his jeans, he brought one hand up to cup her breast, squeezing gently. She didn't seen to need any more prompting than that to slide AJ's jeans down -- easily -- to mid-thigh, and guide his other hand down from her waist to the hem of her short dress. She left her hand atop his to not-so-subtly encourage him to start moving back upwards again, lifting her dress as he went.

"You planned this?" he asked in surprise when he found no elastic where he expected to find one, no fabric covering her at all.

"I thought it might be a nice surprise."

He let his fingers brush over her, then slipped between her thighs, spreading her growing wetness. It was unlikely he'd been able to get her this turned on in so short a time, another clue she'd come here with certain ... expectations. And as she'd already begun stroking him with clear purpose, he certainly didn't object.

They moved together until her back was pressed flat up against the car door, and she looked very happy to be there, spreading her legs even wider for him. It wasn't long before he needed to take his hand off her breast and use it to hike the other side of her dress up. She was reacting to his signals swiftly, letting go of him and wrapping one leg around him so all he had let to do was slide into her body.

She threw her head back as he pushed inside and dug her fingers into his forearms. He knew how she wanted this -- how she always wanted it when she started things the way she had -- and let go of her dress to grasp her wrists and hold them firmly over her head. She moaned loudly enough to attract the attention of anyone nearby, but thankfully there was no one's attention to be gotten.

Balanced securely against the car, he began to thrust inside her, baring his teeth and gripping her tightly. She ground her body against his in return, dropping her head forward again to rest against his shoulder. He could feel the tension in her body as her one leg pulled him tighter to her.

AJ was pretty sure she came first, sinking her teeth into his shoulder and struggling to free her wrists so she could claw at his back, but he was right behind her -- at least in part thanks to that same biting and clawing.

He rested his own head against her shoulder in return and stood panting for a moment as he slipped back out of her body again and she dropped her leg. "Thanks," she murmured, just barely audible, and reached down to unsnag her skirt from between them so it fell covering her again. "Lemme help you ... "

She reached into AJ's pocket and dug out a slightly tattered tissue to clean him up with, then tugged his pants back up again and buttoned them for him. He wondered in the back of his mind if he should have offered her the same treatment, but his head hadn't quite stopped swimming yet. And really, she didn't seem to need it nor expect it.

"Do you need a ride to the restaurant?"

He finally recovered enough to answer her. "No, I have my car here, how about I meet you there?" He looked down at his jeans and his grease-stained shirt. "And I'll want to change first anyway."

She nodded and smiled and leaned forward to give him a lingering kiss. "Don't be long," was all she said before fixing her dress and heading back to her own car.

AJ rubbed his trembling hands against his thighs until he'd wiped the sweat from them, then headed into the office where he kept a clean set of clothes for just such an occasion. He really was looking forward to going out with her, despite his initial reaction to her arrival. Then maybe afterward he would give Justin a call.


(8)

"So what happens if I touch this?" asked Justin. AJ turned to see what the kid was poking at now and gave Justin's hand a swift smack. "Ow! What?"

"You'll burn yourself. Don't touch that. Haven't you ever seen under the hood of a -- " When he raised his eyes to Justin's face, though, he saw a faint smirk, even as Justin nursed his stinging hand. "Oh, fuck off," AJ muttered, tempted to smack him again.

"Hey, I thought you got off on knowing more than me," Justin teased mildly once it was clear he was busted, sucking at his knuckles. "I was doing you a favour."

"You can just keep your favours to yourself," AJ told him, unlatching the rod and reaching up to pull down the hood. "Watch your fingers, or they're gonna hurt a whole lot more in a second." Justin yanked his hands back like that warning was something he'd heard many times before.

AJ really didn't know how people always managed to show up right while he was up to his elbows in the engine of a car, but he supposed it beat having them show up while he was underneath one. He was was less vulnerable when more than his feet were showing.

"So," he asked a moment later when Justin stayed silent, watching. "Learn anything?"

"Just that you know what you're doing," he replied, for once not getting defensive when admitting someone else actually knew more than him about something. "I'm still not sure you should have pulled that rod-thingy out, though ... "

AJ snorted at him and pushed the hood the rest of the way closed. "Of course I know what I'm doing," he said. "Your car's still running, ain't it? No pieces falling off all over the road on you?"

"Oh, no, no," said Justin quite sincerely. "I love that little car." He laughed as though that still came as a surprise and shook his head in disbelief. "I drive it all the time, it's great. All my life I wanted big and flashy, and now that it comes down to it I'd rather drive down the highway in total anonymity. I even had that baby out at the coast yesterday."

"Whereabouts?" AJ asked curiously, turning around and resting against the front bumper of the car. "What the hell? Just out for a drive or something?"

"I had ... company, the other night," said Justin discreetly, making a vague gesture so that AJ knew *exactly* what he meant by that. "From out of town. I figured, what the hell, and gave him a ride home."

"You picked someone up and then decided to go for a day trip out of town to take him home? Are you nuts?"

"Which part are you surprised by?" said Justin, looking just amused again. Not upset or defensive or anything, just amused. "That I went to that trouble, or that I picked up a guy a couple of nights ago?"

AJ snapped his mouth shut and stared down at his feet. "None of my business what you do in bed," he said after a moment. "And it's your business how discreet you are, too. But that *is* going a little out of your way, taking someone home, after."

"Well, I figured what the hell," said Justin with a little shrug and a satisfied smile. "I was feeling good and it was a nice day and it was good to get out of here for a while, even if it wasn't far."

Well, AJ could understand that, at least, the need to get away from everyone and everything for a while. "He must've been some lay."

"He was," said Justin, *definitely* looking satisfied, and distant, for a moment. Then he shook his head to clear it and gave AJ a grin. "It's been a while. You wouldn't understand. So yeah, point being, the car's still my baby. Great choice."

"Well, I guess I know how to pick 'em as well as fix 'em," mused AJ, relaxing against the bumper again and crossing his arms over his chest. "And you know, it is possible that I do understand. Sometimes there are things in life that get so big that they cloud out some of your basic needs and wants, and they just need to be rediscovered." Justin snickered and AJ flinched. "What?"

"You wanna try that again without reading from the textbook?" Justin suggested. "I mean, sure, you're right, but ... "

"I wasn't," muttered AJ, shooting him a glare out of the corner of his eye. It wasn't his fault other people had already said it better than he could.

"No, no, I know, sorry," said Justin, not sounding sorry at all. "But still. Saying things from your own head means more, I think. Means you get it better. *Processed* it and integrated it, instead of just spouting it off like law."

"Yeah, and *now* who's reading from the textbook," said AJ, elbowing his side. "Seriously, though. Good for you. A guy needs to get laid, once in a while."

"I don't need to be congratulated for having sex, you know," said Justin. "Condescending fucker." But there was no malice behind it and, in fact, Justin still mostly just looked satisfied. "So you got plans for this weekend or are you still pretty much doing nothing?"

"I don't do *nothing*," argued AJ. "Though no, I don't happen to have plans yet. I might, though. Why? Are you just taunting me or did you have something in mind?"

"I have this friend, this singer," said Justin. "Performing in a club this weekend. Thought you might be interested, and he could use the audience. I mean ... if you still go to clubs. Do you still go to clubs?"

"I still go to clubs," said AJ blandly, "if I have good reason to. This guy any good?"

"He's good," said Justin with a nod, looking down for a moment and smiling to himself again. The guy clearly had pretty good memories from the other night he was still enjoying reliving. "Just not big. Yet. You should hear him."

"Well, if I'm free," AJ said vaguely, running through all the things he could possibly be doing and coming up with pretty much nothing. And the club probably wouldn't be *too* bad; Justin would be there and he had okay taste in music, most of the time. And truth be told, he was getting pretty sick of doing nothing, even though Sarah thought it was really good, that he was taking some time to himself, away from the industry. Everyone seemed to think that, actually.

"Good, thanks," said Justin. "You won't regret it. And hey, you might even have fun. When's the last time you did *that*?"

Well, it was one thing for AJ to think that to himself. It was another entirely to have someone say it to him. "And how do *you* know that I don't?"

"You always seem to be free to get together with me whenever," Justin said with a shrug. "Everything we've done's been pretty much around my schedule. Figured you couldn't be doing much at *all* if you can get away with that, vacation or not."

"I don't just see you, you know."

"Sure, right, of course," said Justin. "Whenever I'm busy, you go find something else to do, I get it."

AJ was about read to snap when he saw that telltale smirk on Justin's face again, the one he couldn't quite hide even though he probably *thought* he was doing a good job. "Fucker," he muttered under his breath, but he couldn't keep an embryonic smile from appearing on his own face. "And they say *I* have an ego."

"Everyone has an ego," said Justin, finally snickering out loud. "You just gotta figure out what triggers bring it out. Some people, takes almost nothin', though."

"Yeah, and I think I've met most of them," muttered AJ. "But seriously, I actually do have something to do this afternoon. Just this meeting -- informal -- with the guys. Supposed to go pick up Howie in about half an hour or so, meet Kevin and Brian over there."

"Wow, you mean you *do* work?" joked Justin. "I was beginning to wonder if you were just gonna get Jerry to hire you on here full time or something."

"Let it alone," said AJ. He tried not to make it sound too serious, make it sound like he had some kind of emotional investment in Justin not joking around about that, but from the look on Justin's face he hadn't entirely succeeded. But at least Justin stopped. "Yes, I *work*. There is such a thing as taking a break, you know, even if you guys don't seem to know the meaning of the word."

"Soon," said Justin, giving AJ a look of exaggerated weariness. Which, really, might not have been so exaggerated. Nsync may not have been on tour just yet, but they were keeping busy, and AJ knew better than anyone what kind of stress Justin was under on top of that, too. "We're definitely taking a real break soon. This summer."

"Yeah, well, don't collapse before then or anything."

"Not my style," said Justin, the smile returning to his face again. "I was gonna meet with Mark -- that my friend, the singer -- today anyway. I have a couple producers I want to introduce him to, think they'd work well together. And I have an ear for that kind of thing."

That wasn't ego this time, AJ knew. That was pretty much just fact. "So this Mark guy ... just a friend? Or a *friend*?"

Justin stared at him, and right when AJ was about to just tell him to forget it, Justin laughed right in his face. "Oh man, are you serious?" he asked. "You think I'd be that obscure about it with you of all people? After telling you about fucking some guy a couple nights ago?"

"You don't have to be an ass about it. I was just asking."

"Well then no, I'm not sleeping with him, he's just a friend. Which is exactly what I told you he was."

"Oh, don't," said AJ impatiently, patting his pockets to find his smokes, only to remember he didn't have any on him. He ground his teeth to avoid pointing out that Justin had referred to his latest fuck as "company" not fifteen minutes ago. "You know why I'd ask. Most people use euphemisms like that to refer to thing they aren't comfortable talking about -- "

"Put. The textbook. Away," said Justin again, rolling his eyes again. Sometimes AJ really had to regret that Justin had somehow come to that level of comfort with him.

"Is it so fucking hard to believe that I'm just telling you what I think?"

"Maybe if you didn't use words like "euphemism", I might," said Justin. "Don't try to analyse me, AJ. I wasn't using any euphemisms. Mark's a friend. Just like you're a friend. Ain't nothing gonna happen there."

"Fine, fine, I get it," said AJ, raising his hands in surrender. "Forget I ever asked."

Justin was actually quiet for a moment, like that surrender was what he'd been waiting for. "Well, better you ask than assume, I guess," he said grudgingly. Finally. "So you need to get out of here, then?"

"Yeah," said AJ, glancing at his watch. "Howie'll panic if I'm late. I don't need a shower, do I? I don't think I have the time."

Justin actually leaned in and sniffed at his neck, then shrugged and shook his head. "Nah. You smell like ... man. Nothing funky. You're good."

