Title: They Say Home Is…
Author: Arsenic
Pairing/Fandom: AJ/JC (BSB/Nsync)
Rating: PG-13 (Slash)
Disclaimer: All fiction, all the time.
For: Liz, who gave me this choice of a pairing and the fantastic location. Happy Holiday Season!!
Author's Notes: I use two lines of an Emily Dickinson poem in this story, if you catch it, great, if not, you'll probably just think I write weird-ass dialogue.

Dec. 24th, 2000

AJ didn't look up as someone slid into the barstool next to him. Being that it was Christmas, the bars weren't as full as they normally might have been, but they were hardly empty either.

A drink appeared in front of the man without him having said anything, so AJ figured he was a regular. AJ took a sip of the scotch he was nursing. He was already mildly drunk and didn't feel there was any hurry to getting himself smashed. He had all night.

"Merry Christmas."

It took AJ a moment to realize that the comment had been made by the man next to him and that it was meant for his ears. He would have laughed, or sneered, a shared joke between lonely bar hoppers on the biggest holiday of the Christian calendar, but the man's voice had sounded sincere. AJ shrugged. "I've had merrier."

The stranger shifted slightly to take AJ in. "Far away from home, huh?"

AJ took another sip, larger this time. "Across the country."

"Where's home?"

AJ was far enough gone that he said without thinking, "Florida."

"For someone who isn't home for the holidays, that was a pretty definitive answer."

AJ's brow furrowed. "Huh?"

"I come in here a lot. All times of the year. Christmas Eve is a tradition though. My sister runs the bar, and she got divorced about six years ago. After she shuts the place down, we go back to my place, have some late night egg nog, watch bad reruns on cable and fall asleep together waiting for Christmas morning. So, I get to talk with patrons every single year about what the hell they're doing here. Most people who're here don't have a home, at least not one they would refer to in those terms. You, though, you answered immediately. So what makes Florida home?"

AJ finished off the scotch and signaled the bartender for another one. Suddenly, he was in more of a hurry to be past all lucidity than he had been moments before. "Dunno, my mom, I guess."

The other man was silent for a few minutes. "Maybe you should find out. There shouldn't be any guessing involved in the definition of a home."

*

Dec. 22nd, 2001

*

AJ's therapist, who, in five months of twice a week phone sessions, had given him about three solid suggestions as far as what to do to get his life back on track was very firm about the issue of Christmas. "Go home, AJ. For a week, at least. I don’t give a shit what you do once you're there. Just go."

AJ, who had reluctantly come to respect his sixty-year-old battle axe of a shrink had replied, "Yes ma'am."

He had talked with the guys and they had all arranged a full seven day vacation from the 19th to the 26th. AJ had come home, unpacked and been able to stand all of a day of being in his house before he was going stir crazy with the sheer emptiness of it. He called his mom and they got together, but she still had a life in Florida and the holidays were a busy time. She offered to let him tag along with her to visit friends and run errands but AJ thought that his taking her up on it could only end in his falling off the wagon, so he told her he already had plans. Nick was busy enjoying the rarity of actually having his family all in one place and was completely unavailable to hang unless AJ came over to the Carter stronghold. AJ tried that as well, but Angel had developed some kind of fourteen-year-old girl crush on him in the half-a-year since he'd last seen her and Leslie kept asking questions about the experience of getting tattoos which prompted Jane to threaten him with castration if he didn't make it seem like a horrific, life-destroying event. Kevin was in Kansas City with Kristen's family and Brian was at home in Atlanta. Howie's family was perfectly welcoming and calm, but the way they communicated without words and knew all of each other's inside jokes left AJ aware of how very much an outsider he was in the Dorough household.

AJ took to sightseeing, trying to remember all the reasons Florida had felt like home to him at one point. He went to the old cheap taco bars that him and his friends had hung out in, staked out the parks that he had played basketball and cruised for people to hook up with in and even tried visiting his old schools. Nothing really matched up in his mind with the way he remembered things being and by the third full day of being in Florida, AJ was at a standstill as to why he was there at all. His bus felt more familiar and comfortable than the living room of his house. Highways were easier scenery for him than the grocery store three miles outside of his neighborhood.

He called his shrink. "What the fuck am I doing here?"

She got the whole story from him before assessing the situation. Finally she asked, "I know the answer to this in places that aren't Florida, but how hard is it for you to go somewhere really public without getting swamped?"

"I can manage it. Why? Where do you want me to go?"

"Disney World, go ride some rides. Hug Goofy. Try and have a good time. You're fucking wound, McLean."

"I can have fun going to a club, I do not need to go to some overgrown playground where I have a ninety percent chance of getting accidentally killed in a riot of six-year-olds."

