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The Fall Guy Disclaimer: Don't own them, don't know them, no money being made. With thanks to Kyla, Shine, and Sil for the betas. There have always been whispers about you five the "pretty dancing boys" who are too at ease, too comfortable with each other to be true - and you know that people have all but decreed that you're one of the gay ones, with your sparkly clothes and your flamboyant hands. It makes you laugh a little, because they don't know a damn thing, really. The whispers don't bother you because there's not a shred of truth in them. You love your boys, of course you do, but it's never been like that for you. You're happy, too, to take the brunt of the rumors, if it means that a couple of your bandmates - your brothers - can switch busses late at night and no one gives them a second glance. Because you've seen how they love each other, and yeah, maybe you're a little jealous of that, what lies between them, but you'll do everything you can to protect it. You remember the early days, back in Germany, when you and Justin were still joined at the hip, and the worship he'd felt for you during the MMC years hadn't yet faded in the wake of his own success. He confided in you that he was as much into guys as he was girls, probably more. He'd looked at you hopefully, and you shook your head and smiled, because as much as you might have wanted to help him figure all that out, it wasn't who you were. You recall how he curled up to you one day, on the bus, and whispered in your ear about the guy he'd met on the crew, tall, dark, and handsome. Looked sort of familiar, that one. You smiled at him and encouraged him, but with caution, because you knew he still had a lot of self-exploration ahead. In your heart you suspected that he wouldn't find what he was looking for in someone on Anthony's staff, but you understood that that was yet another thing he would have to figure out for himself. You watched as he tried to make a relationship work with Britney, hurting at how miserable he was the whole time. Miserable because he did love her, just not in the way she wanted or needed. He couldn't be the perfect boyfriend for her, because, well. She wasn't a boy. It was hard, watching two of your closest friends struggle like that. You thought there was some merit in the notion that struggle makes one stronger. And then there was Joey. Your other oldest and best friend. You held your tongue as he worked his way through woman after woman on the road. You'd look away in the mornings, as he talked softly to some nameless, faceless groupie while Lonnie waited to escort her off the floor. You tried not to notice how tired and sad his eyes were, every time. You never thought he was a slut or a player, not really. It was painfully clear to you that he was searching for something, something constantly out of reach. You held his hand while he told the rest of the group about Kelly and her pregnancy. Holding his head up, tears in his eyes, proud and ashamed at the same time. You saw the way he looked at Justin when he delivered the news, saw his pain reflected in Justin's eyes, and you knew. You knew without question that consciously or not, Joey was as gone for Justin as Justin was for Joey. But you waited. Because this struggle wasn't yours. Eventually, though, even you got tired of watching them dance in circles around each other. So after the third call in a day from Joey on the set, you bought Justin a ticket to Toronto, drove him to the airport, and told him to go. To tell Joey how he felt, because he might very well be surprised. You'll never forget the look on Justin's face as you pushed him toward the jetway. Tell him, you said. It's long overdue. They came back together, and everything was different. Better. So, yes. Having to fend off the jackals at Page Six gets old. Reassuring your grandmother that you are not, in fact, dating Lance, but yes, yes, he is a nice young man all the same is trying at times. And sure, you could have done without walking in on them backstage after the VMAs, but you got over that sight, too. Annoying as it can sometimes be, you do it gladly. Because now there are no more slamming telephones or late-night arguments with girlfriends, no early morning goodbyes in random hotel hallways. Just your two best friends, who finally found their way. ~fin~ For Allen and TNL.
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cherished || Shadowlands
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