"Man," repeated AJ, and snorted before pushing himself away from the car. "All right then. Call me about this weekend?"

Justin knew when it was time to leave, and pushed himself away, too, glancing at his own watch for just a second. "Yeah, I will," he said. "Or you could call me, when you know. With any luck I'll be in the studio with Mark tomorrow, but I'll have my cell phone."

"Never doubted it," said AJ, starting to strip off his coveralls. Justin patted his pocket, showing just where the cell phone was like AJ needed proof if its existence, then turn to go without making a production of it.

AJ kept watching him, though, as he rounded the building to where he'd parked his car. Watched him until he was out of sight.


(Interlude 2)


The End Of The (Pop) World As We Know It
Gary Simms, staff writer

Is this the end for the Backstreet Boys? It's a question that's been asked many times before, but each time the Boys have come through for their fans, emerging with a new CD, a new video, a new something to keep the momentum going. Can they do it again?

Reports have the Boys spread out to the four corners of the earth in terms of how varied their individual projects have been, and there have been only the faintest rumblings of a new album in the near future, let alone a new tour.

Kevin Richardson and Howie Dorough have both shown up in various parts of the country, doing appearances to support their respective charities. Only rarely have any of their bandmates joined them to show their support.

Brian Littrell has been on set with his wife (aspiring actress Leighanne Littrell) more often than not. AJ McLean, made notorious by his stint in rehab last year, seems to have gone underground, surfacing only a handful of times and never with his bandmates. One has to wonder just what he's up to, so far from the public eye, and whether his addiction problems are going to resurface along with him.

But it's Nick Carter, the youngest of the Boys, who's the biggest enigma right now. There was talk about a solo project for a while, but in the last few weeks, Nick Carter seems to have dropped off the face of the planet. Either there's a big, secret project in the works, or this Boy is down for the count.

So what does it all add up to? The shelf life of a pop group grows shorter and shorter with each group of fresh faces that shows up on the charts; too much time out of the public eye spells disaster. Whether that's a fate that will befall the Backstreet Boys, only time will tell.


For Spears, Life Goes On
By Mary Blackwelder
Contributing writer/The Times-Picayune

Mere weeks after her much-publicized split with 'Nsync front man Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears has put herself back on the market. Recently she has spotted around town on the arm of a new man, identified only as a member of her tour. There was no mistaking the fact that the pair were something more than friends.

In a recent, surprisingly candid interview with MTV, Spears talked about her new world tour, plans for her album, and life after Justin Timberlake. It was refreshing to see a genuine not-a-girl-not-yet-a-woman emerge from the pop icon façade. It's hard for anyone to cope with the end of their first serious relationship, let alone do it with the world watching. Spears seems to be doing it with grace and maturity, and admitting the difficulty of it at the same time as she takes her first tentative steps forward.

Surprisingly absent from the interview, however, was any mention of the storm of controversy that surrounded the breakup, which mostly centered on Justin's alleged extra-curricular relationships with members of the same sex. In recent weeks not only has Justin not been connected to any new love interest -- not all that much of a surprise given the many projects currently demanding his attention -- but he's barely surfaced at all, even in connection with those same projects. Both things only lend credibility to the accusations, rightfully or not.

When asked about the subject, in a separate interview, Britney said only, "That's Justin's business. He's still a friend and he's dear to my heart, but it's not my business to talk about his personal life, not anymore."

Surprising many of her critics, the break-up seems to have given Britney a new view of her life and her fame. Still the always-fashionable pop star, she has not only demonstrated a broader perspective in recent days but is showing signs of greater discretion. Britney may be a woman sooner than she thinks.


BLIND ITEM #2

Which teen hearthrob, who recently parted ways with his equally famous girlfriend, was spotted dancing up a storm at a gay Florida nightclub? Observers have the pretty young thing getting hot and heavy with another man on the edge of the dance floor before disappearing into the bathroom for a lot longer than it takes to drain the lake, if you know what I mean.



(9)

"Listen," said AJ, tucking the phone between his shoulder and his ear so he could use both hands to round a sharp corner. "I'm not going to be able to make it to your friend's thing tomorrow after all. I have somewhere else I need to be."

"Aw, damn," came Justin's voice after a moment, the slight quaver in it telling AJ there was probably some pleading and possibly guilt tripping coming up. "Are you sure you can't do it some other time? Mark's only doing the one show and all ... "

"Sorry, kid," said AJ, "it's kinda important. We'll have to do something another time. After the weekend, I'm gonna be busy until Monday. "He hoped that sounded final enough; the last thing he needed was to have to fight with Justin about this at all, let alone when he was driving.

"Well, where do you have to be?" asked Justin, unexpectedly coming at him from another angle. "Maybe I can just come with you."

"it's just not that easy," AJ cut in, taking another corner just a little too fast. "I'm going to see Nick,"

"Okay, two things," said Justin after a momentary pause. "First, is there a really good reason I can't go with you? You said you didn't care who knew we were hanging out. And second ... since when can't you put off going to hang out with Carter?"

"I'm going to see Nick in Arizona."

"What the hell's he doing there?" Justin spouted off immediately, not taking even a moment to think about it. "Arizona? Huh. Hey, isn't that where you ... ? Oh."

It was a little like putting two and two together to get five, but it was the right conclusion anyway. Until that moment, AJ hadn't even been entirely sure Justin knew where it was he'd gone to rehab, couldn't remember ever telling him, even though it hadn't been much of a secret. Had thought maybe he'd have to spell the whole situation out, but thankfully it wasn't unfolding that way.

Justin fell silent, and AJ imagined that a lot of things were suddenly becoming clear. Not the least of which being why AJ -- why all of them, really -- seemed to have too much time on their hands.

"It's hushed up," he responded finally. "For a lot of reasons. Once Nick gets out, he can make the choice himself if he wants to talk about it or not. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't even tell your guys, just this once."

"Yeah," said Justin, surprisingly agreeable. Despite getting to know Justin, and despite knowing the industry all too well, AJ still had the absurd idea in his head that the Nsync guys were the type to get together for slumber parties and tell each other all their secrets. "Yeah. Shit. I had no idea. He doing all right?"

It was a pleasant surprise, that that had been the first thing Justin asked. "He's coping," said AJ, as honestly as he could. He really didn't know anything beyond that "He says he's finally ready to see me, so I have to go."

Justin fell silent again, and AJ suddenly started to dread the next words out of his mouth. After such a good start he didn't want to see him backslide, ask again if he couldn't put it off for a week. No, he wasn't going to put Nick off, not for anyone.

"So you're sure I can't keep you company?" he ended up saying, though.

AJ laughed, not sure if he was more relieved or genuinely amused. He knew, though, that at least part of him was grateful. "Let's give him a little time to get used to the *idea* of us being friends first, okay? Maybe next time."

Justin fell into another long silence. If they'd been together, AJ could have at least made an attempt to read his expression; as it was, he could only push, or wait. He waited.

"You worried about him?"

"Course I'm worried about him," AJ snapped instantly. "What do you think?"

"Anything I can do to help?"

It was AJ who fell silent that time at Justin's tentative interruption, already regretting snapping at him. He hadn't yet come to expect overtures like that from Justin, but it was clear even from that question alone that somewhere along the way, Justin had passed over that invisible border between acquaintance and friend.

At the next intersection, he turned the car right around and started off in the direction of Justin's place.

"Yeah, there is actually," he said. "Want to do something with me tonight?"


(10)

AJ had never been inside as a visitor before, and found he had to just look at the place for a minute before he could even get himself to go up to the front desk. The arrangements for him to come here had been made over the phone; he'd just shown up, stayed, and left when he was ready. Nothing before, after, or in between.

"Mr. McLean," the desk clerk said. He didn't recognize her, and didn't know if she simply recognized him, or remembered him from his time here. Either way he figured he must looking all right because there was no concern in her eyes that he was there to readmit himself. "How are you doing?"

"Good, good," he said, confident in the truth of that. "Never been better. I'm actually here to see--"

"Nick," she finished for him, and of course she knew that. Not only was it her job, but it was obvious. "You're earlier than he was expecting."

"I managed to get bumped to an earlier flight. That all right? If he's busy, I can wait. I got nowhere else to be." He looked back at the bench behind him and thought about the people he'd left waiting there, when they'd come to see him.

"No," she said slowly, glancing down at the schedule in front of her. "No, but he probably won't be in his room. He'll be out back this early in the afternoon."

"By the water, I'm guessing," said AJ, smiling when she confirmed that with a nod. "It all right if I just go out there?"

"It'll be a nice surprise," she said with a nod. "He's been looking forward to seeing you. You remember the way?"

"All too well," said AJ, more quietly than they'd been speaking. "Thanks." He gave her a wave and headed down the hallway, to the glass double doors at the back that led onto the grounds. The pool wasn't far down the winding path, surrounded by artificially grown foliage but still a pretty and relaxing place.

Nick was sitting on the grass near the concrete deck, legs crossed beneath him and arms resting on his knees, leaning forward and just staring out at the water.

"Hey," said AJ quietly as he approached, trying not to startle him.

Nick looked back over his shoulder and, to AJ's relief, smiled as soon as he saw him. Already he looked ten times better than the last time AJ had seen him, but still he looked tired and worn and a little scared.

"Thanks," he said. "For coming, like this. I know I haven't given you much reason lately to want to come and see me."

"Oh, like hell," scoffed AJ. "Of course I'd come." Nick made no motion to get up, so AJ just sat down on the grass next to him. If it was him still, he'd want to go for a walk while they talked, but right there by the water was probably the one spot in the whole place where Nick was the most comfortable, and AJ was happy to give him at least that.

"You understand, right?" Nick said, wringing his hands in his lap. "Why I couldn't -- ?"

AJ lay one of his hands over both of Nick's and squeezed. "You had to come to terms with your own alcoholism before you could handle talking to someone else who's been there. Who *is* there." If Justin had been there, he would have already been saying something snarky about how AJ should stop giving textbook answers and just say what he was thinking. But Nick wasn't Justin, Nick was just quietly nodding his head. "How are you doing, Nicky?"

Nick smiled suddenly, but whether it was at the name or at something else, AJ couldn't say. "I never liked the desert much," he said softly, staring back at the water again. There was a long moment of silence. then he said, very firmly and clearly, "Twenty-three days," and didn't elaborate. He didn't need to.

"Man," said AJ, "will I sound like a condescending fucker if I tell you how proud I am of you right now?"

"A little," admitted Nick, finally looking him in the eye. "But that's okay. I'm a little proud of me, too. And angry and frustrated and impatient ... but sometimes proud."

AJ knew exactly what he meant by that, exactly what he had to be feeling inside to be describing it that way. Or, if not exactly, then at least close enough that he felt a stab of remembered pain.

"Every day it gets better," he said, squeezing Nick's hands again. "That's not just something they tell you, it's true. It's real. You can trust me on that."

"I hate you sometimes."

AJ stilled, the vehemence of that statement unexpected. At least he hadn't been completely unprepared for the sentiment itself.

"I mean, sometimes it really give me hope and strength that you've been here already and know what it's like and made it through," Nick went on after a long, awkward moment. "And sometimes I really fucking hate you that you're already there."

"So what is it right now, then?" AJ asked carefully.

"Strength," said Nick. "Definitely strength. It'll probably turn into hatred for a while right after you leave, though, so don't expect to hear from me for a little while."

"Fair enough," admitted AJ, forcing himself to accept that. If their positions had been reversed, he couldn't guarantee he wouldn't have done the same thing. "Just promise me it won't get in the way of your recovery."

"It won't," said Nick with a sigh. "I'll end up talking it out with someone and I'll work it out. I've been doing a lot of that. Talking."

"I don't doubt it," said AJ, remembering very well what it had been like. And remembering just how much better he'd felt about himself and everything when he'd come out, compared to when he'd gone in. "You only have to talk to me about whatever you want to."