"Yes, but that playground, as you so call it, does not present the temptations that a club would and it offers a hell of a lot more time outdoors. Soak up some vitamins, or whatever that shit is the sun rays have in them."

"UV light?"

"Don't be a smart ass. House of Mouse. Scram."

*

AJ took her advice because, if nothing else, there was a thrill in doing something as phenomenally stupid as being AJ McLean and going to Disney World right smack in the middle of the holiday season. Plus, at this point, getting trampled by six-year-olds didn't seem like a half bad way to go.

He was waiting in an interminable line for Space Mountain when he heard the laugh coming in his direction. The laugh was male, so AJ didn't panic immediately, instead lowering his head just enough to peer out over his sunglasses. What he saw nearly made him laugh as well. The man who had been laughing came and stood beside him. "What are the odds?"

"Stats was never my thing, but probably not good."

"What are you doing here?"

"Um. Having fun." AJ eyed the line. "Ostensibly. You?"

JC grinned. "Escaping."

AJ smirked. "I thought you and the four were attached at the hip." He was speaking quietly now. Most people who were in line stood with family or friends and were involved in their own conversations, but if they hadn't been recognized up 'til now, he wasn't going to blow it on this.

"We are and we aren't." JC's decibel level matched AJ's. "Lance and Joe are closer to each other than the rest of us and Chris and J probably share a kidney or something. I'm good with each of them, particularly on a one to one basis, but all together?" JC made a noncommittal gesture with his hands and AJ wondered exactly what word he would have used to describe the situation had he been inclined to be verbal about it. "Plus, Lance and I flew our parents in so that everyone could be here for the holidays and if just the five of us can be something to contend with, the five of us and our respective parents is closer to a portent of the apocalypse."

AJ nodded in sympathy, because Kevin had recognized this fact about the Boys very early on and had ordained that, unless completely unavoidable, no event should ever be held wherein that particular set of people would be required to be confined to the same space for any extended period of time. Nobody had raised a voice in protest.

"So um," JC glanced around as if he was surprised to find himself at Disney World, "what are we waiting for?"

"Space Mountain."

"Oh. Maybe I'll just wait for you at the end, I mean, when we get there."

AJ wondered when it had been decided that the two of them would be hanging together from here on out. He thought about asking, but figured that might seem rude and, whether it came off as desperate or not, he was willing to make sacrifices for someone to spend the day with. Besides, he and JC had very rarely had the opportunity to talk much, but what AJ remembered of those times made him think that he probably wouldn’t mind getting to know JC better. "Afraid of roller coasters?"

"It's not a fear, it's- Nevermind. I just don’t like them." JC wasn't looking at AJ, but the set of his shoulders made it evident that he expected humor created at his expense to be rained down upon his head at any moment.

"Even if I, uh, heldyourhand?"

JC's head whipped up, his eyes sharp behind tinted lenses, thinking this was AJ's way of patronizing him. AJ, surprised by his attempt to reach out to someone he barely knew in a pretty intimate manner almost hid behind JC's assumption. The voice of his shrink, intoning, "grow a pair of balls, McLean," nudged him into saying, "No, uh, I was serious."

JC tilted his head. "Could be kinda risky, I mean…" JC gestured with his hand to the openness of the place.

"I don’t think anybody's gonna be snapping photos while experiencing zero G."

JC's smile reappeared. "Probably not."

"So I'm on?"

"If I puke on you, don't say you weren't warned."

"Duly noted."

*

JC managed to keep his insides were they belonged, but AJ emerged with a left hand that was bleeding from being gouged by JC's nails. JC noticed it once they were out in the sunlight again and pressed a fingertip lightly to one of the scores. "Sorry."

AJ looked into slightly dilated blue eyes surrounded by mildly green tinted skin. "Nah, I should be apologizing. C'mon." AJ started to walk.

JC did a skip-like jog for a few seconds to catch up. "Where're we headed?"

AJ pointed to a bench. "That's where you’re headed. I'll be right back." He disappeared into one of about eight lines that JC couldn’t seem to differentiate. He sighed, sat down on the bench and waited. It took about twenty minutes, but AJ managed to resurface, holding an ice-shaving cone in one hand. He sat down next to JC and presented it to him like the lost treasure of Atlantis. "Sorry it took so long."

JC took it, enjoying the feel of the melting ice dripping over his fingers. His tongue swept out briefly, checking out the flavor. "Ooh, strawberry lemonade."

"Yeah, I had you pegged as a strawberry kind of guy."

Gingerly, JC bit into the perfectly shaped dome of ice. "Oh yeah?"