"I'd rather listen, for now," said Nick unsurprisingly. "How's everyone? How's Sarah?"

"She's good, she's good," said AJ. "She's really rooting for you. Says to remind you that she knows where you're at, and she'll always make sure she's a safe place for you to be, when you're out again."

"That's sweet of her," said Nick quietly. AJ could imagine what was going through his head, how he was safe and protected right where he was, how the world outside was going to be a very harsh place. How he didn't want to have to try and cope with that yet. "I guess it's been really good for you to have her around, through this. Can't have been to easy for you ... "

"Well, no," he said honestly. Nick might have needed to be handled carefully, but he didn't need to be sheltered. There were probably already too many people, who'd never been where Nick was, trying to do just that. "Been worried about you. But I've been out at Jerry's a lot ... spending most of my time there, actually."

"That garage?" asked Nick. "With all the grease and the old cars? Seriously?" He'd never been there, had probably only heard AJ mention it a time or three.

"Seriously," said AJ, shrugging a little. Soon, Nick was probably gonna start to understand better just why AJ did it. "It's probably the best thing I coulda done for myself, found someone to talk to and something to keep my hands busy, all in one."

"And I guess you've had a lot of time on your hands ..."

"Yeah," he said, honest again. "We haven't done any group things at all, Nicky. Not until you're feeling up to it, however long that takes. Seriously. There's gonna be no pressure, when you come back."

Nick just nodded and gave him a weak smile. "Thanks," he said. "So, what, you've been out at Jerry's more than you've been with Sarah? This Jerry guy's wife hot or something?"

"No, it's not that," he said. "I've actually ... I made a new friend, I think."

"Jerry's wife?" repeated Nick curiously. "Is that some kinda euphemism or something? Don't tell me I need to keep a secret, AJ, I'm not really good at that right now."

"No, no, it's not Jerry's wife," he said. "Though she is kinda hot. You're not gonna believe me when I tell you who, though. Either that or you're going to hit me."

"I don't hit anymore," said Nick immediately. "It's a just another destructive outlet for my emotions. I'm working on that." The words tripped clumsily off Nick's tongue, like he wasn't used to using them, or using them in that way. This place taught people how to talk, and Nick seemed to be well on his way. "So tell me, who's this mystery person? Obviously someone I know ... "

"More or less," admitted AJ with a too-sharp nod. "It's Timberlake."

"Timberlake, as in Justin?" said Nick, turning his head to look at AJ with a sudden, disbelieving grin. "The diva himself?"

"He's not, actually. I ran into him when I was working on some stuff at Jerry's; he came in looking for a car."

"Huh," said Nick, taking another moment to really grasp that AJ was quite serious. "You weren't kidding when you said I wouldn't believe you. When Howie was here he told me all about the big breakup, that whole scandal ... "

AJ just sighed and started shaking his head before Nick had even finished talking. "That's pretty much blown over now," he said, first thing. "I mean, yeah, they broke up, and a few other details were right. But there was no scandal."

"Doesn't take much to make a scandal," mused Nick. "Just the suggestion that Justin Timberlake played for the other team would be enough to do it."

"Well, it was more than suggestion," snorted AJ. "Poor guy. Some chickenshit anonymous source outs him to the press and he's gotta face it smiling. Like we don't already have enough to deal with. It was quite a storm that first little while."

"That's gotta be rough," said Nick, pretty unemotionally, AJ thought. Probably nothing much seemed rougher right then than what he was going through. "He'd have to go pretty far underground with it. Even more than before."

"He *isn't* though," said AJ, with a frustrated grunt. "You'd think he would, but no. I mean, he's not out marching in a parade or anything, but he's not out with a pretty girl on his arm, either, trying to get rid of the lingering rumors. And I'm *sure* they're trying to get him to. Just the other night he was out at another club, picking up some guy. He told me all about it."

"Huh, that's interesting."

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked AJ, less accusing than just plain curious.

"It means it's interesting," said Nick with a little shrug.

"I ... guess," said AJ. "He's acting like, now that the cat's at least halfway out of the bag, he's gonna go with it. Never mind the way their people are trying to cover his ass."

"Interesting," Nick said, yet again. "You ever think that source might not have been so anonymous?"

"Well, obviously it was someone who know them, if that's what you're getting at," said AJ. "Justin's never said who it might be, though."

Nick shook his head a little. "You ever think Justin might've been trying to out him*self*?"

AJ hadn't, and he was sure it showed in the look of pure shock on his face. All the time he'd spent, as he got to know Justin better and better, resenting the person who'd done it. Who'd tried to do such damage to Justin's reputation. When all along, Justin might not have been looking at it as damaging at all.

"I dunno," Nick went on in the face of AJ's stunned silence. "I didn't see how the whole thing went down. But what I've heard ... it kinda sounds a little like it to me."

"Yeah," said AJ faintly. "Well, um, he's never said, if he did. Never even hinted. And we do talk a lot, when he's not busy. Which isn't *that* much 'cause they're taking it easy right now. Not running themselves into the ground."

"That's a good thing," said Nick, looking down at his hands and nodding. "You know, I'm not saying he did or anything. Just that sometimes, being so far removed from it all ... you see the whole picture just a little more clearly."

"Yeah," said AJ again, trying to clear his *own* head. "Well, I'll have to ask, next time I see him. He said to tell you hi, by the way. He wanted to come."

Nick turned to look at him, raising both eyebrows. He knew as well as AJ did that no casual acquaintance or even fledgling friend would offer to do that. And, AJ was sure, knew that Justin would have been coming for AJ's sake more than Nick's.

"Tell him thanks," said Nick finally, and unexpectedly began pushing himself to his feet. "It's getting too hot out here. Let's go inside."

AJ just went with it and silently followed him back towards the buildings, trying to push the whole thing to the back of his head. He was here for Nick, and thoughts about what he was going to say to Justin the moment he got back to Orlando could wait.


(11)

AJ pulled out his cell phone the moment he was off the plane and heading through the airport. He'd waited this long, putting all of his thoughts and energy into Nick and Nick's wellbeing, but he wasn't going to wait a moment longer. He was home now and other things were preying on his mind.

He didn't even have to think about the number, punching the buttons with his thumb as he hoisted his overnight bag over his shoulder, and listening to ring after ring after ring until he finally heard a sleepy, "Hello?"

"Timberlake," he said, without preamble. "I'm home."

"AJ?" Justin's voice got a little stronger, and AJ heard a loud yawn. "Hey man, when'd you get back? How's Nick?"

"Nick's good. Just got in. Were you the anonymous source that outed you when you and Britney split?" There was nothing quite as effective as getting right to the point.

Justin was silent for so long AJ almost thought he'd hung up. "Do you want to come over here?" he asked finally. "I can put together some lunch. You're probably hungry."

"Just answer the question," said AJ, even though he knew he'd already gotten his answer. "Cause that's a hell of a thing not to tell me."

There was another long pause, but at least this time AJ could hear him breathing. "I didn't do it personally, no," Justin answered him. "But yeah. Do you want to come over now? I'm pretty sure this is a conversation we ought to be having in person."

"Yeah," said AJ, exiting the building and heading for his car. "Yeah, okay. I'm on my way."

He made a conscious effort not to speed on his way there, not to get too anxious. Some part of him had known all along that he would probably hear exactly what he heard. All that were missing were details and explanations, and those he would have soon enough. His time right now would be better spent making sure he was ready to hear the explanations when he got them.

Justin was out front when he got there, though "front" for him was still invisible from the street. He bent over his flowerbed and pulled at an invisible something -- the whole patch seemed to already be immaculately groomed by his gardener. He jerked when AJ's car door slammed, but didn't look up.

"Lucy," said AJ as he sauntered up to him. "You got some 'splainin' to do."

Justin flinched again, but then looked back over his shoulder and gave AJ a tentative grin. "How'd you figure it out?" he asked as he straightened up. AJ liked it better when he was bent over; at least he felt like he had a bit of an advantage then. "*No*body knows that, AJ. Seriously. Nobody."

"Except Britney?"

"Not even her. She has no idea. I don't even think she suspects -- she thinks it was someone she worked with on her last tour, who she used to complain to about me."

"Lots to complain about?"

He shrugged and scowled but didn't deny it. "I was a pretty shitty boyfriend to her," he admitted finally. "But she was kind of a lousy girlfriend to me, so it all evened out in the end."

"But ... okay," said AJ, sitting down on Justin's front step as he just stood there, admiring his garden or just avoiding AJ's eyes, AJ wasn't sure which. "But why? Why would you do that to yourself? I don't get it."

"Because I can't come out," he said after a moment, like it was the most obvious thing. "I'm contractually obligated to not come out. This seemed like the only way I could kind of kick at the closet door a little."

"You got so much bad press--"

"No such thing," he interrupted, with a rueful smirk. "Okay, yeah, so they're keeping a bit more of a watchful eye on me now. But I planted the idea in people's heads. That's what I wanted to do. And every time I go out, and get seen, that seed sprouts a little."

"You're lying to them, at the same time as you're trying to get them to figure out the truth. That's messed up."

"That's how we live," said Justin. He seemed to really and truly believe that. "And really, someone else is lying on my behalf. A fine line, I know, but it's one my conscience can live with."

AJ shook his head, fiddled with the fabric of his jeans. "You know I'm all for doing what makes you happy," he said finally, "but this is all pretty calculated. I didn't know you had it in you."

"Didn't know I had it in me?" laughed Justin. "Have we met? This is who we are, AJ. This is what we do."

"No no," said AJ instantly. "No, don't go down that poor us, we have no freedom road. We've both had that conversation a hundred times with a hundred people, and it gets more meaningless every time. You know what I meant by that."

He shut up and nodded his head and looked a bit pissed, but if he was he didn't say anything about it. "So if you're not gonna smoke, then, we may as well go inside." AJ looked at him blankly, trying to put those words together with the rest of the conversation. "Smoke?" Justin repeated, staring at him. "That's why I met you out here. I thought you'd need to have a smoke for this conversation." He even leaned down to pick up an ashtray from the ground next to the step. "Not that I approve."

"Of course not," said AJ, pulling the pack of cigarettes from his pocket and knocking one out in one smooth motion.

"And the ashtray was Brit's. So I didn't go out and buy one or anything."

"Wouldn't have thought you did," he said, grinning the lighting the cigarette with a match. He shook away the flame then dropped it, still streaming smoke, into the ashtray.

"So how *did* you know?" Justin asked, draping his body over the bottom post of the railing and watching AJ for answers.

AJ thought about lying about it, but what was the point? Justin wouldn't be impressed. "Nick did, actually," he admitted. "Figured it out, or guessed. He's always been a smart kid, just never gave himself much of a chance to shine."

Justin laughed. "Man, I didn't see that one coming. Here I thought I'd pulled it off, and someone who I barely even know figures it out."

AJ just snorted and inhaled the smoke deeply, relieved that he wasn't gonna have to wait a couple hours until he was back in his own car again. "Well, it's not what I would've done," he said. "But it is working out for you?"

"It was the only way I could do it," Justin insisted. "And yeah, it is. I *want* to be out eventually, AJ. Seriously. Maybe not right away -- I know I've got a lot of shit to figure out yet -- but I'm pretty happy and comfortable and ready. But it isn't an option -- and just *don't* tell me it is, you know it isn't -- so I do what I can. You're not gonna tell anyone are you?"

"Nick, probably," said AJ, shrugging and sucking on the cigarette again. "He's earned it."

"Not Sarah?"

"It's not of Sarah's business." He blew a perfect smoke ring and let it drift toward Justin's shoulder, warping and expanding as it went. "Not really anyone's business I guess. I ... got a little worked up."

"You did."

"It wasn't any of my business either."

"It wasn't," agreed Justin. AJ stubbed out the remains of the cigarette in the ashtray and didn't light another. Didn't need to. "Glad you know, though. Secrets are hard. I'm used to sharing them with four other people. One-fifth of a secret is easier to keep than a whole one."

AJ stood up and put a hand on Justin's shoulder, squeezing. "So you said something about making me lunch?"

Justin blinked a couple times, then pushed himself up off the post and nodded his head. "Right of course," he said, picking up the ashtray to take inside. "I'll put together some lunch and we can talk about your visit with Nick. I have this thing this afternoon, though ... meeting with some producers, so ... "

"Don't worry about it," said AJ, opening the door for him. "I'm meeting Sarah for dinner anyway. I'm not gonna be all offended when you need to kick me out." Justin led him straight through to the kitchen, stopping only to empty the ashtray into the trash then leave it in the sink to be washed. "I'm probably gonna crash right after that, too. It's been a long couple of days."

"I'll bet it has," said Justin, with no trace of sarcasm in his voice. "You wanna grab us something to drink while I call for-- I mean, *make* lunch?" He gave AJ a grin and reached for the phone.

AJ laughed and opened the fridge and the first thing he noticed -- before even beginning to look for something for them to drink -- was that Justin no longer kept any beer in it.


(12)

"So how's he doing?" asked Sarah as AJ pulled out his chair and dropped into his seat, resting his elbows on the table. "You look tired."

"It was ... yeah, draining," he admitted. He didn't really intend to get into why with her, though, not right then. She would think she understood without knowing everything that had gone on between him and Nick, and he just didn't think he had the patience to handle that yet.

"Well, of course it was," she said, and it looked like she was gonna jump to that conclusion in spite of him. "Being back there, being reminded of what it was like ... that had to have been hard."

"Not as much as you think."

"No?"

"Not easy, but ..." He wasn't sure how to put it, really, the mix of emotions he'd felt over the last couple of days. "It was ... enlightening. I learned a lot."

She smiled in satisfaction, but for a fraction of a second he missed the mocking Justin would have given him for saying "enlightening". He blamed Justin that he was even aware of saying it in the first place.

"Well, that sounds promising. Did you go to any sessions while you were there? I know how much you felt those did for you."

"What? No ... no, it really wasn't about me, Sarah." He gave up on the chance that they might talk about anything other than Nick and rehab and any other related topic that Sarah might come up with. If he was being honest with himself, he would have been doing the exact same thing if he'd been the one who'd been left behind. All she wanted was to know that everyone was okay, everyone was good.

"Oh, I know, honey," she said. "I thought you might've gone with Nick. Really been there for him, and gotten a bit of a refresher for yourself. It's really empowering to be around people who understand where you're at."

"It would've been intrusive, for me to attend the same kind of sessions as Nick. I'm not in quite the same place he is anymore." Something that had been very obvious to both of them when they'd been together. Still, there was a big something that bound them together now. They'd have a lot to talk about when Nick was ready.

She nodded like she understood. "So did he tell you about the programs he's involved with? Tell you what's working for him?"

"We didn't talk much about that," he said, which wasn't entirely true. They'd talked about everything, but Nick wavered between acting like he wasn't in rehab at all and suddenly giving AJ infodump on his coping strategies. Always at the strangest times.

"Well, what else did you have to talk about?" AJ looked at her incredulously for a moment, until she started to laugh. "I mean, I know there are plenty of things you could talk about, but I figured he'd want to talk about this. About recovery."

"Well, he didn't," said AJ, and left it at that.

He knew he was being too short with her, but it was hard to stop. He just wished he could go through one day with her and not talk about Nick's recovery, or his, or both. It didn't matter that he knew she was just being as supportive as she knew how, and that he loved her for it. He just wished he could just live a day without it.

She sat silently for a moment, and AJ knew his curtness hadn't gone unnoticed.

"Sorry," he murmured a few moments later, giving in. He didn't need to be an asshole about it. "He says they've got him doing some art therapy. I always thought that kinda thing was for, like, trauma victims, but he says it's good."

"Oh, that's wonderful," she said, forgiving him that easily. She was good like that. "That's the perfect thing for Nick. Drawing his pictures always did help keep him grounded."

AJ nodded and ran his fingers around the rim of his own water glass. "Yeah, he says it's working for him." They'd talked about it a little more in depth than that, and Nick hadn't specifically asked him not to talk about it, but it still felt private. "So who am I to argue? You go with what works."

"Within reason of course," she had to add. "How do you think we should handle it when he comes home? Do you think he should stay with us -- with you, I mean -- for a while?"

"It's a little early to be thinking about that, don't you think?"

She obviously didn't, though; it was probably some girl thing. Planning things way before you needed to. "We're going to want to make sure he's coming back to a place he can feel safe and comfortable. We're the only two people who know what he's going through."

"Now that's not fair ..." he started. Not only that, but Sarah really didn't know. It wasn't like what she was thinking it was. It wasn't just about getting clean. "Nick has a lot of friends."

"Friends he ought to stay friends with?"

"That's not our choice to make. Nick has other people who love him."

"Maybe it's not our choice," she agreed, "but it's our responsibility to help him make the right choices. Even the hard ones. Especially the hard ones. Don't you think we should do that for him?"

"Of course I do," he muttered. He just thought that the choices he thought were right, and the choices Sarah thought were right, might not be the same thing at all. And who was to say which one was better for Nick? Who was to say that either of them were right?

Thankfully, the waitress came to take their order before they had to begin to figure that out.


(13)

"So you starting to get itchy to get on the road again?" asked Jerry, handing AJ a styrofoam cup of steaming coffee. "Isn't that how you described it to me? Itchy?"

"Yeah, itchy," he agreed, giving Jerry a grin and wiping his hands off on his coverall before taking the coffee. "I dunno though. I'm kinda liking the break." He took a step away from the car and patted the grill. "I'm done here, by the way."

Jerry inspected his work and tightened one cap -- that AJ knew didn't need tightening because he'd just checked it himself a few moments ago -- then grunted his approval. "I left her in good hands," he said. "Of course, I already knew that."

"It was an easy one," said AJ, and it wasn't even modesty, it just had been. "Just needed some cleaning up, mostly."

"A couple of months ago, you wouldn't have called it easy," said Jerry, swatting at AJ's hand away so he could close the hood. "A couple of months ago, you would've been worried about your manicure." AJ picked at an old scab from a cut on his thumb and silently agreed with him. "You've come a lot way since then. Course, we still have to see if she'll run."

"Oh, she'll run," said AJ confidently.

Jerry grunted again and nodded and didn't try it. "So you want to tell me what you're doing here at seven in the morning, and have obviously already been here for a couple hours?"

"Not drinking," said AJ, his grin falling.

"Ah," said Jerry, like the answer had been no surprise to him. It probably hadn't; it was why he'd asked in the first place. "Bad night?"

"Yeah, I guess," he said, taking a tiny sip of the still-steaming coffee. "Went and saw Nick this weekend."

"Oh yeah? How's the kid doing? I bet it felt good to be able to see him for yourself, instead of just hearing reports from your friends."

"Yeah, it really was," AJ had to admit. "He's a tough kid, he's hanging in there."

"So why the tough night then? Just memories?"

"Man, I don't even know where to start," he said, blowing on his coffee this time before sipping it. He made himself comfortable leaning against the front bumper of the truck, feeling the words just about ready to spill out. "Guess I got hit with a bunch of stuff at once. Being back there, and then Nick, too, plus there were things with Justin and with Sarah. I couldn't sleep, decided it would be better to come out here than use any of my old tried and true methods of putting myself out."

"Good call," said Jerry, perching himself against the truck right next to AJ. "So. You wanna try tackling that stuff one at a time, then?"

AJ hesitated only a second before nodding. Jerry wasn't just there to give him something to do with his hands, after all, and he wasn't just any friend. "The thing with Justin, it's nothing, really. He just shook me up a little."

Jerry frowned and AJ knew he was gonna have to clarify that. "He didn't do anything to hurt you, did he?"

"No, no," said AJ quickly, even smiling. "Nothing like that. He just surprised me with something. He's actually ... I really misjudged him, before we met. He's a good guy. A good friend."

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that," said Jerry after a moment, smiling back. AJ didn't realize how much he'd been hoping for that smile until he got it. "As long as you know I'm still keeping my eye on him."

"You wouldn't be you if you weren't."

"Damn straight. So you're good with that, then? Nothing else getting to you on the Justin front?"

"Nah. You know, I don't even know why I brought it up. He caught me off guard with something, but it was a good thing. Or at least, not a bad thing. Justin's a good part of my life right now."

"Okay then." He didn't look or sound like he quite believed the diversion, but he didn't ask again. Jerry knew him well enough to know he would talk when encouraged, but not when pushed. Most of the time. "So what next? Nick or Sarah?"

AJ swallowed his sip of coffee while he considered. "Nick," he said finally. "That's the big thing, I guess. And Sarah ties into all that anyway."

When he didn't go on right away, Jerry gave him a careful elbow in the side. "So what's the story there, then?"

"It's just ... you had to see him, Jer. All small and quiet and ... I know this is such a good thing for him and is probably saving his life, but it's hard to find Nick in there. In that guy that I saw."

"Harder than it has been this last while, since he started drinking too much?"

AJ actually had to think about that, think back to the Nick he knew once -- back before he had started on that path, let alone when Nick had. It was longer ago than he really wanted to admit. But he did recognize it was a very different Nick from the one he'd known lately. He just didn't know how much of that was the addiction and how much of that was just Nick growing up.

"Well, no," he had to answer finally, but he couldn't really elaborate on that. Jerry seemed to be anticipating his answer, though.

"You're not the same person you once were either," he said. "I'm not the same person I once was. So it makes sense that Nick might not be quite the same person anymore. Oh yeah, he'll find some of it again -- you just gotta give him more time for that, AJ -- but there's gonna be other stuff, too."

"So you're saying I gotta get to know him again," said AJ. "Well, that's not too much of a surprise." It was what the other guys had had to do with him, after all. What they were *still* doing.

"Just try not to forget it. You'll stress a lot less that way."

"It was just hard, to see it," he mumbled, sipping the coffee again. It wasn't much of a substitute for what he once would have been drinking when he was stressed, but it was what he had.

"It's always hard to see it. Even when it's not someone you're that close to. And especially when you're so new to recovery yourself."

"He is doing good, though. Real good. I just hope we can extend this break long enough for him to get the time he needs. However much that is."

"Unlike you?"

AJ sighed. "Yeah, well, we had commitments. I knew that. And, you know, the itch -- I wanted to perform again. But it was hard. I don't want Nick to go through that."

"At least you'll be there for him. He'll always have you."

"Huh," said AJ, draining his cup and crumpling it in his fist. "You sound like Sarah."

"Well, that Sarah's a smart girl," he said with a grin. "She'd have to be, to sound like me."

It was AJ's turn to elbow Jerry back. "Didn't you used to bug me about having an ego?" Jerry just laughed. "But seriously, you think she's right? That I'm the only person Nick's gonna have to talk to?"

"Well, not the only person," he amended right away. "I never said just you. He has other friends, too. You would've been pretty screwed if the only people you were allowed to turn to were former alcoholics. Nick's lucky to have you, but you're not all he's got, I'm sure."

"Right, I'm not," said AJ, nodding. "I mean, that's the thing with Sarah. She's precious and I know she's trying to do the right thing, but it's like everything has to be done by the book."

"There's a lot to be said for having some structure in your life."

"Well yeah, sure, but it's more than that. She didn't even think I should be friends with Justin."

"I didn't think you should be friends with Justin."

"But that was different," AJ insisted. "You didn't think I should be friends with Justin because you met him and thought he was a cocky little shit." And Jerry had seen AJ was unsure about it, had responded to that. "She didn't want me to be friends with Justin because he was in the industry. That's the only reason."