"Probably the naked lady pants."

JC screwed up his face. "What do naked ladies have to do with strawberries?"

AJ smirked. "You probably don’t want me to answer that."

JC conceded. "Ok, no, but really, why the assumption?"

AJ watched the contour of JC's throat as he swallowed the melted ice. "I suppose you seem like someone who appreciates little things, natural beauty, all that girly shit."

"Girly shit, huh?"

"Well, it's just-"

"I'm comfortable not being defined by gender binaries. Your assertions are not destroying my self-esteem."

"I like it."

It was JC's turn to smirk. "The girliness?"

"The refusal to be defined by gender binaries."

JC nodded sagely, lips shining pink in the sun.

*

"You've gotta be kidding me." It was AJ's turn to look queasy.

"Pooh!" JC's exclamation sounded suspiciously like a squeal of happiness.

"Most rides have a minimum age, Chasez, this one probably has a maximum."

"You should work on your image issues. Besides, you said I could pick."

AJ scowled but joined JC in the line. He pulled his baseball cap more snuggly over his forehead. JC found himself doing the same thing and made himself lower his hands. He had long ago promised himself that he would not allow the danger of crowds to intimidate him out of going to the places he wanted to and doing the things he loved. AJ had the air of someone who had holed up more in response to it, going places where it wouldn’t be a problem and forgetting about those where it would. Thinking about it made JC kind of sad. He spoke up to get his mind on to other things, "This is my favorite section of Magic Kingdom."

"I should be more surprised than I think I am," AJ responded lightly, surveying Fantasyland. "Pooh's a particular favorite?"

"No," JC laughed softly, "I save all my affections for Eeyore."

"The donkey with the tail that's always falling off?"

"I'm a sucker for things that need cheering up."

AJ looked over to see if JC's comment was pointed, but the other man was too engrossed in a painting of Rabbit in his carrot patch.

*

The thing was, JC was so damn enthusiastic when he was enjoying himself that AJ found it kind of hard to refuse when JC bounded off the ride and said, "Let's go do the flying thingie with Peter Pan!" After which, AJ swore JC must have slipped him some crack because he tagged along as JC practically jogged towards "It's a Small World After All" burbling something about "the French dolls with that whole can-can vibe going."

AJ did manage to point out while they were in line, "You realize that this entire exhibit is made by the same people who screw with little girl's perceptions of their bodies year after year by making grossly disproportionate Barbie Dolls?"

"They make race cars too, so that little boys can grow up and get in horrific accidents in the Indy 500, it's still a cool fucking ride."

"Your definition of cool is so fascinating."

"Yours is so boring."

"Excuse me?"

JC affected an attitude of disinterest and held out his hand coolly, barely peering over the top of his glasses at AJ. "Hi, my name is Alex, the ground I walk on is sanitized as the bottom of my rather expensive boots touch it. I'm too busy to actually touch you right now." JC pulled his hand back, looking at it as though it might be contaminated.

"Oh, and your, 'Hi, I'm a seventh grade girl who's still enamored with the world' thing is so much better?"

"At least it's real."

"What fucking makes you able to judge something like that about me?"

"You remember the first time we met?"

AJ tried to recall. "Europe?"

"Yeah, back before there were set roles to play and forced rivalries. You know what I remember thinking about you?"

"Hit me."

"That I would like to get to know you better, that you were probably a lot like me."

"I was a dork. The other guys were the first people in my life outside of my family who didn't make a career out of mocking me." AJ bit off his words angrily as they made their way into one of the boats.

JC waited until they were off the ride to continue the conversation. "I was right, we were a lot alike."

"I hated that person."

"I can tell." JC stopped and then started again. "I can just imagine how much you must love the person you've become, trying to drown him in vodka and all."

"Fuck this," AJ snarled. "Fuck you."

Before JC could respond, AJ had walked off, weaving into a large crowd of people crossing any which way.

*

JC found him an hour later in the line for Splash Mountain.

AJ sighed. "Either I'm way too predictable or this park just isn’t large enough."

JC didn't say anything, just extracted his hands from behind his back and brought up a small stuffed Sleepy doll. He placed it in one of AJ's hands. "He's my favorite. Probably not yours, but I didn't know what you’d want, and, uh, sorry." He turned around and began to walk away.

"Josh!"

JC turned around, glad for the instinct that caused all of them to be careful about what they called each other in public. People were looking, but only because someone had shouted, not because anyone seemed to recognize them. He made his way back to where AJ was standing.

AJ looked down at the doll and up at JC. "You wanna stay?"

"I dunno, I mean, you came out here to have fun and-"

"I wasn't having fun until you found me."