"I'm sure she was only looking out for you," said Jerry, but AJ didn't miss that he was frowning a little.

"Oh, I know she was," said AJ. "And I love her for it. I just ... wish she'd stop telling me how to recover. And now Nick, too, she's trying to decide for him what he should do, who he should talk to, what he should have access to. I love having her help, but ... "

He let the sentence trail off, and Jerry seemed to think about it for a while. "I can see both sides," he said finally. "She's done her homework. She knows the clinically best ways to do this, she knows all the steps. She can probably recite buzzwords with the best of them. And that's not a bad thing."

"But?" prompted AJ, hoping some support of him was coming, too.

"But she's missing the most important part, I think. That all that is just a framework to build on. That's your base, that's your support and your strength. That's where you need to start. But that's not the end -- you build your life back up on top of that."

Just hearing Jerry put it like that helped AJ start to reconcile what he had been doing with what Sarah was insisting he should be doing. Even if he couldn't find the words to justify it to her yet.

"Nick probably needs you guys to help him build that framework for a while. But he's also gonna need to be making his own choices, or he's not getting anywhere. She's gonna need to give him that."

"She can do that," said AJ, trying to sound sure even though he wasn't, not of that.

"Course she can," said Jerry. "She's a great girl. You're lucky to have found her."

"I know."

Jerry ruffled AJ's hair like he was thirty years older than AJ, not less than ten. "You doing better now?"

He was, he could feel it in his gut, and in his head and in the smile that insisted on spreading across his face. "Yeah."

"Good," said Jerry. "So come on. Let's go get some breakfast."


(14)

Between Justin's schedule and AJ's need to take some time to himself, it was a few days before he managed to make it out to Justin's place again. He surprised himself with the realization that he kind of missed him, annoying arrogance and all, and had started looking for excuses to get together with him.

Not that he had needed an excuse in the end -- or ever had. Justin called him up and asked him if he wanted to drop by for little while and AJ said sure and that was that. Since when did AJ ever make excuses for himself anyway?

He ended up driving a car from Jerry's -- an old Jeep YJ, actually -- doubling his visit as a road test. He really kind of liked the vehicle for himself, though; maybe he'd make Jerry an offer on it. It wasn't really his style, normally, but that style seemed to be changing every time he turned around anyway.

He saw Justin peering through the curtains as he drove up, probably to confirm his identity even though he'd buzzed AJ in. "Come on through out back," he called out a moment later, popping his head out the front door. "I got the barbecue going." Then he disappeared again, leaving the door open, and AJ figured that was all the invitation he rated anymore.

He found his way easily enough, making sure *he*, at least, closed the doors behind him -- Justin had left the patio doors open too. "You're barbecuing lunch for us?" he said when he got out there. Justin looked up and grinned at him and offered him a bottle of root beer.

"I just threw some chicken burgers on," he said. "Nothing big."

"You're barbecuing chicken burgers?" AJ gave up on trying to figure him out. "All right, sure, whatever."

"Lots of people barbecue chicken burgers," he said defensively, like it was critically important for AJ to understand that him barbecuing chicken burgers was a normal, healthy thing. "I like it."

"I'm sure you do," said AJ as he opened his root beer, only realizing after how condescending it probably came out. Shit like that was just habit sometimes. "I'm sure it'll be good," he added.

"It will," said Justin firmly. When he lifted the lid to check the food, it was definitely for show. AJ tried not to smile. "So what have you been up to? I tried calling a couple days ago ... "

AJ shrugged and made himself at home in a patio chair. "I was just doing my thing," he said vaguely. "You know how it is."

"And your thing didn't include talking to me?"

"My thing didn't include talking to anyone." He'd been expecting Justin to ask that and was ready for it. He probably would've been a bit disappointed if he *hadn't*, really. They didn't go more than a couple days without talking anymore.

"Well, that's cool," Justin said after a moment. Enough time to think it through and find it non-threatening, AJ figured.

"I was working something out," he added.

"And did you? Work it out, I mean?"

"Yeah, I think so," said AJ, seriously considering the question like he'd learned to, with stuff like that. "Made a good start, anyway."

"Well, that's good," said Justin, unnecessarily checking the food again. "So. Um. Anything to do with me?"

AJ laughed. "Yeah, you wish," he said. "It's just stuff. You wouldn't be interested. I actually work stuff out, instead of just letting it simmer."

"Are you saying I don't?"

"Justin," he said, summoning up all his patience. "It's not about you." He didn't dare clarify that yeah, it had been a little bit about Justin. Justin would just latch right onto that and forget there'd been a dozen other things, too.

"So how are things with Sarah?"

AJ's head shot up and for a second he wondered if he'd said more aloud than he'd meant to, then remembered the last time he'd actually talked to Justin had been right before seeing her. But still, Justin had given up on the previous line of conversation awfully easily.

"She's good," he said finally. What else could he say about it? She was fine. Things were fine. "I'm probably gonna be at her place for the weekend. She wants to make it our cozy getaway for a couple days."

"Right," said Justin, but he frowned a little like he didn't quite understand. AJ didn't explain. "Well I'll try to remember not to call, then."

"You wouldn't get me anyway," he said, leaning back into his chair and closing his eyes against the sunlight, wishing he hadn't taken his sunglasses off. "I'll have the cell turned off for the weekend. Probably starting tomorrow, actually."

"Going underground again, huh? Is that part of this whole recovery thing? Just randomly dropping out of the world whenever you feel like it?"

"Justin!"

He looked sorry even before AJ said it. "I'm sorry," he said, smoothly but sincerely. "I didn't mean it like that. I've just ... hardly seen you."

"Neither has she," AJ reminded him, using the following moment of silence to help him get over the surprise that Justin was genuinely missing him. "Besides ... you've been busy. And I'm sure you haven't been lacking for company ... "

"If that's a not-so-subtle fish for information about my love life," Justin said, turning around, a smile back on his face already, "then you're gonna be disappointed. The most I did was give a guy a blowjob in a bathroom."

"What?"

"What?" Justin echoed him. "Like you never. Fucked around like that, I mean. I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't pass that on, by the way." He caught AJ's eye and kept grinning. "And since I know you have a burning desire to know this," he added, "I give great blowjobs."

AJ hadn't been about to ask, but looking at Justin's full, wet, slightly parted lips, he didn't doubt it one bit. He shook his head and hoped it looked like resigned amusement with Justin and not like what it really was -- and attempt to get the image of Justin going down on someone out of his head. He'd always told Justin he was cool if Justin wanted to talk about that stuff with him, but he hadn't been expecting the visuals that came with it.

"Is something burning?" he asked, just to tear Justin's eyes away from him.

"Oh hell," said Justin, whirling back around again and lifting the lid of the barbecue. "I turn my back for *two* seconds ... " AJ closed his eyes as soon as Justin couldn't see him and fished around for his sunglasses, remembering why he never used to take them off at all. It had nothing to do with sunlight. A puff of smoke floated out of the barbecue as Justin flipped the burgers. And grunted at them. "They survived," he said finally. "It's fine. It's good."

AJ gave up on the sunglasses a few moments later, which, when he thought about it, he might've left in the car. He just had to hope his eyes weren't as expressive as he dreaded they were.

Pulling himself up out of the chair to help out, he finally saw that the umbrella table at the end of the deck was already set with two place settings and about a hundred condiments plus salad -- two kinds -- and chips. Despite Justin's breezy assurance that he'd just thrown some burgers on the barbecue for them, this spread wasn't "just" anything.

"Hey," said Justin, and AJ felt a poke in his side. "You wanna hand me your plate? They're ready."

"Justin Timberlake, master chef," he said, putting a bit of a smirk on his face before he faced him again. "Got any other hidden talents?"

"You have no idea," said Justin, smirking right back at him. AJ should have seen that coming, the amount of time they spent together, but he hadn't and it left him speechless just long enough for Justin to know he'd scored a point and go back to dropping a burger on AJ's plate.

"Well, go ahead," Justin prompted him as he served up one for himself. "Try it. I'm not trying to poison you or anything."

"It's a barbecued chicken burger. I think I'm supposed to dislike it on principle," he said, poking at it warily. "Did you find these in the bottom of your freezer and just didn't feel like going to the store to pick up anything else?"

"shut up," Justin snickered as he sat down across from him and started serving himself up healthy portions of the salads. He looked faintly embarassed, though. "I'm not trying to poison you. Just eat it already." He sniffed and seemed to be implying that he'd worked hard on it and AJ better appreciate that, but he wouldn't say that out loud.

AJ had to admit that he'd eaten a lot stranger things over the years and, frankly, a chicken burger was pretty tame no matter what. And admit that most of his complaint was just to get a rise out of Justin, who almost never failed to take the bait.

"So I was thinking," said Justin, shoveling the food in so fast AJ wondered how long he'd been waiting for AJ to come over. Maybe even before he'd called. "About Nick."

"About Nick," AJ repeated flatly. Of all the things he'd had quite *enough* of other people's opinions on ... "Great. Hit me with it."

"No, no, don't be that way," he said, even reaching out to smack AJ's arm. "It's a good kind of thinking. I think I'd like to meet him."

AJ groaned softly and shook his head. "Justin," he said. "Fuck. I mean, it's great that you want to meet him and all, but Nick's going through a rough time and all and ... some other time. Can you just think about how hard that would be for Nick instead of just what *you* want?"

"Stop," said Justin, sounding frustrated with him. "Just listen? It's *for* Nick." As he was talking, he got up from the table and went back over to the barbecue for seconds. "Because, I mean, okay. I've gotten to know you pretty well, right? So I know that Nick's gonna be coming out of there with some ... baggage. And going back to all people that he knew before, when he was all ... you know. And so I thought ... him and me never *really* knew each other before. So I would be like a fresh start for him. No baggage."

For a minute, AJ had no idea what to say. Of all the things he'd been expecting to hear, that wasn't even on the *list*. It was just so damn ... nice. And sweet. And *selfless*.

"Hey, you want another burger, too? I can just grab you one, here ... "

"No, no, I can get my own," AJ insisted, spurred into action again and stumbling to his feet. Justin turned back to him with the food right as AJ stood up so all of a sudden they were face to face. And then ... they were kissing.

AJ didn't even know how it happened. One moment he was just standing there, full of all this affection for Justin and for what Justin was offering to do, then the next their mouths were pressed together, lips parting, tongues darting out to slide against one another. The only thing he was sure of was that *he* had been the one to initiate it.

But Justin certainly didn't seem to be objecting. A moment later the chicken burger tumbled from his fingers to the ground and his hand curled around the back of AJ's neck, holding him there as they kissed.

Then, as suddenly as it began, AJ realized what he was doing and jerked away. He still didn't know what to say, and from the looks of it, neither did Justin. He just stood there staring at AJ, his lips wet and reddened from the kiss, just begging AJ to come back to them. But ... no.

"I, um, actually ... " AJ took another step back. "I should go. I have these ... things, that I need to do. Before I see Sarah tonight. You know how it is ... " And another step.

"Sure," said Justin finally. It looked like he was chewing on his lower lip, and he didn't say anything more.

"So ... " said AJ, his heart pounding, panicked, looking back over his shoulder at the patio doors. "I'll, um, call you. After this weekend. You know, catch up and all."

"Right," said Justin after another awkward pause. "You do that."

AJ hesitated a moment more, then turned and fled the scene.


(15)

"Oh god," mumbled AJ, running his fingers through Sarah's hair as he slid smoothly inside her again. He silently promised to go down on her after, to make up for the fact that this was way too hard and fast for her to be getting much out of it, even though she was thrashing slowly from side to side and making approving noises.

He loved Sarah, loved the feel of her body against him, loved her hair and her smile and her breasts and everything about her. Loved touching her and being inside her and making love to her. He did. This wasn't something he needed to convince himself of.

Thinking that just made him thrust harder, though, moving his other hand between her legs to help out. He wasn't going to be able to make her come before he did, but he wanted her to feel good at least. The fact that she already looked like she felt just fine wasn't going to keep him from doing everything he knew how to be sure she was satisfied.

"Oh god," he said again, closing his eyes and bending his head to her shoulder, pressing his forehead to it. Both were hot, and his forehead was slick with perspiration, slipping against her skin. When she reached up and sank her fingernails into his shoulder blade, he came abruptly with a shocked gasp.

He tried to pull away a moment later but her hand shot down to grasp his wrist, holding his hand exactly where it was. Then her hips were moving and she was fucking herself against it. AJ lifted his head and opened his eyes just to see her squeeze her own shut and bite her lip in concentration as she used his body to bring herself to orgasm.

She gasped too but it was a different kind of gasp, less surprised and more breathless. As soon as she let go of him he pulled out, soft and messy and not feeling like he was going to get hard again any time soon. Which was fine because he knew how to use his hands and mouth just fine and it was just because he was satisfied, not because he wasn't turned on by her.

She rolled away from him lazily, curling up on her side and smiling at him, resting her head on her hand. "You're forgiven for being late," she murmured, reaching out to tug him closer. "It was worth the wait."

He murmured some kind of agreement in return and stretched out next to her, running his hand up and down her side, feeling the warm skin against his callused hands. She was so soft, so smooth.

He wondered if Justin was up in his room on his guitar, composing bitter songs about him.

"You glad we decided to do this, baby?"

He murmured his agreement again, but that wasn't good enough this time and he sensed her silence without really hearing it. "I am glad," he said finally, looking into her eyes and smiling back at her reassuringly. "And I really did have a very good reason for being late."

"I'm sure you did," she said, yawning and then blushing prettily afterwards. Or maybe she was still just flushed from the exertion; AJ knew he was. "How is Jerry, anyway?"

It took AJ just a second to catch on to that, and he smiled again, more genuinely this time. "Actually, I didn't go see Jerry," he said, a little smugly. She really had no idea where he'd been; she couldn't possibly.

"Oh?" she said, propping her head up on her hand. Her hair had come loose and tendrils of it fell over her shoulder, stuck to her cheek and neck. "Where then?"

"I'll never tell," he teased. Not until the right moment, anyway, whenever that happened.

She laughed lightly and leaned forward to kiss his nose. Her lips were as hot as the rest of her skin. "Am I supposed to guess?" she asked. Her eyes were so bright, so happy, AJ couldn't help but be glad they'd planned this weekend together. It was going to be so good, for both of them

He didn't think it was a good time to tell her that he'd gone to Justin's place for lunch.

"What if it's a surprise?" he said, lifting his hand off her side and slipping it gently between her legs. She was hot and wet and he ran his fingers through smoothly, just barely touching her clitoris but still making her shiver. It wasn't even sexual, really, just intimate. He did love her body, all of it.

She just laughed again, breathlessly, squirming until his hand pulled away. "You've seen me at Christmas," she reminded him. "I'm the girl that searches every closet for her presents and shakes her packages once they're under the tree."

"You almost broke the crystal bowl I got you," he said, his way of agreeing. "You're not going to get me to tell you, though."

"Oh I'm not, am I?" she said, and AJ could feel her body tense. A moment later she had his back pinned to the bed and was grinning down at him, those tendrils of hair hanging down to touch his chin now. "We'll just see about that."

She glowed, that was the only way he could put it, years of cliched phrases from his mother's romance novels coming to mind. She was so beautiful, so wonderful. "I love you," he murmured. If anything, that just made her look even more radiant.

Justin Timberlake wasn't beautiful, he was just a pretty boy.

"I love you, too," she said, leaning down to kiss him deeply. "So much, baby."

He blinked up at her when she pulled away again, then pushed gently at her. "Okay, let me get up," he said, a little urgently. He kissed her again so she wouldn't think it was a brush off. "I'll be right back."

She rolled off him, no longer lazy at all, and propped her head up on her hand again. He hesitated only a moment at the side of the bed, then took the few steps away to where he'd left his pants, reaching into the pocket.

"Now, it's not quite ready," he warned her. "I mean ... it needs some work done, but you'll understand when you see it."

"Tease," she accused him from the bed, and he had to grin, silently agreeing with her.

When he returned to the bed, he knelt down next to it instead of climbing back on, and held the box containing the ring out to her. "Sarah," he said, "Will you marry me?" His voice only shook a little when he asked.


(Interlude 3)


Backstreet Boy A.J. McLean Engaged
MTV News

A.J. McLean no longer knows the meaning of being lonely.

In an interview with VH1 over the weekend, A.J. disclosed that he's engaged to up-and-coming singer Sarah Martin.

A.J. said that he and Martin plan to walk down the aisle in 2003, hopefully on the anniversary of the day they met.

Until then, A.J. will have his hands full with his group. Rumor has it the Backstreet Boys are going in the studio in the next couple of months to work on their next LP, the follow-up to 2000's Black & Blue.

McLean's spokesperson could not be reached to comment on the singer's nuptial plans.

Last July, McLean made headlines when he entered treatment for alcohol abuse, depression and anxiety (see "Backstreet Boys Postpone Tour As A.J. McLean Seeks Treatment"). He returned to the group, and the road, in August (see "Backstreet's Back: Tour Resumes With A.J. And Lots Of Love").

McLean is the third Backstreet Boy to pop the question to his mate; Kevin Richardson and Brian Littrell each tied the knot in 2000 (see "Backstreet's Kevin Richardson Gets Hitched," "Backstreet Boy Littrell Ties The Knot").


Backstreet Boy Relapses
The National Enquirer

AJ McLean of the Backstreet Boys checked himself back into rehab, but promptly checked himself back out again, The ENQUIRER has learned. He was spotted on a flight to a famed Arizona rehab clinic last weekend.

"He looked like he'd been on a bender, bags under his eyes and stumbling his way to the gate," says one observer. "I wasn't sure if he was gonna do something crazy. I stayed out of his way."

The teen idol got clean last summer, but there have been regular reports of relapses since then. He's even been spotted snorting cocaine openly at a trendy L.A. nightclub.

The Backstreet Boys are taking some time off right now, which makes it easier for McLean's wild ways to fly under the radar. Friends are increasingly worried about his behavior, both public and private.

"He has a temper like you wouldn't believe," one friend tells us. "And when he's drinking it just gets worse. You don't want to be anywhere near him."

A source close to the star tells The ENQUIRER it was McLean's girlfriend, Sarah Martin, who got him to go back to rehab. They were seen having a loud disagreement during lunch at a busy Orlando lunch spot, and friends say it wasn't the first time.

"Sarah said it was her or the booze," says our source. "He had to choose."

Whatever he did during his mere weekend at the rehab clinic seems to have worked. McLean and Martin have announced their engagement, with the wedding expected to be set some time next year.


Out and About with John Callahan

... And finally, our old friend "Reliable Source" tells us of the further adventures of young Mr. Justin Timberlake. The pop star was spotted just this weekend at a somewhat disreputable local establishment, wisely choosing to eschew the watered-down beer in favor of the other attractions of the joint. Namely, the hordes of pretty boys willing to give him anything he could possibly want. Our reliable source says he can prove it ain't no lie: at the end of the night, he was the lucky guy that got to feel Timberlake's mouth around his "attraction". Open wide, kiddo, you're caught!


(16)

AJ pulled up to the gate and just stared at it for a minute, trying to figure out what the hell he was doing there. The obvious reason -- that Justin was his friend, and he just wanted to see him -- wasn't the right one this time. He couldn't even lie to himself convincingly that it was.

The best he could come up with was that he owed it to him. Owed it to Justin to tell him about this face to face. Would have owed it to him even *without* the little ... thing, that happened between them a few days ago.

Taking a deep breath, he even gave the security camera a tiny little wave before hitting the intercom, convinced that Justin was probably watching him sit there and wondering what the fuck he was doing.

There was no answer right away, and AJ frowned. What, was Justin *sulking* or something? Refusing to see AJ now, even though he'd gone to the trouble to come over? How childish. AJ didn't know why he even bothered to come.

He buzzed again, though, just so his indignance could be complete and justified the next time he and Justin got together. This time an unfamiliar voice came over the speaker. "Who's calling please?"

"Um, it's AJ," he said. That should be enough. It wasn't like he was an infrequent guest these days.

"Mr. Timberlake is unavailable. I'll tell him you came by--"

"Wait, wait," he interrupted. "What does that mean, unavailable? Is he there?" He strained to hear any other noise in the background. Who was this guy? Someone who worked for Justin? If so, he hadn't seen him around before. Some guy that Justin had spent the night with? AJ got a strange feeling in his gut that was the likelier possibility.

"It means he's not available." The voice got a little colder. AJ could understand why, even if he wasn't sorry for it.

"Yeah, yeah," he muttered. "Thanks."

"You'll have to move your vehicle. You're blocking the gate."

Like the gate needed to be available at all times, just in case someone *important* came by, that would actually be let inside. When he looked in his rear-view mirror, however, he realized that another car had, in fact, pulled up behind him and was waiting there. Someone had even gotten out of the passenger side and was heading toward his door.

Justin.

Which meant that he wasn't inside, which mean that he *hadn't* been blowing AJ off. But which also meant AJ had to face him in about five seconds. He didn't seem to have any choice but to get out of the car.

"Hey," he said, leaning against the car door and making sure his sunglasses were firmly in place. "I was just coming by to see you."

"Well, I didn't think you were selling girl scout cookies," said Justin, smirking a little. He stopped a couple of feet away. "I went to the beach with Joey and the rugrat. We just got back."

"Yeah, I see that." He looked past Justin to the car and sure enough, there was Fatone, twisted around and fiddling with the carseat in the back. "You and Nick *would* get along. Y'all have pools in your backyards but you still drive way out to the beach." Probably some private beach somewhere, too; AJ didn't see any bodyguards with them

"It's not the same thing," said Justin. His smile was only faint and his own eyes were hidden behind sunglasses, too. AJ couldn't read him at all. "I do still want to meet him you know. And anyway, I wanted to get out of town for a little while. See some friends."

"Yeah, I understand."

There was a long, awkward pause, so silent between them that AJ could hear faint giggles from the car, and Joey's much deeper replies. He hadn't really planned how to do this very well at all, turned out, and had no idea what to say next.

"So I hear congratulations are in order," said Justin finally. AJ wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not that he already knew. That he didn't have to find a way to say it after all.

"News travels fast," he replied after a moment, shifting his weight to his other foot and standing up straighter. "Thanks. We're probably gonna--"

"Am I invited even?" Justin interrupted him. It didn't even feel so much like an interruption as Justin just couldn't wait another second to get that out. "At least?" AJ *knew* he wasn't mistaking the hurt and bitterness in that question. He'd hoped it wouldn't come to this, but a part of him had known all along that it would.

"Of course you are," he said. He wasn't even sure he *could* exclude Justin from his life anymore. Or he could, but not without some repercussions, and he was trying to get *less* stress in his life, not more. "Listen, about the other day ... "

"You don't have to explain," said Justin, and this time the interruption was obviously deliberate. "Sometimes these things just happen. We don't even have to talk about it at all."

"I just wanted to say," he persisted. "I didn't mean to lead you on or anything. I guess I was just ... "

"Vulnerable?" suggested Justin. "Easily drawn in by my charms? No, look, I know. It was nothing. I get it. You don't have to ... anything. You don't owe me anything."

"So are we cool?"

Justin hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, we're cool," he said. AJ wasn't sure whether or not to believe him, but he couldn't just call him a liar. "Congratulations. I'm sure you'll be happy."

"Thanks," said AJ. It came out just as dully as Justin's congratulations had. "So you wanna ... something? This weekend?"