"Oh."

"Get wet with me?"

JC looked doubtfully at the ride with a five story drop.

"Stand in line with me?"

JC thought for a moment and then stepped closer to AJ. "Why not?"

They were silent for a few moments before AJ confided softly, "Sleepy's my favorite, too."

*

"Wanna hop a monorail?"

AJ turned slightly to look at JC. "You have some odd ideas of excitement, Chasez."

JC rolled his eyes. "They're soothing. Besides which, I thought we'd try and get over to Epcot for dinner."

"Exotic."

"You have a better idea, oh naysayer?"

"Lead on MacDuff."

"Uh huh, that's what I thought."

They could have caught the first monorail coming through the station, but JC insisted on being in either the front or the back so as to have a panoramic view. AJ shook his head and waited patiently for the next one. It wasn’t so hard being patient when JC was smiling widely and talking about the Poetry Writing 101 course that he had finally gotten around to taking via correspondence.

After they had managed to get just the seat JC had his heart set on and they were silently watching the Disney grounds glide past them, AJ commented, "I bet you're good at it."

JC didn't turn to look at him. "Huh? Good at what?"

"Poetry."

JC touched his fingers to the glass as Cinderella's Castle receded into the distance. "I dwell in possibility."

AJ touched his fingers to JC's arm. "A fairer House than Prose."

*

JC reached out and fluidly grabbed a brochure as they passed an information booth. He handed it to AJ. "I picked the park, you pick the restaurant."

AJ opened the brochure and then raised it up to cover his face, lowering it just enough to peer over with exaggerated suspicion at JC. JC shook his head, "Freak."

"I would dignify that with a response, but you go to one of the best amusement parks in the world to ride the monorail. The prosecution rests."

JC gave an offended sniff. AJ went back to his perusal. Suddenly, he folded it up and stuck it in the back pocket of his jeans.

"Decided?"

"You're not allergic to seafood or anything are you?"

"Not keeping up on the latest from Bop?"

"One can only do so much reading in a month."

JC snorted. "Yeah. I grew up in Maryland, man. They allow you to starve to death out there if you don't like seafood."

"Ah, Darwinism as applied to cuisine."

*

Being that it was the holiday season and nearly six o' clock, the Coral Reef Restaurant was packed. AJ whispered to the maitre'd and for the first time all day, JC was glad that Disney had been such a huge part of both band's careers. It still took awhile, but they were seated at the best table in the place.

The food was good at Coral Reef, but it wasn't the reason people went. The reason was the eight foot glass panels that shielded the dining area from Epcot's manmade saltwater undersea environment. JC's eyes followed a particularly colorful fish as it cut a path through the water. He murmured, "Under de Sea, under de sea…"

When JC turned to thank AJ for his choice, AJ swore he could still see the water reflected in JC's eyes.

*

They didn't spend much time in Epcot after dinner, hopping the monorail again over to Disney-MGM Studios because JC had his heart set on seeing Fantasmic. He hadn't been back to the parks since they had created that show and Justin, who had taken Jonathan the summer previous had yet to quit taunting him and Lance about the pretty pyro. JC confided that Lance didn't feel JC's love of pyro was pure enough, since he mostly appreciated the color and sparkle of it, rather than being thrilled by its inherent danger and power. He had actually planned on bringing Lance out there with him, but Laura had come in town with Lance's parents, so he was pretty much a lost cause to the rest of the guys for the holiday, unless Joey wanted to double date.

"Yeah, well," AJ opined, "if he's getting some I feel you have to right to find something to brag about."

"Mm." JC nodded. "Pretty lights. Something tells me that's gonna fall short of Lance's spectacular adventures with the latest love of his life."

"Latest?"

"Lance has serial crush-o-rama issues."

"Huh, wouldn't have called that."

"It's sweet."

"You are."

JC tilted his head. "Yeah?"

"Don’t tell anyone I said it."

"Fuck with AJ McLean's image? Far be it from me."

Later, watching JC glow under the muted phosphorescence of firecrackers and projected lasers, AJ thought he probably already had.

*

They ended up at an all-night juice bar per JC's request. JC ordered a carrot/orange/pineapple concoction that AJ was fairly convinced would have him sprouting roots or something equally scary. He played it safe with a strawberry mango smoothie. The place was brightly lit but it was late and the clientele was mostly older. JC took off both his hat and glasses for the first time all day and mussed his fingers in the flattened curls. "Hat hair, how I love thee."

AJ followed his example, glad for once to have almost no hair. He reached out and pulled at a curl that had survived the day still perfectly formed. He let it go and it bounced up against JC's skull. JC batted his hand away seconds too late and gave him a reproving frown. AJ responded with his best "what did I do?" expression. JC's frown faltered.