"You sure you won't be busy?"

AJ snorted and shook his head. "Sarah's planning a wedding," he said. Already, it had been chaos. "I'm probably just gonna be in the way for, oh, the next year or so. So, we on?"

Justin shrugged. "Yeah, sure, we're on. Call me, we'll make plans." He didn't sound particularly enthusiastic, and for a moment AJ wanted to remind him that it wasn't as though he was doing AJ any favors here or anything. But he kind of was, and AJ bit the response back.

"Um, Justin?" AJ and Justin both looked back at the other car, where Fatone was hanging out the driver's side window. "Sorry, we just had a little apple juice accident here and I'm out of wetwipes. Can we go in?"

"I'll call," said AJ, giving Justin a nod. "And I'll get my car out of the way here. So ... you have a good day."

"Yeah ... you too," said Justin, giving him a bit of a wave as he jogged back to Joey's car.

AJ pulled back out onto the street so they could get by, then idled there for a moment. He watched in his rear-view mirror until the gates closed again. Justin hadn't looked back. AJ tried to convince himself than he hadn't been hoping he would.

A moment later he lit a cigarette and drove away.


(17)

"Fit, goddamnit," grunted AJ, using his grimy, calloused fingers to try to screw a nut back on. It was the right one, he was sure of it, but it kept slipping right off the end of the bolt without catching on the threads. "Goddamnit."

He heard the footsteps approaching, but against every instinct he ignored them. Maybe if he pretended they weren't there, they would go away. It hadn't worked for any of his problems yet, but it seemed like an idea whose time had come.

"Do you even know what time it is?"

"Judging by the sky," grunted AJ without looking up, "about five-thirty. What are you doing up, Jerry?"

"Lindy was getting up to put the coffee on, saw a light on over here. Woke me up to let me know. Hell, I thought someone was robbing the place."

"Sorry," said AJ reflexively. The nut slipped from his fingers and tumbled down into the engine. "Goddamnit!" he said again, grunting in frustration. It would take him forever to fish it back out.

"Whoa," said Jerry. "Easy there, AJ. What's going on?"

"Nothing," he insisted, grabbing the light he had hanging off the hood and dangling it over the engine to see if he could tell where it had fallen. "I'm fine. Nothing." He saw nothing, and hung the light back up in disgust.

"Don't give me that shit, AJ ... "

"What, it can't be nothing now? There always has to be something wrong with me?"

"Twice this week you've shown up here before dawn," said Jerry, his voice steely but calm. "There's something wrong. You really think it's gonna do you any good to lie about it?"

"Oh, for fuck's sake" grunted AJ, turning and hurling the wrench he was holding to the cracked, stained concrete. It sent up a shower of sparks as it skidded to a stop against a pile of parts. "I wish I'd never fucking met either one of them."

Jerry looked at AJ, then looked at the wrench, then silently went to pick it up. AJ's whole body was shaking and he couldn't seem to make it stop, no matter how hard he gripped the edge of the car. He hated them. He hated the situation. He hated everything.

"Don't take it out on the tools," was all Jerry said when he finally spoke, though.

"What?" asked AJ, not sure he'd heard right.

"I said don't take it out on the tools," he said calmly, not handing the wrench back but putting it up on the wall where it belonged. "I can't afford to be replacing them every time you need to vent."

"I'll buy you new ones. I'll buy you a hundred new ones."

"That's not the point," said Jerry. "When you're upset, and I'm here, you can talk to me. You don't take it out on the tools. Or anything else, for that matter. Now what the fuck is going on? Who do you wish you hadn't met?"

"Never mind," said AJ stubbornly, closing his eyes and rubbing his forehead, a headache exploding behind his eyes. "I'll get over it."

"I'm out of my bed and five-thirty in the morning for you, AJ. Talk."

"I didn't ask you to be."

"Yeah, actually, you did," pushed Jerry. "When you asked me to help you out, you did ask that of me. And I'm happy to do it, and all I ask in return is you explain to me why I'm here."

AJ sighed and gave in; that was all it really took anymore -- someone to be completely rational with him. "It's Sarah," he said finally. "And Justin. I hate them."

"Do you really?"

"No, not really. Just right now. Fuck."

"Good," said Jerry. "Cause I'd hate to think you're marrying someone you hate." AJ was silent. "Ah. Is that what we're gonna talk about, then?"

"I love her," he said, like that was an answer. It wasn't; it was only a start. And something to make up for the guilt of ever saying out loud that he hated her. "She's perfect for me."

"But?"

"Who says there's a but?"

Jerry shrugged. "There was a but in your voice."

"No but," said AJ firmly. "And Justin is mad at me."

"What, mad?" Jerry looked startled by the change of subject for a moment, then his expression smoothed out again and he went with it. "Because you're getting married?"

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

"No. Fuck. I don't know. I don't know why he's mad at me." He knew it was a lie the moment he said it, but he didn't take it back. "Maybe not mad. But disappointed."

"Did he tell you why?"

"I didn't ask." Jerry looked at him levelly for a moment. Expectantly. "I really haven't had a chance. I've only seen him once, and he was all busy with his friends. He didn't have time to talk about it."

"Aren't you his friend, too?" prompted Jerry, and AJ was suddenly reminded of his counsellor in rehab, the tactics he's always used to get AJ to say what he was really feeling. Or to get to a point where AJ couldn't help but blurt it out.

"You're not my shrink," he muttered.

"No, your shrink wouldn't get out of bed at five-thirty in the morning for you," agreed Jerry. "So are you saying Justin's not your friend, now?"

"His other friends," AJ clarified. Just because he recognized what Jerry was doing, didn't mean it wasn't going to work."The guys, from his group? The ones he wants to spend time with."

"Feeling a little sorry for yourself, are you?"

"I am not," said AJ, so vehemently he knew Jerry could tell it hit home. "I just ... he's usually there, when I need to talk to him. And not all busy and stand-offish."

"But this one time he was, is that it?" asked Jerry. "And so you hate him for it?"

"You don't have to make it sound so stupid." Jerry just looked at him. "Okay, it's a little stupid. But you don't understand."

"So explain it to me then."

AJ shook his head. "It's complicated. And not important."

"In fact, it's so not important that you're banging around the lot before dawn, scaring the crap out of me," said Jerry dryly. "You maybe want to try that again?"

AJ felt a pang of guilt at that, as he was sure he was meant to, and sighed. "Something happened, is all." he said.

"You fought?"

"We kissed."

"Oh."

"Yeah," said AJ, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly. "We kissed. You shocked?"

"You want me to be?"

AJ shrugged and looked down at his hands. "See, I didn't mean to, it just happened. But, I mean, he's gay, so it probably meant way more to him that it was supposed to, and he doesn't have to be a dick about it." Jerry was silent. "He could at least ask me why I did it."

Jerry was still silent, but AJ didn't look up at him. With a silence that long, he wasn't sure he wanted to know what Jerry was thinking, what Jerry thought of him after that little revelation.

"So I just want to say," he added when the silence had gone on too long for his comfort, "that I wasn't fucking with him. It just happened."

"Sometimes these things happen," said Jerry, with the confidence of a person who'd never had it happen to him. "You deal with it however it needs to be dealt with, and then you move on. Like everything."

"So what if I don't know how it needs to be dealt with?"

"Don't you?" said Jerry. Another push to get AJ to answer his own question, but AJ stayed stubbornly silent this time, even fished his cigarettes out of his pocket and lit one. "Fine," Jerry went on after a few more moments had passed. "So why are you so upset at Sarah, then?"

"I'm not."

"You said you were."

"I'm not," repeated AJ, like saying the lie over and over again would somehow make it the truth. "I love her. She's just ... you know, the wedding. Going a little nuts. It's normal stuff." Jerry grunted. "Oh, don't give me that," AJ added. "It is normal."

"To get some wedding jitters? Of course it is. Usually not a year before the wedding, but you're not the average guy either. Besides ... I might not be the best guy to be giving advice on that particular problem -- I'm on wife number three, after all."

"Well, that's fine," said AJ breezily. "I don't need advice on my love life anyway."

"Good," said Jerry, nodding at him, but AJ knew him better than that. Could read the dubious look on his face. "Sarah's a sweet girl. What made you decide to ask her to marry you?"

"She's ... right for me," he said finally, a little off-balance from the unexpected question. "Everyone thinks so. It was about time I realized that, too."

"Ah," said Jerry knowingly. "And you think that's a good reason to get married?"

AJ jerked his eyes up to meet Jerry's. "Are you saying I shouldn't marry her?"

Jerry shook his head. "No, I'm not saying that at all. Do you think you shouldn't marry her?"

AJ looked away again and exhaled smoke out in a cloud in front of him. And then stared at it. "Look," he said finally. "I love her. She's stood by me through everything. I can't think of any good reason why I shouldn't marry her. She's earned it, all the crap I've put her through. And I gotta tell you, Jerry, you're really not doing much to help me clear my head about this."

"Fair enough," said Jerry, suddenly resting a hand on AJ's shoulder. "That's probably enough for now. You all right to go home? Not gonna go out and do anything you're gonna regret?"

AJ nodded his head after a moment; the worst of it had passed now. He wasn't going to swerve into the nearest open store to pick up some beer and drink himself under the table. He didn't want to throw anything anymore. What he did want to do was go hide somewhere again and just take a little time to himself for a while. But he knew he wouldn't do that. By lunchtime he'd be sitting out by the pool with Sarah and talking about where they wanted to hold the ceremony. The way it was supposed to be.

"Good," said Jerry, giving AJ a calculating once over. "I'll finish up here. Go home, AJ. Get some sleep. You look like hell."

It was nothing compared to how AJ felt.


(18)

"Right, so when do you leave?" asked AJ, scrambling for something to write on. He spotted Sarah out of the corner of his eye, trying to get his attention, but he could ask her about it later. Right now he needed a pen and paper more and gestured at her to get one for him. "Okay," he said once he had it in his hands. "So where's this thing gonna be, then?"

He jotted the address down without looking up at her again, then doodled on the margin of the page while Kevin kept talking. "No, I'm already meeting someone that night. Can we move it? Right, on the Saturday, we already have plans."

Kevin put him on hold and Sarah tried to say something again but AJ waved her off. No telling how quickly Kevin was gonna come back. And it was only a couple minutes before Kevin returned with the news that yeah, they could move the session to Sunday. AJ jotted down the time on a piece of paper he was sure to lose if Sarah didn't tack it up somewhere and said his good-byes.

"No, wait," Sarah blurted out, right as AJ heard Kevin hang up. He held the phone halfway between his ear and the table. "Did you remember to ask him where they got their invitations?"

AJ rolled his eyes where Sarah couldn't see. "No," he admitted finally. "You should've reminded me while I had him on the phone."

"What do you think I was trying to do?" she asked, throwing her arms in the air in defeat. Then, as AJ watched, she curled a hand behind her head and rolled her neck and visibly calmed herself down.

AJ set down the phone and busied himself tracing the letters of the note he'd written to himself so he wouldn't have to respond to her.

"So what were you and Kevin talking about, then?" she asked finally, slumping down into a chair on the opposite side of the table. "You need to do something?"

"It was just work stuff," he said, tracing carefully around an N, not looking up. "You wouldn't be interested."

"Since when am I not interested in your work?" she countered, resting her head on her hand and watching him through big, brown, heavily-mascaraed eyes that AJ only allowed himself a glance at.

"You wouldn't be interested in this," he insisted. "It's just meeting stuff. Group stuff. It's hard to explain."

"AJ McLean you do not need to talk down to me," she snapped, slapping her palm down on the table. "You think I haven't known you long enough to know all about group stuff. What's with you, anyway?"

"What do you mean? Nothing. Nothing. It's just boring stuff, Sarah, you don't need to get all upset about it. Contract details and all that stuff. Do you really want me to get into it?" She fell silent. "I didn't think so."