"Watch it, I'll make you drink this," he said as he lifted his glass to take a sip.

AJ shuddered and sipped at his own drink. It was good. "How'd you know about this place? I would never have found it if you hadn't been in front of me."

"Tyler told me about it. Him and his friends hang out here sometimes."

"That's your brother, right? I thought you were from Maryland."

"I am, but my parents actually relocated to Chicago and Tyler's at college at Rollins in Winter Park."

"Oh." AJ took a short breath. "Can I ask you a weird question?"

"No." JC smiled.

"Freak." AJ flicked JC with some of the condensation from the outside of his glass. "Do you consider Florida home?"

JC slumped back in the chair and bit his lower lip. "Hm. No, probably not. I mean, not that I consider anywhere else home, really. The other four are my home when we're on tour. My parents when I'm around them. Bobbie was for a long time, Nikki before her. Home is someplace familiar, someplace that means something, somewhere the people you care about are. I guess when we're touring the bus fits all those descriptions, but I refuse to have a home with a license plate. I guess I always figured that I'd find home when I was ready." He made eye contact with AJ. "That help?"

"My therapist said to come home for the holidays."

JC prodded further explanation. "So you came here."

"Well, seemed like the obvious thing to do."

"But?"

"My mom moved into a new house when I finally had enough money to give her one, and I've rarely lived in my own for more than two months at a time, if that. Nothing has anything to do with me."

"You sound so worried about it."

"Not worried. Well. It's just, I want-"

"Something tangible to be able to look to when the shit gets deep?"

AJ nodded.

"Why do you think I consider the guys my home?"

AJ's fingers dug into the skin of his arm as he thought about the way Howie had let him cry while they were in Europe over how much he missed his mom and had never told anyone else; the way Brian had visited him twice a week in rehab even after he yelled at him about being a self-righteous Jesus-loving freak; the countless times Kevin had randomly reminded him that he was loved by all the guys and there wasn't anything more important than his health, mental and physical; the way Nick hadn't hesitated to turn down social engagements and dates just to stay all night on the bus with AJ while they drove from one city to the next. "It's funny how you can miss the obvious things, sometimes. Y'know?"

JC nodded. AJ believed he probably did.

*

At nearly three o' clock, AJ looked at his watch and offered, "My place is pretty close to here, you wanna, uh…?"

JC's eyes went slightly darker than the moment previous and his lips formed into a funny, bittersweet smile. "I don't do one night stands with people I think I could fall in love with."

AJ took a moment to remember how to breathe. "You don't keep much back do you?"

"Depends. If you're Katie Couric and Matt Lauer, yes. If you're a guy I just spent the day with who knows a little something about what I do for a living, no."

"Valid."

JC tucked a curl behind his ear. "People are stupid, they spend a ton of time thinking that saying what's going on with them is gonna hurt'em, when it's usually what they're hiding that's doing most of the harm."

"How long are you in town for?"

"Until a little after New Years'."

"Okay, I'm only here until the twenty-sixth, but I figure, if you want, we could see each other again tomorrow evening, or, I guess this evening, whatever, and the evening of the twenty-fifth, after the festivities. You, uh, good for that?" AJ made himself keep eye contact.

JC's smile was anything but bittersweet. "Sounds like the best offer I've had…ever."

AJ found himself grinning back.

*

Dec. 24th, 2002

*

JC opened one eye as the pounding on his door penetrated his brain and looked at the alarm clock next to his bed. They were in DC, having been invited to sing at the White House for Christmas. He had at least another hour to nap before he needed to start getting ready. He went to the door prepared to kick the ass of whomever had felt that their presence was more important than his sleep. He peered through the peeking hole, but all he could see was a stuffed Eeyore. Whichever one of the guys it was had about two seconds to make their peace. He threw the door open and stopped short, jaw dropping.

The man in the door chuckled. "You're adorable when you've just woken up."

JC grabbed his visitor's shirt and pulled him in the room. He hoped the door had closed before he'd set to ravaging AJ's mouth. AJ indulged for a few seconds before pulling back and handing him the stuffed animal. "Merry Christmas, beautiful."

JC, slightly breathless, asked, "What are you doing here? I thought you were going home for Christmas."

"I did say that, didn't I?" AJ whispered the words directly into JC's ear.

JC's face crinkled up in confusion for a moment before he understood. "Oh." He turned his head so that his lips could meet with AJ's. The kiss was sweeter than the desperate ones of moments before. He rested his forehead and nose against AJ's and pulled the other man's body as tightly against his own as humanly possible. "Welcome home, babe."