"You could've just said," she murmured. "You used to just say that stuff."

"Sarah," he said, finally looking up at her and sighing. "I'm just tired, okay? It's been a long week."

She nodded her head though she didn't look like she agreed, entirely. "Well," she said finally, "it's a good thing we're going away this weekend then."

"Going away?" he echoed her, frowning as he tried to remember their plans. He was so sure they hadn't made any. "Where are we going?"

"Well, you just told Kevin ... " she said vaguely, waving at the phone. "About us doing something on Saturday. Don't say you didn't, AJ, I heard you."

She'd heard him, all right, she just hadn't understood. "I am doing something Saturday," he said slowly, "but I didn't mean ... I mean. It's with someone else, is all. You didn't say anything about wanting to go out this weekend, baby, so I made other plans ... "

"You made other plans," she said dully, nodding her head again. She wasn't even looking at him anymore, which wasn't a good sign. "Did you know that ever since you asked me to marry you, all this week, we haven't done anything together? We haven't gone out; we've barely even stayed in."

"I've just been busy," he said weakly. "Seeing friends, helping Jerry out ... "

"I talked to Jerry this morning," she interrupted him. "He congratulated us. He also said you'd only been there once this week ... "

"There are only seven days in a week, Sarah," he said defensively, "and we haven't even gotten through all of them yet. We just haven't had many chances to go out yet."

"I thought maybe you'd take me out somewhere, to celebrate," she admitted, sounding more sad than angry, really. Disappointed.

"And I will," he said quickly. "Just ... next week."

"Because you already have plans this weekend."

"Right," he said, feeling like nothing he said right then would be the right thing today. Feeling like he was walking through a minefield. "And it would be rude to break them now. But we have our whole lives ... "

"Look," she interrupted him again, twisting the ring on her finger. "Something about this whole thing hasn't felt right, all along. And I don't understand why so I'm just gonna ... I have to ask, AJ. Is there someone else?"

"Is there someone else?" he repeated slowly, buying time while he not only figured out the answer to that question, but whether to tell it to her or not. "Would I do that?"

From the expression on her face, he'd already told her everything she needed to know. "There is," she whispered, her eyes going wide. "Oh my god, there is ... "

"Sarah, you don't understand," he said quickly. "It's not what you're thinking ... "

"Who is she?" she asked, like she hadn't heard him say anything. "Tell me who she is."

"You don't understand ... " he started, but the truth was that Sarah did understand. She understood better than AJ did, he was starting to see. He sighed and stared at the table and gave in. "Not she," he said finally. "He."

"He," she repeated dully, then let out an almost identical sigh. "Oh, AJ."

"Sarah, you have to believe me, I didn't mean to. It's just that we have so much in common, we always did, I just didn't see. And it just ... happened."

She was silent for so long that he finally looked up just to see how she was reacting. She had her own eyes closed, her lips pressed together as she came up with and discarded reaction after reaction. AJ got that same look on his face sometimes, for that very reason.

"It's Nick, isn't it," she said finally. "Oh, AJ. Does he even know?"

"Nick? Wait, no," he said, frowning again. "No, not Nick. Justin."

"Justin?" she said, her eyes flying open again and suddenly staring directly into his. "Justin?"

"Justin," he confirmed, both to her and to himself, for the first time. "And no, he doesn't know."

She was back to nodding again, absently, her lips pressed together in a tight line. Twisting the ring and pulling it half off her finger before pressing it down again. "Well," she said finally. "Don't you think you ought to go tell him?"

"What, now?" he blurted out, surprised. "I can't, he's out with Joey and the kid again. Sarah ... I don't get it."

"Then let me spell it out for you," she said, pulling the ring off and closing it in her fist. "You already made a mess of this relationship, AJ, so you might want to salvage that one. Or you aren't going to have anything left."

"Sarah," he breathed. "Sarah ... I never meant for this to happen. You have to believe me."

She let out a short, sharp laugh. "I don't have to believe anything you say," she snapped, then sighed. "Except I do. I know damn well you never meant to go fall for a guy, a guy like Justin especially."

He looked at her closed fist, then her eyes, awkward and fidgeting. "Would it help to say I'm sorry?"

"Not yet. But it will," she said, looking away from him. "I really, really don't want to see you for a while, AJ. I need to make some calls. Let people know the engagement is off. Cancel a few appointments."

"Sarah ... "

"I'm really not ready to hear it," she interrupted him. "You might want to make a few calls of your own. Starting with your publicist." He just nodded this time, not daring to speak. "Then you're probably gonna want to go find Justin. Don't fuck it up, AJ." And she met his eyes again, her own expression softening a little even as she shook her head at him. "I mean it. I'd rather you be happy with him than miserable with me. Even though I'm about five seconds from tearing out your throat with my fingernails right now."

He nodded again and stood up from the table, almost tripping over the chair. He needed a cigarette. And a drink. But he'd settle for the cigarette.

"And I'm keeping the ring," she said finally, tightening her fist around it.

"Yeah, keep the ring," he said quietly, tapping his fingers on the table. Was now the right time to leave? Were they done? He was poised to leave the room but didn't quite move yet. " I love you."

"I love you, too," she whispered, closing her eyes. "Now go."


(19)

AJ tried Justin's cell phone again as he raced down the nearly-empty street and still got his voicemail. He knew where Justin was planning to spend the day, but it was already late afternoon and he had no idea if he was still there, or if he'd gone back home, or to Fatone's, or anywhere.

He swerved off onto a curved, twisting road that led to a secluded park and didn't slow down nearly as much as the road demanded. The sense of urgency he felt was getting greater, not shrinking at all. Part of him knew his chances of finding Justin were slim, another part of him refused to believe that. If he didn't do this now, he knew he might talk himself out of it. Convince himself that there were a lot easier ways to live his life than to try to spend it with Justin Timberlake.

He emerged from the tree-lined lane on the edge of a ball field and looked out across it, at the worn, empty bleachers and the uneven fence. At the few people still milling around. He slowed down and squinted and tried to make out their faces but he was still too far away. Then he saw something that made him stop short.

He'd know that car anywhere. He'd sold it to Justin just a few weeks ago.

He pulled over to the side of the road and slammed on the brakes, jumping out of the car and heading across the field, a straight line between the two points. He didn't see Justin but he had to be there, somewhere, not far from where his car was parked on the other side of the diamond.

"Justin," he called out, turning a few heads but none of them the one he was looking for. He broke out into a jog. "Justin."

He scanned the area frantically as he drew closer to the car, and then he saw them -- Justin walking next to Joey, laughing and lifting Joey's baby girl in the air over his head. "Justin," AJ called again, a little softer now so he wouldn't startle him.

He could see Justin scowl and look around, lowering the kid and handing her back to Joey. Then saw Justin's expression change as he saw who was calling him; he couldn't read it, but he could see it transform. AJ stopped where he was and waited. Waited for Justin to come to him.

And he did.

"AJ?" he said, Joey still close behind him, swinging a giggling child in his arms. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to talk to you," he said, breathless, looking from Justin to Joey and back again. "I need to talk to you, Justin."

"And it couldn't wait?" he asked, frowning at him. "AJ, I told you I was busy today ... "

"Not too busy for this," he insisted.

Justin looked back at Joey and shrugged his shoulders and AJ just wanted to shake him, to make him understand that something big and important was happening here. "AJ, you can't just, like, expect me to ditch what I'm doing just 'cause you showed up. What do you want, anyway? What are you doing here?"

AJ just wanted him to shut up, to stop asking that, to understand. He took the two steps to close the distance between them and then just grabbed Justin and kissed him. Right then, right there.

"All right, time to go, kiddo," said Joey, holding his daughter securely against his hip and turning to Justin. "Timberlake, give me your keys. I don't need to be here for this."

Justin looked stunned for a long moment before he started digging around in his pocket; Joey got impatient with him quickly. "Nevermind," he said, bouncing his kid a little and turning back to face her. "What do you say, Brianna? You want some ice cream?" He gave them a wave and started off before Justin had said a word. "I'll be back in half an hour. Be warned."

AJ waited until they were out of earshot before speaking. "Do I need to do it again?" he asked. "Because I will."

"Don't fuck with me," snapped Justin, so vehemently that AJ took a step back. "What do you think you're doing?"

He didn't back down, though, no matter what his body language might have been saying at that moment. "I'm making things right," he said firmly. "I really fucked up and I'm making things right."

"By kissing me? Shouldn't you be kissing your fiancee, if you want to do that?" He might as well have been spitting venom.

"We broke up," he said bluntly, wincing a little himself at the words. The confrontation with Sarah was still so raw. "The engagement is off. I wasn't in love with her."

"And you thought you could just come down here and ... "

"I wanted someone else."

" ... expect me to just be waiting for you? Just like that?"

"No," said AJ honestly. "I expected to have to work for it. But it couldn't wait, Justin. It couldn't wait until Saturday. It needed to be now, you needed to know."

"Know what," said Justin. "What is it that's supposed to be clear to me now? You want me? For what, AJ? And why? And how?"

"I don't fucking know how, or why, or what happened that suddenly you are what every bit of me seems to want. Sarah was perfect for me, she was everything I was supposed to want. So trust me, I didn't see this coming. Had no fucking clue. But it's true."

Justin fell silent, and stared and stared until AJ felt like he was torn open and on display to Justin's critical eye. Any flaws in his reasoning would be picked at until there was nothing left of it. Until either the flaws were gone, or the feelings.

"You broke up with Sarah," he said finally. "Because of me?"

"No, Sarah dumped my ass when she figured out that I'm in love with you," said AJ. The words felt clumsy as he said them; he hadn't tried them out before, and there was no room here for practice. "For some reason she thought that might get in the way of a good marriage."

"You're ... Jesus, AJ, way to spring this on a guy."

"I feel a little sprung on, too."

"No, you feel a little sprung," said Justin. "There's a difference."

AJ almost laughed. "So, what? Will you have me or what, Justin?"

"You're suck a fucking romantic, McLean," said Justin, but a slow smile was spreading across his face. "You're for real? You sure I'm on your approved list?"

"Yeah, I'm for real," said AJ. "Do I need to kiss you again to prove it?"

"No, you need to kiss me again because I want to be kissing you," said Justin, full out grinning at him now. "Stupid fucker. Of course I'll have you."

AJ felt a shudder of relief go through him. He leaned in to kiss him, but Justin stopped him with a hand over AJ's mouth and shook his head. "Not here," he said. "Fuck. There are people around."

"It's a little late for that now," said AJ when Justin released his mouth. "And no, there aren't, not anymore. Justin."

"But there could be," he insisted, fishing around in his pocket and emerging triumphant with his keys this time. "Come on, get in. This needs privacy."

As soon as Justin popped the locks on the car, AJ climbed into the back seat, feeling vaguely strange about it and more than a little excited. He grinned at the McDonald's take-out bag that Justin had dumped on the floormat, then swore at the carseat that kept him from taking over the whole space.

"So are you coming or what?" he said, sliding over as far as he could. Justin looked around once, the climbed in and relocked the doors and leaned over him. There was no hesitation before he kissed AJ; it was one smooth motion between closing the door behind him and the moment their lips met.

"This is what you call private?" mumbled AJ, his body gradually sliding up underneath Justin's.

Justin just shrugged and grinned back at him. "You take what you can get," he said, and kissed him like he was trying to make up for lost time. AJ wondered how long he'd been wanting to do it.

As Justin stretched out he hit his head on the carseat and his feet against the opposite door. "Fuck," he murmured. "This thing isn't big enough."

"You should be carting me around in it then," said AJ. "Not some guy with a kid."

"Nah, you shoulda just sold me a bigger car, McLean."

"I'll remember that," said AJ, leaning back contentedly with Justin in his arms. "You know. For next time."

THE END

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